Chapo Trap House - 448 - Real Steel America (8/24/20)

Episode Date: August 25, 2020

It's a classic Will-less episode that kind of goes all over the place as we review the speakers list for this week's RNC. We talk about like, cars and tort reform a bunch, as well as a rising star in Republican politics. We'll be covering the RNC all week on Twitch from 9-11pm E.S.T. over on http://www.twitch.tv/chapotraphouse

Hello everyone. So welcome to see you again. It is your Monday free Deadbeat episode of Chappo trap house with me, Felix, Matt and Amber. Will Medeker is out getting, uh, uh, fucking himself. All right. So we're already getting started off on a bad foot. We expected a joke for why Will is in here, but, uh, do you want me to like try to come up with one on the spot? Do it. All right.

Okay. Um, Will is hanging out with left shark and Carol Baskin greeting, greeting, greeting a freaking glizzy with Joe exotic. Damn. What? Yeah. What do you think about that? Topical. Wow. Yeah.

I mean, that's, thanks, thanks for the mental picture in 2020. Could you be any more 2020? Yeah. Gonna need brain bleach for that one. We're here though. We're, uh, I mean, we're live with each other, not with you. I don't who cares, but, uh, got a week of news. We have a news buffet. Yes, we do. It is Monday, day one of the Republican national convention and we have in our hands, a list of RNC speakers. These are the real winners. This is, this is America's best and brightest here to chart a path to the stars. We will not be live streaming Monday

because I don't know right. Why? I think nobody wants to do it. Monday is really, I kind of want to. It's got a good cast. There's people on Monday. Does it? As for today, does it? Because Monday is kind of the shit night. I was, I was looking over the list and well, there's two people on that that jumped out of me from the front of them. Okay. Let's just get into it. Uh, leading off, and I guess, uh, oh, this is an order

of appearance, uh, leading off to consecrate the whole event. Uh, Cardinal Dolan. Oh boy. First night, the yellow king, uh, after that to, uh, defile the proceedings, Charlie Kirk is, he gives me a prey to one of the old ones who birthed him and his fucking gums. Then someone named Rebecca Friedrich is public school teacher. Free riches. That's a good one. Yeah. I'm picturing like a mask, Matthew Lesko type of teacher. Right. Yeah. Her and free real estate coming in.

Tonya Weinreich, small business owner whose coffee shop qualified for a loan under the paycheck protection program. Coffee shop is a fun, um, that's unexpected. You know, I would have figured they would have like a guy who sells sea dues or whatever. Like a guy who owns one of those like, uh, Islamophobic coffee companies. Right. Yeah. We rub the beans in bacon. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably one of those troop coffee, coffee places, but they only sell

black, black rifle. The optics are still like 30 years old on that with like the, I would have just figured they would have gone with like, you know, an axe throwing bar or something. It's just, I mean, whatever they're keeping up. Well, they're trying to appeal to suburban women and that's like, um, True. True. That's, that's like when you're a suburban woman and your husband, uh, like as you fuck the pool guy and gives him all like a ton of your real estate, um, do you, your consolation

prize is that you get to own a coffee shop. Oh God, the American dream. Yeah. Jesus. Oh yeah. That's like, that's, that's aspirational for like conservative suburban women is they're like, I'm gonna own a coffee shop that's inspired by like all my Pinterest pins. Right.

And you can like sort of supplement your like sexual frustration by leading up against the espresso machine while it vibrates. Yeah. You have one of those like shard haircuts. You kind of have a haircut, like, uh, one of the male protagonists in Kingdom Hearts with, uh, two different colors of blonde highlights. And your fantasy is that like, uh, the woman who worked for Ray Donovan comes in and just goes absurd on your box, which like, if I was a woman, yeah, absolutely.

Anyway, that's what she, that's what she's going to talk about at the convention. I made a Pinterest. What do you have on it? I don't have anything on it because I can't really get it to work. It wants me to install a plugin and I don't want to do that. I don't know. I have a lot of Pinterest, uh, like board things, like I have Pinterest and I started and I, I originally started it, I think, um, because I missed all of the design accounts

on Instagram and it's superior because now when I look at mid-century modern furniture, there's no, and that's why black lives matter at the bottom. It's just, it's removed from that. So Pinterest, I'm going back to it. I'm, I'm bringing back, you know, 2014. When I get, when I figure out how to get it to work, I am, I'm going to shit up Pinterest, you know. I'm going to make kind of a twisted crew of funny Pinterest posters and we're going

to get, you know, political over time and, uh, eventually for some reason Bernie Sanders has to follow me there. I would like to create the fabestar of Pinterest. Oh God. Yeah, I get some Michael Rock tweets up there, Michael, Michael Rock should be speaking at this convention, by the way, have you seen his timeline recently? So no, his turn to Trump, like that's the weather vein, you know, that he's the Cronkite of the modern moment, like epic, epic joke man on Twitter with a divorce and a bad Boston

Red Sox cap. Uh, and if he turns into a full Trump guy, that's the direction that the country is going then. Well, think about this. It's a QAnon, but that fave star thing of being like, I heard about a mother who microwaved her kids. I'm fucking sick. I'm so mad.

Shit. You're right. That was a huge thing. It was like, Oh, this fucking scumbag child molester. I would fucking skin him alive. Yeah. Like half your jokes, half your jokes are like, um, Oh, uh, Bowflex. I thought you said wine drink, but then like a weird like 20% of your timeline is like,

if I ever saw a woman punch your kid 40 feet across a grocery store aisle, like Donkey Kong can do and smash brothers. I couldn't be held accountable for what I do. And that's Q and Q and on your, yeah, right. Yeah. That's just doing that. Exactly. They just gave a face to the fantasy sicko.

Yeah. The next step of like turning it into a real fantasy. Yeah. Well, I mean, I guess the, you know, I wish a mother would kind of sentiment. We haven't found like a modern way of dealing with that. There's no outlet for it except the internet, I guess. That's why I think we need to make the movie real steel a reality. If you guys haven't seen that one, Hugh Jackman, it's a future where boxing has been replaced

by robot boxing. Okay. We could have art. Like it's sort of like BattleBots only bigger and more violent and then people could settle their disputes that way. With Rockham and Stockham robots. Yes. Is that it?

Yeah. That's the plot of the film. It's a world like ours, but with one exactly one change. Yeah. That's the change. There's a musical number. There's a lot of dance. No, it is beat for beat a washed up boxer finds redemption story, except the boxer

is a robot. Oh, so Hugh Jackman's a robot in it. No, no. See, that's just it. Is it the robots are not? No, the robots aren't sentient. The robots are just husks with programming. They're essentially like big Rockham, Stockham robots are controlled by.

He's always, he's like a drone pilot. Yes. He is a robot pilot. He is a, he is like avatar. Yeah. Like he is a boxer in the sense that he, he does the punches and stuff, but they're not connected to anything. They're connected to the actions of the robot.

So it's a movie about a gamer. You get a level, you get a level between screaming to people on the internet and creating fantasies and actually violently confronting another person in the middle of that is just a simulated battle of robots. What's the point of neverminds? Nevermind. I don't, I'm, I'm, I'm getting too invested in this. That sounds like a wonderful program, Matt.

I hope to watch it on the TV one of these days and, and it's definitely not actually healthier for a guy to just go to a bar and like get his ass kicked once every couple of years. I, you guys know, I'd like to be a really bad father one day, right? Oh yeah. That's what your greatest dreams are written about you that ends up on Oprah's book club back. This is my kid going to become talented.

It's like the cars are stacked against him unless I'm one of the worst fathers of all time. So I'm thinking for my son's 19th birthday, I get him that I'm Blu-ray, which has been out of date for like 15 years at that point. That's a really good father present. That's like the, the end of the chapter that's like, you know, the worst part of my child, my adolescence. Would it be like an afterthought like you're like, Oh, I remember liking this, or would

it be like giving him with grave solemnity? Like you thought about it very seriously. Well, well, it would be like one of the only times I see him over the course of that year, but it's like, it's based off something I misremember where I think I'm being a really good father. He talked about liking like, I don't know, Gundam or Wolverine, things that are like tangentially connected to this movie, but I'm like, Oh, I remember this, right? Remember this.

And it's like, or I think I remember seeing it with him, but actually I remember seeing it with my secret family and that's how he finds out about it. So it's just a whole traumatic thing. Like he starts crying and I'm like, I just think it's because he's happy because I'm such a bad father, but that's, that's what I'm, that's what I'm going to do. Yeah. So how do you get like a good mother because I think you need the one. No, yeah.

The mother is going to be good. I'm just going to be one of the worst fathers of all time and I'm ready for it. Oh, we agree on that. Yeah. That's on your bucket list. I believe in you. I can't wait. If you're a woman out there who's willing to be a really great caring mother, but never

see the many horrible sides of me, email the show account. Just have driver's license because he's not getting one. Let's be real. Yeah, I am. Wait. You're not at 30. You're getting a driver's license. Yeah, I am.

I will bet money. This never happened. No. I'm literally going to do it. I used to have one. It just lapsed. Oh, really? Yeah.

No, I did. I don't know. No, we never had one. You said you've never had one. I thought. No, that was my assumption. I know I did have one in Minnesota. Do you want, do you want me to get my mom on the horn?

Yeah, I kind of do. My ma'am on got her first driver's license at 45, so congratulations, Felix. You're light years ahead of a very old Appalachian woman that had nine brothers and sisters and grew up without electricity or indoor plumbing. Well, we didn't have PlayStation One for a while in my house, but I mean, how old was she when she got her second driver's license because that's like what will be happening with me. Okay.

I had this horrible dream last night where I had to drive a stick shift, and I don't remember what a stick shift is like, so it was just like kind of weird in the dream. There's like three pedals, right? There's a brake gas and a clutch. A clutch, yeah. And you have to like hold the clutch in order to shift gears. I'll turn in my ma'am card. I've never learned how to drive a stick.

I taught my ex husband how to drive a stick. You can drive a stick. And then he didn't let me tell anyone. I also tutored him in math, so he'd go to college. I did all the boy things. We need to get a stick shift for the office. For the office. Yeah.

Yeah. And we'll all learn how to drive the stick. And Felix, you're double learning. Yes. Oh my God. They're going to give me a third driver's license after that shift. I look forward to having like really intense arguments about whether or not you downshift or coasted neutral, we're going to start listening to Click and Clack.

We're going to become, this is going to become a car podcast. Oh, fun. Yeah. Finally. Okay. So if you're a woman out there with a driver's license and a stick shift, email the show account. Yeah.

There you go. I also like to marry me in addition to that. Let's, you know. Yeah. We're killing two birds here. I'm not reading more than one email. So. Yeah.

Now we get enough as it is. We get enough emails that are just like, Oh, have you guys seen this, would love your take on it. And it's like just a DVD rip of the matrix. It's a request for us to form an opinion for someone. Yeah. Yeah. Boy, this is, this is a, this is deviant.

No, this is, this is what we're, this is what we're trying to do. This is the RNC episode. We're trying to convey a similar atmosphere of discursiveness. I'm going to get another cup of coffee and then I'm going to be Mr. on task. You should ask. It's ambient. Car now. I like it.

Oh wow. How'd you get a car? Oh, my folks drove it up here from the Bahamas. You're kidding. That must be the Bahamas or islands. Okay. The important thing here is that you asked me what kind of car it is. Uh, uh, what kind of car do you got?

I've got a bitching Camaro. Uh, this coffee tastes great knowing that one day I'll also drink the same beverage in a car that I won using my second driver's license. I'll be really proud of you. All right. Let's go to the list. Next up. Representative Matt Gates.

Hell yeah. Many guys. My boy. The kid who grew up at the Truman show house who just, uh, just received a how dare you serve from the house ethics committee. Oh snap. He's done for now. Uh, Rhonda McDaniel chair of the RNC Mitt Romney sister, I believe her daughter or something.

I think it's his niece. Okay. And she's a buddy. She's a buddy. She butted off the Romney mollusk. Yeah, she, um, I have a special like bad, like, uh, just ambient bad feeling about her because she betrayed an uncle. And I think that's disgusting.

Uh, Amy Johnson Ford nurse practitioner. Uh, I, I guarantee that's someone with an insane YouTube channel. Yes. Sure. I mean, if she doesn't know, she will after this. Uh, Dr. Dr. G E golly surgeon who's gonna sell some miracle here's, no, that man drives an ice cream truck. I'm just a simple country doctor.

What is he going to do? Sing this song that he made for his elixir. That's the goal is patented tonic will kill you all ailments up to it, including the novel coronavirus. Yeah. And after him, there's going to be a chicken that can do now. Yeah. Now this is my met.

This is my medically issued seersucker suit, uh, representative Jim Jordan. Okay. I'm going to lead the whole crowd in some, uh, stretches, uh, have him do a few tumbles on the, on the mats. Get sweaty. Get a little sweaty. Jim Jordan. It's so depressing how Jim, well, not Jim Jordan, but like the guy you covered up for

was like the Epstein of Ohio. Yeah. He just had like a Lolita Greyhound bus. Yeah. It's very, by the way, the Epstein of Ohio is also Epstein. Yeah. I guess so. Through the last Wexner.

Yeah. Herschel Walker, former NFL player. Oh, no way. No. Yeah. Herschel Walker. Yeah. Herschel Walker is an insane Christian.

Like he's like one of those guys who's like, uh, Jesus Christ came to me during one of my football games. He's the guy who, uh, who ruined the, uh, Minnesota Vikings when, when, uh, they officially traded him, uh, traded for him, uh, and stocked up the Cowboys to make their championship runs in the nineties. Matt, did you know this? Herschel Walker has multiple personality disorders. I have heard that.

Yeah. He says associate of identity disorder. Yeah. He says that, uh, he doesn't remember all those football achievements because they were like done with a different, like he was a different person when he did them. What about the Bob sledding? Cause he was also on the Olympic bobsled team. What?

Don't know what he says about that. Yes. That's true. He, he was also, he also became an MMA fighter when he was like 45. Of course. That's always, you know, you're making the right choices when you end up in the octagon after you've had your first colonoscopy. Well, he like, he, he, he beat, he like beat some guys who sucked.

But he was, he's like in really good shape, but of course he's like one of those insane liars who says, who's like, you know, 8% body fat and jacked and he's like, I only eat one soup every day and I've never touched a weight. It's like, yeah, buddy. Okay. Uh, Natalie Harp, Trump campaign advisory board member. No idea who that is. Yeah.

Whatever. Get out of here. Sally guitar busy. Get out of here. Boom. Boom. Go to hell, bitch. Okay.

Vernon Jones, Georgia state representative, uh, Andrew Pollack, father of metal, Pollack was killed at the Parkland shooting. Oh, good. Oh, the fun, fun. That's the, that's not the mega hog. Is it? No, no, no, no. A kid.

Yeah. He, they now had one of the, one of the survivors, Kyle Clough Kalash or something was his name. Kyle Kalinsky. Yeah. Mark and Patricia McCloskey. This is fun. The couple who pointed guns at Black Lives Matter protests, the gun couple, the gun couple.

Oh, that's, we talk about how like there's, like how the parties are switching places. Uh, I will, and say, and people said, like, Oh, the DNC was like the 1996 RNC this place. Now we've got the switcheroo because there's no way on earth that the 1996 RNC would have allowed trial lawyers to speak at it because in the nineties, trial lawyers were the devil. Yeah. Like, and you know, that, that moment of reform. Yeah, exactly. That was like the big domestic issue, just unleashing, getting rid of all, uh, any kind

of public culpability for any kind of corporate wrong and those guys are the devil. But now a few years later, conditions change. You point a gun at some protesters and all is forgiven. That was, if you ever got into an argument about healthcare with the forum conservatives, you would remember that they said the only reason healthcare in America is so expensive is because of trial lawyers, which is a hell of an argument. No, I remember my grandpa saying that and then you talk about tour reform and I would say, what's that?

And then he kind of didn't know. No. Yeah. It's literally propaganda that you got fed. Yeah. Yeah. It's exactly like the guys who are from like Branson, Missouri and are like, Oh, they're holding back, bridge it and you're like, what's breaks that he explained it to me and he'll

be like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty much on that, on that kind of level of things, but I, I do remember, um, that was when they really built up the, the hot coffee story. Yes. Yeah. And what propaganda for everyone, liar, liar, the, the number, the, I mean, like the number

of outlets, like it was like, it was, you only found out later that it was like semi-coordinated that they all went into it because they're like, here's a perfect example. Um, and they made that documentary, which was actually quite good, um, especially like because it explains something as boring as tour reform and, um, showed very graphic pictures of that older woman's mutilated genitals from Burns, which is like, yeah, no, they, it shouldn't, the coffee shouldn't be that hot. Sorry. Yeah.

I saw, I stream, I saw that movie on rotten.com. It was very cool. It was a rotten.com movie. Like, like, you know, 80% of it was kind of like, you know, um, big short level explanations of like sort of like legal and corporate proceedings. And there's like, oh yeah, by the way, she was really horribly maimed by this and had to get like skin grafts. I remember that story, uh, made it into the movie, liar, liar in one of those moments

where, uh, Jim Carrey's secretary is like the, the, the voice of common sense and says, you know why people don't like lawyers? A woman sued McDonald's for all this money just cause they served her hot coffee. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, there was a lot of things too. But it was like a lot of, um, around that time trying to, yeah, Jim Carrey do better. He needs to reckon with the, with the multiplicity of the expenses.

He learned a lesson in the third act. Yeah. Um, there was, um, I think one of the big ones they found out was like Walmart was being sued for like bad lighting, uh, which sounds dumb, but, um, it was, they weren't lighting their parking lots. And the thing is about like not lighting a parking lot well is like that's where people get murdered. They just turn, this Walmart just turns on the strobe lights at 6.15 PM every night,

uh, and just sends everyone into an epileptic seizure, uh, and, uh, because a lot of people like live in Walmart parking lots, uh, the, the, just a lot of people are getting murdered in them. So it was like they, like one of the, one of the other things that people were using as an example. It's like, oh, they're, they're, and it's like, no, actually you do kind of have to like keep the lights on, you, you own a massive parking lot, you have a certain responsibility to that.

Anyway, fun stuff, tort reform, real throwback, that's like in the nineties, if you wanted to make like a sort of a movie for children or stupid adults where like a character meets his comeuppance by being turned into like an aunt or getting turned blue, you made him a lawyer because that was like public enemy number one in the nineties. When we had solved all the problems of humanity, it's like, we just got to take down the lawyers. Yeah. The libertarians love the crazy, love the crazy lawsuit stories. And that was the cancel culture, uh, bullshit stories, uh, of the nineties.

Right. And I don't know what precipitated that flip. And I don't know, I wonder if anyone's actually looked up if Mark and Patricia McCloskey are Republicans or Democrats or Republicans, they've donated to Republicans, but I think what's interesting is also they, they're not, not only are they personal injury lawyers, they act like the worst caricature of it because apparently they're wildly, uh, litigious throughout the suit everybody. So like this is the devil for the nineties.

Oh, oh fuck. Um, uh, 30 years later, they're the models because they're, they're defending us against the real enemy, which is not lawyers anymore. It's right. Next up, uh, Donald Trump's girl, Donald Trump Jr.'s girlfriend. All right. Oh yes. The former wife of California governor, Gavin Newsom.

Gavin fucked the whole team. Indeed. Uh, again, Matt, you know, I'm almost done with this list, but it's pretty brutal so far. Like this is, I was kind of interested in the gun couple. Uh, there's one other, that is fascinating. Yeah. Well, they have.

I will watch the gun couple one, I'm sure, uh, keep it on to make sure I see the gun couple. Uh, usually on the first night, there's some kind of keynote speaker and we're, we're getting to Steve Scalise, uh, without the baggage, Sean Parnell, R.I.P. Dizdik, uh, Maximo Alvarez, founder of sunshine gasoline, which sounds fun. That's a fun, bright name. What? Yeah.

What could be wrong with that? That's, that sounds like a guy, that sounds like a guy who laundered money for like Anthony Gaspipe Casso in the 80s and then was stuffed into a trunk. Uh, Nikki Haley, who, the closest thing to a keynote, and I don't really know why they led her there because she's still like doing the, the, you know, moderate wing of the party, fucking bullshit. And the media still talks her up as like, oh, you know, this, this lady actually, you know, she, she might chart the course of the post Trump GOP.

There was a fantasy very early in the, in the Trump, Trump years, I remember distinctly of her, after she quit running against him in 2020. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think her thing is that she is just a bloodless careerist. Yeah. And she's like, I think the reason they have her there is like, again, like the Trump people are pretty open about the fact that they think suburban women are the key to winning, winning

in the, uh, blue Midwest firewall states again that they would need. By the way, looking at the sunshine gasoline guy, apparently he's a, he's a Cuban Floridian. So there you go. Oh yeah. That's a stunner. Tim Scott. Tim Scott, everybody. It's gonna be Tim Scott.

Yeah. Just a, I mean, obviously that's like also for the girls. That's a little eye candy. He is a stud. And I guess the, the keynote is Donald, is Donald Trump Jr. Now we're talking. All right. See, that's what I wanted to see.

That I'm excited about. I gotta say, even, yeah, even Hillary wouldn't be like, all right, the keynote for the fucking that night of the convention is Chelsea. Yeah. Even she's like, all right, my kid's a fucking dud. Yeah. And that's what's so beautiful about it cause like Donald Trump is worshiped by a subsection of the Trump people.

They think he's going to be the actual, you know, that he's going to be the real God emperor. But for most people who knows, I mean, I've given up thinking, but he doesn't seem like he doesn't come off to me as terribly smart, but we'll see. And I can't wait to see what he says. He's just going to like read off sniglets and like just do a, an extended reading from I hope they serve beer and hell. He's not even like, he's not very smart, but it's like, he's not even like, he's not even like Rich Hall, confident or charismatic, like he's just always nervously laughing.

He seems terrified all the time. I don't, he's got that coke thing of like, he's got that twitchy coke energy all the time. Yeah. It's not confident at all. It's very shaky. Yeah. Every time, like he keeps trying to remember like things he saw from Charlie Kirk's Twitter

when he's doing these speeches or panels and he's like, yeah, yeah, and then, and then they, oh, he's going to make hamburgers illegal and it's like, all right, calm down, man. I cannot picture myself doing drugs with any of the Trump children, but I could with the Biden children. Well, of course. Yeah. Well, we have done drugs with Hunter, you just don't remember it. I mean, it's just like, imagine how unpleasant it would be to do it with the children, even

if they were game, like doing drugs with a fucking Don Jr. He's just screaming quotes from old school in your ear to the fucking blood curve polls out of it. No, thank you. Matt, yeah, he just like, he like, just puts his arm around your back and puts his mouth so close to your ear that you can feel the wetness of his lips and goes, milk was a bad choice. Anchorman.

Night to Melania Trump. Yay. All right. The queen. They have to, they have to force her to do one of these again, as they always go fucking terribly. Mike Pompeo ran Paul for some reason, I don't know who ran Paul's appealing to at all or and obviously they don't like him because they know he's a little fucking worm.

Yeah. He's a little fucking dork, twerp who only ever, he goes along with Trump, but then once in a while we'll sort of like passive aggressively be like, I don't know if this is the right thing we should be doing. Just enough to remind you of what a grubby little nerd fucking teacher's pet apple polisher he is. He is a wiener. Like he's a wiener.

Yeah. I don't know how he's going to fare. I mean, he could get booed. I mean, like, hopefully someone just comes out and fucking spears him like Goldberg fucking turns his, his, uh, his rib cage into an accordion. He's going to be on a, he's going to be on a stage decked out with writing mowers. That would be awesome to be, I would, that's a job I want to play the heel at the RNC to like come out there and act like it isn't scheduled.

Like I'm sort of like, I'm, I'm just like, uh, invading the stage and be like, Oh, every professor should be gay. They should give out condoms at elementary school and then I get picked up by a Navy Seal. I would have that job. Trump literally did that to Ted Cruz last time. Oh yeah. That was awesome.

Did Trump loves doing the, the, the, uh, unexpected walk-ons that's the, the wrestling theatricality that the DNC is missing. Yeah. That's why it's the bummer. We didn't get a actual in person one this year for them. They really would have, uh, would have brought the house down. They pussied out. It's like, why not?

It was. Yeah. All right. A bunch of elected officials. It's boring. Abby Johnson, anti-abortion rights activists don't know that is what they're probably normal. Uh, Jason Joyce.

I have no idea who that is. Yeah. I never heard of. Myron Leiser, Navajo Nation vice president, Mary Ann Mendoza, mother whose son was killed by an illegal immigrant. There we go. That's one of the grossest things they do. That was a big thing at the last RNC.

Yeah. They had a whole boy was gross. Very disgusting. Yeah, another bunch of more randos, Megan Pauley. No idea what that is. No idea. Chris Peterson, John Peterson, I, they're listed separately. So perhaps they're not related.

Are they, is that the property brothers? Who the fuck is that? Uh, here's the fun one, Nicholas Sandman, the Covington Catholic shithead. Hell yeah. Oh, that's good. I hope he comes out. He does the face from the screenshot and he, and he, and they bring out like a guy dressed up like the Native American dude and do an epic.

He had an epic recreation. He had an ounce too. Like he could have like gotten out of that and just taken the money because like the lawsuit, because he was misreported on, right? Oh yeah. And it's just like, oh, this is just a shitty kid. I just remember seeing it and like the way people freaked out over that thing. I was just like, first of all, like way to take the bait.

And second of all, like my biggest thing is like Catholic schools in Kentucky. And that was most of where my head was. Northern Kentucky though. That's just, that's a Cincinnati suburb and Cincinnati is heavily Catholic. Right. But it was just like, he, he did get a pretty broad deal and also being like a, you know, a young moron who's not accountable for his actions and it's like, okay, then just take the money and disappear.

Just go away forever. But now he gets the career out of this. He's already, he thinks he does. It's like, why get a real, why work at my dad's a fucking dealership when I could become an epic media guy and do like a nightclub openings, uh, with like Charlie Kirk, uh, I'm trying to think of some more of these little turds who became famous. I don't know. I don't know.

I've already forgotten. Extension of this sort of like disgusting kind of like political grooming they do. Yeah. It's like, it's very unseemly. I'll start with the Parkland kids and then it's like, well, it's all, it's all gross. No one do it. No one. No one.

No kids. Nicholas Sandman makes a career out of, there should be a limit on when you can like appear at a political convention or run for office. Certainly when you should, we could speak on behalf of a party. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I, um, no, I'm with Amber where it was like, when I saw that, the news cycle about Nicholas

Sandman, I was like, why are we talking about this for three weeks? It went on forever. It was insane. It was insane. Yeah, it's because like everyone's obsessed with high school. Every journalist who's like 35 can't let go of high school one way or the other. Yeah. That's a huge part.

Yeah. Every post you see is like, oh, uh, like, uh, this person has popular girl energy or this person, this, oh, this is big, uh, uh, whatever energy and it's like, that was half your life ago. Let it go. Yeah. Oh my God. Move on.

Yeah. You know, the convention should be all children dressed up in suits that are too big for them. No. They should be playing. I got a better one out here. They should be adorable. I got a better one. Puppy Bowl convention.

Oh, okay. Just take it all the way through. Well, that's the counter programming. You'll have both the, like the normal convention is the, the child convention where they're all like a baby Biden and like a six year old Bernie Sanders and it's all very cute. And it's all the same, like theatricality and they're counting the, the votes and they're saying, uh, uh, you know, uh, I yield my time all that, you know, Robert, Robert's rule of shit.

Uh, and if you get bored of that, you, you flip over to the animal channel and you get the puppy bowl convention. I would love this. Yeah. I would love a bugsy Malone version of the 68 convention. It would be adorable. Okay. A little, a little four year old colleague, a little tiny, uh, a Bribeckoff, uh, a Jew,

a tiny daily, a tiny daily, baby daily, at the Republican puppy bowl, uh, a hero cop executes all the dogs. They have a dog who executed another dog. Um, also with the, if, if Nicholas Sandman like makes the face on stage and he's only known for making that smoke face, that isn't that a concession that the face is meant to be demeaning? No, it's demeaning now. That's the beauty of it.

It can turn into it. I also think it's just a space. It can turn into the thing. Like he's going to look like that. Yeah. And this thing is, it's unfortunate that he will be, he will be signing autographs afterwards. Yeah.

Okay. Uh, and rounding things out on Tuesday, it's a double dip of Trump children, Eric Trump, who arguably is the smart one. Yeah. Amazingly. And, and for the first time seeing her in four years, Tiffany Trump, the one that Donald hates. Yeah.

I think that's why she's there because there was that story. This is, I just got it's little Coda, by the way, this is from early in the administration. Some like one of those never Trumpers who then just immediately got a job in the administration because they're completely, you know, amoral husks and work. She got drunk with reporters and told them these stories about how Honol hates his kids and how specifically he hates Tiffany cause she's fat. Yeah. Obviously.

And then she got fired and now I only, I'm only reminded of this because she just wrote a book and the book is called like how sorry I am basically. It's like how much I love Donald Trump and how I learned my lesson for being a bad, uh, disrespectful lib or something. Uh, it's pretty funny, but yeah, I think this is because they still remember that people think he doesn't like Tiffany. It's like, Hey, there's Tiffany. Look, look, she loves him.

I don't know if there's really a big market for, uh, uh, Trump, uh, Maga, Mea, Copas. I mean, it seems like the smarter move would have been to become full resistance live. No. That's the only move. These people, they don't realize it. Yeah. There's no way back up that. No.

There's no way back up the ladder. You've been, you've, they're, they could, they can't trust you anymore. I knew this story because Tiffany is dating the kid of a Nigerian billionaire. That is awesome. Good for Tiffany. That's pretty cool. Way to go. Yeah.

For you too. Where a Trump called Nigeria a shithole. Yeah. Well, I'm sure she'll be fine. Yeah. Yeah. She's a, you know, she's a, she's a, she's a woo girl. She's a spring break girl.

She'll land on her feet. I found the title, the title of that book, by the way, is off the record, my dream job at the White House, how I lost it and what I learned. That sounds like a tale of personal growth. Yeah. It sounds like, did she write it on a chalkboard a thousand times? Jesus Christ. I wore a dunce cap for the year afterwards.

Uh, night three, I guess this is in reverse order now, uh, leads off with Lara Trump, Eric Trump's wife. That's also why Eric's a smart one. He still has a wife. Yeah. He kept that together. He's like, Eric has, can be a baseline human being, not like a great or talented human being, but he can function in a way that Don Jr. cannot, uh, including in keeping your

wife, uh, Bergus Owens, former, another former NFL player. He might have not heard of. I don't know who that is. He was a GOP congressional nominee. He wasn't in Pennsylvania. No, I'm thinking of Lin Swan. I don't know. Uh, Michael McHale, uh, national organization of police organizations, national association

of police organizations, president. Oh, that's going to be a bumper and a crossburn that it was the national organization of police organizations because that sounds like it was organically named by the cop. They picked the name, they picked their own name. They're really proud of themselves. The national organization of particular individuals engaged in police organization operations. We are a kinetically organized, synthesized information bureau. Uh, here's a fun one, Ryan Holitz, police officer known for adopting opioid-addicted

baby. Oh yeah. The guy who stole a baby. He was at the last one. Are they doing the crack baby thing or they're bringing that back? Ironically, the CIA gave the baby opioids to begin with. I mean, we are like, you know, I think as Brandy said, like, it's just the, it's just like the 80s, but worse, like the 80s as president and like, so as a result, we should

be allowed to have Kway Lutz is the argument, but if we're living in the 80s again, let's bring back 80s drugs, the whole like, like the fact that they're doing an update version of, of crack babies makes sense and I'm surprised that it didn't happen earlier actually. You know who we have instead of fucking Oliver North now? This is really going to depress you Pete. Pete Buttigieg. Oh, Christ, that sucks, right, man? Not good.

Oh, does that, does that mean, uh, Jason is Fawn Hall? He's no fun. Just deleting emails all day long. Fawn, Fawn had star quality. Absolutely. Uh, Clarence Henderson, civil rights activist. I'm not sure who's civil rights. I was going to say one of those guys that like Sue's bars that have ladies nights.

Yeah. Oh, the guy who just killed that judge's husband, Royden Hollander, former Opean Anthony guest. Yes. Well, Opean Anthony actually had them on, had him on the L at him. It was a very interesting segment. Scott. They were lucky they didn't have them on the list.

Got Dane executive director, associated contract loggers and truckers of Minnesota. We love our truckers. Folks. Madison Cawthorne, Madison Cawthorne, they're still having them on apparently, even after the me too shit and the lies. Well, I mean, obviously they don't care about it, but it doesn't, yeah, I'll be interested to see like if he brings his like, cause first of all, like he already has rape face. So I mean, obviously you can't tell by someone's physiotomy whether or not they are more inclined

to sexual assault, but I'm just saying their patterns. There are definitely some people speaking at this convention who would disagree with that. This one I'm not sure about sister Dede Burn, surgeon and military veteran and none, I guess. Or is she just someone's sister? Maybe it's just one of those, you know, like we would call each other sister and brother in like very weird evangelical settings, so maybe it's one of those, you know, sister Dede Burn.

Dede Burn, like David Burn. Go on. I'm just going to do a little phone research while we're here. All right. Go on the dark web. Jack Brewer, another former NFL player. Another one I have not heard of. Keith Kellogg, national security advisor to the vice president, don't know.

Kellyanne Conway, who I guess just announced she was leaving, George Conway is leaving the fucking Cuck Lincoln project. They're going to hike the Appalachian Trail together this time. They are. Yeah. George Conway made one of those, you know, just like embarrassed hands in pockets like I'm probably experiencing marital fail post and then like every Lincoln project guy and guy who worked on Operation Gladio was like, you know, black pirate flag.

Let's do this, George. Let's get through your divorce. I love you. You're fit. You're 15 year old. No one's exploiting ruin your marriage. It sounds like the compromise is they both leave their jobs to repair their marriage or pursue a polyamorous lifestyle and that requires it needs to be on TLC the Conways

out of politics. Like I hated that hearing about their own stupid relationship when all these fucking nerds are like, oh, look, oh, Sparks got to be flying to that house. Awful, but if they go to like become goat herders, you know, and like work on each other and their lives that like create a new structure where they aren't just vampires, I would like to see that. I want it to be really dark like the squid in the whale. That's my that's my dream.

Not like a fun reality TV, like a goofy reality TV show, just a lot of long awkward silences and pent up regression. Speaking of which, next speaker Miranda July. I wish I'd be awesome. Richard Grinnell, former acting director of National Boring, Lee Zeldin, Elise Stefanik, Dan Crenshaw. All right. Hey, when I he's got one eye, folks.

Kristi Noem, Jody Ernst, Marsha Blackburn. Kristi Noem is perfect. She's so fired. Yeah, she is. Second Lady Karen Pence, mother, and of course, Vice President Mike Pence, by the way, you said that they're all Pence speaking and so is his national security advisor. That's got to be the least consequential job in government. Your job is to go to see the vice president every day and go, well, here's the security

assessment. So you know, so keep that in your hat, you know, don't tell anybody anyway. Goodbye. Like, what's he going to do with it? He's the vice president. Yeah. It's not like a Dick Cheney vice president. He either like Mike Pence.

His entire job is to go to like weird Republican auxiliary organizations. Like, you know, the organization of conservative rabbis would be like, we're cutting taxes still. Yeah. Like he doesn't do. He's not like Cheney. Cheney was just like running different gladios and killing people and Pence is just like sending postcards to James Woods.

Yeah. No, it's pretty bad. Yeah. All right. Thursday, the big night. Dana White, UFC. Yeah. Hell yeah.

So get back for more after 2016. Carl and Marsha Mueller, parents of an aid worker killed by ISIS. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Kayla Mueller. Yeah. Wade.

A tragic story. Wade Mayfield. No idea. What about that? Alex Johnson. X and May. Pardon by Trump. Rudy Giuliani.

Oh, okay. Oh boy. Yeah. Is he going to do the America thing again? That was great. Having him scream like that just in a room to the to the zoom camera is going to have a whole other level. I can't wait.

Debbie Flood, who did some recent flooding in Iowa. Yeah. And this is another nepotism thing. She's the daughter of the flood from Halo. In my head, she has, you know, the teacot name and it's spelled F-L-U-D-D. Yeah. Hello. Hello.

My name. My name is Elvira Fudd. Here's your blood and soil and Dorn Widow of a four police officer killed in St. Louis. Okay. All right. Jaron Smith, White House assistant. They're just pulling guys out of the mail room now. Yeah.

They are. They are. Yeah. A shallow bench. My God. Ivanka Trump. All right. White House senior advisor.

Though, interestingly, not her husband. Does not appear on this list. Why would you want to keep that light under a bushel? He could come out there and talk about his Mideast Peace Plan and how good it's going. Jeff Van Drew. Jeff Van Drew. Kevin McCarthy, who will probably not be House Minority Leader last night. House Minority Leader last next year.

Tom Cotton. Mitch McConnell. Ben Carson, of course. And then the big boy, President Trump. Our big, wet boy. Let's get it. There's a couple other names here. Franklin Graham, Evangelical Leader.

Matt, you said you had something about Franklin Graham. Franklin Graham. That's the son of, oh no. I was saying Jerry Falwell, Jr. Well, it's the same. It's the same guy. You're right. He will not be speaking, and I think part of that might be because it was just, I love

stories like this because they're reassuring. Because you hear a thing and you're like, oh, well, that's probably this. And then when you find out, yeah, that's what it was. It's like, yeah, the world still makes sense. So remember, we talked for, since the first revelations about how the Falwells had this weird relationship with the first pool boy in Florida who they bought a hostel for, and then their personal trainer at the university that they basically gifted a gym to. And everyone just said, oh, Jerry's hot wife guy.

He likes to have hot, young studs. Paul's wife while he watches it gets off on it. And we all made jokes and then, you know, the yacht thing happened and he had to step down. Now it comes out the pool boy that from the original story says that, yeah, he had sex with Becky. Well, Jerry watched and I just, I get to feel like I can still make sense of the world when I heard that.

And they, they tried to do a cover up where Jerry's like, uh, yeah, Becky had an affair but I forgave her. Yeah. That was, oh right. That was how they're going to get in front of it. It's like, she's, she's straight from the path. It's like, not only does that not work. You also throw your own wife under the bus.

Just an absolute crazy shithead. I forgave her totally under the conditions that I could keep the Polaroids in footage. Yeah. It's like, this guy's have no positive virtues at all. It's amazing. He's an odd, he's an odd virtuous man. The concept of like the religion they hypothetically endorse. It's amazing.

It was, the strangest part of that story of the yacht story was that they claimed they were doing trailer park boys cosplay, which doesn't seem like the sort of show those types would watch. I don't know. It just doesn't, it just doesn't. I think, I know. I think it makes perfect sense. I think in their head, it's, it's, you know, like think about like the dumb people that

watch the Sopranos and think that it's just a show about cool guys having fun with their friends. Like a good working class satire, like trailer park boys, Mack and the boys sort of a loving picture of, of Nairdew Wells. To them, it's probably just like, look at these poor dum-dums. What a great show about poor dum-dums that, that we are better than. Like, I mean, you know. Sure.

Yeah. I see that. But I just didn't realize the show had that kind of saturation in the United States. And it's also, you know, like the early seasons, it's like, like clearly a low budget thing. You have to like kind of be a little dedicated to watch it. Well, the funny thing is, is that it is, I think you're right that it's not a very, very popular show.

It's not, it's not something that if you asked an average American, they would recognize. It's the kind of show Brendan would be talking to us about. That's what I'm saying is that the people who know about trailer park boys, the Americans know about trailer park are coastal elites. Yeah. They're fancy lads, which is that, which just goes to show that not, that these guys literally live those lives. They live the lives of like the coastal, like college educated people.

Oh my God. I just figured it out. I just figured it out. I don't, I don't watch network shows. I watch Canadian streaming shows that are way funnier. I just figured it out. Brendan is the one who told Jerry Falwell about trailer park boys as part of a bigger conversation about peep show while he was watching Jerry Falwell's wife get plowed.

Right. Well, they're sitting together behind the two-way glass, Jerry Falwell is pretty indie. Like, uh, you know, he's got like a lot of original pressing Captain Beefheart records. People don't know this about Jerry Falwell. Um, he likes some, but he's more of like a Wesley Willis kind of guy. If you're going to go to real like, you know, Daniel Johnson, maybe, but it's a little twee for him. He's always trying to get you to listen to the heavenly wine and roses mix of sweet

Jane. Yeah. So people actually don't know that entire family, like Jerry Falwell, he left his ministry for a year to follow Dinosaur Junior on tour. Uh, and another one, uh, Kim Classic, Republican, Congressional, Love her. Love her. I was not familiar with her until you.

So I became obsessed with her over the past, uh, 72 hours or so, because if you'll permit me, I have a bit of a segment on Kim. Of course. So first of all, I saw the ad that I'm sure you all saw, and it is the weirdest thing in the entire world. It is so awkward and so strange. And it's this, this like, you know, like kind of like a hot woman in, in little heels walking around the slums of Baltimore.

And there's weird like graphics and, and like letters that slide over things. It's a very strange ad. And she herself is very sort of stiff and wooden and she kind of, I don't know, she, she walks strangely. She, she, she like, can't put her arms down at her side and she has like a sexy baby voice. The murder rate in Baltimore is 10 times the U S average. The Baltimore poverty rate is over 20% homicide, drug and alcohol deaths are skyrocketing in

our city. Do you believe black lives matter? I do. The vast majority of crime in Baltimore is perpetrated against black people who make up 60% of the population. So why don't we care about our community? The Democrat party have betrayed the black people of Baltimore. If the politicians walk the streets like I do, they would see exactly how their policies

and corruption affects us. So initially, I just think this one was another one of these like weird, precocious, handpicked college conservative wonderkins that like GOP, you know, officials groom for like minority window dressing, partially because she does look younger than she is. And then I was like watching this on a phone, but also she face tunes all her selfies and so much that she looks like a sexy baby alien and all of them. It's so, it's actually like, it's a lot of face to I'll just say that. But then I started looking her up and she went viral last summer for like going to,

she went viral also because Trump had retweeted her. There was a representative of Elijah Cummings who's sort of a, you know, Baltimore institution or whatever. And she, I guess, filmed him and, you know, sort of ran a kind of thing where she said, you know, you've been terrible for our city, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so I kind of thought, oh, no, wait, this is like Black Lady James O'Keefe or something. And then I started looking at her Instagram because again, she's very funny and she had with one tweet where she's taking like a Thinspo gym selfie and the caption is like, I truly

believe that if my father had eaten well and exercised, he would have lived longer. So she's kind of like taking a sexy selfie and fat shaming her dead dad. That's awesome. Yeah. She does have an amazing body, by the way. So I was like, okay, well, what is, what is this person? Is she like a sociopath? Is she like, you know, what are these horrible, precocious, no, she's a 38 year old mom.

She is actually from Baltimore. She, I've got a whole bio here. They said she studied business at Bowie State, some people are reporting that she studied to be like a news anchor. And I don't know if that's actually like true, like she studied broadcasting, but I think that just like is what people thought because they assume she's shooting for like a Fox News show desk. What do you do if you study broadcasting, but you don't get one of the few jobs as news

anchors? Where do you end up? A trophy wife? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of an MRS degree, I assume. But really what she succeeded at was overcoming adversity.

So she became a beauty pageant sort of girl for a while and she won the, for the married version of like Miss, whatever, she won Mrs. Baltimore and you see pictures of her. She's wearing like a cute little like Orioles outfit, but it's like, you know, skimpy with like booty shorts and her, her, her overcoming adversity story was that she had alopecia as a teen and so she was bald and she was bullied for that. So that's the thing that she, you know, had to overcome in order to come her true self. There was also a lot of stuff going around about how she maybe used to be a stripper, but I don't know if there's any evidence of that.

I think they're basing that on the fact that her husband, Jeffrey Klasek, he was the manager of the gold gentleman's club in beautiful Baltimore, Maryland. Oh. Yeah. I don't know if she actually was. Not that that's relevant, but yeah, but it does seem like it's just sort of like a bunch of Democrats sort of trying to be like, oh, she's like a Dom X stripper or something. Yeah.

Kind of like the way they talk about, you know, oh, your, your president Trump paid off a porn star. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, however, I do kind of wish that she had been a stripper just because I like to imagine like the way she walks, like how could she possibly be a dancer, like the way she moves in that video.

At one point she literally said, if politicians like this, like I do, like bitch, nobody walks like you do. You have a weird gait. You are a strangely moving person and you know what, maybe that's why she got initially attracted to like the Republican party because like she sees how like Donald Trump can't stand or walk normally and she's like, this is a party that represents my concerns that understands my struggles. The, um, you know, balding, dyspraxic, exotic dancer, like, um, I don't know.

It's just, I don't know if the stripper thing is sure. I think it was just sort of like a, like a rumor started. Her husband though is like, uh, a trip. He's like a kind of diet, he has a bit of dynastic wealth, shall we say. Um, and he managed the, the, the, I think it's the gentleman's gold club. It's one of these names that like is kind of like the organization of policeman organization. Like it, it doesn't, it doesn't sound right. It was clearly named by, um, a guy who's like, I'm going to someday grow up and open a soup

club. Um, and then he, I get the impression he was a bit of a fail son for a bit and he joined the, um, the family business really, uh, his father's brother started a very successful accounting firm. Um, they're like creating, I think creating in Slovak or something, then he brought in their father and then their father invited his other son. And then finally, I mean, maybe after the gold club wasn't doing well, invited him in. So, um, the firm includes among their clients, by the way, Peter Angelo's, uh, the Greek

lawyer who represented the state of Maryland successfully sued tobacco companies and then tried to, then had to arbitrate with the state of Maryland because the money that he actually did win, um, he said he wanted a 25% cut of it. Even though it was supposed to go to like Medicaid reimbursements for people who, who are sick from, uh, you know, having like cigarettes fed into poor neighborhoods. And then he was, it would have been, by the way, like $1.3 billion or something like that. Yeah. He bought the Baltimore Orioles.

Yes. He is also the majority owner of the Orioles. Charms, Charms City, baby. This is the most Baltimore story in the whole world. Also apparently his son is kind of a lefty though. So I want to hear more about that something, um, if you're his son, please subscribe to us for $50,000 a month. He apparently, although actually his son apparently like said that, uh, there should

be like a sharing program, um, or like a more egalitarian system to baseball, like there is in football. He like lowered prices. He did all, he's like basically every, every city deserves a team and every person who lives in a city deserves to be able to afford to go game. He invited Cubans over. That's pretty cool. Yeah.

So you are this person's son and you have a driver's license and you know how to drive stick and you want to bear Felix's children. Yes. Email us. If you would like to take me on a helicopter ride or something. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah.

You can split your time between being my wife and Amber's husband, your helicopter husband. I don't care. Yeah. No. Let's, let's. Sky husband and land husband. Yeah.

Uh, Virgil, Virgil, you can have the nautical husband, Matt, uh, army husband. We're going to cover all the husbands. I'll be standing at attention. We'll, we'll, we'll have to get underground husband. That's what you get. We'll get what you don't show up. Willis Coast Guard husband. Yeah.

Yeah. I got to show up to get a husband early or else it's tethered swimming for you. Uh, so she started a, uh, she has a nonprofit, which I assume was like a vanity nonprofit, um, called potential me. Oh boy. Yeah. Oh boy. Uh-huh.

Uh, the CEO Francis Dollar Hyde. Right. Right. Um, so it's kind of one of these uplift things, but she started in 2013 and she, she always loved selling clothes on eBay. So basically she got nonprofit status to take the money from selling those clothes to buy different clothes to give to women so that they could go on like job interviews and stuff. She didn't even start out with that.

Like she started out with like giving like girls, like poor girls who couldn't afford prom dresses, dresses to go to prom. Um, and I read that and I was like, that's not Republican. That's like cute. Um, and then it's sort of extended to sort of a finishing school to like, you know, teach the poor who's had a dress for a job interview and she teaches classes and stuff like that. She's a very strange person, but the thing is I like her and, and, and I mean, not in like an ironic way.

I actually think having listened to it because of course I started paying attention because she has beef to rake in a sheet. Uh-huh. Uh, I think she's like an earnest person who just genuinely believes in the American dream in the way that you, you know, if you, if you don't become a totally smug coastal elite, you realize that most people who support this like dumb capital system don't do so because you know, they're sadistic. They don't need to do so usually because they think like suffering is, you know, the

cost of doing business. They really do believe this insane fantasy that it is the most humane system and that it will help people. And uh, so she went on to recognition. Okay. Actually, we should explain to her, she the first thing you need to know is that he started his career like as a pick up artist, pick up ours. Yeah.

Like as a, as a, like a specifically marketing himself as a, a pick up ours for black people to pick up black women. Yes. Um, but he does not like black women. Well, that's the thing about pick up ours. They do not like women and most of them do are, do not enjoy sex. Yes. He is particularly though, I think, upset with black women for a number of reasons that

I, you know, I don't know his life. He also doesn't like Asian women. He doesn't like black people that aren't American either unless they are in Africa. He doesn't really like immigrant. He's got a lot going on. He's the right wing black guy. It's just, it's hard to be that in America because of how we've weirdly like inflated politics and race.

Yes. And he's, he's reactionary and economically in many ways. He's quite right wing. Yeah. He's just the right wing dude. Yeah. Yeah. But he's authored ready books, play or be played, what every female should know about

men dating in relationships, uh, the Mac within, uh, Mac within, yeah, I, I wouldn't have to follow it up with the Mac without, but you know, uh, the art of gold digging, the art of Mac King. He sold like, you know, decent. He published under the name King flex. Yes. He has a few different. He was, he was, he was on like Campbell or some share, right?

Uh, Conan O'Brien. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, look at this funny guy. Isn't he silly? Um, he, uh, he has a line of clones, risque elite and Tariq elites and a line of sunglasses. And he had his podcast called like the Mac lessons anyway, insane person that somehow I don't know if it's like, if, if he didn't have like this kind of like, if he didn't

come on the scene with like this weird kind of like, I don't know, death jam effects. People would be like, Oh, this man is disgusting. This is an incredibly sexist man with contempt for women, but, uh, people are like, Oh, look, he wears, he wears loud suits, but he's awesome and, uh, racist and he gets really mad about it to racial dating and then says he's not, and, uh, it's, it's hilarious. So he had her on his show, his, um, radio Collins show, uh, 2015. And the weird thing is, okay, she's totally wrong. Her politics are ridiculous, but she is in some way smarter than him and she's way more

likable than him because again, I think she is a true believer. She's really sweet and he, the reason she goes on is because he posted a picture of her with her husband who is a, you know, a, uh, a large Slovakian hound man and he's like, Oh, I see, I see why you're a conservative or whatever. And he, in this interview, which he does with like a very polite affect, but he's calling her like a bedwench, like he uses that multiple times. Yeah. Um, and he's like calling this woman a bedwench and she's just like, well, I, I consider myself

socially liberal and economically conservative. She's like, I look at the way she really does believe that Baltimore is shitty because Democrats have run it and spending has run amok. You know, she's, she's, she's not, but she is also like weirdly curious. You know what she kind of has? She kind of has Joe Rogan energy. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Well, cause she's Joe Rogan for women. Yeah. Yeah. She's, she's correlating, you know, correct data points, but there's still a lot missing the, the causal, you know, like she's, she's confused on that, but isn't Gwyneth Paltrow Joe Rogan for women? I mean, I guess, but she doesn't have like the charisma, like this person sounds very interesting in a way that Gwyneth Paltrow is not.

Yeah. I think Gwyneth Paltrow is more the person that like is more of a Joe Rogan guest. Oprah. Oprah's over. Although Oprah is closer. I think she was closer, but now she's sort of past the moment of her influence. Well, and also Oprah did things that get Joe Rogan called like a writhing or she's like, I brought out a clan person and she's just like, I just want to talk to him.

And like that was the time when it was like, that's true. She did. But back when she had the talk show, she, uh, like in her early career, she platformed Nazis. Yeah. Yeah. And, and people were just like, Oh, well, I guess that's a problem. Like no one was like, you know what, that looks like a good idea.

I shall in fact become a Nazi. Thank you Oprah. But anyway, like Kim is really weird. She went on rising and she was like, I'm a moderate Republican. I support some gun control. Of course she's from fucking Baltimore. Yeah. Um, and which means that she's not trying to appeal to the party.

She's trying to appeal to a local base because people in Baltimore want some fucking gun control. Um, which to me kind of speaks to the fact that I don't think she's cynical. Um, and when, when Tweek is going after her, he's like calling her like, I don't know. Yeah. Ben, when she got like, I was like literally like getting mad over this woman who has like abhorrent political views who are like, you can't fucking go for that. Fuck you.

Like she's really sweet and, uh, she actually believes this dumb shit and she's saying the stuff that she believes. And I thought maybe she was going to be like a Candace, but Candace Owens is like a cunt. And this girl is genuinely nice and she just has very bad ideas. She, and, and this interview is fascinating too, because Tariq for some reason has Cache as being somehow, because he's very ID poll as being somehow, uh, more left than her. He's giving her shit for being right-wing or reactionary, but, but it's, it's great too.

Tariq also calls all of the Covey, Cosby accusations a cash grab from the white woman that he was sleeping with. And at this point, like she's like, I don't think all of those women were lying. This was 2015 when like the count was up to like 50 billion women. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, Tariq had this awesome thread about how the Russians helped set up Cosby.

Yeah. It's like, yeah, I think I have the same, the same opinion you have on classic. I have on Tariq where it's like, I'm like, I don't know. Like, I don't know. It's fascinating. I have a soft spot for like genuine sort of black conservatives where it's like, yeah, no, I mean, I wish this country wasn't so shitty and you could just like, if you were like a black right-winger, that could just be your thing.

You could just be weird. It's not, it's assumed by the Republican party or whatever. It's like, I mean, it's like why I kind of like, I have this soft spot for Farrakhan. I don't know. It's like, but that's my- Well, that and you share an anti-Semitism. Of course. Yeah.

I have this thing where it's like, it's similar to my view on media where it's like, no, like the net should exist. Just like mad TV should exist. There should be something for everybody. Yeah. We're very ecumenical here. Yeah. But yeah, it should be lower to the level of culture.

But like, he also like doesn't seem to care that Bill Cosby also raped black women. Like, he's so weird. He's a bizarre. He's a bizarre person, but it's like, as like an American thinker, Tariq Nishid represents more people than fucking Brett Stevens. Like he should have- 100% he has an organic following. He has an organic following.

Yeah. And one of the reasons he had her on is that a lot of his followers were like in this woman mentions calling her like a fed wench and shit. And it was like very nasty because it's a lot of kind of like incel black guys appears to be like a large portion of his worship. It's kind of like the black red pill, this whole deal. Yeah. The black, red and green pill.

Pan-Africans. That's good. That's good. Very good. Yeah. So it's very funny and at times it gets vaguely dark. She actually like is trying to have a conversation, is trying to have a debate. And a few times she says, you know, I don't know, I'll have to like research that, which

again is Roganess to the mind of like, oh, I'm curious. I am actually trying to figure things out. She is not calculated. I don't think she's like a fucking hustler at some point. He's like, you got to get in there and you got to be a spy. You got to hustle these white people. And she's like, I don't have to hustle. I don't, I don't want to hustle anybody.

And I really believe her. At one point he says to her, she needs to get the dick out of her mouth and get the blueprints. And it's like, holy shit, dude, you're what blueprints. She thinks that there's, or his ideas that white people all like spend all their time creating plans to, you know, establish white supremacy, which really overestimates white people's planning ability. What role one has to go get them?

Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting that he views the world that way because he's a guy who started out writing books that systematize interpersonal interactions and are about, you know, conning people basically. So of course he assumes everyone else is doing that. Yes. And he says, you know, he says, you need to hustle these, which is like, I don't hustle

anyone. And she doesn't. And again, that he's got a lot of cognitive dissonance here. After spending all this time calling her like a bedwench and a coon, he ends with, oh, don't let your husband call you names because he thinks they're all doing race play or whatever. Like, he thinks like every white guy that is into, and I mean, her husband is hilarious. But I don't know. It is hilarious too, because this woman is espousing, just idiotic.

And I think earnestly so, you know, economic misconceptions, which are nonetheless very common among a lot of sort of economically right wing people. And to wreak jobs that he's like, totally agree, cannot abide a bedwench, like drink. No, that's not what we find objectionable. And that's like his, that's his whole hobby horse or whatever. But it's a, it's a really interesting sort of look into sort of like black political culture war stuff, because it's like two like weird subcultures of like black conservatives, and then like black incels, like interacting on some level.

And obviously he hates her too, because she's like hot. And now he's going after her and he's saying she was like a stripper and like her husband's like a piece of shit that like because he had previous marriages that he's going back to the bedwench thing. And part of it is just like, whatever, you were just jealous, because she is earnestly better at like getting attention for being a right winger than you. And she also believes her shit. I mean, that's why she's more convincing.

Anyway, I think she's adorable and sweet. And I want there to be like a real housewives of Baltimore, so she can stop doing politics and be the star. There is one. There is. There is. There must be. There must be.

There's like 50 of them. Yeah. No, no. Virgil, Virgil, you are watching the wire. No. No. But I wanted to be like, you know, thus saving us all from certain doom, because if she does get a show on Fox, she will drag us all to hell with her.

Oh, it will be terrible. She seems like super charismatic. She is. You can be president. She's sweet. She's nice. And you know what? I'm sorry.

She's not a hustler. She was doing that, that fucking nonprofit thing before she had anything really to do with politics. It was not like some sort of resume pattern. She gave prom dresses to like teen girls that couldn't afford them. Does she have a driver's license? Oh, my God. We have solved all of our problems.

Felix and we are both moving to. Oh, he can take care of that. No problem. Yeah, you get rid of her. Tariq is going to take care of the husband. Don't worry about that. Yeah. We are going to move to Baltimore.

I am going to take the son of the owner of the Orioles. This is going to, you know, steal. He's going to be a homewrecker and steal kids. I'm done with that part of my life. We're going to be in Baltimore. We're going to be charm city girls. Me and Matt are going to get some more of those delicious crabbies. Oh man.

Those crappies are so good. Snap those babies on the paper. I don't know. I just think it's interesting that there's just person though that is, is honestly, she's not a cynic. She is not a hustler. She is an honest to goodness true believer in the American dream and it is insane to watch.

I know. I, you know how much I love watching like just weird political subcultures and aren't reflected in like the general like liberal media, Gawker, like Gawker remnants. But probably have numbers again, like you said, like bases that are far larger than half of the fucking mass out of the New York Times. Yeah. Exactly. I love stuff like that.

I love stuff like that because it's like, I don't know when I talk to like, I don't know. Just my friends from either Illinois or Minnesota or just like, I get random, whatever I do something that's like fighting in the age of loneliness or like go on like someone else's stream saying that hits like at the more generalized media consumption market. I'm interacting with people who like, yeah, watch that or watch like, you know, some guy on Facebook I've never fucking heard of. And I just say it's, I don't know, I think you should be interested in how Americans process their views and get their news.

Well, and it also just goes against like the conception of like what quote unquote black politics are that is constantly being, you know, filtered through like whatever DNC messaging thing. And it's like, here you have basically two black right wingers in different ways. One is a total cynic, like piece of shit, like misogynist who is hilarious. And like he at one point compares her to over the phone to Sally Hemings, but negative negatively saying that Sally Hemings, his implications of Sally Hemings like sold out and surrendered so that she could live in the big house, not that she was like, not that she was a literal

slave. And he's like, she just wanted a trip to Paris. This is an extremely right wing man. He agrees with her by the way, um, about like he hates welfare, he doesn't think black people should be on welfare, like, uh, and here's this like, again, totally earnest person that just believes that like fiscal, she's not socially conservative. She just believes that like fiscal responsibility. She believes in that she believes in like an 18 year olds idea of this stuff.

And they're having this conversation and it's so weird because they're both really weird people. Um, but it's like, you know, this is actually a political conversation. Like this is not scripted. Like these are, how often do you get an opportunity to hear people actually talk about politics and not in a totally staged way? Um, and especially like weird people who do like represent like these kind of like esoteric fringes of, of political outbroke.

I don't know. You can say they're not representative of much, but there is something to that to looking at the extremes and like where they come from and like why they exist. And also is incredibly entertaining. Yeah. Yeah. You could distinguish good faith from bad. Like that's the difference between these people.

I mean, hypothetically is, is like the neat machine starts from the terrible prior of everyone's out for themselves and I'm just going to use whatever I can to advance myself and she comes from the perspective, I mean, I don't know for sure, but she seems to, but there's like, if I actually do have a community of spirit, I do think that there's a collective endeavor to life and we should try to work on it. Her prior, her, what she builds on top of that is wrong, but that is something that is much easier to work on than somebody who has renounced the very idea of having a society. Yeah.

Who says there's just like no way you could do any of this and everyone's out for themselves. And she's like, no, she's like, I like black people. I think we're smarter than that. I think we're stronger than that. And he's, he's like telling it, I don't have to hustle. She's like, I don't want to hustle anyone. She, she believes in the American dream, which honestly sounds really nice. It sounds fun to, to, to be that.

I would like to, I can't remember how young I was when I still believed in that myth, but it must have been like a really like better than believing in Santa Claus to believe that if you work hard, if you, you know, if you, whatever, dress nice and learn how to go to job interviews and, you know, you can get a leg up and get ahead, like, and that's probably why she's so sweet. Like if you believe that there's potential for the world to be fair, it's a lot easier to like just be like, oh no, it's fine. You don't get bitter and, and, you know, contemptuous of people.

You're like, oh no, everyone just misunderstands this. All you got to do is like get an education, we have to, we have to be thrifty, you know, on a, on a fiscal economic level. We have to, you know, work hard, be responsible, do the whole thing. And then, you know, the world is your oyster. How cute is that? I have one more quick segment for us. This is for Matt.

So Lissa Milano, who is a rocket scientist at NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, recently did a thread on Twitter, a thread of all the things the Democratic Party has done to make the world a better place. And I was hoping the group could maybe do, maybe just like a little fact check, maybe assign a few Pinocchios to this one. Let's start here. 1920, 19th Amendment women's suffrage under the leadership of Democratic President Woodrow Wilson, the Constitution was amended to grant women the right to vote.

What have you done for me lately? What did Woodrow Wilson do? Starting off with Woodrow Wilson is such a bold move. Interestingly, Wilson did support women's suffrage, but more Republicans than Democrats voted for the 19th Amendment. Yeah, well, I mean, it was a different party. These parties were not, yeah. Well, that's, yeah, that's the thing.

If you're like pointing to the Democratic Party in the 1920s and you are like implicitly accepting the dum-dum conservative framing, that's like, well, actually it was Republicans who freed the slaves. Yeah. Yeah. You're being like an inverted Dinesh to Sousa. Which is my favorite sex move, by the way, the inverted Dinesh. Yeah, yeah, it's like, I mean, Woodrow, I mean, Woodrow Wilson is in my opinion, one

of the most disastrous and awful presidents we've ever had. The only PRC president, too. It was sort of invented liberal interventionism, but yeah, no, I, you know, if you want to take that one, go ahead, Alyssa. In 1916, Woodrow Wilson signs law establishing the National Park Service. All right, reach for the stars and you shall land on the clouds. All right, then the new deal, then, between 1941 and 1945, Democratic presidents oversaw the conduct of and victory in the Second World War, defeating fascism and Nazis in Europe

and Japanese imperialism in the Pacific. Yeah. This was all with the hashtag, this was all with the hashtag, Democrats help people. 1961, JFK gives his, we chose, we choose to go to the moon speech, setting America on the path to be the first nation to land on the moon. See the transition, there's the transition, now we're to the symbolic realm. Yeah. JFK told other people, other people to go on the moon.

His ass is like, nah, I'm splitting. Yeah, I'm going to die soon, so you guys take care of this. Democrats help moon, goes to LBJ and the Civil Rights Act, Shirley Chisholm, 1972 becomes the first black person to be a major party candidate for the presidency of the United States. Yep, symbolic again. She ran. The premise of this is supposed to be Democrats helping people.

Yeah. Yeah, so yeah, no, I noticed that like three quarters of this list is just like failed candidacies and like speeches, which is very interesting, that's a choice. 1984, Geraldine Ferrara was the first one to select for the rest, vice presidential nominee of a major political party. Yeah. All right. 1990s, Clinton signs the assault weapon ban, children's health insurance program, and

VAWA. A bunch of small bore bullshit. Possibly my favorite one in this list. 2001, Barbara Lee, with a little D next to her name, votes against expanding presidential use of force powers. Hashtag Democrats help people. What did the other Democrats do? What did the other ones do?

What was everyone else? Were they there? They were sick that day. Yeah. 1865, Democratic activist John Wilkes Booth defeats Republican president. 2007, Nancy Pelosi becomes the first woman elected speaker in the House. Barack Obama becomes the first black president. Barack Obama signs the ACA into law, extending health insurance to millions of Americans.

2014, President Obama successfully manages Ebola outbreak, preventing epidemic. She loses track of the timeline here and just keeps going back and forth now. 1999, Tammy Baldwin becomes the first openly gay woman elected to Congress. 2012, Barney Frank becomes first member of Congress to marry someone of the same sex while in office. It helped a lot of people. Helped so many people. And to wear that tasteless shirt, I might add.

Disgusting. Disgusting. Disrespectful. It was very disrespectful, let's be honest. 2017, Danica Roan becomes first trans person elected to a state legislature. There you go, Rose McGowan, and anyone bleeding the same, Democrats don't help people nonsense. Your lies are going to hurt people less privileged than you. It looks like the people that they help are specific women and minorities who then get

to be in high positions in the party to get helped. Thousands of people are dying a day, but you go on with your hyperbolic attention-seeking tweets. Signed a mirror. Don't sign your tweets, Alyssa. Like Democrats help people. This is a list that people are supposed to take to their moron Facebook cousins and say, well, actually, have you heard of a little thing called the National Park Service?

Heard of a thing called the moon? Democrats help people. This is the ammunition that you're going to take to the fight. Yeah, this reminds me of the Polish troops who charged German tanks on horseback. That's it. There's your bit. There's your show. Great.

90 minutes. I mean, I'm just hoping that there's not a lot of stars out tonight, but I feel like just the sheer level of crazy that's going to be at the RNC, it has to be more entertaining than the DNC. There's got to be some showmanship left. The DNC was very depressing. They can't have fun that they should as the Democrats because of the party of Hollywood, because they're the damn super ego.

The Republicans are the id. I hope we get kairons of exploding raptors covered in American flags, MS-13 snuff films. I want the whole panoply. I told you, I want monster trucks. I want them to introduce a Robocop prototype like wow me, give me something. All of this stuff is spectacle anyway. At least give me something entertaining. Yeah, it takes all of it out there.

Make some of the epic black rifle coffee videos. Yes. Oh, god. Hell yeah. Show range 15. Yes. Range 15. The thing is, I kind of think it, I'm split on it because of course their mindset is to

do the spectacle, but they also seem to have put this together in the worst possible way. They had like three weeks to do this from top to bottom and they're still recording some of the videos I read because of course Trump kept giving these insane demands that, you know, like first they were going to move to Jacksonville and then screw the whole thing. So I don't know. It could just be a complete fucking car wreck. But also there are actually people like in a room watching a thing for this one, right? I don't know.

I can't tell. They canceled the in-person thing like the Democrats did. I'm pretty sure. I don't know. There's something going on. Weigel was posting pictures of like actually being in like a convention center. That's the actual delegates assembling, which they have to do. So that's not, everything else is going to be shot somewhere.

I know there is some staging area in DC proper where I guess some of the, you know, some of the speakers are going to be, and I'm pretty sure the president is speaking from like the Rose Garden or something I would guess without an audience. So honestly, there's a lot of unknowns, but you, the listener, can find out together with us at the Chapel Trap House Twitch stream where we will be live streaming some of the coverage. Chris, I can fill you in because it has developed even since we started recording this episode. Okay.

We are going to do, I think, a little every night by time this episode comes out. The Monday night will already be done, but I think Alex Lohan option and at least Matt are going to hop on Twitch tonight and do a little coverage of Don Sr. and the gun couple and that. So that's Monday. I might pop in tonight. Tomorrow, Tuesday, we will start our coverage officially starting at nine, probably around 830 at twitch.tv slash Chapel Trap House.

That'll just be the Chapel Gang live stream like we were doing last week, Wednesday night team with mystery guest mystery guest. Wednesday night, Chapel team FYM, our video game Twitch partner streaming partners will be doing a charity stream which I believe is for a Wisconsin based bail fund. Is that, do you know if that's right, Felix? Yes, correct. That will be starting a little earlier in the day or around seven, but at round nine, Tom and the gang are going to take over coverage of the RNC and a few of us will hop on for

that as well. So that'll be the FYM hosted night, but we will be watching the RNC starting at nine. Thursday night, I'm going to hop in and do a quick plug because I have this other show and introducing that occasionally does twitch streamed music video power hours. And there is another event, a suspicious event happening remotely this year, this week. And that is the MTV video music awards. So Thursday night, Molly and I from and introducing will be starting the evening at eight doing a VMA music video power hour of the top 60 VMA moments throughout history.

We'll be doing that at eight and then at not on twitch.tv slash the Chris Wade and at nine, I will be jumping right over and launching into our last day of the RNC coverage with just confirmed truanon as guests. And maybe the BTS boys, maybe all of them will be guests. I can't tell you for sure. And all 17 members of BTS will be joining to talk about Syria with Brace. So that'll be our Thursday night guest. So a full week.

I love the idea of him surviving ISIS only to be murdered by K-pop fans. That's how Brace goes out. Much more likely. So Tom, Tom survived the onslaught of K-pop fans. Tom made his profile, like a BTS fan, but said, we have to kick Jim out. He kept being like, he's the worst one. He sucked. I like all the other ones.

But he likes getting yelled at. That's not for everyone. I don't recommend everyone do that. Tom can take it for the rest of us. So full week of coverage. It's going to get wacky. We will see you on the the twitcher till then, bye bye.