Change Your Brain Every Day - What Is Causing Your Child’s Anxiety?

Episode Date: March 12, 2018

A recent study shows that 20% of teenage girls have experienced major bouts with depression. But where do these feelings begin? In this episode of The Brain Warrior’s Way Podcast, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen discuss the role that anxiety plays in a child’s upbringing.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. And stay tuned for a special code for a discount to Amen Clinics for a full evaluation, as well as any of our supplements at brainmdhealth.com. Thank you so much for continuing with us on the Brain Warriors way. You're in a war. 20% of teenage girls meet the criteria for major depression.

It's very scary. And we actually had a very interesting incident happen with our eight-year-old niece, Ayador, who's so cute. So we've been telling you a little bit about this family that we love and we're caring for. Tana's sister, who got her kids taken away and then reunited last Mother's Day. And at the end of October, middle of October, they came down to Southern California where we live, and we've been shepherding them. I think that's a good word.

Tamara's been doing what she's supposed to do. She's got a job. Amazing, actually. She actually has two jobs at the moment. But one of her jobs is she works at night. Right. And when she wouldn't be home, the eight-year-old Amelie's older sister, who's very responsible and they have a very good relationship, would watch her and put her to bed.

But Amelie wouldn't go to sleep. And she would just- Well, and you can imagine there's a lot of fear there and a lot of anxiety because of what had happened. So where a lot of kids, it might not be a rational fear, thinking that their parents aren't coming home, for her, it was a rational fear to some degree. It was a rational fear because they'd been taken. Right. And they didn't see their mom for a very long time.

And the act of being taken was traumatizing for everybody, both of the kids, for the mom and so on. And I remember, so when I heard about that she would cry, she wouldn't go to sleep, when mom got home and it's 10 30 at night and she has school the next day, she's crying and still can't go to sleep because she's so upset that i'm like oh we have to help her with that so this actually took me way back because um what a very traumatic time in my life was when i was nine years old so one year older than amelie and very similar experience um my mom was, I was never taken away from my mom, but I had a very, very chaotic childhood.

And you were a latchkey kid. Yeah, latchkey. I always had to take care of myself. So from the time I was very, very little, I'd have to walk home, lock the doors, wait for someone to get home, which was often very late. How old were you when that started? I was either five or six. So very young.

Wow. But we didn't have a choice. When you're poor, it's easy to say that that's not safe and that's not responsible. And it's not. But what do you do when you're a very poor parent and you don't have resources? And it was just really hard. Yeah. So the laws are about 11.

Right. Right. But we were poor and we were not in a position at times to be able to do certain things. So anyways, that's what was going on. And so my mom at one point was she got a job working very late at night. She was working as a bartender. It was her third job, so she was working three jobs. I mean, my mom's an amazing human being as far as she is not a quitter,

and she's actually today now very successful. But at the time we were struggling and she was working her third job, which was a bartending job. And so she would not get off until, you know, 2am. And so I could not sleep in it. Like clockwork, I would wake up, bam, wide awake. And so she would sometimes thinking that I'm asleep and that I would wake up, bam, wide awake. And so she would sometimes, thinking that I'm asleep and that I would not know the difference, go out to breakfast with some of the people that she worked with. And if my mom didn't get home right when she was supposed to get home, I would go into a full-blown panic. Now, to take you back to how long ago this was, I would go through the phone book calling every single 24-hour restaurant there was and have her paged. And I'd be throwing up by the time she got home,

couldn't go to school the next day, complete hysteria. So I can relate to this story that my niece is going through. It's heartbreaking, and I still remember that panic, you know, going through that. It's hard. I wish I would have known you then. I know. It's really hard.

Not sure I would have known you then. I know. It's really hard. Not sure I would have known what to do. So when I heard about this, Amelie and I had actually read Captain Snout and the Superpower Questions, which is the book that I released in September. I love this book. It's about how to not believe every stupid thought you have. And so I'm thinking to myself, you need to reread this book with her and talk her through what her thoughts are and what her feelings are. And so almost immediately after I heard this was going on, I'm over their house and we're on the couch and we're reading Captain Snout.

And Captain Snout is about how to eliminate the ants, the automatic negative thoughts that steal your happiness. And in her case, that were actually driving her panic attacks and her anxiety. And as we're going through, we're not just reading, we're also we're talking about each of the pages. And when I read the fortune telling end, that's where you arbitrarily predict things are going to turn out badly badly even though you don't have evidence for it she looked at me and her little high soft voice and said that's my aunt oh yeah and so we talked about mommy won't come home mommy will die We'll be all alone. Something bad will happen. We'll go into foster care. And we got Captain Snout to address each of the ants.

Is that true? Is that 100% true? You actually have my phone number. You're never going back to foster care. And it was the act of going through the thoughts that were stealing her mind. By the way, you are a good man. That's another funny story we'll tell you someday. Because I've had the opposite be told to me. You are not a good man. By the same person. By the same four-year-old. By the same four-year-old.

Anyways, after that night, she's not had a panic attack. It's amazing. Yeah. Right? What were your thoughts? I don't know if you heard the follow-up. So my sister, this is her daughter we're talking about, she told me two days ago, she said every single night now, she omely insists on her reading that

book with her so that she can reinforce the killing the ants. So they have to do that every night now. That's her routine is she needs to reinforce killing the ants. She needs to develop new pathways in her brain. But she insists on it. Like it's her routine is to do that. I love that. See, that's good routine rather than screaming and crying and not sleeping, which is another routine that is just damaging. So when you were nine, what were the thoughts going through your head? Well, I had grown up in a very chaotic home. These girls grew up in a very chaotic environment as well.

I think they're sort of similar. Very similar. I mean, my mom, yes, there were some differences, but in a lot of ways. There were a lot of parallels. And so my mother, even though she was gone a lot because she was so busy working, she was the only person in my life who I didn't think was crazy, who she adored me, who she worked so hard. Yes, she was gone a lot.

But I knew that she loved me. That same thing. She wasn't going to come home. Where was I going to... In my case, where would I go? There was no one else. I mean, my dad and I didn't even see him. I didn't talk to him. So there was really no... There was no other stability other than my mom.

So that was really it. So if something happened to her, I had no idea what would happen. And just that huge amount of uncertainty was overwhelming. It was terrifying. And everyone else in my life, forget the idea of going, forget the idea of not knowing where I was going. I'd rather not know where I was going than to ever think that I was going with any one of them. So it was terrifying. So it was really scary. So if you have a child in your life who is anxious or depressed, Captain Snout is just such a great book.

I mean, the idea is whenever you feel sad or mad or nervous or anxious or out of control, write down what you're thinking and then ask yourself, is it true? Is it 100% true? And in Captain Snout, we go through a number of different ants, fortune telling, mind reading,

all or nothing, blaming ants. And it's just so powerful. Please don't believe every stupid thought you have. Use the code PODCAST10 to get a 10% discount on a full evaluation at amenclinics.com or on our supplements at brainmdhealth.com. Thank you for listening to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Go to iTunes and leave a review and you'll automatically be entered into a drawing to get a free signed copy of the Brain

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