Chapo Trap House - 636 - Fox News feat. Stavros Halkias (6/13/22)

Episode Date: June 14, 2022

Stavvy stops by to discuss his new YouTube stand-up special and, of course, help answer advice questions submitted to other publications. This edition features a particularly insane mix of advice seekers and includes lazy first graders, animal apparel charity fraud, and the mischievous spirit of the Fox. Watch Stav’s special right now for free at: https://youtu.be/eNpkhX85yf0 Everything in our store is 25% off now through the end of July: https://shop.chapotraphouse.com/ And finally, keep your eyes on Patreon for information on presale tickets for our August 4th show at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, OR.

Okay. Hello, everybody. It's Will Menaker here, Chapo, coming at you in just a short few. Before then, we're going to plug, plug, plug two things that we'd like you to know about. We have booked a second show for our trip to Portland. That's Portland, Oregon, not Portland, Maine. We will be playing the Aladdin Theater on Thursday, August 4th. We will have a pre-sale for our Patreon subscribers going live at 10 a.m. Pacific time. That's 1 p.m. East Coast time on Wednesday, June 15th. That's this upcoming Wednesday. And a general sale on Friday, June 17th. So come see us, come see us there. I believe Picathon is basically sold out, though they might be releasing a small amount of tickets in the

lead-up to the festival. So keep your eye on that. But our Picathon set and the rest of the fest will be streamed over Frequency. We'll have more info on that soon. We will have links to the tickets on both Patreon and over on our Twitter and in the episode description for the upcoming midweek episode. Number two, merch, merch, merch. We are running a summer sale on our entire merch store from this Tuesday through the end of July. Everything in the store is 25% off. We've had some restocks on some of our hot designs. So if you were looking for something that wasn't there the last time, please check again. We're trying to sell down as much as we can before we do our next merch run. So get it while the getting

is good. Hop on over to shop.tropo-traphouse.com. But unfortunately, we don't have any news upon a whole lot. So that's why you got to get that merch down. Okay, that's all the information you need to know. On to the show, Peter and Bobby. Okay, all right. It's shop bow Monday, June 13 for kicking the week off right. No need to delay any further joining us for this episode. We got the man with the diamond cock, the original king of comedy. It's a million dollar Stavi baby in the house. How's it going, my friend? What's up, you little motherfuckers? Thank you for having me. The million view on YouTube man, the million million view man. How's that? How's that treating you? How's that life? Call me call me 1.4

euros. You know what I'm saying? And this time it's not a pejorative nickname. This time it's referring to the millions of views my special has amassed in a week and not my hard penis, the inches of hard penis I have. I think this marks it. You are going to be the first one of the class of 2016 out of the podcast ghetto. I hope so. You are Adrian Brody and the pianist. No Holocaust for you. I cannot wait to do a tell all where I disavow all of you. I talk about how you all forced me to fucking believe to be misogynist against women when I was campaigning for Bernie. I can't wait till I will medic or had a gun to my head and he forced me to call women whores. I can't wait to be speaking at the

Democratic. I can't wait to be a Stav for Beto at one of his campaign events talking about how we don't actually need Medicare for all. We just need to believe in our doctors more. I want to have an NBC sick. I'm going to disavow everyone. I'm going to get plugs. I can't wait dude. I'm going to be awesome. Stav starring in Roman Polanski's new film, the 1.4 inch pianist. Yeah. Thank you for having me. And for anyone before we get into the fucking app, for anyone who hasn't seen it yet, I released a special completely for free on YouTube. It's called Live at the Lodrum. It's on my YouTube channel. 1.4 million so far. Let's get that fucker up there. I spent a lot of money on. I spent

a lot of this podcast money on making that shit happen. So I need the views to make it back. All right. I mean, Stav, that may sound impressive, but at the end of the day, you're bragging about posting a YouTube video on your own channel. Shut up the Tom Myers, man. Truly just the fucking king. I mean, Stav, you're an original king of comedy, but you have the god emperor of comedy is eviscerating you. He's just pouring gasoline on you and you've got a tire around your neck and you're just like, Tom, you need that to stay humble. Yeah, I know. I know. He put me right back

in my fucking place. Tom. Tom, let me know. It's just fucking YouTube. I'm I'm not shit. You know, I'm not the announcer for the Aberdeen Iron Birds single A the single A ball club over there in Aberdeen, Maryland. Well, I consider it very similar. I consider it very similar to sort of David Schwimmer in Band of Brothers. Yes. Like he's he pushed you during karaoke, which is the Baltimore comedy scene. That's right. And you, you know, now you have all your decorations, your decorations from going overseas, from getting a million views from having one of the most successful non true crime podcasts on Patrion. And maybe he does need to be reminded that you salute the rink, not the man.

That's right. That's right. And and my four star, my four star comedy general will forever be Tom Myers. That's the man always and forever. My guiding my my northern star. And if anybody here hasn't familiar with the comedy of Tom Myers, literally he is unironically one of my favorite comedians, and I won't say any more. Just if you're not familiar, go go find his stuff. He's got a couple incredible albums, words of mass destruction. Make America and Nate again. Make America and Nate again. How could I forget? And he's got I think there's another one called shot from the quip or shoot from the quip. That is oh, that's a good damn. That's some wordplay.

Wow. He's the fucking man. He's the fucking man. I don't want to say any more because Tom is on my ass. And I don't want to I don't want to open myself up to any more public humiliations at the hand of Tom Myers. But you know, I just want to pay my respects to the king and maybe one day I'll earn his respect. If we listen, guys, if you're listening right now, let's get to 2 million. Let's get to 5 million. Let's get to 10. I just want Tom Myers to respect me. Well, if you do perform with DNC, but disavowing us in like, you know, four years or so, he will respect you, you know?

Yes. That's true. I can't wait to be I'm joy. You know, I changed my mind. Even beat is not good enough. I'm going full khive. Yes, I'm going full khive. Me and a bunch of me and the skinniest meanest fucking gay guys you've ever met in your life. It's just gonna be us. I'm gonna we're gonna be taking Peloton classes and talking about how mayo ass white boys need to sit down and shut up and listen. I can't fucking wait. You, you, you and a bunch of you and a bunch of guys who have been adjunct professors for

45 years. Having happy hours with some of the most unnerving HR women on earth. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Just just a 40 year old white lady with with just like the biggest veneers you've ever seen telling me that telling me how many things are cap and on period. I can't wait for that. They just learned it yesterday. Well, uh, stop it, baby. I mean, you got the new comedy special. You've been out on the road, you know, honing your craft. But like, I guess the thing I'm interested in is like, look, we're, we're, we're in a very, is a very interesting time for comedy. And I think

we can all agree that like, you know, stand up comedians are either going to save America from fascism or condemn us to a new Holocaust. So I guess I just like, I guess I just like to be us. I would just like to just like make clear though, like, you know, if people watch your stand up special, are you doing the kind of good comedy that that is promotes democracy and is against fascism? Or are you doing the bad kind of comedy that is all growing and ushering in a new third Reich? For the time being, I am doing the good until I can sell out. I am doing the good kind. I have no transphobic material yet. Okay. But Netflix, Netflix cash, it sends me a fucking

$80 million check. I'm talking about how it's on a front to God to chop your penis off if that's what they want. If that's what it's going to take for me to make Chappelle money, I'll fucking do it. But for right now, I am doing I am I am good. While I haven't made it yet, while I haven't sold out. Well, I'm not a stooge. I'm doing the good kind. I'm still a good guy. That's mostly how my dick is small. It's so funny because my mom, my mom called me and she was like how she was telling me how proud she was of me and it was it felt nice, you know, but it's also like this this out this special literally is like, okay, there's there's some topical stuff. There's like, you know, stuff about

getting fat as shit. There's stuff about boomers, all that kind of shit. There's a joke about assassinating Jeff Bezos, that kind of stuff. But then the rest of it is talking about how like fucked up our family was and how little my penises times I couldn't get hard. Like 40% of it is things that any any mother who didn't love her son that much would be horrified to hear about. But all my shit is about how you know, you know, our fucked up Greek family and just the one time I almost died taking too many dick pills. She's like, I love you so much. She's like, I'm a Greek moms. So I'm so proud of you. And it's just like, well, I wish I could be proud of you, but we're going to be proud of the small as dick I have.

But you know, you don't have to thank for that. You don't have to thank mom. You're hiding half of a small dick gene somewhere somewhere in your pussy. And you really you fucking condemned me to this life. When you think about it is kind of the mom's fault, whether it gets passed down patrilineally or not, because she does like, she does see it. Right. Like if it gets passed down through the dead, she made the decision of seeing it or not knowing if it's in yet and being like, this is fine to create a son with. Yeah, it's totally flaunting all of the genetic imperatives to pick a big dick player if you're going to have a kid. Yeah, exactly right. Either she failed to pick a big dick, a big

dick, a hard cock savage, or she did pick one and her little dick genes are so strong that they forced you to have a little dick. So it's either way you're right, Felix, it's the mom's fault if your penis is small. Or, or, or, or, you know, let's, uh, let's expand this for everybody. Yeah, please. If you are one of those many unfortunate ladies whose clit is just too small to be found, that is, that's an XX chromosome of a small dick. If you were a man, it would be a small dick. But since you're a woman, your patrilineal small dick genes created, uh, you know, a clit the size of, I don't know, uh, like a thumbtack, probably half a thumbtack. Oh, interesting. I never thought of, I never thought

of that there is, uh, that is an intergender camaraderie of little dickery, where it's like, if as a man, you just can't hit the back walls, but as a woman with the little dick gene, that means you can never get your shit played with correctly because it's just too, it's like a game of where's Waldo. Yeah, but no, whatever. Yes. Define their little ass clit. That's interesting. Yeah. I like, so you're saying like the women, the, the chai, the, the Joni Lawlers, the Chinas, with just the absolute, almost a penis clits, those are the lucky, those are the lucky women. Yeah. The gumballs. Yes. Yes. The shit, it seems like you got out of a fucking grocery store vending machine.

Well, I just don't like, I don't like that it's, you know, we castigate men for having small dicks, which just like in the interest of evolution, we should, you know, right? It's just greater good and all, but of course, when a guy can't find a woman's clit or just doesn't want to, it's never on the woman for it being small. We got, we're going to start a dialogue here tonight. Yes. If you, if you gave your, if a man can't find your clit, you ever think maybe your shit is fucking too camouflaged, too fucking tiny? Let's fuck it. You're, you're so fucking right, Felix. Yeah.

Thank you so much for bringing this up. I'm going to start rumors about women. Just be like, oh yeah, you think she's hot, tiniest clit you've ever seen. Any clit, but by the way, the whole gigantic, that's a tough combo. Yeah, that's gonna be a couple gals out there. Pin wheel, like pin top clit and just the fucking softball size opening. Fellas, fellas, we are, we are, we are opening a new front in the, the campaign against women's self-esteem. Yeah, we're getting all this body positivity if you're a plus size person, but now let's focus back on the pussy. Let's get, let's get back in there and let's fucking eviscerate the pussy.

If you see a woman acting obnoxiously, like, you know, bridal party style from now on, say that she's compensating for her tiny clit. That's great. And I'm going to run with that. I love it. So my mom also listens to every episode of this, by the way. My entire family really. All right. So for the moms out there, yes, have you, have you been watching the riveting live congressional testimony about the January 6 coup attempt? Because obviously I've been glued to the screen. You know, unfortunately I haven't had a chance to, but the one thing I will say is that I

can't wait for Donald Trump to finally be brought to justice. As we all know, he will be very, very soon. So I'll probably watch the public beheading until then, which is happening any day now. And, but until then I'm kind of, I'm kind of checked out, you know, I feel you, I mean, like, do you worry, though, that like your sort of duties as a citizen of democracy, like, are you worried that you're shirking your responsibility by not paying attention to this, you know, sort of just, you know, like a stunning moment of history that's happening before our eyes? Yes, I often worry about, I wonder how, how history will judge me as I've decided to watch

Bosch legacy instead of, instead of the congressional hearings. It is something that keeps me up at Night Will, but you know, like I said, it's just, we've all made our choices. I mean, I don't know, like, it's just, I know, I know they want to have it, they're having it on in prime time, but like the problem is, there are too many other good shows right now. I mean, like, it's just, it's the network's fault, by the way, they go, they're going head to head with the finals right now, you know, we got the NBA finals tonight. No chance I'm watching that.

By the way, you got, you got, you like, the Celtics or the Warriors here? Dude, it's really hard because I fucking hate both of these teams. And I'd love to just, to bring this to a wider audience. Boston can suck my dick in general. They've had a championship every fucking year. So like, somebody who's like 25, Boston has won like four championships. Like every, like they've never known not winning. You know what I mean? They're just, they've gotten too many titles, fuck them, they can suck my dick. And then the Warriors, it's just like, it's like, it's hard rooting for, like rooting for the Warriors, it's a little less so now, but like when they had Kevin Durant, it was like rooting for gentrification

because it was just like, they were unstoppable. They were just like, had all the money in the world, they were going to fucking run through the whole league. And you know, it's nice to see, I guess the longer it's gone on, I am, I'm rooting for Steph Curry a little bit because he's the one with the most on the line, legacy-wise. And the best part is, his parents are currently in a partner-swapped relationship. Steph's parents got divorced last year. And now they're each dating a couple that also got divorced last year. So his mom, his mom is dating this like ex-college football player, like, you know, down south type of, you know, good old boy type looking motherfucker. And now Del Curry is dating, Del Curry has

surfaced with that guy's wife, which is honestly one of the funniest subplots of the whole finals. That had to have been like a polycule explosion of some kind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They found out, they found out they had, they had more, they were more compatible, more compatible clit sizes with each couple they could, they could find. Del Curry, listen, one of the great sharpshooters, right? That's, there's no, it's no coincidence. Steph Curry is, is a great three point shooter as well. He got it from his dad. Does Del Curry have that accuracy with tiny clits? And maybe this,

this blonde lady has a tiny ass clit that her husband couldn't find. A lot of great questions to ask. So I think I'm mostly pulling for the Warriors because their star players, parents are in some kind of weird fucked up wife swap situation. And that's kind of, since I don't like either of these teams, that's going to keep me through. That's going to fucking, that's going to carry me through. Well, there we go. Some NBA analysis from Shout out to Sonya Curry. She looks great with the braids, by the way. Steph's, Steph's

mom could really get it. Excellent. Oh, and as long as we're talking about things we're watching on television stuff, I've been wanting to pick your brain. Have you watched any of the new David Simon series we own this city? You know, I have a huge backlog of shit I want to watch. That's at the top of the list. Unfortunately, I have not watched it yet. I bring it up because John Berenthal has like basically, I think like the creators of that show owe you royalties for your Dundalk character guy. Because I mean, honestly, I mean, like

I'm from an outsider's perspective here, but I think John Berenthal, one of our most goaded actors and his fucking like Dundalk shithead accent he does on this show is because like he plays a like a terrifyingly vicious and corrupt racist cop. Of course. But when he, but the way he talks is so funny. I'm like, I want to hang out with this guy. He seems pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the thing about those guys. Like 100%, like half the guy. So I do basically John Berenthal's character, not having seen it, just knowing it is like, you know, a racist vicious cop. My, my Dundalk, my Baltimore guy is that guy's like fuck

up brother. You know what I mean? Like it runs in the family. Like he couldn't make it. He couldn't hack it in the academy. Yeah, exactly. You're too, yeah, you're too fat to be a cop, which is actually, I guess, you know, who knows how fat you have to be, but you're too bad to be a cop. You couldn't hack it in the academy. You couldn't do their little multiple choice things. So you just like, you're just racist, like as a hobbyist instead of professional, those guys turn pro and become Baltimore city cops that don't live in the city, but their brothers are still doing like pick up, pick up racism, you know, just around at the park being racist, even

though his brother's in the league, you know what I mean? I mean, like, stop, there, there is literally a character, there is literally a character on the show that is like that guy who's like, it's like John Berenthal's friend who, who's like a former criminal who runs, that runs a bail bonds operation, he just, he just uses him to like fence all of the drugs he steals from drug dealers and shit. And it's still something like all, all of the, all of the white dudes on, on this show, like I, I sort of got it. There is a single frame of the show in which they are not wearing a Ravens or Orioles attire. I haven't seen it yet.

Yeah. I've not seen it. And listen, that's how it is, dude. Everyone loves the fun. And that goes deep. That goes with me too. My little brother got married at the courthouse. One of my brothers got married like big ceremony. It's, it's how much I love my little brothers, how different they are as people, you know, what my brother had a big ceremony. It was awesome. And then my other brother just like was like, I'm not doing any of that shit. He just went to the courthouse, fucking sport coat, O's t-shirt underneath baby. So that's your runs deep

in Baltimore, baby. Let's go birds. Let's fucking go. But yeah, I love it. I can't wait to see it. A former criminal, a bail bondsman, Baltimore, white, probably has never said the n-word, right? Ever. Probably the least likely guy to have ever said that in anger, right? I, the, what I say about Baltimore, Dundalk and, and Hamden, Hamden, another neighborhood is that it leads, it leads the world in white women with mixed race children that use the n-word. They are, it's, it's off the charts. That's what who we're dealing with. That's the thing. You're right, Felix. It's not that they haven't said it in anger. It's that

they say it like for fun way more than they've definitely said it in anger, but they just say it rapping or they just refer to themselves as one. Like they love, it's in their vocab brother. It's in their, it's so many ways. They're the best. It's like, it's so funny. Yeah. It's like how you can fire a shot in anger and people are like, well, what, how, what other times do you fire a shot? It's usually an anger. Well, like at an Arab wedding when they fire guns in the air, they're doing the equivalent with that word. I presume. That's exactly what it is. Every Sunday when the Ravens are playing, it might as well be a fucking Lebanese wedding. I guess like a light spoiler here, but there, there is a

scene on the show where John Berenthal's character robs a dwarf stripper, like takes a dwarf, takes a dwarf to the champagne room and then robs her and runs out of the strip club and I was like, hey, stop getting a writing credit on this show. But then I remember, oh, wait, then I remember, oh, wait, this show is all 100% true. And based on like FBI documents of like the Baltimore gun, Terry's task force. Yes. Yes. There, I mean, that's the, I still have the book. Obviously I haven't read it yet. A part of me was like, I want to read the book before I watch it. But it's like, you know, maybe I'll fucking, I do want to read the whole book. But yeah, I mean, that's the thing about Baltimore, man. It's just

like so hysterically corrupt. And it's like, you know, it's just like, we, I don't think we've had one mayor that hasn't gone to jail in like 20 years. It's like, and their scams are so awesome. Like Sheila Dixon used to do like, I think just prepaid debit card scams. And then who was the one that she ordered more copies of her children's book? She ordered more copies than there were students in Baltimore public schools. I know she fucking rules. She was, she was after I left, but I remember exactly that was the, that was the latest one. And yeah, it was so that's like the scale. That's the level of scams you're doing how, how completely non thought out it is. We're just like, yeah, we'll just

force the school system that I'm the mayor of to buy my shitty book. And, and then, oh, by the way, it's, there's more of them than students, but who cares? It doesn't fucking matter. We're not handing them out at all. They're just going, they're saying, they're sitting in some warehouse. And by the way, we'll probably try and sell them again on eBay or some shit. But what, what I love about that scam too is like, even if they were distributing them, if you're ordering enough for every student in every public school that means that you're ordering your children's book, which is called like, you know, the girl who wrote a letter

for like high school students, 18 year olds to read your children's book about like how you wanted to grow up to be mayor and like want to also want it to be a dog. Yeah. Catherine Pugh, that was her name, I remember. And I'm trying to find the fun. Oh, I think it was called the series is called healthy Holly that promoted exercise and nutritional eating through stories of an African American girl named Holly. I got to say, I'm, I'm, I'm not going to be a Homer here. I'm not going to be, I'm going to be a realistic Chicago fan. I think you guys have good county beat. I think your corruption is really, I appreciate that. I think you guys get that. That's the thing. It's like, we're a small market team.

You know what I mean? We don't have the glitz and glamour. We don't have the, we don't have Al Capone. We don't have the legacy. You know what I mean? We've got, sure we got the wire and we've got some really good stuff, but it, we don't get the, we don't get the recognition we deserve because truly it's like there has not been one good local politician in, I cannot tell you. And there seemed to be one, and I think they like, I don't know what happened to her. Like I feel like they, someone was like, Hey, we're going to tell people you're a lesbian if you don't quit. Like there's something like that must happen because there were, every time a promising like Baltimore, they just like disappear off the fucking face of

the earth. It's so, it's so sick. And I do love, I mean, I'll never fully leave Baltimore. My family's still there. I love going back there. Honestly, I'm trying to get into, into a little corruption myself. I would love to figure out a way to just like, you know, get some, get some insider info on a development project, buy a couple of houses right around the, right, right before they get fucking bought up to put a big fucking, you know, some big like shitty outdoor mall, you know what I mean? I'm just, I'm excited and I'm hoping that's another thing I'm trying to, I'm part trying to parlay my, you know, any success off the comedy special, any, any, you know, it more interest in my career. I'm

trying to parlay that into small time homegrown corruption, just, just because it feels like a part of, it feels like a right of passion passage in Baltimore. When you have any kind of money, you're able to make a lot more of it by, you know, stealing from the, the, the coffers of government. I got an idea. Get the school district to buy in bulk your calendar for the class. Oh, yes. You're a genius. Well, I was thinking of, I'm still working on my self-help book, kind of similar to Healthy Holly. It's called The Hard Dick Warriors Way. And maybe I can get it. Maybe I can do a similar thing where it's like, that's in every Baltimore City

public schools, like libraries. Each, each, each school gets one hunt, gets 10,000 copies of The Hard Dick Warriors Way. Okay. I got an idea. So you do that. You get Hard Dick Warriors Way into the public schools. Then you create a fake, like right wing outrage, like libs of tick-tock tiles to stare about. There's this book called Hard Dick Warriors Way in the schools, and they had like a bunch of fucking proud boys show up and like have to get hazed at like the school libraries. And then all the liberals on earth buy copies of it. Yeah.

Solidarity. It's a great idea. I'll go to everyone I ever did open mics with in Baltimore and be like, you boys want to make $20? Put on this fucking body armor and get this baton. And go cause a little ruckus, if you know what I'm saying. If you, I mean, you could, you could kind of, you could play both sides too. You're, you know, you could be like, no, I'm grooming them in the other direction. I'm grooming them into heterosexuality. Straight.

Yeah. There's only one way for us to combat this grooming. And that's with our own grooming. We're showing them big, we're showing all the boys big tits and they're going to love it. I did have a high school, had a high school soccer coach got in trouble for giving us, having a kid porn, not in a gateway, like in a way where he was like, Oh, check this out. Check this out.

Like in a way where he's like, dude, isn't this sick? He was a 14 year old and he got, he got fired for that. It was awesome. It's just not, okay. Like you're rolling up to the pride event in a U-Haul and then like the feds have it surrounded and they're just like, they open up the back of the U-Haul and then it's just girls on trampolines. They all just go out of the back. We got juggies. Yes. We're doing a tailgate. You open up the U-Haul. It's a fucking pit master. I got some fucking,

I got a couple of pork shoulders going overnight. I got some fucking, I got some fucking wings and we got sausage and we just got fucking, you know, one big, one incredibly obese man in purple camo pants grilling everything up and nothing, but girls with fat tits and a wet t-shirt contest and that's, that's what we're rolling up with to, uh, in fucking it. Yeah. It's just like, it's like, children, children. No, don't look at that. Don't look at that over here, over here. Look at, look at the juggies. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

The only thing. They'll put them in your face. The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a discord account is a good guy with a discord account. Yeah. That is so true. We're going to, we're going to combat, uh, people trying to give children basic sex education, just fat honking tits. Yeah. That's all you need. If some fucking pervert, if some fucking pervert tries to groom my

kids by having a weird earring, uh, I, I, yeah, I will be hiring you to take them to pit, to the pit beef restaurant, pit beef, bro. Yes. One of the fucking finest establishments that some of the best beef you'll get in the parking lot of the gold club strip club. It's honestly really good. It is very good. Uh, pit beef rocks.

Yeah. Strong and Dutson for pit beef, but you'll take them to pit beef and show them, you know, not any of this new shit, not POV, not instructionals, like girls with the worst bolt-ons ever wearing salary hats. Yup. Yup. Just classic. You get crimped hair.

Yeah. Lending strip, you know, just classic 90s pornography. It's like, like Baywatch, like the Baywatch era, like that kind, that style of, like a Pamela Anderson in a Baywatch style of lady. That's who we're jacking off. Yes. Anything else is gay. Yup. So all that, if we can drop off instruction count as education, it's like, but it's like

trade school. Yeah. I think it's more, I think it's more coaching, but it is education, you know, that's what Pete Buttigieg is talking about with getting people in the trids. Sign me up. Now, girls jumping on trampolines. God bless you. Well, you know, as long as we're talking about, you know, social issues, parenting, dating,

life, sports, we got Stavi Vivi in the cuts. You know what that means. Yes, I have, I've scoured the slate.com advice columns and we are now Stavi solves your problems. We are now I love it. I love it. I love it. Answering other people's questions with Stavi baby. So kicking off here specialty.

Yeah. This is, this is from the slate parenting column because, you know, we're talking about parenting issues. You know, we all have kids. Of course. Of course. Okay. Yeah.

So here's some, here's some unvarnished advice here. Well, okay. The question is, my wife and to a lesser extent, I have some concerns about our first grade daughter's motivation to improve herself. I'm not sure I'm putting this exactly right. So bear with me. Holy shit. I'll just stop there and just say, like the letter, the letter when I clicked on it was

like, hey, like, you know, dear, dear slate, like, my wife and I are concerned about our daughter's lack of motivation. And I was just like, oh, wait, like she's not, it's not studying for the ACTs or whatever. And it's like, no. My first grade daughter's motivation levels are first grade, a fucking six year old. These people are pieces of fucking dog shit. Go ahead. Yes.

The way my, the way my wife puts it, our daughter tends to assume that she is the best at everything. But when faced with an actual challenge and doing the thing, she immediately gets frustrated and she wants to just give up rather than try. This is probably because she's a baby. She's a fucking dumb little kid. Of course. That's what everyone thinks. I thought, yeah, dude.

I thought I was going to be, I thought I was going to be an astronaut who also played rock and roll when I was fucking four years old. My internal image of myself was literally John Stamos, but in an astronaut helmet. Like that's who I thought I was when I was four. I thought I was a fucking piece of ass and I was a genius at the same time. That's what every baby thinks about themselves. Anyway, this recently came up in the context of starting piano lessons. After my wife, our daughter seemed to pick up the first lesson easily and then went around

for the next week talking about how great she is at piano. What a fucking idiot. I hate it. However, however, at the second lesson, she wasn't immediately able to do it and she instantly wanted to quit. She has done this with things as varied as when she learned to read to how she handles playing video games. Perhaps relatedly, although she has always seemed fairly bright, she has always seemed

incurious, she never really went through a Y phase and going back as long as I can remember, anytime she has realized you were trying to teach her something, she would actively reject your doing so. For example, that's really weird that she avoided spending more time with you. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine what they're trying to teach this girl. These just fucking horrible.

Just like high thought. Probably. Yeah. They're trying to teach her. Yeah. These people fucking stink dude. These are like mid, these are like fucking middle managers. You know what I mean?

Trying to try to, I don't know, teach her fucking Sudoku or something fucking boring. You know what I mean? You got to make sure she has grit so that she can get a good education and she can be a success. Show this baby, John Wick. I bet you she's fucking enraptured. Show this baby something that fucking rules. Show her crank.

Okay. Really? Let's see if she pays attention. It's really weird that my five-year-old, who I constantly berate for giving up too easily and not being engaged enough, is not spending more time with me learning how to be an anti-racist acupuncturist or whatever bullshit thing I want her to be. Yeah. She's getting, this baby's bored because they keep trying to read her white fragility.

She's fucking checking out. Anyway, go ahead. Go ahead, Billy. At the letter ends, I am very open to the idea that this is merely age-appropriate. But my wife is concerned it may not be. Any thoughts? So, I mean, how are we going to get out of this first grade? Your wife's a psycho.

That's the thought. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Really? This guy? This is the dad sitting quietly staring at the wall in his bedroom while his wife is screaming at Dirk Diggler at the beginning of the night.

You're stupid. You're in nothing. Everyone throw a Y face. I'm special, I'm special, I'm curious, I'm going to be the best piano player ever and you'll see, you'll see. This guy also to me feels like not only that guy but also just William H. Macy in Boogie Nice. This guy is going to kill himself.

This woman is cucking him. She seems fucking annoying. Anyone who's like, what's going on? Have you ever tried to do anything? First of all, if I had to fucking go to the same piano lesson that that little kid did, I'd be like, after the first, after Hot Cross Buns, after I nail that, and then the second one, I'd be annoyed. But that's the whole point.

Yeah. Like your kid is going to be annoyed and she's a fucking little ass kid. Things are life. First of all, life sucks, Dick. Every, you have, you have cursed this little kid with sentience. She has to be alive. She has to learn skills, okay? It sucks cock to learn new skills.

She sucks, Dick, to learn. Of course she doesn't want to learn. Of course she wants to go fucking play with her dolls or eat fucking pudding or do something that rules. Learning anything sucks, Dick. Your kid is cooler than both you and your dumb bitch wife. Just let her go through it. She's six, bro.

She's a six year old little fucking kid. I don't know what else to tell this guy. I think she'll figure it out. That is how my mom explained school to me when I didn't want to go. Like the point of school is that you have to do things you don't like doing. You have to eat a shit sandwich and smile sometimes in life. I do think, however, though, if you did, if you contacted the school or, you know, even we're so bold as to contact CPS about these parents or this kid, they would send Peter

and Paul from funny games to this household. It might be the right move. Who knows? I think so. I think I don't fuck with these parents at all. I like this kid. This kid seems pretty cool. A baby that doesn't want to learn shit, they fucking, they brags all the time.

I honestly relate to this kid a lot. We're like, I'm the fucking, she's like, I'm the fucking man. Do not bring a book around me, motherfucker. What am I a fucking nerd? Suck my dick. I'm not learning shit. She, honestly, I have a lot in common with this little kid and I like her a lot. And this letter like brings to my epic.

I think, Felix, you had the idea that like Adderall, obviously a dope drug, but it should only be given to people who have jobs. Like if you have a job that you have to send to a computer, take Adderall. It works. But like, what work, like what work are you doing as a fucking eight year old that requires like, medicinal speed to get through it? Like what's so, what's so fucking important? Well, having these parents, it's also the thing of like, you can tell these people are

annoying because they're like, why isn't my kid the best? Why she, she has all the confidence of being the best because we tell her she's the best every day, but she's not actually, she's not actually doing anything. And it's like, you have to teach it, you have to teach the kid to do stuff. These people are just very fucking annoying. They're already, you can tell they're already worried about like, they're doing that thing where it's like, well, if she falls behind in first grade, then that'll let her impact what middle school she get into, what middle school she get into impacts what high school

she get into. She can't get into a good college. And now she's sucking cock on the street and it's like, it's just like, it's a little kid, let her have some pudding and buy, you know what I mean? It's just like, these people stink, I hate them and we should, we should find them and call Child Protective Services if that's my, that's what I say we do. We get them out of, we get that child out of her clutches. And you know what, maybe we raise her as podcasters, we raise her as a baby between the four of

us. I think we can figure it out. I have, I think that's a great idea. I am, I've been trying to get all of my exes back at once and I think that if I raise a baby with three other adult male friends of mine, they'll see that I'm serious now. They'll be like, oh, he probably doesn't have like a ton of stuff on the floor now. No. Because like a kid would just eat that stuff off the floor and die and the kid is sharing

with his friends. Very much alive, perfect. Yeah. I love, I love this, I love this baby and I pray that she doesn't turn into a piece of shit like her parents, although the odds are stacked against her. Well, okay. Problem solved. Stay strong baby.

We are intervening, we are repossessing this child and raising them as a sort of like sort of a four-sided dad collective and you know, they will be cool, they will be cool at this point. Next question, you know, this touches on, you know, like sort of social issues. So it's ear care and feeding. How do I make my life more diverse? Specifically, how can I help ensure my kids grow up in a racially and economically diverse community when our actual community is anything but?

For context, we are moving at the end of the summer for my husband's job from a huge east coast city to a smallish Midwestern one. It's obviously been an insane market to try to find a house and I'm thrilled that we landed one that landed on one that has a great public schools and is the most diverse, decent public schools in the city, but it's still 84% white. There are black and brown people in the city, but not many in our immediate neighborhood. It's really, really important to me that my kids grow up around families that don't look like ours, but I don't know how to begin when it won't be as easy as befriending families

in our neighborhood school. I also want to authentically befriend other moms and not just be a crazy white lady driving around asking black moms if they want to hang out sometime. Do I just enthusiastically embrace the families at school who fall into the other 16% and try to organically let it grow from there, look for book clubs and other neighborhoods and hope I meet people? This is also tied to the fact that in general, I have no idea how to make new friends as an adult aside from friends of friends who are in my case all white.

I also of course don't want to make anyone feel pressured to be friends with us or to feel like I only want to be their friend because they're not white. Am I overthinking this? I just worry if I don't make a concerted effort, my path of least resistance will end up with only white kids and families in our lives. And I want more for my own kids. So you know what? She should think about it this way.

If she really wants to advance the cause of racial justice in this country, she should give the black and brown people of her town the gift of not interacting with her. She sounds like a fucking chore. This makes me think that there is still a spot in the gig economy that hasn't been yet addressed. A app where if you're just a racial minority, you can be hired to hang out with anxious white liberals who want to diversify their lives. Yes.

There's different levels of it where it's like you come for a half hour, you bring four outfits, everyone takes pictures as if it's different occasions. We bring a Christmas tree, we bring a full Thanksgiving dinner, and in two hours you have every major holiday, we'll bring a black guy, we'll bring a Hmong family, we'll get it all, and then a Latino best friend to your kids, you get your Instagram pictures done, you get your Facebook done, and then you can start from there, and I think that is a great business venture, Matt. I think you're really on to something.

Imagine how much a black family could charge for invitations to their cookout. Yes. This service would be something like a cross between a notary public and an escort. We always say that the American economy is out of growth, declining profits, no new ideas, nothing good. We're at an awkward time in technology, sort of the equivalent of the 1970s where any new idea is in its awkward adolescence where it won't be workable for another 20 years. This is an actual innovation in the service sector.

It's true. Absolutely. I mean, that's one way to attack it, but yeah, there's no way this woman is such a weird question. She's asking a question like, how do I seek out the Terminator or black families to be friends with, but not killing them, just being friends with them? But then she's like, how do I convince them that I'm not doing that? Right.

That's what I was going to say. Just because you're aware of what's going on doesn't mean it's not weird. Right. You know what I mean? You're going to pursue this goal in a way that doesn't give away to anyone you interact with. What a freak you are. Oh my God.

It's coming across so hard in this intent. I don't want to be that crazy white lady too late, ma'am. I would love to see a picture of this woman, like one picture where she's looking at just like a white mom from her school, and another picture where she's looking at a black mom from her school, and just see how much her eyes, her pupils are violated when she looks at the black mom, and just in that moment, the hope that a black woman might find her cool. Oh my God.

Because it's like, here's the other thing. I'm guessing she wasn't like, she's like, it would have been easy back on the East Coast. It's like, really? How I would love the statistics on how many non-white friends she had. White friends, honestly. I don't want to know that. It's like zero.

It's getting a little cocky. I mean, like, yeah, I'm just going to get some minority friends to diversify here. Well, parents like this moved mountains to segregate their kids' schools on the East Coast. Parents like this. They're so fucking right. They changed the topography of New York in order to only go to school with parents exactly like them.

100%, truly 100%. And they just think because they buy bananas at a bodega sometimes that they're not racist. Yeah. I mean, also, it's like, how do you even, she brings up a good point. It's like, how do you even make just regular friends as a fucking adult? That's fucking weird and hard to do. I just think this lady's fucked and, you know, there's no way around it. You just kind of have to, like, that honestly does speak to how all of this shit is beyond

your control. Because what she's saying is like, well, we moved somewhere where it's expensive and there aren't any minorities. It's like, but I want minority friends and it's like, all right, well, that's the problem. It's just like our fucking, like you fucking live in a place that Felix is right. It's like either the people just like you a generation ago made it so that like no black people live there. So it's like, so now you can't be like, well, what if I drive, drive to a shittier neighborhood

and try and start a book club? What if I, what if I, what if I bring a box full of Toni Morrison novels and see who who to tracks and then I can force them to talk to me about the bluest I, you know, like, it's just like, you suck dick lady, that's right. I wouldn't wish this on any wouldn't wish friendship with this woman on anyone except maybe the lady from the first question. Yeah. Those two should be friends.

Maybe, you know, in special forces, they have this thing called procurement missions where you're not, you're dropped in country without any of your gear. You have to get your own weapons and everything like that. And she could be dropped in East New York without any of her book club materials or the next door app or anything. Yes. And, you know, become a force multiplier in that way with whatever friendship is. Yeah.

Absolutely. So I don't know, you know, and it's tough because these like, I guess she is sort of on to something here, but it's just like, well, I don't know what to tell you. It's like, if it was that important to you, you would have just like stayed where you were, you know what I mean? Or you would have like, sought that out, like you would have sought a different neighborhood out. But I think the most diverse school is 18% just not white.

That's fucking hysterical. That's the one that they really needed to get into. Shout out to Baltimore City Public Schools. It was awesome. It was awesome. It was like, it was like 4% white. It was like, my school was literally like, like, like 10% white and half it was like, and we was just like all white trash or just Greek kids.

It was, it was honestly pretty fucking sick. Well, so do you have any practical advice about how to make friends then? Just don't, don't be the 80% majority of any place that you're in. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Well, that's the funny thing is like, I definitely was a race trader in many ways where it was like, because you're a Greek, you could be like, I'm less white than the fucking white

kids. I'm the best. And we're like, we had nothing to do with slavery like that was, that was my way in. And also just be good at sports and make for, and be a charismatic bully when you had to be. If you were fat as shit, if you were fat as shit in Baltimore Public Schools, you needed to find someone with a little fucked up leg or like, you know, or like someone fatter than you or it didn't help that I didn't get pussy.

So you had to find someone that was a bigger loser, bad at sports. You know, you had to figure it all out. Well, ableism gets a bad rap, but it's probably prevented a lot of racism. Yeah. Yes. It brought it brought laughing at someone with a with a limp brought us all together, the meat and they were, you know, whatever. Yeah.

What you said about like being Greek, I always think that's like the weird racial politics like kids and young people have are kind of interesting. They're like, yeah, one of them, I have a very distinct memory of when I was working at a bar in Minnesota and there was this like piece of shit off duty cop that would always come in and just like unconditionally, like just start a pointless argument with like whichever black guy he saw at the bar in St. Paul's, so like not a ton of black dude. Yeah. But if there was one in there, he was starting an argument with him for no reason.

And one night he was like a worse argument than usual, and it almost like escalated. It almost became a fight and we separated them and thankfully like the piece of shit cop left and, you know, the guy, the guy who he got into an argument with was explaining it to one of the bouncers who's a black dude and he's explaining it and he's going, yeah. And then no offense, this white boy came up talking about the cop. And then the other bouncer points to me and goes, oh, he's Jewish. And the fucking, the fucking, the guy hugs me and it was like in that moment, I was kind of conflicted because it's like, well, that's like my grandparents worked really hard for

me to be white. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. On the other hand, like, sure, I'll take it. Thank you. Totally. Well, listen, I think Jews get one every once in a while.

I think historically you're owed a couple hugs from a black guy versus what you guys, what you guys were up, you know, were up against, you know, not you specifically, but, you know, it's been tough. A couple, a couple of big L's for the Jews through history. Yeah, for sure. But I just think like in America, that guy was being, they're both being incredibly charitable to me. No, I know.

I think that's the funny thing is like, like literally I had a coach on the football team, like it's so funny because what I remember, like the, one of the memories I was remembering is like one kid was going in on one of the white trash kids, I think literally because of slavery. And then he, and then I was laughing because it was a hysterical situation and he looks at me and he's like, what are you laughing at? And literally my coach jumped in and he was like, you got to understand Greek people had nothing to do with it.

My coach was like, he's good. He didn't say stop. No one had anything to do with it. He was like, point all your attention to the white trash kid that was born in America. It is where, as if like Greek people aren't racist, you know what I'm saying, part is like, they're a bunch of shit. He's like, yeah, Yannis just got his citizenship after he won the championship at the Bucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, insanely, insanely.

I was going to say along those lines, just like more beneficial than starting a book club. Would you, would you recommend as a strategy picking out, let's say any Turkish kids in your school and just denigrating and attacking them? Interesting. Yes. Yeah. Well, one of my best friends is literally Albanian and there, there is like, we did do like, Balkan,

like I honestly, my ironic racism is so deep in what I find funny because my best friend in starting from kindergarten is Albanian and Greek people are racist towards Albanians and we would do it as a bit starting at like age, age five, you know what I mean? So it's like, that was always fun. And that's from a young age, I was like, oh, this is ridiculous that someone would actually be racist towards them because he's born like, you know, the country right above us. And I thought that was funny from the jump. So yeah, I think a little, a little fun, ironic racism early on can be nice and honestly,

you know what the real fucking, like not to go fucking, you know, Disney movie, remember the Titans, but it's like, get your kids playing fucking sports, dude. Sports is just like everyone on sports is on a team. Stop. That's the way to do it. It sounds like you're, it sounds like your fucking kids are probably losers that read too much. I like the cool little four year old that didn't ever want to learn, but get your kids

into some sports, it fucking, that's some of my best friends still to this day, like I went to DC. It's like, I saw a bunch of my friends from Baltimore that we like soccer fucking football across with wrestling. It was fucking sick. So that's, that's your way in, but the people that fucking write into slate, their kids don't play fucking. I don't know, some price cross country.

I unironically love remember the Titans. It's one of the best airplane. It's one of the best movies to watch on an airplane. If you're on an airplane, it's just like, it's the perfect percent. It's the perfect airplane watching movie. And it's about how it is about how sports conquers racism. The senior Denzel, the senior Denzel takes them to the Gettysburg battlefield and gives that fucking inspirational speech.

Oh my God. Yes. Tears in my eyes, tears in my eyes. And no joke. That literally is like everyone loves sports. Everyone from every like fucking background. Someone puts their kid in sports from every background. You're actually probably better off other than a fucking lame ass book club is just making

your kid play fucking soccer hoops or fucking, you know, football. Like that's that's the, you know what? We took us a while, but that's what it is, dude. Sports are the answer. Sports conquers all. If we don't come together right now on this hollow ground, we too will be destroyed just like they were and okay if you like each other right now, but you will respect each other and maybe, I don't know, maybe we're going to play this game like men.

All right, I gotta get to the next question. This is a question I think Felix will have some opinions on as it deals with exotic pets. So it says, dear Karen feeding, I have a seven year old daughter B and we live two houses over from her best friend Stacy, also the same age. The two girls go to school together and frequently stay over at each other's houses now that everyone's fully vaccinated. Stacy's parents recently got a pet fox. This is legal where we live, although we would have to have had register the animal as an

exotic pet. I wasn't worried at first, but now I'm not so sure. The fox isn't violent or anything, but almost every time she comes back from their house, B tells some hilarious giggling story about how the fox stole food or the TV remote or a bracelet or something else and ran around the house holding it in his mouth or trying to bury it somewhere. Last evening at dinner, B tried to steal some fries from my plate and tried to pass it off as a silly joke.

I gave her a lecture about how it's wrong to steal even as a joke and I think it sunk in, but I'm worried about the lessons she's picking up from this animal and I'm considering not letting her go over to Stacy's house anymore. These people are out of their fucking mind. What do they think life is a fucking cartoon that the fox is teaching it lesson, teaching their child lessons, these fucking morons, lessons from a fox, if you're learning lessons from this Reynard-type figure at your friend's daughter's house, the fox is teaching good lessons.

It's teaching how to outwit your opponents. It's teaching how to outwit the noble lion or the frightening wolf or bear or whatever. The fox always wins. I just love the detail about she stole french fries off my plate as a joke and then we sat her down and gave her a lecture, just wanted the fries, yeah, this is fucking crazy. These are ridiculous questions to ask these are, I don't even need to have their children taken from them and then they need to be a 24 seven camera surveillance that I get to watch because I want to see these people in like actual day to day situations.

People who are worried that their children aren't getting like the USDA recommended amount of diversity in their daily lives, what they're not motivated enough, they haven't read enough Rich Dad Poor Dad by the time they're eight, that they're getting badly influenced by mischievous neighbor woodland creatures, I need to see these people in action. If you see them, it's going to be a lot of people leaving like negative Yelp reviews or it's going to be a lot of people asking for their money back from Uber Eats because they forgot a side of ranch or something like that.

That's what you'll see from these fucking tattletail ass motherfuckers. I mean, it just like, you know, you've heard the phrase too clever by half, you know, to describe somebody who faced with a straightforward problem or situation comes up with such a convoluted explanation that they, you know, they're very far from any solution. I think this is a step beyond that. This is they're thinking themselves into believing what cavemen believe. The spirit of the fox has gotten into my child's nostrils, you can see the actual, the soul of it getting into it.

Yeah, it's like, yeah, here's the solution, you just have her, let her sleep outside on a full moon. That ought to cure all the fucking, the soul poisoning that the fox, the mischievous fox spirit has done. I mean, it's ridiculous. Like, first of all, a dog behaves exactly the same way. Like a poorly trained dog would do all of these things, take a bracelet, take a toy, take fries.

It has nothing to do with a fox. Like what, you're literally, it's like this person has like watched Robin Hood and was like, I don't want that sexy fox seducing my child. Like it's, it's, this is true. You're right. I feel like they're thinking like a fucking caveman or a baby would think like that. Like it's almost like the baby is like, the fox told me something really interesting. They're like, what?

This fox is talking to you. We have to get it away from that fox. Yeah, these people would believe David Berkowitz. We have to do something about this dog. It's awful what he did, but we really need to start looking at that dog. Outside the insanity of the letter writer though, Felix, what are your opinions on having foxes as exotic pets? Well, Russians are kind of at the forefront of creating a domesticated fox sub breed.

And yeah, didn't they make those foxes that like pissed themselves, whatever, like human touches them or whatever? Like they've been doing it for generations now. Yeah, they've been, they've been working pretty hard on it. And there are people who just, you know, we'll get a regular fox, often what happens with animals like that, like sort of smaller, like dog sized woodland creatures. Maybe what happens is someone will rehabilitate an injured fox or an injured weasel or raccoon or something with the goal of, after their injuries healed, you know, releasing them

back in the wild. And oftentimes during that rehabilitation process, the animal gets bonded with the person. And more importantly, they lose their fear of people. They lose their fear of people. So, you know, they might get too gregarious when they're out there and might end up getting killed or taken away by animal control, so that they're stuck with it. And it can be, you know, it's a lot of these are clearly not meant to be pets, but some people have very sweet relationships with their fox.

Sarah Benito from the band Curicure Benito, I think has a pet fox. Okay. It's interesting. Yeah. In domestics, like in in captivity situations, very quickly, they get, they like, within a few generations, their features start becoming more dog-like. Yeah. It happens very fast.

It's interesting. Yeah. It's like dog is the template for, you know, broken animal. Yeah. Yeah. If you had to choose between the starting point of fox or wolf, you would start with fox 100% of the time. Yeah.

Yeah. I would have to know more about these fox owners. But if it's already smart enough to, you know, talk about grooming, turn this innocent girl into a thief. I think they're doing a good job. I think they're doing a wonderful job. I think everyone, everyone except the English upper class likes foxes, though. Yeah.

I'm pretty sure. Right. Right. Which means they're cool, the center of the earth. Yeah. If the shittiest people that have ever been created, which is the face the ass fucking bullshit ass royals, if they don't like you, then you're fucking, you're pretty sick. I like that.

Okay. Everyone loves, everyone loves these creatures. And the British upper class has been fighting for years for their right to kill it in the most excruciating able way possible. All right. So here, okay. Now, now we've now, we've now drilled down into the, the practical advice giving here for this concerned parent.

What you're going to need to do is muster together 30 or 40 people with six toes and no chin to get on horseback surrounded by 800 dogs and just leave, and just leave them on a hunt to this suburban house. That's right. And make sure, make sure they have bugles. Make sure everyone is dressed like a complete fucking kid. Little fucked up leather caps. Yeah.

They got to look really fucking stupid. And yeah. At least five guys who were molested at boarding school to hunt this fox, hunt this fox down. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe they could combine, they could combine the two cultures and do a land acknowledgement before the fox hunt. That's probably coming anyway.

All right. Well, we got it. We got it. Okay. We got to get to our, this is our last letter of the episode. Okay. We're here feeding some Irish travelers showed up at my door and I'm concerned they replaced my baby with a changelang.

No, no, no. This last letter is not about child control. It's about wife. It's about wife control. Hell yeah. Control your bitch. I'm interested. You know, you guys will have to make of this.

So it says, okay, so this is actually to the student of financial advice column, but it says, dear, dear Pater, my wife started a charity and has been soliciting everyone for donations to it. She spams people on social media with messages and posts. And if we run into someone in person, she'll flat out ask people to hand her cash or check on the spot. And if they defer, she'll try to give them their Venmo PayPal, et cetera, information so she can send them a request.

It definitely makes some people uncomfortable and she doesn't want to take no for an answer. The worst part is that the charity is more or less a way for her to fund an eclectic hobby of hers, think along the lines of knitting high-end sweaters for animals. And it doesn't really do anything for the community. She recently crossed the line when my boss's wife posted a fundraiser for a suicide prevention on Facebook in honor of her late brother who sadly died last year from suicide. The caption talked about how much he had meant to her and then it was really sad. I donated to the fundraiser and not only was my wife mad that I donated to it instead of

hers, don't know why as we share our finances and she can just go buy anything she may need without me donating. But worse, she commented on the fundraiser post with a link for people to donate to her own charity and posted she hoped that people wouldn't overlook her worthwhile cause if they were feeling generous. Everyone else had been commenting condolences and supportive stuff. My boss's wife deleted what my wife had posted and she de-friended blocked her. Then my boss took me aside at work and relate to me how upset his wife was about the incident

and asked me not to bring my wife to any work events for the time being. My wife thinks people are jealous and uncomfortable that she's doing charitable work when they are not and she insists that people are being ridiculous and that she's doing nothing wrong in the way she's asking for money. My wife has been unreasonable and a bit socially out of touch in the past but never to this degree. I am embarrassed and angry and I'm afraid she's putting us in jeopardy and socially burning bridges for us.

How can I get her to stop and how do we mend fences with the people she's aggravated? The letter is signed. My wife is out of hand. Look, I'm sorry, you're worried about people committing suicide? What is more likely to prevent someone from killing themselves than they see an adorable animal in a sweater? Yeah, she commented, she was like, Hey, maybe your brother wouldn't have sucked on the tailpipe of a Nissan Sentra if she had just seen him, seen my fucking a pug with a fucking a pug

with little pants on. Maybe he would have lived another day. What a dumb bitch, dude, honestly, we gotta, this is another one. These four brats, we need to bring them together. It's unbelievable that you would fucking behave this way, and honestly, if you're this guy, what do you even do? You have to kill her. Like, I'm not saying commanding him to kill her.

I think if you bring that to any psychologist, divorce lawyer, anyone, they'll just be like, you have to kill her. You have to throw the wife out. Yeah, I think if you're this guy, I'm not even joking when I say you should divorce this woman. Yes. Like, okay, if it was her, like, let's say she had a charity, and it was for like a rare type of cancer that her brother died from, then it's like, Hey, I understand how much

this means to you, but you just have to be a little more cooth with the way you go about things. But the fact that this is just bullshit, absolute dribble, she's making fucking, she's making fucking cardigans for corgis, and she's, and she's fucking hitting people up nonstop. Just a shameless person. There's no saving. You're right. It's like when a horse breaks its leg, when a white woman starts a costing people for

her fake charity, where so she can knit sweaters for dogs, she's got, you got to put her down. Yeah, man, it would be, it would be insane. It would already be insane if she was like doing, I mean, I'm pretty much against most charity because it is all this. The root of all charity, most people aren't as anti-social and insane as this woman. But it's kind of like the same thought process that instead of everyone, everyone paying a higher tax rate and the state taking care of these things because they are rights, whether it is families being able to feed themselves or dogs needing sweaters should provide.

Instead of it being just this thing that we all do, they want to be thanked, but this is like, I guess this is sort of a nature versus nurture thing because I'm assuming these are upper middle class people, right? I don't think there's a lot of like the white working class or black working class or anyone writing these letters, right? Probably not. But this woman has the personality of sort of, yeah, a white trash woman who whenever anyone, you know, they're like, oh, Trina had a miscarriage.

Oh, well, I was kidnapped yesterday. Yeah, I didn't tell anyone till now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. Yes. So I actually, it's definitely, it's definitely an attention. I mean, the post on the fucking, that's next level. It's just like, it has nothing to do with you. Why the, it's just on your Facebook feed and you felt like you needed to like plug your,

like it's just, even if it wasn't charity, if it was just like you guys post about your podcast and I was like in the replies, I was like, hey, listen to my podcast, that would be weird. And let alone it's about your brother who killed himself. I gotta say, this woman, she has the personality of one of my replies. So like, that's true. Yeah, you know, even if she is exiled from her friend group and divorced and cast out, there is one community of like-minded people where she would fit in.

That's absolutely right. It is my reply. I have, I don't know. I have an idea though, about how this out of hand wife and one of our previous letter writers, I think we can sort of like meld their two concerns together. So we've got the out of hand wife who is running a charitable organization to knit cute little outfits for animals. Well, what's an animal that could use sort of like a nice job interview outfit?

Well, it's the crazy fox that's out of control. It's sort of like, we can get like sort of respectability politics, sort of pull up your pants to tuck in your shirt, this kind of thing for foxes where you can get a shot and you can say- And a court suit for the fox. Yeah, exactly. To court president Obama, get your own damn fries. That's beautiful.

That's brilliant thinking, Will. Yeah. Because I mean, these foxes, they're just not behaving the right way. You know, if you ever want to get a job or, you know, not get stopped by the police walking home, the other thing is like, I, and again, what's fascinating to me about people like this is I would love to know how these people fuck. Like there's no way this guy is serving good cock. You know, if his wife is this out of pocket, it might be, I hate to be, you know, I'm a

simple man, everything I really, and especially in relationship, I really do feel like a huge part comes down to what's going on while you fuck, and this guy might need to fuck and take some classes. He might need to figure out a way to dick his wife down so that she'll behave. Honestly, same thing. And I'm sorry to be crass, but I just think that at a certain point, this might be like she's acting this way, it's a sign of distress. She's like, I haven't gotten my back walls hit in years and it's turning my brain to

mush. Somebody needs to fuck and he either needs to step up and do it himself, or he needs to become a cuck, watch someone just absolutely wreck his wife, and then they take it out on him. And that way she ridicules him while he's got a soft little four inch penis in his hand and she's getting wrecked by some kind of, you know, huge cock. They ridicule him. She doesn't act out in public.

I think that's the only way to sublimate her desires to be this much of a dumb bitch. He's got to be the sacrificial lamb and either he has to learn how to dick her down or he has to become a turbo cuck and take it and all the abuse so that she doesn't behave this way on Facebook. She doesn't behave this way at the grocery store. It's like hacks stand up comedians and all their materials about what a bitch their wife or girlfriend is. I've never seen this one guy in comedy central years ago and he was just like, hey, you ever

notice how men and women are so different after sex? After I climbed acts like, you know, like I fucking I'm in a coma. I can't move. And then like after sex, my girlfriend, she's vacuuming the floor. She's fucking painting the walls. She's cooking a pot roast. Like, wait, why she has so much energy and I'm like, gee, I fucking I fucking wonder why, dude.

Yeah, there's probably something relaxing about what you're doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that is that that is an old Louis bid to where he's like, because you just he was like, if you fuck a woman right, she'll want nothing to do with you or something. I think that's the punchline. But yes, 100%, that's that's and a lot of these people that call that right into slate, they're probably not busting. No, no, correctly.

And you know, and that can affect anyone. I mean, this is if I go a while without busting, I get I get start getting squirrely in the brain. You know, you start Googling emergency exits, subway station, smoke grenade. I earmuffs for my family earmuffs for my family. If you're my family and listening earmuffs, don't listen, skip this part. I am proud to say that absolutely none of the women I've had sex with, after I had sex with them engaged in any charitable activity, zero, not even 2020, they didn't even change

their habits to black squares. That's what a good job I did. It would be great if after every single, every single woman you fucked afterwards unrelated all started charities to learn how to grow cock cells in a lab, like, well, this must be a coincidence. Look, look, look at like Mackenzie Bezos, right after she got divorced. She starts giving billions of dollars to like the most bullshit charities you've ever heard of.

Yeah, I'm a I'm a fan of bad charities, I love following them like the shitty charities that billionaires support. And I hadn't even heard of any of these. She was like, you know, she's she's like, I'm giving $3 billion to a program that tells the underclass how to be playwrights, you know, and I think we learned a bit about Jeff Bezos that day. That's true. Absolutely.

Shout out to that teacher, by the way, there's no the guy Mackenzie Bezos, the public teacher that she ended up like public school teachers, she ended up marrying, salute my brother. Yes, way into this way into like, however many billies, he just has to he has to he has to this is a challenge for him. He's got to keep it. He's got to keep it up. He's got to be able to satisfy her because if he doesn't, she's just going to keep fucking putting this money out the door.

And it's like, if he's not, if he's not like on point, he's not focused on satisfying her, she's going to end up spending like all the money trying to like genetically create a real anti racist baby. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. This guy has to find her tiny clit, you know, and we know she has one because she's obnoxious.

Or else she's going to spend all his money before they can buy Roman Abramovich's super yacht out of possession from the treasure chest. And that's, you know, that would be tragic. It would be tragic. I think we have, I think we've solved everyone's, I think we've solved the problems. We solved the problems of women, racism, pets and charity on today's show. Yes. That's right.

Yeah. And to recap, racism, football will solve it. Pets get them a little, get them a little sweater. Women dick them down. And children, honestly, and children just don't do it, that doesn't apply to children. The people who complain about this show should listen to this one and they'd be right. Yeah. This particular one that you did.

Yeah. The one with the one with that. Oh, and also in 2003, Opie and Anthony. And that's the, that's, we call that the Stavros effect. I would like to add another lesson though. If a loved one takes their own life, you know, you may be confronted, you may be confronted by some demons. You may, you may go through a lot yourself.

How could I not see this? This is awful. You know, I hope that no one ever loses someone close to them to suicide. But if it does happen, I hope that you realize that you have a chance, you have a chance to make the world better. And that is allow your friend to post about her dog's water charity under the announcement. You know, don't also be selfish. Come on.

We owe you to those pit bulls. Let's warm up those pit bull nipples. Yes. Oh, and I finally, last and most important lesson, just let your, let your first grader just chill out and just sort of like exist. You know, it's not, it's not a problem if they're, if they lack, if they lack sufficient motivation, motivation. Yes.

Like what's, 70 year old wants to fucking play piano. It's like, Hey, let me see about this. Oh, this is fun. It's not fun anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. I mean, most people don't know how to play the piano and very few of them like learned at that age. Anyway, chill out.

Well, my brother, my brother learned how to play the piano pretty quick, but he's like a good person. And most people. Oh yeah. You heard it here first folks, Felix's brother is smarter than that dumb little bitch. Well, I mean, but we were lucky enough that there was never a Fox in our backyard. You know, that's right, imbuing you with the spirit of mischief. Well, before we go, Stavi, one more time, if people want to check out the, the new and

amazing special, the one million diamond, diamond, Cochart standup with Stav at the was at the Lodge room live at the Lodge room. My first special. It's on my YouTube channel, YouTube.com slash Stavi baby. I do. I, I post on there a lot, I'm working on my YouTube channel a lot, I've tried to grow it a lot this year. So the specials out there right now, there's also, I post short videos every day and I'm

going to let this, I'm going to let the special breathe a little bit. But usually what I do is I also just post two longer clips from just like little outtakes from the tour, fun little pieces of crowd work, whatever. So I post a lot on that YouTube channel. I think you'll like it. And yeah, you know, all the socials, all that kind of stuff. My tour is ending right now, I'll be back on tour in the fall, but I'm taking a few months off.

So just check out Stavi.biz is the website, S-T-A-V-V-Y.biz. You can find all info on, you know, the special merch, upcoming tour dates that I'll be announcing the, I'm doing an abbreviated tour in the fall. I'm only going to hit about five cities, I think. And then a big one in 2023. So yeah, that's Stavi.biz. Go to YouTube, Stavi baby. I appreciate you guys.

Thanks for having me on. Always awesome. Stavi, have you collected your YouTube plaque for 100,000 subscribers? I don't know where to get it. No. Where the fuck is it? I don't know. I've been waiting.

I'll send you a link. Hell yeah, dude. I want the plaque, baby. I'm trying to get that milly, dude. I'm trying to become a fucking YouTuber. I'm about to be MrBeast. I'm going to lock poor people in a cage and be like, how long can you get this fucking the hoe, a poor hose on you, every hose spurt, you get $10,000.

Can you do it, motherfuckers? I'm going to transition completely out of comedy into nurturing the underclass for YouTube. Stavgame. Stavgame. I'll always enjoy links in the episode description. Until next time, everybody, bye-bye, bye. Bye-bye.