Chapo Trap House - 476 - Office of Mario and Brothers (11/30/20)

Episode Date: December 1, 2020

We propose a revolutionary slate of Mario Kart reforms and innovations to potential future director of the Office of Budget and Management, Neera Tanden.

This is the end of this video. I hope you liked it. Please subscribe to my channel. Let me know in the comments. Greetings, everybody. It's Chapo. We're back again. You guys are starting off this week, right? And to help me

kick things off this Monday joined by Matt, Virgil, and Amber. Where to begin today? I don't know. Let's, uh... How was everyone's turkey day? Oh, yeah. How did they enjoy the turkey?

In your quaren- your quaren turkey. I kind of want to know how everyone's quarentine Thanksgiving went, because it's absolutely... After all, the first anyone has ever had. I participated in, uh, a super-spreader event that will, hopefully, go on to be the next American holocaust. Uh...

Inshallah. What was the first... What was the first American holocaust, Will? Uh, the founding of America. Okay, Virgil? The first Thanksgiving. Dude, don't ask me to educate you on this. Google is free.

Look, I mean, I wanted to see my mom, all right? So, so kill me. You wanted to kill your mom, I mean. I wanted to kill my mom. Who does it? It's really the most edible holiday, so that makes sense. Hope everyone's birds are good. Gotta brine that bird.

You gotta brine that bird before you fuck it. Brine that bird. I ate a delicious bird. Yep. Really all I can say about it. It was a turkey? It was turkey, yeah. I ate it before you got on Virgil. This year, you know, my mom got a

got a half turkey, you know, because, uh, family is now, you know, minus one. But, uh, no, it's just a half... Mine's a lean at the old Medicare funds. Yeah, exactly. No, but it was, like, it's just essentially only the turkey without... It's like an amputee turkey without wings or legs.

Oh, but that's the good part. Well, I was gonna say, I like the dark meat on the bird. Yes. That's the most flavorful part. Yeah, no, I know. I was like, oh, what a disaster. Thanksgiving's ruined. A turkey with no left or right wing? I wish I could live in a society like that.

It is centrist turkey. Lean forward. However, it all worked out in the end because absent its limbs, the breast part of the turkey, you can cook it so it's still moist. Because, like, this is the fundamental paradox of cooking a bird.

Cooking the turkey bird. The freedom bird is, like, for the wings and legs not to give you food poisoning, the breast will inevitably reach a temperature of about 240 degrees and taste like, you know, cardboard. So, absent the limbs,

absent the left and right wing, like Virgil said, I had a perfectly, I had a third-way bird that was brined. It was brined, it was moist, and it was a sensible solution to a holiday problem. I think you hacked the bad bird.

Yep. Okay, here's someone who didn't have a good Thanksgiving. President-elect Joe Biden, who, you know, happened to find out that you can get killed walking your doggy! Walking your doggy! Yeah, Joe Biden, what is it? He broke his foot walking his dog's scout?

Playing with his dog, they claim. Playing with his dog. Major is the name of the dog, too, which I definitely don't think that's what happened, no matter what. The man is 89 years old. Yeah, I gotta say, though, I mean, like, yeah, he was around, you know, in a boot. You know, it's pretty funny, you know,

it's just typical, you know, sort of the interregnum period. Joe Biden's out playing with a dog, and then, oh, he falls down. Yep, and meanwhile, while Joe Biden is playing with his doggy and breaking his foot like some sort of hapless TV sitcom husband,

halfway around the world, his bid to defeat and overthrow Trump in a coup has been thwarted. I don't know if you guys heard about this. What? What's going on? I didn't hear about this.

Okay, so we all have been operating on the assumption that this election was over, that the votes were on the way to being certified, and that Trump's pleased to turn the machines back on like the Duke brothers is doomed to failure.

Wait a second, I thought several states have already certified the results of their... They have, yes, because... I thought, yeah, the steal was certified. Well, the steal hasn't been certified. The thing is, there is one way that things could change, and that is if we had direct evidence of

votes being injected, as the president said this weekend, big massive dumps of fake votes being put into the system. And to that end, the hot sticky loads of illegal votes have been discovered, and I think things

can turn around pretty quickly here. Just so far, there hasn't been any evidence, though. Loads or dumps, these are very, very different ways to quantify votes. Well, they're all coming out. It's like squeezing a toothpaste tube in the middle.

It's coming out every which way. Ropes, loads, and dumps are all being discovered. So, this was an anonymous post that was certified by the former U.S. Army General that says,

quote, at this very minute, a covert war is raging across the globe pitting Trump's DOD and DIA, Defense Intelligence Agency, against black hat, deep state factions running the CIA. The good news is, Trump is winning. As you know by now, the DOD

launched a raid on a CIA run server farm in Frankfurt, Germany to secure servers that contain proof of CIA interference with the 2020 election. I.e., backdoor squirtings of election results via Dominion voting machines. But new information is now surfacing that indicates

there was a firefight at the server farm facility involving U.S. Army Special Forces units engaging with CIA trained paramilitary units that were flown in from Afghanistan in an emergency effort to defend the facility. One CIA officer was killed during the firefight and he is now being reported

across the mainstream media as being killed in Somalia. Five U.S. Army soldiers were also killed and they are being explained away as dying in a helicopter crash in Egypt. Despite the deaths, the servers were successfully acquired by the DOD and those servers were turned over to

President Trump's private intelligence group which is now once again led by General Michael Flynn recently pardoned and now allowed to process top secret information since his security clearance has been restored. Here's where this gets good. Sidney Powell is about to roll out expert

witnesses in the Georgia and Michigan lawsuits. One of these witnesses has been handed details of the vote theft which were acquired through two means, the Kraken cyber warfare program run by the DOD and information found in the servers which were acquired during the multiple raids. There were also server farm raids in

Barcelona and Toronto we are told. So things are not as they seem. Yeah, someone hacked into the mainframe. Damn. They shot their way into the mainframe. It was even more metal. This is like black hat. We're talking

like Michael Mann hacking plus shootouts. We didn't think this was possible. This was a general who reported this? Yes, like General Thomas McInerney or something. Flynn like Crank who went on

some network to talk about it. He seemed credible to me. How many generals are there? There's so many generals. Because they make it sound like that's the top thing. There's like 5,000 generals. There's a zillion generals and the thing is

there's a zillion generals in the army and then imagine how many there are outside of the army who used to be generals. None of it makes any sense to me but my sense is that general is like Eagle Scout? General is number one, I call general. After you get

the arrow of light you become a general. I call empress. It was actually the auto insurance general that ordered this raid. I'm with Shaq. Shaq was there. These are server farms? Yes, there's apparently a

deep state server farm. Frankfurt, Germany. I'm just a simple deep state server farmer. I don't know if somebody is fancy DNI operatives raiding my fields where I grow all the data.

This is good though. Matt like you, I've been petitioning Gareth Edwards to finish the raid trilogy for years now and finally we have the raid 3 server farm. It seems pretty crazy that there would be a

pitched battle staged in one of the most advanced countries in the world. Where was it? Frankfurt. One of the biggest cities in the country and the financial headquarters of Europe. The server farm, to get let into the server farm, you have to be

a very specific kind of person. You can't be an American. You can't be a guy by yourself. You kind of have to be dressed a certain way and you have to love piss. You have to love getting pissed on in your mouth. You have to love piss and funky beats. Only then can you get into the server farm.

Simply say to the deep state guys, Heutleidenecht. Well, the other way to get into the server farm. You see it at all. That's where I met cocaine Mitch. Well, we found out today

that the other way to get in is with some fucking scars and AR-15s and grenades. Because they got the servers and Trump's getting put back in office folks, don't worry about it. I picture one of the old timey spot movies

where there's a mountain that goes underground except that there's like a beer garden that raises up and underneath there's a whole bunch of servers but on top are a whole bunch of happy Germans with their big steins. Why are all our servers in Germany though?

Where in America? Does this country not do anything? We can't even steal our own elections anymore. I mean, my god. Well, it's going to be so funny on election day. I mean, I'm sorry, inauguration day when Biden hobbles out there

wearing a boot on his foot and they hold the Bible out in front of him and when he goes to put his hand on it they just slap cuffs on him. Psych! That Trump comes out like fan man just floats onto the stage karate chops him out of the way

and just takes the oath of office right then and there. Yep, it's going to be so awesome. That's going to be amazing. Sit back and enjoy the show folks. Get your popcorn ready. It's going to be amazing. And I got to say this whole thing where it went from

they're going to find the votes. They're going to get the testimony. They're going to send the case to the Supreme Court with all the proof of fraud too now. They're doing North Hollywood shootouts in the suburbs of German cities to get server firms

after Biden actually gets in. It's just like the shadow war that's going to happen. Like a third of the country is going to be following on different websites like patriot.eagle or whatever. This alternative history of America

that is all going to be just massive battles happening. It's Boz Lerman's Biden and Trump's. Yes, ballistics. But Trump versus Biden. It's going to rule. Matt, I'm looking forward to year one of the Biden administration

and you'll see a headline like the AP or the Washington Post where President Biden proposes new legislation for tax credit for server farmers or whatever.

I can't wait for all the people who are just like, ah, we enter endgame now. The final piece is falling into place, masterfully played by the Kraken team. That's all good. Outside the server war

in the K-Fa pageant that would have you believe that the Biden transition is proceeding a pace. Let's talk about a couple of the names that are currently being floated for the Biden cabinet. And first off,

number one with the bullet, we got to talk about Bob Godd, is that near attendance music? Why yes it is. Percocet. Percocet. Hey, is that the proposed nominee

for the office of budget and management? Is she geeking? Bitch, she might be. Bitch, she might be. That's right. Bitch, I'm geeked up. It's near attendance, our old friend. And you know, it may be four years too late, but all of her tweets

and all of the battles that she's fought in the trenches of Twitter are being rewarded. The office of budget and management, what is it? OBM, something like that? Yeah, OBM. OBM, OBGYN. Old dirty management.

So yeah, that's nearer, our old friend. Well, here's the thing though. I've read some speculation that the Biden team putting nearer's name out there for nomination because this does require her to be confirmed, right?

Is there a drug test? Because I feel like she might run into trouble there. She has to be confirmed, but as a Catholic. No, I mean, I've heard speculation that she may be sort of a Judas Goat to sort of trot out there to have everyone

whack her down so that the next person that they nominate who's the guy they really want will be just sort of like sail in there like someone probably worse than her because like the funny thing is that I really think for like the top levels of the Democratic Party, they probably

think nominating someone like Nira Tandon is like a sop to their liberal or progressive bias. Yeah, hey, it's progress. Do you like that shit? You fucking asshole for progress? She ran the Center for American Progress. She made all the progress. What are you people complaining about? It's in the name.

Well, I mean, I also, I want a moment with Dirtbag Nira like the Stacey Abrams moment when she remember when she thought she was going to get the rose. Yeah, you kind of saw it on her face when she realized she wasn't going to be like his vice pick.

I want to see public disappointment on Nira's face. I just want to see her at a confirmation hearing on TV with someone fucking some troglodytic Southern senator going now, Miss Tandon, I have here for some

of your tweets now. We're going to go through some of these today. Now, you are in yourself a Twitter thread war with a fellow named a big dick barrier here in which you tweeted a picture of a gun at him. Now, Miss Tandon,

what is this supposed to mean? Yeah, and she would have to defend it on the grounds that like she was at war. She was you know, terrible things happen in the in the Twitter trenches and you don't know because you were there. This committee calls

Matt brooding to the stand. I'm imagining Elizabeth Warren doing a face turn, you know, because she didn't get Treasury Secretary or even she didn't even get, she didn't get the glad hand. She got the high hat and she's going to use the confirmation hearing to like, you know, make a face turn and she's like

I'm mad, Miss Tandon. The America people are mad. This tweet was sent at 4 30 in the morning. What were you doing? Like, you're supposed to be taking care of the people's business, the progress. These are a hundred tweets sent between the hours of 2 a.m. and 5 30.

But she's a soldier. She's a soldier. She never, she never sleeps. She should be awarded an award. She should get the purple drink heart or something. Like, they're going to start recognizing people's... The purple drink heart.

They're going to start recognizing people's like, online wars as credentials. So you might as well like, you have to put in somewhere and they're not policy. They might as well be recognized as military. Yeah, you remember really challenge coins for how many posts they do. Was it, I think like, Sam Cedar

tweeted about this he put it out that like, since Trump became president or since he joined Twitter. Yeah, since he joined Twitter. Since he joined Twitter. And he joined a year after she did. Okay, so yeah, Trump tried a year after Nero did and since then he has tweeted something like 56,000 times.

And in the same amount of time, Nero has tweeted over 86,000 times. Nero, honey, you need to log off. You're too online. She is. She is. It's wonderful. But she's... It makes sense. Neither of them have a real job.

Yeah, that's true. What is she, what is the tweeting keeping her away from? Yeah, firing people think progress and inadvertently outing a sexual harassment victim that worked for her.

Well, I mean, you know, we've talked about Nero quite a bit on the show. I mean, we're obviously, we're big fans of her. She's big fans of ours. She was one of our first subscribers. Yeah. One of the cool things about Nero though is that like, you know, in her career

and by her career, I mean, you know the shit she posts on Twitter. I mean, there are deep cuts there that even we haven't touched on. So let's just take this opportunity now to just like run through a couple clips of Nero's

greatest hits. And, you know, because like, you know, these are getting circulated now, you know, in advance of a potential confirmation hearing or just as people, you know, gab about, you know, who is next, who is the next ODB. So let's queue up that first clip and take a

listen at what some of the things Nero has said or advocated for in the past. There are steps we can take to build on the Affordable Care Act to meet the goal of ensuring health care for every American. And

there has been important steps on cost, on savings and costs, but there are other steps we can take, which is what our language with the language in the platform has today. But I want to say that I would like to offer language

acknowledging that Democrats all agree that health care is right and that it's not a privilege that it is something that every American should have, every person should have. You know,

I completely agree that this has been a right that we have fought for, presidents have fought for year in and year out. And it is a true accomplishment and I acknowledge the voices that we heard from

she acknowledges the voices about the current system. But I also I do have to add the voices that I know we all care about voices of people who are alive let's get the voices going in the chat because of the Affordable Care Act.

But I say that recognizing that I assume most people in this room support the Affordable Care Act was a proud accomplishment. And my view of this is that we should not accept a status quo

that we should all of us work together to actually pass a public option pass sure there's a connection of people to buy into Medicare, steps we can take to improve upon the

Affordable Care Act to reach a shared goal of universal health care and health care as a right of every person in the country. She sounds like she's talking to an Uber driver on Coke. This is not on Coke, she's drunk.

She's the sessily strong girl you wish you hadn't started a conversation with other party character. This is just grace. This is great. I just want to talk about shared goals.

I just want to uplift the voices. There's voices and then there are other voices and it's like, are you even listening to the other voices? Can we go to White Castle?

Can we go to the drive-thru? I'll give you $5, I can't put any more on this. You can have some. You can have some. You can't. It's fine. You're so nice. You're so nice.

You can have some. Where's Yemen? Where's Yemen? What's that like? Yeah. I know a guy from there. Just some context for that clip. That clip was from

2016 at the Democratic National Convention. That was the ratifying the platform for the Democratic Party. I know she was saying that we all agree that health care is a right

and not a privilege, but this was her speaking in the context of her voting down a measure to adopt Medicare for All as the official standard for the Democratic Party in 2016. Another aspect of that clip that doesn't come across in audio

is that she is saying everything sitting directly next to Cornell West. He was looking at her. His face is firmly planted in his hands. You have to look closely because he's hiding his face. He's hiding his face.

He's listening to the voices. What are you talking about? What is your problem? Over the course of the video, he's literally inching away from her and you know it's not too long before the vomit is coming. You've got to make some space.

Who is she? The Japanese Prime Minister? No, that was George W. George W is the one who puked. I meant she was the Japanese Prime Minister and Cornell was going to vomit on her. I think she's the puker.

Here's another aspect to this confirmation thing. I mean, Bernie has to... Is he going to vote to confirm her? Probably. Do you think that's kind of the point of nominating her?

This is their bend the knee moment. This is their real payback. Apparently, some people are saying that the thought process here is that she is a stop to the left because she isn't the guy who was floated last week, Bruce Reed. That's what I'm saying.

I think they want Bruce Reed. It doesn't matter. None of it matters. None of the appointments matter from a position of what we're getting. We're getting what they're told us we're going to get. All of who versus who,

who do you want to sacrifice to the Judiciary Committee? Who do you want to troll people with? I've got to say, Tanda Nira is a great troll. The funny thing is the guy that she might have taken this from, roped into her fake

screenshot of a non-existent Notes app email about how she didn't work on welfare reform in the Clinton White House. It's all like, it's a circle to get its own tail. It's going to be the most online administration maybe ever if this is

any indication. To your point, Matt, I've seen the sort of catchphrase about these Biden, the people who are being floated because this is Biden declaring war on the left. And it's like,

no, that war was fought and won by them seven months ago. There's no more war happening here. It's over. There's an end zone dance. I think he just wants to be surrounded by pretty nurses in his later years.

I mean, there's that lady Cecilia what was that? Cecilia Rouse who's 57 years old and looks like Black Christie Tirlington. That is also Tony Morrison's daughter-in-law.

Really? She's a fox. She is gorgeous. She is, I mean, an inspiration. I'm sure she's evil. But I got to say, I'm

incredibly impressed. With the prettiest nurses. It's like Charlie's angels. Joe Biden in his second inaugural address. I think Neera Tandon is dealing from my dresser. Somebody watch her.

I'll be alone here. Let's see that second Neera cut. Candidates with these governors. And I think that there's other progressive governors like O'Malley and Cuomo who've taken a much more balanced approach on budgets where they've

looked at taxes as well as reforming programs and cutting programs. And so I think that's the approach the American people are supporting. There's a viewer here who wants you to take us deeper into entitlements by Twitter. Ms. Tandon, do you know what the president means when he says entitlements are on the table?

Any specifics and anything you would endorse? Yeah, I mean, so there are a range of entitlements that, you know, I think when we're talking about entitlements, we're talking about Medicare, so security, Medicaid, these are programs

that people receive support because of the status that they have. So after 65, you get funding from Social Security and Medicare. Actually, it's going getting older for Social Security, but you know, the president has $300

billion in his budget in cuts in Medicare. That comes on top of cuts in Medicare and the Affordable Care Act. So he has put specific cuts in the budget already in Medicare and they have savings in Medicaid in the past.

I think the question really is if we're going to have a deal to address long-term deficit reduction, we need to put both entitlements on the table as well as taxes. It's unfair to ask only middle-class Americans to bear the burden of our

deficits. Middle-class Americans actually didn't create the deficits. So I think that we should not create the deficits on the entitlements and the Center for Progress has put forth ideas on proposals to reform

the beneficiaries of Social Security. Some of our progressive allies aren't as excited about that as we are, but we've put those ideas on the table. But we think that those are legitimate ideas that need to be put part of a proposal where everyone's at the table.

Some of our progressive allies aren't as excited about this as we are at the Center for American Progress. I'm looking at you, Jessica. Everything just feels very personal. Like she's giving an address to like a small group of people. Like she is drunk leading a meeting out of sorority.

I can't get over the slurring. I just can't do it. I know that's probably just how she talks. But in my head, it's just... And with the tweeting and the content of the tweets, it's a gistalt that can't be ignored.

The cadence and the rambling of it. I mean, like, I ramble, but I'm on a fucking podcast. I don't work for an organization that's advocating for policies. So I just... I keep thinking she's about to go off

and be like, you know, she's fucking entitled. Like... It's just... It's Scott's fucking entitled, okay? And middle class Americans didn't do this, okay?

And some of some of our our progressive allies aren't happy with that. Jessica. I fucking see Jessica. Amber, like, the tone

of that is like she pulled the C-Span caller into like the cool girl's bathroom at the high school. And she's like, listen, you bitch. Yeah. And so apparently she is in the process now of deleting tweets that she had

put out about members of the senate committee that are going to be talking to her. The coward's way out. Yeah. Kyle Kalinsky, come on. Yeah, Kyle Kalinsky. That's the fucking... That's the only alpha strong move. Yeah, I respect him so much.

And like he's like, he's playing for keeping those tweets up and he's like playing along with the bit. Like, you know, that is that is strong. That is the poster's way. That is the path of the posting warrior. I'm convinced he somehow planted all of those. And it's just an ARG

that he's scripted. It is a very good brand builder for him. Every like three weeks, somebody starts tweeting about he's just like, yep, it was not a lot of percusset. Now, now, Mrs. Tandon, I'm just a simple country lawyer, but on the day of

January 21st, 2006, it seems to see, would you remind the people in our mind that you're under oath? Who exactly is hungry at this moment? It would be, I would actually be amazing like seeing her cross-examine because she was just

where are you yelling at me? All right, we got, I think we got two more near eclipse. So let's see what this next one's going. Mr. Prime Minister, Mrs. Netanyah, welcome. Thank you. Thank you. And I hope you'll

ask me questions on all of these things and anything else that you want. I just wanted to get I wanted to get my commercial incident to understand how great an investment Israel is. Remember the joke?

How do you make a big fortune? How small fortune in Israel? Start with a big fortune. When did Felix speak here, Tandon? No, it's Felix has much better anti-Semitic jokes, baby. Washington produces amazing things.

We don't care. I mean, that's just near a laughing at Netanyah who's his jokes. Pretty funny. He is pretty funny. You're so funny. That was our theory here.

But I have something to declare. I have a sore throat. She's like, I have some cough medicine that might help that out. Let's go to the last one now. So a lot of the conversations that seem to take place about the on-demand economy or whatever seem to be binary.

On one side, you've got contractors on the other side. You have employees. Is there an opportunity in the middle there? There is. We have to just step back for a moment. The United States has a unique position here because we run most of our

most of our benefits that protect people from economic risk through employment. And that's why it's such a on-off switch. So if you're an employee, you usually get health care benefits and retirement benefits. Unemployment insurance. And if you're an independent contractor,

you get nothing. So we were trying to think through how to reimagine employment law for the 21st century. So that there may be a third option. A third what? A third way. Damn girl.

You just think of this. Incentives for employers to keep employees where it makes sense. We have some ability for independent contractors to provide that ability to be an independent contractor and create some flexibility

in the economic system. So I don't think there's a lot of thinking in this space. We haven't figured out the right answer yet. But some option that allows people to have some benefits. Some benefits. How generous. A model where the state offers health insurance

for the Affordable Care Act. You know, some place, I do think business, government and workers are going to have to kind of figure this out. Yeah. We're going to have to kind of figure it out. Classes sort of

battle over resources. This is Cher Horowitz talking about the Haitian refugee crisis. Yeah, you know, it's like we got these people here who have no leverage and want to be able to survive as employees.

And then we've got these other people who own the means of production and really just kind of want to make them as miserable as possible. They're going to have to figure that out somehow. I don't know what the government's job in that really is. Yeah. We're going to do trust falls.

Okay. I think the interesting thing about all four of those books though is that they were all before and this was like all at a time when like, you know, her and the Center for American Progress were very much in ascendance. And like the thing about, you know, think tanks is that,

you know, they're there to create the agenda for the next administration. And we've had like now a four-year pause on all that, but now like they just get to hit play. Like it's been, they've been edging from now they didn't play. And it's like a good preview of, you know, things to come. And like Matt said, like none of these people matter,

whether they get confirmed or not or who they are or who gets nominated or whatever. Like it's, it won't change a single thing. And I think he's telling there, especially in that last clip, you know, how are we going to handle this gig economy thing? How are we going to handle the fact that America, you know, is the only advanced country

in the world in which like all these things like health insurance and things like that are tied to employment? And the answer is that, you know, the third way they're going to do, you know, what she's talking about, I would imagine is like we've talked about before, Prop 22 as like a piece of,

like a federal Prop 22 that covers all 50 states and then just sort of patch in those gaps with the ACA, with Obamacare. Like that's the solution. That's what they're going to figure out. Direct government subsidy of health insurance providers.

And then people getting insurance that they can't actually use because it's too much. There we go. That's in Europe for the OMB. We wish her all the best in the future. I hope she does get confirmed.

I hope she does get confirmed. I hope she does get confirmed. You know, and it's just like, as far as, you know, the left is concerned, I don't really see the point in, you know, kicking up a big fuss about any of these people

because it's like, you know, we had that opportunity seven or eight months ago. It failed. At this point, what is, you know, making an outrage out of each new feature of the Biden administration? I mean, you know,

you can talk about it. It's fun to point out. And like I said, it's good just as comedy, but as some sort of political protest. There's no avenue through which your protest of this means anything. There's no pushing anybody anywhere. You have to learn to dissociate

at some point, or you will die of rage, especially when the exact thing that was definitely going to happen happens exactly the way it was going to happen. And if you want to register your anger

or your discontent at these betrayals or these, you know, these slaps in the face, then you shouldn't have voted for Joe Biden in the first place, because like, you know, what leverage are you really bringing to the table here? You know what I'm saying? Like, I mean, like, the opportunity to make a protest

was not vote for Joe Biden. And even then, you wouldn't have been able to do anything. You wouldn't have been able to do anything anyway. I mean, there's no way to coordinate any group of people along that, like, strategy of saying we're going to withhold. Who's we? There's no we. There's no we to do anything.

You know what, start, I think, politically speaking, this is the only advice I will give. Let's start working on a we. Yeah, we need a we before you could do anything else. Otherwise, we're all just screaming online. Yeah, a lot of people got to get baffled when they see things that just keep getting worse

because we don't want it. Well, the we isn't an articulated concept. It's kind of just an assumption based on, you know, what we see around us as some sort of collective group of people with opinions. But unless there's a coordination of those opinions towards an end,

it can't come to anything. Let's get we's. Let's get PS5s, too. Yeah, let's all play online with each other. We're all rolling so fun. It is a lot of fun. The tennis also. Yeah. And you know what? It's also good for you. It's exercise. It is exercise. It's the only exercise I do now.

I would like I would like a Biden. I would like a blue ribbon committee to spearhead investment and innovation in new Mario Kart circuits and items. You've been on the ones that they already have. I've done them all.

You've been on this kick, but I find your suggestions for items to be a little curious. You want to shell that hits the person in last place? Now, what even is the point of that? Well, just like the spite. I mean, that's a very that's a very near a proposal, frankly. It is. It is. And that's why I'm posing to her.

It wasn't the people in the middle of the race that would knock you off the thing. It's not their fault where they bring the brunt. And if there's like a third way and like a turtle shell.

So you just let the guy on the back because he doesn't get health think it because it's vital. This is why I'm pitching. This is me the next year, by the way. Get ready. This is why Nira is a good is a good choice for this.

For any position in the executive branch because he very much fits our zeitgeist in a moment. But if I could just quickly this is why I'm pitching the Mario Kart blue ribbon panel to the Center for American Progress in the Office of Budget Management. Yes, my idea about a reverse blue shell may seem

pointless and punitive. But Amber is exactly correct. The people in the middle of the race and the people at the front of the heat, they did not cause these problems. I have been I'm an excellent Mario Kart driver. I'm a three star rated at every level on every circuit

in the Grand Prix and Mario Kart. I have been hit with the blue shell, the squid ink, the lightning bolt so many times and those items those items are unfairly rated to the losers. The people who aren't good drivers, who don't know how to power slide, who have bad shell

management. And I am sick of being punished for being good at Mario Kart. Hence my reverse blue shell which punishes only the losers in our Mario Kart society. Thank you and good night. By the way, sorry one hour ago the Nira

tweet after my parents were divorced when I was young. My mother relied on public food and housing programs to get by. Now I'm being nominated to help ensure those programs are secure and ensure families like mine can live with dignity. I am beyond honored. My parents were

divorced. Bitch, what are you talking about? Literally, what are you talking about? That statement is a good one to pair with her comments about cutting off her insurance.

You can't just be taxed people. You gotta tighten those belts. Princess Peach, she's in the middle. She's a solid third. You can't tax her. If you say, well, why would you want

to hit poor Toad at the back of a pack with a shell? Well, he should learn to code. Here's an item. It reverses every other player's car so they have to drive and reverse for a period of time. That is fun. I like that. That's pretty cool.

My other idea would be a mushroom that opens a portal slightly in front of you so you still have to hit it. You gotta hit it, yeah. It'll appear randomly. Then it'll jump you to the head of the pack. I would like an oil slick of some kind and similar to the lightning bolt which

just makes you small and makes you lose whatever item that you're currently stocked with. I would like a lightning bolt that moves the other driver's ability to power slide and drift for a certain period of time. It's kind of crazy that there isn't some sort of oil slick.

That seems so obvious. They have that stupid squid that goes onto water. It's the squid ink which covers your vision. I would like to point out that the banana largely functions as an oil slick. It doesn't have a trail and you can't avoid it.

If you were loaded up... You could get several... And you paint it as you drive. If you're in a tight heat and you've got three or four people sliding through a big turn and you're in the front and you hit that oil slick, you just wash

three or four people. What about a grappling hook? How would that be used though? On other drivers? You hit it when there's some driver in front of you. It'll automatically tag onto that driver and it'll pull you forward.

You could also use that offensively to knock drivers in between you and the other driver. I like that idea a lot. There would be an interesting physics about it. My other idea would be a mushroom or shell of sometimes that when you fire it,

it bounces you into the air and shoots out your glider even without the power jump. You can sort of glide over a difficult part of the course or do a straight line rather than having to do the turns and whatnot. I got a lot of good ideas.

These are a great idea. You should be the head of the OMB. I've been sharing these ideas with my uncle who works at Nintendo for years now and I've gotten nothing. I'm sharing it with you to get it out there. Let's get this campaign going. Nira, I know you're playing Mario.

I know Nira must love playing Nintendo. She must love Switch. I would like the new Jet Moto. Can anyone remember that game? Oh, yeah. Jet Moto. Or F-Zero. I want more futuristic racing games

where you can mess with the stats of your vehicle. When you get sick of a course, you trade it for a new vehicle and you master it with new handling abilities. It's like retraining. Hey guys, here's one for you.

What's Nira's favorite Nintendo game? It's a Doctor Mario, of course. Yes. There's the fucking Pac-Man on that one. Here's a crazy one. It would be a very rare item. But when you activate it, it changes the course

right in the middle of the race. Just complete teleport of all drivers. The places are the same. The positioning of the players is the same. But suddenly you're in a different course. That's a very good idea. It's just... I love Mario Kart,

but when Alexander looked at the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more circuits to conquer. I'm just saying, let's change it up. You're in some more Mario Kart. Just give me that DLC. Give me that update Nintendo. You're a three-star Mario Kart player.

At the end of every race, the other players give you three stars. They had great conversation, clean car, great driver. Yep. They tip well. There we go. Excellent Mario Kart digression, guys.

What about a spring? Yes. You could jump over. But then you could go off track, too. Because it should be... Double-edged sword. All the power items are double-edged sword. Sometimes you hit that mushroom,

and you do it at the wrong time, and you go straight off the fucking track. Well, that makes it more American. Exactly. Because it's higher risk, higher rewards. You get to cheat, but you also might die. Here's one that I think I would really like. A gun.

They already have a bullet. You're way in the back. A gun with bullets in it, and I could just shoot people in the head. Yeah. No, says the guy who got too scared one time he played Fortnite.

You got too upset when people with bullets started whizzing by your character. You're like, why do people play this? I hate it! I hate it! I think it's PTSD. It's because it's the wrong vibe.

It's like a combat melee thing. What Matt wants to be... Matt wants to be Michael Douglas and falling down, but in Mario Kart. Yeah. Your teammates are these eight-year-olds. It's okay.

We got you. I just want to do a 10-offensive roll up to fucking Donkey Kong and just dome it. Yeah. What kind of gun? A 45 or something? A lot of stopping power.

Actually, no. It's a Mario game. Like a big wheel gun. Yeah, you need a heater. I completely disclaim the final idea by Matt here. That is a complete perversion of the Mario universe. I want nothing to do with it.

That's always been the problem with Mario games. He doesn't have a gun. I want to be able to drive as Charles Bronson in Death Wish. That should be a character. You should be able to unlock Russell Crowe in the movie.

That movie was so funny. I haven't seen it yet. He does look just gigantic. That's my movie mindset. Pick of the week. Excellent quarantine movie. It just snuck in there.

You can direct to TV. If you want to see Crowe. Every part of the movie that Russell Crowe is not in Unwatchable Trash. He's been with Russell Crowe. Oh my God, so special. He is fatter

than he has ever been. I love the way he gets fat too. He gets alcoholic fat. He looks like a body that was found in the river after two days. Absolutely. He is bringing it in this movie so hard. He is mugging

every fucking scene. He is doing fat guy acting of the highest caliber. He is sweating, grunting, breathing heavily. Leering over a steering wheel, popping pills and just being angry the entire movie.

Have some fun and watch Unhinged. We can't avoid it anymore. He is our generation's Brando. He started off as a muscular, hot, young, very physical presence. Over time, he just swole into this big, soggy, wet mess.

But always compelling. I'm not even hating on Russell Crowe. Good actor. There are certain guys who the worse they look, the more compelling they are. Gerard Butler is a similar case. Gerard Butler has aged

50 years since he became a famous. All of it in his hemorrhoidal, just swollen red face. The less pretty he is, the more clearly bloated and alcoholic he looks, the more I want to watch it. He is

the only movie I care about ever again. Director Tandon, I would like to table a motion for the Office of Budget Management to fully fund and fast-track the production of Den of Thieves 2. Wave all COVID restrictions.

Get this shit out immediately. Re-open America. Re-open Den of Thieves 2. I'm glad you brought up Gerard Butler because when some sort of thrombolic

or some thrombosis kills Russell Crowe, we have to have a spare. We have to have a new Crowe. It could be Butler. He's not there yet in just the huskiness, but we can get him there. Give him time. Give him time.

They are making a 4th Olympus Fallen movie right now. It keeps falling. They got to do something about it. Secret service agent Mike Bannon is back. Steve's nephew.

He's looking more and more like Steve Bannon every time. He does. He is looking like Steve Bannon. He's just wearing a multiple polo. In the next one, he gets shot by a terrorist, but it can't get through the layers of

polo shirts and shit he's wearing. Polo player embroidery is like a 45 dumb, dumb round. I totally expected the third one to be a shark jump, and it's not as good as the other ones, but it's still fucking awesome. You know what, Matt? I watched that movie

on an airplane solid. It's exactly the kind of movie that you like. If you watch it on an airplane, four stars. Yeah. Nick Nolte showing up as his dad. Nick Nolte appearing more haggard in that movie than any one.

Each subsequent Nick Nolte performance is more haggard than the last one. And in this one, it's just Google USS Liberty. He's an animated scarecrow at this point. He doesn't look human.

I was psyched when they said Nick Nolte was going to be on the Mandalorian, but he's just some stupid puppet. Yeah, they made him into something. He's the most memorable character from the first season of that show. He's a cartoon. He's a tune. First off, he's an

UG-naught. Virgil, are you watching Season 2 of the Mandalorian? I am. I'm not fully caught up yet, but I am. So you have not seen Rosario Dawson yet? I have not. Well, she's one of the lady Mandalorians, right? No, she's a lady Jedi. Oh, okay.

I haven't gotten to that part. Is this just a show about Armenians? I don't. What's the show? I'm in the middle of like this. I just started with what appears to be the main season story. I did really enjoy

I think this was the premiere episode, which was just a self-contained The one with Timothy Olyphans? Yes, that was an excellent episode. And so I was kind of I've been kind of let down by the other ones because they haven't followed that like self-contained format.

You know the name? Because apparently they released the name of the baby Yoda. You know it? Yeah, do you know what the baby Yoda's name is? Would you like us to spoil it for you, Virgil? Fine. I did watch the episode. Would you like to know baby Yoda's real name? What's baby Yoda's real name? Grogu.

It's something that's Grogu. He's Grogu. They're Grogu now. He's Grogu now. That's one letter off from one of the aliens on American Dad. Grogu.

That's awful. His name's Grogu. We love him, don't we, folks? It sounds like Nier Tandon talking about Goku. Oh my God. Multiple Amazon gift cards for Amber for this episode. We need a third

option because my guy doesn't deliver to Dumbo and he just makes him get in the car with him and he plays this really hard misogynistic rap music. He's a third guy. We're out of hypnotic.

I was wondering if you noticed this about the Mandalorian and I don't say this as a knock on the TV show but it occurs to me that watching these episodes it is the first TV show that I've ever seen in which the writing feels exactly like playing

The Witcher or some sort of big open-world game where every episode is just like he needs to acquire an item and upgrade his weapons or armor or meet a person and in order to do that you can give you the information you need, partner.

But you need to help me do this side quest first. Every episode is like the plot structure is exactly like a mission in a video. Maybe I would like this Armenian show. I want a new sandbox game to just wander around It's like Red Dead Redemption

but with aliens. You know what it feels like? It feels like a homebrew D&D campaign. Exactly. There's little pieces at the end of each scenario that fits into a grander narrative. Essentially, every episode is about him

doing a character build upgrading his character and getting loot and shit like that. They're definitely working from a monster manual where they're like, we need to add a new alien we're going to bring back a favorite

a Yoda, but it's going to be Grogu. It's Grogu. What's Grogu now? No, that's not a Yoda. That's a Grogu. It's a lot of people make that mistake. It's a really common mistake, but to the trained eye

it's clearly Grogu. I was worried you wouldn't have enough to talk about. Not when there's a Grogu running around. Yeah. Oh man, we got to fight more Yodas. No, these are Grogu's. The stats are different.

The only other news item I had was just in terms of people being floated for positions in the new government. Apparently, Biden is considering a guy named Daryl Blocker for director of the CIA.

More fucking Twitter like credentials just filling the fucking What are his Twitter credentials? His last name is Blocker. He's a 28-year veteran of the CIA, clandestine service, chief

of the Africa division, and served multiple times as chief of station. Notable only in so much as he would be the first black person to serve as CIA director. He's basically Jeffrey Wright's character from Casino Royale. He's the guy that gave Daniel Craig

all that money after he blew out Mads Mickelson gutted him on the river. Yeah, also like chief of the African division sounds like a British military position from Queen Victoria.

That's a guy with a stuffed pygmy and a pith helmet. He's an old Africa hand. It's a dark continent. Very dark continent. Mrs. Tendon, I presume. It's fine. It's good. We'll do a great job.

It's a good guy. Intersexual drug strikes. We love it. Intersexual drug trafficking. I mean, yeah, CIA director, he will now be put in charge of the history's greatest opium pipeline leading directly from Afghanistan to a impoverished American county near you.

That's the third way. That's your alternative health care plan for your gig economy job. CIA opium. Well, there we go. I think that just about does it for us today. So, yeah, just best of luck

to our girl near Tendon and her child, Grogu. He's just so cute. He wants to help all the Grogu's out there in America. He's so cute. We're wondering where their next meal is going to come from. She was a young Grogu after her parents

divorced. Okay, I'm done. I'm done. Bye, guys. Everyone pour up into that double cup and raise a glass to our girl near Tendon, new director of the office. See you next time, guys. Bye-bye.

I'm