Chapo Trap House - 664 - Chapo Control to Major Tom feat. Tom Myers (9/20/22)

Episode Date: September 20, 2022

Comedian Tom Myers stops by the pod to discuss the news of the day, including Ron DeSantis’ immigrant trafficking stunt, Lindsay Graham’s proposed federal 15 week abortion ban, Brett Favre’s Mississippi welfare fraud, and an important new scientific discovery. Check out Tom’s pod Tom Myers vs. The Rest of the World here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tom-myers-vs-the-rest-of-the-world/id1538275781 Dates & Tickets to all our upcoming shows: https://www.chapotraphouse.com/live And of course, links to our new merch: https://chapotraphouse.shop/

Well, I want to thank you and we love the country, the country is in trouble. It's got to be solved fairly quickly. There is no choice but to solve the problem, but it's a big problem, it's a big problem, and I hope it continues forward and we love Israel and we hope everything is going to be okay. Sure. A lot of good moves have to be made or it's not going to be okay and we say God bless you and good luck.

John, thank you very much. I appreciate it. Thank you very much for this time. Greetings friends. It's Monday, September 19th, Trapo coming at you to kick off this week. Keep it brief up at the top of the show, but you already know Tickets are still available for our fall tour, Chicago, LA, New York, Miami, Fort Lauderdale, basically every Saturday in October Tickets available at chapotrapouse.com slash live.

So without further ado, it's me, Will Menaker, joined as always by Matt and Felix, but our guest today is the host of the podcast, Tom Myers versus the rest of the world. It is the legend, Tom Myers. Tom, welcome to the show. Yeah. Thanks for having me on. Really appreciate it. Tom, where are you calling into us from firm today?

I am from the great state of Maryland, a few people who might be listening to hear me might know that I do a few things in that state. So but yeah, it's a it's a magical, wonderful little place. And I talk about it so greatly in my act with all the love and affection that people who live here usually do. Is it Tom Myers versus the rest of the state of Maryland sometimes? Versus the rest of the state of Maryland, Tom Myers versus his own cat sometimes. So he may be meowing at some point during during the podcast, like I just fed him.

So, you know, he should be he should be fine, but he may he may make a cameo appearance here. That would be wonderful. You have like, if you had the same cat for a while, yeah, I've had him for for 14 years now. Oh, well, that's beautiful. Yeah, the older they get, the more the more they verbalize, I've definitely found that to be true.

But I mean, he's still he still acts like a kitten. So I'm enjoying every single moment I have with him. I got to ask, what's the name of your cat, buddy, buddy? Okay. Well, yeah, I have I have four cats, actually, none of them are in the room I'm recording in right now, which is a rarity. But often, my main cat Marty, I don't know if I don't know if buddy will do this to you. He will often stand over a full bowl of food and look at me and ask for more food.

They're very particular. These few lines. Mine will sniff whatever I have, like if it's a sandwich or a slice of pizza or something, and then yeah, he'll do something similar to that. Okay. Cat cat talk. We can table that. That's for the pin tree on folks.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be the cat and the cat mini series will be coming later. But let's just get into it for the week in the news. And I suppose, okay, so I think the the the big media story over the weekend was essentially the Florida governor Ron DeSantis, sort of like chartering a plane and tricking a group of migrants into getting on the plane and sending them to Martha's Vineyard as sort

of a sort of media stunts to, I don't know, attack what they regard as like the hypocrisy of liberal states who, you know, like are not on the border and they think that like, hey, if we can just like dump these asylum seekers there, like it'll it'll it'll make some point about like, you know, yeah, liberal hypocrisy. So I mean, look, we've talked before about Ron DeSantis is like he loves he loves playing to the media hits and like he loves he loves going to the sort of culture war well to sort of gin up these these these media moments. But I guess with this one, like I my question is like, was the ideal thing he was hoping

was going to happen here that they would just like put these migrants in a catapult and just shoot them off the island or I don't know, what did you guys make of the whole DeSantis, Martha's Vineyard thing? Was he just trying to get someone who could hang out with Alan Dershowitz? Just like 50 people who, you know, never heard of him before, who wants to wants to hear his talk at the library. What's going on with this? Well, I think it sounds like it was almost as if DeSantis was thinking boy, I'll go

ahead and show I'll go ahead and show these illegals who want to come in here. We'll go ahead and have them leave Florida, which has a dubious reputation already for Florida man and semi-fascist government. And we'll set we'll send it to this place called called Martha's Vineyard. Well they'll be where they'll be treated. They'll be treated nice and with compassion. Yeah, that'll teach them to come in here. And there's just so much of a disconnect between I think what DeSantis wanted to have happened

and what may actually happen. It's just it baffles me that that people like him and Governor Abbott in Texas think like that, that this will solve the immigration problem. They were actually sent from San Antonio. They weren't even in Florida. It was, I think just to say at this government, they just like, they were the ones that paid for it. Yeah, they paid for it.

They like chartered a plane and they were sort of entreated to come on the plane with sort of promises of, I don't know, jobs or help or something. And then they ended up in Martha's Vineyard. DeSantis like, I don't know, seems to have like a similar problem that Tom Cotton or Josh Hawley or any of those guys, any of like the guys running to take over the Trump lane. If Trump is like incapacitated in some way, right? That there is an internet, internet-y stench on them, so to speak. It's like if Katie Porter was trying to run for the Democratic nomination now, there are

all these things that excite the national conservative think tank circuit in DC. This is probably something they've posted about. This is probably like a going meme for them for the best of years, like send the illegals to Martha's Vineyard. And it just, it seemed like it didn't actually excite anyone in the base. And it just, it sort of went off with a thud. I mean, it would be one thing if they called private security and turned them away or fucking deported them the moment they got there, but they were prepared to at least have the appearance

of not doing that, right? Like, I know that one group set them up in a church and like put them on cots, which is, you know, an interesting thing to do in a place with a lot of vacant homes, but it's better than nothing, I guess. It just, it didn't seem to do what he wanted it to do. And that's kind of, that's one thing. They're not all going to be hits, but that's sort of like the status is only thing, right? Is like doing, doing fucking executive actions and things that fit like the conservative

thing of the week. I mean, I think, I mean, I think he basically did get what he wanted to get out of it. I mean, like just the fact that like no one's, I mean, it just, it seems like it's already over. But I think what he got out of it was like the headline in the New York Post about like, you know, illegals, you know, sent to Cape Cod. I don't know, like, did you see the Liz Smith thing where she was just like, oh, we played into it yet again, like more right wing bait, like assuming that there was like, what was,

what was going to be the reaction of the state government of Massachusetts or Martha's Vineyard that wouldn't have engendered some sort of, like that New York post headline? Yeah. I mean, that's the thing is the point was they did it. It's like, uh, LOL, we owned you. You're owned. It doesn't matter how you respond. You've been owned.

Yeah. They don't give a rebuttal to the people on Jackass. Like what the fuck you've, you've been, you've been punked. It's over for you. You get, Jamie Kennedy comes out and there's the big stamp that goes on your face on screen and then you play your plate off with like wacky trombone music. See I thought that the Sanis got this idea of trafficking humans from his buddy Matt Gates just from his own personal experience, but maybe it was, maybe it was Jamie Kennedy

who gave it to him. Well, we have to look at that aspect too. Have you seen the Jamie Kennedy abortion movie? I have not. No. Well, it's something. That's a real movie. They made a Roe versus Wade where Jamie Kennedy plays a, like a Jewish guy, like basically

you just like get, makes women get abortions. A Jewish guy from history, not like when they made up. Well, this may be the product of my, uh, of my Maryland public school, quote unquote indoctrination, but if I remember my geography correctly, like was brought up before, Florida is, does not border a foreign country at all. Um, there's four states that, uh, border Mexico, Texas, New Mexico, Arizona and California, like New Mexico and California, like their state governments wouldn't do shit like this for obvious reasons.

Arizona's kind of leaning blue ish. It's kind of purple at the moment. They, they, uh, elected two, uh, Democratic senators in the past couple of election cycles. So really Texas is the only one that's going gung-ho. It's like the, it's the appropriate state for it because this seems to be the, the alamo of the, uh, of the fight over immigration. Yeah. That, that is like the thing that you saw a lot of this week when people were trying

to like make this anything. This is a really like limp story of the week that people were trying to squeeze our articles out of, but the thing was like, Oh, well, like, I don't agree with DeSantis, but there's no, that, yeah, I saw that repeatedly. There's no like blue border states, which is just, that's like fundamentally, yeah, not true. And I think about DeSantis though, like, yeah, you're right. Like he is like, like, he's the, he's, he's the plan B right now.

Cause like, and we, we can get in this and like, uh, like a little bit when I want to talk about like Lindsey Graham and a little bit, but like, I think the national Republican party would like nothing better than for Trump to be, um, indicted or like they, they want him to go away so that they can defend him and talk about how horrible it is that, you know, like they're being oppressed or whatever, but I don't think they, they, they don't want to deal with him anymore. And like, and DeSantis is running the Trump model, but, but not Trump. We've, Matt, we talked about this a little bit on the way to show, I realized though,

I had never really heard Ron DeSantis speak. Oh God. I always, I always saw photos of him and I would read like news clips about him, but like it wasn't until this recent Martha's Vineyard thing that I just saw a clip, someone shared of him talking and I don't know how should I put this, um, I think it is an impediment to his presidential aspirations, Trump aside, uh, how should I put this, um, he's got gay voice. He's got, he sounds, he's a little fruit of cake.

He sounds like he might be sweet as, as the bare meat. Are they doing their job and enforcing the law there? No. They're enforcing the law based on who they like and who they don't like. That is not a republic. Well, maybe it's a banana republic when that happens. So here's the, and he's also short as well. And round.

He's like, he's like grown up Cartman. He's under six feet tall. So I think that, that puts a damper in his, uh, in his presidential ambitions. All those reasons, the fact that he is just this goofy looking zero charisma politician who is where he is and is famous and is a celeb strictly because he's governor of Florida there. He, for, he can do things like send the migrants to, uh, Massachusetts to own the libs. That's why he's famous.

He has nothing to do with his, his actual appeal. That means he is totally at the whim of the party, at the whim of the media in a way that Trump will always, uh, be free of, and he can't do anything constructive with that because it's just his pure ego, but it's still something that cannot be fully accounted for. Whereas DeSantis, he has assimilated the Republican party in psychically so that there is like a continuity of interest between the two, whereas Trump does not have that. And they want to get a guy that powerful off the fucking field. You did see where he was, he was fangirling over Leonard Skinner some months back where

the two surviving brothers, they did that song about how great it was having a governor like Ron DeSantis, I think it was, the song was called Sweet Florida or something like that. It was kind of an update of, of Sweet Home Alabama. And it was like, it was a really bad, it was a really cringe song, it was a really bad follow-up to Sweet Home Alabama. It's like when they made like airplane two, like it didn't have the writers of the original airplane.

It didn't have Leslie Nielsen, which is why it sucked. And that, that was, it didn't have Sonny Bono though. Oh, okay. Let's take another Republican, wait a minute, see what they're trying to do, they're trying to, yeah, they're trying to get conservative politics back into pop culture. Even then. Do you think that Sonny Bono would have, would have voted to impeach Trump like after January six?

Not for like, that's an interesting one. January six. I could see him maybe being a Pelosi or a, I could see him being a Lynn Shaney style Republican. Yeah. Palm Springs? Yeah. Definitely.

Yeah. Absolutely. I do want to like defend him and this concept, right? I don't think it's gavel, like I don't, I don't know, pejoratively maybe perhaps, but I think that like, that sort of like up talky run on sentence way that he talks. That's just like the American upper middle class accent. If you were born after like 1973. That's a good point.

That's true. Yeah. Which is his own problem for him. You know? That's, yeah, that's like, he's, he's faking, he's a faker at the end of the day. He's a faker and that is the thing that Trump exposes, but only Trump exposes it. If he's off the field, then there's nobody to draw the contrast. But that, for me, that really does raise the question.

Like if DeSantis gets the nomination somehow, I think he's honestly a worse candidate for them than Trump would have been because as much as Trump has these, has like a big millstone around his neck, people know they still see him sort of as like separate from the party of like the Republican party as such, DeSantis would have none of that. He would just have to stand for the party nude before the people. And I think that that would turn some significant percentage of people off. Tom, you mentioned that Ron DeSantis, what he, he just appeared with these surviving members of Leonard Skinner and they did a song for him, like sweet home Jacksonville

or something like that. Sweet Florida was the name of the song. Sweet Florida. Okay. If you're talking about people I'd like to see put on a plane again. It's the surviving members of Leonard Skinner folks. Well, you were talking about DeSantis being the plan B for Trump, you know, who would like to plan B Ron DeSantis, Charlie Chris, his Democratic opponent for governor of Florida.

How do you like, yeah, how do you, how do you like tan Charlie's chances? I mean, Florida is one of those states that's just an absolute anathema like I was, you know, we were expecting the big blue wave in 2020 because of all the dumb shit that Trump did over the last four years and how reckless he was at handling the pandemic. And then it was just as close as it ever could be. And then we're in Maryland, we're coming off of an eight year stint of having a Republican governor because we all took it for granted that the, his 2014 Democratic opponent, Anthony Brown was going to win because he was leading in just about every single poll by 10 points.

And then that was 2014, of course, when Democrats just got creamed across the board and, you know, the Maryland governor's mansion was that way. So I've, I've learned to give up election predicting and just making really snarky sometimes rude and quasi offensive jokes about him. Amen, brother. That's what we're all about. I do think it is something, it is something amazing. And really, if you want to understand the Democratic party in the last 20 years, you

can't get better, uh, example than the fact that Charlie Chris has already been the Republican governor of Florida and now he's running to be the Democrat after just like being spit out of one party and then like, like digested by the other one. Is it the fact that though that that's the sign of the way that the Democratic party is becoming too moderate? Or is it just the fact that the Republican party is become so batshit? Like you had, uh, like Charlie, you had Charlie Chris now running as a Democrat. You had Arlen Specter switching to Democrat his last couple of years in the Senate.

You had like Lincoln Chafee, who was the last, who was the last moderate Republican. Yeah. That's out of Susan Collins. Yeah. Yeah. No, the thing is people want to put it one or the other. They want to say it's the Republican, it's the Democrats fault for becoming too moderate. It's the Republicans fault for being extreme.

These two things are feed into one another. They can't be disconnected from one another. They are mutually reinforcing and both sides seeks the other to do that. Like the Democrats want the Republicans to be extreme, uh, like we're, they're literally underwriting their extremist candidates because they know that it's to their advantage. And so, and then the, the Democrats, because they have a different relationship to their base where they can't give into the basis actual demands because it goes in conflict with like their owners, the actual party's owners, uh, uh, interests, they have to instead

try to moderate and be the less gross alternative to the, uh, bipartisan consensus that we are going to dispossess the poorest among us. There's no two ways about it. And if you're near the bottom, you're going to get closer. And if you're in the middle, you're going to fall. And that's just the way things are. And that's both parties agree to that. And the only question is how are, uh, how are we going to culturally process it?

And then they move around, but it's all because they have that unbreakable bipartisan deal that we just have to be party to and horrifyingly observe. And if you keep the status quo in place that the way it is now, then that's really how, that's really how the both sides can, can, can, can go out. I mean, don't get me wrong. I think the Republican party as it is now is like a thousand times worse than any problems that the Democratic party is having now, because the Democratic party, their candidates aren't wanting to say, we're going to overturn elections.

That is the Republicans only real only platform is that when we get control of state government, we're going to make it easy for Trump to win. They've all but said that's their goal. It's true. But the problem is, is that anything you do to help the Democrats who are in this situation, the thing that checks them, like that's the deal, everything that does, that helps them as a party, furthers the goals of the Republicans. I mean, the Republicans are where they are and are as dangerous.

They are because of what the Democrats have done in power, how the Democrats run the country and how they run their party, because the Republicans and the Democrats are playing game theory. They're playing strategy the whole time. They have like an end condition they'd like to seek, but they understand that the game is basically just negotiating and but they react to each other's actions. And the Republicans will advance their interests where there's no resistance. And the Democrats are conditioned at the top to give into any Republican resistance as

a strategy. Oh, okay, we retreat here to fix it over here. For every working class vote we lose, we gain two suburbans, that thing. And that literally destroys them. And they can't operate any other way. Their candidates can only advance that agenda. So it's like, that's terrifying, because it means there's no party standing between us and the Republicans.

They just have to step through the door. But then we have to ask, okay, then what is there? And it sounds cringe to say, but it's literally us. We have to, like getting rid of faith in the Democratic Party does not mean getting rid of hope in anything. It means reinvesting, trying to reinvest that hope in something else. Something more real than this Potemkin structure that is part of the machine that is destroying us.

I would agree with you to a certain extent, but then you also have to take into account the fact that no matter how many times Democrats will go ahead and try to meet Republicans halfway, it was just like when they passed the Affordable Care Act. If you look at the Affordable Care Act, that was basically the biggest giveaway to private insurance companies under the private sector in American history that they've ever accomplished. And it was basically the Newt Gingrich plan of the mid-90s. So they went ahead and went beyond the 50-yard line to go ahead and try and get Republicans on board and not one of them supported.

So it is difficult. Democrats are way too nice about this kind of thing. I can definitely sense the frustration with the party. And as someone who's been involved in Democratic politics for years, pretty much everything you said in terms of the structure of the party and the way they operate is true. But the resistance that they're meeting is a brick wall. And then so they're only there. But the reason that they can't overcome the brick wall, because it's like, yeah, they

hit a brick wall. That's when you fight. It's like, that's supposed to be the beginning of conflict is when you hit a brick wall. The compromise comes after you've tested strength, but the Democrats never do that. And that's because they are required structurally to disempower and disengage their base, whereas the Republicans are totally aligned around the alliance between their interests and their base's interests, which means that their base can always be deferred to and energized. That is an entire force that the Democrats cannot challenge.

They have an arm tied behind their back ever since 2009, when Obama intentionally destroyed the incredible grassroots machinery that had powered his presidency or his presidential campaign, the Obama for America team. It was demobilized. They detonated it from within because that structure would have been a hindrance to their agenda in power because it could have been used against them, because there is no alignment between the base of the Democrats and their party leadership that the Republicans have. So they will always be at that disadvantage, which means they always will seek the compromise

before a test of strength, because they don't have the horses for it, which is why even though the Republicans were actually scared in January 6, you could tell the top-level Republicans were looking like they were going to blink, but the Democrats put the fucking brakes on because they were afraid that if they actually did anything, then the whole game's over. They're terrified of it because they have no strength to draw on if it comes to that. Well, as I was talking about, whatever some potential roadblocks for the Republicans are like, who may be working to undermine the Republicans in the midterms?

I bring this up because I want to talk about Lindsey Graham's proposal of a federal national abortion ban. Wow. Baffling, honestly. At 15 weeks. And it's just like, okay, look, and I'm with you on this, Tom. It's just, you know, election predicting is a mug's racket. You know, like, just like, don't look at any of these polls, none of them make sense.

Like, it's just like, who the fuck knows? But when I saw Lindsey Graham out there at a press conference proposing a national 15-week abortion ban. Yeah. I'm wondering how you square those two statements. Pretty easy. After they introduced the bill to define who they are, I thought it'd be nice to introduce a bill to define who we are.

So I look forward to the debate. I look forward to the vote. If we take back the House and the Senate, I can assure you we'll have a vote on our bill. If the Democrats are in charge, I don't know if we'll ever have a vote on our bill. I have to say my first thought was, despite the fact that, like, he used to be an anti-Trump guy that became an obsequious toadie for Trump, I gotta think on some level, or at least, like, I think it's not beyond the realm of possibility that, like, Lindsey, Mitch

McConnell, people like that, they're putting Lindsey out there to do this national abortion ban shit, particularly to tank the Republicans' chances of what should be a fucking layup for them. But when you look at the leaks coming out of the Senate, the December kind of committee, the Senate campaign committee, all those leaks about Peter Thiel and McConnell fighting over who's gonna fund Ohio and Arizona and shit, yeah, they are absolutely sandbagging this. By the way, McConnell also sandbagged Trump before the election in 2020.

Like he is trying to beat this thing down any way possible, and I think Lindsey is absolutely on board with that. Because, you know, if you're, if you're wheeling out, okay, first of all, like, if this midterm election becomes a referendum on abortion, like, that's the worst thing that could happen for the Republicans. They're fucked. That's the only way they could really blow this. If it's a referendum on Biden and the Democratic Party and, like, inflation or gas prices or

something like that, the Democrats are, they're fucked. The brandonization of the American economy. But if they're wheeling out Lindsey fucking Graham to tell the women of America that it's time to vote on a 15-week abortion ban, everybody, it's like, like, isn't there one Republican pro-life woman that they could get out and talk about this shit instead of Lindsey Graham? And I think, I think, like, a Republican with kids, if, because if the Republicans fail to take the Senate, it's gonna be, like I said, like, it's gonna be one of these things that, like, will demand a reckoning within the party.

And then, like, the party leaders will be like, okay, now it's time. Now we have a cudgel. We have something to, like, beat down, like, the MAGA wing of the party or whatever. So, like, I mean, there's one thing I will say, though, I'm becoming more bearish on the Democrats in the Senate even, because I'm kind of wondering if there might be a bit of a peak here for the Democrats and that they peak maybe a little too soon, because the thing is, the Brandon economy is still gonna be going strong in November, whereas as much as abortion has obviously changed the playing field in races until now, it will

still be that much farther away. And yes, yes, you know, Graham putting this in there certainly raises the salience, but it's still something that's sort of been worked out a little bit further. Maybe it becomes less dominant. I don't know. The polls are looking, they're looking, who knows? Who knows about polls anymore? I don't know.

But at this point, I think I kind of assume any poll that isn't like a right wing one is also just unconsciously excused Democrat. So I don't know. I do. I'm going back a little bit to the leaks. The most salient thing to me, not necessarily, like, the Teal McConnell leaks, but, like, the leaks about Rick Scott going on vacation and doing a shitty job with the NRSCC, like, those were, like, you know, two months early, which, like, I don't know, maybe Portans has

met said, like, peaking early, because usually you get those kind of leaks from, like, the Senate reelection committee when, you know, it's a week before, and they know they're going to. Yeah, exactly. But I kind of have the opposite opinion on polls. I think, like, polls in general can skew Republican. There are some states that are, like, very difficult to poll, Wisconsin being a great example, where they skew, like, who fucking knows.

But I don't know, like, okay, like, it could be a Brandon referendum. That's very possible. But I just, I don't see, I don't see, like, a galvanizing force for Republicans outside of, like, the special master, or not having the special master. Oh, boy, the special master, a real game changer there. Yeah. No. Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, that is a very interesting theory about Lindsey Graham, though, that they sent him out to tank him because, okay, Tom, you brought up the point about how Republicans used to be more normal, so to speak. I think we probably disagree on what that normalness meant. Like, okay, for me, the normalist meant, like, they were a freakish party still, but, like, you can agree on things like funding the government more or less. You can agree on, like, how many weapons we'll send to Syria, that sort of thing. Violence against women.

Like, the Violence Against Women Act. They still agree on that. They can't even do that anymore. Well, that was, what, like, 45 years ago? I don't know. Like, that is an exact, I don't know. I think they last, they last agreed to do it, they last agreed to do it in, like, 2006 or something like that.

I know George W. Bush was still president at the time when they last passed up for renewal. Yeah. 40 years ago. But, like, I don't, yeah, I mean, for a swamp creature like McConnell, that's appealing, right, just, like, not having to, like, go out there and fucking talk about fusion GPS and holograms. Well, actually, okay, you talked about, we talked about, okay, a referendum, why Wisconsin, notoriously hard state to fall.

We just, I was just, just before I started recording today, I mean, this is gonna be my segue into the next issue we're talking about. I just saw some speculation earlier today that our own Matt Christman is the most powerful national Wisconsinite, Tom Myers, I think you're definitely in the conversation for most powerful public figure from Maryland or Marylander, what are people from Maryland called? Oh, let's see, what word can I say that won't get us kicked off the podcast platforms? Oh my God, we are known for so many things.

What are they called? Are they Marylanders? Marylanders? Marylanders? Marylanders. Marylanders. Marylanders. Yeah, you take out a few of the, we say we're from Baltimore, Maryland, like you take out

a few syllables. I get how that goes. I'm from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, around there. And my niece currently lives in Louisville, Kentucky, so every region has that, yeah. Okay, well, so Matt Christman, possibly the most powerful public figure who is a native son of Wisconsin, I know he is not a native son of Wisconsin. He is merely revered in the state of Wisconsin. I'm talking, of course, about former Packers quarterback Brett Thavre.

Brett Thavre is, you know, Matt, I can see the pain in your eyes here. You boy. The old, the old riverboat. He was my boy. The old Gutslinger, man. He was like a kid out there. The old riverboat gambler. I had some very deep emotional connections to him as a, as a Packer fan in the 90s.

So he's currently in a bit of hot water for defrauding about a couple of million dollars from the Mississippi. Mississippi is well-fair. That country, that state is a, it's not a civilized country. They fucking run it like a fucking penal colony. Yeah. It's like a, it's like some monstrous, like Devil's Island government from our Herzog movie.

It's like one of those, he's the governor, are you talking Wisconsin or Mississippi? Okay. They're trying to turn this Wisconsin into Mississippi. Yeah. I think they're defending like whiteness, but really they're emissarating everyone. But with this just horrible regime, this group of disgusting good old boys, just sucking the state coffers like ticks and distributing it to their awful network of hangers on and relatives and famous people that they want to impress all breath far real like a million

dollars. Okay. It sucks. Thanks. I sure would be obliged. It's actually $6 million. It's Jesus Christ. Oh no, wait a minute.

No, I think it was a million like cash and then like 6 million for like a soccer facility for his daughter to play volleyball stadium, volleyball stadium for running fucking water in parts of that state. They don't have like adequate sewage that there is, I believe it is Mississippi, Jackson. Yes. Jackson, Mississippi. Where they do not have drinkable water. If you turn on the faucet in Jackson, Mississippi right now, like Xenomorph blood comes out

of it. But yeah, like directly a result of having a government composes these cadre of hillbilly psychopaths. I was coming here from Mississippi Free Press says multiple prosecutors are still examining the facts and making decisions about criminal charges in Mississippi's sprawling welfare scandal that saw millions in funds meant for poor families go instead to wealthiest celebrities. The auditor made that, sorry, revealed dozens of text messages showing how retired NFL star Brett Favre, former Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant and nonprofit leader Nancy New coordinated

on procuring welfare funds to finance an $8 million of volleyball stadium. A new ran the nonprofit Mississippi Community Education Center when it directed $5 million in temporary assistance for needy families to the University of South Mississippi Athletic Foundation whose board she sat on to fund the stadium on the Hattiesburg campus. Her nonprofit also directed $1.1 million to Favre for motivational speeches he never delivered. I like, have you seen the text messages? The text messages are great.

Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, to be fair though, to be fair though, those probably aren't the worst text messages that Brett Favre has ever said. I've seen worse. I've seen worse, folks. Everybody remember?

Oh yeah. Text messages. In both cases, it's like he's trying to either lose the maximum civil penalty or go to prison. It does seem like a death drive. Yeah. It's like the text equivalent of wearing a wire. Not just wearing a wire, but wearing a wire in a way that would get you killed. Yeah.

Like wearing it outside of your shirt. Yeah. Exactly. With the text messages, with the dick pics, it's like, oh, by the way, that's my flaccid cock, but it doesn't get that much bigger when it's hard. He exchanged like four words with this woman. Yeah. She's just worked for the Jets.

She's like, she sent him a couple of text messages that he's like, hey, Venus, that is asking to be, that is asking to be locked up like a, like a werewolf when he shows up at the police station. Lock me up. He sends his cock, yeah, after just like, yeah, nothing. After not even, not even pleasantries. Like if, if bit emojis existed at the time, they would have probably sent each other like bit emojis of each other waving and then immediately his cock.

But then after that, and the voicemails, he's basically, yeah, he's like, yeah, that's my soft penis. It doesn't get much bigger. I'm not good at eating pussy. I don't, I don't like doing that. And I, um, I will be fucking you like, like he's trying to lose, he's trying to lose his house in a sexual harassment lawsuit. With this, he's just like, he starts out by being like, oh, and no one's going to know

that the money was illegally diverted when you pay it to me. By the way, I have full knowledge. And no one's ever going to find out about this criminal act I'm committing, are they? Uh, yeah. And also he's like, good, I sure didn't need this. It's like, dude, what are, you're not a billionaire. You need this million dollars. What's wrong with you?

What do you spend it on? Wranglers? Think about where, think about like where his pension went, like think about where he put his earnings. Yeah. Yeah. He probably, well, like he had a Viking in addiction, which like, that's true. He probably like spent, he probably spent all of his money on like a, a, a back draft

theme, like theme park, like the movie back draft, like in a swamp. Everybody got yellow fever the first season and they had to close. Uh, no, no. The, the Brett Favre text messages, whether it's sending his dick to a masseuse who works for the jets or to Nancy new. That's the crazy thing. She was not just masseuse. She was a, she worked in the media department.

She was like a, like a face of the franchise person. She was like a show host, who could just immediately say, Hey, said Brett Favre sent me his dick, which she did. It's, it's a, yeah, it's a masterclass in how not to commit crimes over text messages or like feel like she said it'd be like, it'd be like wearing a wire trying to get caught. I would imagine it'd be the equivalent of like walking into a, like a, a, a social club run by the banana family with Hassan Piker's mobile streaming apparatus, just as a backpack and like a camera pointed at everyone, uh, to the text messages right as follows, uh,

from Brett Favre. If you were to pay me, is there any way that media can find out where it came from and how much? No, we have never had that information publicized. I understand you being uneasy about that though. Let's see what happens Monday with a conversation with some folks that's at the Southern. Maybe it will click with them. Hopefully.

Okay. Thanks. We just got off the phone with Phil Bryant. He is on board with us. We will get this done. Awesome. I needed to hear that for sure. Phew.

They were going to break my legs. Oh my God. Also, it's like, when you think of, like, when you think of going to play volleyball, the last place you think of going to is Mississippi. All right. Like I've, I've been to Mississippi once and little, the only thing I did there was stop at a place called huddle house to eat. Those of you who don't know huddle house is basically like the white trash cousin of the

waffle house. Like basically the food is so greasy. Like the only reason people would ever want to go to Mississippi would be to get their colon cleansed basically just nonstop eating at huddle house. And what really pisses me off about this is that, like I'm from Maryland, Maryland has approximately 10 miles of beach. Mississippi, I just looked this up, has 26 miles of beach. So like Mississippi, this place that, you know, stereotypically speaking is a shithole

has more than twice as much beach as Maryland. And that fact alone just aggravates the shit out of me. Well, you know, if it's any consolation, it's kind of gross beach because it's a lot of, there's a lot of oil wells out there in the Caribbean, in the Gulf of Mexico there. A lot of tar balls love to just come up onto the water there. It's not really glamorous. Tom, did you do a date in Mississippi? I performed in Western Tennessee and in an effort to go ahead and just cross certain

states off my map to say I visited them, I visited Mississippi and Alabama. So that was just, okay, I've been there, knocked those off. I can, I can now die somewhat happy after having checked Alabama and Mississippi off your bucket list. But you know, you're something of a, something of a road warrior. I mean, do you have any, do you have any, like, favorite places to perform or worst places to perform? I mean, like, you know, where's, where's the ideal, like, Tom Myers comedy venue?

What was like the worst one you've done? Oh, the ideal ones, like some of the favorite places I performed are just along the East coast, like I've done Boston, New York City, Philly, Baltimore and DC, of course, because I live there. Those are good markets for me. I've performed there a lot in recent years and the crowds have always been wonderful. And Las Vegas, it's one of my, one of my favorite places to visit and perform. Any, any, any, any really bad places though?

Oh, like, I would tell you the bad places, but like, I would literally have to like draw a map to tell you where they are, just because like the towns, they're, the towns are so small and boring, like the Denny's closes at nine PM, like it's that, it's that boring of a town. Like that's how you know when it's, it's a real shithole place. Yeah. Oh, here's what I'm going to say. Oh yeah.

So the, I didn't, I didn't know this, like the, the interesting, like, like, I guess, like, like angle to the, the breadth of this, this massive misappropriation of millions of dollars that are supposed to, you know, be for, for welfare, like for, for, for, for, for for people is going to build a volleyball stadium. All of this is like, it seems illegal, like the idea that like someone called Nancy new would be like the middle middleman for the appropriation of welfare funds. But actually this goes back to the Clinton era welfare reform, which allowed for something called block grants to essentially allow nonprofits to, so like, like, like, you know, money that

is appropriated for like state welfare through, through these block grants, through like the nonprofit sector could be like theoretically if you create a billboard or like a TV commercial, you know, about teen pregnancy or something like that could go towards state welfare rather than like, you know, food stamps or, you know, like, like, yeah, just like a welfare check or something like that. And all that money goes to companies owned by people that are part of the network of good old boys who runs the state. So it is a way to directly transfer money that was going to the poorest citizens in

the state to this rentier class of fucking bloodsuckers. And then the ensuing poverty that increases is then blamed on the people who have had their money literally taken from them by these fucking parasites. Yeah, I can be like, I compared Mississippi to like, you know, those central European states where they build like a statue of the guys who had been president for 40 years. And there's a day where like, yeah, like Kyrgyzstan, yeah, Kyrgyzstan, there's a copy of the book he wrote just spinning in a circle in the town square. Yeah.

There'll be like one day a year where if your kid's born that day, they have to name it after the president. But like those places are like, they're like better than Mississippi. Like they do have water. They do. I mean, they do. Yeah. Plumbing.

I mean, they have a less contrast to make it so stark and horrifying because like there's water just next door, you know, it's a little different than when you're in the middle of I think it's a good comparison. It's like also fucking Orban's Hungary. Like dumb ass is like Rod Dreher clapping like seals at the prospect at the at the epic civilization victory that will come on the back of the Orban model. The Orban model is just Mississippi with EU subsidies. You fucking dumb ass.

You get rid of those EU subsidies and over time what happens? You get the same fucking conditions you have in Mississippi. Congratulations. And the whole time you are fighting to maintain the civilization. Good job. You got you sure kick George Soros is asked. Meanwhile, your actual political economy is just Orban's disgusting followers distributing every fucking scrap of patronage capable of an otherwise dying economic order that you

refuse to fucking do anything about because you're beholden to the last rentier scumbags who run the machine that has no actual economic base because you are vestigial. Yeah. No, it's very, very important to the maintaining traditional Western civilization or really any civilization drinkable water. It's helpful. It's very hard to have a civilization without fresh water. Very weird to expect people to adhere to some abstract standard that like qualifies them

for your consideration when that is what they get from civilization, you know, it's a lot of it's a lot to ask. It's a big leap. I don't know. In Maryland, we would be very happy if they got rid of our clean water and just replaced it with beard whiskey. Like we could survive. It's like talking about the Middle Ages.

Yeah. That's how everyone drank back then because the other drinking water can kill you. So everyone was yeah, we're getting back there. They were slush. They were fucking faced off me all day. In certain parts of Maryland, we're happy with, you know, beer, bread, eating meat right off of the bone and wenches. Yeah.

Sounds like life Wisconsin. It's that middle European peasant lifestyle drinking small beer all day, keeping a pleasant buzz on. That's describing the basically the entirety of the state of Wisconsin. A little bit of a buzz at all times, occasionally really tying one on and eating meat and cheese the entire time. Well, yeah. You had like breakfast beer, you'd have beer that's like 1% ABV and that's what you drink

when you wake up. Yeah. You know, you get a little stable and then yeah, you just run it up as the day goes on. You start with your Mick Ultra and then you work your way on up to the craft beers for dessert. And the thing is that was the same lifestyle as like the people that these people descended from, which is the peasantry, the yeomanry of Central Europe is that they would drink beer all day long.

Low ABV beer all day instead for hydration instead of water. They still do it. Only they're not working on a farm anymore. They're just sitting around mostly watching TV, I guess. I don't know. Still stuck with the same chattel status that their ancestors had so many hundred years ago. It's true.

They were free for a little bit. They got that yeoman for American freedom for a few generations, but boom, all back fell back into the proletariat. Everyone's trying to scramble out of it one way or the other all while shit faced. Well, okay. We're talking about, okay. We're talking about drinking beer. We're talking about drinking water.

This is this provides a perfect segue out of politics and into the frontiers of science. And what I regard as probably the most important science news of this year or this decade, ready for this gentleman, they have, they have finally closed the books on this one. Scientists have confirmed squirt is pee. Wow. I'm sorry for anyone out there who thought otherwise. But I'm just reading the headline here from the new scientist, female emission at orgasm confirmed to be release of fluid from the bladder.

Wow. This is a bombshell. The squirting that some women are known to experience at orgasm has been confirmed to be a liquid that is expelled from the bladder, helping to clean up, clear up a long running mystery. This is a 2014 study led by French, French gynecologist Samuel Salama. Now, at the Poissy Saint-Germain and Ly hospital in Paris, suggested that squirting is the expulsion of urine from the bladder.

Since ultrasounds on seven women who could squirt show their bladders will fall just before squirting and empty directly after. So I mean, honestly, this is like, this is more important. I mean, that's great news for R Kelly. Is it? I mean, not it, not anymore. I think he's in prison for that life now. He's been convicted several times.

I don't know if he's gonna be able to do anything with this information. Maybe they could Shawshank a woman in a squirter in. You know what? I take back all of my present previously expressed skepticism of the scientist, you know, religious faith of the current moment. Maybe they can figure everything out. Maybe everything is solvable if they can figure this one out. Wow.

Okay. So like before, when people just thought it was like, I don't know, like a some type of like syrupy release that came from wherever. I don't know where they thought it came from in the woman's body, but that was always really the compelling question for me is, what is it? Yeah. Yeah. What is it?

Yeah. You can't just leave that in the air. Come on. Yeah. It's like dark matter here. What? You know, like someone would squirt and your, your bed sheets are just soaked in it. You're like, Oh, well, it's not pee.

So I'm just going to like marinate in it. I'm not going to like clean these sheets. It's like fine. Just put a towel down. It's fine. Yeah. It was always like gross. It's fine.

Come on. It's fine. Speak for yourself, Felix. I don't think it's gross at all. Yeah. Somebody doesn't want to get wet. Interesting. I don't think it's gross at all.

It was off at that dry shit. I think it's quite impressive. Yeah. Like, no, it can be gross, but like in print, like it's cool, the ones that can do that for sure. For sure. Well, I mean, if, yeah, if you could make like an art, it wouldn't really be an Arnold Palmer, but like wall coming, you know, I don't want to know what the tea component

would be made of. No. No. No. No. No. Yeah. No.

It's, it's cool, but it's just like, it's not like it wasn't like, oh, it's, it's just water. No one thought it was bad. No one thought it was like fine. Besides you. Well, yeah. I mean, like, I mean, whatever this French gynecologist, can we give him the Nobel Prize? I think like what they're doing this, this is more, way more important and impressive to me than anything that they're doing at the Large Hadron Collider.

You know, I mean, like, Put the squirt in the Large Hadron Collider. That's how we figure this shit out. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what, like, So fucking disappointing, the Hadron Collider, they have not, they haven't done anything with it.

I don't know. Unless you buy the theory that they shifted us into a parallel reality or in 2016. Oh, that's the parallel reality. Like a slightly like weirder Republican becomes president. It's true. Yes. We're in a fucking totally crazy universe. Did UK left the EU?

Wow. Yeah. Fucking exciting. It's like that show Sliders. Like those were never interesting. That's true. What are you talking about? Slider is sometimes like the sky was purple.

Yeah. Exactly. It's like, remember the movie The One? Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're gently. We're gently. It's like comes down as parallel dimension people.

The only thing they ever do is like, they have somebody say President Gore, oh, you're blowing my mind here. Oh, well, I mean, like, but like, okay, like there's this is actually hopeful news to many people out there. I mean, too many to many women out there because I mean, like, look, if Squirt is just P and it's just like an emission from the bladder, if you have a bladder, you can squirt. So just try harder, you know, get your squirt up. Yeah.

Go for it. Practicing. Yeah. Just go for it. Just get at it. I know how the new life goal, try harder with squirting. If I can do that, then I can, I can really die happy visiting Mississippi and Alabama be damned.

So yeah, an age old question finally put to bed. You know, we always kind of expected this was the case though, I mean, come on, I mean, I mean, just people like, you know, I mean, I think it was the odds on favorite in the clubhouse. Yeah. All right. Well, but before we wrap up today, Tom, I want to thank you for joining us. But before we wrap up today, I would be remiss in doing this because like, look, you know,

we're all part of the brethren of podcast, Money Get Us Out There. So like, I don't know, obviously, like people who listen to our show are probably familiar with you through our show and then our sort of our sister program, Come Town Now The Adam Friedland Show. And I understand. So I'm just going to put it out there. What can we do to squash the beef between you and Come Town Slash The Adam Friedland Show?

Is that possible? Is there a way that you would appear on The Adam Friedland Show as a guest? Honestly, I'm so focused on my own podcast at this point and just working on that, that I've kind of gotten rid of any beef on my end years ago. Just because, I mean, you know how difficult it is to like all the work that goes into just to prepare something, prepare topics, that's pretty much, pretty much what I do. And then I usually take breaks around the Christmas and the summer holidays. And even then, I find that incredibly taxing just because I write, produce, and edit the

whole podcast myself. I bring guests on and get some of my panel together. So I mean, honestly, I'm happy just doing what I'm doing right now. But just like, not from like, I mean, that's good to hear, but like not, let's say like not from an entertainment perspective, because like you, you know, you, you knew these guys for a while. Like before we did, we've known them for, yeah, like, you know, I've known them, some of them like 10 years almost at this point.

But like, yeah, you guys were doing comedy back in Maryland. Just for that, would you, would you at least like be on neutral terms with them? Would you at least like be civil with them? I mean, just given the fact that they've completely misrepresented some stuff I've said, completely lied about stuff I've said that made me sound bad and gone after and just completely disparaged friends of mine, maybe the answer is no. I mean, I've known Nick Mullen since he started like some 15 years ago. I was already a touring comic when he started.

And whenever I would see him perform, I would always just get the impression that before each set, he would just drink an entire gallon of paint. And that was, I've always just tried to stay away from him even then. So it, it predated any, the wide world of podcasts. Well, there's a reason I never became a diplomat. Yeah, well, because you know, I mean, I know, I know they really want you on the Adam Friedland show. It doesn't sound like that's probably going to happen, you know, but I had to do my best

to extend the olive branch. Maybe they should do that themselves personally. But if I could be a go between here, but you know, I respect your position. And you know, certainly there's, there's nobody beef between Tom Myers and, you know, between sorry, Tom Myers versus the rest of the world in Chapa, just because we happen to be good friends with come town, you know, but like I said, I had to do it, I had to extend the olive branch. But, you know, you mentioned you're spending a lot of time, you know, preparing, scheduling,

writing for Tom Myers versus the rest of the world, new season coming up, you know, for the listeners, what, what can people expect for Tom Myers versus the rest of the world? What do you got brewing? What do you got? What do you got cooking up? Oh, we have a new season. We have the return of some of our regular panelists, Jeff Heisen, Abby Mello, Deveen Curd, Gina Brown, Michelle Wodrakowski, I'm looking to get some new guests in.

We have discussed the various topics or current events, politics, various social issues. It's a fun discussion, like some, it's some comedy, some part cable news, panel discussion show, and then we go over video segments, clips from the news and analyze the hell out of them and just skewer some of them to death. And it's a fun show. You're available all over on your, on your podcast platforms, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Apple, all those good sites. And the podcast itself will air Thursdays starting September 29th on ipmnation.com slash live.

And then Monday nights at 11pm Eastern on a Hartford County based website called Odyssey Radio. And the both help show some love for those various podcast networks. And do you have any dates coming up? I do. I am going to be in Philadelphia Saturday, December 3rd at the Black Cat Tavern, December 3rd. I was, I just wanted to clarify.

I will, Friday, December 16th, Front Street Station in Northumberland, Pennsylvania. And the following night, I'll be in Hanover, Pennsylvania at the Church of Satire. You can find all dates as the schedule is updated quite frequently at Tom Myers, spelled M-Y-E-R-S, dot U-S. My socials are all on there as well. So you can follow me, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, wherever. Yep. Tom Myers, thank you so much for joining us this afternoon.

And please give your cat buddy a little, just one of these, a little scratch on, on the head. I, I already did it about 10 minutes ago when he walked over, but I'll do it again. Yeah. So, so, so, so, so, so, will say sorry. All right. Ladies and gentlemen, likewise yours. I will.

Get some of yours from me. Okay. Gentlemen, until next time. Bye bye. Bye. Down in sweet Florida Our governor is red, white and blue Down in sweet Florida

He's shooting us straight, telling us the truth Yeah that's right