Chapo Trap House - Bonus: Pillow Talk feat. Tim Heidecker

Episode Date: April 2, 2020

Friend of the show and America's #1 annual comedian Tim Heidecker stops by to talk Trump's various COVID-related bungles, and examine the life of Mike Lindell - The MyPillow Guy. Check out Tim's new show Beef House on adult swim: https://www.adultswim.com/videos/beef-house/army-buddy-brad And Tim's podcast Office Hours: https://starburns.audio/podcasts/office-hours-tim-heidecker/

All right, here we go. Three, two, one. Ah! That really makes it difficult for me when you do that instead of snap. Does it? I'm sorry. No, Matt gets attacked by a big bug every time. I like to snap and he gets scared. I didn't know that made it harder for you, Chris. I won't do it anymore.

He's such a fucking diva. I think it's funny because we all clap and smack at the same time, and then Matt just goes, Ow! It's just easier to use my mouth. I'm sorry. Isolate that. All I wanna do is they'll jump. All I wanna do is they'll jump. All I wanna do is they'll jump.

All I wanna do is they'll jump. All I wanna do is they'll jump. I guess just to usually kick things off here, greetings, listeners. I wish I could come to you today to, you know, you know, share in a happy April Fool's Day and wish you all a happy April Fool's Day. But unfortunately, the April Fool, the beloved Jester and prankster and national hero who this day is dedicated to has succumbed to the ravages of COVID-19.

Wow. There is no, there is no more April Fool. But we have got in his place, Tim Heidecker. Hey, it's Tim Heidecker, the annual Fool. Every month is a, I'm a fool every month. Every single month of the year, I'm the fool. Yeah. Yeah.

I bet I could make you boys laugh with one, with two words. Ready? Just get your serious. Okay. The turkey wings. Oh God. You know what? It's not so bad.

Too easy. It's not so bad that the April Fool is dead. His shit was kind of an old hat anyway. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, I never wanted to like criticize him because he was sort of a veteran of show business, but we're not missing much. We're not missing much.

Yeah. You know, I did an April Fool's Day prank on my mom who's staying with her family right now. Yeah. Pretty good. Pretty good. She, I have a six year old and we conspired together this morning to hide the eggs in the, in the, in the fridge.

And then my daughter asked my, my, my mother to make her a French toast. So my mom went looking for the eggs, which were there last night. We had a big carton of eggs in the fridge, but they were gone missing. And we were running all over the house looking for the eggs and getting mad about it. And I was yelling at my wife, where the hell are the eggs? How could they just disappear? But it was just a spoof. It was a spoof.

It was a goof. Classic. See, and that, that's the fact that you like got the kids involved. It's like genetic languages. Some things can only be passed down in that way. And that's like how like one, one generation is the annual fool and they passed down. But my daughter called it happy prank day, which I like. I like that as, as opposed to April Fool's, because that's not very nice to the fools

out there. Well, it is, that is like a happy holiday. It's that thing. And you know, hopefully like in the second term, Trump takes this on like no offense. Nobody's saying April Fool's anymore, folks. We're bringing back the fools. We're bringing back the fools. I'll be the first president, I'll be the first president since James Buchanan to have

a gesture. Well, I was like, like today, today's April Fool's, it's like, you know, it is, it is a classic holiday for, you know, radio shock, shock personalities like us. But now, now especially, because you can do those classic April Fool's prank where you like call people and be like, hello, this is the hospital you've, you're going to die of the coronavirus. And then, you know, just a classic bit you can do now. Yeah.

You could do. Well, this was, that was like an Opie and Anthony special, like it would be April Fool's would be like the mayor's dad, this is your doctor calling some terrible news. I once called my cousin on what like it was, we were the same age and we'd both gotten into college and it was our first week in school. And I called her as the dean of admissions from this other school that she applied to, but didn't accept or whatever. And was like, this is, I don't understand, you're supposed to be in, you're supposed

to be here today and I was like really upset with her that she wasn't at our college and she was freaked. She just didn't understand. No, I said, I wasn't going to your school, I don't understand why this is happening. And then it was just a crank. You guys want to hear more prank calls, you guys want to hear more prank calls I've done in my life? Of course.

Interesting. So interesting to hear about. Let's do some, let's do some pranks right now. Like where we, I don't know, make an announcement that schools are officially open and kids can leave the house and you know, play outside with their friends and things like that. Yeah, do it on your podcast. Yeah, exactly. I think you've given away the plot a little bit there, but good luck to you.

I've heard of a, there's a new mask, the new mask everyone should be wearing for maximum security. Our company is selling it or a company is our new sponsor. They're a hundred percent batwing masks. They provide a hundred percent protection against COVID-19. They come from, uh, from, uh, distributors, uh, in certain parts of China that I will not, uh, name right now, but a hundred percent batwing protect you against all, uh, diseases. Uh,

They're saying if you eat just a little, you, they're saying that they recommend you should eat a little, just a little back, just a little back, it builds up your tolerance. Yeah. Just a little bit. The problem is you eat too much bat. You got to just have a little bit, a little bit of that. Yeah. No, it's like drinking.

It's like anything else. I think I saw Geraldo like, like half a batwing a day. Yeah. Absolutely. I think I saw Geraldo recommending that on Twitter. All right. Uh, I've, I've a prank. Uh, I think this is, this is for like, you know, people more of my generation, like the

internet age. All right. You know, Chris obviously edit around this. We really want this prank to like just be a national sensation. Okay. You know, as the man said in the song, y'all ready for this? Okay. Uh, okay.

So we have, there's new audio of Donald Trump really screwing the pooch on COVID-19. If you want to hear it, go to youtube.com slash watch question mark V equals DQW4W9WGXCQ. All right, Chris, just putting the, putting this here, you can edit this out later. That's of course the URL for the classic Rick roll. Oh yeah. Some people are going to be upset. Yeah, this is going to be a classic along similar lines of a, a Batwing, um, a respirator mask.

Did you see today that, um, Elon Musk promised to like give states like thousands of ventilators and then he bought them CPAP machines with a Tesla logo on it and like CPAP machine will spread the virus. Yes. It's the opposite. And it also is not a ventilator. It doesn't intubate the idea that somebody is like, there's drowning in their own phlegm and you go, look, you, I, uh, bad news is we have no way to stop you from drowning on

your own sputum. Good news. You'll never snore again. Yeah. It's like, it's like somebody who has malaria and you're like, I have the perfect thing for you. I got you a hot tub. Enjoy.

Enjoy just marinating in that diarrhea until you die. And didn't, didn't he, uh, wasn't he like two weeks ago saying that this pandemic is dumb or something? Like, oh yeah. It was not that long ago. Three weeks ago. Maybe I'll give him that. Oh yeah.

But still, by then it was pretty clear to most people reading the news that he resisted, he resisted for a very long time closing the Tesla plants and he actually tried to get Tesla cloud classified as an essential service so they couldn't close the factory. My mom just told me, this is coming from my mom who got this on Facebook. So just, that's a big warning here. You might want to put, but I think it was from somebody she knew. She said her husband works in Pennsylvania at a office, office furniture, uh, store like they sell office furniture and they were trying to get him to come back into work.

And they're trying to classify it as a essential service. It's like, it's office for nothing's, what do you, why would you need office furniture right now? Well, you know, we actually just, on our most recent episode, we had a, um, uh, a nurse from Oakland. Uh, we interviewed them about, you know, what it's like sort of, uh, you know, on the front lines of this crisis and then he said like the number one thing hospitals need right now are like reclining office chairs, right?

Or those glass things that you put under the seat so you can roll around. Yes. So you're not, you're not dragging on the carpet. You're not getting dragged. Yes. Catching up and ruining the carpet. Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah. Um, the factories that make those, uh, the little, uh, desktop pool tables, those are still going. Cause you know, uh, Father's Day is coming up and dads are going to need those regardless of the coronavirus. Oh God. Those Father's Day gifts. You're right.

Yeah. The front part of Macy's. Yes. That's, that's gonna, they're going to be really decimated this year, like the Funko Pops. Yeah. This is, I mean, you know, who's, who's on the front lines as always, fathers. First one's in, last one's out, but everyone, everyone, everyone leaves them behind.

One father, one riot. I think, and I would think this would be beautiful and because it's my favorite. I think that if we could be open by Father's Day, wouldn't that be beautiful? Wouldn't that be something special? To come together, other fathers, we can all, we can all be grilling and we could just pat our dads on the back and thank them for all the work they've done. And I think that would be, that's my favorite holiday Father's Day. Absolutely.

All the fathers. That is, that's a cool type of guy, a guy who doesn't have kids and he's like, yeah, my favorite Father's Day is the best one, I just respect those men so much. Yeah. Yeah. He just goes up to any guy who looks like he has kids. I think it'll be funny if they keep interviewing Trump and he keeps pushing it to different holidays.

So in my mind, and this is just me, I mean, the doctors may say one thing, but for me, beautiful time would be Labor Day. Wouldn't that be something that's sort of the end of summer? It's sort of, uh, it's back to school. I mean, wouldn't that be beautiful? I mean, we don't know, it might not be. It might be well past beyond that. It might be Valentine's Day 2021, but if we could, I'd love to see that.

Wouldn't that be beautiful Labor Day? I want to see every, everyone Valentine's Day, February next year, everyone will be kissing each other. Kissing. Kiss festivals. I think everyone's kissing. We have so many, we have so many wonderful Albanian Americans. You know, by the end of November, we're going to have Albanian Independence Day.

You know, everyone remembers that day at 1443 is so beautiful and it's going to be a whole, so a whole big, it's going to be a whole big, beautiful thing. The birds going to be everywhere. Everyone's going to be flying the bird and then, you know, okay, you know, maybe, okay, it's a great day, Albanian day, Albanian day. Everyone loves it. But if we don't, it's not, it, you know, it's not done by then. Maybe Purim.

What about this? Purim. What about this list? You know, we had, we had a beautiful, one of really a special leap day. This year, just one of a kind 2020 leap year, end of February, I think if we could get things working by the next leap year, that would be really something special, wouldn't it? Next leap day. It'd be wonderful.

Anyone else? Anyone else? A little bit of a nerd? I'm a pie day. You know, it's like, speaking of, speaking of our leader, our president, like, you know, a week or so ago, I was, like, terrified that, like, the line out of the government and, like, you know, the leaders of industry and finance were just like, yeah, like, in two weeks, we're just going to send everyone who's healthy back to work because, like, the economy

has just got to keep going. And it seems like they've abandoned that. Yeah. It's like, someone got through to this somehow. I don't know how. It's good, but it's also scary because it tells you, like, how serious this shit actually is that, like, even, you know, yeah, like, that even they think could convince him to be a dullard who's been just freaking out about his precious stocks.

But, like, what's so fucking insane, though, is, like, and this is almost, like, hacked to point out, but, like, three weeks ago, which I don't seem, like, three years now that we're in this, like, in year zero, but he was saying it was, like, a hoax. Yeah. Like, he was saying that, like, it's the media. It's a hoax against Trump because I'm doing so good. And then after that, he said, we've got to contain. And then after that, he said, only 22 people have died and, like, you know, millions die.

It's going to be down to zero. Diarrhea every year. And then just yesterday at the press conference, he said, look, if less than 200,000 people die, it's a win. It's an unambiguous W for us. I thought it was such a stupid, stupid thing to start bringing up, like, H1N1 and whatever the other, like, the Ebola. Exhares or Ebola, yeah, because we all are adults that live through that and know and

remember that we didn't stop going to work and we didn't stop. We didn't, like, my kids didn't stop going to school or, you know what I mean, like, bringing up, like, empirical things that happened in our very recent past that we can now compare this to, which it's like, no, you can't tell the most diehard Trump supporter. You remember those, remember when that H1N1 hit and it just decimated the country? Nobody fucking remembers or cares about that. I mean, I'm sure it's terrible. Some people died and we hate when people die.

I mean, we really hate it. But, right? Isn't it crazy? Like, don't give us an example of something that worked out reasonably well. Like, Ebola did not become a national tragedy, right? Like we, whatever happened, they handled it appropriately. As far as I can remember, unless they've erased our minds. I mean, I think, well, the last thing you said, I mean, I think like people like you,

like people, you know, people who like pay a lot of attention and like our constant consumers or like reasonably high-volume consumers of media will remember. They do remember H1N1. They do remember Ebola. But for all intents and purposes, like most people's minds are wiped. Like the speed of the news cycle and the way that we process events is completely cancerous and destroys any ability to retain information or have any like context for things that have happened, even in the last six years.

And yeah, like people who would never vote for Trump, like a lot of them remember it. They were like, oh yeah, there was no like national lockdown for Ebola, like what the fuck are you talking about? But his base, like the point of, like the point of him saying that isn't to like convince everyone, it's to convince like, it's like to give his base something to say and then to give like undecided voters who like a lot. Like I'd say like probably most people in this country have like no real frame of reference for events to take place because of like, I mean, a lot of reasons like A, because of

like how little free time they have compared to other people, B, how bad our media is and how like poisonous the way that we determine news cycles are. They're like, oh yeah, I mean, was it that bad? I mean, I guess. Yeah. Well, somebody made a good point, I don't know who it was online, but they were saying how the reality is most people get their news from local news. Like they put on the local news channel and there it is.

And they get like the, you know, most of the things that are important to them are the stuff happening around their community. And the fact that they're preempting these, these local news broadcasts with these nightly Trump rally press conferences is that a lot of people are getting like the main source of information from those insane, you know, monologues at the lectern. So yeah, I guess you're right is they are, they are going to be able to shape the narrative for a lot of people. And you know, that's why, according to opinion polls, 60% of America approves of Trump's

handling of this coronavirus pandemic, which is astonishing. Well, they're not dead yet. He's doing, I mean, honestly, I think a lot of this is just because it's still, it doesn't feel like it, but it's still incredibly early days. And you're not hearing so much about the swine flu this week as you were last week, because it doesn't make any sense now. It was just a thing to say. It was just a thing to say like three weeks ago, three weeks ago when it was still like,

what's happening? You're like, well, fucking swine flu killed all these people. Nobody said anything. I'm a liberal bias, but now you're like, well, what about that? And it's like, Oh, I never said that. What's the swine flu? Who are you? I can't taste anything.

I mean, it's just a constant moment, momentary screaming present triage. It's just like, just stop the bleeding. Keep, yeah, just keep talking, just keep talking. I think Mike Pence, Mike Pence was interviewed like yesterday or this morning and was like asked about like all of Trump's incredibly like, you know, either downplaying it outright denying it or like his rosy, you know, scenarios about like, you know, how, you know, how much you've got this under control and Pence said like, look, he was just trying to give people hope.

He was just trying to, you know, it's like a pep talk at halftime, you know, it's just like, I know it looks bad. Well, his new thing, this is amazing. And he looked and it was, it's a switch almost overnight from this is a hoax or it's overblown by the media to make Trump look bad to now they brought out that chart and they's like, look, it could be a million instead, but here, we're going to get it down here. And what a hundred thousand. And if we do that, I think, I think I did a good job.

What about the stick where he was like, a lot of people were saying, we should just ride it out. We shouldn't do anything. Yes. That was only you talking into the mirror. He said, I was one of the only ones standing up against like the very, very loud, very prominent voices, you just wanted people to go back to work and like it was no big deal. Yeah.

It's just him watching like Sean Hannity and talking to Sean Hannity through the TV. No, Sean. I don't know about this one, Sean. Yeah. That's literally just, yeah, his argument with Larry Kudlow and he, he won that argument because Larry Kudlow like fell down face first into his Rolodex, who still uses that because he's 85 years old. But when he came out there with that, with that chart, others have said this, but it

was just, just stunning. He basically pitched it as like he made a deal with the virus, like the virus wants to kill two, three million people. I say a hundred thousand, but last offer and they took it folks, they took the deal. Look at me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And like that, that horrific like black, like, like, like, like, like bell curve kind of graph or whatever. It's like, it's terrifying to look at. It's all blacked out. It looks like death himself. Yeah. He took it in the middle of it. Yeah.

No, you're Matt. Yeah. He did. He made a deal with the virus. Yeah. Honestly. Think how good that deal was. And of course he's like, and so he's pitching it as, if there is, end up being like six figure

death toll. That's a win. And you have to like give him credit for it. Even though the reality is, is that the, it's not like stopping, uh, you know, it's, you don't give, he wants credit for all those people who are going to die from the projection when really he deserves blame for a huge chunk of those people who did not have to die if they'd taken it all seriously at the beginning. Well, I just, I mean, this is, it may be hacky too, but I just, the other day I was

like, you know, Trump basically takes a tremendous shit all over the bathroom. I missed the toilet completely. It is the whole floor is filled with my feces and it's diarrhea and it's everywhere. And we're doing an incredible job cleaning it up, you know, and we have the best, the best maids, the best people and we're, and you know, we didn't get it anywhere near the shower and we haven't got it anywhere near the sink, but it is all over the floor and it will take a while and it's going to be bad and you're not going to want to go in there for a while.

But it's, you know, and it's like, yeah, but it was your shit that you missed the toilet, dude. You know, no, no one, no one, no one told us before this, you had too many tried mangoes and it's going to go everywhere. No one knew that before this and now it's a very, very, very good thing that we know if you get too many tried mangoes, it's going to go everywhere. It's going to come out and it's going to come out quickly and it's going to be, it's going to hurt and it's going to cramp.

Well, I, you know, we're talking about these, these, these immensely reassuring press conferences that he's doing and I would like to move on now to, to one of them that featured, you know, one of my favorite characters in the, in the Trump extended universe. And I'll just kick it off by reading from a, this is a Politico's coverage of the coronavirus briefing from the other day. So just to begin here, it says, President Donald Trump kicked off Monday's press briefing on the coronavirus much like every other by running through daily updates about the deadly virus and the White House efforts to eradicate it.

But unlike typical briefings throughout the pandemic in which various members of the administration discuss what their agencies are doing to combat the virus or help blend its economic toll, Trump yielded the stage to a handful of business leaders, one of them a staunch supporter who went off script in a moment of effusive praise for the president. Going, continuing, it says here, only one of the executives got a particularly glowing introduction from the president, a friend of mine, Mike Lindell of my pillow, boy, do you sell those pillows? Trump said of Lindell who sat in front in the front row chair is set up by the White

House Rose Garden. It's unbelievable what you do. The president back in the executive, it's not unbelievable what you do. He has a company called my pillows.com. He makes pillows. He cares. They're basic pillows. Well, I mean, he built a company that actually makes money.

So Trump is astounded by it. Yeah. Yeah. It's my pillow. My pillow is one of the only successful American manufacturing. Yeah. It's like, wait a minute. The pillows.

So when he talks to the pillow guy, he must just be like, so you actually make the pillows and people buy them and they don't just stamp your name on it. Yeah. They don't give people chiggers or something. I don't understand. No, you're right. Actually, like, as buffoonish as Mike Lindell is, essentially Trump is wowed by it because he makes a product that he sells to people for like, you know, a profit, but like essentially

delivers a pillow to them instead of just selling them a pillow and then like giving them like nails or like a flyer in the mail to buy another pillow or something like that. You don't promise to deliver a pillow and then don't, but take the money anyways. Yeah. So continuing here, it says here, when the president beckoned to the executives as the lectern to say a few words about their efforts, up first was Lindell, a major Republican donor, the Trump campaign's chairman from Minnesota and someone who was called Trump the greatest president in American history and someone who was chosen by God.

But his remarks went beyond the polite accolades and brief summary of steps his company is taking to assist other corporations in preparing to weather future pandemics. After explaining that my pillow is dedicating three-fourths of its manufacturing capabilities to produce cotton face masks for healthcare providers and studying how to help companies rebound from the economic standstill, Lindell asked whether it would be okay to read something he'd written off the cuff. God gave us grace on November 8th, 2016, to change the course we are on, Lindell began referencing the day Trump was elected president, taken out of our schools and lives, a nation

had turned its back on God. Lindell then offered advice to families stuck at home because of various social distancing guidelines. I encourage you to use this time at home to get back in the word, read our Bibles and spend time with our families. Our president gave us so much hope, where just a few short months ago we had the best economy, the lowest unemployment and wages going up. It was amazing he continued as Trump stood behind him, expressionless, with our great

president, vice president and this administration and all the great people in this country praying daily. We will get through this and back to a place that's stronger than ever, stronger and safer than ever. So Trump then said, I did not know he was going to do that, but he is a friend of mine and I do appreciate it. So strong praise there for the president from my pillow guy. My pillow guy, I was just looking this up, is located in Minnesota, I assume that's maybe

where Mark lives. Yes, yes, Mike Lindell, he was, Mike Lindell, did I say Mark? He was, oh yeah, you know, he's in Minnesota and he'd let you say that for two years and then be like, I don't have a meeting to tell you, it's actually Mike, but I'm sorry for correcting you. Well, how did he get, Mike, well, let me ask a quick question, you guys, maybe it's a simple answer, but how did he get to the White House? Like who's, where did he fly, where did he take a flight to DC?

Like, I don't know, should he not be traveling around? Yeah, that's a good question actually. He took the My Pillow Comanche helicopter, one of the only commissioned Comanche helicopters in the world anymore and My Pillow owns it. I like to think that he flies around in a giant zeppelin shaped like one of his signature pillows. Have any of you guys had, have ever had any experiences with the My Pillow? Like what makes them special?

I tried it years ago, I thought it was awful. It really did. It was different than other pillows. It was like, it's like packing foam, it's like, it's like, yeah, like that popcorn styrofoam sort of feeling. Some people love it, but I didn't, it was not for me. Just to get into a little bit, I'm looking on the website from MyPillow.com and sort of part of the success of the company is the success, like Mike Liddell is like a very

front facing, you know, executive or owner of the company, it's like, he's selling him, he's selling. He's like Colonel Sanders. Yes, exactly. He's the Colonel Sanders. In the commercials for the pillow, he's always holding the pillow in front of him and squeezing it. And he's got the cross coming out over his, his button up shirt.

Yeah. He is, he is a modern Templar. He's like a warrior of Christ, you know, deeply, like deeply involved in protecting Christians and like an intelligent operator for sure, but a man with a mission. Are you guys on the website? It's hilarious. Yeah. I'm on the website here.

Really funny website. Yeah. The front page of the website is probably 50 different pictures of Mike Liddell holding pillows or talking to various conservative talk radio guys. One of them is him asleep on one of his pillow, his eyes closed. He's so creepy. He looks dead. This is a great website.

This is, this is like, this is like the website for a Central Asian dictator. Mike Liddell is, unfortunately, he's going to meet a fate similar to Jacques de Mele. During the reign of Donald Trump Jr., he will be, the crown will be in debt to my pillow. Trillions of dollars of debt to my pillow, the only remaining business. You guys use Mike Liddell of sodomy and burn him at the stake in the rose garden. Because Liddell will curse the Trump dynasty. Look at that third square underneath the sleeping Mike Liddell. It's him on, we're talking to the Mike Gallagher radio specials.

Yes. Looks like he's talking to Paul Simon. Doesn't it look like he's talking, oh, wow. Well, Tim, the section of the website that I wanted to share with you guys is Mike's story, which is a big part of my pillow, and there's sort of like a timeline that gives you the story of Mike's whole life and the foundation, you know, the founding of my pillow. Is that on this site somewhere? If you click around?

Yes, it is. If you can find it. But it begins here in 1977, the beginning. It reads here, in his teenage years, Mike had problems sleeping. His pillow would get hot. He would toss and turn at night and wake up with a sore arm and stiff neck. I mean, it's decided to spend one of his entire paychecks on a pillow. At the time, Mike was working at a grocery store and driving movie theater.

He thought if the pillow was expensive, it had to be good. So that was the beginning of his pillow journey was, you know, I mean, we all have that problem, right? Like the side of the pillow that your head is on gets hot and then you want that cool. My wife was complaining about pillows the other night, saying I'm waking up with neck pain and I just, I don't know what to do. Well, and then in 1980, the headline here is entrepreneurial path. It says Mike began his entrepreneurial path early on by starting his own carpet cleaning

business. From there, he purchased his own lunch wagon and then went on to own several bars and restaurants. And then it jumps ahead to 2004. Having been turned down, Mike knew he needed to find a way to sell his product, not only to help people sleep better, but also to provide for his family. He had sold his business and was all fully invested in the pillow. Mike suggests, a friend suggested he try and sell his pillows from a kiosk in a mall. Unsure of how even to spell the word, Mike gave it a go.

Wait, unsure of, oh, I guess kiosk is the word he was unsure of how to spell. I thought it might be pillow for a second. Mike gave it a go. It was not the great success he had hoped for. However, one pillow was sold to a customer who ran a local home and garden show. The customer liked the pillow so much, he called Mike and offered him a spot in the show under the headline, developing the pillow. By this point in Mike's life, he had tried every pillow on the market, but nothing worked.

I doubt that. One night. No pillow's are on the market. Give me a break. Well, you should like put a little thing in before you this chunk of the show starts saying, if you are having trouble sleeping, this is a good cue up to this point to hear my pillow story. Well this is where it gets exciting actually.

So let's get you back here. One night Mike had a dream in it was the idea of inventing his own pillow. He wasted no time and began to work on a prototype and logo. It took about a year's time. This is like the Angel Moroni visiting Joseph Smith. No, this is the only thing that could replace Mormonism as the American religion. I have some news on this guy, but that'll be a tease. I'll give it to you after you finish the story.

I have some breaking news on him that I just got sent. It says here, it took about a year's time until he finally had invented the perfect pillow. Mike was excited and ready to get it to the masses. He went to major box stores expecting them they would want to carry his product. He got turned down by them all. I mean, it goes on like this, but what I enjoy about it is like a big part of this story is that Mike has had trouble sleeping his entire life and he just couldn't get a good

night's sleep. He was always woken up tired and sore or whatever. The other big part of the Mike Lindell story is that he was addicted to cocaine and crack for like 23 years. I think maybe that contributed somewhat to his having a difficulty going to sleep if you've been smoking bass for six hours straight, you might not get the best night's sleep. Maybe he's also like, you know, he's on the outside, he's super Christian and he's like really identifies as a Christian, but at night he's just like, he's rolling over in

his head like none of this makes any sense. What have I done? This whole, this whole God Jesus concept, like he can't really, his back of his brain is just not, not there. But here's the news. Ready? Yeah. This came in from a trusted source that the better business bureau has given Mike an

F. Oh no, this is like, this is exactly, you know, what the French state did to the Templars. Well, I mean, when I was looking into Mike Lindell, I think it was, he is currently being sued by like a state attorney general for making claims in my pillow ads that they cure sleep apnea and like fibromyalgia. Yeah. And so like a lot of the people who've been defending the my pillow about guy being at the thing, they're saying, well, he was there because he's announcing that his factory is

going to make a bunch of masks. And don't you feel like an asshole? Cause what are you doing? He's building that's like, I don't trust the fucking Mike pillow guys mask. No, of course not. He's a fucking skin artist. Like he said, yeah, he's going to turn over, there's like 70% of his manufacturing capacity to make like, you know, like PPEs for healthcare workers, like, you know, on its face, good.

Like basically every factory in America should be doing that, but like, what are these masks? He's going to turn out, they're just going to be the my pillow material. But you can do what's up? You can strap to your face. Like, I guess also don't assume, don't assume he's going to be doing anything. Like you should assume that he's not going to do anything based on his record and the people he associates with, like, assume that you can't believe anything the guy says. So well, maybe show us them, show us the masks first, apparently Trump and people in the

White House are trying to get him to run for governor of Minnesota. He may, he may win. And I mean, Minnesota has gone from a reliably blue state to like, you know, in a good year it could be a solid Republican state or Republican could win that by like six, seven points. But they will after you quit the podcast to become Mike Lindell's campaign manager. Well, I just, okay, look, I like that Mike Lindell, he holds down Carver County. Ever, you know, everyone, everyone come from Minnesota, they, they, they come from a place like Edina or, you know, White Bear Lake, they come from a place with like, you know,

higher household income, you know, let, let's, let's dire Carver's a dire place. Did you know this about Mike Lindell that according to the Mike Lindell legend, his crack dealers staged an intervention for him? Yes. To stop the crack? Yes. Really? He's a legend.

Mike Lindell is a legend. There are a lot of like. He's a survivor. Yeah. He's a survivor. And it's like, look, you guys know I love the replacements, but who like carries on the legacy of the replacements quite like Mike Lindell. How so?

Party. It's a, well, it's a swinging party and we're bringing our pillows. Uh, I don't know. I mean, it's like, definitely like, he, he definitely like lived the rock and roll lifestyle, but he also like, he also, um, you know, he gives you like sort of slices of dire Minnesota life, but unlike the replacements, he's giving you like more of a message of hope. Um, I hope he runs against Garrus and Keeler. That would be perfect.

That would, that is the election that Minnesota deserves. Yes. Um, I don't know. I, I mean, I think Jesse Ventura should run again. Absolutely. Ventura is the only candidate who could beat Lindell. He should be, he's going to be my presidential candidate for this time for sure. Where is he at?

Uh, philosophically these days, he like, uh, anti-Trump and kind of, he doesn't like Trump. Uh, he's like a, he's a, what do you call it, a libertarian, right? I don't know, man. He's, uh, he's, he's, uh, he's, uh, uh, a, a American, I don't say, I would say. Yeah. Yep. That is the best way to describe Ventura.

That's the best way to describe a lot of people where it's like, they're a centrist, but in the sense that they have some views that are far, far right and some views that are actually left-way. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, I'm a moderate. Yeah. Yeah. He, he, he's just an American, like, like all Americans was a, um, like sort of comic

muscle man in 80s action movies as a character actor. And then like lies about almost everything in his life story and they got to be governor of Minnesota. Yeah. Exactly. Was he not like, was he not a green beret? Was that sort of? No.

Yeah. He said he was in the Navy SEALs, but I mean, he, he did, yeah, he did serve training, but he wasn't, there was no, technically there were no Navy SEALs when he was in it. So he basically says like, I did the same training that SEALs did. Right. But he did beat, he did beat Chris Kyle's, uh, widow in the, his, uh, defamation suit. Uh, that was alpha. You have to admit that was.

Alpha. He was like, after Chris Kyle died, he was, he was in the process of suing him for lying about him in his book. Uh, and then after he died, he did not drop the lawsuit because it's like, no, I need my name cleared. No, I mean, like, what if only two men to get a W over Chris Kyle? Yep. Yeah, we know, we know what you're talking about.

We know what you're talking about. But, uh, Felix, back to what you said about like a key centerpiece of the Mike Lindell story is that he was a drug addict for like decades and then like, you know, is apparently sober now. And like, you know, became sober through the power of prayer and Christ. And he loves, he likes telling the story a lot about how his like all the four or five guys that he was buying crack from like had an intervention for him where they all came together and they're like, Mike, we're not, we're not selling you crack or cocaine anymore.

Like you just got to get your shit together. I mean, obviously that's a very good story. Those are probably the most like, you know, ethically minded drug dealers I think I've ever heard of. But I like to imagine they came together and were like, Mike, we can't sell you drugs anymore because like they were just so sick of hearing about the fucking pillow every time they had to like get to pick up. Here's the thing, dude.

Here's the thing. It's like going to be the, it's going to be like the best fucking pillow you've ever had, man. It's insane. Bro, I can hear those conversations right now. I'm sorry, but I met you. I know I met you a month ago. You're the most beautiful fucking guy I've ever met.

There aren't a lot of real guys in Mankato. You're a real fucking guy. I love you. Can I say also, like you're so Christian, you got your pillow, you know, like if you're so Christian and everything, like can't can he give, like I got those, I'm not, and this isn't an ad, but I get those bombas socks and their whole deal is like, we're sending a free pair of socks to like homeless shelters for every sock you buy. Like that seems like, what's Mike Lindell doing with all this, these Christian values

in his company? Maybe he's giving half of it away, but how do you, why don't you reflect that into your, into your business model somehow? Mike. No, you don't, nobody has an answer for that. All right. You guys want to check out this? You derailed the, the cocaine riffing.

Sorry. No, I was, I was just going to say that like, I actually like don't know how Lindell would do for a governor's race in Minnesota. Maybe he'd win. Maybe he wouldn't. I think he kind of has like the characteristics of people like in a potential governor and some characteristics that they don't. I mean, like governors are like, they're kind of like the most autonomous elected officials

in America at the higher level. They sort of buck parties more than senators, more than representatives, more than even presidents. And I think like Lindell would maybe have a problem because he's just like, he's just a lockstep Trump Republican. I don't know that people always love that in governors, especially not completely in Minnesota, even though Trump does outperform other Republicans in Minnesota. But Lindell's advantage is his crack addiction, his former crack addiction.

Because, I mean, do you know if they call Minnesota the land of 10,000 rehab centers? It's the treatment state. It really is. Oh yeah, it's true. And I think like, if he has any advantage there, it's not really the Trump connection, it's the crack connection. It's Minnesota, Minnesota has like more industries than a lot of like, of the true north than a lot of the northern midwestern states, like places like Michigan have been hollowed out,

places like Illinois have been hollowed out, they've been replaced by like, you know, fucking commodity trading centers like we have in Chicago, they've been replaced by escape rooms like they've done with a lot of Detroit. But Minnesota has a lot of big companies, a lot of industries, but I would say like, if you shut down one, what would hurt Minnesota the most, it would be like, if people realized that the American model for rehab centers is fucking broken. But there might be something there. You might have that X factor that gets you elected governor.

Well, I just like to imagine that like, Trump is going to, you know, bring together all of the drug dealers that did the intervention for him the first time to sit him down in the room and be like, Mike, we got you off crack, now we got to get you into politics. Let's do this. Yeah, there are all the crack dealers ended up working for Trump. Yeah. And I will, shit, Larry Kudlow probably has most of their phone numbers and his fucking phone numbers, that is, that's where I was laughing about Larry Kudlow relapsing and like

trying to tell like a Fox, like a Fox news, like 25 year old employee, like, I can get you Coke and he calls a bunch of guys that died in 1990. Oh, whoops, I forgot, he's technically 83 years old, my bad. All right, you guys want to watch, you know, speaking of smoking crack, you want to watch a little of this clip from the Mark Levin show on Fox News where he interviews Mike about his drug addiction. Of course. Yeah.

Let's, let's, let's check out a little bit of this clip and we can sort of comment on it as it goes. All right. Give me one second to put this, pull this up. Do we have, we have visual? Yep. Yeah, we have visual. I'm just looking at all of your book, all of your bookmarks, Chris, which I'll just

say, a porno, boobs, ass, big asses. Big wet buds.com. All right. I'll try to get this at a good level where you can kind of riff over it. So serious. You see it, Tim? Yep. Life, Liberty and Levin is the name of the show.

Life, Liberty and Levin, in Levin. Great guest, Mike Lindell. How are you sir? Thanks for having me, Mark. It's a pleasure. Now we're not doing an infomercial, right? I wanted you on the program because you have an infomercial has higher production values than this portion of our audience members.

You're big Trump supporter. You are a man of deep Christian faith. You are a remarkable entrepreneur. He looks like a dullard, doesn't he? Like fundamentally a dumb guy. Yeah, he looks like he's got a ukulele playing a cow with his head. I think my addiction. Yeah, I don't want to do too much phrenology here, but he has the mouth of an imbecile.

Or I would show off to people like do little things like hey, watch me jump on this bus. This book should be called Oops, I Started a Pillow Company. Using alcohol first and then got into cocaine. How old were you when you got into cocaine? 53. I was 18, 16, 17, and then in my five year reunion, all my other, you know, everyone's graduated from college or they're starting families or they're, they've kept the same employer and I'm there and I wanted what they want and I'm there.

I'm all drunk and I'm, you know, tell them about the, oh, and the mafia, money for football bets or jumping out of an airplane or have a parachute partially over the... Mafia in fucking Carver, Minnesota? Yeah, who knows about the Mankato Bob? I wanted what they had, so it became a lot of pains, a lot of inner pain and then I got into cocaine and then it was 20 years functioning cocaine addict and then 10 years crack cocaine. So it was long, long, you know.

So you're lucky to be alive. Yeah, 40 years of addiction, you know. Yeah. And how did you get out of it? Well, they... How did you ever get out of it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you get out of it. Oh, I'm still on coke.

I don't believe addiction. I'm just not addicted anymore. You know, wounds as child, things that happen or trauma, you know, and that's why veterans can be traumatized later on. Any trauma can manifest into, I believe, addictions or mass pain and for me, a lot of things had to happen and I lost a 20-year marriage and had all these things happen in the mid-2000s, in 2011, it was about three things happened. You know, you could disagree with this guy, but you can't say that he hasn't been a beautiful

yarn. Yeah. This is the most interesting thing I had. Now, why would drug dealers do an intervention? Well, here's what happened. It was just Nathan Lane. It was about 14 days and I was staying downtown in Minneapolis and a half hour from where I was making or doing pills in this little schoolhouse and but I had a warrant out for

my arrest and I was going to be found innocent the following Tuesday. What? I was hiding out down there and I come out of the room and three of the biggest dealers, I didn't even know they knew each other and I said, what are you guys doing? The one guy goes, Mike's been up for 14 days, we're shutting him off and the guy, the one guy goes, he looks me like, what's the matter with you? And he says, you ain't getting anything from my guys and he leaves. The other guy...

No, wait a minute. So, up for 14 days, so you were using and they even said that's enough. They're going to cut Mike. They must have liked you. Yeah. Well, here's what... They wanted to save your life. Yeah, here's what he said actually.

Yeah, they all like me, but here's what they said. What's the deal is, they thought it was wonderful. They thought that I was the best crack user they've ever seen. They saw you on the streets and shut off his people. They said, Mike, all your ideas for restaurants are great. He finally went to sleep. I ran out of crack and I do them one of these numbers and I headed down to the streets and I was about 2.30 in the morning, couldn't get drugs anywhere.

And I went out. I was very resourceful. Nothing. I come back upstairs, all defeated and he's standing there waiting out for me and he says, he says, man, give me that phone. He says, I'm going to take a picture of you. He says, you're going to need it for that book you've been bragging about telling us you're going to write.

And he said, you've been telling us for years this, my pillow is just a platform for God and you're going to come back someday and help us out of this addiction and all the dealings that we have. And he says, we're not going to let you die on us because I would always tell these guys all the time, you guys, this pillow is just a platform for God. So it's it. Wait, pause it. Pause it.

Pause it. Okay. So we've got a lot of the intervention story, which is even better than, you know, it sounds just like on the, my drug dealers did an intervention for me. Okay. This guy was up for 14 days straight doing crack, like that is really, that's impressive. And then also like you were saying, like the fact that like high all the time and the like, like classic cocaine mania telling your drug dealers that the pillow that you're working

on in a schoolhouse while you hide out from the fucking cops for something you're going to be declared innocent of at a future date is just the pillow, the pillow is just a platform for God. Yeah. That, that is some impressive cocaine mania. I'm starting to think this guy's a little bit of a treatment warrior because like, indeed you guys get that sense that he's like a little dishonest. He's one of those guys who was just like mostly like doing crack alone, but he's like, yeah,

and I was actually the most famous crack user in the city. And the way that I did crack made everyone love me, but I also did the most crack out of anyone. And so they were like, um, like you could do, you're actually one of the only guys who could do crack again when he's 70, but you have to stop now because you're going to be such a good guy. People need your pillow. Like the way, the way that he glossed out, like he's such a Minnesota guy.

Like he's like, that is the X factor to him. The part, the part of his life that he just glosses over where he's like, and you know, I had a 20 year marriage and I, uh, unfortunately we don't have that anymore. And like, it's, I was terribly, I was terribly, uh, physically abusive, but we don't go into it. It's just like, there's just so much that's like weirdly glossed over that it's like, it's the mark of someone who's not totally honest all the time, but so they're meter of what's important and what is it is totally off.

Like the part about like his marriage falling apart, he's just like, yeah, you know, you win some, you lose some, but just like the specific conversation with the crack dealer where they were like, Mike, you're also going to be the greatest author of all time. You're going, you're, you're actually, Mike, being the other crack dealers for talking, he says that you have a writing style actually quite similar to Richard Yates, but Christian like, okay, man. I love his comment about how like all the dealers loves him because like, yeah, that's what a crack dealer is really like is a spending a lot of time talking to their fucking clients

about a book they're going to write one day and like that they, uh, uh, that they didn't intervention for him because they're like, uh, Mike, you're the greatest crack smoker probably in the history of this state, but like, if you don't stop now, like you could die and we just want you to keep putting up like big numbers. I just love the perfect like crystallized 100% Bolivian flake, uh, American Protestantism of going the, the pillow, it's a, it's just a, it's a platform for God. And what is God like in God's intervention of the world is what is it? It's to get him rich, making a shitty pillow for people that they're mostly probably not even going to like.

Yeah. That is like, you know, Calvin himself would blush at this. This is like, this is prosperity, prosperity. What's that called? The prosperity gospel. Yeah. Prosperity gospel. But this is even beyond that because prosperity gospel, like most of the time what it means is like God, like for most people it's like, oh, God wants you to be like a shitty middle manager who like flips houses, but for God to want you to make a specific pillow is the most insane fucking ideology I've ever heard. And it's, yeah, again, this is the only thing that can actually replace Mormonism. So respect again to Mike Lindell.

All right. Let's just watch a little bit more of this clip because I also like, also I'd like to just credit, uh, Lindell is, is great, but like the contrast to him and Mark Levine is so fucking funny because like Mark Levine is like sincerely sort of odd and surprised by everything he says. He was just like, you're saying you were, you were, you were doing the crack. You, you would eat the crack and you would be, you'd be high. What's that like? All right, play it again, singular event that started to turn your life around. No, there was a lot of things, but that was just one thing. Then about six months later, my one son, he, uh, we had came back from a hunting trip and he was in the driveway

and he says, dad, I can't stay here anymore. I'm going to, I want to live with my brother. He's got a tear in his lips or clever and he's, and I, and that hit home to me. I'm going, I'm not, I'm not hiding too much from him and he must have known you were addicted. Yeah. At that, you know, when they, when the kids were, uh, from 16 down, they don't remember that my daughter said one time, she says, you know, we're a very dysfunctional family. I said, that was towards the end. I said, I don't know what that means, but don't say that again. That sounds horrible. But, uh, but I, my son hit me with dad, dad contest you in first place, December of, oh wait, something really happened. It's very important

to my story. My friend came to me and he was my equal. We had both did cocaine. It was my equal and drug. He started. We both were functioning addicts throughout the eighties and nineties, 2000. We both switched to crack about the same time. And I heard he had found the Lord and been freed of these addictions for three years and he came walking in. I was all by myself. This place out there, I'd let everything. I'm just a little pulse out there alive and, and within it with the company and stuff. And he came in and I go, Dick, what are you doing here? And he goes, he goes, the Lord led me here. And I, and I knew he had been straight for three years. I hadn't seen him in a year. And I go, well, as long

as you're here, I said, I got some questions for you. I said, first one. I asked him. I said, is it boring? Oh, he said, no, man, it ain't boring. And he's telling me that, you know, questions like, um, you know, how do you feel inside now? And how do you, you know, how do you, uh, you know, do you have anything thinking about the past? Just all different questions. Um, you know, but I didn't quit that day. It was another month later. It was January 16, 2009. And I knew that day that people say, was that your bottom? Well, for money wise, I made sure I didn't have any money left, you know, because I knew it would be an incredible story to help people, a story of hope. I would always know these

things as I, as they were happening. Something bad would happen. Oh, that's going to be good. My books. All right. Well, yeah, uh, you get the point. I love the idea that, um, yeah, his friend shows up and he said, we have like an hour of questions. And then I asked him the most important question of all, do you have trouble sleeping? And are you interested in a pillow? I liked that he was like, Oh, wait a minute, maybe my addiction could be an angle. Yes. Yes. For my story, eventually when I'm on the Mark Levin show, I'll have something to talk about. You know, the, the nightmare for anybody is like, Oh, I got booked on a talk show. What am I going to talk about? I got to get some stories. I know I'll be

really crack addict. And actually Mark, all my dealers, they were following your, your small town radio career at the time. And they said one day Mark Levin, he's going to be the guy that everyone goes to. And we want you on that show. Did we see Mark Levin at CPAC? Did we see him speak? We did. Trump, Trump, Trump shouted out Mark Levin from, from the stage. He was like, Mark's here. Hi. Hi. Hi, Mark. He loves me. Trump bragged, Trump bragged about passing like Mark Levin's like personal history quizzes. Yes. That was it. That was it. Yeah. Mark Levin was one of those like hate rabid anti-Trump guys for a long time, I think.

And then it was, he had to do the, the suicide pill. But the beauty is, but I think a lot of these guys realized, especially if they're high enough profile or they get to meet him, Oh, like this is the easiest thing in the world. Talking to this guy. You just kiss his ass and then just explain things like you went to a child and then he just accepts them because he doesn't know any better. Wow. Amazing. Can you tell me that the founding fathers were the first entrepreneurs? This is amazing. Mark, thank you. I didn't know that. Now I know it. Yeah. And no one knew that. And no one knew that. And now we know. No, I won't. Yeah. I love the idea of Trump like Mark Levin slipping in sort of like a

conservative version of schoolhouse rock into the, into the Air Force one TVs. Trump being like, did you know that a bill gets ratified? There's got to be lots of like porno and people being blown up like, you know, Cobra from Sylvester Stallone interjected into all that stuff for him. Yeah. The Trump, yeah, the Trump Oval Office, like VCR, he probably has like, still has a VCR, obviously, weird love of VCRs. But he's like, yeah, just like every action movie ever made in South Africa during apartheid. I know, I know we've talked about it before, but one of my absolute favorite John Trump stories was the thing about how him and Don Jr. would watch Bloodsport, but only like fast forward and only to the fighting

scenes. Yeah. They couldn't wait. Just like all that, all the plot was just get rid of that. He just, they just want to see kumate. That's it. Well, yeah, Bloodsport, it's probably the best adaptation of a Tolstoy book into film, but it just like, like all those things is like a little dense at times. I get it. All right. Well, Tim, thank you so much for being our April Fool on this, this somber April Fool's Day. But you got a, you got a new thing out on Adult Swim with Eric right now, right? We have, yes, Beef House is airing on Adult Swim. It's a, it's the tagline that we have is, it's a sitcom, but funny. This is very mean. We put that, we put a, they put a billboard

up there in Hollywood with that on it. And I feel like it's like pretty mean, you know, a lot of people are driving around working on sitcoms, but it's very fun. And we are back doing a little competition for you boys. We're doing office hours. We're back in business office hours live every, every, every day as much as we can, not every day, once a week. So we'd love to have maybe one of you guys on, I don't know, I don't know how that would work. You know, you'd have to draw straws or something, fight to the death. You guys have no problem. We'll see. Here's how we'll do it. Me, Matt and Felix, we'll see who can smoke crack the longest and stay up without sleep. Who becomes the best crack smoker?

Why don't you? Yeah. We craft, somebody craft, craft up a redemption story that involves drugs and bedding supplies. And whoever has the most compelling one will have you on to tell your tale. Excellent. Simply wonderful. And that sounds like a deal. Tim, I, I, I got to ask for my own identification. When is on cinema coming back? Well, as soon as the clouds lift, I think we, we don't have anything in the can. The last thing we did was the Oscar specials, the seventh Oscar special. And so we usually are off doing other things during this period, but we, we got the green, we got the go ahead

to make another season, but that came basically the same week as no one, no one's ever going to work again. So I think we have to figure out once, once we, once we can get back into the same room together, we'll have one probably hopefully by the end of the year, hopefully by, by Thanksgiving. Wouldn't that be beautiful? Oh, to have the cinema! For the Thanksgiving! With the chickpickies! Folks, we need Greg! We love him! Get him back with his VHS tapes! He's the most, he's the expert, the world expert at cinema, folks. He knows more about movies than anyone in the world!

I would pay Anthony Amatek, I don't know, a thousand dollars to give me a five minute Trump on, on cinema. That would be unbelievable. Oh, yeah. Well, thanks for having me, you guys. Please stay safe and you guys are right in the middle of the, uh... Yeah, the hot zone. Yeah, the hot zone. You say, we're standing doors, Tim. Yeah.

All the best. Yeah, same to you. Thanks for coming on. Thank you so much, Tim.