Chapo Trap House - 296 - The Unsullied (3/11/19)

Episode Date: March 12, 2019

Topics include: Tucker Carlson, Redd Foxx, Meghan McCain, Mrs. Maisel, Yang Gang shit, Miami Pool Boys, 2 Samuel, and the Chinese Hand Job Scandal.

I You The the funny thing about the the Tucker Carlson Radio appearances I was like reading through them and like The the only one of the things that he said that was like actually Really gross is when he said if I was in charge of the laws Michael Vick would be executed and Warren Jeffs would go free And it's just like kind of telling yourself Yourself there, you know, you see the one guy killed dogs the other like, you know rape dozens of girls pretty clear

But like all the stuff he was saying like all the shit that they've compiled now and that he's getting all like self-righteous about She's like, you know, I'm saying what you're too afraid to it's all just like shit That impresses like yeah Buffalo Wild Wings golf dads. They're just like well. I think what feminist really needs is good dick in They made an entire Adam Sandler movie about that well that that was like people premise of an Adam Sandler movie The Tucker Carlson man-hailing song the Tucker Carlson thing is like it shows the again We have no concept of the past until like 2011 it was accepted for like someone on Tucker Carlson's level that they would just go on like Opie and Anthony or Howard Stern or whatever and be like just try to get fucking epic and you go on and be like I want to screw the

Olsen twins And then the host would be like, you know, he's he's on TV reading the newspaper, but he's actually he's actually pretty cool You might be you might be crazier than us. No, and and it's like I don't really give a shit one way or the other because it's like Wait, you're telling me he's a bad guy But it's like no that was just like what you would do until like 2011 It was like normal for a guy like that to just go on a show like that and well I mean, how would you I wouldn't want to live in a world where I didn't know that Bubba the love sponge thought I was cool I mean, that's what I want out of life is for Bubba the love sponge to think that I'm a cool dude with hilarious takes

It's it's exactly the same like Phyllis. You haven't exactly, right? It's exactly the same kind of energy as the guy who's like has a cigar in his avion. He's like, that's right I'm smoking a cigar. Yeah, you know or just be like see pills. I don't wear them young girls. Yeah, they give me boners Yeah, that offend you and it's just like this is all just kind of sad Yeah, it's sad it's sad that shit. Yeah, well that that was like someone said to me like this morning actually someone said that like He very clearly identifies Tucker is like a pundit who wants to be a funny guy. Oh, oh for sure That's why like I was I was an opian Anthony listener when I was like 15 16. I remember they'd be like All right, so we got we're gonna have Chuck Ledell in and we're all gonna

Pretend like we're he were afraid he's gonna beat us up for some reason, but before that he's a fucking judged Napolitano or whatever the Italian dumbass from Fox News gonna come in and he would come in and like they would briefly Like barely touch on politics and be like, you know, how about the Democrats? Well, how did you see any other guys? Well, yeah, I should do a shit. Yeah, you know, what what if we got what if we got our own listeners in there and they started, you know Jacking off or whatever, but then like the Fox News or sometimes CNN guy would be like Yeah, you know, I love plowing And they'd be like what

And that was just like par for the course and they would just get such a big reaction because even for like when those Like shock jock shows moved over to satellite and they could just You know do everything like oh, yeah, we're gonna have a guy who lived like is medically Mentally impaired and we're just gonna jack them off It was still outrageous because they were radio guys at heart It was outrageous for them to have like the guy from the news be like, yeah, sometimes I drink a beer and get a boner So like that they just did that all there two like marquee spots were like that or like yeah I get like Chuck Liddell in there and be like, oh, what if you beat our asses for our insane japes?

Tucker Carlson calls ABC News is Martha Raddatz an absolute bitch while riding the civvy That was just that way the people so like we just do like an like an audio edit of like Tucker's like epic clips talking about like boners and teenage girls, but just in the background Oh, that's also like gonna be us like ten years from now. I'm like not kidding like there's just like what? Yes, we're all gonna be poly together. We're all gonna fuck each other in a Sibian. No, like Big circle all holding hands all five of us just right the concept of like what is epic to do like gets lost in time And in like ten years, I will be the head of documentaries at ESPN As a filmmaker myself and I'll be fired because it'll like pull up like us doing the Jared Fogel bit or whatever and

I'm not saying I'm not defending Tucker's actions. I am more saying that you know culture it moves it moves in ways you can't predict and things just like lose their shape over time and eventually You know, you'll see that none of this has any purchase beyond its immediate moment and You just you love to see it Tucker Carlson says of Hulk Hogan's wife. I'd let her give me a bumpkin Yeah, yeah, you know it's that type of shit, but that was like, you know, it was weird though

Is like millions of people thought that shit was funny Oh, yeah me like not that segment because that segment's just sad and fucking weird like that segment is just like it's well It's like your friend's dad being like, oh, are you getting any pussy and you're like 14? That's what I mean is like, you know Tucker's obviously a piece of shit But like in the reaction of this or people like oh, can you believe what a bad guy he is can't believe you'd say these things about women It's like he loves that but like if you really like when I read the transcripts of these clips like I said They just came across as just desperately sad to me

Like it just just like this is your this is your fucking loser He's talking about the love sponge and he's seven o'clock in the morning Plain dead audience Yeah, and Tampa Bay a bunch of fucking parrot heads and fucking fetal alcohol syndrome Think about the wonderful life of like a Bubba the love sponge listener though It's just like you're like, oh, I my career that lasted an entire 14 years of selling jet skis to orthodontists You know, I rose and grinded every day

Now I get to sit back relax get fucking drunk at 8 a.m. And listen to the cable news guy You'd be like, oh, yeah, the girls from full house now. Yeah, I'd like to see their freaking Hooters And you're like this is fucking you're just fucking you just clap He's drinking fucking a coconut drink drinking rum and coffee or some other fucking bird brain combination. Oh My god, what a wonderful life Uh, it's good. I If you can like, you know the end of clockwork orange I'd like to be

Sort of mentally renditioned as a bubble the love sponge listener in 2007 You're just cackling in a broken hot tub pretending it's not freezing. Yeah Right, you get you just can willfully ignore everything that shitty you're watching like you're watching like a full screen not letterboxed Uh, weird cut of good fellas and you still it's 2007, but you're like, yeah, I have a flat screen You're sitting in a tepid hot tug that hasn't been treated with chlorine in like a month It's fucking opaque eating eating ribs that are like eating just barbecue ribs that are floating by oh god Like the kid from gumbo You know how we talk about like how the

Comedy now sucks and it does this fucking shit But it's also always been bad. There's never been good comedy except for red fox I love your thing that red fox invented comedy, but the thing is Like all of felix's things you're you may kind of be right. Was it you said that like before red fox comedy was just like My wife, let's kill her. I wish I had enough money to go to the dog track and like that was humor Right that was it was all the younger brothers of guys who went to fight in the urgun And they're like, I guess I'll stay home and you know, I'll fight the good fight by entertaining

And what that meant was they were like Oh, you know, uh With with my wife, you know watch out for her cooking, but definitely watch out when I shoot it with a gun He when I kill my stupid bitch wife. Oh, I love gambling. I'm not good at it. That's the joke And then red fox, you know Why he he he invented what we do now Talking about, you know, your asshole Let the pussy stink. Well, no, okay. So none of that's my conspiracy theory

You really want to get into it. None of those vaudeville comedians ever had sex and that's why Why they couldn't talk about it because they hated their wives too much I don't even know why they got me. Were they like fucking arranged marriages? Yeah, but Yeah, we were county marriages that you married the way, but she'd give you material that was it red fox was cool and had sex Where did you run across red fox? Rately that now you've decided that he's working okay So when I was home for Christmas, my mom was watching the miss mazel shit. Oh god And I was like this fucking all these jokes fucking sock

We're gonna talk about miss mazel in a second, but go on so And I was like, I was just thinking like I was like a thought I had out loud also known as a sentence I was like if you sent steve harvey back to the time that miss mazel takes place and it would be like Thanos No one was that funny and I said it and someone said well, that was pretty much what happened like red fox red fox Was obviously funnier than steve harvey Uh Red fox is obviously much funnier and someone yes suggested red fox and I watch and I was like yeah This is it. He was the first funny guy. Yeah, all this other shit sucked

It is true that he was the first modern Comedian and that he talked about dicks and assholes and the bodily humor that we all love Yeah, like fucking like everyone everyone talks about um Fucking what's his name? Let me bruce. Yeah, not funny. Lenny bruce. Yeah, he shouldn't have you know Uh Government should have gone after him, but I hope people recognize today He's the equivalent of people whose entire like presence their entire political beliefs are like youtube is hiding the amount of likes i'm getting It's not the same

He did use just read that that court transcripts Well, that was when he was like, you know, yeah strung out on smack or whatever. Yeah, but the actual comedy isn't funny But yeah, no, yeah, it was like it was like hey the Puerto Rican guy in the back still in my car You know like Um, yeah, Lenny bruce another guy who never had sex probably not let's say they all comedians so they were like the unsullied Unsullied but vaudeville comedians were like the unsullied they were castrated like perfect warriors I just think of buster keaton who's like just flat. Yeah, incredibly warm huge core strength Yeah, he was great warm. Yeah, but as far as I know, uh, he like kissed girls in a couple of his movies

But as far as I know, yeah In that one movie in that one movie the bachelor or something. He's just running away from women They're all trying to marry him and he's running away from them. Oh, dude's rock 1932 So yeah, so they so they were the unsullied they were they were castrated guys who were were ritually married to battle axes Who would make them get material? Oh But then so the comedy masters of marine have been keeping humor going But then but the thing is is that then but then better comedy showed up

So what would be the equivalent of that like who's the guys who rinsed them? The guys who fucks and rinse them and then we you'd think oh, uh, you know like the The the fucking the drogos or whatever they're called, but they lost they famously were defeated by the unsullied That was before the events of the book. All right, so maybe the comedians aren't the unsullied because they're actually not that good Um, okay, maybe they're who's someone who sucks Someone who's not good. I don't know for there the iron island iron islanders They're exactly the iron islanders because it's like with the iron islanders. It's like, well, what do you like? Because they're they're like throughout the show and the book they're like, um

We'll just give you lanus like you can take the richest port in the entire fucking place and they're like No, they are really miserable. They're fucking yeah, they love just being cold That's a religion is just drowning in cold water like they're like we do not so we take everything That's why we still live on as the same shitty wet rock worship seaweed Oh, you guys fucking saw I'm standing in a rain sweat field getting seagull shit in our head We had the wheel we had one smart person born the last 300 years. Hey everybody take my salt life, please Welcome to the new game of thrones podcast

Hey, it's coming back. Yeah, it's coming back on this is becoming relevant again. Uh, why don't we uh, why don't we um Uh move on now from uh one form of um ethnic stereotyping and humor to another And you know, I would we have to talk to you about at the top of the show And just say a big choppo trap house. Congratulations to our friend and collaborator Ellie valley on his upcoming nuptials to meghan mccain. I'm so happy for them. I can't believe she said yes, dude that that I'm so so happy for you. It's it's the ellie valley mccain wedding Uh, it's gonna be it's summer wedding. It's kismet. I mean, you know, he proposed to her in that cute cartoon And she's like I've never felt more in love in my life. You know and uh

Two full-blooded jews marrying you love to see you love to see it. You love to see the bloodline continue That is it's important. I know it's like everyone's talked about it But like her calling it the most anti-semitic thing she's ever seen That's so fucking funny because it's like she read her husband's newsletter Well, it's like if there was an alternative I mean this the most complementary way possible what i'm about to say There's an alternate reality where the holocaust was just like jews holocausting

Germans just regular gentile germans that would be in der stirmer to represent germans how he drew big in mccain So it's perfect. It's perfect. She's just represented as just like a fucking just pink gentile And she's like, oh, this is clearly a jewish person. I don't look like this Uh, ellie being called anti-semitic for doing a funny cartoon of meghan mccain is I mean ellie said it like in interviews since then is that just like once again Just like reality outpaces satire like the reaction to his cartoon is everything his cartoons are about Which is people calling him anti-semitic and you know, i'm not giving away anything too much here But like ellie is probably one of the most jewish people. I know mega jewish. Yeah, super

Up there, but my favorite part of this whole fiasco. I mean not fiasco. I mean, this is wonderful. I'm loving it My favorite part about it is what inspired the cartoon with meghan mccain Hearfully cracking up on the view about, you know, how scared she is about anti-semitism said I take this personally because i'm my family is such close friends with joseph and hadasah Lieberman Yeah, what can you even say about that? Yeah, uh, the dang beyond everything Is joe Lieberman in danger? I just imagine a ilano mar just hip checking him down the stairs of the fucking Capital building and he just breaks every bone on the way down joe Lieberman is probably one of the safest people on earth

Yeah, physically. Yeah, but it has inspired some. I mean again, this is all just like We've been talking about it for weeks now, but it's just the ongoing ilan omar controversy and that these people like meghan mccain And fucking david from just trying to ring even more a few more drops out of that fucking sweaty Gym sock or whatever they're humping these days But uh, my favorite one of my favorite reactions is david from Um, uh, who has an article of a big cover story in the atlantic today about how we should you know end immigration to america Uh, said that megan mccain may not be jewish But like if there were a new holocaust today the mccain families would be like the king of denmark

And she would pin that yellow star on her herself and it just i that's great Yeah, it's another thing where it's like I when i saw that i was about to like make fun of it, but it's like what do i even say about that? Yeah, you can't say anything. That's just like yes. It's exactly the same thing to be under nazi occupation where we're showing any kind of A defense of jews could literally get you killed versus being in the united states in the year 2019 being a fucking television star And and saying i stand with jews. Holy shit lady. They're identical I mean, it's like so if you say something like that You're either just like you don't care if people think you're an insane liar

You just don't give a shit. You're like, i'm just gonna say it let the cards Any like any sort of smart person who has any type of savvy is just gonna be like you are the most cynical fucking goblin Or you're insane You're actually fucking insane like you think the holocaust is going to happen because villano mar Because people accurately describe what apac is and your only line of defense Is john mccain's daughter on the view?

That's insane. That's like that is like the ravings of a lunatic I'm afraid the holocaust is going to happen again But uh, so there's a show where all these women they get together and they talk the issues But there's one of them who would go to the camps with me I mean, I like put it like that. How does how does that sound with as someone who has read her book as we have? Yeah, uh and read her just showing how How she has created a Ethical and spiritual world where everything she wants to do is coincidentally

What god wants her to do? I could definitely see her risking her life in any scenario and not just deciding retroactively that god wanted her to keep her head down Or the fuck because that's for the greater good or whatever the hell before you judge me for taking these gold fillings Keep in mind that's between me and god Damn you go I did like it because um, it did inspire people to find a lot of megan mccain's old tweets that like aren't Racist or offensive or anything. They're just hilarious because they're all like This mashup of the ghostbusters theme and uh gang of style is kind of everything to me right now

Shout out shout out jack wagner and yeah, but still podcast and the yeah, but still discord Who I was I was uh playing games on stream with jack like later that day And I literally told him to tell his discord to stop finding them because I couldn't handle them anymore She has like for every song that like through brain damage me and mike reference She's unironically been like this is the song of the day check this song out like a top 40 billboard hit Guys check out dead and gone by ti and justin timberlake. Check out let it rock by kevin rudolf Oh my god like the most Wen c strikes

Middle-of-the-bell-curve just replacement level human that exists and that anything she says has to be listed to it really makes you feel like this is a well-ordered social Situation we're in right now. I gotta say I love it I I really enjoyed the tweet where she said, I am not a victim and I have never played the victim. It's like, yeah Complained and weep at people's managers like that's not your entire thing is just is just talking about how you've personally been assaulted by somebody's fucking Accurately pointing out what a completely talentless shithead you are Again shout out Jack Wagner and yeah, but still but just a series of sweets to just go whoa black Betty

Bambalam and then black Betty had a child Bambalam the damn thing gone She should And then another just we got the whole chorus to see that's a classic moron Narcissistic moron move. I have nothing to say right now, but I can't not tweet So how about some fucking music long of the day dedicated to all the crazy ass haters and hypocrites fake it by Cedar This is it's like these are this is the most positive. I've ever felt about her The Cedar tweet Ti and Justin Timberlake and then this one song of the day rock and roll Jesus by Kid Rock such a good song one before that

Oh, wait a good morning, New York City song of the day let it rock by Kevin Rudolph and Lil Wayne I have never heard anyone Like earnestly reference let it rock by Kevin Rudolph like it's only like been a joke between me and my equally brain-damaged Friends and there's just one person who's like that is the song of the day That's is the music in my heart right now Megan would be so much better if she had not been this child of a senator if she was a regular person She would just be on Facebook yelling at other women who she knows like how they don't raise their kids, right? It would be great. She should be in like a juggalo group

That's a break-off from a different juggalo group that I'd like a falling out over a sodas acronym Yes, she would have her entire left breast would be violent J's face Yeah, this is this is not good for her. No, like he's seeing like apocalyptic visions and she's like she looks in the flames He's Joe Lieberman I believe she did mention that like since her father died like she has become Yeah, she's looking for signs and wonders because her father was was atlas holding the world up. I love I love being like a 35 year old woman who's like I never prepared for this day when my 95,000 year old dad would die

Who could have predicted this is the most unfair thing that has ever happened to anyone I want to uh, you know, obviously what would kick this all off was the Ilan Omar thing and I just have a Two sort of quick reading series here that I'd like to share with you guys. That's okay This first one comes courtesy of the Washington Post Headline Ilan Omar is the Steve King of the left. Sure. I love her thrillers. This is There's fine tingling this this story of this horrifying ethno state that that keeps people in cages and just shoots children and journalists It's fucking terrifying stuff. This is by Henry Olson. Who wouldn't you believe it? Comes to us courtesy of the American Enterprise Institute the Manhattan Institute and the Freedom Center for the foundation of democracy defense

So he goes on here like to you of course, you know, cuz they want to do a tit-for-tat thing, right? Because they know Steve King and all of the people Actually carrying out insane violent hate crimes against Jewish people and others are on their side Yeah, so they have to balance the scales and of course the media is gonna basically allow them to do this I have to do it. They have to do it because they can't allow a you know a gap between now You know, everything has to be equalized always. Yeah, so like what Ilan Omar is now the Steve King of the left And he just goes on the usual bullshit about how the Republicans they did the right thing by stripping Steve King of his committee I mean, how long has Steve King been in Congress billionaires? Yeah, I mean did anyone not know this about this guy?

Yeah, no, I mean Steve Scalise also went to a fucking like well He called himself David Duke without the bag and he went to do but I'm getting my bag He still has he's a whip. He's a minority. Yeah, I know he stayed in his bag So it goes on and of course it talks about, you know, they ought to look to Britain if they want to see how Yes, and it's just oh Jeremy Corbyn the Labor Party just lost eight members where it's just like to lose you is no loss Yeah, to keep you as though game game. Okay, so this is just Curtis you Henry Olson, you know, oh Jeremy Corbyn Yeah, of course, we've covered this you know where this is going until the last paragraph which I thought was really special He says here

History gives House Democrats a clear example of what they must do the famous Roman leader Julius Caesar divorced his wife because of Accusations she had tried to meet a lover during a female only religious ceremony Even though the allegations were never proved Caesar said his wife must be beyond suspicion and sent her packing So too it must be with the Democrats if they wish to credibly maintain that they have no tolerance for bigotry in any of its forms They must be beyond suspicion of such they must remove Omar from all of her committees or risk or forever risk that bigotry Will hunt them for the remainder of her time in office. So yeah Reaching into history for a really pertinent example that the Democrats should treat Ilan Omar like Julius Caesar treated his wife I also like the idea that by the way, and Israel should continue treating Palestine like Caesar treated gall

That's that's such a Wikipedia. Did you know? Yeah sticking your art like it doesn't reinforce your point. It's not even like that impressive of a recall It's just like oh, I was just reading up on a little-known leader known as Julius Caesar And like perhaps you've heard of him. Yeah, but but also Caesar was a fucking asshole in that example Yeah divorced his wife because someone started a rumor about her huge hypocrite about it. He was cheating on everybody Yeah, oh, yeah, he was getting around and then he divorced his wife because someone said that she like had a sort of sapphic Dallion I also like but the premise there is he says explicitly he says they have to be beyond suspicion like that

And so that'll ever happen. So so that's saying no one can ever criticize Israel, right? Because any criticism of Israel can be by for these people credibly Accused of being anti-Semitic which means since you can't have any Question that you're anti-Semitic then you can never say anything bad about Israel because they're going to be there to call you anti-Semitic for it Well, it's like this weird thing Uh, we're uh, Jacob Baccarak wrote a wrote a piece about this where he was like talking about how like Did this weird this idea of like dual loyalty is like so Uh

Sort of like layered where it's just like if you are within the Jewish community and a politician says I will be unwavering in my support for Israel no matter what You know, you applaud or you say that like, you know, I have deep ties to Israel Like and I consider myself, you know, just wedded to the state of Israel like that's admirable But if someone points that out, yeah, that's anti-Semitic right like Felix you brought it up on the show I mean it has to be noted it just may be a little weird that every American politician has to go to the apac conference and literally Pledge allegiance to Israel like it is so like literally imagine it with any other country Ireland

It's so fucking funny because I mean they all have to go Do like the Blarney like st. Patrick's Day dinner stuff and get shitfaced and you know Wear or no the green or whatever, but it doesn't include them like literally being like yo Oh, I array they can do whatever the fuck It was one Yeah So yeah, his example about Julius Caesar is hilarious because Caesar shouldn't have divorced his wife right for a bullshit reason And he's making the case against himself. Well, he's making the case that

Israel's defenders will get to call the tune on everything. That's what he's saying He's saying there can't be any suspicion and we're the ones who are going to be determining whether or not you are suspicious So you have to cater to us and everything and you can never have anyone say anything bad in any way about Israel and speaking And this is very similar to David from who's writing about a completely different topic in the Atlantic today His big cover story on immigration The subhead of that is you know, if liberals won't enforce the border then fascists will and he's just saying like Hey, um liberals, I like you. I'm one of you guys or at least, you know, you take me seriously I gotta be honest with you lips. If you don't start doing fascism, uh, the fascists are gonna do it for you. So

Really, you only have it's funny that your only option is to um My specific political preferences are the only way to you know, solve this problem I also enjoy the thing where everyone drills a hole in their head So they don't remember anything from a year or two earlier because Obama famously was very zealous in enforcing the goddamn border Because he wanted to get some credit with the republicans to make a deal. He the thought was well if we do a lot of Uh enforcement if we do a lot of deportations if we separate families They're gonna see that we're serious about the border and we're not just open border crazies and they're gonna give us a deal And instead they spent eight years calling them. Oh, you're open borders. You don't care about a thing. There's nothing you can do

There's no way that you can uh fucking accommodate these psychos and and acting like there is this just fucking lie You're just lying to people. Also. Yeah From is sort of playing this for a liberal audience being like, hey, you know, I don't want like I don't want brutal enforcement, but like Just, you know, take a gander what from has said about uh sumalian immigration to minnesota Because that's he's saying voice of europe shit. Yeah, these are two conflicting cultures They cannot like literally shit like that these these there is a cultural problem. They can't fit in here By the way, that's what steve king says. Yeah, you can't have a country with other people's babies

David from is an immigration hardliner, which is I'm an immigration hardliner on David. Yeah Go like fucking asshole. We're full for you. What are we doing with these? Why are we letting these asshole canadians in here? People were like, oh send David from back to canada and I'm like, no I'd actually like to send him to this. Um, it's sort of a small city in the netherlands And I think he'd be very at home and in a sort of confined space Yeah, shall we say imagine what a fucking asshole you'd have to be to be a conservative in canada people just give you money and you like Yeah, you like to fucking contribute to political cartoons where it's like

Oh, Justin Trudeau is taxing the the moose too much And instead you come here take part in uh selling just a fucking brutal disastrous Pointless cruel war and then just stick around write shitty articles and uh Just seemingly nothing makes you happy you experience no joy, but you're just you're just sticking around You're not even american and you're like I can't believe what donald trump has done to my party the american republic

You're a fucking canadian conservative go there go fucking hang out with steven harper No one wants you it's just hang out with dug forward smoke crack smoke crack Dave You might smile for once you fucking bag-eyed pussy He's got some drinks under his eyes. God dude. He's talking about staying in your bag. I've been in my bag All right, uh, you said like there's no way to appease these people So like, you know, don't don't bother playing their stupid game I'd like to suggest that there maybe is one way and that is fan fiction

And this next reading series is a good example of that it comes courtesy of uh caron lerman block Okay, caron lerman block from the jewish journal wrote this this little this scintillating bit of dialogue called representative elon omar meets mrs. Maisel Oh You guys you guys down for this you guys want to think you don't like that matt you wait you don't want it You don't want to hear you don't like that you don't want to think about that All right. All right. Let me give you a little preview elon omar So what i'm saying makes you feel unsafe

Ron swanson well unsafe is a morning without bacon Uh, neil degrasse thysse. Oh wait. No, he's been can't get him out of there. Uh, it's fucking the bill nigh Uh, actually you'll find that the sodium content in bacon makes your morning decidedly less safe bill murray Did I hear someone say tequila? Uh miss mazel Someone take my husband. I don't remember a lot of the show. Here we go. The dialogue begins like this mrs. Maisel Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me Representative elon omar democrat minnesota, of course

Maisel I mean, I know how busy you are first few months in a new job adoring fans and ten scrutiny But since we often use the same material omar, what do you mean? Maisel, well, I talk about jews. You talk about jews omar. I'm sorry. Maybe this wasn't a good idea I don't talk about the jewish people Oh, right. Sorry wrong decade. You talk about zionists israel apac And then then the sort of like uh in italics here omar looks at her warily But such great lines. It's all about the benjamin's baby. I'm totally stealing that these upper east ciders come into b altman

You know, I'm at the makeup counter They want to give me free samples of everything and if I don't have the samples they try to haggle the price down Can you believe it? Where are we back in the shtetl? omar looks confused Oh, I'm sorry. You talk about us so much. Sometimes I forget you're not jewish shtetl is yiddish You know that language we have to speak in other countries when no one wanted us but here we're now We're here now. I mean, well, most people are okay with us or at least they put up with us So really don't need yiddish anymore, but it's really such a great language

I mean what language has 25 words for someone who says stupid things all the time or I think I should be going Is this supposed to make people? Is this supposed to this is supposed to make this is this is a false flag. This is written by nazi To cause a second this is this is to create anti-semitism. Yeah, I'm gonna second 23 me after this It goes on like that What for a while does she tell any jokes? She just says things like I'm rambling and you're a very busy woman What I really want to talk about is our beloved israel. I mean not your beloved israel

But our the jews beloved israel you see we waited patiently Okay, not so patiently but a long time to get our home line back You know like 2 000 years and even if many of us don't live there right now We're just so happy to know it's there thriving a miracle in the desert omar stares at her icily Oh, I'm not saying there aren't other miracles in the desert the pyramids what a miracle those slaves created and of course hanukkah See, that's the thing israel has brought so much light into the world freedoms for muslims for women You could call it a mecca of freedom and diversity There's a lot going on here

I do want to point out I like that they're like in the this is like trying to be like this snappy like with it liberal zionist like hey You know, uh Come to tel Aviv make sure you just drink some water You're gonna be taking molly with a guy in a mesh shirt cool but uh In the middle of that it is implied that the only good things that have ever happened in the middle east have been because of jews That rocks

That's just just pulling the lakudek right out. Well, that's goff. Fuck it I think it's funny that like if you're one of these like, uh, sort of uh, liberal zionist types You have to you know, they you get issued your talking points when something like this comes up and you have to say nice things That like actually like there are Arabs in the kinesit, but then like Netanyahu is like Literally coming out right now. Just being like jews for jews only fuck it. Yeah, so like we're uh, we're creating new cages for our honored member honored Arab members the nested so no Shouts out to bb for just going for it after all of this horseshit a month of just this sanctimonious

This just insipid bullshit about the only democracy in the middle east and fucking bb's like, yeah, no, it's jews only Fuck you. It's so and then he just he links up with the guys who spit on barry wife So sick That's actually fucking sick. That's so funny how those guys like spit on her Wall she was like on her big trip to prove like is real super progressive Can you imagine how many columns we would have got out of it if like a bds or palestinian god on her never stopped talking about it This would be like she would be on every tv show for two weeks straight talking about the hate crime done against her Yeah, she would she would she would

Stirkel it on her face where they spit on her like crime scene tape like this is what it is This is what I want to I want to tattoo tears like it's just spit Yeah, I want to I want to interview the spitting guys and be like so is it just like you guys are ultra fundamental It's like you don't believe women should be at the wall and they're like, no, we just like to spit We like the hats and we like to spit or they say no, we've had that story when she went to australia. It was so stupid. Oh my god So I just like that as this goes on i'm not going to read the whole thing but it goes on like this for you know the fiction the made-up version of a made-up character is Just rambling at ilan omar and the only dialogue for omar is just

What do you mean? And I think I should be going and then it's just all like stage directions like omar says nothing omar like backs Yeah, but I guess omar moves lomically Astartanes miss mazels vaudeville stylings of kinetic comedy So that's that uh, that's yeah, that was good. I knew you'd like that philoxa. You'd like to think about that I love to think about it. I love dude. It's just made a mazel fanfic. Oh my god Can you imagine how about mrs. Mazel slash fic with julia julia caesar's wife? Oh, baby. Can you imagine that? Oh my god? Just plowing

Dude, I love babes plowing Oh, here's something I wanted to this is moving on to a different topic Here's something I wanted to ask you guys about because I'm genuinely confused by it What uh, what is the yang gang and what's this new meme presidential candidate? Can you explain it to me? Andrew yang is he's like a tech entrepreneur and he just like he's like he's like a Mike Gravel for centrist is the best way I can describe him Because you know how Mike Gravel was like he was like the last line of like the sort of like frank church libs

Yeah, where he's like He's a liberal and he's like, you know, you got to run for congress and shit, but he's also like Yeah, no all this You know and cia's fucked up You know, he's like me. He doesn't know how to verbalize it or take action on it Uh, he just had that commercial just like dropped a rock in a river Yeah, that's me and Mike Gravel was the only politician I ever felt like represented me but this is that for centrist because he's just like

Yo, let's just fuck it like it's just a thousand dollars for everybody. Yeah, so his thing is so he's a tech Entrepreneur, he's one of these guys who just got a you know, he went to the fucking silicon valley And he hit the jackpot on a fucking slot machine poll, which is all any of the rich ones do they all think they're fucking geniuses And it's 900 I don't know radio on the internet. I don't fucking know And he invented rage comic his he's running for president and a technocratic platform of and his main plank is Because he's on he's actually pretty bog standard at this point for a lip like he's for medicare for all and stuff like that But his big pitch is automation is is is threatening people's jobs We need to give people a way so that they can live without having to depend on on income

So let's give everybody a basic income of a thousand dollars a month a month 12 grand a year and that's his that's it Uh, and and apparently the planet itself is really bad and poorly done And this designed to just get eaten up by landlords and inflation or whatever but the the well and and nobody you know, he has nothing in the he's got nowhere in the polls And no one really knows he is but he's trying to game him his way onto the debate stage because the the uh, what the networks are saying is that they're um That they're a criterion for the debates

It's you either have to have one percent in three polls Done within two weeks of I think two weeks within the debate or you have to have 65,000 separate donations from different people in different states to show your seriousness and yang is trying to get on using that Mechanism and the way he's doing it is he's trying to do it with memes He's becoming the meme candidate and the idea is he's he's not saying it but the the implicit Uh pitch is wouldn't it be funny if I got on the debate stage and so all of the nihilist Pepe's who Well, that's what I'm confused about 16 are now like hell. Yeah, and I got to say we actually talked me and Virgil talked about trying to get me on the debate stage using that same

Loophole. Yeah, well just the idea that the idea that if we said hey, I want to get on the debate stage I need 65,000 donations. We could probably get it The thing is I'm fairly confident that they will change the rules before they allow that to happen Which is why I don't think it's worth. Well, I would like to see you debate andre yang You guys have different plans for, you know, the future of automation So he seems to yang has like picked up currency among I predicted this in 2017 that there would be like a split with the trump people online Where it was like, do you remember like the obama bot emo product split? Oh, yeah, where it was like do i do

I ever yeah for where it all began, baby that and the three thousand dollar jacket, but uh Uh, so that sort of happened with the trump people and I would say the obama bot equivalents are best represented by like bill Mitchell Where it's like everything trumps doing is it's all called dimensional chess. Yeah And that's the thing is because these guys like liking trump was partially at troll partially real But the problem is you can never really like anything because then you look like an asshole. So Uh supporting trump when he's running and everyone's mad at him

That's different than having to defend him once he's president and then you kind of look like you look like a lame one Right and because he's the same as they realized what like a lot of people realize when he was running He's just like the same as any other shitty republican, but he's like just funnier like he says tim apple right that's it And now they're they're like it's weirdly it's the you know Uh like like uh mark twain said like a theme that georgia r martin deals with History does not repeat, but it often rhymes

Where they're like i've literally seen someone post Oh, yeah, no, he's he's not building the fucking wall He he's just making it illegal to be mean to israel, but oh he made a fucking epic tweet I'm like, whoa, that's uh, you know heard that before and and uh And it's With yang like that's the new funniest guy to support. I guess right besides bill de blasio That's the real fucking funniest one. Do you really want to be a fucking and the and there is

the the the crux of the meme is the thousand dollars and It in addition to being a thing like you could slot into all of the the memes that you have instead of a brain when you're these people It also is a genuine pitch to the neat Computer dorks. Yeah. Yeah, you have no prospects. You have no possibility getting a job Oh, look trump's been president for two years and your prospects aren't any better. Who could have foreseen that happening What about a thousand dollars a month? You could use it for fucking code red and you could buy games with it And you could maybe like take a girl out to fucking cheesecake factory That you meet on a craigslist, uh, you know that and so that's what a shitty girlfriend experience

You don't even fuck them. Just go to cheesecake factory with them Uh, here's here's what I'm confused about though. Is all of this this upswell I know Virgil was mobbed by the yang gang the Virgil got beaten. Yeah, he couldn't come into work today He's recovering from injuries being yanked up Okay, you're like all right like and the people like I see a lot of like the peppers now have the yang hat and in avatar Is is this sort of weird upswell enthusiasm among the the neat community? Are is this like pepe's trolling Andrew yang

Is it entry ang trolling them or is this like represent like a like the pepe's have as you said sort of moving on from the Uh oven ethno state phase to just like we just want a thousand dollars a month So we can just sort of mold her and die. Yeah, we're like at a base level of yeah I mean, that's the thing is that all of it is an expression of nihilism and this is just the latest Uh imaginative world that they're living in one where they get a thousand dollars a month a game until they blow their brains out But like is already like this futures in that They're honestly worse futures. Did the pepe like the real all right people like this. Oh, no, they're very mad at it I'm seeing some stuff from my 4chan where they're furious

Uh, so we saw one where they're like all these yangers. We got a doxy's fucking piece of shit Like, you know, you realize that this guy is just a fucking techno nerd and like finding out that somebody supports him It's not the same as finding out that somebody has 5 000 Nazi memes on their fucking computer I mean, we've we've talked a little bit about about ubi on the show And like there are like sort of good and bad versions of it Yeah, it's a complicated thing like there's a split between people who think a ubi Is or a jobs guarantee is better than a ubi for a lot of reasons I don't know enough about it to like say definitively one way or the other

But I do know that I've learned or the last couple years or so Is if it's like a tech person. Yeah, that's offering a ubi thing It's an absolute fraud and panacea that they can use to just like basically cut loose The surplus population and just sort of wash their hands of them and remove any Any leverage that regular people might have over economic or political power And then here's my other thing about his his this idea that like automation is his big thing and he says, of course, automation is going to, you know, You know, just write thousands tens of thousands hundreds of thousands of jobs, which you know He may be right about but like here's my thing

How about why doesn't why don't we just pass a law against automation? Why don't we just make it illegal to automate your your business? You could do that, but honestly automation it's it's frustrating because it is the thing that is objectively good It should be good because it's not like the jobs that are being replaced or jobs for the most part that are fulfilling that people love doing Uh, they're their jobs that people do because they have to and if we could free people from that Uh, it would be great and it would increase our our productivity and it would increase the amount that we we can produce And it would reduce the amount of input to that labor input that has to go into it I mean like that's the fucking Marxist dream. That's the whole idea of allowing capitalism to reach a level of development whereby

Uh, it's spoils can be divided Fairly instead of uh, people having to fucking work to survive Uh But the problem is is that we haven't created a system where there's anything close to a fair distribution of resources So all it means to people is oh shit. I'm not going to be able to live So I think that some sort of ubi I think is going to have to be talked about much more seriously Uh, but yeah, just the yang gang The thousand dollars a month thing is obviously not it. All right. Here's here's another thing. I'm confused about maybe you guys can help me out

Does milania trump have a double? You know, the thing is is that for the most this is kind of old it's been going on for a while And it's one of those things where you look at it and you think oh wow that doesn't look like her But then you stop and you think this is trumped arrangement syndrome. I have trumped arrangement syndrome. They're right I am just getting triggered by everything he does and I can't not let anything go and I need to fucking relax But I gotta say the pictures of milania when they went to alabama last weekend That did not look like her. Well, you said like he's shorter. She looks significantly shorter because milania isn't a model She's pretty tall. She's close to trump's height and

Trump is a tall guy. Yeah, uh, well, I mean not over six less than he it was. I mean he's shrinking. He's an old man Uh, but she was tall and now she looks shorter. Her face looks different. It could be the light I don't know. I mean thing is Would that be above them? Would it be something they wouldn't do? But like for what end like is he he's doing the sedam who same thing but for his wife presumably It's because she just doesn't want to be around that's what I'd assume is that she's just sort of completely checked out She's just you know, she's with she's with baron and the you know, the the vr lawnmower man simulator

He lives in and she's sort of like taking care of them He's in the heart cone in no glow, but it's going to emerge from a thousand years in the future Um, but yeah, I just think it's probably because she just is that she doesn't want to go She doesn't want to go to fucking alabama with donald trump. Good god. Oh my god, dude. The signing the bibles thing I feel like the league got buried in that because one of the bibles he signed was called like the military challenge challenge Do you have like a military battle pass? You can like unlock new dress blues But like I don't even like I there are military bibles. That's stupid enough You're never gonna be like the camo cover. Yeah, you're never gonna be king david kid

But uh, I don't know what military challenge is but he got a challenge coin if you read the whole thing Oh, man challenge coins or they're pogs for operators. Yeah, they are pog clap, but uh, What's Protestantism about It's just that fucking pointy signature on the military challenge Bible, there you go. It's that fucking it's that ekg of him right before he dies of his fucking big mac Charles the fifth When he was riding To go to that stupid conference where the whole plot of it was to kill martin luther

He that's what he saw. He had a vision He saw that we have to work this. I don't even know what this means. We got to get rid of him I see this this this cursed scripture Defacing a bible it must be stopped. He fucked up Well, okay military challenge edition bible hilarious, but again, it just shows how I mean, I think he may be illiterate I think because the fact that he signed the covers of the of the of the books. Well, first of all Signing a bible already is sacrilegious. Yeah, you're not supposed to sign the fucking bible where you fucking say paul you didn't Like you didn't write that shit

But they loved it though. They loved it But it's like signing the cover like I don't think he understood like he I don't think he understands books Or is familiar with them at all. He doesn't matter. He's their quick boy. They love him. What a pious country We live in yeah, he makes them all he makes all the the gaze mad. They love him That's like that's got to be like an enchanted artifact The donald trump signed military challenge bible god. Yeah, you can dude. You could probably like If a papus or conjuring magic at you that puts up like a shield wall You can prevent like a thousand circumcisions within a hundred mile radius if you just recite

Ruins, which are like, you know a weird story about larry silver stand over it No, that book the military challenge edition signed by donald trump. That is the 21st century necronomicon for sure Just a cursed fucking item. Well, it's a powerful book. We got to get our hands on one We have the style it'll stop people from circumcising babies, you know, I'm all for it. Hell yeah Seriously, seriously folks. Let's get on that. This is good. You said you said trunk like the his event the the evangelical base They love him no matter what even though they love them de-facing He's the most godless

vile Like base. He's every seven. He's like it's like golden calf. It's like they took the seven deadly sins and they put him in the McRib press And they love him for it. He could literally come out on stage with like ball Yeah, to him and they would be they would love like folks. I got this ball. He's amazing He's wonderful folks. Give me one of your babies. We're gonna throw it in the fire to mola You know, the best thing is is when And he's gonna go Jerry foal jr. Defended him once by saying, well, you know king david was kind of a bad guy

It's like, yeah, that's david. That's david man. That's the guy who wins every battle That's the fucking headstrong warrior. I mean king david. Who can remember the part in two samuel where king davild King david haggled with doge bank over options on a parking lot. Yeah, no the defeating goliath is when he He made sure that marla maples didn't get anything in the divorce There is my favorite part of two samuel is like it's like the fucking last boy scout of the bible It's amazing. So the best part in your opinion I mean ecclesiasties is like the best, you know, like there's not a lot of plot there. It's just kind of like Sex position. Yeah, uh, it's the first mindset book. It's a first self-help book, but uh,

But it's not it doesn't help you. It's just yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. It's like sort of like things suck They're always gonna suck. But like, so how do you think how do you think I got my positive attitude? I like ecclesiasties too, but but like To one is to say two samuel fucking kicks ass. There's so much action But there's this great part that is actually this is the only trump-like thing in it really is um after king david he gets back from a Campaign against the philistines and he's just running around naked in the streets giving people raisins Raisin cane

But um, uh, I haven't read it in forever, but uh, the previous rulers, uh, daughter Uh, who hates david is like she's shitty to him. She goes. Oh, how nice for the people of israel to see their king Parading around naked in the streets and then the next line is literally she died without children That's so trump. That is And you know, wouldn't you believe it? She died very very lonely. She didn't even continue her name Folks, her husband didn't even have a concubine who could bear him a son It's pretty bad. Uh, no, but uh, you said that uh, they'll always love trump because you know, uh, He gives them the judges they want and he makes the gays mad

This is this is this is a great story. This is a story from two from just december of last year that I cannot fucking believe I remember this happening and yet for some reason we never brought it up It was just like I this this completely passed without me noticing it I think it's because jerry fallow jr. At that point. I'd never really heard of him I didn't really even know what yeah And then we found out at seapack Took over liberty university and he is just this charisma void wide him and don jr trading trading epic jokes about

murdering But yeah, I mean like the tucker carlson thing like they think it's like, you know epic for the wind to be like 15-year-old girl off fucking wood But you know at the same time they they they generally regard all gay men to be you know pedophiles and sexual predators Um, here's here's a fun story starting jerry fallwell jr headline jerry fallwell jr And his wife met a young pool boy on vacation then they started helping him. Ah interesting a lawsuit sounds inspiring a lawsuit I mean, this is just like again

It's too easy. This is too fucking easy, but I'm going to do it anyway A lawsuit has revealed a startling relationship between religious right leader jerry fallwell jr His wife and an attractive young pool boy. They met on vacation. You know as you do As one does the suit alleged that sounds editorial. How do I know that he's attractive? Well, they have a picture of him right here. All right, let me get a gander. He's a square jawed He's all right. The very henry cavill looking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He's got the cavill look So I think it's I think it's pretty much established. Okay. Do you have even like a tenth of the henry cavill look? You're you're in the attractive uh conversation. He is superman

Uh, so he says the suit alleges that the uh, rebecca and that rebecca and jerry fallwell met gian carlo granda While on vacation in miami. Wow ariana granda's brothers sick The then 21 year old granda was a pool attendant at the luxury hotel They were staying shortly after meeting the evangelical leader indicated that he wanted to help granda Establish a new career and build a business. Uh, but he was reported earlier this year. So they bought him a youth hostel Again, just very normal thing. That's what you do. This is just like they're climbing the normal ladder One vacation with the wife. There's an attractive pool boy. Let's try to help him. That's one rung second rung Let's buy him a let's help him start a new career running a youth hostel

No, that's standard tipping procedure. Well, who boy gets a youth hostel? Uh multiple affidavits filed with the lawsuit quote real estate agents who said he was looking to purchase a business in order to provide a Order in order to provide a source of income to gian carlo granda The business they found was a hostel granda rebecca fallwell and the fallwell son terry formed a company together Jerry fallwell jr loaned the company a down payment for 4.65 million dollar property as seed money How good was he at cleaning that pool? That pool must have been fucking spotless those filters. You must have been able to eat out of them. Yeah The lawsuit was filed the lawsuit was filed by these towels in Miami

The lawsuit was filed by two men who say they conceived of the idea But were cut out of the business a representative for fallwell told buzzfeed that the pool boy was quote offered a share in the Business because they needed a local partner and granda was to be the manager the two guys were pizza delivery, man And then michael cohen Turns up in this story as well. You always go with the best as being the guy who uh set up jerry fallwell jr's endorsement of donald trump Oh, yeah michael cohen who just pled guilty to multiple crimes has implicated the president and campaign fine grants crimes was instrumental in getting Fallwell to endorse trump the two men met multiple times during the campaign. What was michael cohen?

I have the most charismatic guy for you. I know I know it's just get the evangelicals on board in the primary but Cone was just spellbound after news of the lawsuit went viral on social media over the weekend Users speculated on what had spawned the curious relationship between the religious religious rate power couple and the attractive young pool boy Despite internet chatter the lawsuit does not allege that the fallwells had a sexual relationship. Okay Granda that takes care of that. All right. Well, maybe dust off your hands comically Maybe I was a little too giddy in reading this story, but like I mean look He's he won. He lays a guy who likes to help. Yeah, okay. He likes to help loves to lend a helping hand 6 million. Yeah, that's a lot

My god, dude, and I like that it's both of them though It's the it's fall behind his wife, which makes me think that we're talking polycule here. We're talking roger Allegedly, we're talking matt christman. Do not reflect the views joppo trappa We're talking an alleged polycule and that that makes them progressive and now I support them in all of their numbers They're raising polycule visibility. Hold on a second. Are we having a phone call? Do we have Jerry fallwell jr on the line right now? Yeah, I heard that uh, Alexandria across here

saying that uh You can't have a pool. Well, she's welcome. So try to drink the water out of it Uh, mr. Falwell done with my punch line without a straw Mr. Falwell, um, how would you describe your relationship with g in carlo granda? You know Did you just assume my gender is AR 15 $4.6 million is a lot of money to set up a guy you've been on vacation with uh to run a youth hostel

Don't you think? Well, maybe if bernie sanders got it. He'd buy 4.5 million dollars of motzes You uh, did you have fun on the vacation though with in miami? Oh, yeah, you uh, you know, uh, miami It's a it's a great city, but if uh, you know the nightlife if you know, uh, miss cortez or bernie sanders or elinomar one, you know, you'd be uh You wouldn't be able to see the nightlife because on account of there'd be no power Dude on account of venezuela Did you go to any phone parties while you were in miami? You know, uh, if there's a phone party if the democrats they'd say that you have to

Give an equal amount of foam to the person that showed up last Because it's equal they want to spread the foam around. Yeah, not just you know first come first serve Everyone gets less Jerry fall jr. Everybody. Thank you for thank you for calling in. Uh, yeah, if uh, you know, they want to They want to uh, tax my hamburger. They're welcome to come to my house and uh, try it All my all my all my sons they play with uh, g.i. jose Uh, what a charismatic man just like I felt like I was just gripped on his every word He speaks the word voice of the lord. He's got he's got the he's like dude. Jesse custer

He's got the power word of god like he talks you saw him in that room It wasn't that you know through a tragic Tragic chain of events don jr. Was the most charismatic person on that stage Oh dear god by jerry. Oh no, um by jj One last bit of news from florida Uh, what's up with this the the handjob lady and apparently being photographed with like every republican Including donald trump and matt in marrow lago. It seems like there's like a bobcraft Seems like there's like a trump handjob connection. Yeah to the chinese government going on down in farter the best

It's the most sexual act You because you can make a phone call while you do it trump is Getting handjobs from china. I and they are recording it. I think that's got to be it I think that this is like some sort of chinese intelligence op and they've got all these footage of all these rich americans getting squows You're just getting their custard blasted out But like yeah, like like robert craft like the guy's like got more money than god Yeah, like why is he getting just a rubbing tub flew down there to do it? I mean the cages just jack off yourself I mean, yeah, or get or if you're gonna go with with the with the if you're gonna buy sex

Like elliot spitzer has had no money compared to To craft and he was getting these five star, you know hookers for the empire club or whatever And he's flying out of florida to get like what some Woman to jack them off or it's just like the front of the store is like a it's like a travel agents And then you like go through a hole in the back like you crawl through the tunnel. It's incredibly suspicious the whole thing Yeah, really definitely. It doesn't do anything to not feed my pizza gate is real paranoia. That's for sure So it's like not even decadent though. This is just like that's why I think that's right But that's why I feel like there's gotta be something else going on that there has this has to mean something else

There's something else going on. This is only the surface of it So I don't even know what you could think of beyond the woman who they said she's a chinese national, right? Yeah, and just like I remember this was like a thing in like 2017 It was like just anyone could get a tomorrow logo if they just give them like a quarter of a million dollars Yeah, and he's just hanging out there. He's just hanging out there and like he's like here's what we're gonna do with korea Yeah So I mean so I get that but like I don't get

Yeah, there's a lot of missing pieces here What a fucking weird state like so Ohio and florida They're like two sides. They're like two sides of the same coin, but all this shit that happens in ohio is just stupid It's just fucking stupid And so is this shit that happens in florida But for some reason the stuff in florida has a global connotation to it when a man like Hits his fucking half brother with a lead pipe because he wanted his blu-ray player

You know the type of crime that happens in florida and ohio and the bible it's yeah, and the bible. Yeah, it's cane Uh in ohio, it's just you know the The farthest that geography goes is from like zenya to akron But in florida that same crime happens and it's like you've got the fucking salt in a brunay is involved The the fuck there's a representative of this fucking norwegian sovereign wealth fund was seen Behind the dvd player a week before there's just always fucking something it just bleeds into the rest of the world That may be the fucking epicenter of the reality bending crystal I honestly think it's disney world

Love disney world Every people from other countries love disney world and they all go there and they can't help it They need to see it and then they will they end up there and yeah, then they they end up in a in some sort of handjob related mishap or Or an argument over a used ski do or something No, the the epcot globe is where they keep the time cube and and uh and disney's head The severed head that's in the magic castle. That's in the magic kingdom. Yeah. Well, we know they move it around Oh, okay underground tunnels

A feature of virtually every good conspiracy theory. You need a good underground tunnel. That's how you move stuff around Obviously, you can't do it over ground jade helm. Yeah to get the mc martin preschool shit. Yeah the satanic panic but no I Something something else is happening with the handjob parlor and I don't know what it is if I'm going to deputize myself You've heard of q I'm r the next letter Shit x is there an x? I'm gonna be x. I'm gonna find out what's going on at the fucking handjob parlor I'm gonna show up with a fucking ar-15 parody

Uh, man, I got anything else. Hey guys game of thrones is coming back. We're all very excited. Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait I think I'm gonna finish. I'm gonna write the end of the books. You should actually I mean, he's never gonna fucking I mean good on him like dude. He's been like just like a Fucking just churning out writing his entire career dude. Just fucking relax dude. Yeah, enjoy yourself I'm excited for that fucking the age of hero show. Oh, yeah, that's the prequel They're gonna make a prequel brand the builder land the clever all the guys. Oh first man. It's kind of sus Dude, you're hanging out in the forest. You got the children in the forest Why do you need some first men to come over there? Well, you want some handles to invade next?

Uh, till next time guys. See you next time. Cheers Well, he's not in prison for that. He didn't warn Jeff didn't marry underage girls No, he's in he's in prison for facilitation of child whatever the hell that means that means He's in prison because he's weird and unpopular and he has a different lifestyle than other people find No, he's an accessory to the rape of children. That is a felony and a serious one at that What do you mean an accessory? He's like got some weird religious call where he thinks it's okay to you know, marry underage girls But he didn't do it. Why was it the guy who actually did it with sexual harassment?