Chapo Trap House - Episode 234 - Congrat's (8/5/18)

Episode Date: August 6, 2018

​Papa Menaker is away moving this weekend, so three of his chocolate-smeared children are allowed to get their grubby little mitts all over the pod. Matt, Felix and Amber congratulate Apple for becoming the first trillion dollar company, Paul Manafort for his impeccable fashion sense, and Obama for turning 57 this week. To celebrate Obama's birthday we read from "Hope Never Dies: An Obama Biden Mystery" and try not to succumb to the deep depression it induces.

Hello everybody, can you hear that silence? Silence is the absence of Will Menekar in Virgil, Texas, who are moving in together because they're married. Gotcha, you're not here to rebut that. We have today me, Felix Biedermann, Matt Crisman, and Amber Ailey Frost. Yep. It's a weird permutation. We've never done this permutation.

Anything could happen. Yeah, I wasn't prepared for this permutation. Honestly, I was up till 6.30 AM last night. I was playing duos with Andrew because I didn't get a single win, and I had to stay up till I got a win. And you know what they say, sometimes it's not your night, your week, or even your year. But I've got a new white wrap to start us off, to get us in the mindset. We're ready.

You guys ready? Yeah. This is how a white backpack rapper would rap about, uh, he would incorporate Fortnite into his music. My girl got knockers like it's fork knife. My blade is a lull, I'll call it a pork knife. Playing with Naseem to lab called my black swan dive. All right, we're ready.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm pumped up now. That's right. It works. It works. Get ready for this fucking podcast Hindenburg that's about to explode all over your eardrums, because we have no idea how this is going to work. Uh, hi, everybody.

Fuck. Well, none of us know how to do this harder than a little fat chocolate smeared children. And he is our stern father who keeps us on the path by, by, by being disciplined and reading a strew Elpeter and scaring by the way, it's utterly sexist to say that I ever keep anyone in line. By the way. Yeah. Yeah.

No, you're just another one of the grubby urchins running around will absolutely. Oh, it's not urchins. I like to think of it. It is like will is our stern, younger father. Yes. And we have a Bavarian mom, so we're naturally like little chocolate boys and our dads in the Franco Prussian war. Yeah.

And we're worried. Where is papa? Can I have more sweets? So papa is gone and he's like, I can't wait to send you to artillery school. We're all utters, but also with like weird bad habits, like pyromaniac. Yeah. Yes, yeah, we're, we're like Ralph Wiggum and Uter were fused together in the Brundle fly machine.

The duality of crowds. That's the title of today's episode, man. It's like fucking me. It's not even just fucking amazing that we have like a show that's successful. It's amazing that like, you know, I haven't burned down the building I live in. Yeah. I'm my identity stolen every day to death, like by putting down a cigarette. Yeah.

I am. I thought it would go out. I'm dead now, I honest, honestly, I'm shocked that you lived for a year in that Rockabilly building without doing a Chris Benoit and everyone else who lives there. Well they didn't have a fitness room. They sort of planned ahead for me. That would be so inconvenient just dragging them down in the elevator that didn't work in that building to the Bowflex.

Oh my God. Can you imagine logistic? I mean, it's not surprising. I would have given up giving up some of my favorite things dude like massacre started never completed, no, giving up is insanely underrated. I love giving up rules. There are a lot of things that, you know, you get even less than halfway through and you're like, this is a bad idea.

And yet the kind of American mindset is like, no, you will get the white whale. Yeah. Take up stupid. Yeah. Don't do that. You should quit certain things. Well, I've actually, I've literally done this where I quit something so early, I quit at quitting and I see the task through, I just like missed time.

I quit. That's what happens in the Metal Gear stream. Like the audio didn't work and I like, I was like immediately after I was like, fuck this, we're never going to fucking do this, this will never fucking work. But I had quit so early that I was like, fuck quitting. I'm going to see this through and then it worked. It would have been more work to slow the momentum. Exactly.

Exactly. So that's like to any athletes out there. Remember what coach teller Friday night light said? What did he say? He said, every man will have a fight in his life. He'll have a fight that he loses, but what's important is that he doesn't lose himself. So we're going to lose this episode, but we're not going to lose ourselves. Now we're going to go down guns blazing.

Absolutely. It's, it's a noble death, a martyr's death. Yeah. I'm going to be like slim pickings on the back of a nook. Hell yes. Okay. So we, because Will's not here, we have very little prepared. We didn't really think about this at all.

We're going to, we're going to planers no, we just show up, but we do have a few subjects to talk about this week before, before we put this out here and then hope that the show still goes afterwards. And today we wanted to wish a few people congratulations. I think that's maybe the theme for this week's show is just congratulating a few of our favorite people and institutions in this country for the great job they're doing three in mind, the first being Tim Cook and Apple, which this week became the first company in history to have a market valuation of $1 trillion.

It's difficult to overstate how much money that is. It's like when you go to see the Grand Canyon, except it's, instead of being overwhelmed by the, by the scope and the beauty of it, it's just, it's just a giant pile of evil. It's really difficult to fathom $1 trillion. Yeah. It's like one of those ancient cigarettes made of human corpses. It's astounding. It's 2000 times 1 billion.

That's a little math for you. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Is that true or did you just make that up? No, that's, no dude. That's true. I was in the advanced math. That's nuts.

But yeah. Now it's an insane amount of money and Amber, as you pointed out, they hide it all in Ireland. Well also, who's the company started by? The company was started by someone who tried to stop the rapidly dividing cells in his body from suicide bombing his life by douching with Capri sons. It's completely, it's completely baffling that people aren't constantly talking about how stupid this man was. It's sort of noble because Steve Jobs, like you imagine that like he was at Bohemian Grove

and they were like, we have like seven infant spines we can give you. Yeah. And he's like, I'm putting cucumbers over my eyes. I am fine. Yeah. That we aren't always talking about how stupid and insane, incredibly rich, so-called visionaries on is, I mean, I think it's kind of a reflection of our simpering piety in some ways. I think it's sort of a throwback.

I think it's very futile. I mean, who is the Chinese emperor who thought if he took small doses of mercury every day, it would make him immortal? Oh, that was Sun Tzu Machiavelli. Of course. He wrote, he wrote the book Arter War, Outer War, the first sci-fi novella. And I was talking about this last night with Angela and she's like, you know, they pay like 0.002% of attacks in Ireland because they hide it all in like shell companies in

Ireland because Ireland, like, it skipped industrialization. It went from sheep and bog to Silicon Valley with nothing in the middle. Yeah, no factories. And they like, oh, their liberal class loves it too. And they're like, we're modern as they're getting just fucking fucked by tech. And the second- We're like a real European country now. It's like you fucking losers.

Kill them. Kill them and take their money. And like the last financial crisis, it just fucking hosed them because it was the only only, they turned it into their only big industry, like as a tax shelter and like secondary great financial city outside of London. And after that, they're like, well, this can literally never happen again. Yeah. Which is to rely on it even more.

They have one of those tax policies that usually only like formally colonized Caribbean island nations with like 30 people on them have. Well, that's what they are, though. Where they sell passports, where they sell passports to like pickup artists so that they can hide their bank accounts. I mean, I know, you know, they're easy to make fun of and all and they're white and such, but they are colonial. They were colonially oppressed.

They are basically the same as those Caribbean nations. They were taken over by the British and gutted and destroyed. And now they're just trying to rub a few bucks together using the financial sector as they're kindling. It's so fascinating. It is fascinating. It is legitimately fascinating how much the liberals are vulnerable to insecurities. Like obviously, there's a lot of, you know, backlash against like tech exploitation among

the Irish who are actually have, I think, better class politics generally than Americans. But their liberals are just so obsessed with like being a modern country. They've completely internalized, I guess, what the English thought of them was just like a bunch of like bog people that were like civilized slightly by the Catholic Church. Well, I blame Angela's ashes because if anyone remembers that book, it was the Oprah pick. No one remembers that. Everyone remembers that book. I would hope so.

It was a huge, huge hit. Well, we're not all overwatchers like you. And it was in the biggest book in America for a while, and it was just about these sootsmeared orphans in limerick dying of pelagra or whatever. And it was, I think a lot of the Irish people were like, no, we're not going to let that happen. We're going to turn this place into a tech haven, and then they're not going to be laughing at us when we all have like, you know, LED screens in our dank pubs.

But no, they're fine now. They have the tech shelters, and they also have a red hot real estate market. And as we all know, that is a ticket to nonstop and ever expanding wealth. Nothing but fire economy, just skip any kind of production whatsoever, obliterate like any kind of protection you might have for your ever expanding service sector. It's just all fire economy, just real estate. You can, I mean, their rent crisis is as bad as ours. Yeah.

Financial as capital. And you pay that much to live in Dublin. It's basically a farm. Financial as capitalism is so awesome that it invented global real estate bubbles somehow. But that's the most amazing shit I've ever. It's pretty impressive because fucking incredible because people will like commute from Madrid to Dublin or something like that. For a long, long time, it was absolutely unimpeachable, received wisdom that there was no such thing

as even within one country, a single housing market, that there are only regional markets, and that there was, you couldn't have like an entire country have a bubble or whatever. And they're like, fuck that, we'll see you that and create an entire world real estate market. Never done before. You know, you think about it. It's so Irish to wake up late, sleep through industrialization, and then just show up on the job of financial life of the hyper financialized age, be like, what?

I was here. What? What are you talking about? I clocked in. Look, I understand it though. God bless him. Yeah. I want to go to and have a very deep, complicated relationship and inferiority complex and resentment

of the UK and the center of European finance capital is right there in London. They got that big pickle, you know, the big green pickle town, the Pickle Rick building. British people love it when you call it that. And they look at that. They're like, fuck, I want to want to dump. Yeah. I want to want to dam in Dublin. They got the Stiffy on the Liffey, that big spike in the middle, which is nice because

you can never get lost in the 30 square speed of Dublin with that thing right in the middle. Yeah. I actually do love Dublin. It is literally a city full of the best people at the bar. You walk around it and then you honestly get the impression that all the buildings are made of gingerbread. Oh, it's adorable. Like you could just start nibbling on them at any time.

It's deeply adorable. Yeah. It's very adorable. And we make fun of them for everything, but they're lovely people, shockingly attractive. I mean, they age poorly. It's like they go to bed silly and Murphy and wake up like Steve Bannon, but, but, but very cute, very charming, always very like it is weird as a New Yorker to go to Dublin and be like, oh, people just like talk to you at the bar here.

Yeah, that's true. That was weird. That was a weird experience. It's just like, they're just genuinely benevolent and friendly. And then it reaches a certain hour of the night and they start shoving each other. It's a great time. And they've been nice enough to help create this unprecedented tech behemoth now that was created, as we said, by the juice, the juice man, Steve Jobs, juice world.

And I think that the question of like, how could we have to think he's, it's the same thing. Reason people insist that Donald Trump is a good businessman. It's like, yes, the juice man had to have been a genius because otherwise, then this whole thing is just a push button, you know, exploitation apparatus that any oath, if they're in the right time and place can take advantage of someone saying, what if we made it smaller? Yeah. And I don't wonder if there's no buttons on it.

And it's like, well, the button idea is nice, but the real, the real place where the margins come in is creating the suicide net slave army to build the shit. That's where you actually make the money, not deciding that they shouldn't have a fucking button on it. But those things have to be the product of like a will, you know, they have to, it is it's futile and it's even deeper than that. It's like, it's like, it's, it's like the original, you know, civilizations were with the God emperor, where we're, you know, no one who, who had a building that big and,

and could command armies at large could be just a mere regular asshole. Again, we don't feel, you know, admiration for these people. We feel like piety for them. Oh, absolutely. And of course, the Elon Musk thing is the, is the Neoplas Ultra of that. This guy who not only is a genius, but will, according to a lot of his fans, literally save civilization. They have put all of their hopes for the, the survival of this species on the pickle

Rick billionaire, like the reddit, the reddit mean guy, the epic bacon billionaire is in their minds. The only thing standing between us and annihilation. I mean, how do you even get out of the bed in the morning? If you actually thought that you, you think, wow, wow, this climate change looks pretty scary. Uh, might be a problem. And then you look at Elon Musk, uh, tweeting, you know, uh, fucking links to big bang theory

episodes that he really likes. And you go, oh, we're going to be okay, folks. We're going to do it. Well, it's the, the Kevin Phillips thing that the, the deeper we go, the more we become a feudal society. And this is just, this is perfect. It's, it's, it's perfect because we can't actually name anything that Elon Musk has ever done that we think is impressive because you actually look at it.

Okay. He made an electric car, but it costs $489,000 and it's like constantly recalled and fucks up all the time. He like worked with some other asshole to like come up with a credit card processing system online, basically. And then everything else is purely theoretical, but because he is the anointed science, epic science guy, he's going to fix it. Same with Steve Jobs.

Steve Jobs is like, he didn't invent a lot of shit. He invented the dumbest shit in the world, which is being a tech executive who takes LSD and is like, oh my God, I saw God and he taught me how to increase efficiency. But you know, he mostly just benefited off the creations of other people and then was like, I invented this. Well, interesting thing about this though is like whatever on the geopolitical, you know, finance like landscape or whatever is the EU, you know, that that great, uh, you know, advocate of workers, the European Union actually intervened and told Ireland, no,

you have to make them pay taxes to you. And Ireland was like, no, you don't understand. He really loves me. It didn't come. Yeah. Yeah. They're just a battered wife. Yeah.

And I mean, there is some popular like opposition to this, obviously among the Irish, but they are not in play in this at all. It's just, it's just an argument between, uh, the EU and like Irish liberal capitalists while everyone else hopes that the like more sustainable form of capitalism wins. Well, it's, it is, it's the perfect vehicle for neo feudalism because what has less accountability to any popular will than just completely made up money. What can you even do? You can't do shit.

It doesn't really matter how many Irish people hate it. Yeah. They just, what are you going to do? We moved the decimal point along. We decided that this decimal point doesn't belong here. We entered a few things on the spreadsheet. Now you have, you know, $4 trillion park here that is sort of liquid, but also sort of totally made up.

Uh, you can borrow against it to make these buildings that look like they're a background in Halo two that are just going to crumble or just filled with empty units. Enjoy. It's just very sad. You can't do anything about it. There's no people's advocate in this. There's no institution of, you know, of the Irish working class that has literally any, any say in this whatsoever.

Well, I mean, that's, that's all of us. I mean, we, we have, we just don't have countervailing institutions. It's they're going to run and buck wild. Yeah. But it's sadder when it happens to them than us because they're nicer than us. The thing, uh, they won't be after enough time of this, you know, Americans in 15 years. I mean, the, you know, the other thing about it is, and the liberals, by the way, the Irish liberal capitalists would hear that and be like, yeah, we're going to be Americans in

15 years. Oh, enjoy it guys. It's going to be great for you, but, uh, it's a little thing called, uh, uh, golden corral. Yeah. Look forward to, you know, no longer having sex or drinking at all and just, you know, applying highlighter all night and, and taking Instagram photographs of yourself. I will say though that it'll be nice to be able to go there and be able to get free

refills on soda. That is a genuine, uh, American innovation that I do appreciate whenever I not have access to it. The sequel to Angela's is the only thing you're anti-nanny state about what? No, it's just, I'm not, I just, you go to a foreign country and you ask for a soda and they give you like a shot glass with no ice and it costs the four euros or whatever and you don't get another one is just, just give me a, just give me the big, public glass filled with coke and then give me another one and then maybe one more dessert when they become

Americans. Uh, Angela's ashes becomes Angela's headphones and it's just a tale of a bunch of like shitty to adolescence being like, you stole my headphones, dude, you're so fucking gay. It's still 900,000 pages. They develop a secondary economy just based on girls doing their eyebrows on YouTube. People in the British Isles love, oh my God, that is, that's going to be their fallback when the next financial crisis is going to be YouTubing eyebrow tutorials. They have some fucking, just boomerangs, just fucking boomerangs.

What are they doing? It's a mate. Like, yeah, it's, it's, it's like a racing stripe. I don't know what happened in the British. I don't know if it's like a ghost of colonialism or something, but I have no idea. It's, it's, but it is fascinating to like walk into like a London pub and see a bunch of girls like just completely, uh, Joan Crawford it out while drinking like watery warm lager. Just it, it's fucking boomerangs above their eyeballs.

I don't know. And then just, they still do fake tan there. Like it's 2003. It's very weird. Yeah. Europe's always a little behind, but they're not fully behind. They always pick like a couple of things we used to have and then go forward. They just keep going with it.

You know, just thinking how weird it would be if you were someone in Dublin who grew up, you were born and say like the forties or fifties, this, the new fake money world economy is great because it makes the economy just a mystical thing that you cannot fathom or understand just more than it ever has been. It just, it's just amazing force. Yeah. That it's this amazing force that you don't understand. That's, I mean, that is why so many people like Trump, because if a guy just goes up

there and is like, economy jobs, well, I mean, the, the, the, the system is so mercurial and fucking weird and you are told your life is getting better even though in many tangible ways it is worse than it has been in your lifetime. There are enough like outside bullshit indicators, maybe a new glasses steel abomination going up. But technically you are making more money even if you don't pay attention to the CPI. The economy is so intangible to you now that if your resentments align the right way or your, if you're Irish, your ambitions, your global ambitions, your inferiority complex

work the right way. This mystical beast has enough benchmarks that don't actually mean anything that you can stand by it. Well, that explains then why I, the Ireland took to finance capitalism so well because what is the traditional Irish get rich quickstream? It is you follow a rainbow and you find a tiny drunk man and you choke him until he gives you a magical pot of gold and that man, that is the best Steve jobs. It's the best analogy to sort of, yeah, the mystical nature of modern finance capitalism.

It is like getting a leprechaun and he just snaps his fingers and then, oh, look, we've got some shitty high rises now. This is amazing. Well, that's what you get for creating a nation, whatever, cut this. I ran out. That's what you get for creating a nation. You're on the anarchist radio podcast, nations. Okay, so congrats first and foremost to the good folks of Ireland who helped the good

folks at Apple, yeah, become the world's most monstrous financial enjoy the new terror world is coming. But another don't worry. We'll last forever literally another guy that we want to say shout out to is big baller Paul Manafort who was everyone knew when he was originally charged with all of his shenanigans and tax avoidance that he was shenanigans. I believe that was in the deposition. Yeah, that he he was a fan of basically laundering money through buying absurd items and just

kind of like parking the money there. But what we found out this week in his trial is that the ring, the thing he really loved to buy was baller ass suits that he bought over over a million dollars one point three million dollars on custom suits between 2010 and 2014. I mean, I just trying to imagine what not since Buzz Bissinger has there been someone who has figured out how to blow money on clothing away that way. And I mean, for me, specifically, this is very hard because I honestly don't think that I have spent more than maybe $500 on clothing in my entire life.

So this is beyond like find your pants in the garbage can I mean, Kroger's got fine clothing. Paul Manafort is Paul Manafort and but just this this is a general type of rich guy, though, that is very like almost tragic to me, I think the guy he just looks like any middle age guy you've ever seen. But he's just he's incredibly vain, but knows he can't change. He's too old. He can't change like his shape or he'll never be a cool hot guy no matter what he does.

So he goes all a melde Marcos and buys these insane suits. I mean, it just you can buy your way out of so much. You can buy your way out of pretty much every inconvenience. You can buy your way out of consequences. You can buy your way out of almost any feeling. But you know, if you're one of these guys, you really can't buy your way out of your own skin. But God, do they try?

Yeah. Buy your way out of your own stupid skin and into into a $15,000 ostrich skin, $15,000 ostrich skin jacket. I mean, I don't know how you would wear that honestly. I mean, wouldn't you be afraid that could be a suit, right? Because it's leather. No, no. It's just a jacket.

Yeah. It's a $15,000 jacket. I honestly don't know how you dress like that. I mean, he's just an impulse buyer. Yeah. He probably wore it to like outings. You know, he wore he had the suits that he would wear to like work or like an event that's like, oh, Mubudu Sasekko's kid is being recircumcised, but he would wear the jacket

to like a cool event. Yeah. The ostrich jacket. I'm going to say church, church, probably wore it to church. No, I mean, from the stuff that Paul Manafort did, it's like, we cloned the last dodo and we're going to kill it. Yeah. No.

And he would wear it too. I mean, by church, I mean like whatever, you know, shadowy place they all abuse children. Right. The Catholic church. Yeah. He wore it to Comet Ping Pong. But the other thing that people say about this is that, well, this is basically a money laundering operation that he, because he had all of his money in foreign accounts.

I don't think they understand that laundering is not laundry, but I mean, those are different. The fact is that he had all this money in foreign accounts and the thing about that money is you can't use it for most purchases. Like you can't pay your mortgage with it. You can't pay credit cards or anything. You can only, the only thing you can do is find somebody who will take direct wire transfers and buy like luxury goods. And so the theory there is that he basically had too much money, like too much money to

even spend. Well, right, he had, well, he had money he couldn't spend because it was it was hidden from the United States government. He doesn't. He didn't declare it, but it was out of the country. So he couldn't access it because that's a weird monkey you act. Yeah. It's like all this tantalizing money that you have all of this money, but you can only

spend it on dumb shit. Well, that's exactly it. It's like it's like a curse. It's like a some sort of sequel to Brewster's Millions. It's like you have all this cash, but you can't do anything that anybody else does with money. It's like weird, exotic items and then like just have them in your house and just like, well, you know, it's a fifteen thousand dollar jacket, but like, I guess I could put it on

eBay or something. I could do a Craigslist ad and get somebody to be smart. He would do what all rednecks do, which is find the objects that are high value, but depreciate the lease, which are guns and guitars that will always sell for the same amount of money. It would be cool if he did that, but apparently it was all clothing and and and it's like, how are you? Unless you literally lining, he's losing money on that.

Yeah. No, he's definitely. The resale is is, you know, the depreciation is high clothing for resale. Yeah. And like nobody else on earth buys this shit. So it's well. I mean, we know he wasn't very good at his job because he got owned as soon as anyone looked at him for more than a minute, which is really the thing to me that the one actual

meaningful takeaway from the entire Russia whole shit is just how comically horrifically corrupt everyone involved in Washington DC politics is to the degree that if any of them gets the slightest scrutiny from a from an investigative body, five million crimes are immediately revealed. Look at all of the people, including Democrats who are now caught in the backlash of just the Manafort investigation, like fucking the Podesta's and and former White House counsel for Obama. Craig, Craig, Craig, like first thing Manafort's going to get him for his birth certificate

fraud. Sorry, dude. That's not your name. Yeah. No one's name. No one's name. Great Craig. But it's like, yeah, I feel like now we're at the point in the in the Mueller investigation

where it's already from Casino where he's just bitching in his grocery store and just reveals every crime everyone in that room ever did. That's Manafort and it just implicates everyone he's ever talked to. It's every lot. I mean, I would say that like someone like Lanny Davis is probably like smarter than Manafort to the extent that he hides it a little bit better like Manafort's dog's name. That's true. That's true.

But Manafort like he's as smart as a golden retriever. Manafort's money laundering is just like comically incompetent. Like I mean, I thought to be fair, I thought a lot of the suit buying was money laundering, but it's like, no, bitch loves clothes. But the other money laundering is like he would launder it through like a rug store and label the payment like legal business and it's like you got him, dude. No one's ever going to look into this, but but man loves rugs. You got to figure that Manafort is more than mean than the exception.

Oh, absolutely. And it's and it just shows you that this is not and this of course makes you think even more about the the Obama administration argument about why they couldn't prosecute anybody involved in the mortgage collapse because, you know, hey, it would have been great if we could have found evidence, but there just wasn't any. There wasn't a strong enough case and it's like, I'm sorry, any of these guys gets one agent spending an afternoon looking at all even for a second. Yeah.

Like the criminality is out in the open and it continues because it is not considered criminality. It's not considered a priority. It's considered the lubricant for the how the system works. So it will never be ended. And if you want to talk about like stopping Russian nefarious foreign intervention in politics, like don't have this fucking class of absolute grifters that close to the levers of power in the first place, like maybe at the very least investigate these kinds of crimes and

have have a government like prioritizing it. And also, of course, best of all, not having people with this much criminal amount of money in the first place to splash all over the political system. That's the actual fucking like agenda item, not relaunching the cold war. Well, America doesn't want to ever be told to get its own house in order and they never will. And that's kind of it. Yeah.

We rule. Yeah. We always will rule. If anything goes wrong, it's because someone else did it has nothing to do with their own shortcomings. And like, you realize when you pay too much attention to the Democratic Party as a leftist, you become like a bootstraps personal responsibility guy because you're like, you fuck this up. This is your fault.

Take some responsibility and they never will. Oh, yeah. After after like two years of this following this fucking nightmare, I just feel like a boomer now. I feel like a better boomer all the time. Yeah. Everyone is a problem, but me. Yeah.

Well, no, America. America is just a, it's the reality show contested, you know, it's the, it's the guy who didn't come here to make friends and is sick of everybody else's drama. That's that's America in general. Okay. So there's one more guy we want to say congratulations to today. And I think this is, I think our favorite of the three we've talked about and a guy who we all miss great deal and think and have a tremendous amount of respect for.

And that is former president Barack Obama, who turned the magical number of 57 years old and States today. Another Obama gas like you'd think you would just skip this year to not remind people. Yeah. I'm 58. Let's not talk about 57 ever again. It's going to open all this birthday I tell you what, yeah, he's going to have the pie or he's going to have a cake with with 57 states on it.

If you cut the limo in half and count how many seats, let me be clear, I'm going to be wearing my birthday suit all day. So in honor of Barack Obama's 57th birthday, the president, the president who basically didn't exist at this point, the disappearing president, I think the least consequential two term president ever, maybe Leonard Demoy in the Simpsons. Yes, I'm trying to think of a two term president who had less of a of a of a lasting impact on American politics and Barack Obama is the Benjamin Franklin because because he like none of his his accomplishments have stood the test of time.

His attempt to heal the divide in America's political dialogue, his attempt to rise up of partisanship, none of it has none of it has left a mark on any of the political institutions or the political discourse. It's it's like he never existed. It's breathtaking really again. No one is mad at him. No, I mean, I but I mean, we are but I mean, no one is mad at him like they're just like all we miss you.

Well, yeah, because all politics is just sort of like mysticism now. And the reason you would miss Obama is you miss the feeling you miss the feeling of not having to worry, which, you know, I understand I did feel better than Oh, my God, ununquestionably, the culture was better. I didn't have to respect Seth Meyers. I didn't have to see fucking five billion assholes from the FBI. Oh, God. Every day and respect like it was better.

It felt better. Most of the things that suck were the same, but it was, you know, better. But you know, the people who were throwing their bodies on the pyre for Obama, Obama come back, Obama come back, they just want the feeling back and that's it. And Obama, he can't really show up them. I saw I saw a tweet today, the iteration of which I've seen many times where it's like, we love you, Obama, please help us. Like, he was literally president and this happened, what do you think he was doing before?

This is how he thought he was helping. But it's, you know, what is he going to say? What can he say without realizing, because Obama's not an idiot. What can he say without realizing that he completely failed? So he's got to spend the rest of his life, you know, cloning jellyfish with Richard Branson, you know, going, you know. Just water skiing with naked models on his back, but that's true because his, the crux of his conception of politics and of his role in politics was as the guy who would give

a speech. I mean, that really is true. Like, and that is why the right wing went so crazy about the teleprompter thing because they thought that, well, if you can take his rhetorical ability and reduce it to reading off of a script, then you have reduced him as a figure because everyone understood him as this rhetorical figure. He had those, like his career was propelled at every point by an amazing speech at a moment. The first one, of course, was the 2004 DNC keynote.

And then after Reverend Wright thing, remember, there was a Reverend Wright thing during the 2008 campaign and everyone freaked out and they're like, oh my God, this is this anti-white racist. It was this guy. He's a crazy black nationalist. What are we going to do? And he like went into seclusion, right? And he and he sat in his study and he spent the night writing by hand the speech about

race that he delivered in Philadelphia. God, he was so West Wing. It was the most West Wing thing in recent American political history because it worked. Oh my God. It worked. He was a liberal poster. Yeah. He's a poster.

He's like, you know what? We're going to fight this. Yeah. By what? Post. He posted and the thing is it worked. I mean, you could argue it wouldn't have mattered anyway, but in terms of the way people remember that campaign, he gave that speech about race and everyone stopped and thought,

wow, hold on a minute. And they forgave him forever and right and he went on to win and it was and like, that's how he thinks of it because and if he were to come out and try to do a speech again, you know, like like a third act kind of thing like Roy Hobbs, you know, in the natural, it would instead, he knows in his heart, I think, because how could he not Donald Trump as president that it would not be the movie ending of the natural that everybody remembers where he hits the home run that smashes the light grid. It would be the ending in the book where he fucking strikes out and it's and then dies

because he would give the speech. Nothing would happen. And then the entire premise of his political career would have would just crumble in front of him. Yeah, but it's it's not just the speech thing. I think people did like the speeches. They made them feel good or whatever. And he was he was a pretty good orator, but you have to realize the standard.

The bar had been set so low. Oh, yeah. So low. And that's going to help him in the long run because look at where he is like, look at the sandwich. Everything is comparatively look at the sandwich of presidents that Obama is going to be between. The murder cowboy and then and then Trump is like, how how is he not going to look good and elevated and presidential compared to them, right?

And because yeah, I read people are wholly reactive. Yeah. You know, it's all just a matter of like, this is so much less embarrassing than the previous president. Yeah. But I do like that in his retirement, he realizes his sort of impotence and I give him credit for that because for most of his presidency, he was he seemed to be genuinely delusional. And if you look at the the memoirs of a lot of people, there's there's a new book up

by one of his one of his assistants that talks about how during the showdown for the government show for the debt ceiling showdown after the the Tea Party election in 2010, they sat down with the Republicans. This is the thing that ended up with all the awful shit like sequestration and all that. And it talks about how they this is after the Tea Party election. This is after McConnell said we want to deny him a third term is after the 2010 midterms lead up was just a bunch of hooting psychopaths with teabags hanging from their fucking earlobes holding brown bus muskets and pointing them at congressmen who are trying to give them

Obamacare. They sat down and the quote was we are going into this negotiations believing the best intentions of our opponent of our other number. Like that's what they were saying in 2000 fucking 11 they were saying we gotta we gotta assume that these guys are operating in good faith. So his entire presidency was based on delusion. But I think the Trump thing for most like it did for a lot of us kind of woke him up because he has decided to just to spend the rest of his life just easing into a global

point one percent debauchery. Just like go fuck it likes the first thing he did was he went parasailing with Richard Branson. Now he's got a fucking Netflix deal to do a bunch of movies so he can hang out in Hollywood and like and you know, he signed to phase. He signed. Yeah, he's just you're a bitch. Swan campers.

You didn't build that. I like the idea of him playing with the positive America guys just berating them for sucking in a game. He also sucks at God they love that John build God damn it. I'm never going to win a squad game with you. They would just be throwing like glasses on the floor and taking off their clothes and rolling at it. Oh, let me be clear my head shot her by Obama to him on getting by Scott free.

Yeah, he he got away with it. He's now he's doing what he always wanted to do, which was ascend to the global elite, which he now is unquestionably. He gets to hang out with with all of all of the global monsters and go to Davos every time he wants to and and and hang out now even with the Hollywood guys. He's done it. He broke in. So congratulations to him on that.

He was a baller he never stopped grinding and I respect him for that had to grind for this view, but the the plebs the sad bereft liberals who left in his wake and have to have to live not in the global money cloud that he does, but in America governed by Donald Trump and the psychotic Republican party. They're a little more upset. They're a little more sad. They're wistful and they wish the Trump that Obama was back and they're expressing that desire in a lot of weird ways.

The funniest one in my opinion is a new book that is tearing up the Amazon charts called Hope Never Dies, an Obama Biden mystery. The first of what is promising to be an Obama Biden mystery series. I wanted it to be a choose your own adventure. That would have been cool and that would have really or a coloring book. It's written by Andrew Schaefer and the description is as such Vice President Joe Biden and President Barack Obama team up in this high stakes thriller that combines a mystery worthy of Watson and Holmes with the laugh out loud romantic chemistry of lethal weapons, myrta and rigs.

Wait, this is slash thick. Basically yes with with with you. I think you have to like pay extra for the sex scenes. Vice President Joe Biden is fresh out of the Obama White House and feeling adrift when his favorite railroad conductor dies in this suspicious accident, leaving behind an ailing wife and a trail of clues to unravel to unravel the mystery Amtrak Joe reteams with the only man he's ever fully trusted the 44th president of the United States Amtrak Joe and the and the chase from me to together they'll plumb the darkest corners of Delaware traveling

from cheap motels to biker bars and beyond as they uncover the sinister forces advancing America's opioid epidemic. You oh you mean they're like own party donors, right? Yeah. Yeah. Presumably they all the super delegates. Yeah. Presumably the end.

They pull they pull the mask off of the monster's face and it's it's yeah, a Pritzker or something part noir swiller and part bromance. Second time they mentioned the bromance. So yeah, they're pushing the slash. I love the word bromance. It's just another word for male male friendship for people who've never experienced it. Yeah. Just everything has to have a special little word.

I never saw a male friendship except for in a movie where Seth Wogan is like, oh, I want to smoke weed and James Franco said what about Star Wars? Everything has to have a cute little pet name. Yeah. Children now. Yeah. It has to be brand. I mean, we're literally reading like the hearty boys versions of politics.

So yeah. Yes. No. All children. All our all our interactions and all of our dynamics have to be branded in a specific way so that we can have talked about him in a shorthand and maybe have a t-shirt or something or certainly a hashtag part noir thriller and part bromance hope never dies is essentially the first published work of Obama Biden fiction and a cathartic way.

First of all, and a not yeah on a cathartic read for anyone distressed by the current state of affairs. Oh my God. Yeah. They're just admitting. They're just like eat the lotus. It's great. Yeah.

Here's a pacifier for you. You little stupid fucking baby. So there's also on Amazon there's they got reviews. There's an inner. Well, there are reviews. We'll take a look at those. But first there's an interview with the author Andrew Schaefer and they ask him where did the idea for hope never dies come from?

The first time I saw Joe Biden in his Ray Ban aviators, I thought that guy's an action hero. Yeah. The 80 year old man who's had seven brain hemorrhages old for this shit. Yeah. He's only had like eight brain hemorrhages. The sunglasses, the suit, the dead serious stare. You think you're looking at James Bond?

Have you seen anyone wear sunglasses before? I love how fucking dumb people are. Every old person wears sunglasses because they have cataracts because the sun will kill them. Like fucking Jesus. It looks like fucking Tom Cruise and Mission James Bond. Oh my fuck. Also, this rubs entirely against like the kind of onion manifestation.

Well, no, that's coming up. See this is this guy. This is why this guy is an artist. This is the really weird onion manifestation that he's like a sleazy sex creep. Really out there. Yeah. No. I mean, I maintain here that Biden is actually like the perfect example of the sort of person

who you would like to be your next door neighbor, but you don't want in charge of anything ever, not even like, you know, a block cleanup committee. He's not that he's not like he's not like goofier wacky or anyway, he's a fucking complete scumbag who's totally beholden to Delaware, a.k.a. little Ireland, this just flat plane of nothingness that is a tax haven for fucking everything. He's one of the most cynical people ever. He's a fucking architect of the drug war. He's a piece of shit.

He is actually the Biden crime bill is responsible for, I mean, a huge amount of incarceration. That's the best thing that ever happened to him that he's like everyone's crazy uncle and not just, you know, Chris Dodd with 7% more charisma. Is that that uncle is that guy, but it's just like he's nice to you and gives you 20 bucks. So you forget about, yeah. Well, this you're saying, oh, it goes against the bun onion thing, but no, he's he's taking that into consideration. It's a synthesis.

The sunglasses, the suit, the dead serious stare. You think you're looking at James Bond, then he opens his mouth and sticks his foot in it and you realize he's closer to Leslie Nielsen. I toyed with the idea of a solo Joe Biden novel for years, but it never went anywhere for years. Can you imagine? Toiling with a gun, toiling in your like you're in your Garrett. He's sitting in the dark in front of an old timey typewriter.

It's just a pile of cigarette butts. His hands are ripping his hair out. Why won't it work? It's there, but I can't make it work. It's just so freaking epic. Yeah. What should what should he quote? Should he quote whoop?

There it is. Or who let the dogs out? I can't pick. That's the thing everyone fucking make made fun of Mitt Romney for who let the dogs out and it's like yeah. That's not really different from anything Joe Biden's ever done ever. And does that all the time when the obide here comes when the Obama Biden bromance memes began circulating on the internet during their final months in the office.

They're both robots. I dusted off the idea. I have soul. I dusted off the idea of doing a Joe Biden send up and tweaked it namely by to add President Obama as the Sherlock to Joe's Watson. Was it a challenge? That's someone who's read those books definitely 100% awesome. Was it a challenge to write action scenes for a for a protagonist who is 75 years old?

Surprisingly not. Joe Biden is in fantastic shape. I had to hobble him with a bum knee just to make things competitive between him and the bad guys. Do you have a particular favorite Biden ism that you wrote pie all a mode hold the pie. So that's the that's the book you ever feel like you know nine gag kind of won the culture war. I know.

Secretly. Secretly. Everything's supposed to be like woke and like progressive and self affirming yet radical now. But it just feels like everything is just weak and epic. Yeah. All the time. Just 100% epic.

When you see about the the ways you're supposedly the woke ways you're supposedly allowed to insult people like you realize that like they definitely dominated that sphere as well. Oh my God. Yeah. That's the simplest way to insult someone who's like you fuck shitting shit waffle. Yeah. But then you know some people have ostomy bags Felix. Okay.

Yeah. There's one review I wanted to read about this by a verified purchaser. I was torn between four and five stars because honestly this isn't the best book ever written or even in my top one hundred. As far as the detective look at that guy bragging that he's read over one hundred books. As far as the detective stuff goes for the entire babysitter's close. The plot is minor and by the numbers however this may be the best book ever narrated by a fictional Joe Biden.

So there's that. Also. Epic. Given the times we live in I really needed to read this book about two totally decent humans who love each other and are brave and true and get things done. They got so much done. Look who's president. Why don't these people do what all of those like British soldiers did after they were

all fucked up from World War One and go to Asia and get an opium habit. Yeah. No they can't even. They're going to drop out drop out man. They dropped out but they never left. They're just still around because now there's the new there's the 21st century option of dropping out is just going online that just it's just being extremely online. You don't need to go to Shanghai and find an opium den.

You can just log on and never log off. No it's less man you ever feel like nothing's ever going to get better and all you can do is just like per singularly pursue the habit of getting it as good at video games as you possibly can. You ever felt that way. I'm pretty sure it's a universal feeling. I've had that but not video games specifically tweeting maybe. So you have Matt Matt's more into traditional games.

He's like I'm going to compete in tic-tac-toe. It's a soft game. You can't you can't get good at that. It would be funny to be like the ninja tic-tac-toe or Jax Jax. So that Jax is hard. Jax is hard. That requires coordination. Nobody no video game.

If you're too aggressive about it you can hurt yourself. Yeah. Being the top ranked tetherball player in the world isn't that just like the tallest person playing tetherball. Yeah. You would think I bet there's a mugsie bogs tetherball. So to end I wanted to read a little bit from the beginning of this Hope Never Dies and Obama Biden mystery one the night this all started.

I was in a black Irish mood. Yeah. Okay. Nothing we have said is even half as offensive to the Irish is that line. So if you're going to get mad at us Irish listeners find Andrew Schaefer instead. I was in a black Irish. What? Yeah.

I don't even know what that what does he mean he's like pissed. Does he mean he's saying the n-word like what does it mean. It means he's thinking about all the times his ancestors were slaves. All right. Yeah. And that was before I learned my friend was dead. I was sitting at my computer and I'd stumbled across one of those so called paparazzi videos. Yeah.

This is like while looking for crush up skirts crush and up skirts. It opened with a wide shot of Cape Town's fabled table mountain. The camera pan down to the white capped waves in the harbor and impossibly long speedboat entered the frame cutting through the surf like a buttered bullet a parasailor trailed behind the boat high in the sky tethered to the stern by a thin rope. The camera zoomed in on the daredevil's face and I saw that my old friend Barack Obama was having the time of his life. My old buddy is the like first line of dialogue.

Hello Barack Obama former president of the United States. I'm your friend Joe Biden former vice president of the United States. I will say I will say that that the one thing that this book gets right that isn't delusional that is I think an accurate insight into the character of the care of Joe Biden is that he might be a lizard puppet of the military industrial complex and end of credit card companies. But he genuinely his whole life clearly wanted to have a cool black friend and getting to be friends with Obama clearly is like the highlight of watch lethal weapon movies every

night. He wanted he always wanted a cool black guy to be friends with him like that's a that's the one thing that actually seems genuine about him and the one of the ways you can know that for sure is that Obama was the guy who sat him down in 2016 when he saw Hillary limping through the primaries and thought and thought for a minute I could get in here and actually win Obama's the guy who sat him down and said don't run Joe and it worked because he clearly has that puppy dog admiration for Obama. So kudos to Schaefer for getting just this the pathetic supplicant part of Biden's relationship

with that guy because he he could have won. He would have won but absolutely as much as I don't like him. He would have won and he would have won because he wouldn't have made all the fucking bone headed to clever by half mistakes. No of course he would have all the other is like the least racist guy in Delaware. Yeah. He would have run a boiled meat and potatoes Irish campaign good old fashioned ward healers going March walking around on the blocks and he would have won it wouldn't.

It would have been easy and he I mean I don't know if he could have beat Hillary in the primary but it's possible and definitely more likable than Hillary million times and Obama. I mean we want to talk about his his manifest incompetencies and crimes like and we've said this before but clearing the fucking deck for Hillary in twenty sixteen no the greatest acts of political malpractice in history. No one loves the people that hates him like Barack Obama. He's like Jesus Christ just do anything for the people that liked him like he all the

shit turns the other cheek in the back of the limo. Yeah. All the all the things the Hillary people did to him in 07 and 08 he's just like no only she can be just fucking amazing man because doing that make to him reflects well on him. It means that he's he's he's above pettiness and he's a good person. Remember when you were super racist to me well no hard feelings remember when you had that picture of me wearing the turban and the hammer pants and put that out into the press.

It's okay. It's just it's amazing. It's amazing right how little memory we have that like Hillary did run like you know pretty much like a boring Strosserist ticket in 07 as this would say she ran the campaign that actual social democracy now just being like yeah and in 08 yeah she would like go to some steel mill and be like I'm not going to let them make any more rap and then just like eight years later rappers are taking away all the jobs eight years later to clear the deck for her.

She's like everyone's racist but me dude and the guy who cleared the deck for her was the guy that she her people race agitated against it's it rules dude it rules no one's ever going to talk about it. No one mentions it. It's just fucking awesome. It's awesome. You got to laugh. Anything at all.

Yeah and of course like the the sharps you know the people on it who think that they have inside inside inside inside will kind of argue with that and say no he didn't do it because he's a smug and because he wanted to feel like he was you know he was big hearted or whatever he did it because he needed to keep the Clintons on his side and he didn't want them outside the outside the White House like sowing dissent and it's like one that didn't even work. She was fucking leaking the whole time she was Secretary of State and her people were bitching about him the entire time and also how do you not recognize after she loses that

gimme race that she was a spent force in American politics and not something you had to worry about. It's like you know it's not it's not nearly as bad as laying the bankers off the hook but we could have been done with the Clintons forever. Oh God. He's like no I'm giving you I'm infinitely renewing this series. Yeah you have to watch the Clinton show forever. He dragged one of those fucking he dragged one of Peter Teal's blood boys into the room

and just squeezed her full of teenage blood to keep her pumping just long enough to eat shit for fucking Donald Trump. Oh my God. All right. So this is the he's he's looking at this paparazzi video is buddy having the time of his life unencumbered by the deadweight loser vice president W.W. 44 was on the vacation to end all vacations windsurfing on Richard Branson's private island kayaking with Justin Trudeau base jumping in Hong Kong with Bradley Cooper Brock wasn't simply tempting the fates he was daring them

and why not if he could survive eight long years as the first black U.S. president he could survive anything not that I was worried about him I was done getting all worked up over Barack Obama. Is this book written for readers who don't know who Obama is because every every every line is like being that he was the 45th president of the United States. You know as a former senator from Illinois I forced myself to look away from the computer. I turned to face the dartboard on the back hall of my office. It was an old Christmas gift from my daughter.

I'd kept it in storage for many years but now I finally had some free time on my hands maybe too much free time. One call I said to my faithful companion champ is that too much to ask. That's his slave yeah the dog the dog glanced up with indifference he'd heard it all before just one phone call I said in a snap of the wrist I sent the dart sailing across the room it hit its mark right between Bradley Cooper's piercing blue eyes eight years I plucked the darts from the shredded magazine cover taped to the board and not even a gosh darn postcard. Brock even had the gall to tell People Magazine that we still went golfing together on occasion.

First of all Biden would not say gosh darn no he would say the n-word. Also Obama would have eaten champ by now. To save face I repeated the lie the truth was there hadn't been any golf outings no late night texting not even a friendly poke on Facebook. I watched the skies for smoke signals. I read the New York Times dissecting headlines looking for clues he might have left me nothing sometimes late at night after Jill was sound asleep I scrolled through the old text messages Brock and I had exchanged a lifetime ago it was an exercise in futility if I kept picking

at the wound it was never going to heal in the darkness outside my office window I glimpse the tiny flickering light I turned off my desk this is a Taylor Swift song I can't really make fun of this guy anymore he's clearly like going through something as he's writing it's like yeah it's yeah he's had a real break up and the only way he could process it is by turning it into a tale of scorn between former president vice president I turned off my dark lamp my desk lamp to get a better look and there it was again a pinprick of orange light like a firefly or a cigarette a prowler maybe only one way to find out let's go champ the dog's ears perked up I spun the dial in the small closet safe there were two things

inside my medal of freedom and my sig sour pistol cool I slipped the pistol into the waistband at the smile of my back then tuck my polo shirt over it I called out to my wife I'm letting champ out she didn't answer back I could hear the TV playing in our bedroom law and order I should have been watching with her instead I opened the back door as soon as I did champ raced across the lawn and tore off into the woods the motion light over the back porch should have kicked on but the bulb was burnt out old bulbs were meant to burn out the moon what does that mean it's foreshadowing the character Joe Biden will one day die of old age I think he's saying that he's conveying that Joe Biden

is filled with the sense that he is he is past his usefulness and is sort of just waiting to die but I feel that very shortly meaning will come back into his life the moon was full enough to light up the backyard our seven thousand square foot lake house sat on four acres of property this asshole is bragging about his real estate during his own internal monologue the property values had only gone up over the every year over the past five late at night it was impossible to imagine you were all alone in the world tonight however I wasn't alone ahead in the woods was this pinprick of light and now I smell the tobacco familiar brand Marlboro Reds don't get your hopes up I told myself hope is just a four

letter word across the yard walking to the spot where champ had disappeared into the trees at the edge of the clearing I spied a vertically challenged man in a dark gray suit and matching tie he had short spiky hair like he'd recently been discharged from the Marines and was letting it grow out an earpiece disappeared into his collar secret service my heart was beating faster than a dog licking a dish my own security detail had been I love dog yeah holy shit he had been my own security detail been dismissed earlier seven or weeks or dismissed several weeks earlier vice presidents were granted six months of protection following their time in office not a day more unless they were extenuating circumstances nice night

for a walk I said secret service nodded towards the woods showing me the way I ducked under a low hanging branch kept walking the heavy foliage overhead diffuse the moonlight I had a tread under carefully to avoid the underbrush the smell of burning tobacco grew stronger I called to champ in response I heard flint striking steel a lighter close by I swiveled around there to my left by the big oak 10 paces away a man crouched low scratching champ behind the ears German shepherds don't talk to strangers but this man was no stranger he rose to his feet a slim figure in his black hand tailored suit his white dress shirt was unbuttoned at the neck he took a long drag off his cigarette and exhaled smoke with leisure Barack Obama

was never in a hurry this is 50 shades for people who read Daily Coast this is the saddest fucking thing I can't even really make fun of this I mean it's just like oh man it just made you hate to see it that's all I can say you just hate to see it it's a goddamn shame what happened to this poor man yeah what happened to everybody yeah there's there's seriously a huge demand for this book like tons of people bought this you know what this book is going to sell more than our book like you know that oh yeah for sure definitely no question yeah but hate to see it you hate to see it but nobody has any other ideas all they can think of is is bringing opium just fucking be an adult be a grown ass adult and develop a fucking

opium habit everyone okay you know boomers libs conservatives Maoist Demesax us me my own goals whoever just let's all do let's all do it let's all did this isn't making things any better this isn't doing anything folks we're taking the black pill today so this is just dragging you down how do you go on you read that you you you like that's a book that makes you feel good you read that where it's like Obama and Biden are epic together and then you turn on the news and it's a political waifu you know the guy who's president is you know restarting his feud with Rosie O'Donnell they're gonna pass another tax bill they're gonna do a war with Iran and he's gonna win a second term do you just go back to that book

yeah you do oh my god this is just grim this is fucking grim you have no actual like plan for how things are gonna get better it's just like i just want another president that feels epic what does he do that's all that's it that's fucking it what obama no the author oh that's a good question i don't know yeah it's is this some kind of elaborate prank by michelle huelbeck because i wouldn't i mean in terms of describing alienation yeah no my my suspicion is a terrible writer my suspicion of this is that he's just a guy who saw a market yeah but not terrible uh he it says he's written over a dozen books uh oh god he oh god he writes he writes parody books okay yeah yeah 50 shames of url gray the day of the donald trump trumps america

how to survive a shark nato uh hello epic department this isn't a person this is an algorithm yeah oh here's a good one uh cats be a parody it's the great gas be but it's a cat algorithm oh i thought it was a net for cats yeah this is this is uh the toast became sentient yes this is yeah no this is the those those algorithms that make the the youtube videos where elsa gets beheaded by the joker spit this out for sure cool this is uh this is trumpier art this yeah this is people said oh the trump is gonna make things art art more good it's gonna be like the the it's gonna be like reagan with with punk and stuff and it's like no the internet is here the internet has created this awful monoculture of weird normie irony that uh that basically has destroyed everything

yeah you wanted you wanted dead kennedy's terminator predator you got guardians of the galaxy seven you got you got uh scorpion the double album that drake made about his secret son in two days that has 37 tracks so he can make the most money possible off of streaming you got this yeah and if you really want to get gritty and dark you can always go to the dc cinematic universe if marvel's too frothy you can see two men penetrate each other in combat you know it's actually god bless ex nider who what am i ex nider is like the only director of these movies now that we have left who is in an ai he's a psycho but like at least he is in an ai yeah he's not algorithmically yeah producing things oh my god well there you go everyone uh good luck

yeah have a good one try to so uh that's the show i think what we can look say is that is that yes things are terrible and only going to get worse and there's no relief in sight but we somehow the three of us managed to not uh get into a little caper that destroyed the recording equipment or burned amber's apartment down what if you guys write i'm proud of us yeah what if so plucky listener writes a thriller about us trying to record a show together it would just be that i love lucy where her and ethyl got like a job at the candy factory yeah oh man i would love if i worked at a candy factory oh let's do it let's do it i want to get hit on ahead with a mallet until i'm like a simpleton from the fifties yeah let's let's all have wacky

adventures at a chocolate factory like jeffrey dommer did all right folks i'm proud of us i think we did okay we did it but we promise dad dad will be back we swear he'll be back to get us back in the line no no no mom will be back this is like when dad was in charge and just heats up a chef boy or do you ride for you well no one was in charge yeah yeah no this is like when they they they they we are latchkey kids exactly they gamble they gamble to leave you home while they like go to the supper club or something oh i actually think this is the breakfast club oh yeah well yeah does that make will will the stern the principal guy that points weird yeah yeah yeah now now it's time for us to refill our parents booze bottles with water to get them back to the level they were

when they left so they don't know they'll never know all right bye folks yeah