Chapo Trap House - 700 - Shine On You Crazy… (1/23/23)

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

We get a taste of the old Trump magic through his beautiful eulogy for one of his most loyal supporters, the wonderful Diamond. Then, we check in with America’s police forces through a(nother) unhinged new Sheriffs movement, and a cop who claims to to be able to discern 911 callers’ guilt through the tone of their voices. Finally, it’s time for a little Game of Thrones theory.

You're reading this to everyone out there in Choppoland. This is Choppo trap house. I am Will Menaker joining me as always are Matt Christman and Felix Biedermann. It's Monday, January 23rd. Let's kick this working week off right with some Choppo. God, I almost get out of that intro without fucking it up. One of these days. Yeah. All right. Here's where I'd like to begin this week. I know that I have said on this show in the very recent past that I was beginning to suspect or even declare that when Donald J. Trump is quote unquote washed, that he's had it, that he doesn't have the fire in his bell anymore. You know, I think it was when he was selling NFTs that aren't even NFTs when

he was selling baseball cards of himself as an astronaut. His absolute failure to start referring to Ron DeSantis as gay Ron. I was speaking, I was just like, are his best days behind him? Well, listeners, I would have thought that until this weekend at the funeral of one diamond of diamond and silk, we witness greatness once again. This was like seeing Tom Brady lead a fourth quarter, you know, like a game winning drive in the fourth quarter to just give you a little bit of that old Trump magic. Fellas, did you see the great one and his eulogy performance for Diamond of Diamond and Silk? Yes, this was like the final George Foreman title run. This was beautiful. This was I mean, I think we all have favorite

parts. My favorite part was the part where I saw a little bit of myself in it. It was when he got, he first got up during the first part of his speech and he went, wow, people told me this would be like 15 to 20 minutes, but apparently we're going three hours. I don't believe, you know, they told me, so give me a little time because I have a lot of people waiting for me back in a place called Palm Beach, Florida. I said, give me a little time. What do you think it'll take? Oh, about 15, 20 minutes in and out. I said, what can it take longer? This is a little longer than 15 minutes, right? No, that's OK. That was great. A little bit longer. It's been a little bit longer, folks. That's what that's what

makes him great is most people will kind of have a thought like that. But the social conditioning and like basic morality, their own like their own inner voice will go, you piece of shit. Like, why are you thinking that like someone just died? But he'll like he'll just sit. There's no filtration. There's no second guessing of it. Of course, that's the first thing he brings up because it's the first thing he feels. Yeah, he's the greatest. And the audience, they get they laughed a little. They were like, yes, yes, sir. We're sorry for boring you taking the opportunity at a funeral as you were giving the eulogy for someone who's supposedly a close friend of yours to complain about how long their funeral

is. And he was going, I told them, I told them, I said, you know, 15, 20 minutes. Does this feel like 15 to 20 minutes? He goes, I've got a lot of people waiting for me back in Palm Beach, Florida. OK, that that was. And then like, I mean, there's there's footage of him sitting on the dais looking bored as shit, like checking his watch and shit as other people are speaking, just eyes rolling in the back of his head. But the other the other really the other bit of Trump greatness at this memorial service was him doing that the his Ruth Bader Ginsburg. This is the first time hearing of this about silk. We have another star who was equal to but she stepped up and she is different. I'm serious. I thought I

knew them both. I didn't. I knew I knew diamond, but I didn't know silk at all. I just learned about silk. You're fantastic. You're going to carry on beyond beyond anybody's wildest imagination at her sister's funeral. He claims that he was like, and I just I'm learning about this for the first time. There's another one. It's silk. It's silk. And she and like Matt, we were talking about this like there is no way he ever interacted with any of them just individually. They were always diamond and silk. We saw them open for him at CPAC. Yeah, he's claiming the woman's sister's funeral that he's never met her. And he's just after she's standing behind the diamond. Is that what happened? Well, apparently a

silk during her eulogy for her sister rattled off all of the great times that they had together with Trump. And then he presumably listens to this or his brain is just like left his head, you know, Homer Simpson style and Ned Flinders is telling about apple cider. And then he's just like, silk, silk. This is the first time I've met you, but you're going to do great. You're going to do great things. You're going to be the new diamond. He said your future is going to be brighter than anyone's imagination. Like she's a 18 year old who just barely got into USC. Like he's incredible. Diamond and silk were also they were at the White House and given more decorations than Audie Murphy during the Trump

presidency, I think they visited the White House more times than any two pairs of individuals ever in human history who aren't like, you know, joint chiefs of staff or something. The idea that like he never met what like it's I don't know how he got there. I legitimately don't. But it just it's one of those things. It's one of those little little little parts of his game that makes me say, Ron DeSantis, just it's not going to be him. I still don't know if it's going to be Trump, but it's not going to be Ron because it's a it's a chaotic X factor that nobody else can replicate because nobody else is programmed that way. There's like a restrictor plate in your brain of most people. Yes, people are going to run for office,

including Ron, the suck ass to not complain about how long the service that televised funeral. Yeah, put it into political terms. What is the thing that made L Ron the fat ass vote for TPP versus Trump who innovated a new presidential economic policy of like guaranteeing a bull market for at least like three, four years by threatening to dox the head of the Federal Reserve. It's convention versus lack of convention. It's like like in sports terms, I would say Trump has that thing, that thing that's in Anderson Silva's brain that tells me to do a front snap kick. Yeah, you know, the thing that tells John Jones to try a prayer choke for the first time in a cage in a title fight. He's he's

special. Ron DeSantis may he may have all the fundamentals, but what Trump has goes beyond fun. Look, Felix, there are great players. It's what we've always said. There are great players and then there are immortal players. A great player may go to a funeral. They don't want to go to a person they don't really like and don't really know, but they'll do it to maintain appearances and to be a good politician. An immortal player will do that same thing and then loudly complain about the dead person and her funeral at the funeral on stage, giving a eulogy televised, recorded. That's an immortal player. And, you know, Matt, we were talking about this, like the way the audience just ate it up. And they

just think this is this is what traditional analysts don't understand about Trump's greatness and his immortal immortal legend status. The more he treats the people who believe in him, like the dumb, thoughtless pigs they are, the more he acts like a rude, thoughtless pig to them. As you said, Matt, it's about permission and the figure of the leader. It gives them permission to be the version of themself that they've always known they were and always wanted to be, but here before no politician, certainly not Ron Suckass, is giving anyone ... Look, he's giving you permission to hate gay people and trans people, but he's not giving you permission to be a rude, thoughtless pig to the people closest to you in your life,

like those that would show up to your funeral. Yep. The ultimate license. And he's given you the keys to a fucking emotional Ferrari to just go out there and open her up. Emotional Ferrari. Yeah. That's exactly it. You know, there are... It's like the autobahn. There are no speed limits on the emotional highway. No speed limits, maybe. Just... See it. We'll see what you can do. But I do want to talk a little bit more about diamond, diamond syndrome. First of all, was I aware that they were sisters? I just thought they were friends. I don't think I knew they were actually sisters. I didn't know they were related to each other. And I have to confess, I do... Diamond was the one who did all of the talking, right?

Yes. Silk is really... That was what made it extra funny when Trump said, her future greater than you can imagine, because Silk is the one who literally just went, that's right. Yep. He was just a hype man. Like, that was it. Yeah. She was a very OJ the Juice Man type role. She was like the bez from Happy Mondays, but for a conservative rave culture. Just shaking those maracas on stage. I just... I do want to read a little bit of coverage of the diamond funeral, because it sounded like quite an event, though. This is a courtesy of Zachary Petrizzo in The Daily Beast. He writes, Trump World figures converged at Lynette Diamond

Hardaway's Remembrance Ceremony on Saturday afternoon to celebrate the life of the pro-Trump pundit who died suddenly at 51. But the memorial took a dark turn, as her sister suggested in a various plot behind her death. Diamond's sister, half of the diamond and Silk duo, Rochelle Silk Richardson, addressed the crowd at the Crown Theater in Fayetteville, North Carolina, and appeared to fall back into her old anti-vaxxer ways. Quote, instead of asking if Americans are vaxxed or unvaxxed, the real question to ask is, are Americans being poisoned? She asked the pro-Trump crowd filled with friends and family. In the wild, when they want to depopulate and sterilize a large group of animals, they usually inject one animal,

and that one animal will infect the rest of the animals, Silk said, suggesting without evidence that the COVID-19 vaccine creates harm. People are dropping dead around here, nobody is talking about it. They are dropping dead suddenly and unexpectedly. So what I like about this and what Silk is implying here is, look, when Diamond died, a lot of people, you know, like the obvious question needs to be asked, did she die of COVID, despite, you know, due to the fact of how anti-vaxxed she was? Or the question is, did she die of the vaccine? Which would bring up the question, why was she pitching all this anti-vaxx stuff if she herself got the vaccination? Silk brilliantly has decided

to, like, has found a way out of this trap caused by the death of her sister, which is that she definitely didn't die of COVID. She definitely didn't get the vaccine, but due to vaccine shedding, due to protein shedding, which is the thing these people are obsessed with, any person who is vaccinated, who comes in contact with an unvaccinated person, spreads the vaccine like a virus. So Diamond definitely died of the vaccine. What's the point of being unvaccinated? No, there is none. It's not helping your ass. You're not owned. That's it. Like, you die a martyr. You never bent the knee. You enter right wing. You enter OAN and Valhalla. You can hang out with Dan Bongjino.

I wonder if there's like a part of like conservative Twitter that's like, oh, so I guess like some people have decided that social murder is okay. Like, if you got vaccinated, you know, just so you could like get this over with, it's okay to like go out and go on airplanes and shed your vaccine and kill them. Well, Felix, I mean, this is something like certainly in light of the resurgence of these videos of people pretending to have like, you know, Bell's palsy after getting the vaccine. I did see one woman recently that was like, claimed that her first vaccine dose gave her tachycardia or something to put her into tachycardia. And then she got the second vaccine. She got the second shot after nearly dying. And she says, both vaccines have badly

harmed my health. And in the video, she's like, her hand is shaking as she's just taking a sip from a beer. So it's just like, still drinking though. Still drinking. And what I love about this is like, Felix, your point about social murder is that it does seem that like, Matt, you've described this as the airborne toxic event for our times. Is it now everyone has a we all we all live every day of our lives aware of the fact that our death exists. And it is out there waiting to greet us with the aspect of surprise. But now we have a ready made answer for why we die for for all of us. It is either you're going to die of COVID long COVID or the vaccine one of the other. This is America. And the one thing we will not take

from you, no matter what else, whatever, what other liberties and dignities are stripped from life in America, the one thing we will not take from you is your fake choices, your, your, your, the fake narrative that you get to engage in, you get to pick, you get to pick one of one way to understand the world, one way to understand why life expectancy has like dropped 10, 10 years in the last two. You've got you can't have one answer that that that raises too many deeper questions. If there's two answers, then you can just play with that shit all day like a fucking like a ball and a cup. It's great. All I'll say is whether you are going to die of COVID or the COVID vaccine, regardless, our deaths all have a they have a name and a date out there. So we no

longer have to greet it with surprise. We will know exactly why we're dying and what what option you choose, what door you choose to walk through will largely depend on your political point of view. So there's that. There are some other good stuff from the Diamond funeral. Continuing on the article, it says, in a blink of an eye, she is now in the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ, Trump loving pastor, Mark Burns declared. I believe without a shadow of a doubt, Diamond is talking to Jesus. And she is saying, Jesus, please make sure that Donald J. Trump is the next president of the United States of America. I like this moment from her sister's eulogy for her. She says, and another secret about Diamond, she had a boyfriend. Yes, that's right. She and she had a

boyfriend and oh my God, we would talk about him all the time. His name, President Donald J. Trump. Yes, yes, yes, President Donald J. Trump. That was her boyfriend. Ham added that Diamond's side piece was Mike Lindell. Oh, I guess that wasn't silk. That was a ham. But her side piece or boyfriend was Donald Trump and her side piece, that's right, Mike Lindell. But apparently, this is silk was mad apparently at the North Carolina Sheriff's Department. This is interesting. And silk says, to the Hoke County Sheriff's Department, you have a rotten apple in the bunch, silk said, while the body is still warm on the kitchen floor, you don't overstep the next of kin, then try to barge into my home that I pay the bills for illegally with no warrant to retrieve

my sister's dead body. You don't push yourself onto someone's onto someone and then say, don't touch me, she continued. Silk, who was long called for handcuffs to be removed from police, then pledged to file a complaint against the North Carolina Police Department ASAP adding, just because you are dressed in blue, doesn't mean you get to abuse the power you think you have. So I applaud Silk for coming. I got to say that I was surprised out of all the things we could remove from police officers, handcuffs wasn't the one that I would have chosen first. But I mean, I guess there's some beef over the claiming the body or that the Sheriff's Department was rude to. I can't imagine a North Carolina Sheriff's, the bad deputy, being rude

to anyone. Yeah, especially not a black woman. Yeah, but they've got a rotten apple in their bunch down there in the Hoke County Sheriff's Department. That's tough when your desire to support the boys in blue and your need to get somebody fired when you're pissed off collide like that. Well, this stuff tells nicely with the next thing I wanted to talk about on today's show. On our last episode, we did a little update about news involving the armed forces and what they're up to. If you're in special forces at Fort Bragg, the answer is trafficking drugs and human beings for fun and profit. But I still have two stories here today about law enforcement. And the first, of course, deals with Sheriff's departments. And I share Silk's

frustration with them. But there's just a couple of articles I'm going to try to summarize as best I can about the rise of something called constitutional sheriffs. You thought regular sheriffs were good, whether you meet the constitutional variety that is now cropping up all over the country. Yeah, we brought this up before. This has long been a part of the modern conservative movement. I think I've told this anecdote before. But in 2009, a friend's cousin's girlfriend, that degree of a separation, rushed into the room to excitedly tell all three of us that sheriffs were rising up to arrest Obama for enforcing gun control. But for some reason, in the last 12 years, part of the modern conservative belief has

been that sheriffs have an authority above the president. It's part of the Magna Carta or something, or the Articles of Confederation, I'm not sure. But yeah, it's a big part of their lore now. Well, yeah, there is one article here, which, sorry, let me just find it real quick. Yeah, quote, these sheriffs say they're more powerful than the president. Now, they're targeting elections. This is by Jessica Piszczko for Reveal News. Just read a little here, it says, wearing a brilliant purple colored shirt and a black cowboy hat, Richard Mack stood before rows of chairs in a church gymnasium, a black and white picture of Jesus with the crown of thorns over the basketball hoop. Mack leads a network of sheriffs across the country, the so-called

constitutional sheriffs movement, who believe their power superseded those of the president and the Supreme Court. Under his leadership, they've embraced the false narrative that the 2020 election was stolen from former president Donald Trump and are pledging to use their positions to do something about it. There are millions of people in this country who call our Constitution evil, he said, on the verge of tears. He said it was part of their scheme to destroy America and replace our Constitution with their socialistic agenda. So sheriffs departments continue to, I mean, you know, when we talk about defunding the police or as we've suggested on this program, the very least getting rid of sheriffs, if we have to be half police forces,

sheriffs, this seems to be like an antiquated form of law enforcement. What the hell are we doing? These guys out of here confiscate their hellbirds. Silk wants to get rid of their handcuffs. I would like to get rid of, I don't know, the constitutional authority which supersedes that of the president and voters in the states that they live in. I mean, that's best the fact that they've got guns and there's nobody else around. I mean, at the end of the day, that's the only real authority that counts. I mean, unless it's a feast day. The so-called constitutional sheriffs movement is rooted in a far-right ideology promulgated by the virulently racist Posse Comitatus movement started by a white supremacist

named William Potter Gale in the 1970s. A core tenant of Posse Comitatus was a reverence for county-level law enforcement, specifically elected sheriffs. According to the ideology, a sheriff could interpose or block federal and state laws so long as those laws were deemed unconstitutional. Posse Comitatus ideals spread throughout the west, inspiring sovereign citizen and militia movements. So, yeah, this is what's going on in sheriff's departments is that it's not enough that they can just get any job they want for whatever fail nephew or cousin that they have. Now, they can overturn laws if they deem them unconstitutional or socialistic. And the article goes on to talk about how they're demanding the right to interrogate electors and vote counters

on election day. And there was an anecdote about in one county that Trump won two to one. The sheriff didn't understand that and was demanding to interrogate all of the people who counted the votes in his county, even though Trump won it by more than half. Now, but not enough. Clearly, they were trying to shave down his margin to humiliate him. This is another highlight from this article, where it says, in another note to Mac, this guy, one of the constitutional sheriffs, a guy named Dar, wait, hold on a second. Darleaf of Barry County, a rural square of land. Sure, why not? Darleaf.

Is he one of the first lawyers? In another note, in case like caveman lawyer name, what was it? What was it like being around when language was developed? He's a bastard from the the forest kingdom, Darleaf. And another note to Mac. Leaf included a presentation called The American Sheriff at the Common Law, co-written by Brett Allen Winters, a self-styled American geologist, Bible translator, common lawyer, author, and teacher of comparative law. Someone should tell him the Bible has been translated already. It's fine.

We know what it says. He doesn't need to do that. I love all these cranks, because I love all of the, whenever you see someone's Twitter bio and they list all their areas of expertise, I like that he concludes American geologists. Is the study of geology different in Europe or something? Or is he only studies American rocks? He only studies American rocks. He doesn't give a shit about any foreign rocks. Fuck them off. Fuck off with that. Translator and American, okay, this is telling me Mormon. Or at least like Mormon. Yeah, you're finding rocks that prove that the Iroquois Confederacy are Jewish.

They're like Jewish and American. Jesus Christ was here 2000 years ago, and you're translating like new parts of the Bible that are exactly what you're like HOA bylaws are. Yeah, so that's one aspect of the law. The next story I want to turn to right now comes courtesy of ProPublica, and this touches on another thing that I know we've discussed in the show in the past, which is that like so many of the forensic sciences that you see touted on shows like CSI and law and order, special victims unit, things like blood spatter analysis, bite mark analysis, handwriting analysis, are perhaps based in like some sort of scientific rhapsody, but are in almost all cases cheat codes for prosecutors. Well, they've come up with a new

form of junk science to put people in jail for life, for murder, and it's the 911 calls that distressed family members and relatives make upon discovering the body of their loved one that can now be analyzed by a crackpot sheriff or cop or something who has a claim for himself, a scientific method to prove the guilt or innocence of a party based on the 911 call that they make in an emergency. Like what they're like they're able to scientifically determine whether they're faking or not. Yeah, so listen to this. We've got Darleaf. Darleaf, the man behind this new scientific method, his name is Tracy Harpster, a deputy police chief from suburban Dayton, Ohio. He says he has a business to promote a miracle to method to determine when 911 callers

are actually guilty of the crimes they are reporting. Quote, I know what a guilty father, mother, or boyfriend sounds like he once said. I mean, first of all, I completely, I completely trust him. I mean, Tracy Harpster, that is not a name that you adopt after killing a man during the gold rush. This is a trustworthy moniker. Harpster tells police and prosecutors around the country that they can do the same. Such linguistic detection is possible, he claims, if you know how to analyze callers' speech patterns, their tone of voice, their pauses, their word choice, even their grammar, stripped of context and misplaced word as innocuous as high or please or somebody can reveal a murderer on the phone. In 2016, Missouri prosecutor Lea Aske

wrote Harpster an effusive email bluntly detailing how she skirted legal rules to exploit his methods against unwitting defendants. Of course, this line of research is not, quote, recognized as a science in our state, Aske wrote, explaining that she had sidestepped hearings that would have been required to assess the message legitimacy. She said she disguised the 911 call analysis in court by, quote, getting creative without calling it science. You don't get a little nutty with it. Looks like the liberal arts are useful. For the past decade, Harpster has traveled the country quietly sowing his methods into the justice system case by case, city by city, charging up to $3,500 for his eight hour class, which is typically paid for with tax dollars. Oh hell yeah, they're teaching

a bunch of cops this shit. This is awesome. They should they should they should give him like a wand that he can teach these guys how to use something like a like a dousing rod or something. Oh, I can't wait for like cop lia for that to be a genre for a book about a book about like a 14 year old boy who probably has a name like Tracy Schulis or whatever this guy's name is who like he's able he's able to like use the 911 crime veracity technique without ever having taken the course. And that tells everyone that he's like the chosen cop like a Harry Potter YA genre series of books for cops. He was born with a Punisher birthmark. Yeah. I just want to like just give you an example of of Harpster and his method. It says Harpster then

43 had spent most of his career with the Moraine Ohio Police Department. Moraine population 6500 is an unlikely crucible for a newfangled homicide investigative method. And Harpster is an unlikely figure to be the one who forged it. The city averages less than one murder a year. But all those murders are solved by him listening to a 911 tape and going like I hope he's lying. So like, OK, I imagine this like you just discovered the body of, you know, your business partner, coworker, lover, just anyone on the street, you make a nine a frantic 911 call. Just just keep this in mind, listener, if you ever have to make a 911 call. So it says based on patterns he heard in the tapes, Harpster said he was able to identify

certain indicators that correlated with guilt and others with innocence. For instance, huh, in response to a dispatcher's question is an indicator of guilt in Harpster's system. So as an isolated, please, he identified 20 such indicators and then counted how often they appeared in his sample of guilty calls. For instance, the widow on a 911 call said the word blood, for example, and that's a guilty indicator. Yeah, they say the blood on a phone call. You better believe that's a guilty that's a murderer calling you. Whereas bleeding, however, is not a sign of guilt. She said somebody at different points, which shows lack of commitment, witnesses to a crime scene should be able to report their observations clearly. Harpster and Adams wrote

she was inappropriately polite because she said I'm sorry and thank you. She interrupted herself, which was valuable time and may add confusion. She tried to divert attention by saying God, who would do this? Harpster and Adams commented. This is curious and unexpected question. If you're not tactical enough, you probably killed your husband. Yep. You're not you're not doing you're not doing tactical phone conversation. You're clearly doing that on purpose because you should know how to do this. You should know how to call the you should know how to call 911 an emergency. I think that happens to the people every single day. It's certainly not a a traumatic and unlikely event that ruptures somebody's life. So yes, continuing the report notes that

this the 911 call analysis system has been used in the prosecutions of probably hundreds of people by now. So this is just that we're aware of. I just want to read a little bit more here. In class, there's a projector screen with the course title. Is the caller the killer? The bold red font looks like dripping blood. He's including pixel art, including gifts and stuff, little wingdings and stuff. Yeah, you have to make you have to make it look like a goosebump spoke to like. Oh, my God. Good books. I like we really should just like create a nation for cops because this is like like everything we read about cops. Like it's so fucking funny. There's such funny types of people like I know that like white women are like the go to people to make fun

of. But this is sort of like everyone now. Everyone is insane and like believes that they have supernatural powers to some extent. And this is like how cops do it. But then you're reminded, yeah, they're probably cumulatively going to use this to ruin hundreds of thousands of people's lives over my lifetime. The red font, which looks like dripping blood. He walks attendees through the indicators of guilt on a checklist that he and Adams invented called the cops scale for cops. That stands for considering offender probability in statements. It's a one page worksheet. They copyrighted cop scale. Don't lie. Harper's Harpster has told his students, boys do. So like, is he lecturing cops or like like a teenage girl before going to the junior prom?

Okay, he claims he claims that one in three people who call 911 to report a death are actually murderers. Oh my fucking god. What the fuck, dude? I think we found the source of the of the diamond and silk 911. She called please help please help my sister. And then that please ticked off on the cop scale. They were like, better send the SWAT team. They're like dirty ad lib. She killed her sister. In his thesis, Harpster originally said that the number was a one in five and attributed the figure to an unpublished study by a now dead detective and professor in Washington state. I found nothing to support either statistic. I just love the idea like one, one in three people who call to report a murder are in fact the murderers themselves. I mean, like if there was even

like a shred of accuracy to that, then like that would be a huge disincentive to ever call 911. I mean, there's not a lot of good reasons to do it in the first place, but like discovering a recently murdered body, I would think would be like an occasion in which you could reasonably call. No, not anymore. Just just walk away. Not your business. Even if it's a family member, hope somebody else has to deal with it. Just walking in and out like grandpa, Simpson body of your spouse on the floor. Nope, not the only. They may ask for my address and I'll pause for a half second. They're by condemning me to life in prison. Finding your dead, finding your dead life and then just like passive aggressively ordering door dash and like Amazon

groceries. What a guilty person would do. Just hoping that like, yeah, just hoping that like the app slave will do it. They'll call 911 and go to prison for you. Oh, man. But like I guess like just like to take these two stories together, it's like in one, you've got these like subliterate American geologists claiming for themselves the right to supersede the authority of the United States government. And then the other you've got some fucking nobody. Tracy Harpster inventing a completely absolute hokum to just as if prosecutors don't have enough fucking to tools in their box to fucking put people in jail for murder. I mean, yeah. And the American prosecutor is playing in no clip mode. Like it is truly insane. But yeah, this is this is a new

level. This is even worse than handwriting analysis, which I thought was my least favorite thing. But no, this is this is far worse. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. But dear, you got to respect the grind. Tracy Tracy sprung springsteen or whatever the fuck doesn't have to be a cop, a boring cop, like shooting cats out of trees anymore. He gets to go to Radisson ballrooms five times a week and bill local law enforcement agencies hundreds of thousands of dollars to tell them how to identify fibs on the 911 tape genius. Yeah. Yeah, this is just this is so much more appealing than like litigating people getting kicked out of Best Buy and like the usual jobs of a cop. It's so much better if you if you have literal psychic powers. I love the detail from

the story that that the the municipality of which he was police chief of has is like six people and there's one murder a year and that's like on a bad year and he's acting like he's fucking Colombo solving homicides every fucking week. Just one more thing. It's preventative. It's preventative. They're like, yeah, like, do you think a criminal do you think criminals will act in the municipality like police by the most psychic cop in America? The cops teaches other cops magic. Yeah, that's why the 911 calls have plummeted completely in that town. No one's calling 911 corpses found just in the street, though, that has jumped to a 30 year high. People just like they just kick them down the road and wait for the garbage man to find them. And then like, well, there is no 911 call. So

the coroner determined the call of death was falling on a knife repeatedly. So yeah, that's just a few things of what law enforcement are up to when they're not just killing people. Aren't you worried about that virus? Sure, if I'm wearing a condom. All right. So we start looking at this whole the big picture here. And I like when you guys start calling it what it is Marxist movement, communist movement. I don't care how you how you word it. I hate the Whitmer Sports anarchy and oligarchy. And it's getting so maddening. And so many of these things that are coming out, like, you know, they always say gun control, because guns kill people. Well, guns don't kill people, do they? People kill people.

Then they're going to tell us the rebel flags racist. Oh, wow. I didn't know a flag could be racist. The latest that they're coming out with now is they're trying to ban pool because you guys are hitting that white ball into all the colors. Sorry. But that's it. Would that surprise you? All right, moving on now. Okay, I began the show talking about how my concern that there was no more greatness left in this world that we were suffering from a dearth of truly mad truly great minds, like achieving their best. And it was not just Trump at Diamond's funeral this weekend. It was how so I describe this man, sort of like the Jabba the hut of sports writing, Jason Whitlock, sort of like sports sports reporter turned conservative commentator, who took it upon

himself to explain for his Twitter audience, the recent spat between Ben Shapiro's daily wire and Steven Crowder. Now, if you guys follow this story, basically, this was this was a bit of a kerfuffle in the conservative media sphere. Because apparently, the daily wire made an offer to Steven Crowder to it was a four year contract for worth $50 million that he angrily turned down and did like a live stream, like accusing them of being rhinos or something like that or claiming that he would never sell out or whatever. And then the daily wire CEO, this guy, Jeremy Boring, released his response video. It's like the world's lamest rap beef imaginable. But he released response video where he says that like, Oh, you've been working for all these other people your whole career,

you've been like, you know, heavily, you're an industry plant, just like we are. Yeah, it's so the core of this is basically that like in Steven Crowder's contract with the daily wire. And I do think this is probably unique to him, because he's probably the only one who needs this. There's a clause that he makes less money if he like gets banned on YouTube. Yeah, because he's like shittier dog whistle in Jordan Peterson or Ben Shapiro or like any of the other daily caller guys. He gets carried away. Yeah. Yeah. So that is that is sort of at the heart of it. And I don't know for, you know, what is Steven Crowder's end game? I think he probably saw how much Alex Jones was making as an independent operation and thought like all great tacticians

do. Oh, I'm just going to do what he did, but with none of the problems. I'm not going to make any of the mistakes. And also I'm going to be Napoleon without. Yeah, I'm going to invade. I'm going to be Napoleon without invading Russia. I'll just do that. And he's he's sort of giving himself authentic conservative Bonafides here. Yeah, he's like he's the real guy. He's like he's he's the one who will tell the like it really is not like those cucks at the daily wire. Yeah. I know I was like, I mean, it's just to put it in context here. I was amused by this story because of how much shit we get for being all being billionaires or whatever. And it's just like $50 million. Like, okay, listener, we've had a number of opportunities to lightly sell out, like, you know, sign a

contract with a podcast network or make, you know, slightly, but like a significant amount of more money by having ads on the free shows or whatever. Listener, I'm not making a stone here. If the daily wire offered me a fifth a four year contract worth $50 million, I would be yucking it up with Andrew Clavin promoting the Gina Carano movie tomorrow. Smoking the cigar in the boy in the in the man cave. Yeah, exactly. In the the daily wire screening room, I'll be sipping bourbon and having a cigar with the boys talking about good old fashioned movies, the kind they don't make anymore. But it would be very hard for me to not do a podcast solely about how Israel's unfairly singled out. So yeah, like, so there's like, you know, a bit of a bit of a beef here.

So Jason Whitlock stepped into the breach to explain this beef to his audience, but explain it in a very particular way. He's going to explain it as he says here, the discord animus and upheaval within the conservative media bubble highlighted by the feud between Steven Crowder and the daily wire can best be understood through a Game of Thrones lens. Yes. Now, fellas, now we're talking my language finally, we are all Gambo experts here, you know, we've read the books, seen the TV show, we know the lore here. So I would just figure we could do an audit of this Jason Whitlock in which he goes through all of the principal figures in the conservative and liberal current media landscape and assigns them a Gambo character. Starting with Steven Crowder is Littlefinger.

He believes chaos is a ladder. He knows winter slash war is coming. He correctly identified big tech as the white walkers. In his mind, he gave Jeremy Boring, quote, Ned Stark, great advice. That's not what like Ned Stark and Littlefinger is like their their initial interplay. That's not what it was over. He's already fucking up the analogy. But like, all right, I mean, I've read this thread probably three times. So we'll keep going. I mean, like, well, the thing with Littlefinger is like, you know, he's he clearly wants to paint Crowder as the sort of Machiavelli, the evil Machiavellian genius who you like, you know, kind of have to respect. But he says like, he knows that winter slash war is coming. I mean, it's not that he knows war is coming. Littlefinger

is actively starting the war himself to benefit from it. It's not like he's just like, oh, I can feel it in my bones. The war is coming. Like he is a active agent in scripting the break, you know, the breakup of the seven kingdoms. So does that mean that he doesn't like he's like he's a bad guy? You know, there's a really good one where where where jate where Whitlock himself comes out of this, although he identifies the thing about identifying the white walkers. It's like, first of all, big tech, hilarious. Second of all, Littlefinger didn't give a shit about the white walkers. There's nothing to do with him. No, never had any, he never had any time for the white walkers. He was just doing his schemes and shenanigans. I say continuing on, he says,

Jeremy D. Boring is mentioned above is Lord Eddard Stark hand to the king of the daily wire. Okay. Ben Shapiro is Robert Baratheon. Jeremy Boring is Eddard Stark. Jeremy has far more ego than Ned Stark. But in Littlefinger's mind, Jeremy is every bit as naive, thinking he can work with big tech and maintain conservative values. No one's trying to work with the white walkers. That's not a faction. Doesn't this entire thing is poppycock. But okay, if big tech is the white walkers, like why are you doing this on Twitter? It's like if every character in Game of Thrones, they were like, wait, I have to tell, I have to tell this to everyone. Let me go beyond the wall. It's like if like three quarters of the factions in Game of Thrones, their entire,

like the thing they were mad about is that you didn't let them be beyond the wall. That's the only way this analogy works. I've been shadow banned beyond the wall. So the analogy is, this is really two tweets into this thread. The analogy is already more tortured than a victim of the victims of the Boltons, the flayed men. That's how I feel reading this. But okay, but this one is very much on point. I thought a second ago, Ben Shapiro was Robert Baratheon. No, according to Jason Whitlock, Ben Shapiro is Bran Stark, eventual king of the six kingdoms. Ben has unexplained superpowers that allegedly allow him to see into the future, except when it comes to the milk of the poppy vaccine. Winterfell is Israel, a standalone

kingdom run by his sister Sansa. In parentheses, Brett Cooper. For those wondering, Brett Cooper. Brett Cooper is not the prime minister of Israel. Just some other conservative media guy. But okay, so Ben was, I can sort of buy this one because Ben was, he was given a disability at a pretty young age, he was circumcised, that gave him superpowers that would tell him that Obongler would be a bad president. I think this one is apt because, like Bran, Ben is an annoying, ugly little bitch who everyone hates. There's everyone, either reading the books or watching the TV show. Everyone, everyone was just on the edge of their seats going, can we get back to Bran's plot line, please? But the other, I mean, this honestly, I think, should be chiseled into a wall somewhere,

but just the phrase Winterfell is Israel is, I mean, like this one, I mean, greatness is back. Winterfell is Israel, a standalone kingdom. And again, for that to be true, for Israel to be a standalone kingdom, they wouldn't be getting all the money that they do from our, I don't know, Casterly Rock or something like, some bullshit like that. There wasn't a storyline in the, in the books or the series about like tours from Winterfell behaving badly in Isos. Every character wasn't like, oh, great. Here, here come the Winterfell people, like on holiday again. Some more, some more Northern tourists, they burned down another one of our heart trees. Oh well. Also, Winterfell is not a kingdom of all, at all. It's a fucking

castle, dumbass. The North is the kingdom. Well, I mean, as the thread goes on, it's not even clear whether Jason Whitlock even likes Game of Thrones, because I mean, he has some editorial input here. But going on, Donald Trump is King Robert Baratheon. Once a great warrior, King Trump has gotten sloppy and more vulnerable than ever to his many enemies and rivals. That one, I think that one is, that one's legit. I can see the Trump, Robert Baratheon in comparison. That's probably the best analogy in the entire thread. Yeah. Yeah, I'll buy that one. Okay. Now, now we get into people who are like, I don't know, like, I guess Candice Owens is part of the Daily Wire issue. I don't know. Yeah. It says here, Candice Owens is Cersei Lannister,

stunning, conniving, and power hungry. Sensing the fall of her political husband, Trump, in parentheses, she's devised a plan to empower herself. I like that he says that she's stunning, just like Cersei. She's a stunning sexy lady. Matt Walsh is Jamie Lannister, a noble bad guy. Walsh and Owens playfully feud over social media to conceal their mutual admiration. So I guess they're fucking. They're fucking M siblings. Nicknamed the drag queen slayer. Walsh's true affinity is for protecting the little people in parentheses, Tyrion. Okay. Who's Tyrion? Oh, you're going to vomit when you get to the Tyrion part. So he's protecting the little people. Elon Musk is Tywin Lannister. Musk believes

Goldwyn, Goldwyn's wars, not soldiers, the great patriarch of social media. Musk always pays his debts. That's not true. Definitely not true. No, that's not true. They haven't paid their fucking rent in their fucking offices like three months. Seth Dillon is Tyrion Lannister. What the fuck are these girls? Seth Dillon? I don't even know who this guy is. Yeah. He's the Babylon B guy. This is the part that, well, I consider dialing 911 to commit suicide by cop. Oh, okay. So he's Tyrion because he's so hilarious. Yeah. He drinks and he knows things. He's very quick-witted. Oh, yeah. This part is. Seth Dillon is Tyrion Lannister, the imp. The leader of the Babylon B camouflages his intelligence with his quick wit.

Even Dylan's haters love him. Definitely true. I was quick with camouflage intelligence. That doesn't even make sense. A quick wit does not camouflage intelligence. It broadcasts it. Yeah. Yes, literally. So I think this is like the turning point in the thread. Like, I feel like these people are not even potentially related. Right. Well, I think like this is the turning point in the thread because I think this is like, he was very into it. And this was sort of like the apogee of how much of how into it he was. And then he realizes how he sounds and that it's already been up for like 30 minutes and he get like, people will just repost it. So he's like,

oh, I have to like make like self-aware jokes about like, I have to sort of like laugh along with the crowd about how much this sucks now. Well, he did the important thing, which was explicate the beef between Steven Crowder and Jeremy Boring. And before he really gets it goes off the rails. He just had to get in there. The key thing is Candace Owens is stunning. Right. Okay. So here's how I'll explain the contract dispute. Matt Walsh and Candace Owens are our brother and sister who are fucking. That's the core of the contract dispute here. Okay. Next up on our casting call here, Jordan Peterson. That's right. Jordan Peterson. He is Varys, a wide sage with an array of sources and information who places protection of the realm

above all else. Jordan Peterson does not have a wide array of sources. He has his own fucking brain and his book Maps of Meaning. He's just riffing at all times. Reference anyone else's work. He's written zero books. It's amazing. I mean, I guess they're both like castrated one metaphorically, one literally. I would like to see him bald, though. I'd like to see if you could pull that off. Next up we have Alex Jones is Stannis Baratheon, the rightful heir to the conservative throne. Facing character assassination inside a courtroom, Jones told the judge, go on, do your duty. Yeah. I mean, Stannis and Alex Jones, both stoic, really into the letter of the law. Alex Jones, not really like a performer type.

I mean, he was under siege in that courtroom until lowly Davos Seaworth, the new tropic knight, sailed into the castle with a bunch of brain force ultra mega gorilla mind, and they fortified them for the rest of the siege of Storms End. Next up we have, this one is really good. Joe Biden is King Joffrey. At 3 a.m., Joffrey's mother destroyed King Robert Baratheon's ballot naming Ned Stark, protector of the realm, making Biden president. Weird and sadistic. The legitimacy of Biden's rule is questioned. So wait, is Candice Owens, is Joe Biden's mom? It stole the election for him. And Joe Biden, I guess, is committing crossbow rape.

Yeah, I didn't know he had it in him. Yeah, Candice Owens is his mom. And no, Joe Biden is his dad. Or no, I'm sorry. That because it's it's not actually his kid. It's Jamie Lannister's kid. So that's Matt Walsh. So Joe Biden is the child of that. That is Sarah there. That is Sarah. Sarah Cotter Chronicles timeline fuckery. That is just so confusing. That is I cannot keep the straight in my mind. And I also love the I love the impression of Joe Biden as a weird and sadistic. And it's like, look, it's really the policies of Joe Biden and the Democrats, I think, could fairly be described as weird and sadistic. But Joe Brandon himself, I mean, he does not give off Joffrey vibes to me,

you know, like he master Picell. I mean, that that's the comparison that's just sitting right. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's like a perfect, you know, just sort of like a grumbling courtier who's just been in the system for so fucking long. And then he's just like the last one there to take a seat when the music stops. That's master Picell all the way. He's not a good guy, but weird and sadistic does not strike me as the Joe Brandon, you know, style. Joffrey is like, I mean, a willful character and Joe Brandon is probably the most led around man in the world. Yeah. Next up is a guy I've never fucking heard of. He just listened to him as at Alec Stein 99. If you guys are familiar with this guy, Alec Stein. No, no, yeah. It could serve him for me. I'm looking at his bio here. It says,

cat maximalist and a host of conspiracy castles on Blaze TV. Well, whoever the fuck you are, Alec Stein, you are now Bron, a mercenary for hire who kills while making you laugh, always down for trial by combat. Okay. I mean, I'm just looking at a photo of this guy here. Oh God, he's laughing in the he's laughing in his photo, but he looks like he has a real pinched dough face. And he does not look. Yeah. He's a down to kids always down for trial by combat. He is. He's a murderer. Next up. And this is where Jason, I like just the little interjections of horniness in this. He says here, Kamala Harris is Ross. Ross slept her way from Winterfell to King's Landing all the way to King Joffrey's bedroom

where she was murdered by a bow and arrow. Okay. Yeah. That's that's the thing that like Joe Biden is going to kill Kamala Harris. He's going to make he's going to make her beat Pete Buttigieg to death of the bat in front of him. Next up, we have Britney Griner is Brienne of Tarth, the most heroic, virtuous, selfless and courageous, non-binary person in all of Westeros. Griner ascended to Lord Commander of the Kingsguard after smuggling hash into the Iron Islands at the behest of Joe Biden. This is just truly like he's the thing where you get too mad fully losing his mind. Yeah. Get too mad. You remember the things that piss you off like freaking Britney Grinner getting out of jail and leaving our precious troop in there. And then you got to

get all fucking, you got to throw the whole thing out just to just start bitching about it. Although it is nice to know that Russia is the Iron Islands. It's like, uh, I didn't know you guys were so big on the Ukraine war because if Russia is the Iron Islands, you're basically arguing that should be wiped off the map because that was what they always should have done to the fucking Iron Islands. Just awful. Well, just sink that shit. I will take, I will take issue with one aspect of the lore here. I would say the Iron Islands, if there was such a thing as like, you know, contraband or hash oil, if you were trying to sneak, let's say, milk of the poppy into one of the kingdoms, the Iron Islands, I think, would probably have

the most liberal drug importation policy. I don't think that's their pirates drown you for it. Yeah. Next up, Tomi Lahren is Lady Marjorie Tyrell, obsessed with fame, fortune and power. Lady Marjorie married her brother's boyfriend. By the way, is she anywhere? I feel like she just fell off of the fucking map. Well, I mean, he says here, Lady Marjorie married her brother's boyfriend, Renly King Joffrey and King Joffrey's brother, Tommen. She eventually pretended to join the high sparrow religious cult. I don't know what the, the Tomi Lahren equivalent of this. I don't know what he's, he's just describing the character of Marjorie Tyrell. There's, there's no no. Yeah, no, that's the opposite of what happens kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Cersei, like, well, she just

joined the cult, but she tries to use them for, it just, it's all over the place. Next up, we have Clay Travis. Clay Travis is Theon Greyjoy, abandoned by his political father, Al Gore. Clay became a ward of the Starks, eventually betraying them, captured, tortured, unicked and renamed reek by Ramsey Snow. Clay struggles to find an authentic identity. Is you nick the word? Can you unick someone or? I don't know. It's pretty. You got unicked, which is good to know. Clay Travis has literally no. Sorry. Remind me. Who is Clay Travis again? He's another sports guy. He's another guy who was like a sports dude who then became super political and a right wing, like wrote about sports. How is he? How is he unicked? I have no

idea. He's getting so deep into the fucking, the, the internet scene struggles. This is all like shit that he's like seen in fucking slacks and stuff. And now he's tweeting it out to a public audience of absolutely baffled onlookers. Next up, we have Greta Thunberg is Arya Stark, an impossible to believe media creation. The tiny fantasy heroine slays the Night King, thwarts global colding and stands as a symbol of girl power. See, like this is where it got confusing to me because Arya is like one of the great heroes of a song of ice and fire. Like she's a, a fan favorite, certainly one of the most heroic characters in the books. But he's saying that like she's bad because her character represents girl power and the unbelievable contention that

a woman could best a man and bladed combat. Also though, she fought the white walkers who in his telling is big tech. So she should be a good then on his side. Yep. Again, just thinking of people that you're mad at and then just throwing them in there and thinking of the characters that you're getting mad at and the entire world building collapses. Yeah. I mean, any of these analogies, like they have the structural integrity of a regular lawn chair under Jason Whitlock. Only, only a few more to go here. Thank you. Next we have Tucker Carlson. Tucker Carlson is John Snow. He has King's Blood, but chooses to be champion of the Night's Watch, rising to Lord Commander. Back to Dick Riding. Yes, right back to just God. Just Sir Dick Riding. Rising

to Lord Commander of the men maintaining the wall at the border. He's like, yeah, I just want to let you know, Tucker Carlson, you're a personal hero of mine. Then finally, finally, Jesus Christ. Governor Ron DeSantis and Carrie Lake are Viserious and Daenerys Targaryen. Conservatives are anxiously waiting for the Targaryens to take back the Iron White House throne. Ron DeSantis also married to his sister. Whatever. I don't care. Okay. And who's Carrie Lake going to get pimped out to to get like an army of horse lords to take the white Iron Throne? Yeah, who's he didn't? He's not named Cal Drogo. I've noticed that. Yeah, him. He's thinking that's me, baby. He's my son in stars. He's referred to as my son in stars because

he has the same gravitational pull. And then finally, he says, guess that makes me George R. Martin. I'm still all still working out on how this will all end. George R. Word, Martin. Please. Please. More of this. Yeah. George R. Word, Martin. More of this. That's really it. I mean, I guess like if I saw you both inside profile. Only the only the Greek fisherman's cap would tell us for the ability to tell the difference. But Matt, as good as this red one, there was some there were some great replies to it from Whitlock's fans, none of whom have seen Game of Thrones or has any fucking clue what he's talking about, even less than I do. And they're like, Jason, got to say, I love all of this. Don't know what you're talking about, but I'm

going to look into it right now. They're going to be like Felix where it's like, I'm not even going to watch the show. I'm just going to read the lore just so that I can understand what he was saying. I hope they have as good of a time as I did. And like, you know, Jason Whitlock, he's clearly he's going to be a TV watcher, not a big reader. So like Felix, when you were doing your own version of this for fucking, for fucking Jacob Wall and fucking Berkman at CPAC, you were pulling you were pulling the deep cuts like young griff. Yeah, they're young John Connington. John Connington. No, Jason Whitlock does not know about John Connington or any of the stuff. He has no idea. No. Yeah. He doesn't even know the TV stuff that well. He sucks.

Very bad. Very poor performance. Yeah. He's never done the dance of clicking out of all three of the pop up ads that you get when you go on Wikipedia. Jason Whitlock, man, like he's great. I don't know like whether he backed into being a conservative pundit or just ended up there because of all of his like many bitter life disappointments and petty spite that he bears inside of him. But this guy was talking shit about Damar Hamlin the other day. Like this is guy who's just desperate for any kind of attention. He was just like, Oh, I bet he's going to make a lot of money on his Oprah interview. He's not playing football anymore. And it's like Jesus Christ, dude. Oh, my God. Jason Whitlock, ladies and gentlemen, the Game of Thrones Game of Thrones. I think

that's the first time we've talked about him on the show. Yeah. I know we mentioned him like in the distant, distant past, probably, but he's quite he's quite a specimen. Yeah, indeed. I'd say he's more of the allureo of the Free City of Lease. What is it the city's from? It's from Pentos. I'm blowing it. Pentos. Yes. He's more like Meister Allureo. Magister Allureo. Jesus Christ. Blowing it. I'll just I'll end it there before I disgrace myself any further. Yeah, seriously. Gentlemen, till next time. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.