Chapo Trap House - 1027 - Komm Susser Rod feat. Andrew Hudson (4/13/26)

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

Andrew Hudson of E1 returns to cover the downfall of two great men: Viktor Orbán in Hungary and Eric Swalwell in California. Also in the news: JD Vance goes on an international losing tour from Pakistan to Hungary, Trump threatens military action against the Pope, and another dispatch from Punished Rod. Our 10 year anniversary merch is ready for pre-order through April 30! Order at https://chapotraphouse.store/ Listen to Episode 1 here: https://soundcloud.com/episode-one-868768631 And subscribe here: https://www.patreon.com/e1podcast/posts

Eric Swalwell said the allegations are coming out. It's time to get a little white Latino. That's how he looked in that video. Yeah, he just dropped out of the governor's race, right? And he was like, he's like, allegations untrue. I apologize for what I did. And I'm dropping out of the governor's race. I apologize for my wife for these things that didn't happen.

Yeah. Oh, man. Is there anyone who works in. politics who isn't a complete, I mean, any, sorry, any man who works in politics that isn't a complete sex maniac? Whom amongst us has not followed a woman into the women's bathroom and taken off his shirt. Yeah. Well, I, I mean, like, this is just like, this is just like the tip of the iceberg.

I heard, like, Lindsay Graham, he's like the biggest fucking coon hound, or punhound, sorry, on Capitol Hill. So this was, this is incredible, right? So everyone in the Democratic influence or space, like all the people who spent the last month being like, let's kill Hassan. They were like, oh, actually, I was a staffer 10 years ago

and I've known since actually 2013, this guy's a huge rapist. Yeah, everyone told me, I just chose not to say that until now. A lot of bravery going around in that space. Profiles and courage. Yeah. I don't know. It's like, is it a future of just like the

psychology of men who get into politics that like they can't get laid in a normal way? Like, that they have to fuck everyone who works for them. And it's just like, yeah. The women that are around you are just like your personal harem. And then you're like, you know, in a car on the way to a fundraising event, you just whip out your dick and you're like, wah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Baby wants to fuck. Oh. Touch it. I think it's partly that, but I also think it's like the personality types of people who at at least make it to Congress, it's like a nice bonus for them that the pool. of people that they can fuck now are terrified of them. Well, that's why

they need a lighter approach. They need to be like less aggressive, power machismo guys. They need a guy that's like, if I don't see a pair of boobs right now, I'm going to kill myself. On his LinkedIn. That's a like, that's a better bit approach. Spencer said in the video where like he

apologizes, he says he's dressed like Maxwell. Like, he's yeah, yeah, yeah. An R&B singer. He thinks he's so fucking hot. Gavin Newsom needs a pivot to just act like chubby checker. He thinks this scandal is like, well, looks like everyone's mad at me for getting all the pussy

and not like decades of rapes. Wasn't Swalwell the guy that was reportedly involved with like a Chinese spy too? Or is that just someone else? Okay. No, that was Swalwell. Okay. I was laughing about that. The fucking China clocked his ass coming a mile away.

Yeah, that's Talk about your bad. That is like, that's the real Americans. Being the girl has to date Eric's Walwell. Not that, not as cool and glamorous is that show. Not as many wigs involved. How many guys like are in American politics are just like, honey pots are not real. This would never be.

She wants to fuck me. It's a, guys, honey pots. They're an urban legend. It's fake. I invented them. Like alligators in the sewers. It's not real. Every woman that comes on to me genuinely wants to fuck me.

It's like how they would release information in, you know, the inquirer. And it was all fake just to make you think it was real. Lindsay Graham, like, walking out of his townhouse in like a Victorian era sailor suit. He's like, you still believe in that. You think they want to blackmail us? Listen, we just get ass. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. You still believe in honey pots at age 45 because by then it's marginal, right? All the women who work, all the women who work for you are your slaves in this life and the next. Eric. You're collecting their souls. So you can get, you can get top on the way to a funder. Eric's always like, when I was 30 years old, I was still putting government secrets under my pillow hoping a honeypot. I was not really.

I was thinking, Eric's will, well, he, like, just if he was born. just like three years earlier, right? He would be exactly the guy you played in the last E1 D&D I was in. Oh yeah, just like a Warped Tour guy. He's got like wristbands. Dude, he has the same personality as one of those. He'd be posting pictures of his wife married happily being like, yeah, blood on the dance floor.

What a great time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His wife who was born in 2009. He has the face of a pop punk predator. But he's just like, you know, he got it. into like, you know, being a NATO guy. Oh, also, this has opened up the lane for the California governor's race. Tom Steyer, former choppo guest, probably could be the next governor of California,

which I'm down with. I had to, like, cover my mouth from laughing when I interviewed him for like five minutes back in Iowa. But it's Tom Snyder. He fucks a juvenile. And, you know, by all accounts, is not. Instead of a fucking a juvenile. That's what I would go with. I was thinking about Swalwell.

And, like, the fact that he's just, like, whipping his dick out. He's like, just like any woman who works for him is just, you know, we need some respect for guys like Elliot Spitzer or like the fucking Louisiana politician who's getting dived up by the DC madame. Oh, yeah, David Vitter. Yeah, David Dube's husband. Like just gets some juicy tities, you know? Yeah, just like, yeah. Talking to pros. Just talk to a pro or a semi-pro.

Like, just handle your shit outside of your job. You know, it's like. like Cuomo too and he's like asking his like young female staffers about their sex lives and stuff it's just like look even even if like you want to say oh like he didn't he didn't rape anybody he was just you know he's just yeah he was just we just moved on the head had someone go down on you properly lesbians just need a good folk like this is an indictment of like not just your character but like not just your character and your personality but like if you're going to be like an elected official like you cannot be that stupid if you like if you cannot get laid in a normal

way like you are a degenerate maniac who should not be because these guys have the mindset they're like oh they want it they liked it yeah right that's that's all it is it's just they're fucking deranged with power but it is it is there is also like it i mean it is like the self-contradictory logic of a predator where it's like they do think like oh they want this they want me to do this they want me specifically, but while also like getting off on the like obvious fear and discomfort of those women. Like it's, it's self-selecting.

Like if you would do this job, you probably fucking get off on that. I'm sorry. It's like the Access Hollywood tape. I mean, like this is, this is Trump's mentality. It's like when you're famous,

you can do it. You want to them. You know, like, uh, but Felix, your point earlier about how like, when this shit came out,

like everyone wanted to pat themselves on the, back because they're like, oh, you know, in democratic circles, everyone's known about this for years. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, well, oh, cool, man. How brave of you for piping up now when it's like a national news story. Yeah, but it also just like, hey, like, oh my God, wait, you work in politics. That's so fucking cool. I never thought that any, you people, uh, organizer memes.

I'm giving you He still hasn't been posted a fucking meal out of organizing I've killed 20 hostages and he won't do it but any of these guys No like all these people are like Because there are some low level staffer Or do like comm's work for like a fucking like city council

And they're like I'm going to take you behind the real Washington DC And it's just like I'm going to pierce the veil of power and politics And let you know that like Yeah it's kind of an open secret that everyone we work for is a sex depraved sex maniac. Yeah. It's like they're doing aces high. We're going to show you

the real Washington. I will say I will say I frequent the pediatric ICU at work and I talk to a lot of these children who are terminally ill and I'd say nine out of ten of them each time. It's just like I just wish he'd post an organizer meme.

He refuses to do it. Andrew, as a medical professional, How many children would you say have died in the last five years because he hasn't posted an organizing meme? Upwards a 70. But no, it's just like these people, it's like you wouldn't believe this. But I actually had the job that's for people who are immoral and obsequious enough to be junior investment bankers, but lack the intelligence. You wouldn't believe it, but I worked in that job. and I learned some secrets that I am somehow not revealing until fucking now.

I don't know. I have fantasies about I would like to go on a road trip with organizer memes, Olivia Giuliana, like all these people, and eat egg salad sandwiches in the car like Vince Vaughn and dragged across concrete. Here's the real inside story of Washington, D.C., but a lot of these accounts have blocked me. I can just like, I don't know. I can see it like kind of like a carouac fantasy of just like,

you bring a film camera and you're taking pictures of the organizer memes in Marfa, Texas. You're like, what a fucking incredible trip. Oh my God. Andrew, it's like the ninja and Travis Scott pick. I think I'm very clearly the ninja in the situation. Organizer memes to Travis Scott. And not just because of all the people he's killed. Season three of the pit is going to be like Dr. Robbie and he's going to be like,

The cost of health care for the average American is skyrocketing. And then Dr. Alashimi is going to be like, and the organizing memes often don't even post memes. And our patients are dying as a result of it. Look to the camera. You can help. Oh, my God. Langdon relapses because he has like a really tough day.

There's, um, let's say like the big incident, the mass shooting equivalent for this season. It's, um, there was a bouncy castle that collapsed. And so it's just like 36 hours. They are like burnt the fuck out. And he's just like, I just need to see a meme about organizing. Just show me a meme about canvassing. Show me a name about canvassing. And then he goes to organize their memes page manually.

That's how bad he wants it. He goes there manually. And he's expected to see something about like using Act Blue, about like knocking on doors, about phone baking. Instead, he reads the 50th post that day that's like, you know, you shouldn't ask Jews they support Israel. And he just he just swallows an entire bottle

of Xanax like a snake. He's in a coma but the season finale he wakes up from it and like they extubate him and they're like we have good news and one of those dud residents shows them that the page posted the bugs funny that said like back to the old me

it's all going to be okay it's a whole finale finally a good ending. The patients are like intubated and they're like they show them Bugs Bunny like, I don't know, yeah, like, time to knock on doors and hand out leaflets and flyers at my local

farmer's market. They're like, they're like, it's Bugs Bunny and then they're like, could you express how you feel about this meme? And then Dr. King is like, oh, you can use this iPad. You can type out how you feel. Thumbs up, thumbs down. And then they're like, flat line.

This is, I don't know what, like, I've repeatedly like auditioned for the pit. I'm banned from the set, even though I've never been there. Man covered in shit. He showed up to the pit with one of my balls threaded through my fly. And I was like, I'd like to play a new doctor, please. But I think they should let us write for the show. I'm a resident who's pushing 40.

Oh, Andrew, they should have us on to play the pop punk residence. Oh, yeah, okay. And there's like a child that got. shot in the head and we're like Goonies never say die. Yeah and he's like check this out. He's playing hell song out of his phone. You ever fuck with some 41? Oh, that's so cool.

They'll bring you on as the night shift after like the fifth hot air balloon accident in the city of Pittsburgh that day. Sends another 40 bodies to the ER. Yeah. And they're like we're bringing in the ringers. We're bringing in the ringers from the night shift. They need to have me on there be like you're like the fat boys. You want it. You want realism.

You want realism. You do like the wire and the Sopranos where they had people who actually lived out life. But I'm going to just keep doing improv. They're going to kick me off the fucking show. Andrew, I have the same idea. I want to play a doctor who's like, I'm Moonlight as a comedian. And I don't have all these problems, like all these, I'm not self-harming. I abuse X responsibly.

I'm not suicidal except for when I'm inconvenienced. Like, I'm not like a head judge, like all these other fucking doctors. but Moonlight is getting and so like whenever everyone's like really down I sort of bring the mood

back up and here's some ones I thought of while I was watching it so like for the episode where it's a mass tuning at the concert

I go who was playing Nickelback this is really good I think this is like they could end the episode on this one you remember the episode

where like the kid is brain dead and the parents are like really struggling through it it's like multi episode really sad

I would come in when Dr. Robbie's talking to the parents and it's just like they're screaming. They don't want to like go to talk to the organ donation person. And I'm like, well, I guess we know who your son's voting for now. Donald Trump. I would do the classic good news, bad news gag. You know, like with like the sister who drowns. I'd be like, you want the good news or the bad news?

Well, the good news is you have about half as many birthday and Christmas presents to worry about going. I'd be a little icebreaker to break the tension. This patient is having profound amounts of emacist. You know, they're throwing up over and over. And then one of the rest is like, oh, let's get them some Zofran. And I'm like, look at their acute. You see prolongation.

You can't get that to them. Oh, man. If, Andrew, you could bring back D2D. That could like, oh, that would be like really good. I think there would be less mass shootings if we still had D2D. A patient goes by organizing. memes, but a brief audit of their social media account shows no organizing memes being posted whatsoever. And then like, Santos will pipe up and be like, actually, in the Washington Post article,

he dressed as the government slut down for Halloween. Is that not a meme? And then they'll be like, you're fired. Fuck you. There should be an episode of the pit where the, it's on Halloween and the whole staff are doing a pimps and hose party while they were working. Langdon shows up dressed as Obi-Wan Canobie and he's like, what? I thought it was all real. Well, all right. About 20 minutes into the show. Let's, let's officially start the show. We're going to talk about the war.

We're going to talk about the war. But like, if you make the pit, please contact us. We want to play characters that are Leslie Nielsen, but he kills people. Also, if you are also Scott Gimble or Noah Wiley, please let Dr. Langdon do drugs again, he's a better doctor and cooler when he's a fucking high, okay? And like, hospitals have plenty of drugs.

They're the place with the most drugs. And who would be more responsible at using drugs? I think he'd be cooler. I feel like, his whole day was like, I have an ambient problem. Oh, if he was like, if they changed it to like he's the sleepy doctor and he's always wearing a nightgown and he cares around a candle. Working nights, huh?

And they call him Dr. Wee Willie Winky. Yeah. That was my thing with Cat, Cat Abigazella. I thought that she should have leaned into being sleepy. Did you say she just started a pack called Wake Up Pack? No, it should have been called Unwakeable. And like he listened to, dude, listen to how good this ad is. Like she got so fucking close, man.

She almost beat like a real guy who has a Wikipedia pitch. She got close. And she just had like other people like her running the campaign. But if she had me, here's what the ad is. It's so good. Okay, so it's like a low light reel of America. Charlottesville, January 6th, some type of annoying protest where, like, white people are wearing those I'm sorry shirts. And intercut with all them is cat, like, just asleep at a restaurant booth.

And it's sort of, it's sort of like the daisy ad because it's implied, like, I'm too tired to do, to be too woke or to be like too right way. None of this rioting, none of this is going to go on Because I need to sleep 22 hours of debt I am really tired And then just unwakable flashes across the screen We would have sold like cat 2026 nightgowns and candles Candles would be a huge thing

But I don't know I think she's like a Nixonian figure I'm excited for her to be president Everyone at the rally is wearing sleep masks Yeah. Usually when people have their mouths tape shut, it's like a protest of some kind. But this is actually to encourage breathing through the nose. Yeah.

You know, you can't dream unless you sleep. That's totally good. Oh, that's so good. Andrew, we would be like, we would be like, Holderman and Liddy in the cat. Yeah, there'd be, dude, there needs to be a Tanner 88 type of series, but it's Felix. We could change the world. All right.

Officially to start the show, it is Monday, April 13th. This is your Chapo. And we are joined by our good friend, Andrew Hudson, in case you hadn't figured that out. Fresh off, our triumph in Los Angeles, I do have a bit of show business to dispense with at the top of the show. Our 10-year anniversary merchandise is up on the Chapo store. The merch is live now.

This is a pre-order open now through April 30th. So get that order in. And once all the orders are tallied up, we will manufacture your 10th anniversary merchandise and ship it after April 30th. Okay. We dispensed with Eric Swalwell. We dispensed with organizer memes and season three of the pit. Now let's get to- Shit, I call it.

Oh, that's all. If Mad TV, it was still going on, we could make a skit where it's like, all they're in the hospital, but it's a big toilet and all the patients are poop. Okay. I think you're kind of stepping on pot about less toes here. All right. Well, to get to the other big story of the weekend, Felix and on our last episode, we talked about the ceasefire talks in Pakistan.

Well, that was a big dud. I mean, look, I don't know if anyone really believed that the U.S. delegation was going there to actually negotiate. Right? Because their attitude is like they wouldn't agree to all of our demands. We're going home. But probably like the, I think what is like probably the master stroke of this war so far in terms of like strategy,

art of war, the prince Machiavelli. Donald Trump has announced that he is going to blockade the blockade. So we couldn't get Iran to cough up control of the straight of Hormuz. So Donald Trump says, oh, they think they can crash the global economy. Not so fast. We'll do it first. Just in related news, I am going on a sex strike against Dakota. to Johnson.

This is for, from Politico. President Donald Trump on Sunday announced a U.S. naval blockade of the Strait of Muz and threatened to destroy the little bit that is left of around

after peace talks in Islamabad fell apart overnight. And they pair of. Okay, why are we even having talks then? Like, if they're, if they're just,

there's no more Iran, it's gone. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's just,

it's just that little bit that keeps, it's the little bit that still controls the Strait of Hormuz. And like, I know this is like hack to point out at this point, but like the demands here going from like they must open the Strait of Hormuz. They don't do it. Then they're like, okay,

every European country and China and Russia, you got to get in with us, you got to help us open the street. And then it was like, oh, fuck it. We don't even need, we don't even get our gas and oil from the Strait of Hormuz so we don't even need it open. Fuck it. We don't care. Then it was like, open the straight or we're going to drop a fuck. We're going to wait your

civilization off the map, you know, wink, wink, with atomic weapons. And that didn't work. I mean, like, the Trump people are pretending, like, his threat to nuke Iran is what got them, it was what got them to the negotiating table. It's like the exact opposite. It's true. Like, we were the ones that fucking, like, this deal, the 10-point plan that Iran, you know,

was supposedly negotiating on the table, like, a month ago. And now we were like, oh, like, now they're coming to talk because we threaten to nuke their country. We're leaving with nothing. They still control the straight of her moves. So the new, the new. You don't see the genius. The new master stroke is that we're going to blockade this trade of Hormuz and we're going to interdict any ship that Iran has allowed to pass through by paying a toll.

This is like the U.S. is just saying like, okay, no one wants to have sex to me. Fine. I'll cut off my penis. Yeah. I mean, we talked about it last time, but like we were built. We both had the experience of being on the plane and like just watching on in horror. And in retrospect, realizing that the point of the threat was that they knew they were, we're going to send JD to the negotiation, which, you know, a real case of leading with your best foot, putting your best foot forward.

And they wanted to make it look like Iran folded to that threat, obviously. But I hope that one day we do get a book about JD negotiating with them because it is like one of the most fascinating disparities in negotiating parties. It's astonishing. You have like on the Iranian side, you have all these guys. who like came of age during the Iran-Iraq war, then like got dual PhDs and like engineering and early Ottoman literature.

They speak nine languages. They're all really hot. They're like walking outside daring people to assassinate them. And then you have like a fat crack baby who wrote the Flanders press for the Marines. Like when he was in the army, he was such a pussy that they were like, okay, your assignment is articles.

And like to send J.D. Van, to like, because like, look, they knew that, they knew going into this, that unless Iran showed up in Islamabad and was like, we agreed at all of your demands, that they were going home. But that was the only, like, they weren't going to negotiate anything. So, like, I think they were doing this to buy time,

maybe to, like, re-up their interceptor stocks in Israel or elsewhere, you know, like, take some more away from South Korea. You know? Yeah. You know, like, give China some time to, like, really plot about what to do about Taiwan. on. But like,

you don't send JD Vance to be like the lead negotiator if you're not planning on having like potential nuclear escalation. Oh, organizer is here. What's the one for you? Sending J.D. Vance to the negotiations. Coffee and baby versus hydrogen bomb.

Oh, you should have its job. I know. I need to make 550K a year. Um, did you hear that organizer memes, uh, he was hanging out with,

um, Drayman Green. Yeah. Yeah. No, he's Organizer memes There's actually There's a sex tape

Of him and Tiana Trump Oh okay Oh wow Yeah Dude that's awesome But um He's out yeah I

My as a veteran JD watcher My favorite thing that JD does When he's like spiraling When he's in crisis He actually is kind of like Organizer memes Because whenever his world is falling apart He quotes like these accounts

I did not even know you could access anymore. He quotes accounts called like Will Ferrell Funniest Moments or Freaking Movies. And he's like, oh, this die hard not a Christmas movie. I didn't know. That's when he's talking the gun out of his mouth.

So I'm really, I have alerts up for what he's going to do next because he, he was so weird and disgusting that Orban, I was thinking about how like every politician when they lose, they go, this is the result we wanted, but like the war continues.

J.D. demoralized Orban so much that after he lost, he was like, this result is disappointing and the work of our campaign dies with me. It's over. Let's kill ourselves. He's been rebuked by the Pope. Trump is announcing himself as the Antichrist. It's amazing. His presence has caused, like,

probably 500,000 young people to volunteer for the IRGC. It's a bad week. But he is going to post a scene from the movie Elf with like his face photoshopped in. A JD just needs a rebrand. He needs to be dropped. He needs to be fired from being VP or something. So he could totally rebrand like Justin,

uh, Justin Trudeau. You know, he's looking awesome at Coachella. He's just living like a North Chicago guy now. It's so sick. I love, I love him and Katie Pitt. They're, they're the perfect couple. Yeah, absolutely. They're like outside the bar at 1 a.m. streaming at each other.

And like you're kind of watching and see if you should intervene. You're like, eh. Right. It's one of those things of like who, like who's abusing who. Are they both abusing? Yeah, they both are just hitting each other. Yeah. And you're like, if I get involved, will they hit me?

They're so in love. Yeah. There are couples that are made for each other. And they are like. Because they're like 50 years old and they're like, I was got a good cell with a backwards hat. It's like, you'd a man, Dustin. Yeah.

It's perfect because like... You skit all of your crimes in Canada. And now he's missed enough. He's missed enough like the right wingers in Canada is so bad right now. I know. Like, what a fucking loser. And it's just like, yeah. Dude, Justin Trudeau and Katie Perry are both washed.

But like that's why they're the perfect couple. She's like sitting there filming him trying to land a kickflip. And they're like, there's a fucking pussy. Dude, I think on this show, us three, there have never been. bigger fans of the year 2014. And this couple, like, this is the official couple of people who peaked that year. That was

like the last good year of their lives. Everything since then has been like non-stop humiliation. Katie Perry's an ass-strap motherfucker. Oh, right. She did those days. Yeah, she did. But everyone was like, that's how bad things are. But Jeff Bezos's

weird wife. Yeah. I love his wife. No, she, uh, they rock. She's awesome. I want to let someone on Twitter one time so that she'd her Jeff Bezos Dominican. But going back to JD for a second, like

milestone week for him. Like an incredible generational run for JD because it started out with him going to Hungary to endorse Victor Orban. I'm like, the idea that any American politician, let alone the vice president would like travel

to any, like travel to a foreign country and make like, do like a campaign in stump speech for any other politician is hilarious. But having the VP do it for like the president of Hungary is hilarious. Did you see it that so he's doing a camp, like a stump for Victor Orban and Hungary. Because like

you know, that's what the people of Hungary are begging for. I mean like yeah, they love JD over there. They love him. Like, you know, it's like it's like, it's like when the boss would like campaign for Obama. You know what I mean? Like he's going to do a podcast with Victor Orban after he

quits being vice president. And he actually, he's going to be dating Katie Perry after he leaves, after he leaves Usher. But did you see, okay, at the campaign rally for Orban, Vance was on stage. It's like one of the most humiliating things I've ever seen. He's on stage and he's like, I'm going to call Trump right now.

Because like, you know, that's the people, I guess that's who the crowd wants to hear from. And he takes out his phone and he calls Trump's number, like into the microphone. And it rings and then goes to voicemail. And then he's like, ha, ha, ha. He's a busy guy. And then he tries again and it goes to voicemail again.

It was like, oh my God. And I feel bad for Victor Orban because he had J.D. Vance and Rob Schneider endorse him and he's still lost. You know my thoughts about Rob Schneider. I mean, like, if he just got Adam Carolla, it would have been a deal deal. But like, is this what the people in Hungary wanted to, like who they wanted to hear from? Yes. Probably. Yes.

Yeah. I mean, like, think about, think about what the average day in the life. of a Hungarian is. You wake up, you eat your breakfast onion. I mean, Orban. You ride your mule to work. As someone who is pretty Hungarian, I could speak for all of them and say that it's,

you know, J.D. Vance is a national hero there. Never been there. I don't speak the language, but I, you know, I feel it in my blood. And, Victor,

Arbon, needs to come to America and just do a tour. He goes on Rogan. Maybe even, he could do both sides. He could go on Stern, who's a big liberal, but Stern could be like, Hey, Victor, why don't you take out your ass? Come on, just show us.

Hey, Victor, Ravang, I guess I didn't realize this before because I saw a couple of photos of him in profile campaigning. Oh, boy, he's a big fatso. Oh, he is a big fatty. I like how he looks. I know. He's big and around. And, like, the guy who just beat him is a guy named Peter Magar.

That's insane. It's like being the president of John Smith or, like, Bob Broadway in America. Not even. That is like, that is. like the president of China is like Xi Han. The American, I guess, would be like

Richard Hamburger or something. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. If Kier's car was Kier Anglo. And as best I can tell, like, he's basically like a younger or more attractive version of Victor Orban. And like, the only difference being is that he's like pro-EU and anti-Russia

and like, but still has basically the same concentration of Hitler particles as Victor Orban. But like, I love, for like the right wing in this country and we'll talk about rod drear in a second an election in hungary is something that they're like really upset about hungry and the thing is crazy is like victor or oban something like that was kind of like the blueprint for like what oh yeah project 2025 they were like oh we just need to do that here

in america and like take control of the universities and you know reassert kind of like a nationalist religious uh conservatism or something like uh but i like again hungry i mean I've seen a lot of posts from like the Benny Johnson set of people going that's it Western civilization is over It's kind of a thing of like Well if it was down to Hungary I think like the game was already lost

I hate to bring it to you looks I saw so many accounts To be like this is a dark day Hungary and the West has fallen And it's just I mean They all watch They need to restore the Austro-Hungarian Empire When everything was much better I think

I've talked about this on the show. The first modern, like, attractive person ever, like in the modern sense, it was the Empress of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, Empress Sissy. Her full name, Empress Sissy Hypno. I mean, we were in L.A. And I saw Phoenix's background. I was fun. It's her.

Yeah. No, I, she was so beautiful. And she had such a shitty life. And if she had met me, I would have fixed all of it. But we lived in different eras of time. Maybe I'll get reincarral. as the Hungarian guy who she was rumored to have an affair with. But I,

Andrew, I agree with you. I loved what they did with the Austria, a Hungarian empire. Well, we would still have it. It weren't for some little Serbian shit who shot a great man in his car while he was with his wife.

It just, why are, why are they always trying to break up these countries into like shady little countries with like 20 people in them? What do we get out of that? It should all be one place. Like, China.

Chicago. It should be, like, it should be a country that's like Chicago or Detroit, where it's 50 million ethnicities who all decide that they're like, they're going to come together on one thing, and they're going to be a mix between Latino and Italian. And de bears.

They're from completely different parts of the world, different religions, different cultures, but they're all like our aesthetic is Dominican guy. No, I think the Polish should just take over everything. That's what we need. Yeah. What's going to? all with them. I haven't followed Polish politics.

It's like they put their entire... They're doing as good as Hungary. Great place to live. Yeah. Abortion is like illegal. It's awesome. Yeah. They're too religious over there in my opinion. They got to calm down with that. Well, okay. As long as you're talking about religion, another great

JD moment this week is like, I know he became Catholic like a couple weeks ago. But like, now he's in a spat with the fucking Pope. And not just him, but the whole Trump administration. Like, Trump did a truth social post where he said

the phrase that will probably live in my head until I die, Pope Leo is weak on crime. Like he's a fucking, like, he's the mayor of Vatican City. Yeah, like, he's been a big, there's been a big shoplifting spree at the Vatican gift store. Yeah. Pope Leo was not doing enough to stop the batman. But JD, like, okay, so like,

Apparently, like, the Pentagon, like, summoned the Vatican's ambassador to America to, like, read him the ride. Let me find this story. And now, J.D. is in the middle of this now. Essentially, they're hoarding by the free press is that they told him that the American military has a lot of might and they can do whatever they want. And the church should get on its side. Does that message sound correct to you? Is that something you would sign off? So, one, I, with no disrespect to the Cardinal, I don't know who Cardinal Christoph Pierre is.

He's the ambassador to the Holy See and the U.S. Oh, okay, okay. I've met him before. Sorry, I just didn't remember the name. Okay, so yeah. This is from a box here. It says, the burgeoning scandal hinges on news reports that in January, the previous ambassador of the Vatican to the United States

was called into an unusual meeting with Department of Defense officials at the Pentagon and dressed down. The Pentagon officials reportedly wanted to complain about a speech Pope Leo gave in Rome that appeared to criticize American foreign policy. During the meeting, one official issued what some of the church saw as a veiled threat to the Vatican. A warning that the U.S. wields unlimited military power and the Pope

should be conscious of that. It's like what Stalin said of the Pope. How many divisions this is just the international troubles. Like we're back to just Protestant versus Catholic like war. How many fucking religious wars is the Trump administration going to start? It is great. They're bringing back

the reformation now. Why is this protest? We are a Protestant nation. That's what we're based on. Why are they trying to control? Why are you trying to control a Pope? Why do you care? That's not your guy. Well, Andrew, the people

the people I feel the worst for in all this is all of the recent like converts to Catholicism who did it because it was based and trad. Where are they going to go now? Look at the cool art. Well, now they have to all be like Martin Luther. They're like, ah, fuck.

Now we have to like, we have to like, we're going to like, I'm as Catholic as you can get. But I'm not listening. This Pope is not my guy. I'm not listening to anything. He says. Pick a different.

religion you fucking moron growing up insanely the most catholic you can you go up really catholic Andrew you go you I mean yeah you have like nine brothers 10 siblings I'm so Catholic I went to a daily mass and served daily mass oh I will say that my whole life there's always motherfuckers going this is not a real pope it's like ah they would it's like they're saying people that do it like Obama like he's the anti-christ he's not a real president it's just like can you guys fucking chill and like just relax like who fucking cares it's not forever like also if you follow like your religion the pope is infallible i'm sorry bitch yeah it's it's like being jewish and being like well i hope this doesn't anger anyone but i'm actually worshipping a ball in addition to god i mean like i'm jewish

i'm jewish i love i love satyrs i love keeping holy the sabbath but you know what that giant golden Half. It's kind of, I'm a fan. Honestly, I make burnt offerings to the golden cast as well. I'm Jewish and our worship ball. We're important. We count. It matters.

I'm going to start, you know, the offshoots in early Catholicism, you know, right after Jesus left and everything, they were starting all this stuff up. And then there's people that branched off. Like, oh, we're the Gnostics. Now, I swear that there's, like, people that are like, oh, you know, those are actually the right guys, you know, the material world is not real. Like, they just keep branching off. weird shit. It's like we did this like 2,000 years ago, motherfuckers. You're not doing anything new.

There is a real, the Gnostic Pope. It's like there's a real Pope, but the current Pope is sort of like a fake pope of our fake reality. That's also a demon. Of course. Are there any other people like me who are Shia Muslims, but they're really into Abu Bakar? Andrew, I'm really excited for this for the war between America and the Vatican to officially start because of how gross JD is because we're going to get what we wanted, which is the super alliance between the axis of resistance and Catholicism.

I mean, it's literally shards are getting pulled in. You can make the argument that Shia Catholicism is the one thing that opposes Israel. You have the Irish Iranians. They come together. They're going to be like the most powerful thing. You know, the but Larry and Jihad is coming.

Destroy the data centers. Think about all the Catholic countries. Spain? Oh, yeah, Spain. Oh, my God. Also on top. On top of being like, you know, we're done with Israel. Don't have anything to do with them.

Italy just announced that they're, that they're no longer. That's why Hungarians are fucking fakes because they're supposedly so Catholic, but then they won't stand up to anything. And they're just like, we want this big fat. so oh now we want it's like hotter the hotter version of them as all but it's the same shit they don't do I mean like Hungary's got no motion at all so it doesn't matter but just just reading more from the the spat between the Pentagon and the Vatican which it's like that's so funny it's like what is

this this is like the 1500s anymore the Pentagon doesn't need to beef with the Vatican okay it's like look I know there's a billion Catholics in the world but like the Vatican is like a museum you know like if they disapprove of your war and you can just be like, oh, sorry to hear that. You know, like, I, I, I really, okay, the Pentagon needs to hire a mercenary army to occupy Italy. Yeah, they want, yeah, they want to install like, like, another American pope. They're not going to pay the mercenaries.

They're not going to pay the mercenaries, and the mercenaries are going to take over America. Well, like, you have guys like Heg sets who literally like, okay, Hexas is a Calvinist who believes that Catholicism should be illegal in America. But he's also, like, a Christianist. What year is it? Like you can't be anti-Catholic, it'd be a crusader too

dog like He's got the crusader of his fault tattoos and yeah like Pete Higgs' pastor is a guy who says is a strict Calvinist which is about like you know that's about his antitheticals of the Catholic Church

you can guess all the guys that were and he says in his ideal country any public profession or practice of the Catholic faith would be illegal just like Felix you're right what fucking year is this this is the shit they're getting like

this Thomas Nash shit yeah they vote how the archbishop tells them and who tells the archbishop their king in the pointy hat but sits on this rhone and roam I got one more thing on the the Vatican spat it says the free press reported that the meeting

was meant to be a warning to the Vatican a reminder that militarily the US can do whatever it wants and the Vatican and Leo better take its side and it's devolved into a quote bitter lecture that's when one specific term jumps out, which caused this whole episode to become an actual scandal. Someone in the room, according to the free press, the Financial Times, and the independent

journalist Christopher Hale, invoked the name Avignon, which some Vatican officials reportedly understood to be a military threat against the Vatican. Guys, Andrew, Felix, I cannot tell you how much I want Donald Trump to proclaim himself the anti-Pope and set up a rival papacy in Maralago, Florida, like Orlando, Florida. Oh, yeah. And like the new, the Avignon, like the new Vatican is like a golf course. Well, we already have a Vatican. It's got Disney World.

Yeah. They have their own police there. Just take over Disney World, dog. That's like the, just making it some state or its own country like the Vatican is. Exactly. And like, you know, like Epcot Center and like or just like the, the, the castle that they have or Walt Disney's brain is frozen. I need Donald Trump to declare himself the anti-po. And we, I don't we talked about this.

Do you have a Swiss cake world guard? you know. They're dressed like cards like an Alice in Wonderland. I think at this point like we would probably lose to the Swiss Guard. I know there's not that many of them.

Those guys don't have anything else to do but train, you know? Yeah. How many US Marines have ever trained with a halberd? None of them, I imagine. One of the greatest weapons in history. Oh, Halberds are so safe. It's easy mode in Dark Souls.

Yeah. It's like it's the best of everything. It's a sword. an axe and a spear all in one. You could slash and Pierce damage. Definitely my favorite black night drop in that again. But like I'm sorry like I think we're underrating

how insane it is for like the for the Pentagon to be threatening the Vatican. Like all the Vatican said is it was like yeah like morally speaking from our religion we can't endorse this warrior doing. They're not going to fucking stop you. So like whether they're threatening them

militarily. Right. And it's also like have you, are you for familiar with their whole thing. Like, yeah. Their thing is that they don't like killing and what they don't like things that are against like the Ten Commandments. It's like if I,

you know, I hosted like a big party where I was like, okay, everyone, I bought 80 kilograms of MDMA. I'm going to put it in a big cube in the center of the room. We're all going to take some and we're all going to covet each other's wives. And I invited the Pope there and he was like,

I don't think I can come to that. That sounds like our 10th anniversary party. That's like, yeah. Yeah. He was like and he was just like a lot of that is kind of just against my whole thing. I was like, what the fuck, man? What are you like? Okay, then don't invite him to the war for Israel.

My favorite comment on Pope Leo outside the outside being accused of being soft on crime, which is again, so fucking perfect. I saw Sean Hannity be like, the Pope says he's against war but he has he ever read the Bible has he ever heard of a little story called David and Goliath and it's just like yeah

the Pope probably is I think he's probably skimmed the Bible a few times unlike you Sean who probably like you observed the audio book version while you're doing like MMA training I never understood about Christians like my whole life is people that like they followed so much out of the Old Testament

it was like the new testament was the whole point of it's like yeah yeah trace came and he's like this is the new testament. This is the real deal. This is the new deal that we're dealing with. Not like they care. Not like they fucking care anyway. The Old Testament, that's Jewish. That's all the Jewish stuff in the Bible. Get to the fucking sequel. But American Christians love David more than anyone.

And during Trump 1, they would compare Trump to David a lot, actually. It was very interesting. But they love David because David specifically, the sort of point of everything in 2 Samuel is like that David is this giant fucking asshole of a guy. He's a terrible fucking guy But because of his Unbreakable covenant with God, his personal belief, it's basically

Okay. I've told the story of Bathsheba on the show, right? Of how David, David is, he's Why, he sees this woman and he's like, oh my God, she's so fucking hot. I already have 7 billion wives, but like, what's one more?

And then someone goes, David, that's your best friend Uriah's wife. And David goes, let's see what we can do about that. He sends his best fucking friend Uriah to the front lines to get killed in a war. He fucks Bathsheba and God who has already put up with so much of his

shit is like, you've really fucking done it this time, asshole. Okay, you know what's going to happen? You knock that girl up, that girl whose husband you killed? Guess what? That baby is going to be still born. And so he spends nine months praying and crying to God begging him to spare the kid.

And then the day the kid is born, it's obviously it draws one breath and dies. And David just stops crying. And the Shiba's obviously like her life is ruined. Her life has been destroyed. And she's like, what the, like, aren't you sad too? And he's like, well, I tried.

Have a good life. David, the story of David, because everyone remembers the first part. Everyone remembers the big dove, right? His big victory over Goliath. It's actually a cautionary tale about not defining your life by one big victory when you were a teenager. And then everyone hails you for it for the rest of your life. become a massive asshole. And you're terrible to everyone around you

because you won state in high school. I have a suspicion that Goliath was just a big kind, mentally disabled man. And David bullied him. He bullied him by whipping rocks at his head with his sling. It's heavily implied.

I'm doing revisionism. I'm a Goliathian. We all know how Felix feels about Goliath. Oh, my God. Well, that is the other thing. It's like, okay, who is Goliath? here. The global hegemon, the avatar of finance capital and sin and avarice, or the country that is standing up to literally like eight of the worst countries in the world. Yeah, like, whose civilian population is being like just pummeled with, like, and I'm sorry,

Lebanon too. I mean, I don't know we talked about this in the last episode, but like, because the United States and Israel has been like been strategically routed by Iran, they're just letting fucking Israel do like another Holocaust in Lebanon right now. It's fucking unspeakable. Like what's being

what's happening to Lebanon right now, let alone Iran. But like Felix, to your point about Donald Trump being the anti-Pope and the anti-Christ, like I know you guys saw that thing

he posted today where it was like an AI generated image of him as Jesus Christ healing someone. Yeah. By the way, people got mad but like his excuse about this

was great. And Andrew, I was thinking, he says i did post it and i thought it was me as a doctor and had to do with the red cross as a red cross worker there which we support it's supposed to be me as a doctor making people better now he's like he's wearing like red flowing robes in this it makes sense he's wearing red right yeah i love i love if a doctor showed up like wearing that i would just be like all right i'll just go home i'll take my chances but like it's my point is

like he is literally like he is blaspheming literally he's proclaiming himself as God as Jesus Christ and I gotta say like as an anti-pop anti-christ figure like if you believe in any of that

Donald Trump has to be the number one candidate for like the real world antichrist and we talked about this at the live show Matt brought it up before but like is there any human being in world history who on a global scale better embodies like the exact opposite of the life of Jesus Christ and everything he said in the Gospels and did.

Really, really only, the only guy who can match up with him in terms of like Antichrist's pure statistics. Johnny Depp. Well, they said he would be handsome. No, I was going to say Mr. Beast. Yeah, yeah. Those are like the two guys. Yeah.

I mean, his name is literally Mr. Beast, which is like kind of on the nose. I paid someone $250,000 to be in a brazen bull for 24 hours. But, you know, he basically does worship a golden calf. Yes. He covers everywhere he goes. He like gills it in gold. Yeah.

Everything he does is to glorify himself. So gold is sad now. And to steal from people and to like extol the virtues of being rich and powerful over being like a weak and destitute. And, you know, like, in his personal values, he is just a thief and a whoremonger and a fucking, just a criminal. And a rapist. He's a rapist. Like, oh, my God.

But it's like every time they're like, hey, you fucked this person over. You cheated this person. It's like, yeah, what am I an idiot? Of course I did. I'm never, never give a sucker and even break, you know? Like, I remember when Jesus said that in the sermon on the mount. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. I was talking about the other amazing thing that happened this week. How about Melania's press conference out of nowhere? Where she just like, apparently the White House communications didn't even know she was going to be making public comments. And then like, apropos of nothing, she gets out there and goes,

I was not sex trafficked by Jeffrey Epstein and Delize my stuff. And then of course, like a Daily Beast article comes out outlying the obvious connections between that guy, Paolo, Zempelli or whatever. Like the whole Epstein network and Melania. obviously. But like, interesting that this happens, like, the day after

Iran in America, like, potentially agreed with ceasefire. Yeah. The timing is a little interesting. But, like, look, other... I mean, I know we mentioned it on this show, but, like, was anyone really, like, asking Melania about her connections to Jeffrey Epstein? But I know she's trying to get out ahead of, like,

a potentially damaging news story. But, like, man, oh, man. Like, the first lady of the United States is, like, hey, I just want to clarify for the record here. No one was asking, but I am not a sex trafficking victim. Well, the guy who directed her film was good buddies with Epstein.

Yes, yes, there's also that. Just like, as you're leaving the house, just being like, oh, by the way, no one ever bought me. I've never been sold to anyone and definitely not my current husband. Yeah, like, she's like, I just simply met Donald at the party that Jeffrey Epstein

was at. The lies about me and my family must stop. They met at mood ring in Bushwick. It's literally the Mike Ginn tweet from years ago. A lot of people are asking me about my I was not involved in human trafficking. Which answers itself or something like that. Well, so the reason that a lot of people think this is coming out,

you mentioned that Paulo is then poly guy. That is, I don't think we've talked about it on the show, but it's a very fucking dark kid. He just got his, like the woman he had a child with deported. Right. So he,

the woman who he, in question, who he wasn't married. to so she couldn't get citizenship, just had a domestic partner for 16 years. She and Melania Trump ran in the same social circles. I believe they were part of the same modeling agency. She had a kid with this Impalo guy, and they finally separated after 16 awful years of him, like, just abusing this shit out of her.

And she obviously, like, wanted custody of the kid, or at least to share custody. So he called up Trump, who he had also known for many years, weirdly enough, to sick. on her. And the thinking is that the woman who's at the center of this basically told Melania like hey, what the fuck? Tell your husband to take

his goons off me and let me see my fucking kid or I will tell everyone about how we were both purchased you fucking pig. And I mean, the timing kind of lines up. It's like a really fucking horrific story.

The last temptation of the Antichrist but instead of Donald dying in Butler, Pennsylvania, he receives a vision of going on to live as a man and marrying Mary Magdalene, and then she does a press conference where she was like, I was not sex trafficked by Pontius Pilate. Okay, and then like, back to JD, though. Back to, it's like, you know, like, it's been a hell of a week.

Back to JD. So he got sent to Pakistan to do this phony negotiation with Iran. He has set up to fail and be humiliated. And of course, his staff is, as this is going on, his whole staff is leaking to the New York Times, which then dutifully publishes it, comments about how he's so opposed to the war and around. Actually, he was the strongest voice in the administration

against this fucking disaster. So he's like, so you failed horribly. He's being set up as, he's being clearly set up as the fall guy by his boss for like him and Pete Hegseth and Benjamin Netanyahu's like, you know, insane apocalyptic agenda.

While J.D. Vance was doing these phony negotiations, Donald Trump and Marco Rubio, his secretary of state and national security advisor, you'd think like the guy that usually would spearhead negotiations like this, we're both at a UFC event in Miami. We're hanging out with Dana White. So it's like, imagine if you're JD and you're like, checking the timeline and you're like, you know, in Islamabad neck deep in failing to negotiate an end to a war that is probably going to crash the global economy, if not hasn't done so already. and you just see your boss and like the other guy

who you work with who doesn't like you just chilling in Miami like throwing up just taking flicks and a fucking UFC fight and not only that Felix did you see Trump

talking to that USC fighter about how handsome he is and how he should be a male model he's a model not a fighter who did he say who did he say that though it's a Paulo Costa

as he said he was too looking to fight you're a beautiful guy you could be a model you look so good I mean he that is I got to admit that he is a great looking guy. Yeah.

Don't like him, but a pretty good looking guy. I used to, you know, even in recent five or six years not following MMA as much as I used to, I would at least like, you know, watch cards the next day or watch highlights, but it's just like it's not even like my personal distaste for it is the problem anymore with like all the Trump shit. It's just so fucking lame. and repent just always like the camera is on him for every fucking reaction shot it's so fucking

irritating it was did you see the clips of a dana white being on aden ross's stream and they got like some like they got some chicks sitting next them she's smoking a big fat cigar the whole time like that's the hottest thing a woman can do just oh my god for an idiot for an idiot like dana white oh wow look for him she's a great girl and she just hating every puff she takes yeah oh god is so fucking JD so I was thinking lately JD reminds me I think of master and commander

and I think of midshipman Holam who's like a curse and everyone hates him he jumps overboard he just grabs the cannonball and he's like he turns the Ushur and he's like

Usher you've always been very kind to me and then just jumps over the side of the boat holding a cannonball and then the next day the winds pick up yep they get a deal with the run

yeah yeah yeah if JD Vance kills himself. Yeah, the Jonah in this White House will be gone. They'll get a deal with Iran like the next day. What I love about JD getting like the Kamala portfolio of just like here, take all this shit

that's bringing this administration down and rub it all over your body. Is that he he's like less astute than even Kamala who is like has about the same pharmaceutical profile as JD's mom. She was in

a haze 24-7 and she still have the presence of mine to be like, oh, they're like, they're dumping all the bad shit on me. But with JD, he's like, this shows how much my brand new father figure trusts me. He's the last to know. He's like, I know some politicians don't like eating shit sandwiches, but where I grew up, we loved them. We had them every day with mayo and potato chips.

J.D, if he was smart with, if he was smart in 2028, he would run as a Democrat because they would love him. They'd be, oh, he's on our side again. He's a liberal again. he knows what it was like on that side. They'd fucking eat it up, I think. They would. They would just,

they'd make him the new Kamala. And then everyone that had Smod and he's like, oh, fuck, we got to vote for him now? It's really weird. It's almost like he just, you know,

all the ambition and cleverness and, just nihilism and cynicism. It's almost like it leaves his body whenever an older male authority figure tells him to do something. It's really weird. It's almost like he's, filling in this massive fucking void. It's strange.

Well, speaking of other people looking to fill the void in their lives, I did mention that we should talk about Rod. Because as we know, after he got divorced, Rod moved to Hungary, and he has spent the last several years working for some sort of think tank that's associated with Orban's government in Hungary. And now it looks like the gravy train is coming to a hole. So, yeah, I'd like to read this from Rod's substack. This is like the day before the election.

On the walk to the cathedral just before midnight, I was filled with peace and gratitude to God for all he has done for me. Budapest is a tense place right now with the election coming today. Things look bad for Victor Orban. I didn't pray that he would win, though that is my hope. Rather, I prayed for God's milk. Oh, you blew it, Rod. You should have. It's your fault, bud.

Yeah, good, good job. You fucked it up for the whole team. I was like, if you just pray, your prayers mean the most to me, if you just prayed, Rod, you're my best soldier. Anything you want, buddy? Oh, oh, oh, oh, you want, you want heteronormativity back in blues clues? All right, I guess I can do that. Didn't think you were going to ask for that. He says, rather, I prayed for God's will for this beautiful country, Hungary, and thanked him for it.

and for its people. I hope they make the right choice today at the voting booth, but whatever happens, nothing will diminish my love for a meg your size and its people. Sorry,

I butcher that, but my apologies to the people of hungry. Whatever. Does that country even need to have its own language? It's like if Chicago had its own language. It's the same size. Here we go. Honestly,

I guess things aren't going too bad for Rod because he says here, I'm strongly considering moving to Vienna after the election, no matter what happens. I told you, Austro-Hungarian Empire, I'm telling you. Well, I love he's like, things are tense right now in Vienna. Like, he's talking about it's like it's fucking Beirut.

Like, it just got bombed a hundred times in 10 minutes. And then he's just like, God, I don't know what path God has laid out for us, but we will endure regardless. Anyway, I'm thinking of moving to Vienna this summer. If Peter Magyar wins, that will likely make my decision for me, as he may well close the Danube Institute, where I've worked for the past four years. It's like, this is like, you know,

Rod is like sex in the city if it was about an old guy in Europe. It's like, like mafia guys who get no show jobs at like construction sites. They're like, oh, this is all going away.

I think I got to, I think I'm going to move into Florida. Fuck this. I can't do this mob thing anymore. Like, what the fuck is he doing at this Danube Institute? You have a substack. Like,

what do you have to offer? the people of Hungary, Rod. You're some guy from like fucking Louisiana who writes about gay people in children's cartoons. I love the idea that Hungary and El Salvador, they were like what Youngstown was for the mafia,

for like B and C tier conservative influencers, that Elijah Schaefer guy had some like fucking deal with El Salvador, which is just like, what are they getting out of this? I don't know. I hope that they keep the Danube Institute open.

I don't know what he's doing there, who he's doing it for. But, I mean, Rod is kind of hungry's only big attraction right now. I mean, people want to read about his articles where he's like, this morning I had a wet dream and I cried at how much I enjoyed it and went to confession. It's like, all right, dog. I had a dream. I had a dream last night where I opened up my pants to pee and my penis was the cartoon dog, Bluey.

And she said, Rod. You have to hit me with a hammer. Anyway, this is why 13-year-old should have to give birth at gunpoint. He says, do I speak Hungarian? No. Well, he says, he may well close down the Danube Institute. I've worked for the past few years. Fuck.

He said he shouldn't. The D.I. is not really political and has done a lot of good work to promote Hungary's industry. We need to get on a fucking plane and go to Hungary and stop this. We need to intervene. This is like, this is like, if it's, It's not political. What is it? Are you just doing like math problems there?

He's doing, he's advocating, he's advocating for Hungary and their interests. Okay, Felix? Like how? Like what, what? Like, screw the vector of children's cartoons?

He's like, we need more wheat exports. Like, Rod is negotiating trade deals with the EU or something. I don't know. But he's just like, uh, yeah,

he went, oh, he may close down the Danube Institute. Uh, he goes, but the atmosphere. here in the air is vengeful. And Magar will be under a lot of pressure

to get rid of anything Orban related. Whatever will be, will be. That's very brave of you, Rod. Oh, my God. Vengeful, yeah. Peter Magar is going to hunt down everyone who worked at the Danube Institute. The Danube Institute is presenting an incredible expose

the inherent nihilistic Satanism of Teen Titans Go by Roger Earth. I just, oh my God, I just realized. Rod is like, he's, he's the perfect bizarrea, Noah, the guy who worked for the pedophile institute. Chopo Year 1 villain. Oh, God. Noah Berlatsky.

God damn it, what the fuck is. Noah Berlatsky. Noah Berlansky. Yeah, he's dark Noah Berlanski's dark. That's a good one. He's right. Yeah, Rod is the good one. Yeah, he's right wing Noah Berlatsky.

They're doing the same thing. He's doing the same thing he does. but from the right. Like, no one would write articles that were like, you know, the soft bigotry of Dean Dighton's. Has anyone noticed the incestrous vibes of Peppa Pig? Disturbing. Yeah.

What are you talking about? They're both middle-aged men who are doing like Tumblr stand shit. Like, they're both guys. I mean, that's like Jordan. That's like, I mean, you know, rest of peace, Jordan Peterson. But that's, that's his whole thing. Right. You're just like, uh, cars too, was just absolutely when everything fell apart.

young men. They're both men who were born during the fucking Eisenhower administration who like burst into tears talking about pro shippers. I think I honestly though like okay so Orban lost this election the Danube Institute

in all likelihood is going to be bombed to cinders tomorrow. Yeah. It's going to be like it's going to be like they're going to set up mortars and they're just going to lob artillery shells into the windows of the Danube Institute destroying all the good work that they've done on Hungary's behalf.

But like, honestly, Trump needs to get involved. Like, we need to do a regime. Look, Iran's not going so great. We need to do a regime change war in Hungary. I'm like, that's honestly one step above threatening the Vatican militarily. It's threatening Hungary. Yeah. Hungary has like an air force and shit, technically.

It's a ladder. It has the same population as Vatican City. Yeah. I would, if there was a war to, like, rescue Rod, if there was, like, I would volunteer. We need a French underground for Rodre here alone. Yeah. Felix,

we should do like a zero dark 30 mission to like extricate Rod from the Rod and the Danube Institute. Yeah, all the PMCs. Yeah. We got to save all the servers at the Danube Institute. All the data on there is too valuable for hunger. We can't let this fall into Peter Magar's hands. Yeah.

Hey, I was going through boxes at the Danube Institute. and there's seven boxes worth of different colored handkerchiefs. What are these for? It's like, nothing. Closing out here, it says here, he says, whatever will be will be. But on the walk, I was thinking of that Ben Sass interview, which has been on my mind all week since it appeared.

If you haven't watched it, do your soul a favor. When my family was suddenly taken from me by this ambush divorce, my ex-wife did. As opposed to what? As opposed to what? Like doing it like a duel? Like needed dawn? Sending a raven.

Yeah. He goes, I mean he's like, oh God, I may have to move to Vienna after the Danube Institute closes. Anyway, this reminds me of the ambush divorce

that my ex-wife did. This election feels like to me. He says, I was filled with regret about not spending more time with my kids. I did spend a fair bit of time with them,

but it wasn't enough. I thought about my son Matt, who lives in Vienna. He finishes grad school this spring and plans to stay on in the city and work. He and his girlfriend are planning to marry sometime in the next couple of years. Maybe they'll stay there. Maybe not. What I know is that right now I have the chance to see him more often, but only if I live in his city. So I'm thinking and praying hard about moving to Vienna soon, even if Orban wins.

So, Rod, the dexamine cleared. You may now move from Budapest to Vienna. he could at least post safely about the subtle hints of why Homer Simpson is trade. Could you imagine being Rod's new in-laws and you're just like, you're just trying to get through this wedding and Rod's like, oh yeah, there's actually this tradition in my family. It's a Catholic thing. I know I've converted to Nicene Creed Gnosticism, but we still do this because we're from Louisiana. all the men in your family get to roll me up in a carpet, stomp on me, and then fart into both ends of it.

It's not, like, it's not sexual. It's just, this is a Catholic thing. So if you could, the family, the bride could do that to me. It's like, it's an opus day tradition. We all do it. Yeah. Yeah. Does anyone on the bride's side have a uncircumcised root, weird root penis?

What was like he said? His weird root genitals or something? His weird root weiner. Weird root we need a critical. Is anyone in the bride's side? Are they uncut? Primitive root weir? Yeah, primitive root weiner.

That was the phrase. So we're an Orthodox family. Does anyone have a cube made entirely out of PVC and a colonoscopy pipe? You need that for our religion. For the wedding, I must be vacuum sealed to a board. And everyone must watch me squirm for 10 minutes minimum. Yeah. Hey, look, I don't want to push my religion on you people. You seem like nice people. But you're the oldest woman in your family. She has to cook me like a turkey and eat me. Or else I'm not getting my son away. Well, hard times to Rod. You know, yes, they moved to a different European capital and spend time with his kids.

How are they like talk about a migrant problem. I know, right? He's like my son will live in Vienna. Maybe he'll just work and live there. Oh, how fucking presumptuous of you? You know, like, she's taking jobs from real Austrians. Rod Dreher is the new Carl Ovenoscar, just his travels in Europe and his family problems. And he's probably a better writer, too. Oh, yeah.

No, I, um, we're, we're just kidding. We're the biggest, this is the biggest now-skirts. Oh, we love him. No, we seriously love him. And talk about a hot guy. Actually, actually. No, he's hotter than Paula Costa, I think. But no, how come no one ever tries to shoot down Rod's migrant plane or however he travels?

I presume hitchhiking. That seems like a good way to meet. Aren't there Hungarians who could work at the Danube Institute and have like a fucking no-show job promoting Hungary's interests? Why do we need like the former columnist from the American conservative to come over and take one of the seven jobs available in Hungary? Yeah. If you don't get to write articles about blues clues in Hungary, that's like a one-percenter job over there. You have to get like the most common other job in Hungary,

which is picking up a rock and rolling it down a hill. Well, like I said, best of luck to Rod on his European Sojourn. He just wanted a year after school to just travel. That's what he's doing. Yeah. He's like a 67-year-old man. Yeah, I think I think that does it for today's episode

And honestly, I just like to reiterate Best of luck to Donald Trump On declaring an American papacy Because like honestly there needs to be another schism In the Catholic There needs to be another religious schism There needs to be like Global Catholicism

And then American Catholicism And American Catholicism can have You know like the hamburger as the Pope At a new Vatican that's also a golf course I also remember in Trump's Broadside against Pope Leo, he accused him of being a globalist, which is like, I don't know,

isn't it Catholic faith sort of by definition, a global, spiritual, I don't know, ideology or faith, whatever you want to call it? Yeah, if you're the Pope,

you're not supposed to be like, I'm like, I represent America's interest. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. All right. That does it for today's episode. I'd like to remind you again,

place your pre-orders now for our 10th anniversary. merchandise at chopotrapehouse. Dot store. And once again, thank you to Andrew Hudson for hanging out with us today. Please. Thank you for having me in. Thank you. Subscribe to episode one.

Yeah, I apologize that the latest episode is titled Jerking Off with Jack and Josh, but it's much more wholesome than it sounds. And check out Alex Brances, the Money Wars, available now. Yeah, yeah. I'll also say just speaking of independently manufactured books, I know anyone who ordered

the second printing of Matt's No Pasa Ron book this Christmas, you still have not received it. You should have gotten a message from our supplier warren James recently explaining that there has been a delay in our manufacturer. We use a small press out of the Pacific Northwest. The Strait of Hormuz. Yes, yes.

The paper has been blocked in the street of Hormuz. It is still coming. We manufacture all these books to order after the orders put in. It's just a small delay in manufacturing. So those books will be coming to you. I'm sorry it's taken four months now, but this is just what happens when you use these small manufacturers. Yeah.

Also, everyone who purchased, helium from the Trapo Trap House store. We're really sorry about that, but it's going to be a while until you get the helium. You guys fucked me. All my balloon parties are fucked. You were going to do a high-pitched voice character for another E1 episode.

And now you can't. Well, you know, that's my whole bit at Laffey's on the weekend. I do five minutes. Now I can't get any of my balloons. So, thanks. Yeah, we're sorry about that. It's another just, you know, housekeeping thing. if you bought any of our, you know,

who ate my pussy hats that everyone loves, those were actually supposed to be printed by the Danube Institute. So we'll let you know if that's a possibility because it might not be. All right. Until next time, everybody, bye-bye.