Chapo Trap House - 721 Teaser - Catholic Cemetery Magazine

Episode Date: April 7, 2023

We dig into one of the key sources for the Clarence Thomas corruption story. Subscribe today for access to the full episode and all premium episodes! www.patreon.com/chapotraphouse

They were unveiling the bronze statue of the Justice's beloved 8th grade teacher, Unnund, according to Catholic Cemetery magazine. By the way, if there are any editors for Catholic Cemetery magazine out there listening, that's like a hit article. What is the fucking circulation on that? Yo, I'm trying to get a job there. Who's reading that? Like Mark Uthrow? The fuck? Victorian grave robbers stealing... I think Matthew Walter, I could imagine, reading Catholic Cemetery magazine.

Is there like a highlights for kids like May's feature in the Catholic Cemetery magazine, like get out of purgatory? I really enjoyed last month's cover story, the creepiest Virgin Mary statues to put on your graves. We should... I'm gonna get a copy. I need to see what this is. I like cannot... How do you write 12 issues a year? Is it monthly? I don't know. I just found out. I want to know everything about it. Is there a Jewish cemetery like monthly? I'm on... Are these Condé Nast properties? I'm on the website right now. There's something called the Catholic Cemetery Conference.

I'm on catholiccemeteryconference.org and I'm on their subheader that says magazine. They're saying, learn more about our flagship publication at the links below. Hell yeah. I'm looking at the table of contents for the December 2020 issue of the magazine, the virtual magazine of Catholic Cemetery Conference. On page nine, the featured article is titled, online reputation is important for cemeteries. You get one rumor of a... If you have one copy, flop your fuck. Thank you. Thank you. Monthly issues, five to six articles.

Let's look at May 2021, the first article. It starts at page 10, so presumably there's a talk of the town type feature. What are the glossy ads that take up the first 10 pages? Is there a Cartier glossy ad? All ads for black hair nets for old Italian women. Pre-workout for crying. Maximize your tears. Here are the articles in the May 2021 issue. The Joy of Working in a Catholic Cemetery Ministry for the Perspective of a Non-Catholic by Marty Boswell.

That's eight pages long. But then, not to be outdone, the next article is, cemetery website traffic is useless without conversions. That's my Walton home. Oh my God. They're looking at chart beats for the Catholic Cemetery Monthly being like, damn, this shit's going viral. The next one is, this is sort of a little bit of a snoozer. Funeral Cemetery Assistance, an update on the latest route of coronavirus legislation by Paul Lamaster's Esquire. I'm looking through this and I've got another Paul Lamaster's Esquire article that I think I'd be interested in, Lights Camera Funeral, the legal side of funeral production.

I'm thinking like in the Catholic Cemetery magazine, there's little insert cartoons, but instead of a dog in a psychiatrist's office, it's a dog going to confession. It sounds like this Paul Lamaster's Esquire is the Nathan J. Robinson of the Catholic Cemetery. This is a good article. Digital divide? How technology can revolutionize your cemetery business? Here's a rather ominously titled article. LVB Screen Tooms, that is how you do it. I want a scrolling message on my headstone.

I'm sorry, but in July there's an article called, Alkaline Hydrolysis and You. I got one more here for the 2020 edition. This is a rather ominously titled article that's just titled One Down and One To Go. Remember, you will die.