Chapo Trap House - Episode 232 - America, You Sexy Bigfoot! (7/30/18)

Episode Date: July 31, 2018

America's got Bigfoot fever, and so do we! After spending some time discussing white rappers, gaming, and hunting sexy Bigfoot, we discuss Meghan McCain's recent tirade against socialism, and further explore her thoughts on Faith, Wealth, Privilege and why she should NOT feel bad about having all three in a reading from her 2012 book (with Michael Ian Black), "America, You Sexy Bitch!". Buy Tickets for Julia Salazar Comedy Fundraiser Here: https://secure.actblue.com/donate/comedyforsalazar

Felix, what do you think? Okay, okay, I got another one. Hold 19, 11, 45, a full clip will take down a grizzly bear and full frock. Depends on how you place it. I have another white guy wrap. Okay. Twisting like a yogi, smarter than I can bear.

You know my shit is covered like universal health care. Ask for Netflix and Jill Coe, like my name's Tony Blair. And for those of you on the premium feed, there will be a video of me waving my hands around like an asshole in a room that seems to keep getting smaller, like all videos of whites rapping online. I have a lot of these. I, this is one I already posted the time.

I'm going to read one that Eminem Obama did. You can't check me out because reference is what I'm known for getting my getting sucked in a Hummer like it's 04. Her brain is good and mine is stupider. I just came to train drops of Jupiter. I call her Dante because she guides me through hell. Hair is bright red. I call her Chevelle Chevelle the red song the red by Chevelle.

I don't remember that one. You should, you should record. We should work on a, we should do like a, you should do like a concept album as a white rapper where everyone's like this sucks. But I'm like, no, it's a joke. Yeah. You should create, like you should try to make the worst

rap album ever. I really think you can do it. Yeah. Well, here's what if you heard my white, this is how my voice if I was a white rapper, I'm miracle. It's like that. You have to talk sort of like the guy who was in public enemy number one, James Cagney.

See, listen here. That's how white rappers talk. What's the G here about to drop some bars on these two? See, you know, Cardi B, you're going to go back to stripping. You've never heard a white guy rap like this. That's how they talk. But they're also the most important thing is choreography. What do white rappers do with their hands?

What to do with one's hands is a perennial problem in any kind of media. That's why when I rap, I keep them in my pocket. Go on and distract people. I would be cool to rap and you're just doing patty cake on the knees. You're playing the, you're playing the hand bone. That's what white rappers are like, swatting invisible flies all

the time. They're just like, I'm lyrical. He's never cold. No, no, no, no. I feel like what they're doing is the Tom Cruise Minority Report, like, like visual, like hologram screen. Yeah, like, bring it up, pulling it up, computer, zoom, go back. There's just something about videos of white guys rapping where

the room seems to get smaller with every verse. It's like a Kafka-esque thing. The more lyrical they are, the bigger they get. Well, they're filling the room with the rhymes. So there's the space gets smaller. But they're always cat. They're always like insulted. They're always like some sort of like insulting caption to the

rap when he posts them. It's like, Cardi B, you dumb bitch, check this out. I'm lyrical. Well, they're trying to start a feud. They're trying to get beef going, which is smart. But no one's going to beef with like a white youth. But wouldn't it be funny if they did though? It would be funny.

Because I'm crossing lines like Detroit's Eight Mile. My raps go on forever with no end. Kafka's the trial. Okay, hold on. Every day is a struggle. I call it Ulysses. I'm on the block pushing rock. Call it Sisyphes.

Sisyphes. Well, that's not me. That's not me mispronouncing it. That's what a rapper would do. This time it's in character. So it's okay. Yeah, it's okay. I would never mispronounce that.

Never. James Joyce ran off on the plug again. Coming down the stairs is my boy Stately Pumpfuck Mulligan. Folks, folks, your literary degree can be put to good use as well. All right, let me still, let me try. You do one, then I'll try to think of Annacaranda, okay? Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. All right, welcome to the most important politics podcast you've ever heard in your

life. Welcome to the show that Russia started. This is for democracy. That's more like listen to it. This is so scary. The noise is some danger. This fucking bullshit. The noise was the activating code for our Manchurian candidate brain reweightment.

When we heard the noise, it activated us. Yeah. Actually, Felix is doing his white rapper character. I'm going to kick off the show by doing an impression, just a quick impression here. Wee, wee, wee, wee. That's you, listener, because this episode is a day late. If you're complaining about being a day late, you should have been watching the stream last night when I performed several squad wipes.

Yeah, there's content for you. Yeah. Not for me, certainly, but some of you. You could say like, oh, well, the rest of you could have recorded. They were all cheering beyond. Were they watching? No. But they were giving me spirit energy like Goku.

Yeah. I was spirit, spirit bomb, no son Goku. I was holding a pennant that said, go, go fuck you mean team or what is that guy? We did it. Team fuck you mean. Yeah. Team fuck you mean did it. We fought against lag and we did it.

And now we're a day late. Well, we're not a dollar short. Tom Cruise Minority Report. And Virgil just came down from his high from going to the Overwatch championships at the Barclay Center. No, I didn't go to the Overwatch championships. We actually denied our press pass even after I explained that we are an important political slash gaming podcast.

Did you did we seriously get denied press passes for that? I might have forgotten to send the email. I don't know. No. So they wait, they were they were having the Overwatch championships because I was at a I was at a parking. I was at a bar on Saturday and like it was like, you know, TV is this big awful place and there's like, you know, TVs everywhere.

Well, yeah, it's a bar where you're buying overpriced poison to put into your brain instead of an intellectual pursuit. Yeah, the point was enough to have sex with the girl so you can high five your friends later. I mean, I yeah, I was trying to do all those things, but on on like ESPN to they were just showing overwatch. Hell yeah. Yeah.

It was the two tournament finale at Barclay Center sold out 19,000 seats. God has truly forsaken us. I'm slamming the brakes on this avenue of a discussion and we're going to have another I don't want to get into another gaming debate on the show, people are tuning in for that. I just want to say everyone they're lame, unlike people who come to our podcast live shows. Those people are fucking cool. Well, that's the coolest shit you can do while we met them, Felix, and they are.

They're cool. They're all I'm just saying if that's lame, if it's lame to watch people like pay to watch people play overwatch, it's lame to like see people go to a podcast. Was it lame? I'm not judging. It's lame to watch a play. Yes. Very much.

Yeah. It's exciting. There's code from my mom. I go to a play once a year to make sure they're still bad. All right, what's the check the headlines or do we got a copy of today's paper or do the old come town routine? What's in what's in the news these days, folks? Everyone's going crazy about Bigfoot's dick.

Yeah, that really was the story today. It is amazing how you can live in this nightmare realm where things just get worse every day and like truly awful, saddest clothes are reified, but then something like a Bigfoot dick shows up and everyone just, it's like water in the desert. It's just a chance for everyone to have some fun and then they just forget for a while where they live. This came about because Leslie Coburn, who's running for I think the Congress and Congress in Virginia, Leslie Coburn, wife of Andrew, mother of Olivia Wilde, a little bit of trivia

for you there. What a family. Yeah. All Kings and Queens. Seriously. Wow. She found that the guy she's running against Corey Stewart. No.

No. Corey Stewart's running me. Running me. Not just running. She says that to try to time to Corey Stewart. Stewart is running for Senate, Stewart is a outnashed white nationalist. This guy is less racist. So she's saying he's running me because he's running for Congress.

They're not technically running me. It's like a, you know, governor or lieutenant governor or something like that. They're just on the same Republican ticket. They'll both be on the ticket in that district Denver fucking Riggleman. His name is no. My favorite part of the story more than the Bigfoot stuff is that his name is Denver Riggleman was discovered to have erotic Bigfoot drawings on his Instagram and having written a book about erotic Bigfoot adventures.

I love that. You know, we've already like done the math of Democrat names in that it's like a sort of annoying, but regular first name, then always two last names, always a pot. And then one of them is like a weird noise like Clunch. Yes. Yes. But a Republican name, a teacot name as we used to do, Matt, it's always like the name of like, you know, the last person who was killed by Dodo's in the world.

It's always the name of like some of, yeah, the first person who died in their regiment in the Civil War. Just something fucking bizarre. Yeah. And it's always polysyllabic first and last name. Yeah. Yeah. And usually one of the names is some sort of either place or an animate object.

Yeah. And then the other one is just a bunch of gibberish syllables. Yeah. Like you're having a stroke while you're saying it. Latch. Rigando. Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah. Snaps back at Muslim Brotherhood in Walmart. Yeah. And he fits it. He fits it perfectly. Getting horny for Bigfoot is a new wrinkle, though. I gotta say. Oh, yeah.

All bets are off. I'd like to, I mean, I'd like to use this opportunity to say news and Denver Riggleman stop plagiarizing Jacob Baccarat's first novel, The Bend of the World, which does have erotic Bigfoot content. Well, Bigfoot is an erotic character. I've always maintained this. Well, it's just because he's so large and hairy, he sort of stands caring for, you know, the ultimate bear.

How is he? You would feel safe if he were around him and he had his arms around him. I think that's projection that people think he's caring. I think that's like, it's, you know, shout out to Shannon Strucci that's a parasocial relationship. No. I think he's misunderstood. He's like Frankenstein.

Well, I think in Bigfoot lore, no, he's no, there is no understanding or misunderstanding. No one's ever talked to him. Well, in Bigfoot lore, Bigfoot is a gentle kind. He's a kindly one. He's a kindly, like, yeah. He's very, they're very, very few big, big, big stories of Bigfoot attacking human beings. No, no.

If anything, we're the ones attacking him by destroying his habitat. Yeah. Or in my, this is an aside, but I honestly wish we've talked about this before. So you guys know about finding Bigfoot, right? Was that? It was a show on, I think, Animal Planet or something, and it was these crackpots would go out. It's like an offshoot of Ghost Hunters, one of those kind of shows.

I mean, the same premise. Cryptozoologists. They would go, they would go where there was a Bigfoot sighting. They would make noise in the jungle or in the woods, then they would hear like a crinkling and they go, oh, there was Bigfoot and then they'd never find anything. But they was just like, there are these, these nice kind of round nerds who just, like, one of them is, was named Bobo is like six foot five. He's just this huge dude and he says, I like Bigfoot because I kind of relate to him.

And like, whenever they do a reenactment of the Bigfoot sighting for a witness that he always plays Bigfoot, you know, and they want to meet Bigfoot. They love him. It's kind of sweet. I mean, they're obviously total frauds and it's absurd and like they're making a mockery of any kind of scientific inquiry, but it's, it's kind of heartwarming. Then there was a short-lived program. I don't know how many episodes they actually released.

I only saw one on one of those like deep, deep in your cable channel networks that might not even exist anymore. It's like the USA USA American channel or something called hunting Bigfoot. No, no, no, these Texas good old boys who would arm themselves to the teeth and go out explicitly with the goal of killing Bigfoot. Oh, that's what they wanted to do Bigfoot and it's like if they're all like these retired, they're all ex cops and fucking ex troops. All of them are now Republican Congress.

No, they're all in Congress. Yeah. They have like fucking spirit 50 calibers and fucking air 15's to go into the woods. Like I heard I heard a rustling behind my behind my tool shed. Let's go guys and the funniest thing about it. I mean, it was the same premise. They just wander around, not find anything and then be like, well, one of these days dude, you're fucking lucky you don't exist.

I swear to God, dude, they're like we've done a reenactment. You stuffed, you know, this, this Bigfoot mannequin filled with watermelons and we're going to fire 50 caliber bullets at it to show you what would happen. Those guys you think just straight up murdered an innocent person and got off by saying, I thought it was big boy probably like one in episodes. Sadly, none of the episodes of my knowledge end with one of them shooting the other one accidentally. It would have been awesome.

But the funniest thing to me about the show is that to justify wanting to murder a enchanted cryptid, they had two, they had two reasons, one and one is the first was actually kind of frankly persuasive and that is you can fucking find Bigfoot. You can see him. You can even take video of him. You can do a foot cast, whatever. But unless you get a body, no one's really going to be able to definitively say you found Bigfoot.

Yeah, you need to put him on the fucking trunk, your hood of your car, like a fucking dressed deer. And that's kind of true. That's not persuasive. It's like, if you really want to prove Bigfoot exists, you need his dead corpse. But that's like, it's like his argument. It's not even like to prove it exists. It's just like, all right, if you won't fucking believe me, I'll fucking show you, dude.

I'm going to murder this cryptid and I'm going to fucking show you. He doesn't even care about like the discovery of the world. It's like all for him. Well, of course they want to be the ones who did it. It's very, very selfish. But this is the general point that you're never, no one's ever, never believed Bigfoot exists until Bigfoot is in custody is true. But the funniest, the other one is that they kept saying, well, you know, these creatures

could be dangerous. We got to make sure that people are safe in our one percent doctrine. They're like, they're doing fucking like neighborhood watch George Zimmerman shit for Bigfoot. They're neocons for Bigfoot. Yeah. There's a one percent chance of this existing and it is harmful. We have to murder it.

Yeah. Like we're, we're dropping a Moab into this puddle in Scotland because there's a one percent chance. Yes, he is real, we have to make sure these guys don't get the Trump Bigfoot, Bigfoot force. Okay, we're taking him out. We've been trying to be nice to Bigfoot for 30 years. Bush tried it.

Clinton tried it. They failed. I won't fail. How stupid are we? We're wanting Bigfoot. He's wandering around. He's eating from our picnic baskets. Folks, how stupid are we?

He's out there with his disgusting generals exposed to the world. John Kelly, John Kelly, waterboarding gorillas because he thinks they're a missing link. He's like, you will tell me where your cousin is. Well, that's, that's awful because I maintain Bigfoot is a gentle, giant and generous lover. You're feeling, you're thinking of the Yeti who's a real asshole. Well, I don't know. I think we should be clear to our impressionable listeners that all cryptozoology, including Bigfoot and the Chupacabra and everything else in between is hokum.

It's nonsense. None of it exists. None of it exists. It's not real. There's only hard science left. There's nothing in the world but us stupid pieces of shit, scumbag human beings. No one will save us. No aliens.

Well, I mean, there's probably really weird shit at the bottom of the ocean that we don't know about. Yeah. Hopefully one day it will come out of the ocean and punish us for our crimes. But yeah, no, no, there's no, there's nothing nonhuman to save us. We are the, we are the only fucking things this planet has. We're the curse of this fucking earth. There's literally a cat in front of you.

Yeah. There are other animals you asked. There are slaves, just doesn't understand slaves wrong more. I've enslaved to Marty. Not the other way around. Yeah. That's how cats work. You slaved him.

You grabbed him and made him yours. No. Oh, no. Oh, there's nothing else. I can think of something we're all slaves to. It's called your fucking phone. Holy shit. I gotta, I gotta walk around for a minute.

Fuck me. Mind blowed. No blood wire. All right. Well, I think one thing to point out are two things to point out. Just point out about this case. Three things actually. You know what?

The more you think about it, the more things there are to talk about, but one is the guy says that, uh, that was not related to his book, that it was his army buddies as a prank did the sexy big foot, which is kind of funny, uh, blaming things on your army buddies. Two, he actually did write a book that somebody read and it's about, it's like a fictional book about, he's a character in it, but it's a fictional tale of going and trying to find a big foot. It ends with a witch using menstrual blood to bring a big foot out into the open and closes with the line.

Big foot's like sex too, but it doesn't actually feature any big foot. Fuck. Wait, but that's his like tell for set. Like he's like, when a girl menstruates, he's like, Oh, it's time to have sex. Yeah. No, that's a freak. He's, he's, he's a kinky fuck. Uh, three, even though the Senate candidate in this state is a Nazi, basically, uh, uh,

no one really cared about that, uh, until someone brought up the big foot stuff. And four, he's probably still going to win. I think we all need to keep that in mind. It's a lean Republican district. Yeah. Uh, voted for Obama. Uh, well, Cook's report. I'm my friend.

Yeah. But Obama was the only one who can do, uh, wonkery. Oh no. Yeah. Obama was also pro big foot dude. He led, he led big foot across the red line. Yeah. We've been paying for it ever since.

Yeah. I'm not counting out anyone in the Coburn clan. I was reminded, uh, just recently that a distant ancestor of the Coburns was the British Admiral who burned down the White House in 1814. That's true. What a great family. Not only that, uh, not only that, but, uh, in his invasion, uh, Admiral George Coburn in his invasion of Maryland and Virginia, he freed something like 300 slaves who then

volunteered for the British army because it would give them a chance. Uh, it would, uh, I believe the quote was, uh, they volunteered for the station that would allow them to meet their former masters. So pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. They literally ate James Madison's dinner. Uh, they had to fleece so quickly that they had left the meal out on the table and they

ate it before they burned down the White House. What was it? Highs. I, uh, I thought about this because of, uh, I, I, I remembered the, uh, the Coburn story about the war of 1812, uh, the other week, because it was, uh, Bradley Whitford of the West Wing was just like, everybody come out to protect the White House. We have to protect White House shield wall. Yes.

Because Putin cannot, he cannot, he cannot sully it with this food dusting thing. He's like a vampire. If he's invited in, then he'll never leave. No dude, Putin was going to do one of those like corn videos where they go to a fancy dinner and they're just like too crazy. They're like turning, they're like turning the table upside down. Yeah. It's, yeah, it's like those, but I read the part of those, the, the, the, the, the stupid

like twisted sister, like Motley crew videos where it's like the hot chick is like eating dinner with her society parents and they're like, no, he's dinner. It'd be shame. Somebody rocked out here. Oh, no. It's poot. Yeah. That's him.

It's like, you know, it's like, it's what, you know, the president is right, Bradley? The president is Donald Trump. He like has, he put ketchup stain on the original fucking constitution. Like there's nothing to be done. There's no way to fumigate that building. Even if, like, even if all you care about is decorum, because obviously plenty of people pointed out, you know, Andrew Jackson literally sold and bought slaves in the White House. It's a fucking, you know, built by slaves, built by slaves, cursed building.

But even if all you care about is decorum, Trump's already fucked that shit up. Just relax. Baron, Baron has carved his favorite Homestuck characters into the resolute desk. Wonderful. He has already held a swingers party in the Lincoln bedroom for Mar-a-Lago members. Oh God. Oh God, a bunch of just sort of like, of like leathery Florida people just like, just humping and biting each other.

Yeah. Sorry in Boca Raton dentist, just thrusting into an indifferent talk about, talk about cryptid. I love, I love being, I love being half hard and just sort of like sliding something in. Like it's a sort of like a package of a t-shirt you're shoving into a male top that's a little bit too tight and then feeling, then feeling like a leathery hand. It's so dry and old. It feels almost like a beanie baby touching you on my back.

And it's a car dealer from Boca Raton going, there you go, sport, I love being in that orgy. It feels awesome. But they are defending the White House. Friend of the show, Adam Pachinko machine raised over a hundred thousand dollars to fund, to fund these nightly vigils at the Kremlin Annex, who would give a hundred thousand dollars. Wait a minute.

What are they standing in front of a building? What are they using that money for? They're standing for the building. They're holding signs. Here's one. It's, it's just a list of names. Caption friends told us they wish they could be here. So we found a way.

Oh, oh, it's probably like people that Putin killed or something. No, no, it's the people who are like, I can't, I can't make it. I'm not going to stand there. Hold a sign with my name on it. That's one of the lamest, but again, honestly, one of the lamest things I've ever, but again, what it why? What does a hundred grand by you for you to do that? It buys you a lot of poster board.

Yeah, names of people who aren't showing up at your protest. Did he buy the rights to like happy birthday or something like what the fuck remember when the when the million man March was just Lewis Farrakhan with a giant scroll that he just rolled down the fucking Lincoln Memorial steps. Lewis Farrakhan is so tight undefeated. So I have no idea where the money went, but I guess this this protest of a few dozen people is still happening. But I remember when Trump started floating the idea that he was going to fire Mueller

and all these liberals said we're going to fill the streets if that happens. And then after the fucking Trump Russia summit, it's it's just a sign with people on Twitter who are like, oh, yeah, I can't really make it, but hold my name there. You know, 500 yards from the White House security. Yeah, I have a feeling that if he does fire or Mueller, there's they're not going to be able to get him out. They're not going to get him out of the street. No, I think they're going to be sending letter bombs to army recruitment centers.

Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah. Shining path. Instead of shining path, it's the illuminated driveway left left wing raising money to get out of your toxic household right wing raising money because you're a hot dog chain that's literally just called a racial slur is getting boycotted liberal raising money to pussy pop in front of the White House.

Here's a sign that just says Wolverines. Oh, because of the red on the classic reactionary yes, but who invaded the United States in that movie? Nicaragua. Well, also. Well, right at the behest of the house. I'll have you know. The fever dream fantasies are actually one of our great reactionary artists in American

history. John Milius. Yeah. I just I mean, what is the difference at this point between like these people and the guy driving around in a truck with, you know, a bunch of male circumcision or like the true fact, by the way, that is that you know, like in 1940s, 1995, the NSA abducted me and put a transmitter in my asshole. Like it's the same.

Oh, that was the one we saw at Aussie Fest. We didn't say that like Jamie mentioned it in her Rolling Stone article, but there was a guy. There was a Christian. He was a hard Christian who said North Korea has already blown up all of their nuclear weapons in underwater in the ocean and the radioactive fallout is going to reach America in the next two weeks. Everybody to stop eating fish.

Yes. That was the message. Yeah. And it's not any less gibberish than this than this shit. Well, I think we should move on to another kind of gibberish. I guess. Oh, yeah. It's sort of, I guess, the big clip of the week last week that everyone was a-gabbing

about. Hootman Holler. And yeah, involved Megan McCain on The View. I mean, she's a host of The View, sort of getting into it with Joy Behar about socialism. It's the word everyone's talking about. It's the word everyone's talking about. And Megan basically, I forget who said this, but she was putting socialism on notice and was like, socialism, let me speak to your manager because, you know, we got a problem

with socialism. She left a scathing yelp review. And yeah. I asked her this question about what do you mean by being a democratic socialist. And she went over her platform. She says Medicare for All, fully funded public schools and universities, paid family and sick leave, justice system reform, immigration justice, infrastructural overhaul, clean campaign finance, and economy of peace, housing as a human right.

I don't know. I'm going to really success the country. This makes my head explode, which problem with socialism in the words of Margaret Thatcher at a certain point, you run out of spending other people's money. Venezuela, one of the richest countries in the world in the 70s. Now the average Venezuelan has lost 24 pounds because they're starving to death. 90% of the country is living in poverty. I think she's talking more about Scandinavia than Venezuela.

But I'm sorry, I need, this is what I need from her. Name one country that socialism has ever worked. And also every democratic socialist who is going on TV saying that it's good needs to start paying 90% in taxes on your tax form, no, on your tax form, I think you should start paying the amount of taxes that every socialist in this country thinks you need to, because if you think the government is so good at spending money, look at the VA, no, it is dangerous, it is dangerous. I just told you several countries that do it.

I'm sorry, hold on a minute, hold on, everybody, everybody. So Megan was basically said, people characterized it as sort of a meltdown, I think that's being unfair to Megan, but she was passionate. She was expressing, maybe had some volume in her voice, but she was passionately saying, I'm terrified that socialism is being normalized in America. This is not normal. Socialism is bad. And Joy Behar was pushing back, and from the clip, it definitely seemed like the view audience

was very down with socialism. And I think this is part and parcel of the phenomenon we're seeing now, where the right-wing media, for instance, if they're describing what Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez believes in, will give a more accurate summation, they'll just say, hey, she wants free healthcare and government guaranteed jobs and education, and she's going to pay for it by taxing you. It's like, well, yeah, definitely. But they know that for the Fox News audience, they can take that as read as something evil and frightening.

The view audience, it's a little bit more up for grabs. And now there's this idea that if Megan McCain starts ranting about socialism, maybe people in the view audience might be like, hey, that sounds like a good deal. Yeah, the thing is that Republicans, their message machine, obviously, has been very honed over the years. They have all these mechanisms for getting their ideas out there and shaping all of the discourse around every given issue. But they're all flabby now because they've been competing against liberals this whole

time. And it's like beating up fourth graders. It's like when Kramer was in the karate class with those kids, I mean, just wrecks their shit because what do they have? They have a Hillary voice and then fucking earned tax credits and shit, incremental gibberish and opportunity bucks and all that crap. They don't have a thing that anyone could do. All they have really is a cultural attitude and gestures towards very, very vague ideas

that can easily be turned by Republicans into anything they want them to be. Now with socialism, I mean, I do think there's a danger of rhetorical drift and socialism sort of being turned into basically just ultra liberalism or something. But on the policy proposal front, things like Medicare for All, that's a fucking policy. That is an actual thing that you can propose to somebody that they can understand pretty quickly what it means and which has an intuitive appeal to people. And Republicans are absolutely out of practice on trying to confront an issue on its own merits like that.

And all they can do is things like when Hannity is like, she wants to do this. She wants free healthcare just like for people who aren't already on board with their psychotic and mean-spirited worldview or where the economy and the government exist to punish bad people who aren't like me and actually suffer and would like to see a world that's a little more generous towards its fellow citizens, they have no real response to it and they end up just amplifying the message. Well, I think what's going on here is like people who are very invested in the liberal consensus in media or the think tank world, like I saw Josh Marshall and Matt Iglesias

saying some version of this line were like, you know, a lot of, you know, what all the young people are calling socialism now is really just the new deal of, you know, it's just liberalism of an earlier era. It's sort of more muscular liberalism, but it's not really socialism, which I guess in a way is kind of true, like Medicare for all on itself is not socialism. But that's still good because that serves as an entry drug towards a broader critique of capitalism and a real demand of abolishing the wage system. And also it raises a question, well, why was this regular liberalism 50 years, 60 years

ago and now it's radical? What has happened since then? And the reality is, is that the class balance has shifted so far in favor of the wealthy and the ownership that any kind of leverage and ability to make demands from regular people has dried up. And so they've been fucking dictating terms basically unopposed since the fall of the Soviet Union. I also view this as kind of a project to reconstruct in people's minds the idea of

a commons, the idea of a common good, which has been drilled out of us for decades. The idea of all government intervention is considered haram in this country. And if you ignore that framing and just go right to the heart of the matter, we should be operating as a society and economy around not a profit motive, but around fulfilling human needs. That's kind of a short circuit in that, as you point out, the Fox News crowd can't really deal with. Right.

Because people actually are suffering. People hate their fucking insurance companies, people, if they have them. People hate their student loan debt. They hate their jobs. They hate all these things in their lives that they're told they have control of their lives. They're told that all of these wonderful consumer options make up freedom, but the actual horizons of their lives have been brutally constrained.

And this idea of, hey, maybe we actually take charge of this thing. Maybe we direct the economy towards people's needs instead of towards just the massive accumulation of money upward would be good. And yeah, you have two things that are, that are making it harder for right wing to deal with it. One is that they don't have a framework for critiquing these things because they're so used to beating up on, on a stale and contentless liberalism, but a lot of the people getting mad are people like Megan McCain, who is a fucking talentless dipshit failed daughter

of millionaire senator and his fucking beer baron, who is the who's just mad that her fucking unearned inheritance might get taxed. Yeah. I mean, Megan McCain is John McCain's life is filled with like sacrifices, but sacrifices for absolute bullshit. He rots in a Vietnamese prison, but in a war he volunteered for in the most unjustifiable position you can be as a combat officer in that war, a pilot, he rots away so he can have a political career where he goes on to get the UFC band, be a member of the Keating

Five, help push Iraq war forward. And now that his brain is rotting and everyone is primed to rehabilitate absolute pieces of shit like him, he does it. So we have to endure his shitty daughter for the rest of our lives. What does she bring? What does she bring to anything? What is her ability? What insight has Megan McCain ever had?

Has she said anything funny? Has she even ever said anything that's so inflammatory, it's at least kind of interesting. She's not even Sarah Palin. She's just a wholly useless, it's like a bag filled with flour is her personality. But the flour is just, it's somehow entitled and shitty. The entitlement is breathtaking. Obviously I deserve this inheritance from my parents that I did nothing to earn, but I also honestly deserve a media career to give people my brilliant fucking insights,

which is Republicans should be okay with gay people. I have, you remember how I shocked the world when I said I like the Clinton staffers more than the Obama staffers? Spits of knowledge. The McCain's are worse than the Clinton's. Whoa. Whoa. They're a worse family.

Okay. I'm just going to put it in far of like their shitty kids we have to see forever. Chelsea, like look at Chelsea's presence in the world. Chelsea's presence is like writing a children's book that's like resistance kids with some dumb bullshit and like making fail pancakes, like making, making zucchini pancakes. Making fail meals as like a 40 year old, a millionaire, 40 year old. And then like on Twitter, someone will be like, you know, like Magapete will be like, you're going to prison.

You pedophile bitch. And she'll be like, actually a bitch is a female dog and dogs are very useful. And so you complimented me and it's just a million weeping guys will be like, you rock man. Chelsea. You just reply guy, reply guy is doing the soy face to her and it's like, whatever. I can accept that. But Megan McCain is just her entire last year has been apologized to my family.

How dare you say that about my dad? How dare you? How dare you look at me? You can tell that she just her formative years were spent getting servants fired. Oh gosh. Oh, absolutely. I fucking hate them so much. The Clintons.

Again, there's like this level of comedy to them. They're like Ian Newchian with the McCain's. They're just so fucking entitled. You have to love us. You have to realize the sacrifice we did. We committed for you. You piece of shit. Well, also she's now married to Ben Dominic, publisher of the Federalist.

We all know who we think about that. But also people forget a guy who like literally insulted her looks and intelligence on Twitter like a year before they met. Yeah. Pretty good. Yeah. It really works. Who says conservatives can't grow beards?

What? Who said that? Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Before we go on, I found this article, Megan McKay was talking about how she got married on the view and she said it was because of Donald Trump.

She says she wanted a marriage like Melania has jealous. I have this theory because I got together with my husband very quickly, which I never do. We moved in very quickly. This theory that Trump's America makes everything more intense and heightened because we're always talking about the threat of nuclear war and we want to be nurtured by each other. For real, I would not have gone together with my husband if Trump didn't become the nominee and weren't running for president 100 percent at the convention when he accepted the nomination.

I cried and cried to him in an SUV back to our hotel room and he got me PF Chang's and I thought maybe I can marry this guy. He fed her like a wild animal and earned her trust. That's so dark. You know what that reminds me? That's so dark. All these people are PF Chang's. All these people, I was talking about this with like American rich people versus European

ones. European ones who are just like, oh, terrific. I've secured the cramped campgrounds for my pedophilia ceremony. American ones are like, all right, mom and dad, we got our PF Chang's. They have billions of dollars in honor of just plunder from a global empire and this is what they do with it. Well, that reminds me, PF Chang's reminds me of another failed son of wealth, Mark Davis, the son of Al Davis and the bull cut.

The bull cut Pimp owner of the now, I guess, Las Vegas Raiders who famously would every morning go and have lunch at his quote unquote office, which was a PF Chang's where he would have ice teas at the bar and read the newspaper. Then he would ride around in his 1980s panel van and had a VHS tape recorder in it. He also flies to a specific place in Ella in California to get that bull haircut. Wow. Yeah. These are the, these are the children.

This is what they're doing with the money. Well, this is what they're doing with the money. Yeah. Yeah. How can you not win this fucking policy argument? Yeah. They want you to literally die in a fucking ditch so that these fucking dipshits like him and Wyatt Coke and Megan McCain can just make the world their little fun playground.

At least European billionaires, like their kids have a chance of like summoning Satan or doing something cool. These people are just absolute fucking, they're like, it's like they're all demonious acts. Two points. One, two years about this is what they're doing with the money. I thought Randy had the best comment on this where he was like, I know some of you may think socialism is like pretty good and cool, but were you aware it may cause Megan McCain to have slightly less money?

I mean, thank you. To Megan's comment about why she got married to Ben Domino, because, you know, in the Trump era, everything is so crazy and intense. We need to like just hue to love and, you know, for, you know, that does that is almost a exact replica of what John Podhoritz gave as the reason for why he decided to finally marry and have children with his long term girlfriend. Can you guess the reason Reagan got 9 11 9 11 because you realize he had to get serious because the world was serious now away.

What we need is more love and compassion, like marrying the guy who's the editor of the website with articles like revisiting the DNA intelligence debate. Yeah. Every, every article on the rule of thumb better than you remember. I mean, the federalist is the best one of those publications. Oh, hands down. Because NRO is just like, you know, they're just like the case for chess, and Breitbart is just like, all right, we get it.

You're racist. But federalists is just like, just always, you'll mind if I wild out, which we repressed fever dreams. My favorite part about it, though, is that like all these fucking magazines, it's absolutely opaque in its funding dark money. It's like, you know, money that the Koch brothers got from, you know, like assassinating indigenous activists in like Nigeria, the Niger Delta or something is going to pay for articles about how Miss Piggy should be stoned to death for being a horror.

Well, yeah, like it's like, it's I imagine the federalist is kind of what the beak is like. Yes. Yes. Well, Felix, I want to go back to one thing you said that, you know, what does Megan McCain ever said that was funny or interesting or useful? Well, I think we'd like to dive into that now. We have prepared another reading series from another another political tone that we'd like

to share with you. This book makes me sad because Stella was really good. You might think, what does she have to add? She has one thing that she has written a book much like us. Yes. Well, author fellow author, fellow co author is a collaborator in 2012. She and Stella and the states Michael Ian Black co wrote a book called America use sexy bitch a love letter to say that for America use sexy bitch.

Pretty provocative title, which I am now adding to my dossier of Michael Ian Black, Pizza Gate pedophile. He is currently being yes. He is currently being dragged in this sort of drag net. And what's really funny about that is some of the tweets that he's being dragged like unlike the James Gunn stuff or like what's it that he's doing edgelard where he was doing edgelard, like pedophile jokes or whatever, the Michael Ian Black tweets were literally just about pizza.

He was just like, boy, I'd like I'd like some pizza right now. Hey, you know, Michael Ian Black does have like a fence. I don't give a shit about like, oh, I'm Michael Ian Black. How dare you? I love it when people do that to like win an argument with like, why are you arguing with Michael Ian Black in the first place who gives a shit? The concept of this book is that Michael Ian Black is the liberal. Let me read it.

Let's go back a copy. She is this. This is from 2012. She is a single 20 something gun loving Christian Republican writer and blogger. Gun loving. Yeah, sure. The daughter of a senator and 2008 Republican presidential nominee. He is a married 40 year old gunfearing atheist Democrat comedian, the son of a lesbian former

Social Security employee, Megan McCain and Michael Ian Black barely know each other, but they are about to change the way politics are discussed in America, or at least politics are just Trump one, at least the way politics are discussed in their crappy RV. In America, you sexy bitch, Megan and Michael embark on a balls out cross country tour starting California, the heart of liberal America and ending in the state of Connecticut, the home of blue blood Wall Street billionaires. But mostly Megan McCain and Michael Ian Black talk to each other about their differences, their similarities and how American politics has gotten so divided.

Trump one. That's it. This changed America. The liberals and reserves saw into each other and they decided to elect Trump. You've preferred you've preferred some selections from America, you sexy bitch. Really quick, though. This book was sent to us several months ago by a listener and it's a signed copy signed by both Michael Ian Black and Megan McCain.

It is a treasured part of the chapel library up on the shelf with our unhallowed tomes. And the governance of China. Our Saddam Quran written in blood. Yes. Absolutely. Yes. The holy, holy Testament here. So the format of the book is that they, the chapters are different places that they go

and it alternates. It'll be like a page and a half for Michael and then for Megan and they talk, they mostly actually talk past each other. It's kind of funny. There was very little actual dialogue. They mostly just get mad at one another and then sort of stew and then kind of get over it and then get mad at each other again. By the way, coming up, there is no.

It's no fucking like the kind of thing they're promising here that we can rise above partisanship and ideology. Well, I mean, this never happens. It can happen because it's a fantasy. But anyway, so it starts off with them in L.A. getting ready, they're getting the RV and they're getting on there. And the first thing they kind of do is they tell you where they're coming from. And so the first thing Megan says to sort of, to sort of pitch things to this audience,

let them know where she's coming from is. As much as I consider myself a Republican and feel in almost every way intellectually and culturally tied to both the Republican Party as an organization and its many shadings of conservative theory, on paper, I am in many ways culturally liberal. I was born into a wealthy, famous family. I went to an Ivy League school and majored in art history, which means I know a lot about pretentious artists and art critics. Name one.

I'm a writer and television commenter employed by the liberal network MSNBC. I'm a huge supporter of and fighter for gay marriage and LBGT rights. I'm unmarried and not completely convinced that the idea of marriage isn't outdated. I am almost 28 and do not have children and I think absence only education is delusional and dangerous. I live in the heart of the West Village in New York City. I consider myself a God fearing Christian, but I'm also a big believer in karma and sometimes get a feeling like I may have had past lives.

All of this said, Jesus and I came to an understanding of each other a long time ago and my relationship to him is one of acceptance. My God isn't Rick Santorum's God and my God loves everyone for exactly who they are. My God does not make mistakes. This list can go on and on, which is why I have always hated labels and stereotypes about people, especially when it comes to Americans and what exactly it means to be a real American or come from real America. Because if I were to adhere to all the stereotypical terms that make someone a real American,

I might find that in many ways I'm falling desperately short. What she is is a stereotypical rich idiot. Yeah, like that's the thing. She thinks that she's blowing your mind with all of these conflicts. It's like, I'm a Republican, but I like gay people. It's like, I like gay people, but I'm rich and like to want to keep my money. I'm a conservative, but I appear on networked television owned by giant corporations. I'm rich and I'm a cosmopolitan.

Yeah, exactly. I was interested to learn that she, Megan, is a believer in past lives. That's interesting. Well, I mean, that just really goes to show you, she's thought about none of this for more than a half second. And of course she's a Christian because it's sort of the received kit you get. But of course, you know, also kind of anything she heard sounds good. Yeah.

What if, what if she leaves that because her dad killed her with a bomb in her previous life? You know, we got a chance to drop him. Oh yeah, that's right. He's got a piece of his fuse watching her. He's like, whoops. Damn, see you again. My God's the good God, not the God who wrote all those things that are bad.

I really wonder why she said, like, I, you know, me and Jesus talked it over and like, I'm cool with him. It's like Megan, is he cool with you? Protestantism is such fucking voodoo. I'm just thinking I talked it over, Jesus, put a guy, I hate it, I hate it, but it's like, this turns me into a deus volt guy, but for a counter-reformation like this is no. This is just the pits.

No, no. American Protestantism is really like, hey, whatever you're doing, it's working. Yeah. Keep on. If you're like, yeah, if you're white, like you rock. So they travel around, they go to Prescott, Arizona and they hang out with her brother and shoot guns. Oh, okay.

And it's- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Now Michael Lee and Black's liberal and he was he shooting guns? He fired a gun. No. I know. No. And he talks about how weird it is and also kind of cool.

Yeah. It's just, it's like- God, it's redefining the terms of this whole debate. I know I'm seeing both sides of this. next paragraph, Muggle and Black. After I saw a cop, I thought about grabbing a service weapon. Well, no, I mean, like, I feel like this is what in the Trump era is being prescribed,

that we need to like hang out with people who are not like us and learn things. So then they shoot guns with their relatives and oh my God, he feels weird, he kind of liked it, but also guns are bad. She's like, yeah, guns are good. Once again, nothing has been learned, no point. Then they go to Vegas.

Megan talks about how much she loves Vegas. It's where she goes, it's her party town, which of course, she loves Vegas. But this is one of the most insane things, and I honestly wonder how this got in the book. So they go to the Zappos headquarters. You guys remember Zappos, the shoe mailing website, which apparently isn't Vegas.

And this is the entirety of one of Megan's sections on it. One of the main things I wanted to do with Michael when we're in Vegas is tour the Zappos headquarters. I'm a frequent user of the Zappos website to buy shoes and sometimes clothes. Although that is what I use Zappos to shop for, you can find a huge variety of things to purchase on the site that extend past shoes and jeans.

Everything the Zappos company touts itself to be is true. My shipments come when they're supposed to. It is easy to print out a return slip on their website, and the customer service is amazing. Probably the best I've ever encountered. Everything is simple and easy, and the people that I talked to about an order seemed happy to help me.

As weird as it sounds, it is really refreshing to do business with a company that seems to truly believe in customer service. For the record, I have no affiliation with Zappos other than as a customer. On top of that, Zappos CEO Tony C has established a substantial cult following as a result of the wild success of Zappos

and it's somewhat unorthodox business environment. Or depending on your perspective, the working environment, all other working environments should follow and replicate. His latest venture is to rejuvenate downtown Las Vegas where they are preparing to move their headquarters to the city hall building, which was slated to become a homeless shelter until Sey stepped in.

Oh yeah, whoa, thank God that didn't happen. He is a tepid. Don't know you don't buddy. He is attempting to reinvigorate Vegas in ways the city hasn't seen since Bugsy Siegel. Investing his own money. No, they say Bugsy, did they literally say this? Yeah, investing his own money and the time and talent

of his entire team in coming up with new ideas to pump fresh blood into the arena, into the area. Some say he is trying to create a new Silicon Valley right in the center of town. I say more power to him. That was just like cut and pasted from his Zappos press release. That's incredible. It rocks because it's like he displaced a homeless shelter.

He's the best thing since this murderous gangster from the 40 shot in the eye. Yep. Wow, wow, you're the Albert Anastasia of online commerce. Thank you. Murder.com, not murder. Dennis Lee. Dummy, dummy, dummy, dummy, dummy.

Murder.com. So they go to Salt Lake City from there and then pretend to be Mormon. Yeah, well, the thing is, you have to pretend to be Mormon to get into the temple, but they didn't even get to do that because the fucking because it's closed when they get there. I think they saw them come. They included that in the book.

The only holy people in America, the Mormons, saw this unholy alliance and had to protect their sanctuary. Yeah, but Mormons, I stand with you. But going to Salt Lake City makes Megan reflect on religion. Oh, great. I can't wait to hear your thoughts on this. So get this. I think it's the opiate of the masses,

but that's just me personally. So she's looking at all the happy, smiling Mormons and all the white, smiling Mormons in Salt Lake City. And she says, as I look around this rental place and see so many happy, shiny faces, I start to wonder if maybe this is the religion I'm missing. Maybe this is my church. I have had such a tumultuous relationship

with organized religion that I refer to myself as a liberal Christian. A term I stole from the wonderful Christian Chenoweth. In general, however, I am conflicted about many religious concepts. Much like my politics, there's a lot of room for gray. I enjoy going to church and have found much comfort in it. I pray every day, but I believe that all of us

are praying to the same divine force, the God that created us, looks over us and protects us. I don't believe that there is a right God and a wrong God, that one's religion's image of God is better than another. Then why are you a Christian? Why are you anything? I think everyone is praying to the same God. There's no right or wrong God.

It's all the same divine force that we as human beings connect with and commune with on some level, except, of course, for the false moon God that the Muslims worship. And if the choice is between this hokum and somebody who says, no, my God is the right God and everyone who believes in another God should be killed, I take the latter every time.

Literally anyone goes up and get like, I'm going with ISIS. I'm going with one of those weird Catholics. The magazine her husband runs and publishes? Yeah, no, I'm going with one of those weird Catholics who goes beast mode on their own body with a whip. I'm doing anything but this bullshit. I'm Zoroastrian, whatever. Even somebody who's Baha has to read this and think,

you're dumb as shit, lady. Yeah, even Unitarians are like, pick a side. Well, hold on a minute. There's one religious concept that Megan actually hates and is uncomfortable and says, Michael is an atheist. I don't understand atheism and this core difference between us strikes me as one of the most profound. I don't understand not having some kind of faith

in something or believing in some form of God. The absence of a higher power of some kind or that there being some kind of divine plan just doesn't make sense. Really? Nothing comes after this? Well, yeah, this is some serious shit here. This is like, this is CS Lewis right here. This is some real apologetics.

Really? Nothing comes after this? And there is nothing before this? I simply refuse to believe it. And I find atheists arrogant, arrogant and simple-minded. It's one of the few deal breakers when it comes to men I will date. No atheists, no atheists and no vegans. I'm still a red state girl at heart

and I like my man to eat red meat and love God. Shut the fuck up. Faith is such a huge part of my life that it is hard for me to conceive of what it's like for someone to get out of bed every morning and not have faith in their life. Faith is literally no part of your life. Because your God is okay with anything you do ever.

Yes, it's literally couldn't be less of a part of your life. Shut the fuck up. Wait, I just wanna say, her idea that, you know, oh, atheists don't believe in anything. You know, why do you get out of bed in the morning? Megan, I'd like to introduce you to something called the objectively true science of Marxist Leninism.

Seriously, get on that shit. This is Michael Ian Black. It's called the state, okay? Michael Ian Black should know about that. No way. Does Michael Ian Black say anything in this book or is all his lines just, uh-huh? No, he's in here, but he's even more boring

than her, it's just all liberal bullshit. He loves Obama, he doesn't like guns, he doesn't believe in God, you know, all this shit. It's all, you could guess what he's gonna say. But this goes back to something that Felix said about Protestantism, so they go from paganism. They go from Utah to Austin, Texas, and then they go to New Orleans.

Over the years, I've had extremely special and even life-changing experiences in New Orleans. The first time I got my heart badly broken, I had to be in New Orleans a few weeks later. While I was there still reeling, I skeptically visited a voodoo doctor who had been recommended to be my by airport cab driver. I don't really believe in psychics or fortune telling,

but I thought a voodoo doctor might be an interesting experience. I really don't think anything was going to happen, so why not give voodoo a try? At the very least, it would be a distraction from my broken heart. To my great shock, the doctor gave me such insight into my life and my recently ended relationship

that I truly can say I got closure, and my heart started to heal in New Orleans. Everything the voodoo doctor told me would later come true, and I found the experience unbelievably cathartic. Believe what you want, say what you will, the voodoo doctor gave me closure, and I will always be thankful for her for that. I have to think is when you talk to somebody really stupid,

you can solve all their problems and predict their future. That is the only magic, is that if you meet someone who's just a complete fucking doler and you're like, oh yeah, your relationship ended because you wanted to go to the farmer's market, and he wanted to watch Truck vs. Bear on Spike TV. And anyway, you're going to marry a guy who writes articles

about how female dog owners should be hung. And she's like, oh my god, it all came true. You bring that up, that passage there about her visiting the voodoo doctor and finding some sense of closure or meaning in it, probably half of the people employed by her husband would absolutely execute the voodoo doctor and then shave Megan's head for doing devilry. That fucking guy Matthew Dow talks about how it's like,

don't, it's not worth it. Matthew Walsh, Matthew Walsh, yeah. Do not do the Ouija board. Yoga, Ouija boards, it's not worth it. It's like, that's devil shit. Okay, that's insane, but you believe in something. Not only that, but like you believe in something, I mean, it's, you believe in stupid things,

but at least it's like stopping you from doing, like it asks something of you, like you actually can't do yoga or do whatever you, or do and think whatever you want to do at any given moment. Yes, that's- You can't be Christian and do voodoo. You have to pick one.

I'm not saying voodoo is bad, I'm saying you have to pick one. You have to pick one. The monotheism of the Bible is practical monotheism. It doesn't mean there's only one God. The Yahweh fought the Pharaoh's God. He was stronger. It means you have to pick one, you fucking idiot.

Holy shit. I fucking can't stand Protestants. No, it's the worst. American Protestants. They got, and it's the money that does it. It's just this fucking, it just turns. I can do whatever I want. It's like, hey, what's the thing that I can believe

so that I never feel bad for a moment of my life? I never have asked of anything. I never feel disquiet about my place in the universe. I never fear existentially for my death. That's why she believes in capitalism so much. And why she hates socialism. At least those like dour Norwegian Protestants, like kill each other over shit.

Like they're cool. They believe in something at least. This is just, she's not even trying. Well, eventually there was gonna be an argument between these two with their different views. So they went on a swamp tour. We'll look at Gators and such. And-

Hey, that sounds fun. Oh, a guy- Did they go on a fan boat? I'm imagining like the movie, The Butterfly Effect, how the future plays out if Megan gets sucked into the fan on the fan boat. Tragic mishap during the writing of America, you sexy bitch. I have to say, it's a lot of fun.

I've been out there- You were on the fan boat. Not on the fan boat. It was just like a regular boat. Nah, give me fan boat. I'm just picturing Matt in his swamp playing the accordion. Oh, isn't that- He's having the time of his life.

It's not a cool idea. You're propulsion by a giant fan. It's very acme, you know. No, it's cool, but I didn't do that. I just like threw the marshmallows and saw the Gators. It was nice. Wait, you threw the marshmallows? Yeah, you throw marshmallows at them

and they come up and you look- They love marshmallows. They're doing this, they're talking about healthcare. Oh, okay. Which according to Megan is the two issues where he is the most conservative and she is the most conservative and he's the most liberal.

Even though I'm pretty sure there's a brick wall in my future, we start discussing Obamacare on the bus and the way to the swamp tour. Michael's argument starts with Republicans being heartless and that we all need to give a little more for the common good and that healthcare should be free to every American. I naturally feel like Uncle Scrooge when I start say

that universal healthcare would bankrupt this country if enacted into law. Of course, I think all Americans should have access to healthcare. However, the concept of free healthcare is unrealistic. I wish I could be so idealistic as to think that if we all just gave a little more, then everyone would have the same level

of amazing healthcare, but it's just not that simple. It makes me feel like I come off sounding heartless when in reality, I think I'm simply being pragmatic about the kind of world we live in and what our country can afford. You sound pragmatic as fuck. Anyway, let me guide you through this Gator-infested swamp. Yeah, no.

Worse than Ebenezer Scrooge. Ebenezer Scrooge was at least a competent businessman. Hahaha. Gorgeous, someone who was so rich. She had a fucking like 50, $80,000 credit line. Yeah. For a pairs man, she probably still has it. Yeah, and this is, by the way,

this is the nut of her actual objection to healthcare. We can't afford it. It's too expensive. I mean, we know that's not true. I mean, everyone listening to this knows all the fucking... There was money to pay for this book deal. Yeah. Like...

But I mean, we also know. I mean, then the fucking Coke Brothers-funded think tank just came out with a fucking study saying over a 10-year period, universal healthcare would save like $2 trillion over the baseline of what we're gonna end up spending on healthcare, just as it exists. By the way, all her shit about like,

we just can't afford it in America. Like all this water-headed shit goes back right to what she said on the view about socialism where like, Joy Behar was like, wow, I don't know. Like, you know, Norway, Finland, they have free healthcare. They're working pretty good for them.

You hear Joy Behar all the time. I love it. And Megan's response to that was it is... She was like, you know, she was like, it is... I'm sorry. It is literally delusional to compare a tiny European country to America and think that we could do that here.

All of her arguments for like, America is just too big for socialism, cuts the exact opposite way. Well, of course. There's more fucking money in this country. Like, it's easier to do socialism on a large scale because there's more money and we have our own currency. And as I've said before, the biggest obstacle

that we wouldn't have to deal with is this country's foreign policy. Fucking us up. Yeah. Well, so she says instead of doing that, we should do tort reform. That would make things more affordable. Oh, God, okay.

Fuck you. Fuck you. And then she says, the idea of universal health care seems very much like a first step towards radically socializing medicine in a country that is too large and complicated to support such a drastic boost. No, no. Shut the fuck up.

Yes. I will concede that insurance and pharmaceutical companies are making money hand over fist, but I do not think we can penalize big business for doing what our democratic capitalist system is designed to do. Also, take into consideration that much of that money goes back into research and improving the outstanding level

of care that we are in. That's the Megan McCauley line. Yeah, your dad's still alive. I hate it. No, but this is good. Improving the outstanding level of care that we already have. The we in that sentence is what matters.

Yeah. We, meaning her. Yeah, you know how she gets access to it. You know how my dad can float on the ceiling like Baron Harkonnen and he's been dying for seven years? Yeah, no, I know that you have to pay like $3,000 a month. And even when you get care, it doesn't cover it. And it's the biggest single cost.

It's not deductible from your taxes even. But look, my dad has a seven year long dying period. We all have to mourn my dad. Like we're just keeping him alive somehow. We're just pumping oxygen into his rotting green blood all the time. He'll never go away. You're welcome.

Well, she asked why should an award-winning hospital like the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, Arizona have to risk becoming less of a leader in finding new solutions to medical problems by making it cater to anyone who walks in the door? Yeah, you wouldn't want that. You wouldn't want just anyone who's dying. By the way, having doctors in Cuba

who literally just cured AIDS and infants. Yeah, you fucking scumbag. I think it's pretty telling. Just that phrase, anyone who walks in the door. She walked into the fucking door of life. Yeah. You just showed up. You just fucking showed up.

And now I have to see you for the rest of my life. You did nothing. You did nothing. You went on a fucking road trip. You went on a fucking road trip. That's your qualification. OK, you say this. You better not ever see her and say that to her

because, buddy, you're in trouble. She says to Michael, at the end of the day, there's nothing in this world that comes free. And Michael replies, it's not like you could ever understand not having health care. This is not the way to argue with me. I've spent a significantly large part of my life trying to combat any bullshit poor little rich girl

couldn't possibly understand real life stereotypes. And I'm in no mood to do so with Michael on a damp bus on its way to the swamp. That's tea, sis. Sis, don't say anything like that when you meet my father. I'm still trying to explain to him exactly who you are. I say, even though I know it's argument and murder, there will be no words.

Her father married her mother, who was a rich beer heiress. He didn't do anything for his money, either. That's how he got his political career funded. He left his first wife for the money. After his first wife got sick, by the way, what a compassionate guy John is. What a great family. Don't give me that.

What the fuck? Well, is she going to talk about when she was in college? Is that it? Is that it? Is she going to talk about when she lived in a shitty apartment, watching her life? What's the large chunk of your life? What a fucking planet.

No credit card. Nothing. Well, what I like about that, she has to expand on it. There's nothing. So what she says there. She's just saying that you're supposed to take for granted that she's worked hard to combat stereotypes about a town that was rich.

It's like when people try to argue with me by saying, yeah, Megan, maybe you don't understand what it's like to not have health care. Or maybe the things you take for granted aren't widely shared. The prosperity that you take for granted is not as widely shared as you'd imagine. And you don't know that because you're a clueless rich person who hasn't earned or done

anything in their life. She says, I've spent my whole life getting angry at that. And I've worked very hard to combat it. Yeah. And then, OK. And then it just. Excuse me. She's a blogger, sir.

What she's saying there is that argument really makes me mad. And I wish people wouldn't do it. Yeah. Next. Moving on. Because she's blogged. OK. She blogged.

Yeah, she went on MSNBC in 2008 and said, gay people kind of not bad. Awesome. So she's saying, yeah, that line about how, which would lead someone to say, imagine if the Mayo Clinic just had to serve anybody. And she says, that really annoys me. And you shouldn't use that argument.

So it's just like saying, yeah, you know the argument that's the most effective moral case for why I'm a nitwit who doesn't know what I'm talking about? Don't use that argument around me. It makes me mad. This is the boss fight. This is when the weak point of the boss starts glowing red.

Except every part of her is the weak point. I just, oh, anyone can walk. You want that world? Yeah. Oh my god. You want a world where just anybody gets top of the line cancer treatment? I just, I see why people spend so much time

like trying to rehabilitate Stalin online, honestly, man. Yeah, no. Fucking honestly, bro. The lure of the gulag is very, very strong. Oh my god. You just want to, you hate to see it. You want to see this person in prison. Yeah.

You hate to read it. You know, you guys are getting very class worry right now. You're getting very hostile towards the job creators and producers in the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But have you considered Elvis as a rejoinder of that? No, I have not. Well, he was born poor and he became very wealthy.

So they went to Memphis and they go to Graceland and they tour Graceland and they explain, you know, what it's like. They're all of real America. Yeah, exactly. So they're looking at all of his amazing stuff at Graceland, all of his opulence. His 80 Cadillacs.

Yeah, exactly. I don't know exactly what it is about Elvis, other than that he was the first of his kind and changed music and American culture forever. But there's something about him that appeals to every generation, yes, of whites. I think the latter part of his life, when he went through hardships with prescription drugs

and weight gain, is obviously sad, but it doesn't make him any less of a legendary icon. It just makes the lengths that support people go to, support people go to, to enable celebrities egregiously tragic. And why do they do it? I guess to be more around famous people and steal some of their wealth.

As I stand in the middle of the gold leaf heaven, I find it ironic that the people on tour are here in their t-shirts and flip flops, as much to worship the excesses of a very wealthy man as they are at his talents. Given a choice, they'd probably take the money over the music. This hypocrisy hits hard the day after my dinner conversation defense last night.

The anti-wealth trend is on the uptick. Evident everywhere you turn. Look at Occupy Wall Street. Look at the way Mitt Romney has been treated during this election cycle, with his wealth perceived by many on the left as a liability. Being wealthy or coming from substantial means is not lauded in America today, as it was in Elvis' day.

This is obviously a wealthy disconnect in this country. And yet, yeah, that's what we call it, a wealth disconnect. And yes, Wall Street has screwed a lot of people in middle America. But what concerns me is the new edict that you should be embarrassed by personal wealth and success. This is what continues to worry me about the Obama administration.

The spread the wealth around feeling will always be one of the biggest alerts around what kind of political ideology our president adheres to. We should encourage hard work and success, and not publicly scorn people once they get there. Even some of those who grew up without wealth can too easily forget where they came from. I do not flaunt my family's wealth,

because well, only a spoiled asshole would do that. But I also don't feel like, I also don't like feeling like it's something I need to hide or be embarrassed about. God forbid you ever feel uncomfortable or embarrassed or ever anything, ever, any sort of debt or connection to another human being that requires you to have anything. This goes back to her personal relationship with Jesus,

where Jesus was like, you know what, Megan? You rock. You rock. You shouldn't be embarrassed by all your wealth. God appeared in a burning bush to her and said, keep doing what you're doing. By the way, here's an explanation to Megan of the American health care system,

she might understand. The health insurance companies are to Americans as the colonel was to Elvis. You know that guy who was a wealth creator who managed Elvis by stealing all of his money and letting him kill himself with drugs? Tom Parker. Yeah.

That is what health insurance is in America. Here's another analogy you might, you know. And also, I'm sorry, Elvis actually did have talent. He was a great performer. Yeah. And he was poor. Yeah. Here's another analogy she might get for health insurance.

Imagine there's a pilot and he just can't seem to get through a flight. He just can't even seem to land the plane. Sometimes he can't even take it off, but they keep giving him planes. For some reason, they just keep giving him chances. I don't think Megan has to feel bad about her wealth. There's a lot of other things she should feel bad about,

her beliefs, her level of intelligence, her personality, her lack of accomplishments. I do agree that the tax code is out of control, but I also believe in a free market system where checks and balances come into play. I apparently, it was one of the few people not offended by Mitt Romney's comments that he enjoyed firing people who didn't do a good job working

for him. I don't understand why that was perceived as such a shocking thing to say. America is a capitalistic society. If you do a bad job, you should not be able to keep it. Oh, alternatively, if you do a good job, you should be promoted. None of this seems particularly controversial to me,

but to a lot of people it is. Megan goes on rap genius after a Capitol Steps show to figure out all the references that go over her head. I love the thing about fire. When has Megan ever been anyone's boss at a profitable enterprise? Is she just talking about when she complains to people's managers?

Yes, I love that. Getting waiters fired, getting landscapers fired, getting pool boys fired. Oh man, this trip, this trip they went on, it was probably like to fucking General Sherman's march to the sea, but for service employees. Just everyone, everyone they came across, she was like, let me talk to someone who's above you.

Just salting the earth. She single handedly raised the unemployment rate by like two digits. Yeah, that's why there was no Obama recovery. She got everyone fired. Everyone fired. I do like this, if you do a good job, you should be promoted, or if you just show up

and you're Megan McCain, you should be promoted. And you go from MSNBC to The View because they want one young conservative who doesn't want to hang gay people. They can keep pumping this idea that there is young, cool, nice people out there who also believe in everything the Republican Party does.

But she's not even, she's a nasty piece. It's like, she's like John McCain. But she's dumber than McCain because McCain could do like the, he could play the game where it's like, oh, well, you know, sometimes I eat too many darts on the campaign trail, but he's in reality just a nasty piece of shit. Oh, he's awful.

And his mask would slip sometimes. But it just, he calls, she half ass is putting on her mask. He called her mom the C word in public. He did, which is reporters. So she goes, she talks about global warming at one point. And apparently that's a problem. Both parties have a problem with that because Republicans refuse to exist

and Democrats use celebrities to talk about it. So they're both equally at fault. I agree. I agree. And then she goes to Branson, Missouri. I wish she visited Branson from E1. And he had a certain device with him that makes a word noise, his favorite device.

And this is actually my favorite quote in the whole book, is that she goes to Branson and she and Michael see Yakov Smirnoff's special show. Hell yes. They go and see Yakov Smirnoff do his thing. And I actually think he's closed to his theater since then. So this was like towards the end of his run there. And he got, she got him fired from his own theater.

She did scathingly review the show. She called, she called the ice. Or this is unacceptable. I paid $33 for this. So she sees Yakov Smirnoff and it's a terrible show. Please explain to me how a television could watch me. It's a terrible show. It's a show he's been doing basically verbatim

for 20 years at this point. And it's a lot of, it's a lot of sentimentality and cheap patriotism. And it really, it gives, it gives Megan a, the closest thing to like an existential moment or identity crisis in the whole book. The rest of it is just her keeping on, keeping on. So she sees Yakov and she says,

there's nothing per se wrong with Yakov's comedy. It just feels like somebody retelling his stories about a better time in his career. Yakov, for whatever reason, has not exactly evolved with the times. And every time- She's in fucking Branson. It's like a time capsule there.

And it's also like, I'm mad at her for critiquing Yakov. At least he made something. Yeah, no, he's never done anything. He came to this country from the Soviet Union and he fucking had like three jokes. He gave a comedy sensation. What would she have done in that situation? Well, in Soviet-

She would have just died. She would have died of exposure. In Soviet Union, Megan McCain doesn't exist. So she's like, wow, this is really, this is really cheesy. It's very, very bad. She says, I hate the term has been because I think it often cruel and unfair generalization. But that is how the majority of people

would probably describe Yakov and his show at this moment. I spent a lot of time giving speeches, mostly at college campuses. Giving speeches and entertaining an audience is one of the best and most flattering things I am asked to do. But at the same time, it is also indescribably difficult and draining.

Engaging a roomful of college students about the future of the Republican Party and trying to make it funny and edgy at the same time is truly one of the hardest things I have tried to master. So I just give up. Tried, meaning that although I think I am good, I can't believe she thinks she's good. I don't think I'm done evolving as a speaker.

Either way, it is something I take extremely seriously and consider one of the greatest honors of my life. Like Yakov, I stand in front of a roomful of people telling my story. Her story of my dad was a senator. I love that one of the greatest honors of my life. I love this. This is just such like American bullshit language.

Like the thing when something good happens to you and you're like, I'm so humbled. Like you don't know what any of this means. No, your honor was when you were just born into millions of ill-gotten gains and gifted them before you even lifted a finger and then never did anything for the rest of your life and just gifted into us seeing your fucking shitty face forever.

That was your honor. That was the greatest honor you ever received. So this is the last part. So she says that to kind of make the connection between her and Yakov. We both talk to people for a living. Yeah, he's better at it, he at least did it on his own merits.

We share our story. His story of fleeing one country for another and building a new life and a comedy career. Her story of shooting out of a wealthy womb and just being gifted an entire life of privilege and media access. God, I hate her. Those comparably compelling stories.

So then she says, as I leave the theater in a daze, strolling back to the lobby with my happy chatting planet up ahead of me, all my pre-show exuberance is gone. My admiration for the patriotic paintings vanished. When we get outside, Michael and Stephanie can tell something is up. They can both read me pretty well. It is not exactly that I didn't like the show,

which I didn't really. I had been to not good or great shows and speeches before. I think there was something about the desperation and dated feeling of Yakov's show that made me get down. It was sad. I wanted to know what happened to his career. I wanted to know how one had such a large following and then ends up desperately hawking swag

to small audiences in Branson, Missouri. Yakov once appeared on Johnny Carson and made him laugh. And now he's stuck wringing laughs and money out of people's nostalgia and patriotism. He's flogging the same story of his American dream that he has made his name on. What if that's me? What if I am Yakov Smirnov?

Don't worry. You'll never lose millions of Meghan McCain fans. Don't worry about it. Never worry about it. Please. Well, that's how delusional she is. She thinks it's a comparable situation where she has to maintain an engaged audience

and a perspective and insights to keep people interested, as opposed to just being dragged along by the tender hooks of her family's money and her name. Yeah, no, you're just, you're a fucking half-dead jellyfish floating through, just floating along the beach. And she's like, wow, I don't know how long I can be the world's fastest swimmer. She's like Drake.

She's like, man, when you're on top, everyone's coming for you. Like, no, she is. She's like, damn, it's so, God, I had to grind for this view. How am I gonna keep this up? Yeah, she's just born. Damn, I had to grind for this view.

And then she ends up going to Washington, DC, and of course, meeting her dad and having a nice dinner with Senator McCain. And Michael Ian Black? Yes. And now, and nothing is learned. No one, no one changes their minds. No synthesis has been achieved.

Just this absolute waste of everyone's time. All right, so hear me out here. What if we ran a river through the part of Arizona she was born in to just completely wipe it off the map? I mean, it's constyle. What do you think about that? I think emptying the entire state of Arizona of human habitation would be a good start.

No, I like Arizona. I think it's like an interesting place. No one should live there though. Come on. So what? No one should live here. It sucks here. No, I just think her birthplace

should be wiped off the map personally. It's hard to run a river through Arizona, but to paraphrase Michael Ian Black and Meghan McCain, this is the greatest darn country on earth. We can do whatever we want. Dibble, dibble, dibble, dibble, dibble, dibble, dibble. I went in the car and I saw all the things that make America difficult, but wait.

We disagree on something, but we just love this country. At the end of the day, the most important thing is that nothing you do is ever wrong and nothing you believe is ever at odds with anything you see and you never have to change anything. I went to the West one with the old senator. He was just kidding, five money to buy me chicken tundish. Fucking ablam, fucking idiots.

I mean, again, even if it wouldn't pay for health care and education for every single human being in this country, just as a matter of principle, there shouldn't like you should have like us like we should cap out people's money. Like I'm going to be generous and say just 10 million dollars. I think we should just cap people after hearing this shit. I was like in a bad mood today,

but it's like this just made it worse. Really, Felix? This this is what we can't have nice things for. This is what we have to live in misery for. No, but like this is the argument against socialism that she's making, is that we cannot possibly have universal health care because it would it would take away

from all the other things that are good. Like it would very slightly inconvenience me or make me feel guilty or responsible for even like a millisecond. Yeah, it would it would it would make me part of something bigger than myself. It would make me accountable to others. And that's just not that's just not happening, folks.

That's canceled. That's T. It's canceled to ever feel any level of discomfort or anything. Like you just you're fine. Everything's fine. Everyone else is a problem. Eternal sunshine of Megan's mind. Yeah, so just a pointless life of a pointless family, a pointless book just done with it. I have to go frag out with Chad. I can't take this.

All right, I have to frag out in Tilted Towers. I'm very excited before we sign off. There's two plugs. Let's do it. We all love the plugs on August 9th at the Well in Brooklyn. Come see us. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez and a whole bunch of comedians at a fundraiser for Julia Salazar. Yeah, Alexandria Cortez will be doing a cover of Eddie Murphy.

Raw. Where the leather suit again? That's August 9th at the Well. Your tickets are available. The link will be in the description of this episode. It's going to be a hoot in a holler. The other one and plug number two. You if you have not done so already and you would like to read our Tales of Weirdness and Madness

in the Chapo Trap House presents Tales from the Dark Looking Glass. You have until this Friday, this Friday, August 3rd to take advantage of the free e-book offer. Again, if you would like to have read four original short stories written by the minds behind Chapo Trap House, send the receipt of your preorder of the Chapo Guide to Revolution to chapobookatgmail.com. Or do you know what?

If you ask your local library to stock the book, I think we'll take that too. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So, yeah, go out, ask your local library to stock the book. A few people reached out to us who are librarians. Shout out to librarians as a very noble career, much like being Senator Eris and said that right now is the time that libraries are making their decisions about what books to stock.

You want them to have this weird and vaguely pornographic political book on your library shelf. Now's the time to ask them. Oh, yeah, final plug. Middle Gear Solid Stream starts this Thursday. I promise this time. Oh, baby. No promises. We were talking about Yom Kippur before we started recording.

You know why Yom Kippur is so important? It's the only day you can mend broken promises because even God himself can amend them. You got to do it person to person. So I'm making a promise this time. I think I'm going to want to get in on that at some point. That sounds interesting. I guess you cleaned up all the cans at his desk.

What time is it? What time is the Metal Gear thing on Thursday? You guys want to do it like what, like seven? I could do it after the evening would be better. I would prefer to move on Friday. So it's a fucking nightmare. But anyway, I will be there for us. All right. Has anybody ever said epic Nom Kippur? No, they did for the first time, and I love it.

Can you say it's more off air so I can enjoy it? Yeah, I will give you a few for the ride back. Yom Kippur beast mode, everybody. All right, good night. Bye. Bye.