Chapo Trap House - 314 - What, Us Worry? feat. James Adomian (5/12/19)

Episode Date: May 13, 2019

Our friend James Adomian makes a rare in-person appearance to discuss Mad Magazine, Ben Shapiro being owned by an ancient British Tory, Biden's polls, UFO's and Peggy Noonan's musings on division. Check out James' new podcast The Underculture here: https://foreverdogproductions.com/fdpn/podcasts/the-underculture/ And see the return of Trump vs. Bernie at The Creek and the Cave in Long Island City this Saturday, May 18: http://creeklic.com/events/trump-vs-bernie-live-debate/ Tickets still available for our shows in London and Manchester: www.chapotraphouse.com/tour

No. Yeah. Irish people are amazing at fights. Just don't touch their legs or they'll immediately fall over. What are you talking about? Those are the strongest parts from all the dancing. No. How come there? No Irish person has ever even come close to qualifying for the Olympics at wrestling. What about Conor McGregor? Yeah. He kicks people all the time. Yeah. He got fucking brutally demolished by a Dagestani who knew how to wrestle.

What about India? India has a sick double leg actually. And yeah. And yeah. In that castle, she's got some fucking like rune strength and she went to a draw with Jordan Burroughs. It was actually sick. I don't know how like a 45 year old Irish woman wrestled like a college junior in America, but she did. As long as you do it inside a fairy ring, you get the power. I really feel like people have been gaslighting me recently by insisting that they like India. And he's sick.

Dude, I like him. It slaps. Consider yourself gaslit. Yeah. Ocarina flow. Oh my God. What music do you like, man? India slaps.

You people are just, you people just exist to fucking torment me and lie in order to upset me. You have to tell us what music you like. It's fine. I don't, I just, all those pure moods, all those pure moods from the early 90s. You got here. Here's the playlist. You got some India on there. You've got the Vangelis theme from chariots of fire and 1492 conquest of paradise going dummy hard, getting you in that mood, that that's that mood to kill yourself and the

mood to open up the Marianne mindset to see the orbs. Oh shit. If I have to listen to any of them, see the orbs that I guess I'm not seeing the orbs. It's not happening. You're just afraid of your third eye. I might be. But okay. What music do you like? I've always wondered this. You know, like camp town races, that slaps Stephen Foster, Stephen Foster rips problematic

though. Matt, he's a problematic man. Matt is literally the Andrew tweet where he's telling a girl like, yeah, I'm getting to older stuff like very jocke. So fellas, let's real talk now, um, day five of the sex strike. I am committed to this. I have not crossed the picket line. You know, I'm holding strong. I hope all of you guys are. But all the size of regulation of medicine.

Okay. The sex strike, we've committed to it, but here's the problem. The modern day Pinkerton agency that is Snapchat in the middle of the sex strike, they broke out the filter that makes your homie look like a beautiful lady. And they're really, they're really pushing me. Yeah. I'm going to, I might have this gap. It's getting real hard out here looking at. There's some, there's some dimes looking at all your favorite Twitter, Twitter homies is just like it's like when Bugs Bunny dressed up as a lady, yeah, I entered stage today

with a engorged, overlarge, phallus dragging on, on the, on the boards of the stage like a Aristophanes character from Lysistrata and a bit and a mask that was like comically horny thing. Well, being a gay, I was like, bring it on sex strikes, automatic scab. But if anyone is getting too sprung off their hot homies, just if you want to cool off, look at a picture of me, gender swap, because I look like grown up honey boo boo. I've done it several times with different apps. I never look good. I always look terrible. I just look awful. I look like Megan McCain. If she wasn't rich, I like mine looks like a sexy gizano. Yes. No, you know Felix. Felix has some of the best gender swap pictures. I would

I would have been such a hot woman. My pussy would have fucking stank, but I would have been a hot woman because you were yeah. My pussy would have been like like in a cartoon when a poor person opens his wallet. That's what my pussy would have been like as a woman. It's open up. Just popping my pussy. No, just basic hygiene and his inability or unwillingness to carry that. No, I like good hygiene as a man, but it's like there's a lot of shit you have to do with the vagina from what I understand. Yes. My pussy would be like when in the cartoon, the smell of a pie, the shoe up off the ground and pulls you Donald Duck usually by the nose towards the window. So I think I think if I was a woman, I would

be one of the women from the Barstool podcast where they're like, we like to get drunk. Like the one the guy posted the clips of you'd be like a bourbon bitch. Yeah, I would be a bourbon bitch and cool. Yeah. And I'd get like tons of horny replies, but then the rumor mill would start that, yeah, you got flies in my cooter. That would be my undoing. As a man, if flies come out of your, your ethro of your dick, like, you know, it's just like rugged. It's like Brad Pitt rolling out of bed. Yeah, I got bed bugs in my pubes. Take life chill. Take myself too seriously. I'm not one of those metrosexuals who doesn't have lice in his taint. Well, I mean, I want to talk about the sex strike, but you know,

we're helping you out on the sex strike by Felix talking about his bug ridden genitals. Felix has been taking the sex straight really hard, but you know, it's unfortunately it's landed in the part of the year in his like hibernation cycle. He's not in Ponfar yet. So he's holding strong probably the most out of all of us. I feel like this is my breeding practices are like criticize a lot. Let me explain something to you. If you buy more than four gaming mouses, like a two month period, you can't have sex with anyone. You can't even fucking come close. Why? Cause the experience that you're having with the gaming mouses or make sex, people can smell it on you. You're like, Oh, this guy has gone through four different

logitech gaming mouses and has compared, has compared the weight of it when he tries to hit an arm like a, you know, arm aim flick. If only there was aim trainer for the human heart, which there is aim trainer for sex. I'm always missing that thing. I am landing in the belly button all the time. It is embarrassing. Chat is going crazy. You're calling me a bot at sex. It sucks. You need, um, you need like tracer bullets, dude. I'm going back to fucking on console. At least I'd aim assist. Fuck. I'm always just like, I'm always just hitting, you know, like the sort of armpit of the knee. I don't even know how I got down there. So a listen, a lot of sex strike continues. We will update you as it goes. You know, again,

please stay strong. Don't scab. Don't strike break. Yeah, especially if you're a beautiful lady or one of my Twitter homies who's also a beautiful lady with the aid of Snapchat. Gotta say Virgil's Virgil's is like pretty hot actually. Yeah. No, Virgil's is hot. Looks like a fake gamer girl though. Oh, he's got bangs. So many Twitch followers. Yeah. Virgil is like, I would give him like a hundred dollar don't know and be like, you don't have a husband, right? He's walking by out of frame. Lady Virgil would would would stream like duck hunt or something to half a million horny losers. The Lady Virgil. Her honor has been dismissed. Girl Branson is like, that's just a catastrophe. The app won't even erase

this beard. That's how powerfully masculine it is. Well, let's let's kick off the show after the sex strike update. I'm very pleased to say that we've got James Adomian, but sitting in for the first time in a while. We this is the first time we've seen you in the flesh. So usually, you know, you're you're you're coming to us via, you know, a phone line on tour in my steampunked, manageable around North America. North America is what you say to sound cool. Like you also go to it means you just go to Toronto. So James is you're in the city for a little bit and you're kind enough to drop by the trap. Great to see you. What day is this? I'm curious. It's Mother's Day. Oh, we're

on. This is Mother's Day. It's Mother's Day. Yeah. I don't know if I didn't know if you bent time. Well, we'll try back timers. That's some science fiction movie back timers. They're the creatures that move backwards through our time. The Langoliers. They just go through history just spoiling movies. We had a phone call in like 2012, and it's like Iron Man dies. The movie back timers spoils itself. No bullshit though, Matt, you showed me this thing. We saw like there was some huge comment on our Reddit complaining about spoiling the end game. Yeah. They said it was fascist to spoil end game. They said it was like doing this, just putting spoilers out there like you're just revelant, you know, you're doing

it to be cruel. It's cruelty for its own sake. You might as well be an ice agent rounding up undocumented people. And they said that, yes, movie spoilers are fashion. And you know, it's easy to scoff at that, but you may not know that, you know, in the 1930s, one of the things that the brown shirts did was go around telling people how M ended. No, I mean, I can't think of any worst thing you can do to a person and tell them, you know, faggots, like, yeah, I eat somebody into the optimum, optimum gauntlet or whatever. That would fucking suck. I'd probably kill myself.

Right. So, um, spoilers are fashion, but, um, here's no spoiler. Optimus Prime dies. Did you see the thing where Donald Trump just scored an excellent dunk on Pete Buttigieg by comparing him to classic Mad Magazine figurehead Alfred E. Newman. And then Buttigieg's responded by being like, I guess that's a generational thing. I had to Google that. And I got to say, Buttigieg is not that much older than I got a subscription to Mad Magazine when I was a kid. Everybody knows Mad Magazine. Shut the fuck up, you fucking nerd. I was not a snappy answer to a stupid question.

I can't wait for the general between those two. It's going to be explosive. It's going to be so, oh my God, they're just going to be going off on each other. It's gonna look like spy versus spy. Donald Trump is going to be like, uh, mayor Pete should be in he haw and mayor Pete will just be like, the only thing I'm he hawing at is your disregard for the constitution. Oh, just going off on each other. Fucking awesome. I can't why. Why isn't it here during this trying time? We really could use he haw. Yeah. He was the first mad TV. That's true. Like kind of.

I know what Alfred E. Newman is. Obviously, even though I did not have a subscription about it, I had a subscription to crack. I was more of an old scene sir. I was always more of a Sylvester P. Smith a guy than an Alfred E. Newman guy. I love the idea of the guy who's like, yeah, I'm really into punk zines. Mad crack. I don't know. There's just something I think cracked. I don't know. It just feel mad felt a little too establishment for me when I was a kid. I wanted and it's like cracked. It's like it felt more punk cracked would make fun of her and in Stempey. They would go there. Exactly. Yeah. People were laughing about how Buttigieg didn't know who Alfred E. Newman was. I also think it's

funny that Donald Trump had that in his role. Yeah, that's true because that would require reading. He's been paying attention to comedy magazines. Well, no, no, he obviously he doesn't read mag magazine, but we know Trump is always been very in tune with the media. He has a lot of PR people working from over time. Like he'd have PR people contact page six and be like, this just in our wags say that Donald Trump's penis is large and he's very good at sex. And then he must have had angry calls to man. He had his PR people like contacting mad magazines to just be like your parody of Donald E. Blump. Blumpkin. You must retract or you know, that's true because there are records of them making fun of him back in

the nineties and eighties and stuff. So I'm sure that he was very aware. He like circled it with his big magic marker. That's unfair. The white spies are losers. He's a dirty cop. The white spy is friends with Bruce or everybody knows. Everybody knows the white spy. He's terribly in debt. The failing mad magazine. I mean, the one thing that no one has ever talked about is that, and I wish someone would ask him is that he one million percent thinks that Alfred E. Newman is a real person. Like he is the publisher of math. He's like the Graydon Carter of math. Alfred E. Newman hugging and kissing outside Waverly Inn. Alfred E. Newman's Oscar party. Not hot anymore. Pack it in. I've heard that Alfred E. Newman's

cream pie restaurants. Not longer funny. Notorious. I've talked to Alfred E. Newman. Got into it with Christopher Hitchens. I've talked to some of the people who are asking some of the supposedly stupid questions. Those are completely fabricated. They're false. They made them up to make themselves look good. Alfred's a really nasty, insecure guy who has to make up conversations to make himself look good because no one wants to come to his awful party at the stupid bowl. It's called the stupid bowl, Alfred. Learn how to spell. His adult teeth haven't come in. He's older than I am and his teeth haven't come in. I think I'm about a month away from retweeting all the Graydon Carter tweets again.

Those are the best tweets ever written. They're so good. I did like the Buttigieg Brigade. I did have some choice reactions to Donald Trump calling him Alfred E. Newman. And they were like, some people read Mad Magazine as a kid. Others learned six languages and read Finnegan's Wake. And it's like, once again, has anyone learned how to get over on Trump? No. No. Obviously not. So Buttigieg. Yeah. What if Trump was like that? Finnegan's Wake was the only book he ever read, but he was just like the world's greatest expert at it. Out of nowhere. Yeah. Just he's just like the only guy who knows it.

Yeah. James, what do you make of the Buttigieg Magnus? Is he going? Is he going anywhere? Um, he's, he's got some pull in the gaze. He's got some pull in the, in the gay scene. Yeah. Yeah. In the GC. Yeah. If you want to look, if you want to get laid in, in today's America, you better have a neutral to positive position on Pete Buttigieg. I mean, I mean, there's an incentive. People want to see him be the third gay president. James Buchanan and probably Lincoln, but definitely back to back. Yeah. Whoa. Something happened in the mid 1800s. Matt, I'm sorry. Fourth gay president. I think you're forgetting Barack Obama. Barack Obama. I actually don't believe we've ever had a straight president.

So like on Grindr, you have to have like, you know, Buttigieg neutral. Buttigieg neutral to kick out of good. Uh, that, that actually, yeah. In addition to top bottom versatile, the next thing is going to be where you stand on Buttigieg. First of all, I'm a Buttigieg switch. I'm a Buttigieg bottom boy. Um, yeah. Great. Buttigieg is fantastic. I mean, it's I'm like, I'm like technically happy that you can be a gay or for president, but I had had like a, you know, you have like a hypothetical that you're ready for an argument that you never use in your head. I had one for years that was like, well, if a gay ran for president, I wouldn't automatically support him because he was gay. And now it's happening. You've

proven yourself right. I never had to use it because that argument never happened, but then it now this is happening. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm not supporting this gay just because he's gay. It's happening. Thanks for bringing it there. I'm glad that the back timers have engineered this. Uh, the other thing that happened this week, we didn't get a chest talk about was, um, Ben Shapiro destroyed by BBC. Why don't you just say that you're on the left? Is this so hard for you? Why can't you just be honest? This is a serious question. If you only knew how ridiculous that statement is, you wouldn't have said it. I just asked you a question. Yeah. He got his back wall

blown out there. Who is that Ben Shapiro? No, I know Ben Shapiro. Who's that one BBC guy? His name is Andrew Neil. Well, that's the thing is he's a 3000 year old Tory. Yeah. He's the turtle from Neverending Story. It's like, you can't get that. It's over 10,000 miles away. No, he's like, uh, yeah, he's like one of these, uh, you know, British TV interviewing fossils that, um, yeah, no, he, uh, he, he destroyed Ben Shapiro just basically by asking him questions. But the thing is everyone assumed that it was like Ben Shapiro pawned by reality, but like Andrew Neil is like, thinks that being gay is a disease and that like global warming is made up along with vaccines. Like he's just like a weird

ancient Tory lunatic. Which just goes to show how share how much of a precious little boy Ben is. Well, the thing is like, it's just the conventions of like British TV news interviews are completely different than American, which is like in America, they always want to get you booked back and they never ask a follow up question where it was like in the BBC, like they take pride in, you know, uh, you know, making you uncomfortable or just sticking the knife in. I've got nothing but time to, uh, open up this textually printed copy of your tweet. Yeah. The best thing is like Andrew Neil, like in the UK is just like psychotic, far right lunatic, but like people who, who people who watch it with no context

were like, Oh, this epic liberal just pwned Ben Shapiro, but the way I know America is just an exceptionally right wing country. But that's, that's the thing that's Ben started that because his, when he started getting pushed back, his only move was, ah, you're actually a liberal and this is actually a biased interview because that is the strategy is that you prevent getting any kind of critical pushback in an interview by working the refs by establishing a thing where you say any kind of hostility is proof of your bias. And since every American journalist is terrified of being called biased in any way that keeps them from doing anything that'll make, that'll

make it hard for him to respond. What's so funny about that is that like this Ben Shapiro is like Mr. Too Damn Debate. And like, isn't the entire like convention of a debate is that your opponent is biased against your point of view? Yes. Or that is, will argue against it. But he only wants to debate as we've discussed many times, weeping college students. Those are the only people who wants to debate. No one else who has ever offered to debate him has ever been taken up on it. Other than like dog and pony shows at like Politicon, where

it's like just a bunch of media hacks. Otherwise, it's like, if you don't have purple hair and you're not already crying when you're talking to him, he doesn't want to debate. Ben Shapiro will get thrown off if somebody isn't actively shivering around. Yeah. The way to defeat Ben Shapiro is to slow down his voice track to normal one time speed. He's usually played at 1.5 X. And if you just dial him down, if you chop a click, if you chop and screw Shapiro, his points become instantly assailable. It's like, he's like the chipmunks. If you slow it down, you can slow it down and hear how they accomplished Ben Shapiro.

Yeah. No, he should cut a Christmas album too. Alvin, Simon, Shapino. Actually, your argument is false. It's absolutely insane that a chipmunk wouldn't wear pants or a coat, but he's gonna wear a turtleneck. Unusually bulky. You're gonna tell me he's gonna wear it to bed? He's gonna wear it to bed like a night shirt. Okay. Well, that's an entire separate article of clothing that could stand alone. Yeah. He doesn't even have underwear around. He can't even wear basketball shorts. Are you gonna tell me because his legs are short? There are plenty of people short legs wear pants.

We can hardly stand the weight. Please, Christmas, don't be late. The other funny thing that came out of that was, as you do, you make fun of Ben Shapiro's stupid squeaky voice and his height. But the backlash to the backlash are people saying that please, let's make fun of Ben Shapiro because you do it based on something other than his height, stupid voice, or general physical appearance. It's just like, if you can't make fun of someone based on how they look and sound, then what really can you do? What are we doing here? What are we doing here, people? Let's just pack it in. It's like, you know, being short, it's like, you know,

it's like he was born with dwarfism or something. That's not a disability or anything. Oh, he's just a wee guy. A little guy. I mean, the shortness wouldn't really matter if he didn't have just such a hall monitor energy. Well, he has short guy energy. That's the thing. There are short guys that pull it off, you know, like Tom Cruise. Exactly. He's like a five star pimp. That's the energy of an intergalactic dictator. Yeah. He's got big Z new energy, big Z new energy. I mean, as a, you know, look, I think, obviously can't speak for everyone, but, you know, I'm only six one, you know, obviously people under six three should be murdered. Wow.

I decided like kind of subduing Napoleon. Yeah. I've significantly blow average height myself is six one. I think it's okay. I mean, I'm just like a hair under six feet and 26 years old as well. And yeah, as all of us as men below average height for a man is six four. And if you're below that, it's probably okay if someone kills you by accident, not on purpose, but by accident. And we say it's okay. So there you go. You please make fun of Ben Shapiro all you want, but can you please do it in dry academic language in a peer review journal that's probably vetted by academic sources? No, I mean, the only good way to make fun of somebody is like a compound swearer that would

have like just been even unfunny and like fucking redditor game facts in 2005, but sort of make it woke. So you're not making fun of anyone's appearance or anything else. Yeah. Call him a fuck button. That will own him. Everyone loves that are so cool. Oh my God, they're fucking sick. It's like, wait, all right. He's gonna call him a fuck. Oh, wait. No, there's a waffle in there. Where is this guy going? Whoa. Oh my God. I'm glad I brought my seat belts to this rift. Rift. Fuck. Shit. Cut that. You brought a seat belt to a rift fight. You should make a seat belt to a rift if you're going to fall into it or something. What the fuck? Did he say to me little shit? You go through the rift and then that's when you encounter Enya. Yeah. That's what

lays beyond. Speaking of another B-boy who's in the news, I just want to talk about Joe Biden again because I got to say, we've been talking about him for a while now. He's in the race and it's hard to know what to make of this because you're looking at the polls now and it looks like Biden is just romping. He's killing it. Joe Biden? He's up like 45 to 15 against Bernie in South Carolina. He's up by like 15 or 20 in New Hampshire. What are we to make of this? Because on the one level, it's a long way to go before any votes are cast. You could point to similarly, Matt, you were saying like Jeb. Jeb was leading at this point. He was leading in similar big, big lead. But at the same time, it's very easy for me to imagine just Joe Biden just sailing to the

Democratic nominee. When you look at the Democratic primary voter base of people who are just always, if they have an incumbent Republican in a five alarm terror and are like, oh my God, what can we do? What can we do? What can we do? And all they think is, well, it's not what I want. It's what does the dumbest person I know want? And then they figure, well, probably Joe Biden. If you don't read the news, you're about 50. I'm the guy that you'll fall in line for second place. I like, I mean, I've, from the get go, even before he announced that I think he's going to win the nomination, but to be fair here, like the polls that they're doing are fucked up. Like they're literally just people who are like registered Democrats or on their deathbed. Like

the last thing they ever hear is like a res music guy being like, who are you going to vote for? So like, I mean, one of them literally didn't ask someone, what was the age like below? Like, yeah, there was no one under 50. Yeah. Landline calls. Two different polls had no one under 50. Yeah. I still think that's not a real poll. We got to uncuck these polls again. And like, got to uncuck the polls, you know, don't want to psych you out, you know, like Bernie still got a good shot at it. But again, Biden is probably going to, he's going to have to be dealt with at some point and do not take that. And you guys, you heard it here first. Will is going to fuck Joe Biden. I'll do it. I'll Hunter Kelly. Look, I tell you, I tell you, Will, if you have

that feminine face swap thing on, I might just come up behind you and give you a good sniff and say whisper in my ear. You're interested in donating $150,000. Totally legal. I tell you what, if then you come into my office and say, Joe, I need a favor from you. It's human nature. I'm going to go for your shoulders. I'm going to whisper something right in your ear. I'm sort of keep the show fresh in the coming months. I've decided that I will be supporting Joe Biden. That's good. Yeah. I have several contrarian takes in support of him. Do you guys want to hear him? Yeah, but great. What's the contrarian corner pro Joe Biden? All right. So the touching stuff. All right. That's indigenous Irish dealing practices. That's literally like he's a fucking

a Irish Tio. That's how Irish people get an infection. I can come up and lick it. Exactly. And I lick like I'm licking an ice cream. It's got a pupil. Oh, soft serve. Yeah. And it's like, Oh, you're supporting like fucking, you know, Tulsi or like Mike Revelle or Bernie because you want like a less interventionist foreign policy. Joe Biden's like scumbag son is literally doing millions of dollars of deals with China. So we will never confront them. And so it's actually the most anti interventionist candidate. Whoa. He's the most dovish candidate because if his son doing deals, yeah, contrarian corners winning me over on this. Yeah. We just need a hundred to diversify. He needs to get a company in Iran. Yeah. Exactly. This is Venezuela.

He needs to, he needs, we need to have him have vested interests of a diversified portfolio in countries that are currently on the State Department hit list. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. What's his name? Hunter? Hunter Biden. Yeah. Sounds like a scary lawyer. Yeah, because he's a deal hunter. The greatest deal he made was swooping on his dead brother's widow. And he left his own wife for her. He's such a pimp. Wait, wait, wait. He was already married? Yeah. He's a God. He divorced his wife to marry his brother's widow. Yeah. Does he take the Bible that seriously? I don't know if they're married. They're dating or something? I think they're in a relationship and I think they broke up now. Just, but I, a lot of people speculate it's just

to keep it out of the spotlight that he, that he's with his brother's widow. Like it's the fucking middle ages. Oh yeah. Everyone likes the best prestige TV show of all time, the Borgias. Well, now it's real. Now it's real. The fictional characters of the Borgias are now real and they're the Bidens. As soon as I get in the White House, I'll be posing for a giant painting every two weeks wearing a floppy Italian hat, a couple of shoulder robes. I don't want you to get shoulder robes just to let you know I'm coming for those shoulders, coming on those shoulders. But like, you know, when we're talking about a Bidens, you know, perceived popularity, whether it's a, you know, not as strong as it would, the, the, the cocked polls would make it, make it appear.

You sort of get into this, this, this commentary that's like not entirely wrong, that states that like, you know, Twitter, either on like the liberal side or like the left socialist side is basically kind of like an argument among a very small group of like politically engaged elites. And that like, well, the actual Democratic voters like don't know or care about any of this shit. And they, you know, they love Joe Biden or whatever, which I'm sure is true to a certain extent. But like people, the next step that people take is like, oh, well, actually, like people don't really want a more left wing turn of the Democratic party or they, or they're really, I said on our last show, there is no such thing as the center in American politics.

And the thing is like, it's true, they do like Biden and they're not like all the things that you and I would regard as like, you know, huge red flags or like would torpedo him because of all of his noxious political beliefs. The thing is, if Joe Biden were running on Bernie Sanders agenda, he would be exact same as pop, he'd be exactly as popular with the Democratic base and voters. Like the policies kind of, yeah, that's the twist. That's the double side of that argument that, oh, they don't actually want, you know, that they're not that engaged with this stuff. It also means that they don't have some sort of inherent bias against it. They are, they are, they like a guy who reminds them of the Obama years and they want to go back to that. And it's

like, hey, he's the Obama. And the other big thing is like I was saying, the fucking elect, electability deal, which is of course just amazing that people still talk about with Donald fucking Trump being president, but the last people in America who are going to still buy the electability is like a thing you can even get, come close to determining with any, any kind of ad accuracy are going to be Democratic primary voters. The electability thing is so outrageous that I'm just completely numb to it now. Yeah. Cause the other thing is you can't argue against it. Cause like I said, it's, there is no basis to it. It's all just a gut feeling. It's just like, my gut says that, that the American people are, you know, a dumber than me. Cause that's always

the assumption of electoral people thinking people thinking electorally is well, I might want X, Y, or Z, but what about someone, the dumbest person I know, what do they want? And so that's dumber than me. They're more cautious than me. They're more reactionary than I am because it's a well known fact that everybody from Democrats to Republicans thinks that the American people are more right wing than they are even across the board. And so they think, well, what's something that'll be safe. And it's like, Hey, former vice president, the popular presidential administration who doesn't rock the boat. Why not him? But yeah, like if Biden was, came out strongly to support Medicare for all, he'd probably be more popular. You know, like it's like the, it's like the

policy, I don't know about that because the thing is, is that it all, it all depends on where it does his polling position come from. And if it has nothing to do with issues, if it is just name recognition and this idea of electability, then his policy position are beside the point. Or would you agree that it certainly wouldn't hurt him, right? The same people would support him as they do now. Presumably, yes. It wouldn't hurt him, but I don't think it would necessarily help. Okay. Well, we ran the numbers. We'd lose $80,000 an hour in our donations. Well, Biden was asked about this the other day and his answer for why he doesn't support Medicare for all is because it will let employers off the hook for paying for healthcare. Yeah. And he's

like, why, why let them off the hook? It's very smart. He's like, all right, I got to appear like I'm not just in the pocket of, of insurance companies and the medical lobby. So what is a populist sounding way I could oppose Medicare for all? Well, don't you love sticking it to your boss by having him pay for a portion of your healthcare? And which means you're basically a surf to him and you can't leave the job without losing the healthcare. And also he can switch the healthcare every year at his whim for a cheaper plan that covers less. Wasn't that like a thing when they're like, uh, during the like introduction of the ACA, they're like, Oh, we're not punishing employers. And now like the only way they can clutch on. Yeah. We're spanking hate employers, right?

We're spanking their bottoms till they're bright ruby red. Yeah. And it just, it does show how old he is because he just, he couldn't think fast enough. It was just muddled in that clip. What do you say to calls for some sort of universal healthcare or something like Medicare for all from some of the other people running? Well, I think they're, they're well intended. I think they mean it. And it's not, I'm not, but here's the deal. Right now you have 60, you have this overwhelming number of employers who are paying in a healthcare plan. Why let them off the hook? All of a sudden they don't have to pay anything. What happens then to this whole thing about profit and the rest? I mean, it should be part of the compensation

if you have it. Like that's what he thinks people will rally again. Like that's what he calls companies or small businesses or any business, just employers. Like, I guess that's technically correct, but it sounds like he started writing his answer in German and then translated it through halfway. And he also said this week that we need to find the middle ground on climate change. Yeah. Which is even more terrifying than the employers thing. Because the middle ground, only the middle of the country will be left. Finally. Middle ground, middle ground. We're not going to lose all of Florida. We'll get rid of Miami and South Florida. Everglades down there. We'll still have Tampa. No, I mean, this is so good about the Everglades. It's just a

bunch of alligators and shit. Like that's a swamp. It'll be more of a swamp. They can figure it out. How about another thing? I mean, Orlando already the happiest place on it. How much happier if it was on the water? If you had beachfront property, right? Waterfront Orlando to Tampa. I would love to see Florida guys like they don't have cars anymore and they're just fighting over like who stole their manatee that they ride to work. Jerry, Jerry, dunk took my fucking dolphin and three payments left. Fucking pussy, dude. I'm going to beat your ass. It's just like Aquaman, but everyone is wearing a wife beater. That's Aquaman. That's the new aqua. That's literally just how we make my mom Aquaman real. Well, no. Yeah, exactly. But

he was the only one in the wife beater. I'm saying that's true. They were all wearing suits. They were all wearing their dumb underwater man outfit. What if Florida people could just like they could walk underwater and breathe underwater and speed. Like no one ever knew and it just sinks and they just create like. Atlanta is real, but it is Florida. Just like fucking Miami and Tampa. And they're like, yeah, we've always been able to do this. We just never wanted to get up early. It sucks. I'm just imagining. I'm almost positive at some point in his life. Trump has wanted to call manatees because they got in the way of a golf course or some marina that he was invested in there. Yeah. Like, do you think it's like the tact he took with windmills?

He's mad that they kill like other species of fish or something. No, he he he's he created a boat that's basically like a like a underwater lawnmower that just goes over manatees habitats and just showered them up. Yeah. Powered by killing manatees. So that's green. That's green energy. I got I do got to say like the Biden middle ground for we do kind of got to get rid of New York and California. Like honestly, like we've had our time with this experiment and it's really not working out. And this would turn Ohio into the New New York, which give him a shot. They've earned it. How many presidents have come from Ohio a lot with Planet Express and Bender and all those characters? Yeah. No, look, it's time. It's done California dog shit Seattle. They're not

they don't make good planes anymore. Portland. Are you honestly going to miss that New England? Nope. Get rid of it. It's crap. I can't wait till Columbus is in New York and then you get to live there and complain about everybody being a SSRI-addicted media person. Well, you know, it's just going to change. Well, no, it's going to be a panna. Then the Ohio guys will just become the new media class. Yeah. New by me. New by me. My personal experience seeing the adventures on my couch. This is a first person. There's cat person, but it's just about two friends constantly stealing headphones from each other. Beats person. The Biden middle ground electability strategy is like interestingly depressing because he could win. I could see it. It's like a coin flip.

I could see it. I could see him barely winning or barely losing to Donald Trump. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The electability thing could totally backfire because it's not a good strategy is for his marketing. It's concerned. Well, that's also it could work. And then we're just kind of like like children of men in forward. Yeah. It's like, oh, maybe it's not the name. We don't all light on fire, but it's just a slow thud. You just wake up one day and you find out that baby Diego died and you're like, fuck, I can't go to work. Pull my finger. I know. It's yeah. No, Biden will get he'll get impeached within two years after like some terror attack or something. And then we'll get Tom Cotton or something in there. And then then we won't have to worry

about elections anymore. And I say, thank fucking God. Yeah. I wonder if Biden or any Democrat becomes president, if Republicans will be like, we shouldn't use impeachment as just like a political achieve political tool. If it even is somewhat implied that they've, you know, I don't know, ignored a subpoena or obstructed justice or something like that. Yeah. They probably won't. Yeah. Biden is going to get impeached within a month because he like kissed Chinzo Abe on the forehead embarrassed America. In the future, impeachment will just be a formal process that is automatically begun as soon as the results are certified. Just to keep everyone honest. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I, yeah, it's not going to be Tom Cotton. It will just like every

other year. Donald Trump will be president. And I love that idea. That sounds good to me. It kind of has to be, doesn't it? Cause I just, I try to close my eyes and imagine a president, a Republican presidency that is not Trump. And like, how are they going to get hard for it? How are the Republican voters going to get hard for a regular politician ever again? A guy who speaks in measured tones and uses, uh, and uses after a war, uh, measured tones, but just like uses, uh, euphemisms and stuff. And like doesn't just directly say, we're going to go bang, bang, bang, boom. Right. Somebody who's like, we represent a future that is shining. Exactly. Like, how are you going to get hard for that after, after fucking Trump?

Yeah. All those Republicans are too pussy to say how they really feel about Anna Wintour, not Trump. But no, I mean, it is, it is true though. Like Tom Cotton will literally do anything to anybody to get there, but he doesn't like, doesn't like sell it as well as nobody, but he's done a duel yet in the Capitol. Nobody has ever sold it like Trump. He did do a duel, but it was with him. An Iraqi teenager who wasn't aware it was a duel. He took 10 paces and fired. It's called a surprise duel. It's legitimate competition. Uh, the Iraqi, he did have a second, but it was his parents. I mean, honestly, Tom, Tom Cotton, Tom Cotton, like probably really didn't do anything overseas. He's just sort of like stood around and they made him give him metal. Him and Mayor

Pete had like the same deployment, but Mayor Pete was like, I am not going to petition for a medal. That would be dishonest. Uh, yeah, you're right. It won't be Tom. Tom Cotton did like the coolest way to steal valor, which is the way Lyndon Johnson did it, which is just like writing a letter to a general and being like, yeah, actually this isn't written down anywhere and no one remembers it, but I did some more hero shit. Give me a medal, please. Wait, what did Lyndon Johnson do? He like, he like lied about his heroics on unlike. Where was he deployed in World War Two Pacific? Well, he wasn't. He didn't. He never, he didn't join the military. He didn't leave the, he stayed in Congress unlike Nixon or anything. He tried to kill JFK in the Pacific. He said that he said

he tried to attack the PT boat. That was also Lyndon Johnson. He was at a special mission for the OSS. I'm going to look this up. No, he went to, he went to the Pacific on like an inspection tour and he got a seat on a reconnaissance flight and he just sat in the, he just sat in shotgun on a reconnaissance flight. But then afterwards he petitioned for a medal on the ground that they took fire and that he heroically like, you know, yeah, that heroically sat there. Well, which was all made up, but he did get it. He got the, he got the, you know, yeah. And that's like, got the medal. That's the cool way to do it. That is the cool. And Mayor Pete, not courageous enough to do it, not courageous enough to lie. Can I say that it's, everyone knows Mayor Pete

isn't really running for, there's 25 candidates. There's, I'm curious how many of them are really running for president because the vast majority of them are running for vice president or less. Yeah. Maybe some of them are just running for a book like New York Times. Bill de Blasio. What is he right? Like he, dude, he's running to be like assistant under secretary for education. He's running for president to get reelected as mayor of New York. One thing is he can't because yeah, because he's term limited now and they got rid of the exemption for Bloomberg. So if he wants for president, maybe there'll be momentum to reverse it. I guess I love him here from everything I've read about the Blasio. He actually is the only one in America

who thinks he's running for president because everyone in his life has sat him down and said, you are an insane person. Do not do this. And they did it anyway. And so I think he really thinks he's going to win. Everyone else though, I'd say 20 out of these candidates now are, yeah, book deal, some post in the administration, be a, be a TV talking head, something like that. Beto thinks he can win, but would also be happy being vice president, but I don't think he'll get either way. Yeah. Beto is just like, it's basically like study abroad for him. Yeah. No, that's the thing. I don't even think Beto cares about winning anything. I just think he likes being in a room with people who like him. Yeah. Just sexy to be with like the Des Moines Democratic

Moms club or whatever. He just gets the energy. He feels the energy. He's a punk rocker. He feels the energy. We just got to like us. It's like, we are the ones that can just like, just plurally like we. He's so, he's so Gen X because it's going to, it's already just completely fizzling out. He probably won't make it till next year, but after he's like, that was an awesome experience. I learned so much. Gen Xers love completely just eating shit at something and being like, thank you for an awesome time. Yeah. Thank you for teaching me about myself. You don't need to vote for Beto or work under any circumstances. Just go see collective soul. They're on the road now this summer. Go see them and that should scratch that itch for you.

Yeah. Go to a county fair. I don't know. Like you can see them both. Maybe if you go to the right time, he's eating the corn dog and they're playing the John, John Hickenlooper. John Hickenlooper is even running for, he's running for, you know, like Emperor of the Underworld or something. Like this is just a stepping stone thing to get it. Hickenlooper is running to be the fucking captain of the fucking oil tanker from Waterworld. It's astounding that more third and fourth party people haven't announced because Trump should really have given the green light to everybody to try, which makes me amazed that why hasn't Jesse Ventura run? I think. Seriously, he's like the model for Trump before anyone, before Schwarzenegger or anything.

I'm taking my time. I've actually, I've become a common law citizen of Mexico because I've spent more than six months a year down here. So I've got to get the paperwork in order. I've got a League of Nations passport. I can't get it renewed unless I go to the Canary Islands. Look, I, look, I might run for president and you wouldn't even know about it. It'll be a camouflage campaign. Oh man, we got to start Ventura pack right now. Seriously? Well, why not him? He was a problem solver before any of this. Look, look, I, look, I disagree with the left on a few minor issues that I get really bellicose

about. But ultimately what you get out of it is a light rail train between St. Paul and Minneapolis. Ventura only managed to defeat Chris Kyle. Yes. He used to be in the reform party with Donald Trump. That's true. You know, what if only people who were in the reform party went from now on? Papu Cannon. It's Papu Cannon after Jesse Ventura. Ross Perot is still alive. Cynthia McKinney, right?

I think so. Fuck it. Yeah. Ross Perot is still alive? I believe so. Yeah, he is. Really? Really?

100%. Ross Perot is still alive. I play online chess with him. He plays by the book. He plays a very good predictable, his opening moves, middle game, end game. Think about like the Ventura White House would be so fucking cool. There'd be all this weird shit all over.

There'd be like a Mijong thing on the Resolute Desk. Yeah. I can't even imagine what kind of weird shit he's into. It's probably fucking sick. Well, I'll tell you exactly what we're going to put Turnbuckles up on all four quarters of the White House line. It'll be a giant ring where democracy, democracy, democracy, it's going to be, it's going to be a royal rumble. It would, dude, imagine the president is still going to court with Chris Cowell's widow.

So sick. I would be like, I'm serving. I'm serving papers and or being served every almost every moment of the day. Do you remember the part? You guys watch Jesse Ventura. It's weird. Yeah, we've talked about this. This is Jay.

This is our first episode with Jay. We've talked about that. Remember when he went to LaGuardia and he's like, let me see the 9-11 stuff. And they're like, no, he's like, I was a governor. They have to let him see it now. That's what he should run on. He should run on to the bottom of it. I'm running for president of 9-11.

He should run 20 years when I take office. Trust me. You want me to go all the doors open because he's still doing. He brings back conspiracy theory as president. He goes to LaGuardia again. He's like, I'm the president. They're like, no, what the fuck, dude? He goes to, he goes to area 51, knocks right on the front door.

I looked up the address area. It was somewhere between area 50 and area 53. I didn't Trump promise that he would let people know about UFOs and the kind of assassination or did I just imagine that? He dangled something about declassifying JFK documents, which they did, but they were going to do it anyway. And he just took credit for it. But hilariously, they kicked it down the road a little bit.

Yeah, well, they released some and then they kept some more. Apparently the CIA gets to go. We need six more months when they feel like it's like with Disney and the fucking copyright for Mickey Mouse. They just get down the road forever. Matt, you'll remember this. What is the, what is the date that Kevin Costner, Jim Garrison says at the end of JFK is like, I'm hoping my son eats his vegetables and stays strong.

I think it's in the 30s, 2030 or something like that. 30s. Yes. Okay. Fingers crossed. All right. Crossing off my suicide in 2023 off the calendar. I was going to say, I mean, this is a perfect time for Jesse to hop in the race because I think like a couple of weeks ago, first of all, I'm not going to hop in. But it'll be a jaunt.

It'll be a high jump. But like a couple of weeks ago, wasn't there like an actual news story about how Navy pilots have like gotten the government to start looking into UFOs because they just keep fucking seeing them? No, there's been a steady stream of very like shock stories that in any other era would be much more. I know like in the 90s, people would have been shitting their pants if the stuff that's been released just in the past couple of years.

At the height of the X-Riles, right? Yeah. It's like Navy pilots are like literally like we keep seeing UFOs that like, you know. And the New York Times has this video, these cock-fight videos of these little... Cock-fight videos. Cock-fight videos, yeah. They're fighting cocks. The Solesburgers have a cock-fighting ring.

That's why the F-33 keeps crashing. The F-35 keeps crashing because they keep fucking cock-fighting. Cock-fighting is not problematic if you give them little gloves. Or if you can teach them to play little avian characters and stick to their K-fabe. Imagine... Okay, so Halo, like the events of Halo take place, like there is a covenant, but the presidents we have during it are Donald Trump and Joe Biden. That's so fucked.

They're in charge of the Master Cheat of the Spartan Program. Spartan Program. They're negotiating with the Covenant. Like Donald Trump is going to talk to the Prophet of Mercy. He may actually get it done. He may prevent the human or the UNSC covenant war. If I get in there, it's going to be first person shooter immediately. The president of the United States first all.

No, this is... Biden is the only dove on the Covenant because his son has a deal in high charity. The Covenant Holy City of High Charity building the feeding tube system for the Grants. There are so many candidates running for president that should not be running. The news comes out every two weeks where you're like, why the fuck? Somebody's just like, I'm the... You can't even name an office now without it being like there already is one.

I'm the city councilman in Phoenix, Arizona. And then it's almost like a zombie movie where you think these characters are like, these are sane people. These aren't running for president. And then they get like bit and they're like, I'm running for president now. And a ton of them are people who could be in competitive Senate races against Republicans. And instead, that reduces the likelihood that those seats are going to flip, which means that this all is completely fucking academic

because the Senate will just prevent any Democratic president from accomplishing any of that. Real quick though, before we move on, I do want to touch on more of the Jesse Ventura like ex-files shit because, okay, Navy pilots keep seeing fucking UFOs. Again, in the nineties, this would have been a bigger story. Also, there's that like cigar shaped interstellar object that forms to like no known... And then there's another thing, I swear to God, where is another interstellar object like in our solar system that just like was recorded just changing directions.

Yes. Amagama, a big void album. Yeah. No, that's that's a different one. But yeah, that too. Just, it just, it wasn't, it looked like it could have been an orbit. And then it just... When was this?

Recently. But it's not the same as Amagama. I don't think so. I got to see what it, I remember how to pronounce it. And then there's the cock pit videos of these objects that they're following that just zip off the screen completely off of whatever trajectory they were on. And then they came out that Harry Reid had funneled millions of dollars to investigate this paranormal shit going on at this ranch in Utah, the Skinwalker Ranch,

that has been like a place where they, for the whole nineties, they were seeing a pun of insane UFO activity. And the classic Jesse Ventura line from the X-Files, even your own president, Jimmy Carter. Even your own president saw it. Why do you think, why do you think he was shocked into a malaise? If the malaise was a mayonnaise that was coated over this country from another planet? Yeah, UFOs, again, like it sucks because they're coming back in a major way, but no one gives a shit.

It was like UFO obsession and conspiracy theories. That was like such a nineties phenomenon of this kind of post-Cold War. Like we needed something to communicate the kind of like weird feeling that existed in America with the anxiety of frontiers closing in. And it was the rendezvous with Rama SpaceX from Arthur C. Clark, where it came through our solar system and then sped up as it left the sun. And it, but it was not, it was not a comet. It was from another part of, it was not from any known place in the sky.

You want to know the reason this isn't a bigger story? I can't worry about an unidentified flying object when I'm worried about an unqualified freaking orange. This is the resistance cast. Are you this, the unqualified orange? Wow. That's, that's, that's really, um, that's really piercing satire resistance. Guys, one retweet equals one dollar for Pete Pudej edge. Let's go.

Okay. So speaking of someone with, she doesn't, I don't think she's ever written a column about UFOs, but she definitely probably believes in them. She has communicated with angels. Not at this point. I mean, both. I was talking about that before this. I don't know if you've ever done her for a reading series. We have.

Peggy Noonan. Yeah. We did her like in the first like hundred ups. Okay. So this is, this is a way call back. Peggy Noonan is a reading series I have for you guys today. Peggy. Yeah. She was like the proto, uh, Megan McArdle. So paying tribute to the original infuriating coffee head, putting head. Yeah. Uh, this is her column in the Wall Street Journal.

The missing order in American politics subhead. I grow wistful as I watch congressional chaos while reading Kissinger's forthcoming oral history. That's just a book about all the women. He's a pleasure. You put, you put two fingers in and above the G spot and create triple digit orgasms. No shit, Harry.

Well, Paul, my neck fooled. My back. My back. Lick my intervention. And it's my back. Have you ever seen a German boy dance like this, Lou Holtz? So, uh, this is, yeah, Peggy Noonan, uh, writing in the Wall Street Journal. Um, I am watching Washington and thinking this.

We have reached a new crisis point in Donald Trump versus the Democrats. They are speaking of contempt citations, subpoenas, executive privilege, hearings. It's a daily barrage. The Democrats are inching closer to impeachment, at least rhetorically, perhaps actually. We'll see how Speaker Nancy Pelosi can dance right up to the edge to appease some in her caucus and not over it. But there is such a thing as context, as the Democrats seem to be ignoring. This is a country divided.

Uh, I want to raise one objection. The daily barrage is my incredibly shitty online satire magazine that has articles you can read such as Fox News issues correction for telling the truth. So that's strike one. Daily barrage. It sounds violent. At least rough. Well, it's a barrage of laughs.

It'll also make you think. Laugh barrage. Oh, that makes you think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's really good stuff.

Cause I mean, so many people, I mean, on the left are afraid of thought. Yeah. No, we have really good shit in there. Like, uh, there's an article about a congressman getting impeached for passing a damn bill for once. Daily barrage is fucking good as shit. We have a hundred billion dollars in angel investment, uh, from China. Uh, so Biggie says, uh, the context that Democrats are ignoring is that it's a, the country's divided unlike at previous points in American history.

Uh, so she says, here's the sleight of hand. She goes, almost half the country is for Mr. Trump. Truly madly deeply. That's not true. That's not true at all. It's literally not true. It's like, it's like, at most 30% of the country. Well, they all do that though.

They always take polls of voters and say this is the entire population every time. Right. Because they're the only ones that matter. All polls should, all polls should take into account the 120 million people who no longer believe in the process. Yeah. All right. They should be like, if an election, like if, if more people in America don't vote than vote

in a presidential election, like there should be no president for four years. Some, some countries have that. You have to, you have to have 50%. You have to have some minimum quorum of, of participation in order for the accounts, the results to count. That would be actually useful if there, if there was just for, if there was some sort of incentive, no executive branch, exactly. And then as opposed to now where there's nothing but disincentives on purpose so that

they could keep just on autopilot with this tiny hyper partisan group of angry middle class old people. So like it is a absolute rump minority of this country that is in Peggy Newton's words, truly madly deeply in love with Donald Trump. And then she also says, half is against him unequivocally, unchangeably. There is no resolving this. Or rather, to the extent it can be resolved, it will be resolved at the ballot box. The presidential election is 18 months from now on November 3rd, 2020.

I'd like to think that that's not actually the election date. And she's trying to like suppress democratic voter turnout, but you know, this is the pages of the Wall Street Journal. So thanks for reminding us on election day is Peggy. She says, until then, people are where they are and hold the views they hold and don't push them too hard. Again, who are you talking to? Don't push me.

Like who are you close to the edge? That sounds like something that could be a warning for a ride at Disneyland. People are people. Don't push anyone too hard. Keep your hands inside the ride. Peggy, Peggy Newton, she's at a turnstile show in the pit. It's like, like, I like to have a good time. Don't fucking push me.

I'm the queen of this pit. Democrats unveiled charges and accusations. The president is a liar. He's a tax dodger, an obstructor of justice. But in a way, Mr. Trump's supporters accounted for all this before they elected him. They are not shocked. They didn't hire him to be a good man. Their politics are post-heroic.

They sometimes tell reporters he's a man of high character, but mostly to drive the reporters crazy. I think actually, like, Peggy is actually right. She's actually not wrong about that. Yeah, no, that's all correct, I think that's all correct. I think there's a certain element of trolling the media when they try to ask these sort of They don't give a shit about any of these things. Oh, how could a Christian vote for a man who's...

Because politics have been set up and the media had been monitoring and trying to explain politics along the lines of, well, these voters, these conservative voters, have XYZ values that they hold very deeply. And now they're finding out, yeah, no, we're full of shit the whole time, and they just can't process it. And he says, you believe that shit? You fucking dumbass. Well, she says, on the other hand, they sincerely believe he has high political character

in that he pursues the issues he campaigned on. Again, that's true to the extent that he is filling the judiciary with the Mothman prophecy, just all Mothmen in the federal judiciary, and made the tax cut, but, like, he campaigned on a ton of shit that he's immediately forgotten about. Well, yeah, and he has... But the thing is, is that they don't really care about any of that stuff. They care about the stuff that he has been talking about, which is immigration and owning libs and shit like that.

So, you guys, supporters give him high marks for not looking down on them as they believe most members of the media who are always trying to understand them do. Which, again, I think that's true, but, like, nobody looks down on his voters more than Donald Trump himself personally. Of course, but they love being spit on. They're little piglets. They love it. They love that he has contempt for them,

because they think they deserve it from him. What they don't like about these media elites looking down on them is they think, you don't deserve to look down on me, you fucking needle nose. Trump, on the other hand, the wide dick Donald, he absolutely should be looking down upon all of us on his golden fucking throne and pissing into our mouths. I can make you laugh. I can make you laugh as I really put you down.

Yeah, he's like Don Rickles. They love it. Well, like he says, if he personally insulted every person in the front row at a Trump rally, they would all love it. I would love it. He should do a Rickles show. He should do a Rickles show. Sit down.

He should do a Wally George show. Yeah, just go to town on them. They love it. Their attitude is, don't try to understand me like you're the anthropologist and we're the savages. I'm an American. What are you? They factor the cultural animosity in.

When they jeer the press. Is that a real quote or she made that up as an example quote? I think it's an example. Yeah, it's like she's ventriloquizing their point of view. Which is, of course, rich coming from her. Yeah. When they jeer the press during rallies at the president's direction, they don't really mean it.

OK. And when they post Facebook screeds, they're just copying and pasted from the day of the rope from the Turner Diaries, they're trolling. They don't really mean it. They're just having fun. They're, well, as Peggy's next sentence is, they're having fun and talking back.

It's like, you know, James, I got a comedy club and people talk back to the comedian that they're having fun. They're getting in on the act. Yeah, yeah. It's just, it's heckling. That's part of the process. They're having fun. They'd be happy if their kids became reporters,

an affluent profession, and half of them are famous. I dispute that. I don't think they want their kids to become Jim Acosta or Anderson Cooper. I mean, if the alternative is like Carney, then maybe yes. Carney makes like basement gamer. I mean, I'd probably have them be Jim Acosta. I don't know.

I mean, like after the water wars, you'd much rather be a Carney than Jim Acosta. Carnies at least have talents. The president doesn't really hate the press either. He wants their love and admiration. You don't need the admiration of people you truly disdain. Trump supporters are now looking around and thinking, things are looking up.

The economy is gangbusters. Everyone can get a job. Good people are on the courts. I always, when she writes things, or if I see her on TV, it always sounds to me like Peggy Noonan is at her vacation home looking out over like a long expanse where there's water at the edge of it. And from that vantage point is talking about the country.

Yeah. I mean, how many of these kids, it's not just Noonan, but like really most of them are just like them imagining what people would say. Yeah. Well, that's such dog shit. That's the tiredness of being a columnist. This is fucking making up a point of view

and ascribing it to millions of people. Just fucking get rid of opinion columns, honestly. Put it like rerun like an old comic strip from the 50s where there are no jokes. And it's just about like a guy doing his job, like Jim Thorpe or something. Like fuck this shit. This shit fucking sucks.

It is the most useless sort of thing because even if it's true or not, how are you ever going to fucking know? There's no way to test any of this shit. Like she's just, she's just fucking riffing. Matt, everyone can get a job now. Yeah. Well, I mean, she is saying that like these people are saying it,

but also like who gives you shit. The only people that should have opinion columns are like interesting freaks. It should be like Bob Avakian, David Dees, Martin Nokes. Stephen Segal. Stephen Segal. Like it just all be people who are completely insane. Like Soulja Boy should be an opinion columnist

and she should write articles that are like, yeah, Drake, Rihanna, they all ripped me off. Like it's more valuable than this fucking dog shit. There, it's like, she's just like the most well-known one, but everyone does it. The fucking food guy from the New York Times. Bruni. Bruni.

Thomas Friedman. Paul Krugman for that. Like literally this is all this fucking genre of writing is. It's fucking pointless. It's just dog shit. I mean, it's pointless in a lot of ways. Not only is there no real informational value to it because it's just one person's gut feeling

from their fucking mansion, but also no one fucking reads it anyway, except for this small group of people just mostly like us to get mad at. Yeah, pretty much. Pretty much. Like we're the rubes. We're the ones who are like, oh, fuck you, Undertaker.

This is as stupid as pro wrestling. But no one like, baby, big and new. As stupid as pro wrestling. I'm sorry, sir. You think, yeah, you think it's stupid to go up against a major combat force like Yokozuna with the power of sumo wrestling behind them? The training.

What if, what if fucking, what if like Brett Stevens just killed his family with a bow flex? People are like, what the fuck? And then it turns out like all these, all these calmness are just like doing HGH and steroids. And they just still look like shit. Like they're just all on Antivar cycles. And they're like, why?

It's just exactly like pro wrestling. Well, if the country enters the kayfabe of my world, which is what will happen when I'm elected president, you'll start seeing that. That's like, that was the only way the opinion comes to get better. If you just, they're like, yeah, you can make like a quarter of a million dollars a year,

but you have to just abuse steroids constantly and you have to take bumps. You have to go, when you go on real time, you have to get hit with a chair. It's like, you will not live to be C60. That is a deal that you're making by being a columnist. This is just the last thing I want to read from the, the Peggy Newton piece.

This is the, the analogy she reaches forward to talk about politically divided America. We are like Chang and Aang, the 19th century Siamese twin brothers who worked for PT Barnum. They could not be separated. Yeah. Can I say, this is another thing, a pause.

Another thing I hate about opinion columnists, whatever goddamn coffee book they're reading that month ends up in their column. Yeah. As we all know from the PT Barnum book that I've been reading. We, we are, America is like that elephant that Thomas Edison electrocuted.

All right, P-Tapsy. Truly we are, Tesla. The smoke is coming out of all of our giant ears. Is, is not direct current still still dominating our politics to this day? He goes, they could not be separated and went through their long lives together, married to different women, living in different houses.

And then she says- Women were also twins by the way. A few days a week in this one, a few in the other. It wasn't easy for them to walk through life together, but they did. We have to too. And then she just goes, now I wish to Swiss subjects, don't you? And she spends the rest of the column

talking about Henry Kissinger and his new book, Kissinger on Kissinger. I swear to God, I didn't make that up. I would love- So, I'm going to switch subject? Yeah. That's unacceptable. It's like what, 500 words? You should be able to have one subject.

I think she should have carried out the circus freak analogy a little longer. Yeah. Kissinger sucks his own dick. He fucks his own looper. Awesome. Kissinger on Kissinger. Yes, I was able to get down low enough

that I could lick my own methanic. According, yeah. Methanic, very good. Never the, sorry, Jacob Baccarak told us. The person he fucked in a hot air balloon test as a lobster was him, a younger version of him, from the, was the back timers? Back timers, back timers.

Back timers, the Kissinger ultimatum. There's, of course, there's all kinds of sequels and prequels. Yeah. The sequel comes out first. Shads and grads, sequels and prequels. He says America is like Cheng and Eng. I think America is more like Beverly and Elliot Mantell,

the twins from the film Dead Ringers. Sorry, a little, a little deep cut. That one's for me and me only. I think they're more like the Collier Brothers. Yes. A couple of maniacs in a mansion and eventually going to get crushed to death by a pile of newspaper.

Well, they was, there was a fire that got them and that's that fire global warming. Boom. The clutter carbon in our atmosphere. Boom. Got it. Mic drop. The Collier Brothers got pussy.

Who's the bluegrass band, brothers? The Cold Play with Banjos, as Kyle Kanane put it. What's that band called? Oh, Mumford and Sons. Mumford and Sons. Our body politic clearly is closer to Mumford and Sons. In all, in all seriousness. It is to the all men.

I really think the most accurate thing is that we are Rameland and Rosie Greer from the Thing with Two Heads. That's who we are. Well, before we get out of here, James. We're hoping. May I trouble? Yeah.

Can we maybe pitch some impressions that year? Oh, sure. Why not? Do you have any new characters, new figures you're working on? I'm ramping down. You're ramping down? OK. As you would say in the finance industry,

I'm unwinding some of these positions. Yeah. Yeah. He had a long position on Paul Giamatti. Never go long on Paul Giamatti. Never. Short. I had an IPO recently.

Don't make fun of his height. At least I was an initial Paul offering. And I said, we're going to take it public. I did the reverse Elon Musk. I said, we're going to take it public $10 shares. And now I'm severely buying everything back. I have an idea for a character for you. What's that?

All right. His name is Monkey W. Bush. He's an ape who loves oil and bananas. Bush is coming back, dude. You should, yeah. I did some movies where I was on Ronald Reagan's lap. Hopping around, swinging from windows. Uh-oh.

Boom. Million dead. You can, if you play a music box, I have little cymbals and I run around and I bang the cymbals on civilians. It's an enhanced interrogation technique. Uh, but since there's, you know, short people, Shapiro, Giamatti,

as a little throwback, could you do Paul Giamatti who believes everything Ben Shapiro does? And then I think that the problem is that we are not adhering to traditional sex roles. I voluntarily committed myself to celibacy and then afterwards involuntarily have been committed to celibacy. I've been pissed on within the confines of matrimony.

Billions as a documentary! Yeah, Giamatti's character on Billions is a piss pig, right? He loves to piss on. I've never watched a billion. That was in his contract. That was part of the rider that my Dom forced on me. My Dom is my agent, so those are the parts that I get. I think we should wrap it up, but James.

Oh, I'm getting the light. No, we're reaching the end here, but James, you have anything to plug? I have a couple of things to plug. Yeah, go ahead. Go for it. I have a new podcast. What was once our friend now becomes our enemy.

Yes, the first order of business. We must meet on the field of podcasting battle. Is it like a, is it like a video game, a battle sphere, like in the three-body problem? Yeah. Oh, you read that book? Oh, yes. Oh, it's a great book.

Did you get any of the sequels? Yes. I haven't read the whole trilogy yet, but I really like the first book. They're mind-blowing. I really like that book. Do you like having your mind blown? I absolutely do.

I don't mind having my mind blown, but look, you've got to cradle the mind ball. I have a new podcast that's called The Underculture, and I basically do that. Okay. The Underculture is a world of impressions and sketches and some karaoke songs, and it's on the foreverdog network

and everywhere else the podcasts happen. And it's also on Patreon. I took a page from your guys, your path to success. That's great. We can't wait to destroy you. We invented Patreon. We're the first people ever on there. We have no choice but to take this as a personal insult.

I immediately started attracting fire, right? Like if you walk up to another castle in Age of Empires, and they just automatically start shooting at you. Also, Trump vs. Bernie is coming back. We're doing the first redo. It's like the apocalypse now, redo. Trump vs. Bernie. The director's disaster.

Trump vs. Bernie at the Creek in the Cave Saturday, May 18th will be the first of our return version of Trump vs. Bernie, me and Anthony and Taminik. But this time, there'll be a 40-minute digression where you go to some French colonial house in the jungle and smoke opium with the guy's daughter. Thank you. There'll be a whole lot more metaphor

worked into a very metaphor-heavy script. Thank you for the apocalypse now. Yes, and? That's in New York. That's in Long Island City this Saturday. And then we're going to do it in July in Los Angeles and at San Diego Comic-Con. Oh, hell yeah.

Yep. Trump vs. Bernie happening and underculture happening. All right. Links to Trump vs. Bernie and the underculture in the show description. You already know the drill, guys. Whoa. Once again, thank you very much to our good friend,

James Adelman, for stopping by the house in person. Thank you. Cheers, everybody. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye-bye.