Chapo Trap House - 760 - Live From Toronto: Operation Maple Thunder (8/21/23)

Episode Date: August 22, 2023

Our live show from Toronto on 8/17. We pitch North American unification, review some Canadian history, and take you on a tour of the various freaks and goofs of Canadian media.

a message from the government of Canada. funcasters, yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. And it's an entire room of loaftists. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Wait, like, dingus? Or like, mowas, trots? Yikes. Certainly not tankies.

Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. Okay, so it's a room full of liberals. Yikes. Yikes. An entire theater packed with lips. That's fine.

We'll just soften the message a bit. Wadda! Fellow antifascist, Fadil Castro fucked my mom! Check out my pipeline. P.U. to America Cut-Cut-Ca. But we're so glad to welcome political dissidents, Chapo Traphoos. They're here to spread Le Balmapti's Sushalais in. But don't we already have something a little like socialism already here in Canada? We have socialized medicine.

Maybe even too much socialized medicine. Baj Moi, here to discuss if Canada really has gone too far are my guests, Gian Gameshi. Hello, sir. Music Festival Stephen Harper. Hello, sir. Music festival, Stephen Harper. Yep, thanks. And the next prime minister of Canada, Pierre Polios. Trucks, Bitcoin, casual racism. And a casual racism to you too, sir.

See, we're not all that different. We all want what's best for our people. The Rogers, the Shaw's, the Irvings. We might look and sound like a country, but honestly we're just three mining companies in a long coat. We'll strip mind the place and if you stand in the way even on your own land we'll beat you, harass you, boys and your children and bag them up behind the camps. You all work for the company store, You all get paid in company script. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

It's been a rough few weeks at home. The NDP. Oh, that was a good one, Justin. Thanks, Scott, oh, Bama. All right, that was good. That was good. What are we recording next? The Black Students Alliance, make up. So hot, so Canada Toronto Canada. Hello, hello Toronto.

We are the podcast, Chappotrap House, and this is our first time in Canada. Forgive us for not wearing a helmet. Take two. Bonjour Toronto. Nussom, a podcast, Chapo Trappas, and say notera premier, foie au Canada. We are very excited to be here tonight and share some of our ironic political satire with you. Take two. Nusom Tre Hero de Etra Easy, Césoir et Partage avec vous, on partait, du noter Satire, politique, ironic. For instance, back in the States, it was just revealed that the special prosecutor, Jack Smith,

has received Trump's Twitter DMs as part of his investigation. We now, we haven't read them, but we think they'd sound a little like this. For example, Oatazoo Ne, Il Ate, Rivili, Kale Proksek, Prokureur, Special Jack Smith, Avet, Reculled, Dizio, fuck this! I cannot believe anyone would get hoed out by French hicks in the way that you people did. Some of them were even Huguenots. They're first victory ever.

This venue is now sovereign American territory. You now have freedom of speech. Something true, those secret police hold no authority here, but Canada, ever since police hold no authority here, but Canada ever since I have landed just yesterday I could just feel this country urns for freedom. This country urns for American freedom and we are here to provide that for you tonight. I mean indeed from the moment I touched down at Toronto Pearson Airport, I could just sense the fear in the air.

Eyes cast down as people shuffled by giant posters celebrating the Trudeau regime. The cruel family who has ruled this benigned nation with an iron fist for decades. I could, of course, instantly tell who was Canadian as they were shuffled into a separate line. Eyes cast down, their voices silent, wary of informers and the secret police. I could see in their faces the dull and broken expression of draft animals. Yoke to a tyrant and who have suffered the lash for far too long. Giant television screens played state propaganda from an impish figure known as Nardwar.

That's right. That's right. That's right. On these propaganda broadcasts, a figure would be selected for surveillance. And Nardwar already knew a shocking amount of details about their life. I saw my reflection in the mirrored sunglasses of the cruel and sadistic border guards.

I slipped them a crisp hundred American currency to get out of the cavity check. Your funny money holds no sway, even among your own border guards. I walked by the Trudeau bread lines at the state food distribution center known as Tim Hortons. And thanks to our local contact, the podcast deep into history, who arranged a private transportation and a bulletproof SUV to protect us from kidnappings and whisk us through the several military checkpoints on the way to the official diplomatic district, free from the squalor of violence and oppression just outside the doors. Canada, we are here to liberate you. My many travels could not prepare me for what I saw, or perhaps more what I smelled when

I entered the Toronto airport. I will be expounding on my findings in a forthcoming volume titled, How Ukraine Underdeveloped Toronto. It will be available from the forthcoming publisher, Verso for Men. Canada, I don't know what the rest of it is, but Toronto is definitely in the periphery. There are things here I have not smelled since 1998. The airport permeates with the scent of the kid who always brought soup to school.

Perhaps it is a nation of those kids. At the airport I noticed the Anglo-Canadian Kranagman and the desperation in their eyes. It is clear from your currency that fractional reserve banking has not come to Canada. I will institute it before leaving. But one thing is clear, your average Canadian would kill his entire family to use an American banking app for one minute. We do have to talk about this money, though. Yeah. It's just embarrassing.

You got on this, first of all, just the plastic. It's not, it's no, this isn't real. Oh, you know, they're going to counterfeit it. Who would want to counterfeit that? What kind of remedial school counterfeiters going? I'm getting the loonies and the tunies. And also, on this one, I just have to say, you've got the robot arm on the NASA thing.

Your contribution to space. They love DR. That's just embarrassing. Yeah, we got the space shuttle. You guys got the turn signal on the space shuttle. Good job with that. Everything is lesser here. It's...

I mean, you guys have the Margot Trudor, whatever the fuck her name. The woman who is divorcing Joseph Trudor. So if he greys Guar, we'll be talking about her in a second. We have one Mrs. Jill Biden. That's Dr. Jill Biden. Dr. Jill Biden, thank you very much. Well, I know who I could finish too first. I've done experiments. But Canada, I would say, you know, it's okay to be here. So like, I like to tell one more show tonight.

I think like I said, we need to bring you our perspective, it's like sort of answer the question as I'm trying to do for myself, what does it mean to be Canadian? What is the Canadian identity? And as best I can tell, it's hockey, Tim Horton's, not going bankrupt from medical bills and politeness.

But beyond that, it really just seems to me what being Canadian is really about, is still having to pay fealty to the British monarchy and speak French. So you've imported the worst of Europe into the new world. The truth is, everything is defined in contrast to your neighbors to the self. We're rude, you're polite. We did genocide to our indigenous population, and you did slightly less than that. And the Canada is like America,

but with more land acknowledgments. But here's the truth, Canada. You just want to be American. Oh, you can seal your reservoir of rage beneath an icy layer of polite compliance? That's just called being Midwestern. It's true. I had bag bag milk too, you know. Oh, wow, you form an identity around your love of a shitty donut franchise?

That's called being from Boston. The truth is Canada, you're already most of the way there to being Americans. So on tonight's show, we would like to make the case for the absorption of Canada into an America as the one-mega-north American super-state. Let's get it started tonight, folks. Let's do it. Let's do it.

Inspired by the Wexit movement to succeed from Canada, I think every province in Canada should just succeed from Canada and become America. Yes. And we promise that we would absolutely knock the frogs down a peg. They're not, they're not, oh, everything has to be in two languages, excuse me. You're lucky we have one language on anything, motherfucker, shut the fuck up. So I mean, like, I I mean I know what we're getting we Americans are getting out of the deal.

Soft timber. Fresh water. Beaver pelt. Beaver pelt we always love those. Tim bits. Yeah. Tar sands. You got it.

Oh, I got a lot of good shit up there. Most of it untouched. Yeah, I'm doing the Birdman pants thinking about it. But Canada, what would you get in this deal? I mean, because you lose your health care. By the way, you guys like having health care? You fucker, you fucking greedy pigs. You have no idea how many fast-casual dining concepts you can fit in a city.

You think you know, you do not know. And that will make up for the lack of ability to not die. Yeah, well, would you be getting from joining the North American Superstate? And there's a few things, starting with no more funny money. You guys can have real money now. Real currency. Money, money that you'd be proud to snort cocaine through. Not.

So, the only major currency that is not differentiated in size for the blind. You can rip off Ray Charles. You can start doing that if you haven't done it before. But I mean, you get a lot. You can put your chest out and walk proudly, not having to be a second rate country. No, but I know also crucially, you would no longer have to suffer the indignity

of losing the Stanley Cup every year, two fucking cities like Las Vegas, Tampa, Jacksonville, far. Cities that haven't seen snow since the last fucking ice age. And look, I know most of the players on those teams are Canadian, but like, come on, the Stanley Cups come home to America, to the North American Superstate. But here's a deal. We have tried in the past to invade Canada and take it over. And it didn't work.

So whoever is your next PM, be it Justin Trudeau or Pierre Polpau. Paul Polpau. OK, Paul Polpau. Pierre Polpau. You're going to have to fire the first shot this time. But it will be like an under the table of the deal just to give a cause for war. Yeah, just a nice little like, you can go up a border patrol station. It's fine.

So, have the Mounties like NX Detroit or Buffalo and we'll take it from there. Yeah, you don't have to worry after that. There is another way. Say there was a figure, a world historical figure, someone who founded a pivotal movement, the OVO movement, a party of disaffected veterans of the Afghanistan war in a Vimer, Canada. I believe Drake could fulfill not all,

but some of Hitler's historical roles. Because he came from Canada, and after experiencing Toronto, I think making it out of Toronto is harder than making it out of the Southside of Chicago. It's like less dangerous but just the sheer gravity and depression. I imagine most people don't ever leave but he left and became you know an Adolf Hitler level celebrity.

Not in terms of morality. It's like out in Napoleon with some Corsica. became, you know, an Adolf Hitler level celebrity. Not in terms of morality. It's like, it's like how Napoleon was from Corsica. Yeah, exactly. Not in terms of morality, but like, you know, name recognition. You know, it's like there's Hitler toothpaste you can buy in Thailand.

That's how enduring the OVO brand is. And Drake could perform like an Ansheles. You have to say that word. And yeah, no, he would kill members of the Canadian OVO, but then one big happy family. Well, before we commence Operation Maple Thunder, we'd like to, we'd like to, led by Matt Christmau, we'd like to take a brief tour back in history at some of the best attempts that America has made thus far to invade and take over Canada. Professor Christmau, take it away.

Yeah, so. It all started during the American Revolution when there was a Patriot military force that occupied Quebec. They occupied Montreal, they thought that they could get the French on their side with American liberties, but they pissed everybody off by taking their guns and paying them in fiat currency instead of Bitcoin. And then they got run out of there. And we were like, all right, fine, whatever, good game. Licked our wounds, then 1812, went forward again.

Three separate invasions of Canada. The first one ended after the general got scared because a cannon exploded, and he surrendered the whole army. The second army was actually delayed two days in their invasion because somebody stole all the boat oars. But eventually they were kicked out, but only after burning down what was then

at the time called York, they burned several municipal buildings in Toronto and then that was it. Nothing else happened after that. That was it. We burned Toronto and we were like, we're bored and we went home and that was the end of it. And then we won the battle in New Orleans and that's it.

Nothing else happened. There's no other notable events happening. There's more of 80 12. It really is. Inspiring, like, what humble starts the fourth Reichhead? And then there's a couple of other attempts that are more forgotten because they're sort of more far school. After the Civil War, a number of Irish-American veterans of the Union Army got it in their head that they were going to invade Canada, take it from England and then trade it for Ireland.

Then it's the Irish bullshit I've ever heard. It was one of the most Irish things to ever happen. One 1866, and then again in 1870, they just blundered across the border. They had to shoot out with some red coats and then they all surrendered. And the amazing thing is, it didn't even make much of a big incident.

Like there was no real diplomatic conflict between the US and Britain, because we just started saying, you know what they're like. You know what they're like. You know what happens and I got a few drinks and the prints were like, yeah, don't trust us, we know. We know what they're like, don't worry about it.

And we all just let it go away. And that was kind of it. We haven't tried since then, but I think at the time has come. 2024. Yes. 1812 will commence again. But, I know you have this reputation 2024, 1812 will commence again. But Canada, I know you have this

fabrication about being polite. And I've got to say so far, it has been pretty polite. But like, keep in mind Canada, there are Canadians among you who have broken containment. They have broken the Canadian prison. And they've crossed over. You have to keep Canadian prison, and they've crossed over. And you have to get in mind, these are the Canadians that Americans are being exposed to. And believe me, it's not just every beloved

comedian of our lifetimes, or your wildfire smoke that has crossed over. Consider the following, Canadian American success stories. Beginning with David Frohm. David Frohm, class A war criminal from the Bush administration. Consider Mr. Wonderful. Murderer.

A legend. Well, I mean like a guy died. A guy died. That's all I'll say. And then he blamed his wife running a boat. A real class act. We probably sort of looked up what the libel laws are like here before we took things. They're not very good at English. This is English in here. I probably want to watch out. I fucking dare them to face me in court. You show me the best fucking lawyer in Canada. I know there are like some fucking Jewish guys in Montreal,

but they seem to just, you know, how should we say? Like, they seem to be straddleheads. They're just like making food and shit. They're not like us. I've never heard anyone complain like there are too many Jews in Canadian media, you know? They're like 80 or 90 years behind us in America. I feel like my performance in Canadian court,

it would be like, brawn during trial by combat at the end. Yeah. You didn't perform law with honor. He did. I understand why Canadian conservatives are so frothing and frustrated, because they've been stymied in their search for Messiah for a Trump figure by the simple fact that in order to run for Prime Minister, you have to speak French.

If we had that shit we never would have had trouble the first place. It's okay. After Operation Maple Thunder Mr. Wonderful will be put in charge of Canadian... He will be the price Roy. He will be put in charge of Canadian Agricultural Zone 7. Mr. Wonderful, you know, not a murderer just ran over a guy with his boat, blamed his wife. Okay, next, next, next, canado containment breaker, Steven Crowder. Wife of Beuser. I think I'm on Terra Firmow with that one.

But just in case, alleged a wife of a user. And then finally, Ryan Reynolds, who is somehow worse than all three of the other ones. So, it's not all fun. It's not all niceness and love comedians. There's a lot of real shit heads who have trickled their way down across the border. But, for Americans, I'd like to talk about now, the two ultimate Canadians. Like, who represents Canada, the most in the American consciousness right now,

and their two local boys, Drake and Jordan Peterson? Yeah. Yeah. They have really, you know, we're not going to get into it, but it's like, their differences are really summed up. In the famous lyric, Drake takes like one fourth of a Xanax for a flight to Japan and passes out. Yeah, Jordan Peterson, that's like, you know, four Xanax every 10 minutes.

Dr. Peterson has half a Xana in his dick hole right now, just keeping him even keel. But yeah, when JP heard the, I just took half a Xana, 14 hours till I landed, he just got Drake. That's adorable. Fuck you. But, I mean, I think both Drake and Jordan Peterson really do some of the certain kind of, I don't know, awkward dorkiness and male hysteria. I associate with Canada.

They're two sensitive soft boys who are both plagued by the insecurity that no matter how high they rise in their respective hierarchies or fields. Hierarchies. Hierarchies. Hierarchies. Hierarchies. Hierarchies. So whether, whether it's the music industry or pop psychology,

both of them worry that it just won't be enough. Drake could have like, he's the most successful musician in the world, practically. But it's a short list and Drake is at the top of it. No matter how successful he is in rap, no how much love and respect he gets or records he sells, he's always like, I was the wheelchair kid on the crosses.

But here's the thing, all of the natural disabilities of being an annoying overly sensitive dork that you Canadian's face, Drake has somehow managed to bypass all of them and is thriving. Whereas Jordan Peterson is currently being destroyed by them in front of everyone. They are, they really diverge. Drake famously, you know, hit his son from the world, but every day, if you go to Jordan Peterson's's timeline you have to scroll down like 30 very confusing

Just benzote out tweets more of that way every day you see like him quote tweeting a picture of his daughter with like her tits out Is he really going in the opposite direction? That like the they define Canada both in their similarities and their contrast Yeah for Americans like that's what we think of, and we think of both Canada and Toronto. Drake and Jordan Peterson. But Canada, it's not all else for you, because the greatest living Canadian

happens to be the greatest human being who's ever lived. James Cameron. James Cameron. Yeah. Talk about Napoleon being from Corsica. Yeah. So they're like, Canada, like for all the shit we give you on stage here tonight, this is one W that no one's ever taken off the government forever.

No one's ever taken off the board. James Cameron, I mean like the God Emperor of planet Earth is Canadian and I'll also throw in there David Cronerberg. All right, I got some fans of the new flesh in the house. Let's go. And, and Phil Harman. That's true. Taken out by an American woman who, you know,

victim of a disease we invented during MK Ultra, bipolar disorder. We're sorry. What's going on with your politics here? Because I think this sort of, the liberal and conservative split in Canada is just more evidence of how much you want to be American and how much you jocke us because it just seems like

and for whatever liberals are on an American, Canadian liberal pundits or politicians will be like, I'll adopt that thing but be like 10% more fragile and annoying about it. And it's equally true for conservatives, but I do want to talk about Justin Trudeau. You know, we mentioned in the intro, it's equally true for conservatives, but I do want to talk about Justin Trudeau. You know, we mentioned in the intro, it's been a... It's been a tough week for him personally.

And I got to say, when I saw that photo of him taking his son to Barbie, the tech guy and his blood bag son is all I can think about. He also took his daughter to see Oppenheimer. Can you see that one? Okay, that's not, it's instantly a funny photograph to look at. But I just, I got to point out, Justin's fit here is atrocious. I mean, I'm not one of these like, oh, you got to wear a suit and tie every day.

Like, you're a world leader. What the fuck? He's got some like, Henley tucked into blue jeans and a fitted baseball hat. What the fuck is going on here? If you're gonna wear the blue jeans, you should commit to the full Canadian Tuxedo. Woo!

And I do, we actually considered coming out in Canadian Tuxedo, but that would have required us all buying them. Because we're never gonna wear them again. It's like a fucking wedding outfit. My gene jacket was just in storage. What I like about these is that you can tell that dorkiness definitely runs in the male side of the Trudeau line.

Because the Trudeau son was like, yes, I'll dress up and ping for Barbie. And the Trudeau daughter was like, yes, I'll dress up and ping for Barbie and the Trudeau daughter was like, absolutely not. Trudeau's fit, like the handling and everything, he dresses like the good love interest in a Tyler Perry movie. And sometimes tried to look like that in other ways. But obviously Canada and the world was rocked recently by the news that him and Sophie Gregorch were though, this world is truly bullshit. Our separateness.

And I thought, you know, I put on my detectives cap and I'm like, what's going on here? What's the real story? What are they not telling us? And I like, if you're going to come up with reasons for why this marriage broke up, I'd like to submit this next video clip as exhibit A in the people's case of the dissolution of the Trudeau marriage.

Because I've heard my fellow human beings and friends here today sing, this is not planned, trust me. I'm going to step up. Yes, and I'm going to sing you a song that I wrote for my daughter, Elecates. Oh, no. At a moment where I was going through a difficult time and where I remind myself of all the hope that there is in one's life and all the hope that there is't love and helping out each other. And it's called Smile Back at Me. And it goes like this. Made for it.

Some people died. They were. They're angels can fly. Some people fly. Without knowing what. Some people live. We're playing the whole thing. You've won it for this. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Shout out to all the George C. Scott in hardcore and the audience. Turn it off!

Turn it off! If that isn't on your back shots playlist... Okay, the real punchline to that awesome original song from Sophie Gregorne is that this was performed at a tribute to Martin Luther King Jr. I mean, we don't know if he would have liked that song or not. That's true. What if he likes it? Oh, so what happened? Okay, this up line here. Interest Elva hints that he contracted coronavirus

from Justin Trudeau's wife. How did that happen? Adress, do you tell? I mean, he claims he was like in an elevator with her. Uh-huh. Some people fly. So I mean, like between, you know, Stringer Bell and out're now with your wife and that

atrocious song, I mean, I don't know who initiated this divorce, but I've already Justin, I've been calling up my, calling them to the old divorce attorney. Gotta get out of here with this one. I mean, he got some rent for re-election now, right? Yeah. Can't have that around. Well, then I cut off this dead weight. Gotta cut the grass to see the stakes,

the bad, the bad, the sugaring. Here's the deal, Canada. Justin Trudeau is single now. And you know what? I will say this about Justin Trudeau. He's not cool, but he is like conventionally good looking. And I do like how much Canadian right wingers fucking hate Justin Trudeau.

He's like, just eat Trudeau, Just eat you know, we're so slow! So slouchable! So, to sort of cement Operation Maple Thunder, we need to marry off your prime minister. And create a marriage of alliance to bring together the North American superstate. And you know, if you're talking about people who are conventionally attractive, world figures who are conventionally attractive, but not cool, there's only one person I can think of. Taylor Swift.

The marriage of Justin Trudeau and Taylor Swift will unite the American continent. And Mal, like you said, Taylor, she's got to settle down eventually. and Taylor Swift will unite the American continent. That's it. And now, like you said, Taylor, she's got to settle down eventually. Yeah, but she can't just marry a guy. Whoever she marries has to come with vast tracts of land and soft timber and fresh water and tar sands. Because otherwise, what are we doing here? You'll be like a Catherine of Erdogan from our time.

So with the Trudeau Swift marriage, cementing our alliance, we can be free to finally throw out the shackles of the old world and speaking French. No more French. I'm doing it anymore. Sorry, not doing it anymore. I'm done with that. Bye-bye. It's something like a remake of it.

Since being here in Canada, I want to rewrite the the famous Lee Greenwood song. I'm proud to be an American. I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free. I would say I'm proud to be an American where at least I never had to speak or hear French. Yeah. And you guys will be freed from the burden

of trying to have to be funny. You know, it's like, oh, we're Canadians. We're American, but not. So that means we have to have like a skewed view on things. And I understand, that must be very stressful. You're going to be American, you don't have to be funny ever. You have a gun instead. If you want somebody to laugh, you just fuck it, shoot at their feet. You're sort of like moving from like a ride nor McDonald's style of comedy to a Yosemite Sam form.

Yes, exactly. It would also alleviate, I think, probably the biggest problem facing Canada, which is like, you know, government-backed arts and comedy, especially. That's true. No more of that shit. We don't, we poured no money into that in America publicly. I do like that, like, was it like Canadian taxes and dentists paid for all of David Kronenberg's early movies.

So, I mean, I'll be putting charges of the public arts funding and David Kronenberg, but while it is open. But that's just what should... Now, let's talk about his his opponent that had the conservative party, Pierre or something or other. Now what the fuck is it? I'm better not win because I'm not having to learn how to fucking pronounce this. Pauline Vigny, what the fuck is the air? He's Paulie?

Is that the deal? What was wrong with Stephen Harper? Yeah, what was wrong with that guy? He was cool. I love Stephen Harper. He was like, the square in the music video where Rad or Motley Crew is going to play rock on his dinner table. He was perfect for that role.

And the role of the leader of the conservative party. I don't know if he's dead or 90 or something now, or did a horrible crime, but you should bring him back. I don't know if Doug Ford doesn't speak French either, but just put him in a fucking isolation tank with Duolingo for a month and then let him come out. Give me somebody entertaining, not this fucking creep. And like he's already made, you know, the truos are getting separated. I didn't notice he just put out a TV commercial

where it's him and his wife pushing their kid in a swing, being like, just remind you, still married. I have to say that it speaks to Canadian, famous Canadian broad-mindedness, that you guys are about to have a election where both candidates don't really know who their dad was. So what did you appear? He was like an orphan? He was an orphan adopted by French Canadians in Alberta. Oh my God. That sounds like some sort of operation. That can't

be real. It's like people say Obama was like CIA. French Canadians in Calgary, that's, that's sus. It's like a good, when you're a French Canadian, it's supposed to be like a good news bad news situation. Bad news is you're really annoying, but, you know, there's like the fresh badgats and shit, and that, there it's like, yeah, you're annoying, but also here's a 10 gallon hat.

You can drive around in a pickup truck while singing Ferra Shaka. Yeah, so, uh, yeah, a Prime Minister's race with two men of... I'm on the edge of my seat. From parts unknown, of dubious parentage. They should have, like, a DNA test at the first debate. Wouldn't it be funny if Fidel Castro was both of their fathers? LAUGHTER You think they'd get around? I like the idea of the US government spending a lot of the 60s

like trying to give a plant like an exploding cigar on Castro in the Canadian government spending a lot of the 2020s trying to get to give a plant like an exploding cigar on Castro in the Canadian government, spending a lot of the 2020s trying to get like a fiber of Fidel Castro's hair. I don't know shit about this guy. I don't want to know shit about him. He, very well likely could be your next prime minister. And I'll just say, I'm going to talk it up to the fact the true doh did not swiftly and ruthlessly crushed the trucker

yeah you guys have all those uh... weapons that you sell the Saudi Arabia you could drop a few of the just like all they fell out of the back, oh, what? Yeah, it's like, in America conservatives were supposed to lock down and masking and they got pretty hysterical about it. But up here, they were just like another level. Well, they wanted their January 6th, you know?

Yeah, they wanted the thing. But like, they still wouldn't like, oh, I'm not going to go into a building. I didn't invite it into it. That'd be polite. I'm just going to sit here a building, I didn't invite it into. That'd be polite. I'm just going to sit here like an asshole in my truck. I never really followed it. If you said that at the time, people were like, you're ignoring it because you're afraid.

But it seemed like they were just on a stretch of highway like honking. The most passive-aggressive protest ever. Yeah. Perfectly fitting. So Canada, that's the state of your culture and politics as seen from your people. Give us a soft tip already. And so in the first act of the show, we talked about our perception of Canadians and the

few Canadians who have crossed over. We're going to take a little bit of a little intermission now, but when we come back, we'll be talking about the Canadians that you have hoarded all to yourself and the joys that we have found in discovering them. I have a quick announcement logistical as part of the reason that this there shouldn't be two separate countries apparently square card readers don't work across the border Which is why you guys under sanctions. Yes It's why I'm go I'm immediately calling for a Eurozone but for America So we are selling hats out there, but you I need cash. We mean if you want bullshit plastic

So go if you would like to buy a hat these these are like, those of all the show know how hard it is to get these fucking hats. I brought them all the way here to you. You would like to buy them, take this intermission and go get some of your fake ass money and give it to me after the show when I will be back out there selling hats. We need the money that looks like the visor from a sci-fi show for the 1970s. Toronto take it easy, get a drink, we'll be back in a little bit with Act 2 of the show. Thank you.

Okay, Toronto, Ontario, we are back. How you guys feeling? And to think, and to think that Billy Bob Thurton, the Sparage Canadian audiences, has mashed potatoes with no gravy. Give me some of that gravy, Toronto. Toronto, this is my first time in your fair city. I gotta say, in the 36 hours I've been in town, I have seen the front of my hotel and the front of this venue. But I gotta say, you know, just being ferried

from the airport or from my hotel to this venue, I gotta say Toronto, it's got a distinct feeling to it and it's got a distinct feeling that, you know, like does it invoke in my mind, like, great American cities like New York or Chicago? No. But it does bring to mind other, you know, significantly less great American cities. Charlotte, North Carolina, and San Jose, California. You guys, you guys, Toronto is world class.

Well, Matt and I'm feeling, what are your impressions on Toronto and the brief time that we've been here so far? Well, Minecraft as city, that's for sure. Which is also true of Vancouver, by the way, just these Minecraft towers everywhere. So also, the central part of it is way too clean. It's suspicious. It's like you're hiding something. It's like it's a Ray Bradbury story. Someone's gonna eat me and replete,

wear my skin. Um, transit wise, it seems like one of those countries it got cars like 15 years ago. So, um, there's sort of like a, It seems like one of those countries that got cars like 15 years ago. There's sort of like a israeli-ness to, you know, how you name your eateries. Like, everything is every like, whether it's fast casual or like, you know, a nice place is called like salad party. The beer store. Yeah, I know that there's a thing with that, but. Yeah, you know, a sandwich fiesta.

It, I guess it's, I wouldn't say like a city that would exist in a grand theft auto game, but like a Saints Row game. I got a Saints Row game. I got a saying to also, I just, we got here, and I noticed that there's like a, there's an Irish pub right on this block called the Edmund Burke. It's like, we're gonna name an Irish pub, and we're gonna give it the name of the lamest dorkiest Irishman of all time. Like an American sportsman called the George Will. Shut up to the pub next door with the apoccal imp, and shut up to the business across the

street massage addicts. Oh, and... Happy customers, like Alan Dershowitz. And shut up to lovely and talented Catherine Krieger in the house tonight. She said she saw a party day called hoax and sarcasm. And then I think Catherine got exactly right. All of the sort of like eateries and bars are like all the store names in Toronto seem like you ran English through Google Translate into English and then back again.

Alright, Toronto, Tana 4th music call. I promise that, like a couple weeks ago on the show, when we announced that we were going to be playing Toronto and Montreal, I enlisted you into sort of like sourcing, who are your favorite Canadian media, Oafs, Goofs, Grotesques, and Freaks? And I would just like to thank everyone who contributed to this research effort for tonight's show. So Chris Brown, we've talked about the Canadians who have broken containment. Now we'll be talking about the Canadian special reserve, the Canadian club reserve of the freaks and grotesques in your media who like I I was where these people before but like I had to do like a deep dive, did you research on these figures and I really want to thank you because we have some, this is by no means a comprehensive

list of every loser and freak in the Canadian media, but we have a fairly healthy sample of what you have to offer and what you guys sort of in vibe here on a daily basis. And this is how we make our living, is making fun of people like this. So for Canada, for you tonight, we'd like to highlight some of your special little guys, and gals. And I'd like to begin with a guy whose name, I just have to talk about the food professor.

The food professor, and I thought his numb the food, or whatever, was pretty good. The food professor, his real name is Sylvie and Charlie Boyz. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He broke containment a little bit because I was seeing him on Twitter and he was a guy that was just sort of like seemingly popped up out of nowhere And I have this here in 2022 alone His name appeared in 156 stories on the CTV news website 87 on the Toronto stars 55 on the CBCs 55 on the Globe and Mills and and 20 on the Global News.

So where the fuck did this guy come from? I mean, like, and the answer is like he was a plundit that was sort of like, birthed out of some egg sac. Excuse me, he is a graduate summa cum laude of food university. With extra pickles. And he just got like, like, that emerged during COVID lockdown when food prices spike due to the supply chain and inflation. To assure everyone that food systems are very complex.

When you go to the supermarket and you see peanut butter cost $15 now, it's a very complex issue but it is not law-bloss fault. It is not law-bloss fault. Oh, in addition he received a $60,000 grant from the Weston Foundation which is owned by law-bloss, the own law-bloss. I'm from the U.S. The U.S. Wow. Wow, I don't know. I'm from the West End family. I hope you're booing the fact that your national grocery chain is called

Loblaws. You're not beating the fake country allegations of action. Canada is such a real place, like a crogor for a god's sake. Shout out, bro. Canada is such a fucking broke country that you're like, coke brothers are the grocery store guys. The fucking low margin as business.

Agro food and the Linux lab director and lead author. This guy, he did literally graduate at from Bovine University. I just, just a little sample of the food professors output. He says here, most consumers barely appreciate how farming, logistics, and even food processing work. But most of us often go to a grocery store. It's a familiar environment. However, grocery stores are also portals to a very complex food system.

We can barely see and understand. So probably blaming grocers for over-priced products is instinctive. Grocery stores are a portal to a different realm. That sort of an appartee, the food professor. Well, a little appetizer. But the next person I'd like to talk about is a columnist for the national post named Christy Blatchford. Yeah. Yeah. This is, OK.

Way to there, way to there. Yeah. That's not a person. That's the Incredibles lady. That's CGI. Do you people are fucking with us again? Because we would never know. That is... I didn't know what Christy looked like until tonight.

That's a severe... Visage. And Christy... Her face kind of, it looks like a racist depiction a little bit. Even though she's a white woman, but it looks like a racist depiction of somebody still. Well, Mickey Rooney and Raphosa Tiffany. Like she's just doing it for fun. Yeah. And Kristi, she's a big fan of the city of Toronto.

And I'd like to talk about her call, not that Pishi wrote, called, titled, Toronto, City of Sissy. I mean, what's here? Out. I mean, what's here? What? What? Is she really dead?

Well, remember, by that. Mission accomplished. Missing a hobbit. Christy, wherever you are, this was for you. Damn, Drake's fucking driller center to hell. That's what happens when you diss the six. Yeah. All right, Fee, you can't libel the dead. That's true. Even in the Commonwealth country, you can't libel the dead.

All right. This is a column from 2011. There's some rare evidence, but still hit. It was in Toronto recently, while temporarily resuming my semi-charmed kind of life there. Do we crystal map what? And briefly ditching the other semi-charmed half in Kingston that I realized how much in need the modern male of the species is of some toughening up. The bull terrier and eye were on a long four-smarts on the Tony part of Young Street in Rosedale.

You're fucking Rosedale. I'm fucking Rosedale. I'm gonna tell you just thinking about it, and furious me. That was Rose Dalyans. Is she? What's their ways? Is she getting paid by like place name? You're like two sentences in and it just did a blowered young rosedale, all these just bullshit proper nouns.

There were a couple of boys, maybe 10 years old, maybe 12, walking ahead of me. I mean they were pussy! Coming towards them was another small knot of boys about the same age. The two groups met and immediately began hugging each other. One at a time, the trustees and ding-dongs at the Toronto District School Board would have been ecstatic. I was mortified and the Paul. She thought she had moves of 10-year-olds walk towards each other and the fact that they didn't take out like switchplanes and fucking... I love her.

I love her. She's like Canada is a little boozy. He's like... He's like... He's like... He's like... He's like... He's like... He's like... He's like... He's like... He's 20 way men. He's 10 year old boys, I'll get you another. No, do it man. They're on that gay shit.

LAUGHTER Uh, this was about the time that Ontario premier Dalton Macinty was all over the airwaves with his anti-bullying crackdown. And poor old Doug Ford, a Toronto counselor whose brother Rob just happens to be the city mayor, was caught out by the Toronto star, of course. I mean, honestly, let's go to for Rob's point. We've been making light of your town tonight, but like electing the fat crackhead, the mayor, that chip of the fucking cat.

It was, that was some of the most premium content ever delivered, and you guys owe yourself a round of applause for it. How are you going to be a fat crack head? How did he manage that? Ask Andrew Breitbart. He was just like, he was, it's amazing that he happened to be Canadians. Like he was like, he was like a Targaryen. You got the blonde hair. Yeah.

He was just like way too strong for this country. They had to take him out. They had to kill him. They gave him the cancel rate. Like you go shoves. Yeah. Perfectly healthy men like that don't just die. I was going to skip ahead to the meat here. She says, that's quite true. In Toronto,

actual education routinely takes a back seat to anti-bullying messages, gay positive education, recognition assemblies, and social justice. In any case, it had already been a bad month for Doug Ford. I think that part of the reason it's a bad time to be Doug or Rob Ford or anyone like them is that they are too big, too pink, too footbally, and therefore too potentially violent and too old-school manly for a lot of the city. They're too pink. It's nothing more manly than being the kid who gets chased and beat the death of Lord of the Flies. Toronto, likes its man delicate, slender and arch. Not sporty, unless the sport in question is maybe badminton.

And if those little boys I saw on Youngstruder, any indication, Toronto is even now about to achieve perfection in this coming generation. Do not mistake this as a plea for head banging in sport. A defensive bullies are a veiled anti-game message. That's no more accuracy. There's no days out of that. No, I mean, this is just a per... Like, anyone would be disgusted by seeing boys hugging.

Natural response. Yeah. I have no particular fondness for gratuitous roughness in games. No time for bullies at all. And as a downtowner, I live surrounded by gay men, who'd like most women. I adore as a group.

Gay people, gay people, take a load off. Christy, what doors you, you know, as a group, maybe not individually, but maybe not if you articulate any political goals or, you know, agency, but she adores your company. She adores shopping with you. And I mean, where are the gay guys who picked out her fucking haircut, having good sense of the fucking humor? I mean, you know, she's made some coins in this,

but my response is very simple. If you're so smart, Christine, how come you're dead? You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead.

You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. You're dead. But holy smokes, I am wearying of the male as a delicate creature. I am wearying of men who are so frequently in touch with their feminine side, they,

not to mention me, have lost sight of the masculine one. I'm just playing sick of hugs, giving and getting from just about anyone, but particularly man to man hugs. I'm sick of the embrace of my fellow man. I'm sick of contact with humanity. I'm sick of love and fellowship among other people. To the extent that Toronto is still upholicies values, I say shame on you.

Shame on you, this city of fucking pussy. You can't stop hugging each other. Turn to the person next to you. Kill them right now. Strike without mercy. I remain convinced that the best way to stop a bully is not to go mulling to the teacher who will only call the victim's mummy or your own mummy who will only call the teacher. The best way is to take the bully out for a short pounding after school. Just like the real boozey, she also has butt thugs. Boss call would have been made. The best way, okay, give your bullies a pounding after school. And may I make a plain please that I don't mean the victim should do this, but rather others. What?

Who's pounding the bullies in this situation? The bully to parents? A bullie to parents. A bullie to parents. A freelance squad of bully pounders. Driving around in a big van. They see a bully, they pound them. This is the group of gay men she was talking about. The onus for stopping bullies lies not with the people being bullied, but with those who see it happen.

I mean like, did she intervene when those kids were hugging each other? She's gonna stop them. She should have just like broken a pool queue and happened throughout her third feet. I see, and she ends up, I say, and this is really funny. This is just not a nowhere. She says, glasses should only be worn by people who can't see. Not as props. Who is she fucking pole pot? And then she says, gay, as I've mentioned, is entirely fine. Faye is a pain in the arse.

Arse is a pain in the arse. I know men have feelings too. I just don't need to know much more than that. On any list of the 25 things every man in boy should know how to do, hugging is not one of them. Killing bugs is, whacking bullies is, kissing is, farting on cue is. Making the sound of a train in a tunnel is. What?

What's going on? I train, train is Chuchu, right? What is the tunnel ad to this? 11-year-old boys are fucking gay, but babies are awesome. Shooting a puck is hugging is not. Feel free to give this to your male children. You're entirely welcome. What a good message to instill in your male children.

Be autistic, I guess. Find out all the strange schedules, listen for all the different pictures of the different ones, and then reproduce them on command. But don't do any of that gay shit. It's also like, I mean, if she's like this much against that, it's like if like Louis Farrakhan, he rented an apartment above a synagogue. It's like, okay, we know you don't like this, but like, look where you chose to be. You could, you could live in Alberta if you wanted to. It's right there. Yeah.

It's right there. Yeah. It's right there. Well, she's dead now. Hey. Yeah. Hey. Hey, and he used out there who's against Hogan. Save a fuck out of Young Street.

I have to say. These Hogan kids have to be 12-year-olds running this shit. Now, this is... I want to do more reading series for dead people because it's very satisfying. You're just be like, well, okay, that's your opinion, but you're dead, bitch. Hey, will you mop Buckley? Can you hear us down there? Get ready for some epic Westbrook peckler takedowns in the near future.

Alright, so that's Christy, RIP. It would be funny if the reason she died is she got hit by a trend. There was no boy to tell her what it sounded like, because it's coming towards her. Just before we move on, we only read a few sentences of her, but I was detecting a particular for long time fans of the show, a similarity to one John Cass. Seriously, most of the people we're going to talk about here are basically, we're going to get to the Godfather, we're going to get to the end here. We're gonna get to someone who is very John Castler. Very John Castler.

Just like walking out of your regional city neighborhood, looking around you, being disgusted by all the normal people around you and saying there must be some kind of political valence to this. Also, just like the phraseology and the pace of it, it's sort of like how I I guess, like a first-hand nature, like travelogue would be written in like 1870. There's a very old pace to it.

Our next Canadian columnist is, the best of my knowledge, still alive. It's Tristan Hopper. Tristan Hopper. And I just want to begin here with just a great help on booze. You would hate this man. Tristan Hopper explains why he killed that raccoon. And I love you. It says warning. This story contains photos which may be disturbing to some readers. It starts like any other night. You're out for a romantic date with your wife,

when suddenly someone in their dog is attacked by a raccoon and you have to stomp it to death. Oh, and also your dad is there with a machete. Of course. I remember this dream. I've had it several times. And then you post about it on Twitter. This is apparently what happened to former national post journalist, Tristan Hopper, last week in Victoria. And a post shared on Twitter, Hopper showed a seemingly dead raccoon under the heel of his dress shoe with the caption,

romantic night with wife cut short by having to kick up potentially rapid raccoon to death. So, I mean, look, if a rabbit wreck, I was going to say, like, the word rabbit here is doing a lot of work. No, if a raccoon approaches me in a kinetic in situation, I will neutralize it. But what I will not do is take a picture and post about it like the fucking zodiac killer. I... I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.

I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that what I will not do is take a picture and post about it like the fucking Zodiac killer. I really would not pick this guy is able to kill anything. But like, was he wearing his like express waistcoat and his blouse when he killed it? In an email to HuffPost Canada, Hopper confirmed that he killed the raccoon after coming across an attacking a woman and her dog around 10 p.m. at night. I tried to soccer kicks to the raccoon to shake it off, but it pursued its attack so I managed to get my foot on the animal's neck, which stopped the attack and allowed the woman and her dog to flee the scene and hopper out.

It was very reasonable to believe that had I not intervened, the dog would be dead. Why that stop there? The woman too. Everyone on Earth would be dead. So this is just like a little introduction to Tristan Hopper. But the Tristan Hopper, like let's hear the words from the men himself. I feel excited. I thought of you when we found this article.

Tristan Hopper, Caliloo is an aggressively bad show ruining the world's children, and it's all candid as well. All right, here's our comment, right? This is objectively correct. All right, I'm the record killer side now. Let's hear him out. Caliloo? Battle help. So that could kill her side now. Let's hear him out. Callie Liu? That'll help.

All right, well, we have to settle for... Mm-hmm. Someone's jealous they didn't invent Barney. Only one way to pronounce that one. Yeah. For a country that obsesses about its international reputation, do you? No, they do, it's out there. You need to put in some work there.

For a country that obsesses about its international reputation, Canada is strangely tolerant of an institution that garners us new foreign enemies every day. I'm talking of course about you saying. I'm not, I'm never saying that. Quite possibly the world's most universally reviled children's program. He's spinning, right? The man is spinning. Fucking the fuck? What the fuck? That tape.

Produced in Canada and inspired by a Quebec Children's Book series, attracts a stunning level of animosity for a series about a relatively uncontroversial daily life of a four-year-old boy. There are, I hate, Facebook pages, dozens of parenting blogs have documented the phenomenon of burning parental loathing for the show. And a simple Google research for Caliloo hate

terms of 40, 400,000 results. I mean, I feel like saying you're a fan. Well, I mean, it's no party. You can't take away, like, you know, Calaloo's metrics. He's a very successful, successful artist, but he is not like the person he betrays offstage. I've heard some very bad things about him dating freshly 18-year-old starlets hoping to get out of Canada. Someone say he's the real life Bojack Horseman.

Judging by that clip I saw, recently. You gotta give him a break. He's done all this stuff while struggling with leukemia. Cartman told me that he's lying about that. Shames has had every morning. Yeah. All right. That's some of Tristan and his hatred for Canadian Children's Program. Let's get into like the all-starves. Let's get into the heavy at ours. And I'm talking about a mother and son team.

That's right. We're talking K versus K. Okay. First of all, okay, wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Toronto, Ontario. How the fuck is this a mother and her son? They look the same, what is he-

He's older than her! Yeah, he surpassed her at some point. Yeah, this is a back to the future type scenario. There is a delorean involved. So they're like, a mother-son team. Do they open mouthkills? I don't know. Do they sleep in bunk beds?

Yes. The world's only column produced exclusively in a sleeping bag. They sleep in drawers. But like, okay, like, so if you're not Canadian and you search Jonathan Pay, the first thing that you will find is the saga of him washing his hair with dog shampoo. I actually do remember this. The person in question is Jonathan Kay, a well-known figure in Canadian media whose current job is senior editor of Quillette. Unable to resist, oh come on man, let's have an open exchange of ideas here people.

I'm a classical liberal. Unable to resist needlessly posting the transcendent self-loom that he'd been watching his hair for the last few months with dog shampoo. Okay, and I'm not the first person to point this out. But like, how do you... There's a picture of a dog on the fucking bottle. And like, look, I mean, it's like... It's like he was taking dog medicine.

I'm sure dog shampoo works roughly the same way as human shampoo But it's just the fact that he posted about it and then got mad when Seth Rogan made one of them and then went on TV To fucking talk about how about like how Seth Rogan was mean to him. Let's roll the clock And none of it went anywhere until the other day when he did a throwaway tweet, revealing that for the last three months, he'd accidentally been washing his hair with his dog shampoo.

And next thing, you know, big time Hollywood star Seth Rogen and small time lefty hat, Keith Olberman and the rest of the blue checker. I'd be correct about rounding on him Jonathan Kay joins us tonight. Jonathan does I think you This is a very good related rather Journalist tweets sparks attack from the left. It was really strange. It was close to be a deposit while recording. I tried to, I tried to. And that is Mark's day. And then I, I don't know, I think I walked my dog and then checked my phone.

I was like, Seth Rogan was calling me names. It was a very surreal way to spend my Sunday morning. And then that thing that happens, that you really don't want when you're in a Twitter spat with Seth Roganan is that your mom decided to chip up on you, chip in and you'll be half, and suggest that he worked this into a subplot for his next movie. And you didn't appreciate that. Oh, well... I wouldn't...

I wouldn't think that much of that. I wouldn't think that much of that happened, I mean. And he's going on television! So he's in a little honor. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true.

I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true.

I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. I would think that's not true. first Canadian conservative imports to America that I notice. Let me ask you guys this.

Is he trying to sound like that? It's not a Canadian accent. It's not a British accent. Is he trying to sound like the fucking priest from a princess bride? We're talking about a balance between Beth Logan and Keith Obleman with a blue chakka. We're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck in the woods, we're stuck I'm just defending you on the internet. Just a lot of cool things stacked on top of each other. But I'm interested in his opinions on world events. That's all I can say. And we don't need to do much for us to the clip. But in it, Jonathan Kay says, maybe Seth Rogen was just having a bad weekend or something.

And it's like, dude, Seth Rogan's doing fine. You're the guy who's washing your hair with dogs. And it's like, you know, he's like, why did he have to send his 9 million followers? It's like, you posted this shit on a public forum, I do. All right, but like Jonathan, Jonathan, the apple falls way too far from the tree because I want to talk about his mom, Barbara Kaye,

who wrote this piece headline, why is Prince Andrew the only one being held accountable? I remember him being held accountable. We all remember that when that happened, right? When his mom canceled his birthday party? LAUGHTER It is with a pang that I was informed by people.com that clean Elizabeth strips Prince Andrew of his eight military titles and patronages amid sexual assault lawsuit as the headline read. A day after a judge requested Prince Andrew's attempt

to have a civil lawsuit quashed alleging the sexual misconduct against him in 2001 by one of Jeffrey Epstein's victims. Why do I shut her slightly at those words private citizen and greet the news in a general with a pang though? Prince Andrew is nothing to me personally. He got himself into a very tawdry mess through his own appallingly bad judgment. The allegations surfaced in 2019, so this was no surprise. And it is not the first occasion in which bad judgment and a sense of entitlement has led Randy Andy into a temptation of one kind or another and then onward to a best

unethical behavior and at worst, oh dear, oh dear. That's quite a way to discuss this. I mean, held accountable? Like what the fuck? Like, but back to my pain. Consider stupid as he was. The woman accusing him of being party to her sex trafficking was 17 at the time of the alleged encounter. The age of consent in the UK, as well as 32 US dates, is 16.

A lot of other rich and famous men paled around with Epstein and made use of his private plane and visited his island home. How come their names didn't come up in Maxwell's trial? So maybe my paying has something to do with the merceness surrounding the alleged encounter. And the fact that Andrew seems to have been cut from the herd to keep the all eyes on him and all eyes off the American guys.

The only other man publicly charged with sexual assault was celebrated lawyer Alan Dershowitz in 2019. Yeah. Yeah. I like her line of argument because it's like just going by that, then none of them individually should ever be charged. Like if you charge one, it's like, what about the 20 other guys?

And you can just keep doing that forever until they die of natural causes. He goes, Andrew is what he is. And not making the case, he shouldn't have paid an appropriate price for his bad behavior. Bad whether he slept with her or he didn't. All I'm saying is that the price he is paying a royal castaway,

shunned from the sake of the firm's continued good health and relegated the social devil's island, is very, very high. Much higher than he would have been in the case of an ordinary man. What the fuck are you talking about? An ordinary man would be in prison for what he did. Not to have his military patronages

and privileges from him. Yeah, but like even guys who are in prison for rape like get to have birthday parties. I've tried to think of like even even if you're in protective custody and you don't get to be in Genbop they still let you be in charge of the same charities you were in charge of before you went in. I'm trying to think of what she thinks would have been appropriate, like just having his mom just spank him on the bottom like 20 times. Just a bit of stiff discipline.

Yeah. All right. We're coming to the end of our show tonight. So I know, I know. But we got to talk about the king. The guy, the one man whose name rang out more than any other Canadian media figure. I am of course talking about Toronto's own Joe Warmington.

And, I think you'll see why this is the most John Cas guy in Canada. I already love him. I mean, this is, you know, baby comes out already formed as Winston Churchill. It's a miracle. For my own amusement, I'm just going to also just pretend he's dead. Because I can't, I just love and I'm addicted to it. I would be shocked if this guy makes it through the year. Just, I'm assuming this is like a childhood photo.

I don't know what element he has, but it's got to be a lot of them. This was his yearbook photo, which he was voted most likely to be ridiculed by an American podcast visiting his own city. But Joe Warmington is very John Castlyk, and I think that will come across in this headline. Toronto's son, Rattrack's Joe Warmington column on gang culture that quoted fake Drake lyrics. So that says here, among other problems, Warmington's column asked why Don Cherry was pulled off the air after being branded a racist when Drake sings songs about promoting murder. Except, the lyrics Warmington It is proof are not Drake's lyrics.

In fact, there does not appear to be any song in existence that uses specific lyrics in Warmington's column. Do you know all these songs there are? Do you have to pass a newspaper pack check and that them not even come up with an offer of like we think he was going for this one. All right, the original version of the column stated, get within two meters the city calls you selfish and dangerous. Right? Hip-hop lyrics like Drake and he gets the key to the city. We can't, this is the lyrics. We can't, or this is the lyrics.

We can't afford to let someone else get killed. If they're scared, we kill you by ourselves. If I'm scared, bodyguard, chubs will shoot you by himself. Only need one person to shoot you. You only live once. None of that right, I was scared. That is a very bad flow, I have to say. Is that from Drakes like Epic Poem?

Yeah. Yeah. This is with her rose red fingers. Six fairy tales. Also, I know hip-hop aficionado, but does it drake mostly rap about women not texting him? Yeah. Yeah.

Drogle, one of my favorite Drake lines is complaining that he drove a girl to take her LSATs in the snow. LAUGHTER I mean, at least not in his songs. He's not ordering killings. LAUGHTER But this is one of my favorite headlines I've read.

Take the Toronto Sun for publishing this one by Joe Warmington. Headline, give cops medals for efforts to stop park sex. If Warmington writes, if you can imagine New Democrat MPP Sherry DeNovo wants the cops to rebuke for arresting creeps who have sex in a public park, thankfully some common sense prevails. And Toronto Police Association President Mike McCormick wants her to apologize for making such a suggestion. And I want medals and citations for all the 22 division officers involved in making

arrests. And for re-eat. Okay, at that point you just have to surrender at the park. Or that's not a park anymore. Or you honor the Finn Pink wine. No, no, good. It was not 22 arrests. It was 22 division officers involved in making arrests.

Well, not like still though, I mean I imagine it's over-policing, but if they actually needed 22 to detain all the guys having sex in the park, I mean if they took it back, that's like stalling grab. If you retreat, we'll shoot a hot load into you. If your com red falls, pick up his handcuffs. Just go forward and take back that park. Okay, give them medals, actually, yeah. And then at the end of the article, he them medals, actually, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then at the end of the article, he just says of the officers.

I guess the end result, the efforts of these officers enabled the community to take back their park and both the community and police celebrated this victory with a barbecue and candlelight walked through the park at the end of the two- The Choo-Bong Project! The Choo-Bong Project! He stopped man from fucking each other in his park at Toronto. at the end of the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two- the two It's like we just took it back. Yeah, put some perel around for a minute. It's like a pat on the back, not a stab in the back.

I don't want to touch them, I'm sorry. Probably a little sticky. All right, but the thing about Joe Warmington though, is that the columns don't really give justice to his beautiful mind. It is with the medium of Twitter that he really shines. And I'd like to shout out a friend of the show, Jesse Hawkins. For him. For him.

Do we know what he's telling on the best Joe Warmington tweets? The beginning of this one is this ADM. on the best gel warming to trade. Be getting like this one, is this ADM? I really like this one. This is a need computer help. When you use Firefox, can you Google something? How do you get it to do that? It says Amazon instead.

Any suggestions? And then there are ones that are not much is like just bewildered ignorance in the world. Well, I suppose this counts, but this gets into like people he knows and hey, don't talk shit about my friends. I don't know what she said on the Daily Stormer. But I don't know what she said on the daily stormer, but I know people will pile on Faith Gold before it.

I say go easy, because she's a good kid. I'm so lucky. All right, so we have a selection. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've got a few more here. Here we go. We don't have a clear understand why Mr. Platform. No, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get, they get need your help, encourage youth to help cops, encourage Drake. We've got Drake, could you please do a song, encouraging them not to bump each other in public parks in Toronto.

The one of that, one of that was your dying father's last words to you. Kurt, listen to guys, Keck City. It Kurt Drake. Alright, it was an excellent... Anybody know of a place where beer and liquor is sold in stores and how it works? When was this guy unthought? This is the only, this is the missing link columnist. That's why you call himself Joe Warmington. I don't know if I'm before he gets to the visual tweet.

Oh yes, that's the next one. Okay, isolation pizza. Oh my gosh. The combination of those two words and that image is like, it's like seller door, but the opposite. Isolation pizza, and then what looks to be like, it's like cooking pizza free-based style with a little bit of flour. And like it says, is that a ch is that a chokes a potato in there?

I think it's pineapple. Pineapple. Pineapple. I thought, for the, look, I looked at this image like 30 times as I was putting this all together and I'm only now seeing it on the big screen realizing that there aren't big, un-melted cheese chunks, but I think they are pineapple. This is like one of those early AI images just designed to baffle human comprehension. You know what I mean, my feelings?

Do you see the John Casco across the screen? No, no, no, no. John Cas is like, this is an unconqued. This is Casper Hauser. Like this is, he was located like, whatever fucking newspaper he works for found him. The Toronto Sun found him wandering apart, probably, like naked at age 65. And like the only words you could say were like, a horse, cavalry, my father sends me to cavalry.

And they're like, let's teach him language as a project. What I mean though is that like, he cannot help but betray the other misery, which he exists in. Well, the like, caste is misery though, is like, they have to do with like, language and human relations and other things that this caveman does not grasp. Like, this is a man like I, he has rabies. The best guy should kill him. Like, no, he doesn't deserve to die, but he might bite someone else. I know we don't have this one up on the big board, but I just have to read this one. This is at Joe Warmington.

I have not once today tweeted anything negative about parents of autistic kids. Oh! Oh! Like at Ford Nation and at McCloud, Lisa, I am on their side. Even the ones who said they wanted me to choke on my own vomit.

Oh! Oh! Even the ones who said they wanted me to choke on my own vomit. It's like more alarming that he writes in coherent sentences sometimes. Like half of it is like, friend find warm. How do work house? Enter a key, fire live there, and then the other ones are like, look, you know, some kids just need to go to prison. All right, so let's tell Drake to tell kids to use condoms.

So I feel like he goes in and out of consciousness. I think this one combines both style of tweeting. Sorry, there's not up on screen, but I just got to read this. Deeply sorry, Ron McLean has previous shirtless story. This is not the first time pictures of a hockey player without a shirt and then some has appeared on this very panel. Plus we learned about LGBTQ2 plus graciousness and where tarps off-sling come from stay tuned column soon.

It's like it's like it's like it's like it's like a telegram. You should separate these with stop. Drake encourages shirtlessness stop. Column soon. It's like he's typing these out with his tongue. He just he has like a madness meter that fills up 20 times. Sorry, sorry, there's just too many goons. Next one. We don't know who is going to play at Elon Musk in the movie, but there is only one person should play at real James Woods What? Does he hate you? James Woods is 190 years old.

So like, what? Just sort of bring it back to the first act. While I was going through warming since the sweet, I was just like, what is it of Canadian men of a certain age that like when you read their Twitter feed, it's like the diary of a madman. I'm like, okay, like, we got the joker. All right, this is just a sweet scold

from Jordan Peterson's feed over the last like two hours. This is just, did you know, as Pennywise, just says lies, lies. Is that Alex Trebek? No, it's Tredo. What no. You'll notice a theme in his imagery as we go to. He basically, like, Jerry Peterson is like Benzo tweeting style. It's actually quite

like original. Because he's not that guard. Yeah. This is the old style. This is the old style of Peterson posting. There are eras. Yeah, this is when he was refining his style. But he has this thing now. Yes. This is one of them. He has three or four images that he tweets out constantly now. One is a shoeville store. One is Lady Joker or Variations on the Joker. The other is a Heygar the horrible strip. Okay. I like this one. What do trans, sorry, what do trans influencers think of this? And the head part is not you there. Pretty cool, I don't know. No, you love, yeah, labor will destroy the UK by design.

What is the image have to do with that? I don't get it. Kierstarmer looks great. Yeah, so, yeah, that's that's our chore through Canadian media crumbums and losers. Hope you guys enjoy it. Alright Chris, you're gonna shout out? Yeah. Toronto Ontario, Danforth musical. I want to thank you guys so much for coming out to CS.

You guys have been awesome. But before we go, before we go tonight, I would like you the audience to help us out with something. We have a little special shout out to a friend of the show's going through some hard times right now. If you guys could just bring your hands together for a fan of the show, Julie Baxter, and just wish her well right now, as you guys could just bring your hands together for a fan of the show, Julie Baxter, and just wish her well right now. That's up in the middle of the class. All right, Dan Ford's music called Keep It Going For Yourself.

We are at Shopping Shop now. Canada, thank you so much. It's been awesome. Cheers guys. Catch you available with me. Good night everybody You