Chapo Trap House - 706 - Arrival (2/13/23)

Episode Date: February 14, 2023

We discuss the increasingly bizarre obsession around “objects” being shot down in the sky, as well as the insane circumstance around the toxic event in Ohio (and we will have more on that later this week). Then, our annual review of the Super Bowl broadcast & advertising spectacle. Finally, we answer your Valentine’s day call-in questions! And, a note from Felix: Hey, this is Felix and I just wanted to get more eyes on my sister Lucy's incredible writing. she most recently put out this essay on the ephemeral and sad nature of devices in our lives that elucidates concepts that I have been struggling to articulate on the show. Please subscribe! thank you https://open.substack.com/pub/lucydiamondb/p/41-one-november-night-15-years-ago?r=3k2uk&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

It's Monday, February 13th, Choppo coming at you. Just gonna dive right into it. Coming off, it's been a very busy weekend. The Archons in charge of our reality, beginning to lose the plot, I mean, they're recycling old algorithms, they're recycling old plot lines, they've lost track of what's supposed to be fantasy and reality, so I guess I'll just start here. What the fuck is going on with these UFOs, because like coming off the week when everyone was coming off Chinese balloon week, if that wasn't enough, just in three separate incidents

over the weekend, there's just different shapes over Canada and Alaska. They go, oh, it's a cylinder, it's an octagon, we're smoking them out of the sky, top gun Pete Maverick Mitchell style. But seriously though, they keep just referring to these objects, there's just shapes up there that they're presently noticing now, but they're shooting them down. They're shooting them down. What they are, never mind, which is honestly, it makes me think that after the others have said this, but I think it makes the most sense, after the embarrassment of the, and the hoopla

of the Chinese by balloon thing, whatever, they started paying more attention to stuff that, you know, top level military preparedness or whatever it doesn't normally notice. And all of a sudden, this stuff that's like, you know, local weather balloons put up by like, you know, some university meteorology department or something that would never otherwise have gone on their literal radar are now being picked up and shot down. And so this is an embarrassing, it's like when two shop cops shoot each other during a, when they pull somebody over because like they heard a car backfire, that's what they're doing on a stratospheric scale, and they're just like, yeah, we shot it down, never mind

what it is. Because they don't want to be talking about how embarrassing that is. No, they're, it's Ospreys and F 35 is completing successful flights and they can't believe it. They're like, wait, someone flew an Osprey from Manitoba to Saskatchewan and they didn't kill all 20 Navy SEALs on board. The propellers didn't just drop off. What the fuck? Remember when they flew a bungler in one of those over New Year's Wild?

That was like, they were trying to assassinate him. Yeah. That was like the closest anyone ever got to killing a bungler. I don't know. It's just like, it's like the, the objects, the object shooting gallery that's going on in, in our skies right now, like that in conjunction with the fact that I learned this weekend that Noah Baumbach's adaptation of Don DeLillo's white noise, including the airborne toxic event trail derainment scene, was filmed in East Palestine, Ohio and featured residents

of that town being extras in the airborne toxic event soon to be repeated in reality, which reads like a plot to another Don DeLillo novel that hasn't been written yet. I just, like I said, I think the Archons in charge of this reality have basically run out of creativity and they're recycling old plot lines. I don't know what's going on here, but in terms of the, in terms of the objects. Like starting to erupt, but like consider this too, Don DeLillo is also in one of the longest running comedy series of all time. It's always Sony and Philadelphia who just lost the Super Bowl.

Philadelphia Eagles. There you go. I mean, I don't know. It's just like these things, they just keep happening and they keep rhyming with things. I will say about the objects. Okay, like obviously always good to border, you know, like a lean towards skepticism on these things. But in the media accounts of these UFO style incidents, they just keep referring to them

as unidentified objects, they don't say flying. And in the accounts of it, they're, I think they're being very cagey with like, you remember when we covered like when the Navy dropped that like, oh, like UFOs are real and like there's these like just glowing orbs like shift in and out of, you know, reality or they like they change direction in a way they have no known means of propulsion. The octagon and the cylinder that they shot out, they just said that they were unidentified objects and they seem to imply that they were not like, you know, phase shifting out of reality or like I said, like changing directions with incredible velocity unknown to any source

of propulsion. So there, but there's, but there's still are just shapes in the atmosphere somewhere. So don't, you know, don't know what's going on with that, but I just think it's interesting that like we seem to be Chinese spy balloon week, you know, sort of kindling the flames of a new Cold War UFOs, very much a huge part of Cold War culture. Like I said, it seems like a lot of plot lines are being recycled here. But I don't know. I mean, like Matt, you and I were talking about this.

It doesn't seem convincing to me that like the UFOs are a sigh up to distract us from other things because they're not covering those other things either or the UFOs. So I don't know what's going on with this. I really don't. I've lost the plot. It would suck so much if like aliens mastered intergalactic travel and like manipulation of time and space, but they just lost to like 24 year old Air Force preserve pilots. See, that's why I don't think it could be aliens.

I don't think they're getting shot down by aircraft that can't travel when it's raining. Yeah. Something that can like phase shift to reality or travel faster the speed of light is not getting murk by by by a fucking thing that was assembled from 500 different factories and falls apart at the first moisture beating on its surface. And here's another thing like, okay, remember when they when they shut down the Chinese balloon, there was like we had we had video and photographs of it like deflated on the ground somewhere in South Carolina.

So where are these objects? I know they shoot them. They shot them down over like Lake Huron or like off the coast of Alaska or something. But I would like some follow up on efforts to recover the atmosphere shapes that we're shooting now. Yeah. That's why I think it's just like regular weather balloons because it's just embarrassed. So the idea is like, okay, so political hay was made over Biden taking too long to

shoot down the balloon. So now they're like, okay, we got it's like it's like in an office, basically, they're like, oh, the the supervisors, you know, he's walking around the cubicles better look busy. So they're just, you know, it's like a fucking just free fire zone on all the shapes that are up there. And they could just be like some random universities, weather balloon could be some sort of wild cat drone scenario, or, you know, I'm not ruling it out entirely could just be we're

just smoking aliens up there, we're just killing them. They keep coming. They keep showing up and we just murk them on site. That would be so depressing. I don't know if we're lucky enough. That would suck. I don't know if we're lucky enough to have a first contact situation that we immediately bungled by shooting it with an F 22.

So I imagine Joe Biden was the president during Halo. I talked to that talk to this broad and she's Cortana Jack. She lives in my eyes now. She lives in my eyeball. It's ironic. They call him the prophet of truth because he hasn't given me straight up one second of one day. No, but seriously, what like why what what what is happening here?

What is going on here? Like I and also like lost lost in the shuffle of the UFO drama is the fact that it was Justin Trudeau who ordered one of these fucking shapeshot down with the US Air Force plane. What's going on with that? How could this doesn't Canada have their own Air Force? How come our brave pilots are taking orders from Justine Trudeau? That's what I want to know. That's what NATO is, NATO is when NATO is when a man named Justin causes intergalactic

war. That's really what it means. Yeah, but I don't know, like is this a sigh up or is this just like it just seems like if you're coming up with something to distract people with you should do something that has like a better answer because this just seems to be this is have a better story to go along with it and like what what is this to distract us from because like it's not the trill it's not the the detrain derailment because no one's paying attention to that anyway. I mean, I don't think I don't think it's necessarily a sigh up.

I think like you remember how like with the initial Chinese weather balloon story, they're like, oh yeah, and this also happened like eight times under Trump or whatever. I think this just like hap like it this happens probably more than we think and like I don't know fucking the slow news week, whether you're doing a podcast or the regular news, you're like, damn, this news is boring as shit. Well, I gotta say, you're like, oh, oh, the aliens are the predators here. Well, I gotta say the space shapes are more are more interesting to me than the debt ceiling negotiations.

But I was like to know like, how are these shapes staying in the air? I mean, it's a balloon. Okay, it's the only thing that makes sense is it's some sort of they're just balloons. We're now we're it's onsite for all balloons now. Thank you, China. We can't have nice balloons anymore. We're gonna fucking send like a 10 Warthogs to strafe the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. What if like what if the what if the balloons were like like in China China is sort of like,

I don't know. We're here at the Democratic Party where like they have a young guard of like upcoming like market socialist quasi neoliberals. And like what if that it's that faction that rogue faction of like Chinese feet Buddha judges who are like, we should send friendship balloons to America to show them that like we're the Hu Jintao era is coming back soon. Once we once we get rid of Xi Jinping and people just interpreted it as like a brutal act of war, Goku is Goku and Pikachu have been spotted over over Alaska and compromised

to a permanent end. Yeah. Well, it was a you know, this is the weekend of spectacle, there's a spectacle of various balloon catastrophes or averted balloon catastrophes or first contact with intelligent life elsewhere in the galaxy. But it was also the weekend of the Super Bowl, you're not allowed to call it that. It's the big game. You'll be sued into oblivion for saying the Super Bowl on a broadcast medium.

They will send a wet team to your house. It was the Super Bowl and, you know, I got to say, I remember on Monday's episode when I talked with Boman Jones and, you know, he picked correctly, he picked Mahomes and the Chiefs. So good on him for that. But I remember the one thing we talked about was like the we talked about the DeMar Hamlin near death experience in the NFL and the way in which it was like very quickly metabolized into a feel good story.

Man, the NFL has nothing on the American military and what they did with Pat Tillman for the Super Bowl or what they always do with Pat Tillman because, man, you want to talk about retconning a disaster into a positive story and a recruitment ad. Good God. Did you see that? The Pat Tillman shit that they did during the Super Bowl. And then like today, I saw this guy who like hosts some like military podcast, like, you know, Murphy's Law with Jack Murphy.

And then he's like, guys, like enough of the conspiracy theories. My friend was the guy who shot Pat Tillman and he said it was a tragic accident. That was one of the funniest things I've seen, like just on on so many levels and the people defending him were like, do you really think that if a terrible crime was committed, that if if you admitted to it, it would ostracize you from your friends, it would ruin your professional life, probably tear apart your family, ruin your financial life. Do you really think that no one would talk after 30 years like we didn't find out about like Bob Carey's entire skeleton, like just fucking not even skeletons in the closet.

I would say an entire house worth of skeletons, like 30 years later, skeletons in the closet finally felt bad about it. Like, skeletons in the closet are ears on a necklace. Yeah. It should like a hysteria, truly hysterical argument, but I did like nothing will be funnier to me ever than like, I actually know the guy who killed Pat Tillman and like he's nice. So I know, I know the conspiracy shit.

Look, I know, I know the allure of conspiracy theories and a lot of people talking about like, did I burn his journals? Yes, I did. But that was only because they were covered in Hello Kitty stickers and he dots his eyes with little hearts and I wanted to spare the family that kind of disgrace. I wanted, I want, I didn't want his family to find out that he was corresponding with social fascist collaborator, Noh Chomkin. But yeah, like, okay, also, also of note, and this year is a military spectacle, the

flyover of the stadium in Arizona was done for the first time by an all female fighter pilot squad. So, you know, there we go, ladies, they're doing big things. The gynaocracy is rising, male authority and power are being systematically degraded. Men are no longer allowed to watch or participate in the big game, lest they be shot down like a orbital octagon by our crack team of all lady fighter pilots. Oh, man, if you could be, if you could be a fucking Rosimoji tweeter in 2017 and know that information, 500 faves easy, the all female fighter pilot thing.

Talk about the halftime show, we got Rihanna coming into the halftime show and what I appreciated about this halftime show is that it was a very, it was, it was a subtle and tasteful application of Illuminati satanic energy harvesting, you know, it was, it was, it was tasteful, it was subtle. Yes, my, my organ energy was harvested for Illuminati satanic purposes. But you know what? I thought Rihanna looked great. I love the floating iPhones.

And I also love Trump being a catty bitch about the whole thing. It honestly felt to me like a salute to the Airborne Toxic event, all of her backup dancers look like they were like hazmat beefy in our costumes. It's like, folks, let's give it up for protecting yourself from hazardous chemicals flying through the air. It's the new world now. This is your life. Get used to it.

Make it fashionable. Super Bowl halftime show brought to you by vinyl chloride. It's the chloride that turns into the hydraulic acid when it meets the atmosphere. It's the fog that turns you inside out. It's fine. It's okay. Go back to your homes. Okay.

So like Trump did two separate posts about Rihanna, one before the halftime show where he said she'd be nothing without her stylist and then what incredible he's awesome. And then another one after where he said it was comprehensively the worst Super Bowl halftime show of all time. You know, say what you want about Rihanna. She should go back to makeup. She's no Beyonce. I mean, it's what seven years since she had a concert again, this is a little low energy.

I think Trump's onto something here. She was pregnant. She's pregnant. Okay. That's no excuse for being fat. I don't really think that more Satanism then all she had was like the red jumpsuit. Okay. You're getting out Satan by Sam Smith in Paris.

She ate. She slayed. She gagged. That is that on that says, but okay, let me ask you this. Did Trump write this wrong? His truth social, because I know he wrote the one where he said she'd be nothing without her stylist, but let me this, this one struck me as like maybe a Trump staffer. So he writes epic fail Rihanna gave without question the single worst halftime show in

Super Bowl history, this after insulting far more than half our nation, which is already as already in serious decline with her foul and insulting language. Also so much for her stylist that doesn't have the Trump cadence. Epic fail. Epic fail. Yeah. Arms for me. Yeah.

He's online all the time, but once you get to a certain age, like those sort of, that sort of language and vocabulary, it just doesn't stick. It just goes right through you like gamma radiation. I can't imagine him ever having absorbed epic fail as a term. Yeah. That, that, that was, that's like a 49 year old RNC staffer who like, you know, makes posts that are like, um, Eric Schmidt is him Eric Schmidt is my toxic credit as Eric Schmidt is that guy.

Uh, uh, someone pointed this out, but like, okay, so like, so Trump, Trump debuted his new run to Santas put down where he's calling him meatball run, which is, it's pretty good, but I'm neat. I'm going to hear him say it a few more times in public, but someone pointed this out that like Trump, he needs to like, it's like, like Rocky for when Rocky like trains in the Russian wilderness and he's like carrying logs up a mountain and stuff like that. Trump needs to like, he needs to get back into training and insulting celebrities because he, that's how he sharpens his put downs of politicians is he's got to be doing caddy

put downs to Rihanna for being like, you know, uh, for being bad or, you know, he's got to be doing like put downs of divas. He's got to be like teeing off on celebrities is how he is how he's getting his fastball back as we approach the 2024 election. It's like boxing. You know how in boxing, like a guy will compile like a 37 and no record fighting just like tomato cans. Yeah.

Just like, yeah, the toughest guy from like a restaurant chain in Cleveland, Ohio. Like if you look at like any great boxers record, their first 20 fights are against guys who have won one fight in a 35 fight long career, Jeff, that's just because it's like that's how they develop talent and like build up a record and like protect it, protect like a prospect boxer because it's so rare. I get Trump has to kind of do that. I guess he should like go against like Sean Mendez or something like that. They should lower bet middler into his enclosure.

Yeah, Trump has become very agitated when we introduced the when we introduced the social security age song and dance lady into his habit trail. He's slamming his head into the enclosure walls. He's become very excitable. I thought meatball run was good, though. It's pretty good. It's better than Ron DeSaintimonius. That's pretty clear.

Yeah. Ron DeSaintimonius was fucking shit. That was like the swamp rubbing off on him. That's something that like, you know, a bush to hold over said to him meatball run. I mean, you look at Ron DeSantis and he's not like particularly fat, but you're just like, oh, he's a meatball. His head is like his head is very. Yeah.

Yeah. Shoulders. It's really good too, because a lot of like the the pro DeSantis people have been like, um, actually every woman I know, they've been jacking off to Ron DeSantis. Yes. Yes. Yes. Felix.

I mean, like that's all I know that this that they are the only two contenders because like as I mean, I mean, it shouldn't be a shock is, you know, like of what I don't know, what turns on conservative women, because like there are so many women who think Donald Trump is like the most handsome man on the planet. But DeSantis has his fan girls too. And I feel like I think I think you saw the same one I saw where this lady was just like, who are they talking about? Ron DeSantis is handsome is all get out.

You know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, um, that's another thing. Like I really stand by this, this idea that like, even if it's not Trump, it's not going to be DeSantis because he has so many political Madden curses all over him.

But like, that's one of them. I mean, like, you like this, that was like the selling point for fucking Beto in 2019. I don't know if people read on it, read our boy, uh, Eddinger Metton, Metton's amazing subject is the art of losing on Beto or Rourke, which was great read, can't recommend it enough. But um, he had some really funny throwbacks in there because, um, I had forgotten how funny the Beto presidential hype in 2018 and 2016 was. And there is so much stuff in there about how cons, how much people harped on Beto's handsomeness in compared to other politicians.

The cap cramper himself, the cap cramper, it doesn't help you. He was presidential politics. He was making so many pussies squirt. He had to fucking campaign with a boogie board. I mean, like when was our last handsome president? Some people thought O'Bungalow was handsome, but I don't know. O'Bungalow is conventionally, he's conventionally handsome. He's like over six feet tall.

He's like, well, that's, he's tall. That does a lot of work, bone law, bone law, never lies, never fails before, before him, like Kennedy, maybe people thought Clinton was it's people thought Clinton was good looking. But I mean, I don't see that, but yeah, yeah, Kennedy probably fields in his first. Um, yeah, it was probably, you know, Kennedy, and that's why that's why he had to go. Yeah, we cannot have that Chad Chadwick Lee be the president had to replace him with one of the ugliest men in history, Lyndon Johnson. Yeah, but with the biggest dick, you may say, but he's fucking swinging pipe down there.

Now, another thing that crotch down where you're not saying is always a little too tight. So when you make them up, give me an edge from where the zipper ends, uh, round under my back to my bunghole, back to the Super Bowl, though, um, uh, it was a good game. But you know, hey, you don't want to hear about that shit. You want to hear about the ads, I don't know about you, but that's why I watched the game. And look, if we like it is interesting because like if we are to, uh, you know, understand the Super Bowl ads of a year as sort of a cultural barometer, I thought this year was a fairly interesting one, not just for the conspicuous lack of crypto, crypto and Bitcoin

based ads entirely. And in fact, I was sort of, um, chuffed to find out that all of the ads were for products that like I understand they were all nice and normal. Here's a beer you can drink, here's a new kind of chip, uh, here's an insurance for your car or a drug for motion sickness. But it was like, there were no ads where I watch it and I'm just like, what the fuck am I supposed to buy here? What do you want from me?

There was that one ad in the very beginning, it was like the first or second commercial break that was just a QR code for one of those games that get advertised to you on like Instagram and Twitter where you're like, find the gold in this pit, but like you have to like, not get crushed by rocks. Try that to come in 10 seconds. Yeah. That was the only one I was like slightly confused about, but I would say like, if we're reading this Super Bowl and this crop of ads as a cultural barometer, I think that the very clear

message from like this crop of ads is that wokeness is over, advertisers are done doing ads with messages, they're done doing ads that are supposed to be socially relevant or woke of any kind and we're returning now, they're taking advantage of the often overlooked, but this country's most precious natural resources. I'm talking about celebs. They brought this, there was just, we're going to show all of our best celebs, they're going to be in ads, they're going to be cutting it up, they're going to be doing goofs and spoofs, but this wokeness shit, we're done with it, we're going back to having fun watching

the game. Exactly the US military, they haven't gotten the message yet though, they had the color guard had like in a rainbow shape at the beginning of it and then they had the all-female flyover. So as usual, you know, the big lumbering US military is the last to know about the cultural shift. I'm going to be honest, I did not watch a second of it. I was just passively rooting against the Philadelphia Eagles and you know what, I love Patrick Mahomes, especially love Jackson Mahomes, I love their wife or sister, I'm not really

sure what's going on there, what nature of relationship that is, I think Jackson skits and dances are fucking awesome, I think God smiles on them. They saved us from a lot of annoying posts, those wonderful brothers. Felix loves Travis Kelsey, but hates his goofass ass brother, fuck him. Yeah, who's Travis, oh were they on opposing teams? Yes, there was brothers, there were brothers on opposing teams in the Super Bowl. Travis Kelsey and Gomer Kelsey, I don't know the other guys, but he's on the Eagles. That would be an amazing storyline of football, it wasn't the fucking most boring game ever.

Well, Felix, you didn't watch the game, so I'd like to share with you a couple of the big ads from the game, I'll describe them to you here, I'm just like a highlight of the best and worst Super Bowl ads, according to the New York Times, the best ad in their opinion was brighter Boston, this is a commercial for Sam Adams beer that is advertising that their beer has a lighter color now. So they've taken their classic advertising character, sort of like the Sam Adams equivalent of Spudz McKenzie, which is Boston shithead. And they've shown that now Sam Adams lager and now has a lighter, crisper golden color,

and what if the city of Boston were also nicer? Oh, they're saying like, what if we made the city of Boston lighter, so to speak. Buddy, we've been trying. What if we Germanized, what if we finally Germanized Boston? Well, this one was like, you know, you got to see like, you know, Red Sox fans like embracing Yankees fans, you got to see Kevin Garnett being nice to people, you got to see a young Vietnamese man walking around with both eyes still intact. But so like that, that was a good one.

There's another Boston riots. There's another Boston based commercial was the first one after kickoff that I thought was it was the Ben Ben Affleck Duncan commercial, where Ben Affleck was just in it, doing a working the drive in working the drive through at a Boston area, Duncan Donuts. And you know, he's chopping it up with the customers are like, Oh, well, that's Ben Affleck. And then JLo rolls in at the end, he's like, So this is where you tell me you go when you say you're working.

And he's like, Oh, sorry, got to go, honey. So that was nice. Some good, good celebs got some good celeb action there. I thought that was funny. Wait a minute, wait a minute, you're telling me that the adorable, adorable viral, viral moment from a month ago, where a Ben Affleck was at the drive in at the Duncan Donuts is for a commercial. He wasn't just doing that for the love of the D, the double D.

Yeah. Do I believe in anymore? Fuck this. I guess the other, the other very hyped ad was the, the breaking bad pop, pop chip, pop corners ad, which is like, instead of making meth, they're making an addictive snacking treat, which is like sort of popcorn chips. But you know, the highlight of this ad for me was the surprise guest appearance of Tuko Salamanca, who instead of crushing meth with his Bowie knife is crunching up some nice

cheddar popcorners and he's going tight, tight, tight. But I did like to see one of the most frightening TV characters of all time return in a pleasant commercial, not in treating you to become addicted to crystal meth, but instead to become addicted to delicious popcorn chips. All right. Well, I think that's something we can all agree with that like the way breaking bad should have ended is they all should have been friends. Wasn't there a Sopranos reunion of the kids last year?

Like it was an electric car ad with Meadow and AJ, they're like nodding at each other at the, at the, at the pump or the electricity pump, whatever the fuck it is, the cord. So that means we're going to have what other prestige golden age shows are going to become commercials. We're going to have to have Mad Men. Mad Men, obviously. I mean, Don Ham basically just does ads now, so he's going to be able to do one just as Don Draper.

I've got to have, I'd like to see a Deadwood ad. That'd be fun. Well, it's a Deadwood ad for a new app that's called Cock Sucker. And it's like, it's an alternative to Grindr, but only for sucking cock. Only people interested in lips, not hips. Let's see, there was, oh, Bradley Cooper's mom, Bradley Cooper and his mom were doing some, some, some delightful bants with each other and a T-Mobile ad. Were there, were there any, were there any bad ones with any real sneakers that I'm trying

to remember here? It's all over. The glory days of Super Bowl ads are over. The only thing that stands out to me is that they have huge ads for gambling. And I still have not gotten used to that because that until a relatively short time ago would have been genuinely unthinkable. And now they have a team in Las Vegas and a official NFL bookie. It's pretty wild.

Oh, I suppose like, in terms of like mildly controversial ads, there was, there are two, two ads for Jesus on this Super Bowl. And now I've, I've seen these ads for a while now watching the NFL and they're these very like slickly produced ads. They're like always done in black and white. And they have this like, I don't know, this, this gloss of like a seemingly progressive message because they're like, oh, you know, like Jesus's parents are refugees, you know, he loves everyone and they're, and like, you know, he's sort of like us and they show like,

you know, sort of like kids on dirt bikes in the streets doing graffiti and they're like, oh, like he's sending out a message of love, not hate. And like, they, you know, they're, they tend to highlight not white people. And like I said, it has this, this superficial gloss of progressive values trying to be like, hey, Jesus, he's pretty cool. He's just like one of us. He's a regular guy that loves people and wants you to just sort of be cool. But then it comes to find out that the people funding these ads are hobby lobby, essentially

they're, they're part of a huge lobbying effort to criminalize not just abortion, but all kinds of contraceptive health care in this country. So yeah, so the Jesus ad, did you catch that, Matt? I mean, I'll, I remember the first of the ads, these ads came out a while ago, a couple months ago, one where it's like, Jesus was a refugee thing. And I was like, what is this? So I, I went and I, I did the, you know, click through to find out where the money was coming from.

And the website for, I mean, I think it's been like gone through a few iterations at this point, but at one point it was some sort of org. And in their about page, it said, you know, some Missouri businessman had a tax issue and he came to his friend who was a minister and said, what can I do to deal with this? And so he created this thing that just out front saying that they needed to fucking write off. Yeah, I love stuff, every few years we do have like a, like a slick Christian ad campaign that's like, you know, either like, you know, like now where it's like, oh, Jesus wouldn't

have canceled anyone either for being an immigrant or being racist. But before it was like, do you remember those billboards that would have like Abe Lincoln or like Jonas Salk on them and they were like, he did it because it was right for like 10 years ago or so. I more remember like billboards or ads, it was feature like Abe Lincoln or Albert Einstein being like, your fetus could be them. Don't, don't kill it. Well, yeah.

Um, same vein basically, but like I'd say like every eight or nine years or so, there's a guy who made like, you know, $900 million inventing like a new type of unsafe bouncy castle somewhere in, you know, like Macon County, Georgia, like some regional near billionaire or billionaire who like nonetheless, like sort of like feels bad about himself and his life. And instead of like taking the awesome Aubrey McLendon route of just driving into a brick wall, he's like, oh, okay, I know what I'll do. I'm going to save everyone's souls.

I'm going to pay the best ad guy to advertise our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And every year they convert approximately, um, one and a half people. It's actually, uh, this latest ad was at negative conversions. Uh, people, people are, people are watching ads from Muhammad after seeing this shit. Yeah. Muslims up again. I mean, it just like, you know, we've talked about it before, but like the basic gist of Christianity, like my American Christianity versus Islam, it's like, who seems like they're

having a better time? Well, I mean, I like, cause I'm not seeing ads for a fucking, uh, Islam. I'm not seeing it like submit. It's the cool new thing. Yeah. It advertises themselves. Yeah. Are you interested in tithing and fasting?

You know, everyone makes fun of like Christian rock and like Christian rap, but I found a few years ago, I like rediscovered them recently. I found this like incredibly earnest group of like, uh, like UK Muslims called Dean squad. And they just, they re, they remixed like top 40 rap songs to be about being a good Muslim and they changed trap queen to be called Muslim queen and in the hook, they're very joyously like this like great group of like positive and genuinely happy, like handsome clean cut multicultural group of guys are like, I pray that you have a good wife, my brother.

I pray that you have a good one too. And it's like, you don't see Christians doing that. It's just real positivity in Islam and they're, they're, they're faking the funk in Christianity. Yeah. Well, yeah, they don't actually believe in it. They don't believe in God as something separate than their own ego. No, they have to do a bunch of, uh, mental gymnastics and, and, uh, compensatory flailings to try to convince others and themselves that there's anything other than their ego there.

Whereas like there's, there's, uh, that's a guy, you know, there's, there's a general consensus that that's a guy. Like, if I look, if I had to pick a religion different from, you know, the one I'm working on right now, uh, I'd have to go with Islam. Just like, just like based on the Muslims, I know, just like, they seem like they really have it together. I'm sorry. And you already, you already, Mormons do too, but Mormons have like, there's just

like a sinister, sinisterness to them that I just don't see you with like the average Muslim. And like, well, Islam, for you, Felix, I mean, you already don't drink alcohol, check. You already don't eat most of me, including pork, um, and then, but, but, but with Mormonism, you would have to give up soda and, and nicotine. So exactly. I mean, nicotine is still like Haram and Islam, but like everyone, that's the thing. I'll always understanding.

I don't know what about certain things. Even panting on of God's is like, they seem pretty harsh. Um, I guess just like the one last Super Bowl ad that I remembered, because I felt like especially catered to as an elder millennial is a DoorDash ad featuring Rayquan. And I was just wondering how many people watch this and watching this ad are aware of who Rayquan is and that he's known as the chef because they kept referring to him as chef in the commercial. And I was just wondering, who's this ad for?

And then I realized, Oh, it's me. Congratulations. You are the demo. Now. Yep. I did not get that one. So now, now thank you for explaining it to me. The, uh, the, the ad featuring, uh, um, uh, Steve, Stephen Foster Douglas doing CGI version

of Steven Foster Douglas singing Camp Town Races. Matt was like, Oh, I see myself in that. Stephen Foster Douglas. Was that the guy in the name of the guy? Uh, yeah. No, Stephen Foster. And then there's Stephen Douglas. Those are two different guys.

All right. I'm going to get this shit out. I'll kill myself. Yeah. I think I need a, inshallah, keeper, she's a righteous believer. She's my halal diva, a painting on the wall. She my Muslim Mona Lisa. She's so good with her business, my modern day her DJ, no more drama when we live and

not the same. She's so. All right. So tomorrow is Valentine's Day, um, everyone out there, if you haven't got a present yet, um, avoid the rolling pin now by turning this off immediately and going to get some chocolates and flowers. But I want something, even if they say they don't, they want something, don't let them trick you.

Yeah. You know, don't fuck up this year. Don't get something stupid like flowers or something. She says she likes get her weight loss pills, thermogenic weight loss pills, the thing that every woman wants. Get her a filler coupon. No, flowers are fine. Don't do that.

Don't, don't give people body image issues because Jesus Christ didn't give people body image. I don't know, man. How many people? He was so skinny too. I don't know. I see those cum gutters and be like, shit, everyone was ripped as Jesus. Everyone was skinny then.

There was like no food. There was like, there was like one grain per person. Yeah. But he was, he was like cut. Like he's not just skinny. He's got definition. So he's clearly getting some protein. Jesus actually invented food, the whole, the whole fishes and loaves water into one.

Before that, people think that like, oh, he just made that food. No, he invented food. People were just eating dirt before him. That would explain a lot. Yeah. But like, you know, flowers, chocolate, weight loss drugs. No, don't do that. In lieu of flowers or chocolate or traditional gifts, I recommend giving your significant

other a 4K Blu-ray of a movie that you really like. Yeah. Equilibrium. So, but as promised, we, we are going to, we solicited some, some listener questions for this Valentine's Day. So we're going to do our best now to counsel the Love Lord and Sad Sacks who make up our audience. Okay.

Mission impossible. All right. Let's get into this work. This first one's actually a great transition because it is, of course, about Valentine's Day gifts. This is from Patrick. Hi there. I struggled to find a good balance between giving a good gift and the amount of time and

money and effort that should be spent for something like Valentine's Day versus how I actually feel about it as a concept, like it being a made up holiday to force you to spend money when you already don't have a lot of money to spend or time or energy. So I just want to know what your thoughts were on that. Not, not a question. That's my thoughts. The cheapskate contingent is heard from, oh, it's, it's capitalism. It's made me a shitty gift giver and bad boyfriend.

Well, let me, let me guess how you found your current girlfriend. Did you know that Christmas is a vegan holiday? The last woman on earth impressed by that. Not a question. Don't care. I don't know. Get her flowers. You do a million things that are made up every day.

Um, just do a new one. I would say, okay, like to seriously, to seriously answer like the, uh, try to try to answer this question. Like as Matt, as you said, you can't, like, hey, maybe I've made a holiday designed to sell gift cards, but guess what, uh, women are in control now, patriotic women are in control. So you're still going to have to buy something. You're still going to have to buy something.

So if you were looking to be a little more thrifty for this Valentine's Day, because you know, like, uh, not, not everyone can be, you know, uh, getting their loved one a new Bugatti or, you know, uh, Range Rover, um, yacht, things of that nature. But seriously, I would say if you're looking to have like a thrifty and heartfelt Valentine's, I would just simply put together a nice meal for your significant other, like a home cooked meal. Like, uh, you know, don't, don't take them out to the restaurant, but just have like a nice candlelit home cooked meal.

Um, a steak is always, always, uh, showstopper, but you know, uh, cheaper options, just like a roast chicken of some kind, you know, you butter, butter that bad boy up with some rosemary and thyme salt, uh, cook it in a pan with some like vegetables underneath it under the, uh, under a, um, great or whatever. So that the chicken fat cooks with the potatoes, get a nice red wine, um, make a little salad. And then you got, you know, maybe you can like buy a dessert, like a cupcake or something like that. You don't want to go the extra mile of like baking or whatever.

But I would say a nice home cooked meal is a romantic heartfelt gesture that will, uh, perhaps save you some money. Um, hypothetically, what if every meal you cook is repulsive? Uh, yeah, and actually, uh, notice that you can really make, um, fish heads go a long way by adding crackers, yes, absolutely. Add crackers to any fish based curry to get a little bit more body, a little bit of crunch into, uh, into your, into your fish bowl. Oh, and you know what makes that even better?

You know, how could, you know, people are always going to reinvent the wheel, but you can't go wrong with dinner in a movie. If you have a movie called like, you know, corporate animals or like, um, bank train, any, any movie, any movie made after 2016, starring Olivia Munn in some role, um, definitely watch that with your loved one. And if you can Uber eats, um, one bottle of Bacardi and then ask for free food in the second Uber eats order and then, um, make some sort of steak, bagel and egg concoction all in one pan with an egg shell.

Wow. I hear wedding bells. Hey, let me tell you this, listener, if you watch bank train on Valentine's Day with your significant other, it is sure to be hashtag the best movie ever. But you know, uh, to Felix's point about what if every meal you cook is repulsive, I would just simply say like cooking a good steak is the easiest and most impressive way to cook for another person. Like I was like, almost anyone can do it, uh, just like all you need is salt, pepper

and a cast iron skillet, like get it screaming hot. You could do a reverse sear if you're really, if you're feeling a little adventurous and the steak you got is nice and thick, put that in the oven for about 40 minutes at like the lowest temperature, then you put it in a screaming hot cast iron skillet and then, uh, with a little bit of oil, get it, get it nice and brown and then throw in some butter, rosemary and crushed garlic and then just baste that bad boy with a little spoon, plate it, you're, you're, you're your significant other, whatever, whatever you're trying to impress, they will be impressed.

It is cooking a good steak is the easiest thing that even an, even a novice beginner in the, in the kitchen can master very easily. And what if you don't want to murder anything? Uh, pasta. Pasta. So good question. Pasta. That's true.

Yeah. Pretty, pretty easy. I can cook pasta. That should tell you something. May I re, may I recommend, um, the pasta sauces of one Dr. Paul Newman. They are very good, they're very good, but you know, you could go a little extra, a little extra and maybe make some, make some bread sauce yourself. All right.

Let's move on to some genuine romantic advice. Okay. Hey guys, my name's Carter. I'm 23. I have an older sister and ever since I was in eighth grade, she had a best friend. That was, that was really hot. Uh, now we're older and my sister's kind of falling out with this friend, but I still talked to her a lot and I thought there was kind of like this weird tension between us.

But I want to smash and, um, you know, she's in her thirties and probably still in her mind like the boy that was her best friend's brother. So how do I do it? Okay. How do you, how do you bag your, your, your older sister's hot friend? Wow. So this is an erotically charged scenario. Uh, you guys have any initial thoughts on, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm organizing.

I'm just still thinking about the hot older sister and if she's perhaps, she's perhaps doing laundry or needs help. If she gets stuck in a dryer, you've got a real, uh, opening dryer, obviously great. You know, probably all we're all always is, is like, how do you get her in the situation where you have access to a dryer, especially if you're a New Yorker, you kind of all have to already be a success and in that sense, they're already throwing themselves at you. Um, experiences from my own life where it's like, you know, if I could just have this number one dame, if I could have this great gal on my side, well, that's all I want.

I found, um, sometimes you just have to, um, not go out of your way to impress them. But no, yeah, you know what, some, some women, you know, hot women are, they have a uniquely poor position in this world where everyone is always trying to impress them if not stalk and kill them. Uh, if you act like an asshole trying to impress, uh, impress them beyond what your natural capabilities and personality are, it's going to wear thin, but if it comes from a place of genuine interest and connection, like there, there's some shared affinities you have and shared interests, there's nothing wrong with that.

I think all sex and attraction is fundamentally like embarrassing. All dating is, um, but don't be afraid to be embarrassed or be rejected because the worst thing that can happen is you're in exactly the same position you are now where this isn't happening. Um, sort of think, you know, if you really do want this, you should have a pretty good sense of what this woman is like, what she doesn't, doesn't like, um, what your levels of combat ability are, whether this is just a sexual thing or you have romantic ambitions for it.

And you know, it's sort of like standardized tests. If you don't know your first impulse is usually the right one. And listen to your first impulse, the listener, well, uh, you, you said your first impulse is like, okay, you've acknowledged that there could be some fallout here with your sister over dating or even, or even hook, yeah, whatever you, sisters, they can be bought off, they can be dealt with, they can be got to, okay. But to perphylaxis thing about trusting your first instinct in the call, you say that you've always felt that there was like a little, there's some sex, there's some tension there,

there's some sexual tension, you, you're interested in exploring it. You felt that like you thought it was mutual. So I got to say you're, you're, you're a young guy, shoot your shot like, I don't have any specific, you'd know better than I would about how like specifically to approach this woman, just like a simple asking him out, contri, you know, contrive a romantic encounter. I don't know. But like, shoot your shot. As Felix said, worst case scenario, you'll be no different than you are now, except you

may have fatally, uh, alienated a relationship with a family member and a sibling. But sometimes that can be both a gift and a curse. But no, seriously, uh, the lady in question, you said she was like 36. So maybe chat them up with things that millennials can relate to. Like you could say, were you aware that Rayquan of the Wu-Tang Clan is sometimes referred to as the chef and or chef Rayquan and, uh, she will be over the moon. You'll, then from there, it's just the flirt, the flirtation will be flying fast and loose. But no, in all seriousness, um, if you feel there's something there and you're interested

in exploring it, just shoot your shot. Uh, go live in a cave. Thank God. Don't talk to anyone. Also acceptable. I kind of agree with that. Uh, then let's move on to another one. We solicited more than just dating questions.

There are also all sorts of interpersonal relationship questions. This one is about child rearing. Okay. You've come to the right place. Hey guys, um, I'm calling because I'm having an issue with my baby. He is biting other babies at daycare. Um, it's not like mean. We think that he does it more to his friends and he thinks it's kind of funny when we tell

him to stop, um, but it's becoming a problem cause we're afraid they're going to kick us out of daycare. Um, and he just laughs when we tell him no bite. Um, yeah. So they're making me sign things when I pick them up now. So help me out. How can I get my baby to stop biting? Thanks.

You know, most of fire, firehouses will take a baby. No questions asked. I always keep that in mind. Well, I was, um, you know, I was one of those kids where you were a biter. No, no, no. I've, I've, I've made this clear several times. I was not bite the teacher autistic. I was, um, you know, the other problems you have, not quite enough where I was good at

math, but you know, you kind of get the picture, don't you? Um, but you know, just, you know, give it time. They look, they know way more about autism or whatever your kid has autism or being a bad person or what, you know, whatever, whatever is going on with your kid. They know way more about it than when I was a kid. And look, no one has ever guaranteed anyone a good time at preschool. Preschool is not supposed to be fun. Preschool is where you learn how to do real school.

And, um, you know, if they don't, if they're, if they're like, Hey, you know, your kid's too bitey. Hey, your, your, your kid, your kid is, um, uh, he's, he's spoiling dragon ball for all the other kids. Um, well, you know, there's always other schools. And as long as you have patience and love for your sweet child, um, you know, that's all he needs. School, you know, you can change schools.

You can, you can, uh, change the behavior. You can, uh, get on Adderall too. You can do all sorts of things. You know, there's all sorts of things you can do, but just don't, um, I don't know. Don't stress your kid out by being like, um, Hey, you need to normal up because they don't know what that means. If they knew what that meant, they'd be doing it. I have a few practical, I have a few practical suggestions to how to deal with the biting

problem is that like the cool thing about kids is that you can always lie to them, but you can sprinkle in a little truth. Like if your kid's getting a little bitey, you can just tell them like, Hey, those teeth that you like so much pretty soon, all of them are going to fall out of your head, their head one at a time. And if that disturbs you, maybe, uh, keep your mouth shut or considering like, you know, get on one of the, get on one of the forums and, and sort of like, uh, email lists that I know all parents are on nowadays.

Get on that for the, uh, for all the parents of your kid's schools and maybe coordinate with them. We're like, before they send their kids to school, they could coat them in some sort of like foul smelling and foul tasting boo and that way your kid can learn through like sort of like a negative feedback that like, you know, when, when they nibble, it tastes very bitter or gross or something. But you know, like maybe they're just teething. Just tell them, yeah, like your teeth are going to fall out pretty soon.

Your mouth will fill with blood and then we'll take you to a special doctor that only exists to inflict pain on your mouth. Welcome to childhood. Oh, and then you could explain how going to the dentist used to be fun. And then there was a man called the old bungler who told his DAA to tell dentist to stop giving you drugs when you went to the dentist. I think he's at the age where he can learn about the old bungler DAA's opiate whack-a-mole that ruined dentists forever.

Best of luck and, uh, and, uh, no need to abandon your shop, please. Yeah. I'm just saying it's an option that takes a little of the stress off of it to just keep in the back of the head that you can, that you can. There's always the fire station. Uh, I'm going to say this one is probably most targeted at Will and Matt. This is from Ben E. Oh, and that last question was from Gina C. So thanks for calling.

Thank you, Gina. This is from Ben E. Hey, Chapo. This is Ben at a Cincinnati long time, first time. Shout out. Calling with a question for the stoner boys of the podcast. Stoner boys, do you like a stoner girl? Do you enjoy a weed smoking companion to go to bed with?

Can it get a little too indulgent, unhealthy, curious to know your thoughts and, uh, Felix, don't feel left out. Feel free to weigh in on the pros and cons of a weed smoking girlfriend. All right. Take care. Um, pros, you can, you can leave her by just, um, putting, putting your hands over her eyes and being like, oh, I disappeared. There's no object permanence.

Cons, choose on the strings of her hoodie. Don't remember anything. Um, hair, hair is like roughly the texture of, um, the shit outside of Kobe. Coconut, coconut hair doesn't get along with other girls because they're not chill weed smokers. Um, pretty much mostly cons here, but you gentlemen, you know, you'd, um, up to you guys. What do you think?

Well, look, I would say that, you know, when you're with someone you love, there's nothing too indulgent or unhealthy to engage in with that, uh, object of your affection. I would say that, look, it's important to share hobbies and interests in a relationship. And, you know, if, if one of your major hobbies and interests is doing drugs, it's, you know, it's a little difficult to be in a long-term relationship with someone who doesn't enjoy doing drugs. Uh, but you know what, uh, a stoner girlfriend, I would say is a good girlfriend because, you know, uh, sometimes weed reacts badly with, um, with women, but sometimes it reacts

very well with them and it, it lowers their, it lowers the, um, static home of, uh, female brain concerns that are constantly humming around the skulls of the fairer sex. Um, but yeah, like I, speaking personally, Catherine is not a big weedhead. You know what I mean? Like she, she will partake, but I think it's, I think it's a nice mix because she doesn't smoke as much weed as I do, but you know, she's not straight edge either. So, um, I, I see no problem with a stoner girlfriend. I think, uh, stoner girlfriends are cool and, uh, just don't worry about it.

Yeah. Just smoke weed every day. Uh, smoke, stoner girlfriends are fine, but not as good as, uh, uh, Selvia girlfriends. That's what you really want. Kind of agree with you right there. Yeah. You want a girlfriend who's just going to be locked to the couch for 10 minutes while they're on another dimension, fighting with the clockwork elves.

Cause when they come back, they're very, very, very grateful to see you. Uh, but if you, by the way though, if you have a Benadryl girlfriend, she will leave you for the hat man. Benadryl girlfriend really is the perfect woman. Uh, moving on. Yeah. Here's one specifically for Felix. Okay.

Producer Chris, this is Snake. I'm calling with a special Valentine's Day mission for Felix. I want to be his boyfriend. Let me know. You have my codec number. Anyway, I've got a certain pipeline that I was hired to demolish. Talk to you soon. Love the show.

Well, I'm very honored. I, I'm very glad to hear that you are not passed away after the events of Medigear Solid Forward. It seemed that you did have terminal foxtie, which is the Medigear Solid universe is their version of, uh, cancer. You know, unfortunately though, I'm not gay yet. They have not come out with that surgery, um, but I'm flattered. You're a military hero.

And, um, you know, just keep on keeping on, Snake, I'm just, I'm glad you're still ticking. That's all. But I'm a flattered, flattered, but, um, you know, still not gay, despite my therapist's best efforts. We've been working really hard and we just can't get it. This is from Richard W. Richard Wright, author of native. Hello, Choppo. Like most of your listeners, I find myself a chronically single young man.

While the usual advice about following your passions and working on yourself has certainly helped me become a better person and love myself more, all the potential romantic partners I come into contact with aren't nearly as interested in 17th century crop yields as I am. With that in mind, how do I get more play? Or failing that, how do I avoid becoming an incel about it? Okay, I'll answer the, uh, the second question first. I mean, like, uh, avoiding becoming an incel, look, just cause you're not getting, not getting

laid at the moment doesn't necessarily make you an incel. I think you've already keyed in on the, uh, essential fact of the matter here, which is that, um, like the misogyny or hating women because you're not getting laid is really just hating yourself because you're not getting laid. And the more you hate yourself, the more you tend to hate women and like the more, the more they seem alienated and like distant and more afraid you are of them. So like you're good, you're doing good so far. Like you haven't fallen into that trap.

So if, if you just are aware of that, like, I think, I think like you will, uh, inoculate yourself from becoming a, like, uh, the wretched form of just not getting laid. And look, there's nothing wrong with just not getting laid. You can go through, you know, long stretches, like you'd be like sort of a sexual camel going from oasis to oasis. But you know, like it seems that you've taken to heart the traditional advice, which is bettering yourself. And then like through that, you will, you know, find yourself more confident or in situations

in which you're, you know, uh, more likely to meet someone and hit it off with them. But I don't know, man, like, uh, this is a tough one because, you know, you're saying like, uh, you're, you're, you're trying to better yourself, put yourself out there, but it's just not working for you so far. All I would just, I mean, it's, it's, maybe it's bad advice, but I would just say like stick with it, you know, like just there, just like, or just never be afraid to shoot your shot going back to how do you fuck your older sister's hot friend. You just got to shoot your shot and, um, don't be like, you know, you'll regret, you'll

regret the things you don't do rather than the things you do do. So you know, like, I don't know, uh, dating apps, you know, give it a shot, give it a try, you know, like, uh, just each, each rejection is all my losses, lessons, but, and also just like, um, don't put so much pressure on yourself. I know it feels terrible, uh, if you feel, you may like, I've been in situations where I thought like I'm probably never going to have sex again for the rest of my life and I was wrong. So, you know, like just have faith because if someone is ugly and stupid as me can, um,

become a sex haver, then there's hope for everyone. I thought, look, listener, I thought I practically was just never going to have sex. I was like 21 and I was like, well, guess that's out of the cards. Um, and, um, I don't know. I guess, um, I don't know, through, through lock or whatever. I, um, I never felt like, you know, resentment towards women, which it sounds like you don't really either. It also doesn't sound like, it sounds like you, um, are, you know, 21 and haven't had

sex yet, as was the predicament I was in, but, um, the thing I found and I went through like, I went through a lot. I did a lot of things. I, um, I worked out with the fervor and intensity of like a professional athlete because I thought like the main barrier between me and, uh, the women was that I didn't have visible abs. I got that. Sure. You're not gay.

Um, I'm not gay except for the part of like being attracted to men. That's, you know, gain all the other ways, gain all the ways to count, but, um, not, not gay, not gay in the, in the literal act of it, I would say, but, um, yeah, um, the thing I found again, we're repeating myself is that sex and attraction, though all very humiliating and maddening and embarrassing, it is a very zen like thing. And it was only when it left the front focus of my mind that I, um, I found it became more easily to me. Um, I think you will probably find that to be the case.

Once you stop having it be the main focus of your life, it will not bedevil you in such a way. I mean, like, I, I totally agree. I mean, like, and this is the ultimate catch 22 when it comes to, uh, dating, if you're a man seeking to, uh, date or have sex with women, is that like the surest way to be attractive to women and to attract women is to genuinely not care about getting laid or the attention of women, which is like the hardest thing to do in the world when you're not getting laid and it's all you fucking think about because you could like feel it behind your

fucking eyeballs every second of the day. But like a little, little by little, like it's just if you, yeah, like as Felix said, like there's a certain zen to it where if you stop caring about it, it will, there, there always finds a way to find you. Usually love will find you in the end, but it's usually when you stop looking for it. That doesn't mean like give up on improving yourself or, you know, uh, engaging in activities in which you can display a confidence or a mastery of, of something, you know, like to display what you're good at in a, I don't know, if not a public setting, then like share

it with other people. And I think that like, you know, like that, that's a good way to demonstrate your suitability as a romantic partner. I think, I, I, I think, yeah, that's exactly right. Not giving up on, um, self-improvement. But work on things, whether it's like fitness or an artistic or career or, um, you know, you have a chemistry set, whatever, uh, any pursuit, something that you would like legitimately give a shit about and care about getting better at.

If you dedicate your 17th century crop yields, 17th century crop yields, uh, you know, recapping the latest Adam twos blog, um, sort of the twos cliff notes for people who don't have time for the entire twos newsletter. Um, you know, um, if you do put a lot of time towards something that you're legitimately passionate about and care a lot about and like improving at, um, it will reflect in other areas of your life, particularly this one, I think it's, it's, it's hard advice. It's easier said than done to tell people to put this more towards the back of your mind when it is such an all consuming thing for so many reasons.

But that is really the only thing I can tell you focus on, um, things that give you joy and fulfillment outside of sex. And, um, you know, sooner or later you'll be, you'll be bitching to your friends. Hey, these dumb bitches keep requesting messages, uh, on Twitter and Instagram. Hey, I know, I'll give you, I'll give you a little assist here for our, uh, for our twos of female listeners, if any of the three of you are interested in 17th century crop yields and things of that nature, email the show. We got a fine young suitor for you and take it from the, uh, two men on this call wearing

ready wedding bands. You will find women who will love or at least tolerate you hollering about 17th century crop yields. Uh, next up, let's just do two more, two more. Okay. Great. Here, let's go with this. This is from Burrito boy.

Thank you. Burrito boy. Hey everyone. Happy Valentine's Day. My question for you is what does your partner's favorite and least favorite chopper say about them? Um, my girlfriend's favorite is will. I feel like you could, you could say that she's a, um, a will son, Matt moon and Felix

rising, whatever that means. Um, but I don't know. Let me know your thoughts. Uh, thank you. Burrito boy. This is a great question, comment, observation, uh, what does it say about your girlfriend if her favorite choppo is will? I would say it means that you guys should definitely consider opening up your relationship

and maybe bring me in a third party or just experimenting with a group sex, swapping things of that nature, group groups, a hot wife thing, cuckoldry, things of that nature. No, she's obviously a woman of taste and distinction. Uh, yeah, there's no way to go wrong. Honestly, if, if she has a favorite, then she's a keeper in my opinion. Yeah. Now here, well, here's my, my follow-up then, uh, do you think that, you know, two, two people who, who would, who would main, should you be with two people that main the same

choppo or should it be? You're trying to find somebody who has other faves than you. I just want a complimentary relationship, like a will, Matt. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to think of two, uh, overburdened on one end. Yeah. I think any combos can, can work though.

Yeah. You know, like, if your, if your romantic partner has a favorite choppo, I think it'd be good to like, you know, vary it up, have like, you know, someone, someone who's Matt adjacent with like, you know, a strong Felix, you know, will fans always appreciate it. Mix it up. I would just say, don't get a girlfriend for instance, who has favorites outside of choppo trap house. Like for instance, if your girlfriend, um, listens on her nose cancelling headphones

to the Adam Friedland show and in your Kickstarter stocks and laughs loudly while she's sitting next to you at the much funnier men on other podcasts that are her favorites, then it could, I could foresee that being a problem in, uh, you know, a theoretical relationship, not mine. In a video game. All right. This last call that we're going to do, and then I have a quick update on previous calls, but this will be the last call.

This is actually, um, for, for us, it's kind of like a, what we're looking for thing. So this is from Jason H. Hey choppo, it seems like things didn't work out with Andrew Tate's guys. So I want to know what are you looking for in a wizard? Oh, this is a great question. That is, yeah, but waiting for someone to ask something. Yeah. Look, um, when you, okay, like, look, I understand like the wizard market right now is kind of

fucked up. The wizard, there's a lot of bad wizards out there. There's a lot of people who are fronting like they're wizards. I think the number one thing in choosing a wizard is what is their orb like? They've got a good orb, if their orb gives you good vibes and their magic is going to be good, it's going to be strong and it won't be, he won't be pretending and it won't be evil magic either. It'll just be good crystal and orb based magic.

Just when you meet a wizard, uh, you know, like get to know them and then when you get to the orb, uh, touching stage, just see like when you first touch it, uh, do you get like a flash of like the eye of Sauron in your mind or do you get something more pleasant? And you know, just like go with your instinct on what the orb makes you feel. Uh, also, uh, steer clear of orbs that focus on potions, uh, it never ends up well. I'll just say that, uh, that they never get the percentages and the, and the things right. They're, they're going off of, uh, of, of ancient recipes, like pages are stuck together. They always end up half-assing it and then you've got newts running around.

It's no good. If they, if they, if they have like little, uh, uh, little flasks of things that's not, you do not want that or that a wizard anywhere near your shit. I would just say for me personally, uh, a big indicator of the quality of somebody is kind of their social circle and how they, you know, keep up and maintain friends, relationships, relatives. So, uh, I would say that you want to look into if your wizard has some sort of other worldly patron, uh, that they are in either enthralled to or in service of because then

you can get access to that patron through them and it expands your social circle and, and just generally creates a more diverse life situation for you. Yeah. Smart, smart networking opportunities. Yes. I got, I got a follow-up question. This, this, this is for Felix. So when you talk about wizards, who's batter Ronnie or Rinala, who you got Ronnie or Rinala?

I mean, well Ronnie, unfortunately is trapped in the body of the doll. That's a little bit of an issue. He makes the relationship that much more difficult. Rinala is, you know, kind of milk status, um, and is a human being. But Felix, uh, when you were the bitch and she pulls out glinstone pebble, are you like kneaded or keep it? Or you're like, I want carrion slicer. Glinstone pushy got me acting strange.

Someone said the crucible. I said, what the fuck is that? Uh, yeah. Man or woman, um, just got to make sure your wizard is practicing, um, uh, light magic instead of dark evil magic, unless you're into that kind of thing, unless you want like an evil wizard and like, you know, like she could get pretty freaky with that. Absolutely. All right.

One just quick sign up, like an update on a previous asked and answered question on one of our fan Collins. Uh, this is a little update from, uh, Henry B, uh, who writes in that he is the guy who called in about Kentaro Sigal's Aikido dojo in Osaka. Do you guys remember that question? Yes. Even Seagal's son. Uh, well, he was recently forwarded a, uh, uh, young lady's hinge profile, a screenshot

from hinge of a young lady named Sloane that said, you should message me if you're the guy who called into Chapo trap house from Osaka. So he was, so he was just wondering if we could maybe give just a little, the, the, the three of you guys could give a little happy Valentine's Day shout out to, uh, Sloane from hinge. Sloane, I'm going to tell you one motherfucking thing you go on a date with this guy from Osaka. He's going to snatch every motherfucking Valentine's Day from you because his heart will be yours

for the rest of your life. Chapo love connection. Sloane, I've become a year to Asia for many years. I find that there is a peace and tranquility and wisdom into various trees of Asia. When motherfucking tells me that he gets sodas in Japan, they ain't got an America. I just laugh because I've been knew that back, back since 1970, whatever. So I was doing work for the company. But if you've got a real man going to give you a shout out, I shouldn't go on your home.

Sloane, Sloane, you got to be buying motherfucking matching kimono's for your, for your love. When you, when you step in, when you get, when you put on an erotic kimono, that's what women, that's what all women really want to see. Sloane, you got to make sweet love to your man while he sits in a Herman Miller air on chair, that is the height of erotic connection. Sloane, if you don't let a man keep on a leather jacket and sunglasses and a first McGa and a hat and a necklace while having sex with you, then you ain't his best girl. Sloane, Sloane, your man, he's going to, he's going to be eating your pussy so good that

all of the sharpie dye he uses on his goatee is going to be all over you. You're going to be covered in ink and hair dye from his, his technical Akito love making. He's going to challenge, he's going to channel all the force, your erotic energies and redirect it right back into your pussy through his drawn on goatee. Well, I really hope that that makes somebody's Valentine's Day. I think that helped. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

We're doing what we can to make love connections. Love, love is great folks. We love love here on this show. Yeah. Love wins. Call line always open calls for 30 seconds or less at calls at chapotraphouse.com. Keep them coming. Yeah.

These are good questions. Yeah. I'm beginning to like hearing from our fans. Keep it up. All right. Happy Valentine's Day everyone. Bye bye. Bye.

Bye. Happy Valentine's Day. Oh, hi there. Love that was made for me and you