Chapo Trap House - 722 - Night At The Museum 2: Battle for Camp Gettintop (4/10/23)

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

New details about Clarence Thomas’ billionaire benefactor Harlan Crow keep coming to light, forcing us to contemplate new questions like: What do Lenin, Mao and Hagrid’s Hut have in common? And, do Hitler’s napkins force us to confront the evil in the hearts of men? We contemplate this plus: DeSantis flails, Kanye’s school has no stairs, and the Dalai Lama sucks tongue. All this and more on today’s ep. Should be a few tickets left for the late show of our screening of John Carpenter’s “In The Mouth of Madness” at the Roxy Cinema on April 27th, come thru. Will and Hesse will be speaking at both screenings: https://www.roxycinemanewyork.com/screenings/chapo-trap-house-movie-mindset-presents-in-the-mouth-of-madness-35mm/

I Back at it again. It's Monday, April 10th. It's chop-up coming at you. I hope everyone had Good Friday a great Easter pass over or any religious Ramadan's going on Ramadan still going on. This is this is the business. This is the season for religion folks And I hope everyone's having a good time with it. Let's get into it for this week. I want to start look There's there's only one story at the top of my head right now, and it's a continuation of last week's episode GOP mega donor and Supreme Court purchaser Harlan Crow and his extensive art collection

Gentlemen, where would you like to begin with this? There's a lot of there's a lot of hilarious angles coming out of this story Including the incredible story of the Crow family of Dallas, Texas You've got every every stooge and sycophant who's on this guy's payroll and the conservative make-work industry all loudly assuring everyone that it's a completely Normal thing to have on several paintings by Adolf Hitler displayed in your house Along with his tea set and linens and a signed copy of mine conf and then there's just I don't know the fact like what do we what do we what do we make of all of this because I I mean there's just too much stuff here to talk about where to begin. I get a little okay

I'll begin this way out of out of all the commentary on this I think the funniest aspect to me is the defense of having a collection of like paraphernalia of the Third Reich and Displaying it in your house as a solemn reminder of the evil that men are capable of Because it's like what do you do that you're walking around your house looking at Hitler's napkins, and you're just going God the evil that humanity is capable of and then like you need to remind your dinner guests every time they come over when you're Is it and then also the idea that I I mean I take it for granted that right wing billionaires all have Hitler shit knocking around their house Well, it's not just for me. It's not just the Hitler stuff like the totality of what he has is so fascinating

He's got the garden of evil. He calls it which are evil. He's he's he's turned all of the great dictators and figures of 20th century into lawn ornaments into garden He is a replica of Hagrid's ground keepers hut from fucking Harry Potter Is that his garden of evil? He's got That's a reminder of all the horrors that Hagrid committed And he's also got a 50s molt shop to remembering the horrors of segregation and the big popper Yeah, the totality of it when you look at all the crap he has to me it's like this guy is I'm sorry He's not a Nazi

His head is he has nothing in his head But fucking rich dad poor dad books and minions memes about the entrepreneurial spirit. That is it He has no hollow earth theories about the origins of the Aryan race. He has no Stormy visions of Aryan destiny. It's just a fucking ukulele playing Moose that's like just spits out Margaret Thatcher quotes that they saw on the internet It's like the banality of this like he looked at the the horror and sweep of the 20th century that like churned up Him is this like final figure of it There's like billionaire who's sitting at the end of all ideology and all of history and just like I'm gonna collect them all

like fucking Pokemon and like Like this black sun in the sky and it's just like I'm gonna turn that into a beer coaster I'm going to turn it into more crap that I own and the thing is his agenda is his every bit It's genocidal and horrifying as Hitler's he will absolutely pay money and sign off on policies They're gonna kill billions of people, but it won't even be because of any Deep, you know traumatized vision of racial purity The side Hitler book he has the mind comp that means my struggle this bitch has never struggled one minute of his life He's a fucking real estate billionaire whose dad gave him his fucking empire and now he just uses the money to hang out with cool

He's like a guy if he didn't have any more money He would be one of those guys who goes to Polita con or whatever that thing is remember that Incredibly depressing Convention we've talked about going to I think we got invited to it once. I don't know if they still do it You guys remember what I'm talking about. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like all there are your stars from the news are there He would be there if he didn't have a billion dollars. Just have them come to his house Like that's it. I think that that to me that is so much more bone-chilling that like there is no great Apocalyptic demonic

Spirit animating this guy with all the power he has it's just an incredibly banal American real estate dickhead Who just like oh, yeah, yeah, I got Hitler's mug that I drink out of some time Yeah, you know all that stuff that happened and now it is literally just souvenirs. I live in a giant souvenir shop of the 20th century Yeah, the extent of this guy's study of Hitler It's not like he's one of those guys who's like into the son and rod and like knows all the ceremonies for um summoning Santa Claus or like is gonna conduct an order of nine angles ritual to find Rudolph the red nose reindeer's nose

Any of the real Nazi esoterica His the extent of his Nazi and Hitler knowledge is you know, either those airport books that are like Hitler the most evil man. Yeah, or like the evil Air Force inside the Nazis Yeah, you know those those history channel shows that are like Hitler coffee holic Exactly. That's the thing. Everybody's like who would have this in their house I hate to break it to you most of your dads and grandads. Yeah, they had that kind of money would absolutely have a sine cut Mine comp would absolutely have Hitler's Hitler's China in their house because it'd be neat

Yeah, I mean like It's your point Matt about like this Dallas like, you know scion of like the biggest landlord in the country or whatever It's like the end point of history and like all of the horrors of the 20th century be they like, you know Communist or fascist authoritarianism and tyranny and the killing fields of Eastern Europe or Auschwitz or whatever But like he is the the inheritor and beneficiary of all of this and it's like yeah I think he collects these artifacts of powerful men throughout history because he's like By owning Winston Churchill's pipe, I can become him like there are totems of power that I can sort of like Appropriate for myself and like if I if I keep it in my house that I you know, like I I am the sum total of the 20th century

It's the opposite. I think it's it's it's not it's not taking their power. It's destroying their power They have no power. I own their shit They have been turned into commodities that I can just buy and have in my house. They are nothing I am everything and all I am is just a vacant consumer robot and Billion dollars and control the Supreme Court It reminds me of them There was this article this profile Dana White and like ESPN or magazine or sports illustrated And it took note that he had in his office among other things like a suit of armor and a samurai sword

There were two Colt 45 pistols One with the Old Testament engraved on the handle and one with the New Testament engraved on the handle Yeah, Dana White isn't like religious just like this guy's in a Nazi. He's just so fucking stupid. He's like Yeah, this way this was actually the gun that Moses owned and that now I get to buy Moses It's the same thing Backing us. This is the guy's that Moses dual weld in the desert. Yeah, these these are the guns that were passed down from Abraham to Moses to the Boondock Saints And then Harvey Weinstein bought them from the Boondock Saints after Troy Duffy's bar closed

I actually, you know people don't know this but I actually have glassware from Troy Duffy's bar in my house You know just to remind me of the evils of the 20th century I have the broods LP on wax to remind me to remind me of the good parts of the 20th century Okay, just um, I Mean like look, I don't think it's all non-ideological because I think it's telling I mean he's a reactionary But like there's there's nothing behind it. Okay, but Big ideas so that that implies that there's other big ideas that are in conflict with it. There's nothing There's no ideas anywhere. There's just these shell people on top of money and the money does all the work and

They get to pretend they're in charge and it's like we talked about with fucking care of summer She's gonna rule this way anyway Like that this is all just they're along for the ride and they're lucky enough to be in the catbird seat to be able to buy to be able to buy Hitler's cocaine spoon and Need all their cool friends from the news and that's it like the world is being drained of its fucking life force It turned into a giant pile of dead commodities I think it's another though that like it to contrast the garden of evil which contains like

real statues like, you know secreted out of like former Soviet countries of like You know Stalin or Lenin or Tito's Yugoslavia or Che Guevara or whatever like that's in his garden of Eden But in his home Where he displays Hitler's paintings in a room without any context alongside works by Renoir Norman Rockwell and George W. Bush. Okay, okay Something about whether like the evil keeps in his house versus what he said segregates into the garden of Eden I actually know what I know exactly what that speaks to If you've seen Hitler's paintings, they're like very shitty attempts at like realistic drawings hotel

I'lls that he saw yeah, exactly hotel art and it is Hitler's art is actually like a great insight into the reactionary mind because it is to this day What reactionaries think like good art should be where it's like, oh, that's a great picture of the castle It looks just like it. Yeah, nothing about that Of a castle. Yeah, they should just be like nice pictures of cool buildings from history and they're good because they're old like that that is the full extent of reactionary art and he probably like Someone someone like in his foundation Probably bought Hitler's art is like a tax write-off and figured he'd like it because he has so much goofy Nazi shit

like he has Herman Göring's bedpan and everything or Himmler's Lupe fiasco glasses and He just but he probably just saw it was like that's a great painting of the castle Can we sponsor this young artist? Can we give this whoever painted this? Can we give them the Harlan Crow scholarship for fine art? If I wanted if I was gonna get a piece of Nazi memorabilia, I would want Himmler's little millhouse glasses

Which is why by the way by Paul Verhoeven cast what's his name? Kurt Witt Smith as Bottiker in RoboCop is because his glasses reminded him of Himmler. I would Um, I think the best memorabilia the best Nazi for memorabilia is Göring Göring had like the why he lived like the fullest life out of any of the Nazi high command fighter pilot Fighter pilot. He was the first guy. I think in modern history He was the first guy who was known as being really handsome and then got really fat Mm-hmm the blueprint for like Val Kilmer or Marlon Brando I'd like his his like morphine kit like those little works that he've carried around with him. That'd be fun

my favorite detail about Göring is they weaned him off of morphine for his trial and then sent him to death and then he killed himself before like it's just a Series of people doing unnecessary things. Well, it's like how they the tojo tried to kill himself And they stitched him up so that they could execute. Yeah, I mean I get it It's like they want to die in their own terms versus Yeah, like him or him or Göring wanted them to do a firing squad like a soldier and they're like, no We're gonna hang you fat Lee and he was like, oh I'll show I'll show you a stupid death

I'm gonna tell some hayseed from Ohio how cool I think he is and he's gonna slip me some fresh like acid to bite down on I always wonder about that. How did the dumb-ass guard get cyanide for him? Yeah, there's probably a lot of it. All those all the like guys in you know The the OSS was like corralling for project paper clip probably like I thought I was gonna have to use this That was the start of the freaking movement was soldiers Diving for cyanide capsules. Okay, this card and cyanide pills. Yeah I just like I appreciate all of the like very Heavy-handed defenses of this idiot

I mean and like by the way like that's how you know all these guys are on the payroll is because like they're defending this guy when it is Like deeply humiliating to do so and they're not just saying look, he's a rich idiot Who thinks this shit is cool? They're saying no, he like he needs to have all this stuff out in a private in a private residence So that we can understand, you know, like like the evil that we have overcome in the 20th century It's just like read a fucking book You know or donated to a museum like what the fuck like why do you need to have this shit in your house? And then like he's really doing it's like impress his guests and shit like that like that is yeah

They're they're in the fight. They can't just say like look he is he has nothing in his head He's he's a hollow man because they have to be invited to his Giant fireplace so that they can talk about entrepreneurship and skull sizes after they've had a few extra sherry's Yeah, also, I mean, I like that this I like that this story has sort of reintroduced Charles Murray to the news cycle who dedicated not one But two books that are all titled like the hierarchy of race a genetic destiny of humanity To Harlan Crow and the Harlan Crow also has a painting by the photo realistic painting of him hanging out with Charles Murray God those paintings suck dick

They're terrible like so back to the Hitler painting thing. He's just a fan of terrible art Yeah, did you see representation art? Did you see what Charles Murray wrote in like? Yeah, one of those books. It's called like, you know the the multicultural typhoon or one of those Like one of those late period Murray books were just kind of phoning it in He wrote something so fucking lame like you clearly just watched stand by me or one of those movies it was To Charles Krauthammer and Harlan Crow. It turns out I did have brothers after all It's like you're you're a 97 year old who is in the Phoenix program

Fuck is this are you are you like are you like leaving summer camp? It sort of reminds me of like like Mark Sanford when he had that affair and wrote those like you know sappy saccharine love letters and it just seemed to me like this is a guy in his like I don't know what late fifties or whatever who is experiencing like romantic love for the first time in his life And yeah, yeah guys like Charles Murray who have been doing you know Burning crosses straight to the Phoenix program to the you know skull science division of the conservative intelligentsia sphere Is just yeah like has has some summer camp friends for the first time in his life at 80 years old Yeah, and they're Charles, and they're fucking

My my my two cool brothers that go on that we go on mischief sprees together We have shenanigans me Charles Krauthammer and Harlan Crow Walmart parking lot and we'll throw Charlie into one of the shopping carts and just zoom them into a fucking minivan Jackass style. I Love that Charles Murray also said you know, it's everyone who's criticizing Harlan Crow thinking coming is they don't know him Everyone who knows him thinks it's great. I'm sorry when you got a when you're a billionaire That will never fly because literally everyone who knows you want something from you So it's like hey these guys who are like go into his house with like a bucket hoping he'll like

Absentmindedly drop some Krugerans in there. I think he's a great guy Yeah, that was it literally everyone who defended him like Works has worked in an organization single-handedly funded by him for the last 30 years. I did did you? Including a Supreme Court Yeah, did you did anyone happen to see the revelation that? Hakeem Jeffries. Yep. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. He went to a turnip. You know Harlan Crow turnip function Okay, okay, did you get this detail? Do you know where he was a fetid by Harlan Crow? No, where? at the Harlan Crow office complex, which is

Dallas's Parkland Memorial Hospital Is another historic property in the Crow portfolio, I guess that JFK's brain is also part of his collection Could be Brothers a human trafficker apparently. Yeah, one of his brothers. Okay, I was gonna get into this because his brother a Robert his older brother Robert Crow There's a great Texas monthly piece about how his divorce from an actress and this is a real like Goofy's and Gallant story about Billionaires, it's like the Goofy's Harlan Crow spends his money on Hitler's teapot and

Winston Churchill's you know a pipe or whatever the gallant Robert Crow Spends 1.7 million dollars a month free basin cocaine and hiring high-class escorts from hidey places like like pimp or mentor the stories in the bits in the The wife Amelia says it says this is in the Texas monthly piece Amelia finds herself slogging through the crowded divorce docket 13 judges presided in this court We're 25,000 family law cases are filed each year fighting Bob Crow for money to continue her $140,000 a month lifestyle the Crow divorce is a nasty war Amelia claims that Bob is a cocaine addict who is threatened to kill her and himself and spends $1,000 of dollars a week hiring expensive prostitutes from Alex Adams also known as Madame Alex

Which is mentioned in Molly Lambert's Heidi world It was been charged with pandering and pimping by the Los Angeles District Attorney Bob's side of it is that Amelia married him only for his money He has accused her of sleeping with many men including one of the actors in judgment There's another really great. I don't know That sounds like a paramount plus show to me. Yeah so another detail in the piece is in May 1989 Crow hired his own security guard Dwayne Cochran a Former professional bounty hunter to follow Amelia and obtain information about her social life Cochran said in a statement that Crow asked him to tap Amelia's telephone and to place a tracking device on her car

But he never did those things because Bob Crow was intoxicated when he issued the instructions and Cochran wasn't sure he actually meant what he said Cochran also testified that he had witnessed Bob free-basin cocaine Cochran bought Bob several weapons including a street sweeper a 12 gauge shotgun used for rapid fire of large bullets as well as a blowgun and grappling hook Imagine this fat fucking coke head shooting a grappling hook up the side of like a wall and then climbing it like Adam West as Batman Because it's here um In court Cochran described fantastic schemes that Bob had devised to hurt Amelia Once Bob talked about taking a photograph of a nude woman in front of a helicopter and superimposing Amelia's face on it And then circulating the photo around Los Angeles the damage her reputation

That is Thinking that is amazing coke head logic wait why the helicopter does it ever explain? Helicopter is important. I have no idea. I think once again because it's pretty cool Helicopters are inherently cool might be the coolest form of transportation. How old is the a coke head crow? He was pretty old at this point. Yeah, he's actually Incredibly like the justified crows. Yeah, this is if Dewey crow actually got a billion dollars Yeah, it says here in his written declaration Cochran described overhearing a conversation in which Bob discussed Kidnapping Amelia and taking her to a remote ranch so that he could get to her or whatever he wanted to have her

Conqueror testified that Bob often was just blabbering and though while he didn't take Bob's threats seriously I was worried that other people in the room might take it seriously He also He also like it like in like divorce documents or something like there's something about like a contract that he tried to get his x-wave To something to fuck him 50 times a week See this is this is this is billionaire excellence like this is what you do when you have zero brain cells and like ten billion dollars Yep, just absolutely fucking shred your pleasure centers annihilate Every week they just another one of these freak families just pops out of the woodwork and you're like, oh, yeah

These are the people who actually are able to command influence somewhere It's awesome and you don't even know we don't even know of a fraction of them They're probably a few that are you know have it better enough Oh a good enough upset to completely stay off the radar. I mean these this guy's been like running around on a Doing grappling hook stunts on a helicopter and we never heard of them before now Oh, there's it. So there are six children of Tremel crow senior and I presume this to be the youngest one Stewart crow born in 1959 is a

Formula three driver. What the fuck is formula three? Milhouse s racing league It's actually better than formula one Yeah It's a Mario Kart fundamentals are more important in formula three about the engine driver really shines It's a go-kart sure, but you know if they're very competitive races. This is the NCAA division to yeah Formula racing an ITS fucking race car driver So Stewart crow won the when the princess peach cup after expertly deploying the blue shell to take a lead at the end of the race

He hasn't competed in formula three since 2000 he he couldn't even he couldn't even have his own formula three team He's just now. He's just raced for Dave McMillan all these times sad, ah well Harlan crow Harlan crow But yeah, like it's what once again to reiterate Nothing about Clarence Thomas's relationship with this guy is gonna affect his position on the court The only thing that will affect his position on the court is if he dies Hopefully sometime soon and he's just about the only one of those guys that is at risk of he's got he's got that

He's got the same basic shape as Scalia did and he's getting up there. He's like in his late 70s now So so any day Obama's ninjas are gonna show up and suffocate him like they did Well, that's what I said like I think like he should be encouraged to spend more time with this guy and go on more vacations and like You know, it's a brandy and smoke cigars. I think that you should hang out with the other brother honestly. Yes Like I don't know if Clarence have Clarence have to do crack for the first time. It's 76 and see what oh, yeah Like Harlan or Tramel junior is sort of like an uncle buck figure. I Do like the idea I do like the idea of Biden like being sort of instrumental in

Getting Clarence Thomas up in there and then presiding over his replacement when he dies of old age That's what would be fitting. It's sort of the circle be poetic or Or being unable to fill the seat left by Thomas because Mitch McConnell from his hospital crypt Prevent as he dead. Yeah, what the hell? I Like fall down this field on the stairs last week or something It's it was a couple weeks ago now, and I don't know. I don't know. I haven't heard of him since then I haven't seen him being public in public. He's certainly not made out of the same shit as

Chuck Grassley. He's much more feeble live eternally. I remember like 2017. There's a picture of him Sort of that part of the Senate where they always hold press conferences and his hands were like dark purple It looked like it looked like yeah, it looked like someone who had been doing like the least subtle elder abuse ever to him Well prayers up for Mitch McConnell, you know I think Harlan Crowley just sent him a get-well soon present of a cigarette case once owned by Joseph Goebbels Yeah, I guess the other thing The other thing I've been thinking about all week long is thanks to you Felix I've been obsessed with that guy you found who says they

Who had the bright idea to make sure t-shirts making fun of Bud Light that people could wear to bars To signal their displeasure with Bud Light. Yeah, Bud Light boycott is really funny to me. It's one of the better a Conservative consumer culture boycotts. We've had recently and I love the guy who wants to make Citerical Bud Light t-shirts and wear them to bars It took that guy a while to get there cuz he was sort of brainstorming through that. He started out with like oh How about this conservatives? Let's go to bars and tell them that Bud Light is trans Just go up to strangers and talk about that and then I think like ten minutes later

He realized like oh wait, that's like that's why we've like lost a bunch of elections recently. Okay. How about a t-shirt that says? So it was something about yeah, it was Bud Wiener It's just like if you don't know what this is which I presume most people don't Yeah, probably like what? Okay, is this guy does this guy want to suck my dick? Yeah, what is this? Bud Light hanky code But I mean like I particularly like the idea of a um

Like a like a like a beer boycott because like beer is like a perfect example about how like Basically every beverage you could possibly buy or not buy is owned by about three companies. Yeah There is no way the it's just like oh I'm I'm I'm forsaking all anhyzer bush products in favor of this, you know Patriotic beer. It's like owned by the same Belgian conglomerate. Mm-hmm And I also I would have no fucking clue who that Dylan Mulvaney person is were it not for like all of these people getting angry at her I just I've never seen this person before would never consider them. I've no idea Tick-tock there. Yeah, I get there you go. Yeah, people are now getting sponsorships. Yeah, absolutely not on my watch sister

No, thank you. Stay over there. I saw that Matt Walsh like did a thread about this where he's sort of like Three posts in kind of like completely defeats the the movement by going like look we can't harm most of these companies or Really any of them unless we just target one and only one Then we can make an example out of that one and then move on to the next which is like Okay, if you've said that you can't do it to most of them or all of them, then you've already you've already like stuffed this movement out I mean, that's not even considering that every company who's You know going going woke and going broke has probably already like

They've already been through this and they've already figured out like how many people they lose versus how many people they gain or retain and It's factored in already. I mean, yeah They there's no no way a company of this size did not look at have all of this Crunched all these numbers crunched before they decided to go with that Campaign, they're not they're not gonna be surprised and the thing I think that they've all realized by now is that no Boycott can ever be sustained not just because of the difficulty of Wrangling people together to do it when everyone's just you know responding to social media stimuli But there's no way that you can keep people's attention focused on one thing that long

There's always new shit coming down the pipe that people are going to care about more because it happened more recently and They you can't sustain the campaign because you can't sustain the story because Eventually, it's just another dead of fact that we drain of any juice and then we got to run to the next one So then that they really don't have to worry about that at all For anything like any kind of boycott from any side at least I I would imagine they figure that out by now And even eat I mean that would be true if there were actual genuine energy behind the boycott But right this just seems it seems all very half-hearted and lost

It seems like I see barely any videos of people destroying Bud Light Well, it was a kid rock was the only had the main one where he was shooting up some You know some cases of Bud Light, but even that seemed very very half-hearted You know sort of like all these things are just this feeling of everyone's just kind of going through the motions It's just like pantomime robotic response to get the get the get the pellet It gives you the good brain feeling a little bit just move the chemicals through your brain just for another day Yeah, stop just get that sluggish river of dopamine moving The conservative the conservative movement in America does seem particularly sluggish and lost

In a way that I don't think I've seen it in my lifetime. I They they seem to like not Know why they won when they won and not know why they're losing now They seem completely lost and just fatigued Well, I think one thing they really didn't assimilate enough is to what degree their victories were structurally enforced by you know constitutional Like the constitutional settlement and the and the apportionment of political power and and they they mistook that for a popularity

That they got intoxicated by the prospect of being not just in power Which you know who cares but popular and they they got so excited about that. They thought oh, there's a new There's this new Median pop a public median that we are now going to embody instead of being alienated from and it turns out no you're fucking weird man People are freaked out by you You know like as example of this malaise that you guys are diagnosing I was wondering if like you saw today this this baffling thing on Twitter were like Like daily wire guys or all these like right-wing guys were posting photos of themselves as like toddlers

And they were saying when you call me an alt-right fascist This is who you are speaking to and it's a photo of them as a kid And I was just wondering what the fuck is the point of this like I was a small child once Yeah, like that could be said of anyone and also even funnier in the case of Roger Stone kicking this off The photo of him as a child is like radiates palpable evil Yeah, like like terrifyingly like awful vibes come just just fucking Wafting off of that you can feel it through the fucking screen of your computer Yeah, for half of these photos forgot like Michael Knowles's picture, too

A lot of them are dressed like if Paddington was a Nazi Like they're just horrifying Damian children really weird, but as I was talking about Matt Walsh I was wondering if you guys saw the other week people were sharing it It was a clip of Matt Walsh's daily wire show and it was sharing it was like, you know Matt Walsh defends slavery and like having having been sort of familiar with this genre I thought I could predict where it was gonna go because he was sort of like I don't know like either would be about like a African-Americans are currently Better off than people who were you know weren't whose ancestors were stolen from Africa and sent across the Atlantic or

Or that like you know slavery contributed to like the process that built the you know the wealth of America blah blah blah But no actually that the line he went with was that um if slavery in the Western Hemisphere didn't exist Like through a sort of butterfly flaps its wings can concoction of events then like there's a chance that I wouldn't exist Which is just about the weirdest I could not have predicted that that word was where he was going because it was sort of like Well, you know like if the Holocaust never happened like I might not exist either I mean you can say that about any historical event. Is he say is he saying that like It's like a Steve Martin in the jerk type thing. He's he's not how so he's saying he's descended from slaves

No, he's just saying the like slavery all of us Yeah, I mean he was just saying that like a major world events shook out differently than like there's a chance that your parents never Would have met and that you wouldn't exist. That's such a great argument because then like nothing that's ever happened was bad Everything was good everything before your birth was good because it led to that is that is the narcissistic Endpoint That's why Harlan fucking crow could just blightly collect all these trinkets from the horrors of the 20th century It's because yeah, that stuff was all bad, but it's okay because it led to me. I guess that's the end point of American Calvinism Yeah, all that stuff all that Sturman drawing now that blood all that horror

It's all been redeemed Because it produced me and like also it means that like anything currently going on in the world that you consider an atrocity or evil It's like who can say because I don't know like in another generation It could produce like, you know the next to you or someone better than you so who's the judge? Who's who can judge indeed? So I know we I know we've talked about this a bunch recently on the show about like how absolutely fucked Ron DeSantis is but like thanks to the Washington Post we now have a news article highlighting some of the internal DeSantis

machinations about him attacking or not attacking Trump to Really underscore everything we've said thus far, but it's just basically about how Like he has no idea what to do or how to respond to Trump's indictment and that he feels like per that the fact that like People in his inner circle were like taken aback and caught off guard by how quickly Donald Trump attacked him And then just basically didn't know what to do or what to say It says here asked about the asked about the case at a news conference on March 20th two days after a Trump advisor criticized his radio silence

DeSantis accused the prosecutor of pursuing a political agenda against Trump echoing many others in the party But he also noted the allegations of porn star hush money at the center of the case seeking to put a spotlight on Trump's personal Conduct and show he was not going to be bullied by the ex-president one of the people said I mean, I guess like 90 not that too much more to say about this, but Ron Ron is stinking it up really badly I thought I was thinking about how like damn dude like why don't you why don't you wait? But he can't wait. He's fucked. I mean, I I guess we're learning that they're very few good if any

Republican hatchet man or strategists but the thing that struck me was that the San Jose team was surprised that Trump hit back so early seriously What the fuck the only thing that you know about this guy is that any the first perceived Disloyalty not doing exactly what he wants which in a case of a guy like DeSantis is not tell people that you might run Against him is to go fucking all guns the total destruction mode Instantly, that's all he's ever done. It's like no, he's not gonna do that to me little old Ronnie DeSantis He's feuding with like three quarters of his former cabinet and their replacements and his former vice president He's gonna make an exception though for Ron. He's not gonna come out guns blazing against him. Yeah

I mean talk about oh, you know, there are no more James Bakers Is there like a single good Republican strategist? Maybe maybe maybe some team Mitch people. That's all I could think of I mean it was like they were in 2016 They had they were out of ideas. They were as out of ideas as the fucking Democrats were Trump's in a save them Trump came in and was able to be this Incredibly entertaining figure who could transcend the dull sterility of by of Two-party politics get people's eyeballs involved vested who wouldn't otherwise be give people who have written off the Republicans a chance to give him a fresh look And he was able to flip those reds rust belt states with vague gestures towards protectionism

And that formula gave them an extension on life that they've been frantically trying to organize around But none of them really got that it was just him. Yeah It was just him and then all the messages that they could read into about Trump's style of messaging or Anything they've just completely avoided. I mean, it's totally forgotten now, but in 2016 One big factor in Trump winning independence and you could call it stupid I mean sure like most of the reasons that independence flip are stupid Whether they're flipping to Obama because they think he represents a genuine sea change or this which is Trump won a lot of people over because they thought that he was more moderate than Hillary

You can argue against that, but that was the perception the Lanyard freaks of the Republican Party have seemed to take in the lessons of Trump is being like no You have to be as like you have to be as out there as possible You have to get rid of road versus white you have to just you have to do all these incredibly unpopular things and Juice the base. Yeah, they just they you know Like we said, they just they don't understand why they've won when they have. Yeah, you got to own the libs And you got to have swag well truck and you know swag swag cannot be the game is to be sold not told You know, it can't be taught. Well, you got it. You don't I mean Trump is like

Genuinely funny and he's not like a normal person people don't relate to obviously don't relate to him in an highway pushback slightly on that Like but he might be honestly for the standpoint of normality might be perhaps our most normal president Yeah, but like yeah, like no one I don't think there is any Republican who could capture like the kinds of spectacle That yeah, he puts out there. Yeah, they just have the the the policies unadorned and the policies unadorned are Spectacularly unpopular and there's just no way around that. Yeah, so what they have is just like this misinterpretation of his success which is yeah, you have to act crazy all the time and And I mean if you look at like in 2018 or the special election before that or 2020 that

Wasn't successful for Trump even but they're still doing all the like Bush era stuff where of like, you know Actually similar to the Democratic playbook of like put on this car heart jacket that every Republican candidate is shared since 1996 and You know the result is Completely underwhelming as we're saying this the car hijack, but I don't know like Because you like it's both Democratic and Republican governors now like it was the guy There was that shooting in Kentucky today and the governor of Kentucky was there all governors Oh, they all have that like fleece vest with like some sort of like an emblem or badge on it

Or like some sort of quarter zip fleece that was some sort of official Governor logo on it. It's it's the uniform now of all governors and they're wearing a tie under it But it's sort of like, you know, this governor casual look that's being promoted these days And I think it's trash. Well, they look like shit the vest in general is a professional uniform now Yeah, yeah, the way that they are Responding to this Constructively from their point of view is at the state level where wherever they have power they're just

doubling down on structurally reaffirming it and And buckling down and like throwing people out of the other the fucking state legislature and whatnot They can get away with And so yeah, that's why yeah, if you federalism is coming back, baby I mean look what's going on with the the abortion pill getting Struck downs nationwide by some loony tune Republican judge and you got

The Democratic governors saying that they're gonna fucking nullify. I mean, yeah, like yes, please As Stalin said of the Vatican how many divisions does the Pope control? The Supreme Court is our Vatican like it force your own laws asshole Well, they have they have an army in the sense that They're counting on a night at the museum type event happening at Harlan Crowe's house Harlan Crowe owns the division of vintage panzers Yeah, he loves them

He's got like a whole terracotta army underneath Hagrid's ground Hogwarts and Luthwatha are back and they're fighting against woke It's like bed knobs and broomsticks That's like Marching out Oh Oh Oh another another funny thing that happened this week. I know you guys saw this the

Yeah, what was it the ADL getting mad at protesters in Israel for comparing Netanyahu to a Pharaoh? I mean they were like on Passover weekend. No less And it's just so fun. I don't really that's classic like It's just they only have they only have one move really Yeah, that's really it and I love that they describe the Pharaoh as it like the Pharaoh as an enemy of the Jews It's like what five thousand years ago. What the fuck? Yeah They're not talking about Hezbollah now

You know, yeah, um, I guess that brings up bad memories of Prince of Egypt for the Jewish people It's also like so, okay, like if you're if you're doing that when Jeff Goldblum was Moses Yeah, if you're doing that in Israel at this point like Then like the only Only Benjamin Netanyahu and his immediate family They're the only people who aren't anti-semitic in the entire world. That's the rate. We're going at yeah I mean as it like it's not even like the anti Netanyahu movement is like a peace-loving

Anti-occupation movement Demanding and franchisement for all Arabs. No good stuff though But I look as long as we're talking as I was joking Hitler today there were some The LA Times has some funny details about Kanye West Looney fucking school that he was running for a while there the Donda Academy Some former teachers are suing him as you might imagine But but in the lawsuit there are some funny details about the curriculum and the sort of style of education being offered at Kanye's school In addition to like not teaching the Holocaust as part of the curriculum

I like this detail the school did not have janitorial services with West barring the use of cleaning products with chemicals or Proper trash cans according to the complaint teachers are only allowed to clean with acid water and microfiber cloths That is water. What what the fuck is acid water? Just like a like a water down height like acid like it's just a few drops of acid and water. I guess yeah Who how do you know? Do you know that that's not an even better way to clean things that might make them more disinfected? You're believing what the mainstream media tells you about cleanliness interesting The school also lacked a school nurse and medical supplies and medications were stored in properly

One student's EpiPen to treat allergic reaction was just stowed above a microwave the plaintiff's alleged I gather that that's bad for The EpiPen if you microwave it. Oh, you get superpowers off that shit Yeah, he was trying to start Charles Xavier's Academy for them for new mutants. Yeah totally Ungrateful here this article made me think about how like Kanye doesn't have it together enough to do a Jim Jones type thing He lacks the organizational skills that he could never keep that and then he people together that long in that in the fucking jungle No way couldn't even do it in like Beverly Hills with like

With the concierge service, what's these days? Yeah, we haven't heard anything from all Kanye in a while Did they just put him in did they put him away? Is he like he said that he's not anti-Semitic anymore because he saw Jonah Hill's performance in 21 Jump Street And he says he's no longer mad at the Jews. Yeah, no that his evil Jewish trainer actually 51 50 him Did you did that happen? I mean maybe like as will point it out He said that he's no longer anti-Semitic because of Jonah watching Jonah Hill, right? Yeah, I mean again though That's just that was a that was what an Instagram post and yeah made that I mean if I had to guess it would be that he's on the depressive side of man depressive right now, right?

Yeah, because yeah, I think of the turn of the wheel Yeah, he was he was on a spree of doing like 50 podcasts a day where he says it like Hitler invented the iPod and the zoom And just like, you know, just this ridiculous outboring of energy that you can only get by being Incredibly mentally ill and a cocaine addict I mean like he started a school like what like there you go and now I mean maybe 51 50 Probably just like, you know, the just burned out and lethargic. Yeah, just hanging out eating Ben and Jerry's Yeah, rumor has it though that he is in seclusion recording a secret album. That's going to be a masterpiece He's recording it in the studio underneath the the Hagrid's

Shag the Harlan Crow residence He's cooking he's cooking up something fantastic The Harlan Crow Kanye collab is going to be for absolute fire Sorry, just a few more details. It says here as for nutrition Donda Academy students were fed sushi and only sushi every day at school And were made to eat lunch on the floor as the school did not have tables the plate to the left Doesn't okay, there's there's no nurse Lunch tables or cleaning products or janitors in the Donda Academy I would love I would love to interview any parent who sent their kid to this school

Because they were just probably were like, oh Kanye has a school. That's awesome. Can't wait to send my kid there Well, like our did was the academic side of it thing. Was that good? Yeah, we don't know It was DJ academics actually That was the curriculum Also students were required to dress entirely in black And they were restricted to the first floor of the building because the complaint alleges west is afraid of stairs Now Felix, I know I know you can relate or not to relate as someone for whom stairs were a big part of their childhood

Yeah, well, I mean, I think we found the root of all of Kanye's problems. His childhood lacked stairs He either grew up in an apartment building or the dreaded the most evil invention ever in the history of mankind the ranch style home Donda academy Sorry, I'm just I'm I'm I'm still struck by your the idea of a night at the museum style situation happening in Harland Crow's house That would there would be so be like get Ben Stiller on the line now. That would be so good I'm also I'm also returning to the idea of having a room when we should display the art of like in progression Norman Rockwell, Adolf Hitler and George W. Bush because I think that's actually really smart and interesting curation

To show the evolution of a certain artistic style and mindset. Yeah It would be but it's like unfortunately the extent of that curation is just he thinks all of those paintings are good. Yeah His his state like his his evaluation of paintings is like wow that really looks like the guy Wow, well, I feel like I'm right in front of the building I mean hence the fence the painting of him and clements thomas that just looks like a photo and they're just like Having cigars with the boys this guy. He would have loved Chuck close I mean Chuck closest art was much more interesting But like the extent of his appreciation would be that it's photo realistic

Yeah, and yeah, it's soothing if things don't look like Immediately a recognizable thing you start getting a little antsy a little sweaty little anxious like what is this? What am I looking at and then the not knowing it not giving you that information just creates this Horrifying void that you can't contemplate you have to run away from as quickly as possible And like someone someone shared the the other art by the guy who did the photo realistic paintings And I swear to god he has a a photo realistic portrait of uh, Alan partridge, which I would be proud to display and in my home museum. I mean that would be a real A conversation piece. I'd have that

I this is Alan partridge's blazer from knowing me knowing you next to Hitler's luger that he shot himself with That would make sense. Um, but also like he does paint things of like, uh, like a classic cherry red catalac convertible Looking out over a new york skyline Being driven by two donuts Like that's the kind of art That's a little too abstract for my this Yeah, that's not that's sort of like cars. Yeah, I I could not see donuts behind the wheel of a vehicle if I looked out my window So, uh, I'm gonna have a panic attack right now

I'm gonna call my security got my blackwater guys in here and they're gonna fucking just shoot this painting And I guess uh, just um one last thing that's been kicking around my head ever since uh, felix shared it and I can't stop thinking about it Uh felix the the video of boozy, uh requesting a child with a wide neck to be in his movie Yeah, I I'm putting out the call for like send me a photo of your your boy's neck Because I need a wide neck to be in my movie I um If people don't have the pleasure of following boozy and it's hard because he does like get banned a lot Um, he gets he is always like just rifling through instagram accounts

The best part about following him is the request he puts out He's always putting out very weird requests like this Like he he wanted the wide neck child to play the The child version of a character in a movie he's making Presumably who also has a wide neck as an adult and that being his I would hope so Yeah, it's his most important feature unless the movie is about that him losing the neck weight or something But he he's always asking for stuff like this He's I've seen him asked for like licensed barbers who can come to his house like five of them

Did he get the naked barber on the phone? I think he would have some ideological issues with the naked barber, unfortunately If you've seen the infamous planet fitness video Where he makes an impassioned plea to dwayne wade over guess what? Oh, okay. Yeah, um He it's too bad because that guy could give a hell of a cut He's a good enough barber that he doesn't even have to be nude He just does it for the love of the nudity Uh, if anyone's wondering the naked barber and now has sort of a permanent residence. Yes, you guessed it Harlan crow's parkland

It's the office complex. It's an exact replica of Floyd's barber shop from the Andy Griffin show Clarence thomas has been served by the naked barber Jonah Goldberg Charles Burry the board of directors of the american enterprise institute They have all enjoyed the services of a naked barber And you know, like I mean there's like and look there's nothing hateful about that It is important that we that we contemplate an era before barbers were allowed to have clothes And what just capitalist entrepreneurship was able to create for the world that you could have pants on a barber

But you know, I mean like sometimes it's we will solemnly consider The world before barbers are allowed to wear clothes Yeah, and how lucky we are that we can choose if we want to to have our barber wear pants We have to acknowledge that we've all fantasized about this exact situation. Yeah Speaking speaking of speaking of we've all fantasized about it Oh special, uh, we're giving a special, um, keep your head up champ We're giving our first keep your head up champ to the dolly lama Who this week this week

Is in trouble for sucking on a boy's tongue Everyone has made that mistake at their job Don't don't let don't let people bring you down Your excellency your holiness keep going. Yeah, don't let him take your shine He he he released a statement about sucking this boy's thumb or tongue without a seat. That's okay. What is the mistake? What are you doing dolly lama never apologize? He didn't allude to sucking the tongue though I think it's sort of like an apology by a mission. It's very clever Probably did a similar thing. Sorry if you were offended by some tongue action that I participated in. Yeah, he says, um

A video clip has been circulating and it shows a recent meeting when a young boy asked his holiness the dolly lama If he could give him a hug his holiness wishes to apologize to the boy and his family As well as his many friends across the world for the hurt his words may have caused Okay, you're skipping a lot of steps here I'm like um what you have in the in this screenshot of the notes app doesn't really address Yes, why you should be apologizing his holiness often teases people he meets in an innocent and playful way Even in public and before cameras. He regrets the incident He likes it. Yeah, this is this is proof that dolly lama. He's lost his fastball

He it's it's well past time for him to just like do the yoda deal and just In his robes, what are you hanging around for get another dolly lama? I might they might have some new ideas like you your idea of like a chuckling next to uh Bono didn't work. It's okay You know next time that get back on the horse get back on that wheel get a new Lama try some new shit maybe get on tiktok But this go into Davos in a fucking robe it didn't work and now you're sucking children's tongues It's like good try good effort, but yeah, it's time. It's time to just vaporize. They should do it like at least

At least they should have given him like a Westbrook type deal. Where is the six man? He'd be Carrying a team anymore. Yeah, they should have done that after he like gave Keith Ranieri a special scarf Oh, yeah, uh, yeah, I was not aware of that I was not aware of that that they're like photos the dolly lama just like, you know Uh bestowing some honor on the sex cult guy who paid him a couple million dollars for the privilege and let us be honest Lama, you know, the buddhism has been on such a shift for a while There's no way china's giving you back to bet. That's the lost cause

Yeah, it's like Go away and then come back as like a gamer from like uh, florida or something who who brings universal Compassion uh through twitch streams of uh overwatch. Yeah Yeah, no, I mean another another huge L for Tibetan buddhist cells Another dub for japanese buddhism. They've never sucked a tongue. That's true They they did considerably worse in uh, men's sharia in 1930s. Oh, well, yeah, but that's like I mean every every religion has everyone's done some bad things Except except for hinduism king arthur and never done a bad thing king king arthur and his entire round table

All hindus. Yep I love your new pivot to being a uh non-indian non-hindu hindi vabha guy where you're just convinced by their Their historical analysis. Yeah, richard. The lionheart was hindu. Yeah, look, i'm not hindu. I'm a white man I've never been to india. I don't like modi. I don't like his policies I support separation of shirts instead But any hindu man of just average piousness can shoot a fireball It's possible. I've seen it. Yo, go ahead I don't understand. I don't understand how it works and I certainly don't approve of anything that modi is doing in india

but Cow piss is the my cure for cold every single time and it works. Yeah Shot of cow piss and bronchial tubes cleared instantly and you explain it I'm against all organized religions, but let me tell you right now Goku was a real historical figure and guess what he was hindu I'm just imagining actually does resemble some of the you know ashuras from like the The the vedic texts No, go Goku's not ashura. He's he's a very nice man

Goku's primary characteristic is his innocence But sometimes he gets super pissed and then like an entire mountain gets leveled Yeah, but he gets pissed because someone like harmed his friends and he has to get pissed to find the dragon balls To wish the world back to normal Which I think is a pretty noble quest and we've all been through that one form the other I was just imagining um now that the Dalai Lama has um You know found himself in a a little bit of a sticky situation for sucking children's tongues on camera I would like to see like all of the sort of like

Airhead liberal celebrities who love hanging out with the Dalai Lama to start defending him like Jonah Goldberg does harlin crow by just being like I have been to the lunch of the Dalai Lama's house many times And I have sucked a number of children's tongues in his presence It was all good fun and we did it very solemnly to you know ponder the The horrors of the Chinese conquest of the nation of Tibet. I mean that please don't bring it up. That really shows You know, I'm sorry. Look you can bring up some bad things the Japanese Buddhists have done It's too complicated for people in Hollywood to sign on to it though

You have to give them that And uh, Felix you you've studied Japanese Buddhism mostly through video games. Yeah Yeah, so here's the basic tenets that I've learned through games Centipede that's bad Centipede represents rot flowing water awesome still water bad Dragon I mean everyone drag dragon great the dragon is practically flowing water dragon rivers They're like cousins if you see a centipede in still water

Turn your back unless you're at a high level And that that's that's all you got to know Make sense to me. That's done. Yeah, that's in the books Yeah, let's uh, that's that's the way to close out this episode if you see a centipede in still water It's flea. Yeah, get out of there. Get out of there. We're not safe unless you're it's bad karma unless you're armed If you see a centipede in your arm, you have a duty to your fellow citizens to open fire Just close your eyes castle doctrine on all centipedes. You see a centipede. I remember that's how I encountered a centipede Well, next time you do just close your eyes and squeeze the trigger

Put a bump spot on just go crazy Well, anyway, I guess that does it for today's show till next time guys. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. You