Chapo Trap House - 1057 - Every Hour I Need You feat. Pendejo Time (7/28/26)

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

Jake & Thomas join us to explore some recent Rogan Lore, look at the eschatological facets of Ted Lasso, and contemplate the interiority of some of our acquaintences. Then, our various failures in Iran, our Troops on T, and our bumbling military in general. Jake’s promo for flood & food relief in Kerr County, Texas: https://rebuildkerr.org/ CHUNKS now available for streaming purchase at www.patreon.com/chunkstv Chapo & Friends Live at New York’s Society for Ethical Culture on Friday November 6th. Tickets are going fast, get yours now! https://link.dice.fm/zaf99528079e And see Jake on Aug 14 in Orlando: https://www.alexsundergroundcomedy.com/event-details/jake-rhodes?fbclid=PARlRTSATDOIBwZG9mAmV4dG4DYWVtAjEwAHNydGMGYXBwX2lkDzEyNDAyNDU3NDI4NzQxNAABp1h2teRUwDGGngWIxx75wF9nO-kjVrAJzXqahezosR-kvYdnifBFFeSP5T6O_aem__1_cFrY01k64f6UoZ58Cvg

Jake, you posted that clip from Rogan, where he was talking to the doctor about how hieroglyphics can cure inflammation. I'm like that kind of, I wanted to begin there because it sent me on sort of a Rogan rabbit hole. There's been some great Rogan clips recently. Like the one you shared where he's talking to some quack doctor who's saying that he's now working with the government of Switzerland

to fix their 5G and make the wavelengths more like hieroglyphics, which cure ailments. He was saying that if you look at hieroglyphics, the ancient Egyptians understood that they had sort of formations in them that yeah um the blood the wave and then jami his long-suffering producer couldn't find any evidence of this on the internet and how long how hard did he look yeah yeah that's the so what my my favorite thing about that post and for context of everybody he had this doctor on and every time he has a doctor on or a physicist they're always disgraced in their fear i want to make that

It's like, if you Google, like, one of the physicists that's always on, it's one of the Weinstein brothers. Like, one of the first things on Google is, like, disgraced physicist, whatever, Weinstein. Anyway, like, he had this guy on that was like the inside of the period. I watched the episode, and they were talking about, like, hieroglyphs and the inside of the pyramids, the acoustics are at the frequency. It's the same frequency used in, like, radio frequency therapy to reduce inflammation in the body that doctors actually use. So they were taking our thing. looking at hieroglyphics. It's looking at them inside a pyramid. Something like that, right?

And they were taking real science, which is like, yeah, you can use radio frequencies to reduce inflammation. You can like use a wand. It's like, you know, blah, blah, blah. I had people in my replies that were like, first of all, I want to say something. Spells are real. Magic is real. What he's saying is right. If you look at symbols,

the radio frequency, the wavelength of that symbol, the way it's drawn is the same frequency required to heal yourself. And I was like, oh, whenever something breaks containment, you're like, oh, damn. I really didn't think I didn't think this is humanly possible But yeah

I love that To your point Felix like The whole butt of the joke Like I've been watching that show When I was much younger I watched it Like I love UFC

So I loved all the UFC guy episodes And I love him And boxing So I watch all the interviews with the I haven't watched I watch Rogan every now and then For like The way that you watch

Like a venomous snake at the zoo Like the way you watch it move around. Like I'm curious. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like the same reason. Obviously, we all have like our guilty pleasures. Like I don't, you know, I don't think this is good. I don't really like try to defend myself doing this.

But yeah, like once a month I do watch like a dark web red red room like live. Like torture. And like you think they're just for us to you. They are real. And it's just like I don't like it. but it's part of the culture. Yeah. Yeah, it's part of my job.

Yeah, I remember why. So he like, he, Jamie and Joe have this weird relationship. And I, you know, may or may not have heard from people around in Austin

that it's just like, it's just the way that it is. But Rogan will literally be talking to a guy that's like, is everything all right, Thomas? Yeah, yeah,

everything's good. He'll be talking to a mutt mutt has been put out of this misery. Oh, my dog? Oh, I spoke to you, soon. Hank,

shut the fuck up, man. Jamie, pull up a picture of the sun real quick for us to look at. Hank. I like to think of Rogan and Jamie. Rogan is Stannis Barathean and Jamie is Davos. Yeah, they have like, he has this like,

so Rogan would be like, he'll be like, hey, look up, can you look up Disciples of Draco, lizard people, um, 15,000 BC landing in, Romania. And Jamie would be like, yeah, I'm not finding anything on that. And we're going to be like, hey, you're using Google. It's because you're using Google.

You've got to use. And it's this like new search engine or AI that like, I think they've got it tuned to Rogan's like mind. Because when it's perplexity. Yes, because Jamie will search the thing that Rogan said is real. And the first result is it's 100% real. And I'm like, and Rogan's like, like, see, you were using Google, which is owned by, you know. Jamie, pull up that, uh, that Kendrick Lamar's song. They don't like us. Perplexity is such a good, like, and it is like, it's like a weird midpoint between a search engine and an LLM,

but it's such a good Rogan directed service because perplexity is like, I mean, Jake, you're like me, you watch the old Rogan episodes. We're kind of the opposite. I was happy to see that he had a guy like this on because he has too many fighters on.

Most fighters are fucking boring. It's like one-third fighters now, Republican politicians, or like a chiropractor who says that if you act, like you swallow a glass of milk but hold it in your throat

for three minutes that you'll live to 150. Like white nation, white nation of Islam, dietary stuff. Yeah. So I like it. My favorite episodes were like when Graham Hancock would come on and be like, well, actually, we've been looking at Roons.

Adville was invented 70 million years ago. We've just unlocked the vault of linen and guess what? He's black. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like Graham Hancock believed that human beings were alive like 200 million years ago. Yeah, yeah.

And we had iPhones because aliens gave them to us. Yes. He is all like those. And like this guy, I don't know what the fuck this disgrace doctor's name is. I do love it. Let's Google him. I'm in Google.

I'll bring up the clip here. But I do like like the relationship between Jamie and Rogan. The reason I said Davos and Stanis is that Rogan is just like he's in a like if Stanis was richer if he wasn't just. if he wasn't just sitting on Dragonstone. If Stadis like purposely gave his daughter Grayscale because it made me stronger. But again, Rogan's like the Lord, you know.

Yes, yes, yeah. He's got all this money and he's, basically he's surrounded by 7,000 Melasondras. And yes, man. Who were like, yeah, Joe, every, yeah, Joe, you're right. If JFK had a chiroprack where he would have survived that shot to his,

his brand. And Jamie is the only guy, like Davos, he's like the only guy who's like, I think that you die when your head is exploded by a bullet. Yeah. Joe sort of begrudgingly is like, begrudgingly is like, well, he's the only guy who like tells me the truth because everyone else I'm surrounded with is like, yeah, like Tony Hinchcliff. Right. Yeah. A guy whose last fight was in 2009 and like, has some like weird charity where he's probably human trafficking pigmies that just and rent guy. That's not a legal

accusation. That's just, I'm a theory. He'll get mad at at Jamie sometimes because he'll be really into you can tell he's really into the thing. You know, he'll be... Just like Stennis. He's like, he had to row his disgrace

chiropractor ashore and he was like, I'm really not so sure about what I did. He's like, Jamie, he said we would never speak of this again. Yeah, yeah. It's and I find it, I think the thing that people will say It's a really common thing for you. It's like a factoid people will throw out there.

Like, oh, Rogan is just his politics or his worldview as the last guy at interviews. And it's like, that's not true. Like, at all. Like, he is a gullible guy. But, like, he's not gullible for things like socialized medicine or whatever. Like, he's gullible for stuff like wands and shit. Like, he's not going to. Yeah.

And actually, at the end of the clip where he's talking to the doctors, he was named is Zach Bush. He was telling him about hieroglyphics and frequencies. he starts talking about how human beings are energy and it's just like our brains interpret the energy and you know like and thoughts are like impregnating your brain and then he goes on to say

Joe you have one of them like you're you've allowed your mind on your show to be impregnated thousands of times and your show is like a project of mind and like describing his mind as submissive and breedable I thought was a very accurate Joe Rogan that's actually we should undisgrace this doctor That's like a pretty good concept.

I mean, if anyone, if, I mean, if anyone has ever needed plan B for the brain in the form of, they need to make Oxy80s again. That was plan B for the brain.

Those prevented any new ideas from forming. What's that old black Twitter meme where it's like, like, like make love to her mind and it's the guy and he's like playing with the folds of her brain. He's like fingering her like free phone. Yeah, yeah.

Like the old like deep rides of someone's brain. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But Jake, it was not the hieroglyphics clip that I wanted to talk about Because there was another one this week that I fucking love Where he's back to talking to another one of these like Military Journalist Grifters

I was talking and he's talking about the Giants of Kandahar Which is one of my favorite urban legends to come out of the Iraq war era He lost hit him No he's no He bro he has CT I swear to God I've been watching Rogan for like 10 years He's talked to people about the Kandahar story. He's talked to

operators. He's talked to fucking like archaeologists. He's heard this story before. He's a 6 year old guy who was a Taekwondo National... He's been kicked in the fucking head hard as butt. And he takes mushrooms like every week. Like people like... Like he's heard the...

I've heard other people tell him the Kandahar's story before. So I don't know if he was like putting on his... What happened? I said he has FIV. He said he has FIV. Certain of infected. that's cat AIDS

Oh That is another Stanis parallel His His lady Florent Whatever Kind of like Joe Rogan's real wife

Like hid away in a tower somewhere We don't know where she is There are probably like jars Yeah just jars And jars of discarded Idea fetuses That were still born

Well, the guy he was interviewing about the giant of Candacar's a guy named Timothy Albarino. And he told a story about, quote, a team of Marines in Afghanistan stormed a cave hunting for the Taliban. But they were instead met by an enormous giant who killed them all. Rogan, what? That's the craziest thing I've ever heard. So the giant just got away. Then they deployed another unit. Then they deployed another unit to go look for that team.

When the team got to the cave, that giant was in the middle of eating the dead soldiers. you can't be serious. So what did the giant do to this unit? This new unit went in fully prepared, so they were able to successfully kill the giant. And I was just like, what I love about the giant of Kandahar, like as an urban legend,

is like, A, there is no group profession or individual more prone to confabulation than American soldiers or Marines. Especially special forces, yeah. Yeah, but like, oh, our unit got wiped out in a cave in Afghanistan. Yeah, it was a cyclops that did it. Yeah, that's...

They met the great Khalil's uncle. Yeah. He was like 6-2. He had at least 6-1, maybe even 6-3. That's always my thing where I'm like, like, in the same way, like I always think like the story of, you know, Jacob wrestling with God and just getting his ass handed to him. And then, you know, ask the guy, like, what's your name? And the guy's, you know, get to know,

my name, motherfucker, and then he comes home with a busted hip, and his wife's like, what happened? And it's like, instead of just saying you got your ass beat by the river, you're like, yeah, fuck God. Fuck God. And that's like the whole, that's the whole, that's the whole Israel story or whatever. I think the Kandahar story is very similar, where it's like, what's more like, okay, you 15 guys go into a cave, hard hitting pipe hit and pipe hit motherfuckers, door kickers.

And they just get smoked by a dude with like an old MP5 that he found in the dirt. and then like one guy who was like in a like you like fought the Soviets and just get like two on 16 just get smoked. Can I speak as a player also? Yeah, yeah. Of course, man. I know hoes. Wait, wait, the giant or the guys?

The guys. Oh, yeah. These caves ain't got no hose in there. I like the idea of the job. The big booty bitches of candahar. What's even funnier to me is what if they're telling the truth and it's like, we're mocking them and there's like there's just a big ass motherfucker out there

that's just like in the cave like just eating human meat and jacking off and like every five years when we do a new war over there like 20 dudes show up and he's like do guys I smell I've been smoking you dudes for like 15 years. If that's the case then

like that is probably at least an archangel if not God. Right. Yeah yeah it's Gabriel. Because yeah because it's like the guys who are going in there, like the Navy SEALs, if you kill like 20 SEALs, how many family annihilations are you preventing? Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

You're saving hundreds of life, like, per seal. Yeah, yeah, you're the archangel. Yeah, yeah, it's a nephalim that's like, you know. Yeah, the Nephilim were the race of giants described in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, if there are a giant or giants living in the remotest part of Afghanistan, And I can't say it would bother me very much. It doesn't seem like they're causing very many problems for many people.

But what I like about, I found the clip through a Rogan fan account called Fan Commentary, Joe Rogan Recaps. And the headline here is, Joe Rogan might be in real danger after a historical investigator, Timothy Albarino, just leaked classified Pentagon information

about a group of Marines who were all killed by a single, unarmed, one thousand hundred-pound humanoid in Afghanistan. And like, there's a lot of things like, because he's like, he's leaking classified information. It's like, no, he's not. He's just told the story.

He just, like, told the story on a podcast. I mean, that was, that was what was in the Pentagon papers that Daniel Ellsworth leaked. Yeah, yeah. The reason they, yeah, the only reason they blew that lady up was because she had a picture of the giant smoking weed. Like, they planted the car bomb on her because, yeah. Yeah, like movies like Platoon and Apocalypse now, those are, like, limited hangouts because they all remove the parts about the Vietnamese. Giant. Prometheus is a limb hang to me, dude. Like, that was, that's, I can't be convinced that that's not how. Oh, you meant the, you met the Ridley Scott movie. Yes. Yeah. No, yeah. No, the Ridley Scott movie. Yes. Yeah, yeah. But Jake, I, I watch like, I watch much of the episode with his historical investigator, Timothy Albarino. I love that. I love that. I love that so much. But what I really liked about is he's, he's telling Rogan, he's like, you know, like out of everything that I talk about, you know, like, you know, like, out of everything that I talk about, you know, And I talk about UFOs, like all kinds of crazy stuff.

This is the only one that like my sources who are high up people, high up people in the Pentagon that they don't want to talk to me about. They get scared. This is the only topic I talk about that scares me. And I'm just wondering like, he's like fucking Seymour Hirsch talking to people in the Pentagon. And he's like, you got to tell me about the giants. And they're like, oh, fuck the city of the gun. They're like, they're not scared by it.

They're bored by. Right, right. Yeah. Also like, here's my thing. No, yeah. No, those are the guys. He's talking to the guys whose job it is to. tell idiots like that, like, oh, we're going to release the UFO stuff any day now.

His job is like every time that, you know, Iran kills, you know, only four guys and that, you know, the Navy mysteriously just dumps 5,000 coffins into the ocean. those are the guys who's entire role is to like whenever that happens whenever a base in Jordan gets smashed be like oh yeah

Marine met a gray the other day actually and instead of like doing his job of like inquiring about the grades he's like yeah but what about the giants yeah I like it when I see a news article that's like pteradactyls might have once actually existed

that's how I know that we did something really bad yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah well I guess I should

officially start the show it's Monday July 27th and we're here with Jake and Thomas from Pendejo town whatever but like

but in the context of of Rogan talking to people about fucking hieroglyphics and the giant in Afghanistan the squad wipe

some Marines or whatever I think it's so funny for someone like Rogan to be doing to be talking to this fucking to this dope of a giant from like the war that happened 20 years ago while like currently right now we're getting humiliated by Iran and like the president is about to literally merge our military with Israel like give them all our passwords give them the kill switch and basically like insert Israel into the chain of command of the US military and like I feel like to your point like uh I you know, the Iran war update. Looks like Yemen's jumping out. All kinds of air bases. Ukraine's getting involved. Yeah, Ukraine blew up.

They hit a real World War I. Yeah. World War I feeling to this right now. But it's just like stuck in this ridiculous cycle. Straight of Hormuz is closed. Iran controls it. Nothing we're doing is working. And like, it's time to talk about the Giants again, is what I'm saying here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the first nine to five war. like in human, I think in American history, where it's like, it is from 8 to 5. And then on Friday, yeah, it's like, when the whistle blows. Yeah, yeah. I was, I, I feel like everybody collectively like two months ago noticed it around the same time where they were like, this is a 50 hour work week.

This is a Wall Street war. Yeah. Like this shit's starting on a Monday at 9 and it's ending Friday at 5 p.m. And then that, like on the weekend, you get some spurious updates. One of the things that I think that is, is, is, leading him to believe this is a very much of Vietnam situation is the obfuscation on the dead and the injured. Because as they do the same shit in Vietnam where it's like, you know, Nixon or whatever, they'd be like, oh, yeah, the KD ratio. We're over there, smirking guys. It's done. Yeah, no problem.

And then like any guy, the guys that came back from Vietnam, they were like, yeah, we would be in a platoon of 15. We'd come back with three. And then our commanders wouldn't be mad or sad that 12 of us died. They'd be like, how many did you get? And they'd be like, nobody. We were, we were getting shot from the trees. the trees were shooting. And I think the same thing's happening now where it's like, you know. I mean, like, well,

we know of at least a couple of, you know, fatalities that have been officially confirmed. And the one that's been like the most confirmed was, I think he's a lieutenant and loved building Legos and drinking. Yeah. Yeah. No,

this is it. They named this from his, four individual brands in this body. Yeah, it was like squaddle milk. It was like, Shadow milk, Dr. Squatch, Legos,

and I think like some Marvel. move. Well, here, this is from his fiance. Yeah, yeah. She writes here in like an obituary for this guy who was an officer, I think he was at, I don't know, an air base in Kuwait or Jordan. And it says, here, Tyler looked up to Ted Lasso as an example of the kind of leader

he wanted to be. He believed that leadership began with kindness, humility, and genuinely caring about people. It never mattered to him what someone's past was, their financial situation, their race, their gender, or their rank. He believed every person deserved dignity, compassion, and the opportunity to succeed. And

I was posting this in the show chat like before today and Chris said Chris I gotta read what you said here He said I like the idea Ted Lassow as like an anubis figure for the 21st century American warriors

vaporized by the RRCG embracing the white light and there's Jason Sudakis with his dumb mustache going Well Bucco you didn't get him this time champ but come with me and you continue serving your pedophile commanders in the next life Yeah yeah Ted Lassow I like the little bit about like your past doesn't matter like Ted Lassow himself as he's

you know ferrying you through the river sticks he's he's like it doesn't matter if you started out this war by murdering 200 schoolgirls believe is what matters yeah imagine imagine what's gonna get you oh I sure wish this was my grandma's sweet tea yeah instead of water yeah black water for hell. A dog with three heads, right? That's how many known to you every day? I'm down here in hell with you because I'm a pedophile. Imagine you like, hey, how come they never blew up my school before it was time for homework?

Imagine you're in the wheel of Samshar. I had a sick of cell. The bands are playing. The horns are playing, dude. Like all the elephants are marching in a circle and Shiva's there. And there's just, there's a beautiful. beautiful chorus of singing voices and angelic, and demonic voices too.

There's just this harmony of pleasure and pain and good and evil and the wheel and starts turning. And then in the center of it is just, hey, it's going to be okay. And one thing we've got to focus on, your health and your safety. It's just like big mustacheo, Jason Sudakis. One thing you're going to need to understand is we're going to put you in the body this time.

I'm with a small Chinese boy. And you're going to get to be, this time. Yeah, yeah, you're going to be a beautiful Chinese boy. As many of you know, my situation.

He loved his ship passed away in the war this weekend. He loved wearing deodorant. He loved soda. He loved his primary care provider as well. I'm sorry, that's how they describe. Whenever a CIA agent gets killed in China, that's actually quite legitimately. He loved having a, he loves State Farm.

I don't know. He's actually. He was actually very tolerant of when they made Jake from State Farm and Afro-American gentlemen. It actually makes me think this guy may have been an intelligence because I don't know if you guys remember, but when China, like, there was a double ages that leaked like a bunch of dudes that were in the CIA, but they were over there as like military contractors or they were over there as journalists or whatever. All of their obituaries, some of them were Marines that were over there that were like retired. A lot of their obituaries were like John really, John loved Dr. Pepper and his favorite type of painting was

landscape. And it was like John, John loved his Honda Odyssey so much that he cleaned it every way. Like, because you can't give obituaries for CIA guy. They don't get them. You're like a gray man or whatever. So you don't, yeah,

you get a military funeral usually, especially if you're like J.Soc related. But your obituary is like, he loved sandwiches like a lot. And he really, like he really loved taking walks and he loved putting his shoes on. It is like interchangeable with like what you write about your dog. Yes.

specifically like a Labrador. I always like to imagine like, you know how Anthony Eden? He was prime minister who fucked over this to the Suez Canal crisis. Yeah, yeah. He was prime minister for like two or three years. There's a great joke in the thick of it that Malcolm Turner tells about here, use this glass. It's also of Anthony Eden's lipstick on it. But Anthony, Anthony Eden, like, he won, I think, like the Victoria Cross in World War I.

He famously never, ever talked about the war because it was so awful. And his brother, who he, like, looked up to his entire life, also died in World War I. And I'd just like to imagine that, like, in Eden's private diaries, that's, like, the thing he never talks. That's his obituary of his brother. Yeah. He loved Ovalteen. He thought it was amazing how trees get bigger every few years. There's so many possibilities because also that could just be like,

on one hand, he could have been an intelligence officer. But a lot of Marines that I know, that is their entire tier. I do have cousins like that. Like if I had the right obituary for a cousin, I'd be like in 2013, he liked the mobile game,

Plants versus Zombies. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. In 2018, he had some sort of situation. at school, he will be missed by some other people in this family. Yeah, I have friends that went to the Marines when I go back home to see them. We go out for a beer and they're like,

ah, a stand-up thing looks cool, man. And I'm like, what's been going on with you? And they're like, I've been drinking a lot, like a whole lot of banana flavor protein. And I've been petting my dog. And I got a new baby. And I love, I'm going to tell you some, I love trucks.

And you're like, you're 38. Like, there should be other things in your interior life besides like, okay, the Batman, not with Matt, not with Guy from Twilight, that's the gay Batman, the Batman who's strong and you're like, you're not,

Ben Affleck and you're like, yeah, him, I got a tattoo of him on my leg. And you're like, okay. Yeah, I feel like this is like a specific sorrow

of the content creator. Like you, you have, if you can make a living off of like the podcast, like whatever. Stand up, you, whatever.

And you have met so many people in your life who are like that. Yeah. Yeah. Just out of like you have you like probably like 20 to 30% of your repertoire is based on things you saw them do or did with them. Yes. Like it gave you such great insight. You have this lingering guilt because it's not like if you gave, if you gave them like every dollar you ever made, it would, they would go deeper into death than they ever had been the very next day. You can help them out sometimes, but it's just, you know, it's like with the great

Master said in Game of Thrones, the wheel, the wheel of history always repeats because the nature of man doesn't change. But like, you have these conversations with them where like, you're both getting updates about your life and your friend who is like greatly informed your understanding in the world is like, yeah, dude, things are going great. I'm down. Like, me and my girlfriend we've de-escalated we don't throw lamps at each other anymore right yeah

cups and mugs yeah yeah I'm actually taking a class to become a male death dula they don't check for vehicular manslaughter plea deals in dula programs

and you have to pretend to be like yeah it sounds like we're both working on a lot of stuff now I think you had referred to me one time as the Richard Feynman of stupid studies because of like how many interactions I had had in my life with people that had like led me to be like I I had had like so many interactions with and some of my best friends in the whole world are just like your life sounds so awesome in the sense that like you're able to be you're able to talk about great tragedy in a way that I could never I'm a whiny bitch like you have a way worse life than me and it's so stupid and I don't. mean stupid in a mean way. You'll be like, dude the other day, I got some red peanuts. They were green. And that's, they were green in the bag. And the bag was red. And that's like, and they're talking to you like, that's a crazy. And then the next story they tell you is like, my dad got blown up at work. Exploded. It's just exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And you're like, hold. Hold on. Why is the big. Why are you more mad about you bought the Taki's peanuts and they were the blue ranch peanuts actually? Why are you crazy up? said about that. And then the second story is like, my wife, yeah, she got fucking hit by a train. They only found her leg, her shoe. That's it. Like that. Jake, literally, one of my big philosophies

in life that I have picked up from people like this, I'm not even kidding, is people say don't sweat the small stuff. No, you sweat the small stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Matters of, like, most matters of life and depth, most of the worst things have ever happened to me in my life. Most of the worst things I've ever seen, experienced. Most of the things that made, like, the deepest imprints was good and bad. I had no control over them. Right, yeah, yeah.

There was nothing I could do. What the fuck could I do? And that's usually, like, sometimes, yeah, for these guys that we're talking about, yes, they have a little bit more control than we do because they do behave like hitman NPCs. And if you can't beasue, a gas valve next to them.

They will just continue smoking a cigarette every 10 minutes. And the accident kill will flash across your screen. If you cut their brake lines, they're like, I got to go for a 10-hour drive. I don't know. I just got this itchy feeling. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Oh, God. I hope that's not breaks coming out. Let's go. They have like a very, very specific, they have a very specific path in routine. But like for most of us,

it is like you cannot control these things. You can just control your reaction. You can control how you arrive in the lives of others. For sure. How you meet your obligations. That doesn't mean like you can't be sad about it, that you can't feel anguish and you, you know, even well in self-pity. But like you just, you can't worry about it constantly, it's my point, because it's just going

to happen and there's fucking nothing you could do. But the things like, you know, you get one of those stickers that's over. oxidized and it's all white, I will go on a tirade that is sometimes racial in nature. Yeah. I mean,

I've had, because you just got to get it out. I've had days where I go to return like my cable box. Like when my father died, I had, you know, I'd handle all that stuff and it was tragic,

but you know, I mostly just pushed through it. But I went to go return my spectrum box and there was a dude, there was like a six foot eight black unc unc with a money do rag watching twerking videos on his phone at max volume right next to me in line of spectrum. And I,

I was like, how many people in here could I knock out before the police came? Like, I got so mad. I was just like, I was like, I was having thoughts that I, like, you know what? Like, with your major tragedy strikes, you're like, fuck it, I got to handle this. And then you're in the airline at Waterburger. And there's like an old guy in front of you that's just scratching his belly button and smelling it. And you're like, I think I could hit him really hard and kill him in one hit. Like, yeah, I think I could do it.

This is good advice for the fiancee who lost her Ted Lasso. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. In Jordan. During one of like, in like 2017, it was a very like, you know, I think a lot of, you have a lot of years when you're a younger man. There's a lot of like peaks in valleys, you know?

You are embarrassing in a romantic way. Or you think it's romantic. You believe it is. It's actually not the other people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

Right. Right. Anything. Any of the peaks of valleys of you. Yeah. And during like particularly potential, tumultuous period of during a particularly tumultuous period

of 2017. I went to LA for the worst series of pitch meetings anyone has ever done ever. Half of them were literally at like 7 a.m. Just like probably to haze the people that we were pitching to

because they were younger than us. Yeah, yeah. And the guy I went with booked a hotel that on the second day it turned out it had bed bugs. Of course. And I was just like, you know, the other stuff I was just taking, the things in the background of my life, I was like taking it as it came. But the little things of the trip, after one particularly awful 7 a.m. meeting with adult swim. And a Persian almost hit me with his BMW, his white BMW.

That's classic. And, like, not even, like, half a block from the offices. We just, like, you know, had a pitch that went nowhere. I, like, spit on his fucking car, just, like, start screaming with my neckmates popping out. Like, the guy stopped. Like, he was going to fight me. But I was so, there was so much malevolent energy emanating from the dead.

Yeah. Yeah. Even, yeah, he didn't even want to engage in the classic American non-combat ritual of acting like you're going to fight someone. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, I put all the, all the Sturm and drong I was experiencing and things that mattered. I put it all into the stupid bullshit of the trip.

And just the regular inevitabilities of life, like a Persian almost flattening you with their 700,000-toned car. I love almost getting ran over by a South Korean businessman or a Persian and a white Mercedes AMG. In Houston, it's almost a daily occurrence. It's like a ride of passage where you're like, you kind of get one of your, your legs touched, like almost taken out and the guy stops. And then he's mad at you for being, you know, he's on his way to go have sex with a teenager or like open a crumble cookie. You know, like he's on his,

he's on his way to go like have sex with a hostess from P.F. Chang's that just turned 18. Like that's what he's trying to do. When we were in Houston, I always imagined like every guy saw in a nice car that wasn't like, you know, borrowed or leased or something. Yeah. I was imagined them now as like an auto high tax. power type guy who's like half

his job is just hanging around his boss's boss and yes try to slely indicate like hey um you're like my best friend I don't know if you know this but my daughter has really good pussy he's trying to do like medieval

arranged marriages and his like petroleum petroleum exorcories company the the guy so Thomas maybe I don't know I don't have you ever experienced this but like yeah if you like work in the oil and and then I remodel the homes and use him for a while.

And there is, there's an, there's an alpha of the contractor group, usually some type of foreman. And then there's a beta who's like the foreman's, he provides him with pieces of wood. Or, you know, he provides them with tools.

And yeah, there is a weird relationship between the two guys where the guys, I've got a sister. You know, you can fuck her. You know what I mean? Like,

it is a thing that does happen or whatever. I guess to Curry favor. He wants to go from being squire to vizier. You know what I mean? Like he's trying to whisper in the ear of the red alcoholic form. If you're looking to make it come up from squire to vizier, having an attractive sister is a great way to go by it. I will say, though, people act like, you know,

driving a nice car. And, you know, as pedestrians and civilians, people don't think about what it's like to drive a fucking nice car and have hot-ass sisters around all the time and stuff. To be a Persian prince? You think it's just constant blessings. A lot of that stuff is hard to deal with. Yeah.

Another, another sort of post that caught my eye in light of the current war with Iran is, did you see the clip that was going around? It was shared under the headline, American troops unashamedly worshipping Jesus Christ Chris you have that clip It's like a mess hall And it's like dozens of troops And they're doing the arms raised thing

They're reaching out and they're And they're listening to like just really bad contemporary Christian rock Uh huh Yeah of course You know, country contemporary music And it's like one of those songs that's like Hold me up Lord, you're the one

holding me. Touching me? Yeah, yeah. You are my son. I watch that clip and like, do you think that Pete Hegseth saw that clip? And I know he's supposed to be like an Uber Christian warrior, but do you think he saw that clip

and was like, we got to get these boys tea? Yeah, we've got to juice them up with testosterone. Yeah, because like, one of my favorite things about that video is if you look in the back, there's one guy who's like, he makes a, he kind of makes a face and that was, it was, it was, I, he, he, He's got his hands up. You can tell his heart's not in it. And I don't know if you'll be finding the video.

I've seen the video talking about. I love the idea of knowing you're going to a war and a war you might die. And then you look around and all your battle buddies and your fucking barrack buddies are like, I'm going to get one good worship in. And then you're like on the fence about the whole thing. And you're like, and then the song is like, getting touch by God, getting lick by God. You know what I mean? Like, you're just getting, like, and you're trying so hard to believe it.

And then you're the guy that's your boss, the secretary, the sec ward fucking, he's like, he thinks you're gay. Because he doesn't worship God that way. He worships God by like hitting his wife with a check hook on the way out of the door. Like, that's how he, I love the idea of filing out of that room, like, and then filing directly into the TRT room. You know what I mean? Like, you get out of worship room and then you go into a cold clinical room where they just start injecting. you with weird shit. Which, by the way, I want to, I did want to touch on, you guys, none of us served in the military,

but we all know what military grade means. Officially, no. We all know what military grade means. When I was watching Pete's thing, he's like, we'll make sure it's the best. And it's like, classically, the Army does not make sure that its injections and its gear are the best. Like, classically, famously, like, guys get injected. A couple of my buddies went to the military, and to this day, they're like,

yeah, the ninth shot they give you, you don't really know what it is. The doctor's like, it hurts the worst, it's going in your ass, and then you don't ever really find out what it was for or whatever. And I'm like, and some of it makes guys sick, like it makes them sterile or whatever. I can't imagine that they're going to have the best quality steroids for their dudes. This is from NBC News. Under the supervision of our world-class medical professionals, war fighters age 30 and older are going to be tested annually as part of their periodic health assessment,

Hegg Seth said in a video posted to air. X captioned, the high T.U. Department of War. The test would take place as part of a regular annual health assessment. Service members younger than 30 can voluntarily get their testosterone levels checked as well, Hegg Seth said. The initiative, it's not about artificial enhancement. It's about restoring and optimizing your natural capabilities, protecting your longevity,

and ensuring you have the biological foundation required to sustain the fight, Heg Seth said. You can tell that, you can tell JET helped write that, which is funny. Yeah. Yeah. It's not just about this. It's also about these things. Yeah, yeah. Well, one of the side effects of too much test,

and this is why I'm actually excited to see how this plays out. It's not for all, it doesn't happen to everybody. But one of the side effects is gay thoughts. Like, really? Yes, like some guys get on tea and it makes her shit too high. It's not that you're gay. You're just like, I'm so horny.

I'll fuck a hole in the ground outside. Guys like, oh, man, I guess I guess I just got so. horny. And it's like one of those things where it's like, you know, whenever you're horny and then it's like different people than usual. Yeah, yeah. It's like, I guess, I guess just anybody at this point because of medicine, you know. It's this medicine.

It's like any guy. You know, I mean, I mean, that that is like, that is true. Like, it happens to testosterone, replacement therapy, some supplements actually. Yeah. A lot of Water. A lot of different tap water. Yeah.

A lot of different Vets. Yeah. Yeah. Sleeping. Sleeping too much. Yeah. Sleeping too little.

Not sleeping enough. Discord. Yeah. Discord. Yeah. Yeah. Going on Chapo Trapp house usually makes me gay. Those massage chairs at the mall can do when they relax you too much.

Yeah. Cistery deprivation tanks can also make you think that you're gay for a couple years. Just for a couple years, just for like seven years. Yeah, they last a long time. You don't want to do one too often. Yeah, I remember watching what, I wish I

remember his name. Ice baths, doing an ice sponge and you come out perfectly gay. I don't think you're healed. That's what should happen when you get baptized. You should just come out as a happy gay guy and your life would be way better. I wish I turned gay the instant I got

baptized. Dude, dude, imagine going You go, you're standing above the water. You're a horny, straight, seventh grader, and you can't stop jacking off. And you get dunked and you come up and you're completely healed, but you're just gay as fuck.

You're like, I'm, I can't wait to leave the life as a beautiful. You can become Lindsey Graham. That is kind of how homeschooling works. Yeah, that is true. I want to say rest in peace to Lindsay. I know that you are gone but not forgotten. That video of him being like,

oh my God, we did it. Trump just loves blowing stuff up. That video was. That video was nauseating. Right. It's here. I'm talking to Trump this boy. Oh, he's Jack.

It's the best thing I've ever done. He loves. He loves blowing stuff up. It is so nice. It was terrible. It was like, this is the best thing I've ever done. Trump's in the zone right now. I mean, I do appreciate that he-

We're going to build a dollhouse on top of it. I do appreciate, though, that he lived long enough to, like, see it all going. wrong. Well, that's, yeah, like, you're on your death bet. Well, that's the thing I don't know if he did, because it's like... It's going so badly that we have to give our soldiers testosterone. Right. And they're fucking, they're

goddamn, they're fucking widows talking about what pussies they are and their obituary. Like, can you imagine like, a very marked soldier that died during the siege of Stalingrad, and his widow was like, he was very moved and inspired by the German comedy character, man with sausages in his ears.

Yeah, yeah. He was moved. and inspired by like, yeah, yeah, the accordion. He loved tuba music and played it all the time. Yeah, yeah. He loved Polka and he absolutely loved, you know, fucking Wiener shit, whatever the fuck, nasty as shit.

He was a huge state of Kaisenet. Yeah, he loves him. He joined the show speed. He was trying to get on streamer university. Well, yeah, well, no, That's actually a lot of people don't know. That's why no one knows

like why Rudolph Hess went to England alone. He was trying to like take a flight to America. Right. Go to Streamer University. The guys that tried to kill Reinhardt Hydrick before they shot him, they were like, yo, yo girl goes to Miami on a girl's trip.

Valid or not? And they fucking blew it. With a fucking with a fucking machine gun. Yeah, that was the code word to like initiate Operation Valcarade. Yeah. Like, like, manhite, manhive called up all the conspirators. It was like, what y'all think about $200 dates?

Too much or y'all don't care? Yo, y'all girl going to Vienna and you can't come. It's just her girls. Entie Reagan was like, how big is it? Can I feel? Ernest Rome is like, is like, how big is it? Let me see it. Oh, my God.

Would you let your, would you let your girl hang out with her half brother? also the idea of a German would you ever get with a cat cat girl okay I don't have no other questions those are the questions that they were asking guys during MK Ultra they just peppered those guys to those questions

before they jumped off the roof of buildings they were like if your girl has a higher snap score than you what does that mean and they're like Blah! No, candy you know,

pink candy pickle pig ear for sale. We got it. Guys like, why are you, is this, do I have to buy it?

Nope. You just got to watch the video. We got the new lime green pickle spear pineapple. The test where they're trying to see where Ryan Gosling's a

replicant and it's like, yo girl got a male best friend Valor and I connected. Yo girl going to my He's just sitting there just dead eye Just like connect We got fried chicken covered in a thick crystal glaze You know

Your best friends sleeping in the bunk bed above you And they start shaking what you doing Fellas Is it gay to meet your best friends for breakfast? The thing about like Lindsay I was going to say Will like I all of one of the things I was going to talk to you guys I know we only got like 10 minutes.

We never really touched on the other stuff. But the information obfuscation, like, I saw a really funny thing about, like, historically, propaganda about current wars was only for people. Like, Carl Rove has that quote about the reality-based community. Like, you guys can continue arguing about this. We're empires. We make realities.

And you'll continue to talk about it. Propaganda is for people. It's not for the administration. And so, like, Jake, like, you saw that clip of Maria Bartaromo on Fox News, and she's like talking about how the war is going. And she's like genuinely confused. Yes. I don't understand how it's possible that Iran has the capabilities to fight this way

and continue to try to lash out at Gulf countries and U.S. military bases. Because the U.S. has obliterated Iran's military. And the president continues to reiterate that. But Trump said we've destroyed their military Air Force and Navy. So like, why aren't they defeated? Right. Yeah, yeah. you are getting high on your own supply

like that's for the dumb dumps you don't know like right yes she actually believes it and she's like a lot of them do and because of it she's confused about like why it's not like why if we've defeated them militarily are they still fighting us I think Trump Trump did until I think he's starting like as of like

last week to come around to the idea a little bit that like he's being lied to which like I remember also another shout out to Lindsey Graham I don't know if you guys read that article where he was talking about like the way he got Trump to do stuff. He was like, now Trump loves somebody that

loves him, but more, he hates anything is a kiss ass. So the way that I got him to do things is I would say, oh, you know, Barack tried to do this and he couldn't do it. Or, you know, Barack did this and then Trump would immediately immediately. I mean, I honestly, that's probably like a brilliant way of manipulative. It is. That's why I mean, but like the point I'm trying to make is like

Trump, I think is finally coming around to the idea potentially that all of his little picture books that he gets every morning where it's like, they probably are like, they show AI pictures of soldiers flexing over like Iranian like brown guys dead bodies and it's like he's like oh this is how it's going cool I think he's realizing it's not real because some of the stuff he's saying about Turkey and shit it's like I feel like he's like okay I'm not getting the actual picture of this

maybe I don't know because there are people like even higher up than that lady or the you were talking about like other members of his cabinet they're like we're winning like I just talked to Pete and we're winning and it's like does people believe the way the way they're squaring that circle is that like Operation Epic They said that like that's over and it was a huge military victory. And that that part of the, that that was a successful war that we thought. It ended with the memorandum of understanding that lasted about two weeks. Yeah.

And now we're back doing the exact same thing. But like this current war is a different and completely new war that we've yet to achieve total victory. That was the exact same line with Iraq. Yes. In Vietnam. The mission accomplished first of the opening of the opening. Operation of Rocky Freedom. Yeah.

Inherent resolve. Yeah, and not like the thing that we had committed the vast majority of resources to where the vast majority of atrocities were also committed. I mean, another throwback to the Bush administration.

I mean, has there, with this war specifically, I mean, this, has there ever been like a starker clash of civilizations just not in the way that Huntington framed it. Yeah, like, because it, because it, like, it's whatever you want to say about like, living in Iran as a country, which I don't, we have less and less room to talk about, would you want to live in North Korea, bro?

Would you want to live in, you know what I mean? Would you want to live in China? Yeah, where they track your. data. Yeah. And they arrest you for no reason. You know,

they don't have fire. Right. And by the way, Felix, I love the idea. Yeah, them like,

like going back and being like, like, going to Raytheon and being like, hey, we need PAC twos. It's like going to your plug and being like,

do you have Mids? Like, like, do you have, oh yeah, that's the thing. It's like we are apparently pretty much

completely spent on our missile interceptors. Yeah. And like, well, I saw another clip meet the press this weekend where they're talking to Mike

Waltz, the like, I think National Security Advisor. And they were like, the person they're asking the question on NBC was like, um, like, so these missile interceptors, like, it's a, like, our stock has been severely depleted by this war. Like, is that a problem? And he's like, well, first of all, no, like, our stock

has not been depleted at all. That's a complete lie. And people leaking this information should go to jail. But to the extent that they were depleted, it's depleted because of Joe Biden. Yeah. It's like, deny everything. admit nothing, make counter-accusations. But that's, I mean, that, that, that is, that is exactly what I mean, though.

Like, I, like, every, like, every government at war, even the guys we want to win, both historically and now, like, part of war is propaganda. It is stretching the truth. Sure. Outright lying, lying by omission, et cetera, et cetera. Everyone does it. But, like, if you look at Iranian society. like yes you if you really want you can go oh they force women wear hijabs well they also want the women who are wearing hijabs to build the fucking rockets that are carbonizing our bongo milk

drinkers whatever bungo milk those those those those those those women are fucking building seeker heads that are filling the sea with corpses. littered with microplastics. Yeah, F-35s galore. Yeah. Also, who hasn't forced a woman to wear a hijab? I mean, let's be even playing. But it just like, like, even going back like two years when it was a tougher time to be like a, you know, an AOR head, let's say.

And, you know, it was like, oh, we flew the red flag of revenge. and we're doing these these proportional attacks that hit nothing. Right, yeah, yeah. We think we can manage the ladder of escalation. Even then, but especially now, even when they lied, their speech was just so much more poetic and meaningful

and had a meaning beyond like the immediate regular propaganda and like, you know, mistruths that every, every state does while at war. But now, while like all these things, someone put it out the other day that Iran's comprehensive

strategy, the idea of using short and medium range ballistic missiles, mosaic warfare, drones as a way to overwhelm AD. Some of these things individually had been tested in other conflicts,

namely Ukraine. But just this entire strategy that Iran had. This has never really been done before. And all these decisions could have easily gone another way. There were so many individual choices along the way. In the last five, six years, especially since the death, since the assassination of Soleimani, there have been a lot of blunders on the political side in Iran.

But militarily, like, they clearly made some of the smartest choices they put. possibly could have made in a way that's actually pretty fucking stunning. Not because you don't imagine they're capable of it, but it just, it mystifies you in the same way that, you know, how the allies were able to make fucking proximity shells in like 1942. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah. And over, over here, like, we don't, the other day I saw a press release bragging that, Raytheon, I think they're RTX now. They rebranded.

There are too many viral, viral left slop tweets that use Rathian, that they... This because of Rathion Rathion. Yeah, yeah, that was a really bad scandal for them. They should, they should, they should not have made Lana Del Rathion CEO. But that it was, it was a flag from our Department of War bragging that we just

put it in an order for RETA. to produce 300% more Tomahawk missiles, which would approximately put their production capacity around to where it was like 30 years ago. So our entire thing is most of our stuff is just like sending Jared and Steve over there to make polymarket bets and just begging that no one notices there's so much bloat and graft

and subcontractor after subcontractor, a subcontractor, maximum profiteering every step of the way that we cannot match the pace or production that we were doing in the fucking original Gulf War.

Yeah. I feel like to that point, and like Jake, this is something that I wanted to bring up that you posted this week. It's like, I think we can take it for granted that, you know, war is a racket, as they say. And, you know, Felix, as you were saying, like, every war involves some level of propaganda or, you know, theft on behalf of the government's doing it.

But, like, I think what's different now is that the people prosecuting this war on the American side, and by that I mean, like, the Trump administration and the U.S. government are top to bottom frauds and criminals. Yeah. Not only that they're thieves, but they don't believe in anything like a national project, a religion. just like an act self-defense, their own personal safety. You don't believe in anything other than their own squalid personal enrichment and aggrandizement.

And like you can do almost anything in this country now because it's just, it's all crime. It's all fraud top to bottom. But winning or is one you can't do. Yeah, this is what I was getting at. And Jake, I think you had a post about this, about how you can manipulate the market

and you can fool like your core base of supporters. you know, 70, 80, 90% of the time, but you run into a wall at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this is what I was getting at, ultimately, is that there is a difference between, like, the regular mistruths and bluster and emphasis on the actual successes

when it is from, you know, the people in Ansara law or the IRGC who, like, unimpeachably fucking believe in something. Yes, that's, yeah. And believe in something in a way that I don't even think 99.9% of Americans are even capable of. That's why like,

but they're going up against even among Americans, people who forget even their capacity to believe, have never even tried. Yes. To believe in something for them is like, that's gay. That makes you a sucker.

That makes you a fucking. So like for the last, I guess since the Korean war for the most part, like if you are, if America fights an enemy that has any like, again, like, you wouldn't want to live in what blah, blah, blah, blah. Forget all that. I see people that are like, yeah, we're still fighting with shackles on. And it's like, no, you don't understand. You're fighting an enemy with dignity and who understands that if they lose, they're already going to die. It's the same thing with Hamas.

It's the same thing in Palestine. Like, people are like, yeah, Israel's still fighting with the training rules on waiting to win. And it's like, it doesn't matter. They understand. Well, Jay, like, you, you, you, you explore this point, a fuller, and in a fuller way. We're like, you see it all the time where people like, they cannot, like, they cannot conceptualize the fact that Iran is defeating the United States or Israel, or at the very least, it's thwarting all of our stated objectives militarily. Right. And they're like, yeah.

And then you, you point that out. to them like the straight of her moves are still closed man like how do you account for that if we're winning the war and they're like oh that's because we're not really fighting it if we really wanted to we could take out of Iran in a day yes and then like what you said is when you talk to these people what they really boils down to is they just think any war that we have fought since the end of world war two yes we have not used nuclear weapons offensively we've been shackled is a war that we've been trying to lose yes yeah if you one of my favorite things about anybody when you talk to them about Vietnam you talk to them about korea you talk to them about any war where we have been where we

fought to a stalemate with a guerrilla army or we had to pull out, you talk to a certain type of person and they were like, well, you know, the Democrats or the so-and-so, you know, they passed this and that's why. And it's like, oh, well, that, you know, that didn't really have much to do with it, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you get to the second part of the conversation. And eventually, every time, in my experience at the end, they're like, well, we should have nuked them, should have them. And it's like, that's what you were saying the whole time.

What you were talking about the whole time is carpet bombing an entire country with nuclear or thermobaric weapons, or H-bomb. That's what you're talking about. and it's the same thing with Iran where it's like just wait until the gloves come off and it's like the gloves have been off we've killed so many years school girls like that would be

a triple tapping the gloves are pretty much off yeah they we triple tapped that school maybe my theory and other people's theory because it was close to a military center and they were trying to draw leaders out the parents to come find their kids to come so they could that's why they triple tap yeah yeah yeah I mean

the theory I've seen a lot that I believe the most is that at the very least the students at that school it was a co-educational school but like the classes were separated by gender which you know is that it's

it's so backwards and barbaric and no other country like our greatest ally in the region would ever do stuff like that you know yeah but anyway that that school was a popular school for IRGC officers to send their children. Yeah.

At the very least, I mean, I could very much see the idea that, yeah, they were trying to take out guys who were obviously rushing in to see if their kids were okay. But also, I do think it is a mirror of the policy that we've seen Israel use in Gaza, which is to target the family members of, doctors, aid workers, anyone who has tried to help to try and break their will.

And to make them too miserable to even, I mean, in the case of Israel, to make them too miserable to even operate on children. Yeah, that's the British counter-insurgency. It's like attack the population, attack the children, like break the population down, break their support down for either the regime or for the, early of those and then eventually you know.

And the thing is when that doesn't work, and when that inevitably doesn't work and you get you get down to like the, oh, we should have just nuked them. That's like a, that's a forthright acknowledgement of how cowardly this all is. Right, right, right. It's just like, oh, well, we can't actually fight people. We can't actually fight adult men face to face.

So like, oh, so like, they cheated by beating us that way and we lost on purpose by not killing every human being on the planet. Correct. Yeah, we didn't commit a genocide to the degree in which we were. actually capable. So we actually spared them. So technically we won. Like that's how people talk about Vietnam is that, oh, we actually

they should be grateful because we spared them from what they could have. Like during the Korean War, like, like, the reason McArthur was recalled is he was like, I think I'm going to bomb China with a big one. Just over the river. Yeah. Russia two. And they're fucking every, everyone, Truman's like, please do not do

that. It was seven years ago, we dropped one of these things and we're still kind of dealing with the fallout literally and figuratively of that. So can we just take it easy? Like we have, this is a thing I talked about with, maybe I talked about it with you guys a while back. Like in the early days of Heggseth, I think he sees himself as a great drunken general of history. Like Sherman or like, like in his mind, he sees himself. He was this grand, other famous.

Yeah, like he sees himself as this guy that's like this fucking booze hound. And maybe, hey, maybe his tactics might not be great, but they get the job done. And it's like the one part about those personality. and those great men of history, great generals, is the second part. The first part, you can't just be an alcoholic

and fail, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, then you're just, like,

moron who's, he said, Grant was a good general before he was an alcoholic. Right, like, that's like, Pete Hegseth,

in his mind, he's like, yeah, I'm like, I'm like, all the great boozehounds of, I'm like all the,

you know, Curtis and all these guys, I'm in my mind, I can fight this war, and I need my juice, I need my fucking. It's like, No, those guys are remembered either for their great fucking contributions to death in a good way, like, you know, or they're great contributions of dev of like wanton destruction.

That's why they're remembered. A fun part of their personality of Roosevelt's Teddy's personality is that, yeah, he liked to have a tickle or two with fucking two rib eyes in the morning. He was fucked up by 10 in the morning. You are just fucked up by 10. I am. And the first war as secretary of war, you're getting your shit stomped in and pushed in by like guys who have. doohickeys. You're getting doohickey. Yeah. It is

amazing for any adult to have that thought. I think you're totally right. Because they are going to like scapegoat for, scapegoat him for this. And I do unfortunately think that this war is going to continue at like stages of varying intensity. Yeah.

Just because there is a inability to accept the fact that they have painted themselves into a corner. Yeah. And there is no way out for the United States. It is not utterly fucking humiliating. Yeah.

But it's like if the next guy they put in there, he reads about Friedrich Wilhelm and he's like, all right, well, I've got to divorce my wife and start fucking guys. I would have imagined like that like that's the reason

he was so good. He was such a strategic genius. Yeah. But I, Gwain High Tower. Just go going back though to that period of warfare that like, oh, if we like amissorate the population enough,

it will break their spirit. Obviously, like, the people of Iran, the people of Yemen, and the people of the people of the Al-S. They're not unfeeling. Right. They feel anguish and pain when their children are killed.

Like anyone does, it's the worst thing you can fucking experience. But I do think it is telling that like a group of guys, let me just use one guy for an example. I know that he was not a military commander. but the head of our, one of the heads of our internal security services or a higher up,

like the number two, Dan Bungino. He quit after not that long. Right. Because he got sad about going to the airport too much. Literally, yeah, yes. We are like killing these people's families. Yeah. And that is like these people who like came of age during the Iran-O-Roc War,

seeing atrocities committed against people they knew, against their families in just the same way with US weapons and we and we think that like they are made out of the same

fucking soft, fragile copper that were made out of. Right, right, right. Whenever you talk to somebody in the military now, they're just like, yeah, whenever whenever Mac Miller died, I just felt like something switched to me. I used to fuck with the military

And I still fuck with the military But I don't know if I fuck with war Putting that like on his ass bad Just like yeah I like I sure I do fuck with like getting hell of pussy And getting like a cool car with the money But like I don't know if I'd be fucking with like I came over here because of Charlie Kirk

And the longer I'm here the more I think I don't know if that was... I watched David Gagins every day during COVID, and I think I made a grave error. Dude, every few years, the news and the media are like, the drafts coming. And I'm like, one of my favorite things about that is right now in this moment is, I think military doc,

one of the like places, people that were, like, reports on this type of stuff, is that a bunch of people are showing up. Thomas, to his joke earlier, literally, like, guys are showing up. fresh or 20, whatever fresh, they do not meet the physical fitness requirements to just walk into the building. Like they cannot do a single pull-up.

They cannot do five push-ups. If I join the military, can I still smoke gas? Yeah, can I still puff that loud and pull on my fucking eel? Like, what can I do? And this is, and I was reading about this and it's like, I'm not like guys that are neat, like guys that are in cells,

like guys who historically saw the gods, You guys are all around my same age group. You saw the godsmeck, I stand alone, fucking army thing where they were like repelling from the helicopter and you're like 10 and you're like, dude,

I think I'm, Jake, I'm a, I'm slightly older. So I saw the video where the Marine is like on a chessboard and fights a dragon with his saber. Yes,

I see, that one, or the one where he has a sword and he climbs up the mountain, Tom Cruise style. Yeah, yeah. So like,

all of that stuff is old. No one watches cable anymore. So like, these guys tricked themselves, he's into going to the military and they're not able to join. if a lot of them it's like if they go to boot camp they would die like they're so new they are like malnutrition

from only eating like green soda and like red like Thomas Thomas would know best about green and red is that like don't drink water because they think it's bad yeah it's like dude imagine asmon gold showing up your canteen and you're like you're y'all got any mountain dew y'all got any green you got any green or maybe some purple you got any orange for me to have to drink like

you'll get the you got the Blue talkies over here? No? That is going to be like year 10 of this war like in year 10 where we're like okay under a Democratic administration

where they're like okay we're releasing the real casualty numbers seven guys. Yeah, yeah. And like we're totally out of Patriot Interceptors. we don't even remember how to build them. No one does

magnet. No one does magnet. No one does magnets anymore. And instead of Patriot Interceptors, it's going to be Coke freestyle machines. Yeah, yeah. And all the defense walks are going to be like, this is so shameful. We're taking Coke freestyle machines that we strategically have in South Korea. And we're sending them over to our bases and guitar. I agree that I think it's going to go on a long time.

I do think that I think the cultural so much winning moment is over like or it's ending like it's kind of it's on its death route like people

you know I don't want to get like like falsely optimistic whatever it's like I don't think these guys I don't want to give the idea I'm Miller Bannon Hegseth Bovina

none of these guys are going to get prosecuted or any real way I don't I'm not under that delusion no no but I do believe anything wrong but like the jakes your point like over the last couple weeks though like they have really like

opened up the throttle on just being like oh we're a fully fascist government now all our political opponents we're labor we're declaring them terrorists yeah you know like uh you know our our power of those areas will just continue killing people in the streets but like obviously that's disturbing and i don't mean to be like glib or make or make light of it because you know like when things like that happened, you have to take it seriously. But, like, I think they're really only doing it out of a sense of, like, absolute desperation. And I go back to what I said, like, when Trump got reelected in 2024, I was like, this is going to be bad.

But, like, I have not confidence that justice will be done, but confidence that these fucking people, like, they will fuck it up. They'll speed their own right now. It's spectacularly. Yeah, yeah. They'll speed, like, I remember, like, when the Doge thing was happening and I was watching that, I was like, oh. And then when, obviously, when the ice stuff, it's still really bad.

It's gotten worse. but like when it was the topic du jour, the media, when it was kind of flooding the zone or whatever, the thing that makes America work and the reason no one really does anything is you can't have knuckle-dragging guys killing white women in suburbia. That's the promise we made to suburbia.

We'll kill everybody in the periphery, and if it ever comes home, it'll kill people you'll never see it. You know, black and brown bodies will die. But the lady that's like selling lemonade, like on the side of the church lady that's just like, would you guys care for a nice chocolate tart? You can't blow her shit smooth off

And then like mock her on an instant on a telegram channel with your friend You can't do that and that's what they were doing for like months on end Like yeah in telegram chats called 1488 big boolee Latina A bunch of ice guys are like yeah don't with me a fucking a lady walking across the street the other day Like you can't do it especially well especially because the people doing it are all like overweight Mexicans Yeah dude the the amount of uh the amount of videos that came out of that era of like guys like someone a guy's having his window tapped and the guy was on

and he's like hey can I see a old lady can I see her and it's like whoa because I'm from Texas I know so many Hispanic guys who hate like first gen their pants came over here on like fucking Tonka trucks like they're like they are first like they are truly first gen

like and they are like I've worked with they were construction with them Thomas knows what I'm talking about they're like yeah yeah I mean you know dad came over they they adopt the accent too by dad came over on a pinata truck, but here's the thing, he's the last one. No more. And you're like, what? And it's like, the sad thing is, is that the CBP is one of the best paying jobs you can get in the valley, in parts of the valley in Texas, like border towns, Eagle Pass and stuff, near Rojondo, like some of the best jobs you can get are CBP in terms of payment and benefits. Also, you know,

whatever. But there are a lot of problems with like the assimilation where like the way you assimilate is you're like, I guess I'll go arrest people who look, talk, and have my same cultural traditions who are, you know what I mean? But I mean, it's, you know, the other guy, to your point, Will, the other guy besides the Hispanic guy arresting Hispanic people, I don't know if you remember the picture of all of the guys posing, and they were all wearing like vans, high tops and skinny jeans. And it's like, our elder emo guys, like emo guys joining ICE,

like, am I more than you bargain for? Like, are those guys joined? There's no way. Like are hot topic guys Like I'm talking about hot topic millennials Like not hot topic people now But like people that are in my age cohort They were like panic at like

I time in with like are those guys There's no way that ICE is accepting them Did they have a right wing turn at some point? I mean like if they have enough domestic violence On their record I think they will be hired Yeah they meet a certain quota for Are you a pedophile?

Social behavior. Sure. Yeah come on it. If you're a pedophile or abuse women and children in any way we'll sign your write up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. The guy who killed that person in Maine, like, as soon as like he did it, like his ex was like, yeah, here's a recording of him saying that me and every female member of my family should have my throat slit. Did you guys all of the law enforcement?

I forget, it's like LEO dot something. All the law enforcement forms of the ice guys during the big push in Minneapolis, they were like coming, they were on there and they were like, hey guys, anybody else coming home and the keys are gone and the kids are gone, wife's gone, and there's a suitcase and living room. and it was like anybody else coming home and the dogs and kids or wife are gone and there's a letter on the table I don't know how to would love some advice

in this trying time and it's like these guys wives were leaving them like in mass for a little while like they were on Reddit and they were like you know anybody else like single at 51

like with a new job or whatever and I was like oh Jesus Christ that's that's no good has anybody else been really normal to their wife lately and now she's for no reason weird this is a random

thing that has happened to me. I feel like they're using they're using Palantir technology to find guys who were like in 2005 they were backstage at Blood on the dance floor shows at 22

years old like grabbing their 15 year old girlfriend's wrists and they're like you are perfect you are leadership material. You're perfect. Yeah. They're finding a way to like induct Davy Van

sanity. Yeah, a Ronnie Radke. They're like, yeah, if you're like any. Yeah. Yeah. Ronnie Radke will be made field marshal. Yeah. Who's replacing Pete X.

Yeah. Giving him Greg Bovino's job. Everything, obviously, you know, I guess the theme of Chapo for many years has been like everything. Everything sucks, you know, or whatever. But I don't know if the light at the end of the tunnel is bright enough to get optimistic about. But it's like, I do, you know, they're like, oh, they're going to cancel midterms.

And it's like, I don't. they're going to try to rig it and do everything they can, but it's like they're so unpopular. Like all these guys are so unpopular. They will rig the election, Jake, but they will find out that they personally will make more money doing a Kalshi bet not rigging it. Right.

And they'll rig the election and then rig it like the, rig it against their own party to make money on a polymarket or Kalshi. Yeah, take a drop on a fight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, throw a fight. Exactly. I don't want to sound overly optimistic. but just even if they did like get it together to do that which i i do think is a possibility i i again not to sound overly optimistic and 2017-ish but i do think there is something to be said

just like at jake's point about you are breaking the unspoken social contract of america by killing like a white lady who runs the lemonade stand yeah when you can no longer you know pay $15 to get a burrito delivered to you in 10 minutes by a guy making three cents a day. And it's like just the other, the more explicit social contract of America that all this stuff needs to happen

so that our lives are easier. When that is pretty much out the window, I just, I don't know that Americans will lay down and take it as they traditionally have. Frankly, there have been, of quite a few indicators of Americans breaking the pattern of

their life going to shit and then going to a preschool and killing a bunch of toddlers. And instead, killing someone who possibly is coming. Getting swag. Putting on the fucking chain, stepping up out the house,

and letting your shit sing. You know what I mean? I know you got to go, guys. Thanks for having us. Thank you guys. Thanks for coming on. I don't meet to wrap it all of it,

but we recorded late today. which is all like I got to get editing on this bad boy. But that does it for today's show. Thanks again to Jake and Thomas from Pendejo time. Can I plug? Yeah, yeah. I was just to say if you're in Orlando August 14th in a few weeks, come to Alex's Underground Comedy Club.

That Friday I'll be doing stand-up. If you wouldn't mind, I've been sending you to link. If you wouldn't mind link up. And then also we were going to talk about the floods. There's a really great, community foundation called Rebuild Kerr. Texas had some really bad floods again.

If you have some money to donate, they're a really good organization doing some good work around the corner from where I lived. Yeah, they're awesome. We've had several once-in-a-generation floods in the Texas Hill country in the last like two, three years, and it's really shitty. So if you guys have it to donate,

rebuild cur.cour.org, k-e-r-r-org. is really, it would help out a lot because people are still suffering out there. All right, links to everything will be in the episode description, everybody. And then of course we have a ticket link to our show in New York in November. That will sell out.

It's just a matter of when. So if you're thinking of going at all, go get your tickets now. And of course, Chunks is available now at patreon.com slash Chunks TV. Thanks to everybody who's already watch it. If you haven't seen it already, go check it out, patreon.com slash Chunks TV.

Thanks, guys. That does it for us. Until next time, everybody. Bye, bye, bye. Peace. Bye-bye.