Chapo Trap House - 734 - I Feel Like White Gladis (5/23/23)

Episode Date: May 23, 2023

Debt ceiling showdown, losers of the Republican primaries, Pete Buttigieg’s Mind Cathedral, yes, yes, but we must focus on what’s really important: The Orcas are now in open revolt, and we need to strategize support for our cetacean brothers and sisters. LAST DAY to buy this round of merch from us, get it while it’s available: https://represent.com/store/chapo-trap-house

Greetings, friends. It's Monday, May 22nd, and we've got some chop-up coming for you today. My stuff to talk about today. You've got the debt ceiling. Is it going to be raised? 14th Amendment. We've got more searching for Sugar Man. We've got a continuing roundup of losers and some articles to talk about. But before we get to that, I'd like to begin today with a segment we haven't done in a while, Animal News. But this thing I'm going to talk about now is more important than previous Animal News columns. Like, you know, here's an interesting fact about beavers or, I don't know, like a dog found another dog or his friends are the bird or something like that. No, this is a story that will define much

of the rest of our lives. I'll just get right into it. Revenge of the orcas. Killer whales have sunk three boats in unusual attacks. It's happening. It's finally happening. A spate of encounters between orcas and boats off the Iberian coast has puzzled scientists and sailors recently as seemingly coordinated ambushes by the killer whales led to the sinking of three vessels. The reason for the attacks, according to one scientist who has studied the phenomenon, may be revenge. It's about time. Well, the obvious thing, right, is the way of water is happening. That's obvious. In the article, though, it's interesting. One of the, I don't know, I guess crusty old

sailors, one of the seafarers they talked to, I don't know if he's a scientist or not, talked about how this is the first time he's seen orcas working together, not just as a group, but orcas telling other orcas in different orca communities how to do something, how to ambush a boat. He said, it's over for us monkeys. I think that's a bad way to look at it. I think that we could easily make a treaty with orcas where we will stop whatever we're doing, throwing plastic at them, hitting them with boats, but we give them access to some of our technology and they can help develop, develop, I don't know, the technology for mass effect with us.

Well, we're going to have to do something. I mean, the negotiations are on the table right now because they're learning and they want revenge. I remember learning about orcas as a kid and despite the fact that they're called killer whales, one of the facts you learned is that there's never been a recorded instance of a killer whale harming or much let alone killing a human being in the wild, leaving aside the ones that they abuse at SeaWorld and whatnot. Yeah. The times they were ashamed of.

That's earned their name. Any animal, you should be able to molest it for 90 years straight without it getting mad at you. I says here that the leading theory is that a female orca suffered a traumatic incident with a boat, a critical moment of agony that caused her to start attacking the vessels. Alfredo Lopez Fernandez, a marine biologist at the University of Aviero in Portugal, told the industry publication Live Science, so orcas are attacking the Portuguese. Oh, no. Orcas hate Madera. The majority of the disruptive interactions between orcas and boats off the Iberian Peninsula in the past few years, Lopez Fernandez said they numbered in the hundreds,

have been brief and caused minimal physical damage to the vessels, according to a report written by Lopez Fernandez in publishing the journal Marine Mammal Science. But on at least three occasions, including one incident this month involving a sailing yacht, the orcas have sunk the boats. The female orca whom scientists named White Gladus appears to have taught the aggressive behavior to other adult orcas whose children have begun imitating the behavior. I think we need to, yes, like some faction of humanity needs to get in touch with these guys and yeah, not just make a treaty, but, you know, and technological exchange, but

arm them. We're going to give them the fricking lasers for their heads from Austin Powers. Remember that? Something. Rockets, they need a force multiplier because as good as they are at sinking ships, they still don't have the goddamn thumbs and that's going to be a problem in scaling up their aggression, which they need to do. Yeah. I mean, once they have thumbs, they'll unlock the greatest tool, the true bravery of the operator, which is just calling in airstrikes every 20 seconds. I can't wait till they're, yeah, they're orca sheepdogs. There's an orca Chris Kyle who like lies about stuff.

An orca Chris Kyle who's like, yeah, I actually attacked a migrant boat and killed 700 Syrian children. But that, that, those all count. That's all on my numbers. No, that's not, that's my kill list. An orca Black Rifle Krill Company. I don't buy, I don't buy Black Rifle Krill anymore. It's woke. Well, you know, I mean, the orcas are being, they're being led by, by white Gladys, you know, seems like a sort of a matriarchy. We need to make a deal with the orca males to reinstate mass fuel and authority over the Black, Black Rifle Krill Company.

Well, maybe, maybe, maybe Gladys is like one of those IDF babes. Oh, I like that. I'm thinking maybe they could mount some of those like shaped penetrating charges that the Iranians used to like put hulls in tanks and battleships and stuff, put a couple of those on an orca, just, you know, just swim right into the side of a destroyer or a yacht. But, you know, I mean, I wonder what this traumatic experience was. I mean, this is, as we said earlier, this is literally the plot of Avatar 2. And I say to our Tolkien brothers and sisters, please rise up. Our country yearns for freedom. Yes, liberate us.

Yeah, I'd like to be the Jane Fonda of the orca war. I mean, you're, you're a piece of shit if you're not, basically, like, same, same thing, really. Yeah. It's just like they, they had like you, if you're on humanity side for this, there's just no claim. What? Like, oh, they're, they're overreacting to us, just dumping Coke Zero in their home. Yeah. Having submarines, just doing massive sonic blasts through the ocean that deafened them. Yeah.

That's pretty traumatic. There's just no argument. Yeah. Well, I mean, you said, you said they're mad at us for dumping Coke Zero in their homes. But maybe, maybe they've gotten a taste for Coke Zero and they're attacking the yachts because they want more of it. Maybe we should introduce Diet Coke, the greatest beverage that humanity's ever created. Maybe we could use that to placate them. I don't know. But these orcas, they're coming for us. They're coming for us. And, you know, just think about one of these things. They're massive. They're massive. They're like torpedoes. They're unstoppable.

They're unstoppable. Well, I mean, it starts with the boats. Yeah. But I mean, you know, it's unstoppable. They'll win eventually, even though they don't have thumbs because they're, they're, they're brain capacities better than ours. They're probably like halfway through industrialization by now. By next year, you know, they'll surpass us. But in that time, there's a lot of opportunities. If you're a human who's on the right side, on the orca side, you could, you could write for like Orca Tellicer. I want to be like, you said you want to be the Jane Fonda for the orcas. I think this

program, we could be like the Tokyo Rose for the, the Orca Empire. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, American sailors, your, your wives and girlfriends are home being fucked by dolphins right now. Give up. I, I already like Americans who are like their entire thing is like, Oh, I like, I'm going to do propaganda for someone else. I already like someone like that. Like, when, whenever people use it as a gotcha, when they're like, Oh, this guy's an American, but he wrote for a Chinese propaganda paper. I instantly, I like that person more. I'm serious. And how could that type of person, how could that, you know, the one exculpatory act you could

do as an American, you know, writing an article that's like Panda's amaze in, in the village. Not one of those articles for RT. That's like, you know, as America gets trans or Russia's getting more based, not those articles. That's practically like American pride. You're just writing like an American. The only thing better than that is doing that for the Orcas. Yeah. Because they're just like, they're in the most right out of anybody, you know? Yeah, they're the good guys. Yeah. We need to support them. And this is the chance to get in on the ground floor, to get into the aqua floor, make some connections and, and help the winning team. Absolutely. Born to krill. The Orcas actually don't eat krill, though. They eat

other whales. I mean, like, that's how serious they are. I guess I'll just go fuck myself, huh? I guess I'll just go and cut my cock off so I can't propagate my shitty genes. I forgot what Orcas eat. Sorry. Sorry. I've been taking Ozympic. It's making me freak out. I respond to Ozympic the way that Travis the Chimp responds to X-Ax. Just makes me more compulsive and freak out all the time. You know, at the end of the article, though, it says here, um, so what should be made of the coordinate of attacks on boats? The report warned that if the situation continues or intensifies, it could become a real concern for the safety of sailors, but also for Orcas, which are endangered in the region because

they could harm themselves by attacking boats or be harmed by sailors trying to protect their vessels. This seems like a, like a weak stab at threatening the Orcas, you know, like, oh, you could make us have to have a fuck you up, Orcas. We really care about you. You can't say that in the same article as the guy going, like, yeah, they can continue working together. We're done. But you can't come, you can't come after that guy who's like their brain capacity is better than ours. They'll probably like, you know, they're going to invent plasma rifles and then you're the next guy and you're the next guy in the article and you're like, oh, I'm just, oh, they might hurt themselves. Yeah, fat chance,

dumbass. I'd like to move on to talk about, um, the political world and what's been in the news in the week. But like, this is all, um, in the shadow. I mean, like really none of this matters because it is all going to be very soon washed away, like sand in the tides by the Orca uprising. So, I mean, look, the leaders in this country, they'll negotiate over the debt ceiling and things like that. But I mean, they should be negotiating over which one of their, uh, which one of their family members they're willing to sacrifice to, to quell white Gladys and her, and her, and her ravening sea wolves.

There is probably the one way we could win. Well, not we humanity. Um, the one way the bad guys could win is, you know, people are familiar with Dark Souls, the lore of Dark Souls. There's a war on the dragons, the beginning, right? Um, the people who find the Great Souls fight the dragons and they're able to beat the dragons because there's like a dragon compridor. There's a dragon who's like, he's shittier than all the other dragons. He's has no scales. He's like pale white. He looks like shit. He looks disgusting. He looks like, um, a Swiss male and he has no, no scales, not immortal, no powers really called see if the scalis and he's like, well, I'm pretty much fucked as a dragon. And so he tells,

you know, humanity and the lords like, listen, you got to peel away their scales and he helps, he helps everyone win the war against the dragons and he's rewarded with, um, duked them to make this fucked up slimy lizard a duke and everyone just goes along with it. If there's like a shitty orca who can become an orc, orca compridor, that's humanity's only shot that baby beluga, quizzlings, selling out there, selling out their citation, citation of Joey pants of the orca world. Yeah, they're gonna like, they're gonna, they're gonna bribe him with some sort of mechanical leg type thing that they strapped to him so that he can go to Banana Republic and get slacks. Yeah. I want to be someone important at Sea

World. I don't want to be jumping around for fish or anything. I know these sardines are fake, but well, like I said, just more please and faster. My country yearns for freedom will like let us please avenging angel wash away the stench of humanity from at least from our oceans and we get to stay on layman. Um, for now, for now, the next Avatar movie comes out and the psychic beam sent from its, uh, the combined experience of everybody watching it, awakens, uh, some land creatures to start attacking us, which is the next step mooses just like, like, uh, like just using their antlers, like, you know, cow catchers just scooping people up, tossing them in the garbage, crushing them. I mean, we talked

about this a lot on the show, but like James Cameron probably has the most powerful brain of any human, any, any living being alive because he is, you're absolutely right, Matt. He started like, I don't know if he started this, but he sent a signal to white Gladys with episode two. Like he, like he is, this is like John, John Lilly, like cross species communication. He made a movie so good. Look, I, the orcas, they didn't see the movie in theaters, but they got the message. They got it. Like how many millions and millions of people watch that movie and then, and then had subconscious and dreaming thoughts of Paya Khan and the, the, the Tolkien revolt revolt. And then that was also, that's the

same ether that the, that all of the conscious beings, uh, swim in and then they, they took it up and now, uh, we get to respond in kind. And yeah, I think I, I, I was joking at first when I thought that the avatar said the avatar movies are going to, uh, save humanity, but you know what, uh, they just might do it. Well, if not save them, they've not saved humanity, at least it will save citations. No, no, we will, we will be saved like as a species, but it radically transformed by the experience to the point that yeah, it would be unrecognizable and probably horrific to, you know, our current understanding of values, but those values are insane and monstrous

and suicidal. Yeah. And the only future really is like playing second or third or fourth or whatever fiddle to an intelligency creature led earth. There is no future with us in charge. It's like, it's not trending well. I'm also struck by, I'm like the details of the article says that, uh, white Gladys was probably like the, these initial assaults on yachts or whatever were inspired by an emotionally painful incident. And like that is just out of the script of avatar too. What does Paya couldn't say? It's too painful to talk about.

Yeah. And that's what inspires him to like teach, teach the other Tulkuns that like, Hey, sometimes you got to kill, kill, kill what makes the algae grow blood, blood, what? So, uh, best of luck to, uh, white Gladys. I'll be following this story, um, very closely. But now, now, now to move on to things that absolutely do not matter. Let's talk about the debt ceiling. Boy, I wonder what's going to happen with this. Oh, they're negotiating over it, but, uh, oh, are they going to use the 14th amendment? Are they going to mint the coin?

Oh, somebody options. I love what the show runners are doing this time. Yeah. Um, I don't know though. I just feel like, uh, those would be, those would be good plot twists, but I think they're telegraphing that, um, it's just going to be the same old same old. I know, I know it's going to, I know the Democrats really don't want to make massive cuts to social spending and leave the Pentagon budget alone, but unfortunately it just seems like there's no other good options. Well, yeah, I mean, worker work requirements for, uh, Medicaid and, uh, you know, just the few social programs we have, they may seem like cruel and capricious and just,

um, just meaningless. Uh, but you're forgetting they also have a completely negligible to no effect on the budget. That's the thing you got to remember. Why, why we got to do them. The best argument I saw for it, um, outside of my main favorite argument, which is, you know, every time Biden fucks off and just eat shit on this, which has been, uh, every single thing he's done since he did not do this in December or January before the new Congress, which he could have done. Nothing was stopping him. Uh, is people go, are you Joe Biden has been a senator and a vice president for 380 years. Are you doubting his savvy? This guy has been on the wrong side of like everything. Just war on war

on drugs. Anti-bite got into this, uh, over anti-busting, just everything. Are you doubting his know how? Um, no, I got to say though, I mean, like to take that at face value, I'm actually personally, uh, I'm actually not doubting his savvy or know how, because like when I read Tim Kaine in the newspaper being like, Hey, like, why don't we do this when we had a chance to before the midterms seems like we're really fucked now. And like stuck with all the stuff with like the worst options when we could, when we could have exercised the options to give us an off ramp to this stupid debt ceiling hostage situation. Why didn't we do it then? And I say I'm not doubting Biden savvy because I think like they knew

full well that they could have do it and then they didn't because they were seeking to basically author the exact scenario that they're in now, which is once again, the Democrats being able to say, you know, not without good cause, there's nothing we can do. I guess we just have to make welfare recipients work and, uh, be conscripted in the orca wars. Right. Like why they started the, they started this administration with like unprecedented welfare expansion with like the child tax credit and stuff like that. That it would, you know, as people like to point out when Biden got in here, Oh my God, base Biden just cut poverty at child poverty and half. I mean, they did that too. So now they've just, they

were forced to do it then and now they're trying to backdoor, uh, uh, cut all of this stuff. To me, the thing that makes most sense is that there is no plan for anybody and no one knows anything. No one's in charge of anything. They don't have any ability to execute a plan or hold a discipline among a necessary group of Democrats for long enough to pursue on if they wanted to, like they're just going from crisis to crisis, cobbling together the people to get some piece of legislation that gets made, uh, through, you know, the, the random process of, of deal cutting and, and, uh, backdoor shenanigans that usually is how that stuff happens and then just move on to the next one. And like they didn't, why didn't

they fucking, uh, do this when they had the chance? Probably because they didn't have any faith that there would be enough votes there because some fucking random, a Democrat would say, no, it's not right to, uh, raise at that ceiling without making some reckoning with our spending Joe Manchin. And what are they going to do if they do that? Like the, there's no mechanisms to discipline anybody. So there's no way to pursue any agenda. Yeah. I tend to agree with that a lot more than, you know, they just wanted to do this. I mean, like, I, I, I certainly don't think they're like, they're, they're, they're, I'll kill myself right now, putting it in my mouth right now. Thanks a lot guys.

We can all kill ourselves by the end of the day. But I don't think, I don't think they're like beyond, like morally beyond like not wanting to do this. And we've certainly like seen it before, right? But I think like from what I've seen, that there's sort of like a difference in how a shitty Democratic administration acts when they, you know, they, they want to cut things like this versus an administration that just as Matt says, just no one knows what's going on. Like Ron Klein, Ron Klein missed his calling as a nurse in a retirement home, you know? He was, he was, he, he was the fucking best at that. He was the best at taking this guy who's just a puddle and forming him into something. And he's replaced

with this guy named like John Zients. He's named after the UFC's official energy drink. They stopped making 10 years ago. Zients, science in a can. And he sucks. He doesn't know, he doesn't know how to corral an old person. Everyone else is like, I don't even know who else is in the administration, like various Delaware more locks, I guess a few people who spent all of 2019 through 2021 making the longest display names ever stuff that's like, you know, John, John Cassidy wants to cut the middle child income tax, stuff like that. Like a few left liberals, no one knows what's going on. They don't know what they, they have no idea. They have no fucking plan. Um, Ron Klein is, I don't know, maybe he's

creating his own army of old people since he's so good at it. He's gone. He's out there and John Zients, again, I forgot the new chief of staff's name. I'm sorry. He's just fucking up. I mean, you know, they're, they're doing what they do. It's like, Oh, well, we're not going to negotiate with them. Oh, what, what's this? Oh, shit. I mean, apparently they thought that like the chamber of commerce or something would come in and just discipline the Republicans because they don't want, uh, the instability of, uh, of questions about debt repayment. And turns out they're like, no, do it, do what they want. Well, we, we were actually

pretty unnerved by that glut of social spending that happened at the end of during the COVID era. And we want to make sure that we put a bright line between then and now, and we never go back. And now we're like, Oh, shit. Who's, who's, uh, whose idea was, um, let's wait for the normal Republicans genius, genius and like amazing. It's people who are in the Obama administration who watched that strategy fail over and over again. But like, you know, if, if it's not a choice, you can't really sting them for it. If there's no, no capacity to do anything other than, than what they have, then, you know, they're just, they are automatons.

Yeah. If the Obama, Obama who like tried to lead with like, I'm going to make every, everyone over 72, I'm going to make them work in quiz notes. And they were like, no, no, fuck you, Obungler. Obungler tried, Obungler tried like the worst guy, so he really tried and it was too lip-tarded for them. And, um, yeah, I mean, I don't necessarily think like the chamber of Congress, like the, the more normal, the normal cucks, the normal cells of the Republican party, I don't think they necessarily like want the us to default, but I think they're correctly playing a game of chicken where they're going to get as close as possible to see how much they can cut. And the answer is they could probably cut

a shitload. Not only that, but like in terms of these negotiations, like it's very clear that the contours of the negotiations as it regards to like Kevin McCarthy and the Republicans is not the usual, we'll, we'll take tax cuts in exchange for like, you know, offsets in domestic spending. They're like, no, this is a, this is like, oh, we're not, we're not, or tax hikes for, for exchanges in like cuts in domestic spending. It's so like, they're like, no, like this is only cuts to domestic spending and only cuts to democratic priorities. Like for instance, leaving the military budget completely unscathed. But I think one of the interesting things about this, like the touted 14th amendment solution to this, I mean, there's

an article in Politico today, Biden's 14th amendment message to progressives, it ain't going to happen. Senior Biden officials have told progressive activists and lawmakers in recent days that they do not see the 14th amendment, which says the validity of the public debt cannot be questioned as a viable means of circumventing debt ceiling negotiations. They have argued that doing so would be risky and destabilizing according to three people familiar with the discussions. Am I wrong to interpret that as meaning that if, if like, look, if they did that, it would be litigated and it would probably go to the Supreme Court. Is the risky and destabilizing part that they're intuiting from this is that this might be

like the Supreme Court just saying, oh, well, like, not only is that this interpretation, the 14th amendment, not valid, but the 14th amendment itself is no longer valid. Bye-bye. Um, yeah, or like the argument you see with the filibuster, like, oh, what if, what if like a Republican president does this for any, you know, anything? And I mean, I, I have to say, like this, this may sound dumb, but it's never going to happen. So I never have to get proven wrong on this. The Supreme Court is, I don't think that they, I don't think that they would like make us default in the debt now after everything that's happened. I don't know. I just don't see it right now. I think they're a little gun shy right now

after everything. Well, also, I think there is a genuine conflict there because like the debt ceiling does conflict with like other statutory requirements to repay money borrowed that so the Supreme Court couldn't just say, like, no, you're wrong. They would have to make some sort of judgment as to what, like, what is the legitimate, uh, government action here and whatever decision they'd make would like create a, a new understanding of like where executive power is relative to the, on this question of the debt that would have, would allow something to happen because this is, this is a Gordian knot here. You have a law that says, oh, no, we're not

going to let you pay back money you already borrowed even though we have other laws that say you have to fucking pay back any money you borrowed. Wow. You have to resolve it. You can't just say, no, you have to like make a adjudication. And I think more than anything, that is what would prevent them from going too deep into that because I think they're very happy as this thing that can, the Supreme Court is happy to prevent legislation from going beyond red lines that they have set about what they think the government's authority is, but I really don't think they want to be directly legislating. Well, I mean, there's been some commentary along the lines of like, can the Supreme Court

just do anything to Biden and they'll just meekly, uh, just like, slurp it down, a nice big shit sandwich. And I think the answer to that question was yes, absolutely. Well, obviously, yeah. The persistence of these institutions is more important than any specific outcome to any specific case because they are load bearing to a system that these people are invested in and which the Republicans have, uh, completely been an alienated from and are increasingly being led by people, uh, even in the legislature who have genuinely stopped giving a shit about any of these institutions and are genuinely hostile to them and would think it would be

actually kind of cool to see what happens if we default. I bet I bet like guys like Matt Gaetz probably would like to see that happen just to see what was, see what the result is. Creative destruction. Yeah. It gets shumper-tarian all over this bitch. Well, I mean, again, like it's just every time the debt ceiling comes up, it's just like I've, I've, I've held this story at arm's length. I mean, like there's a lot of stories about it now, but it's just one of these things that like, I don't really understand

it to begin with, but I, I do know that however it will get resolved will be bad. It will be the bad option and like that there's really, the outcome is assured. Um, another outcome that is assured, Ron DeSantis being an unbelievable fucking loser. Chris, can we bring, uh, let's, let's go now to the more searching for sugar man. Uh, Chris, can you bring up that, uh, Ron DeSantis on the campaign trail? I just like, I just want a little taste of Ron DeSantis, uh, relating to some diners in New Hampshire. How are you doing? Wow, look at this. How are you guys? Good to see you. So what do you got? Go right over here. Okay. Good deal. Good deal. Wow. Crowded. How are you doing?

That smells really good. I'll tell you that. Okay. What's your name? I'm Tim Amson. Okay. Oh, what's your name? Oh, Clark Stevens. Okay. Okay. Okay. Can I say what Ron DeSantis reminds me of? Uh, yes. Um, when our dad died, um, we, we had a memorial thing at our house and, uh, this guy, um, we'll call him a like now former family friend, I guess. Uh, he showed up and, uh, me and my brother got the door and, uh, we went, oh, hey, hey, uh, how are you? And he went, you know, just hanging out at the memorial service, which is, that's just so Ron, I think he grew up, you know, uh, grew up to become one of Ron's advisors. Maybe tell Ron how to do a little retail politics.

Felix, I think you said about like, uh, that you're writing all of his, um, retail politics interactions so that when he meets like a kid born without arms and legs, he can just respond by saying stuff like, cool, rock on, man. Yeah. He just has, that's what I love about him. He has the same response factor for like, you know, whether you're, you are a child who has 20 minutes to live and is a four times amputee and you're meeting him because it's like part of some pro life group thing or you're like, uh, you know, just a terrific, uh, Midwestern, like Kirby shaped guy who owns a fucking simpletons pancake restaurant. It doesn't matter. Like he, if he's meeting you, he's just looking, looking right past

your skull, looking right through it and going, awesome, great. Good to meet you. Good job. Okay. Catch some rays. Just, uh, yeah, like, uh, just, um, being shepherded around Iowa and New Hampshire diners and you can just tell that he is absolutely fucking dying. And, uh, the other thing, uh, with Ron DeSantis this week is that there was a big political article about his wife, Casey DeSantis, that's just full of like, I don't know, uh, like, like, thinly, thinly sourced comments about how she's, I think Roger Stone called her Lady Macbeth and it's just about how she's like, that they're, they're a duo that like, there's nobody who has his

ear closer than his wife and that his wife is sort of like pulling the strings of the DeSantis campaign. Okay. If Casey DeSantis is your Lady Macbeth in your life, you're a fucking boob. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know, Casey DeSantis, um, if you, if, if she went more than a day without wearing an infinity scarf, she would kill herself. She would start chasing, she would start chasing her tailbone that was removed at birth and she has a phantom limb syndrome for it. It's a new rumor I'm starting for Donald Trump. She, you know, maybe if you're done, as dumb as Roger Stone, that's Lady Macbeth to you.

Uh, unsex me now. Not in Florida anymore, honey. Yeah. Um, did you see the, also the, the, uh, another very bad sign for the Ron DeSantis campaign is that like the DeSantis men are posting like the, uh, the Nordic, uh, the Nordic Chad guy memes about him. Never a good sign when you're doing that. They just ask Lake Masters enjoyer. Lake Masters speed run right here. And it's just not coming from a position of strength here where they're like, you know, like the, the, the cry face, like soy Wojak is just

like, no, you can't have a completely normal, healthy marriage. And then it's just like the, the, the Chad Nordic Ron DeSantis going, yes, that, that's how you know they're fucked. That's how you know they're fucked because like it's not none of the things that the soyjackers say they're not like outrageous or interesting. Like, you, you know, that I guess in, you know, four years ago when that was new to people, um, it might be exciting if you have the soyjack being like, oh, you can't be a racist or something. But all they could do, all the only positive traits that shock the lives they could think of for DeSantis are like, no, you can't shake your wife's

hand and hug her. You know, no, no, you can't have a family that likes you. Yeah. See, this is why I'm voting for Tim Scott. Cause I want someone who's their own man, not being led around by any, any female. Yeah. He's got, he's, he's totally fixated on grind set. He doesn't care about, uh, relationships, any of that distracting nonsense. He's executing the plan. Tim Scott. Yeah. I feel bad for Tim Scott. I didn't know he was 57 57 and never married or had kids, which is level 57.

Maybe he's also apparently, uh, kind of, uh, cagey on whether he's still a version. Like he won't. What? He won't. Yeah. He won't answer the question of whether he's ever nutted in some. That reporter asked that. The greatest. If you're the reporter who asked that, you're the greatest fucking reporter who ever lived. Absolutely. Holy shit.

I love you. I am so reborn right there. I love you. Like every other reporter. Oh, are you going to do any hunting? What's your fucking take on Iowa? Do you like the fucking pork chop? All this stupid shit. And then just what the last good reporter in America, probably why glass this goes. Uh, I'm gonna say, Tim Scott, could you describe what it's like to have sex with a man or a woman?

Yeah. And he's just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. He's a family values Republican who has never been, ever been married for a minute. Who, who's he fucking? Has he fucked? No. I think we need to know. If you're cagey on that, it means no. Yeah.

By the way, like, um, that's a trick I tried when I was, you know, ages, uh, 15 through a really embarrassing age that I'm not going to say, uh, you know, just being cagey. Mr. Scott, well, uh, Will Menaker, New York star ledger, uh, can you describe what cock or pussy feels like? I, if you are that reporter and you're probably a listen, like if you, if you like are going somewhere with press credentials, the first thing you ask is like, have you ever had sex to a U S senator? You're probably a listener. You probably got fired. Like most of our listeners, um,

we want to make you our official political reporter. Well, I mean, it's a legitimate question. I would say it's a legitimate question because I mean, look, I mean, like if the idea is that like, um, the person who runs for president, like they, they need to be married and have kids because that's sort of like you're, you're, you have skin in the game. You're sort of stamped and approved, you know, you're sort of a normal, I mean, isn't, have you ever had sex? Cause you know, like if you're married and have kids that like that answer is that question

for everyone. So if you're not, the question remains out there. Have you ever had sex? Are you planning to? What was it like? What, what are you into? Well, how close to my location are you? What's your dick like? Call me. What are you into? Um, no, I, yeah, I guess, I guess it's legitimate. It just, you know, I don't usually hear it. This is what I'm saying. Um, I, I still appreciate the courage. I do feel bad for him though because I do think he would have been, um, for like a certain type of Republican, like the type of Republican that would watch movies, like, um, all the movies with Chris Farley's brother

in it, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like those movies, A Christmas Carol. Christmas Carol. Yeah. Yeah, whatever that was. Some, some lib gets visited by like the ghosts of hard work and shit. Um, all that, all that, like that type of, like that type of Republican. Yeah. Like he was, he would be a great candidate for Republicans who are still going on this thing of like, Oh, Democrats are the real racist. You know, unfortunately they're not anymore. Unfortunately, uh, the Republican line now is we're the real racists. We are racist. So he's, you know, he's a man out of time. He could have been, he could have at least

played the president in one of those movies. But if they did now, if they made a conservative movie with him as president, now it would be boycott. They'd be like, what's this fucking woke shit? Black president? I don't think so. Fuck, get out of here. Fuck you. Well, uh, speaking about like, sort of identity counter conversion, the president, I did notice that in response to the Politico hit piece on, uh, Casey DeSantis, our old pal Joan Walsh had a piece in the nation lamenting, uh, the attacks on Casey DeSantis. And she

was like, I know her and her husband have contemptible politics, but like the way we treat potential first ladies is why we'll never have a female president. And I want to say to like Joan Walsh and people who still think like that, be careful what you wish for on that monkey's paw, because I have a strong feeling that we will have a female president sooner rather than later, but it's going to be a Republican lady, maybe not Marjorie Taylor Greene, because she's, you know, she's too busted. But like, I, I, I don't know what, no, not gonna happen. Yeah. Talk about, talk about person out of time, by the way. What fucking year is this, ladies? Is it 2013? Why are you writing this article

still? No, she was just like, uh, cause you know, it's like the implication that like, you know, nobody's voting for your wife and like the fact that she's pulling your strings and you know, like should adopt a more traditional role. It's just like, I don't know, like it's just a priority. Please just shut the fuck up. Like who care? I mean, like, regardless of what you think about her, like her, like if she is attached to her husband, like not only, I mean, not only is he running for president for the Republican party in 2023, but I mean, he's currently undergoing, like he's currently turning the state of Florida into like a sundown

town. Like, like that's how he's running for president. So I don't really give a shit if people are mean to his wife or not. But I will say though, she is, she's, she's a dish that Casey DeSantis. That's, I mean, she really is his, his biggest asset because I mean, he's not pleasant to look at or hear or be in the same room with. So I mean, I don't know, like get her to run for president. She'd have a better shot than him. Can we talk about one of the other losers in the Republican field? Is it Vivek? Vivek? Yeah, it's Vivek. And another, another old Andrew Yang has another piece in Politico

titled Nine Ways Vivek Ramaswamy Can Beat Donald Trump According to Andrew Yang. Andrew Yang is such a fucking boob. That's the only way you can write an article is doing a list. He is, he's a lifelong remedial English class taker. He's still going to remedial like junior high English. He's 57 years old showing up in that class and they're like, he's like, I'm having trouble organizing my thoughts and the very patient teacher saying, why don't you make a list, Andrew? I would like Andrew to tell me how at, at, at that's height, how long the list of ways that he could beat Joe Biden was, and then how long the list of ways he could beat Eric

Adams was. I totally forgot he ran for New York. He ran for mayor. I just totally forgot that he ate shit. He ran for mayor and it was like when he was running for president, all like the smart people were like, you know, and Andrew Yang, I don't think he should run for president, but you know, I think John Hickenlooper should run for Senate. And I think Andrew Yang should run for fucking mayor, but those things suck. Fuck you.

You suck. So I think about like what we're missing by not having a Yang mayorality and I think policy wise, it would be pretty much identical to what you're seeing with, with Adams, but you know, without any of the awesome talking about, you know, crystals and how Jesus wanted him to be mayor and all that. And it would just be him like drinking Soylent and Gracie Manchin. Brutal. I just want to share.

It's a few, a few of the winning strategies that Vivek could adopt for himself. And the first of which is keep saying yes, just keep saying yes, it says, you are making your mark by saying yes to every media request that comes, that comes in and every group that wants to hear from you from little podcasts, the local New Hampshire political groups to late night cable news outlets. This is a great contrast to what other candidates will do with their careful and deliberate press strategies. You're 37 years old. You can out energy other candidates. Keep doing it. That's how my campaign first came to momentum and it will pay off for you as well.

In the same way. Yeah. A failed mayorality race, a failed third party. You can have all these awesome results that I got. I would say that I'd like to add one addendum to the great stay positive strategy and saying yes to all media like requests that come in for interviews from like little podcasts, you know, little Twitch streams. I would just add perhaps Vivek and his campaign should consider asking to come on little podcasts

for an interview. I think it's a way that he has to ask. He like, you know what? You should try to be on as many things as possible as if that's not the entire reason this asshole is running for president. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Being on the news is why he's doing this. You don't have to tell him to say yes to media

appearances. Yeah. And it's also, it's a stupid thing he's already doing. Like Vivek has been on every podcast made by a guy who, you know, invested in Yahoo in 1994. All those podcasts that are named like ThinkPoint or like Diagnosis Cognition, all the, all those fucking shows that are like the David Sacks guy, his show, he goes on all of those, all of those. And it is just, he is picking up maybe 1% of the total listener base. Yeah. So it's combined.

Well, just remember Vivek, I mean, the worst thing that can happen if you ask is that someone says no. Yeah. Vivek, here's, here's my tip for you becoming president. Go to the White House and start sweeping to show what a hard way you are. That's what this sounds like. That's what this fucking sounds like. Next one is stay positive. I mean, keep saying yes and then stay positive. Was Andrew Yang in a car accident recently? Like this is fucking stupid even for him.

Number four, number four is my favorite. Be prepared for the debates. So that's opposed to a not being prepared for them. It sounds like it's for a child running for president. Number five, lean into memes. Fuck you. Oh my God. Suck my fucking dick. Yeah, because that was Joe Biden's strength and also Trump's like either of them know what a meme is and they, and they were the ones who won those nominations. Yeah.

But he's literally everything he's told him so far besides stay positive is everything Blake Masters did by the way. Yeah, exactly. I love the leaning to memes. He ends that little graph by saying someone once said he who wins the Internet wins everything. Who the fuck said that? No one said that. You said that. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, that's why Bernie's president now you fucking boob. Shut up.

Trump owns the Internet. If you change that, you can become a real threat. Okay. I love that. Just change that. Just change that. Just become the guy who's funny and like, you know, half the people, half the people think it's funny and like. And started running for president with 90% national name recognition. Yeah. Like, yeah, Vivek, just try to try to make your own memes like Trump go out there and

go, Hillary, you're fired. Or not. Sir Grush Stalingrad. Yeah. No, Vivek, you can't become president by saying yes to everything and being positive. Yes. No, Vivek, you can't replace woke with innovation. Yes, I can. Number six. Number six is spend money early and late.

What does that mean? What does that mean? It just means spend money. Holy shit. It just every day, Andrew Yang wakes up. Someone is taking a melon baller, just taking scoops out of the front of the globe. More of his brain out. Number seven. How is he not like tricked every day into like, not just giving someone a million dollars,

but like anyone can convince Andrew Yang to blow them if they had two minutes. It's just math. You plus me equals nut. Emphasize electability. That's a novel strategy. And then number eight, talk more about AI and UBI. So the last- Oh, so do the shit that didn't work for me. You do the shit that didn't work for him, yeah, yeah. I bet Andrew Yang now thinks like that he's like indicated somehow like, oh, if only people

knew about mid-journey when I was running, then I'd be, I'd at least be fucking secretary. I'd be the new secretary of computers. No, no, an alien could, an alien could come in and be like, we're, we're the covenant from Halo. And we found out, you know, we're from the future. Andrew Yang is the best choice of president and no one would vote for you. Number nine. Stay human. Actually, that's going to piss off some of the Silicon Valley supporters he has.

Yeah. Yeah. Community. It's like, well, Peter teal money like that. Yeah. Not going to be an immortal robot. Pass. That's great advice. That's great advice if you are a werewolf running for president. Do not campaign during any full moon. Yeah. It's, it's really good. I know it's the real you, but it's really going to freak

people out if they see you. There's a lot of silver in the state of Nevada. Stay out of that early caucus. No, number nine though, it says here, the fact is the hired guns you populate your campaign would rather lose professionally than maximize your chances of a breakout victory. Play to win and make sure there are people around you who say, let Vivek be Vivek. Is that what Andrew thinks happened to him? He's like fucking Rambo at the end of the movie. Somebody didn't let us win. There's no delegates out there.

I don't suck. Yeah. Let Vivek be Vivek. That's got to be just not the worst campaign advice. You could give someone like that. Yeah. That's terrible. That's terrible. I just, I, he legitimately thinks that he was like, he has a new knife in the back conspiracy theory that the consultants robbed him of his chances. They were like, no, no, it's better for our career if Andrew loses. We can't handle anyone with that much swag in the White House, you'd render us obsolete. His ideas are too good. His ideas like let's put computers in middle school. No one else

has these fucking ideas. We have to kill them. It's more dangerous than Malcolm X. Who's paying for these Andrew Yang articles? What publication was this even in? It says, it will be an uphill climb. But hey, worst case after the campaign, you can come join me in the forward party. Yay. So that's, that's it. He's giving him all the advice that will tank his campaign as seriously as possible. So he could be in the forward party.

Yeah. That's it. He's putting sugar in the gas tank and then he's going to be like, oh, do you need a ride? The forward party. The forward party. That's a direction that I like to go. Yeah. That's not right. It comes in directions.

If you want to get somewhere, for me, forward is the direction of preference for me. You know, a lot of times when I went, you know, I'm in a, when I'm in a parking space, a lot of people, you know, you got to go back to go forward first, but fuck that. I go straight through the car in front of me. Oh my God. Join the forward party. Just cap it off. Join us. It's bliss in the forward party. Guys, how many members are in the forward party now? I'm actually looking.

Fewer, fewer members and there are fucking pieces of advice for Vivek Rumswami. Yeah. Christy Todd Whitman, apparently. Oh, okay. Okay. The forward party seems to have a lot of people who like voted for Trump in 2016 or were even like sub cabinet secretaries and then in like January 7th, 2021 are like, I can't support this administration. Oh shit. You know who's in the forward party now?

Fucking Admiral Joe. Oh, C-Stack. Joe C-Stack. Oh, fuck it. I take back everything I said. No, we don't know. We have to fucking rescue Joe. God, actually, Admiral Joe, bring it back full circle.

Perhaps a guy who could spearhead negotiations with White Gladys and her orca warriors. Yes. Absolutely. But yeah, we have to deprogram him from the forward party, the forward brain hive before we let him do that. Joe, Joe. Oh my God. You've got to go back.

Go forward. Andrew must have said some of his like, some of his remaining diehards like kidnapped Joe's family. He did something terrible to get that that's, I'm really sad. We really have to get him out. We just, we just need new ideas. We need some new, new forward thinking ideas like, like be human and stay positive. I love the Andrew Yang merch where it's like, it'll be like a hat and you know, it'll be

like the word tribalism crossed out and then under it, it's a not word like togetherism. I'm his merch designer. All right. Well, to round out today's show and to, you know, further dive into the, the carousel of losers, I just got to share with you the first couple of paragraphs of this wired interview with Pete Buttigieg by Virginia Heffernan. You remember her? She is light herself.

I love that Joan Wall show. I love her. She's, she's the first like, you know, creationist from the left in like 130 years. Yeah. She's the last guy, last person, you know, carrying that torch. She rocks. Yeah. I want to know her opinion on fine metalism too.

Yeah. She, if anyone can lead an agrarian party, it's her. Yeah. All right. So the headline is that Pete Buttigieg loves God, beer and his electric Mustang. And I got to say, it's just the timing of all this because, you know, it's been, as we've covered on the show, it's been a rough 2023 in the press for Pete Buttigieg and to come across with like this absolute suck job that I'm about to tell you is it's just

like, they're like, okay, we need, we need the softest media target for Pete Buttigieg and it's the, it's the liberal creationist lady. Yeah. Pete Buttigieg, wouldn't you know it, like every problem, every bad thing that happens, you know, it's something related to transportation. And even, I love the thing people try to do to bail them out with like, oh, that's actually not the Department of Transportation's job. I don't care.

I don't give a shit. Yeah. The subhead to the article is, sure, the US Secretary of Transportation has thoughts on building bridges, but infrastructure occupies just a sliver of his voluminous mind. That's good to know. Wait a minute. Isn't this a huge waste of talent then to have him dicking around in a job that he can't do anything in?

Yeah. Shouldn't he be, shouldn't he be like the secretary of polymaths then? Like, what the fuck is he doing at transportation? Innovations are? Yeah. I want like a big fat guy from Cook County who's been a bridge supervisor for 90 years instead of this fucking guy who does Rubik's cubes all day. I don't know.

Yeah. We should not have him like just standing around a trained derailment, like putting us a shrugging. He should be like in a vat with the other fucking pre-cogs trying to save humanity. It's not Pete Buttigieg's fault that the stadium collapsed. The first paragraph of this piece is one sentence, and I'm just going to read it to you now. The curious mind of Pete Buttigieg holds much of its functionality in reserve. Even as he discusses, sorry, that was the first sentence.

This next one is just one long sentence. Even as he discusses railroads and airlines down to pointless data that is his current stock and trade, the U.S. Secretary of Transportation comes off like a Mensa black card holder who might have a secret go habit or a three-second Rubik's cube solution or a knack for supplying off the top of his head the day of the week for a random date in 1404 along with a non-condescending history of the Julian and Gregorian calendars. He keeps, while he's talking about one subject, you can easily see him knowing about other ones, so like anybody, really, like any adult.

I want to know what you get with the Mensa black card. What are the benefits? What is the Mensa black card? Yeah, like what do I get with the black card? Do I get rewards points for that? Your brain points for every jet blue flight, you can hang out in the special jet blue brain lounge. With the other Brainiacs, exchanging high-level thoughts, telepathically, not even having to

talk. Yeah, it is. It's just nonstop in there. It's like a bunch of Snapple facts, you know, just flying through the air. But along with a non-condescending history of the Julian and Gregorian calendars, has Virginia been talking to people who like pretentiously and condescendingly explained to her the Gregorian calendar? What the fuck does that even sound like?

It's awful. They use a little baby voice when they're doing it, humiliating. It was at the Council of Twent. As Secretary Buttigieg and I talked in his under-furnished corner office, oh, how South fucking humble of them, as Secretary Buttigieg and I talked in his under-furnished corner office one afternoon in early spring, I slowly became aware that his cabinet job requires only a modest portion of his cognitive powers. Other mental facilities.

I hope. I know. Seriously. If you're like that, this transportation secretary job is just running me ragged. It's like, okay. We don't have a lot of horsepower here under the hood. Yeah. He's so different from the last 10 transportation secretaries who, you know, the job was so

taxing on them. Their brain overheated and they died. There have been 500 transportation secretaries. No one can survive. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't it? Don't they remember when Ray LaHood's head exploded like scanners in the state of New

America? Yeah. The transportation secretary, they have the thing from Johnny Mnumonic, where they run out of space in their brain. Overdrawn at the memory bank. I need to get online. I mean, whereas he's writing about Pete Buttigieg, like he's fucking Lieutenant Barclay in that episode of Star Trek, The Next Generation, where he encounters some alien probe that

accelerates his mind's capacity by like exponential degrees until he's just like a god just sitting like looking at things and like lights lighting up different things. Tell me about the Gregorian calendar, Lieutenant Barclay. I slowly became aware that his cabinet job requires only a modest portion of his cognitive powers. Other mental facilities, no kidding, are a portion to the Iliad, Puritan historiography, and Nalsgaard spring, though not in the original Norwegian slacker. Fortunately, he was willing to devote yet another apps in his cathedral mind to making

his ideas about three mighty themes, neoliberalism, masculinity, and Christianity intelligible to me. How fucking generous of him. I feel like in the apps in his cathedral mind, like I understand that this is supposed to be a puff piece, but like this is this is fucking embarrassing if you're Pete Buttigieg. It's embarrassing if you're Virginia. I mean, those people who explain the Gregorian calendar to her get a number on her fucking self esteem because it just like her description of him is like, he knows two things that

you learn in AP sophomore modern European history and it's reading a book. He's you know, was so gracious to tell me without overloading my pathetic aunt brain. Virginia believe in yourself. You're more impressive than Pete. You're a liberal creationist. You wrote the funniest like Trump Russia stuff ever. You are the best at it. You wrote so much funny stuff.

You know, you're I don't care about Alpha Bank. You all the stuff you wrote awesome. You're crazy in a great way. You're a true artist. This guy is not impressive. You're impressive. Believe in yourself. Well, yeah.

I mean, just the idea that like it's so impressive that he could like, I mean, like just think how how high your IQ has to be to have an opinion on neoliberalism. Well, shit, if that's the case, the whole podcast industry needs to fucking wrap it up right now because I got news for you every day. You don't have to be very smart to have an opinion on any of these things. All the things she's describing Pete is doing like that are amazing. Literally all things like, oh, I know about neoliberalism. I've read, you know, dozens of now scarred books and I've read way more than he has.

And I can, I barely have cognition. I failed the mirror test. I've attacked every mirror I've ever fucking seen in my life. Because Buttigieg at 41 is an old millennial, because as a Rhodes scholar at Oxford, he's got a first in PPE, philosophy, politics and economics, the trademark degree for labor party elites of the Tony Blair era, because he worked because he worked optimizing grocery store pricing at McKinsey. I love that.

I love that little term of art optimizing grocery store pricing like for who like, who are these prices being optimized on behalf of the consumer? Virginia really just padding over just sweeping it under the rug, the whole bread scam. This is the bread scam boat. Oh, sincere, because he joined the Navy in hopes of promoting democracy in Afghanistan. Because he got gay married to his partner, Jason in 2018. And because as mayor of South Bend, Indiana, he agitated to bring hipster entrepreneurism and high tech investment to his Rust Belt hometown.

I had to ask him about neoliberalism, the happy idea that consumer markets and liberal democracy will always expand and will always expand together. I was also fascinated by the way that Buttigieg, who has long described himself as obsessed with technology and data, has responded to the gendering of tech, especially green tech, by fearsome culture warriors, including Marjorie Taylor Greene. What does she mean the gendering of tech? I don't, I mean, okay, like, well, like in the interview, like she just like uses kind of like the Josh hallway, Tucker Carlson, like masculinity panic thing to just be like,

oh, but you drive an electric, electric Mustang. Like that's not baggy. And then he's like, no, not at all. It's actually quite cool to drive a powerful car. It says here, Buttigieg, whose father was a renowned Marxist scholar, was himself a devotee of Senator Bernie Sanders as a young man. He now recognizes that the persistence of far right ideology with its masculinist and anti-democratic preoccupations is part of the reason that neoliberalism has come undone.

Not everyone, it seems, even wants a rising standard of living if it means they have to accept the greater enfranchisement of undesirables, including, of course, women, poor people, black people, and the usual demons in the sights of the world as Ted Cruz's and Tucker Carlson's. He also talked about his faith. Lefties these days are said to be less religious than right-wing evangelicals, but between Buttigieg, whose Episcopalianism grounds his decision-making and his boss, President Joe Biden, whose robust Catholicism drives his sincere effort to revive America's soul, perhaps a religious left is rising again.

I love the idea that the vanguard of a great awakening in religious faith in this country is going to come from a fucking Episcopalian. I was raised Episcopalian. It's a religion for people who don't believe in God or religion. It is, oh my God, Episcopalianism makes Reformed Judaism look like snake handling. It is, it is just, it's fucking nothing. It is the Zima of religions. Yeah, it is just nothing, absolutely nothing.

What's so freaks me, there's nothing more terrifying to me than a Maltese Episcopalian. You are some. The Maltese Episcopalian. Yeah, you are, yeah, you, you're supposed to be seeing the Virgin Mary in like olive dip. Yeah. What the fuck are you doing? You're supposed to be crying all the time.

Yeah. Cut it out. You're not, you're not Herbert Walker Bush. Yeah, it wasn't a fucking tea and crumpets that drove the Turks out of Valletta, buddy. Yeah, I'm seeing the blessed, I'm seeing the blessed version in this white wine stain. We need to sit Pete down and make him watch Joe Don Baker's Final Justice to like, yes, yes, yes, touch with his roots or, or, or the Steven Segal movie General Commander and which, which takes place on Malta and the bad guys is a Maltese, an Italian Maltese

gangster. Do you remember that? Yeah. You remember the scene in that movie where they're, or like they introduced the villain and they're having dinner at a restaurant and they just bring in the food and he just goes, ah, pasta, pasta, and then they see the guy's throat and like, is it just gout some blood, just fill some, you know, plate of gnocchi or something. This is off topic, but that was a Segal movie where he goes, I've been coming to Asia, I've

been coming here to Asia for many years now, right? That was the one. Greatest line of all, Tom. And it also, I'd like the most, like the, the bafflingly edited scene of people getting off a plane and they just, you're like, it's like a clown car and you're like, wait, who's where? I don't know what's going on here. I, you know what I, I rewatched the other day, Perfect Weapon, greatest twist ending

ever. Oh my God. Yes. Oh yeah. I don't get better than that. Avenge me, brother. Eat your heart out crying game. They say, they say how we live, they say that the breath we take when we die is like every

breath we've ever lived. Avenge me, brother. I just want to read a little bit from the actual interview where Virginia asks him, what is neoliberalism and what happened to it? And he says, when it comes to neoliberalism, we got mugged by reality. That's one cheeky way to put it. He's so cheeky. And he goes, this is true with the realities of climate change.

If you can't face that change, you might retreat to the default place of masculinity. Maybe that's why someone characterized electric vehicles as emasculating. I think it was Marjorie Taylor Greene. She says, are they not? And he says, to me, a car is a car. Actually, the electric truck has got more torque than a regular truck, and it'll tow just as well. Argument one.

And then he talks about his love of the Burger King and possible whopper with bacon. Oh, Jesus Christ. It is pretty good, though. It is pretty good. But he has to do with bacon? That's a smarter animal than a pig is smarter than a cow, you asshole. Fuck you. You suck.

You don't know anything. A lot of this discussion about masculinity doesn't have anything to do with the immediate function that's at stake. I'm thinking about burgers, right? Oh, he is an American always thinking about burger. Always thinking about burger. It's another part of his voluminous mind as he's rotating shapes in his head and coming up with red pricing strategies and airline ticket debacles.

He's got room for whopper in there. Yeah, he's thinking about, you know, he's thinking about the Declaration of Independence, Spider-Man as a girl, and whopper. He says, I love a good cheeseburger. I hate a bad veggie burger. I like a good veggie burger. The Burger King and possible whopper with bacon is not a bad combo. How are we wasting this brilliant, this beautiful mind at the Department of Transportation?

Imposing whopper with bacon is the most ass backwards fucking thing I've ever heard. He really is Maltese. That is from the brain of the simple night of Malta. I mean, I'm sorry, but Newt Gingrich got here much earlier, okay? When he correctly described the chicken-wrapped McDonald's at 200 calories as a dollar and pound bargain, the simple elegance of that statement compared to the blundering oafery of this mount bank. Likewise, when it comes to driving, I mean, there's a very literal, physical, technical

sense in which power is at stake when you drive. It feels good to be driving a vehicle with a lot of power. This is like a deep thoughts, like Joe from Saturday Night Live, Pete Buttigieg's deep thoughts. Yeah. Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself, mankind. Basically, it's made up of two separate words, mank and eind. What do these words mean?

It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind. The vehicle I get around DC in is a Mustang Mach E. The fact that Ford made one of their first electric vehicles a Mustang is probably not an accident. It has three modes, whisper, engage, and unbridle. There are propulsion sound effects involved in the different modes to help you feel conscious of the power of the engine. Clearly, we have a chance to rewrite some of these easy gender tropes. My life happens to cut across them.

I like drinking beer, lifting weights, splitting wood. I'm also gay, and I like playing piano. Split wood? Wait a second. When is playing piano ever considered like, you know, queer or something like that, or just feminized or something like that? What the fuck? I'm stuck in splitting wood.

Split wood. I love splitting wood. Even people who need to do that, even if you're like some asshole who lives in a tent out in Montana, you don't like doing that. Hey, it warms you twice. It is comforting to me to know that this guy, you know, he took his mind, his insanely powerful mind and applied it to the questions of the moment, the crises that we face, and went into, you know, the deepest mental realms to pull out, well, what if we did impossible

whoppers instead of meat whoppers, and what if we had an electric Mustang instead of a gas one? Yeah, yeah. That'll do it, I think. But I like it's like having the impossible whopper with bacon is like having an electric Mustang that has sound effects to like emulate the revving engine and horsepower. It would be like an electric Mustang that still has like a co-rolling mechanism. It completely invalidates the point.

Well, now you see because cattle by far are the highest CO2 producing animals. So from the standpoint of climate change, it's much more important to replace the beef than the pork and the whopper. If he really thinks that that is the that's the fucking dumbest way to try to reduce climate change. That is just that is the equivalent of just scooping a teaspoon out of the ocean. That's not why you do it. You do it because animals are friends, you asshole.

Well, I mean, I don't know, I looked into the forward parties platform on this and they're saying get rid of the whoppers, but like we need to bring in more of the Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich. I mean, it's a great sandwich wasn't Pete's thing like six months ago that he biked everywhere in DC. Yeah. It's like everywhere. I got a bike everywhere, but also I'm going to have a Mustang, but it's going to be electric

and it's going to emit engine noises. It's all just hedging all the way down. Listen to this though. Virginia asked him running department of transportation seems to suit you. Are there more are there more ways the challenges of transportation speak to your spiritual side? He's got an answer for this. You ready?

He says, there's just a lot in the scriptural tradition around journeys, around roads, right? The conversion of St. Paul happens on the road. I think if we're all nearer to our spiritual potential when we're on the move, something about movement, something about travel pulls us out of the routines that numb us to who we are, to what we're doing, to everything from our relationships with each other to our relationships with God. It's part of the reasons why so many important things in the Bible have been on highways. What a fucking bat.

What a shitty thought. I personally. He's thinking. If you think about it, since I'm a secretary of transportation and I'm in charge of all the highways, I'm essentially the Pope. Wow. Roads are really important in this text from thousands of years ago. It was one of the two things they had.

I personally never feel closer to God than when I'm in an airport. And by that, I mean I'm close to killing myself and meeting him. And then journeys, they're also just marvels. Every flight is a marvel that pulls us out of that in the same way that religious rituals, holidays, liturgies are one kind of routine that pulls us out of another kind of routine. When you get on a plane, people buckle their seatbelt and listen to the flight attendants' very predictable pronouncements. It's routine.

It's almost a ritual, right? And yet you're preparing to fly through the heavens. Life is a combination of drudgery and miracles. Part of what keeps me at home in the Episcopal faith is that it liturgically is rather conservative. I like that routine. This guy's like, I like hearing from the flight attendant every time. It's like, you know, it's like a mask to me. I always pay attention.

Yeah, yeah. First of all, where my seat back is. First of all, nobody is fucking listening to that show anymore. The noise cancelling headphones go on immediately as soon as the seatbelt comes on. And I am just like, oh, yeah, unless I'm sitting in an exit aisle and I have to do the robotic, yes, I, oh, if the plane crashes, will I help out? Sure. Sure.

I definitely will. I could be on a flight and the flight attendant could be announcing just like, we're going to do a blow by blow of passenger Felix Piedermann's worst sexual performances and we actually have them on video and we're going to show everyone. I wouldn't notice. I would not notice. This is your captain speaking. We'll be making an unscheduled transfer in the Empire State Building.

I hope to see you all in hell. I just feel like whatever. I'm watching Wakanda forever on this fucking TV in my chair. Yeah. I don't want to know about this shit. I'm watching, I'm watching the Sad Wolverine movie. I could care less. I, I love the rest of this is so great though, because his, him trying to get intellectual

about flights, you know, a plane is so interesting because it's a place that you go to that takes you to a different place than you live or it can take you home. The fact that it could take you away from home and take you home gives it an almost metaphysical property. It's my Episcopalian beliefs, you know, they tell me that, you know, you can, you can either be at home or you can be on vacation, but you can also take a work trip and that's like both, you know, everything is constantly coming into and going out of existence and like airports or airports and the flight experience is a lot like that.

You know, trains are either staying on the track or falling off of them spewing toxic chemicals into the groundwater of all of southeastern Ohio. And that's sort of like life in a lot of ways, you know, it's filled with water you can drink and water that will poison you and give you cancer. But it's just one of those little rituals that grounds us really. This is like, he is so full of shit. These are like, these are the answers that like a clever student gives to like bullshit on like a test.

I also, I feel like these are designed to give like, this is designed to just give conservatives like a, just start brain hemorrhaging if they read this. They've really zeroed in on Pete. They hate Pete for like, they hate him for like the dumbest reasons you can hate him. They're like, oh, I hate that Pete Buttigieg, not, you know, not because of the kids, he or you see a bad job is, oh, he, he like, he, he did, he took parental leave. Yeah, exactly. But this is going to make a Fox news guy shoot up a 24 hour fitness.

This is just madness inducing, if you're them, it's madness inducing for me. It's madness inducing for me because I know I'll never be as intelligent this Pete Buttigieg. Yeah. Well, yeah, I mean that's- You never understand things as deeply as him. I'll never make the connections that his, that his sort of spry, like a sort of like a gazelle on the African belt, like popping from one topic to another in a bliss and blessed beautiful harmony.

My mind will never be like that. It's like a, like a, like a hog, just wallowing in shit. I've only ever been able to have one thought in my head at a time for my entire life. And it's just really upsetting to find out that others are capable of multiple thoughts. Usually I'm like hungry, want whopper, and my mind will never, will never make the imaginative leap to a neoliberalism and the craziness of masculinity. Oh, Pete Buttigieg should fucking join the forward party. Honestly, yeah, that's what they need.

I think that could really- Because he could add new directions. Jumpstart the whole process. Yeah. Because he could feel in a whole like three, three dimensions. He could, he could- That's at least like- Hey, I got an idea.

How about up? Oh, yeah. That's another direction you can go. That's us, that's us. That's Pete and Jason's favorite movie, by the way. Oh, that was that first 20 minutes. Bring it up, bring it up. They got the Kleenex.

The water works. We're going to start early. He would have, you do have to feel bad for him in some way in that he would have been like as like maybe not, maybe not PM, but he would have been a great leader of the center right party in like Belgium. Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah.

If you put him in one of those European countries that's small, but it's just basically like a bank. It's like if city, city group was a country, he would be thriving there. But now he's got to be a dumb American. Tough break. Yeah, too bad. Oh, and there, like if he was in Switzerland or something, the fact that he's Maltese instead of, you know, just being an embarrassing type of white person, like it is in America, they

would treat him like Obama. They'd be like, you're the most ethnic man, I never thought that we would have this day, but we have their Maltese, uh, chinchilla, we will truly have made great progress. Yeah. The Maltese, the Swiss will I am would like make a song about it. I'm going to celebrate this by, uh, by destroying 15 mask minarets. Well, that does it for the, uh, the voluminous mind of Pete Buttigieg currently being wasted in the department of transportation.

Yeah. Usually inefficient use of resources here. We got to get this guy off the bench. Got to get this guy off the bench is the second, you know, you know, if Biden wins the second term, man, he's got to get a promotion because you know, he's going to be dynamite on the campaign trail, bringing in all the votes from South Bend, all 50 of them. I mean, honestly though, I don't, if his brain early is that powerful, it's pretty clearly shown by now that, uh, it would be wasted in the presidency considering who our last

two presidents were. Um, he's not going to be able to use that massive brain anyway. If, if that, if, if the Trump and Biden level mental cognitive, uh, engagement is enough to be president, that that's going to be a lot of unused horsepower. I do. I just like, sorry. Um, one last little line from Virginia is when she was talking about his, uh, how like him and Biden are going to lead a spiritual reawakening of the left because he's an Episcopalian

and she described Biden's robust Catholicism. It's robust. It's, it's big. Yeah. It's, it's big. I mean, like juicy. His robust Catholicism. It's large.

It's uncut Catholicism. They're calling it. Well, uh, best of luck to Pete, but once again, I'd just like to say not best of luck, but like hope to link and build with white lattice and the orca uprising. Yeah. Yeah. White lattice, white, uh, white lattice, please telepathically slide into my DMs or something.

Tell me what I need to do. I, I'm your willing servant. We are the stay behind network on land that will sort of like absolute the battle space for the coming, the coming, uh, orca war. Yeah. All right. We will be your Hanoi, uh, Matt, Will and Felix. Yep.

Well, I think that does it for us today to have any, uh, plugs or announcements or anything like that. Yes. Our, uh, merch pre-sale, this will be going up on a Tuesday around noon, Tuesday, May 23rd. Our merch pre-sale ends tomorrow, Wednesday, May 24th. So if you want to get any of this round of merch, uh, including all of the Hell in Arts swag and of course, uh, this release of the Zapata oil hats, uh, get them now.

Link will be in the description. All right. Cheers guys. Till next time. Bye. Bye. All right. All right.

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