Chapo Trap House - 1069 - Vetterman’s Day (9/8/26)

Episode Date: September 9, 2026

This week on Chapo, Will and Felix go long on two reading series. First, we have a piece in the Jerusalem Post with a plan to finally win the war in Iran by drafting American debt slaves. Second, we have another John Fetterman exposé in the Wall Street Journal showing just how lazy, oafish, and entitled the man is, including him ghosting children's hospitals and complaining about police funerals.

Hello, everybody. It's Tuesday, September 8th, and this is your Chapo. I hope everyone had a wonderful Labor Day weekend as the summer draws to a close. And, you know, if you're like us, that means one thing and one thing only. So on today's episode, Felix and I will be breaking down the schedules of every NFL team. We will be talking what quarterbacks you're going to want to back this year. We're going to be making our Super Bowl picks at the end of the episode. But Felix, let's just jump right into it. I'll start with you. Do you think Kyler Murray on the Vikings could be this year, Sam Darnold?

I don't see any reason why not. I mean, you think about all the great players up there, best players in the league. You got Bruce Dickerson. He's really good. Terry Bradshaw. One of the greats. Ryan Leif. Marcus Russell.

Oh, man. These are some of the football players. Jay Cutler. What do they all have in common? European ancestry. You're listening to gridiron on the compound. Compound media sports caps. I just spent the weekend with John Semley and Raina.

And John said him and Noah had an idea to do a show called Barstool for leftists. And I'm stealing that idea. So we're going to bring down the... That's a really good idea. The idea is. to get sued by Dave Portnoy. But like the idea is we spend an hour here talking about this upcoming NFL season

making our Super Bowl picks. And then at the end of the episode, we just want to remind everyone that football and sports in general are bad and they're evil and they're capitalist. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no. I would actually like to take sort of a like Cinco-O-est approach to all-stick

in ball sports where there's no, like everyone wins, basically. Yeah. There's no concept of, I want to take the concept of off sides out of soccer. I mean, soccer, everything should be like soccer. It should be mostly scoreless tides. That's right. And like I said, I'm, I'm super hyped for the NFL season.

And you know what? Like, fuck it. This is the beginning of the show today. I'm making my Super Bowl pick, my Super Bowl picks. And, you know, I know a lot of people are picking the L.A. Rams. But for me, that's chalk. That's pure chalk. I've seen it before.

None of these super teams, I mean, I'm sure they'll get to the playoffs, but none of these super teams ever make it all the way. So I'm going to go a little bit against type here, and you can mark this down right now. This is Will Menickers' lock of the century. This year's Super Bowl, New York Jets, New York Giants. That's right. It's all New York, New Jersey Super Bowl.

And I say this as a Giants fan. I think it's the Jets year. That one's for Chris. That one's for your wife, Molly. So Jets number one. All right, we'll be breaking down the spreads. We'll give you some parlays for tomorrow's opening game. Can I give my picks?

Yeah, please. I think they're Dary in Connecticut pedophiles. I think they're the team to watch this year. You know, it's rare that an expansion team comes into the league and wins right away. I think they got something this year. Yeah, look out for the pedophiles, the pride of Dary in Connecticut.

The Peds, for short. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm getting word from our producer, Chris, here. that no one who listens to the show likes football, has played football, or cares about it. So I'm going to call an audible here and go with, we got three articles on deck for today.

Got two long ones about two of our favorite characters, John Federman and Donald Trump. But I'd like to begin with like a quicker one, which I think falls into the category of our sort of semi-weekly war report. How's the war going? And the one I'm going to start with, is an op-ed from the Jerusalem Post, headline, The War with Iran will not be won through airstrikes.

So what's left? And in it, the author, the author, lays out three modest proposals for what the United States can do to defeat Iran, you know, that's a little bit stronger than just airstrikes because they're not getting the job done. Now, the first one is pretty shop-worn. It involves arming the Kurds and breaking up the original. ever tried that.

I know this is a, it's an oldie but a goodie. Arm the Kurds and then betray them. This is a standard right out of the playbook, but I feel that one is. I feel like Iran has too much tape on this. We pretty much like did do that early on. Yeah, we did. First instance, no disrespect to Kurds worldwide,

but they downed the pole. For the phrase, up the pole, they down the pole. You know that thing that I, Scoob does in Boys in the Hood where he like flashes his shirt. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They did the opposite. Like, it wasn't even I or GC. Like a bunch of like 15 year olds in the besiege just walked up on them.

And they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And they like put their hands up and then like shook their waist. So their guns fell down their pant legs. The Plexico Burris move. Sorry, I'm in the NFL brain right now. Now, the third proposal is some bilateral agreement between America. in China that will like, you know, box in the Iranian oil exports. It's boring, probably not going to happen.

But it's the second modest proposal that I would really like to dig into here because it's, I think this one stands a good shot of working. The second proposal is economic enlistment for indebted military age Americans. This is, again, you know, they're all right. 78,000 hate crimes against Jews a second, according to recent ADL statistics. And I'm not going to lie. Like, it's not looking good. I recently saw this account, this guy in, like, Ethiopia, whose whole thing is like he loves Jews and he's wearing a shirt that says, like, I heart Jews.

And if you... By the way, you can get that at choppo.com.com store slash merch. Yeah, under Chicago Cubs throwback. But it's sort of like that thing where you go to developing countries and like you see the Super Bowl runner off that, you're their shirts that they would have won it. If you, that guy turned around, it would be like winners, the 2020s race wars, Jews. So that's like not a good sign. That's not a good sign that they're already like sending those shirts to developing countries. But I think this proposal in the Israel Times by author Israel K Israelman of using usury to enlist Americans to fight in this war that Israel has begged for for like 40 years.

I think that's going to turn things around. I think that's like we might actually have to recall those shirts from developing countries because we're going to win the race war. You know, what do I mean? I mean, everyone's going to be like, we were wrong about you guys. What do Americans hate being in debt? You know, what's the stereotype about Jewish people? Oh, like, that they're users and moneylenders and they, you know, they loan out money at vigorous interest. Well, this all is two birds with one stone because like, this is getting rid of anti-Semitism because it's just like, hey, now it's Jewish people.

We're writing off your debt. No more debt, you know, but like no more debt, but just simply like be Shanghaied into a human wave attack against the IRGC in a land invasion. of Iran. It's a win-win situation for everyone here. Think how excited and happy to be there the troops would be. There'd pretty much be probably the safest time in history to be an officer, right? I like, why not just like, why not just be like number four? Why don't we try sacrificing and eating Christian babies? Maybe it works.

Like, come on, man. I just want to read here, like, how it's laid out. the op-a writes, the narrative war on the domestic American front has already failed. Okay, that's a good sign. The Pentagon has not been able to sell this war to the American public

because the war has been rhetorically fused with Israel's operations in Gaza and the American public rejects the fusion. Recruitment numbers are running below what a ground invasion of Iran would require. Estimates for a successful ground campaign against Iran's 31 provincial commands and its Mosaic Defense Doctrine run between 750,000 and 1.5 million American troops.

The current active U.S. Army stands at roughly 452,000. The math does not work, obviously. Based on American history, however, there is a path forward. Not conscription or a draft in a World War era sense, but enlistment through a debt forgiveness program. The average American aged 18 to 34 carries more than 40. thousand in non-mortgage debt across student loans, credit card balances, auto loans, and personal loans, with some estimates going as high as 100,000. This is the cohort the Pentagon needs.

A federally administered debt forgiveness enlistment program that fully discharges student loan, credit card, and loan balances after 24 or 36 months of service and extends the GI Bill would produce voluntary enlistment at scale. This is not theoretical. And it is the American state doing what the American state has always done when it needed staff it could not otherwise generate. World War II offered the GI Bill. Vietnam offered college deferments. The post-9-11 wars offered signing bonuses and citizenship pathways. The Iran War will need to offer debt relief. The economics of the indebted American 20 to 30-something make this the most efficient conversion mechanism available to the Pentagon and the Trump administration. The moral reading on this is

uncomfortable, but states generate the soldiers they need through the incentives that work on the population they have. So there you go. Forty thousand dollars will buy you your own goyslave. That is the going rate for a goy slave to die in Iran. I don't know. I, this all sounds great. I think there's no, no probability of this looking bad of a several million, disgruntled, enlisted troops, just fucking flaying their officers alive. I could see no long-term consequences. Would medical debt count?

Because then that's just like everyone. You know, it's funny they don't. Even like the richest guy you know. They like somewhere, somewhere in their lives, they like, you know, twisted their ankle and they were in a hospital for eight hours and they owe $250,000 and like forgot about it. But, I mean, would they limit this to, like,

like, depending on what kind of debt you do, you could get like a cohort of people who are kind of like Albertans. I talked about how you could as an American just show up in Alberta and be like, I'm in charge here and get like 50,000 slaves per day. If it's like, if you went into debt to buy a stereo system, that might be good. But otherwise, I am thinking this would result in like just the death of the entire U.S. office. core and the Holocaust too. It's funny, they don't mention medical debt as one of the things to be written off. But here's another idea. How about gambling debt? You know, a lot of young men are ruining their lives through gambling. So if, you know, you blow a big parlay and like you're thinking,

oh, like, how do I hide this from my wife and kids? Join up. Go to World of the Run. That'll be easier to explain to your family than why the college fund is gone. What if, though, what if one of your bets pays off while you're at war? Do you get, like, spirited away? They, like, abduct you off the battlefield. Like, no, okay, you're good. One of your bets paid off. No, unfortunately, in order to defeat Iran, we're going to need a very high cohort of lucky young men.

And if you demonstrate luck through gambling, then, like, that's the kind of guy that we need, as I said, in our human way of suicide attack. on the 31 provinces of Iran with 1.5 million American soldiers. Yeah, I just, how did this guy think this was going to be received? I know. I'm just trying to get into his head here.

I know. And especially considering that Israel is offering up precisely zero troops of their own for an invasion of Iran. You may as well write an article that's like, you know what? Children are sexy. I don't know

I guess they're just out of stuff over there I don't know people who don't follow Israeli politics they're not aware you think that I've said bad stuff about Hossids the average Israeli is like they hate those guys so much

yeah because they don't they don't serve well they're the best Israelis kind of yeah because they've like they've got this they've run this amazing trick on the Israeli state where it's like all of us are going to have 78 kids and we're exempt from the draft so we can study Torah and also somehow like not know how to read and just be the coalition is so fragile they have to keep it going but the most um the most offensive AI generated um fake family guy clips depicting hostages

as like violent animals come from Israel they're not even like oh like let's just do this to the haseeds over there. Just as like, if I was this guy, just as a fig leaf, I would be like, okay, there's like 20 haseed children for every one indebted American. But he's just, maybe this guy is an Iranian agent.

And he's just trying to, he just proposed like the worst article possible that would make Israel look terrible. And he's, he's amazed that they accepted his first proposal. Here's one. And like, this, you know, this is, this solution. It's an oldie, but a goody.

and it certainly worked for the people of Israel in the past. How about just passing a bill that requires all Americans to offer up their firstborn son? That's pretty, yeah. Okay. All firstborn sons, you're now in the Iran invasion. And like, you know, some people have other sons. You know, it's a good bet for second, middle, or youngest sons. Yeah, and then, like, if you're like, oh, no, I only have one kid and it's a son

and he's going to, like, die in the first human wave attack. well, then hopefully you're under 60 years old. You do in vitro fertilization. You go into debt. That's two troops for the price of one. That's right. Here's another modest proposal. I'm thinking we could run some sort of promotion similar to what Willie Wonka did with the golden ticket.

But like it's sort of the reverse of that. We're all candy now has a golden ticket. And if you purchase the candy and unwrap the candy bar, you have consented to contract your life away to the U.S. military? That's pretty good. Yeah. No, yeah. If we put terms and conditions on candy, that's like you can be drafted at any time. I think that's a very good idea. I think I went to the Mets game on Sunday. You know how they have like that the kiss cam now? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they've always had that.

Who did you kiss, by the way? Everyone. I kissed all the Mets. They were losing and then they really pulled it out in the of the 8th and they told me it was just because I was there. So I kissed all of them. Mrs. Met tried to proposition me and I kicked her down a float of stairs. They were looking for the unicorn. They finally found it.

I was just like absolutely not. She behaves like that one fray daughter who's what they call her the gatehouse. Disgusting. But yeah, no, I think there's shit that if you like get on the big screen, it's like

okay, time to learn Persian. buddy. So yeah, just a few more modest proposals to supplement the one offered by the Jerusalem Post. And I think, you know, that that safely fits under the rubric of how's the war going. Basically, air strikes aren't working, but you know what would work? The massive gang press of millions of indebted Americans into slavery, into war slavery. not the agricultural labor slavery.

This kind of slavery, it's a little different. They're doing gang presses in a country that got invaded, Ukraine, and it's not going well. Like, it's not, it's incredibly fucking unpopular. Obviously, the words dragged on, but like, you know, all bets tend to be off when you are invaded. I cannot imagine a worse place to do this than America. I think last episode we talked about the reading out loud type or a few on the Trillillies episode. We talked about the reading out loud classes in high school. This would be like a fully reading out loud military more so than it is already.

Did you see that they, they captured an Anderil C drone? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did. Yesterday. Yeah. So Trump has claimed that they have like demined the straight about 80 times. And I don't, it's not even worth reporting these things. He's claimed that they've had a deal a billion times.

They claim, they claim like, oh, more oil is coming through the straight than ever. And for whatever reason, people reported the demining stuff, like it had already happened. But they're so hard up that they're sending Anderol shit. Anderol has gotten more Ukrainians killed than the Russian military could ever dream of. But we're so hard up that we can't, we, We can't send anything like good sea drones out there. I am glad that the IRGC is like, you know, fishing these things out of the water because sea turtles could get stuck in these

pieces of shit. But how disappointed do you think they were? They're like, oh, this is probably something from Lockheed. We can reverse engineer. Oh. Yeah, no, I love the comment from our friend,

Mark Barr, America was like, hey, Palmer Lucky, don't worry. Iran won't even try to reverse engineer anything on this pile of shit. Yeah, yeah. No, it is not worth the up.

They were probably, that is the equivalent of like going fish and catching a boot. Can we get this taxidermied? Yeah. Yeah. No, I felt really bad for them. But it is a really bad sign if, like, we're actually using the Palmer lucky bullshit.

Because that's like, it's worse than the FF5, not a bad plan. but it was one of those things where we made it exclusively to sell it to countries like you know Sweden countries that are desperately in need of an air force like Sweden yeah yeah just like the

the cheapest thing that still qualified as like a jet you know as a fighter jet or like the brokest countries in NATO and we would only ever use it for like Red Force to have it like imitate Commonwealth of Independence State aircraft. It would be like if we were,

if we sent like another sortie out to attack Iran and it was all F-5s, they would be like, oh, they shot down all the good planes. We're using all the mothballed like summer stock shit. Anderol, that is the stuff that we dump on our, on the biggest sucker nations. I mean, it is the, it is the defense industry equivalent of like all the T-shirts that

say like Atlanta Falcons, Super Bowl champions that get sent to like Haiti the day after the Super Bowl. No, yeah. They're just like the Jews 2020. 20th race war winner shirts that we've been saying. It is not a good sign that we're actually deploying these fucking hunks of shit. Like, I don't know if people follow this stuff very closely, but Anderil, Palmer Lucky will always, it's always holds the same pattern.

He'll be like, hey guys, we invented a fucking a stealth hypersonic cruise missile that has a range of 8 million miles and it'll go through one round of testing and then you never hear about it again. That's the type of company they are. They make a few things that like theoretically can be used. But it's mostly like, yeah, you send it to the country where the Keystone cops are forcing people to front lines. Like, it's, they're real hunts of shit.

I mean, I remember reading about one of, one of Andrews' products that was like, some hyper-futuristic, like, headset helmet pack. Like, it's like some cyberpunk, like, ghost in the shell shit. I'm like, yeah, they had a huge contract for this shit, but like, the battery pack on the helmet

weighs, like, 60 pounds. So it would be like the equivalent of, like, going into combat with, like, your helmet and it's like, has, like, a cinder block attached to it. That's a great, that's an amazing idea. That is, imagine being in, like, an amphibious landing craft.

And everyone is involuntarily, like, fent folding from the weight of their fucking stupid helmets. It has full of 360 panoramic battle awareness of the dirt around your feet as you struggle to raise your eyes to the horizon. And great news. It runs on Windows 11. You're trying to pull up like, yeah, like 360 panoramic vision. And it's like, do you want to generate an episode of Family Guy that has shot him,

got him in it? And you're like, no, no, no. And you're just getting fucking perforated. Yeah, no, it's like Peter Griffin shows up in the like the visual display. Like, ah, I think that's a mine. Yeah, Lois. Yeah. Are you sure you want to continue?

80% of our landing force gets taken out because they're trying to turn off like the Peter Griffin setting. I think that puts a bow on. the war report for today. But moving on to one of the big stories from last week. This is the huge new piece about John Fetterman in the Wall Street Journal

by Will Hobson and Chauvin Hughes. And like Felix, where are we left, where we last left our intrepid heroic senator from Pennsylvania? The last one of these articles that we went deep on was

described his, I don't know, how was you the sort of Jewish mage who has given the animation of life to a lump of clay that is now a U.S. Senator and he's sort of piloting him like, you know, like that little alien in men and black. Yeah, yeah. It's sort of like an evil iron giant situation. Well, there's a new look at, you know, Federman's career. It says here, headline is, behind closed doors, John Federman shows little interest in the work of a senator.

No way. Yeah. So obviously, like, I know we've been very hard on Senator Federman on this show. But I gotta say, reading this article of these behind closed doors account

of his conduct as a senator, I got to say, it's probably the most I've ever related to John Federman. Yeah, unfortunately, yeah, I'm kind of there with you. It is, like we'll get into it it does run against sort of the image he's

portraying for himself but it does like you know this is a take one takes one to know one situation if not for content creation me and will we would be in a fetterman position you know like our parents we'd be like 48 our parents would be like okay we found like a really shitty town for you to be mayor of and we'd both put on like our poor person outfits we'd go to those dazzler pages we're always going to

and be like okay what kind of shorts are these guys wearing we both put them on and we'd be like oh the fucking Bannockburn Illinois needs another basketball hoop like we'd be this guy and so in his private moments he's sort of responding like we would if you know you told us oh you have to go to a cop's funeral yeah I mean like yeah it would be the couldn't be like well your father's funeral is on Friday

It'll be held at our apartment. It's a small gathering, only five or six people, and it won't be longer than 40 minutes. And my response is, do I have to? Yeah, I, yeah. We'll get into it. We'll get into it. He's really, I mean, how old is Federman?

He's like 53, right? He's sort of an ageless guy. He's 57 years old. Oh, Jesus. He looks great for his age. Like a fucking nine-year-old Great Dane. There's a way to get out of being drafted through usury. Bet on John Federman dying soon.

But, yeah, he's fucking 57 years old. This is, he is, I don't think it was a traumatic event, but sometimes people do get trapped in their teenage selves. this is very like AJ Soprano during the last season before he started saying Bianca except AJ was against the board a run yeah no yeah

AJ AJ would be a way better senator you know it's so funny nothing like the new Allie G movie is coming back and people are like why wasn't everyone so critical of Sasha Cohen back when everyone loved them there was one brave soul who was AJ soprano when Meadow's like

you want to watch the new Borrette. It's so funny. I cry every time. And AJ goes, it wasn't fair to the people involved. AJ would be, he would be on R slash chapo trapouts. Like he would be really,

he tries to kill himself again in Sopranos season 7 when the subreddit gets banned. All right. Well, let's, let's dive into this article. It begins. One morning in June, three parallel. military veterans in wheelchairs from rural Pennsylvania arrived at the office of John

Fetterman for a long-awaited meeting to discuss legislation that would improve their care. Federman staff greeted them with the bad news. The Pennsylvania Democrat had to cancel. He told his staff he may have eaten something bad and wasn't feeling well, according to people familiar with the matter. Less than an hour, less than an hour after his staffers met with the veterans in his place. Federman walked into his office showing no signs of illness.

He had an appointment he didn't want to miss. He told staff an interview with Fox News to discuss Israel and the war in Iran. Yeah, I mean, that's like, he doesn't get to talk about that enough, you know. I just, so obviously I ate something that disagreed with me is like that is the most bullshit excuse. That is like, if anyone ever gives that to you, that person hates you. Because like, if you're claiming to have food poisoning, then like, you need to, like, at least be unavailable for, like, at least a day

because you're like, oh, I'm fucking shitting my guts out, brother. Like, I'm fucking sweating bullets on the toilet. I'm vomiting. I'm shitting at the same time. I got a holding a bucket while sitting on the toilet. You can't just be like, I had food poisoning and then an hour later show up fresh as a daisy. Yeah. And it's also, like, as someone who has gotten food poisoning a million times.

There are actual times where, like, I really couldn't. do something because of food poisoning. You know, that is one of the double-edged sorts of Judaism. That you really do get it. John Fetterman, though, you look at him. Yeah, what food could poison him?

He's like a goat. Yeah. Yeah. He said he could eat, yeah. Like, I mean, I think he could pass like a fucking pallet of empty plastic water bottles. You could feed him the trash behind a Costco and he'd be fine. I don't like you his stomach his crout stomach it could digest a plutonium rod he maybe it is you know that thing where people who never eat vegetables or the people who are like oh I hate the taste of water you give them water for the first time in like 28 years and they're like maybe that was it but I really doubt it I really doubt that anyone anyone who's still working in that office is not even brave enough to give him water so that's not it.

He's, yeah, he just, that is, that is the thing at the heart of this, though. Obviously, like, we're sick of this thing of troops being like, oh, I'm having trouble getting my medical care. It's like, that's all you guys do is go to the doctor. Can you figure it out? You spend all your time at the doctor anyway. But if you're a fetterman and you're like, I don't care about all this other. I'm trying to help veterans. And it's like, well, at least like, you know,

sit there like an idiot and get your photo taken pretending to give a shit. Like, if this is just a wider problem with everything. No one gives this shit enough to even, you know, put on the patina anymore, you know? You know, like I, you know, you and I agree. I don't think we should be helping veterans with any, with any kind of medical care.

In fact, we should, in fact, they're the only Americans, I think, who shouldn't get health care. But, you know, it's the state, it's the sort of conventions of the job. And like, let's say if any other Democratic politician blew off veterans in a wheelchair, he's like, sorry, I got to go on the majority report. I got to talk to Samson.

Yeah. Let's just say they would probably be crucified for that. But, you know, let's let John be John. That's what I'm saying. Let John be John. And if he doesn't want to talk to these fucking whinging constituents, he's got more important things to do, like a hit on Fox News. Again, when does he ever get to go on their? and talk about Israel.

It's not like that's every public sighting of him for the last fucking five years. Going on here, it says, Federman keeps a light daily schedule, often refusing to meet with constituents and fellow lawmakers or canceling at the last minute records and interview shows. Last September, when an aide told Federman that officials with the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia,

known as Chop, wanted to meet because they were worried about Medicaid cuts, he was dismissive. This is Federman talking to an aide. Federman. Why do I have to keep meeting with CHOP? Aid. Because they are worried about vaccines and Medicaid cuts.

Federman. Well, I'm not. I'm convinced they just want free trips to D.C. Oh, yeah. The thing that everyone wants, you just want a nice D.C. vacation. During the best time to visit D.C., August and July. If you, like, if you, you know, the best climb

the best traffic conditions that definitely not a city that you know where you want to fucking kill yourself 80% of the year while you're there you know it just like these fucking children's hospitals these sick kids and their doctors they're just trying to catch another fucking tour of the Smithsonian

National Portrait Gallery you know how they are with their fucking widely underhanded ways to just like fleece hardworking senators who have very busy schedules I mean can you think of a greater enemy for Federman than a sick kid.

Oh, my God. He is. They bring in some, some cancer kid who's like worried that if, like, if his family loses Medicaid, like he'll die. And he'll just be like, oh, it's also his birthday today.

Yeah. Oh, brother. Yeah, robo copsy. And he's getting flung down the stairs. There are not enough AIDS in the world to stop Federman from just like all the adrenaline in his body shoots up and he throws that kid through the window

like the chief from one flew over the cuckoo's nest with the water cooler just picks up his whole life support unit instead of the water instead of the water fountain he just picks up this kid's foot in his fucking wheelchair and just chucks him through the windows and sent it all this

you're a loud crash outside the Dirksen building what the fuck was that it's like a crater in the fucking street I love that his It says like, why do I have to meet with the children's hospital? Because they are worried about vaccines and Medicaid cuts.

And I just love the response, I'm not. Okay, good for you. Okay, all right. What do you think being a senator is? Like, I mean, we know what being a senator is, but like at least what you're pretending to be. It's not like, I mean, he may really think this, that you get elected senator because it's like,

we've determined that you are one of the two coolest guys in the state. We're sending you to D.C. It's just like whatever you care. Whatever you think is best for you, whatever fits into your life, whatever are the big issues. That's the only thing we want you to legislate about.

So only pass laws about like when your kid has a birthday whose fault it is when you shatter your wife's spine because you're having a mental breakdown and crashed into a wall. You know, stuff like that. You know, like reforms to

DC area speed limits, traffic laws, and like, repealing the, you know, tyrannical ban on texting while driving. Yeah, yeah, that is. It takes more lives than it saves. Yeah. The texting while driving ban. I, every time they ask this guy about, you know, no one even bothers anymore, but like early, during,

during the first year of Trump too, when everyone, everyone was like, oh, he's going to, he's not going to sink to 32. percent fucking approvals. That's never happened. And just every Democrat was falling all over themselves trying to be more conservative. They would ask this guy, they would be like, one of your constituents

was fucking murdered, like in an ICE detention camp. And he'd go, I think that's a cultural issue, try to distract us from real things like hospitals. And he luckily, no one followed up and was like, John, what do you mean by hospitals? But, you know,

you actually give him an opportunity you'd be like, you know, at least do a photo op where you're like, oh, I, I'm meeting with sick kids. I'm meeting with veterans. And he's the easiest thing to do as a senator to not do anything. Just get a photo taken with you, some sick kids or some veterans. It takes 30 seconds. It is the blue dog special. Most pictures of blue dogs Democrats are them, it looks like make a witch. They talk about using human shields. These guys are always, in fact, the last site of a lot of children is like Jared Golden.

Which that is Oh God. I don't like that. I don't like that things work this way. You do, that's the last thing you see is Jared Golden or Josh Schotheimer. You do Sam Sara resorts you to live your life as a bug for at least three cycles.

Oh, that's so terrible. I think it's fucked up. That's so horrible. Could they at least get resurrected as another sick kid who at least gets to meet like John Seema or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Like if that's anyone, like a millionaire, anyone, anyone, but like, yeah, Jared Golden. Oh, God. It's right. But he, yeah, he

is just, he's like pretty fucking underwater in his own state now. But if you are one of the people that still supports him, what is the argument for this guy being in there that like, just give him another term and he'll find himself, he'll grow up? Once he turned 60, he's really going to grow up. Once he becomes a father for the fourth time, that's the kid he starts giving a shit about. Going on to the article, it says here, in the background, are concerns about Federman's longstanding struggle with depression, which flared up after a near fatal 2022 stroke that left him with lingering speech issues. Last year, Federman's former chief of staff publicly aired concerns that Federman had stopped following his recovery plan, was damaging personal relationships, exhibiting paranoia and addicted to his smartphone.

At the time, Federman dismissed his former. staffer as disgruntled in a statement and asserted, my actual doctors and my family affirmed that I'm very well. Oh, yeah. No, yeah. I'm sure if you talk to John Federman's family, he would win that straw poll. Who's the best dad in the family? John, he's doing great.

I look forward to my birthday every year. Go out here. It says, among Democrats, Federman grew increasingly isolated and nursed with former staffers viewed as an unreasonable degree of anger toward. party leadership, including Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. Since then, Federman has become a fixture on conservative media, beamed into the homes of tens of millions Americans to voice his fierce support for Israel, sometimes displaying a relentless focus on the issue in ways that have alarmed senior staff, according to people familiar with the matter. Last summer,

Federman told his advisors and senior staff, he wanted to introduce a resolution forcing every senator to take a public stance on whether the war in Gaza constituted a genocide. His senior staff tried to talk him out of this idea, according to people familiar with the matter, but he was undeterred. I love that because, like, he probably is like, you know, uh, beefing with Chuck Schumer over this idiotic idea because like all of the pro-Israel Zionist block of Democratic senators and congressmen, when presented with this, a bill that would make everyone go on record saying whether this is or isn't a genocide. It's like, John, no, no, no, but don't do that. Don't do that, John. Yeah. Well,

The whole point is that, you know, we don't get this on record. We just sort of let it let it be out there. But, you know. Yeah, yeah, that's his, he really does not get the whole get. Like, if you are a pro is real guy, if you're Richie Torres, Chuck Schumer, any of these guys, you know, Gotheimer, Moskowitz. Most of the party leadership, they believe the same shit, Vetterman does. Of course.

They're at least, like, paid to. But they're at least, they have their wits about them enough to know, like, oh, okay, what's the best thing I can do for the Israel lobby right now? Never talk about Israel. You go to Richie Torres's page. He will not fucking, he is not recognizing Israel as a nation right now. That is the last thing he wants to talk about. Because there's no, like, it is so broadly hated.

And the idea of like this 80, like, fucking 70, 30, 80, 20, 20 issue, getting all these Democrats on the record being like, I love everything Israel is doing. Yeah, that's going to go great. Federman angrily demanding that the, on the floor of the Senate and House, everyone vote on a resolution to declare Israel better than America superior. Yeah, exactly. What is the number one country in the world?

I want you on record. Is it Israel or not? Do you support America over Israel? Let's get this on record. Yeah, yeah. Jonathan Pollard, is he the hottest guy ever? if you have the choice of doing a billion dollars

and turning into a fucking 10 out of 10 smoke show so you could get fucked by Jonathan Pollard and knocked up by him what do you pick? We're primarying everyone who picks a billion dollars.

I think it's shameful I'm sick of shameful that they won't even let my BB Net and Yahoo fuck a fan contest come to the floor for a vote. My doctors won't even give me an artificial wound

to get fucked by John. I don't just fucking go. miscarries. I just want to be pregnant by. This next bit is insane. Last September, Israel ambassador,

Yashel Leiter, met with Federman in his office and suggested an alternative. Federman could write an op-ed explaining why he continued to support Israel, according to people familiar with the matter. Sorry, Mr. Leiter.

I mean, this is funny, it'll be explained later, but like, suggesting that he writes something. You're being a little too bold. You're being a little bold here. Yeah.

in your expectations of Federman. But listen to this. He said, Federman agreed and told later, he would write the submission based on any points the ambassador sent over, according to these people.

A few days later, embassy staff sent over drafted points for Federman to continue. So it wasn't like, he didn't even bother to be like, I'll just go get caught to write it. They were like, he's like, sure,

I'll lay an op-ed for you. Could you write it and send it to me? I'll put my name on it? Yeah. Yeah. There was a guy This is in the era of content creation Before the show, before the podcast boom

There was a guy who He became very popular on Twitter And he became a popular writer And he had a really good freelance contract With a well-known publication And he lost it after Like less than a year Because he

I am told that he would just call his editor at the night before a deadline and be like so you've like got any ideas for me

for what I can write for this fucking shit it's like that really like that was that always made me laugh

because it's just like you know what do you think this job is well I mean like if you are if you are like on record and like prominently

have dedicated like basically any work that you do as a senator to be publicly defending Israel attacking anyone who's critical of

Israel and just diehard support for Israel. And you're asked to write and not that, like, explaining why this is the case. And he's like, uh, yeah, sure. Could you tell me the reasons I support Israel? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Not even, this is the perfect Federman thing because it is like the combination of like

laziness and proposity and just being cynical without actually knowing the cynical ways that people operate to get these things done because he just, Every other senator, I don't care how old. Even, like, let's extend this to the house. Even if you have this conversation with, who's that lady who's always peeing herself, Virginia Fox? Virginia Fox. Yeah, that walleye, she's like, 175.

Yeah. She is just like, she's like, you ever meet someone who has like a poodle with like that pink like brain material under their eyes? Oh, yeah. Yeah. She needs to be put down. But every, he is the only guy in the,

entire U.S. Congress who doesn't understand that when you're asked to write an article, or you've all cared to write an article, as a U.S. Congressperson, House or Senate, the understanding is, oh, I'm going to make some fucking shit-eating

brown-nose, 25-year-old staffer write this. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And that's, which is among the easiest things you have to do as a staffer. Like how hard, you write a fucking, like, seven-page or seven paragraphs. sorry essay.

Only democracy in the Middle East, October 7th, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's just saying because like all of these points have been out there and repeated in the media ad nauseum since October 7th. It's like if you haven't picked up a few of them just by repetition, it's not even like he can go to that well.

He's like, he's like, could you tell them to me again and put them in a paragraph form? Which country are you guys again? Wait, okay. So let's rewind. to 2022, right? Or even before that. We have been around, like, I, I, I don't know if I've talked about this on the show.

I met Federman in 2016. It wasn't like a, you know, it was arranged between our offices. Like, it was a big meet. It was just, he was at some stupid thing I was at. And, um, I, I thought he just, like, didn't like me or something. But it just, that's just how he is with everyone, I guess. This is obviously pre-stroke. But it was when I was working at Cafe.

That's why we were, that was the stupid thing we were both at. And this is when he was broadly advertising himself as a Bernie crap. He did this for a very long time. And I always thought it was super revealing. Look, man, Bernie has had some fucking clunkers, both as a figure just onto himself and just as far as endorsements, either by himself directly or by the, our revolution group. There's been a few clunkers. It's going to happen. I thought it was so revealing that Bernie never endorsed Federman.

Right. Even he knew like this guy sucks. This guy's terrible. And people in Pennsylvania would always tell us like, look, this Federman guy's great. Yeah, he's bad on Israel, but he's doing that to preempt the lobby from like fucking him, you know? And that's just, you know, to me, it's just not a good enough answer. We were never into the guy. but what do you think that was always the rationale though he's like doing he saw the way that

all these bernicrats got fucked by apac or or democratic majority for Israel and he's like okay I'm going to preempt them obviously pre or post stroke I don't think he has that level of abstract thinking so that's clearly not the reason and he doesn't know what israel is or like why he's supposed to support them he needs to be reminded every 30th say what do you think the actual reason is. What do you think is actually going on here? Based on other profiles of him and like other accounts

that like tried to explain his behavior, I would talk it up to like the fact that like he says that like his dad is very conservative and like the only time his dad has been proud of him is when he defends Israel and goes on Fox News. So like I think like like his dad loves every time he's like that's my boy when he sees him talking to like

Jesse Waters or Hannity and like, you know like I guess like that's very important to fetterman self-image like he's become a de facto Republican so that his dad will like him I think I think you're right that was very revealing that article where it's like his dad would call him every time he's on Fox News and I mean you if I was his dad I would be proud enough I would be like my son became financially independent at age 52 after becoming a US senator that's my boy uh but is some dads are stricter than others as Morris, he said. I have

my own theory. This is, you're free to disagree with this. You know the my favorite story ever where like the Nazis make Imperial Japan read protocol. Right, right. And they're like, yeah, we didn't know how cool and smart

these guys. We've got to get some of them. I think John Fetterman, it's sort of like that. Like he read the part of protocols where they're like, oh, and we're going to like, eat Gentile babies. And Federman, fresh off one of his sons' interminable

birthdays, was like, oh my God, I can finally get rid of this dead way in my family. If I just do all this shit for Israel, they're going to eat my sons. It's funny. It's going to be my birthday every day. Felix, I feel like I just read an account of like an American Jewish guy

who was like doing business or traveling in in Asia. I don't even think it was Japan. And he talked about like meeting someone and like they were asking about himself. And they were like, he said, oh, I'm, I'm Jewish. And they're like, their eyes lit up. And they were like, oh, really? Can you give me business secrets? Can you give me your business secrets?

And he was like, I don't know. I'm like reform, I guess. Like I can barely do my own taxes. You don't want business secrets from like Orthodox. It's, you know, coin flip. Conservative. No. conservative Jews are, they're really funny.

I didn't know this. Their thing is they don't learn Hebrew, really, but they want all their services to be in Hebrew. So they're just sitting there. They have no idea what's being said. Like Tradcast. Those are the last guys. Traditional Catholic Church where no one speaks Latin,

but you just sit there and they're sort of awed by it. Reform, that is like who you want all the business secrets from. Yeah, that's true. Really? That is true. Yeah. I feel like there's this great cultural exchange.

And it's, I've always really been happy about the East Asian stuff with Jews. Because then it's like, we're like, you know, American Jews were excused from being, like, we don't get to be made fun of it is for being webes anymore. Because we're both webs for each other. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They're webs for our thing. And yeah, it all works out. It all works out. I'll never forget.

Yeah, I first realized this when I had Pokemon cards. I was like eight and I was like going through my binder of them and my mom looked over from my shoulder and she spotted like four classic Jewish monsters saw a fucking dibbick a gallum she was laughing her ass off oh well the the capstone

to the proposed op-ed it says here Federman staffers decided not to tell him about it out of concern that drafting an op-ed based on suggestions from the Israeli embassy under the senator's name risked violating the foreign agent's registration act A spokesman for Israel's embassy declined to comment.

Federman dropped the issue, according to former staffers. Yeah, I'm not going to say this poor ambassador, but he probably was like, are you wearing a fucking wire, you idiot? It's like the ab scam fucking sting. Yeah, exactly. This is Elliot Stabler going in undercover. Hey, I sell illegal ecstasy, but for far a violation. Do you know how hard it is to get to?

pinched for Farah shit with Israel. You have to be this dumb to do it. Going on here, it says, this floored me. In late 2024, Federman expressed interest in being appointed to the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, according to several former staffers,

which they viewed as an unreasonable ask of party leadership, including Schumer. Foreign relations is among the most prestigious appointments, and Federman was just a second year senator. When committee appointments were announced, Federman got the first choice on his list, Homeland Security, but he was passed over for foreign relations.

He was furious, former aide said, and blamed Schumer. By early 2025, Federman had almost completely isolated himself from fellow Democrats, according to people familiar with the matter, refusing to participate in regular caucus lunches and meetings. That to me, like the presumption of just thinking like, I deserve a spot on the Foreign Relations Committee. And it's like him and Schumer are totally aligned ideologically, but like, It's not an insult to him from Schumer that he merely gave him the Homeland Security Chair

or the position on that committee and not Senate foreign relations. Let's be honest, is the launching board for people that you want to run for president? Because it allows them to like, you know, like demonstrate their foreign policy global bona fides. But like a guy like Federman on there, he would have to have like a fucking speak and say like map to tell him like what. get him on a committee like he can barely name the 50 states in this country imagine him on the foreign relations committee putting Federvin on the foreign relations committee

is like um this I don't know if high schoolers do this anymore this is like more a Facebook era thing but you ever see that shit where like a girl will take like the worst fucking picture of her friend ever taken it's just horror

it's from the worst angle ever the flash is on and it's too dark the girl is it ugly they just make her look like shit they make her look like a bazoozuzu from the exorcist when you get those flashes

of his demonic phase yeah the girl the girl taking the picture will like jump on the ceiling and like Spider-Man and like scare her so she's making a weird face and then they'll post it

and be like the most beautiful girl ever and it's like the meanest fucking thing one of the most mean like passive aggressive things you can do, that would be putting Federman on the Foreign Relations Committee. Yeah. Because like, yeah, you do get to

talk about Israel stuff there. But a lot of the times you are just talking about like, you know, oh, we're going to, we're sending a bunch of, we're lending a bunch of fucking boats to Trinidad and Tobago. He doesn't know what that is. He's going to have a fucking freak out.

He's going to bite the co-chair. he's going to be out like ideally if the say like in a real country Federman doesn't even get in there but in a real country he accidentally gets in there

you're like okay you want any committee assignment how about you wear pants just two weeks out of the month can you do that can you can you tie your shoes you stop wearing Velcro shoes to the fucking

can you get a note from your doctor saying that you're cleared to have shoelaces that you won't try to kill kill yourself with them. And then we can talk about committee assignments. But, but even like Homeland Security,

even that is like fucking insane. They're giving him that. Yeah. That is already, he does not realize how good he has it. If there were any standards at all, like one of my favorite parts in Master of the Senate is, it's like the 300 page part,

not 300, it's probably about 150 about Joe McCarthy. and how Richard Russell and LBJ, they basically have to do mean girls to Joe McCarthy. It's really funny. They do a bunch of really fucking mean, bitchy shit to basically like, you know, when it was safe,

these guys weren't heroic. This was after the army hearings and it was safe to attack McCarthy. But they, you know, the two bitchiest guys ever, the queen, Richard Russell and LBJ, they're doing all this like fucking, high school shit to get McCarthy

to like become an even bigger alcoholic and like he dies in two years after this. Yeah. Just drinks his all to death. In the 1950s, this happens to John Federman in his first week. He does not realize how fucking lucky he is.

That he is a senator in this time and place in America because any other time he would be what went when like the average senator was either like a true American aristocrat or just like like LBJ, just the most fucking crazy grind set guy in his entire state, someone who came from fucking nothing

to do all the shit. He came from the fucking gutter. He would get torn apart. Yeah. He would get, yeah, he would be the flayed man outside the Dirkson Federal Building.

They could cover the entire Capitol building in his hide. Here's another one. Also last April, Federman agreed to take a meeting with another state lawmaker, Liz Hanbridge, who drove down from Pennsylvania

to introduce herself and to discuss programs that helped the homeless and working poor in her county. But when Handbidge arrived, according to staffers who were present, Vetterman claimed he hadn't agreed to the meeting. The aide spent more than an hour pleading with him to talk to her. Staffers eventually met

with Haynbridge and her in his place. Federman did take another meeting that day. With Bruce Pearl, the former college basketball, coach and Israel advocate. The pair discussed legislation that would affect college sports and Pearl thanked betterman for his stance on Israel, Pearl said in an interview. Felix, are you familiar with Bruce Pearl?

I've heard the name. Can you tell me? I mean, he was like, he was like a big time like D1 college coach. I think he just retired. I think he was just the coach at like Auburn or something like that. Anyway, he's, he's a big fat pig and he's one of these guys that wears there's like the hostage like dog tag necklaces and like, and like does like, locker room speeches about how Judea and Samaria are the eternal land of Israel and like makes his team team like pledge fealty to the settlements in the West Bank.

He's a big fat pig. He's a piece of shit. He looks like, you know when they take Austin Powers mojo? Okay. So imagine you could do that with Judaism. Like you freeze me and you take the Judaism out of my body. And I'm, dude, I'm eating all types of stuff. I'm drinking beer, I'm doing all this stuff

I couldn't do before. And you shove it, you inject my Judaism into Brett Farv's body. Like Brett Farv now. That's what Bruce Pearl looks like. Right. Here's my favorite. Here is the highest. This is the most relatable

Federman has been to me. And it is the following text exchange. When three police officers were killed near Federman's hometown of York last September, he backed out of a attending the funeral because it was too long. This is the aid.

Update on the event. No one will be allowed to staff you due to number restrictions. The organizers are requiring everyone to be seated by 11 a.m. And the funeral will begin at noon and last at least three hours. The dress code is formal. Betterman, three hours, question mark, question mark. Aid. Yes.

Yes. It's a very formal ceremony and the equivalent of three separate. funerals. Betterman, this may be a non-starter. Can't they just have one funeral? He was like, he was like,

I just rolling it into one time. Can I just do the eulogy for all three of them getting out 15 minutes? Was the buffet? This is like, dude, this is such a late, like, it starts at 11 a.m.

That is like, like, you'll be, you'll be done by, uh, by two o'clock. You'll be done by two o'clock. If you really,

Like, John, if you really want to be a hero and, like, mumble to people for a few, few minutes. Yeah, stay, stay for a little glad handing after. Yeah. It's 215 maybe. You could be heading to the car. Yeah, you'll be home by three. And you will have all day to scare your family.

You don't need, like, you're, you're going to wake up at four that day anyway. And you're going to be behind on scaring your family. You're going to be behind on, like, you know, just weird shit to yell at your wife and kids about. Was there two. ploy. What are you know, I feel it's like

this is formulating me my, like my own theory on why he is such a diehard Israel supporter or like

where that seems to come from. When I think about him blowing off, disabled the veterans, three cops killed in the line of duty and being like going to the funeral

fucking that's a bit much for me. I think it's like because if you are a die hard Israel supporter, like in any other context, any American politician of either party, if they just straight up shit on, dead cops killed in the line of duty and disabled veterans and just blew them off to fucking,

just to play fucking computer games, I don't know, just like to walk in circles or whatever, you would be fucking crucified. Your career would be over if there are text messages where you were just literally like three hours is too long for me to pay respects to three dead police officers. Yeah. Like, it's just, sorry, too big of a lift for me. And then also the fact that like the dress code is formal. You think that played a role in his decision not to attend?

I think so. Yeah. You know, it would be one thing if it was like, oh, he wanted to play video games. I'm reminded of Duncan Hunter, my favorite congressman ever. The guy who used campaign funds on Steam stuff. He was the vaping senator. He was the vaping congressman, right? He was a vaping

Vaping congressman. He used campaign funds Oh yeah And then he threw his wife under the bus for all the Miss campaign funds Yeah Yeah

Yeah No The old Joshua for Congress Joshua for Congress By the way We owe him all a big apology He would be fucking way bad Like he is such a

Joshua for Congress Had a job at least He was a trucker Do you think Federman could be a trucker Without killing thousands His first night? Oh my God

Stephen King's Maximum Overdrive except this junk, Fenerman driving every one of the cars. Oh my God. Yeah, there is no fucking, like, you could fill his rig with pillows and he would find a way to cause,

like, the explosion that takes out a small town in Pennsylvania. But even with, like, the biggest fuck-up people in Congress, it's like, oh, yeah, you were, you know, you were too busy that day. You had to play video games, or it's George Santos, where it's, like, oh, you have to, like, be on reality TV and steal a baby or something.

With Federman, this is what I think is so amazing. There's no activity he'd rather be doing it. Yeah. Like you said it. He'd rather just be staring at a wall and walking in circles or eights, I guess. Yeah. Is he, is there any activity he's into? Does he have any hobbies or interests?

Sitting on a bench in D.C. looking absolutely fucking gormless is like, as ducks approach him, hoping to get some bread or something like I wish they leave me alone they're always looking for a handout these ducks bothering me they're bothering my sitting

I brought this bread to fucking eat myself I'm no more he's just sitting on a bench next to a pond eating a whole loaf of bread by himself he's just like

he has like a big gulp filled with bread crumbs he's just sucking it through the straw. What is the fuck fucking quackering? Don't they know. He's eight months until my birthday. He's got, he's got a full love for bread and like a glass of water so he can dip the bread in the water so he can swallow it easier. Without choking.

Do you think this is, they, they, uh, his staff doesn't let him go to weddings because he eats the rice they throw in the air and he stands in his stomach. I'm sorry, I interrupted you, though, on your theory. I'm sorry. No, no, no. My theory was that, like, if any other elected official were this fucking lazy, I'm like, and lazy, like, in the sense of, like, directly insulting, not just your constituents, but, like, the most valuable kind of constituents, dead cops and injured veterans. Like, in no other world, because you get away with that if you were not, like, Israel's senator.

Yeah, yeah. Like, this is like, I think it's a strategy. It's a work avoidance strategy. A strategy of zero tension. I think you're fucking dead on. Like he's, and it's not, this is crucial because like,

yeah, most of the Democratic Party leadership and most of like Democrats, they are pro-Israel. But this is just like he had, you have to get to a level where it's like your only issue. You are such a right. You're like such a crash out for Israel.

You're such a fucking crash test on me for them. You're throwing away your one term that they will like, they will throw all the money they need to keep you from being more humiliated and hated than you already are. And he doesn't even, he doesn't really seem to like being a senator. I think that he, it's sort of a coin flip, whether he even runs for reelection because he,

even though he hates being a senator, he is one of those people who is so, he has oppositional, defines this disorder and if they're like oh you know this guy's pulling at 80% against you in the fucking Democratic primary he's going to be like

well yeah I'll get more than 80% you know he might run for re-election and Israel might spend the Israel lobby might spend like $7 billion on this dumb ass Spencer shares I think a very

compelling thought experiment here he says can you imagine if one of the highest profile advocates for Palestine in America was this much of a basket case? You imagine there's a senator who like all he cared about was standing with Palestine with condemning Israel with cutting off aid

and supporting the self-determination of the Palestinian people. But in every other aspect of his professional public life, they were like could you come to a ribbon-cutting ceremony at a new children's hospital that's opening in your district? And they're just like, no. I'm busy.

Dan Quinn-style, it's busy. I'm busy. I mean, I just like, Rashida Taleb, Illinois, like they do constituents. Yeah, like,

no, like they're very good. Like, in fact, like, they keep getting reelected because they're very good at constituent

outreach and support. Yeah. Their districts fucking love them because they show up for shit. It's almost like they, they had an affirmative desire to represent their community and do things for them

and improve their lives. It's almost, it's almost, it's almost, it's almost, It's almost like that. Versus whatever the fuck this is. Like, they will,

they will show up to, you know, I'm reminded of when they tried to get Jeremy Corbyn out of there. And Corbyn won because like everyone in his district was like, everyone in Islington like knows Jezah. Yeah, he's like shaking everyone's hand. They're like,

he showed up to my dad's funeral and like, he just like, my dad wasn't anyone important, but he just, you know, he just loves everyone in her district. And so they had his back. And yeah, if you were, look, there's been like a clip of this, um, the socialism, the fucking conference, which I'm just neither here nor thereon because there was some dumb open letter they had about fucking, uh, opposing or like Chinese and American imperialism.

So just like that. No, thanks. I'm out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you.

The whole thing about like condemning Iranian authority. Oh, wasn't it like there was that open letter about like, like, Iran. Iran where they were like, we oppose both American and Iranian imperialism, signed the left. And it's like, no, thanks. Bye bye. Yeah. Yeah, blow me. Yeah.

But like everyone, there's like one person there who, I think she made some, I didn't really see it. I don't want to comment too much on it because I actually didn't watch it. But it was something about like this recurring topic about should left this work out. I don't want to even paraphrase it. No. Right. You have a finite amount of energy in your body. Don't waste it. Don't waste it. If you never work out and you are being cettled by police, you can use all that reserve energy to go super sane and just fucking take them all out.

You know, I'm done. I fucked myself by spending my 20s working out. I'm out of energy. I'm getting killed immediately. You people out there, you save it. But even the least generous interpretation of that speech or that line of thinking, whatever, yeah, you could say it's goofy. But this woman at least showed up to a thing that was scheduled and was there on time and spoken coherent sentences. You know, all the other people we have mentioned, Jeremy Corbyn, Arishita Phileb, they are able to. By the way, I'm pretty sure they rescheduled this cop's funeral to start at 11 a.m. Just for Fetterman. Because they're like, he's not showing up at nine. There's no fucking way in the world.

If they were this fucking just completely checked out where they don't even, it's not even, they have zero hobbies. There is so little brain power there that it's like, hey, I, you know, I work at a hospital in your community and I'm worried, like, we don't have enough interfere on. and you're like, you just want to use the currig in my office. Yeah, it would be the only story. Those bagels are for me and my staffers. We're always running out bagels.

Everyone comes to the office. Those bagels are made by Alfred Einstein. I put a poster that said John's bagels. No one respected it. Alfred Einstein made these bagels and the smear on them. It's why they're all from me. Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, this is already, if you're like an elected official or just like, you know,

a public fee, like Greta Thurneberg, everything you do, if you are like actually pro-Palestine, every single thing you do is so fucking scrutinized. There's the dumbest fucking controversy this week because this woman who actually is, she's black and Palestinian. She called Hakeem Jeffrey as an errand boy for the, Israel lobby.

And they're like, oh, did you say boy? Oh, shut the fuck up. Yeah, like fucking blow me. Just so fucking dumb.

No, I've seen like lots of commentary about like, I saw one today. Someone's saying like, you know, Hakeem Jeffries, you know,

if we, if the Democrats take back to the house, he is going to be Speaker of the House. Now you can, you can disagree with him, but I was raised to always

treat people with respect. And I'm tired of seeing all this disrespect and racism towards Hakeem Jeffries. And it's just like, You can tell they're already defensive about this because literally every Democratic voter despises him. So they're going to make it seem like anyone saying,

Hakeem Jeffrey should not be Speaker of the House because of how deeply compromised he is with both Israel and the Trump administration. That's like, that's like saying, yeah, boy, know your place, boy, you can't have a black man is Speaker of the House, you know, like. Which, you know, that, it reminds me of when people go like the thing where they're like, expecting to be on time is white supremacy where the person saying it

thinks that they are being you know really woke but you actually deconstructed and it's like wait you're saying so you're saying that it's just like anyone anyone who isn't white just they're constitutionally incapable being on time that's like I don't think you should

say that this is the same thing where it's like well you would get mad at a white person for being late and fucking wasting your time. But if they were black, you'd be like, oh, it's okay because their brains don't work the same way. With like, yeah, with like, whenever like Shannon Watts' defense

to Kim Jeffrey, it's like the same longer coach. Yeah. Yeah, where it's like, look, this is the best they can do. Yeah. I, I am trying to think of someone like who is at least as prominent as John Fetterman, like just on the broadly pro-Palestine side,

who is anywhere near. is just like lazy and insolent and rotten and spoiled. And like, and like hostile to like everyone and everything around him or them. Yeah. Like literally any suggestion you give. Or like when asked as like, you know, as a, you know, as someone who defends Palestine and their, you know, right to be alive, like you have to answer every attack or every question.

You can't act like completely put upon an indignant when like someone questions. you about why you support this. You can't just be like, I don't know why you're talking about to do this. That is, that is so mean to me. Yeah, that is something I fucking hate about Federman, by the way.

That like, I hate this with like everyone who volunteers to be like a public figure and they say, like, Federman is always trashing other people. Always. And the moment you're like any reporter is like, hey, do you want to comment?

on this thing, this, like, insane thing he said about this person. He's like, I guess you want me to fucking kill myself. Like, Rishita Talape and Ilan Omar. They're like, like, literally the, the federal government is like, they want to deport one of them.

Yeah. And the other just, I don't even know how many combined death threats, credible death threats they get per day. And they never act like, they never go out there and are like, oh, it's so fucking hard to be a minute. Oh, why is this happening? Even though what it is.

Yeah, yeah. Like that it is unfair and then like they're not getting backed up by their own party. Like, no, you got to stand strong. You got to be like it doesn't faze me. Like, I'm not going to whine about it. I'm not going to let you people know that you've gotten to me or that like, oh, like, how could you treat me like the song? I'm just, I'm just a congressperson. Yeah, John Federman.

With John Federman, it's not a man in the arena thing. It's a man in the bleachers thing. The man parked across three handicapped space. is outside the arena. All right. This is how the piece closes. Last Friday, Fetterman and McCormick,

that is the Republican senator from Pennsylvania, made an appearance in a bladed neighborhood in Erie in northwest Pennsylvania to meet with elected officials and community leaders to discuss housing,

affordability, homelessness, and poverty in the region. In a brief question and answer session after, a local, reporter asked the senators about what they were doing to address cost of living issues like high gas prices. In terms of affordability, you know, what does that really mean? The veteran responded,

pivoting to defending the war in Iran. Why is gas more expensive than some people would like? Well, because we have a crisis over Iran, he said. So in terms of affordability, I do believe that we will be, will resolve, and I do think it's important to understand that Iran is the bad guy. So what I love there is like being asked, what are you doing about affordability? And he's like, I don't even know what that means. I don't even, I don't even know what the concept of affordability means.

And then fiviting to say, oh, well, things aren't affordable because we have a crisis in Iran that we fucking started and I supported. But it's important to know when people are thinking about high gas prices, everyone knows that Iran is the bad guy. Yeah, like, if you could chisel any coherent sentiment out of this, it would be like, I actually think that gas should be more expensive and we are going to make it worse because Ron's bad. Like, how is that, how is that again? Like, this is the guy who, whenever they ask him about ice, it's like, oh, I'm focused on kitchen table issues.

I guess that means like a different thing. I guess that means for him it means like, he means he means fixing the. wobbly table in his breakfast no, because I tried to wedge a napkin under there didn't work. Yeah, kitchen table issues to keep, I should get seconds before my kids get

first. Like, my kid gets a Mickey Mouse pancake and I just get a regular circle. Why is that? Why my kids get pancakes in different shapes and I just get a circle? Boring. I don't feel like

what they should have a happy meal for guys who aren't happy. My wife took away all the sharp knives of the house for some reason. I got to only use a fork or a spoon. Doesn't make any sense. She sent my wife to Wendy's and she said, you want Dave's double whopperer? I said,

who the fuck is Dave? You fucking two-timing me, bitch? I locked myself in a closet. My fucking wife's been seeing a guy named Long John Silver. She goes there. my wife's going to this guy Culver's house

to talk to Kurds she doesn't know anything about a foreign policy like I do I'm probably gonna put her on the fucking committee before I do drive my car

in this Culver guy's house fuck you oh man I think it's funny that they have no king's protest but there's fucking burger

can't about him uh well we went super long in the Federman what do you think? The Ben Terrace piece

about the White House Ballroom is also very long. I think we should probably try to save that for another episode. Yeah. We'll save the White House Ballroom piece for another day because I got to start

I got to start handicapping in these NFL games coming up. Yeah, and I got to start. I have to redraft my race war team after I saw that shirt. My fantasy race war? Yeah. Dude, my fantasy team is in shambles.

I have Jared Kushner, Steve Whitkoff, that rabbi who calls Everwood Goyam, it's not looking good. If you're open for a trade, I have a schmuli Biotech on, I got, I got, I got, I got, I picked him up last week. I'll take him. All right. I mean, yeah, we, you know, you guys may say

we should do more content, but me and Will, we have a long day of. just pacing and staring at walls that we need to do. Like I said, I wasn't kidding when I said I related to Federman here. I'm working on my race war draft. I got a really high pick this year. And my team is all based around that South African politician that goes, kill the farmer, kill the farmer, shoot the boar.

He's, I should have fucking picked him around one. I picked him up. Julius Malima. Yo, he rogues. Julius Malima is awesome. He fucking rolls. I love him. I love seeing like the stadium events where the whole crowd is going,

shoot the farmer and shoot the farmer. The Democrats need to fucking learn from them. Dude, I looked into him. He's pretty fucking cool. He, so he was part of, he was like A&C Youth Wing leader for a while. And there was this like horrible mining disaster that, um, I think Cyril Ramposa, I know I fucked his name up. I'm sorry. He was president at the time. He fucked up the response. And Malina actually left

A&C and started his own thing, which is very cool. But just like a capstone on this Federman thing, we always think, you know, whenever we've talked about the opiate crisis, right? I think the, there's a billion reasons why opiates like hit America, like a fucking truck and all these other countries where you can buy Thailand all three over the counter. They don't and nearly a problem we have. And there's a million structural and economic reasons, but why do Americans

love doing them so much, besides them being great? Besides the way they make you feel. Yeah. Besides the way they make you feel, yeah. And they make you cooler and they give you a nice sheen. It's because it's the only drug, really,

where you can do it and you just, you don't, there's no activity. I think Nick Mullen said that on an early come town. You could just take them and you can stare at a fucking wall. With weed, you got to do something.

Watch TV. You're going to start playing computer video games. But like, yeah, it makes sense that America is a hallmarked drug. You don't even need to turn the lights on. Yeah. God.

Yeah. But it makes sense why it's America's hallmarked drug. Because it's just like, yeah, the literally do nothing, no external stimulus drug. Federman is like a guy who it's like he's on opiates 24-7 but none of the good feeling. He does all the opiate activities and but he's just like in constant pain and never feels good. It's just he does he acts like a guy who has, if you had baines, that fluid that bane pumps himself up with.

If that was filled with liquid dilaud it, that's what he acts like. But he's not having fun. Yeah, but is not, is not ensconced and warm good feelings. Yeah. He's not floating away in a marshmallow cloud into a blissful oblivion. I've always, I've always hated, I don't know if this is a widespread thing. But I've always hated the feeling of like taking antibiotics. I have to take them a lot.

Like, I've had to take them a lot. Like, I've had so many. Really, I don't, does it make you feel anything? I just take, I mean, usually, I don't, I don't really feel like taking antibiotics. I've never really felt anything taking them. Well, I, maybe I got like, I would get, I've had a ton of, like, gross staff infections. More still, I mean, I probably less experience. But I had, like, I think I've had 20 staff infections in my life, something like that.

Yeah, I was a. Dude, I had some gross shit happened to me when I was actively training. I was telling you someone the other day that in my first month ever of grappling, I was on my back. A guy I was trying to pass my garden. He had like a really long beard. And I was just trapped. I wasn't very good.

You know, it was my first month. I saw a drop of sweat forming on his beard. And it was aligned directly into my eye. And I couldn't move. Oh, it was just one of the worst things I've ever experienced. I want to cut that eye out.

on the bottom of a faucet before it like just drops. Dude, it's, it's amazing. I only got 27 effects. I got some fucking nasty, but I would have to be on antibiotics for like two weeks. And I just like,

it's not as bad as like some other shit, but I just, it just sort of makes you feel like kind of the, like you, you don't, you could even get into a state where you're like 11 a.m. Fuck you. And that is,

Fetterman, it's like he is doing a speedball of, antibiotics and heroin. And neither bad a mind. He's actually has contracted a rare variety of

staff infection. It's called former staff infection. Adam Gentleson, he was not referenced by name in this article, but he's obviously the staffer who was like, all right, I've spent four years with this guy.

I think he's kind of lazy and stupid. Don't you think it's so beautiful how Federman's biggest op is also a guy who's still like financially dependent on his parents. Yeah, that's right. It's the war of the Lordlings. Yes, the tyranny of small differences. I wonder if you could get Israel to...

Slime out Adam Gentleson? I'm not going to say slime him out. Like I don't... You know, if we're doing death threats, there's like more important people than Adam Gentleson. He's just... Like, yeah, he sucks, but it just... You got to choose your death threats carefully.

But could they like, I don't know, like break his legs? You know. Got the brakes in his car or something. I don't know. Yeah, put him in a neck brace. Do you think Federman's asked for that? I think he probably asked that for the people, like the disabled veterans who wanted to meet with him.

They're like, yeah. I called up his handler and he was like, can we deal with them like a pager or something? I'm just a little bit. My dad knew a guy who he worked with who was like, one time he was like, if you ever need someone taken care of, let me know. My dad was like, you want to do a fucking murder conspiracy, you fucking idiot. I'm a lawyer. Yeah.

Always made me laugh. All right, gang. Let's wrap it up there for today. That'll do it for us. Do we have any announcements or promo to do at the end of the show? I do just want to say, Will, that I like how you kept calling them Vettermans throughout this episode. You're right.

But no, other than over on the Patreon, tomorrow, Bloodborn on the Players Club. Oh, yeah. Which I know is Felix's favorite episode, one of your favorite episodes from this season season and will be certainly the longest thing we have ever put out until the next Players Club episode. And that's you and Hessa, right? This is with Hessa. Yeah, and this one, like, this was like, the actual episode is not going to be like eight or nine hours,

but we spent eight or nine hours on it. And yeah, I was, after I got done, I was like almost, I was like, I'm so sorry, I don't, I hope these aren't as long in the future. Immediately did 24 hours worth of Eldon Ring shit. Two episodes after. Our episode for last Thursday, the interview with

Drs Mark Perlmutter and Ther Ahmed about the relief work that they do in Gaza. We have unlocked that now, open to the public. So if you are a free loader who only listens to the free episodes, this was one that we simply had to keep it behind the paywall

would be sort of an insult. So if you haven't got a twist to, we'll listen to that episode. Yeah, it's unlocked and available on all platforms. Anywhere you get podcasts, it's on YouTube. I know people wanted to share that around. So any way that you would like to share it and get

people to listen. Really strong episode. So yeah. And then Players Club over on Patreon.com slash Chapo Trapouse. Yeah, I am really, yeah, just on a serious note about the bloodbored episode and just everything down

the stretch, especially that we did with that. I am really one of my favorite episodes I've ever done of anything, the bloodborne episode. I could not think of a more perfect person to talk about Bloodbourne with Van Hesse and we really

hit the ground running so I am really fucking excited for people to hear that one and I don't want to subject myself to it quite quite yet but I do want to tease the next season of it I am you know I've done enough series of games

where there's like you know seven or eight games and they've been very fun to do but for the next series I decided to open it up and just do like a grab bag of games that I find either interesting or or maybe unheralded

and even games that I think are fucking disasters but are hilarious to talk about and games where they are part of a larger series but I don't want to do the entire series. I will definitely be doing Resident Evil 4 with Will. I think that's going to be one of the first episodes.

I am going to be doing Hitman Blood Money. Something I'm really excited for, besides the Canaan Lynch 2 episode. I am going to do the most French game ever made, and it's actually not made by French people. The game, The Quiet Man, one of the most inept games ever made. For people who don't know, the Quiet Man is a game. where you play as a deaf guy, and there's no audio and no subtitles. You only unlock subtitles by beating the game.

So you have no idea what's happening. And they actually hired real actors and blocked off streets in New York City to film actual full-motion video for this game. It is the Quiet Man is one of the most interesting disasters of all time. I'm very excited to do that one. But that'll be in a few months. I, at earliest, I'd probably get working on it towards the end of the year. But there's also some more exciting other side series we have coming down the pipeline,

including a me and Will one that I don't, we're not going to announce yet. But I think people are really going to like this one. I really, we're cooking up some marvelous shit. Got some rare items for sale, stranger. Yeah. This might even be like too much of it is. But like, if you were a fan of crazed homo thug,

Lynn Corbrey, you're going to love this series. I think he's just giving it away. But yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so got plenty of cooking in the lab. That does it for us today, though. So until next time, bye, bye.