Chapo Trap House - 824 - To Look and To Watch feat. Alex Nichols (4/15/24)

Episode Date: April 16, 2024

Alex is back on with us today to catch up on MMA libertarians, bad DJs, and a rudely interrupted Billy Joel. We then discuss Iran’s weekend missile attack on Israel, and get Donald Trump’s somber and thoughtful remarks on the hallowed battle ground of Gettysburg. All this and some Valerie Bertinelli news on today’s show. NYC, MAY 4th: Join Will & Hesse for a Movie Mindset Season 2 kickoff screening & talkback of DEATH WISH 3 at Littlefield, tickets now available: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/chapo-trap-houses-movie-mindset-screening-of-death-wish-3-w-will-hesse-tickets-877569192077

All I wanna do is hit the drum. All I wanna do is hit the drum. Hello everybody, it's Monday April 15th and we've got some chapeau coming at you. It's me Felix and Alex today and I just want to kick things off by intriguing some of my co-hosthost to just once again help me out explain some things that happened this weekend in the world of sport and music. And Felix, I'd like to begin with you because there was the big UFC event this weekend and I wanted to ask you, did you see the Brazilian MMA fighter who won his match and then instructed

everyone to read the works of Austrian economist Ludwig von Mises? First of all, I love America. I love the Constitution. I love the First Amendment. I want to carry a non-fucking gun. I love property. And let me tell something. If you care about your fucking country, read Lud read Ludovic von Mises and the six lessons

of the Austrian economic school motherfuckers. Brazilian MMA fighters, this is kind of normal for them at this point. Every Brazilian MMA fighter supported Bolsonaro except for one guy. Literally one guy. Glenn Greenwald's husband. Bolsonaro except for one guy, literally one guy. Did they all hang up on it? When Greenwald's husband. It says that I sort of that says MMA star Renato Mociano knocked out Jalen Turner in their lightweight bout at UFC 300 on Saturday, picking up

his third consecutive victory. Mociano then urged Americans to read a book from an Austrian American economist. I love America. I love the Constitution. I love the First Amendment, Moisiano told the fans in Las Vegas. I want to carry and own fucking guns. I love private property. And let me tell you something, if you care about your own fucking country, Ludwig von

Mises and the six lessons of the Austrian economic school motherfuckers. So Felix, I guess like my question here is, is this the least fascist Brazilian MMA star? Well, the least fascist would be the like the one guy, the one guy who doesn't support. Of course, of course, the one guy I'm talking about is Damian Maia, who he, you know, he's one of my favorite fighters. He's really cool. He he was a ju was a jujitsu specialist and he actually, he does look like someone who would work at the intercept. Like when you see him, you're like,

this guy looks like he would be writing articles. Like he's not out of shape or anything, but he, he looks like an article guy, but he's a very, I really liked his fights, but he, he will, he actually was a journalist before he was a fighter. And so he was like, I don't, I don't think we should kill all the college professors and then take their gold teeth out to give 35 year old men, calf implants so they can join the army. And they were all like, shut up, Damien.

I forgot to mention this another time, but did you know that the guy who brought jujitsu to America was one of the inspirations for? Leviticus Cornwall. Yes, I forget the guy's name. Okay. Yeah, just making sure that you made it Wait, who is Leviticus Cornwall? Leviticus Cornwall, dude, I know I first robber baron in American history I don't the Hitler of the West please inform me the worst guy ever Dutch Vanderlands's biggest enemy. Oh, from Red Dead Redemption 2. Okay. He made the trains run on time, but at what cost? Yeah.

Hey, look, I don't care what government I have as long as I can fast travel to any point on the map. As long as someone's keeping that order, then I love private property and owning fucking guns. But yeah, uh, Felix, have you followed any, are followed a fan of this fighter, the Ludwig von Mises fighter. And are you a fan of the Austrian School of Economics? Well, I am a fan of the Austrian School more than anything. I could care less about the fighter, though. No, I don't. I never really followed this guy that intently. He's I don't know.

To put it nicely, the UFC needs to have a bunch of guys who are around this guy's level of skill or else they go out of business. They can't put up a card. He is most generously like a sort of above replacement level quality fighter. Personally, in my opinion, I don't think anyone west of the Rhine or no east of the Rhine should have an opinion on capitalism. Why should I listen to you? Yeah, why should I listen to Locke or Hobbes or Adam Smith or any of our guys?

Where this stuff was invented? Why am I going over to the places where it was all pagans until like 1600? Yeah, there is. When he started lecturing us, I did get sort of annoyed because it's like, okay, so you think America is doomed unless we like, I don don't know start getting really into gold right how about focus on your backyard for a second art half half of your population. Is killed every day by guys. I do not the guys who have that problem you are you guys have that scary spider-man guy who is in that video you guys have so many problems that I've seen and you're out here

telling us that we need to do the Austrian school or else we're doomed I don't think so I think the Austrian school is good for Austria but like I'd prefer some American economists please prefer for the Americas I'd like as you said I like so like economists who are from the new world. You know, like not every economic system is good for every country. But Brazil, I mean, yeah, private property. Cars count as private property. And so does your body, I suppose. So yeah, all the kidnappings and carjackings in Brazil. I could see why he likes private property and guns. Also UFC adjacent. We talked about it a little a couple of the other week. But I did Catherine and I

did watch the new remake of Roadhouse this weekend. And I will say Connor McGregor's performance in that movie is probably the favorite my favorite the movie was shit. But Connor McGregor's performance as Connor McGregor, a guy who is hired by the incarcerated father of the villain, who's like a Florida shithead. He's like a rich Florida guy who wants to build a luxury resort where the road house is. And his father is like, you're fucking things up, son. I got to send in my fixer. And he sends in Conor McGregor, who's a guy who's hired out to ruin

bars. Which I think is a great- Okay, that's actually a great role for him. It is perfect. Like, when you first encounter his character fleeing the house of an Italian man whose wife he's despoiled, completely nude. And then he gets a call and he's like, hold on a second, I'm shopping for clothes. And then he just assaults a village of Italian people and steals their clothing and sets their village on fire. And then he just assaults a village of Italian people and steals their clothing and sets their village on fire. And then he comes to Florida to cause trouble in a bar.

And there's a scene where he walks in, he goes, I fucking knew it. This roadhouse is mine. And I'm barely doing his voice justice because it is unintelligible. And he has the wildest set of veneers I've ever seen. It looks like he has the Kanye West grill in. Like he just has like a single tooth in the front of his face. But his performance was magnetic. It was magnetic because he had the same expression on his face the entire movie,

which is this sort of frozen rictus grin that I think comes with doing cocaine all the time. Well, yeah, this is the role he was born to play. This is like his this has really been his job ever since he started like just getting injured and getting knocked out all the time. Like this is all he does like in Ireland. Like he is one of the most sued people internationally,

probably the most sued man in the EU. And if you like look at the lawsuits, they're all stuff like this. It's like, you know, we talk about what to ruin a bar and it was just normal in Ireland. Yeah. Oh, there's a drunk Irish guy causing a big ruckus. Oh, there's a Connor McGregor appearance at this bar in Ireland. We're making more fucking money.

It's the producers thing. He fucking sucks. money. It's the producers thing. He can soft. He like he beat up that old man who wouldn't drink his whiskey. For some reason, he like like beat up a 50 year old woman and threw her off a boat. That's not funny. He's just laughing at that. That's horrible. What did she do?

What did she do? I presumably, she didn't drink his whiskey. I got, probably. That seems to be a recurring problem. But he's like. Seems like she's drinking seawater then. She should have made a better choice. This is, yeah.

This is the role he was born to play. I was afraid, you know, I didn't know anything about this movie. I thought they were gonna make it like he was like, Jake Gyllenhaal's mentor, like, yeah, no, I like this. And I'm waiting or something. No, like when I when I when I saw the trailers, I assumed that he was like a heavy, it was hired out who knew Jake Gyllenhaal from like inside the octagon. And they're like, Oh,

your bouncer is a professional MMA fighter. Well, our anti bouncer is also a professional MMA fighter and no he's a professional guy who fucks up bars he's the bar destroyer and I think it would have been such a better movie if it was only Conor McGregor yeah if it was just about like the life and times of this amazing man who ruins every venue he goes to yeah and it's like it's like a Thomas Crown Affair thing. It's like he he's challenged to ruin like more like greater and greater venues. Like his ultimate task is ruining the Super Bowl. He fights all the football players.

Someone ruined Madison Square Garden yesterday. Did you see that when Billy Joel was playing Cannoman and then they cut off and went to commercials. And that was so good. Alex, Alex, Catherine and I were watching the Billy Joel 100th Madison Square Garden concert last night. You know, we respect Billy Joel in this house. In fact, we love Billy Joel in this house. Oh, I do too. Just not that one song. The Turn the Lights Back On was so funny because I'd only heard the sharpling fake version of the song and the real version is worse.

It's just an old man saying, please turn the lights on. I'm scared. I need to go to the bathroom. Turn the lights on. But you know, Billy coming out there, New York State of Mind, Only the Good Die Young, it was great. And then like they just heart like he was like halfway through Piano Man and they just hard cut to like the local news. And it it's like what Israel is doing to respond to Iran

And I was just like mother fucker could these Israelis stop disrespecting our country for even one day for even one day Could they could they take us seriously, but no they're fucking pissing on Long Island's greatest man ever Billy Joel William Joel. Well, if you want to be technical about it, if you're trying to convey the aura of a bar in 1973, there probably would be a TV there and there probably would be some Israeli war crimes going on and it might cut into the song. Yeah, they brought out Jerry Seinfeld too. Jerry Seinfeld and Sting.

Yeah, we had fun until they cut it off. I mean, that's just, yeah, that's for the further humiliation of the United States by Israel. And we're going to talk about that in a second. But I want to talk about another musical event from this weekend. Oh, I came up with a joke. Sting trying to teach Jerry Seinfeld about the tantric sex. And Jerry's like, no, if it lasts that long, she's going to turn 18. That's the conversation that they had. We had Billy Joel at the garden, but over out on the West Coast, Coachella is going down. And Chris is my dedicated Coachella attender.

And then this weekend, the Coachella observer. I did want to ask you what the fuck happened with Grimes' set at Coachella? Because this is all I'm reading about this morning is that it was some kind of disaster. So could you could you fill me in about what happened with Grimes at Coachella? I mean, as far as anybody can tell, it appears that she has never used a DJ turntable before in her life and just agreed to do a DJ set and showed up with songs that she had never heard before without having any idea how anything worked and just tried to wing it. Presumably she has DJ'd before, but it was a failure on a basic technical level

that would put even a complete amateur like me to shame and so that appears to be the story there. A complete fumble that you frankly love to see every now and again on that big of a scale. Now I also heard the crowd was rather rude to a British indie rockers blur. Were people not feeling blur at Coachella? That seemed to be the the case. The crowds in general seem to be kind of anemic by which apparently there were only 80,000 people there instead of 120,000 people. The supposition is that most people were just waiting around for Tyler, the creator, to go on and had very little idea who blur was despite probably all of those people being hardcore Gorillaz fans. Yeah, where are the apes? Yeah, show me the apes. Come on. Who's this guy in a suit?

Where's the monkey mask? Why can't you do both? It should be like Parliament Funkadelic. Yes. It should be one band and you have the Gorillaz on stage and you have the rest of Blur and you have everything. I was so disappointed when I found out he was the Gorillaz guy. It's like in my head I built up this entire thing. You think they were real?

No, I didn't. They were real until I was like 27. I, I was aware they were a cartoon, at least recently, but like I, I was under the impression they were a cartoon because it was like a band of like musically gifted burn victims or something like that. Like it was a Phantom of the Opera type situation. There's people in witness protection. Yeah, I thought it was something cool like that.

Like, oh, there's got to be a great reason why they're a cartoon. But no, they're just normal musicians. And some of them are even famous musicians. But they just they wanted to be a cartoon. Would you complain if every British celebrity was replaced with a cartoon? I guess I don't know. No more Elizabeth Hurley. She has to. She's a toon now.

Well, only the guys, I guess. OK. All right. That's the compromise. Every man has to be a cartoon. You think it dipped in the toon stuff? The good like in Roger Rabbit. I don't know how it works yet. Well, if you dip if you dip a tune in the the eraser, that kills the dip. It's just called the dip. It's the dip. Yeah. But if you dip a human in the dip, then they turn into a cartoon. And yeah, that's what

we're going to do with Tom Holland. We're turning him into a cartoon. Yeah, no, I yeah, as long as only the guys Yeah, the birds they can they can stay flying They can stay they can they can retain their humanity, but yeah the British British actors and musicians Yeah, I think they should all become cartoons But the blur thing mostly just seemed as a wild miscalculation of their relative popularity to the crowd that might be lining up for Tyler the creator as My friend holiday Kirk who runs the new metal moments, uh,

Twitter account pointed out in, in the United States, every blur album combined has sold less than what Limp Biscuits, Chocolate Starfish, and the Hot Dog Flavored Water sold in the first seven days of sales. So that gives you a good sense of the, uh, of the relative popularity of the band blur here, even though if it was Glass St stow or something or reading, it would certainly be headlining. Yeah. They're not a headliner in the U S.

Yeah. Which is okay. Great songs. We love blur. Damon, if you want a headline, you got to get the gorillas out. You gotta get them out. Do they get real gorillas and then like, uh, you smoke in effects to make it look like they're rapping and playing guitar I mean more or less it's a lot of cartoons on the screen but yeah the guys are still on the stage all right yeah I don't know if I like that you're making people pay like constant prices to watch your cartoon well speaking of that another performer at this week's or this year's

Coachella is the the anime, Hatsune Mikko, uh, who is, who only as a cartoon, uh, but apparently, I mean, I caught a little bit of her set. It was a little disappointing because usually they have an elaborate holographic prism that she performs in that to make, give the appearance of a live cartoon on stage, but because of, uh, limitations of set turnover times and some other things, they could only pull out a big LCD screen so you're just watching a character on the

screen, none of the holographic visual effect. And I was disappointed. I know a lot of the hardcore Hatsune heads were also disappointed with that. Now is Hatsune, is that, are the lyrics and voice sort of computer generated as well? Or is this just like... Yes. Okay, it's like all... The Vocaloid program, it comes with a bunch of different people that you can buy and they have names and stuff.

I've tried to use it and it's very difficult, especially when it's Japanese and you're trying to get the syllables in. I do love the way that stuff sounds. I love those artificial voices. I'm obsessed with these videos of a Vocaloid singing Bach and singing old opera. It just adds this new dimension to it. It gives it new life, even though it's a dead cartoon. But the people who like who want to fuck her or whatever, I'm not into that.

Yeah. I don't need to see her. I'm purely in it for her musical talent. Yeah. I just want to see a Japanese cartoon sing owed to joy in a computerly computer algorithmically generated voice. I will say, speaking of opera, I, I, my highlight was the Tyler, the creator set. I think he did a fantastic job. He has a tremendous sense of staging. He was really living up to his, the creator moniker, a great performance and everything. And I was a late Saturday night.

I was a little altered, let us say. And I was just basically sitting there mumbling to myself, this is, this is modern opera. This is what Nobles paid Mozart to do. This is the kind of a performance that is like the best of cultural technology that a society can produce. Talk about the Austrian school. Yeah, there you go. And then I guess the last, the last performance of note that I saw coming out of Coachella was Will Smith

doing Men in Black with Jay Bolvin. Did you catch that? Talk about something that's lost on the crowd. Yeah. Who is that for? 1998? It's for me. I actually, I got some insider info from that that apparently a source placed deep within the, uh, the Paramount institution, uh, passed off to me that, that they, they heard that Will Smith and Martin Lawrence were on the lot earlier this week,

practicing for a bit that they were going to do at Coachella that will perhaps be part of the new bad boy movie. that they were going to do at Coachella that will perhaps be part of the new bad boy movie like they were They were gonna film some something at the performance, which is why Will Smith was there and why he ended up doing A men in black song with them. So Chet roll out for bad. What's the new one called bad boys bad boys for life? Bad boys for life. They're gonna do a song I think that they're gonna do a bit at Coachella, but while he was there He then also did a song it I think that they're going to do a bit at Coachella, but while he was there, he then also did a song. It would be genuinely baffling.

It may be in a classic Bay way. If Will Smith as his character in Bad Boys performed the Will Smith song, Men in Black in the movie, unexpectedly. You should do that. Why not? Why not? What bit would you do at Coachella though? Is it a non-musical bit that's part of the movie?

Like they go to- Chase a drug dealer through the grounds or something? What do they do in Bad Boys movies? Yeah, a non-musical bit that's part of the movie? Like they go to- Is it a drug dealer through the grounds or something? What do they do in bad boys movies? Yeah, that sounds about right. Yeah, I don't know. They pretend to be each other a lot. It could be at anywhere. It could be at like a film festival.

They love doing that in the bad boys movies where they're like, oh, Will Smith, you have to pretend to be Martin Lawrence and vice versa. You know, it really, when I saw those movies when I was a kid, it gave me an unrealistic expectation about how much I would have to do that as an adult. It made me pretty nervous.

I've gotta learn a lot of things about my friends and stat if I'm gonna pretend to be them. You are Mike Lowry. You be him. That's what you are. You're him. I don't hear it. You're him. And you, you, you, you, you be you.

But not in front of her. You're him. You're you. So that's news from the world of sport and culture this weekend. But of course, I'd be remiss if we didn't talk about the other big news event from this weekend, which is, fellas. Valerie Berneli is dating the horse whisperer.

Did you guys know that? Is it the horse whisperer? Is it the character Robert Redford is based on? No, it's the horse whisperer from Twitter. Who's the horse whisperer? You don't know the horse whisperer. Oh, I don't know any of these people. The horse was serious.

You forgot the horse whisperer. How could you forget? How could you forget? He he was the guy who would write all those threads that were like, there's a lot of chumpfuckulent asshats who are trying to say, don't vote for Democrats. The guy with the horse, Abby, he, uh, he was some type of lawyer. I believe. Am I right about that?

Alex. Um, my clearest memory of him is when he, he posted this long thread about how he was going to get his son, the greatest vacation of all time. And they were going to like get in their car with no air conditioning and then go to the grand Canyon from like Ohio. And he posted this screenshot of a text with him and his kid. And it's like 20 messages from him and then his kid says, okay, which is the opposite of how texting your dad should

be. It should be you saying more. And then he just says a sunglasses emoji, thumbs up emoji. Anyway, that guy is dating Valerie Bertinelli, who is Eddie Van Halen's ex-wife. So if you Eddie Van Halen? Yeah, yeah, ex-wife. Yeah. So if you're Wolfgang Van Halen, your real dad who died is Eddie Van Halen, and then your new stepdad is the fucking horse whisperer from Twitter. Yeah. So imagine what that feels like. Imagine you're him. That is so fucked. That is the most you're not my real dad shit of all time. How did they meet?

I don't know. I hope it wasn't just on Twitter. Yeah, on Twitter. But like where else would it be? Like, I don't know. It couldn't be anywhere else. I can't imagine they like share spaces. I remember the horse whisperer being kind of like a fail adult. You know what I mean? Like not anymore. Well, not anymore. But like before he's about to get the royalties from 1984 if he plays his cards, right? I mean, now he's he's got it set. But before he was definitely one of those adults where, you know, you get into their car and they still have like the crank windows. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He was. Yeah. It's like, how is this still running? I'm so I'm so bewildered when I see a car like that from like 1994 and it's got all different color

doors and the hood is a different color and they have the crank windows and it's like, how is how is this still running? How can you afford the engine but not this other shit? Like even a car from like 10 years ago, it's like there's so much bullshit that goes wrong. All right. I'm seeing I'm seeing coverage of this on the Daily Caller and it says Valerie Bertinelli says she's dating infamous liberal Twitter troll in shocking reveal. Valerie Bertinelli of One Day at a Time and Hot in Cleveland fame revealed she's dating infamous liberal Twitter troll The Horse Whisperer in a Tuesday Instagram post according to People magazine. Bertinelli, who's been doing a press junket to promote her new cookbook, shared Mr. Horse's blog post

in which he raved about the book, writing, I just can't with this man, and tagging him on Instagram in a post, according to People. Horse has boasted over 400,000 followers on Twitter and has been a well-known agitator in online left-wing spaces for some time now. He drew the ire of Bernie Bros in 2019 when he hijacked a pro Sanders hashtag and

mocked the senators 2016 candidacy with a tongue in cheek satire that accused Sanders of torpedoing Hillary Clinton's campaign. Wow. Everything old is new again. Well, good luck to them. Yeah. Good for that guy. Yeah. That that is the horse whisperer like latching on to that the Van Halen royalty is that late in his life. That is the greatest Hail Mary of all time. Yeah. It was like, imagine, imagine he's in high school in 1986 and the bullies in school are like are listening to Panama and driving by.

You like you, homo. And he's just like, oh, oh, and then he's making this plan. And he's like, every time you listen to that song, I'm going to get a fucking check. Yeah. I'll show you. Not going to win this. Sure.

Yeah. He like that is that is incredible. That is like his adulthood. It looked grim. It was going bad. He was like you said, he was putting a road trip in a broken car with no air conditioning with his son who's like, okay, shut up, dad. Like clearly it's a ploy to lose your son. Yeah. He was waiting for him to get out. Yeah. Driving through like death Valley with no

air conditioning with like all the doors missing. I said, well, we got a 5,000 miles to go one mile an hour. It's a better stay in the car. He was so things were going so bad. He was trying to kill his son via a hot car when the sun was like 26. That's how bad he was still in it and they were running the car. Yeah. But then suddenly Valerie Bertinelli is like, hey, I like what you have to say about, you know, Wednesday Gleap Corp, reboot your system with coffee

or whatever, you know, whatever he's doing nowadays. I don't know. And it really does inspire you to keep going. Never give up. Yeah, never give up, never stop posting. You could be dating Eddie Van Halen's ex-wife through the magic of social media. The thing I wanted to talk about the other big news story from this weekend is of course Iran.

They fucked around and they're about to find out. They're about to find out why we don't have universal healthcare in this country. Oh boy. So yeah, Iran did a retaliatory strike for Israel bombing their consulate in Damascus. I don't know. Do you have any observations on this? I mean, it seemed to be like a very telegraphed punch that no one died in. And you know, certainly wasn really wasn't a greater. We don't. I mean, it is weird how I've seen like nothing about how I mean, I've only heard that like most of the drones and missiles were intercepted.

But I've not seen any footage of like the damage that they supposedly did to. I don't know what's going on with that, but it seems to be that why we don't have universal health care. Is it just that? Yeah. Well, there's a lot of reasons, but it's like six anti aircraft guns. At least they work, I guess. I guess if our money's going to something that successfully shot down a missile that wasn't going to kill anybody. I mean, like I, who knows? I could easily see it, you know, going, you know, one way where it was so telegraphed that yeah, it didn't kill anyone. Or that maybe it did kill a few soldiers and they'll just never admit it

or admit it like 30 years from now, like they do with a lot of things. Israel loves it. They say they died of food poisoning. Yeah. One of the less embarrassing ways that they die in the IDF. Yeah. What the?

Fell into a hole. The foot fungus, yeah, that's a bit of a killer. Fell into the Dead Sea and got covered in the black dirt, and then someone thought he was black and shot him. Friendly fire incident. It was probably something like that, not the missile. I do have to say, I was like, you know, I was one of the guys pulling for whatever the attack would be, because we didn't know what it was until things were in the air, which

was very fun. I, which was very fun. I thought that was very fun. It was it added a it added a lot of like uncertainty to it. And I thought like everyone else thought, oh, they just threw a bunch of slow drones at them. Like I get why they did it, but that's kind of disappointing, you know? And then it turned out that they did a junior version of the Russia strategy where they send a bunch of like 500,000 RC planes at you and you shoot them down, but then the supersonic missiles come. And I think like, okay, short of, you know, blowing up the Knesset and, uh, you know, killing Ben Gavir or whatever short of that, this is the best it could have gone right. Because they showed a capability to like really fuck Israel up if it comes to that, but they didn't do so much that like they need to retaliate.

You know, it's like it's one of the best outcomes we could have gotten. And I would have not have not predicted that Iran would show show enough of a deterrent potential without killing anyone. Or maybe only killing like 12 people who knows, maybe we'll never know. They're pretty rational for a crazy pariah state. Yeah. Yeah, it seems like- They have all these chances to start World War III

and kill a bunch of Americans and shit, and they don't do it. Oh, yeah. After, fuck, what was the guy's name that Trump killed? Soleimani? Soleimani, yeah. They could have done, they had a very good reason to just fire everything they had at Washington, D.C.,

and they didn't. No, it seems like they're the definition of like proportional, international law based military response. I mean, like they told them what was happening. I think they were basically counting on the fact that these drones would get shot down and they're like, okay, we've responded. But like we consider the matter closed. And at least over the weekend, and as I saw on the Sunday shows the line from DC was that the United States will not uh be backing Israel in any offensive war launched against Iran, but then we are 100 committed to their defense And like Netanyahu when was the last time there was an offensive war?

Yeah, when was the last time someone claimed to have an offensive war like 1802? Well, I mean they're pretending that like the drones that were launched were just came out of nowhere as well. They're like, oh, they just attacked us because of how you said, Alex, how irrational they are. But yeah, it seems like if Israel responds to this or escalates, as we know, Netanyahu and his government are want to do, I mean, that's why they bombed that consulate in the first place. Is there any doubt that

the United States is going to just say, fuck it, like, or, you know, or is going to say, hey, fend for yourself. We're done with this. Because, I mean, it seems like they reached the limit of it this weekend by just being like, OK, it's done. Everyone, you know, like, you know, take a time out. But like, do we trust that? I mean, we're not at war with Iran yet, but like it seems seems rather tenuous.

I mean, like, I don't doubt that there's a lot of elements in the US security state who would definitely prefer that. But at the same time, it just going by like whatever cynical calculus, you know, the Joe Biden or the people around him are looking at. I don't like no matter what an actual like region wide conflict with Iran that we are heavily involved with, win or lose or whatever would be outstandingly ugly and almost guarantee he loses reelection.

Yeah, that would be the worst war of all time. Yeah, it will be so bad. Like Iraq is it's so easy. All that flatland between the rivers. You've got all these cities in a row. You've got Basra on the coast. Imagine going up in those mountains. It would be like Afghanistan, but worse. They would. Yeah. If we do that, there are going to be so many like estate sales of Dodge challengers. It will be terrible.

It's Afghanistan with a real military. Yeah, yeah. And I guess like that's what I make of the Biden, the Biden White House and State Department response to this is that they're like, okay, okay, everyone, everyone back to your corners. Let's have a timeout. Let's just chill out and make sure that all the fighting is contained in this tiny corner of land by the Mediterranean Sea. Where there are a million people trapped who can't fight back. Let's make sure the war is focused on them and not, for instance, the Iranian Revolutionary Guard. At this point, it's kind of like the Republicans with the abortion issue,

where they're like, yeah, yes, we agree, but just stop. Stop. There's an election coming up. Stop. Just take like a few months off, please. The drone attack. And by the way, I they've I've read the media this weekend I kept I kept hearing them referred to as suicide drones and I just love that terminology like they're suicide bombers or something like yeah these hundreds of airplanes were just sent to their death in a drone wave attack like they were you know high school students in the Iran Iraq war. Most drones end that way.

Yeah, they go into a tree, they go into a power line, they go into a swimming pool, the ocean, probably 99% of them, they just hit something and die. That's what they do. But my favorite thing to come out from the sort of the drama this weekend is resulted from the the wave of drone attacks is Felix and I just saw you post about this before we started recording but my favorite new character is Self-appointed civilian spokesman of Israel Elon, Levi this guy got fired from his government job Now he's just holding fake press conferences under the banner of civilian spokesperson for Israel

it is Adorable like is that like a citizen's arrest? Yeah, it's like a citizen's press conference. He's got like a fucking like, he's got like his own background and fucking podium and everything. And it's so clearly in like his laundry room with a green screen. It's so cute. I wish it wasn't like, you know, in service of a genocide because it really is like adorable It's like what a little kid is like

I'm writing a Star Wars and gives you like a sheet of paper with a bunch of stick figures with lightsabers It's so it's so precious. But um Yeah, no, he's I don't even know why he's doing that Like I don't think being a spokesman is like being an actor where you do a self tape. Is he hoping like Azerbaijan sees that and is like, wow, this kid's got some initiative. But like, yeah, no, how did this guy get fired from his job as like some sort of semi official spokesperson for the Israeli government? Did he aware, were his lies just not convincing enough because it just doesn't

really seem like there's a limit for the dumb shit that you can say in defense of Israel. But like this guy was too much of a loser even for them. Um, if I'm remembering right, I could be getting mixed up with another similar guy, but I think he like fucked up so bad that like he had to apologize to some British politician, like a Tory, if I remember right, like he, I'd have to look it up, but like he, he basically like libeled someone and they made him apologize. He said JK Rowling did the Holocaust. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, this guy is very confused. There's a biblical exit exegesis. He said JK Rowling did the Holocaust. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, this guy is very confused. There's a biblical exegesis. I don't know how to pronounce that. I should know how to pronounce that. Exegesis. Of the book of Esther.

Exegesis. Of the book of Esther to be written about how Haman's plot to destroy the Jews was only symbolic and performative and he intended it to fail all along. So I guess Iran is the Persians in the book of Esther and they did that to help the Jews so they're on our side. Is that what he's saying? Because that was the guy he was fucking a Jewish bitch. So he said, you can't kill all the Jews or my wife's going to get so mad at me. You know what Jewish wives are like? That's all your dick off if you go with the chosen people.

Yeah, he learned the hard way. That doesn't make any sense. There's another one. For those who aren't following iron shield operation, iron dome missile defense, iron swords war, and iron wall doctrine are all different things. That's really stupid. I'm supposed to remember that. Like this is, this is supposed to make them look better that they

named all their shit, the same thing. It's like when Reagan named something Star Wars, there's already a thing called that call it anything else. Iron sharpened iron dome sharpens iron steel. We all know this Alex. It's an iron age ideology. It's an iron age book written to retroactively justify why they should live in Canaan, even though they were the ones who were there the whole time. They've been there the

whole goddamn time. No one came. They're all indigenous to it. Everyone is there. And then, at least from the US side, I did love seeing Lurch, John Fetterman on the Sunday shows, and he said, quote, Iran had to have some fireworks after Israel smoked that Iranian general and I'm here for that. It just I love. Oh, it's giving me peace. I love this guy. Ooh, Huckie, I'm finna kill myself on my son's birthday.

Like Fetterman, man, he is just like, you know, Felix, you've been you've been correct about Federman for longer than everyone, because like, I see shit like this and I'm like, did they did Israel just plant like a small bomb in his brain when they fixed his stroke? But no, he's always been like this. Yeah. But like, he's basically the only Democrat now. Like, he's the only has to be making it worse, right? Yeah. But like he's basically the only Democrat now like he's the only has to be making it worse, right? Yeah But like right now he's the only Democrat the only responses I see to Federman now are Are Republicans saying the stroke fixed the woke? Yeah, the only thing I see like I don't see that's pretty good Democrats really supporting him I don't see like it just seems like Republicans being like well, I guess uh,

This is head being all fucked up made him not stupid anymore And that's just that's his entire thing for like two years now like what and it's it's making Israel look bad It's making Zionists look bad. So I guess it's good. Yeah, I like this right the only like positive feedback I see on his feed are like its accounts called like lion of Judah being like I use I Used to hate you but now I think you're based and like, I used I used to hate you, but now I think you're base and like, you know, regular like, you know, Patriot Eagle. I can't believe it, but I like this Federman guy. And then everyone else reminded him that he tried to root his son's birthday party.

I just remember like before before October 7th, Federman was the guy being like any Democrat criticizing Biden is helping Trump. So, I mean, I don't know, it's fun to see his career now where like he's being used as the example of how Biden saying that we won't back up Israel's response to this. He's being quoted as like both sides blast Biden for capitulation to Iran. And the other side is just John Fetterman is the only Democrat

not backing Biden on this. Yeah, he's like like Bob Menendez has been significantly better on all of this than fucking better. It's insane. Yeah, he knows not to get a headline every day. What's the what's the shitty town that Fenerbahman's from Braddock, Pennsylvania? Yeah, I hated that whenever it was like, oh, you need to check this guy out. He's awesome.

He's the mayor of a town that sucks. Braddock is lying too, sir. Yeah. And he cared about it so much that he had to ruin his family's life to be a senator. That's how much he cared about Braddock, that he immediately had to leave and make his kids be on TV all the time and be in those pictures where people were comparing them to like Ron DeSantis's family and being like, look at this stupid fucking shitty 14 year old, John Fetterman's son, what a loser.

Look at him in his hoodie and his shitty hair. What a fucking asshole. And Ron DeSantis, his kid is awesome. That's what he put his kids through because he had to be a senator and it's working out great for everybody. Before he was a senator, he was always bad on Israel and people always figured it was a calculation. Like it was signaling to AIPAC and Democratic majority for Israel. Like, hey, don't worry. You don't have to worry about me. Don't get involved. I'll be even if I, I know I look like a left challenger, but I won't like I

won't fuck anything up. Don't worry. But when he was just mayor of Braddock, I didn't understand the attraction because it's like all he did was he'd go on TV and be like, oh, we don't. We don't have Coke Zero yet in Braddock. Braddock has no Coke freestyle machines. And it's like, okay. Well, that is fucking bullshit. It is bullshit. It is complete bullshit.

It is bullshit, but it's like you're never go there. You're the mayor. Why don't you try getting discovery zone to come to Braddock? All you do is go on TV and talk about how you guys have one basketball hoop. You're not, you're not like helping your town.

Do you think that Modi gets on TV and is like India sucks? It's bad. He might. I can't understand him. But I guess like, like he's he's always been like this on Israel, but like now he is like actively breaking with the I thought he was mostly a careerist who would just get in line with whatever Biden or Pelosi but like he's breaking with them on this issue like in an election year and it's just that I don't know it's it's very I guess it's like that's it's not surprising to me but it just is funny that he's made this the

hill to die on or that they held to go to sleep on in his case. Does he just know that the Republicans are going to, they're going to run a normal guy next time. Like they're not going to take a chance on seeding him, but I don't think he would win anyway. He's, he's obviously less capable than he was when he ran the first time. I mean, who knows? He did have like, you know, the people around him ran like a very

competent campaign last time. Are they still there? That's what they still on payroll. I don't know. That's a good question. And the other thing is of course, on the other hand, well, what is a normal Republican because there really isn't like a generic Republican out there. So like, I don't think that there's like a Scott Walker waiting in the wings.

But who knows? It would take a lot, I think. I don't know. It would be funny to see him lose because you know he would not take it well. But, you know, if I had to bet on it now, knowing what I know now, I don't think he would. What if a Republican runs against him on a platform of anti-Semitism? That's a good idea. What if it's Jackson Hinkle?

Okay, now we're talking. Someone like that? That's a great idea. That's how you run against him. Think about the visual contrast between Federman and Jackson Hinkle, you know, a guy who is always in a hoodie and and looks older than he is and a guy who's always in a suit and looks older than he is. That's I think that would be the election of a lifetime. That would be that would be a really would be the posting election.

I love Jackson Hinkle. He's getting all this. He's getting all this press now because like his Twitter following grew by like 10 million people during this latest Israel-Gaza war. But like I like him because, hey, like people are saying, oh, like he's a con artist. Like he's full of shit and fine. But like the like, look, if you were opposed to Putin, you support the U.S. military and you hate Bashar al-Assad. That side has got

plenty of 20 year olds who look like they're 40 who wear a suit every fucking day of their life. And then opine on current events. How come we can have one guy who supports Assad can just he can be a young kid who wears a suit and looks 40 years old too. I don't go I don't go everyone so mad at Jackson Hinkle Jackson Hinky. Yeah, I like him because he was like he's tried like everything. He's tried every political ideology.

Yeah, like he was he was a he was a Bernie bro back in 2016. He wasn't just a Bernie bro. He was an environmentalist. He was he wasn't just that. He was like he was trying to be like a tertiary Parkland kid He was like, oh, I'm in the Parkland affiliate system. I'm in the minor league And in the Parkland high school without walls where you can audit chemistry classes in California

I just I love someone like that like he has everyone talks about him. Like he's so fucking sinister, but I think he's awesome. Cause he has like Jenna Moroney's personality, but for politics, maybe Israel shouldn't have made all those videos. Kids getting murdered. Yeah. Like I don't want that guy to have a lot of followers on Twitter. So maybe we should not make new videos of kids getting obliterated and then he won't be able to post him also I am not one to argue with the wisdom of like

Somalian Turkish dads who compose his entire audience now like he is I Will never say after I found out that like, you know All the 60 year old fathers of the global south love him I'm like look he can't be that bad and he looks you know, all the 60 year old fathers of the global south love him. I'm like, look, he can't be that bad. And he looks, you know, he dressed, he dressed, he dresses in a suit all the time. I think that cannot that cannot be underscored enough. And look like, you know, am I so hard for his mega communism thing? And like, I don't know, it's just like the post 2020.

It just seems to be like there wasn't any more juice to squeeze from that. So like now I'm like, oh, I'm a communist, but I hate degenerate gay people and trans people. It like, look, am I thrilled about that? No, but as I said before, if someone who, we just, there needs to be one person who stands with Bashar al-Assad, who looks 50 years older than he does

and carries a briefcase everywhere and gets to be, have millions of Twitter followers. And just like, we a diversity of viewpoints among the sort of striving media influencer set. What does Assad up to? What does he do like day to day? I mean, probably cleaning. I don't know.

He's picking up the dental racket again. No, he's an eye doctor. He's an eye doctor. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember when his iTunes leaked and it was all like black eyed peas and stuff like that? Was it really?

Yeah, yeah. Is it better than Obama's fucking playlist? It was. Alex, I'm surprised you don't know this, Alex. Yeah, I don't know. I know Jeffrey Epstein's playlist. You know Epstein's is not a song. What's on Epstein's playlist?

That one song by Fun by our friend, We Are Young. He thought it was a song from the perspective of a kid. His voice is high. JEEVacation is his profile on Spotify and it's still up. He's got a playlist called Me Likey now which uh that one doesn't have anything on it now i hope they didn't oh no here we go public playlists he spells everything wrong there's one called classica instead of classical and it's got the 1812 overture it's got the imperial march from star wars my favorite classical music song classical music it's got like the uh

the nutcracker theme and joy to the world. So that's that's the caliber of intellect that guy was. All right. In case you wanted in case anyone believed that, like he got paid to do taxes for Leon Black. That's what his job was. Here's here's what's what was on the side items. Blake Shelton singing God gave me you. Wow, don't talk, just kiss by right said Fred.

Bizarre love triangle. New order. That's a great song. I mean, hey, that's my playlist. Yeah, we can't go wrong by the cover girls. Not familiar with never heard of it. Yeah. Hurt by Leona Lewis.

Is that a cover of the Nine is Nail song? No, that's sort of it. Yeah. Hurt by Leona Lewis. Is that a cover of the Nine Inch Nails song? No, that's sort of like 2009 core. Yeah, I remember Leona Lewis. I don't remember that one. Look at Me Now by Chris Brown. Is he into that shit? He's like, isn't he like 58? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I can't I really don't know. I guess like every time every time you go to like a mid level, like a medium quality eye doctor and you're in their waiting room, this is the sort of stuff they play. Maybe it's just like an eye doctor thing more than anything. I think if I was a baby boomer and I was president of a country in the desert, my favorite song would be cashmere by Led Zeppelin. I would listen to that and be like, this is about where I live. This is so sick.

This is my kind of classic rock. If you could, yeah, if you could listen to that and you can like, you can like get your military guys to like, uh, you know, you, you force them to like take you on a cool ride to the desert where you're while you're blasting it. But no, he's you know, he's listening to Blake Shelton, Jason Aldean, all that shit. And none of those guys would be man enough to actually come over there. I don't think anyone would do it. A lot of it even in like Turkmenistan. If you go over there and you do a paid party for their president, everybody gets mad at you. And you have to be like, how the fuck am I supposed to know what goes on in Turkmenistan?

I'm Beyonce. That's not my fucking truth. The people at the State Department don't know where Turkmenistan is. The people over there don't know the name of their own president. Why would I know that? It's like, yeah, yeah, they do a concert at the presidential palace. Then you have to find out a week later, oh, like he boils people to death. And it's just like, well, yeah, they do a concert at the presidential palace, then you have to find out a week later Oh like he boils people to death and it's just like well. Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't get the memo They paid me a billion dollars. I'm sorry It's not as good as us boiling prisoners in the air by not giving them air conditioning in Louisiana

Yeah, seems like a lot of his songs are like sort of daddy daughter for like sort of like dances at weddings You know like the father daughter dance. He's a romantic. Yeah. Well, I do like inclusion of New Order. He's a British guy, basically. He's yeah, he's a British guy. He made a bunch of overtures to America before. And like I just just going by his iTunes, you can kind of see they were authentic overtures.

Like unlike fucking Obama and his like highly curated end of year lists, which are just that is the phoniest bullshit. I can't stand that shit. Yeah, no. Yeah. Only one of those guys was born in America. To move on, we talked about Braddock, Pennsylvania, but there's another town in Pennsylvania that I would like to get to as long as you're talking about potential normal Republicans. We got to listen to the Trump speech about Gettysburg because honestly, I think this puts the Gettysburg address to shame. This is my favorite thing any American politician has ever said about Gettysburg because honestly, I think this puts the Gettysburg address to shame. This is my favorite thing any American politician has ever said about Gettysburg, including

Abraham Lincoln. So if we just get some Trump at Gettysburg. Where our union was saved by the immortal heroes at Gettysburg. Gettysburg, what an unbelievable battle that was, the battle of Gettysburg, what an unbelievable, I mean it was so much and so interesting and so vicious and horrible and so beautiful in so many different ways. It represented such a big portion of the success of this country. Gettysburg, wow, I go to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania

to look and to watch and the statement of Robert E. Lee who's no longer in favor, did you ever notice that? No longer in favor, never fight uphill me boys, never fight uphill, they were fighting uphill. He said, wow, that was a big mistake, he lost his good general. And they were fighting, never fight uphill me boys, but it was too late.

I like the generals who don't surrender. Boys, but it was too late Like the generals who don't surrender Man, okay. I love how he said he's out of favor Like it happened in the last few weeks. It lost cause historiography is coming back General Robert E. Lee has fallen out of favor. No longer hot. I was thinking about what proportion of people in that audience have any British ancestry or any ancestors who fought in the Civil War on either side and I would guess it's like 10% and the rest is Polish and German. There's just the there's so many things about the way he just inadvertently creates just like beautiful,

beautiful poetry almost the phrase I go to Gettysburg and I love to look and watch. I love I go to Gettysburg to look and watch. Oh, I know that feeling. Yeah, it's a great battlefield. We went there. Yeah, actually went there on two different field trips. I went there in eighth grade on a field trip. And then I switched schools and in ninth grade, we went back on a field trip. And it's fine. It's like, it's not amazing, but it's a cool field and you can climb up the thing and look around. And I love to look and watch. Yeah. It's not a field that I would use like today for all my field desires. There are

better fields. We've, uh, you know, we we've advanced in our agricultural ability. We can cultivate larger land masses. But if you were in 1864 or something, that was probably one of the better fields you could have. And as far as the war field, awesome. It must have been so sick if a battle happened. If you were a farmer and you're like, I'm so sick of this, I'm so sick of this.

Year 23 of hay, just harvesting the hay and putting it in chaos. a battle happen if you were a farmer and you're like, I'm so sick of this. I'm so sick of this year. 23 of hay, just harvesting the hay and putting it in chaos. I fucking hate this life. And then a bunch and then 500,000 people die on your battlefield. And they have to, if the government has to buy it out from under you and turn into a historical monument, you're like, this is the best day of my life. Oh my God. That was the equivalent of like slipping at the library back then.

It was just hoping, hoping that like a war happened at your farm. Before that, it was like, I hope this farm is like the beachhead of the British reinvasion. Well, it's like when Robert E. Lee got his, uh, his plantation confiscated to make the cemetery there. And he was like, yes, I don't have to see black people for any reason. I don't have to see them at all. Yeah. When what did Robert E.

Lee do immediately after that, he became an academic. He became a lot of work. He fell out of favor immediately. Yeah. OK. The other the other said it says Gettysburg is what he said. It's so indicative of our great success in this country. And then it's something about looking and watching like, yeah, if you were that farmer in 1864. Yeah, you'd have something amazing to watch, you'd get to see 30,000 people die in like a minute. But today, you go to get a show, what are you watching there? Just grass? You mean, you can look at it on your phone. Instagram. But I did want to share there's a there's this a Newsweek article about this and the headline is Donald Trump's Gettysburg remarks trashed by civil war historian. Oh, shut up.

What did he say that was wrong? What did he say? He said it was a great battle and he loves to look at it. You don't love to look at it? You're a historian? You don't love to look at it? Writing on X, T.J. Stiles said the former president's take on the Battle of Gettysburg, which was fought between July 1st and 3rd in 1863, and Kilvitt estimated 51,000 people was inarticulate and reductive. I mean, no shit. It was off the cuff. He was just saying Gettysburg. How about an amazing event? Yeah. Expecting presidents to be articulate.

Oh my God. You're telling me that Donald Trump didn't give like a four hour seminar on the tactics used at Gettysburg. No way. No way. I want my money back. It was so interesting and so vicious and horrible and so beautiful in many different ways. Isn't this what like Civil War historians, like they've been selling this line of bullshit forever. I mean like Ken Burns, your heart out. I would like, this was a thousand times more interesting than his fucking Civil War blathering. Yeah. Seeing 50,000 people die is vicious, interesting, and in some times, some ways beautiful.

And indicative of our success. indicative of our great success. Yeah, we had 50,000 people we could just, you know, let go. We're like, see ya. And I guess like, I mean, yeah, his comments on Gettysburg, like I said, the Gettysburg address is now number two in the greatest remarks ever said by Gettysburg by an American politician. But I do want to talk because Donald Trump was in court today. Just lastly, I want to talk about his trial for the Stormy Daniels, a hush money case

has begun jury selection. How is it still going? I mean it's going to be going on here. Like and I don't know if you guys saw this, but like Maggie Haberman and the sort of court watchers today, the big thing everyone talked about is that he was nodding off in court with his mouth, a gape drool coming out of his mouth and had to be sort of nuzzled awake by one of his lawyers. It's sad to hear that he relapsed on heroin.

That's what I was thinking. He's just nodding out. Did you see that tweet that I found earlier? Oh, about Adderall? From liberal Lisa in Oklahoma. Yeah, yeah. She says, when Trump finally does get escorted off to prison in handcuffs, the cold harsh reality of Adderall withdrawals is going to fuck his world. Delirium tremors are not a joke.

Delirium tremors? Yeah. The fuck are you talking about? Yeah, because the one thing that's unheard of is being able to get drugs in prison. Maybe not Adderall, but he can stay up if he needs to. But I feel like you said, how long has this been going on? Well, here's the amazing thing about it It says here the trial will begin with perhaps the most scrutinized jury selection since the trial of OJ Simpson three decades ago And it will confine mr. Trump to New York City for as many as four days a week for about eight weeks and possibly more That would be roughly one one quarter of the calendar until the November election. That's the punishment. Yeah. No matter what happens. No. Yeah.

I, it just like, I thought they did this Stormy Daniels stuff already. She signed a statement saying it didn't happen. How did she do that? For money, for the money that he paid her. Is that, how is she the best person to, to do this trial over? He hasn't done that. Well, I like, maybe he's too old to do it to women now. That's why they have to find the old ones.

If this was the 90s, you could have just waited two days and he would have just grabbed a woman's pussy on the street. But going on here says, Mr. Trump has told advisors he wants as much media coverage of his court appearances as possible and many supporters defending him on television as the gravitational center of the campaign shifts away from battleground states to a courtroom in lower Manhattan. He is expected to hold events around New York City and parts of the boroughs outside Manhattan that are more politically hospitable to him on days when he is not in court. So to translate that just means Staten Island. That's it. He can go to Staten Island, he can hop on the

ferry after his trial and hold a rally in Staten Island because that's gonna be the best place to get a turnout in New York City for Donald Trump. Has he ever been on a boat? Oh absolutely absolutely he's been on a boat. He told the story about being on a boat to the Boy Scouts. Can he swim? Can he swim though? Hmm I don't know. I mean he's definitely not getting his hair wet. I'm not seeing pictures of him on a boat. I'm not seeing him getting his hair wet I'm not seeing the Trump boat parades. When he was talking to the Boy Scouts in like 2018, this is the thing that made Rex Tillerson resign that he like told.

He told the Boy Scouts some like some like horny story about being. Oh, right. Yeah, I remember that. I found a picture from 1998 of him on a. Is it is it is it more like like like a key or an arena or sorry, Marina, or is he actually like, OK, OK, so that's does that really count as being on a boat unless I don't think he likes boats? I don't think he's a boat guy that still counts as being on a boat. I suppose.

Like it's still on the water. This is reminding me the Trump New York stuff is reminding me of one of like a now from like eight years ago, a really funny, stupid post. It was after Trump won and they were posting like election maps and I forgot who did this, but they posted a map of Brooklyn and they were like, Oh, look at all these racist hipsters that secretly support Trump. And she was showing like all of South Williamsburg. Oh, the South Williamsburg. And it was, yeah. I hate the way these hipsters dress.

Yeah, not Hossie. Why do they have their hair in that stupid way? I hate hipsters where they're the curly little things and the tiny hat. They got strings hanging out of their pants. Pull them up. It's so annoying. You know about those hipster tunnels? Hipsters were tunneling between, uh, gastropubs. It's so annoying how hipster stuff is always closed on Saturdays.

It's so, I can't, it's weird. Hipsters make up like 2% of the population, but they're like a quarter of all Supreme Court justices and half of all Federal Reserve Chairman. Did you guys know that thing happened where a hipster cut off the end of your penis when you were a kid? No, I didn't. I've always hated hipsters. I know this, but in my neighborhood on Friday evenings, the hipsters set off an air raid siren because there's a damn two for one deal on PBR in a shot. Can you believe that? Every fucking weekend. One more thing from the Trump trial. It says jury selection is scheduled

to begin on Monday with questionnaires probing the prospective jurors opinions of Mr. Trump, including what podcasts they listen to and what news outlets they consume as he sits in the courtroom watching. And I got to say, I don't think this should be allowed. I don't think you should be able to query people's podcast listening habits to get on a jury because like, hey, if you're if you're I've been in panel for a jury once and this was years before podcasts even exist. If you show any indication that you have a point of view about anything,

they will strike you from the jury pool. And listening to podcasts of any kind marks you as someone who has an opinion about something. So therefore you can never be allowed to serve on a jury. What if you what if you listen to a podcast? It's like the Lex Friedman podcast. I would say that actually that actually shows the opposite. I think you should be struck from the jury because you would be under stimulated

Your intellect would be you would probably get bored and under challenged in a class like that If you listen to the Lex Friedman podcast You'd be the preview perfect for a jury because what is a jury other than sitting in a room and listening to boring shit for hours On end so you've been well acclimated to that if listening to to his four hour interviews with people who Rogan didn't want to book. Yeah, no, I think I think it would mark you as like the most impartial person. I think it should mark you as a felon and I think you should be taken out of the jury pool and put into the, you know, just as a bus to Rikers for listening to that bullshit. But yeah, God, imagine being impaneled for that jury. She's imagine being having to serve on that jury.

What a fucking nightmare. That's gonna be the guy. Oh my God. It's not even a crime. It's not even a cool crime like OJ or some bullshit like that or Charles Manson. It's just some guy like he had sex with a porn star in 2003 and then said it didn't happen and she said it happened and then she said it didn't happen. He said it happened and then he said it didn't happen and he owes her money

Yeah, that's not fun I would space out for like months at a time during that trial and come to and be like wait Are we still this is still the Stormy Daniels thing? It's so it sucks like the only kind of funny thing about it was When he stole from Michael Cohn when like Michael he like gave Michael Cohn He told Michael Cohn to pay her off and that didn't pay him back. That was funny Like like everything else. It's just like okay. Let it go Who are Trump's current attorneys? Because like his track record with attorneys is so funny.

I would love to take a peek inside the mind of his defense team. Because they're like, oh boy, I can't wait for the big payoff from this. It's like, good luck, asshole. Is Rudy there? Hopefully he'll be called as a witness. Maybe he's just sitting in the courtroom because he has nothing else to do. He's just drunk in a courtroom at 7 a.m. He's like, I got nothing else to do.

That's how you get picked to be a lawyer. Lawyer selection. Show up first thing in the morning, briefcase. You can lean, you can clean this courthouse. Clean the streets. Yeah, that's about it for me. I don't have any more stories for today. Should we end it there? Yeah.

Okay. All right. Just a reminder that May 4th, Movie Mindset will be having a screening of Death Wish 3 at Littlefield. Tickets still available. Oh, and this upcoming Saturday, I'll be moderating a panel with John Early and Theda Hamill about their new film Stress Positions At the IFC Center on Sunday evening. So if you're in New York City, you can come check that out Yeah, that does it. That doesn't for me. Do we have any other plugs? We are good for now. Subscribe to Fortune Kit and Trappo FYM. That's right. All right gang that does it for us for Monday Cheers. We'll talk to you soon. Bye bye. You're the one