Chapo Trap House - 1025 - The Ten Year Anniversary Spectacular (4/6/26)

Episode Date: April 7, 2026

Our sold out Ten Year Anniversary live show at the Palace Theater, Los Angeles, April 3rd 2026. Featuring Episode 1 (Charles Austin, Alex Branson, Andrew Hudson), Seeking Derangements (Ben Mora, Hesse Deni, Jacques Gonsoulin), Brace Belden & Hasan Piker. Thanks to all our guests and the fantastic audience!

Welcome to the stage, the original kings of podcasting Will Menager and Felix Bitter. All right, could you just bear with me for a second? I always wanted to do this. Hey da! Hey da! Hey da! Hey da! I mean, I am doing cultural appropriation, but I think it's for a good cause. Los Angeles. Palace Theater. Decade of Chapo. You know, before I ever ran a podcast or got myself blown up, Will Menaker was a hell of a bad book editor. I can tell you that. I was so bad that whenever I made an offer on a manuscript, I could change the odds for every publishing house in Manhattan, most especially the one I was working for. I'm serious, I had it down so bad that I was given hell on earth.

I was given one of the biggest podcasts to run, Chopo Trap House. by the only kind of guys that can actually get you paid running a leftist podcast, the CIA. I don't know all the details. Matter of fact, nobody knew all the details, but it should have been perfect. I mean, I had Felix Biederman and Matt Christman, two guys I met on the internet watching my ass, and I had Catherine, the woman I loved, on my arm. But in the end, we fucked it all up. It should have been so sweet, too. But it turned out to be the last time that private school kids like us were ever given a Patreon account that fucking valuable ever again.

Los Angeles, Palis Theater, thank you so much for being here tonight to celebrate a decade of Chapo Trapp House. We're here tonight to proudly present the 10th anniversary Choppotrapp House show with episode one, seeking derangements, Brace Belden, Hassan Piker, and the Will Meneker dancers. With me, of course, as Mr. Biederman, a professional podcaster, and the best war thunder player in America. He will take you inside the real chopper trap house like no other.

So, Los Angeles, I hear tonight, I think we'd like to begin the show tonight for you, with something we've been doing on the podcast pretty much every week now, which is to begin by asking, how's the war going? That's right. We're going back to the gas station. And, you know, it's been my operating theory here that in order to understand how the war is going, it can only really be discerned through the public statements of its most stalwart supporters. So I'd like to begin tonight by hearing from perhaps one of the war against Iran's most prominent proponents. Let's hear from one of the war supporters on how the war is going.

I'm very happy tonight. Okay, and it is wrapping up. Ladies and gentlemen, I think you know how this all began. This conflict started about a month ago when we ventured into a different town and we wanted to claim ownership of the K2 and CBD that was in one of their gas stations. A conflict started because the kids, the bad kids and the other town,

were claiming sovereignty over that gas station parking lot. We began by killing the top uncle. We punched them so hard as head flew off. But unfortunately, the bad kids from the other town claiming that it's their gas station in their town, and the CBD in K2 is not ours, it's theirs. Unfortunately, it seems like they've had a rather limitless supply of cousins to continue throwing.

Yeah, and before you say, we just came into this town, we punched this 87-year-old, he died, and 40 of our cousins mysteriously had hard. heart attacks in other counties and towns the week thereafter. Keep in mind, this conflict at the gas station slash K2 dispensary, this has been an imminently brewing conflict for 47 years. We have word that this network of cousins, these perfidious cousins, they have been working on building a gun. We cannot, I think we can't have that happen. We cannot allow them to have a gun. Yeah, think about, like, okay, according to market research,

negative 20% of you have a child. I want you to think about that child. Picture these cousins blowing his fucking head off. Because that's what's at stake here. And if you don't want us in that guest station, you might as well punt your kid off a cliff right now. And, you know, I don't know if you've been following the events in this conflict all too closely, We've seen a major escalation in this conflict just today.

I mean, so far, most of the fighting and the punching has been, and pushing, let's not forget pushing. Lots of pushing. Has been confined to the gas station parking lot. But, like, we're not going to stand for that. We're not going to get pushed around. We've begun to send vans of our cousins to their houses to see if we can sort them out in their front yard.

Okay, I don't know if you've been following it, but today we sent our top of the line Dodge Challenger we said to Dodge Challenger and we have not heard back from it that can happen though the guy who we have driving the Challenger one of the best cousins we have on the job he's been known to keep people's asses so hard

that he passes out it is a form of narcolepsy so you know fingers crossed we then after losing contact with the Dodge Challenger we sent a Primuth Prout Plath, and then a Ford F-150, and we have lost track of them as well.

There are reports that, okay, like they were not driven off the road. I want to make that clear. I think that they crashed, though, and at least one of the drivers has been taken by the cousins and is in some sort of hot couch basement situation right now. Yeah, look, we don't want to put this negativity

out into the world. But frankly, if the worst-case scenario does happen and they do release one of those videos, you know the type, we've all seen them. Oh, we made the ops get naked, real mature. Well, if they make our cousin twerk and show his ass and be naked for an uncomfortable amount of time, that's only going to galvanize support for this war even more.

But, like, you know, per Senator Lindsey Graham, I think the thing they understand here is that no matter what happens in the parking lot, no matter how embarrassing it may seem, for instance, that I was punched in the face and then panced by a guy who then my girlfriend left me for. The most important thing to understand

is that it's all good and we're happy about it and we were going to dump that bitch anyway. Yeah. Look, the plan, it's going great, okay? I think like we have knocked out Look, the fight is over We've won. We've won the fight But I suspect probably

You know, minimum Conservative estimate here Two or three weeks more Of parking lot fighting Because there's just a couple loose ends we need to wrap up Yeah and we're, I think with Sometime within the next 15 years We are going to gain control

Of the crosswalk I do want to mention You know Outside Outside the realm of the gas station here, I did want to mention, we all saw President Donald Trump, he addressed the nation this week. And, you know, when we think about presidential addresses in a time of war, you know, you think about Lyndon Johnson announcing his resignation because the Vietnam War had caused such problems for his presidency. He shouldn't have done that,

by the way. He should have seen it through to the end. Think about FDR addressing the nation during the dark days of World War II. and just on Wednesday on April Fool's Day, funnily enough, Trump basically summarized his truth social post for the last week, and if I could summarize them, this is from Time magazine, I just want to read this quote to you here. Of his opinion on the war, Trump told close advisors, he said, this is the quote from Time magazine,

Trump told them he wants to wind down the campaign, wary of a protracted conflict that could hobble Republicans heading into the midterms. At the same time, he wants the operation to be a decisive success. Well, I mean, mission accomplished. Less filling, same great taste. But, you know, I guess we're all sort of left wondering now. Because when it was announced that he was giving a national address on the state of the war in Iran, I thought one of two things was possible.

One was him saying, we won, relieving, it's all over, Shreda Hormuz, what's that? It's Europe's problem now. that he would just sort of, you know, slink away, declare victory and, you know, get on with, get on with things in this country. And just, like, never mention it again. Never mention it again. The other possibility was I thought he would get on the air and say, the missiles are already in the air. Hallelujah.

There was a third outcome that certain people may have bet on, with Polly Market, that it seems risable now. but in retrospect, it made a lot of sense at the time. Some of us, let's just say this, we thought that there was a possibility for a third option where he gets out there and he goes, hey, I don't really know what's going on with my gender right now,

but I'm putting he-they in my bio. We thought it was going to happen. We were due, but, you know, fuck it, it happens. Well, the fourth option that we actually saw was basically like a continuation are more the same. Like, we're not leaving. He's not announcing any commitment of ground troops, but at the same time, this week, Pete Hedgesa just fired like 12 people in the Pentagon. Well, yeah, yeah, I mean, that's what you do when you win. It's like, okay, new game plus.

They're starting over his privates. I just want to read this in the Washington Post. This is like reporting on what was potentially a ground operation, what they were planning for Iran. Headline, risky commando plan to seize Iran's uranium came at Trump's request. Risky is very generous here. The U.S. military has given the president a plan to seize nearly 1,000 pounds of highly enriched uranium in Iran that would involve flying in excavation equipment and building a runway for cargo planes to take the radioactive material out according to two people familiar with the matter.

The complex plan was briefed to the president in the past week. after he asked her a proposal, they said, as it were, its significant operational risks. Trump's request for the plan previously unreported signals his interest in contemplating what would be an unusually sensitive and high-stakes special operations mission. The administration's consideration of such an operation was first reported by the Wall Street Journal. It says, limiting Iran's capacity to build a nuclear weapon remains a top goal of the administration. But this plan, experts say, would represent an enormously difficult endeavor of a type never before attempted during wartime.

The mission would require the airlift of potentially hundreds or thousands of troops and heavy equipment to support the excavation and recovery of radioactive material. That could take weeks, former defense officials have estimated, and take place under fire deep inside Iran. Administration officials recently presented Iran with a 15-point proposal to end the war by reportedly demanding, among other things, that Tehran relinquished its highly enriched uranium. what Trump has called, quote, nuclear dust.

Okay, so we're going in to get the cratum. But like, okay, so we're going to the other town. We're going to the other town. We're going to remove the dangerous cratum that they have that is currently buried under several miles of rock. Right.

But, like, in order to get the cratum out of the town, we will have to build another, like, highway on the ramp so that we can leave the town. While they're throwing rocks at us. That's... And potentially yelling nasty things at us on Instagram live. What, I mean, like, less people forget, we used to have a really good landscaping business.

We can build a fucking highway, man. It's just, okay. We may lose some more cousins. But do you really want these people out there in the world with Enrich Kratum? When we hurt our back? We hurt our back. we need it and

our daughter's friend asked for it too. I'm not kidding, this is just today on French television. A French general went on French TV and when asked about this plan to land thousands of

troops with construction equipment excavating uranium and then building a fucking landing an air strip to fly it out of Iran hundreds of miles in Iran under missile and probably gunfire as well. He said, quote,

American official should stop snorting cocaine between meetings. That's kind of, again, what do we hate more than anything? People who take stuff out of context? He's referring to the time when we accidentally went live while doing that. We talked about this the other day. Chris said, this sounds like a mission that you would give to the Transformers. to do. Michael Bay was

going to put this scene in the Transformers movie where the Autobots help Harriet Tubman on the Underground Railroad, but then he decided that it was too unrealistic. I mean, how long could it take to build an airport? You know, this is America. We can get that done in about

three to four years, probably. So, obviously, you know, the war is on everyone's mind and I guess to bring out our first guest tonight we'd like to talk to some young people that sit at the crossroads

of streetware and geopolitics to get a youth perspective on the war and Iran and other pressing issues facing youth culture tonight Chris why don't you introduce our first guest tonight ladies and gentlemen the concepts are high and the IQs are low post of the episode one podcast

three swell guys with six first names between them. Please welcome to the stage. Charles Austin, Alex Branson, and Andrew Hudson. My favorite waitress had class that day. So I ate wings with fake friends. I wish the money changed me then. Man, I swear. What's up?

Yo, shout out to the dopeness. Thanks for raising awareness for this war. and trying to drum up some support from your fans. Yeah. Because I got to admit, I've never fucked up in my life, but I got to admit we fucked up. Cash, our friend Cash, you know, you're friends with him too, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Coolest logo. He put us up to, he gave us a job to do a 9-11 to drum up support, but we forgot to do it. It was like a low-key 9-11 we were supposed to do four-neesh. Yeah, but he gave us like 4K to do this because, like, we'll do like, you know, money for pranks and stuff like that, and, like, 4K is our prank rate,

and he was like, we need you to do. do like this. It's like the best prank ever. And he was like, we need you do a 9-11 on my girlfriend's house when she's not there, so she'll be forced to move in with me. But like it was Iran doing it, right? Like, you see what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, we were supposed to wear Iran flags and stuff like that. We were supposed to get a plane and stuff. And we went to like baggage check. Yeah, but like you can't buy any of that shit in America.

Like they don't got like no Iran shit here. Yeah. So like we went to like the airport because like, you know, hurts, but they got the car, right? So we went to like American Apparel Airlines or whatever and we're like, Can we get the keys to a plane? Like, for the... We're in town, you know? We need it for a day or two.

And, like, apparently they wouldn't do it. So, I don't know. So, actually, then, I'm just kind of remembering it now. That's when we stopped doing the plan, and we straight up forgot about the plan, and we stopped doing it. Yeah, but then, like, I got stuck in that well for, like, three days.

He did get stuck in a well. This is... I mean, you know, obviously the first N-11, one of the greatest pranks of all time. You know, I trust. you guys are going to figure something out. This is sort of a crazy historical tidbit. I hope we don't get censored for this.

Did you know that a Jewish person has never been pranked by the impractical jokers? Isn't that crazy? It's like I know there aren't a lot of us, but like what the fuck? So like, it's a problem right now because like if you believe the polls, this war is very unpopular. That's our bad though, because all these people would be supporting it if we did what we were supposed to do.

So that's on us. Yeah, that's on us. That's on us. And I don't know why the Polish people are, like, more unreliable. I mean, I think the first step is to forgive yourselves. I mean, that's done. Like, how do you forgive yourself, though? No, like, he's saying, like, if you were a person and you forgave a person, and you're the person.

But, like, I'm looking in the mirror. Well, you're forgiving. Imagine you're a guy. What if you were a guy? Just picture that. Forgive him. I forgive you. I don't know if I did it.

You did it. All right. But anyway, we gave up on the 9-11, so now we're here ready to promote, like... Iran War. Yeah. Well, I guess, like, from your respect, as youth culture influencers, I guess why I want to ask you here tonight in front of this audience, maybe we can get some support for this war going.

The Iran War, dope or not dope? I mean, it depends. I'd say, like... It could be dope, right? It could be dope. It's not there yet. Yeah, it's not there yet. Like, they have a lot of hard work to put on it,

and it needs better graphics and shit like that. Well, we've been talking to President Kesh Patel about, like, dripping out the soldiers, right? Yeah? Because, like, he put me on to Blency. You see these letters? CIA. Yeah, see?

So, like, I think, like, there's some synergy there, and we're going to try to drip them out and just kind of look for it. Blinsey got, like, a bunch of stuff years ago, because everyone said it was, like, Satanism. But, like, you know, the CIA, they use a lot of, lot of Satanism, so it's chill. And we talked like Cash Patel and stuff like that. He said he's going to like take over the CIA and put like Tequila tequila in charge of it. And he was like basically saying that's like Satanism or something too. I kind of stopped paying attention

during that part. Why do you think more young people aren't supporting this war war we're fighting? Well, I think it has to do with a lot of like influencers like Hawk Toa and stuff like coming out and not knowing really kind of how it works and stuff. Not really. Not really. willing to sit down with B, hold on, B, B, B, net, it was a, I remembered it because it's like internet and the Yahoo browser,

so it was, he was on our show, he was super chill. Net and Y, he talked about, like hanging on Cardi and shit. Net and Yahoo, that was Net and Yahoo, and he was on there. They've been saying that a huge problem with this war is that we just, even with lowered standards, we just don't have enough combat-ready troops.

Like, they're fat, they're out of shape. If you had, you know, six weeks, how would you swag out our soldiers, get rid of their mental health problems, and, you know, slim down their disgusting bodies? First of all, they should listen to the dopeness. Shout out the dopeness, by the way. Shout out to dopeness, Ricky Tang, for putting this all together. Put this whole thing together. Shout Ricky Tang. Shout to Ricky.

What was the question? So basically what happened is like I was in the Army and I got put to USO because I'm lagging. And like I've been lagging for like six months and they say I have like low brain latency and stuff like that. So the plan they have for me is I'm on USO with Cash Patel until I get more better. But the US Army AI doctor said that it wants me to play

six hours of the sniper game on my phone a day in order to get more better at war and get more better at it. I think another thing that's going to help is that Cash, he subpoenaed the WWE for all the future plot lines. If you enlist, you get to know ahead of time what Cody Rhodes is going to be doing at SummerSlam. And I think that there's a lot of young men who would be very interested to get this classified information ahead of the American public. That's incredibly dope. I think that could just be like kind of a double-edged sword though. Shout our double-edged swords.

Wouldn't that sharp, wouldn't that cut your hand when you grabbed it? Yeah, my manager said I can't have one because I kept like hurting myself. I don't know. I think that could, I just, it could ferment an officer's coup because as you know, there is a leftist perspective to pro wrestling. Officers are cool, bro. And like, we talk about all this shit about mental health and men being able to do what they want. You say an officer can't coo.

And sometimes when you're feeling vulnerable, you want to coo, like a little bird. No, I mean, like, I used to coo when I was like a baby. Because I saw, like, videos my mom show. And, like, doves coo and doves are all about, like, peace and shit. So, like, that's kind of like war, peace, you know? It's, like, kind of like war. Yeah. I mean, like, war, like, there are aspects of war sometimes that are not so dope and cool.

And if you don't mind, I'd like to talk about one of those. I mean, like, spawn points. Today, you know, it's been reported that. Iran shot down like four or five American planes. Oh, shout out Iran. But like, I mean, but like, do you think that guy, guys, don't you think that's fucked up?

I mean, like, the way that they're escalating this war by shooting down our planes? Yeah, because, like, they didn't even think for a second how expensive those planes were. Like, we can't even build those planes up. Yeah, our tax dollars pay for those planes. But that's a flex. That's a flex, right, to just be like, I don't need these planes.

I don't go to fuck about this. But they're spending our money. Yeah, but like, Ricky Tanks said we don't have to pay taxes. So, like, we're good. Bro, if you guys are still paying taxes, we'll talk after the show. We can sort that out. I think, like, the thing with, like, them shooting down our spaceships and shit and, like, are still bombers and shit is that, like, it sounds cool, like, if you're a video game,

but then you think that also, like, those are making our sniper games cost more money. That's making the premium content on our sniper games cost more money because, like, the bad economy. So I'm paying $99, $110 a day. on my sniper game just to get past the 10 levels that they lock me in. Do you think that we should send

more troops and potentially more aircraft trying to find these pilots that got shot down? Or do you think it's one of those situations where, like, if you're worth it, you'll make it back by yourself? I mean, it's survival of the fittest. I mean, I remember in, like, Black Dunk down or whatever, where he gets shit down.

And, like, he's in a crazy country and stuff like that. Like, you know, I think you should never leave a little bud behind. Like, Chi Chi Chong said and shit like that, so they should have the helicopters that are going around. But here's the thing that I say is, like, just make them faster.

Like, make the helicopters too fast. Like, make the blades move faster. Yeah. Well, you brought up your boy, Cash. You know? Yeah. He's here tonight, by the way. Should I want to embarrass him. From the summer.

Yeah. Him in the crowd right there. I think he might be up there with a sniper rifle. Well, we met him, like, at Herbalife, like, 10 years ago. It's, like, this dope company where everyone is the boss. Everybody's their own boss. And that's like the future on. He worked his way up.

That's what's so inspiring about him. And by the end of it, he had, like, seven guys selling for him. Obviously, like, he's probably the dopest guy that's ever, I mean, like, the only, like, out of the six guys who have ever been in charge of the FBI, he's easily the dopest. He's got the coolest logo. He's got a better logo than Jay Edgar Hoover did. But Jay Edgar Hoover did. was, he was kind of like the young thug of the FBI.

Because they were like, you can't wear a dress and be tough. And he was like, oh, yeah. But obviously Cash is doper. Oh, yeah, his logo's so cool. I'm going to describe his logo really slowly for you guys. It says K-S-H, right? And that's just because the A is implied, right? So you don't even, you might think that's not spelled Cass.

Well, it's like an app. No, the A is implied. No, the A is implied. Those are bows. Those are bows. You don't need bows. No, the A is implied because it just says, it doesn't lift it on the thing.

But it then has a skull underneath it and looks super fucking dope. Well, we got some insight into, it's a cash here because apparently his emails got hacked by Arran. And they put up, like, they're trying to hack him to, like, clown on him, but, like, they put out all this dope shit

like him smoking cigars. I, like, I really don't, I really feel bad about us showing this because this is kind of, like, revenge born. Yeah. That's me in the middle picture. But like,

isn't it sort of a relief to know that the head of federal law enforcement agency, the FBI is like, is our friend? Yeah, of course. Is a chill dude? Yeah. And like, he knows you might like see him on a jet ski.

You might think he's a little afraid of the jet ski, but he'll explain it to you later that it's really just, he's so ripped, he's got a weird center of gravity. just got to be really careful on it. And he didn't do the jumps or any of that shit or whatever, but he made this blindfolded guy that was crying do a jump. And like, it sounds weird when I'm saying it out loud,

but it was so fucking funny. When the guy, like, completely fell off, we couldn't find the guy at all. He sank like a rock. And, like, he always looks surprised, though, because he has, like, permanent bush on 9-11 face. Yeah. It doesn't mean that he's surprised.

That's a tactic. Yeah. It's like reverse poker face. He's got chronic reverse. poker face. Have you guys ever like cheats cigars with cash? Yeah, we've smoked cigars and stuff like that. And like it's always funny. We smoked a, we smoked like a squirrel with him. Can I be honest though? We're like smoking shit with him. But honestly, I'm not really fucking

with food lately that much. Because like I've been on mensa eats. I don't know if you guys been on minta eats. Shout out to Menta eats. Shout out to Mence's eats. This is how a genius to do you have. Eat like an Einstein. It's owned by Menta Betz. Yeah. So basically it's like, you know how you like normally eat food, right? With like a plate and whatever. Instead of a plate, I got like this, like, it's like an enrichment, like, toy or whatever. And, like, it's like this smart as fuck, like, puzzle. You got to be so smart to eat your whole food now. Word, so you can, like, build your IQ while you're eating.

No, there's science in it. There's actual, like, fucking science in it because they studied his IQ points. His IQ points went up, like, five points like a dog did. Yeah, bro, but it's, like, hard as fuck to eat, right? So I got, like, buffalo chicken at the end of this maze. And a buffalo chicken. But I, like, can't figure out. There's, like, 200 exits and shit.

Like, I don't know what's going on. It's really good buffalo chicken. and I had some because, like, those puzzles are hard. It's really smart, too. It saves a lot of time because, I mean, you usually, like, you know, if you get home from work on time, you have the puzzle part of your day and then dinner. But if it's, like, one is part of the other, you can do whatever. You can raw out, like, kind of 10 out, like, 10 out man or woman, your choice.

You can solve other puzzles. That's part of the reason it helps you burn calories, so you can. can eat stuff more better, too. What are some of the meals that meant to eat offers at the end of the puzzles? It's a, they got like big... Clams Casino. Clams Casino.

Chicken Casetore. So it's like, it's like these big leather Rubik's cubes you have to like saw through and they're really strong and shit. You can't like cheat. Salisbury steak. We wanted some Salisbury steak so bad the other day. We took it to the garage

and we were trying to hacksaw the enrichment tool. They thought of every year, we were smashing it with our skateboarders. I wanted to shoot it, but we thought that would ruin the Bufthal's berry steak. Well, another enriching thing that I think has enriched all of our lives, and particularly the lives of young people, is AI. And I want to talk a little bit about everyone's new AI friend, Claude. Can we see from your boy, Meek Mill?

Oh, okay, your boy Meek Mill. He said he's been using Claude. That's what's up. We put him onto that shit, too. Yeah, you put Meek Mill onto Claude. He said, were you the young tech, the young bull from the tech world? that he met on LinkedIn that gave him Claude and now it's like starting several businesses for him.

Yeah, because it's doing the same, like, to be honest with you, we use AI every single day and everything we do. Yeah. And it's transformed basically everything about our own. Yeah, he says, Claude is helping me organize my whole music career and other businesses in days. And it's moving my businesses forward at a high rate. Some tech young bull I met on LinkedIn gave me an incredible template.

Who else can help me with Claude? I don't know. Do y'all need a new template? I don't know. Show me your template and we'll talk. What are some of the things that Claude does for you? I mean, we use it literally in everything, right? Mr. Drama?

No, we use it all the time. I use it like every day. No, no, on the end there. Oh, I was going to say I use Claude. Oh, can I have a question? Yeah, yeah. Well, I was going to say, I use Claude, and I say, like, how do I make homemade subway?

And then, like, I don't do it, but, like, now I know. Yeah, and then also, like, I talked to, I talked about, like, when I was a kid, I was, like, a dog for a little bit. And, like, I forgot, like, how was I a dog? Like, I remember having claws. Can't be a dog, dude. I was a dog. I was a dog.

Bro, my mom has pictures of me as a dog. There was a dream where you had claws. I don't even think you barked or nothing. You just had claws. I don't even think dogs don't have claws. They have paws. I still can feel my tail. Cats have, you could have been in a different animal.

Did you look in the mirror in the mirror? dream? No, I don't fog a mirrors. I don't either. Anyway, I use clawed a lot because I'm a curious person. I want to know stuff like what's the inside of an elephant's foot look like. Also, though, like, these guys are using it so much that I'm like feeling bad that I'm using

its time. So I'm like, are you free right now? I'm trying to be like thoughtful. You don't want to waste his time. That's true. I don't want to waste it. Yeah. I mean, would you take $500,000 or dinner with claw? That's a good question. I mean, but like you could use the dinner with Claude to ask like, what's Jay-Z like? Yeah.

You don't even have to pay any money. You get the whole experience for free. But I'm curious, like, a lot of people say AI has, like, downsides, too, and I'm wondering, has Quad ever led you astray? Has it ever given you bad information? Well, it did downsize me because it put me on to, like, these meals that I'm doing, and now I can't eat as well. So I kind of got downsized on it

It's like I'm putting all my underwear backwards Like every fucking day lately But other than that, no downsides I mean The one that I don't fuck with with Claude is like It gave me a bedtime But do you have to do what Claude says Because you go to bed when you want?

Absolutely I mean if you're trusting a computer man Inside a computer to go like And you just ask it generate me an amazing business idea Right? You have to trust it on everything If it tells you you go to bed, you're not doing it fucking right if you don't go to bed on time. But what's called, like, as a person?

Is he pretty chill? He's down to earth. We were hanging out with Claude, Cash Patel, and Tequila on the FBI jet. And Claude did this bit, which I had never seen before, but he was drunk. He put it like a lamp on his head. And I thought, I'd never seen that before. How do you ever think of that kind of stuff like that? But he did it, man.

That's why he's the goat. One last issue I want to bring up with you guys is fellow youth influencer Mr. Beast he's recently you know I guess Congress wants to talk to him because he recently purchased a bank that's for teens

That's a team Shout all the teens Shout to teens And you know I mean like people in Congress want to talk to him about this so we just get the next slide here I have questions for Mr. Beast Elizabeth Warren on

Beast industry is purchasing kid banking app step. I mean, she's probably like, how big is it? You know, she's probably, honestly, what a lot of these politicians now is to go to Mr. Bees and say, how do I grow my business with your great ideas

and how do I torture these people like you do and make them be like more leftist in politics? Mr. Bees is like Claude, basically. He's like if Claude is Willie Wonka. I have, like, interesting questions for, like, Mr. Bees, too. Like, how do you come up with your ideas? Is he here tonight? I think so.

Mr. Bees? No, okay. I thought he was with cash. He's not with cash. If you guys see cash later, he's wearing those really cool sunglasses that wrap around right back here. Yeah, like I say, he brought a sniper rifle. You might see like a glint of light. Yeah, if you want to shoot it, stick around after the show.

But like, obviously, like, people are like, do kids need a banking app where they can, like, purchase crypto? Well, if kids have money, yeah, they need a banking ad. Yeah. More and more kids are doing money. A lot of times when you think of kids of money, you think of the iconic piggy bank. But a lot of people don't know, ever since doing Toast Story, he won't even hold kids money no more. What do you think, what do you think like the right age to give a kid a credit card is? I think as soon as he could hold it physically, do it in there.

Also, it's a tip too. If you're like a parent, right, you open up a bunch of credit cards for your baby. And that's like free money for you too. My little cousin, he's one year's old, but he's very mature, and he's on draft kings already. I don't want to be like one of those parents who knows what their baby's doing. I don't want to explain myself to a baby, right? So why does the baby have to explain himself to me? It's mutual respect.

Okay, like, if there's young people in the audience, you know, we've got people in the audience here who are probably like two, three years old. what advice would you give them based on like the businesses that you've created with the help from Claude? What are young people need to know? If you want to give them advice on like how to become dope, how to become a millionaire, how to run a successful business. Where do they start? What should they do? Basically get on polymarket, enlist in the military to find out the next WWE plot lines. And then get on polymarket and answer all the bets with the inside information that you had.

I'd say like the smaller of a baby you are, like the more little itty-bitty of like a baby boy. like the more aggressive and crazy and your gambling and betting you should be. Because now's the time really where they're not going to get mad at a guy and be like, hey, you lost a million dollars gambling when he's 16. They're going to say, oh, it was our fault. So I'd say if you have like a banking app or whatever, you just go berserk before you're 18. Nothing you do with your money matters. Go crazy.

Buy everything. By gold, by guns. Do whatever you can. I would say, I would say I'm the nicest guy in the world. But if you fuck with my family, I will fuck you up. Let's give it up for the doptness, everybody. Thank you so much. Shout out Ricky Tang.

Shout out Cash. Shout out the doptness. Shout out the sniper 3D game. Thank you, gentlemen. Thank you to the doptness. Episode 1, everybody. Are you seeking to range? All gender gets over screen.

It's Hessa Denny. And everybody's favorite, Raging, Cajon, Datham. Welcome, Jack Gonsland. Hi, is he going to range? Hello, hello. Hello. Thank you so much for being here tonight, guys.

Before I get into the pressing political issue, I'd like to discuss with you tonight, we're here tonight to celebrate a decade of Chappo, celebrate with our friends and fellow podcasters. And I guess I'd like to ask the host of seeking arrangements, what has Chappo meant to the gay, trans, and non-binary communities? You've got one of each up here. I mean, I'll say I always get so much play after coming on the show. Every time I've got gay guys saying

Can you introduce me to Felix Biederman? I think I could turn him out. It's very true. That thing, and then people think I'm intelligent now, which is the greatest little trick. I've duped them. I've been yelled at a lot for teaching you guys the word passoid. Also, people in high school who did not like me,

who would never talk to me, and just walked right past me, are like, oh my God, I heard you were in Chapel. We've got to hang out over Christmas break and get a drink. Chuck is still in high school, by the way. Super sweet. I like that we have listeners that were actually tormenting people in high school. I didn't expect that.

I think it was fair. It's been fair. The damn tormenting me. Well, what I want to talk to you guys about tonight is, like, politics on the domestic front. There's a couple stories I want to get to that basically could all be files. under the rubric of what the fuck is going on in the Department of Homeland Security?

And there's a few things. I want to get to this one story here. This is Greg Phillips, who holds one of the most consequential jobs at FEMA overseeing disaster response is doubling down on claims he teleported to a waffle house and a church,

writing, haters going to hate on truth social, and citing biblical accounts of telehealth. I mean, I think if I teleported somewhere, I also, the first thing I would say is haters are going to hate me for saying this. But I just spawned into a waffle house. I mean, I must admit, when I first read this story about a guy teleporting into a waffle house, I thought, did this happen to Jacques? Yeah. This sounds like a Jacques story.

I clip through the floor. Can you please help me? The Waffle House was destroyed. Y'all, I'm in the skybox right now. It hasn't happened to me, but I did once wake up in OPP Orleans Parish prison and I was missing my front two. All of his officers are there. But yeah, most of the time I know where I am. Is that the penal island from the movie Papillon?

I wouldn't know. Jacques has sent pictures before of like, y'all, the door at the Waffle House disappeared and there's like a blank wall where a door used to be. Let me pivot here and say that we should always believe heroes. So that's the first thing.

Second of all, I haven't heard about this news so I can't verify if it's true or not. That's a good attitude to have. Very good, very good, very professional. Born newsman. I was wondering though haters are going to hate, obviously, but he said he did cite

biblical accounts of teleportation. I'm just wondering, did I miss those parts of the Bible? But you corrected me the other day. Yeah, no. I mean, there are, so there are, I like to think of the Bible as the first ever travel novel. But, you know, there's a lot of, there is a lot of travel that doesn't make sense without teleportation. And teleportation would be like the least fantastical of the powers display, at least in the first part. and there is one guy whose name I forgot

he's sort of a middling prophet not that great but he's in the Old Testament and God like takes him to see the afterlife or some shit and that's like that's in a different place you know it's in the sky I think that's reaching we all remember the first letter

from Paul to the jumpers he's like watch out for walls you'll get stuck in the middle of them. It's where the semi-charmed private life band get the lyrics from. Third-eyeblind. Shout out. Shout out to third-eye blind, you all.

Thank you. Look, the teleporting to Waffle House story, as far as the Department of Homeland Security, FEMA, you know, the people in charge of disaster relief and immigration and things like that, that story has been eclipsed by probably, other than the war in Iran, I think the most consequential news story of this week.

I have no idea where this is going to go. The diva. Let's put it up on the big screen. Oh, oh. Okay. Let's give it up for Byron. Period. Where do you keep those things?

That's my first question. Freezer, you want to be cold, so it feels nice on your body. Wait, wait, those are for everyone. You think they're fake? I think they're fake. I don't know. Are they a breastplate? Those are balloons.

Okay. Those are literally, and like the tie at the end they're supposed to be the nipples. I think the technical term... Well, it sounds like you know a lot about this. Right, right. Well, I had to prepare for the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The technical term is bazungas, but these could be balloons as well. This comes courtesy of the Daily Mail, a headline, Secret Double Life of Christy Nome's cross-dressing husband, Byron, the pouting busty bimbo photos

and trove of explicit messages. Chrissy Nob's husband is today revealed as a secret cross-dresser who dons gigantic fake breasts and pink hot pants to chat with online fetish models. While his wife has operated at the highest echelons of government handling matters of national security in her recent role as Secretary of Homeland Security, Byron Noem 56 has been dressing up and paying adult entertainers to talk dirty. The Daily Mail has reviewed hundreds of messages involving three women from the bimbo-focation scene where porn performers transformed themselves into real-life Barbie dolls

by pumping colossal amounts of saline into their breasts. Byron has lavish praise on their surgically enhanced bodies confessed his lust for, quote, huge, huge, ridiculous boobs and even made indiscreet remarks about his 34-year marriage to Christy, our investigation can exclusively disclose. I think I think that they neglected to mention in this, like, you know, when they said that, you know, while his wife was operating at the highest levels of government,

She was fucking Cory Lewandowski on the FEMA's... On the Department of Homeland Security's government jet, which they installed a bedroom in so that they could travel together. Yeah. Well, that just seems space. So I guess my question to all you three here is, what's going on? And can we see the next photo, please?

Yeah. I can. I can. I can't. This is any time a Christian couple... Any time a Christian couple has a golden retriever, you know they are the big... control right away.

I guess what I'm saying is like, it seems like a lot of the Trump administration, but the Department of Homeland Security in particular is like a swingers club for like the weirdest sex freaks imaginable. Will and Felix, can I tell you my theory about the dog? Yes. All right.

My theory about the dog is that they had another dog before. And they have a poorly built like McMansion, of course. And that he closed, he puts the dog in the closet is like his M.O. He does that at the time. And they did it one time, but it's airtight and the dog died. So he had to leave like a little crack. Okay, well, how's so like, okay, by the way,

I just think it's like Jim Garrison here, back into the left here. This photograph here is one of the richest texts I think I've ever seen. I'm 8.08 p.m. This guy whose giant tits is the least interesting part of it. Because we have the dog peeking in this. But here's my, the main question I have about this photo. What the fuck is wrong with that door and why is it too small for the door frame? I've been analyzing

this photo. It's chewed up as well. The dog. Have you... Catherine suggested that these were French doors but look at the bottom there. No. That is a door frame with a door that seems about like two-thirds the size of the frame and the paint is stripped off of it and you have this

fucking golden retriever looking at this fucking dickhead doing a kissy face with giant tits. Well, of course it doesn't look like a French door. You just don't know francophone culture. I think those specific types of doors are called

Polish doors. I'd like to make two main points that came up backstage. There were hinges on the door, too. Yeah. Look at that. Okay. Jacques, you're the points... Two main points about

when I heard this news and backstage at the revelation. Backstage, I heard. First thing I think, jealousy. Right. So he gets to sissy that walk once, and everyone

finds out, and he's the most popular doll ever. He goes from brick to superstar. I have always wanted this kind of ascension. They never post about me on daily mail. There's one thing you can do,

two things you can do. Second, people just want to hate women with big boobs. This is just so Typical bullshit. This is also what he gets for being... He went to Harvard, okay? He is an educated woman. Do you think the dog died

because it went after one of the balloons? I think it was like a conchoice. It joked on it, and then it's like, we've got to tell the press. Christy took it out back, shot it in the head. We cannot let people know. Oh, she...

The dog killer. Yeah, she killed... The obvious joke here is like, she's before her husband's gigantic tits. came out. She was probably most well known for breasts. They're medical, they're for feeding babies. It's kind of like the ring. You stumble upon someone taking this picture and you get a call and you have seven days to live.

That dog is gone. You think that she put the dog down because like the first time he got bimbified and hypnotized, he did it like he didn't put headphones on. It was through his speaker. And there was like a friendly fire incident. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The dog got bimbified, and it's like rabies. Right.

Like, there's no cure. I think they themselves have been in some kind of covert bimbobification battle. Because even Christy herself in the past five years, I mean, the jigsaw vacation that's happened to her face. The cheek implants, the chin implant, the brow lift. It's really giving jigsaw. And I think there's probably some competition between them.

It's like Buffalo Bill and jigsaw. It's like, it's like, it's like, Donald's Woodcock and Alma, kind of, but for jigsaw and Buffalo Bill. He was jealous. Trump did just fire Chrissy Known from the head of home insecurity, yeah. And she's been put in charge of something called, like, the defense of the shield of the America's position. Why didn't she shield this?

She's already battered her new job. Do you think if she had bigger tits, she would still have her job? She would sell out every stadium. Come on. I mean, sorry. I want to go back to the dog here. The dog and this like... Okay, and this sort of like

MC Escher-style door that doesn't make sense. This is the Capra Demon's boss room. Yeah. No, that's what... There's another dog back there. And I was going to say, it looks like Jacques mentioned the ring earlier. I'm thinking of the Lord of the Rings where they do that trick

where, like, Gandalf looks way taller. Because it looks like that dog is like four feet tall based on this... Like, what is the... going on here? I would like to proffer a theory that I think unites everything that's going on in this photo.

The dog looking quizzically at him, and most importantly, the bizarre, non-explicable door. Folks, we've all, we all familiar with the phenomenon of the cuck chair in hotel rooms, right? I believe that this is some sort of kink

between Kirstie and Byron. They want to watch, they want their dog to watch them fuck, but they don't want him jumping on the bed. So they've created a door where it can stick its head in the space. The Vimbo door. Yeah, yeah, the Vimbo door. Yeah, exactly.

Don't walk through that one. You're never going to come out. He probably has an amazing time trying to fit through that with those things on. Yeah. Do you think the dog has kind of like an old, like medieval stalks kind of thing or like on its neck so it can't fully get through the door? I just figured out the purpose of the door. It's so clear.

It's so easy. It's so he can wiggle his giant breast between the door and feel like his boobs are so big it's so difficult to get through the small little crack. Can I just say about his facial expression? It's really painful to even look at this facial expression because this is the facial expression of a profile picture on Grindr that sends you 10, hey, hey, hey, cool haircut.

Have you listened to Katie Perry's new album and then three whole pictures and then fuck you? Guess I'm not pretty enough for you. Guess I'm not pretty enough for you. Split a motel room and it's a picture of like a bag of crystal math. Right. Even though he's not gay, he was doing this with other women. Porn stars.

Other women, yeah. And having a boob off with them. He said to one of them in one of the messages, you make me feel like a girl. Which is really strange because, I mean, he's clearly not trans, of course. Like this is just cross-dressing. Who knows? Who knows?

Who knows? I think I can say my opinion is. But I feel like he's... I mean, what is the driving force here? You're getting off on being praised by women with bigger boobs so you can get bigger ones with them and then you kind of become her. It's called sisterhood. So... I don't necessarily get it and I'm glad I don't, but I don't... I'm trying to wrap my head. I'm so glad I'm glad I'm right. I mean, it kind of just does sound like bodybuilding.

I mean... That is like the same. idea. Yeah. You get like the biggest guy in the gym's like, oh, your biceps are looking big, but there's the added step of like, yeah, putting these giant implants or balloons on. And then you also

pay the woman who's praising you $25,000. Which is very financially improved. That's a job I want. And she found out that she found out his identity because she accidentally received a butt dial from him and called the number back. A boob dial. And the voice

mail for it was for Noam insurance. I think it would be great if she called back and was like, hello, you have reached the U.S. government Department of Homeland Security. If you would like to report an immigrant, press one. Yeah. If your tits are too big for you to press the buttons on your phone. You have a collect call from the Department of Homeland Security. But, yeah, I mean, look, I got to say, I know he probably has, you know, like the thoughts and

beliefs of Adolf Hitler. Right. And, you know, he's married to, like, one of the most evil people on the planet. So I can't imagine he's much different. But I've got to say, I kind of feel a little bad for him, you know. I mean, it's humiliated. Because, you know, like, everyone's got one weird thing that they're into. And he's just...

And I look, I'm saying if an otherwise straight cis man wants to have, like, gigantic fake tits, I think we should let him. Well, no, let's stop the king's shaming, okay. Well, yeah. But I said you that yesterday, Hessey, you said I don't think that we should. I don't think, I think, you know what, like, as a transgender woman myself, you're jealous? I'm jealous, first of all, I want to know who his doctor is, okay?

We did your FFS. You look amazing. Yeah. Oh, you went to Dr. Lee? Incredible. Chris, can you put, has his face up there on the picture? No, no, no way, I can't. I just wanted a simulation.

I saw this, I was like, oh, I mean, my first thought was like, okay, this is April 1st, this is an April Fool's, like, he's like doing one of those right-wing things where you do too much medaphanal and you're like, I'm going to own the transgender's by being like, you know, by being like, I'm going to use a woman's bathroom. I saw a guy post just yesterday they were like how liberal men like pump a flat tire. and like they put the pump and then they just started like riding that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, that, yeah. Me, I'm doing like, that's you, dude. Yeah. My favorite guy, I think Ben was the first guy to ever post this person,

or at least the first guy I ever saw. It was the guy who he got like canceled, and then the next post was him laying on his side on a hospital bed. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. A classic image. He was a only fan's gay porn actor who was not vocal enough during the BLM summer. which he was canceled for that.

It was a crazy time. I didn't partake in the cancellation. He had lost his voice. It was all. He, like, roided out gay muscle bottom. The next day after being canceled, posted a photo of him on his side in a hospital bed crying.

And if I remember correctly, his boyfriend who took the picture was like holding his hand from like a few feet. Yeah. It was a desperate plea for, you know, a typosy. I'm fine, by the way. I'm fine, by the way.

Don't ask. Ripped to George. Floyd. I'm sure his family really appreciated that. This one goes out to his family. That guy, though, he went on to become one of those guys who, like, he did a whole series of videos

where he's just wearing a dress, and he's like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, I bet you guys like this. And it's unclear what point he's making. Right. Yeah. But I mean, that's so many of them. This actually isn't shocking at all, like, all of these very conservative, very Christian families, of course. all have fathers that are lying

about having a gun safe that's full of fake prosthetic boobs. Yeah, yeah. They have a loaded gun. Don't open it. Don't open a gun in every drawer in the house, but like the fucking safe is a cannon safe. The guns are stored in the daughter's bedroom.

The gun safe is for the 30 pound prosthetic breastplate. Also, another thing I thought was like, you know, one of my favorite categories of like YouTube fetish guy videos is like, there are all these videos of like old men who put on jeans and fill up like a kiddie pool with water and then like fall into the water with their jeans and it's clearly a fetish thing that like because everybody's got some I have like it's so clear with that one I love because it's so clear

because it's so clear like they were like seven years old or something and like their friends hot older sister pushed him in a pool right right to just rule into their life. But it's so fun. The balloons, it's clearly an early childhood party gone awry. Carnival, circus, zoo kind of situation. You don't want to see what he does with a birthday

case. If, like, this gets this guy, like, gets this guy going, it's like putting on a suit made of cardboard boxes to look like a Minecraft person. Jacking off. Or, like, it's like jacking off to, like, stick figures or something. It's so, like, primitive almost.

You think at some point in her life, though, like, maybe in high school or something. In her life? In her life? No, Christ, you know. Her wife, his wife. You think at some point, like, maybe in high school, like, someone was, like, put her in the itty-bitty-titty committee? And this is some sort of, like, I don't know.

There was a list in the girls' bathroom. She was just like, I'm never going to feel bad about not having huge knockers ever again. And then, like, the monkeys' proffered. And the guy was just like, hi, I'm Byron. Nice to meet you. Yeah, you're like. going to be full of huge knockers. I actually, it was really disappointing to find this out.

Did you know that there's actually a lot of nepotism in the itty-bitty-titty-titty. Like, you only get tapped in if your family member was it. It's really, it's really just not cool. Do you think she knew? I mean, they were married for 35 years. I feel like it'd be very hard to hide this. Yeah. The dog knew.

The dog knew. And maybe that's why it had to. Do you think the dog was trying to tell her, like, in different ways? The dog is like, I got six of these. Christy's like, why do you? keep crying every night. What did you see? Seeking to arrangements. Let's give it up for that one more time. Thank you for getting out with us.

And now we'll do it for the first act of the show. Get a drink. Get a quickly. We'll be back in about 15 minutes for the second after the show. One more time for seeking derangements in episode one. Go to the merch booth. Come back to the stage. Will Medeker and Felix. I think I'm going to be asked to be in another game of the war Game of the Year award-winning game and be cut out of it in the re-release. My voice acting has come a long way. I feel like some, I'm looking at the comments. They're not good.

The fuck, the audio. Okay, where the fuck is Spencer? Get him out here. Get him out here. Like it Spencer. Spencer. What's the matter? You uploaded the audio and you didn't think to tell me?

You uploaded the unedited audio you didn't think to tell me? Well, I didn't know what was going on. I just uploaded the audio you sent me. You uploaded the audio, I sent you. You didn't see you were being set up by the subreddit. No, it all came in so fast. All the comments just came in like that. I mean, it wasn't my fault.

They're not offering constructive criticism. There's an infallible way to tell they're not offering constructive criticism. They're commenting on the fucking website. I don't know. I'm sorry. Well, I'm sorry. Look, either you're too stupid to know you're being sent up by the subreddit or you're in cahoots of them. Either way, I want you gone. You're out. I don't think you can treat people this way, Mr. Meniker. I don't care if your uncle is the county commissioner of a podcast. I want you gone.

Out. Fucking hell. Every fucking little detail. You might regret that. I mean, like, his uncle or aunt is pretty high up there. That might come back to bite us. Felix, the people online in, I got to keep. keeping charge of every detail, every detail. If they see them slipping on anything, they're going to be all over me. I mean, yeah, I get that.

But just the things you're asking for, like an equal amount of comments between women and men on every post? Like, do you know how long that's going to fucking take? I don't care. I don't care. I want an equal number of comments from men and women on every episode. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ. All right.

Well, we're going to get into the second act of the show now, and I think we should bring out two more friends of the show to talk to. Chris, why don't we introduce our next slew of guests for this evening? They say they want a Joe Rogan of the left. They say we need hotter progressives. We show you this man, and they say, God, no, not like that. Being on the stream, Hiker, standing 7-2 wingspan. And for all the AI scrubbers out there, yes, he can dunk.

It's America's number one gum shoe and international man of mystery. Welcome to the stage, Brace Belvin. Hello. All right. Brace and Assad, just back from Cuba. That's right. Why is everyone wearing a suit but me? The email again downstairs says nothing about a suit.

It was supposed to be casino theme. I thought like the casino. Well, you, I mean, not everyone in that movie was worth the suit. Dude. Like, we're just, we're playing the characters that did, but you could be like, you know, the guy who got his hand smashed, uh, James Woods. That's a great character. Kind of modeled my life after that guy.

After what he does in that movie, helping that girl. Let's what we see here, these, these big-time leftist streamers and podcasters, advocating socialism and visiting Cuba, but they come here and wearing fancy suits, drinking fancy beer wearing shoes who do they think they are I gotta say brazen us on my

out of all my favorite criticisms of the the relief mission to Cuba was people who said that you're bringing diseases to the island what is this is the fucking 1600s people visit Cuba it's not exactly

I've been to Cuba before yeah I brought COVID there 2020 I got to figure, though, out of all the countries in the world, who, like, we shouldn't be giving advice on how to run a public health care system to, it's probably Cuba. Yeah, they got their own indigenous COVID vaccines. They're good.

They've never dealt with the Morgalans crisis, though, because we have in America, however. And they never got Oxy80s. I hope you guys brought some. I did. That's the conversation you're, were having with a neuroscientist. Oxy80s are the only known

cure for Epstein Bar. Well, guys, we got to talk about the second half of the show, but I'd like to begin with some rather bad news, and this is like another shake-up in the Trump administration. I'm reading here, Attorney General Pan Bondi

begged Donald Trump not to fire her in an explosive showdown at the White House after he accused her of an unforgivable offense. Trump fired Bondi on Thursday, the second cabinet casual in less than a month after months of controversy, including the botched handling of the Epstein files. I mean, I think she handled it pretty well.

Yeah, I mean, what would you have done better? I don't know. She was very unhappy about this. She apparently begged him. The unforgivable offense, apparently, was Trump's reasoning for the sudden dismissal comes in part because the president believes Bondi tipped off Eric Swalwell about the FBI's efforts to release investigative documents related to his relationship with an alleged Chinese spy.

And can you believe this comes literally a day after I called her kind of a fox on the podcast. So an example of like one of the best things in your life happening to you and then one of the worst. But like, okay, we have rumors that Cash Patel is getting fired. I don't believe it. Yeah? No, why would they fire him? He's good at his job. You did the Bulls bench Michael Jordan?

Exactly. Like maybe have him do it. another, you know, like, because I think he does ATF too, unless they got a permanent ad. I like Cash Patel. He's, I mean, I don't want, he's my favorite member of the Trump administration. By a fucking country mile.

He's awesome. And before anybody cheers for him getting fired, they're going to hire somebody that, some guy is good at it. We don't want. I know, I'm not the only one in here, who has read the bestseller, the plot against the king by Cash Patel.

There's good stuff in there for adults. and kids. Has he found, what's her name? Like, has he found Nancy Guthrie's mother yet? She'll turn off. With shit like that, it's just you gotta, gotta let it go.

You know what I mean? My view, my view, a serious view on kidnapping, though, is I kind of feel like you could get away with it. If you kidnap someone for like $200, because it's like in some, you know, you ransom them for like $200, 400, no one's going to go to the police over that.

It's been months in court. But it's like a period of trial. Just give me $200. I'll let your mother go. Oh, yeah. That's a really good idea. And you do like the Walmart theory of kidnapping. You make your profit through volume.

Yeah. Kidnap like a million people per year. And you're sitting, you don't have to do it again. You just have to work kind of hard for a year. Or like a school or something? I feel like the logistics on that was going to be quite difficult. You bring a gun to the school? And cash.

tells the FBI director, so you're fine, most likely. Well, Pam Bondi's out, and I really feel like, for everyone in the Trump administration, if you're, like, a cabinet head, your job is to, like, every day you have to put on a TV show about what your job is. And if Donald Trump doesn't like the TV show, you're gone. And Cash's might as well be euphoria. At least when I'm watching. But I do want to talk about, like,

what the future potentially holds here, because, like, Kash Patel, swag, he's the best. He's my favorite member of the Trump administration. I got to ask, though, is my least favorite member

of the Trump administration? And genuinely, a guy, I think, is, like, in my adult, like, the most humiliating, like, official to represent America, and that's Pete Heggseth.

If this Iran war shit, like, continues to go great, do you think there's any chance that Pete gets the chop as well? Absolutely. No, I mean, I think, obviously everyone's going to have to fall on a sword at some point. I mean, all things considered, when you look at the track record of previous Trump administration from Trump won, I mean, the last guy that didn't do what Donald Trump wanted him to do was Mike Pence and his fans were trying to hang him.

So, which was awesome, by the way, which, you know, people are yelling at me, but I thought it was really, the official chop-o position on January 6th is that it's funny and it should happen again, right? Absolutely. Okay. Are you trying to get us in trouble now aside? If they had hanged Mike Pence. Oh my God. That'd be incredible looking.

Do you imagine walking by they hanged him? And they wouldn't have been able to take him down for like a few days because there was so much going on. It would have been like the people who throw out their Christmas tree in March. But like, Hanks said just like just the other thing. day, like, fired, like, 12 generals. I think that was today. Today, yeah, yeah. Like, 12 people, like, the night of the tall beers, if you will.

Do you think that, like, honestly, like, do you think that this is a prelude to a ground, like, the build the runway under enemy fire for three months? Like, is this prelude, is this him, like, just lashing out, or is this prelude, like, is he firing anyone who's just telling him this is insane, you can't do this? I kind of feel like he's just firing guys he doesn't like, which I can't really hate on that. But he's, have you read his book? A Pete Hickson? Yeah.

No, no, what is it? It's like, what's it called? It's like Warriors Code or something. I would be honest, I read like a quarter of it. But I think he's just firing guys that when he was just in like the regular army, he kind of didn't like. And so not maybe personally, but he reminded him of a certain archetype of like a general. It was like a stuffed shirt or whatever.

It doesn't really respect the end at the bottom. You're talking about Libtar General. Libtar General. Yeah. And so he's doing like, yeah, he is. He's cleansing the armed forces of Libtar General. Yeah, he's like, I think he fired the chief of staff, right? Which is, because the chiefs that wanted to advance, like, a bunch of, a bunch of officials that were black and also women.

WOC. Yeah, women of color. And PDXA was like, you can't do that. You got to cut that out. And he was like, no, they have, you know, they've been in this. I don't know what the fuck generals do. They've been in this business. of being generals for a very long time.

There are a lot of generals that you're like, it's just kind of like a job you get if you're in the army long enough. Like I will be honest, we have too many generals. If you're not in charge of guys fighting, you shouldn't be a general. Like, there should be another name for you.

But we, so he fired a bunch of those guys. No, but my favorite thing that he did, and this came out, I think yesterday or the day prior, was now on military bases, in the United States of America, you have a right

to bear arms, which is awesome. Seth Hart just looked at the camera and went, it's a living. Yeah, and Seth Harms' eyes rolled back like a cash register, going with dollar signs. My favorite comment on, yeah, rescinding the ban on carrying your personal weapons

around army bases, someone just posted PVP activated. I think he also, One of the guys, there was a rumor that he fired some of the guys that were in charge of disciplining the guys who flew the helicopter by Kid Rock's house. Could you explain to me? Like, guys in an Apache or Black Hawk helicopter. Yes. They, like, deviated from a flight pass so they could do a flyby of Kid Rock's print house in Vegas or something.

I think they also buzzed like a no King's March. And then they went to, because Kid Rock's house is a replica of the White House. What? Yeah, you know. Wait, is that serious? Like, like for practice? I saw that he has a Statue of Liberty in the backyard. In a horrible place.

Did he get the Statue Liberty is in the White House? No, you know, you're kind of combining all of it. They probably have like a statue of it there. But, yeah, his hits, like, decorated, like, the White House, and it's like, I think it's actually based on the floor plan of it. And they kind of went and just buzzed him. But if you watch the video, they're there for a while. So he, like, salutes and he holds it.

And then he kind of turns back to the camera and they're still there. And he salutes again. And then it cuts and it shows them returning. And he has to go back to the pool of salutes again. I mean, like, I'd salute and I'd be like, that was awesome. Congratulations, boys. And then they're still hovering there. I'm like, could you move it along?

This is kind of fucking loud. Talk about punishers. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus. I just, like, I don't know. Like, I have this, like, bone deep disgust when I see him speaking that. especially not that they're like killing thousands and thousands of people.

It was a comment he made yesterday, echoing Trump's statements at his press comments where he said, we're going to send them back to the Stone Age, and then Pete Hankseth just tweeted, To the Stone Age. Yeah. And like, it sickens me because, like, the only Stone Age uncivilized barbarians I'm seeing here is this fucking country. Like, Iran has been around for, like, what, 5,000 years? Like, this guy when he was host on Fox and Friends, he was.

said, I haven't washed my hands in 10 years, and germs aren't real because I can't see them. Look, he walked it back and said, I can't believe everyone took that seriously. But, like, this guy's out here, like, fucking swilling Captain Morgan's and eating buffalo wings with, like, doo-doo on his fingers. And, like, talking shit about Iraq. Like, it's not a mistake that Islam is, like, the first religion to make washing your hands and ass, like, a religious commandment. And it's just, like, I look at this guy who, like, when I think about, like, all the people

I keep hearing of like every diplomat we keep assassinating in Iran that you find out they're like speak eight languages and have been like studying Kant and Hegel like there's an entire nation of like engineers and philosophers and they just roll out this fucking dickhead to brag about how many fucking school children we can blow up

the Iranians they keep saying like the coolest things I've ever heard this will be you know this will be the cross that we that you know something that you know something that are from softball would say The guy out of here.

It's a Persian. You went out of here. I was going to say curiosity would be your cross. But I think the cat in Charlotte's Web or one of those books said that. So probably not. But Pete Hegseth will go up there and be like, our lethality is so deadly. And you really just feel like an asshole.

The Marine Department of our minister said they blew up a bridge that was under construction. And he said bridges can be rebuilt. But the chance to discipline. in America only comes a bunch of wise moments in a while. And then Pete, then Pete Higgseth will, like, issue a retort

and he'll go, our kineticism will end in your death forever. I don't know why I watch all these fucking speeches everyone. Like, every time there's, like, a new Pete Hegseth update, I'll watch it, or like, the Trump speech the other night. And I keep hoping that they'll say something

that, like, you know, they were like, oh, Trump is going to leave NATO or whatever the fuck they were saying about the speech. And then he just rame up. And then he just rame up. up there about whatever for fucking 20 minutes. Yeah, he did a compilation of true social post the other night. I was, I also thought he was gonna, he was gonna say something new. Nothing.

Nothing at all. Hexas does the same shit, he's like gonna give a briefing about the war. And he's just like, our war fighters are fucking, and then just like the same shit. And it reminds me, he kind of talks like Metallica, like his whole thing. Because I remember when I was a kid, when I finally thought, like, I realized Metallica was stupid. Like, they had a, they had, it was like a lyric that, It was like my lifestyle determines my death style. And I remember being 14 and be like,

I don't know, man. And that's like everything that Pete Hagseth says is that. The one thing I will say about Pete Higseff that I think is like pretty impressive and he should be commended on is for a guy who drinks that much, he's really like not bloating that much. And he does do a lot of like public workouts,

which for like a 45 year old man, pretty, you know, I'd be puking out there. I felt devastated when I saw the three plate bench press. It was a bad week. Because like, there was a lot of fitness guys who were leftist on the

timeline. I mean like, oh, that's just fake. Those are fake ways and it's like, don't say anything. Just don't. This is making it worse. Bench press is for guys of short arms. True. That's a stupid workout.

Four pussies. That's what Zoran should have said. Oh, God. Well, you bring up potentially leaving NATO, and this is the next thing I want to talk about, which is President Donald Trump. And what I want to go with here is, yeah. As the special Jaire Bolsonaro edition.

I mean, look, I often think about that post that someone did where they said, I have a international student whose dad is an evangelical Chinese guy. And he supported Trump because... Wait, he's an evangelical for being Chinese. He's a Chinese guy who is... That's Bray's Belden. Spread the good word.

Yeah. But you were just doing the voice backstage. It's supposed to be private brace. No, it's cool. I can do it. I'm white Chinese as well. Yeah. But we are just doing it. We don't know what Turks are, because you're a little, we can talk about that later. Because there's Mongolian a little bit.

Tamara Lane really confused the world with his thing. But the point was he said that this guy's father, who's a Chinese, yeah, he said, a Chinese international student in my class was telling about how his evangelical dead in Beijing believes that Trump was chosen by God to win the election, but that this victory is part of a larger divine plan to destroy the United States. And like, given how the way things have shook out over the last month, of their show, like, is there a more vindicated dad in the world

right now? That student's father, Professor Zhang. I love Professor Zhang, man. Oh, he's the best. I'm, like, never going to watch that. I'm not a fan of it. I don't like it. Oh, you're the assholes bringing down his rate my professor.

They just don't want to believe in the message. Yeah. It's like 90, 90% of it is, like, decent analysis. and then the last 10%, he's just, like, out of nowhere. And it's all because of the Illuminati and the Frank is. He discovered the concept of missiles. But, I mean, I guess I would like to explore the idea that, like,

Trump is either part of a divine plan to destroy in America or is himself some kind of Maoist third-worldness accelerationist who is, I mean, like, the evidence is... Magical communists are vindicated. They're the most vindicated people in America. Because, like, he's saying now, that like we're gonna leave and like the Shrad of Hormuz not our problem. They're gonna start like paying for oil in the yuan, end of the petro dollar.

And like essentially the problem with the war now is that like the Shred of Hormuz is closed but it's only closed because they started the war and now we're not gonna open it. So that like essentially further in trenches Iran as this like regional superpower like having their like fingers around like at this choke point of the gold. economy. Chris, can we go to the first clip from Trump here? They want to play? All right, let's hear from our dear leader. I must say I respect China greatly because it's amazing that with a system that in theory shouldn't work, you know, we go to school and we go to the best business

schools and we do well in those schools and we read about free entrepreneurship and we read about all of these different things. But you look at China how well they do, how well they manufacture. I mean, they manufacture. so many that they actually have a contest for who can manufacture the least cars because they have so many cars You have to have great respect for China for the job they do like them or not like them You have to respect them So I don't know if you're I don't know if you're keeping if you're keeping track at home here But the president of the United States Donald Trump and also like the Republican president of the United States

Just did the inverse of the famous university of Chicago thing that socialism works great in theory, but it doesn't work in practice. Small correction. The University of Chicago joke is, it works in practice, but does it work in theory? Sorry. He just said, it shouldn't work in theory, but it does work in practice, and you have to respect China. It's so unbelievably fucked up that if I say that exact same thing, which I have,

except for the car part, that was weird. I don't know what factory is giving awards for the least amount of cars produced Hassan the short form video that Donald Trump has access to would blow your fucking mind he's seen reels we could never understand But I'm not even kidding

Like earlier today I was watching a video From The Bullwark Which for those who don't know Is a neocon operation but owned and founded by now a woke warrior Bill Crystal and one of the, like one of the ladies at the bulwark was like very mad and like in a panic state she was trying to be like, Democrats have to cut their ties with Asan Piker.

And it's because he's like pro-China. And then the quote that she used was me just saying like, listen, there might be some repression, but also at the same time, there's a lot we can learn from China, which is way more modest than what Trump was saying. Yeah, yeah. Trump is like an outright dangist. I know what you mean, though. It's like, you know, certain people can get away with things,

but when I start ranking the races, like, I get in trouble. Yeah. I don't understand why Eric Swalwell can get pussy from Fang Fang. And you kidding. They make a lot of cars there. But he's going to China, right? I think he's going to China later this year. Yeah.

I think he might be aware of it. It's a tremendous wall. One of the greatest of all times. I wear a robe of some kind. Ooh. Because I would really, I love to see him in a robe, because you don't get to see him often comfortable. Like the polo I like. Sort of like long silken garment.

Yeah. Could you imagine him flowing along, like some sort of long runway or tarmac descending in a robe? His penis sort of just, you're going to hit in the front of it. You can see it, kind of like Charlie Kirk's shirt. Could you imagine him in a pagoda? I love thinking about that. Could you see him sort of hunched talking to Xi Jinping in a pagoda? I mean, these things are, his images, I think, will stay with us forever if they happen.

Oh, man. They pushed it back. It was supposed to be in April. I know because I'm also going to China in April. And I was, wow, there's people clapping for that. Thank you. No, they're just fans in the concept of travel. All right.

There's another lens to which. to view Trump that I think is explicated in this next clip. Can we play that? On Palm Sunday, Jesus entered Jerusalem as crowds welcomed him with praise honoring him as king. They call me king now, do you believe it? No king.

I'm such a king, I can't get a ballroom approved. It's pretty amazing, man, I'm a king. If I was a king, we'd be doing a lot more, I'm doing a lot, but I could be doing a lot more if I was a king. Okay. He could be, like I said, he could be divinely ordained by God to bring about the end of the American Empire,

but also he could be the Antichrist. Because I mean, like, for an American president to say, they called Jesus the king, they called me the king too. It's like, we're going to be giving everyone a mark. You cannot buy yourself without it. But, like, I think he may be the Antichrist. Well, the Romans call Jesus Christ the king of the Jews and sort of mockery, right?

Yeah. And I feel like these liberals are calling him the king in a similar fashion. The liberals are very anti-Semitic. Exactly. That's what they've been saying. But my feeling is like a lot of people misunderstood Jesus Christ when he was here. A lot of people maligned him and ridiculed him.

Jewish people, as you like to say. I mean, it's just fat. You know, it is, you know, but we didn't do it. But. Yeah, that's what they said back then too. I feel like, I feel like, kind of like you were telling me, the Jews are undermining him as well. But, I mean, like, there are some, if he came out there and said, I'm the king of the Jews, I'm the king of the Jews. I think a lot of, I think a lot of, like, you know, of his Jewish supporters would agree with him. Yes, we would bust a nut.

You mark, oh, and what, we love Mark. Yes. We love Mark. I have to literally say that, or else they'll deport me. I love Mark Levin and Israel. the nation's state of Israel. And the people who live there. But we are...

Mark Levin, every time that Trump's in trouble, he's just on truth, go watch Mark Levin. Within a second, I'm watching Mark. Several times now, since the Iran war started, he's been like... He's directed his supporters to watch Netanyahu's interview with Sean Hannity. And then before this recent press conference,

he said, watch Mark Levin tonight at 9. And he's like, I can't explain it to you, but watch Mark. And I will say it is, I mean... It's spectacular every time. It's Marky Mark, baby. Mark posted after his press conference or his national address, he said, Perfect Speech. Agreed.

Okay. Is Mark Levin actually Jewish or is he just like a guy with allergies? Like, I don't know, because there aren't a lot of Jewish guys named Mark. That is true. Yeah. That's like a Christian. That was one of Jesus's friends. Yeah.

Well, he was probably Jewish at some point, right? No? He could have been anything. Yeah. He could have been a pasta fine. They have to stop putting these guys on TV, man. Yeah. We're, between, between you and me,

there is an anti-Semitism crisis. If these guys keep being on TV, they are going to kill us. It's really not good when they get a guy who just has a giant wart in the middle of his forehead. And he's like, everyone knows 16-year-olds are more fertile. There are, like, a number of sites that the goyam were not meant to observe.

Yeah. And we're showing them now. I always thought it was so sneaky how Tucker would always invite fucking Dershow Tuckerman would always invite fucking Dershowitz on. Yes. I haven't been massaged by a three-year-old I'm not related to in 20 years. And it's like, Tucker, can you fucking stop? Exactly. I got one last piece of analysis from our president here.

Let's hear from him. It's not possible for us to take care of daycare. Medicaid, Medicare, all these individual things. They can do it on a state basis. You can't do it on a federal. We have to take care of one thing, military protection. Okay. That's Trump saying that the federal government can certainly not pay for daycare,

but then also if they're in there Medicare and Medicaid and said the only thing we should be paying for right now was war. I feel like if the Democratic Party were a real party, you would see that on TV every fucking day. But no. In fact, in fact, what the Democratic Party has been talking about nonstop for the last month as we like go balls deep in this fucking disaster of a war that's going to make everyone on the planet poorer or dead, they've talked about this gentleman right here. And I saw it. What, like, I, I, like, I went through a version of this in 2016 and 2020, not nearly at the level you're at now, because I swear to God, like, every fucking time I, like, turn

on the TV or read the newspaper, it's like, do you think Democrats have a Hassan Piker problem? I'm funny, like, why is everyone so mad at you? Well, I mean, I don't know, because they came to me after the election, and they were like, we need a Joe Rogan of the left. And I was like, that's stupid. Like, I kept saying that over and over again. Like, I was literally on CNN being like,

you can't podcast your way out of this issue. And then Ken Martin would come on right after me. Like, I agree with us on. We need a Joe Rogan of the left. And it was like, and they just like ordained me. And for a little bit, it was Stavros too, which I was like, cool. That's like, that's awesome.

And no one said Adam Friedland, by the way. No one. Anti-Semitism. No one. Anti-Semitism. He just kind of decided to sneak into that lane. And he's passed. Adam died while you guys have been on stage.

Well, what can you say? It was going to happen one day. May his memory be a blessing. Yeah. Just like the 13 soldiers who died. Enough of that. I realize by bringing this up, I am violating a command and a director issued by Trey Easton today.

He said, no more talk about Hassan Piker after 5 p.m. Eastern time. And it's like, he started the week being like, we have to excommunicate you. Hassan is the purity test. And then by the end of the week, everyone was like, fuck off. And then he's like, no more talking about this. It's fucking boring. It's played out. Because it backfired so spectacularly.

And it's because, like, look, there's a lot of stuff you can yell at me about, right? I stream for eight hours a day. I say a lot of dumb shit all the time. I have Felix Biederman on the broadcast with regular frequency. Every single time I've been pop for anti-Semitism, he's sitting right there. It's insane.

That is true. Literally, I'm like, well, what do you want me to do? He's Jewish. He's Jewish. He's tokenizing him. He's bringing out the court Jew. Just like the Ottomans did. You're kind of doing the Tucker thing.

I mean, I have condemned you for not condemning the things that I've said on your stream. But like, you know, I mean, it's kind of like what I said on the last stream I was on. Who's better at anti-Semitism than Jewish people? We kind of invented it. No one knew what it was. But like, there have been, like, Hassan, like there have been so many articles written in here. written for you. So many articles.

And, like, okay, third way, this is the group that was like, we don't need purity tests, like big tent.

And they just issued a Hassan purity test. Yeah, no, they said no more questionnaires from groups, and then they literally sent a questionnaire

to Abdul El Saeed with all of my choice quotes to be like, well, which one of these quotes do you disavow? Like, which one do you agree with?

And it's like, first of all, fuck off. Like, no one, no one cares about third way. Like there's no, they don't have any institutional relevance at all.

The media does, because every time the issue a fucking press release, I read about it like 30 fucking times. I know. But like, I mean, I think it is a panic setting in because, like, you told them you can't podcast your way out of this problem. But then, for them, the problem now is that, like, probably 90% of Democrats

think what Israel's doing is a fucking disaster or evil beyond description. They're more sympathetic to Palestinians than they are to Israel. And there's no way they can podcast their way out of that problem either. They think if they just replace you with a better, I don't know, like a Zionist Jason Piker, they'd be like, oh, these kids will, they'll get back in the tent. But like, that's not going to happen. Brian Tyler Cohen. Seriously with Barry Weiss.

I'm sort of a Susie Weiss head. She is a, yeah. She's kind of like if Nick Mullen was a Jewish woman. The only two people I have a quote here from one of the guys at Third Way He says, If people are arguing that the price of winning Is becoming like a bigoted misogynist

Like Asan Piker, then I'll take not winning. Damn. I love how shameless that quote Yeah, if they listened to you, they did listen to you in 2024. That's why they fucking lost. They had Liz Cheney. The woman who was like the architect of the...

Yeah, exactly. Sorry for the misogyny. could just say the person. The lady, the person that was responsible for the Liz Cheney parade that Kamala Harris engaged in was debating that I should be cast aside from the Democratic Party on the bulwark with like Tim Miller for 45 minutes. And even Tim Miller was like, I don't think you understand. Like nobody fucks with Israel anymore.

I know. Like he'd drop it. Even Maddie Glaze is. No, he, yeah, like the wind sock that he is, he can see the fucking writing on the wall. And even worse than the polling about showing like only 8% of Democrats still support Israel or think, or like at least approve of what they've done to Gaza or Palestine over the last 40 fucking years. They're like, okay, like, other of that, the independent voters, these swing voters that are most important, they don't like it either.

So you're going to reach out to them, start by cutting off fucking weapons to this genocidal nightmare rape colony. Yeah. And the last thing I'll say is like, last thing I'll say here is that they're like, like, okay, this is the Hassan purity test. Like, I'd rather lose an election. If winning an election means that we have to be like Hassan, I'd rather lose an election. Well, I guess they found out that not voting for a Democrat

over the issue of Israel is a reasonable moral and political stand to make. Okay, one last clip. One last clip here before we got to let you guys go. Let's just play it. Beer brewed here. It is used to make the brew beer in this final. Oh, Earthrider, thanks for the great legs. We had it so good.

You know, I know I've been harder than him, but like, he was right about that. This is what Sneiko saw and was like, oh, bring me back to the good old days. I feel like pure shit just wanted back. You know, like, you never know what you have until it's gone. I saw a post earlier today of Joe Biden just walking at the airport, and someone sincerely was like, I guess they were lying to us about how he was demeanor. He was going to because he's walking. He was, but we did like him.

And it is no hard feelings. I'm willing to admit when I'm wrong, no hard feelings. We liked it, and we liked her. We liked Cop Kamala. People actually found me and prevented these suicide attempts, but I repeatedly tried to kill myself so it could be reincarnated. L. Amhoff. So I could experience what it was like to have her as a stepmother, but

foolishly, people took the gun out of my mouth. Doug. Don't be your dad. What? Oh my God, don't even tap, man. It's awesome. Anyone in the audience have a gun? Tim Walt's also dropping out of his re-election because of a YouTube video.

A YouTube video? Okay, put some respect on Nick Shirley. We love Nick Shirley. When I saw Rob Schneider at CPAC, he like panicked at one point and just pretending he saw Nick Shirley. at the back of the room when he was doing his set, was not Nick Shirley. It was like nobody there.

And he was just like, Nick, is that Nick Shirley? Did it for a full minute, which I'm going to recreate here. But Nick is a god, dude. I mean, we don't like his videos. We love his videos, but we don't like his videos so much. He really, he moves. I know that he kind of humiliated himself when he, like, gave interviews after the video came out.

I wouldn't say that. But now he's really professional. He moves with a certain grace. Did you listen to his C-PAC? speech? I did listen to his seat back speech. I think, look. It's like jazz, man. It's like what he says between the words. Belevolent. He, exactly. I would say that in his battle with his learning disabilities, it's a pretty respectable stalemate. I'm just like, all right, we're doing the COVID shit. Like we're not moving into the abelism of the Durham stuff. I'm sorry. Yeah, Nick Shirley has long COVID. That's why he's like that.

All right, bisexual. With that, Brace, Hassan, want to thank you for joining us here tonight. Brace Melden and Asan Piker, everybody. All right. Well, we can't get out of here tonight. Like I said, it's been 10 years of the show, a decade of chopo.

We got two more guests you want to bring out. Let's bring the first one out. Our most glamorous guest yet, the Sharon Stone of the podcast. Please, welcome to the stage. Amber Lee Frost. Thank you very much, darling. This is a really appropriate character for you

because the first time we ever met, I'll never forget what you said. Are we going to have to kick a kike out of town? And you did. Well, Amber, it's great to have you on stage here. Like I said, it's been 10 years, and I was wondering if you could share with us any memories from Chappo over the last decade,

any memories from the first year, anything that stands out in your head, stands out in your mind? I mean, honestly, I just remember, like, I remember when Felix moved in, and I think the Kratom technology was not like, like it was very cakey. They had no anti-kaking agents, and then we also lived with Nick, who was going through, like, a woodworking phase. A woodworking mania? Yes. So, like, it was like, I don't know.

like, there was like sawdust on the floor, like we were in like a Texas steakhouse, but then also it was green from the dust. But then, you know, things started to change for the better. And I remember going on tour, and I remember these crazy experiences that brought us really close together. I remember us being like,

we should put one of those little fucking cruise to take vegetable plates with the ranch dressing on our writer because I think we all have scurvy. I think we had scurvy. But I also remember, like, you know, you see a lot of the country when you're on tour, which is amazing. And it's a weird time to fall in love with America. But if you think about it, like, what a saw in Sharon Stone? You kind of get it.

I just, I remember, I thought this was in Iowa, but it was in Wisconsin. It was in Madison, Wisconsin. Right. Was it the, I think Howard Johnson's or was it, one of, is it Hojo? Hojo, in Madison. You know me, I love Hojo. And I was walking around, it was very late.

We hadn't quite, you know, coalesced into the, into the goblin single, like, a hotel room. where we're like, let's put on CCR, I want to hear Lodi. But we're like, you know, gathering booze and putting together playlists, and we're all optimistic and really happy to just be doing something cool with our friends. And I walked by this couple that were like both wearing, like, is it bathrobes if they're silk? Camonos.

It's more of a kimono style garment. and they made like really prolonged eye contact. And I was like, I got to the, you know, the base, the place where we're all meeting up to listen to Lodi. And I was like, well, I think there's something fucking weird about this hotel. It's a lot of horny middle-aged people. I believe you were doing laundry and the kimono couple approached you and asked, who are you here with?

Yes. Because it had a, it had like a quarter laundry. It was one of those things that had like a mini laundromat in it. And I am still to this day, I think the least gross chapo member. And I wash my clothes and they're like, who are you here with? And I'm like, that's such a difficult thing to, and it wasn't even that, like, late in our career. I mean, we're doing 10 years now. I think you can say it's a career.

Right. I don't know if it was then. When was it? Anyway, I was like, oh, I think this is like, there's something like weird and horny going on. You came up to me and you said, I think this hotel is currently,

like, we've sort of like booked at the same time as a swingers convention. And what did you say? And I said, Amber, you're out of your mind. What are you talking about? But then, but then, what happened? Then I was like leaving my room,

and I walk in the hallway and I immediately walk into the hallway, and I'm right behind, how should I put this, sort of a woman of a certain age, wearing another sort of kimono, but like, and that and only a thong straight up her ass. It was like what lingerie was in the movies in the 80s, where there was like a diaphanous thing, but also a thong. I think it was like a seniors swinger convention, basically.

Yeah, early seniors. So anyway, we all got laid, and that was awesome. I mean, I know that the point of swinging is sort of like luck of the draw, but they did not shuffle well. I got 35 men in a row. I'm not doing that again. I just got Helen Mirren after Helen Mirren after Helen Mirren.

Well, we don't have too much time left. So I think it's time we got to bring out our final guest for the evening. The boss of all bosses. Rimo Gaji. Please, welcome to the stage. He needs no introduction. You know who it is. It's Matt Grisman.

Thank you. Matt? Thank you. Matt is going to take us out tonight with a phone. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. No, seriously, that's terrible.

That's okay. Oh, no. Please. You're embarrassed me. Stop it. Like fucking Mussolini over here. No, in all seriousness, Nancy Pelosi, Jr. is right.

Our faves, indeed, are implicated. And I know it's really tough to see, you know, the struggling, you know, the humiliation, even through, in jail for his beliefs. So I dedicate this. This poem to Prince Andrew, courage, a divine union, 10 years and podcasts. Scene, Golgatha, exterior, day. A passion play entered the spear of longinous, piercing towards D.C.

And blooding, oozing in parts unknown. We awaken a cast of crimson eye to see the horizon, the Janus face, the december. the deceptive dance of capital, smile slash credits, frowns slash debits. Roll away Plato's tave, suffocated with blackness, drawing on and on like an infernal mantra, hope and change, hope and change, hope and change, to make to sleep perchance to dream, waiting to be born of nightmares. Clinton cackled with delight, the macarena of madness. Then along came Bernie. I chant and I sing, Bernie, Bernie, Bernie, candidate for president who keeps the hope fires burning. I don't know. I'm sorry.

Simon Pure Bernie's waits a hidden imam in the fallout from there is no alternative. He chanced the holy mantra. I am not crazy. The Flint, Eugene Debs, femurs, spindled into the hearth of ribcage. Incantations sparked embers in defiance of banal hegemony. And we are dry boys. Perfect kindling for the flames. The divine spark catches the tinder, a triangle to punch out the tomb. The sun hits the triangle, a ride of colors to shame of Clinton chromatic.

The cave fish came stumbling towards the light, looking to somewhere over the rainbow. The Bush-Clinton merger, as said on Yelp, the food is terrible and such small portions. The bland funeral campaign death march thumped in Morse code. There's got to be another way. The congregation for an alternative, a champion, a speaker of truth, a teller of stories that bind the iron chains with narrative, to tin cups vibrating. The signified cannot hear the foul. falcon, frantically tweeting about the second coming.

The emperor's new brain slouching towards Margarago to be born. A handsome hamburger party. A dark ritual invoked in the blood-dibed tide. Ten years. Of Ekebromo, behold the dude bro. Keggstang, Medicare for All, and butt-shagging David Foster Wallace's ed notes. Nine years. 9-11, Hillary has fallen.

The repeated lie, I feel great. Eight years. The secret of our success, dear audience, CIA connections, natch. But we know things and we hear things. The underground radio station, 4.20 a.m., turns from static to, We are not crazy, that we are all this in this together. No quotations mark needed. Seven years.

Please clap. Six years. Hey, come on, man. Please clap. A second, heck. Five years. Please, for the love of God and all things holy, clap. Four years.

The rigid abstemiousness runs itself risk of putting at a dietary distance. from an American electorate that still binges on carbs and after eight years of a tea-sipping president craves of a relatable eater-in-chief. Three years. All hail of eater-in-chief, I guess. They are eating the dogs. They are eating the cats that are in there.

Say it with me. Dogs. They're in the cats that are in there. Do we bring in the cats? Go-le-d-d-d-cat. By the way, I swear to God, I would not coach him. It's like, it's like osmosis. I don't know.

It's a mystery. Two years. The Chernobyl meltdown grows up a graphite glow to mark the great transition from Glenn Beck and Rachel Maddall. For the media hordes with their rose-colored glasses, it's difficult to see the bloodstains, trading in hysteria to humor, the mystic alchemy between laughing and I'm actually laughing, to quietly wait with a straight face for the call. One year. Seriously, Bernie could have won.

It's easy to sink into despair, to hide behind iron bars with ice raids from bombing Iran, from years of lead poisoning, to drown in despair as the light dims, the dying of the empire, infrastructure leached your bloodstream. acceptance and self-loathing, chanting you love to see it, you love to see it, I'm actually laughing. But every ear is a heart, is a hearth, stoking the fire, eating the air sharp and clean, hope last breath for a better world. We are not crazy. Break the dousing rod, and remember, Kai is a wheel, and there will be water as God wills it. Sit in the doorway and huddle next to the fire and listen and breathe. Taste the burning wood and listen to rhythm of your heart's beat.

Clear, blamless, saying in a flat monotone, I'm here, I'm feel, I'm warmth, I laugh, I am alive. Forge the path towards these so-called grassroots built not by guilt or ego, but by necessity, ends up here. Bernie is dead. Long live Mom Donnie. Bernie is dead. Long live Gavin Newsom? Just kidding. Fuck that guy.

Bernie is dead. Long live you. The drowning is Aspartame spewed out from my mouth seized by force or animal will to code a divine directive. Not dehumanize yourself and face to bloodshed, but a simpler slogan, Golgotha program.

and playing as a sermon on the mount. For each according to the abilities, to each according to his needs. The heart burns on. To quote August Spies, there will tread upon a spark, but there and there, behind you and in front of you, and everywhere, flame blazes up.

It is a subterranean fire. You can't put it out. And, to quote, Bain, the fire rises. And to quote, Rumi, out beyond of Carolord and Inri Bro, there is a field. To quote Bain, I will meet you there. Seriously, I'm blushing. You shouldn't have.

Before we wind up this show, I want to give some quick thanks, especially the people who help with the videos. Shout out to Jake Yeris, who is here tonight, who helped shoot the interstitial deserts casino scene. Shout out to Jason Forrest Hogg who is here tonight who helped make the intro video and all these amazing graphics and shout out to my wonderful wife, Molly O'Brien, who is here tonight who has captain taken care of our baby while I focused obsessively on making this show happen.

And once again, shout out to Spencer who wrote the Nicki A-C in the desert. And shout out to Catherine Krieger as well. Shout out and thank you to everyone. everyone we performed here on stage with tonight. It's been 10 years of this, and I've long said, the thing I'm most proud of doing this show now for a decade is all our friends who came after us,

all the other shows that we, like, I don't know, that we're friends with, that we work with, just everyone out there who's like doing something new, doing something for themselves, and like having it go at it, if you have something to say, maybe you can make money doing it. And I guess to close out,

I just want to say, Los Angeles, in the end, I wound up right back where I started. The world is more evil than ever, but I'm still good on the mic, and I could still riff with all the boys back home. And why mess up a good thing? And that's that.