Change Your Brain Every Day - What Happens When Being "Tough" Isn't Enough? Pt. 1 with Senior Master Bob White

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

When you’re the tough, wise person that others come to for help, how can you seek help for yourself? In the first episode of a series on overcoming hardships, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen are joined by hall of fame karate teacher Bob White to discuss his unique set of life circumstances, and how his response  these challenges changed his life forever.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. And stay tuned for a special code for a discount to Amen Clinics for a full evaluation, as well as any of our supplements at brainmdhealth.com. Well, this is a very special week for me. We are here with someone who has been just really special in my life for the past decade. And for many of you who are going to be listening to this, probably a lot longer than that.

So this is Senior Master Bob White, my karate instructor, and was your karate instructor for a while. Until I realized I could break someone's arm in two places and then I'm like, you know, this is not for me. Yeah, you and I are so different. The day he said that to me, I went, yeah, isn't that cool? And I could probably break their neck too. So, we are just so different.

Of course, I would only think that if someone actually were like threatening me. But anyways. Actually, you think that more. No, I don't. Bob has been very special and Bob has a brand new book called Life in Session. Tana will do more of an introduction, but Bob is in the Karate Hall of Fame. He's taught many world champions. Many. I actually gave him a quote. Life in Session is the gripping story of a martial arts master. It is an inspiring book about character, determination, transformation, and overcoming hardships, which is why we're going to call these three podcasts Overcoming.

Right. It's really special. And what was so striking to me, well, let me start by actually telling people a little bit about you because I want to jump in because I already know some of this stuff, but it's really important that they sort of understand. So you've always been an athlete. You actually passed up a baseball career and went into karate

because you really had a knack for it and a love for it early on in your life. I did. Realized that you were really good at it. You sort of dominated the circuits early on with point karate fighting, correct? I had some success. A little bit, just a little bit. He's being very humble. So you were, you fought on the national all-star black belt team, which went undefeated in 1973, 1974. And as a teacher and coach, you've consistently turned out some of the world's finest karate fighters who still work and teach at our studio. That's correct. It's been, it's somewhat intimidating sometimes. When I remember when I first started there,

I was like, wow, I don't, why am I as a middle-aged mom going to train here? Except I just knew I wanted to work somewhere that was really where the people were really high level. Chloe, it freaked her out so bad, she wouldn't go back for years. She was so scared of them. But over the past 50 years, you've had the same studio. And that's amazing to have that successful of a career, having a studio where,

and I see people come from all over the world to our studio. That's pretty amazing. Yeah, we've been very blessed. People ask me what my exit plan is. I said it'll be horizontal. Because as long as I'm vertical, I want to still be there teaching. That's a good response. So you were involved in the original Karate Kid movie.

You appeared not only as a referee in the film, but then they hired you to do some appearances to promote the film. Correct. We did some promotion after the movie was made. Their plan is to develop the interest of the movie from within the martial arts community and then let it go out to the general public. They had no idea when they filmed it it was going to be the number two movie of the year

in the box office. It was very successful. It's a great movie. Yeah. So something really interesting. You guys, you and Mrs. White, who's another, she's just an amazing human being. You guys make this amazing team. I've actually, I've often said this. I don't know many people that I've ever met that are more self-sacrificing, that do so much for so many people. From the time I met you, all I've ever known really is you guys everything you do all year is geared toward raising money for Royal Family Kids Camp you

would throw a huge tournament every year for karate and the money goes all towards Royal Family Kids Camp right so it's it's this amazing thing that you guys do yeah we have a great partnership you know we prayed for God's guidance and how we could be used by God to do some good for people in our community and Royal Families was an easy choice. Well, and a big part of all the people that come from all over the world is because of the service that you do. So, I mean, a big part of it started because of your early fame in this world. Correct. But it continued and grew because of what you started to do that made a difference.

Yeah, I think it gave me the ability to reach out to more people. Right. And you raised over a million dollars for the Family Kids Camp. It's pretty amazing. It's amazing when I think of that with one studio. You never started a big chain. You never started the money, the sort of new model for just building and making a lot of money with chains of schools. You did this with one studio where you just really focused.

Yeah, it's a pretty simple lifestyle, just the way I like it. But it's been amazing to see these people come from all over. Well, and the theme for this week is getting back up. Right. And even with Bob's success, he's been knocked down. This is the part that surprised me. That's what life is in session all about. And all of us have been knocked down. So what surprised me is if you know you the way I thought I knew you for the past 10 years, you're this very powerful man that people see you as that exudes power, that you exude this, you demand respect within the community. People see you as this, you know, just this figure that is,

you're sort of the... He's an icon. Yes, in this world. And so, and we always joke about the look. Don't, you don't want that look from Mr. White. But what I had no idea about, I had no idea about the challenges you had been through in the past. None. Well,

we all have them in one way or another. Yeah. Reading your book was very revealing. So you really humbled yourself and put yourself out there. Um, and revealed some personal things. What we wanted to do, there had to be honesty. And it's, I wanted to, we dealt with that right off the bat. When I worked with my coauthor, Tom Bleeker, I expressed to him what I wanted to, we dealt with that right off the bat. When I worked with my co-author, Tom Bleeker, I expressed to him what I wanted to do. And that was the theme throughout the movie. I didn't want to hold things back with the what if. I just wanted to go ahead and express the challenges and then express the idea that it's how you deal with them. It's what you do with adversity and that's what shapes you as a person

and that was our goal so so over these three podcasts we're going to talk about in this one so what were the hardships what were the failings if you will um along with the cancer in the next one we're gonna talk about well how did you overcome it and in the third one is how have you sustained it because so many people who listen to the brain warriors way podcast they've been knocked down and they were later Tana and Tana's cancer history, her sort of crazy childhood, the war I've been in with my colleagues trying to get them to do psychiatry differently.

And so people who would listen to the Brain Warriors Way podcast, they've been knocked down and they love transformation stories. But let's talk, as you talked about in the book some of the challenges you had early on well my first challenge actually and going to school i was really shy um people have a hard time believing that but i think i really had my identity through athletic success but to get in front of people and talk was something that was very challenging.

But through my martial arts experience, the opportunity to teach and share what I had, the knowledge, whatever knowledge I had, I think it has enabled me to feel a lot more comfortable doing that. So that was the first challenge. And then to combat the shyness, I started drinking alcohol. But I didn't start until I was already playing baseball in college and I walk into a room before I started doing this and my students would be in there and they all felt uncomfortable. They started putting their drinks away

and so exactly what I didn't want. I didn't want people to feel uncomfortable in my presence. I wanted to be a part of and embrace friendships. And so at that time in my life, it was hard to realize that there's different positions that, uh, or a sense of atmosphere. I just wanted to be a part of what was going on. So I started drinking. I had an instant personality, not always a good one, but I had.

So that was amazing. Oh, I had an instant personality. Not always a good one, but I had it. But I, so that was- But you thought it was amazing at the time. Oh, I thought I was better looking, I thought I was funnier, and all those other things that go with it. But it was a terrible thing, but it worked for me until it stopped. You know, it worked for me for a long time,

from probably almost 20 years it worked for me but all the problems that had created the divorces and all those things that go with it but so that was the first one it's just the shyness the second one was dealing with alcoholic behavior and all the symptoms of alcoholism that like what well I think self Well, I think self consumption, you know, just, you know, I'm not everything that people think about when I'm all I think about, you know, that's kind of one of those deals. I was kind of self consumed, not kind of, I was.

I was self consumed and pretty much thinking about, you know, what's good for me as opposed to what's good for the people that I love or the people, my students that are around me. So big lessons. I look back now at what my thinking was and I can't believe that I could ever rationalize. You know, there's an old saying about,

there's a major difference between being rational and rationalizing. Well, I could pretty much rationalize anything at that time. So big lessons. And looking back with a sober mind, you know, now I've got 28 years of not drinking, but I think of those years and my, some of the things that I was involved in,

I just shake my head. I couldn't believe it. Well, whatever it was, you know, not showing up for work or canceling classes or infidelity or any of those things that I'm certainly not proud of. And it's just whatever your character defects, they get to be on steroids when you're drinking. I think somebody said years ago, you know, why you drink it goes, well, it amplifies my personality. But what if you're, you have a terrible personality, that's amplified. And it just brought everything up to the front, which created a lot of problems. Well, and when people drink, they often don't know. We have a new poster coming out on, it's an update of this, which brain do you want? Healthy scans surrounded by drug and alcohol affected scans. And when you drink, it drops your frontal lobe.

And so more impulsive, judgment's not quite as good. You end up, I mean, you know, we all have. Jerry Seinfeld once said the brain is a sneaky organ. We all have weird, crazy, stupid, sexual, violent thoughts that no one should ever hear. Yes. And when we drink, they tend to get out. Yes. And those behaviors tend to get out. Yeah, and alcohol certainly has that sensitivity and effect that you're more likely to act upon those things.

I fully understand that. Right. Now you made a comment about how, you know, you allowed alcohol to guide your emotional growth at the time, and that was a bad thing. You were growing in two different ways, but it was alcohol that was sort of guiding that emotional growth, which was a bad thing. It was a bad thing.

And so, because it wasn't growing in the proper way. So you were like growing, it was sort of like there was this disconnect. And I really liked that and you went into depth about the pain and that was, I mean I know you for the last 10 years, I've only known this person who is, as you said, an icon. And so I didn't know these things. And you sort of hinted that I haven't always been this person, but I don't know what that means.

And so as I'm reading this, I'm like, wow, this was the reason it was so powerful for me was because so many of us look for mentors and we look up to those mentors and we respect them and we follow them because of their strengths. But then it occurred to me, they didn't get that way by not having challenges. They got that way usually because they have struggled somewhere and figured out how to overcome. And that's the important part here is that you're not hiding from that. You're using it to help others. And that's really critical. You made, when you decided to get, well, there was one quote in the book that I thought was so amazing.

I was looking for it here. But you said something that was really interesting. You said, I wore a belt with a bar and four stripes that was the equivalent to a general in the army. People came to me for help. I did not go to them. So it was really hard for you to surrender. Well, lack of power is always our dilemma. And surrendering to the fact that I didn't have all the answers and the discovery of the fact that there is a God and I'm not it. So just the ability to realize.

There's an old saying about a hungry dog doesn't care who feeds it. And when I got sober, I was a hungry dog. I was so fortunate a person came into my life just by chance into the studio. If you believe in chance. Well, exactly. And I know it was an act of God because at this point, in a recovery program that they have what's known as a sponsor. Right.

And a sponsor is somebody who has longer-lived sobriety that could help you on your journey toward a better life and this gentleman came into our studio he was a black belt already took his belt off and started all over again at our school so humbled himself yeah but and i first you know my mindset at that time i was very suspicious of him i thought he had to want, you know, he wanted something from me. It wasn't just an act of kindness, but he never has. All he's done has just been a great mentor in my life, and we're completely different. He's a Jewish doctor from New York, that all of his battles were won with his wit and his intelligence, and mine were a little more physical. Right, right.

Just a wonderful guy, wonderful man. So there's two very important points for people to hear. Alcohol often starts by self-medication and self-medication of anxiety or shyness. And it worked, unfortunately, the side effects were devastating. And so many people who have suffered um and have made decisions that they think they shouldn't have you know i'm thinking of somebody in our lives who we love

who got her children taken from her and she thought that would define her for the rest yes that's my point and what what you're sharing is that really hard time in your life didn't define your life. That you overcame it and now you're just looked up to by so many people around the world. Yeah, that was actually one of the really important points because now that I'm going through this with someone else who is struggling, if you don't have that particular problem or you don't have that particular issue, I think you can't necessarily relate to it unless you've been in that pit with someone struggling to get out of it. So it's really hard to understand if you're not suffering from it, but going through this

with someone who I care about very much and seeing the struggle, it's hard to understand if you're not suffering from it. But going through this with someone who I care about very much and seeing the struggle, it's hard to see her do it. It's hard to see, and it's hard to understand why she's not following the steps all the time and why she struggles and falls back. But then I see the pain and she, the devastation when she calls me and she says, you don't understand. She's just crying. And she says, I'm worse than most people. I don't know why I'm more of a failure. And maybe I'm just the one person who is never going to be able to be helped. And so that was what was important to me about the story.

And a lot of people listening have that mindset. Plus, before we have to stop this session, both of you are cancer survivors. Yeah. And Bob had... But what you had was, he went through hell. Had about last year, not with one, but with two separate cancers at the same time. And you had a Whipple procedure, which as a nurse, that is a procedure I just wouldn't wish on anybody. It's a terrible procedure to have to go through.

And then you had complications from it. I did. And then after that, you had to go through the radiation and chemo for the cancer that was in your tongue and neck. It was a wonderful year. Oh, it was hard. And we were all really scared. And yeah, it was a hard year because you just are, like I said, you are this person that

we all look to with so much power. And we were so scared and sad for you to go through that. But you, again, you overcame. Well, you know what really helped me? I don't think if there wasn't a program of recovery that I went through with the alcohol and could develop in a relationship with the Lord, I think the whole thing with the cancer would have been much more difficult. But that embracing that one day at a time can apply to a lot more than just drinking.

It can apply to problems that you run across. And you did admit that you had trouble with that at times. I know I hated it. I was angry. I didn't have that at the time where I just surrendered. So you struggled with it, but you came back to it every day. Well, I knew that was where the peace was. The unrest and the being uncomfortable was when you came back to it every day. Well, I knew that was where the peace was. The unrest and being uncomfortable was when I was trying to take back control. I wanted to be better at my speed rather than God's speed. Oh, really? I'm going through that now.

And I don't even have... Now it's just... I just had surgery a few weeks ago. And I'm struggling with wanting to do it on my terms, on my pace. And I keep having setbacks because it doesn't work like that. I don't know, there's some familiarity in that. And that's even when we're not going through something as major as what you do. When we come back, we're going to talk about the steps to overcome.

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