Chapo Trap House - 676 - Agony Uncles (11/1/22)

Episode Date: November 2, 2022

It’s the end of another tour, so we’re once again turning to the phone lines for a Chapo call-in show. So, thanks for the questions, enjoy the answers. And a special thanks to everyone who came out to these live shows, they were some of our best ever. We’ll probably do more calls in the future now that we have an easy method for cataloguing and searching calls, so feel free to send in more under-30-second audio recording questions to [e-mail]

Greetings, friends. It's Monday, October 31st. It's Halloween. Hope everyone has a safe trick-or-treating experience this evening. Watch out for when you're giving 10 to all the children. Make sure that you disguise it as candy. So we're here in South Beach, Miami. We closed out our fall tour last night in Fort Lauderdale. I went great. I want to thank everyone who came out and see us, and I'd like to thank Stavi Baby and Donzie, the great band that Donzie opened for us last night. Please check out their music. Well, we've been road warriors on tour, so as promised, in an earlier episode, we are calling upon you, the listeners, to fill us out. We've filled out about an hour

here today. So we have opened it up to your questions and queries, to three of the greatest minds of our generation. And to begin, to begin, we got a lot of calls, a lot of good questions, so thanks everyone who submitted. But I'd like to discuss some overall trends in the questions we got, because we've got a lot of questions along the same lines. And I think maybe we could, you know, most efficiently answer a lot of questions by outlining some of the major trends in the calls we receive. I would like to just say thank you to everyone who submitted. You did a great job of following instructions. I was genuinely impressed about how non-irritating most of the questions were. Good job listening to directions. I'm proud

of you all. Yeah. You guys, you guys came through for us. So, okay, first overall trend of the questions that were submitted. Big shout out to the nation of Scotland and all of our Scottish listeners. I don't know if we've selected any of your calls, but we always enjoy hearing from you, even if we can't understand what the fuck you're saying. I mean, the Scottish accent is one of the coolest accents in the world, but you made a concept there. You have a great way of talking. We may not understand you, but at least you're also hideous, and you were essentially the

overseers to the plantation that was the British Empire. No, seriously, shout out Scotland. And hey, if any of our Scottish listeners, if any of you are friends with Limmy, hit him up, because I would love to get Limmy on the show. Don't come back down. Double Dune. And then Jason to Scotland is, of course, all of our wonderful Canadian fans who sound stupid as shit and embarrassing. Your accent is ridiculous. Stop it. Scottish accent, cool Canadian accent. Not so much. That's what the Atlantic Ocean will do for you.

Shout out to our Canadian fans. Look, nothing is on the books yet, but speaking for myself personally, my touring goal in 2023 is to finally do a chopper Canada tour that goes from Montreal to Vancouver, Montreal, Toronto, Calgary, Alberta, you know, somewhere in Alberta. We got to support the Wagsit movement. But I would love to... None of it? We'll do show none of it. Nova Scotia, maybe? No, definitely Montreal, Toronto, one city in the middle of Canada,

and Vancouver. That's my dream for sometime in 2023. Can't not make any promises, but I would love to tour Canada sometime in the near future. Next up, this was unexpected, but we got a lot of questions about Cormac McCarthy and the novel Blood Meridian. Probably one of my favorite novels ever written. We may have to do a chopper book club on that. So for everyone who asked a question about Cormac McCarthy or Blood Meridian, I say to you this. The truth about the world is that anything is possible. Had you not seen it all from birth and thereby bled it of its strangeness, it would appear to you for what it is. A hat

trick in a medicine show. A fever dream, a trance of a populate with chimeras having neither analogue nor precedent. An itinerant countervul, a migratory tense show whose ultimate destination after many a pitch in many a mudded field is unspeakable and calamitous beyond reckoning. Next up, and the overall trends of the questions, thank you to the black listeners of Choppe who have kindly called in to support us, but have also plaintively asked us to have more guests on. This is something to work on. I can only say, yes, I am terminally white and as is my social circle for the most part, but this is something that I'm aware of and

I just never want to appear patronizing or only having minority guests on to talk about minority issues or things like that. But yes, we hear you, we see you, you are seeing, we will do better. I want to add a retort to that. I don't like having any guests on. It's annoying to email people. You have to email upwards of four people. It takes too long to schedule things. There should just be no guests and that includes people of all races. Another thing we notice is a big shout out to all of our trans listeners as well. We have a lot of trans listeners and I was going to say, just sending love to you. Many of

you have contacted me to talk about what the show means to you. I want to say, I think at school and we will always love our trans listeners, we got a lot of questions about China, where it's going, where our relationship is going and will there be a conflict? Can there be a transfer of hegemony? Will we start World War III over graphics cards? To this, I simply must plead a very limited base of knowledge. I don't know almost anything about China. I think it's very hard to get reliable news about China in the Western press or the Chinese media for that matter. I really would be out of my depth talking about China, but look, China, it's going to be the 21st century. I don't know. We all better get used to it.

For followers of Matt's vlogs, Matt, in the next few months, you want to take on a China book, right? Yeah, I want to read a book about China and then I'll know everything. One book and that'll take care of the whole thing. Then I'll tell you exactly what's going to happen. No, I have no idea. Thing about China is, wouldn't want to live there. I'd probably get arrested for most of the things I do. Whether you're pro-China or anti-China, we definitely don't agree on lifestyle choices, whether it's gaming or probably the specific type of vape I have. But multi-polar world is coming, whether you like it or not. Will China zero COVID policy

pay off? Will the Western world be so bogged down by long COVID that we need double vivans to get through the day? Who will win the productivity war? Will Dane come back? We'll find out, but if you're China, or you're America, or you're NATO, or you're the EU, all I can hope for is a good game. Go Astros, go Phillies. And you know what? It's going to come down to who wants it more. The thing is, when you want global hegemony, you have to extract more raw materials from the periphery than the other team. That's just what it comes down to. And finally, we got a few questions about the promise and failure of the internet. Is

there anything left of the promise potential for mass solidarity and creativity through democratized communication? Or is hyper-individualized discourse held the only possibility left of online? I would say it's way more the latter than the former. And this is something I've been thinking about recently. I think just the internet and technology, the promise of technology obviously hasn't materialized. You know, there are things I like about the internet, but it has not led to more democracy or certain freedom of expression or anything like that. But not only that, I think the internet is getting worse. And I think things like meta and all of these new debacles of just losing 10 Apollo missions worth of money

trying to create wee bowling is just a cover for the fact that the internet has plateaued and it's not going to get any better. And things like AI and robots and VR and shit are mostly chimeras that are marketing terms that are going to be used to inflate another bubble that's just like internet too. So yeah, I think the internet is getting shittier, not better. But first of all, I don't think that you can, since about 2012, I don't think you can quite delineate the internet from the rest of culture. It's no longer a sequestered space. It just is everything now. It is all culture. All culture is affected by it. It affects

all culture. I do think that we sometimes get a blinkered view of things because we are on sort of the third most used social media platform, which is also the most ephemeral, most reactive and least creative. The internet that like mass media consumers and politics sickos are on definitely sucks and it is getting worse. That said, I do not know that the internet I was on in say 2005 was necessarily perfect. Yes, I was there, but nostalgia is completely unreliable. There were things that sucked. There were things that were unfunny. People still beat things into the ground. But I do actually think that there is a huge amount of creativity and interesting things going on on the internet. I never thought it could

be a device for solidarity. Technology is never going to be the Deus Ex Machina that causes mass politics necessarily. But just as far as people doing interesting things, I think YouTube in the past three or four years, people are doing much more ambitious and creative and impressive things than I ever saw 15 years ago. It's not covered nearly as much as Twitter despite having exponentially larger user base, but I've seen amazing documentarians. I've seen the Gen Z equivalent of MST 3K. I've seen all sorts of things and I think I wish people wrote about it more because I do think it's a genuinely very encouraging cultural sign. It is cool in some place like YouTube. I agree

undercover that you can have a whole ecosystem of people who are making their livelihoods doing media on something as niche as like winter camping and survivalism in Canada. That could be somebody's job and is providing millions of views and entertainment for something and it is genuinely nice and neat. There's a lot of bullshit on YouTube, but there's a lot of great stuff that would not be made or be able to be seen without the internet. I mean, there's some stuff there. A lot of stuff that I like on the internet. A lot of my friends are there. We love that. Internet pornography has gotten much better. It just seems like it's this one step forward, two step back thing. Every new advance in convenience, ease or accessibility

creates another problem. All the movies and TV shows are on the internet, but then you have to subscribe to all the different streaming services and guess what? Not all of the movies are on the internet. I think the promise to the internet would be fulfilled if there are two websites. One is called Movies, the other is called TV. Both of those websites contain every movie ever made and every TV show ever made. And also, crucially, no autoplay trailers. Yeah. No, I agree with that. They can't do that though, because that's how they fake their numbers of views. Right. Because they count every autoplay. Oh, you watched it. Boom. The autoplay views and Metta, as we were talking about earlier, go into interesting series

of thoughts about this period of the internet, which I think is equivalent to the 1970s. We're seeing a bunch of technologies that are in their infancy and are the equivalent of shitty at home 3D glasses or smello vision. All the things from the 70s that people made fun of in entertainment technology that later either got phased out or maybe they took one part of it that was interesting and made into something else. In general, I think all media and entertainment is in an awkward period like that where there are some ideas that could be potentially interesting, but both the people working on them are stupid and the technologies themselves are nowhere near ready for public consumption. I think that

a lot of the authors of the current internet, people assumed they were a lot smarter than they were because they were businessmen in a zero interest rate environment while there was a historic overvaluing of equities. Now, as things return to mean, we're seeing Mark Zuckerberg wipe out $700 billion of value in a year and effectively having the salaries of almost all of his employees. I think that, again, there's still so many signs of promise and whether it's us doing it or something weird like a Belgian inventing a good version of meta or whatever happens. I am still very encouraged by the amount of creativity and work ethic that I see in places that aren't Twitter or Instagram or anything like that.

I think there's more amazing things to come that I, again, do not think will be politically transformative. There's also a lot of hot chicks on the internet. That's true. That was not always the case. It used to be if there was a girl on the internet, it was like, why are you only taking a picture of your eye? Just kidding. That was everyone doing that. That's what you do when you're 300 pounds and you don't want people to know. All right. Should we transition to some questions? There's other listeners.

All right. Let's start with a nice, easy over home plate one. This is from Billy Jay. If shit ever really hit the fan in terms of climate change in North America, what do you think the inevitable takeover of Canada by the United States would look like? This is a great question. This is one I know Matt has considered. But Canada, it's just sitting there. Most of it, no people there. Nothing. Just timber and natural resources. Plus, roughly one half of one fourth of all the fresh water that's on the planet. That's right. We need those great lakes. We need those great lakes. Future climate disaster scenario. The capital of the United States moves from Washington, D.C. to Buffalo, New

York, which will establish a beachhead for the American invasion of Canada. And then you get an NFL team in Moose Jaw. It'll be great. What would it look like if the U.S. took over Canada? I don't know. What was it like when InBev brought Budweiser? You notice anything? Maybe change some logos a little bit. Canada is practically America. I mean, they started, there are now murders in Toronto solely because they want to be like one of our dilapidated inner cities. Not for any other economic or social reason. People in Toronto were like, Drill music's cool. We should kill each other. That's the only thing that happened.

I don't think I'd say like one thing that I think America taking over Canada that would provide a net benefit to Canadians is that we would absolutely get rid of this French language bullshit. Oh, yeah. No more Quebec law. The Quebec law you better shape up motherfuckers. This is America now. No, you're not speaking French. Yeah, that's done for us. Done. That's over. Everyone always thinks they're going to be the generation that gets rid of that weird hick French and they always end up speaking it. So I think I think the more likely scenario is that the entire Western hemisphere is speaking that bizarre dialect by the time of our deaths

of natural causes. All right, next question. All right. This is from Olivia C. Hey, Chapa, first time long time. As a trans woman, your recent discussion of young male social and sexual isolation got me thinking. Could we as a society solve this problem by making it more socially acceptable for dudes to turn into chicks and let the whole squad hit? Yes, Olivia. Is that question is yes. You know what? I got to say, not all in cells are men. The fem cell has risen. Soon there will be cells in all sectors of American life. And you know, you can no matter what happens, there will soon be old cells. There will be mom cells. There will be cousin cells. No demographic

will be safe. Even even people in community theater will not have sex with each other. This popular video game will be free cell. Yeah. But I mean, the home, the home is, you know, whether you're trans or not, sometimes the homies just need to help out the homies. I mean, okay. What countries do we know of where it's, you know, more acceptable for, you know, a group, let's say a group of male friends to fuck each other. That's a lot of countries where it's like, OK, this isn't gay. We're just helping out our friend. But some of those countries are also very homophobic and transphobic. So I don't know if that's if, whether it's transitioning or just, you know, a group of male friends fucking each

other, whatever it is, I don't know if it always helps social conditions. I actually think along this line of inquiry, you know what is fascinating to learn the other day of the European country with the highest percentage of acceptance of trans people is a surprising one because like France, oh boy, they do not like trans people there. It's very low. England way higher than you may think, despite what you see in the media. But you know, according to the statistic I saw, the European country with the highest level of acceptance of trans people is Spain. Not totally surprising. I mean, it kind of makes sense. I don't know. All right. Next question.

This is kind of a follow up to this one, or at least in the same realm. This is from Johnny Z. Yeah. Hey, can you guys tell me how to eat pussy? Thanks. Bye. Well, well, this listener clearly needs to smoke more weed. First problem. It's very simple. You recite the Hadiths with your tongue. Listen, the art of eating pussy is very similar to the art of Chinese calligraphy. You're painting with a wet brush. I would say that it's kind of like jazz. It's about the notes that you don't play. And by that, I mean, it's about actually being good at pipes. You don't have to do that. Well, I mean, some of us would prefer it

to, you know, get the whole did she climax or not out of the equation before pipe gets being laid so that you can enjoy laying pipe and not having to think about is this working or not yet? Women's sexuality, you know, people are like, Oh, what are the female work as a G spot the clit? Are they real? Are they not? Can we find them? We don't even know where to begin with it. It might as well be the ocean where we've only explored 5%. What is a woman's favorite thing to masturbate to? Oh, my kind of ugly community college history professor who told me who told me that I was five minutes late to four classes in a row. I that's the thing I've masturbated to for 17 years straight. Do I know why they

do it? No, do you know? Do they know why they do it? No. So, you know, play it by ear because you're not going to figure it out. I would say don't approach the act of kind of Lingus like a golden retriever attacking a bowl of kibble. Oh, you got to you got to you got to build you got to build it up. You can't go straight for the clip. You know, you got to like take take your time. You know, don't take too much time, though. I mean, the the internet, I mean, like that's that's what's going to get the job done. But you can't just go go ham on that right away. That is okay. You want to talk about something on the internet that got better? 10 years ago, the internet was filled with men in Wu-Tang clan t-shirts

who were always bragging about how much they loved eating pussy. And according to testimonials from several women who I am friends with on a platonic basis, they have told me that those types of guys slobbered all over and didn't do a damn thing. Yeah. And like the guys who were like, yo, I love even put I pussy for hours, yo, it's like you're not doing the job right. You're not doing the job long. If it takes longer than 10 or 15 minutes, you're doing it wrong. Yeah, you're doing it wrong. Get in, get out. It's like the Navy Seals, you know. Yeah. All the guys who say my dude now, they were making fave star posts about how much they loved eating snatch and they did not make a single woman happy. I'm

trying out the asshole too. It's great. It was like, oh, you know, it was like, do you remember that children's story where the husband lies to the wife about how much he loves lentil soup and the wife lies to the husband about how much he loves making it. They're both lying to each other about how happy it makes them and then they realize like they're just doing it to make the other one happy because the husband pours the soup into his galoshes and the wife hates making it. That's kind of what eating pussies like. Yeah. And you know, like, um, you know, to our heterosexual male listeners out there, there's a few of you, I understand. But look, just, just take the pressure off of yourself. As long as you

nut, it's a successful success, sexual experience. Okay. So don't, don't, don't, the pressure is off you. You'll get more yelled at for not nutting than not making the woman nut. Next question. This is from somebody who identifies as gum worldwide. Okay. Okay. Hey, choppo. I just wanted to ask how do you guys stay engaged in politics without just losing all hope? And, um, what would you recommend for young people, um, in order to cope with, you know, copious amounts of just overloading information on all cylinders at all times in every way and every direction? Okay. I'll kick this one off. I'll give my, my semi-joking answer and then a semi-serious one. My semi-joking answer is like, you know,

how do you imbibe, um, uh, politics and culture? Like, how do you take on so much without being driven insane or resorting to despair? I truly think that even in the peaceful moments of one's day that you should meditate upon being dead, being ripped apart by arrows, rifles and spears, you should come to regard yourself as already dead. And that is a way to just stay chill about everything, honestly. Uh, I don't know. My, my semi-serious answer, though, is just like the thing that stops you from feeling despair or having some sort of information overload is having, uh, I think, like, you know, real people in your life, real interests, real responsibilities that, um, sort of anchor you to, um, your own life and not things that

are like wildly out of your control or that, uh, you know, just appear as these kinds of zephyrs that come across your, your internet feed. And it's just also to like keep a sense of humor about everything. You know, like it's, it's a gallows humor, but I think it's, it's one of great importance for being able to, you know, just exist in reality. The things that are the worst are often the things that are the funniest. I mean, something that, uh, helps me personally, uh, is that, um, I just, I remember, I remember conditions for the left in America being far worse, which it, that may seem unbelievable for people who are younger, but believe me, it did used to be a lot worse, a lot more

grammar and a lot more marginal. Um, I, uh, there is no longer a singular, exciting electoral goal like Bernie, uh, 2016 or 2020. We don't have that looming specter like we did in the interim years, this thing to be excited about. But there is, there, there are things to be optimistic about, whether it's organized labor or, um, the thing that no one should follow local politics. Um, but, but, um, I, I, I think that despair comes from following things minutely, following things that are ephemeral and following them on a 24 hour cycle. If you want to stop despairing about things, stop following them to minute to minute, um, unfollow every news thing on Twitter, except for that one Chinese newspaper that posts

things like, um, monkey with one hand that's taken care by that old, that old, uh, none in a month, like that, you know, should a shinto monastery or whatever. Yeah. That account doesn't post any news. It's all just like, um, Ella, Elephant stares in amazement at beautiful waterfalls. Yeah. That's good media. Yeah. That's good news. Um, but, but, um, seriously, you should take somewhat of a longer view, avoid the 24 hour news cycle, be informed, but read entire articles and, uh, just don't think that you instantly have to have an opinion or a final, final idea or so don't definitely

don't get a final solution for anything. Don't think of those. Uh, don't think you have to solve everything once you see it immediately. Give yourself a break and have things in your life that do not depend on whether, you know, Steve Wampum's needs, uh, Craig Aldi's in the election. And, you know, like you could say it's not a less than one way or another, but you could also text all of us in the very likely possibility that this is anything that will happen has already happened regardless of what you did or didn't do. But we have no choice but to act as though we do have a choice.

Pretend to be surprised. Yeah. You know what the point of the game, Dark Souls is? The point is, even at the world ends and people love talking about the world ending, why do we go to work? You know, guess what? Even if the world ends, even if somehow the first world pays the majority of the price for climate change, which it will not, nothing ever works out that fair. Um, you still got, you're still living your life. You're still you and you still have the same stupid bullshit you do. So you don't, you don't get to get out of it. You have to figure out what your

life means to you. I mean, the gift of self-awareness and consciousness in this universe is both heaven and hell encapsulated together. It's like the experiences that you have will determine the eternity that you spend by that. I mean, you know, back to the Alan Moore episode, not in any like afterlife kind of sense of it, but just to understand that every human being that's ever existed on this planet has existed in a state of cascading disaster and apocalypse. And it's true in our world today, everything is so interconnected that the stakes are much higher. But I just like, you know, don't be paralyzed by the, the, this fear that you may live through the

apocalypse or you may die in the apocalypse because, you know, like that's kind of a little bit narcissistic. Everyone likes to think that they're going to be alive when the world's fucking is. Yeah. I don't want to miss anything. Everyone has always thought that whether they're religious or not, because it's narcissism. Yes. And the thing is when you die, it will be the end of the world. So you're going to get

it no matter what. Yeah. All right. This one is from Eric A mayor of New York. Hey, what's up, y'all? I'm a weed breeder out in Portland and looking at maybe getting some Chris, Matt, Felix, Amber strains going crossbreeding some stuff that I have in house. Just wondering what you all would like to have your namesake under facts, terpenes, et cetera. Anyway, looking forward to better. If you name any strain of that demon drug, that thing that is 400 times more potent than

fentanyl after me, I will initiate a federal rica lawsuit against you. Just kidding. Name the thing closest to mids after me. Okay. This is a great question, Eric Adams. For the menachemines that strain a weed. Okay. I want you to crossbreed. This is very important. It's got to be indica and I want you to crossbreed the strongest strains of indica that you have that are usually named after desserts. Girl scout cookies, ice cream cake, things like that. Just make a dessert buffet and ice cream Sunday of indica strains that will be the strongest and most potent indica strain of all time. And that is the menachemines that we'd strain on the other side of it. I would

like a sativa so powerful that you gain the power of flight. Oh, and also I'd like you to soak all of the flour in a PCP. Oh, okay. I've actually changed my mind instead of the mids. I don't think that I think you actually do get arrested if you grow that. You can only grow scary legal weed. I'd like a scared straight strain. I'd like a strain that makes everyone paranoid. Everyone think all of their all of their friends hate them and everyone think that they have cancer the second they get high. Okay. For people who face that problem with smoking weed, they're like, oh, I smoke weed one time before I freaked out or make me seem paranoid or anxious. Smoke more weed. You're

never going to get better at smoking weed if you don't get back on that horse. So you can start out a little bit, start out with just maybe one poll or like, you know, just a little, little vape or something like that. But like, you're never going to get, you're never going to get less scared of smoking weed unless you smoke weed. The only way out is through giant weed cloud that you inhale until you pass out. The worst thing that could happen, the worst thing, okay, is that it awakens the Latin schizophrenia that is in your family genetic history and you kill your roommates and you go to hell and you're high the entire time. Along those lines, is there anything lower

than mids? Are there loads? Shwag. Make mine. I'm a weed pussy at this point. Whatever gets me the same effect as one 2.5 milligram of weed mint as a rookie numbers. I know, I know those up. I would give anything to like be a weed guy. Oh, and shout out to the shout outs to the, uh, the chopper fan from Boston who came to New York and brought me a pack of big poppy sweet slugger pre rolled blunts. Big poppy is no stranger to the power of cannabis. It's helped him greatly throughout his career and he is him and team big poppy has selected the finest flower cannabis experience for you to enjoy. And I got to say, even as a New Yorker, I got to give it up to big poppy and his wonderful blunts.

Shout out to that interstate drug trafficker, the uncaptured felon who is responsible for dozens of deaths from marijuana psychosis. Uh, all right. Next question. This is from Mika W. Hey guys, um, I've been shunned by several different resistance blue check lib friends that I have, um, for listening to you guys because they say that you guys are the podcast that says the arsler all the time. And I don't understand why that is something that I've heard on several different occasions from several different resistance individuals. And I was just wondering if you guys had any commentary on that and because why is that

happening? I just don't understand. Well, we used to say, yeah, and then we stopped and it sounds like there was no point in stopping seriously. What, what, what is the incentive structure supposed to be here? I think the last time we even said it was the rain over me episode, like five years ago now, Obama was president. The bundler was in charge for Christ's sake. If there is still out there calling for it, we might as well get our money's worth. Honestly, we should better, better to be hanged for a sheep than a lamb. So that's kind of my attitude about that. But to the color's question, look, truth is the only defense against libel. So I mean, if you're

resistance, blue check, live friends associate us as the show that says the R word. Yeah, they're talking about chopper mark one. We have stopped doing that because, you know, I guess I just thought it wasn't what it wasn't a hill that I particularly felt, you know, any great need to die on. But like, if this is the way it's going to go, we're bringing it back. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I still say it in the group Yeah, I still say it in my personal life. But it used to be a much more like anti TOS thing. It seems to people seem to have calmed down about that. You really could get banned a lot for it back in those times. I will I will both defend the word on just linguistic

standpoints. I mean, moron idiot, those were medical conditions. I went to our slur school briefly as a child. You know, I've never used that as a defense. I don't I don't like pulling out, you know, my identity things and being like, Oh, this is why I can say this. But it's true. I wasn't bite the teacher that word. But I was that word. But you know, it really sounds it really sounds like it. Maybe maybe we should break the glass break in case of emergency. But I guess my snappy come back to stupid questions on this is what makes you more morally abominable? Using a churlish and the adolescent, you know, insult, referring to, you know, people of different. Yeah, yeah. Or as your blue check live friends, I'm failing

to support universal health care. Done. Yeah. Next question. Yeah. All right. Here we go. President elect Wade is filling out his cabinet and you're up for a position. What job do you want? And how will you use it to deliver the funniest possible outcome? A president way he's going to staff his cabinet with us. Well, thank you for acknowledging that I am the only one here who could get the organizational capacity together to actually do something like that. Donald Trump was president. I don't know if that job is really what he thinks it is. I think he think the thing he's thinking of is maybe like chief of staff. The president could be literally anyone at this point. But let's yes, let's say what we're talking about

like an old fashioned type of president who actually like can read. All right. I think my position is obvious. I'm secretary of state. I was going to say secretary of defense, you know, no, I think I think I am a diplomat first and foremost. I'm but you know how to fight though. I haven't trained in so long. And I don't know. I'm probably could get beat up by a lot of our listeners now. And I really don't like to think that that it's true. I think that I have a diplomatic personality despite what people may think. I'm I'm friends with all types of people, be they creeds, genders, races, or even amount of eyes that they have too many or too few. I think that the funny outcome I could deliver is a multi

polar world of cooperation, bringing back the thing where the space station is Russian, Indian, American, Chinese, doing those experiments where we're like, what happens to old people when you put them in zero gravity and generally make yours on space shuttles. Yeah. Yeah. I'll putting teachers on space shuttles so we don't waste astronauts. I really think I could deliver the funniest outcome, which is a world without conflict. Well, I mean, you would you would lower the tension with Russia, like we'd start buying their natural gas and oil, and they would give us their sables. Imagine that sables in America. Let's see, what would my what my cabinet position be? I mean, like, look,

the Secretary of State, Secretary of Defense. I mean, is there any other marquee positions? Press Secretary. So you press secretary. Here's how I would. I would. So you can yell at journalists all day. That would drive me crazy, though. I mean, I would be press secretary and like my first act as press secretary would be to abolish the White House press score because there's really like there's no news. It is ridiculous that they want to come to a press conference and be like, blah, blah, blah, like New York Times right here, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, like here is my reading** really really amazing news and I turn to I'd be like, you know, Martha Raddits

has tripped in the light fantastic with goofballs. Let's arrest her and get it on the cover of Newsweek. Yeah, so I guess I'll press secretary and I would just use it to harshly discipline journalists who like they need to be, they need to be so bad. Any thoughts for you, Matt? I don't know, like, I think it'd be fun. I mean, if you're talking about funny,

like a treasury secretary would be funny because I don't understand or know anything about money and how it works or anything like that. Yeah, so I could just like nod at everyone and get very nervous and like cry during briefings when they ask me questions. Like you get the cabinet meeting and they're like, where are we going with the,

where are we going with the debentures? Or I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I could be treasury secretary and then I could like finally figure out how to pay taxes. Maybe someone could help me with that. Matt, what about director of the FBI? You could be like J. Edgar Hoover. You could get all the dirt on everyone in blackmail.

You could be funny to, yeah, just, yeah, break into anyone's house. I mean, the thing is you don't need to do that anymore. Like everything is, the NSA could just look at your phone and have everything in your life in it. Like the black bag job has been rendered obsolete. I really made me nervous thinking about the Bavarian treasury secretary really just upset me a lot.

I also, just in terms of doing things that I think would personally be funny and because I would irritate both parties mutually, I would like to put a point Felix, specifically the ambassador to Saudi Arabia. Saudi Arabia, well, Saudi Arabia and Israel at the same time because they have the Abraham Accords. I think, I think I would surprise everyone

with my friend making ability. I think that's the thing is that everybody would go and be like, wow, this is gonna be a disaster. And then two years later, you're just like, we love this man, we love him. He is the most honorable Jewish person we've ever seen. Yeah, okay, you know what? The thing is, a lot of people have falling,

they have falling out with their friends. I have the reverse, people hate me, but then they get to know me. And then they've transformed into friends. Just as long as you can get a citizenship at the line. I can, why doesn't China build the line? Seriously. They can actually do it. They're fucking up.

They're building ports of the shit in like Indonesia. Give me the fucking line. Just take the, just turn the top of the Great Wall into one giant city. Into a mall. Yeah, the Great Wall of China. The Great Wall of China. Yes, yes, that's a great idea.

Did you see the thing where the Saudis, like they just showed off like, it looked like the beams on a dock. They were just like, it was just like half a kilometer of like wooden beams. And they're like, look, we're already building the line. They also dug a hole. I saw them dig a hole in the desert.

It's gonna be wild if they actually get that thing done. That's never gonna happen. That is not gonna happen. That is maybe the least. That is on, that's in the, it's like with everything else. It's everything Musk has ever promised. It's the thing to dangle in front of you to think,

yeah, no, there's a techno future where we solve everything and like, no, incorrect. Next question. Yeah. All right, here we go. I think you guys are hilarious, but here's a serious question. I think the Gen Z right is substantially more evil

than the boomers or the millennials. Can you seriously tell us how you feel about that generation of right wingers? Seems like they're gonna be a big problem. What do you think? I agree with you that it is nauseating and disturbing to see how many of them are basically open, Nazi cartoon pedophiles,

and they seem to have made themselves into that. But I disagree with you that they're, they may be like more repellent in some ways, but I don't think they're scarier because they're all weak babies. I'm looking- They have no access to anything. They live with their parents.

They have no prospects for employment. They can't do anything. I mean, but that is like, that's a generalized phenomenon. And that is gonna be the real interesting thing about politics in the future is, how do people who have been from birth basically been acculturated into learned helplessness

supposed to participate in any kind of collective endeavor? And I don't know. I think the thing that is closest to you and easiest to relate just in terms of shared cultural affinities and understanding is always gonna seem the scariest, but I will never see any nascent online movement as scary as like James Baker.

I feel like we've seen a lot of the scariest things that could happen already. I think also young people are working at a severe disadvantage. If they have never known really a life without phones, then it is impossible to create any type of mass movement or any type of solidarity. I think it's maybe scarier that is also true

of younger left-wing people. That nothing, as long as human interaction exists in its current form, I don't think anything that substantial can be accomplished. Next question. Here's one I think mostly for Will. Hey guys, loved the Eyes Wide Shut episode. And ever since I've been wondering,

why do you think Stanley Kubrick left the US in 1961 never to return? It's one of the great film mysteries and I know you're all film heads. Thank you. Thanks for the question of what I've read. I mean, I'm not speculating on this. This is just what I've read

because I remember in college I wrote a paper on Dr. Strangelove. What I read is that the copious research he did into the logic of mutually assured destruction and like sort of a nuclear brinksmanship during the Cold War in preparation for making this movie freaked him out so much that he never went to America again.

He also hated flying. But yes, Dr. Strangelove, like, you know, he never left America and never returned in 1961. I can only tell you what I've read and it's that his research in the course with Dr. Strangelove freaked him the fuck out. Well, he thought England was gonna be okay

if there's a nuclear war. I know, that doesn't quite make sense. They'd be the first to go. They would be the first to go. All right, next one. I think this one's more for Matt. Hi, this is Ben in Portugal. Not long ago, I heard Matt refer to the British victory

at Trafalgar as one of history's greatest L's. I'm interested to know what other historical events that are publicly seen as W's are secretly L's in your opinions. Thanks, guys. Literally everything that your people celebrate. Every single milestone in English history where they've won something was civilizational

and species L because you're the reptilian demon archons of earth. That's the answer. Winning World War I in L for humanity. That's true. And who did that? Fucking Limies. Good job.

Yeah. The Kaiser was a gentle man. We were so close to just having all the fucking Croatian, Slovakia, Czechia. We were, they were all one place. We didn't have to learn the difference. And suddenly there are 70 places like that and they all hate each other.

You Felix, you've been expressing your fondness for the Austro-Hungarian Empire recently. It was great. They had one of the only hot women in that period of time. Her nickname was CeCe. She was known as Empress Elizabeth and she had a body that was insane. And Empress Elizabeth made Franz Joseph,

a member of the dead wife club, but he didn't kill her. She was killed by the most evil force in history, an anarchist. He saw this smoking hot woman and was like, I have to kill her. Her body's too good. Her dumb ass fucking assistant took the file

that he stabbed her with out of her corset. If she kept it in, she'd be alive. Oh, the corset would have held everything together. Yeah, the corset was holding everything together. She could have lived, she could have passed on her secrets of her fucking ridiculous body. And there could have been hot women for everyone.

Everyone could have learned her secrets. But now that guy fucked it up for everyone. Then we had World War I because of the hot chick deficit in Europe. That was it. No one had anything to look forward to. No one had anything to be happy about. They had one hot woman for the entire continent

and this fucking idiot killed her. That's the biggest Ellen history is the assassination of C.C. The most beautiful woman of all time. A big, the biggest loss for humanity. All right, next question. This is from Dara B. Hey guys.

So my question is, do you think Elden Ring was a step back for the Froms Hall formula? The open world reduces the opportunities for Froms trademark encounter design as well as necessitating reuse of dungeons and boss content, which dilutes its impact. This is a question for Matt. Matt, take it away.

Yeah. Yes, absolutely. 100%. Could I get some titles for those? I heard dungeons and it sounds like something I could answer, but I- They reuse dungeons. He says the use of like boss fights

and dungeons in Elden Ring is repetitive and like the open world format takes away from the essential encounter design of Froms Hall games like Bloodborne or Dark Souls. No, I completely agree with that. I think it is better to have a smaller world that is interconnected by shortcuts and things like that. That's a more interesting design to me.

I think Elden Ring was incredibly ambitious and an amazing game, best game that came out last year, best game in a while, but I certainly prefer the design of previous Souls games. I would have preferred to see them try something like Sekiro again. I hope they do something like that in their future. And yes, I did find the repetition

of bosses kind of tiring at some point. Great. I agree. All right, here we go. This is from Sam. Hello, Trappo Trapp House. My name is Sam and I was just curious. Do you guys believe in aliens?

Do you believe they've ever been to Earth? Do you have an explanation for the affirming paradox that you like? I'm a big fan. Thanks for taking questions. This is an interesting question to me because to me, does intelligent life exist elsewhere in the universe?

Are aliens real? Have they interacted with humanity? Have they visited Earth? Have they transcended the great distances of the abyss of space to interact with our civilization in some way that we're not aware of? Or 2001 jumpstarted our evolution into conscious self-aware beings?

To me, the question, do aliens exist, is basically the same question as does God exist? And I have to take a kind of like agnostic position on it because I think it's like, look, if you think about this here, size of the universe, it would be like, you know, when you're playing a game of dice on a board that big on a scale of time as vast as the universe, you're going to roll the same number in a row

a billion times straight, which would imply that there is not just intelligent life in the universe or even our galaxy, but probably millions or billions of intelligent species and civilizations, but that the sheer distance between them is so great that the possibility of contact between them is essentially impossible given what we know of technology and you could always say, well, then like,

it's always theoretically possible that an alien civilization could have solved that problem. I mean, similar to the question of does God exist or does God not exist? I think both answers to that question. Yes, aliens exist and no, they don't are equally terrifying because if they doesn't exist, then like life only exists on this planet

and only for a little while. That's disturbing, but it's also kind of freeing in a certain way. That's why I liked about that movie, Ad Astra because it was like the first sci-fi movie deposit that like, hinted the possibility of alien contact, but like the point of the movie is that they're out there and they find nothing and that's what drove them

and say that it's only us. The prospect of intelligent life existing elsewhere in the universe, if it does exist, that's also frightening. Cue up the three body problem, the dark forest conception of the universe that like, you know, any interaction between competing civilizations will,

if you look at our own civilization, be necessarily hostile and lead to some sort of genocide or massive research extraction and enslavement. So I mean, like that's scary. I'd like to believe that aliens have contacted this planet in some way, but you know, like I just, it's just, to me, it's an interesting, like metaphorical or artistic query,

but like, it's not one that troubles me a great, it troubles me and not troubles me in equal amounts and like, you know, the equally balanced that whether they exist or not. I think aliens exist. I don't think that they are from other planets though. I think they're from either other dimensions, time. They, honestly, I think aliens might be earthlings

from the future. I always, I think that one's on the table. Yeah. But I just, I think there are technical, there are like actual physical restraints on the ability to travel the distances of space. So I don't think that we're getting anybody from another planet, but I think that there is,

I don't think we have any idea because we can't observe it. How permeable the borders between worlds are. So I'd say that's more likely to be where they're coming from. And that's what I mean that it's like the same, it's the same thing about do you believe or God or not? Because like we as a society, we as a civilization,

it is the same myth or hope of something outside the boundaries of our physical reality and our, even our lives and deaths that holds the hope of either transcendence for us or obliteration or punishment. And like that can only come from something that is necessarily like outside the bounds of like our logic and this world and its rules and its history.

I think that, I mean, I tend to agree with Matt here. I think we lack the units of measurement, understanding and possibly actual physical or mental senses to fully understand the universe distance in relation to ourselves. I would be shocked if we have even a 5% comprehension of what is out there, life form wise, intelligence wise, anything like that.

I think it very possibly could be some weird time thing that goes into the type of math with parentheses in the long F where it's far beyond my understanding. And it turns out they don't even understand it that well either. If we are the only thing like us, then if I'm using the 538 or New York times election meter,

it goes to 90% towards Abrahamic religions being true. You kind of have to give it up. You're the only thing that it's like, okay, then I like God's probably real, you know? So it's exciting. It's kind of one or the other or both. It could be both. Maybe God made aliens.

Yeah, it's an interesting question. Honestly, it's an interesting philosophical and religious area of ponder. But I think practically like does God exist or not? It doesn't have much bearing on your life. But it doesn't mean it's not worth it to consider or think about. You should still be a good person, you know,

whether God exists or not, act like he's there. Act like he's going to give you that arc, you know? And whether aliens exist or not, don't litter. Oh, is it? Because when you litter, you're fucking on the planet. They're not going to visit. Matt, like the Dan Ackroyd, Larry King thing. After 9-11, they're like, no way.

We can't touch those humans. Dan Ackroyd said, Larry King asked him, he's like, do you think the aliens are going to visit us? And he was like, I'm very pessimistic, especially after 9-11. All right, next question. Huge fan of the show and huge fan of Felix's thoughts on animals.

I'd like to hear specifically some of Felix's thoughts about bears, his favorite type of bears, what he thinks bears get up to when no one is looking, that kind of thing. Cheers. That was from Timothy S. And it sounds like New Zealand. Thank you, Timothy. I love the brown bear.

I think the, or the grizzly bear, rather, I think they have the most developed sense of humor out of all the bears. The thing that I like about bears is that I think in some ways they're more person-like than a lot of apes. They're more guy than dog, really. They fool you into thinking that they're dog-like

with their ears, but they're actually very guy-like. It's like a guy got turned into a dog by a wizard. Exactly. I think that we see a little bit of what they do to amuse themselves when the video of the bear walking by the school bus imitating a person's stupid walk. I think there's a lot of humor in the bear world, clearly.

And I did see something the other day. Mind you, this was from one of those accounts that's called like dope facts. So who knows how true this is. But it said that bears, they spend a lot of time looking out into the distance just at things that serves no function. They're not looking for food.

They're not scouting for predators. They just think it looks good. I think they do a lot of things that maybe people would do if we didn't have to wear clothes and we could essentially turn our bodies off for a large part of the year. Did you see that?

That bear who had like a piece of wood and he was just doing nunchuck shit with it? Yes. Yeah, no. These are like dope martial arts moves. I think they have a lot of amusement and understanding of objects and fun beyond what we've previously thought. I mean, I think Sables made me think that.

A lot of moose lids, in fact. And why not bears? They're so much bigger. Therefore, their brains are bigger. Remember when we saw that panda do a somersault in front of us at the Atlanta Zoo? Yes. That was really good.

Oh, that rock. My question about pandas is like, how do they get enough calories to like continue their lives just munching bamboo all day? They can barely digest. Like how much bamboo do you have to eat to like stay alive as a panda?

It's gotta be a lot, right? Housing bamboo all day, very inefficient. Well, I guess I'm gonna be a homer here. I know the question is directed to Felix. I'm gonna be a homer and say my favorite kind of bear is the humble northeastern black bear because there's never been a recorded attack on a human by a black bear

unless you fuck with one of their cubs, you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like they're dangerous, but like they don't routinely kill and eat people like brown bears do. I would say there's no bad bear. Yeah, no, they're all good.

They're all really good. They're all top, top animals. Even the ones who kill people all the time. In fact, honestly. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, oh, black bears don't kill people. It's like, maybe they should. Maybe they should like get their head in the game.

You put a fucking, you went to their house and we're like, oh, we're making it so we can drive our Subaru's through here. You built a highway in the middle of their house and you're like, oh, they're bad because they've killed 13 of us over a century. Like fuck off. Most of the guys that bears kill anyway,

it seems to be like just insane guys who like, you know, they existed pretreatment for the insane syndromes. And we're like, oh, God told me to like go to a bear's house and like molest them because they like me. God told me I speak bears languages and the bears always tolerate those guys for two years and then they're like, to fuck off, like go away.

Oh, by the way, if any listeners of our show are Russian, could you let us know about warging powers? Yeah. Like I am fascinated by the number of Russians I see on the internet who have a full grown grizzly bear living in their house. Like talk about bears as guys, they're on the couch together,

the fucking carpets stacked up to the wall behind them. They love that shit too. Driving a car with a bear in the passenger seat. And it's, I'm sorry, it is only Russians that have this ability. Is it the cold? Like what is it that you can commune? Well, remember, you gotta remember the first men

they made a deal with the children of the forest. Yeah. It is, they seem to, they don't get Treadwelled as much, the Russians. Not at all. And if they do, it's because they like, they had an argument in the bear language. It's a little legitimate grievance.

Yeah. You know, the same reasons that Russians kill each other, Russian humans kill each other. All right. I got just a few more of these for this session. This is from an account called Schizophrenic Reads. Thank you. I'm really curious as to why there is so little

political violence in the United States. And I guess, do you think it will remain this way? And if it won't, what do you think will like lead off that type of event? I know Abe was just killed in Japan, but these type of incidents seem few and far between at least compared to where we were, you know, in the 1960s. Well, I mean, we just got a hammer time in San Francisco.

So maybe things are changing. We'll see. I think this is a very interesting question because America as a country, as like comparable to other, like, you know, I don't know, develop the G8 nations is insanely violent. Like, we are like insanely violent as a country, but the targets of that violence are never like, you know,

like, you know, we shoot up like kindergarteners, not health insurance boardrooms, you know what I mean? And I mean, I don't know, like, what would account for it? I mean, I think it's like there's a, you know, there's a lot of angry, unstable people in this country with access to guns more than like pretty much anywhere else in the world. But at the same time, I just think it's like

the targets of rage are always- Intimate. So yeah, yes, exactly. Like it is never like wedded to any kind of like, like ideological goal or project. I mean, like sure, like mass shootings by like, you know, racist people who like blow up a synagogue or shoot Muslims or whatever.

Like, I mean, that's what we do get. I mean, like that's, I think probably the most common form of political violence in this country. But you're right, like in the seventies, there were like bombs going off in this country every fucking day. The thing is they didn't kill that many people, but it was still going on.

And I guess like, maybe it's too easy an answer, but I think it's like, I think most people's lives in America are too comfortable and nice and people still have too much to lose. And the people who don't, the specific, their trauma and their rage, their frustration are a personalized narrative that requires a personal, intimate, violent solution.

The abstractions of politics just don't cut it. Now, the hammer guy in San Francisco, who has got mad that he can't jack off to Black Adams or whatever the fuck, points to the fact that this is changing a little bit and people are maybe starting to weld these like, political figures to their specific array of grievances. But that's only gonna result in them getting more security.

And so I don't think it's gonna result in more violence because these are like the least with it together people and they're gonna be therefore not much, they're not gonna, they're gonna be made short work of by like the Blackwater psychos who are gonna just be a permanent human moat between us and anybody with political power. I think maybe one reason why we don't have

an Abe type thing is it's not for a lack of murderers, it's for a deluge of murderers. The average murderer in America is less determined, dumber, and just shittier at it than say a murderer in Japan. That's someone who really wanted to do it. Well, there's not that many murderers in Japan. Exactly.

So you really have to, you really gotta wanna do it. And I also, I think that obviously it's condition, it's conditions, it's ease of life. And I think that will obviously change if things get significantly worse. But I do think a lot of it is delusion, self-delusion. I think that Americans are more likely, even when they feel like there's no way out of their lives

and they just wanna drag people down to hell with them. Why do they end up killing people who are pretty much in the exact same spot as they are? It's the same reason that someone who could easily improve their life a lot by doing three or four things that will not do it past a certain age. If I could have done this the entire time, then that means I wasted my life.

So I'm just not going to do it. I think it's the same pattern of thinking. And I mean, I think I can do it from the caller's question. Is it like, it's not so much a question of like, because I mean, there is political violence in this country as I laid out, like, you know, like someone who walks into a supermarket in a black neighborhood and kills like 13-year citizens.

Like that's a political act and it's motivated by, you know, political ideology. I think the question is why isn't there more left wing terrorists or terrorism in this country or violence? And I think it comes down to is that there is a gap in the two political orientations in which one side has a vastly larger population of violent idiots. Next question?

Let's go. Hello, Chappos. Get right to the point. There's this guy I've been talking to. We butt heads. He's the strong silent type. But I can't tell if that's masculinity hiding his feelings or if there's like something in the way.

And if I may bend the rules a little bit, I know how much you love that. Put this advert in this episode or are you all just talking over her again? I'll take my answer off the air. Okay. Okay. I gotta say, I gotta say it's seriously this color

because that is one of the best Mark Hamill joker impressions I've ever, that color may have been Mark Hamill for all I know. But I mean, like to his question, I'm assuming this is the joker talking about Batman. Who's the strong silent type? Who he's like he's into. And I like that idea.

And like, you know, Mr. J, Mr. J, my advice to you would be like, just keep committing funny crimes. You know, you're gonna keep getting the attention of this strong silent type. And like, you know, just build off that, build on your shared love of him, of you doing crimes and him stopping you from doing crimes.

It's flirtation. You know, that's what flirtation is like. It's the free song. It's the spark that keeps things interesting. You know, I had a girl I was pursuing once and she blocked me on Twitter, Instagram, Gmail, Hotmail, Proton Mail, Regular Mail, WeChat, Webo and Bebo. But she would correspond with me and argue with me

vociferously through messages sent by Pigeon. And I brought this up to somebody once, a wiser, more experienced friend. And I said, I think it's over between us. And he said, she wouldn't be arguing with you if she thought it was over. Women never do that. I think it's the same with men.

With guys where one guy is a clown, who knows he's gay. The other guy doesn't know he's gay. He wouldn't be trying to capture you. You know, when he finds the riddler, he's like, I'm not doing your riddle. Fuck off, he's done with him. But when you do a scary crime, he's like, oh, I gotta go get scared.

No, he still likes you. Be worried when Batman doesn't show up the next time you kidnap Commissioner Gordon. Yeah. And by the way, you don't need to worry about it. Batman slash Bruce Wayne is definitely gay. Yeah. All right, let's do like two more.

Okay, this is from Riley B. Hey, Chop O'Bros. What do you guys think is the funniest thing that has ever happened? Okay, this is an easy one for me. The funniest thing that has ever happened in human history that will certainly not be topped in my lifetime is Donald Trump becoming president of the United States.

The fact that Donald Trump was and for will forever be the 45th president of the United States of America is the funniest thing that's ever happened in my opinion. And there's just so many nesting, subsidiary funny things inside that. I mean, they are inextricably linked to it. It's very hard to pick something else. I think it has to be that

just because there's so many funny things would not have happened without that. If we're going just one single thing that happened in and of itself, maybe Hillary fainting on 9-11, that's up there. Pretty good. When Trump got COVID, that's a great singular thing. Something that always made me laugh a lot

to the point of tears when I first heard about it. I'm fucking up the exact phrase, but it's the admiral who cried during World War II because he thought high command was being mean to him. And Halsey. Halsey, yeah. And it was, what was the exact quote? Yeah, so they sent him this coded transmission.

And in order to defeat a code breaking from the Japanese, the code messages were bracketed with lornipsum, just gibberish, just words to mask it so that they couldn't pull a pattern out of the language. And so the message ended with like, they were saying like, it was an order for him to do something. And then it ended with like, the world stands waiting.

And it was read off by the clerk who usually doesn't read the things off the end because it felt like it flowed into the sentence. And so he heard it and he thought they were being like mean and sarcastic to him that he wasn't moving fast enough. And he just broke down in tears and went to his room. In the middle of the battle of Midway.

Those are always anything about like, old military commanders who were like, Queenie and crying all the time always kills me. MacArthur puking after getting yelled at by FDR? Yes. Yeah, those really get me. That photo of Eisenhower sitting on a bench cross-legged looking for himself.

Yes, Donald Trump electing. It's just the perfect punchline. That's it. It's the setup, the historical equivalent of what do you call that, the aristocrats? Yeah, no, exactly. Yeah, Donald Trump is president. That's the aristocrats for the entire American project.

It is all led to that moment and we'll never, ever get over it. No, it can't happen. Oh, man. All right. One last one. Always people always like to ask a little inside baseball question. This one is from Cy P.

Hi, this is Cy from Virginia. I love the Chapo trap house. And I want to ask all of the inside baseball questions. What's the prep like for this show? Sometimes it seems like you just get on stage and make up a show from nothing, but you're doing a show. So clearly prep has occurred. What's that like?

Do you guys have any rules with each other about what you always or never do? Thank you. I will go back to being autistic now. Well, to answer your question, it's just a pill. Is he talking about the live shows or just a regular show? I think just all of it. I mean, I mostly wanted to include this for the wants

and can'ts question. OK. Well, most of them, I mean, there is prep, but it is mostly done by Will. Yeah. We don't, me and Felix, really don't do anything. It's kind of embarrassing. Yeah, the last time I did any prep for it was last tour.

There was a segment and a script I wrote out, but I haven't done anything like that this tour. I would say sometimes I write something like two days before and sometimes I don't. Sometimes I literally just do nothing. Most of the time I just show up. Well, I mean, I certainly don't resent the fact that Matt and Felix don't prepare because I really

think that the best parts of the show or what I can do is kind of like the guy who takes the ball up the court and sort of sets the pace, runs the offense, whatever inside baseball metaphor you want to say, is I think we get the best material when I get genuinely off the cuff reactions from Matt and Felix. So the less they know going into a show will lead to a better outcome because I

want their authentic reactions in the moment rather than anything that they've prepared for. And also, I got to say a shout out to our research assistant, Justin, who we just hired. He's been helping me collate information, create a skeleton for the show. And I just think there's things I use and I don't use, but I want to prepare just enough that gives us all

the freedom to be completely off the cuff and go chase any direction we'd like to go. And the thing is, I do probably more preparation for the live shows, probably like a lot more preparation for the live shows because there really is no safety net. You can't just pause or retake something. And people have paid money to see a show. So I really don't want there to be any lulls or dead air

or anything that's just like that doesn't land. But yeah, like for the podcast, I mean, I think the enduring appeal of the show is that we don't try very hard. Yeah. I don't think we really have do's and don'ts. I think because we all at this point know like what we're interested in and aren't,

I think one thing we all understand is that there's stuff that we find funny and maybe would like to make fun of or talk about. But if it involves people who are like below a certain level of notoriety, it pains us, but it feels like it's on balance, not worth it to call attention to them. No free clout here.

And also we know that because we were recipients of so much free clout above us. Thank you for having me, sir. May I have some more? Well, there are, I mean, there were $10,000 articles written about us, articles that were worth an extra $10,000 a month in 2016. Yeah. And like, I guess like the other thing,

the other thing I like sort of consciously a shoot doing is ever like, we did it like very early on in the show because I thought it was so novel and I was kind of excited by it. But like, I haven't for a long time and I consciously try to avoid talking about people who like criticize the show or bringing up our own press, good or bad, you know?

Cause I think that's kind of, you know, solipsistic and a little bit navel gazing. And it's just like, I just think like, you know, you just, you can't drink too much of your own cool. It can't get high off your own supply. Yeah. Yeah. It rings of, unless you have something like amazing and new for it, which like, you know, sometimes there is,

I think for the most part, like covering your own coverage of yourself is just, it's the same genre of people who retweet every compliment about their new article. You know, it just gets into the same feeling. But hey, this would be a perfect time to announce. We are, we are rolling out in Q1 2023, a new $1,000 a month Patreon tier, in which you can hear us talk about,

talk about internet weird, just all the creeps and freaks that we love to talk about in private, but would never bring up on the show because it isn't worth giving attention to these people. But if you subscribe for $1,000 a month, you'll hear the forbidden riffs. I've fantasized about as a live show, I don't know if this would be technically possible,

but doing a, the forbidden riffs live show, where it's like in, the venue is like inside a Faraday cave. Yeah. Everybody puts their phones in a bag. Everybody puts their phones, everybody signs an NDA and NDA with very strict repercussions. Yeah. And do just all, all the off mic riffs.

And yes, the tickets would cost $1,000 a month. And I need to be clear here, this is only because as satisfying as it could be to make fun of certain people, these people, again, we should know, their lifeblood is attention from people like us, good or bad. And in fact, bad is even better.

So I'm not trying to fucking start beefs or argue with anyone, because that shit is free cloud and I'm not giving it out. Yeah. I think that for like, if we ever had to like raise like a hundred thousand dollars in a day, like the forbidden riffs episode, like the live show is a great idea.

All right. What do you guys think? Should we wrap it there? Do one more like kind of one more question. Okay. This one's a little like, it's nice. It's a nice one. Hey boys, Ed here, huge fan of the show. My question is, as a relatively new father, what cultural products outside of Barney

should I be exposing my kid to? And are there any sort of physical or mental conditioning exercises you recommend to raise, you know, sort of a second generation gray wolf? Let me know. Thanks. All right. I just think back to my childhood. I just think, you know, I mean, maybe this is, this is cliche, but I think reading to,

reading to kids at any age is, is a very good thing. You know, like, like, you know, as they get older, just like, you know, just being around books, like hearing words spoken in like the form of a story that's not just like being told to do something or from your parents is like, I think it, it builds not just a familiarity with books and literacy, but also I think it expands your imagination,

which I think is the most important thing about growing up or like becoming a, like a real human being. Some of my fondest childhood memories are the same things and it wasn't even anything super, the classics, Treasure Island. The Hardy Boys. Dr. Doolittle.

No, it was Dr. Doolittle. Yeah. I was a big fan of the Red Wall books. Oh, the Red Wall books are great. Yes, just like, you know what the Red Wall books have that Matt was talking about positively about the song vice of the fire books, copious descriptions of wonderful food.

Yes, yes, of acorn soups and blackberry scums. Yes, yes, I would just make sure that the kids got very early exposure to hard R 80s and 90s action films like I did because they made help me become the man, the, the, the absolutely successful man I am today. So that's, that is not negotiable. That has to happen. I think as far as children's books,

one of the goats, Richard Scary. Richard Scary, not only great lessons, you know, who can forget when Huckle buys party food? She teaches you that there's regular food and there's party food. I love that one. Me and my mom, when I was a toddler, we thought that was the funniest shit ever.

When I would like, you know, she'd be buying regular groceries and I would like put orangeina in the cart. That wonderful French soda. And we'd be like, ha ha, party food. I was in little Jo's, the first little joke between me and my mom. And then another great thing about Richard Scary,

everyone has a job. Everyone has the dignity of work. The worm drives the car. One cat drives the bus. Great illustrations. Can't go wrong with that. And you know what? I'm gonna echo what Matt said.

I saw both Terminator films at a very young age. My parents wouldn't let me see Terminator 2. I was allowed to do anything. Because I was pretty strict with media consumption. I had no video games in my house. It wouldn't let me watch rated R movies. I could only watch like a half an hour of TV a day. That's why you're into scary movies now.

Because you feel like you need to make up for lost time by watching a movie about a Google. Meanwhile, you know, I don't have that need. Now back to my original point though, I really think that raising kids, it's like, you know, you raise a kid today. I don't think you can, I think you should be like, like wary about like unrestricted computer time.

But I think you should like, you can't fight too hard against the fact that like media, the internet, video games, like all that shit, like your kid's gonna be exposed to it. And it's gonna like, you know, it's gonna order the processes of their mind in one way or another. And I think like the way to counteract that

is by, yeah, exposure to books about reading to your kid. And I truly believe that like the goal of education, like either as schools as institutions, or you as a parent in like the raising of a child, I think you have succeeded at, if at some point before they turn 18, your kid takes it upon themselves to find a real book, a real book for adults,

and read it cover to cover on their own because they want to, not because it was assigned to them. A lot of the books you that you get have to read in school are all terrible, they all stink. But you know, it's a part of, you gotta build up those muscles. And I think like, if you can get your kids to the point where they are seeking out authors and books on their own,

they want to read for no reason, other than pleasure, that you have succeeded in educating your kid. And that like really whatever they get on the SATs or fucking grades in school, really don't matter half as much as that. Great, can we leave it there? Yeah, yeah, thanks for the questions everyone. Yeah, yeah, well, I mean.

We got hundreds of these. So we're gonna be, we're gonna be milking this cow for a while. 100 questions. So I think we'll probably dip back into this probably before the end of the year, but thank you for all the great questions. And by the way, my favorite porn star of all time

is Bella Donna. Yeah. And thanks for the great tour, everyone. Yes, thank you. It's been a lot of fun. All right, here's, bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye.

They only land in isolated places. They have taken people, I believe. They do have technology. Lord Hill Norton of the British defense staff said that he believed 23 people, 23 different species are coming because they don't want anything to do with us. I don't think we will ever have a formal relationship, a formal contact with any alien species out there,

especially after 9-11. When we broke our toys in the sandbox, if they were observing that, goodbye human race. And honestly, I don't think they're a mass threat, but I do believe they're breaking the law. I'm serious. Title 18, 1202, read the Travis Walton story. So how do you arrest them?

That's the thing, the FBI should be on that right away. I don't think they're a mass threat. If you wanna save lives in this country, teach people to drive better, remove the cocaine appetite in the United States and stop people from texting while driving. That's the way to save lives. We're gonna try to get...

I look at this through the entertainment filter, Larry, that's why I'm here. You