Change Your Brain Every Day - Why Do Our Brains Predict The Worst Possible Outcomes?

Episode Date: October 31, 2018

None of us are psychic, but that doesn’t stop our brains from trying to predict the worst possible things that can happen to us. In this episode of The Brain Warrior’s Way Podcast, Dr. Daniel Amen and Tana Amen continue their discussion on the rational mind by describing the ways we self-sabotage ourselves with our thinking, and how we can turn things around to change our mood quickly.

Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. I'm Dr. Daniel Amen. And I'm Tana Amen. Here we teach you how to win the fight for your brain to defeat anxiety, depression, memory loss, ADHD, and addictions. The Brain Warriors Way podcast is brought to you by Amen Clinics, where we've transformed lives for three decades using brain spec imaging to better target treatment and natural ways to heal the brain. For more information, visit amenclinics.com.

The Brain Warriors Way podcast is also brought to you by BrainMD, where we produce the highest quality nutraceutical products to support the health of your brain and body. For more information, visit brainmdhealth.com. Welcome to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Welcome back. We are in our Feel Better Fast series, and we're talking about rational mind. I'm going to start with a testimonial. I love this testimonial. This says, what can you do to fight racism? This is from Anderson McKay, and it says, this particular podcast was amazing. Pastor McPherson gives some very practical ways to evaluate one's own thoughts and behavior.

The fact that we all need to acknowledge that even if you don't think you are a racist, your judgment about any particular act is influenced by the person's race, even your own race. I particularly liked how he used kneeling during the national anthem as an example. Thank you for this series. Yeah, he was a great guest, and it actually fits what we've been talking about

even our last podcast we just did. So if you haven't listened to that podcast, listen to it, and our last one on rational mind also. And labeling. Right, labeling. Which totally racism fits into it. So we have talked about so far all or nothing ants, just the bad ants, guilt beating ants, labeling ants.

And in this podcast, we're going to finish the ants. And the next one is fortune-telling ants. This is where you arbitrarily preppers. Oh, it is not the same thing. Preppers. It's not the same. My wife is a prepper. Don't listen to him.

She is preparing for the end of the world. No, I am preparing for an earthquake, a fire, a flood, like normal stuff. So fortune-telling ants is where you arbitrarily predict things are going to turn out badly. No, it isn't. Fortune-telling ants are when you think you can read another person's mind. No, that's mind reading. Let's not confuse. That's next.

You're like way ahead of yourself. I created them. But they're about people. Let me have my creation. Oh, it's not the same thing. Fortune telling, Ant. For when you predict. Preparing for things is actually a sign of intelligence. So let me talk about the ant and then we can

do some therapy with you. I don't need therapy. I'm good. I'm going to be prepared no matter what. So fortune telling is where you arbitrarily predict things are going to turn out badly, even though you don't have evidence for it. And this is the ant that drives, let me finish. This is the ant that drives anxiety. It drives panic attacks. I used to be masterful at this ant. So for example, if I almost got into an accident, I wouldn't say thank God, everything's okay over half my body, then going to the hospital. And it's where you predict things are going to turn out awful, even though you don't have evidence. And it drives panic attacks, this thing called agoraphobia and preppers.

No. Since you picked on me, here's my thought on people who think nothing will ever happen. It's called denial. So just throwing that out there. I'm actually not anxious because I am prepared. So just throwing that out there. Right.

If the end of the world comes, come to my house. No. No, don't come. I don't have enough stuff., come to my house. No, no, don't come. I don't have enough stuff. I have to start preparing more if you're going to do that. I wanted to turn the pool into a bunker. He drew the line on that. So where has this been an issue in your life?

Oh, do you want the list? Do you want me to start? I didn't grow up like you did with leave it to beaver as my example of a family that's not had five sisters no there was chronic trauma no no that's a different kind of trauma no let's not let's not like you then they don't like you know that's never what's that is completely different than how I grew up. Completely different kind of stress. So where do you notice fortune telling? Where do I notice it?

With people. No, no. In your life. When has it tortured you? Tortured me? Hmm. When has it tortured me? You know, I remember when Chloe was little.

You were so worried. Oh, yeah, I know this. Something bad would happen to her and then you would never be able to survive yeah or something would happen to me and i you know i would like how is she gonna like turn like grow up and i don't know yeah that was terrible so it's when you're in that cause serious anxiety with fear so the future with fear now the next ant is what you were thinking of which is the mind reader yeah And this is where you arbitrarily believe, you know, what another person is thinking, like the woman in the front

row who is giving you the dirty look. Even though they haven't told you, and I have 25 years of education, and I can't tell what anybody else is thinking. A negative look from someone else may mean nothing more than they're constipated. You don't know. And so it's so important when you feel like someone has got a negative thought to ask them, to try to clarify the communication. Mind reading so hurts relationships. And then the last ant, the big red ant, is blame. The blaming ant. It's when things go wrong, you don't look at yourself and go, what could I do better? It's you blame your wife, you blame your husband, you blame your boss,

you blame your kids, you blame the Democrats, you blame the Republicans. Well, and there are some people who just blame everybody, and they're just perpetually in a victim mode. And once they identify with that victim mode, they have to blame someone or everyone else because they've got to stay in the victim mode. And it's just completely devastating to your life. Well, and the problem with blame is whenever you blame someone else for the problems in your life, you can't change anything. You become a victim and you're powerless.

And I don't want that for you. Now, I also don't want you to turn the anger on yourself because a lot of people go, well, if I don't blame them, then I have to blame me. And it's like, no, that's not helpful. And you're the one that actually taught me about responsibility. It doesn't mean blame. It means ability to respond. Ability to respond. I always want the ability to respond.

I'd rather I had that power over things in my own life than give it away. And many people have been victimized. I mean, let's be clear. Oh. People have been victimized, but it's how do you respond to it? And actually in Feel Better Fast, there's a whole section on post-traumatic stress disorder. I'm very clear. I have been victimized in the past when I was a child, but I am not a victim. Does that make sense? Those are two different things. And so the tiny habit is whenever you feel sad or mad or nervous or out of control, write down what you're thinking and then ask yourself,

is it true? And both Tana and I are huge fans of our friend Byron Key. And she has this methodology that I talk about in the book of questioning your thoughts. You don't have to believe every stupid thing you think. And learning how to discipline your mind can turn around how you feel fast. And so let's go through some examples. And these are actually examples from my own patients. One patient told me, I'm useless. I'm worthless, which is an all or nothing act. You're either all good or all bad. Very common. And so here's the method is it true and immediately she said no so it cracks the thought the second question is can you absolutely know that it's true

one is no then two is automatically no the third question which i think is so powerful is how do you feel when you have that thought how do you feel and how do you feel when you have that thought? How do you feel and how do you act when you have that thought? And what she said is I feel dead. I feel weak. I feel foggy. I feel withering. And I like one extra part that you can add to that is how do you treat other people when you have that thought?

So for her, be withdrawal. Right, disconnected. Disconnected. The fourth question, so the first question is, is it true? The second question, can I absolutely know if it's true? The third question, how do I feel when I believe the thought? The fourth question is, who would I be or how would I feel if I didn't have the thought, if I couldn't have the thought?

And what she said is, I'd be optimistic, purposeful, content, happier. And then the last thing, so what you're already realizing. And if you added that, how would I treat other people? Connected, probably loving. So it's our thoughts, often our aunts, often the lies we tell ourselves that damages our relationships, that causes us to feel bad fast. So if you want to feel better fast, you have to discipline your mind.

And this is not positive thinking. It's accurate thinking. Accurate thinking. And then after you do those four questions, you turn the thought to its opposite and you ask yourself if the opposite isn't true or even truer than your original thought. And so when I asked her to do this, I'm useless, worthless, it turned into, I'm not worthless. I don't want people to turn it around with a narcissistic bend. I am amazing.

No, but you can say, I am useful. But you can say, I am useful. And then you need to come up with examples of where that has been true. I have worth. Or I like them just to go to the exact opposite. I am not worthless. And do you have any examples? And she said, yeah, I'm a team leader. I'm a daughter. I'm a opposite. I am not worthless. And do you have any examples? And she said, yeah, I'm a team leader. I'm a daughter. I'm a wife. I'm a sister. And when you do that, you take the power away from thoughts. Now, so many people try to do it in their head.

You got to write it. You got to write it. Yeah. Because once you write down your thoughts, you get them out of your head. So when I first started doing this, literally it took me forever because it's like anything else. It's like a muscle that hasn't been developed yet. It takes some time, but it's so powerful. But after a while, it gets really easy like anything else. You start to do it quickly. Like it just becomes like, now it becomes like sort of a way you think naturally, but

you still got to like get in the habit of doing it. And you have to like, Oh wait, let me do the turnaround really fast. And then just do it quickly. But you have to go. But you got to do it. So let's go with adjust the bad end.

I'm not smart enough to succeed. Is that true? I don't know. Right. Is it absolutely true? No, no. Cause I don't know.

How do you feel when you believe the thought? These are actual examples from my patients. Stupid, less than others, unable to be promoted. Without the thought, creative and powerful. What's the opposite? There will be a lot of joy if I get rid of the trauma. But you need to come up with some sort of an example of what, even if it's tiny. Give me an example of when you have been smart enough.

It could be when you were in eighth grade. I don't care. Like what was something you did when you were smart enough? Right? So, because what that does is it, it gives your brain evidence. So even if it's the smallest thing, you helped your little sister with homework. Okay. I mean, like little stuff, you read a story and it made someone's day, right? You were smart enough. So come up with some example. And if you can find one example, you can find two. If you can find two, you can find four. The next example, and this was actual one. I'm not a good father. Um, is that true? Yes. Is it absolutely true? He said yes. How do you feel with that thought? Condemning, sad, disappointed, disgusted, withdrawn. And how do you, I say I would add to that, how do

you treat others when you have that thought? Withdrawn. Who would you be without the thought? More involved, happier, a better role model. What's the opposite? I am a good father. Do you have any evidence of that? I should visit my dad more. So that's a guilt-beating thought. True? Yes. Absolutely true? No. How do I feel with that thought? Like a bad son, guilty, sad. Without the thought, actually more likely to visit. So what's the goal? And here I didn't go to the exact opposite.

I just went, my goal is to visit whenever I can. Labeling. This was really powerful. This woman's son was murdered in a bar fight. And she had to go testify against the guy that murdered him, killed him. And her thought was, I'm evil. And I'm like, is that true? That's interesting.

And she said, no. Can you absolutely know it's true you're evil? No. How do you feel with the thought? Devastating. I hate myself. Without the thought, I'd be free. What's the opposite of I'm evil?

I'm not evil. Do you have any examples? She had like 50 examples where she was not evil. But if you don't question your thoughts, you believe them a hundred percent and then you act out of the belief. You've heard this example before. No one would ever want a 75 year old woman, my friend Rosemary. It's a fortune telling thought. No one would ever want me. You're into the future with fear. Is that true? Yes, I'm too old to date.

I had that thought at 30, what was I, 36, and then I met you when I was 37. You did. Is it absolutely true? No. How do you feel with the thought, no one would want me? Depressed, lonely, lonely hopeless abandoned by God without the thought I'd be happier and more available so what's the opposite someone will want a 75 year old woman once we did this exercise she actually got online

started to date and yes she had to kiss a few frogs but then she met Jack and for ten years but it just goes to show you we all get these irrational thoughts so I thought because I was divorced and had a two-year-old, no one would ever want me again. Like I was done. I was never going to date again. Like how dumb is that thought? And my life is so hard. I had to like beat other men away from me.

Oh, shut up. You did not. No, you didn't. Now you're just being silly. Let us not traumatize me again. Oh, God. Mind reader, my supervisor hates me. Or it's my spouse's fault blame but the tiny habit here is whenever you feel sad whenever

you feel mad whenever you feel nervous or out of control write down what you're thinking and then ask yourself, is it true? And go through these questions and it will transform your life. It's just one of the most important things I've learned as a psychiatrist. And I include it in almost all of my therapy sessions with patients. I don't let them get away with undisciplined thinking and you shouldn't let yourself get away from it either. Stay with us. full evaluation at amenclinics.com or on our supplements at brainmdhealth.com. Thank you for listening to the Brain Warriors Way podcast. Go to iTunes and leave a review

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