Chapo Trap House - 834 - Weakness Will Get You Nowhere feat. Pendejo Time (5/20/24)

Episode Date: May 21, 2024

The Pendejo boys are back ostensibly to cover some new Greg Abbott shenanigans out of Texas, but we also look at the ICC seeking arrest warrants for Netanyahu and Yoav Gallant, the collapse of Red Lobster, a GOP candidate out of Missouri literally running against being “weak and gay,” and Chiefs’ kicker Harrison Butker’s redpilled address to Benedictine graduates. Find Pendejo Time wherever you get podcasts, and subscribe to their patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/pendejotime Also check out the Pendejo Time album here: https://pendejotime.bandcamp.com/album/pendejo-time

All I want to be is a joker All I want to be is a joker Hello everybody, it's Monday, May 20th. We've got Chapo coming at you. And today, Felix and I are joined by our good friends Thomas and Jake, the Pendejo Time Boys. Thomas, Jake the Pendejo time boys We welcome back. Oh, we good to be having us. I was telling Thomas I like how we've kind of become your like like accidental de facto like down south inbred correspondence Things have been going on in Texas and we need to get your perspective Things have been going on in Texas and we need to get your perspective. Of course. Before we get to what's going on in Texas today, let's check in with the big international

news of the day, which is the International Criminal Court applying for a permit or like either applying for arrest warrants to be issued for Bibi Netanyahu and Yoav Galant, the head of the Israeli military and the Israeli prime minister. It's provoked some great reactions. But basically what it comes down to is like the reaction of the United States government is hold up, hold up, hold up. Hey, wait a second. Wait a second here. This international criminal courtship, that's for Serbians and Africans, not white people,

with the possible exception of Vladimir Putin. Obviously, this has been America's stance for, I mean, pretty much since the ICC has existed. Under Bush, there was famously legislation that gave immunity to American soldiers under the ICC. But, um, Biden has really gone above and beyond and, uh, everyone else I did see, I saw an FDD guy foundation for the defense of democracy, which is just like, I mean, just probably the most craven group of people. It's a bunch of 62 year old Jewish guys from Manhattan who all look like Count Chocula, who want a nuclear war to happen. One of those guys

said, we have to retaliate. Every member of the ICC, say goodbye to your favorite vacation spots. No more Myrtle Beach. If you're a Dutch ICC prosecutor or something, if you're a Mulk Looney, you can't go to Galveston anymore. You can't go to Lake of the Ozarks. It's all no Dollywood. None of your favorite spots in America.

We know you guys live in a very naturally beautiful part of the world, but you are not allowed to come to Baton Rouge anymore. If you think you're going to come on down to fucking Port Aransas and chug beers with fucking Texas State students, you're fucked. Do you think you can do all this and hang out with Boozy Baton Rouge and go to the Anytime Fitness where he implored Dwyane Wade not to do that. Do you think you can drink three foot tall daiquiris that cost $32 at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville fucking Bolivar peninsula? I was joking with Will when he sent me that.

I was like, all the, you know, the rabble route or the response from when they had the same thing happened to, uh, uh, I guess when Putin made the list in the U S was like, Oh yeah, get his ass. It was like, uh, Biden at the Chicago DNC, just wearing like an airbrushed, like wigger free BB T-shirt with his like shot on there, you know, like the just, or just like, I'm like Ephesians verse under it. Just like clearly poorly airbrushed. Just like, it just doesn't address it, but just it's like it's a quadruple XLT with a massive neck hole. He's like, he's just got no pants on under it. Yeah. Jake, the thought, the thought I had about this was, you know, are we going to put, are

we going to put money on BB's books when he gets arrested and sent to war jail? And I was thinking I would put money on his books provided it's money in the form of those archaeological coins that he discovered in Jerusalem that supposedly have his family's Hungarian name written on it. It's so awesome. Some ancient coins too. He can buy ramen noodles in prison and Felix. That's the funny thing about the Foundation for Defense of Democracy is warning some like Dutch jurists that they're not going to be able to vacation in a Myrtle Beach anymore.

I mean, it seems like this, should these arrest warrants get issued or should this IGJ ruling ever come down, it would seem to greatly limit Israelis' travel options and not vice versa. Yeah, I mean, I wonder to what degree, I don't know how any of this stuff is even enforceable. I'm not that knowledgeable, I don't know how any of this stuff is even enforceable. I'm not that knowledgeable.

I don't know. Is the ICC, is that basically like, hey, stop? Is that essentially like, that's how enforceable that something like that is? You better not. It's a little bit above that. If you do get an actual warrant, it does kind of restrict where you can go because there are countries in Europe and other places that like do enforce that. It's like LA where you have to check in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It unfortunately doesn't mean that like, you know, they're going to go to Netanyahu's house or Yigalon or anyone on the Israeli general staff and flash bang their dog and shoot their guy. Damn it, fuck, they should. The one time you could use your evil powers for good. So the way you could think about it is if Bibi Netanyahu was Crip Mac

and International was Grape Street, even though he is a Crip, if he was on Grape Street, he's not a Grape Street Crip. So that creates a pump. You know, did you see that video of Ben Gavir up in the damn heater on the Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. I look, I can't look the guy. The guy sucks super bad. I have no love.

It's like the drill tweet, like under no circumstances do you got to hand it to him. But I was like, that is a pretty like I've had enough just just up in the tuli like in the middle of the street like Enough and this is like his and he was like he was he was up in the blicky Unlike his own feral Israeli settler like the only demographics Yeah, yeah, when I saw that tweet all I could think about was this is that my briefcase homie? demographics. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Jake, when I saw that tweet, all I could think about was this. Is that my briefcase homie? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. He should have done the like Mozambique drill, like two in the chest, one in the head. Yeah. Oh my God, dude. Yeah. Well, it's just people, it's become not a novel observation to say this is a Looney Tunes acme country.

That's kind of the standard issue joke for anything. And then I'm like, okay, well, I've seen enough. Nothing can be dumber than the last thing. And then that video, plus it doesn't help that he looks like somebody like D Pixelate badly zoomed in on a picture of Steve Bannon and then just gave him a little hat and a suntan. He's so squished. I'm like, dude, you got it.

I always thought he looked like very Peter Griffin. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Is it like a Mizrahi Peter Griffin look? I don't I don't I don't know what those guys were like angry about. I imagine it was something like, OK, you guys have to learn how to read. We're closing the last......arithmetic. Closing the last EDM dance club right outside of an open-air graveyard,

so you guys can't fucking tag Molly anymore. Barak Ravid, who's like that Israeli journalist who just like got a Nobel Prize like last week. Awesome. Or Pulitzer, sorry. Like, he did the thing that every Israeli dual citizen does where you say all your normal stuff in English, and then when you're speaking Hebrew, you say the most racist shit that

anyone has ever seen, not knowing that there's an auto-translate feature. He quote-tweeted that and said, like, oh, we're Somalia. Israelis doing something that I've only seen happen in Israel, acting more like Israelis than I've ever seen anyone else act and it's like what are we fucking black guys? Yeah, I like that Eve Barlow like ranch she went on where she was like Comparing in yeah Batman What I do in the dark keeps safe to those in the light. And I was like, what the what? Like fucking drinking Boone's Farm, like in some Manhattan apartment somewhere and tweeting

till three in the morning. Where are the coupons? The Barack Ravid tweet, was that about Gavir pulling a gun on his own constituents or was it about the like the convoys of aid being attacked as they tried to deliver like food? I believe that I believe it was about Gavir. Oh yeah. Yeah.

What are we Somalians? That's you don't do that kind of thing. Was those are talking about Israel or Israelis acting more Israeli than they've ever have before, the best thing I saw to come out of the propaganda mills over this last weekend or like last couple days was like one of the Israeli news networks like Channel 10 or something just aired a new documentary about October 7th that included the testimony of a survivor

who claims she saw a 10 year old Palestinian child kill 50 Israelis this year. And it just like I mean, like, look, we all know what the intention behind this is. It's just to make it seem like, well, yeah, it's OK to kill 10 year olds. But like the lengths they're willing to go to make that point is to just say, like, we are helpless against a 10 year old doing like the red circle from John Wick to like our elite. Yeah. Yeah. It's like imagining like a kid like a kid with just a nerf like RPG and just like the raid to scene. He's just like going to the kitchen. But it's just like Mike, there's two things are happening. Either you're trying to

garner sympathy and you're failing it or you're describing to me the coolest fucking fifth-grader that you've ever Anybody's ever seen your whole life Like that's so like you're telling me that a that a 90 pound kid just like washed 50 grown adults like a room full of adults like how with a bomb or just like hand to hand like does this kid just got Like CQC and room clearance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a lot of red triangles in that room. You know what I'm saying? You know that 50 first guy had to feel badass.

You know what I mean? Yeah, no. Yeah, that's what I thought, motherfucker. You only got 50 of us. It's like in Counter-Strike, it's like in Counter-strike when you completely fuck up guarding his site, but you kill one guy. I got mine.

Yeah. The 50th guy that the kid killed shot himself and it went through the guy's own head into the child. Yeah. He's, the kid is doing like the Jack Reacher monologue where he's like, come on buddy. Like he's talking to the 51st guy who's about to run away. He's like, you can, you can tell your friend, you can go to the hospital. You got to drive your buddies to the hospital. Like, yeah, I saw

that in the video or whatever. And then each, each claim is an either like, again, you know, a projection or like an increasingly bizarre, like there's no way. And if there is a way, if it is real, it's not bad. It's, it's pretty sick. That. That's pretty cool. Like, I don't know how you want me to respond. Like either call bullshit or be like, God, get this guy on the Eagles or something. Like get him on the Astros. Like, can he pitch? Get Dana White on the horn now.

Does he got a mean right hand and a good double leg? It sounds like it. Get it, you know. How also, how effective is Krav Maga if you can't beat the brakes off a 10 year old? Like, that's what the only thing it was designed for.

It failed. It failed miserably. I love Krav Maga because it's like, you know, that thing you do when you're like nine or 10 with your stupid friends where you're like, okay, punch me like this. No, like this slower. Yes. Yeah. And I'm going to step to the side and do a backflip and then a somersault.

And then I'm gonna crab walk over to you and then kick your head off. It's like an institutionalized version of that. It's the only martial art where you can do forms with a sniper rifle for your belt test. I remember there was like a gym around the corner from the university where I went to and they would come to the quad as a crowd mcgaw school and they would like come to the quad and they would do shit like that Felix like the way that they would sell their courses

to like students passing by is there would be just like, do you know how guys who work at AT&T are built all buys and tries and then just like a baby gap shirt that it perfectly accentuates their beer gut. They look like all the guys who are like sales personalities. Yes. Graham. Yes. Yeah.

They have like the, they're just built like the things that Mario steps on the little Brown creatures, but then just like with huge biceps, they would uh, like, Hey, come over here. Like a NPC kind of in the Witcher type deal. Hey, you know, they call you over and be like, Hey, I've got some martial arts to sell. I've got, yeah. And they all smelled like the mall kiosk Persians. Like they just all had like $10 Cologne on and they would be like, Hey, so if you

were to throw a punch, how would you do it? And I'm like, I'm on the way to physics. Like I, and then, and the guys were like, well, if you were in a self-defense situation, do you think you could handle yourself? And I'm like, yeah, I think I'd be okay. I mean, this is also Texas, so a red light disagreement becomes a mass execution very easily. I can know how to box and be fucked regardless. But anyway, the guy's like, all right, so if you throw your right hand, I would switch your wrist to the left

and then hit the plate on your elbow. And as he's showing that me, this to some guy, and I'm walking by, I couldn't help but think like, yeah, again, dude, this is a South. Like if you beat somebody up in a Twin Peaks parking lot, they're gonna go to their truck and then just turn you into Swiss cheese. Also, just like the idea of it where it's like,

okay, you've successfully, you've redirected the punch. We'll just ignore that, the part where he's like, I'll just grab your wrist. Easy. Yes. Instead of punching him in the jaw or the temple, something that I would say the science is out on this stuff. It's pretty effective to punch people in those spots.

Yeah. Uh, fairly, they're fairly big targets. Yes. Yeah. In most cases, it seems to hurt people. Yeah. Instead of that, I'm going to aim for your elbow plate. Yeah.

I'm going to take anatomy to learn where to punch you. So you can't punch with that arm anymore. Instead of just like knocking you out. Right. Also, I'm going to invent names for parts of the body that already have names. Yeah. I didn't know the elbow had a plate. I'm going to, I'm going to punch you.

I'm going to punch you in your elbow socket. Um, AC seven nerve center, and then I'm going to pull on your dick and nuts until you go blind. This is Krav Maga. Uh, yeah, like it's one of those martial arts that I think it has like MMA envy is the only term I can think that I've heard somebody use like that much. You know, it's like that we've already established Felix, you know, you watch UFC and mixed martial I think we've already established what works. We've known for a while. It's like boxing,

jiu-jitsu, whatever. And this was like, no, it's real. Our 19-year-old major staff sergeant generals use it to hip toss eight-year-olds into mass graves. It's super effective. We've been doing it forever, and then people are like, it doesn't look real. Thomas's point, it's like, oh, you can do kata with a fucking tank? Okay, that's not martial arts.

It is indicative of a larger Israeli thing where it's like the sort of stuff they do where they act like they invented irrigation. Yeah. It's like, it's the same exact same type of thing. Like, if you want to talk about like the most efficient forms of hand-to-hand combat, well, like Thai people figured that out probably thousands of years. Yeah, yes, yes, exactly.

Like the, for just as far as like the most efficient form of like stand up fighting, of striking. They got it. Wrestling same deal. You know, Greek people. Judo figured out far later, but based on much older things. All these things were pretty well established for a long time. It took a while for people to mix it all together in an efficient way.

But the idea that in the last 20 years, they independently perfected hand-to-hand combat. And the idea that if you perfect, you're so good at hand-to-hand combat that if someone has a fucking gun, you are unarmed going to be able to field assemble it right before their eyes. If you had a system like that that worked that well,

that could literally disarm any shooter, why would you be teaching it in strip malls? Wouldn't you want to keep that to yourself? Yeah, yeah. Taking a universally understood at this point, Jiu-Jitsu technique called like the arm bar and then like inventing a fake Hebrew name for it and then saying you invented it is so awesome. Yeah.

Like taking all, taking all the parts of the arm bar that actually work out of it. Like, you know, the thing that lets anyone break someone's arm leverage gravity. Yeah. gravity. Get rid of that shit. It's stupid. In the beginning of every Krav Maga class, they show you the slow motion fight scenes from Sherlock Holmes. That's how they get you to sign up for the courses. They're like, hey, you could learn to box. You could learn boxing or you could learn to be Robert Downey Jr. You could learn to be him.

Is it what you know, throw the towel in the eye to blind? And then I'm going to. Yeah, that's how eight year old boy fights. OK, like I hear what you're saying. But from what I understand about Krav Maga is that it also introduces how to disarm people who are pointing a gun in your face. Yeah. And like, you know, I've studied this. And like the answer is, if someone has a regular automatic style pistol in your face, you push the slide back on the top of it.

And so like ejects the bullet and like it's sort of like they can't fire. If they have a revolver, stick your pinky finger behind the trigger on the gun itself. That way they can't pull it. Yeah. Just keep your pinky in there so they can't keep pulling the trigger. Or the the Bugs Bunny technique where you just put your finger in the barrel Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he has some of the talking bolts Roger rabbit rabbit try convincing them Again it's like it demands to be much too. I guess the bigger persona that like the macro personality we're all talking about,

it speaks to the entire culture, that part of the world that's like, I demand to be taken seriously and I'm going to be the dumbest cocksucker you've ever met in your whole life. To the martial arts, to the whatever, it's like, oh, there's these other things that are real. I'm also real, by the way. It's like, no, man, everything about it is made up and are real. I'm also real, by the way. It's like, no, man, everything about it is is made up and not real. I'm super real. And if you don't say I'm real, I'm going to get you fired from Jimmy John's

and I'm going to get you fired from every job you ever had. So now they should brag more about comedy writers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, God. Felix, was that was that animation clip of the is really animated TV show that like, oh, that was that was miserable. So it's like by this this I don't know what you would call them an NGO, a pressure group. I maybe more of like a jobs program. You've seen these guys before they put up the billboards in L.A.

and New York that are like the Holocaust. Ain't nobody got time for that. Yeah, yeah. Wait, is that the ones that say like Hamas is your problem too? Yeah, yeah. It's called is really cool. Oh, god.

It rolls off the tongue. They released, like, I don't know how to describe the animation beyond the fact that it's like I didn't know That it was still possible to like make animation this shitty Like you have to it looks worse than most of the stuff that was on Newgrounds when I was in middle school Mm-hmm You have to like you have to like find a computer that was built in 1995 to make something that looks like this, But it's just like it's the usual thing

where it's like, oh, here's a stupid fucking gay guy. And he's like, oh, oh, I have raised so much money, sucking dicks to raise money for Palestine. I'm going to fly there on homosexual AIDS airwaves. Yeah, time to launch my go fund me for Gaza. Wallah. Oh my, they love me. Yes.

It's go time. Fabulous. And then he flies there and the evil Palestinians are like, we're going to kill you for being gay. Palestinians are like, we're going to kill you for being gay. The only joke they have, just like graphic depictions of like, if Derp Sturmer was about gay guys, like those types of illustrations, the fantasies about those guys being killed by Hamas, with the subtext being like, we actually respect you. We who have depicted you as like, in this specific cartoon, sort of like a caveman who craves Zeman.

My favorite thing about that line of thinking. Quest for Com. Which is like, led to so many, yeah, like sketch, they're like version of SNL is like, oh, like if you have solidarity with these people or whatever, right? And you're gay, then you don't understand how the world works because they would kill you. Missing two key points. First of all, I don't need a person or group of people to agree

with me on every single thing to understand that they're being like killed in mass. Second of all, if I'm a gay guy in Palestine, I think I'm way more likely to be killed by an Israeli bullet or a bomb than like any other type of just random, you know what I mean? Like, but the whole it's like the attack helicopter thing from like 2016. It is kind of the default like, you know, go to or whatever. And not only is it the default go to I read an account of the the Jerry Seinfeld paramilitaries attack on the UCLA protest encampment. And like they like there was reported that like some of the the hooligans attacking them were yelling at like various students.

Hamas would kill you, you fucking fag. And it's just like, yeah, and it's just like, oh, so you have found a point of agreement with people you thought were otherwise unreachable. It's good to know. Yeah. We can sort of reach across cultural divides and that we all want to kill gay people. It fucking sucks that like this cultural issue has turned all of the like I party with sluts, bros and to just come in. I understand those guys. I used to sell drugs. I get it. I loved hanging with them in high school and college. Like fucking let's get fucking weird. Like all

the frat boys that are like doing the frat boy clap in front of the face of some like crying Palestinian 19 year old girl whose parents are dead. Those guys used to just like do Molly and listen to flume and like like accidentally suck each other's dicks on Saturdays like once a month, like that was their thing. And now they're like, I love Israel. I love Israel. And that's who I am. And I'm like, dude, you've been ruined by Andrew Huberman. He got you taken ice baths. He got you meditating and you're watching this program became you just became a massage agent

who works for free, instead of just a normal guy. They all they all have a deep connection to the land and people of Israel to Jewish people. They understand that King David proclaimed it the land of the Hebrews 3000 years ago. And they also regarded it as the only democracy in the Middle East. They care very deeply about it. And they just want to protect Jews, unless they're the sort of gay liberal kind of Jews who then it's now okay to cool. It's just killed them. Yeah, right, right, right. Yeah, you got to be just like a like a Jew, like a guy in a black leather jacket, right? And he's chewing a toothpick and he's flipping a nickel, but he's got a yarmulke on. And he's like, Are you the cool guy? Are you the or like Matthew McConaughey and dazed and

confused. And he's he's asking fucking the little there, he's like, you got a dreidel? It'd be a lot cooler if you did. Are you the cool one or are you like one of those gay guy Jews? It's a very critical question. What was the thing that he was, Ben-Gurion was saying like in Hebrew, where he was just like, where like, like does people use the term quiet part, whatever,

but he was like, yeah, we're gonna do it. It's over, more war now. Like cat, like I demand violence. It's time to finish the job or what this was like two weeks ago or some shit. But Jake, the thing I have to understand about that is that that's just rhetoric. According to. Oh, okay. That's just heated political rhetoric. We should look at actions which in no way comport with the goals that he seemed to loudly endorse in that

and that. We should look at the oh, by the way, you said something. This is on top of this. I wanted that. I was going to. It's perfect. I bring up you. You said something like in January that was like as we get closer to election season, the death toll is going to magically stop at like thirty one thousand. Oh, yeah. What is that?

Yeah, I keep hearing over for the last six months. I've heard 30,000 people killed there. And like and you said that and it was like 29, and then the last number I heard, and we're like at the tail end of May basically, the mid-May, is like 32. And there's no, and I'm not, something I've seen is like,

oh you want more people to be dead? Uh-huh, like checkmate. It's like, no, I just, there's no way. Each Israeli airstrike kills up to one fifth of a person yeah yeah on unrob buff their health bars yeah they're doing they're doing the assassin Creed like a level scaling thing. Like if those numbers are true, it's like, yeah, 10 bombs per one person. Right? Yeah. It's the least effective Air Force anyone's you guys suck at

genocide. If that's like, you like, look, they're certainly effective at killing lots of people. But one of the things that I've noticed over the last week or so, is that they're not very effective at eradicating Ham Hamas because like, you know, since January 10 now, I've seen like, you know, like it seemed like there were we were getting no new red triangle clips of like Merkava tanks getting poached by RPGs. But over the last two or three weeks, we've seen a spate of them. I see you guys popping out of holes in the ground and just dropping mines on tanks.

I saw the video today, you see the one where the two guys are arguing Outside and plant the mine that one that one is awesome because it's an Al Qassam guy from us and then a PIJ guy I love that they're collabing. Yeah, that was awesome when you and your homie on different wavelengths but you built you link to build together like just like I that video homie on different wavelengths, but you link to build together. That video, their body language and of course I couldn't understand what they were saying, but I know that argument, but it was me and my best friend arguing over the last Miller Highlife in the fridge, like who gets to have it, but they have a much bigger goal in their hearts, just cause and

spirit. But it was like, dude, come on. Hey,, hey, dude, come on, man, can I get that? Look, I'll get the next one. You can have this one. But it was just like the same type of shit. So good. I bought this empty tank mine. The last one's mine. If you want to Venmo me for the anti tank mine, that's fine. But I'm going to have the mine. Yeah. So yeah, that was but like and like and all of these all these videos and incidents are happening not in Rafa

But in like the whole rest of the Gaza Strip, which was supposedly like neutralized But like it seems like they've just come back and are just popping out They didn't ambush the tactic ill 15 Israeli soldiers and like and these really press They're just saying that all these are friendly fire incidents kind of similar to like Saying that a 10 year old was able to kill 50 of you right sort of like the thing that they're willing was able to kill 50 of you. Right. Sort of like the thing that they're willing to say to cover for the fact that they're losing this war is like to just be like, we lost to a 10 year old, please give us another

billion dollars to protect ourselves from from Bluey. It's like this dude, Caillou is fucking our shit up. I need yeah, it's like the double think required. It's the same shit you hear from like the Christian, like white nationalist Patriot front guys here. Just the Israeli version where there's two, two things have to be possible at the same time where God's chosen people were unstoppable and we're going to win. And also I'm a widow baby. I need tempo in dollars and I'm a widow baby and I'm dying every day. Like pick one man, you know, you can't, you can't have both. I mean, I guess, man. You know, you can't you can't have both. I mean, I guess you can, you know, you can have a carte blanche check from Uncle Sam or whatever

the fuck but. So, Jason, since you brought up white nationalists and racists, I do have to bring up my other favorite story from this week was the impending bankruptcy of Red Lobster. And the way I saw like, like, like online neo-Nazis and racist blaming Red Lobster's bankruptcy on black people taking advantage of endless shrimp in an unethical way. They were like, we can't have anything nice anymore. We can't have anything nice because certain people who, you know, businesses are legally mandated to serve thanks to the Civil Rights Act have abused the endless shrimp privileges for too long.

And it's just like, no, this company was just like, it was a, it was a, just like a bust out by private equity. Yeah, I saw the- They just trashed this company. Like I saw, like, and all the, actually all the news stories are back, they talk about, like, was, were there too much endless shrimp? And then in the news article said they lost $11 million this year on the endless shrimp promotion,

but they owe billions to their creditors. Yeah, this company called Thai Union. Thai Union, yeah. They're a Thailand-based, I guess you would describe them as a seafood investment company. Hell yes. They sell a lot of shrimp and other seafood.

They're invested in like some restaurant chains. It's like a, it's a very weird fucking company, but basically a lot of what they did that ruined red lobster was, yeah, using it as a bust out where red lobster just became like an ATM for them. They would use red lobster to buy all of their Thai shrimp. And they'd be like, okay, we have to do endless shrimp forever so we can sell all this fucking shrimp. The ABC, like the ABC 7 thing on it was saying

that basically what happened was, the reason that they were like recession proof is like they owned the dirt. That was like red lobster and some other chains. I forget which met which conglomerate owns it, but they didn't rent. They owned the fucking park. And then they bought that land and then sold it back to them as rent and then hike their rent. And that's why they went under, which here leads me to a leads me to a problem. They didn't see that green text from way back in the day where the guy was like, y'all are doing day trading. How about shrimp harvesting?

Where that guy bought those two adult sized kiddie pools and then it was just like inbreeding like fucking like a billion shrimp per day and then selling them to markets and like Cape Cod. It was like they didn't, they weren't reading 4chan in like 2010. Yeah. Text is just so fed. I saw like an urgent article on my phone that the last, that the last two red lobsters in the DFW Metroplex were closing, but it was like in like the

emergency section almost like it came up and it was like, it was like breaking the last two. Yeah. Yeah. Lobster alert. The last two. Yeah. Yeah. Lobster alert. The last two. Yeah. My brother told me this is very barely relevant, but he my brother was telling me that last time he went to Red Lobster, he you know, they

they let him like, you know, go to the tank. You know, he was a kid. They let him go to the tank and they let him like, you know, pet the lobster on the head and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they're like, give him a name. And this is one of the servers. Right. And then they get lobster.

It was like his birthday. And then the server comes over and they're like, Hey, you remember Ernest the lobster? And my brother was like, yes. They're like, you're eating them. They look like my brother like starts crying. And then I guess the server got fired because the restaurant didn't find that funny. But I just, I wonder what kind of bad day that guy had to like see a 10 year old and be like, yeah, lobster, we let you name earlier. Just had him for lunch. You little fucking piece of shit.

But yeah, that was that. That's like the, but that's, did you guys see the pitchfork, the article about how they tried to save pitchfork at the last minute when Conn Nass bought it? One of those board of directors was like, why didn't you guys try to get the white stripes back together for a festival? I didn't see that. Well, they should have. They should have done that. This seems to be a consistent thing where something that's working, just a nice thing, it doesn't make a fuck ton of money. It makes an okay amount of money and it's something people like. People like the cheddar biscuits. People like the music reviews. Well, it's bought out by just a bunch of evil soulless morons. And then they realize this doesn't make a

million dollars a second. We got to throw it in the trash. And then when they get thrown in the trash, they're like, why? Oh, here's my solution. It doesn't work. It's stupid, by the way, and I'm dumb. It's like it's a consistent thing that's happening. Like, it's like, yeah, it's like what it's like what Mitt Romney did to Toys R Us is that he went to the Children of America. They're like, Hey, you remember Jeffrey the giraffe, the guy who sold you all those toys that you love? You're having him for lunch. We just killed him. I can't think of a gayer guy to own something as scary sounding as Bain Capital. Like, like

something like that should be owned by like, cool jacked guy like Bane not just like You know sleazy used car salesman grandpa or whatever the hell, you know Mitt Romney is It's a movement from the international scene to like the domestic domestic concerns And you know we were talking about brat guys who love Israel This is a story that touches on sports and culture war issues. I'm talking about Chiefs Kicker Harrison Butkers commencement speech to Benedictine College in which he basically said that we need to fight the emasculatization of society,

that the society isn't meant to be masculine. If you're a man, you have a duty to be a man. Gay pride parades are satanic. And that particularly to women, he says, I know many of you are looking forward to your careers, but I would hazard a guess that most of you are actually pretty pretty more excited about having kids and being wives. Being a brood mayor. And you know what, like, look, just to clarify a few things, he was giving this commencement

speech to a private Catholic university, a private Catholic university that is not a Jesuit university. So for some context here, the righteous gemstones may be running it. It's not a real educational institution. So if you've given this speech about how important it is to be a man and it was like, I don't know, an all boys boarding school, fine, whatever, you don't have to agree with the politics of it, but it's a conservative college. But the fact that it was like half of the graduating class were women who just got a degree and he was like, take it from me, an NFL kicker. Right. Just to have kids.

Like if you were like, I don't know, professional swordsman or a warlord or something, and you make that speech. Okay. Or just how about it? Just a running back. Marshawn Lynch being like, yo, do some pushups. I would listen to him about mass speech. OK. Or just how about it? Just a running back. Marshawn Lynch being like, yo, do some push ups. I would listen to him about mass community. Yeah. Yeah. A kicker, though. The Homer Simpson position. Fuck off.

The I told Will there was like it. He that sparked a big like tick tock. I want rumor mill. I wanted to know, like, is this cap or not? Because, like, I mean, it would make perfect sense. But it was just one of those things that seemed a little too good to be true. So I'm changing a little skepticism. I agree with you. The only one and I'm going off pure gaydar here, which I know is not necessarily always morally great, but somebody posted a picture from him of him from his GT days. And he was standing a little zesty. It was a little bit of a zesty stand. I know I understand the, the moral difficulty of using the Gator to ask her

to, but listen, mine still works and I still use it. I'm a bad person. Sorry. I saw the video where the girl was like, didn't you used to have sex with guys like a lot back in college? And then everybody was like, Ooh, sis, whatever. And then somebody posted a picture of him just in reply to that video and dude, it was like hand on the hip, little tilt to the hip,

like eyes a little like. And I wanna push back on that. Thomas used to have sex with him, so you know a lot about. No. I didn't. I was not in college for long enough for that, but look, a lot of guys get gay drunk.

And that's something people don't talk about is sometimes you, you are, you just are a little tipsy. And then every picture that's taken of you, you, you look gay in it and you're not gay, but people might see you in that state or be around you, be alone with you in that state or be around you be alone with you in that state and they get the wrong idea Of what you would normally do in a situation You know and there's guys all around the world where maybe they just have one drink and the next thing you know They got all these rumors Like like like young boys like will often adopt the mannerisms of their mother in a way that seems gay, but that's just because they're around her all the time.

And it's kind of similar with being drunk. Like sometimes your mom just comes out of you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Not having that. You have two beers and you try to suck your dad's dick. It happens to the best of us. Yeah, I think it's I think the funniest part about him doing that and Felix your arms like the kicker thing But like the guys who are preaching this stuff are always like the like the wealth these wealthy very manicured men and I Be his beard that that that is the biggest the red flag for the Gator is his beard is meticulously manicured and buddy if you're not Dominican That's going in the game. That's going in the gate column. Yeah, it's like, listen, the most masculine guys I know, the

toughest, hardest motherfuckers I've met, just working, you know, jobs is just being around people, guys, my dad knew they made $32,000 a year before taxes, they abandoned their families, and they stunk like shit year round. They weren't pretty boys with millions of dollars. They were losers, but a loser with a nice fucking, you know, raw type guy, you know, not a, you should, women, listen.

It's actually natural for you to abandon your career and to be, you know, a broodmare for a guy who works in tech sales. Like that is your future. But also that's what they get for inviting an NFL kicker to do a speech of any kind. Why would you invite a football player to do a speech in general?

Yeah. It's a best case scenario, he says something about patriotism or something and then you all clap and go home and nobody remembers it But it's not gonna be like the greatest speech you've ever heard, you know It's just Thomas the fact that they asked an NFL kicker They were relying on the fact that he's probably the least CTE ravaged member of the Kansas City Chief Yeah, again, they should have had Marshawn Lynch just to go up there

You know, I would take his advice on anything. Yeah. It's just like, you want to be a man? Like drink this bottle of Hennessy. Drunk drive this golf cart into the ocean. No, but I did see some, some response to Harrison Buckner and of course, like this is great, like music, culture, world here. Headline. Eddie Vedder calls Harrison Bucker a fucking pussy.

Eddie Vedder calls Harrison Butker a fucking pussy. I love that the fucking, the patron saint of here is like, hey dude, you're a fucking homo. Like, yeah. But I love it. He says, this past weekend as Pearl Jam performed at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, frontman Eddie Vedder sounded off on Kansas City Chiefs player Harrison Butker's controversial commencement speech as he introduced Pearl Jam's gender-inclusive opening act deep-sea diver Vedder told the crowd the singer Jessica and the keyboard player Patty they must not have believed that

diabolical lie that women should take pride in taking a backseat to their man the irony was when he was saying that he looked like such a fucking pussy and I'm just wondering like is it was this deep sea diver band briefed on Eddie Vedder's comments that they were going to be like brought in? Yeah. Human shields. It's like him slamming the chiefs kicker at MGM Grand. Yeah. I mean, I just like it when you you set out right in his mind. I know he practiced that speech in the mirror, like in between

fucking plucking his eyebrows and shit, you know what I mean? Just like, all right, I know he practiced that speech in the mirror, like in between fucking plucking his eyebrows and shit, you know what I mean? Just like, all right, I'm going to go out there and I'm going to inspire a bunch of young 19 year olds. No, not sexy, not sexy, sorry. Young, smart 19 year olds. And then he just goes up there and eats shit so bad that not even the hardcore like alt-right gay guys want anything to do with him.

You know what I mean? Like, literally the opposite thing happens. Like he turned the entire student body gay just by being, you know, so annoying or whatever. But yeah, he says, according to Eddie Vedder, there is nothing more masculine than a strong man supporting a strong woman. And to that, I just got to say, just play even flow. Enough of this culture, enough culture the political commentary buddy and it's just like yeah you know you don't need to add to the chorus here like this guy embarrassed himself enough as he is but now like Eddie Vedder getting in on it like come on

you're giving him CPR right now yeah yeah I mean having a Richard Spencer haircut like in this day and age is like to get the fuck. You can't be given any masculinity lessons, brother. It's just not. Yeah. I was, I was actually a, I was a male rights activist until I went, um, and, and I was on a cruise and Scott's staff told me that I needed to get the vaccine and I just, I started crying. I's meant so much to me. I'd never thought about the fact that I never knew that Scott Stapp could tell me to get the vaccine

but then he did it and I fucking got wet and stuff. Yeah. I'm gay. Yeah, that sucks. You're on the vaccine. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha. You're on the vaccine. Yeah.

The other the other commencement speakers commencement speech news from the weekend was Biden delivering the commencement address in Morehouse College, a HBCU. And you know, like, yeah, I mean, like, I just love that in the lead up to this, they were like, yeah, Biden shows more house because the student body doesn't really give a shit about Gaza. It was just like, whether that's true or not, you don't say that out loud. Like that's fucked up. But but in his speech, we're like, you know, he defended his administration's policies or his Palestine. He claimed to have seen a video of like, Palestinians, setting a woman on fire in front of her kids. What's happening in Gaza and Israel is heartbreaking. Hamas is vicious attacking Israel, killing innocent lives and holding people hostage. I was there nine days after sent pictures of tying a mother and a daughter in the rope, pouring kerosene on them, burning them and watching as they die. And I'm just like, why is he back to, like, why is he, like, heaven, his aides told him

to stop telling people about stuff he's seen. I saw a video, I saw a video of a lady, she was on fire, I should be able to say it. If I can say it, then that means that the dean can say it. Somebody needs to show him the video that Felix tweeted with the monkey jacking off and eating its own cum, and then tell him that happened happened in Israel and he's gonna be so fucking mad. Next morning he just goes on an hour-long unplanned fucking fully improvised speech about it.

They uh, I always thought that that picture you had on your profile for a while Felix like the cocktail they give Joe to make him coherent for like the State of the Unions is just that blunt with the seeds. Seed blunt. Like you know when he's like strangely like on when he's like, we're going to attack. Yeah like the state of the union. Yeah. He's just hitting zingers.

He's throwing shadow boxing in the corner. Yeah it's just the seed blunt and then like a pressed Xanax and then he's just like on you know. I always thought like it's a different cocktail for everything. Like for speeches it's the seed blunt up. Yeah. Like it's, it's, he gets so scared that he kind of gets his act together. But when he has to do outings and not just like his it people like he did during the early primary, they give him a time honored cocktail.

They give him an off color perk 30 and a venom energy drink. Yeah. One of the gas station, like off brand 99 cent energy drinks that make you feel like you're being chased by a shadow version of yourself. Like Tulpa energy. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like he just, I do. I love, you can tell it's almost like groundhog, like the pucks at Tony feel like you can tell it's almost like the groundhog, like the pucks at Tony feel like you can tell how he's going to be by like how he responds to his own aura and energy before he speaks.

If he goes up there and he's like, Oh, you know, it's done when he's up there like, I'm out here, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful Houston, Texas. You know, he's going to crush it. He's there. He's on top of his game. I like the idea that they, the Adderall rumor is true, but they let him hit key bumps of it. I just want that to be true for me. Like just a little nicety for me. Yeah, you can kind of tell also by like what facial work he's had done recently. Because if he had a facelift done like yesterday,

he is fucking not gonna be coherent. He is gone. But if his face is starting to try and go back to normal a little bit, he looks like 20% human, you can probably get a couple sentences out of him. If his neck waddle and jowls are relaxing to him, more like scrotum, like a scrotum on a hot day type consistency, he can be bringing it.

They have to test his adrenochrome levels, like he's diabetic, he just has a pump put in. It's, I think it was editor Minton that like posted that like George W. Bush is younger than like both of them, which just did, I didn't con, like obviously they're old, but like I did, it's nuts that that's the way that it is. Honestly, I feel like that just speaks to George W. Bush's genius and his early success because he worked his

fricking butt off, if you don't mind me saying. I think as liberals we can still appreciate an honest and hardworking right-wing politician. Well, Jake, your point about how unbelievably desiccated Biden and Trump is. I have a story about a young political candidate. This is really, everyone's been saying our politicians are too old, they're like 80 plus, this is ridiculous, they're like 30 years past getting Social Security, why are they still in power? We need to get some young blood in here. To that I say, well the monkey monkey spa has curled. And I give you,

she's running for a state office in Missouri, Valentina Gomez, a 25 year old immigrant from Columbia and a real estate investor running in the GOP primary for secretary of state in Missouri. This is about a campaign, a campaign ad she released, in which she jogs through the historic district of St. Louis to the uplifting beats of The Show Goes On by Lupe Fiasco. She says, quote, So don't be weak and gay. Stay hard.

She continues emphasizing her statement with an expletive. In America, you can be anything you want. Don't be with me. Stay with me. The neighborhood where the video was filmed, Sallard, has a significant LGBT community. The campaign ad in which Mrs. Gomez shared on her social media accounts then transitions from a video of Ms. Gomez wearing running shorts and a vest resembling body armor to a still photo of the candidate in front of a truck wearing a National Rifle Association

hat with an American flag at her side and a gun in each hand. I speak the truth and I'm waking up the lions to save America, Ms. Gomez wrote on social media on Wednesday in defense of her ad. Weakness will get us nowhere. The gloves are off and I'm here to protect and fight for Missouri. Nothing, look, I'm going to say this as a young man from beautiful Lone Star State. If anything can whip this gay country into shape, it's an angry Latina racist woman. It's just a really pissed off, like, David Dogen style Mexican woman.

Like, I, I, I, Thomas and I have talked about this in link. There's really one of the best and funnest types of people you'll meet just, I guess, south of the Mason-Dixon is a person whose parents came over here on a fucking meat truck and they're like, they stink. I hate them. Enrique Gomez, the most racist man, you know, like when I saw that video, when you sent me the article and it reminded me of like just working somewhere, you know, just any fucking like contractor construction job and you know, the guy working next to you, square toe boots, Wranglers, the whole get up.

And he's like, yeah, I mean, you know, my name is Marcus Gonzalez and I think they all need to be round up and shot. And you're like, Oh, who are you talking about? Chinese guys? No, I'm talking about people talking about every one of my cousins and my mom and my dad and me. And you're like, oh, am I allowed to be racist towards you now? I want to. Yeah. I was scrolling back on her Instagram on all the things she tried to take,

like stances on. And recently she she had a video where she was like, there are many things that I do not agree with. Nicholas Fuentes on, but I must welcome him back to the Instagram community. He is a an American citizen, so he deserves his free speech. Yeah. So I must welcome him back. And all the comments are like, fuck yeah.

Yeah. Welcome to the winning team. I'm like, you guys don't care about it. Yeah. Yeah. You guys really don't care. Nobody gives a fuck about anything in this country. And Nick Fuentes can't comment back because he's like, I mean, I can't agree that she should even be here, you know, but dude, because he's as hardline as it gets. You know what I mean? She is the arch nemesis of the white spiritual gangster liberal lady.

Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To that Batman, to Eve Barlow's Batman. Like she will, she will never be one of the crazy chicas at this.

No, like just never. That just like, yeah, just fire and ice. Also, they are pure enemy. Also yeah, just fire and ice. They are pure enemies. Also don't be weak and gay. Have you ever hung out with a bunch of Mexican men like after 10 or 12 beers, like past 12? There's nothing gayer than like a group of like

white frat dudes except a group of like first gen Mexican dudes in their like 20s or 30s. They're doing the punch each other in the penis game but they're holding on a little too long, you know what I mean? Like, shit you do in junior high where your buddy's like, you flicked their nuts, I got you pussy, but they're like, just grabbing your tip

and they're like, I got it. And you're like, I shit. What do you mean you got it? Also the jogging thing, I blame David Goggins. The video where instead of, it used to be you sit in your truck. You sit in your truck and you give your two cents and now you have to be hitting like a 13 minute mile, a 13 minute

mile and you're like, I hate gay people. Everyone is doing all the workouts that American Kickboxing Academy instituted from 2009 to 2015 that ruined like 70 UFC main events. All the most ACL tearing workouts. It, whenever you see like a Republican congressional, uh, hopeful they're, they're, they're doing something like they're on a seesaw on w on the balls of their feet on one leg and the other foot is like lifting up a kettlebell past their forehead.

Uh, Felix, if you've ever been to the 10th Planet workouts where the workouts are called the shoulder dislocator, or any of the functional strength and mobility guys, they're like, this one's called the Backbender Snapper 5000. And they're like, oh, this is going to make you run 0.1 second mile per hour faster. and it's just dislocating both your knees. I'm running at full speed on a treadmill while I lift the couch above my head. Yeah. Well, the Marjorie Taylor green ones where she like posts her and she's jumping on a box and stuff. Yeah.

Or no, she does the kipping pull up, what? Kiplit, whatever the fuck. The pull up where you're just your legs are spazzing out. And you're in your chair and it just, it's literally just tears your shoulder labrums like in half. And then she gets down and she's like, yeah I bet not a lot of female politicians look like this and I'm like look like a boiled hot dog. Some of them do like Yeah, I liked it also that she blamed wokeness and woke people for people not wanting to run like 22 miles with her

You see that? She was like, I'm running this all by myself because of the stupid people who want to hurt me and who cause bad things to happen. I'm like, are you fucking schizophrenic? Why would people want to run 22 miles? It's like hot as fuck. Running 22 miles like with her.

Yeah. That is just like, you're 22 miles, six to 12 hours, depending on how good at David Goggins bullshit you are 22 miles of her listing off every best by manager that she's ever had a problem with. Yeah. Also at the beginning as she does a start and finish and she's not really like visibly like sweating much at the end of this four hour straight run that she went on.

So I think what she did was she ran probably a quarter mile and then drove to the next neighborhood or whatever and then just got out and then jogged a little bit to the end. Because I don't know how you can record a fucking campaign video after running over 20 miles. I just would like to say to tie this together with the Harrison Booker thing, a Hispanic woman is like saying like, don't be

weak and gay. And then like every Hispanic woman I've met my personal life, like will serve her fat husband eight plates before she eats one bite of food. They are the most and they love to do it. They're not like they're not like tortured in doing it. They want this. It's like, come on, like, how do you you you can't through one side of the mouse say, all right, you guys need to be broodmares for the fattest morons alive and then be like, I'm woman hear me roar. Also,

hear me say the n word. Like that's like it doesn't work like that, I guess. Getting to the end of the show. I know I said some Texas stories for you, but it basically comes down to your governor once again is at it. You know, we were talking before, is he just bored? Like his murder ball lost the sort of energy that it needs to give him. Now he's pardoning that guy who shot a shot someone in a Black Lives Matter protest and basically saying, if you protest against Israel in Texas, we will put you in jail. And that went along with a video that was circulated of Texas college students being

told that if they say the words from the river to the sea, they will be arrested. Yeah. And it's like, God, Texas, the freest state in America. Yeah. I think I speak for the rest of the Dallas Mavericks fan base when I say that people are fired up right now. And this might pass. I think if we win this round of the playoffs, I think it could get real, real nasty quick.

But I think right now,'s just, you know, he's watching Luca and he's feeling a little inspired. You know, he's seeing some plays get made, he's saying, hey, we're gonna let him out. We're gonna let this guy out. What, he killed one guy? One guy? Ah, fuck it, let him out.

Be all right. Yeah, well, I mean, he was interested in protecting Texas from anti-Semitism. He needs to lock up Kyrie Irving. But he stopped saying everything since he came to Texas, probably because of all the laws to protect Jewish people. We just don't have any here. So it worked out well for him.

The he's one of those. And it's pretty common in this like in the South, I just felt in the Bible belt specifically, but there's like a giant number of like Southern Baptist specifically I grew up truly believing that Israel the people that are there Were like the people that are talked about like in the Old Testament and they kind of give you the rundown on that Where it's like they're the same guys the guys that are listening to like And then just doing mass murders all day. They're the Kana night. That's the, they're them. They're the ones in the Bible. And so whenever I like see an article on a Texas politician,

a really religious one saying this type of shit, I'm like, okay, they're just victims of this. What was it? Wasn't there like a posted like Masad or like Israeli like propaganda playbook that was like, we have to get the balloons are going. We have to get the Christian, like the American right to believe that we are like, from the Bible or something. Like it was some massive thing they were like, pushing in the, a while back, like in the 20th century or some shit. I think you can even simplify it by,

like imagine you're a rich guy, right? And somebody says, would you like to have even more money than you have? And you, in terms of selling out morally, Greg Abbott has done far, he has done so, he has done things you could not imagine. And so whenever a lobby comes to him and they say, hey, what if you made it illegal to say, like,

from the river to the sea, he's like, I have fucking underwater chainsaws in the Rio Grande right now. That is no problem. I like to imagine that the tree that fell on him hit the fucking dead eye from Red Den that a red triangle popped above his head before the fucking tree limb fell on him.

And dude, I always thought, like, I think last time we talked about this, it's like he passed that law right after he made all that money that outlawed doing what he did for like the rest of Texans. Like he like he you cannot sue the city for a certain amount of money for anything like that's how he made his riches or whatever. He said, nah, listen, playboy, y'all be easy. I'm gonna pull the ladder up on your ass. You got to get it out the mud. But the fucking, that guy he pardoned, wasn't his Facebook, like sometimes those guys don't have social media. They're like, I'm going to run over it. Like the guys that really do bad things at protests,

they don't have social media. So it's all speculative and people like, oh, he was racist. And then the right wing guys are like, no, he wasn't. You just think anybody who loves America's racist, who kills a black man, kills a black man. And then you go to the guy's Facebook and he's like, I fucking hate them, dude. I can't stand. No, I mean, like, in this case, the social media profile was just like, just to be clear, I'm going to a protest to murder someone

who in no way threatens my life. I do not feel in danger of my life. I'm going to commit murder and hopefully get away with it with the help of the state. Oh, and by the way, also, if you're a 16 year old girl, coming home later. But, coming home, by the way, would you like to go on a date with me?

Ha ha. What's the picture of the guy in the bathtub, Hey Rachel, with his balls out? Or whatever the fuck? No, I, with his like balls out or whatever the fuck like, no, the I thought it was kind of Telling right the way that this like especially like us right view things He wasn't a cherubic little good old boy like kyle rittenhouse. So he didn't get the media campaign attention You know, he was just like he wasn't he wasn't he wasn't hot and breedable

Yeah, yeah, yeah he wasn't like he wasn't hot and breedable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wasn't like a cool bro that could go on like barstool podcasts and be like, so you like tits or ass. I know you just killed two men with a gun, but do you like Latinas with tight grip? Like, no, he's too ugly and weird looking. So they're like, yeah, we're he's cool. Yep. We, we sport it.

They're like, uh, he's not an insult. He fucks teenagers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can't, I mean, I don't know. I believe it. And we were talking about before we started, like, is it all like him shipping the, you know, um, undocumented human beings with families up to Martha's Vineyard, you know, is all in the dead of winter is all this like political stunts. It like you have to be so bankrupt to try things out to be president in 10 years.

You know what I mean? Like to to try and do cruel things to increase your clout to be president like when there might not even be any more elections in 10 years, if that makes sense. Well, I mean, like, and also, I mean, whether there's elections or not, Greg Abbott, give up your dream of getting into the White House.

You're never gonna be president. You have to be tall to be president. You have to be at least six feet to be president. I've seen Greg Abbott try to, like, get out there, like, make the rounds to people outside of Texas. Like, sometimes, he tweets like a tweet decker sometimes. Yeah. Like I saw, I saw him like a couple of years ago, he just quote tweeted some random black

guy that was like, if I was in a wheelchair, I'd kill myself. Which is like, I don't know how he found that, but anyway, like he was like, uh, he put, had some video of him, like, you know, like working out or like going up a hiking trail or something and being like, I learned that impossible stuff. Yeah. You know, just try, try to get like a viral tweet about how inspiring he is. The thing about Texans is if you want to be governor of this state, look at the people who did it and were successful. A guy like Dubya Jr. is a great example. You have to have been an alcoholic from like age 8 to like age 60. You have to be so stupid that you're actually somehow kind of smart, but just to people who are even dumber than you, that's rule 2. And then you also have to at some point

have owned a baseball team. Greg Abbott is like kind of a smarmy wet blanket lawyer type, it just doesn't, it doesn't compute for a lot of guys down here. No, he's governor but he'll never be president is what I'm trying to say. He doesn't have the pizzazz or the swag that W had. Rick Perry couldn't do it.

And like Rick Perry had everything that Greg Abbott did like Rick He had a ranch he had the I had He was like, you know, he had like, he looked like sort of like a TRT Gary Oldman. Yes. Like he had a good look. He was authentically stupid. But he just like, you know, no one bought it. He couldn't fucking sell it. Greg Abbott is not doing it. Yeah. No, it's not. He's got really high like feminine cheekbones and He just FDR on a wheelchair. He for some reason screamed like that's a tough-ass motherfucker in a chair I don't know why maybe just cuz you know, it was the cigarette. Yes, it was the cigarette

Yeah, the monocle he had the accessories to Sort of like add to the wheelchair. It was like Professor Max. I think his legs got grandfathered in also. So it's... So it's... So it's... Because we saw him with legs at a certain point, right? And then we, you know... Greg Abbott, we have no proof, really.

Yeah, it's kind of like whether or not Michelle Obama is actually a lady, like that we don't have any pictures of her pregnant. Whatever those right wing guys are on about, it's like we don't have any pictures of him walking around. Okay, the whole the whole truth all in me I was paralyzed. This was just to cover his transition. Oh, wow.

Because because imagine look at his hip to waist ratio. Oh my god. I heard my If he can't walk then transvestigators can't point out his feminine. He's got a camel toe That's what he's hiding but beneath those big ass dockers is just a what were you what were you doing when you lost your legs? Running yeah, that's what I would say to I'm sorry. I have to have a blanket over my feet that are normal men's feet defeat that are normal men's feet. What some, some staffer like rogue staffer like fucking goes and yanks him and he's just

got beautiful squared off French tips under there and then just like. Yeah. Yeah. Women's six and a half. He has the, he has the bound defeat of a Chinese. Like half of his body is just a geisha's body. Yeah. Yeah. of the Chinese. Like half of his body is just a gaseous body. Yeah, yeah.

The dockers just abruptly ended the way it turned into the bottom of a kimono. He's dressed like Stevie and fucking eastbound and down like just just when the old girl tries to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know, man. Like I part of me, part of me wants to like maybe believe that this is all it's like the it's Like the Iran to sanctimonious thing where you're like, okay this Guantanamo Bay overseer has no swag So all of this shit is just pomp and circumstance to try and get to the top of the game like big Donnie T

But these guys fail to realize just like Nikki Haley failed to realize that you can't beat him in his own game His nuts are too big. He's too powerful. Like also, by the way, I did not know she was Indian until like three months ago. I'm going to keep it 100 with you guys. I did not. I fell for it. Like I am the ideal Republican voter in that sense of somebody told me that she was like Indian, not like a little bit like someone. No, like I some consultant just earned his paycheck. Yes, exactly. Someone got a post campaign bonus of 200K hearing you say that. Yeah, she was like mission accomplished.

No, I know, because I thought Nikki did great at the Tom Brady Roast, by the way. I didn't I didn't watch that. Dude, it was epic. Oh, the only thing I saw was like the entire dies of like all the guys that Cat Williams claimed suck Joe Rogan's dick just sitting at the same table and being like being like a homo. Just saying all of the PG 13 slurs that are said in like a cult like I just said, like all of them, you know, letting them fly and then realizing seeing it how Burt Crusher stared at Tom Segura being like, cat was right.

It's so awesome. You're just jealous of Tony Hinchcliffe's crazy success and how he's bringing back real comedy with Kill Tony. I don't know if you guys have heard of it, but it's yeah, it's where you get like five, like bad comics and then you get another bad comic and then you have a bad audience I was the fucking I was talking with Thomas about this the other day But that part of the political culture war guys saying full with their chest they believe this shit saying Grown men. Hey guys, I don't know if you guys know but we're making comedy dangerous again. It's dangerous

Jake I saw one guy it was just like I am elated right now. He stood on that stage and said retard Comedy is bad. Yeah. Yeah, one of my best friends from high school who like I don't know if you guys have these types of People in your life, but you've known them so long and they're at their core good guys, but in every other aspect, they are absolute total cocksuckers. They're just straight up fucked up people, whatever. One of my close friends retweets that in earnest, and I just had to hit the mute. It's like, I can't sanction your,

like with Tommy Lee Jones on Jim Carrey Batman, I can't sanction this buffoonery anymore. I have so many friends like that. I have so many friends who I've known for decades in some cases, and they'll send me, look at how Andrew Schultz took down the news. And I just have to pretend that someone stole their phone or something.

One of my favorite, this is when I knew that that guy was just completely, his soul was corroded by clout and money, the bodies in the school at you've all day are not yet pulled. And he has a YouTube thumbnail that's two fire emojis, two flame emojis next to his fucking stupid face. And it says, Andrew Schultz absolutely cooks you've all the. Oh, dude, it's literally like it's three hours. The kids, the parents are still crying in front of the school.

Like, there's still phone recordings of parents not being allowed to school. And he went into the studio and I know I know I can see how when he talks, I can see his fucking eyes. He went in that studio and was like, I'm going to go. I'm about to hop in this motherfucker and let these words go. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I, I, in his fucking eyes. He went in that studio and was like, I'm about to hop in this motherfucker and let these words go. You know what I mean? That is the thing I hate about him the most is the way that he treats podcasting where

it's like, okay, if you do this on your own, this is just your internal monologue and you don't bother anyone and you have this delusion where it's like, every time I get an audacity, I'm like future in the booth Yeah, okay. Yes. We all I like to pretend. I'm a fighter pilot. Yeah But when you're publicly like I spaz in the booth, yes, it's a fucking podcast Yeah, oh my god, that's sickening that's skin crawling Chris that's in crawling. Chris, Chris, throw my headphones up. Throw my headphones up.

I can come out. Yeah, well, like, again. As long as you're talking about it, who is the guy this past week? Like one of the worst, one of the worst, most embarrassing spectacles over the last couple of weeks was like seeing white guys that look identical to myself say shit about like, Kendrick's pen is so vivid. OK, hold on. I got it.

I got it. I just got to say, you know, I love standing on business on folks and on phone. Dude, there's a guy that we all know who he is, and he is a Twitter guy. And he's really big. And I'm not going to say because I think he listens to. I don't want to start any. I don't want anything to do with it. But there is a video where he's like, your taste is on fucking trial.

Your fucking bad decisions are, this is about, this is not about beef. This is about whether you stand up for what you believe in. And I was like, is this guy talking about civil war? And then I scrubbed back, he's talking about, not like us. He's talking about, like, and I was like, oh my God. Like, and to your point, Felix, the same guys that are like,

you know, salt of the earth friends you have that you're not proud of, those are the guys that are like, Oh my God. Like, and to your point, Felix, the same guys that are like, you know, salt of the earth friends you have that you're not proud of. Those are the guys that are like, yeah, this beef is going to change the way we think. Do you remember that, uh, that episode of, uh, workaholics where they're making fun of Ders because he listened to Tupac high and he's like, we've got to change the way we eat. Like we've got to start thinking about how we eat and sleep. Like all the guys I knew that like they gave themselves like prodromal schizophrenia off Street Press and X in 2010. They're misspelling definitely like defiantly.

And they're like, y'all defiantly here in Kins, Kenny Kung Fu's fucking words on this. And I was like, yeah, we're defiantly not, Pick Dog. We're not... It's too many songs. I don't give a shit at this point. Well, also like, listen. I like Suck MCs.

Yeah. Yeah. If, the one thing I liked about it, and there was a brief moment with it, right? Where I thought they were really gonna R Kelly this motherfucker. Like I really thought it might be over. You know, like I thought it was gonna be done for

and then it fizzled out. But speaking of, did you guys see the video that resurfaced of R. Kelly singing at the Girl Scout cookie table, like asking for cookies? And they said that that- Was that where you had the belt that's like the Rolling Stones mouth

and then like a do-rag on it? He's at a drive through. Oh, it's a drive, I'm sorry, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, he's like, I want a cookie. It's just like a drive-thru. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's like, I want a cookie. It's just like two grown men and they're like, we ain't got none. You better give me a...

He's like out the window of a blacked out Denali, like, you better give a motherfucker chocolate chip. And they're like, dude, we don't got it. I want a cookie. Speaking of rap music and videos, obviously like the puffy Cassie video was horrifying. But like his dispatch where he's just like, he's like, he he takes it. I'm taking responsibility for my actions.

There needs to be accountability. But it's very clear that he is recording this video from like Dr. Nose Laboratory. Yes, we're we're we're in a lot. I call this volcano low. Yeah. laboratory. From James Bond. Yes, yo, yo, we're in a love, I call this volcano love. Yeah. He's recording a love volcano. From Little St. James Two, like just the fucking.

Yeah. Speaking of that video and the Cat Williams thing, I realized with the Diddy story and the Drake thing and the R. Kelly thing, Cat Williams is black Alex Jones. Where like the things he says, like there's some of it that's just, that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.

And then like, he throws a dart board and it like hits on something. And it's just like, oh okay, well that thing was true. Yeah, yeah, I've been following the Diddy thing for a while and there have been a lot of people like that with Diddy. Where like, in like 2018, I was watching videos by this, I talked about her before I forgot her name but like she would she would basically like go on

live and be like like Diddy molested Cuba Gooding Jr. and Marlon Wayne like basically Diddy's operation seems to be like just physically attack women, but like molest comedies. Yes. Like it's a Ford. It's a Ford assembly line of molesting black comedians. And I was like, I was like, who who's your source on like, come on. And then it turns out, yeah, no, 100% true. He has like 70 billion terabytes of him like... Finger-banging fucking Cedric the entertainer for like, you know... Yeah. Yeah. Well, the thing about the... when people...

when the craziest schizophrenics that you follow on the internet... like I was talking to Will, the Atlantic article that came out about the Saudi Arabian connection to 9-11 conveniently released when the Israeli-Saudaran connection kind of falls apart or whatever. All the things, the points in that article, I've heard from the craziest, most insane alcoholic guys that I've known on Twitter for like 10 years. It's all stuff I've read or gotten PDF screenshots of from these guys, but it made its way to the Atlantic, so now it's real. That's why I hate this fucking fake schizophrenic thing people do online where it's just

like it's someone who's just like a regular boring fucking depressed person and they're like I'm schizophrenic I'm so crazy I read Wikipedia yeah yeah did you guys so an update for the Diddy story. It turned out that his patio just looks like Thailand. I'm not even kidding. Yes, Jules tweeted out yesterday and then this morning, Paparazzi caught Diddy and a few of his friends in matching outfits on a walk together. They were all wearing all white.

And when they realized somebody was filming, I want you to think, what would you probably do? They were all wearing all white. And when they realized somebody was filming, I want you to think, what would you probably do? Would you cover your face with both of your hands like you were somebody else? Because that's what Puff Daddy did next to his own house. He covered his face with his hands, and his head is huge.

It did not cover it. His head is massive. And then both of his friends just stopped in their tracks And his head is huge. It did not cover it. His head is massive. And then both of his friends just stopped in their tracks and looked around like there might be snipers around. Like, imagine you're hanging out with PR wise. The they could be hanging out with Adolf Hitler and it would be like, they're hanging out with the black R. Kelly, like just. Yeah.

Like, yeah, the fuck. Yeah. What? Here's my question. What was with the white on Kelly like just yeah like yeah the fuck yeah what here's my question what was with the white outfits you think do you think they were just spin I think I straight up I think that they probably had I have a feeling if a guy has that kind of power you can say hey we're going on a walk these are the clothes I have set up for you yeah, well he that's like a motif he likes like all the the infamous like white parties he threw the Hamptons Yeah, we're like, you know, he would like He did that thing that GC accused Gucci made of he really was taking an e-pill and hopping in the shower with all It was that um, the meek mill tweet I thought this was so funny when he like the gayest,

the gayest thing that a secretly gay guy could say, like if you could conjure up a phrase that admit that a closet gay man would say to like prove he was straight. When the ditty story dropped, he tweeted something to the effect of like, yo, I've ran red lights to get to the pussy. Like, he was like, yo, I get that text in traffic.

I started swerving to get to some wet, wet. And it's like, that is something that a man who like loves penis, like loves it so much, it hurts would say to keep people from understanding that he's a gay man. I've put on gym shoes to pursue. So yeah, I think pussy is terrific. If he wanted to prove you straight, he could be like, I barely even leave my apartment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. pussy is terrific. If he wanted to prove he was straight, he could be like, I barely even leave my apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. I won't drive 30 minutes to see somebody I love. That's just like to prove you're a straight man being like, I don't even, I don't even talk to people in my life who love me. That's just, you know, like he, he didn't understand it all. Like just, he should have, he should have texted a truly straight man in his life And the guy be like yeah tweet something like you don't even talk to your wife Just something like that that'll make you that'll make people believe you not oh, I would do when I'm horny. It's like diarrhea

I gotta run out the door to get me to get get me to some God from the jet ski Get me to some Jetsky Dude, you know speak on Kevin Costner waterworld for the pussy I was revisiting the I went back and actually watched the collection of the stories of when DJ Collard had to get rescued by The Coast Guard because he just drove his jet ski out into the ocean Goddamn, what a fucking cultural icon Let's leave it there for today

I want to thank Thomas and Jake from Pendejo Time for joining us again on this Monday. And employer all of our listeners to like and subscribe to the Pendejo Time page. Absolutely. Links. Links will be in the show description. Awesome. Yeah, of course. Thank you guys for having us. Thank you guys for having us on. It was a blast. Always a joy. Always a joy and until next time everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye Peach mango and bologna flavor I'll text you later baby You got the kind of snacks at your apartment girl it tastes real good The kind of stuff you only can buy at Aldi Maybe fresh market, perhaps sprouts if you're in the central Texas area. And me, I have some Cheez-Its that are not very good.

They are pretty old.