Chapo Trap House - 1021 - Illusion USA (3/23/26)

Episode Date: March 24, 2026

The fight in the gas station parking lot continues to escalate; luckily, Will, Felix, and Chris are all together in person to walk you through it. We talk about Israel attacking South Pars Gas Field without telling us, more planes crashing both abroad and at home, and the potential of a disastrous ground operation on Kharg Island looming. Plus: Elon Musk’s based son, Zohran and “left-wing antisemitism,” and a eulogy for Chuck Norris, The Instagram is BACK: https://www.instagram.com/chapotraphousereal/

Well, let's kick things off. Hello, boys and girls. It's Monday, March 23rd, and this is your Chapo on today's episode. It's just Felix and I, we're going to duo the latest in the news. And we're here in the stew. Chris is also on Mike, but we'll see. Hello. Chris is here.

We're in the stew. We're in Los Angeles. And, you know, let's start with the ongoing incursion, excursion, dispute. The uncles and cousins were. let's return to the gas station of the Persian Gulf. And once again, ask the question, how's the war going? We asked this question last week.

It's been another week. And I'd like to begin by trying to discern like the nature of this conflict and like its conduct and like there are strategic goals, aims. Are we meeting our benchmarks? And I'm just going to read three of President Donald Trump's truth social posts from just the last week. And before you hear these, like dispel your mind

of any anything you've seen that's out of context. Stuff like punches that are evading 40 cousins jumping in front of them and they end up hitting their target. Mids trucks. We saw some really bad out of context stuff saying that these were the first Mids astronauts because they got launched into orbit.

That's not cool. This is like, this is straight from the mouth of the goat himself. This is the guy that knocked the head off the 86 year old man, the guy who's winning this war that is over. This is over. Just keep this in mind. All right. This is from Donald Trump last week.

Israel, out of anger, for what has taken place in the Middle East, has violently lashed out at a major facility known as South Pars-Gas Field in Iran. A relatively small section of the hole has been hit. The United States knew nothing about this particular attack, and the country of Qatar was in no way, shape, or form involved with it. Nor did it have any idea that it was going to happen. Unfortunately, Iran did not know this or any other. the pertinent facts pertaining to the South Pars attack and unjustifiably and unfairly attacked

a portion of Cotter's LNG gas facility. No more attacks will be made by Israel pertaining to this extremely important and valuable South Pars field unless Iran unwisely decides to attack a very incident, very innocent, in this case, Qatar. In which instance the United States of America, with or without the help or consent of Israel, will massively blow up the entirety of the South Paris Gasfield at an amount of strength and power that Iran has never seen or witnessed before. I do not want to authorize this level of violence and destruction because of the long-term implications that it will have on the future of Iran. But if Kotter's LNG is attacked again, I will not hesitate to do so.

Thank you for your attention to this matter, President Donald J. Trump. So this happens in every parking lot confrontation in history. Your friend who in no way got you into this. Like in no way they did not, you're not doing this on their. has they this has nothing to do with how they introduced you to uh your daughter's friend their cousin who is just about to graduate junior trade school and has all those snapchats saved of you um doing more stuff that's out of context and can be explained uh they didn't they didn't sleep that well they didn't have breakfast it's tough because they were

responding to all the bullshit that's been going on out of all the out of context shit and they threw an M80 into the Mids growfield. And this is like we know we said we're doing this so like, you know, for the overall safety and fidelity of the mids global market and this kind of goes against the entire shit. And obviously when we get rid of the 86 year old man's gay ass kids or they cut their arms off voluntarily and we get their old stepdad whose wife cheats on him. him a lot, which is also out of context. When he's in charge of their grow house, we know we said that we wanted them to be rich, to be prosperous, and this totally goes against that. Just keep in

mind, this is 100% on our friend Israel. They did this, but because of not having breakfast, and they'll never do it again. And just as an aside, these sons of this 86-year-old man, if they beat up our fat friend guitar, we are going to burn down the entire grow house also. So just keep that in mind. Yeah, everyone's got that, everyone's got one friend in the gang that's a little crazy. And you may not want to back them up,

but then they do remind you that you can Snapchat, you can screenshot it. Yeah, if they don't just go away. But they also defend you when people take these things out of context. So they're pretty good. They're pretty good friends. I mean, like, it's weird.

They make us go to their house and we have to kiss their. drywall. Whatever. It's their culture. It's their culture. But like, I would put this like, this is an extraordinary statement for like the commander in chief to be making about an ally in a war that

they're just freelancing and doing shit that like, we're like, oh, not us. Like what they did was so dangerous and fucked up that like because of the retaliation that it will, you know, necessarily inspire that like, oh, that wasn't us. Like, we can't be blamed for

and certainly not our fat friend, Cotter. But if they do it again, then we're going to go even more beast mode. We're going to go even crazier. Yeah. And like, okay. So like, like, oh, attacking the South Park is incredibly dangerous and bad. I like when he says here,

this would be incredibly unwise for the future of Iran. They're like, how about the future of the fucking planet at this point? Yeah. And also like, oh, gee, are you, I hate to make these wild accusations. But it seems like this Israel place, they might not care about the future of any of these. and just want endless conquest and death. It's really fucking weird.

It's very clear here that like what Israel is doing in like both their selection of targets, like all of the negotiators they keep killing. Donald Trump said today, I mean, well like he keeps saying that Whitkoff and Kushner are engaging in productive talks with the Iranian leadership, which Iran flatly denies.

They say that they have turned out any request for a negotiation at this point. And like someone, he was asked on the tarmac outside Air Force One today, they were like, who are they negotiating with? And he said, I would love to tell you, but I don't want to get them killed. That's great. And what are you saying there is that if he makes public, well, first of all, this is all fictitious to begin with.

So, like, you know, it doesn't really matter one way or another. But he is essentially admitting that if there were someone in the Iranian government who would be willing to negotiate to bring an end to this conflict, Israel would kill them immediately. And that's, like, similar to them attacking this gas field in Iran, which, you know, of course, Trump is just like, we didn't want to do that. We didn't have anything because they know that, like, Iran's retaliation will begin to hit

very serious, like, energy infrastructure in the Gulf that could cripple the entire global economy for, like, decades, probably. Yeah, and even in the best case scenario where, like, yeah, the Shah comes in and he's welcomed as a little, like people are like, I was lying about being really religious. I love the Shah. Like, then there's no, like, there's no, that makes it way harder to exploit Iran's natural reason.

forces. So it's like that. Like, what Israel is doing is that they are escalating this conflict. Like, as our ally, who again, we're supposedly doing this on their behalf, they're escalating this conflict on purpose past a point where it could ever be like brought to a peaceful conclusion or past a point where it could ever be negotiated or de-escalated. And what we're seeing right now is that like, you know, despite being 95% militarily defeated, Iran has shown that it can escalate this conflict just as easily as the United States can. And like, what's really on issue here is that, like, if their critical oil and gas shit gets bombed or fuck with again, they're going to respond in kind to, like, the Gulf states,

which was like, not just closing the streets of her moves, but like, these are whole, like, the implications for what that will mean for, like, global energy production is truly apocalyptic. But, like, as, you know, they've said, this is a war of survival for us. So, you know, like, we'll do it. We'll do whatever it takes. And in their selection of targets, like, I think the Iranian leadership is responding

in a very rational way. I cannot say the same about America or Israel's leadership. Because like this is good. This conflict is getting beyond a point in which anyone can wind it down. And like, that's very frightening. Yeah.

Like, because, you know, neither side can, I think it's been pretty well proven now that like neither side can force the other to, the other to totally capitulate. So like, obviously there needs to be some negotiation to bring this to a close. Iran says they have no interest in talking right now. And why would they, at least with Whitkoff and Kushner,

who are two fucking stooges who were just freelancing for their own real estate vent. Like, in no way, shape, or form can anything they say be trusted or anything. Right. And even if you had guys who weren't just, their qualification was beyond just, like, having had a bar mitzvah and working in real estate. Like, the fact that they've used negotiations as, like, a way to either, um, as a smoke screen for, uh, air strikes for assassinations and everything else under the sun and, um, have killed negotiators.

Like, no, it's out. I mean, if anything, Iran gave negotiation with, way more way more way than they should have. Yeah, about a billion times more. I mean, yeah, no, I, I, this is why I think the gas station analogy is so good, at least for explaining America's side of it, because it really is why are we still doing this? If you want an explanation that is more sophisticated than like, I mean, I hate the explanation of like, it's a distraction from Epstein. We've talked about how much we hate that backpack rap style explanation.

Such, it's so stupid. Consistency over intensity. Can we bite that in? Pipe that in. Consistency over intensity. To build courage, reduce fear, improve performance, the philosophy of action. And what you do and who you is? Consistency over intensity

This is what you sound like When you say it's a distraction What you think is what you do When you don't drink We need to pipe that in But really it is like It's the reason that like You come back to the bar

After you got thrown out For taking a shot glass And whipping it at the ground You know what you did was stupid Or maybe you don't But you're like I understand That gets you thrown out of the bar

But then the larger voice in your head that, you know, you think about what a future where you just accept being thrown out of the bar. Yeah. You're like, wait a minute. That means people will call the cops on me if I go to the high school and ask girls their Snapchat. That means that like next time I ask for free Winston's at the gas station and I start like

puffing my chest and say give them to me for free. Someone might actually try to fight me instead of just. just handing them over. Yeah. And I can't look, I can beat up any. I can beat up the high school security guard. I can beat up the 7-11 clerk. I can beat up the 17-year-old's younger brother per day.

But all at once, like my power projection is going to go out the window. So even if this doesn't make, so even if this is fucking dumb and there's no route to victory, I have to like show that I'm stupid enough to keep bashing my head into the wall. Like at this, but that is really one of the most upsetting things about it. The only out now is it would be something like, you know, China being like, let's, another great video. Let's do it on camera. My nukes, your nukes.

Let's throw our lives away. Let's do it on camera. I throw my life away. You throw your life away right now. And whatever one of us is standing, the other one go to jail, the other one die. I hate you that much. Yeah, yeah. That's like the only way that this ends.

Let's hope that they say that and that like... No, it was Soldier Boy, right? Yeah. No, I don't think it was Soldier Boy. Who was that? You might have been talking to Soldier Boy, because that is Soldier Boy is the only guy who would get you mad enough to do that. Okay, well, like, like to expand the analogy here,

like, I really think that Trump has now probably maybe for the first time in his life has found himself in a situation that he can't bullshit out of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they're like, his ability to just lie and like, just brass balls it, like, through any controversy or any of it, like, any other disaster that he's been the author of. Like, you know, uh, let's see old Donnie wriggle out of this one. Like, but the thing is the momentum and gravity of these events have taken on like a, a life, like, outside of his ability to, uh, like, just, like, continue to say, like, we won. Yeah. It's over.

Well, it's, I mean, it's noteworthy that, like, all those, and I do think, you know, let's see him wriggle. way out of that one. It's great. It's a great explanation of like eight, nine, ten, fucking 12 years of history. But at the same time, he wriggled his way out of those ones because the things he was wriggling out against were the Democratic Party, an American justice system that is set up to never so much as criminally charged presidents even after they are out of office. And instead of Chuck Schumer or a judicial system that is reticent to go against executive power. RIP Bob Mueller, by the way. They're going up against people who

actually have beliefs that they will die for. And also they have the ability to project force and fight back and like a willingness to do so that so far like none of his other opponents who have ever like mustered the ability to do. So like now we get to the second truth's post that I want to get to. This is from just three days ago on March 20th. We are getting very close to meeting our objectives as we consider winding down

our great military efforts in the Middle East with respect to the terrorist regime of Iran. One, completely degrading Iranian missile capability, launchers, and everything else pertaining to them. I like everything else pertaining to them. But that can mean like pencils that you use to sketch out, like, math equations

that will like correlate to, I don't know, aerodynamics or something like that. No, number two. Parabolas on white words. Yeah. Yeah. Number two. destroying Iran's defense industrial base. Number three, eliminating their Navy

and Air Force, including anti-aircraft weaponry. As we've seen this week, done. Yeah. Four, never allowing Iran to get even close to nuclear capability and always being in a position where the USA can quickly and powerfully react to such a situation should it take place. Five, protecting at the highest level are Middle Eastern allies, including Israel, Saudi Arabia, Qatar, the United Arab Emirates, Bahrain, Kuwait,

others, the Hormuz Strait will have to be guarded and policed as necessary by other nations who use it. The United States does not. If asked, we will help these countries in their Hormuz efforts, but it shouldn't be necessary once Iran's threat is eradicated. Importantly, it will be an easy military

operation for them. Thank you for your attention to this matter, President Donald Trump. Who is he saying thank you for your attention? Anyone reading this? Anyone reading it? The girl reading this right now. Yeah, yeah. D.V.C. he also said today, well, maybe me and the Ayatollah control.

He said me and the Ayatollah. They said like, are you like, you know, like, well, we'll see. We'll have to be new control of the straight other moves. And they're like, who will control it? And he goes, well, we don't know. Maybe me. Maybe the Ayatollah.

Maybe the new Ayatollah. Maybe both of us. In a sense, you could say that they are both controlling it. Well, you know, one sets up the conditions for the minds to be laid. One lays the minds. In a sense, it's sort of like that Grant Cordone clip where you're like, well, knows a level of it. interest.

You know, I controlled the straight by forcing them to close it off. They wouldn't have done it if I hadn't done all this stuff. So he says, okay, yeah, like completely degrading Iranian missile capability. Obviously that is. Well, I don't know if you've been following the news this weekend. Oh, oh, okay. Look, like I said, 95% like they depleted 95% of their missile stockpile. Meaning that they have 8 trillion missiles.

They have 8 million missiles left. And all of them are hitting Tel Aviv and Damona and like these, you know, like these awful Israeli suburbs that are getting. Once again, like you have to be skeptical of, you know, like any video you see online now. Yeah. Because it could very well be AI or footage from like, you know, a couple years ago. One of the other missile attacks on Tel Aviv. But that one under a moment through that, like the over the weekend. That was, that's real and it has been confirmed.

So like Iran is still taking it to Israel pretty fucking hard. looks like. Yeah. I used to think that it was like, you know, and I am a self-described access of resistance homer. But like, yeah, I used to think it was like access of resistance homerism during the 12th day war when people are like, oh, wait till next time when we deplete like our first wave of like normal missiles and we get to the really good ones. I would be like, I want to believe you, but like that sounds so childish. But now it's like, okay, actually. Like that may, you may have been telling the truth. But like, here it's just like...

The shit that hit Demona was kind of fucking nuts. The, the evasion it made in terminal when it was like in its terminal stage was fucking ridiculous. Oh, and not only that, but they also shot down an F-35 for the first time ever. Yeah. Well... I know this is right up here, Allie, Felix. But apparently, the Iranians shot down in F-35, which, quote, made a hard landing and won't be back in flight anytime soon. So, in other words, like, it crashed.

I love that they said, yes, the pilot was injured. The pilot was injured by shrapnel, and the plane made a hard, quote, a hard landing. The plane is out for an indefinite period of time, but they did not shoot it down. The Saudis did this, too. The Saudis did this when the Houthis, they hit an F-15 eagle with a modified R27T, and for red missile, modified to be fired from the ground, where it was like, yes, the pilot it got hurt. Yes, the plane will never fly again.

But it made it through the ground. It didn't blow up in mid-air. So, you know, like that would be an indication of Iran's, like you said, if the goal here is to completely degrade Iran's missile capability and, like, anti-aircraft defenses, like, what he's saying here is that, like, the goal of the war is not necessarily regime change, is to make Iran a country that can never again defend itself. Yeah.

And, like, okay, another thing that we saw over the weekend was, these news reports that Iran fired these ballistic missiles over 4,000 kilometers at the U.S. base on Diego Garcia, which is like in the middle of the Indian Ocean. And it was like this capability that previously they had never like thought that they had missiles that could travel like that far, like encompass that range. And then immediately you begin seeing all these maps about like this is the range of Iranian missiles and it goes all the way to London. I'll just note that I was like, you know, when I saw a new story, I was like, oh, wow,

that's impressive. but Iran has denied this categorically. They said that they did not and it's unclear whether anything was even shot at this military base at all. But I just note that this is interesting

that like we immediately saw those maps about like it's Europe's problem too. Precisely when America and Israel is begging European countries to get involved in this shit even deeper than they are. And help us reopen the Strait of Hormuz because like they use it and we don't.

Right after Kirstar made I think like the first principled stand he's made probably in like 45 years. And it was only, he only worked up the courage to do that because he got to, it was after he, one of the greatest going on live with your gun. And then ducking for cover when you hear fireworks. We're going to jump out.

Bing, bang, bang. Oh, fuck. We're going home. It took one lawnmower drone and they were out of Cyprus. But like, I really think they are. mad at the UK specifically.

I think Starmer, like, I don't think making a principled stand on this incredibly fucking unpopular war is going to necessarily turn things around for labor. But even a fucking dope like that, probably saw the writing on the wall. Because they keep sure I say the thing, like, we're only using British Air Force bases to, like,

you know, arm and supply American bombing stories. Oh, okay. But like, but like, for defensive bombing sorties. There is no defensive actions that you can possibly undertake in an entirely you know, unnecessary war of aggression. It's all offensive.

There's nothing you can do to, like, and any defense that you make of yourself, you can't say it's like defensive because like you started it. AOC, AOC, what an influence you are.

A defensive bombing campaign. What the hell are you talking about? Maybe you could like a bomb a trench into your lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you could bomb a tunnel for like retreats.

Yes. It says, the United States, if asked, we will help these countries in their Hormuz efforts. I love that. We will help them in their Hormuz efforts. How? Like, with our Navy? Because, like, that's what we're talking about here. Because, like, if you're talking about Hormuz efforts.

And, like, this gets to the other big, you know, buzzword of the weekend. Karg Island. You know, it's just a great sounding name for, like, an island that's soon to be, like, the epicenter of a global worldwide conflagration or beginning of Worldwide. or beginning of World War III. You might as well call it Monster Island. Yeah. But like it's like, like, it is so far past

where just the straight of Mouruz is. Like, and like, look, they're moving Marines and paratroopers to the fucking Persian Gulf like to the Middle East right now. They're giving them their steak and lobster dinners. Which is so many pictures of soldiers eating lobster lately and it is very unsettling. It's always so depressing

to me because like, A, the food looks terrible. It's really shitty. It looks awful. And like, there's this sort of guy who was just like, my son's in the Navy and like this is what they gave him to eat. Like, I'm so glad Trump is finally taking care of our military. Like what? By giving them their last meal before 10,000 Iranian

drones just like sink their fucking aircraft carrier. It's like interviewing a 17 year old Labrador retriever. He's like, I don't know, just like this week they're being really cool about letting me on the furniture. I don't know what. I think they finally they heard what I was saying.

And I've been getting like really good dinners. I mean like usually when lose control of my bowels on the carpet. They get mad at me, but this week they've just been like, they've been like, oh, you're good, we love you. Yeah. Just also like the, the image that

has been conjured up of like imagining some chef, some cookie boiling 10,000 degrade lobsters as shit pulls around their ankles on the USS Gero. Oh my God. Oh my God. Yeah, they are making like poop, will you bust?

that's old. Do you think about the USS Gerald Ford will be out of commission for years? Yes. Because of a fire that started in like a fucking drying machine. Like someone's socks or underwear got caught on fire on like the heavy cycle. I can believe that.

Honestly, like people have speculated that this could be like basically some sort of mutiny as well. That like, you know, they're like, fuck this. We don't want to fucking die for Israel. Like I could believe that too. Because of this fire. Because here's the thing like on. naval vessels. Fire containment is one of the things that they train probably most strenuously

to like what to do when there's a fire. Yeah. Because it's like, you know, a fire on a ship, very dangerous. The fact that that fire apparently it burned for hours and wasn't contained, it could be incompetence, could just be stupidity. Well, it is, it is very hard, though, to contain a fire on a vessel. Like the, you know, the forestall fire, one of the most infamous naval fires in the modern era on the USS Forestall, which, which I think was the ship that John McCain, or the carrier that John McCain flew several planes off, never to return, permanently lightning the ship.

Taking off three times, never landed once. Well, so it really depends on the carrier. But like for the forest all right, there were a lot of like just general purpose bombs on the deck and munitions that didn't, like Zuni rockets and shit, munitions that catch fire very easily. obviously a lot of explosives and bombs are engineered to not blow up if they're shot with a bullet

or like any of it. But some aren't, you know, some aren't that. So we're specifically designed to do exactly that. Yeah. But with the, so with the... You know, like when you're on a map and like in the FPS and there's like like the barrels with fire on, you shoot those and they blow up.

Yeah. So with the Ford and the Ford is a nuclear propelled vessel, a nuclear propelled aircraft carrier. I think it's the biggest aircraft carrier in the world. I think, I'm not sure, but it might, yeah, it sounds right. But if you were, you are a guy like ages 18 through, you know, 30, right? And you're watching the same TikTok and fucking whatever that everyone else is. And you are, because you're in the Navy, you're, if someone says, this is a distraction,

you're like, holy shit, I never thought about it that way. That actually works on you. you would just go, all I need to, the one thing they told us not to do, if we get come on our socks, don't put them in the drive. That's all it takes. So like maybe, I mean, again, my homerism, I wanted to believe it was one of those answer a lot of ballistic anti-ship missiles. But, I mean, it would be, it would be pretty cool if it was me and D.

Point being, regardless of how it happened, the biggest aircraft carrier in the U.S. Navy's fleet is on injured, it's on the fucking injured list for the next two years. at least. But I want to go back to what he said here. It says here, I will help them in their Hormuz efforts. Importantly, it will be an easy military operation for them. And I'm thinking about this in light of Karg Island,

which is like there are currently no U.S. Navy, there's no Navy ships in the Persian Gulf right now. They're holding like an outside perimeter, like, because it's to pass that straight of Hormuz, pretty dicey. Karg Island is at the very end of the Persian Gulf. So like, they would have to like get, get ships through the, like an armada through the straight and then launch an attack from there.

Or they would have to do some sort of aerial or amphibious landing, like launched from, I don't know, like Bahrain or Oman or something like that. It sounds ghastly. It sounds like it will be a slaughterhouse. And per that thing, Lindsay Graham was on like Meet the Press this weekend and used this example. He said, we're America. We took Iwo Jima. We can take Karg Island.

And I'm recommending the president. That's exactly what we do. For some context here, more Americans died on Iwo Jima than in Iraq and Afghanistan combined. Combined. About 7,000 fatalities over 20,000 casualties total. And one of the most bloody and horrific battles of World War II. So he's like, not to worry, it'll just simply be like Ewo Jima. And I bring this up because like, once again, like I've been sort of struck by how absent one of the most consequential

like global events in my lifetime has been from like everyday American life and kind of like just sort of culture. And I know this is like, anyone my age is like very much, uh, seeing this through the, uh,

the lens of like what I remember so vividly about like the day, the days, months and years following 9-11 and the lead up to the Iraq war. Well, like, as I said, like every newscast, every sports broadcasts are like, now let's not forget our brave men and women in uniform. Every fucking car you saw had that yellow ribbon mask. magnet on it. And like, you think back, and that was Iraq and Afghanistan.

You think back to World War II, which is a conflict in which, like, Iwo Jima took place. This was a state of total war in which the entire country was mobilized behind one goal. And, like, everyone was pitching in to a certain degree. So now Lindsay Graham is suggesting that we, like, potentially sacrificed 20,000 American lives. I mean, like, I guess they wouldn't all die. They'll just nearly be maimed for the rest of their lives. in the context of a war that like that Trump says is over

that he explicitly ran and was elected on not doing. Yeah. And by the way, if anyone is Japan in this war, it is us. Yeah. Can you guys, I was thinking about this morning as I was like catching up on news over the weekend. Can you guys just talk about like the surreality

of the attempt to fight this war only on weekends to do the dance with the markets that Trump is doing? It is crazy. Like, we were talking about like, this is a situation that maybe for the first time ever Donald Trump is in something now

that he can't bullshit his way out of. However, he still is using his bullshit to short energy markets and line the pockets of his cronies by routinely doing things right before the weekend of saying, we're talking to them right now, the war should be over soon.

And then 10 minutes later of being like, I'm going to nuke Iran. Yeah, yeah. And he keeps doing this to, quote, calm the energy markets. But like, we see the limits of him. bullshit here. Like, you can't keep doing this. Right. At a certain, at a certain point when they're, at a certain point when like, yeah, not everyone can get their supply of energy that does it. I mean,

like, it's hard to even call it him bullshit in the markets because it kind of takes two to bullshit each other. Like, that's true. They're doing. The markets are responding this way because they want to. And like, look, man, um, another trip back to the global war and terror, there were a lot of like, there were a lot of like bad indications about the subprime market all the way through 2006, 2007, and there were like certainly like really bad days for the market at the end of 2007. But like the real across the board slaughter didn't happen until 2008. Because guess what? There was a lot of gamesmanship.

Yeah. There's a lot of ways for the president, even in the old, the old style. old styles and modes of media consumption to keep the ball rolling. I mean, that is kind of the genius of the post-Bretton Wood system is that if you really want to, if you have total ideological capture among you, among certain members of bureaucracy, people in Congress, certain heads of industry, you can bullshit the economy out of a recession, at least making it seem like that for like two years if you want.

But you do, eventually you do have to pay the piper. But like this is the total bubble of illusion and unreality and kind of like imperial intangibility. Well, like we can, because we are such a powerful, wealthy country and like so much of the world just defers to us because it's fucking like, you know, easier to comply than to resist.

We can like get away. We can live in this state of permanent unreality. but like whether it's the straight of Hormuz and like global energy and like just oil, we're running into like a physical border and geography, like a physical reality that is unmovable. Yeah. And the thing is like even if this all stopped like today, like now, the shockwaves of what's already happened are going to affect the economy for years to come.

And if it gets much worse, we could be in like a mad max situation. Like not like I don't think that is like out of line to fucking predict or imagine. The precious guzzaline. What's so weird about this to me is the idea of having an economy where it is possible to put this up, to be like, actually, we had a great conversation with a guy I can't name because he will be killed. That, like, as you put it out, is made up anyway. But it is in one way a show of our might. But in another way, it's like sort of embarrassing that are a.

economy is so bullshit that like the physical blockade of energy and and the indefinite shutdown of supply chains and resources and the actual physical construction of everything from like fucking CPUs to motherboards to cranes to whatever computer chips like magnets that are used in like medical equipment that all of that that our economy that is based off of like not. Fertilizer to all the food that's grown and eaten in the world. Every real thing in the world, the physical blockade and indefinite and indefinite shockwaves and instability in all of those. There are so many products that have been pushed back due to this type of uncertainty.

The fact that our economy is based on like the idea that 50 million Oscar customers will be too tired to contest a charge. not being covered by their health insurance or like, you know, Verizon billing you seven cents a day more and going, oh, I guess I bought that. It's based on like McKenzie telling a grocery store that they should make music actively give people headaches so they can get more. Yeah. Like it's based up such bullshit that this doesn't, it takes a while before it boomerings around to us. And eventually it will because you need like the physical, you need a physical economy to. to undergird all that shit.

Is this as Lyndon Rlerush now? I mean, shit. I mean, like, he's looking writer and writer. We're talking about the physical economy. But, no, you're right. Like, it is embarrassing that, like, the markets can be calmed by having this senile pedophile

just tweet what on his, what's like, whatever's on his mind. Like, the war's over soon. Don't worry about it. That, like, yeah. And then in the next, and then in the next day, this is from March 21st.

This is the last one I want to read. If Iran doesn't fully open without threat, the Strait of Hormuz within 48 hours from this exact point in time, the United States of America will hit and obliterate their various power plants starting with the biggest one first. Thank you for your attention to this matter, Donald J. Trump.

He just, well, this morning, they announced it, they're giving them another five days. And not only that. You see Spadnet on the weekend, the morning shows on Sunday. Well, they're like, okay, how is this for art of the deal? They're lifting sanctions on Iranian oil right now. what did Iran want forever?

Sanctions relief. Well, how'd they get it? Bombing Israel. I'm fighting the United States of America. You start a war with the country over their cruel, evil regime that controls the region and projects their influence and terror elsewhere.

And then as a key part of the strategy of winning that war, you have to lift sanctions on their oil. Maybe this is like, for Besant specifically, he's a more like he's got more experience in the business world it's like when Tony bought AJ the Nissan

Ultima or the Xtera the Nissan Xtera so he could drive to work and he was like well if he has more responsibility he'll be like he'll be he'll act better

well I feel like I thought of you because Besit in his comments did say when they were like isn't this a bit contradictory to like the stated like you know aims of this war that you're and he says, yeah, he says,

we're doing a bit of jiu-jitsu to Iran right now. So, Phil Felix, it's like your perspective here because, like, using judicious, isn't it about like, I don't know, using leverage, using the, using over, leverage over strength? Yeah. It appears here that Iran is actually jujitsuing us right now because it seems like they have the leverage

and we have the strength. Yeah, jujitsu, um, so not Brazilian jihitsu, but the, the jiu-jitsu that the samurai did is system of throws based enough like, you know, a guy comes at you. And by the way, this is the concept about jiu-titsu that makes me laugh is that everyone you fight is just going to run at you and try to bear hug you. But I mean, a lot of people, that's the only move they have. So it's pretty good.

That you use that energy and you toss them on their ass. So for us, getting all those cousins killed, possibly permanently ending the economic viability of the Gulf Cooperation Council and then ending sanctions on Iran how is this jujitsu Iran becomes the new Abu Dhabi

and attacks itself and oh no it doesn't attack itself the United Arab Emirates because they like things sort of go like they they're everything is more austere there they have to like sell all all of the Gucci stores

they have to tear down the skyscrapers. They can no longer fly out either of the city girls. No fun there anymore. They become like the austere sort of like hard body soldier guys. And they're like, we're going to, in 40 years, they're like, we're going to end the idea of Tehran. Tehran is this place where you can go and you can fly out. Who's going to be the hot celebrity that was important four years ago, but now you fly out in Tehran? then it'll be, you know, like Hawk Tua's daughter.

Like, Hawk, too, yeah, we're going to end the idea of Tehran. You're no longer flying out Hawk Tua, Jr. If you are another celebrity in 2057, I guess it. Son of beast. Yeah, the Jeremy Renner clone that everyone loves. Yeah, you're like, it's done. So I guess that would be Jiu-Jitsu. But Jiu-Jitsu as in this, it's, I mean,

it's more like tripping on a banana peel. Well, I think it's sort of more like you may think you want something like in me giving it to you. I'm actually dooming you. Oh, oh, smoke for the entire carton. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Well, I guess what worries me about this is not just like the thought that like, you know, that this is going to escalate much, this is going to escalate further. And the consequences of that to, like I said, the food you're buying the store and the, you know, electricity that are, civilization depends on, could get, you know, not just dramatically more expensive, but like

everything is like, there's a cascading effect of how fucked up everything is going to get if this goes on and escalates much further. But like to the point about like Trump and indeed, like the United States, our empire and our Israeli proxy or Israeli master, depending on how you want to look at it, has now run into a wall of something where like they can't just force their will anymore. They can't just create their own reality and force people. to bend to it. I will note as well that Israel is currently going hog wild in the West Bank with some of the worst pogroms seen yet. And there also have killed thousands of people in southern Lebanon as they attempt to like do their labans around war there. But they were bogged down quite badly.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean like they're, you know, it's this conflict is growing and growing. And like, I worry that like because I think state planners in Israel and America, no, not just like how unpopular this war is, but how increasingly, like, radioactive the idea of doing anything for Israel, if you are an American or European country, is becoming. And, like, I know they don't really near our consent

to do anything, but it is going to get, it's going to get increasingly difficult for them. And I worry that, like, that's why they're doing all of this now. Get it while you can. Yeah. And what concerns me is, you know, to extend the analogy for the gas station fight, the equivalent there would be, like,

when someone finally shows up with a gun and shoots a couple of them. And in reality, what I'm talking about here is someone setting off a nuke. Is someone going nuclear? And realizing, like, that's the way that they can do. Like, they have to do this because it's the only way Iran will be defeated. Right. Because, like, they have thus far, you know, like, they're very confident that this war was going to be over in a day or two.

And, like, they have, like, there's no sign whatsoever that the Iranian government or military is ready to fucking roll over. Not at all. Quite the opposite. They don't even have air superiority. They kept claiming they would have that in the first hour. So, I mean, I really hope Russia or China will make clear that, like, if anyone sets off from Duke, then, like, Israel's getting a response in kind. That is my hope, too.

Like, that is really the only really viable off-ramp I can see. And I, just going beyond that, if that happens, I hope in the future that, I mean, I've seen encouraging signs about Chinese and Iranian cooperation. but my most ideal future here would be a future where China ends up becoming the partner that Russia was never really set out to be for Iran

they actually do sell them the planes that they say they are going to sell you know between the two I know whose missiles I would fucking want but yeah no I mean I just Iran is managing the ladder of escalation everything

but like this is existential to us just in how we have to keep doing this or we look pussy which is like unthinkable for us it's better for us to look stupid than to look pussy

once we look like a pussy and backed away left the parking lot then like kids in every other high school are going to know it and homecoming is going to be a nightmare by the way we're 47 it's our 250th birthday

to this summer actually we're born on a leap year so we get to keep going to these homecomings. Well, I mean, another thing that, I guess, I have to confess, being amused by over the weekend was Israel demanding that the United Nations convene a special session to address the blatant war crimes and human rights violations done by, I don't know, Iranian cluster bombs.

And the thing is, I don't even know if Iran is using cluster bombs. I think what they're referring to as cluster bombs are just the things that separate from the missile payload to, like, divert interceptors. But let's say Iran is using cluster bombs. on Israeli residential neighborhoods. Mw, blah, blah, sorry. International law is real or it's not. And like, this would be the equivalent

in the parking lot of being like, okay, there's gonna be a rumble, but let's just be clear here. No flick knives, no bike chains, no brass of zing. Yeah. Yeah. And then someone shows up with a zip gun

and shoot someone with like a bullet the size of like a now and later or something. Or it's like a pipe and someone just like that. And then they're like, what the fuck? I thought we said no zip guns. I thought we were only going to keep it to like two by fours and like little mini-bats that the Shea Stadium gives out.

And then like, and then someone comes back, well, they use the zip gun and then like someone comes back with a real gun. And they're like, no fair! What the fuck! Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't know. But just like the idea that like, this is what I mean about like living in Wisconsin an imperial bubble of like absolute unreality.

That whatever you feel is reality. And when the rest of the world doesn't conform to that, you have to lash out violently. The thought that anyone living in Israel, after what they've just done for two years to fucking Gaza, would have the audacity to start fucking complaining about the

rules and conduct of war or how barbarous the Iranians are and their military response to, by the way, your country is starting a war with them. Okay? Like, yeah. I know we forgot that part, but like, yeah, you started this shit. And now you're going to cry to the UN. What did you? How about this?

Submit a brief to the international criminal court about these terrible war crimes. What's so crazy about this is for anyone to take them at their word here, they would basically have to accept like the most, in Israeli racial analysis of the world at large that they barely even let leave the Hebrew

language. Right. A view of the world where it's like we can use cluster munitions on anyone, but especially Amalach, because they're, they're beneath even the the regular standard of furniture that we have assigned Gentiles. The Amalek are the worst.

But when it happens to us, the only real human beings, that's when it violates international law. And what's insane is there are people who like aren't would not be a party to that system except as furniture. Being like, yeah, you know what?

I'm with that. That sounds okay to me. I don't just mean like, Mike Huckabee thinks he's ascending to heaven, you know? I just mean like random idiots. It will never not astound me. You know, people have talked a lot about how like, you know, it's easier than ever, more people than ever are getting onboarded into anti-Semitism.

Like it's gusto. But it's also, how do I put this? People who could not be further from like being. at the tables at the protocols meeting are like, yeah, I'm part of that. Yeah, I'm like, I'm down with this. Well, I mean, yeah, I guess it's like, we are being treated once again

to like another round of hand-wringing over the supposedly like dire growing threat of anti-Semitism in this country, by which is meant a growing animosity towards Israel and its barbarous, it's murderous conduct. Yeah. And like, and not just killing at the very least

70,000 civilians in Gaza and like that is on that is an extreme undercount for being serious here but then like starting a war you know that they're like we're doing at their behest which like nobody even disputes like that Marco Rubio clip like Trump's statement about how we didn't bomb the gas field

our ally did yeah like you can see how frightened Rubio was in that moment he looked like a fucking dog like looking into like the headlights of an oncoming truck yeah and I mean like but like in that context now that we have to be treated once again to this idea that like anti-semitism is the problem here. And it's like, as far as that, like, anyone who brings this up right now, I'm sorry, is morally and politically suspect. The only anti-Semitism of note that I see in this country is

the absurd and grotesque phylo-Semitism of people like Mike Huckabee. And people who think that, like, the Jewish people are they're like, their special personal friends that, like, they need to take their places so that we can do the apocalypse. I mean, like, I don't even, I don't think this is, like, particularly important one way or the other. But like, okay, yeah. If you go on like IG reels, you'll see like stuff that's like probably more anti-Semitic than you would have seen like 10 years ago, right?

But like now, like that's what you want to fucking do like now? And it's like it's just like, I'm sorry, you can only get so many people fucking fired for saying cease fire now. You can only destroy so many fucking lives. You can only show so many people. the worst images they have ever seen in their fucking lives and go, if you don't love this, you're anti-Semitic, before you see some,

a few consequences. I'm sorry. And like that being said, yeah, I just, at this point, like, I don't,

yeah, like tough shit. Yeah. And, you know, like, obviously, like,

half of my friends growing up are currently now, we're Jewish. And, like, I don't not want to see any, like, rise in animosity. towards Jewish people just for the fact of like

how they were born or whatever but at the same time it's like if you're talking about the American Jewish community merely 80 to 90% of them support Israel like Uber alas so once again cry me a fucking river over this shit stop killing so many people

if you want people to be nice to you right I just like that is the other thing that drives me fucking insane where it goes both ways here where it's like don't conflate Judaism with Zionism, but also all Jews

You know what I mean? It's like when you call someone a Zionist if you mean it as a compliment, that's good but if you're meaning it critically Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dual loyalty. Like if you insist that someone has an American citizen is more loyal

to the state of Israel than they are to America but you're saying it as a compliment, you're like, Miriam Edelson's wonderful. She's done such great work for Israel. That's appropriate. But if you suggest otherwise, that's a slur. That's anti-Semitism. That's evil.

I mean, you know what makes people anti-Semitic when those fucking rapist real estate agent Israeli brothers, when they obviously, they want to like skip bail, they've been convicted, they want to skip bail and go to Israel. Why do we know this? Because tons of fucking sex offenders and people commit other crimes do this. Donald Trump's office of anti-Semitism said that people the prosecutors saying

that they're a flight risk that they're a flight risk Israel is anti-Semitic like it's just at a certain point you are you can't complain about it at a certain point when you're when you're going well like the point of the culture like is to rape as much as possible

it's like when you're public-facing for like your co-report religion is like to associate it overwhelmingly with mass murder and rape. Yeah. I like that's like that's a YP, not an MP when people start to find it distasteful. Right. And like, you know, for like individual Jews, like it sucks that it, right, that you don't get to live in like the 90s anymore. Where it's, there's this bifurcated system of like being white, but also like if you get into an argument in college, you get to pull this thing out.

But, you know, it's just like our fake economy. You got to pay the piper eventually. And, you know, like, I've been, you know, like, just a, I wanted to digression here, an example of, like, I was critical of Zerun for fucking, over, like, the fucking illustrations that his wife did for some, like, Palestinian refugee poet. Yeah, what a shock.

She doesn't have, like, warm feelings towards Jewish people considering her life story. But, like, having you realized by now that, like, any, even, like, apology made in good faith is like only going to just like indict you for further retribution from these people. And like, and by the way,

isn't your election to mayor of New York City, the most Jewish city in the world outside Tel Aviv? Hasn't that pretty much proven beyond a shadow of a doubt right now that like any normal person is either indifferent to Israel or like actively despises them? So like what's the downside here to like, I don't know, just telling these people to go fuck themselves?

I thought, and that you were in no position to lecture anyone on bigotry, morality, prejudiced or fucking like or what a danger other people's fucking political commitments and public statements are to you. I just like the thing that he was doing even before this where just every time that like anything, you know, there was graffiti or like there was a bond threat or like any,

any time like. Or a protest in front of a synagogue where like auctioning off the land and the West Bank. Anytime anything has. happened where, you know, he probably, he probably said a Google or Jews in the news. But he would, he would like, it was weird. It was like he was apologizing for the fact that it happened. Yeah.

And I thought it was so fucking stupid and so many people disagreed with me. I thought it was so fucking stupid because it's like if you immediately come out and condemn you do like three in a row, right? Then you are married to this for the rest of your fucking life. then the next time something like this happens, no matter how insignificant, no matter how stupid, no matter how cynical, no matter if like a year from now we find out that it was like the rabbi's cousin who like hated him. Yeah. You know, you are, you are forced to comment on that. You have to drop everything you do comment on that.

And if you don't, people will go, why? Well, oh, are these ones more important? And not only that, but he's made his wife now like a political figure. Right. I didn't think he could do even worse. That is. So now everything that she has ever said and done is subject to. Some creep from like the free beacon being like, oh, like, you know, he said fags when she was 15 or whatever.

Like, like, it's like, dude, that guy, John Levine, look at the shit he's posted like yesterday. You're like 40. What the fuck is your excuse? I, like, Rama's posts from when she's are, when she's like 15 are so, those are charming. Yeah, they are. Like, dude, I am glad that all this stuff I said online when I was 15 is on like defunct forums and IRC channels. Your shit was not even like, I even saw people be like, why can't you come out and say that she said racial slurs? And it's like, okay.

When she was 15, she said racial slurs. What is the remedy to that? Killing her? Like, she needs to resign as his wife. I don't know. Like, she's an adult now. Yeah. Like, what the fuck do you want me to say?

I just, I don't know. I mean, like, you know, like, I, I was very publicly supportive of Zeran. So I feel, you know, like, some sort of, I don't know, like, I feel it's incumbent on me to, I would say, offer constructive criticism when I think it's warranted. But I got to be honest, like, I think he's doing a fine job of being mayor of New York. But I think he's been messing up when it comes to the politics of being probably the most prominent, like, left-wing associated politician in America right now. And I, you know, I hope they can, I don't know, like, I don't know, stop getting rolled so easily by these, like, you know, like absolutely disingenuous cry babies. And like, and just like, you know, like I said, rest easy based on the fact that, like, you got elected. And it's not like Israel or anti-Semitism wasn't an issue in the primary or general election and just be like, people are with you.

Nobody cares about this shit anymore because of like, it's so obvious what's fucking happening. and like the country you're doing it on behalf of it's just in the middle of starting World War III right now. If you want to talk about fucking affordability Yeah Like yeah it's going to talk of the affordability agenda And like that's the terrifying thing about all this

Because like as we saw with COVID Not like these prices are ever coming back down again No In anything. No I'll move on now to like another issue that I want to talk about today which is the ongoing debacle of commercial air travel in this country

which is like Okay, there's another crash at LaGuardia Airport today. You know, you know that pilot was white, though. You're like, it had to be. Yeah, yeah. Just like all the guys who fucking got owned by the Ghost of Kuwait. Yeah. But, okay, like, so like, to TSA agents, like, they're not showing up to work because they're not getting paid right now.

I love this. Elon Musk's quote, put it, I would like to offer to pay the salaries of TSA personnel during this funding impasse that is negatively affecting the lives of so many Americans at airports throughout the country. Mr. 2 damn cap, the idea that he is going to shell out even a single cent for any one of these government employees. Well, I think you have to read that literally. Like, I'd like to offer it. Yeah. But then Federman responded to this and he says, this is incredibly generous. He's done nothing yet.

He hasn't paid anyone. Oh, my God. This is incredibly generous. TSA agents across the country are relying on food pantries and community donations just to get by. I remain the lone dem to vote with my Republican colleagues. Oh, good for you. I do. I don't hear. I can't even hear the rest.

Every fucking Federman thing now is like, I'm 11, but instead of fucking Justin Bieber, I like listening to Led Zeppelin. That's amazing, you fucking dumbass. Oh, I'm a girl,

but I love Dune. Why don't you kill yourself? God, fuck off. I'm the only Democrat. I'm the only Democrat who needs an entire staff to tie my shoes.

But like, okay, Felix, you and I are currently in Los Angeles. And now, like, the other thing is that Trump has put ICE agents at airports to essentially do the jobs of TSA agents who are, you know, furloughed or just not showing up to work because they're not getting paid right now. And that's really bad. Imagine if TSA agents were these sort of like jackbooted authoritarian evil people.

Unqualified and stupid. You know, I don't know. We're seeing this now, like at Newark, at San Francisco airport. I've seen clips of it all day. I'm like, I must confess over the weekend when Trump was like, you know, I'll be sending ice agents to airports

and like they'll be doing the function of TSA because we see these like, you know, lines that are like, you know, like out the fucking door of the place to go through security. I must confess that when I heard that over the weekend,

I was like, look, this is not good. Right. Nothing is good right now. But I would like, I would rather give these fucking gormless cretons like some sort of useful task to do.

You know, like, as long as they're collecting a paycheck from the government. Like, because, you know, like, you can complain about TSA. But like, look, I mean, they do do like a basic function of airport security that needs to get done. So I was like, well, you know, like better these ice guys be doing that than just be out in the streets, killing and raping people. But I'm sad to report, nope, they're just doing the same shit they were doing on the streets, but in crowded airports. Awesome.

Which is just like arresting and molesting, like, American citizens and not doing anything to help anyone. and I would like to just once again remind everyone that like so similar to so many other people in the Trump administration, the head of transportation in the cabinet is a fucking former reality TV star, Sean Duffy from Real World Rules Challenge. And I got a vendetta against this asshole because like one of his first things like, one of his big like marquee objectives as transportation secretary was this here from the New York Times, Sean Duffy, the secretary of transportation began a new campaign on Wednesday that he called, The Golden Age of Travel starts with you, complete with 1960s-style public service announcement that spliced together scenes of the country's first air travelers dressed in suits and hats with present-day clips of in-flight brawls

and airport meltdowns. In the background, Frank Sinatra Things, come fly with me. And it's just like, well, yeah, like when air travel was like a luxury good, like, yeah, everyone looked like fucking Don Draper. Well, yeah, don't worry, we're going back to that. Yeah, but it's like, Sean, I'm flying Delta. This isn't the Orient Express. Like, you know, like, I might be compelled to wear a buttoned up shirt if, like,

anyone on a plane was treated like a human being or with any respect at all from this, like, indignant and prohibitively expensive, uh, humiliation ritual of going and traveling by a plane in this country. If I, if my path to the airplane that I'm getting on, if one of those steps wasn't that a victim of an MLM feels up every cubic's centimeter of my genitalia, then like, yeah, maybe I would, I would have a nice pocket square. I know. As it stands, I'm popping an edible.

I'm wearing a track suit. And look, there are certain things like, you know, no one likes excessive slobbishness in public. And I would say the people on flights who are wearing flip flops or men who wear shorts, I think are swine that should be disciplined severely. But for everyone else, just like, dress the same way you do when you grow out shopping. Like, it's not a big deal. And like, if the seat, if everything about it is going to be so uncomfortable, like, why would you be wearing a belt?

I would prefer not to have to see the Aiyago hoodie at the airport. Oh, yeah. You should instantly get shot by the military if you have that. Yeah. But my standard is a centimeter above that. Right. Yeah. So as you're not wearing, not wearing clothing that extols your preference for violent Japanese animated pornography.

Yes. I can pretty much count in almost anything. If I see you, but if I do see you. like wearing a suit to your your flight and I can tell you're not a businessman. Don't ask me how I can tell. I just can. Like, I'm going to assume you're like the crazy guy in contact. You're like, today I'm going to meet fucking God. Oh yeah. Jake Busey. Shut up the king. But, you know, once again, like, I don't even know if we're going to make it back from L.A. to New York at this point. Like, might have to pick up an Amtrak.

You know, yeah. That's kind of, I don't know. I've been enjoying this one. Yeah, no, I've had a great time here. I'm always glad to be back in California. I feel like white jingo unchanged when I visited here. But like, I should have lived near Silver Lake. I was such a dumbassper living where I did. I lived here. But, okay, so Elon says he's going to pay everyone's salary. But like, as long as you're talking about, I'm like, I was dumbfounded by this Elon thing over the weekend about his son. This is the post. Oh, my God. This is the post. My son, Saxon, is so based that he would just order milk when we went to dinner in L.A.

This would always stun the wait staff as they had never heard anyone actually order milk. He also, unironically ordered a cheeseburger at a very uptight sushi restaurant that doesn't even allow you to order supplemental soy sauce. When the waiter recovered from this request to reply that they don't have cheeseburgers, Saxon said, fine, I will have a hamburger.

Now, listener, if you're like me, when you read this thing, I was just like, oh, like my base child is so awesome. Like, my based and rude child. And I was just thinking, like, what a fucking, what a rude little pig this kid is? Like, I mean, he should be disciplined severely.

That's one of the top five gayest post ever, by the way. And I was just like, of course I was thinking that Saxon, the son in question, was like 10 years old, that's the upper limit of how much he could possibly be. Come to find out, this shit head is 20 years old

and he's behaving like this in restaurants. based my my base rude son saxon by the way why is ordering milk in a restaurant based like is uh rain man based yes he is actually okay yeah i guess so he won a lot of money yeah my my base son saxon he screams if he can't watch judge wapner we made everyone put the tv on judge wapner huh yeah base just means like annoying He's an annoying, rude little pig. Like, how is this different from being, like, one of those people who's like, I have Arfid and I can only eat dino nuggies? Is that based, you fucking asshole?

And the fact that he's encouraging this behavior, like, you're at a fancy restaurant that, like, is a, known to bring sushi. And he's like, I can have cheeseburger? No, you fucking can't. Leave. Don't leave the house. You can't fucking just, uh, what a piece of shit. I hate that asshole. and his awful son.

Saxon Musk looks like he's always making the French Stuart Fizz. This Cush got him looking like French Stewart. Look. Imagination, creation. To get a job. You need the knowledge.

Yeah, this is, it says, President Trump threatened on Saturday to deploy immigration and customs enforcement agents to airports as soon as Monday if Democrats did not immediately agree to a plan to fund the Department of Homeland Security.

If the radical left Democrats don't immediately sign an agreement to let our, to let our country in particular, our airports, let our country in particular, in particular, our airports be free and safe again, Mr. Trump wrote, I will move our brilliant and patriotic ice agents to the airports. Well, they will do security like no one has ever seen before. Well, he's right about the last part. That's certainly true. I like the idea that's like, our airports need to be free and safe again.

I mean, this whole thing is so stupid, but it is also just another plank in how ice functions as a completely independent military unit that is responsible only to whatever whim the president puts, has them on. Well, it is like the ultimate goal is to have ice function as like basically like Saxon. Yeah, yeah. He just goes to all, you send ice to all these places to be based. and by based, they mean molesting children. Yes. Yes. I think it's a good definition of what based means in 2026.

Yeah. That's a functional definition. And, okay, like, as always, we're still talking about things the president sat up for the weekend. Chris, you mentioned at the beginning. Robert Mueller died this weekend. And look, obviously, I'm horrified and disgusted by everything our president says. But I will have to give him credit for this post. Robert Mueller just died.

Good. I'm glad he's dead He can no longer hurt innocent people Donald J. Trump And when I like that guy is like if you're going to be a hater, be a hater. Just stick to it like Because how fucking fake would it been if he would have been like

You know, we may have had our differences A worthy episode. He was a patriot who believed in his country And served it honorably. No, he's like, fuck him. I'm glad he's dead. Oh, Bungler was always doing that shit. And Mueller he croaked.

How about that? That's courtesy of Dan Beckner. Thank you, Dan, for that one. I don't have much to say about Robert Mueller dying. I have one more thing. Another amazing Trump statement from Tuba. So you know how that guy Joe Kent, who is one of his national security advisors,

he just resigned over the war in Iran and has made like a very public. Do you think Joe Kent got a perm? No, I just, I think his curls are so strong, but you never see like a man. He's got activated. You never see a man with curls like that. I always wondered.

I really like his hair. It's really good. So like, you know, he's made a public. break with the administration over the war in Iran, and he's very much like, you know, on the kind of like the Tucker circuit. Yeah. Like, you know, right-wing critics of Israel that are, you know, I think very cannily positioning themselves now to like collect the pieces of whatever comes after this disaster, whatever,

like Trump does to their Republican Party. And they understand clearly that like, you know, Israel is going to be, you know, like, there's a huge vacuum created by the fact that the entire Democratic Party are thralls to Zionism. that they can say things that everybody knows to be true, but nobody says or is too cowed to give public voice to.

Joe Kent is setting himself up to be stupid Eugene McCarthy. So now like they're pulling out of the stops to attack this guy. Because, you know, he said, we're doing this. Iran posed absolutely no immediate threat to the United States.

They did not have anything close to an active nuclear weapons program, let alone being two weeks away from being able to like nuke New York City or something like that. And of course, they're thinking of prosecuting this guy now for like releasing classified information. It's very obvious what's happening here. But Trump said of Joe Kent today, I'm not a fan of this guy.

Well, like, you appointed him to your... I was thinking about this over the week or when Joe Kent got fired. Is that like, obviously he's dropped this as one of his pitches about himself. But I remember so strongly in 2016, one of Trump's defining pitches was, I will hire the best people. Yeah. And I would say that one of the defining things of his... 12 years is the top dog in either the Republican Party or as the president of the United States has been endless posts of this person I hired is a moron and sucks.

Yeah. No, but this isn't the best. This is the best party says, I'm not a fan of the guy. His wife was killed. He remarried fairly quickly. And it's like, out of all the people. I didn't know. Yeah.

Out of all the people who should be like judging someone's character based on like, you know, how many marriages they have. I didn't kill my first wife until I was, until I was married to Melania for 10 years. Didn't Trump, was the second wife? It was it, Ivanga that's buried on an unmarked graves in his golf course? Yeah, after she fell down the stairs. Yeah. What the fuck was that about? He says, yeah, his wife was killed.

He remarried fairly quickly. What? I didn't know what was about Joe. Apparently his wife was killed on like a suicide bomb. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, she was killed by ISIS. And go, and go figure he, you know, he's not, he's not as blindly against. against, like, the one nation in the region that defeated ISIS.

Yeah. That is not us. And, like, okay, now, like, and they're bringing up all of his, like, I don't know, questionable statements in the past, like, when he said, like, Adolf Hitler's an interesting guy. You know? I mean, true. That's not an endorsement. Adolf Hitler, this statement was, Adolf Hitler is a complicated historical figure who many people

misunderstand. Well, yeah, he speaks a different language than them. And once again, like back to the anti-Semitism thing here. Like, do I doubt the figures like Joe Kent and Tucker Carlson, like, are anti-Semitic in the kind of classical way? Or like, or at the very least willing to play a footsy with sort of the classical style anti-Semites and the American electorate? No, I do not. But the thing is, like, we're talking about the fucking apocalypse here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll take any fucking anyone speaking publicly out against this fucking evil. And I'm not going to immediately, you know, just like declaim them. Look, I think it's a disaster that Tucker Carlson is the guy who's taken advantage of saying things that are obviously true about the United States and our relationship with Israel. Because, like, I mean, it's an indictment of the liberal or left wing more broadly that, like, he is the figure that now is like, you know, was cynically or not or in good faith. and like, I don't think it really matters, has taken advantage of just being able to say things openly that everybody knows to be true. And as a result of that,

he is, like, them and people who think Adolf Hitler is a misunderstood historical figure are going to accrue the benefit politically and socially of saying these things. And to say, and, like, and of course, like, it works for everyone that, you know, someone who thinks Hitler was perhaps a misunderstood historical figure is being now sort of, you know,

louded as a critic of Israel because that plays into like, you know, the whole thing about anyone who hates Israel has to be a fucking Nazi. I mean, yeah, this is the consequence of dealing with anti-Semitism on the left. We're about 115. Want to talk Chuck Norris real quick?

Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, I guess like to close things out here today. I think I would like to very much part and parcel of our discussion today. It's eulogize a figure who, you know, I think there really more to channel and embody the American spirit that we now see coming with that we now are living with the consequences of.

I speak, of course, of Chuck Norris, who passed away over the weekend. And I bring it up because I showed Felix for the first time on Friday night when I got here, Invasion USA. Now, I'd like to say, the only thing worse than Chuck Norris' movies

are the obnoxious, like, meme, like, sort of meme creation that was born out of, like, sort of like a proto-manusphere about Chuck Norris being this like cool badass guy who like you know and by the way he died like any old man he did he did not put up a fight a lot of guys they fight old age for years and years and years trick Norris gave up they say that you show your true colors when you face down death these are yellow 86 is no longer that old but like that was one of kind of like the Chuck Norris shit was like you know

very true to the genre, an incredibly unfunny, like, proto-like meme culture on the end. It was one of the first, like, big waves of that. And what I find offensive about that is that, like, I have seen, I think, almost all of Chuck Norris's movies. So this idea that anyone out there, like, even if you're, like, a right-wing bro who's like a shit-kicking, like, Merica type of guy,

first of all, none of those guys have seen lone wolf McQuaid or silent rage or good guys wear black, Definitely not the octagon. Yeah. They have not seen the octagon. They've not seen any of that shit. They probably just saw the same Walker, Texas Ranger clips that I saw on Conan and on late night with Conan O'Rine. Or the expendables, which doesn't count.

Yeah. Nobody actually likes Chuck Norris movies because they're terrible. He has nothing. That being said, like, I would highly recommend watching Invasion USA because it's the best of his movies because it is the most insane. The most insane by far. And really what it depicts is, like, It depicts October 7th happening to America. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, like, and the fact that it is, you know, produced by Golan Globus as a piece of, like, insane 1980s Israeli propaganda. Like, what you see in that movie is, like, the real, got, like, a concentrated, like, I don't know, diamond of, like, right-wing ideology. And now, Dan Beckmere shot him out again. He sent me a little clip from, like, the Wikipedia for the movie. And this is a...

Another movie, this is a screenplay by Chuck Norris, by the way. And in it, uh, Chuck... Chuck Norris says, I got the idea to make this movie after reading a Reader's Digest article about how there are hundreds of active terrorists inside America. And I thought, I want to know who was doing anti-terror reporting for Reader's Digest in 1980s. And he was like, there are hundreds of terrorists and I just began to wonder, like, God, that's pretty scary. What would happen if they started, like, coordinating and like all attacked America together?

You're talking about, oh, what would happen if a couple hundred guys tried to attack America all at once? Gee, I don't know. And then he said, well, I mean, like the more interesting question is how come none of them are attacking? Like,

what were they waiting for? And he said, and then you realize it would be so easy for them to do because there's so much freedom of movement in this country. That really made us laugh. That was like,

he's like, America, the Constitution, you know, the Second Amendment, my freedom of speech. You notice the Constitution doesn't guarantee freedom of movement.

It guarantees freedom of association and freedom of the press, but, like, Chuck Norris was like, we need to set up, like, checkpoint Charlie at, like, the border of every county in America and every state. It was so far.

I've never heard anyone suggest that. Freedom of movement was a big vulnerability for America. It's like, we have to, like, Patriots, we have to start attacking the interstate highway system now. Bulldoze it. They can jackhammer and, like,

block I-95 with huge stones, huge boulders, roll them in, roll them onto the high. If we repealed the commerce clause, and like, like, let's go back before the article is the confederation.

Every state should have its own currency. So it's hard to... And its own ID. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, and two sets of border guards, like at every county border. Yeah.

It's like north and South Korea, but it's like, like, two different counties in the same state. That should be the main employer is like your local border guard. 80% of Americans should be employed as like, yeah, county border guards.

Well, look, we got us these terrorists who are moving around and like, you know, like I said, out of all the Chuck Norris movies, like, you know, Delta Forrest, missing in action, most of them are interminable. He has been, in addition to being, you know, racist propaganda. But the thing is, like, as an action star,

as a martial artist, Chuck Norris is ass. Nobody likes his movies. And, like, that's what I hated so much about these memes. It was, like, this ironic, winking thing that, like, oh, like, like, Like, because it's like, it's half a joke, but the joke is based on the idea that, like, everybody knows Chuck Norris is an ultimate badass. No, he's not.

He stinks. He's a terrible actor, too. Invasion USA is hysterical, but mostly because of the villains, which is like, in this movie, the Soviet Union launches an invasion of America in which they do like a Normandy landing on one Florida beach. And like, a hundred guys pop out. And then, like, they go. about their business of cruising around like South Florida and finding gatherings where normal Americans are having

fun and killing everyone. The crowning achievement of this movie is a scene where it's like it's a suburban cul-de-sac. It's Christmas Eve. There are kids playing in the street. There's a young couple making it out in the car. The little girl's like, Daddy, I want to put the star on the Christmas tree and mom's like, come in for dinner. It's dinner time. Come in. She's like,

but I want to put it on now. And it's like, this perfect suburban cul-de-sac. And then the bad guy, played by Richard Lynch, rolls up on the back of a pickup truck and goes, look at them. They make it so easy. And then just takes out a bazooka and blows up like six houses in a row. It was so, one after the other.

It was so awesome. It was so awesome. Like they were, so they were doing gladio, but like specifically targeting Christmas cheer. Like they, we, we, we said that, like, their, their mission statement, like,

their prep when they were getting briefing to, like, get selected and deployed by, like, the crew or whatever. It was the DM. max lyric that's like whenever I see NWords having a good time, I ruin it. Like that was their only orders. Like whatever you see, if you see a dance party, shoot it up. If you see, if you see, if you see like a house decorated with Christmas lights,

shoot a fucking anti-tank round at it. If you see a parade. Another really funny thing is like the sort of ethnically ambiguous terrorist cells. Because like, okay, like in the crew, they have like, uh, PRC soldiers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chinese soldiers who like are in American, military uniforms and don't speak English and then just start killing people.

They have like, you know, like, vaguely like Latino looking guys, like, you know, San Zadista style. They have way more Chinese guys than Latino guys, which is like, if you were doing this in my army. You're in Florida. If you were in fucking Florida, why would you make half of your ground force Chinese and like Chinese guys who don't speak English?

Like the, like the main villain what's his name, Rostov. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like a Soviet, played by Richard, the actor Richard Lillard. who is a, you know, Irish guy from Brooklyn. In the Soviet invasion army, half of them look like fucking patties from Belfast.

They all look like IRA guys, but then they're like, da, yes, comrade. Like, these like random Irish guys just shooting up American cities and towns. And like, by the way, there's no plot to this movie either. It's just like, Chuck Norris is like a gator fucker who like comes out of retirement. And then just rolls around in a pickup truck,

where these incidents are happening. And then we'll, like, get off the worst one-line imaginable and then just like kill a couple guys. And by the way, he has history with Rostov. And the history is that one time Rostov was putting an anti-tank rifle at like some African embassy. And Chuck Norris went up to him and said, it doesn't happen here.

And like it looked like he was good. He says time to die. And it, but shooting him, he does a really shitty front kick to his face, which has given Rostov nightmares for the past 20 years. Like at one point, Rostov has a flashback. He has a night terror about this. And I really like Rostov's henchmen

because they sprinted to the room with guns Like it's a recurring feel like they know When their boss has night terrors You like boss you want us to stay with you? Boss, do you want to sleep in our bed? Do you want us to read a new story? Boss, I can turn the night light on for you Boss, we can keep the TV on this time

So Invasion USA like is a masterpiece of like psychotic like right wing 80s action movies It's the most actually entertaining Chuck Norris movie But like Felix you and I were watching this guy And like his on screen presence is like a fucking black hole. Like he has nothing. Like seagall washes him. Dude.

And like seagall is half asleep in every one of his movies. But in terms of just charisma, getting off a one-liner and even just look, doing impressive looking martial arts on film, Seagal clears and Chuck Norris. Oh my God. Like it's not even close. It is not even close.

We were talking about how like what a genius Charles Bronson's like, how great Charles Bronson is compared to this. Chuck Norris does not even have charisma. There's this, there's a scene where, like, the love interest is just like, come on, cowboy. Like, not everything's a, cowboy show or whatever.

And then, like, it's just that there's a long side of Chuck Norris walking away, and you think he's going to turn around and give her a smirk, but no, they just focus on the back of his head. Because, like, that's more interesting to look at his fucking face. Always leave them wanting more. Yeah.

So anyway, Felix and I had a joyous time watching Invasion. USA is a great way to eulogize. Chuck sucks so much, man. Chuck Norris, who, um, again, I certainly must, if you are a right-wing, like, Murraca, bro, tough guy, like, like, I understand it's half a joke

because his movies sucks so much, but like, it became sincere after a while. Yeah, and then people were getting mad at people for, like, making fun of Chuck Norris when he died, and it's just like... Like, he was a real person. He wasn't. He wasn't.

And, like, there are so many other action movie stars and movies that you could choose from. Like I said, Stallone is right there. Stallone made a number of insane right-wing movies. That still happened to be good movies in my opinion. Dude, you have fucking... Like, first blood is a great movie.

So if you want to, like, I don't know, appropriate, like, steroidal American masculinity, like, there are just so many better candidates than fucking Chuck Norris. Dude, you like... Charles Bronson. Clint! Clinton!

Fucking Clint! Like, you have, like... We're huge Charles Bronson fans. Like, Charles Bronson, one of the most, like, distinct sounding and looking guys. Like, not the greatest actor in the world, but like...

A great movie star. Exactly. And then like his screen presence, his face is so interesting to look at. His commitment to one of the worst on-screen mustaches a whole time. Yeah. No, Bronson fucking the goat.

The goat. Clint, you know, another example. Clint, not the greatest actor in the world. But, you know, like, that's not even... I don't even say that as a knock on him because he is so good at what he does. Yes. Which is B. Clinton.

Eastwood. One of the greatest living talents in movies. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. No, no, I was going to say another one of the greatest living talents in movies is a crazy right-wing guy in Mel Gibson. Yes. And Mel is such a God among men.

Like, fucking, if Mel only made payback and then died, he would have, like, he would have contributed more to American reaction. Mel is an interesting contrast with Chuck Norris, because Mel is a, I would say a very talented actor and director. Incredibly. But as right-wing figures go, Chuck Norris is interesting because he was like literally best friends

with Mike Huckabee, and he was like on that phylo-Semitism. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah. He loved Israel. Let's just say Mel has a different perspective. Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

I think if Mel met me, and I told him about how me and my dad would watch payback. He'd be like, they're not all back. I think he'd be like, some of them are cool. Yeah. all right well

that's what he'd say the paparazzi would be outside of our meeting and they'd be like Mel what do you think you'd be like some of them are pretty nice but like I guess

there's a close things out here like it was great to watch invasion USA and to think about the life of Chuck Norris and like the the sort of meme afterlife of this like

you know like like a vacuum of charisma and talent if a cigar store Indian had like facial hair that's what

Chuck Norris's fucking movies Chuck Norris has the personality of like those hostage taker Target cut out. No, like less personality. Yeah. Like, you know, like,

the fucking heads on Easter Island have more expression than he does. But I will just say like, I was thinking of this and I was watching the scene where like Rostov and his boys roll up on his like the outhouse he lives in on the Everglades. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they roll up on like six fan boats and just spray bullets out of it.

And I was like, this is what Carg Island is going to be like. Yeah. Yeah. The only reason that Chuck Norris decides to take on these guys who, by the way, credit to Miami in like 1982, the fucking 80 people dying

in terrorist attacks on Christmas Eve, they're like, should we like call off the baseball, like the Little League championship or like the high school dance? No, fuck them.

That's pretty awesome. We're not going to let the terrorists intimidate us. But yeah, but like Chuck Norris isn't going to do anything until they like kill his like ancient idiot friend who he molest gators with and then blow up his shitty house and he's like oh now it's personal.

Played by the Austrian French filmmaker Michael Hanukkah. Yeah, that was like, that's not true by the way. We've been making a lot of weird Michael Hanuky jokes out here. The other day we saw it, we were at Matt and Ambers and their daughter was wearing an Elsa from Frozen outfit. And I think someone asked like, you know, how popular is it? the frozen outfit with little kids.

And we were saying, well, actually the most popular thing for little kids to dress up as now, especially girls, are the parents from the Michael Hanuky movie, The Seven The Contents. Okay, that's not funny. That's not funny. What? What?

Wait, wait, wait, wait. That is, I feel like, to this day, that is the most upsetting movie I've ever seen. It's a really fucking upsetting movie. The way they just throw out that money. Yeah. Somebody wreck all their shit. Like, someone could have used that.

Someone could have used that. The fish tank. Yeah, it's like the cops who were going to see that. like they, yeah, it really, I still get mad thinking about it. Yeah, all the property damage. I know, but I was going to say like, it seems fitting now that America is like diving dick first into like, I don't know, possibly World War III

or something that will be calamitous in ways that like I can't even really begin to imagine. All being led by a fucking, a submental drunk cretan like Pete Heggseth. I think about like back when we talked to Ari Aster about Eddington and he talked, talks about the kind of like insane hallucinatory finale of that movie where like Joaquin Phoenix just kind of becomes Rambo.

And he was saying that like when the reality of the movie kind of breaks down and becomes a movie reality, it becomes the reality of the movies that Joaquin Phoenix's character watched and took seriously. Like, you know, Rambo are these right wing 80s action movies. And like he imagines himself as a character in that movie. And I think of that in the context of Chuck Norris, his life, the like incredibly hand-fisted appropriation of him by like, you know,

Manosphere sub-mentals. And I just feel now that, like, watching that movie and seeing October 7th happened to America and the fact that, like, I think for a good chunk of the public, they really think that, like, that is like, that is going to happen tomorrow. Yeah.

If not, like, if not for Donald Trump and his brave leadership and strength and warrior-like virtues, I just feel like, we create the reality we want to live in, and we're now living in the reality of, like, A very real war with real consequences being prosecuted by people

who think, act, and look like Chuck Norris. Actually, they don't look like Chuck Norris, but like they think and believe as he does. Not as he does, as the characters in the movie. The fictional characters that he portrays in a movie does. So, RIP, Chuck Norris, like I said, if you want to claim him, I'm saying, put in the work. The Octagon, Code of Silence, Silent Rage,

lone wolf McQuaid. Nobody has seen these fucking movies other than me. There's a horrible, like, Octagon sucks, but it's my favorite one. And there's a great scene in the Octagon where Chuck and some other repulsive guy are at some stupid fucking party for losers where they're both wearing these dumb tuxedos and make them look like teddy bears. And some like hot chick who's entire like three feet taller than Chuck walks by. And the disgusting man that Chuck is talking to goes, that type of woman isn't the most beautiful you ever seen. but you can ride us miles. And it's like, I hope you die

in real life after saying that. I don't care if someone wrote that for you, like, you should kill yourself. And like we were saying like, compare any, like, forget Arnold, right? Because he's the go. Yeah, yeah. The one liner, like the quip after you kill someone. You know, like consider this a divorce. Stick around.

Your luggage. Like, like, Segal or Van Damme, like guys at that level. The one liner is they get off compared to Chuck Norris's like fire bar. in Invasion USA as a guy barges into a room and he goes,

he just goes like that and he goes, buddy, if you come in here one more time, I'm going to hit you with so many rights, you're going to beg for a left.

And we were like, kill yourself. That sucks. By the way, it means that I'm going to... It's too long. It's confusing. It doesn't even make sense.

And it applies that you're not going to knock him out. Like at all. Like, it's confessing to a lack of punching or kicking power. There's also a scene where like the stupid chief yells at him. It's like, you're a,

fucking idiot. You fucked everything up. And we expect him to be like, um, what about the rights of the dead people? You know, something like Cobra would say. And he just like, he just like looks at him. And Chuck Norris is such a shitty actor that it almost looks like he's going, wait, he might be right. But no, he doesn't even have a response to that. It's just next, they cut the next thing. Right, right, right. Because they even. And it cuts to the action climax in the movie, which is him walking very slowly around an empty office. He looks like an idiot in there. He looks, that is one of the worst climaxes I've ever seen. is he, the main terrorist,

the Chuck Norris slowly, like, pops up on him. And the guy's like, okay, I've had 20 years of nightmares of getting kicked by this guy. Don't get kicked by him. And the first thing Chuck Norris does is this, like, stupid snap, teep kick he does in every movie. He kicks him over a desk three times with this snap front kick. And then, like, Chuck disappears. And this moron finds his signature weapon, which is an. anti-tank bazooka.

And they decide they have like an old West style like, you know, count to three and draw. 10 paces and, yeah, yeah, exactly. But you're doing it with bazookas. Yeah, and Chuck blows this guy up at point blank range, which would kill him too. I mean, it was kind of cool that he insigib the guy, but it's like, where did he go after he kicked the guy three? Did he go, oh, oh, right, just like 20 years ago, kicking a guy really slowly in the chest doesn't kill him.

you shoot them with a gun I always get those two mixed up oh no that means that the guys I meant to arrest I shot them in head oh no I've been a lot of trouble there's a bunch of like Marines that he meant to arrest for drunk driving

that are just fucking air hold he's like oh no well RIP Chuck Norris yeah your movie's really blue man you know Chuck Norris didn't die death got

Norris. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, I think I can come up with one. They tried to bury Chuck Norris, but the coffin caught on fire because he's in hell. All right. That does it for today.

Until next time, everybody. Bye-bye.