Chapo Trap House - 376 - Imagine A World Without (12/17/19)

Episode Date: December 17, 2019

Look, it's been a rough week for us. 2/3rds of us are just returning from a demoralizing trip to cover the UK's dismal elections, the other 1/3rd are recovering from an elating weekend in wonderful Buffalo, NY. We will be bringing full-spectrum analysis/catharsis of the UK election returns later this week, but for now, we try to keep a stiff upper lip about the still very-real chances for left electoral success in the Democratic primaries. And finally, we try to imagine a democratic party without lawyers, consultants, bankers, officers, prosecutors...Buttigieges.

That's the short guy. That's a little dick. That is a little dick in his hell. Little dick in his hell. It's little dick in his hell. Little dick. Little dick. Little dick in his hell. We are back. I am back. I mean, it's been a while. I've been on vacation. I've been in sunny L.A. It looks like now we're just in amazing Buffalo, New York, trying a wonderful time at an amazing music festival hanging with our friends. Shout out to all the boys. Shout out to Mike, Alex, Chet, Aaron, especially the Etid boys, Keith, Yokoa, everyone. We had a fucking blast. But one thing we didn't have, we did not have cell reception. News. From like just weeks ago, went to L.A., turned my phone on, good vibes only, not disturbed, going to Buffalo. They don't have cell phones there yet. No, yeah. It's all landline technology.

They're getting last year's USA Today's now. We are back in the city. We literally just walked through the door. We got Matt and Chris in the room. I know you guys have had a fucking exciting time, dude, so let's just fucking get into it. Dude, UK trip. How was it, man? It sucked. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on. So you don't, you don't like who Corbin is picked for his cabinet? Yeah, that's bad. It's bad cabinets. Shadow Chancellor has cast a spell on me. But like seriously though, what do you think should happen to Boris Johnson and the Tories now that they're out of power? I just want to give you guys a mental image of me and Matt lumbering through the streets of Liverpool in the pouring hail, hailed, hailed on us, the size of pencil erasers, bringing ourselves into the Liverpool live show saying we are doing it. We are making something happen and then cut forward 24 hours to sitting in a dingy Manchester hotel room, putting out a new episode and within hours. Got on. The crushing defeat. Got on. Of the Labour Party. Wait, what? Got on, folks.

We were owned. We were owned. No two ways around it. As Barack Obama said, we got owned. All right. Well, let me give you this competing mental image. It's me in Silver Lake, Los Angeles. I'm on a longboard. I'm wearing shorts and a Hawaiian t-shirt and sunglasses and I'm being pulled down the street by three or four beautiful bulldogs. They're running. I'm cruising and I just like, I do like the radical hand signal and I'm just like smoking. It's cool. It's free weed out there. People were just throwing joints at me and they were like, nothing bad can happen in the world, man. It's LA. It's sunny out. Dr. Manhattan voice. It's December 11, 2019. I'm longboarding down the boardwalk of Santa Monica. Tiny French Bulldogs are barking at me in enjoyment. I'm loving every second. It's December 12, 2019. I'm sitting on the plastic bedding of a dingy Manchester hotel room. Labour has just lost 86 seats. I'm crying. Well, I saw a glass jaw for the first time. That was pretty cool. Congrats on that. No, I mean, like I get, look, not going to act like I didn't see the news. Like I wasn't at the season, seething about the remainers, but I went down the pit and everything's okay. We just got to go down in the pit, boys.

We got to go in that pit. We're going to win. We got to go in that pit. I don't think I do very well on the pit. You got to get in the pit of the mind. The pit of the mind. I don't mean the actual pit. It was funny. There was like, I was like, you know, just like just slaying fucking like just music like every one of those bands. I told Keith every one of the bands, but him especially seeing them live was like the opening scene of T2 Judgment Day where you just see the tire tread, the fucking tank treads of the HK just rolling over skulls. That's what it felt like, but in a good way. And I feel like it's just sitting there on the bleachers looking like real sad. He was just thinking about, he was thinking about the remoners and Joe Swinson. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking about how Joe Swinson never got a fair shake from the voters. And then you got in the pit, you know, you got a staff infection, you know, I couldn't get a staff. Well, no, I mean, well, you got this point. It would take a lot. You got your 10th one. They punched your little car free treatment.

No joke. I've had over 10. It's going to upgrade to MRSA soon. No, this is obviously, you know, this is our first episode back together. If you're looking for some big cathartic moment about the UK, you're going to have to wait just a little bit for that one because Amber is still over there. And we're going to do a big retrospective episode on that when everyone's back together. It'll be a family episode and all hander. But for today's one, this one, we're just happy to be back from our travels. I'm very happy. I mean, obviously that thing ended poorly, but it just sucks to be in the UK anyway. As a general level, I'm always mildly depressed when I'm there. And I finally realized on this trip, why? Because I always feel like there's just something spent about the UK.

Everything, it's like America. It's like as developed or whatever, but it just feels just obsolete in a weird way. And I finally realized what I meant, what I actually mean by that. If anyone has read the Stephen King novella or seen the TV movie, The Langoliers, these people are sleeping on a flight, sleep through it, going through a rip in time. Everyone on the plane who was awake is evaporated. And when they land, they've realized that they've gone back in time, but that once people go through time, they just keep going and the time stays there. So the place is just empty and spent, and it's slowly going to get eaten by the Langoliers. Anyway, that's what the UK feels like. Only there are people there. It just feels like time has gone beyond it. The world has left it behind, and they're still there though.

They're still nicking mobiles in front of the Tesco. They're still knocking over dustbins at the Sainsbury, even though the whole thing just feels completely doomed. Well, like I said, I think we'll have a deep dive into just what happened and your guys' whole experience there. Genuinely, my reaction to this was, it sucks tremendously, and you're right to feel gutted. I'm not going to parse what should have happened or what could have happened better, but you're right to be angry, you're right to be gutted. And if you're here in this country, it's all the more important that it's just it's just Bernie now. It's just him. He's like, he he's the only one. He's the only one. And we got to get behind him. And, you know, as far as for our friends across the pond, do I got to say now? Ireland, it's up to you now. You know what to do.

Ireland, Wales, Manchester, the whole fucking leave it so the rest of the fucking country is London and Surrey. Leave them with that. Break the entire fucking thing up. Come out, you're black and tan. Come out and fight me like a man. Be free of the eternal evil of the Anglo race. Destroy the dragon or whatever the fuck dumbass symbol you have for your shitty fucking island. Break it apart. If Scotland goes independent, then like the official their official logo mascot is the unicorn that's been collared. Stop being a sub. Yeah, it could be a dumb now. It could be a fully a fully dumb unicorn jobless alpha. Well, um, shit's shit sucks. It's a very, very bleak, very bleak.

But luckily in this country, we still have hope. Buffalo Bills. No, I'm okay. No, I don't watch football. But like that made me feel something when the Buffalo Bills somehow won. We're in this fucking, we're in this bar in Buffalo and it was like, I don't know. There was this fucking electricity I felt that I haven't felt in a while with the people there. Yeah, Buffalo Bills. If they can win, we can win. Bills mafia. I mean, I know it's like, uh, it's cliche or it's kind of, you know, corny to hope, hope is a dangerous thing. That's why I should keep it alive. But generally what I feel is like, uh, as far as the opportunity we have right now with Bernie, who now stands alone. It's, it's, it's, it's important to feed that hope, to mind it, to tend it, to water it and keep it going.

And that like, that you, your actions are a part of your, you know, your feelings of like, uh, living in this world, your feelings about your future. Like you're a part of it. Just watering the garden just a little bit, just a little bit or a lot or as much as you can do every day. Because Bernard Sanders is either leading or within the margin of error in California, Iowa, New Hampshire and Nevada. The first, the first three primaries and the biggest Super Tuesday primary. So I, I mean, I don't know what the future will hold, but like it is very hard for me to imagine. And by the way, also last poll out of South Carolina, I saw a second place. Jesus Christ. I mean, it's, it would be very hard for me to imagine we're going to get this close again. Oh no, no, this is the last off ramp.

There's only one other Jedi and it's Jean-Luc Melanchon. And even the French, even the French are too bowed for my boy, Jean-Luc, my, my angel. I love them. I don't care. No, anti-nado, genuinely anti-Semitic. Okay. Okay. I want to clarify. I want to clarify Mr. Melanchon's comments. When he said France had nothing to do with the Holocaust, he means that Vichy France is in front. Okay. Maybe we make some, it's like when Dennis Leary went on The Tonight Show and said that autism can be cured by spanking.

All our heroes, all our heroes make some errors. Okay. Maybe they could say things better. I do want to add an add on to what Will said. It can feel like very dangerous to hope right now. And, you know, as you've seen, there can be a genuinely fucking great guy like Corbin and McDonald who have dedicated their lives just to the betterment of others. To just making, making their countries a better place where people actually care about them, care about each other. And they can just be ripped apart by the biggest fucking reptiles and monsters in an already fucking monstrous country. But, you know, I feel like a lot of people, they felt like a existential gut punch that day.

I think it's preferable that you go and volunteer or fucking, you phone bank, you text for Bernie, you donate. But if it, if it feels you're not quite ready yet, reality sometimes has to be, has to be right in front of your face. If you feel too shitty, it's okay to like just focus on the world right around you right now. But there is on the horizon something you can do. Don't get overwhelmed by the moment. Don't get overwhelmed by every single bad thing in the world. And it is easy for that to, that to take hold of you. But what you have around you, your family, your friends is immutable, even if just a fucking pile of shit and undigested gin

and solidified solid puddings wins in the UK, that fucking goblin or whatever awful shit they're going to say about Sanders. That's still there. You're still there. You're good. Keep rolling. I would say like, I would only add on to that is like, you know, just wait for reality to knock on your door or be looking you right in the eyes. I mean, my only addendum to that is I would quote again, those polls of those five states, it's looking you right in the fucking face. Your chance is now. Your chance is now. You can't like, if you feel too down, fucking get it. Like I don't understand if Sanders was like, like we said, like was Kucinich. Yeah. And he was in single digits and was just sort of holding out, like keeping the flame alive, just like talking about some issues or just like give some people something good to feel about.

But like, no, like this is, this is all or nothing. This is in it to win it. This is, you know, he's, he is in right now the best possible position to win the win this fucking nomination and the presidency. Yes. Of everyone running. Yeah. Or at this point, I think honestly, he's got to be considered the front runner. Or frankly, if he had Corbin level approval ratings, which I think that we'll talk more about it on the next episode, but he, they fuck, they fucking succeeded. The media succeeded in branding that poor, beautiful man as this either dipshit or psycho or anti-semite or whatever. And he just became this thing that symbolized everything wrong with the left broadly. Whereas Bernie is incredibly popular personally and there's zero way that they're going to like, oh no, just wait for them to really go after them. There's nothing they're going to pull out that's going to change that embedded of, it took two fucking years for the, the do it in the UK.

And just while we're lingering on the emotional state, I have to say, you know, personally, and hopefully not to be too ugly American about this, but like one of the first emotional reactions I had when we, the exit polls came in was, frankly, oh no. What is this going to do to what we're trying to do in this election year in America? Like visit and we all see it already happening all the time is coming out and in many ways of like, probably even just anecdotally almost everyone around you, the listener, who might be a Bernie skeptical or skeptical of your political appeals, your parents, your other friends or I don't know. Authority figures around you being like, oh, you see what happened in the UK? It's time to get off the Sanders train. He's going to get crushed like feeling that emotional threat to the necessary strength and hope that you need to go forward and feeling weirdly like now is the time that we must import the stiff upper lip of the British and resolve ourselves to being like, no, this is not the same. What is happening here is something completely different than there and the bad things that happened in the UK election are only more reasons to strengthen your resolve and not let it waver. You know, again, like that's the thing with hope.

Like it's always a risk and Bernie is still a risk. You know, I'm not saying like it's an absolute lock or whatever, but like, oh, like, look, it's better to risk him getting crushed than not risk anything or like have Joe Biden, your, you know, Elizabeth Warren get crushed. You know what I mean? Like, or have them get elected and nothing changes and it only gets fucking worse. And then you get President Tom Cotton. Yeah, like, so it's all a fucking risk, but it'll never be fucking more within our grasp or easier than it is right now. And I think that's that that is the thing I am thinking of and taking away from this. You know, and just and also just like we're talking about this in the car feel like Corbin will have a better life individually now that he doesn't have to deal with ruling or that fucking rotten country.

Yeah, he won't. He won't have to deal with the fucking people that ripped his chances apart. We'll talk about we'll talk about later from within in his own party. He will tend to his garden. He will tend to his cats. He'll have a great, you know, he probably has a great relationship with his his adult sons, don't know their size. He won't be murdered by M.I. five. Yes, seriously.

Yeah, yeah. But well, I mean, I guess like to move away from Corbin and I know I know we'll talk about this probably later in the week. But I mean, the anti-Semitism thing, at least as it connects to in America, I feel like we've been, again, are a horrible length of heaven powers. Like I feel like I've been saying for like weeks, if not months publicly and privately what they did to Corbin, they're absolutely going to do to Bernie. And if you think that Bernie being Jewish, the son of Holocaust survivors is going to spare him that, then you've already been proven wrong just this week. And I tweeted it. I was like, it's going to happen.

So just be prepared for it. I even I was astounded at the speed with which it happened almost immediately after the exit polls came in in the UK immediately. Let's go down the list. Kicking it off is the woman who writes to the Washington examiner whose grandfather is a literal, literal Serbian fascist who like killed the Jews during the Holocaust, saying Bernie Sanders has an anti-Semitism problem. Oh, yeah. But the Chetnik granddaughter. Yeah.

And then certainly after that, Noah Rothman, just begging journalists, please, please ask Bernie about his campaigns, anti-Semitic associations. By that, which he means like, you know, Linda Sarsour, Ilan Omar, Rashida Taleb. Just again, Callum the inslander of the most obvious, most nauseating caliber. It won't stop them. And then it goes from fringe Nazi adjacent right wing to a more well connected neoconservative right wing. Noah Rothman is a contributor or guest, frequent guest on MSNBC. And it goes from there to liberal fucking swine, Michael Cohen, speech, speech, toy 71 saying, hey, you know, this is something we really do need to talk about. And then from there.

Illegal lad. Yeah. And, and from there. The word wad. And then from there, it's the rhetoric rascal. The Elecusion E-boy. You can see this human centipede working its way. You can see the turd working its way from, like I said, the fascist right wing to what will eventually be not a New York Times op-ed, but a New York Times news article from one of their campaign reporters.

I'm guessing probably Sidney Ember to just will say something along the lines of some people are expressing concern about the Sanders campaign's closeness with anti-Semitism. And it won't. And it'll never actually be explicated just like with Corbin or any of this shit. It's never like just stated, like you think like to make it a bat bullet proof of case, you would have to be like, oh, like, remember that time he like said on a hot mic that like fucking Jews control all the banks or whatever like. Well, what it is is it was in England. When they say anti-Semitism, what they really mean is they think that Palestinians have human rights. That's what they mean. That's what anti-Semitism means.

It means you have any concern for Palestinian rights. That's it. That's what it meant for Jeremy Corbin. That's what it means when they talk about it with Bernie. Then that's one of the reasons why the retort when people said labor is anti-Semitic Corbin's anti-Semitic when you say, yeah, but look how anti-Muslim the Tories are. Well, yeah, I mean, English people don't like Muslims more than they don't like Jews. So they got to turn anti-Semitism out of a guy saying, you know, Palestinians have rights because that feeds into their general and Islamophobia that they have. I would say like even further than that, though, obviously, like there's, you know, like, yeah, yes, like any critique of Zionism or let's be honest, just the Likud Israeli right is de facto evidence of anti-Semitism.

But I would say it's going even further than that. I would say we're getting to a point now where any critique of capitalism just as such is going to be interpreted as evidence of anti-Semitism. Because if you're talking like, I mean, you're talking about like, you know, like, for the many, not the few or the 1% or like the elites that are like, you know, destroying our lives and everything. People are going to either because they're stupid or in most likely cases, completely evil, cynical people will make that seem like evidence of bigotry or prejudice of some kind. Yeah, no, you can't use octopus as a metaphor for like capital, the way it functions, because that exclusively refers to Jews, even though that was the name of a book written by Muckraker Frank Norris about standard oil. You know, like it originally was a fucking, you know, a robber baron epithet. You can't say you can't say Zionist. You can't refer to Zionism, even though the one of the largest bodies of Zionists in the United States is just big fat Christians like Mike Pompeo. Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that a huge portion of millennial Jews just don't give a fuck about Israel. We have no connection to it. No, it all means Jew. The only way to fight anti-Semitism is just to assume every word with a bad connotation is Jew.

I'm not even really convinced it was the anti-Semitism shit that really did it. I'm sure it played a part. Remain did a way bigger part, but we'll get into it. But the part it does play and the part that they're going to try as hard as possible to the role that they're going to cast it in for Sanders. And if you think it's bad now, wait till it wins a primary. If you think it's bad now, if you think this is nauseating and absurd and like just so ludicrous that you can't possibly imagine someone would do it or be serious about it or advance it in, like, let's say, the paper of record, then I got to say, get ready for what's coming. What it does do is people who are sort of low information voters or disengaged or just regular people who aren't sickos, who don't follow politics in the same way that we do or keep up with all this stuff. If you say something enough times in the media, you don't really have to explain it or fill in details, but with something like that that is so heinous, like a terrible prejudice like anti-Semitism, if you say it enough times about a person, people who are disengaged will just be like, who don't really follow it, will just be like, well, oh, that's bad, obviously he's bad. It reminds me of the scene, remember in Sicario where they're driving into the city and they see like the bodies that the cartels have like just burned and throw off off fucking highway?

And the guy says, it's brilliant what they do. When they mutilate a body like that, they make people think they must have been involved, they must have deserved such a death because they did something. Oh, it's brilliant what they do. And the point is that they were just anyone, it doesn't matter, but the display of it is so gross and so over the top and so evil that the average person would be like, well, he must have done something to deserve it, or there must be something there and I don't want to be an anti-Semite or I don't want to be a prejudice person. And that's what they're going to do to Bernie Sanders and the fact that he is himself Jewish is no protection whatsoever. I mean, I think it's some protection. I don't think it's going to work to the degree that it worked against Corbyn, which I think is very much in the air. I don't think anyone has been able to quantify it yet. My guess is it's not that big, but depending on how you define it, it had some contribution. You're right. I don't want to overplay it like, oh, this is inevitable and it's going to sink him, but I'm just saying be prepared for it.

The fact that it won't work or that it's so desperate and insane will not stop them from doing it and doing it a lot. So I'm just saying be prepared for it is what I mean. Right. They're going to throw a lot of things at the wall and they're going to pursue what sticks. So we might not have any idea what's coming yet that might actually be effective, I don't know. Matt, this is something that you were talking about earlier today where it's just like the idea of... And then I want to talk again about Mayor Pete because it dovetails so nicely. The idea of anyone overall, but especially anyone under 40 who just doesn't fuck with Bernie or doesn't get why he has such a large and essentially immovable base of support is just so weird to me. Those people are the ones I understand the least.

I think I understand the Maga Mind pretty well. I feel like I get the Centrist Cuck Mind and I get the different flavors of Democrats. I certainly understand the religious devotion of the Cahive. I understand the bookishness of the Warren fans, but who I do not understand are people who are like, why is Bernie? So many people like Bernie, I don't get it. What is it? He's this old man who yells and yet there's still this huge chunk of people who love him. I do not understand it. And it's like, if you can't get out of your own world enough to even imagine what might be going on outside of your life to make his message appealing, I just don't understand what is wrong with you. It's like trying to empathize with a reptile. I was singing along those lines because I forgot who did it. Someone who does APO research or comms for one of these fucking Democratic mutants did this whole thing where it was like comparing Pete Buttigieg and Bernie Sanders before they were 40.

And they were like, Pete Buttigieg, Rhodes Scholar, Harvard, Naval Intelligence, McKinsey Consulting Firm, Mayor of South Bend, Indiana. Yeah. Operation Phoenix. No, yeah, he, no, he was personally responsible for creating the jobs and the motivation of Afghan villagers to produce more opium for the warlords they had been sold to. Man, since we mentioned on the show, hey, he looks like he might have been a CIA agent. The amount of fucking shit that's come out in the last couple weeks about his career, not just with McKinsey, but the story about how he went on a vacation to Somali land. That is so funny. When he was with McKinsey, just like as a trip, as a little jaunt, and he wrote it up for an op ed in the New York Times. And his co-author is a guy whose entire resume is all USAID shit. And everyone knows it's been basically acknowledged that USAID is a CIA front. Like all those development projects in the third world are all CIA operations. So he's doing some sort of like mission to the fucking like the separatist leaders in Somali land on behalf of the US government. Didn't he say that he met with local leaders while he was there?

Who doesn't love going to an active war zone on vacation and then meeting the local leaders? As you do. I actually last vacation. I actually started a long distance book club with HDS. Felix and I actually did meet with the local leaders of Buffalo. We did. Yeah. Keep Buckley. Keep Buckley every time I die. They really are. They really are the princes of that city. That's pretty amazing. That's the best thing you can be. The king in Buffalo also fixed the price of bread. Yeah. No. Okay. Like remember he was just like, like, okay, when he said when his work at McKinsey first came out again, once again, we were like McKinsey. Like that's like working for malloc. Yeah. Like a horrendous. Yeah. Like if you're an average person who's had any interaction with McKinsey at all, they are the people.

It's the Umbrella Corporation. Yeah. No, they're the two guys in office space who come into fire. Right. They're just like they like they were brought into consult. It means we're going to fire people, hire non-union workers, or just generally make the lives of employees and workers or anything like hell. And then like, okay, the defense of that was they were just like, you know, people are going to be pretty disappointed about my work at McKinsey. You know, I work for, you know, a Canadian grocery chain. That's pretty, that's pretty boring. And then we were like, people were just starting to say like, well, at the exact same period of time, there was this massive price fixing scheme involving a Canadian grocery store in which they had to pay out like $15 to every man, woman and child in Canada to atone for. Some people, you know, from Canada, I still haven't gotten their check from the law because someone at one of the other companies whistle blue,

not McKinsey, which means Mayor Pete did nothing about it while other people were actually driven to fucking talk to the people. It's the wrong. It's the perfect mayor Pete scandal, though, because it's like if you want to fully understand it, it's just intensely boring. Yes, it's not like, it's not like, you know, it's not like Pete went around like just fucking being, you know, just like sticking people up for valuable minerals. He just did some incredibly fucking dull bread scheme and it failed. It failed. He did a failed boring bread scheme. It's like, if you want to know what the Pete presidency is going to look like, it will be that. But at the same time, doing bread, thick bread price fixing is something out of like Dickens is hard times. Yeah, yeah. What a Dickens villain.

Yeah, it's like, let's collude to illegally control the price of probably the most basic food staple for an entire population of people. And then it's like his name in the novel would be like Governor Jonathan Hardtack. Please, please, sir. Bear is the cold heart. My bread was a hay penny yesterday and now it's two whole pants. I know we got more and more gruel for a living. Pete Buttigieg is a bumper sticker should be just Buttigieg 2020. Are there not workhouses? He's like, he would be the perfect Dickens character because anytime he has an interaction that isn't just like Jimmy Kimmel's A.I. pleasantly flickering at him.

He's he's just like, he just fucking, you just see the rage he had that he didn't actually get to kill anyone in Afghanistan. He's he's the most pissed guy up there. Oh yeah. No one is more even bloodlust. Yeah. No, even Seth Bullock, who is blackout drunk at every debate, Sheriff Governor Seth Bullock of Montana. He could not match the fucking fury that little demon has. The other things we know he did outside of his classified work in Afghanistan, which by the way, he might have been doing operation condor shit, but my gut is that he was just siphoning development money to make absolutely useless fucking, you know, decks full of God damn it. I cannot remember that word. But no, what is it called Photoshop, but the other PowerPoint power.

Why can't I remember the word? That is a PowerPoint. God damn it. Matt, you don't know because you're a good human being only demons. No, no ship. So PowerPoint. So he over. He stole development money for PowerPoint. That's that's what I think he probably did. But the other stuff we know he did. He worked for a large nonprofit on health care company in Michigan at the exact year that they and that Blue Cross Blue Shield, a large nonprofit in Michigan fucking reorganized by reducing fucking coverage and firing people. Well, I mean, I hate making this my role in the show, but do you guys want to hear the Pots of America position?

Oh, yeah. Well, look, I love Felix. You'll you'll respect this. I mentioned before I listen to Pots of America when I'm at the gym because I need something to get angry to make me move faster. Chris listen to stained. It's healthier. It's true. Here's here's their position. The line today was something along the lines of well if you want if you want to bring up these records, it's fine. Just be accurate about it. Pete himself said that he worked at Blue Cross Blue Shield, quote, reducing overhead expenses among supply chains, something like two years before they laid these people up. That's nothing. So we're reducing reducing overhead costs at a large insurer prior to the ACA. What do you think that means?

Yes, exactly. Or their exact words were reading Pete's quote about reducing overhead costs and at the end saying my eyes are glazing over just reading this. Yes. Yes. No. And like I said, I have an ADIQ. No, no. But like, I mean, even like, I don't know, like, you know, you shouldn't have to understand it happened to shit. But it's exactly the same with the bread price fixing thing. And they're like, he's like, I just did a few Excel sheets. And like, I'm sorry, that was I think that was Eichmann's defense in Jerusalem. But no, but like, they all they all play it up like it's like it's just so boring and wonky. It's not it's not evil or whatever. But like forgetting that's basically how evil operates in our world. But even if you get past the boring shit, what they were actually

doing was all blood curdling. Yeah. And first of all, why does Blue Cross Blue Shield technically a nonprofit in Michigan? That's bizarre. Second of all, here's the other defense that I've heard that he himself said to Rachel Maddow. He turned it back around to be like, oh, like what I did that got all these people laid off from their jobs. He's like, well, well, under Medicare for all, like everyone who works with health insurance laid off. So that's coming back around on that. So it's like you're laying off 2000 people versus laying off. I don't know, like how many people, you know, who do, you know, push paper around an office for health insurance industry is like, you know, it's probably in the hundreds of thousands or something like that.

The answer to that is, well, the Bernie Sanders Medicare for all plan has like a like a very, very generous severance for everyone and like job retraining and all that stuff. Number two, why is it the like people who are bureaucrats and just demonic private health insurance companies? Why are they the only people we actually care if like government or capitalism destroys their jobs? Yep. If they worked in a fucking mine or like a car factory or something like no one would give a shit. No, that's not funny. Yeah, like get a new degree.

Like, you know, just get the creative destruction of, you know, entrepreneurial forces, blah, blah, blah. And the third final point, let me just make, yeah, I do agree that everyone who works in a private insurance company probably should lose their job or at least their function of working for a private insurance company. Not that they shouldn't have another job or not have an income again. But as far as their jobs go for those companies, they shouldn't exist. No. The interesting thing about Pete, though, is that he didn't lay these people off because they were essentially inefficient or because private health insurance is bad. He laid them off because that's his job.

Yeah. He would have done it for any industry that McKinsey had been hired by. Oh, yeah. The function of the job is irrelevant. That's what Mayor Pete does. We're going to talk about what he did to the United States Postal Service. Bing. Now this one, he can't even claim like he has before that he wasn't involved in the actual bad stuff.

He was on the team that recommended to the U.S. Post Office that they save money by, you guessed it, reducing staff through automation and replacing union workers with non-union workers. What a genius. Yeah. How did he come up with that? Data said. That was definitely worth the fucking $50,000 retainer. They had to pay for that. You need at least six years of schooling to come up with that shit.

And one thing that Matt and I were talking about this while we were walking through the hail in Liverpool was the other defensive of Pete is being like, well, look, this is just a job he took out of college when he was 24 or something. And it's like, look, you either get to claim that your guy is Doogie Houser or not. Yeah. Right. He's either. He's got to be a wonderkin to be president this young. Everything has to do has to be amazing and show brilliance. Yeah. From the beginning.

He can't be a snot nose pun. So he can't only have 10 years on his resume, but five years of those don't count. It's all got it. It's all got to count. It's all got to lead towards his one thing. That is his argument for being the guy. And if he's just taking half of his wonderkin resume and being like, well, that, that, that stuff, like the important thing is that I got the name. What I actually did there.

It doesn't matter. Then he hasn't done anything. Yeah. You can't use the fucking Lincoln Chafee excuse when they asked him about why he voted for the repeal of Glass Deagle, which was, I had just gotten there and my dad had done. I've been up for four hours. Does anyone have an Android charger? Grubhub didn't bring my order. My possible burger is a beer.

I'm hungry. All right. This is getting very pointed. No, but he, the, the work of McKinsey is so fucking evil because yes, he's doing bad things. He's recommending bad things, but he isn't even really doing that. When you hire someone like McKinsey, it's not for them to come up with something for you to do because we all know what they're going to do. The answer is always the same, you know, make people get more out of, get more production out of people at less cost. That's, that's what you do.

But you cut ways to get that. And that's what they're going to do no matter what. They hire McKinsey to have an excuse to do it. Yes. They hire McKinsey to be like, well, we brought in the guys and the guys told us this is what we have to do. There's no alternative. That's literally their job. So you're not even doing anything.

You're just taking a check to sign off someone else's evil fucking choices. Just the worst kind of scum. Slug people. And, you know, back, back to this comparison about like, oh, well, what, what did, what did Pete do before he was 40 versus Bernie? And like, you know, they're, they're a knock on Bernie and they think this contrast makes Bernie look bad and Pete look good. And this is the thing that they can't wrap their head around. Is it like, you know, oh, Bernie, you know, he bummed about, stole cable. And I believe one of the things this lady came up with was a made some film strips.

Yeah. And I was like, what? Also a pruder film strip. Also a father at 29. Oh, a father at 29. That was the weirdest one. That was the weirdest one. Babies having babies.

I was like, wait, does that mean he was too old or too young to be having a kid? That's right. When the man's biological clock runs out. Well, I don't know what that, that's just my favorite thing that I see online. You're going to see it all throughout 2020. Someone getting so fucking pissed. They don't even know what's normal and what isn't. Yeah.

Where it's just like, you see a photo of someone you hate and you're like, nice button fly asshole. Oh, do you open that? Do you open that thing to take your dick out and piss you fucking moron? Like what dude? Nice fucking electrical outlet in the background. Will you plug your toaster into that pussy? I want my bread warm. What?

Yeah. Bernie at 20 drove a moped. Wait, is that supposed to be mad at this? Bernie at 29 drove the homophobically named moped from GTA Vice City. You sure you're standing up for LGBT people then Bernie, huh? So like, we don't have the comparison of what Pete's done with his life after 40, not yet. But his first 40 years should give you a pretty fucking good blueprint for that. We do, however, have one for Bernie.

And what he's done is pretty fucking impressive. This would be a pimp. Long shot, long shot candidate for Burlington. Complete, complete, like, sea change of a mayor. Completely change that fucking place. Yeah, let's talk about his record as mayor. Yeah. Like he stood up for LGBT, right?

I was at LGBTQ rights before that was even like, that was in the 80s. Yeah. I had a social housing program. Yeah. Had a foreign policy. Yeah. As a mayor of it. And then like, again, worked his way up through state politics to become a long serving US senator.

That's pretty fucking impressive. Pete Buttigieg hasn't done anything that fucking good yet. Pete Buttigieg ran for one statewide wide race and got fucking washed. He couldn't get elected straight to treasurer. Mr. Charts couldn't beat whoever the Indiana GOP candidate was, which was like a fucking lawnmower with an iPad cat came on it. That said, spelled out build the wall when you hit the yarn. Even though he went to the Indiana State Tea Party and begged them for endorsements. Yep.

That was pretty impressive of him. Honestly, I don't know why this guy is running for president. It boils down to, he's fucking boxed in. He's in a state that's not going to elect another Democrat to a statewide office, probably the foreseeable future. So he's got a circumvent the state ladder. So he's got a name, make a name for himself and then either like get in the cabinet or maybe look into VP or something. Remember when he failed to run for head of the D triple C? Yes.

Yeah. And I remember being like this jumped up little motherfucker being a smear south. Oh, wait, it was he's running for the head of the DNC. Yeah. Sorry DNC and now he's going to fucking whatever residency the goal and then of course though. So this is now. So we had the peer bear beat bubble a couple of weeks ago and it's now it's starting. The air is starting to go out of it.

Bloomberg's catching up. What's not? Yeah. What happened? It like it didn't catch on the way they wanted it to clearly. It wasn't as convincing. It didn't have the sort of avalanche effect where eventually it's just snowballs and everyone just just greasy. So smart.

And now everyone is pissed because there have been like 18 articles in the past two days of people being like, what's wrong with Pete? Why don't you like Pete? I have one here for you. And then this will get into like again, sort of like the thing we first started talking about, like the people who don't get it or a baffled why like an old guy like Bernie has such diehard support among young people and why young people don't look at someone like Buttigieg as an aspirational figure or someone impressive or admirable in any way, in any

way. Yeah. All right. So this is this comes courtesy of the Atlantic or I like to call it America's most reprehensible magazine piece of shit. By far. I mean, I would say absolute. Literally, if your parents read the Atlantic, swap it out for the Costco magazine.

I'm not kidding. They will become better people. I would say fucking rag is not fit to wipe a cat's ass with. I mean, like both in terms of like actual like prose style, literature, journalism and the knock on evil that they've produced in the world. Soldier of Fortune magazine is superior to the Atlantic in every single way. Soldier of Fortune is just insane guys lying to each other. It's just guys whose entire face is aviator sunglasses being like, yeah, I was actually

made the head of the Contras and he's never left Missouri. It's just like it just is spent like in the Bernie presidency, the government should secretly buy Soldier of Fortune. It's just like a pen pal program for insane guys. And then you just make sure they don't shoot up anything. Whereas the Atlantic's track record far, far worse than even the fantasies of the people right in the Soldier of Fortune's magazines are major league evil here. All right.

So this is a courtesy of Derek Thompson, staff writer at America's worst magazine, the Atlantic. Why is the young left out to get Buttigieg? I wonder why? Here are four theories. The candidate represents a new age of Democrats without representing its politics. Young progressives on the internet don't seem to like Pete Buttigieg very much. They've called him the most obnoxious type of millennial, a boomer wrapped up in millennials clothing, a builder bear for middling Democrats, a candidate seemingly dreamed up by some Democratic

National Committee algorithm, a baggie full of uncut special interest talking points, and a grab bag of gifted and talented party tricks. Buttigieg is a young person's idea of an old person and evidently some sort of bag. All right. Here's what I'll know. He links to all of those insults. He chose all of the most just in artful, soy fucking weak bullshit. He's also been called a rat face fuck.

He's been called a CIA opium warlord from Afghanistan. I mean, he's called these things all these things by me personally. He's been called a fucking T-800 program to cut entitlements. He has been called a satanic bread scammer and he has been called Greg Stilson. He's evidently some sort of bag. I can think of one type of bag he is. D starts with a D. Oh, yeah.

No, I like how all the insults in the article are like, Pete has been told, turn on your monitor, my dude. He has been called an epic twat waffle. He's been told to get shucked, bootlicker. He's been insulted by some of the most insufferable dorks online. He's been called a corn cob 385,000 times by people whose next tweet is like, hey, y'all, I just got banned. Please refollow me.

All right. So the online left is not the electorate and its views don't represent a generation of voters. Wrong. Wrong. Well, I mean, the views of the online left, shall we say broadly, certainly represent more people than read the Atlantic on a monthly basis. Absolutely.

That's for sure. But youthful distaste for Buttigieg isn't an internet illusion. In a recent in a recent Quinnipiac poll, Buttigieg placed second in the Democratic field among voters over 50. He's a nice young boy. He was given a Werther's candy by 90 percent of voters. He was given a 25 year T bill. He has been.

He has been the last words of thousands in hospice care. Never get to vote for him. But he earned just 2 percent support among young voters under 35. His popularity among those aged 35 to 49 is about as high as his overall number. Buttigieg's hate is tightly concentrated among the young. This level of vitriol is confusing for several reasons. Buttigieg's 37 would be the youngest elected president in American history. Nobody ought to vote for Buttigieg or anyone for that matter just because they almost share

a birth date. But one might think that historic youthfulness would be enough to buy him at least say 3 whole percentage points of the national youth vote. Why? Yeah. You just said you shouldn't chug. Do that. You shouldn't pick.

Well, no. Categorical imperative. If you shouldn't pick people for that reason, then no one should. What Derek Thompson, again, staff writer for America's most evil magazine is saying here is like, look, no one's entitled to a vote just because they're relatively of the same age cohort. But he should be entitled to probably be polling at at least 25, 30, 40 percent. They're basically saying he is entitled to 25 percent.

He's entitled to like double digits at the very least by virtue of his age alone. What's more, Buttigieg receives the sort of scrutiny one might expect from a front runner despite being way behind in national polls. Joe Biden represents the far greater threat to the young left's favorite candidate, Bernie Sanders. Wrong. Wrong. Well, we'll see.

We'll CLC. No, Biden represents the far greater threat to the young left's favorite candidate, Bernie Sanders. But Biden seems to avoid much of the highly personal animosity heaped on his, you know, what part of it is, if I'm thinking about this, I mean, like, I honestly think at this point for Biden, this is a bigger threat realistically than anyone else. I mean, his numbers are going down, but if they don't go down a little bit more, it could be really problematic.

The problem is for people who politics is based around, you know, the online own, it's hard because there's literally no Biden voters on the internet. Yeah. The Biden, the Biden voters on the internet you run into are incredibly pleasant. Yeah. Because they're not really paying attention to anything. Yeah. So you're not going to be able, you're going to be like the meme of the guy, the alien

yelling at Picard. That's going to be you try to talk to the Biden voters. They're going to, it's just going to be going over their heads. Try telling a Biden voter he's corn cob. Well, it's not grilling season yet, pal. I saw one, I did see one hardcore Biden voter once online who's very online and in her bio, she had hashtag Biden front, the bite with front, it was an offshoot of the chat next. I mean, like, here's the other thing I think, I think he does kind of get why Pete Buttigieg

is more viscerally repellent to someone like me than Joe Biden, even though they were roughly represented like Joe Biden's career, certainly vastly outstrips Pete Buttigieg, the evil that he's committed in his life, which, like we said, at 37 is still very impressive. Well, well, Joe had already been able to win statewide races. Yeah. Yeah. That's the difference. You got elected at 30.

Yeah. At 29, technically. He made confusing comments to literally everyone in Delaware in an afternoon and they elected him by a claim. He went around and said, oh, this just looks like a five dog afternoon and people were like, what? Okay. Alvo for you.

Well, what's going on here? Let's begin with the most straightforward explanation. Number one, don't overthink it. They hate him because he's not a socialist and his early state poll numbers are rising. This is the obvious answer. And frankly, it might be the only answer in the past two months, no candidate has gained more than Buttigieg in the early States. If he wins in Iowa, New Hampshire, he could block Bernie Sanders path to the nomination.

And this deeply concerns young progressive activists who rightly see the Democratic primary as a zero-sum competition to lead the party in a winnable election. Are you listening to that? Warren dipshits. Yeah. At least this guy understands it. Attention, Elizabeth Warren supporters, a zero-sum competition to lead the party in a winnable election that has the potential to redefine the Democratic platform for a

decade or longer. Indeed, sir. Warren supporters. Why don't they just form a unity ticket now? I don't know. I don't know. Is that not a thing you can do? What?

You're saying it isn't? I mean, the president of the United States, President Biden, has the youth and vigor to command the party for the next generation, speaking of Dharmak and Tilagra, Jihad. And this makes him the graver threat to those arguing for a socialist revolution. This explains, this explanation takes us pretty far, but I'm not sure it quite captures the level of sulfuric hate and the progressive objections to his candidacy. I'm going to skip ahead here. He doesn't mention his face or voice at any point during this.

Yeah. Like someone with identically shitty policies to Pete, Amy Klobuchar, don't hate her. You know why? She's honest. She's honest about who she is. She never made a tweet that was like, but I sense a fail. I'm for Medicare for all like she is who she is. Can't hate her.

You have, you have another reason for maybe I wanted to come to my apartment and yell at me for not having a couch. You stupid piece of shit. Where are people supposed to sit? You don't think about anything. Oh, that would be awesome. Number two, keep not overthinking it. They also hate him because they think he's a liar.

There's no question that Buttigieg glimpsing and opening in the moderate lane has tacked toward the center in the past few months. Initially seemed to support Medicare for all, and now he openly criticizes the effect it would have on private insurance employment. He initially proposed radical government reforms such as packing the Supreme Court and removing the filibuster. But now he's recast himself as a moderate unifier. As a result, the left sees him not just as any moderate, but as a moderate masquerading

as a wonder kid grassroots progressive. When my colleague Elaine Godfrey spoke with a Sanders supporter in North Carolina, he told her that Buttigieg quote threatens to put a fresh face on the most nakedly cynical underbelly of the post triangulation Democratic party. Sign that kid up. Sign him up. Let's bring up, call him up to the majors for the young left. Political moderation might be a misdemeanor, but eloquent moderation donning the costume

of progressive activism is first degree phoniness that merits the punishment of crude criticism. The punishment of crude criticism. Hey, hey, hey, hey, Derek, um, political moderation, that's not a misdemeanor to me. And the thing you just described, it deserves something, but not crude criticism. And criticism is what we do because I don't have any real power. Number three, overthink it a little bit. Young people hate him because he's a traitor to his generation. Okay, starting to get a little bit warmer here.

It's a little bit more, I want to dig down into the depths here. Let's get, let's go. Generational identity is arguably the most important dividing line in the Democratic party, more than class, race, or education. As I've written, the young left has become a kind of third party awkwardly domiciled within the Democratic party. Buttigieg, however, is a traitor to his generation. He is a 30-something millennial who appeals mostly to middle-aged and older white voters.

In this way, his candidacy violates a certain unwritten law of U.S. electoral politics. American voters have historically appreciated candidates who, from a socioeconomic perspective, identify down. Franklin D. Roosevelt was a traitor to the upper class. Trump is the real estate billionaire who speaks for coal miners. Bernie Sanders is the septigenarian senator who rallies the young left. But there's not a deep history of successful candidates who appear to identify up, like a young non-millionaire small-town mayor who aligns himself with cosmopolitan capital.

Identifying down can be a proxy for authenticity, but identifying up invites accusations of inauthenticity. By rejecting young progressive activism, Buttigieg betrays his generational class identity. Okay, what I'll say about this is that it's not a matter of identifying up or down or that it's like it's phony of him. No, this is the most authentic thing he could possibly do as a human being, as who he is is identify with, as he puts it, cosmopolitan capital. I don't think it's phony.

I think it's evil. Yeah. I think his aspirations, his ambitions, the things he believes in, the things he's worked towards, and the things he will do as president are evil. Yeah. No. It's as simple as that. His work is already evil or pointless, probably like in 90-10 split towards evil, and on a

larger scale, I can think of a few things more horrifying for an executive branch run on the principles of McKinsey, just mass death. Most kiss asses are very authentic about kissing ass. Yeah. It's like everyone knows someone like that. It's a weird intergenerational class identity, like no, everybody knows someone like this, and they're all pricks. Again, the path he chose as this wonder kid, what we're finding out is, I saw something

the other day where someone was talking about how it was some fucking squirt stain. He was just saying the unspoken thing going on in the Democratic Party right now is how previous jobs that were a path to politics are becoming poisonous, like working at a white shoe law firm, working in consulting, working at a bank or Wall Street firm. Being a prosecutor. Yes. Being a prosecutor or a fucking soldier or something like that, a military officer, I should say.

He was like, this is going to have big ramifications going forward, and it was sort of like a couched in a non-judgmental way, and then you look at all the comments and people were like, this is insane. What are we just going to become the party of service workers? Because you imagine if there was no one in politics who ever worked for an insurance company or a Wall Street bank, and it's just like, yeah, no, that's it. The contempt that these people have for the idea that their political party would represent or cater to the interests of people that they regard as below them, as underachievers, as

not smart, is upsetting to these people. But it's because I think what I'd say of the millennial cohort, if such a thing can be talked about as a political demographic or movement, the more that it becomes doing these things are evil, they make you evil, they mark you not just as untrustworthy, but as someone who is fuck a traitor to your generation, you're a traitor to the human race itself. That's what I think about people who work or follow similar paths into politics and power from that and money. And as much as Derek is trying to write 2,000 words about young generational and inner-class

divides among the young online left, I think there is a very real thing here where the emerging cohort, who is not among Pete Buttigieg, but is not Pete Buttigieg, might be somebody who went to grad school for graphic design and is saddled with six figures of student debt and genuinely feels more solidarity with somebody who is a service worker than somebody who is an upwardly mobile, like a young insurance VP. And that is part of the, you know, in as much as he's saying inner-class generational conflict, whatever, that he is seeing and part of the disdain for Buttigieg. I mean, yeah, I think that's a great point, Chris, and like a perfect example of that

is like the right wing does this all the time with AOC, where they always talk about it. She's just a bartender, but I swear to God, those fucking, like just at the edge of what's coming out of their mouths, the fucking, the DLC, fucking CAP, fucking Democrat people, they come up right to the line to saying that about AOC, because that's essentially how they view her. They view her the same way as someone who was just a bartender before she was in politics. Because they are credit-mongers, they're VC-humpers, they think that the reason that they would tell you that it's horrible to imagine no insurance executives or lawyers or anything

being government is because in their mind, those are the only things that qualify you for the job, because they give you knowledge of how things work, as opposed to some plebeian who doesn't really have any understanding through the jobs that they do. And really, all you're learning in those jobs is the ideology and how to advance the interest of those forces that you're being paid for. And most critically, and as anybody, including myself, who has gone to a semi-nice university and tried to get into these job tracks, will tell you, if they're being honest at all, the majority of the thing that you're getting from any of these educations or work experiences

is meeting the other people who will then give you the better jobs, the more high-paying salaries. It is as much a social club as it is gaining any tangible skills. Yeah. All right. Number four and final reason, overthink it more, young people project an extreme hostility to... So is he trying to just do the galaxy-brain meme with a different tone?

Yeah, yeah. Get out of here. This is a new format of four-paragraph essay that is the galaxy-brain format. Yeah. Or Vince McMahon getting more excited. Overthink it more, young people project an extreme hostility toward Buttigieg on the internet in part to exercise their own anxieties about success and increase their in-group status.

Again, I think he's missing the point that it's also very fun and funny to do as well. So that's just increasing your in-group status. That's Clout. That's Clout. That's Clout. Right. So this magazine just needs to be fucking euthanized. This is terrible.

Why is this an article? Who's fucking... I don't care what doctor's office you're in, what luxury wing of a hospital you're in, where they're just shooting fucking the blood of endangered species directly into your prostate. Who the fuck wants to read this? He ran out of ideas so bad that his fourth point is just filling the space is like, well, people like engagement on their posts. This week...

This is fucking dog shit. This guy should be retrained as like, I don't know, a gas station attendant. This fucking sucks. This week, I tweeted that the stark age gap of Buttigieg's support suggests that he performs a specific archetype in this race. Your polite, hyper-achieving high school friend who delighted the parents at the Christmas party with his piano rendition of Silent Night, which made your friends roll their eyes so hard they're retinas detached.

I guess he knows someone like that? I don't know. Oh, yeah. No, that's Clout. Dude, we all have the Silent Night friend. The fuck are you talking about? Shut up! Older and richer educated liberals look at Buttigieg and see a flattening reflection

of their young selves are offspring. Young educated liberals look at Buttigieg and see a nauseating caricature, not of the person they are or even the person they wanted to be, but the person they felt pressured to emulate but never quite become, an outcome they regard with tortured ambivalence. Buttigieg is the guy they hated in college, not only because he was obnoxiously successful, but also because his success sat uncomfortably hauntingly close to the version of success they once felt prompted to achieve. Well, I mean, it's a good thing Derek doesn't have to have any of the in-group about being

pressured to succeed because he's gotten a pat on the head from Jeffrey Goldberg, America's fattest war criminal. Well, I'm not since the last day of surgery, not anymore. He's now a big deflated Jeffrey. Yeah, just like a balloon. That's just a balloon animal. Yeah, he's sadly popping around the room. So this is my grand unifying theory of loving and loathing Pete Buttigieg.

The South Bend Indiana mayor doesn't offer any kind of new deal. Hold on. That's not a unified theory, you fucking idiot. That's four things. You just four separate ideas. You de-unified it. Hunt. Moron.

That's a separated theory. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Make instructional YouTube videos about like ASMR or some shit. His next article, The Atlantic, four reasons why Chopo Trav Pals loathes me. I will forget this guy the moment I stepped foot in my apartment, but just the act of reading this article.

I now hate him more than anyone else on earth. All right. The South Bend Indiana mayor doesn't offer any kind of new deal. Green or other. Wow. Rather, he offers one of the oldest deals in politics, generational change without class warfare. Oh, okay.

Maybe he's got a germ of an idea here. This is both why many older Democrats find his candidacy appealing and why many younger Democrats find him intolerable. The chief aim of progressive activism is to transform the U.S. political economy, not to pass the baton of neoliberal incrementalism between generations. The Buddha judge represents a new age of Democrats without representing its politics. This makes his campaign is something more than a threat to the revolution. It feels above all like a betrayal of his people.

Derek, I think, you know, he pulls it back there at the end. And I think like, you know, he's not, maybe I've been too hard on Derek. I don't know if I have or haven't. I don't know if I ever have it, but like, I just, why do I hate Derek? You write for The Atlantic. Sorry. You should have gotten it. You shouldn't have got a shit of your job.

Like honestly, should he just like, I don't know. He's not selling weed. No, I like, again, I'm not fucking hard. You'd be out here stealing. No, I'm not going to hate Derek in like 20 minutes. I like, look, you know, he doesn't work for them. It's just going to be some other smooth guy. Yeah, I know.

But just I didn't enjoy hearing the article, Derek. I'm sorry. Sometimes you throw out some clunkers. I understand Jeffrey is breathing behind your neck and his, the breath coming out of his nostril smells like fucking soup. I understand the big, just a big wet cloud of breath. Oh, Mayor Pete's getting a lot of grief online. Why don't you write about that?

I got it. It is rough. Yeah, I know. Shit on G Derek. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I didn't like hearing it. That's all. Gigi's only Derek.

I understand. I know. I understand. Everyone needs a fucking job. We're all sipping out of the same fucking poison shit broth. God's working on all of us. God's working on all of us. I understand, Derek, Jeffrey does run the newsroom like a prisoner of war camp that he's a guard

of and abuses you for fun to make his fat, doughy face and small, tiny heart feel anything at all. He needs to make his little cashew, throb. The only way he can do that is through tormenting those weaker than under him. Once a year, he gets to pussy-pop and Tel Aviv. This isn't that time. He's just got to make people fucking crank him out. He's a grinder.

You're a grinder. I mean, I guess the path to redemption is just, I don't know, leak all those company emails. Oh, yeah. Get that shit out there. He's got to be some dirt. I don't know. Derek, I don't want to get you in trouble.

Will is just, he's going to put you up for this. I think a classic prank, unscrew the office salt shaker when Jeff's about to use it. Classic whoopee cushion. Oh, how about this? Just leave very small pieces of raw chicken at the very bottom of filing cabinets in his office. That's another classic prank. Well, all right.

Let's, uh, good rotates, guys. I know this is a, this is a hard one to do. We're all fucking exhausted and gutted and, you know, it's a late episode, but, um, we will be back very soon with, I think, a full house episode. Yeah. Uh, going. Everywhere you look. Uh, yeah.

No, exactly. Uh, we'll get the full, we will get, I promise, the full report on, uh, the funnest strip ever. Yeah. It was great. Yeah. We were jealous of you guys. The entire time.

Um, it was delightful. All right. Till next time. Yeah. We'll get the full report on, uh, the full report on, uh, the full report on, uh, the full report on, uh, the full report on.