Chapo Trap House - 1039 - Novel Gustatory Experiences feat. Bryan Quinby & Chris James (5/25/26)

Episode Date: May 26, 2026

Bryan Quinby and Chris James from Guys are here for an analysis of the newest “assassination attempt” on President Trump. We also talk about lunch, early Chapo touring memories, and cap things off with a discussion of Tyler Austin Harper’s ode to Miller Lite in The Atlantic. Check out Guys here (or wherever you get your podcasts): https://www.patreon.com/GuysPodcast Check out Guys live in Toronto June 5: https://www.theguysery.com/products/guys-live-in-toronto And follow him on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/murderxbryan/?hl=en

I haven't read the article. I read the post that he put up. And I just, I can't get enough of like these guys being like, hey, working man. Would you like a Miller light? Yeah. Cory Walker, his Avey is from an angle I haven't seen. Since my friends in high school were using the dating service Black Planet. You know, my favorite Avi on Twitter, do you know that guy, Constans?

Yeah. I mean, like, his bio says that he's a pedantic gen X plonker in hardscrabble, New Jersey. And his, and his, his avie is just his eye. I really don't like that. I hate that. Yeah, I really don't like. The eye is like one of the worst fucking moves of all time. I've never seen someone who's like their avie is their eye and they make a ton of like amazing observations.

And second of all, that thing where you're like, I'm just some plonker. That's for British people. like it's fine for a British guy to be called like you know just some wanker but a guy from New Jersey why don't you go fuck yourself he did weigh in on the the recent lunch discourse and my favorite post of him was the last week when he just tweeted out a recipe about like how to be thrifty and make a meal that you can eat all week

and one of the ingredients was one cup of soy sauce I'm gonna just say that's a little too much soy sauce for any div His recipe is like the few pieces of literature that have ever been declared as obscenity, but for food gore. By the way, the lunch. Like the same visceral reaction. The new Gen X, like, there's like this new Gen X, like, comedy thing going on where it's like they're proud now. I mean, I guess I'm kind of one of them. I guess.

I don't know. But they were like proud. Because we've been following this guy, me and Chris have been following a guy named the Dadbod veteran. Do you guys know Dad Bot? You know DB? I'm not familiar with Dad Bot veterans. He's got a, he's got like a well-crafted accent that he uses. And he sort of talks about, you know, what it's like for a, somebody like a, what Gen X, right?

That's part of the Gen X crew. There's some other members as well. They've reached out a bunch of times to come on our podcast and they do the classic thing where they're like, oh, man, that comment you made in that episode totally hit for me. me anyways would you like to have my clients on the show like they didn't actually they just listened to that one they like fast forwarded to like one 30 second point just so they could be like hey we're listeners or whatever but yeah he asked the guy they his who i guess he's got an agent so i watched some of his videos and he does talk like a hob like a a hobbit type guy like a like a like a mock british accent like this but it's more yeah it's more like old timing and he talks

about stuff like Jen. Oh, when we were growing up, we were playing outside. Yeah. But then you hear him talk regularly and he's a regular guy. Wait, so he just affects a British accent for his show. That's pretty cool. It's like the character. It's like the character. He's reminiscing. It's more of like a reminiscing accent, but it sort of moves

over into, yeah, like it's old-timey and I guess you know, most people talked in a British accent. I remember when mumman... That's true. Yeah. Most, if you go back into history, most English speakers spoke with an English accent. Yeah, exactly. I remember, mom

and pop took me to the pizza hut with the red shingled roof. Yeah, you just did it. Now, you're claiming you haven't seen them, but I think you have now. That's spot on. So, I don't know this guy, and I like don't want to make any accusation.

And I love that he is an agent. Also, I would love to see a version of entourage about this guy. Felix, me too. Yeah. Fascinated with the with the podcast agents that reach out to you. Yeah, it is already like, I feel so bad for anyone who, like, even people work for us who are like our eagle, but like for a podcast. It's like, that is not what you had in mind.

I know this is like kind of a compromise for you. But anyhow, he sounds completely insane. He sounds like he would murder his entire family. His new thing is Gen X. Like, he does his 15 minute, like, podcasts. How generous. Where he's like, he does him on YouTube and he goes like, he's, I would love to do it. Yeah.

He's on YouTube and he's like, uh, uh, why Gen X played outside all the time and got hurt all the time and why that's a good thing with an AI picture. Of course, an AI thumbnail that's like, I don't know. Why Gen X liked music? Like his, his. I've always wondered that. I've literally obsessed with that. Sort of, attendant to the lunch discourse that's been happening,

I mean, like, I know Felix's will be on this, but like this has been an absolute treat to me as someone who was a fan of totally tragic and grotesque fail meals. Because like, when I seen the roster of like the Gen X or sort of, I don't know, Vichy millennials who are like getting out there and trying to like prove to everyone how thrifty.

sensible they are and how like you know they'll have a down payment for a house in no time based on the fact that they eat every day like a press gang british sailor from the 18th century oh and you know the other thing about i forgot this is because i went to his youtube so i could look at some of his video and he really does have gen x music why it sounds that way and uh the other thing he does is he it's so funny he calls gen x the forgotten generation. Yeah, no one ever talks about them. He's like, why Gen X was forgotten and why people are starting to remember them. So there you go. There have been some like, Will, yeah, I have enjoyed seeing all the us sandwiches that people bring to their jobs. They really look like, I don't know, this is kind of gross to say.

I really shouldn't say this. But like if you took like a six year old to those old. time squares peep shows and then we're like draw what you saw oh i also like like uh felix i know you saw this guy like that dude who's like he's like i eat this every day for one dollar at a bar and like it's like he's like wimpy from pop eyes he's okay so yeah this guy he posts like it's a picture i really can't do it justice it's like a yeah a paper plate with two he calls a mini burger but they seem like a regular home-cooked burger. Like what Randy for Trailer Park Boys would eat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pickled eggs. And then this place, this establishment, which allegedly is like a professional, this is, he paid for this service. If this restaurant went head to head with Mind of Jason, Jason would get a fucking Michelin star. Like this is one of the most appalling things I've ever seen.

And it just, yeah, like, people were like, where the fuck is it? Like, clearly, like, disgusted and appalled. And he was like, going to ruin a good thing, but yeah, man, we come here. And it's like, dude, some people have all the luck. They can just so casually stack an invite to the Gimp's Meatchack. And in indentured thrall falls, New York.

You know, I was thinking like, I think mind of Jason makes an interesting comparison with these guys. It's like, as insane as his meals are, there is a joy to them. and there is a, I guess in his world, like a luxury. Like, he's not just doing this to like, I must mean, I must eat calories to work harder. He's like, he's like, no, we, we cook in a night. Yeah. Full bagel, uh, entire, uh, you know, several sprigs of time and like a fish head.

Will, my favorite, uh, pre meal comment he makes while you're seeing, you know, the magic happen in real time is when you see like, because he always leaves the flash on, uh, he goes. I'm so fucking tired from cleaning up my place, but man, I'm fucking got a yuffin up, man. I don't have fucking did it, babe. I'm out.

And then, um, like he keeps alluding to having spent all night cleaning up his place. And then you see the place in his backgrounds. And there's like a three foot tall pile of ash, a skull. Like, it looks like an undead settlement in dark skull.

Like, it looks insane. And you're like, what are it? That's what it's like, when it's cleaned up? Like, what does it look like? normally. Well, speaking of the undead settlement, Felix, right before we started recording here, and I'm at my mom's place in Massachusetts right now, basically, vultures have moved into the barn in the backyard. I just saw one going in and out.

And I feel like it's like a nicer version of Caylet up here. If I go in there, I'm going to be like savaged by some giant scavenging birds. We'll see if the giant dogs move in anytime soon. Is there a manicor family thrall that's like close to death? Do you have you guys have like the same thrall? for the same three generations. If you're, if you're looking to apply for that position, please email chopotraphouse.com. Yeah.

I don't want to blow up a little spot, but he just texting me. And he was like, I'm really sad. I think my fall knows and I'm going to put him down soon. I've been letting him wear shoes. Well, let's officially start the show. Okay, everybody. It's Monday, May 25th. Hope everyone's having a wonderful Memorial Day weekend.

Nice three-day weekend for you guys. but Felix and I are if you haven't discerned it already we're joined today by two of our favorite guys two guys who talk about guys it's Chris and Brian from the show guys so let me officially say Chris and Brian welcome back to the show hey I'm just waiting for I got away for Brian to give me the okay

that I can yeah that's the thing I'm really mad that you invited Chris on the show am I good to talk and say hello boss or what's going on here we I just want to be clear our situation isn't like you guys are sort of a partnership you have a different host and stuff like that all seemingly on an equal level. We very much have a situation where it's very tiered and Brian is the boss and he calls

the shots around there. So also it was his call to let me know about 14 minutes ago that you guys had asked me to come on this show. That's, I mean, like, I don't like tell people how to do things, but it may seem like we have an equal thing, but I do like abuse everyone. Yeah. pretty badly psychologically. So it's just, you know, whatever works for you, you know.

Chris sent me that email and I was like, oh, yeah, I'll do it. And then last night on the stream, I was bragging about doing it to Chris. Now I looked and Chris Wade was like, hey, send Chris the link. And I was like, fuck. I just, you know, I'm avoiding. I should have told him I'm not. It's okay. I'm not.

Listen, I'm very happy to come on. I love the show and I'm very, I'm honored to come on. But yeah, it would have been maybe nice, possibly to get a little bit of a heads up on it. But hey, I'm here now and I'm rearing to go. Would you betray Brian if we offered you money? Oh, yeah, a little small amount. It wouldn't even have to be a big amount of money.

Oh, he gets like crazy to me about I would do a betray Chris for $250. I'd betray Brian for $25. Honestly, I've been looking for a reason to betray it for a long time. The exchange rate is great. Chris, is that a thing of like, you know, you would do it, like you would do it for nothing, but you know that like once you're done with work for the day and you're like, you're going to talk to your wife or like whoever, you know. Yeah.

And she goes like, um, so what did you do today? And you go, oh, I betrayed Bryant. Yeah. And she goes, well, how much did you get for it? You have to say like something. I have a family. You can't just say you did it for something. Yeah, I have a family.

I have a child. I have to, I have to get some return on investment every single day of my life. I have to, yeah, I can't just be like I betrayed Brian, you know, my job and get nothing out of it. That's the opium Anthony thing is going to be awesome. I betrayed Brian and I spent the money immediately on a coffee. Well, because I'm a millennial. It's probably $250 up, $25 by $250 up there. I'm in Canada.

He's referring to me being in Canada. I am a Canadian just to be. Oh, living under socialism. Which of the two of you? And like don't obviously when anyone asks this question, everyone always is always like, you know, push each other out of the way. Like no, I'm Anthony

Kumiya. Everyone wants to be Anthony but like which of you is Opie, which is Anthony would you say? Like which, you know. I mean, Brian does racist voices on the show. So he has that going for it. But I. That was one.

There was one period of time where I was doing Brian's accent of the week. Yeah. It was a same. And then I have stopped doing that. I did recently do one. It's a classic unwanted segment that he was doing for a while. But yeah, I mean, listen, I, I'm, I, I'm, you know me, I'm an Opie fan. I've always been an Opie fan. I like his more recent stuff that he's doing nowadays. We actually watched him on stream this week. And he was talking to, uh, some old lady who used to be a New York, uh, sex phone line operator. Oh, you wish. I think she's dead. No, she was a phone sex operator. Yeah. And he was just trying as

hardest to get something. You could tell that he felt like it was like his moment to do like a real interview. Yeah, he's like I'm back on. This is like the old radio days. You know, we got a quirky kind of guest on, but it's like, yeah, he's, he's now doing it with a guy named Ron the waiter. He does his show. I know Ron the waiter. Oh, you should, you got to meet Tony Popper Dog. He's a comedian. We've watched like six of his jokes. And then all six of him, he was like, I wish I was an animal. Yeah, he seems to actually wish he was an animal. Like, it doesn't seem to. to be really a joke. Like it seems like, oh, this guy really wants to be an animal and it kind of comes through and he's kind of been pushed out though a little bit. I think he was getting a little too

big for the show and Opie likes to be the top dog on the show. And just to be clear, when we say show, this is a YouTube channel that Opie does now where he gets roughly 165 views on every video. Yeah. My favorite, I love how like always Opie is like, you know, there are people who are like 10, five years by the meta at all times. Like there is a guy I won't name who, you know, you just have people that you like to watch online. And there's a guy that I've noticed who started doing like, you know, we got, we played Mario Card, but with alcohol, like now on YouTube.

And it's so funny. And it's like, what year do you fucking think it is, buddy? But with Opie, he's like 50 years behind. Like the idea that a phone sex operator would be a shocking thing to hear about in 2026. is so funny. It's sort of innocent. It is wholesome a little bit. But in it,

because you could have been a cam girl, but no, he was like, I want a phone sex operator. Yeah. And she's like, yeah, I got some crazy.

I want an obscene hieroglyph artist. I'm going to have a little. Yeah. And you can imagine she was like very old, obviously, right? Because it's like such an old medium. Yeah.

So anyone that's really. And so. And she's like, oh, I bet you got some crazy stories. And she's like, yeah, I got some really funny stories. And they're all just like really pathetic stories about like, I talked to this guy and he was like jacking off on the phone. It's, yeah, I got a lot of stories like that. I have like 50 stories of guys jacking off on the phone with me. Did you like that story?

I literally have 1,000 more of that same. Wouldn't a crazy story for her be like, oh, like there was. was a guy who would just call, like in the old 97 song, calling time and temperature just for some company. He does that. Yeah. He doesn't jack off. Yeah.

Yeah. He, yeah, like that would be, I mean, I'm sure, listen, she wasn't. The thing about it too is that she's just kind of a regular person, right? So it's like, he's doing a long form interview with her and she didn't have like, I guess, charisma or whatever the things that you need to carry kind of an interview. So it's really. It's tough. But he's, yeah, Opie's trying out there. He tried, like, Felix talked about, like, he's always trying the new things. And he's a little bit behind on them. But he's always like, I'm going to do some man on the street pranks. I'm going to do some like, you know, like I would not be surprised if Opie started looks maxing at some point. You know? Like that's really like he's desperate to sort of get back into the spotlight. Yeah. That's what we love about. All these old guys, all these old radio guys are, are like. like so into AI.

Like, like, yeah. Like, wait, wait, how is, like,

how do they utilize AI? Because like, I thought about this myself in terms of like, I've been seeing all these commencement addresses recently where like, they're like, oh, you're about to go out into the world and, you know,

uh, you know, live your life and contribute to society, but just know that, um, you will have to be a slave to AI. And if you don't, like,

you're worthless. Uh, good luck with everything. Uh, go fuck yourself. But I like, you know, like,

there's this, this attitude that like everybody needs to use AI and I'm wondering like I don't really use it like how would it improve my work output because like what I do for work is just me talking it's just like my sense of humor my point of view my personality the rapport I have with Felix and our guests

how are radio guys like we have basically the same job like how will AI improve that? Thumbails and also open Yeah your thumbnail game can get seriously improved if you And Opie as just like an example of one of the guys, he's also started like posting like AI videos with music behind it that are kind of like the lo-fi beats to chill and study to. He's been posting like five-hour videos of that to try to get anybody to listen to the channel. He's also.

I put that on for a girl I had over recently and she's actually suing me. my favorite one was there was one time i i could not i absolutely couldn't believe it he posted a thing about the history of strange the strange history of foods oh yeah that's right yeah that was like a fully i voiced like put into chat gpt and it was just like because he had seen kind of you know that's if you guys are on youtube yeah i'm on youtube a lot that's like the big videos they're like documentary style videos about like quirky topics. Like there's NBA ones, like the craziest NBA story or whatever. And he's like, okay, this is the way I'm going to pop off on YouTube. Yeah. Yeah, that was that was one of his

worst post. And it was just like, it's crazy how macaroni and cheese got discovered. And it was such a weird, like, it's a weird thing for like a guy that talks for a living to do. Because not that he didn't talk at all. And, you know, it's pretty obvious. He also fed the chat GPT to get the script for the thing. So he did zero on that thing besides doing the upload. And me and Chris are pretty sure he's paying somebody way too much to upload the video. Brian, that is my favorite thing about Opie though. Like as, you know, for people who haven't heard, uh, so of the episodes of guys and before the Chuck Tober that I, uh, did with Brian and Chris, um, Opie is like, I think he is, obviously Anthony is like a more immediately fascinating subject.

because he is like a vampire pedophile without superpowers. Yeah. Who, who like bit a bit like an underage girl. Yeah. Got arrested for it. But like, fucking Opie kind of makes you sadder because there's no one where you can so

immediately see the thought process behind this output. Like with every single thing he does, he, Opie kind of like thinks in articles that don't exist yet. Yes. Like when he, when he is. making these bullshit, like the strange history of your favorite foods.

He's like, he's imagining himself at like one of those pre-Oscar parties where they give you one of those bags filled with like thousands of dollars or shit. And he's, you know, he's back. Yeah. And he,

you know, within three years of posting this video, he's back. He's actually further than he was before. He's not even 70 yet. And like Anthony Star goes up to him and is like, I might. I'll talk to the video about how macaroni and cheese

actually his history in Naval Wolf. It was quite quite the fucking knock a cunt. And Opie like in a moment of not really but this is just he's just so humbled. He's like, can I tell you something, bro? That was Chad GP too.

I was saying they become friends because of how honest Opie is. I have found myself and that's it's always been a thing with me but like fascinated with guys because he's a he's a guy that's in kind of purgatory the grease man's also a guy that's in purgatory like where he didn't do anything but like so now this guy has to do cameos all the time that's the only thing he could do 50 dollar cameos and then he said there's only nine

left that's what the grease man always does he's like we only got nine cameos left yeah yeah the majority is in such short supply for me artificial scarcity you know, like, fuck, only nine left. Only nine cameos left. I got to get in and get the grease man to say hi to my wife. But all of the cameos, I would say at least 60% of the cameos are people who listen to our podcast

and are just like getting them to say like really weird shit that are people that like so will play them basically. Yeah, it's really, I mean, the obster, we talked about it all the time. I would kill for these guys to be back on the radio and like back on top again. Like OB,

blah, blah, Love Sponge doing a show together would be like the best. But yeah, they're they're finished and they won't accept that they're like, Opie won't accept that he's finished. Like he won't accept that, hey, I had a good run. I'm really rich now. I live in New York. I have like a place in the Hamptons.

He's just like, yeah, like Felix said, he always believes that he is one video away from getting back on top and laughing at everybody like who doubted him, basically. I think that's one of the thing. The people that I have found. fascinating recently are people who are like doing it for like 28 people and and they're not good and they're not smart and I will listen to their pod I will listen to their podcast every single week don't you dare mention that I'm not going to say their name well mention the name of that podcast that we listen to in the group chat on japo dropos please don't know you know after you got it you got to

preserve some of you guys somebody somebody some of the magic you like I might know what this is but Yeah, tell me, I have the same mental illness you do where like, I, I will listen to five hours of a bad podcast. And like, I'll be grinning ear to ear the entire time. I just, I love a bad podcast so much because I think like, I think Will, you made this observation about bad movies that the gap between the creator's ambition and abilities is always quite revealing. with a bad podcast, it is the gap between how the creator would ideally like to be perceived by the world and how they, like, what is the best capable, what are they most capable of manipulating? And it's usually not that much. They're usually only capable of manipulating the two other guys on the podcast with them. There was one that we were watching recently where got where the every title of every episode is.

we had technical problems in the first 25 minutes, but the conversation is good. Stick it out. Stick it out, guys. It's worth it. I promise. Every episode is like there's technical problems somewhere, but the conversation was so good.

And I'm going to tell you, conversation not good. Yeah. Very boring. Speaking of technical difficulties and AI summaries, did any of you guys see that thing that was going around Twitter? I shared it the other day. it was like a clip of, again, one of these AI generated like,

sort of news summaries, but it was about professional wrestling. And it was just like, and it's like, it's a voice talking and they're like, you know, trying to summarize like, I don't know, some business angle. But the point is when it came time for the AI generated voice to say WWE,

it was essentially referred, like it, like it glitched out. And it was like, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, It just got like And then minutes of this Of it basically sounding like it's going to hell The stadium will likely fill up one way or another What what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow wow we're we were we were we were we were

we were watching something that was AI, right? This swinger couple we follow everywhere around the world. There's a wall behind me, actually. But it's a slinger couple that we follow around. And the husband had a country music song made for them out of AI. So it is like a honky-tong type country that tells the story of their lives. And you can tell they had just typed in stuff from the story of their lives.

But we think it's possible that they, You, one of the things they typed was American Pies to make the song like American Pie. Just to make a reference to it. Like maybe that was a song they listened to. Like the Don, is it Don McLean or whatever? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But what came out in the song was, Brian.

This one time in Ben Camp. It doesn't rhyme at all. Totally out of context. It's like she was so this one time at Band Camp. I'm positive, that's what I have. That's precious. And are they, is this couple going to be in the New York City area anytime of the next couple? Oh, most likely.

I mean, they, they travel. They usually are more in the South. And they use, they go to Jamaica. Like, if you really want to see them, you go to hedonism too in Jamaica. And that's where they're kings and queen. I mean, they, we won't talk too much about them. But yeah, the one guy has a penis implant that he's, he's run through like three penis implant pumps because he has so much. sex that he's defying God.

He pumps it up for fun too. He talked about when he broke his penis pump. He was the one that you have in your balls. Wait, you know what I'm talking about? So it's like a bicycle pump and you just squeeze your balls? Yeah. It's like there's a thing where it's like first you take the pills

like Viagra or Cialis or whatever. Then you take super special pills that you can only get from like the pharmacist. And then you start injecting things into your penis when that doesn't work. And then the fine step is this implant. There's an AMS 700 is the famous model. It's the brand. You pump it up.

You physically pump it up. And this guy has like, it's supposed to last to your whole life. But he has run through like three of them because he's had so much sex and pumped it up so many times. He pumps it up a lot because he said he would, he was like, you know, I jumped, I would be

in the pool at hedonism too and I'd pop out and I'd be like, hey, everybody check this out. And he'd pump it up and deflate it and pump it like a bar trick. Yeah, yeah, like a parlor trick. So that's probably one of the reasons. But, but yeah, they had his, it's so funny. They brought their urologist on the fucking show to talk about the miracle of his second penis pump.

Yeah, we love them. They do tours of all the sex clubs. So we're like super intimately familiar with pretty much every single sex club in the United States of America. Because they'll like do a full tour and we've seen every single. one at least once. And they're gross. All of them are, don't go to one of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to a home party. If you are a swing.

Go to house party. House parties is the way to go. Well, moving on, there is, there's some news I wanted to talk about. It's a minor news story, but look, it's the weekend. It's a three-day

weekend. So you know what that means? Another mentally unstable person took some shots at the president. Like, you know, it's just, it's becoming like, you know, like a regular occurrence now. And this one that happened over the weekend was especially good for a number of reasons. I'm just going to read this here from the NBC News. It says on Saturday, U.S. Secret Service agents fatally shot a 21-year-old man after he opened fire

and officers at a White House security checkpoint resulting in the injury of a bystander. The man who had been previously arrested was known to Secret Service for walking around the White House complex and asking how to gain access, according to a court filing from a July 10th incident. Now, there's one more detail here that I think sort of puts this into perspective and the proper context. This is from the Washington Post article about who the shooter was. I was going to read this paragraph. From his senior year at Dundalk High School in Baltimore County, Maryland, where he ran track for the Dundalk Owls. Nassir Best Life seemed to take one wrong turn after another, according to court records, and a high school friend. And what I

love about this is this is like we have a dundalk guy shooter and what he actually attempted to do I think is like a perfect done doc guy assassination attempt which is basically you walk around the outskirts of the white house asked if you can gain access if you beyond the gates and it just be like you know I'm trying to shoot the president in the head but he won't come outside anyone could get aside these gates I tried to shoot john harball but he went to new york so now I'm going to try to kill the president Yeah, I mean, I don't know if, like, the guys who, because every president, people try to kill every president. People are constantly trying to kill Gerald Ford, which like seems fake, but it's real. Dude, like, you had two shooters in like a month.

Yeah. So it's like every president has, you know, even the ones you think it won't. But it goes down to, like, how close the attempts get. Like, how physically close did they get to the president, usually? And with Biden, everyone hated Biden, but like anyone who tried to kill him, they were like, oh, I've been watching all the X-Men movie. And so I'm going to like sit in a wheelchair 100 meters away from Joe Biden and try to blow him up with my mind. And then they just, they just pass out or something. You never hear about it.

I keep trying to transform myself into Jill Biden to gain access to his bedroom. Yeah, yeah. I keep trying to. I'm thinking about kidnapping Joe Biden. to inject him with the mutant thing so he turns into like a fish that dies like in the first movie. But with Trump,

I think this special quality with Trump, right, is that the only people that like, besides Ryan Ruth, the and maybe the last guy before this one, I would say, it's safe to say 90% of Trump's attempted assassins are like guys who, at least

the types of guys who vote for him. Yeah. And they're not killing him. because they're like, oh my God, he's Hitler or he's causing all of America's problems. It's just like, if you could, if you could do that, I forget what, what movie it is where it's like they can, it was some shitty movie where you could go to like a killer's mind

and figure out why they kill people. The style, Jennifer Lopez. I was just going to say. If you could do that with, if you could do that with these guys and, like, you wouldn't even, you would not get a satisfactory answer. It would just be like, why did you try to kill him? Oh, that day that he tried to kill him, his Hulu recurring charge stopped working

and he could no longer watch like some show that has seven seasons and stars Jeff Garland that you've never heard of. He was like, oh, I should kill Trump. Wait, who's Trump? It is really weird that like, the attempts are like so far away from him every time. Yeah.

Nobody wants to work anymore. Talk about lazy millennials. These guys are always like six miles away from him. He's like, and this is why we need a ballroom. Well, I mean, I saw that there was like some NBC news reporter was like setting up on the way to like, you know, completely unconnected. And then they were like, what's that sound? And there were like some guy you hear off camera like sounds like fireworks.

But like there were a lot of gunshots going off. And I assume that was mainly the secret service just like riddling this guy with bullets or whatever. But, yeah, further on in the article it says here, Best 21 was described by the friend as apolitical with the love of jokes and the video game Fortnite ended obsession with running. While much about his short life remains unclear, best had his rough senior year at Dundalk in 2023, said the friend who spoke under a condition of anonymity. He was bullied constantly and after a fight with another student, the friend said, best was suspended, missing senior prom and part of the track season. nothing really went his way. But like, yeah.

But you know, like, again, like lazy attempt here. He was just like, he had been interviewed by the Secret Service a year ago just like basically, like I said, casing the joint, walking around the White House gates and just being like, hey, does anyone know where I can gain access to the White House grounds? It makes you wonder how many guys are just walking around there right now. And then what, like he was just waiting around there, waiting for Trump to like walk outside and then try to shoot him across the, on, like, obviously, not very well planned out, but like,

keep in mind that this is in the context of like yet another round of proposed ceasefire talks with Iran that we keep hearing are like 95% done. And like my first thought, when I heard about another assassination attempt on Trump, was, oh, I guess the peace deal isn't going down so smooth with one of our allies.

And to that end, I really want to read this one tweet from Benjamin Netanyahu. This is just from the other day. from the Nelk boy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, from first time podcast. Yeah. He says, Netanyahu posts here,

I am relieved that President Donald Trump, the best friend Israel has ever had in the White House, is safe and that the attacker was neutralized before he could cause any further harm. Political violence, including repeated attempts to assassinate President Trump, should be unequivocally and forcefully condemned by all. And, you know, it just has the same tenor of his comments

after Charlie Kirk was assassinated to just be like, in no way, shape, or form did we assassinate Charlie Kirk. Anyway, RIP to a real one. Yeah. It reminds me of after the rapper FBG died and King Vaughn, like the guy who like spent most of his life talking this guy and this guy's friends who he also murdered. He was like, yeah, actually, me and him were working on a song to like help him.

He was killed. I'll have a weekend for the president, though. He posted this on True Social. While I very much wanted to be with my son, Don Jr., and the newest member of the Trump family, his soon-to-be wife, Bettina, circumstances pertaining to government and my love for the United States of America

do not allow me to do so. I feel it is important for me to remain in Washington, D.C., at the White House during this important period of time. Congratulations to Don and Bettina, President Donald J. Trump. He said he couldn't attend his son's wedding. He's like, I got a lot of things going on, big things like Iran. And then, you know, a lot of people have already commented to this,

but he made the comments about his son that he's someone I've known a long time. One of the funniest things you could possibly say about your own child. Like, in a real sense, I've known him his entire life. I do love that he like didn't go and didn't. It's so obvious he didn't want to be there because he takes vacation all the fucking time. He's always golfing. And he's like, I don't have time for this. I used all my vacation days on golfing.

I guess. Whether the two things are related or not. I mean, it is funny that this keeps happening, whether it's like some sort of, whether it's a false flag to blow up a potential ceasefire with a run, or whether it's a false flag to get his fucking stupid ballroom built, or whether it is just some guy from Dundalk who is like, you know, I'm trying to kill the president.

I got to tell you, it's so appealing. I think the thing that, like, I hate, everything that's happening. But I do think it's funny when some guy like starts talking, like a non-Trump guy starts talking about needing the ballroom, like just a regular guy. It's one of my favorite things.

He only needs the ballroom. Like my father-in-law is probably talking about the ballroom from his chicken coop. Hey, that's what they need at the White House. They need a chicken coop, not a ballroom. Yeah. Well, he lives in it. Yeah, yeah.

Just to be clear, this is not a host for his chickens. This is a place for him. Okay. All right. It's a dual-use property. He wanted to be that. He wanted to live in it. That was his dream. So, lives in a chicken coop. I mean, like, not with chickens. Just in a chicken coop like, sure? Okay. That would be pretty cool.

No, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The chickens live in the house. It's a tiny house with no plumbing. He's in his 70s and he's a doomsday prepper, which I think is the craziest thing in the world to be. In your 70s especially. Yeah. I don't think things are going well, but I don't think that's going to affect you as much as it's going to affect me and my kid. You're fine.

Like, I would love to be, I personally, if I was in my mid-70s and I was shitting at a bucket and living in a chicken coop, I'd be like, why am I doing this now? Like, if it's all going to be doing it in your 20s so you can save up to live in a house, not a fucking chicken coop. God, yeah, having that like. feeling like, fuck, I missed a boat. I should have been shitting in a bucket and living in a chicky, but I had energy and stuff, you know? You know?

Millennials can only commit to shitting in a bucket, eating like someone in federal prison, and, you know, like living in an uninsulated shack, then, you know, like, maybe they wouldn't have somebody maybe they would gain some perspective, build some character. They did do the shitting at a buck.

thing because like there was this trend maybe two years ago three years ago because of the pandemic where people are like I'm going to live in a van like do the van life thing right and if you watched it you can watch the arc of somebody realizing like I live in a van you know what I have to shower at the gas station I shit in a bucket it's like okay this is not what I thought it was going to be and it's just fucking fascinating to watch van life made a lot lot of couples realized that they actually did not like spending time together that well yeah one incident famously oh well i didn't even mean that one but suppose so but i wanted to do van life too i actually was like talking to my talking it up to my wife for like that little period of time i was

like i fucking live in a van you know and then like i said it's it's it that's another one of those fascinating things you can see on the internet you can see somebody get really excited about something and sink everything into it. And then within weeks being like, this is just not for me. Yeah. I got to get out of this. There's other ones that I can see what the appeal is, right? Like, even doomsday prepping.

Like, I do think that there is like an innate desire among like most people to want to be seen as like useful. And like you're saving the day. And I feel like that is a lot of or just to be proven right. And so doomsday prepping does make a ton of sense to me. even though I would never do it. But van life is just like, I don't, I don't understand any aspect of it.

I really do not like, I have never seen anyone who has done that stuff who I consider like more sentient than a dog. It's just like, you know how like a dog will, will like go to like a fireplace to be like, oh my God, I love laying down here. I wish I could,

live my entire life in this. Like that's what the van life thing is to me. I really if someone out can, what is the what is, do any of them say why they like doing it so much? I think it's travel. It's like the ability to be like a nomad

kind of lifestyle or whatever. You're not tied down by any, listen, I'm not, I might come across as a van life enthusiast, but I'm not. But I think that it's also just like it costs you no money. Right. If you live in your van, then like in a place I live in Vancouver where it costs so fucking much to live.

You guys live in New York. But like, so just the idea of, you know, being, not having to pay rent and being free to go anywhere you want. But I think you want to throw down and get yourself an RV if that's the case. Like you want to, like, you know, like if you're able to, you want to step up to the RV because the van life is just, it's just too cramped for, you know, to live in. It's just like, I mean, for one person, you know, if you have the dream of being like,

you know, a Ronan, a modern Ronan sort of. on the highways of America, you know, just sort of, you know, unencumbered, no, no deep connection

so you can just sort of be free. I guess I can see the appeal of that for like, I don't know, maybe six months out of the year. Yeah, there you go. That's it.

I get that. I get that. When I was like, when I was like in my 20s, like when I, both before and like during my move here. And I would like, I would like take the Chinatown bus

between Chicago and here. I did that like fucking 15, 20 times. Jesus. Because it costs like $18. Yeah. So you spent so long on a bus. It sucks so bad. And I would,

but because you're like 23 and you just, you have like no concept of like what socks and what's good and like what your level comfort should be or like what you can endure. I was just like, oh my God, this is fucking great. I can read all these words. articles and then when I get sick of reading, I just drink this NyQuil and go to sleep. And it was kind of like, it was kind of like fun in this perverse way.

I would kill myself if I had to live a second of my life when I was in my 20s now. But if I was doing that with another person, I'm killing myself. Yeah. Like not like the idea, like the fun thing about like at least when you're young, having no real floor for how shitty things could get is like, it is sort of like a task of your own will and it's kind of cool when you make it through the other side. It's that there is a palpable feeling of relief for having had accomplished something.

Or accomplished maybe isn't the right word. Just having endured something. But with another person, it's just like all the stupid arguments that a couple has, but like with the added. pressure of having to know exactly what the other has been eating every second of the day. And like both of you, your individual space is less, lesser than that of a morgue slot. I'm surprised more like, what was that dumbasses? Brian Laundry.

What a stupid name. Oh, yeah. Great name on that guy. Yeah. I'm surprised there are more, more of those. I said an idea for like a sort of a new, a new living trend. that I think will be sort of a synthesis of van life, a chicken coop life and doomsday prepping,

but also give you, give sort of, you know, aging millennials, a sense of wistful nostalgia to a childhood that no longer exists. How about treehouse life? Oh, living in a tree house. I'm a stupid idiot, well, and I have looked into Airbnbs for sure.

We're like, we're going to stay in a tree house. And you know, you like, no or not. You know, like, if anyone wants to come and get you or like, they're delivering like, oh, like, here's a someone, here's a someone's for jury duty or like back taxes that you own. You're like, sorry, I only risk. I mean, you can only communicate with me through cans on a string. So. So you're going to, if you're trying to serve me with. No girls allowed up here. Sorry. Well, that, that's what sovereign citizens are, basically.

They're like, oh, oh, whoops. I kidnapped my neighbor. Um, I had to put it as a tree house. No, but like, you could like build a treehouse on someone else's property and then be like, this is unseated Will Medicare territory. Like Cliving Bundy style. I'm maintaining it is mine. Yeah, the tree house thing, because I've looked into when we travel, I'm like, we should stay at a fucking tree house. But I think my wife is always like, let's not stay. Because I mean, the average Airbnb is the worst place in the world.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Women, women always want to stay. Yeah. They always want to stay on the ground. Yeah, we always want to sleep in a bed. They always want climate control or, like, food around them. Like, I do think, like, Felix was talking about, like, enduring stuff in your 20s.

Like, I do think about sometimes, like, sleeping on a guy's floor with my pillow being my coat. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, I don't know how I did that once even, but I did it all the time. You're on pills and drunk and stuff. I think you have to be under the influence of stuff. I remember any time I did that, it was. like accompanied by being on drugs or alcohol or something like that but it did like it was this feeling of like you would almost brag about it you know like you were almost proud of it whereas

now if if i told anybody that i would be extremely ashamed of myself that i did that shit i mean brian you were there felix do you remember the first chopbo live show in philadelphia is you remember the two places i did i mean like i'll never forget that experience and i'm yeah i'm very happy for it. But I remember asking one of our hosts, because I was staying in a bedroom where it was like sort of a shotgun house and that we were at the room at the very end like before you go into the backyard. And by backyard I mean like a concrete square. Yes.

In one of the most devastated neighborhoods in Philadelphia. And the master bedroom was like to access a bathroom, you had to walk through the master bedroom. And I was like, to our host, I was like, I'm sorry, like, what do I do if I wake up in the middle of the night and I need to relieve myself. Do you mind it like, it's it okay if I walk through your bedroom? And he was like, oh, no, don't worry about it. Just go in the backyard.

Yeah. It was like, it was like, you want to think if there was like a pile of midden or like leaves or something to like sort of muffle the sound of my urination. But this is just like a like a basketball court without a, like I have a basketball court, but without a net and like four concrete walls. That's what the backyard was. I, yeah. Like we were, I always wondered. I remember that so clearly.

And I always like. for me, I was kind of like whatever because I had just in the past like six months before that graduated from living on this insane woman's futon to having my own bedroom. And so it was like, you know, it was sort of a lateral move for me. But for you guys, I always like wondered how you guys felt because like you were in your 30s. And I was like, we are living the lifestyle of Charlie from Charlie in the chocolate factories. family. How do they feel about this?

Are they, are they upset? I was just happy not to be going to an office every day. I was just, like, thrilled by the experience of, like, sleeping on a love seat so that when I woke up in the morning, my spine was like a question mark. The thing I'll never forget is the guy, there were so many of us staying in this insanely small apartment and the guy was inviting his friends over.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. and sit down and the guy had a fuck it the he invited this guy over the guy wasn't really talking that much but he had like a label maker and like a paper plate and he was putting stuff on a paper plate that said kill i remember he put i remember he put cosby on there for some reason and like it was just random words oh a commenition of future problems with this no yeah this is like a this is like a jor like a game of thrones like season one character who delivers like a harrowing prophecy to you.

Well, then what happened was, dark wings, dark words. Yeah. Right before we went to bed, he sat down, the guy that hosted sat down on the couch with Matt. I'll never fucking forget this. He sat down on the couch with,

with Matt, and he goes like this. You mind if I stay out here and hang out? And Matt's so nice. He's like, yeah. And he goes, I just get so lonely sometimes.

Oh, The guy was there. The guy was, I've only ever stayed in Airbnb where I, it wasn't an Airbnb. It was just, no, no, it could just some guys have a hotel yet. Pre-air Airbnb. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, this was before we could afford a hotel, we were like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you were, it was somebody who was like a fan of the show or just a random? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that makes it better. They were a fan of yours who got lonely sometimes and had a friend come over with a label maker. this is this is a horror film i gotta say it was really wild i don't know what i i don't know how because like the logical move for me after that would be to like block everyone involved and like go to law school but i did it yeah i think when i got home it's weird because i think when i got

home i was like oh that was kind of an experience and and then i also said i will never in my life do another live show if it means I'm not sleeping in a hotel. So that was just like I was like hotel or no live show. It took us a while to get like because we never did it like that ever again, but we did have some really bad bookings. For a while, I would show the hotels to our friend Mike, M.Hudd, and he would say that's probably a hotel where pedophiles go so they can use their internet. dude you stayed in a really bad hotel when you guys did the live show here i'll never forget

finding out where you guys were staying and being like there it was like we've had some we had some difficulties in the past um you know uh in terms of bookings being made like we you know we we've adopted like a hotel only policy after like several times showing up in an Airbnb booked by, you know, someone. But showing up at an Airbnb that I, immediately I walked in and got the impression that it was like a hub for human trafficking. Like that was the previous.

And then like, and then Felix would just walk out. You would just go like, no. Yeah, I would walk out and I would go to like whatever hotel I could find that was decently reviewed. That was close to venue. And I would be like, I would be laying in my bed that surely someone had not recently died it. and I would be thinking like there was like a 50-50 chance that's the last time I ever see any of them

like they could be they could be getting snatched up so I went to Miami in January and I decided to get an Airbnb for like the for the nights because we went to Miami and we drove down to Florida Keys hated it this guy does the worst fucking vacations you could ever really I like the farting cues. It was fine. But so, so like,

we rent the, and they're like, you have to check in at this Airbnb. You can't just go to your rents. Huh? I'm just kidding. So they're like, you have to check in.

I get there. There's nobody in the lobby of the place, not a person. And I'm kind of standing there for a half hour and there's not a person. And then a German guy shows up with his family. He's like, what's going on? I don't fucking know.

There's not a person. But I can, hear a woman in the bathroom screaming and I was like what the fuck is going on she finally a secure so we started messing with the computer because it was just like is there a way I can get my key or something like that and a security guy showed up and was like uh you're just going to have to wait and it's like 1030 we've been standing there now for over an hour you're just going to have to wait it's like why and he's like I don't know she's a woman it's woman stuff like yeah so what's We waited another half hour and she finally came out of the room.

And she was like, I was like, can we please just get our shit and check in? And she goes, I was in that room. And I was bleeding all over the place. And then she started crying and she got very angry at me because I was exasperated. And I was like, this is the worst experience I've ever had. But she was lying about it because she was fighting with her boyfriend, right? She was fighting with her boyfriend on the phone. She wasn't bleeding.

She was fighting with her. boyfriend on the phone. You could hear the word she was saying. And I was just like, I, I looked at my wife and I was like that and that fucking refrigerator smelled like onions, which is like, I don't even know how you do that. Well, you just leave open onions in there. There weren't. Yeah.

So it was like, that was the last time. That was truly a, this is the last time I'm sleeping in an Airbnb ever. That's. And less. Fucking harrowing. Yeah. It is pretty bad. I mean, getting somewhere at.

Miami is like the worst place I've ever been to. I hate Miami. It's evil. It's the worst city. The thing that makes it even worse is that they think it's the coolest city. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. They love it. Yeah.

I went there. I went there with this girl I've been dating for like a little, like a few months when we did a show there. And we were supposed to meet up after. And we spent like a week there. And it was so like bad. Like I had such a bad, like, I would go outside and I would be like when you bring like a Bernese mountain dog to a place it's too hot. It would just be like, I have to go back. And like I would just like I would feel like I was going to collapse.

Because it's like 100 fucking degrees and humid. And we, I remember us, we were we were just like laying on the bed in our fucking hotel that I hated after one of those. And she just like, I don't even think she knew. she was going to say it. It was supposed to be a thought. She just went, this sucks. My wife kept saying that.

I was like, I can turn this one around. Felix walking around Miami Beach. He's like, it's too hot. No one's even taking advantage of the cask of Rome I have around my collar. It's just such a place that's like,

first of all, they think it's the coolest place in the world. And then it's also like, everything there is like kind of geared towards tourists. And it is without a doubt. And I know people say this about New York and Atlanta and L.A. But Miami to me was the most aggressive place I've ever been in my life.

Like it was the second the light turns green, they honk. They fucking are, they, I almost got run over like 50 fucking times there. And when I got there, by the way, I get there. I get off the airplane. I go to rent my car that I rented and they're like, we don't got no cars. Can we interest you in a cigarette boat? It goes 200 miles an hour.

So you guys are just going to have to go down to wait in the garage until we can get some cars. And we think they were like waiting for cars to get returned and then cleaning them and then bringing to it was just. I was like, what is this? But the baggage claim took an hour. Like I landed at nine.

I don't think I laid down in a bed until like two o'clock in the morning. And it was just like, it was brutal. That place sucks. So I'm sorry if you're in my. Yeah, Brian tells these stories and I dream. I watch sometimes police body cam footage of airports and stuff. And I was just dream of catching Brian on one of them because they sound like the beginning

of all of those police body cam thing. Like the rental car isn't available. And the guy is just like, this is unacceptable. And then it spirals, you know? There was a lady doing this is unacceptable to the car people. Yeah. She's screaming. It is unacceptable in my opinion.

It is unacceptable, but yeah, I can tell you, someone who's watched a lot of these police body cam footage is, that's like the first point where it's like, that's the jumping off point where this is unacceptable and then it escalates into like, yeah, like violence or whatever. That is like, this is unacceptable is like a punch in a way where they're like,

because I remember I would, I would do tech support. I did tech support and I was a cable guy and stuff and like it would be something that couldn't be fixed. It was like, this isn't fixed. Yeah. This isn't going to be fixed today.

I can't do anything about it. It's an outage or something like that. And a guy would just be like, this is unacceptable. And I would just be standing in his living room. I agree. I don't know what the fuck to tell me to. I'm not going to be able to fix it. Now that the city of Miami has been conclusively thrown in the trash.

Let's wrap things up today. I promise to the beginning of the episode. I had a beer, a beer-based reading series for you. It was just a lucky happenstance that this happened to come up this week when we're having you guys on. But this is Tyler Austin Harper writing in the Atlantic. And Brian, you said you saw the post, but didn't read the article. And I'm just going to read the post here in which Tyler says, in which I make the case that Miller Light is the anecdote.

That's a little bit of a typo there, is the anecdote or antidote, if you will, to the decadence of a professional class that constantly chases novel gustatory experiences and has come to confuse this empty hedonistic quest with being culture. Everyone, okay, so everyone jumped on the typo, but even his, what he intended to say,

the antidote to the decadent. No one, that is also wrong. Yeah. No one is so bad. I wish there was an antidote for it. I love these fucking. I just, this article like I,

less so than the article itself, I was kind of like the van like people, upset and been used by the people who found it like worth reading. Because there, this is most articles. Most articles. Most

articles are like a guy who has spent more than half his life in college or writing about college. Yeah, that is kind of this guy's deal. You know who's fucking gay? People from college. Yeah. You know what I love? Stupid idiots who don't go there. I do remember like I do when I was doing street fight, you know, we get we'd get pitched those guests and stuff like that. They're like, oh,

this is a guy that knows how to talk to working class. people. Like, that there's this weird, like, secret language that they speak or something like that. I don't always be like, I don't know. I don't think you want to talk about. Man. Well, you know, it's not the language you use. It's in the beer you drink.

And just one other thing I'd like to before I read the article. I think that this is really funny that this article is being printed in the Atlantic this week as like the war that they've advocated for for like the last. 20 years, they finally got and have decided it's bad now. And you're like, oh, no, we're losing. And, like, actually, David Frum was in the Atlantic today saying, like, we're losing the war because of Donald Trump's personality disorders. And I'm like, well, that in the Iranian military.

Like, you know, the thing is a little bit of column A, a little bit of column B. But I think it's funny that they're focusing on this. Like I said, they're like, hey, how about I think peace about beer? So, Tyler writes, one of the many humiliations that arrive in your 30s is the grudging recognition that a parent was right about something. For some people, their parents were right about a financial decision they recommended or a romantic relationship they disapproved up. My dad was right about a 96 calorie American lager produced in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. It's hard to get in trouble drinking Miller Light, was my father's advice, dispensed

repeatedly throughout my young adulthood. Usually after he'd spied me carefully tipping an overhopped beer out of a florid can and into some stupidly shaped glass. For years, wrote off his wisdom as the curmudgeonly philosophy of a man too stubborn to join the craft beer revolution. Why would anyone still drink mass-produced piss water when you could stock your fridge with $21 four packs made with love and genius by regional artisans? It was like watching a black and white boob tube in the age of 4K flat screens. So just like, as an opening cellvo, what do you make, I mean, I know you guys have covered beer guys, craft beer guys, IPA guys. You know, are we starting to see a backlash to that, you know, as evidenced by this article?

I mean, also you forget about real ale guys who we also. Oh, real ale guys. If you like warm flat. What's real ale? Real ale is beer, but it doesn't have hops in it and it's warm. Oh, delicious. So yeah, I think if you're like really frustrated with the bubbles hurting your mouth and the coldness on your teeth. Oh, the coldness and just.

Yeah, it hurts your teeth and stuff. You can have real ale. Those are our favorite guys because they really have convinced themselves like this is the real stuff. It's mostly in England, like in the UK. Okay. But there are places. You can find them in every. in every city, cask ale is another name for it.

Yeah, they call it cask ale. But it is, it's in a, it's in a barrel and it's not carbonated and it sits warm. Yeah. And like, like there's a, there's a whole club of people where they can like certify your bar as being a place that has real ale. So like, the best part about it was reading people who had never had it before drink it and be like, that was the most disgusting thing I've ever had in my love. I mean, it's exactly what you like, you just, it's like, it's, worst possible situation when you drink a beer for most people is that it's going to be warm and flat.

Now, to complete this experience, can I drink this out of a boot? Is there a boot behind the bar that you can maybe pour this into? Yeah, but it is like, I love the idea of like, it seems like people are drinking like more logger type things anyway. You know what I mean? Like that garage beer is what I see people drinking constant. Oh, that's the Kelsey's beer, right? Yeah.

Yeah. I might see it a lot because it's from here. But like it just feels like one of those things that's like, I think this person missed the boat on the beer snob thing. Because I, like I said, I follow those guys. I'm on R slash beer all the time. And like all they are all like, don't be a snob, you know, Miller lights fine. Whatever you like is good. Yeah, whatever like. What the general guy is.

Let's be honest. We're all alcoholics here and we have a serious dependency on this stuff and whatever. ever gets your fucking shit. Yeah, yeah. Anything that stops your hands from shaking. I mean, your dad giving you that kind of advice constantly does make me think is like that he was drinking a lot of beer. Like he's like constantly just dispensing advice.

It's like drink Miller Light. And it's like, do you have anything else to touch on like life lessons or anything that don't involve getting drunk? Well, you know, it's hard to get in trouble drinking Miller Light. That was the father's opinion. I don't get that. I think it's because there's no alcohol. alcohol in it because you don't get his

20 of them, you know? Yeah. Every guy that drinks Mill, that's the other thing to you. Every guy that's like, oh, I just drink Miller Light or Bush Light. They drink like 37 of them in the day. I went on a trip down to America from Seattle Mariners game. I live in Vancouver and we would go on these bus trips

down to America to watch the Mariners games with my dad's softball league. And yeah, they would be like hey man, these this is not like there was always this thing in Canada where American beers all watered down. Right, right. It doesn't have any...

But it was insane, man. These guys were like 55 years old and they were drinking 35 to 40 beers. And they were getting out of control, but they were like drinking so many of them. And it was, yeah, it was like, it was exactly like Brian said. They're like, you can drink so many of these. And it's like, so they're like drinking 30 of them. And then a bunch of them got arrested and beaten up in Seattle and didn't make their way back. And it's like, well, yeah, you can do that if you want.

When I would do that when I was 19. Like when your body is most capable of processing it. Yeah. I would pick a shit the next day and it would look like meatballs. It was like your body's not supposed to do that. I don't know what that is a sign of, but it's not good. Like it's not, it's, um, imagine if you had a party where you and your friends ate like each 10 loaves of Wonderbread. Everyone brings wonder bread.

Well, I'll say this. Like, I grew up across the street. I talk about this guy and guys sometimes. I grew up across the street from this guy named Jim who went by dynamite Jim Dandy. You would constantly get into fights with children. Yeah, we were growing up and he was like a 35 year old guy that lived across the street from us. So he would come and play kickball with us sometimes. That's the best.

I love it. Not just hanging, but playing like the most childish game. Yeah, yeah. Getting drunk and playing Red Rover, Red Rover, let my neighbors in Dandy come over. He's like, yeah. He's crushed a 30 rack of daddy. Yeah, he would drink like 30 beers and he would get in a fight with,

he would get in a fight and he would lose. He would lose the fights to children. Kat Williams, he would go. old cat Williams and lose fights to school children. He would fight my older brother who was like a lot stronger and like they

wouldn't really fight like punch they would do tests of strength like where they were like pushing on each other he would get so mad when he lost his face would be bright red and he'd be like this is fucking bullshit like really

give it to him. Ryan grew up in fucking vice principal to everyone he knew like every time I hear like I just I don't even nothing I have even to parents even all the ignominious people at events of my life

like none of them to be all like I can't even it's literally like a joke that I made like a few months ago of just being like if I went now like a you know I've actually realized in the past few months duck duck goose is like kind of a shallow game

it doesn't really like challenge me anymore and that was like half the adults that Brian knew when he was growing up there were a lot of crazy adults and Groveport well the advice I was given advice that was imparted to me in college by

you know a wizened elder soul who was really one year above me was a beer don't get you drunk beer don't get drunk you can't get drunk you can't get drunk you can't you can't get drunk drink beers. Tyler says,

I turned enjoying craft beer and booze in general into a minor hobby. I stood in long lines to buy limited releases from various gypsy brewers. I nursed, I believe they're called

Romani Brewers, but, you know, I nursed recurring obsessions with Montestrel wines from Juimilla. I hunted down vintage bourbon. National Distillers

era old granddad was a particular fixation. In retrospect, I can see that this was something of a defense mechanism. After growing up working class, I went to college and then graduate school at fancy private institutions, which put me in constant contact with people who had family money or were simply from hipper places than I am. You may have a trust fund and come from a stock of

people who summer, I reasoned, but I'll be damned if you know more about food or alcohol than I do. I view drinking a decent tipple as part of what it meant to be civilized. To some extent, I still believe that. But now I also believe that most of the time, it's Miller time. I'm glad he's, I'm glad he's resolved these opposing forces in his life. This is like, like, again, like all these articles. It's about like, yeah, everyone in the world does this annoying thing and I'm going to stop them. And, you know, half, less than half the way in, it's like, oh, also, I have done this annoying thing until last week. Yeah, and I still kind of do it and believe it a little bit.

Yeah. All the people who write like, you know, the last, the last, the last have a TV. articles. Like, have you always been like, you know, working in an office is like really woke now. There's always a thing where it's like, I previously like would lead struggle sessions at my company.

But I recently, I don't like it anymore. It's always just like it is someone grappling with their own sense of embarrassment with like just being alive. This doesn't need to be an article. You can just, it's okay to have done or said embarrassing things

in the past. And Chris, I feel like the reddit, the beer Reddit, I think really just has like the only appropriate take on all of this, which is just drink whatever you like. Whatever, whatever makes you happy, whatever you like, whatever tastes good to you. Just drink. Like, who cares? That's the way to do it definitely is like, like, whether it's like some shitty macro logger that's like mass produced or whether it's like some cask ale all being brewed. Yeah. That's what that's like our whole show. Our whole show is like the idea of like just do the things that you like and don't make it your entire personality or whatever and that's like i think a key thing with this yeah just beer is like a thing i was with marijuana

or drugs or beer or anything it's like a thing you do to escape reality kind of in some way so it's like if you're making that your personality that's really bizarre like do it and that's all fine you know like drink your beer do your drug smoke your weed but if you're like i'm a weed guy it's like no that's like the thing you do to not be a guy like ignore like you're like you're like you're and stuff like that. Exactly. Don't go on here. It says,

the conversion happened slowly. It began with a search for a beer I could drink while watching Monday night football, but that also wouldn't leave me feeling grimy when I woke up to teach my 8 a.m. class. Oh, thank God.

I mean, he said he went to these elite institutions of postgraduate study, but thankfully he still watches Monday night football, you know, so I can trust what he's saying, you know. A pretty good pig skin match last night, as he says to everyone in his class. As I entered my third decade of life,

I found that microbrews or high alcohol content made me feel a bit suboptimal the next day, even when I consumed only one or two. Before long, my Miller Mondays made me realize that this 4.2% ABV macro logger had many applications I had not previously considered. It was a treat for mowing the lawn.

It prevented me from getting too drunk at weddings. It could be reliably consumed during a hot afternoon cookout without requiring me to take a nap. This small pleasure wasn't even even cheap. At my local bottle shop, a sixer of tallboys rings out at $7.49. This guy was taking a nap at cookout. Like, that is an insane thing to do.

That's not a normal behavior. Plenty of people are drinking a lot of beer and just waiting until they get home or whatever. He's like, I didn't need a nap halfway through the cookout. After I fixed my beer snobbery problem, I stopped punching my wife in the face. I stopped steering my family and children. It sounds like you're just an alcohol. Yeah, it's like a problem drinker. We've talked,

I've talked about this, like, we talked about on candy guys, which I don't think it can't come out yet. Or it's like having something that's like, that you don't like that much to save yourself from it. You know what I mean? Where it's just like,

oh, I can only, like, I don't like this as much. So I'm not going to drink. I'm not going to eat like a hundred pieces of this candy and get sick or whatever. That's almost like what this. guy's saying is he's saying like yeah I guess it's a little bit different because he's just

saying I can drink the same amount but it doesn't make me do all of my problem behaviors but you know like as far as I'm aware of this guy like 90% of his other output is just talking about college it's just like it's just yeah the problem with college what's how to fix college you know like why why why people go to college don't know about Monday night football and how that needs to change um have you heard of professional rest. No, no. It's something.

No, it's no, not the Olympic stuff. No. No. And it's, it's fake, but some of the stuff is real. It's very smart storytelling oftentimes. This is Brian now. This is just Brian saying things he believes now. That is not me.

I don't believe that. I think it's stupid. I watch it all the time. It's just like, that is, he would write that article because he just like, There's no like, he has no internal sense of like, am I a fucking hack? Like, am I the 500th person just fucking say this? He would write an article where he's like, yeah, I've actually been thinking how

Girl Wrestling, it's actually like a soap opera for men. He writes, the problem with craft beer is how easily it can make you, as my dad says, get in trouble. One double IPA is not enough, but two is one half too many. Two sours is one half too few, but three is instant hardburn. Boosy Imperial Stouts are best consumed in eight-ounce increments, but they tend to come in 22-ounce bombers. The math doesn't math.

Miller-Light, by contrast, is an honest beer. If you find yourself Miller-Light drunk, most likely the issue is not that you shouldn't have had that last beer, you shouldn't have had those last four. Okay. I'm going to sidestep the fact that this guy does, he does the worst of both worlds. he um spencer said that his running style is to touch on a thesaurus which is i think quite accurate

but he also just like he loves just like taking any twitter meme and just jamming it in there i'm going to sidestep that though uh this guy you know the kids in the hall sketch girl drunk drink another tahitian tehee for my friend the vice president and waitress this time no giggling This guy is annoying drunk drink, but he gets, so he, like, blacks out and, like, punches a cop and, like, fucking crashes. He does, like, all the Federman stuff. But he does it after drinking, like, four voodoo rangers. So he's an alcoholic, but his, his constitution is not. Yeah, but his tolerance is like, you know, like, a high school girl.

Yeah, this is like, like, I got, uh, when I was like 10, I got, like, really drunk on Manishevitz at my friend, uh, and that would still like get this guy. Felix, when I was eight, eight, nine or ten or something, I was very young. My parents had margarita mix in a refrigerator and I used to get drunk off of it every night for like a period of time. Hey,

I mean, like, you should be the working class whisperer at the Atlantic. I bet this guy was being fucked up on margarita mix when he was eight years old. Yeah, a cheese margarita mix and I go lay in my room drunk. It didn't. The margarita mix has alcohol in it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. It was gross as fuck. It was like shogers. It was a small amount of, yeah. It was a small amount of alcohol. This was like pour it in the ice and I got you. It makes the margarita.

And I just, I would drink that fucking thing. Just enough to feel a buzz and then go lay in my eight year old room and probably watch MTV. That is, what does an eight year old do when he's driving? wrong. It's just like Mdb. Is that it? You're hiding. Yeah, you're hiding from everyone to try to make sure you don't get caught.

Yeah. Yeah. That's basically. He's awesome. He writes, Miller Light is not a great beer. It's not even an okay beer. Miller Light is a bad beer, but an incredible beverage.

It is neither complicated nor offensive. And it derives its magic from this bland alchemy, this delicate equipoise, a busy nothing. Miller Light does not demand your attention. It does not slap you in the face with. flavor. In fact, you'd be hard-pressed to identify any flavor at all. Gun to my head, I'd say it vaguely recalls, sandwich bread, frozen corn, off-brand shurios, maybe. The tasting notes provided by the Miller Brewing Company include such descriptors as a light to medium body, clean and

crisp, all of which are not tastes, but textures. As if the most flattering thing the manufacturer has to say about its own beer is that you will notice it in your mouth. A review on the one, on the brew rating website. That's what I would like you to do with a gun. This is, you guys have introduced me to someone I did not know and now I hate another person for me. This is my least favorite type of writing. We encounter it on guys. People who are like

amateur versions of this writing on message boards trying to get discovered by places like the Atlantic. And they write in this same way. And I just, I fucking can't stand it. I just was thinking like, nobody talks like this, but I guess that's not true because he probably does talk

like this, like in some way. But they just, it's the it's the most fake sounding shit ever. Like it just everything about it sounds completely like fucking fabricated bullshit, you know? And it's like he spends a whole paragraph being like, this beer, it's bad. Tastes like shit. If it tastes like anything at all, it's bad. I don't like drinking it. But you know what?

It's compelling and honest. Yeah. Yeah. Saying a bunch of stuff that means nothing. Like it's like the reality of it is that, yeah, he was having issues drinking the other beer. It was affecting his life negatively and he had to make a change and he didn't want to stop drinking

and this is what he's done. But he's like, I guess, they call this flowery language. It gets better. It gets better. This is a beer that provides you with absolutely nothing to think about. It offers a break from the quest to find novel gustatory experience that has come to substitute culture among

much of the American professional class. To drink Miller light is to declare that you are a well-adjusted adult. That you do not require excitement at every juncture, that you are capable of sitting with your thoughts, that you have a patience and strength of character to build a buzz slowly. It's like

you're right, this is just like being an alcoholic. I don't need to drink any beer of a day to think or not think or do anything because like, I'm not a drinker, okay? Yeah. I know that like all of you out there who are reading this article, you're all like me. You drink one voodoo ranger and then you don't

remember the next four days. you have to be hospitalized. But I'm actually telling you there's like a better way to do that. It is, it's that thing where like that is like the alcoholics code in the end. It's like once they get going, they're like, no,

I figured out how to maintain it throughout the day. Yeah. Like so if I drink two beers down and two beers later, but every time, every fucking time one of these guys about 10 o'clock at night at some gathering are like leaning on you and telling you something of It's the gambler with the system, the gambler that's found a system, you know, where they're like, no, no, no, I actually have figured out how to not lose a bunch of money here. He says, yeah, no other low alcohol macro brew can fulfill Miller Light's role. It is sui generis.

That's like the third. Oh, my God. If you're his editor, if you're his editor, how would you provide any notes besides, like, you should kill yourself. Listen to this. This is horrible. Like, okay, no other low alcohol macro brew can fulfill Miller Light's role. It is sui generis. Mickelope Ultra is for golfer.

Golfers. Corona light is for vacation. Paps Blue Ribbon is for ironists. Natty Light is for frat boys and people who use the phrase, the War of Northern Aggression. Bud Light and Bush Light tastes like raw dough. Chorus Light has those childish mountains. That's what you said it about this. Yeah, yeah.

You said it tastes like bread. You said it tastes like bread earlier. But anyway, Chorus Light, I just want to feel, fulfill all these identity categories of what beer you drink, why it matters. Kores Light has those childish mountains that turn blue and also tastes like raw dough. Narragansett Lager, Boston Lager, and Yingling are good, but not available everywhere. Guinness is good on draft, but bad in any format. Labat Blue Light is Canadian.

So I'm really glad Tyler Austin Harper here is really unconcerned with things like status symbols or identity categories. Yeah. Like the alcohol drinks to get drunk. You know what we said about Opie, where he does. thinks in terms of articles that don't exist. This guy thinks, like, it's the same sort of thing where before he wrote this, I don't, he might be lying for all I know.

For all I know, he doesn't actually, like, you know, become the incredible whole when he drinks Sam Adams. Like, that could be totally fictitious. He just, like, saw a college classroom 50 years in the future. And they were like, oh, you've never read Brian Austin, Tyler Harper's, your essay? Oh, well, you're in for a tree. He, like, went into this thing. Like, this is going to be a legendary, you know.

Everyone's going to, this is going to be one of the great humor essays. It also makes a great point of the next century. Everyone's going to remember the name, Hunter, Maverick, Joseph, Austin Baker. So he closes it out by saying, that leaves Miller Light, humble, measured, available from sea to shining sea in cans, canisters, and bottles, in kegs, and on tap. He's dumb asshole. Is this spawn sponsored? Yeah, I know.

Seriously. Like, is he getting money? Like, it just reads like an ad for Miller Light, a big corporate fucking beer. It is a beer for people who appreciate the sweetness in simplicity, who need exactly six beers and have between

seven and $11, whose fathers were regrettably. Right. Oh, that's a callback. I like that he's just established here. If it's not spawned by the Atlantic, like, then there's something seriously wrong with that magazine.

But he says here, it's for people who appreciate sweetness in simplicity. Unlike golfers, vacation goers, ironists, frat boys, raw dough enjoyers. It's just like, he's just creating another

totally arbitrary identity category that's for guys like him who are educated, but still humble enough to take advice from their father. And, you know, And, you know, get a little drunk while you watch Monday night football, but not too drunk. So you can wake up the next morning and go to the class that you have to teach at college. And come home and watch a Stephen Segal movie.

Go to bed. Drink six beers and watch a Stephen Seagal movie. That is the most telling part about it where it's like for guys who enjoy the everyday simple pleasure of drinking six beers so they can feel normal. I don't know, maybe just switch to liquor. You know, you have to drink less of it. I guess you drunk way quicker. Listen, my father-in-law went to the doctor and they said, you can't keep drinking all this Labat blue.

That was his beer. And he was like, fine, I will stop. And now he only drinks fireball. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, that's the worst thing to drink. Oh. Doctor's orders.

Doctors' orders on the fireball. The stuff that literally burns before like as you're drinking it. Oh, it's a fireball is grotesque. Oh. Yeah. It was so funny when I, my, my wife was going over there and she's like, I just bought him one of those big candy canes filled with little bottles of fireball for Christmas

and he was happy as hell. He's in his 70s. It's so, the whole thing is crazy. You know what I mean? He's the average Trump voter. He's who I use as the average Trump voter. You know what I mean? Guy with a gun lives in a chicken coop,

drinks fireball all day. Shit's in a bucket. Yeah. Shits in a bucket. Chuck Schumer has that imaginary couple that he used to. Yeah, yeah. It's a real,

real guy. All of my imaginary adults are insane. All right. Well, let's wrap it up there for today's show. I want to thank Chris and Brian from guys for hanging out today and joining us. once again, I hope everyone's having a great Memorial Day weekend. And Brian and Chris, if people want more guys, where should they go?

What should they do? Yeah, guys podcasts also. I mean, I don't know how many tickets there are, but we are in Toronto on June 5th. At the Royal Theater. At the Royal Theater in Toronto, June 5th. We'd have 30 tickets left for it. Oh, excellent. Yeah, so maybe 30 of you come and swoop up those tickets.

We're a theater. And you can drink some high, high test. Canadian beer. This piss that they drink in America. Mm-hmm. Yep. I do believe Chris is going to make me do improv, which everybody knows I'm the worst. I'm bad.

I'm not. He gets hung up on the name. Like, he can't think of a name for himself. And that's sort of. Or anybody. That's where the improv ends usually. But we're going to give it a shot. We're going to, yeah, we're going to.

Yeah, we're going to. Yeah, we only do Canadian live in Canada. And I'm afraid to come to your country. why? Well, Chris has a special sort of case where he's pranked people that are really, I used to heavily like mess with on a personal level, Sebastian Gorka and people like that. I know. He's only the head of the national counterterrorism. Yeah.

And he's like threatened me numerous times and like privately. And so I don't think anything would ever happen, but it is like, we're getting a. visa and the lawyer who was doing it was like, hey, you might, you know, be a little bit concerned about some stuff and then I have a family and stuff. So yeah, until that gets all resolved, we do, we do a couple Canadian shows every year, Toronto Vancouver. It's so funny. If Chris came here for a live show, it would be like, we would have to do Metal Gear Solid Ground Zeros to, like, spring him from a black site because he, that's my fair thing about like Sebastian Gorka

as your nemesis or like really you is his nemesis that you just like kept getting him and he's like one of these days I'm going to get you back for fooling me 700 times in a row he talked about Chris at the White House yeah what he

what it was yeah anyways I yeah I just don't feel super comfortable coming over there I've like you know I called them on their cell phones and stuff too like J.D. Vance and stuff. And yeah, that I just, I feel like if they were going through social media, there's a chance that they would be like, hey, we're going to put you in one of our fun camps down here.

We do read articles up here in Canada every now and then about Canadians just getting put in those camps and no one can contact them. So, yeah, I know I'm not really, I don't really think anybody would give a shit if I came there, but it's probably not worth the risk. Yeah, yeah. It's a better safe and sorry. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

Well, once again, having Memorial Day, everybody. That does it for today's show. Until next time, everybody. Bye-bye.