Chapo Trap House - 460 - Masque of the Orange Death (10/5/20)

Episode Date: October 6, 2020

President Trump got covid lmao

God bless our president! I will die for him! I will die for that man happily! I will die for him! Anybody want to mess with him, you mess with me first! He is the hero of that man! Look at me Damien! It's all for you! Ladies and gentlemen, we have some breaking news here. Olympus is paused. Grandpa pissed his pants again. He don't give a damn. Brother Trump has both lungs gone. The president has brucellosis, but we will get through somehow. We need to get presidents, make sure they are the most obnoxious oafs on earth, have them be president for four years, and then make sure they get wildly sick at the very end of it.

All that energy gets to be vented in good humor. You guys know that my dad was a famous crank in the family, right? One of his ideas was that the president should have one six-year term and be murdered after it. It would only attract people dedicated to service. His idea is to make a president into a troop with a dedicated countdown. This is a total disgrace. Trump getting COVID and potentially dying of it is almost as funny as if Ronald Reagan had died of AIDS. He's jacked up on steroids and incredibly manic and cutting his own bangs and writing a screenplay.

He got fired from the hospital. Reagan told me later that he held the thermometer up to his desk lamp and was like, I don't see it knockin' him dead. I don't see it knockin' him dead. I don't see it knockin' him dead. I don't see it knockin' him dead. It would seem like it would be a hack or too easy a joke to fantasize about Trump contracting COVID and spreading it to not just his entire inner circle, but many of the leaders of the Republican Party in the Senate and Congress.

Once again, this is proof that we are living in the Chapa reality that the Archon that governs this plane of existence is, if not indifferent to human life, at least amused by it. Looking back on it, could this have ended any other way? No, absolutely not. He's become her and low energy Jeb and all his enemies in every way. He absorbed their weaknesses by defeating them. We were talking about apparently he shot off some fire tweets earlier today, but it's been a month of bad material at least. On the heels of the worst RNC I've seen in years, on the heels of the low energy Mitt Romney RNC, and months of just dog shit tweets, just dog shit. Small businesses need to escape regulations, blah, blah, blah. It was like regular Republican tweets. It was so fucking boring there for a while. You talk about some material that I just want to read. This is as of 2.30pm today.

He says, quote, I will be leaving the Great Walter Reed Medical Center today at 6.30pm. Feeling really good, exclamation point. Don't be afraid of COVID. Don't let it dominate your life. We have developed under the Trump administration some really great drugs and knowledge. I feel better than I did 20 years ago. I feel better than I did 20 years ago. And I also really love the phrase, we have developed some really great drugs and knowledge under the Trump administration. Like he was wearing a white lab coat. Yeah, well that video, he said we're learning about the real COVID here. Not the book COVID.

Look, there's book COVID and there's street COVID. And Trump learned COVID from the streets. Can we cue up that clip that I sent you, the Trump video that he posted yesterday? You just watch that on the shared screen and react to it. This was a fucking fantastic Trump video. This was Donald Trump's statement given from Walter Reed Medical. This is a video he posted on Twitter yesterday letting everyone know that he feels great. We're getting great reports from the doctors. This is an incredible hospital, Walter Reed. The work they do is just absolutely amazing and I want to thank them all, the nurses, the doctors, everybody here.

I've also gotten to meet some of the soldiers and the first responders and water group. I also think we're going to pay a little surprise to some of the great patriots that we have out on the street. And they've been out there for a long time. I also got to impact some of the first people. I'm not telling anybody but you, but I'm about to make a little surprise visit. A little surprise visit. I'm going to take them all on cute little dates. When I look at the enthusiasm and we have enthusiasm like probably nobody's ever had.

No one. People that love the job we're doing, we have more enthusiasm than maybe anybody. Maybe anybody ever. A very interesting journey. I learned a lot about COVID. I really going to school. This is the real school. This isn't the, let's read the book school and I understand it and it's a very interesting thing. I'm going to be letting you know about it. It's a very interesting thing.

We love the USA and we love what's happening. We love what's happening. We love what's happening. That was me after having sex for the first time. My heart is being churned into the consistency of a fucking Cinnabon by COVID and we love it. We love it. I'm being given PEDs for horses and we're fighting more and more about what's going on. They've got him jacked up on fucking steroids.

And the hard core shit, like the stuff that makes you like insanely manic and hallucinating. He's fucking having conversations with fucking Roy Cohn right now. We've been looking into getting a Bowflex in the West Wing. I'm using it on Melania and Barron. Amber, you put it out. I really love where he says, he's like, I'm learning a lot about COVID. He's like, this is the real school, not the book reading school. I love that that's his conception of education.

It's like the fake school is where you have to read books. The real school is where you get the deadly disease that you've been putting down. It's the COVID of hard nuts and that's the only real way to learn. You guys know this, right? When you become a doctor, whatever you subescialize in, they give it to you so that you know what it's like. If you're an oncologist, they make you sit on a microwave for like four hours. If you're a man who becomes an OBGYN, watch out. You better really love your job.

There's another good tweet from Jack Prilosek. We haven't talked about him in a while, but he posted a quote this morning. He says, direct quote from medical official to OANN. He's been eating like mad today. He's been eating like a mad man today. Back-to-back plates, energy, way up. That's all steroids. That is a steroid side effect.

He's going to get so puffy. He's going to get so jacked is what's going to happen. He's going to actually look like the Bun Garrison cartoon. I don't even know if his body would... Things that make other people look good. There's something inverse about his health to where he probably... If he took a vitamin C pill, he would probably become death deal. He has his own picture of Dorian Gray. He lives unnaturally long and also looks like shit at the same time.

It's insane how resilient he is. He looks like he's dying. There's a portrait in the White House attic that looks like the Ben Garrison cartoon. As Trump's face continues to melt and just get more pockmarked with fucking sores and fucking... Just like styes or whatever. The muscles on the Ben Garrison portrait just grow even bigger. I think my favorite thing yesterday was his little drive-by of all the supporters. Against doctors' orders, and if you believe Gabriel Sherman and Vanity Fair,

against the advice of his advisors and family to leave the hospital. Apparently, he wanted to leave the hospital yesterday because he was feeling so good. The doctors wouldn't let him. The compromise was putting him in a hermetically sealed box with a secret service agent who has to breathe the same air as him as he just takes a little drive around the block and waves to the people. I liked how awful that looked. He looked like a big baby being swaddled.

He looked like the boy in the bubble. Just meekly going, hi. All the Trump guys, all the OAN guys, just everyone was like, see? He's fine. He's stronger than ever. Alex Berenson posted that like it's proof that COVID's no big deal. Alex Berenson said he has a few comorbidities like being mildly obese. He has the energy. Trump is strong like ox.

I got to say, though, this will work in his favor twofold. I totally disagree. I don't agree at all. One, it will literally garner sympathy for him because he'll be like a survivor. And then two, for his base, absolutely. Yeah, but it doesn't matter what his base is. But his base likes him anyway. He could come out there with no legs anymore.

He could come out there with the fucking Immortan Joe mask and they would think he looked alpha. Yeah, but I think what was going to happen, I think what was going to happen this time around was that people who voted for them for the first time won't have been bothered a second time. I don't think so. Because they thought it was a foregone conclusion that he's going to win again. I don't think that's true. I think they love the idea of voting for him. They get to own the libs.

It's like the ritual of lip ownership. None of them, nobody likes Trump isn't going to vote for him. I mean, also... I disagree. I think, honestly, at this point, they're like little boys who ran away. And so they've been in the woods for two days camping. And there's a few diehards, but there's one or two saying like, look, Billy, it was fun, but I don't want to be joker-fied anymore.

It's exhausting. No, I totally disagree. And during the primaries, Republicans just voting to renominate him in the primaries outnumbered Democrats voting in a lot of blue states. I think his base... I don't think he's losing that many people of his base. I think among independents and stuff, and even some slightly leading independents, a lot of them are just not going to vote or vote for Biden.

But I think his base, I think that base is going to exist in American politics for the next 20 fucking years, probably. I don't think they're going to be politically active. I think it's just a matter of trying to capitalize. Because there's going to be a big... It's going to be like the time of trouble in Russia. There's going to be a bunch of false Demetres running around, claiming his mantle, like waving his shin bone or something to try to get...

Oh, yeah. There's going to be so many reliquaries. And it's all going to come up. And the thing is, there's nobody who seems even remotely similar enough to him in terms of all of the unique attributes he had to give him the position he does for anybody to have a lock on it, especially since he has explicitly not anointed a successor. So I think there will be a period of diaspora.

There's no one similar to him in any biological anatomical... The only guy who could take it doesn't want it. The only guy who could take his mantle and be his successor is Tucker. Tucker is a TV star. He has swag. None of the other guys have swag. And he would be more competent at articulating a type of Trumpism, far more than Trump. But he doesn't want it. Why would you go from making like, you know, fucking eight figures on TV to this?

I disagree with you, Amber. I don't know about his base or whatever, but I disagree that this will engender any sympathy for him beyond anyone outside the group of people who have already are pot-committed to Donald Trump. And I'll tell you why. I think that this makes it... No, I don't think it'll expand. No, I'm not a moron. But every Trump supporter I know in my family thinks this makes him cool.

Sure. They thought he was cool, though. They're supporters. This got them more excited about them. I disagree in the sense because I think this makes him look horrible. And I think in America, you know, you can get away with being venal. You can get away with being a hypocrite. You can get away with wantonly disregarding human life for your own selfish stupid reasons. But the one thing you can't get away with is getting owned and looking like a fucking chump,

which is what Trump absolutely does. He spent all last week at the debate making fun of Biden for wearing a mask in public and for taking the disease seriously. And guess what happened to him? He fucking got it owned and he spread it to fucking half of the people who he'd come into contact with in the last week or so. I just think this is the one thing that could have happened to him or that he could have said or done that can't be spun or fucking deflected or explained away.

It's just so fucking obvious that his own stupidity and ignorance has led him into a position of potentially dying of an incredibly serious disease. I also think this is big because the debate's really worried me. I still thought Biden was going to win, but it made me less sure. And it made me less sure because Biden looked weak. He looked weak and confused. Now, you can't look much more weak and confused than Trump looks right now, regardless of how yacked up he is on steroids.

They're carting him to and from a hospital. He looks confused and out of it. And he's like a fucking toddler that made himself sick by eating too many cookies. That's what it looks like to a ton of people. I don't know. I think both us and the entire discipline of political science and election watching has essentially hit a brick wall when it comes to interpreting what other people think or want in a world and in a country with so many discreet and competing realities. I don't know. This is the perfectly stupid thing that could have happened to him.

I think this is utterly humiliating for him. And if nothing else, that will get in his head. He has no swag left. His swag levels have been completely depleted. Those videos did not appear swaggy, especially the one where he was sitting down and they didn't have time to give him the makeup, and he just looked like a chicken breast that you pull off of a goddamn freezer counter. Not good.

Okay, but let's look at this from just a pure numbers. Is this going to stop any Trump voter from voting? No. The people that are... Yes, so that's my point. But how many Trump voters is the question always? A Trump voter by definition is going to vote for Trump. For whatever it's worth, my general reading on this is that this makes him look horrible.

And I cannot imagine any scenario in which this... It benefits him in any way, electorally. It very well could be that it won't affect the outcome of the election one way or the other at all, but it is unbelievably funny. I think we can all agree on that. That's fine. We can agree on that. We've said it before, but often when people ascribe prophetic powers as to this show into our perception of the world, it's a nice compliment,

but really what they're describing is just our ability to envision the dumbest and therefore funniest possible outcome and bet on that. And lo and behold, it seems like we're proven right more often than not. Yeah. At this point, I'm thinking... We're just going in assuming we live in the stupidest of all universes. I've decided that I think what would be the funniest thing to happen now is... Trump survives, although honestly, that is...

He's out there now, and he's leaving today. There was a press conference with his doctor today, and they disclosed his blood pressure, which looked pretty good for a man his age, and other vital signs, and then they asked him if he had any permanent lung damage, and he invoked HIPAA. So I don't think there's... And the danger zone for COVID is like 10 days into it, which is not even... That's next weekend.

So he very well could still die before the election, but I think even funnier than that would be he survives to the election. He loses to Biden in an anticlimactic, relatively not-close race, which is what the polls look like, and that's... I mean, I'm not going to let 2016 totally turn me into a PTSD-ridden maniac who says, I get... No, no, it's going to be the opposite of what it says. There's just too much.

He's probably going to win. And then he dies like two days later. Of an impacted bowel. Yeah, that would be hilarious. No, the fact that they're going to potentially let him leave the hospital this evening is fucking incredible. I mean, I understand he's the president or whatever, but I mean, he's going to go right back out there

and just start spreading it all over again. They just said he will not be confined to the residency. He's going to be running around. And, oh man. I'm going to type white Donald. Patient Nero. Nice. Very good.

Very good. Who do you think the first leader that's craving enough to meet with him is? I think Bolsonaro. Bolsonaro? Well, he's already had it seven times. Yeah, yeah. But Bolsonaro has just contracted his 10th case of COVID. Yeah.

No, we cannot let those guys meet because they're two COVIDs, like the 57 COVID strains they both are supposed to. Would they come together? It would become sensual to take over the world. That would be horrifying. Here's a really good media hit that I needed to share with you guys. Good line here. Trump campaign attacks Joe Biden for a lack of quote firsthand experience being infected

with COVID-19. Trump campaigned Aaron Perrin. Perrin said on Monday suggested that President Donald Trump is a better leader than Democratic candidate Joe Biden because he has quote firsthand experience of being infected with COVID-19. While speaking to Fox News host Sandra Spinn. He's got Lyft experience. Yeah. That's what they call standpoint theory.

Yeah. I love it. They're doing standpoint theory. It's fantastic. The standpoint theory of disease. It says while speaking to Fox News host Sandra Smith, Perrin pointed to Trump's joy ride around Walter Reed Medical Center to wave at supporters as evidence of him continuing with a presidential schedule, which he said was more rigorous than Joe Biden's daily activities.

Quote firsthand experience is always going to change somehow how someone relates to something that's been happening. The president has coronavirus right now. He is battling it head on as toughly as only the president can. Of course, that's going to change the way he speaks of it because it will be a firsthand experience. Yeah. Talk about those Lyft experiences.

In my head, there's still a 5% chance that he never had it and this is all a rollout for a job. Amber, if he never had it, are the dozens of people at that Amy COVID-Barry press conference that was like the super spreader event, are they faking it too? I'm not saying it's likely and I'm not saying it's true, but if someone said that to you, if that was revealed to be the truth, would you be like, my God, you would be like, plausible? I don't know how plausible it is considering how many other people have it as the thing. I don't think he would have played it like this if it was a scam.

I think he would have been more vigorous and he would have, by the way, had the doctor say he doesn't have lung damage. He would not be out here with this weird Schrodinger's president deal where we're like, is he dying or not? Maybe not. These guys say no, but then there's all these guys leaking saying, yeah, he's shitting out his doo-doo ass and he's faking having conversations with Jeffrey Epstein. All right.

Here's another thing. White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, she has tested positive for COVID now too and she released a statement today that I think really articulates quite well their difficulties dealing with the reality of this disease. She posted this today. She says, after testing negative consistently, including every day since Thursday, I tested positive for COVID-19 on Monday morning while experiencing no symptoms. No reporters, producers, or members of the press are listed as close contacts by the

White House Medical Unit. Moreover, I definitively had no knowledge of Hope-Hicks' diagnosis prior to holding a White House press briefing on Thursday. As an essential worker, I have worked diligently to provide needed information to the American people at this time. With my recent positive test, I will begin the quarantine process and will continue working on behalf of the American people remotely. It's just like these people, I don't think they understand how viruses work.

I think this so much of the anger at having to wear a mask in public just comes from people not understanding that if you're feeling good, it doesn't necessarily mean that you don't have the virus or unable to spread it to other people. Well, I mean, I think you saw that though with, I mean, like other people sort of thought it was like a gaseous vapor. They thought it was an airborne toxic event, too. So if you were liberal, you believed in suddenly bad air, and if you were conservative, you just believed that, I don't know, it was the devil and you prayed, you wouldn't get it.

But I don't think it was real. It's like this stranger. It doesn't think it existed at all. I guess the Trump thing is though, it's just like, I don't think they're full on denialist, but I think that the line that they're going with is that it's just not as bad as the media makes it out to be. And I suppose if he walks out of the hospital saying, I feel great, that would seem to be some sort of confirmation.

The other line, yes. The other line is that because they love to blame people is that, well, obviously it'll make you really sick if you don't take care of yourself because you're slovenly and lazy. That was a big right-wing thing, too. So the people that weren't denialist. So it was this weird thing where it's like, oh, no one understands disease at all. I always love that line about how the 200,000 people that have died of COVID actually died of every other disease that they had, and they would have died anyway.

Or just like, this is like grids, he had a strange type of cancer that only people with AIDS get. No, but it's like this idea that like, oh, if you're under the age of 55 and have no comorbidities, like COVID is not a problem and no one should be afraid of it, well, if you are over the age of 55, you know how many American men over that age have hypertension or diabetes or are mildly overweight or like any slew of a number of comorbidities that are not just comorbidities, they're just facts of life for like most people over a certain age.

Well, particularly Americans, too. Like the other thing when people were talking about like the mortality rate being so much worse in America than it is in other places that didn't lock down quickly or whatever. And it's like, well, yeah, because we're horribly unhealthy. We are very sick, unhealthy people, and we don't get regular medical care, and we age like absolute shit because of that. So basically just being American and especially an American over a certain age is a pre-existing condition.

Yeah, exactly. And I guess just like, back to the original point about just like how, I mean, like, as best I can imagine what a normal person out there or how they metabolize this, even if they may not be openly wishing for his death, I think what it comes down to is that, you know, for months and months and months, Trump has fucking downplayed the virus and then like holding these giant fucking rallies of people fucking coughing into each other's mouths, never wearing a mask, fucking making fun of people for wearing masks, then making fun of Biden on stage for wearing a mask.

And it's just like, well, it looks like the guy who was wearing a mask all the time didn't get it, and you did, asshole. So I mean, like it just, that is textbook onage right there. I mean, he said one thing and his own behavior led him to like the front, like the worst possible outcome of everyone. What everyone was just over and over again trying to get him to like, hey, are you gonna wear a mask now? Could you try to take social distancing seriously at your rallies?

And what does he say? He's like, no, we were having the rallies because I have more enthusiasm than anyone else in the world. Herman Cain died at one of his fucking rallies because of that shit. That was... He's not only gonna die... His account is still up, being posted by a ghost presumably. And they've been cheering him on in the hospital going like, oh, the president's doing better.

When they were posted that exact same... There was like... About Herman getting better. Yeah, yes. Yes. And by the way, Herman, it took Herman Cain like 20 or 30 days to die. 40? It was like 39 days.

And then right up the last week... That's what I'm saying. He cruise over right after election day. Yeah. It's possible outcome. Yeah. It is literally the date. The timing is insane.

I thought it was gonna be awful. It's now fun. There's now a death watch. No, no. It's gonna get cool going. After that debate, it was very much like, oh, man, if I have to pay attention to this, it's gonna just be like having that cage over my head filled with rats. But then this happened and it was just like the fucking clouds parted.

Yeah, no. That debate was probably the most depressed I've been in lockdown. I felt awful the day after. I was just pissed off. One of the worst moods I've been in this year, even with lockdown and everything, it was just profoundly depressing. And this was a nice plague from God. Yeah.

Felix, I know exactly what you mean. That debate left me so fucking hollowed out inside, just so disgusted. And I was just sick of talking about politics. I didn't want to cover this stupid election. I was just so bored with talking about this shit because I had resigned myself inside that nothing good is ever gonna happen again. This is just what we're stuck with, that it just gets gradually worse and worse forever until we're all.

And then something like this happens and I'm just like, still got the juice, still interested in it. Yeah. I still love it, baby. Politics is back. You know? There are possibilities. Possibilities exist again.

The horizon of possibility. The door has just wedged open just a crack and in it through the door, the grim hand of the reaper touching Trump's shoulder and he's just like, the grim is hand touches the grim is hand. I would have thought that they would have just tried to hide it. They did. Just be like, he had it at the debate apparently and he had it amazingly. He had it and had tested positive for it.

And this is where this is how you know that like Trump is like the far end of like, you know, the suicidal death drive of, you know, capitalism, like embodied in one person. He not only went to a rally full of his hooting dipshits in Ohio and through his hat into it. Like, hey, would you like a small box blanket, but then he went to Bedminster, New Jersey and he had a buffet, a buffet, 250,000 dollar donors. Those are literally the only people who matter in the entire Republican coalition and he's coughing Corona.

Awesome, just awesome, but that was because I had to hide it until Hope Hicks got it. Hope Hicks went, uh, got tested positive and he just got, I think he just got too sick. I mean, he had to go to the fucking hospital. Yeah, yeah. He got too sick. Yeah. And also, I guess I was just hoping for more, for more espionage in our day to day. The Trump White House is a fucking sinking ship of leaks.

Yeah. It always has been. It always will be, even if he wins. It's like everyone in the, everyone in there is running their own pyramid scheme. Exactly. Everyone is their own Trump. Everyone is doing their own MLM, their own Trump University. Everyone in there is out for themselves, which means there's no loyalty, which means

everyone is going to leak everything. Everyone is working their own insane idiotic angle. So this was always going to come out. They don't, they don't have it together enough for them all to be like, Hey, let's keep it a secret because for, for has, for as much of an advantage as they could have gotten from it, even if it was impossible for as much of an advantage it would be for them to keep it a secret until they yacked him up on stairs and often people were like, Oh, he's acting weird, but he's always acted weird.

And you just don't find out about it till after. For all that, there's like, I don't know, like Kayleigh McEnany wants to start like a vitamin company for Christians after and she has to like, she has to like show investors that she's got. Yeah. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. I think they could have and would have hidden it under any other administration.

Certainly with Hillary, they would all like, you know, I will die. I will die before I tell everyone that you, you know, have scarlet. The Leap Reigns would get sealed in the sarcophagus with her. Hillary's, yeah. Hillary, you have to look at every politician, like they're running a mafia family. And Hillary, it's like Jane O'Basey or something. Only a few people have ever flipped on her. Only a few people have ever turned state's evidence against the Clinton crime family.

But for the most part, they were, yeah, they, yeah, they run a really tight ship. I mean, like, like Nikki Santoro said, it's always better with no witnesses, huh? But their Trump family, the Trump crime family is like, it's like, what, they're like the Bulgarian. Well, they're like the New Jersey or the Philadelphia mob where it's like, yeah, totally unqualified, everyone, uh, everyone's just running their own scam. It's barely an organization. Everyone flips on each other because they're all running their own games on each other.

They're literally, they're all wearing wires. Everybody is recording everyone else's conversation, thinking that they're the one getting off. Anytime three or more they're in a room together, the feedback is unfair. Melania's assistant was fucking recording her. Yeah. Oh yeah. Well, the friend's also awful. The friend's, the friend's also disgusting.

That shit is wild. This bitch is insane. I do think Melania is an awful person and that, that, that little slip that they put out was so perfect. Like, I fuck the children and the Christmas. Like. I will. She's like.

She's like. She's like. She's like. She's like. I want to stay in the Christmas with the children. Well, the Grinch, the Grinch was the president of Slovenia for very many years. No matter what though, I will never be able to truly work up any anger at Melania one because she has no power and two, she has not had sex with Donald fucking Trump.

Yeah. None. And again, two, she just wanted to not go back to Nova Mesto and there's no reason why this man should have lived. He should not be alive. No, he should not. You should not be alive. Guys, I was just thinking about the Trump knowing that he was COVID positive, holding

a donor dinner at his fucking golf course in Bedminster. And like, I just imagine like he brings all he brings all the donors in, locks the doors and he's like, enjoy the buffet. It's a wonderful chef Paul Prudhomme, chef Paul Prudhomme said some of his specials. He sent some of his special spices for this prime rib. And then he's like, then he's walking through and he's like, look, in the great room of the golf club, I've been I've installed a giant ebony clock. Maybe like the check out some of the colored rooms that are inside.

He's famously very much a germaphobe. So I think actually we have misdiagnosed or my theory, his germaphobia is just that he thinks that everyone around him has dirt on them. Yeah. No, that's it. It's not like a, like a, like an actual of microbes, other people, it's people are dirty. People are literally dirty and, and so he's not dirty. He's never, he can never be dirty and he can never be sick either because he could never

die, which means he's going to act that way even at his own disadvantage, even if it turns him into a fucking plague carrier for his own people who he needs to fucking get reelected and run the stupid fucking country. Okay. I mean, I, you know, you say like, you know, perhaps he is perhaps, perhaps he is iller than what he or his doctors are letting on at the moment. And I would just say to people who are, you know, skeptical of these claims, could a senile, mildly obese, 75 year old, whacked up on all kinds of experimental steroids and, um, drugs,

if he were not well, could he sit in a car and wave? I don't think so. No, not at all. Case closed. No, like they're, they're letting his later Steven Seagal years. Yeah. Oh, he's going to do a rally from a seat. He's fighting the, he's fighting the deep state from a swivel office chair.

The day he got back from, from Walter Reed, he rolled up into the Oval Office with Q with everyone and told the, told the deep state that he's going to pull every motherfucker birthday. Oh man. Um, here's another, here's another fun, uh, element to all of the, um, sort of joyous reactions to this is over the weekend, one of the funnest things for me to observe was all of the people like fucking like Rachel Maddow and like that whole contingent who were like, we do not hope president dies.

We do not, you should never wish death or illness on another human being. We hope, we hope for his speedy recovery and like pray for him and his family. It's like, I'm sorry, isn't this the guy who you've portrayed as Hitler too for the last six months? Like the guy who we're told over and over again, you simply have to vote for Joe Biden because if you don't, the fucking next Holocaust is going to happen. And then the furor gets a case of the sniffles and it's like, Oh, prayers up everybody. Hope he gets better.

It's literally okay. Of course I hope he dies. Are you kidding me? I would say like, it's not either or because it's like, Oh, were you being hyperbolic about this man being Hitler or are you just like an absolute cuck, but it is actually both. Yes. Yes. It's true.

Yes. I think it goes into everyone else about how much they're really threatened by Trump because it makes things more exciting or if they're Rachel Maddow, it keeps these scared old people watching her show. But at the same time, they are joyless losers who can't even enjoy the simple pleasures of an enemy falling ill. No, no. One of the most hilariously ironic fates possible.

I'm not capable of like manifesting death. This isn't the fucking secret. So wishing someone will die won't fucking happen. Let's completely find a wish someone would die. And I have a friend who would say like, you know, but celebrating someone's death says more about you than it does about them. And it's like, that is the sort of thing that makes sense for two seconds until you think about it for two seconds.

And then you're like, actually, if a whole bunch of people would want this person to die, it might actually be more of a reflection on them. Yeah. If millions of people want you to die, that's just basic number. That's data. That's that's big data, baby. That's big numbers. It does not say much about me.

It says more about him. But Matt gets to the heart of it and like in these liberal reactions, it's like, I forget who said it, but someone replied to me and they were like, these people are living their entire lives like they think teacher is watching. And they haven't gotten to the idea that once you become an adult, there is no existential reward out there for you by for playing by the rules and being nice. And if you just demonstrate that you're better than your opponents enough times, people will finally reward you for doing the good, smart thing.

It's like, even in their fantasies, they can't imagine a world in which they win. And the person that we all agree is like a dangerous evil monster suffers because of his own fucking stupidity. I mean, it's not like, you know, someone gave this disease to him through like an act of sabotage or whatever. He got it because he's a dumb fucking asshole who doesn't care about anything or anyone. It could not be a more perfect, perfect ironic punishment. It's like fucking like Dante did this to him practically.

They're so joyless. They can't even enjoy it. It's like, you're right. They think teacher is watching like God is dead, but they still think the substitute is taking really detailed notes on your behavior for when your regular teacher gets back. It's like, no, there's no authority. Some of them, yeah, are just incapable of enjoying themselves because they just imagined this observer, this, this thing, but I think for some of them, they have so internalized

that, that super ego role of the Democratic Party and the political system. It's in their head that they, that their act, that is what gets them off is being better than everybody. Being the person who doesn't wish Trump dead, that, that gets them off, which to me is the sickest thing you could do. It's so disgusting. You are a pervert. You are a pervert.

It is so repulsive and like Jack Wagner said to me, it's like, do these people have dreams where Metallica pulls up to their house in the tour bus and says, get on, you're our new lead guitarist. And they go, no, I have chores to do. Oh man, it's just like, you know, like, and here's the other thing. Like this weekend, we did, we did once again experience just a little bit of joy, just a little bit of fun again, because I was how, I mean, you, you can't be a human being and have been like awake for the last year and not think that this outcome is funny.

But like, can you imagine? Can you imagine how fucking funny Donald Trump would have been if Biden had got COVID this past week? Oh my God. Oh yeah. Be boppin' and scatting. How'd that, how'd that big mask work out for you, Joe? Sleepy Joe doesn't know how to put on a mask?

Ask Typhoid Mary what it feels like to be a loser, Joe. If Joe, like, if Joe, if Joe Biden had given his wife COVID, do you think Donald Trump would have refrained from making fun of him and not even have a second wife from COVID? Yes. I thought she was a doctor. Hey, Jones, say hi to Beau for me. By the way, speaking of, speaking of Beau Biden, I know he was a, he was a fixture at the Democratic debate and where, you know, Joe purposely misheard Hunter and Beau to talk

about the good. One of Joe's last good tricks, Joe was a tuberculosis-ridden doc holiday, still quick drawing without one. I'm here. I'm here. Huckleberry. I'm here. Huckleberry.

I should say that. I'm sorry. I've got four guns, one for all eight of you. Um, no, no, but like, the thing about, like, so that there's, there's the good dead son and then there's the fail, uh, crack head living son. Uh, did you guys know this about, uh, Beau Biden? While he was in Iraq, for some reason, the state of Delaware allowed him to continue to be the attorney general of that state.

And while he was doing that in 2009, his office presided over a plea deal which allowed one of the scions of the DuPont family to essentially be fined a few thousand dollars for raping his old daughter. Yeah, I remember hearing about that. Yeah. One million percent, the evil son, one million percent. Yeah. Which is why Joe loved him because he was going to be the president because he was the

one who added his veins to do the awful shit that you need to do because the, the Bidens are not to the man or born, they're strivers, which means they have to, they have to scoop out their soul and replace it with dog manure so that they can fucking do the bidding of awful families like the DuPonts and every other disgusting rule that rules Delaware. And I would do it, do it, do it, do it, that is why yes, the smoke crack. No. Yeah, exactly. That is why Hunter has a drug problem.

That's why he has a spiritual yearning problem because he's trying to scoop out the soul. He's done it in part. He's run some of the firms. Yeah. He's, he's, yeah, the microplate in the family, but every time he gets close to that next level, the level that Bo got to and the level that Joe got to, it's too much for him. Yeah. And he's trying to do like a new form of like, I don't know, Gnostic yoga or smoke PCP.

Yeah. Like that, that shit, that shit where they're coming back from Bo's funeral and he goes, I think I need to join the Navy and is like, amazing. Yeah. At like 38. Yeah. As long as we're talking. Yeah.

He can't, he, I think you're right. I think the conflict is that he can't kill. Can't kill his heart. He can't kill the human part of it. Yeah. Yeah. Not totally. Not totally.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, think about, think about what he did as A.J. and then, and then defended his office's decision to like basically not send this guy to jail for the rest of his life. And it's like, once again, it's because the Dupont family owns the state of Delaware and much of the Mid-Atlantic. Yeah. Like they are, God, the Dupont family, one of the most, one of the, we should do an episode

about the Duponts because like they're honestly like one of the most evil families ever. Yeah. And it's just because he's a prisoner abolitionist. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. All right.

Mr. Dupont, I need you to make a statement of harm. I, I, justice in permuta. I, John Dupont, the harm doer. Okay. So as long as you're talking about, just switch gears for a second. Here is another truly hysterical thing to come out of this weekend. Chris Christie also getting COVID from Donald Trump. Oh, he's going to die.

Come on. What co-morbidities could he possibly have? By the way, did you know that? He's got. He has a lot of, a lot of really athletic people have it. It doesn't, they're going to put him in there. Harkonnen sensual belts and he'll somehow survive. That's what happens with that level of power.

Probably like Vegas probably won't even take your bets on him dying. Get the fuck out of here. No. That brooks has canceled all betting on, on, on the Chris Christie death bowl. They're not taking any action on that right now. But like, I, what I love about Chris Christie is that like, he is the most, like out of everyone who has cucked themselves for Donald Trump, like Chris Christie may be near the top of the list.

There's like, he went from being almost cucked. He meant from being. It was hard to watch. Arrival in the primaries who got humiliated by Donald Trump to a cringing sycophant who then also got humiliated by Trump. He tried to go against Trump, was humiliated again, then came crawling back to the fucking golf course without a mask, slobbering on other people, you know, just, just lapping up fucking disease from a giant punch bowl, like a fucking dog.

And now he was doing, he was doing debate prep for him. Yes. He was getting paid. Yes. An unpaid internship pretending to be Joe Biden for Donald Trump. And what I love about this is like Trump gave him COVID 1000%. He probably did it on purpose. He was like, come here, Chris, I want to kiss you.

I want to pretend, Chris, we're going to do a little role playing. You're going to pretend to be me. And I'm going to pretend to be one of the troops and first responders who like kissing me so much. Chris, Chris, I think I have the best tasting spit in the world. So, so like, so, so Trump for sure probably gave Chris Christie COVID. Trump gets whisked off to Walter Reed Medical Center. He's staying in the room from the end of 2001 receiving experimental drugs and being like

doted on by a team of the world's best doctors. Chris Christie was sent back to New Jersey and he's being treated by Dr. Cusumano right now. He's in the Trenton Municipal Hospital. Like again, getting his foot accidentally cut off because he forgot to write left on with Sharpie on his leg. Junior, junior soprano, junior soprano is wandering over from the psych ward and he's going to shoot him in the stomach.

I will say the fancy room at Walter Reed, the pictures I saw. It just sort of looked like the most expensive library in Duluth, Minnesota. No, yeah. Amber, that room sucked. They're like, this is the nicest hospital room in the world. It looked like my 100 year old grandmother. You were like, here, unlimited budget to design your best bridge, your best bridge room. It was like, awful, awful.

I mean, it was truly awful. It was a guy that owned the biggest chain of tractor supply stores in St. Cloud. That's where he put all of his books that don't have any of the pages cut because they're just there for decorative reasons. It's like if you gave a 75 year old who still lives with his mom a budget to build a man cave. That's what it would look like. Because he's more of a sophisticated kind of guy. There are really nice private hospital rooms that billionaires go to.

There's a really interesting article about it. I think in Bloomberg, I mean, where else? But that was not one of them. That looked like shit. Beyonce's baby room looked like a fucking Japanese water spot. Okay. I know exactly what it reminded me of. A real life example from my life.

My friend from when I was in high school, who is 28, my friend's older brother. Cool guy. Awesome already. He was like, yeah, I'm kind of plugged with Holiday Inn. And he came back from Florida. Like where else? And was like, you know, check this out. I have the penthouse in Holiday Inn in downtown Chicago.

And it was exactly like that room. Imagine what you think a penthouse in Holiday Inn in downtown Chicago was like and it was that. Okay. Chris, I got one more clip that I just sent to the chat. I was like, play that one up because this was another extraordinarily funny bit of Trump talking about potentially dying of this disease. And I just went out with a test. I'll see what, you know, because we spent a lot of time in the first lady just went out with a test also. So whether we quarantine or whether we have it, I don't know.

You know, it's very hard when you're with soldiers, when you're with airmen, when you're with the Marines and the police officers, I'm with them so much. And when they come over to you, it's very hard to say, stay back, stay back. You know, it's a tough kind of a situation. It's a terrible thing. So I just went for a test and we'll see what happens. I mean, who knows, but you know, hope very well. She's fantastic and she's done a great job.

But it's very, very hard when you are with people from the military or for law enforcement and they come over to you and they, they want to hug you and they want to kiss you because we really have done a good job. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You get close and things happen. I mean, she's a very warm person with them. By the way, the people, I'm sad that like the listeners can't see the TikTok Hope Hicks fan cam that they put this over. It's nothing but the most smoldering stills of her, which is very deranged hearing like the hearing the president's voice. And just seeing what appear to be like Richard Avedon photographs of Hope Hicks.

Felix has to watch that through a camera obscura. He gets too strong. Okay. Okay. The only pictures of Hope Hicks are smoldering pictures of her. She's fucking perfect. She is. She is gorgeous.

She's perfect. She is absolutely perfect. Hope, if people at work are mad at you for giving the president disease, I think it's, I think it's cool. I, if you're worried about like being with a guy after you have COVID, I have antibodies. I'm very strong. I'm six foot one. I'm about to rank up and counter strike go. I own my own business and I'm going to be a homeowner soon. I think you're beautiful. But what I, what I love about that clip is that like this is apparently, I mean, who knows? I mean, he's probably, he's probably lying when he gave this fucking interview.

You probably already knew he had tested positive. No, no, he definitely did. No, he did. For days. What day, what day was the interview? That was Friday. That was before they released it and they knew it like before the debate. Okay. So, so he's lying in the interview, but even better than that is essentially he blames the troops and law enforcement officers.

They want to kiss your butt. They want to kiss me. And he says it's very hard. It's a terrible thing when the troops want to hug and kiss you and you can't let them. And he says, but sometimes they get close and things happen. Sometimes you end up sucking and fucking the troops because they love you so much. They love you. They want to taste me.

They want to taste what Trump tastes like because I did so, so many good things for them. They want to give me pleasure. If you've ever seen the end of the movie perfume, it's like that. They just shred me. They just tell me places. Baby needs hugs and kisses. The lines that he's using like are giving me flashbacks to my abstinence only sex education. Things happen, things happen, you always have to be on your guard because it's very difficult

and things are going to happen. So you have to be strong. It is so cool that they were prepared for the possibility of killing Joe Biden. Yes. I think they tried to. I swear to God. Yeah. Biological warfare.

Yeah. No. Yeah. And like because Joe is like Joe is King David. Yeah. No, he's God kiss now. God's dumbest soldier. Yeah.

Yeah. He's been equally blessed and cursed in equal measure. Look at the year Joe has had that has the sea not parted for this man or what. Yeah. Yeah. Like, but this like Trump was literally like, okay, to avoid the embarrassment of losing. I will. I'm not going to go out of my way to kill him.

But if he dies, he dies. Everyone around Trump gets infected and Joe is just for whatever reason is just like the virus like went up to Joe's orifices and turned back. I don't. Yeah. This is our David. This man is our David. Yeah.

But his monkey's paw will be that like, you know, Dr. Jill will die or something. Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. It has to be a balance. There's always a blood. He receives a curse. Yep.

There's a blood sacrifice that must be made for every time that he gets a boon. Yeah. And I think what I think over him is at this point, he will not even know. Yeah. Yeah. God could appear to Joe in a burning bush in Scranton and he would just go about his day after that. He'd be like, oh yeah.

He'd be like, oh yeah. God talked to me today. His final blessing will be his inability to remember all the pain he's experienced. Yeah. No. Yeah. Joe is the most Old Testament figure we've ever had in politics because he's not a good man.

He's never learned a lesson, but through an unending covenant, he achieves victory. Felix, I love the idea of like at the debate on Tuesday night, the virus just knocking on Joe's orifices, like it's a door and they're the Maytag repairman Scranton. He's like, sorry, buddy. I'm in the bath. Sorry, Jack. Come back later. Unless you want to see it.

No problem with that. Or like, he gets the virus and the virus is like his dad, the virus leaves his body every day because he doesn't want the neighbors to know he's unemployed. So like he takes the virus card out for a drive. That was like, did you ever see that Biden speech? I think it was like in Ohio or Pennsylvania, where he's like, he just insulted the crowd, not unwittingly, where he's like, hey, like a lot of pretty much everyone in this crowd. My dad was unemployed.

That was awesome. He's awesome. He does empathy. No, no, Felix. I've always really loved like his speeches about his sort of like his folksy, semi hard scrabble blue collar upbringing. I love that like the crucible event in his childhood life was his family having to move from one part of Scranton to another, you know, moving is dramatic, you know, it sucks

when you're a kid. It really does. Yeah. I think like literally to like, when you try and get down to it, the worst thing that happened to his dad was like three weeks of being old gill. Yeah. But then he got like a big, but then he got like a big sale and they were fine again. He was not even a month.

He was in between jobs that pay the equivalent of like $250,000 a year now. Yes. Yes. In Scranton. Yeah. My dad almost couldn't buy a third house with his job at a screen door factory. Like the most like God kiss time for white middle class Americans. Well, okay.

So I mean, let's bring this all together here. So according to the Trump's Twitter, he will be leaving the hospital at 6.30 this evening and will not be quarantined and will just continue about the business of state. And also says that he's going to go to the debate, the next debate is happening. Yeah. Yeah. They are, they see those full numbers and they're like, we just have to kiss Biden on the mouth.

He's just going to go in there, suicide, Bob, of just tongue, kiss him, give him the old Soviet embrace. Yeah. I did see though that the Biden campaign now wants 12 feet of space in between them. But I mean, if you're doing over, why the fuck would you get in a room with this guy again? I would be like, I gotta say, Biden has a very good out, a better out than I'm just too old and tired to put up with an hour of grilling to just like this guy is the fucking

plague carrier. Yeah. He should call him Typhoid Donald. Yeah. But he's not as good with nicknames. Uh, I feel like what he'll probably do is get like, um, you know, the loo site, Pope Mobile Cube. Yes.

Which that'll be fun. That will be very fun for him. Or he shows up in one of those Renaissance plague doctor masks with like Steve Fong Foggles in a top hat. Yeah. The bird thing. The bird mask. That would be awesome.

So get this. So, so apparently, uh, uh, Harris insisted on having the plexiglass of bubbles debating pipe pence, which once again, this is not liberals being a pussies or liberals, uh, you know, playing politics with the virus. This guy is in the Corona zone. He's literally emerges from the Corona stew. Of course you want a fucking barrier. And it one of his, uh, and apparently the Pence campaign didn't want to do that.

And then one of his assistants is like, well, Hey, if she wants to go hide under a, uh, behind a fortress, she could do that, whatever. And then that guy got fucking Corona. Oh, man, like also like, like these are the people who you, who are supposed to actually hide behind a fortress. Like that's why there's an air force to, they have like, like, you know, a double redundancy protection for the line of a fucking, like they're supposed to be insanely careful because if they die, uh, we're really in the soup.

I think they should do the debates like quiz show, you know, sponsored by Gerrit Hall, where they're both just in a glass phone booth and like wearing, wearing headphones, you know, but of course then the liberal media would probably give Biden the right answer. It's just like they did. Ray finds. All right, man, you could give Biden every question, like a month in advance and it wouldn't make a fucking difference. It will be nothing for him.

That was why the Q people, the Trump conspiracy people had, they tried to get it trending and apparently on Facebook where all this stuff immediately trends because there's no resistance to it. It was a big talking point that he had a, he had a, that Trump had an earpiece. No, Biden had an earpiece. How would that have helped him to have another voice screaming in his ear while Trump is yelling at him? That would have made him, that would have been better for him.

I would have confused him so much, more grounded at where he was. He would have started arguing with the person talking to it. Yeah. Look here, Mac. Look here, Mac. I'm trying to say it. I'm trying to say it. Let me finish.

The game would, all right. I'm trying. The game would be up within 30 seconds. Like he would literally like say to Trump, hold on, I'm arguing with the guy on my earpiece. Yeah. I was hiding, I was hiding in the vents last round. That does make these the most authentic debates that I may have ever seen. Oh, for sure.

It's impossible. It's impossible for either of them to cheat or prepare. Yeah. And there's no artifice to speak of. It's just, it's just two dying brains winding down in public. They're just two old men arguing. Yeah. Yeah.

We love it, folks. We do love it. I mean, again, to quote the president, I would just like to say again, we love what's happening. We love what's happening. You know, I don't want to be cruel. So I will just say for the record here, I hope the president and everyone in his cabinet, his family, and the Republicans in Congress, I hope their suffering is over soon.

Just let us, let us cross over the river and rest under the shade of the tree. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking of debates, are we going to cover the vice presidential debate this Wednesday? I cleared my schedule. Might be perhaps the most consequential vice presidential debate of all time. Yeah, I'll say. People are literally dying.

Holy shit. Yeah. It's true. The VP is not an afterthought this election. That's for sure. Yeah. All right. Well, can we go ahead and plug that on the app?

Yeah. Let's do it. Yeah. Okay. Let's do it. Sometimes like probably 8.30 Wednesday evening, twitch.tv slash chappatrap house. Hopefully this will be a slightly more coherent. Oh, it will be.

And that's what'll make it funny is because there's going to be so much pressure to make it normal to erase the abnormality of everything else because everything has to always be normal. It's normal. These guys are normal. Yeah. Also, Kamala is going to be a zanned. Oh, absolutely. She's going to be absolutely dripping.

I can't wait to see what sneakers she's going to wear to the debate because, oh my God, it's going to be an apocle moment when she comes out there in a new pair of J's. Hopefully something open toad. And I would just like to go out with just reading a little bit of something for you guys. I'll just wrap it up by just simply reading this. And now was acknowledged the presence of the Red Death. He had come like a thief in the night and one by one dropped the revelers in the blood-bedewed

halls of their revel and died each in the despairing posture of his fall. And the life of the ebony clock went out with that last of the gay and the flames of the tripods expired and darkness and decay and the Red Death held limitable dominion over all. That was written by President Donald Trump during his day in the hospital, original poem by Donald John Trump. All right, guys. Until next time, bye-bye.

And some get to die in their sleep at the age of 101, a life will kill you, that's what I said, life will kill you, then you'll be dead, life will find you, wherever you go, where we is gotرMacchi, that's all she wrote.