Chapo Trap House - MM43 - Punks & Bad Boys

Episode Date: October 2, 2025

Greetings Horror Sickos, Listener, please light a circle of candles and begin to scrawl out the ancient sigils in salt, and begin the accursed chant … “Let’s All Go to the Lobby, Let’s All Go to the Lobby, and Grab Ourselves a Snack” That’s right! Spooky season is upon us and to inaugurate another edition of Ghoulvie Screamset Horrortober, Will Massacre and Hexa Deni are back with a selection of abominable and morally ruinous films. First up, in Return of the Living Dead (O’Bannon, 1985) an assortment of punks, working stiffs and slobs accidentally expose themselves to zombie gas and help bring out the nuclear bombing of Louisville, Kentucky in this documentary about a real thing that actually happened. This hilarious and goofball horror film asks two existentially terrifying questions: What if you could feel every second of being dead? And, do you want to PARTY???? Then in The Blob (Russell, 1988), a sci fi classic gets a grisly and unforgettable remake that features Kevin Dillon playing an motorcycle riding bad boy who smokes cigs, wears a leather jacket and has to save the small town that rejects him for being too cool from a giant blob that digests and dissolves everything in its path. This episode is free, but the rest of Ghoulvie Screamset Season 3 will be paywalled!

Let's all go to the lobby. Let's all go to the lobby. Let's go to the lobby. To get ourselves a treat. Delicious things to meet. The bottle of old candy meat. The sparkling drinks are just dandy, chocolate housed in a candy.

So let's all go to the line. Let's go to the lobby to get ourselves a street. Let's all go to the lobby to get ourselves a street. Period. That's, like, the thing from, like, working with you and being friends with you that's, like, most affected my just daily vocabulary. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

But I can't really do it. I can't really do it right, you know. Period. Period. Period. Well, yes. Okay. All right.

Well, without any further ado, we're back. Folks, I don't know if you've noticed, but the leaves are beginning to change. There is perhaps a chill in the air. Not here in New York City, obviously. It's still hot as shit and human. But it's that time of year when the veil that separates this world from the other side becomes more porous.

and the ghouls begin to seep into our reality and we make contact with the dead and with the other side. That's right, folks. It's spooky season. And to commemorate our favorite time of year, it's gulvy scream set, horror movie mindset is back at it again. Woo! There is something...

There's something I felt like a kid again just there for a second when you were like, I was, I got so excited. I'm like, yes, it's October. It's Halloween time. It's Halloween time. You know what that means, folks? It's Dracula's. It's, Frankenstein.

It's wolfmen. It's walking skeletons. Yeah, it's, it's, it's skeleton, dancing skeletons, walking skeletons. Mm-hmm. It's, it's going to be a month of non-stop monster mashing. Serial killers. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you know, Dracula, Frankenstein, Wolfman, serial killers.

Women. All the things that frighten. horrify us but this is this is the beauty of this time of year we get to get a little vicarious thrill enjoying the things that are so evil and hateful like skeletons there's nothing worse than seeing a skeleton oh my god i mean could you imagine it's horrible it's horrible but the movies folks the movies they're good the horror movies they're good and we got we got five episodes of Goofy Screamset coming at you for this spooky season. And Hesse and I are kicking off this Halloween season

with a great horror movie double feature that I think you're really going to enjoy. On today's episode, we will be discussing from 1985, Return of the Living Dead. And then from 1988, The Blob. The Blob remake directed by Chuck Russell and Return of the Living Dead directed by Dan O'Bannon, who you might remember from such screenplays as Alien,

And life force. And being the guy who was going to do the effects in Yadarovsky's Dune. Dodged the bullet on that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love the part from the Jodorowski's Dune documentary where, like, it's a record, because Dan O'Bannon had died by the time they made that, but they had a recording of him talking about meeting Jodorowski for the first time and having him pitch doing the special effects for this gigantic movie.

Like, by the way, his only film experience to that point was making John Carpenter's Dark Star and doing the special effects for that. It's crazy. A movie that famously featured a beach ball as an alien. You know, Jodorowski, like, he's just one of those guys. Even if you don't like his movies, you kind of got like the guy.

Yeah. And Dan O'Bannon said, like, when they first met, he, like, goes in the hotel room and Jeterowski is like, Dan O'Bannon, I have something very special for you. I have some very special marijuana. And then he just pulls out, like a newspaper, unfolds it, breaks out, like, breaks out some weed, smokes him out. And then, like, Dan O'Bannon said, like, it was like the strongest, it was like, I guess for the 70s or whatever. Yeah, his face exploded with colors or something.

Like, yeah, he went through a Stargate. And when he came out of it, he was, like, working on this movie. And dedicated the next, like, three years of his life to doing the special effects for a movie that never got made. Scopolamine. In the dark of the night, something strange is going on. You see that movie, Night of the Living Dead? They ship those bodies. Well, say hello.

The dead are missing from the grave. Mr. There's a hundred of those things out there. How many did you say? A hundred? And now the question is, how do we get them back into the ground? Bird? Frank. I mean, have a little problem.

Boy, left. Tinwright! No. Ah! Tile! It's all of everything! It's all of everything! Stupid asshole!

Watch your tongue boy if you like this job! Like this job! The heart of brain! Oh! It worked in the movie! Well, it ain't working now. Brain the movie line? It's not a bad question, Bert.

It's not a bad question, Bert. It's not a bad question, Bert. The Return of the Living Dead. You know, I think it's a good place to begin with Return of the Living Dead because one of my favorite quotes from Dan O'Bannon is when he talked about, he was like, so he wrote Darkstar and did the special effects for it. And he said, in Darkstar was sort of like this like stoner, sci-fi comedy.

It was like essentially John Carpenter's student film, but it's still very good. But it was a, you know, it was a bomb at the box office. It was a flop. And Dan O'Bannon said he was like, you know, it was his first movie, he felt kind of hurt by that. And then he said, well, I guess if I can't make them laugh, I'll make them scream. And that would go on.

He, like, took elements from the dark star screenplay and turned that into alien, which became, you know, one of the scary. And scream we did. Yeah, successful movies of all time. But I like that, like, his first instinct was to make people laugh. And that is what I love about Return of the Living Dead. I think it is one of the, one of my favorite funny horror movies. Oh, my God. it is like it's one of the best

Howard Hawks like films like sort of like very real Bravo like it's kind of like very few locations kind of a hangout movie it's a movie about how to be a punk and how to rebel against it how to like what are the proper ways to be a punk because I

see a lot of poser punks out there today and listeners if you don't have a safety pin through your nose and have a name like suicide trash or scabies or even if you don't have scabies not even as a name just as a, you know, infestation on your skin. You're not really a punk.

You're not really a punk. Both of these movies are kind of about how you got to, like, fuck authority, you know, the system, you know? Yeah, the blob is about how, no matter what happens in a small town, they always blame it on the cool kid who has a leather jacket and drives a motorcycle. Yeah, and we'll get into it. Where's what looks like a civil war officer's shirt, like, under his leather jacket? but yeah so return of the living dead from 1985 written and directed by dan o'bannon and the movie immediately does one of my favorite things to be done in a movie which is give you a title card that states the events portrayed in this film are all true yeah names are real names of real people and real organizations i love when a movie that ends with louisville being nuked tells you that every event in the movie actually happened And for all I know, it did. I don't remember much from 1985.

You know, if you're from Louisville, you tell me. Yeah, yeah. And I think, like, right off the bat, this movie is so funny. And, like, because it also kind of has to be because, like, the premise of it and the existential premises that it brings up and introduces into this universe are so horrifying. And, like, that they will send you into a spiral if you're not too busy laughing at, like, how goofy everything is that's going on, you know? Yeah. And it's got, this movie has some great, great gore effects, some great horror effects. And also, it's one of my favorite horror movie soundtracks of all time.

Oh, my God, so good. The fucking, the opening theme when the opening credits kick in is such a banger. It goes so hard. And the other thing, the other thing that's cool about this movie is, that like it is kind of an unofficial sequel to Night of the Living Dead. You know, I know we did Dawn of the Dead on last Goofy screen set, which was the sequel, of course, to Night of Living Dead. What I like about this movie is that the characters in the movie

keep referring to the film Night of the Living Dead as if it was based on something that actually happened. And that is the inciting incident that kicks off the zombie apocalypse in this movie is that the leftover detritus from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, that apparently caused the actual Night of the Living Dead zombie holocaust to happen were basically bottled up by the U.S. Corps of Army Engineers lost in the mail and shipped to a medical warehouse in Louisville, Kentucky. Yeah, and I really love, like, because I think didn't Rousseau, the producer of this

and writer, didn't he, he had something to do with Night of the Living Dead, right? Wasn't he like one of the producers of it? I'm not sure. I wasn't familiar with that. But yeah, but this is sort of like official and unofficial lineage connected to Night of the Living Dead, which, of course, we have already covered on Govie Screamset, horror movie mindset. Yeah, it's this movie's like companion piece, I guess, is the Romero's third, the third piece of his original trilogy, which was Day of the Dead, which came out the same year. And it's a very different movie from this, because it's a lot more serious and a lot more, lots, lower, a lot more focused on social, you know, again, like in classic Romero fashion, it's more about the humans than the zombies.

Whereas this, it's about hammers and nails. It's always, hand me a hammer and give me the nails. Oh, any time in a zombie movie where you get a scene where people are frantically barricading doors and hammering nails into boards to cover the windows as arms are. breaking through it. Yes. It's just, you're eating good. You're eating great.

And, you know, like, the, the humor and comedy and sort of satire of this movie makes for a good pair for, like, with, I guess, like, the more serious social criticism and satire that Romero does in the, you know, the real Night of Living Dead, Down of the Dead, you know, the night day trilogy. Yeah. That he did. The, another, like, a similarity between both of those movies is that the zombies are smarter now than they were in when they started yeah yeah which is maybe like uh you know a

a form of like social critique i was thinking maybe you would have like a cool choppo political thing of like yeah you know it's kind of saying that uh we the like people are becoming the zombies or something i don't know okay let me let me let me let me i didn't have one prepared husse i'm putting you on the spot let me see if i can do one on the fly on the fly Hold on a second. Okay, cool. For the people at home, Will just smoked crack.

Oh, bro. No, like, I remember talking about how in Dawn of the Dead, one of my favorite things is that all of, like, or all the Ramirez zombie movies, one of the things I like is that all of the zombies are still wearing the uniforms of what job they did during the day,

be it Harry Krishna or gas station attendant. So you just basically, continue on into the unending like not after life of living death identified by what living death you occupied during your current life on the planet and in return of living dead

I think you know when you see the generations of dead people come back from the graveyard including you know Confederate generals or whatever and the fact that they are the zombies in this movie are sort of sardonic and can talk they can say basic phrases like brains

more brains and they just want to they need brains to get over the pain of being dead and I think ultimately it's a more optimistic movie because it does posit

that being alive is better than being dead even though in this movie also working a shitty job is still just a fact of life but it is still better than being dead

which is why this movie is a comedy and not a tragedy there you go that is Will Medeker Chopo Trap House stoned movie analysis period

I think also though this movie is like in ways like a hundred like a thousand times more existentially terrifying because it kind of reveals that these zombies once you become a zombie one you cannot die ever you've two you feel everything you feel yourself rotting um three you're entirely conscious during that and for like there's like yeah that's I mean that's enough for me I think like well yeah you're right you're right in the ramero zombie and like at one point in the movie they're like what are we do with the zombie and they're like well what are they doing the movie in that movie they said you had to destroy the brain and then there's a scene where they where they pick axe a hilarious scene the head of the head of the cadaver into the floor and it just keeps screaming and they're like what the fuck do we do now it didn't work right it ain't time i thought you said if we destroyed the brain and die it worked in the movie well it ain't now, Frank. I mean the movie's live?

In the Romero zombie movies, yeah, if you just blow their heads off, they go back to being dead. Yeah, and this, it's like, you could cut them into a million pieces and, like, your pinky finger is still twitching. You're like, every part of your body still feels pain,

even if your brain is destroyed. So, yeah, you're right. That is far more existentially horrifying than just shambling around, moaning as some sort of walking cadaver waiting to get domed by one of Romero's heroes or villains. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

And this movie also features a very wonderful, colorful cast of characters that I have a kind of taxonomy of them, if I can. Yeah, please, please. Okay, so there's Chuck, who is a Rick Astley, who is basically Rick Astley. He wears a checkered suit. He has goofy hair, and he's kind of a nerd. He has red suspenders, too. Then there is Casey who is kind of like

the Cindy Lopper type character and then we have Spider who's kind of like a twink Rick James he's got the curls played by Miguel Nunez who was Joana Man

the famous movie about a man who pretends to be a woman to play in the WNBA now Yes yes and he's fantastic in this he's really good in this There's Scuz who is kind of like Johnny Rotten um there's trash who is kind of like the annie lennox uh type figure

yeah because he has short hair yeah there's suicide who is an adult that they're all friends with inexplicably the alpha punk yeah who is who is gd allen and then there is tina who is uh mick jagger in the dancing in the street music video judging by your clothes but let us not also forget, Bert, the head of you need a medical supply company. And that is really where this movie begins. We get another like sort of like date and time car, July 3rd, 1984, 5.30 p.m. Eastern daylight time. Yeah. And we see a like people

beginning their shift at a basically a medical device warehouse. And there's Bert played by Clue Gulliger. You might remember him from like he was in a lot of Westerns. He was in Peter Bogdanovich's The Last Picture Show, but he's a great character actor. Oh, yeah. And also... He kills it in this. Yeah. And then Frank, played by James Karen, and then Freddie, the young punk kid who's like friends with all the punks. Like, he's starting his first shift on like the sort of the evening shift at the medical supply warehouse. Yeah. I think, I think like besides Linnea Quigley is trash maybe, like Frank is my...

my MVP for this movie. I love Frank. He really reminds me of like Paul Sawyer from Texas Chainsaw 2. Yeah. And so it's Fourth of July weekend. You know, Bert is going home. He's turning over the warehouse to Frank

and the new kid. And he's like, I hope nothing bad happens when I'll see you Sunday at the barbecue. And, you know, he begins to show him the ropes about like what they do. And, you know, I appreciated this because I used to work in a warehouse. And I found this movie to be a very,

accurate depiction of what that job entails. Yeah, just like grunt work, you know, mindless kind of. Yeah, filling boxes. In this case, they're filling, they need female skeletons with perfect teeth to sell to, to ship to, like, medical schools. And apparently, all this, according to Frank, all the skeletons come from India, thanks to, quote, an international treaty, which I thought was very funny. And he says, I think they got skeleton farms over there because they all have perfect

teeth how many people you know die with a perfect set of chompers and then uh and a great piece of uh sort of medical ephemera that will come into come into play quite soon in the movie they have split dogs for veterinarians veterinary schools which is sort of like i don't know like a you know uh like a dog perfectly split down the center of it yeah like the horse in the cell yeah yeah oh yeah but like the artist who puts like sharks and tanks and all that stuff oh uh what's What's his name? Damien Hearst. Damien Hearst.

That's who I'm thinking of. Damian Hurst. So Frank, the older guy, is showing the young gun around the medical supply warehouse, including they have a walk-in freezer where they keep fresh cadavers to also sell to medicals, both to medical schools and the U.S. Army for ballistic tests, which is a real thing. That's crazy. That's so crazy. but as like during the course of this uh fred asks frank what's the craziest thing you ever seen in here

frank does not disappoint with his answer he basically tells him have you ever seen the movie night of the living dead well that's real and we have it in the basement in a big tank in a bunch of big tanks well basically he said like the movie was based on an incident that happened at a VA hospital in Pittsburgh in 1969. There was a medical spill that made dead bodies come to life. And like, I like the detail he says that the chemical that caused the disaster was invented to be sprayed on marijuana crops. Yes, yes.

And he said, the guy directed that movie, you know, he changed all the facts around to avoid getting sued. And the U.S. Army shipped the contaminated dirt and dead bodies. And they shipped it out and they kept it secret. And Frank knows that because they shipped the body. to this very medical supply warehouse, and they are down in the basement.

Yeah. And then, of course, because this is a horror movie, and everyone's an idiot, Frank is like, let's go check them out. You want to go see them? And, you know, and lo and behold, they have these, like, sort of barrels or tanks or cylinders down in the basement.

They say, property of the army. In case of emergency, call, and then it has a nice 1-800 number, which will come into play later in at the very later in the movie. movie yeah but so oh also um also i just uh checked it and the the guy who wrote this movie and like produced it was um the writer of night of the living dead with george romero and they both agreed to do separate sequels in their own directions and uh john russo said like they agreed that he would retain the night of the night of the living uh dead like name

structure and that George Romero would just keep like blank of the dead which is pretty cool yeah so like Frank opens up like the top of one of the

one of the barrels like wipes off like some some you know grease off the top of it and like in the in the fucking barrel you see like a mummified body pretty creepy and then of course Freddie the young punk

is like do any of these barrels leak and Frank goes leak hell no these things are made by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers and then he like hits the side of it it bursts open showering them with chemical gas

yeah opening credits hit and that slamming opening like main title theme of Return of the Living Dead is so fucking fire oh my God it's like a justice song it's like crazy yeah it's so good so the chemical gas

from Night of Living Dead from Pittsburgh leaks into the warehouse, like it goes into the ventilation system and the cadaver in the freezer comes to life and starts jerking around. But it's like, it's being held by its head on like these big like tongs, like hanging from the ceiling. And the body just starts jerking around and screaming. Yeah. Yeah. And the like, they are freaking out because this is happening. And they're like, what do we do? Should we call the police? And he's like, hell, no, I don't want to get fired. No, no. He says, something's so funny let me find the quote um listen i don't guess we better tell bert about this it makes us look stupid or something they're like let's deal with it ourselves let's not worry too

much about it um eventually they do elect to call bert over um the phone number that is on the barrels or um the police which obviously they should have called they should have just called the phone number on the barrels as soon as they got them it's kind of funny that they didn't They're just such idiots But yeah So Bert and Freddie are like Passed out in the basement After getting a face full of zombie gas

And then we cut to an American flag And like another date and time like card location Where it says 4pm Pacific time And we see a sort of like an army officer Come home to his like very nice house Overlooking the Pacific Ocean And then is immediately like He has his like

A very classic like 1950s style husband and wife arrangement where he comes home and his wife is like in a nightgown and has like perfectly set out dinner and she's like oh honey I'm so glad you're home from work I made your favorite lamb chops and he's just miserable and he's like I had lamb for lunch

and then just like walks into his study to like slug scotch and check in with the US Army zombie command because you find out that this officer has been charged to be like he says oh honey you know they have to be able to reach me 24 hours a day wherever I am and this is the Army

officer who's like in charge of tracking down and find like as responsible for the missing barrels that are in the basement of this louisville medical supply warehouse yeah and the plan for tracking them down is just waiting for someone to call the number apparently i also love that when the wife when he tells the wife i had lamb chops for dinner there's an airplane style zoom in on her face and it might as well have like a voiceover like that's strange the colonel never has lamb chops for lunch when he's home. But yeah, he's very mean to his wife.

And like, you know, we don't see this Army colonel again until the very end of the movie. And I really like the long setup on the gag that's perpetrated at the end of this movie. Yeah. But then it cuts back to, it's, you know, it's 7 p.m. on the West Coast, but like,

it's 7 p.m. out here on the East Coast in Louisville. And Freddy's friends, the punk gang, that you've already able to give a taxonomy of they're out driving around and they're looking up going to pick up freddie from work and they're like what do punks want to do they want a party yeah they want a party you know they got they got their leather jackets they got their like spikes they got uh you know uh safety colored hair yeah they got crazy hair and mohawks and then they're like well where are we gonna where we

get a party like freddie always knows where somewhere we're gonna cut a party and then they're of course let's go to the cemetery and then one of them says i just want to go look around a graveyard i've never seen one before. Yeah, I wrote that down too. Like, what kind of life did this person live that he's never seen a graveyard before in his life? I mean, that's crazy. I love seeing graveyards. Every new place I go, I go to check out the graveyard. See how old all the dead people are. Oh, yeah. And it's, it's so, it's so cool. Like, they, they're chilling in the graveyard. Linia Quigley is so hot with her Annie Lennox style hair and she is wearing clothes for about

10 seconds in this movie? Yeah, 10 seconds of screen time before she decides, I'm going to, she says, Do you ever fantasize about being killed? Never. Do you ever wonder about all the different ways of dying, you know, violently? I wonder, like, what would be the most horrible way to die?

I try not to think about dying too much. Well, for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men to get around me and start fighting and eating me alive. I see. And there's like a pause and spider who is sitting next to her just goes, I see. Which I thought was a really great line. And then she immediately takes off her clothes and starts dancing around. And does her like the dance of the dead on top of like a big grave. And she starts doing her punk sex dance.

And she's like, look, they just want to party. Okay? Yeah. Meanwhile, Frank and Freddie wake up in the basement after being exposed to zombie fumes. and the body that they saw in the barrel is missing. They go back upstairs they're a bit dazed and they hear a dog barking and they're like, what the hell is

that? And then they go over to find the perfectly split into dog carcass for veterinary purposes. Both halves of it are barking. Yeah. Which is a great, a really funny and like grisly little twist here.

But I love when they like, he's like, oh, what the hell is? Frank is like, what the hell is this? And he starts hitting it with a crutch and you can hear the dog whimpering like yeah and like this is where the the dialogue really becomes kind of like his girl friday between them it's yeah is really the closest thing i can think of it's it's like it's so like or like uh the thing from another world more like right right yeah where it's like overlapping just the end of each line is overlapping there's a great part where he's uh where frank tells fred like um watch your tongue boy if you like this job and he fred's like like

this job. I like this scene with like Freddie is just like what do we do? Like why don't we call the cops? And then Frank is like, we can't call the cops.

Think of my reputation. And it's like what reputation? You're like fucking warehouse jerk. Yeah. You're working the evening ship and loading skeletons into a fucking box

the ship to medical schools. Yeah. But one of my favorite gags is that when the cadaver wakes up and, like, he's just screaming from the freezer. Yeah. And really, it's horrifying. Like, the scream coming out and just banging on the door.

It's like, whoa, this is really. And they're, like, one of them says, like, what's happening to him in there? And it's like, sounds like he's sore. It's so funny. So, like, Frank and Freddie, they know they can't call the cops, but they do have to call their boss. So they get, they get burnt back to the warehouse, and he shows up. And he's pissed, right?

This is like, his weekend is ruined, going into Fourth of July, he has to deal with these numbsculls, his stupid employees who have basically breached containment on the zombie gas that they've just been keeping in their basement for the last 10 or 20 years. Yeah. So they're like, well, what do we do? We can't call the cops because, like, I could lose my business. I can hell, I could go to jail. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He also, he mentions the name of the chemical company who made the containers. and it's the Dero Chemical Company.

And I don't think it's any coincidence that with a Southern accent when you say, they're a chemical company, it sounds kind of like you're saying Dow Chemical Company. Good point. Good point.

I didn't realize that. So, like, they get the idea that, like, they need to destroy the evidence and just keep their mouth shut. And they keep referencing Night of the Living Dead. And I love the scene where they're like, okay, they're like, he's like, are you sure that there's a cadaver

that's like, come back to life in the freezer. And they're like, well, I guess we got to open the door and check it out. I love it. They open the door and immediately, a naked man who is entirely yellow runs out and attacks Bert. Yeah, it's screaming brains. And I love, like, even before that happens, there's a great comedic beat where the, like, Fred asks Frank, like, what do doctors use to crack skulls with? Surgical drills. And as he's saying that, bird is walking in with a pickax, hands it to Frank and says, here, hold this. And to be clear, the cadaver has been turned yellow

because, like, the gas itself that was released from the barrels is yellow. So it's, like, stained the skin of this cadaver. And it's like, it's like, imagine opening a door and having naked Homer Simpson run at you and attack you screaming, braids. See, I was thinking of the guy who gets his dick cut off in Sin City.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Nick Stahl character. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like I said, they're like, okay, we have to destroy the brain because we saw it in the George Romero movie. And Bert, pickaxes, this guy, the cadaver's head to the floor just runs a pickaxe through it. And it was like, one of my favorite comedic beats in the movie, they're like, all right, this should stop it, right? They put a pickaxe through the skull and like stake it into the ground and the guy just keeps screaming. He's like, oh, it didn't work.

Such a funny B. Yeah, and then they go to Plan B where they saw off the head. And then the body immediately gets up because only the head is like steak to the ground. And it starts running around, wreaking havoc. They tie the body down and they're like, okay, this is, that didn't work. Then they decide, Bert has a great idea. Who is Bert's best friend historically in the world? Bert and Ernie, of course, we all know, the dynamic duo.

So Bert, of course, thinks of his good friend, Ernie Kaltenberger, the mortician who lives 100 feet away from the... Yeah, like, he lives next to the graveyard and runs a mortuary and crematorium across the street. And they're like, okay, we got to get rid of the evidence, but like, they've hacked up the body into like dozens of different parts, and they put it in garbage bags that are all still moving around and they're like we'll use the crematorium we'll just will burn the body entirely and then we'll be off the hook right yeah so uh let's talk about ernie the mortician because yeah because there's something going on with him i remember reading that in in the first version of this screenplay

it was like it was made more abundantly clear than just this movie does that ernie is a Nazi war criminal hiding in america because for whatever in the movie of what we see ernie the mortician is, shall we say, Nazi coded. And by that, I mean, when we, his character is first introduced, he's like filling a body with embalming fluid. He's like, you're working late and listening to German opera on his walkman, smoking a huge pipe like Hans Landa. And then later it turns out that he's doing all this while he has a loaded luger, like

pistol, just on his side. Yeah, yeah. He has a picture of Eva Braun in his morgue. I didn't notice that. there's also a caricature of Hitler next to the door, which is funny. But yeah, he's like, it's this, he's like a chill Nazi. Like, they kept all the elements of him being a Nazi, but they made him more relaxed. And he's like, I guess, like, if I were to describe him, I would say he's like Nazi Rodney

Dangerfield, because he looks a lot like Rodney Dangerfield. He's not as funny as Rodney Dangerfield. He's more serious, but he is a chill guy, you know? He's like, oh, the right can't get no respect. Meanwhile, over in the graveyard, it's now 9.16 p.m. Eastern daylight time. And trash, the punk chick, is still naked in the graveyard. And has, I really, I think we need to return to tradition, return to a strong tradition of movies from the 1980s. Extended sequences of just gratuitous nudity.

Absolutely. There's no reason for it to be in the movie. It doesn't advance the plot. it's just, here's a naked woman. Yeah. This is what, this is the price of it. This is what you paid for. This is what you paid to see.

Every movie, if you saw an action movie or a horror movie in the 80s, it was like, it was a handshake that that purchase of a ticket would guarantee that you would see at least one set of boobs. Yeah. This movie does not disappoint because they stick around. Yeah. And you see, well, there's like some kind of flesh-colored cover over it, so it's kind of mannequin-like.

but you do see pussy in this, too. You see a mannequin pussy. Yeah, she's supposed to be bottomless, but she's clearly wearing some sort of flesh-colored underwear to not go full nudity. But, like, it is full nudity-coated. Yeah, you know. You see full cheeks, you see full boob.

It's everything but the whole, if you will. So, like, then they begin to try to enlist Ernie in their plan to dispose of the reanimated cadaver. And I love their explanation to him when they show, they're like, they wheel in this, like, cart with several garbage bags that are all moving. And they're like, oh, Ernie, you see,

we got some rabid weasels in the mail. And we'd like to use your crematorium to burn them. And he's like, burn them. Like, that's so cruel. And then he takes out his luger and says, at least let me take them out to the parking lot and put him out of their misery. Bert's like, okay, well, we got to just, we got to tell him what actually is going on.

I don't think that's going to work. We got to be honest with you. They just let them put the plastic bag, the garbage bags in the oven, you know, with no questions asked. They maybe wouldn't have had to give him the whole story. And they hip him to the case of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineer zombie dirt and body barrels that have breached containment. and Ernie reluctantly agrees to let them use the crematorium to incinerate the twitching remains of Homer Simpson. Folks, this is just about the worst thing they could have done. Yeah, this is exactly what we didn't want to happen in the brass idea.

Listener, if you ever find yourself in a scenario like this, and I pray to God, you never do. But please try to remember, it seems like a good idea, but incinerating the chemically infected, cadaver will merely turn the chemical into smoke, which then travels into, through the chimney of the crematorium, into the atmosphere, right into a rainstorm that then blankets the entire surrounding area, including the graveyard, with zombie chemicals. Yes. And speaking of British television with the Brass Eye reference, I really think that the, like, when it says 9.16 p.m. Eastern Standard Time on the screen. I really

think they're copying threads, which does the exact same thing. Really? Wow. Even in the same font as it's going on. Yeah. A considerably less funny movie than Return a movie. Yes, yes, yes. A little bit more somber. A little heavier than this.

Yes. But it does this does also contain a nuclear explosion. Spoiler alert. Yeah. So the smoke from the crematorium billows out into the clouds. It rains on the graveyard. And then, like, of course, Bert is like, we're home free. But he's saying this while Frank and Freddie begin to look worse and worse and worse. Because keep in mind, like,

they're like, they're sweating more, like, now their skin has gone like a total, like completely white. They've got like, they're under their eyes or like deeply purple and red. They look like shit. Yeah. They're throwing up and they're like, we're home free. And then they, and then they, and And then they have to deal with Frank and Freddie. They don't know what's going on with them, so they have to call, they have to call the paramedics. They call an ambulance to, like, take Frank and Freddie to a hospital. The punks are still in the graveyard. Like I said, the ground of the cemetery has been saturated with the rain that's been, like, infused with the, like, zombie chemicals.

And the bodies start coming out of the graves. They start crawling out of the ground. Before that even happens, the kids, they try to run for cover in their car. which they're like, roll up the windows and suicide whose card is, is like the G.G. Allen type is like, I can't, I busted them all. I busted them all.

Being angry. Yeah, and poor Linnea Quigley is fully nude. Like, literally fully nude. Yeah, and she's like, it burns, the rain burns. And so, like, Freddy's girlfriend who's like, how did you describe Freddie's girlfriend in the punk taxonomy? Well, I jokingly referred to her as Mick Jagger in the dancing in this.

street music video, but she's more like Molly Ringwald or like, you know, Brooke Shields type. She's sort of the odd one out in the group of punk. She's a bit of a bit of a preppy. She goes over to the medical, the warehouse to look for Freddie because he was supposed to meet them after work. And of course, she goes down into the basement to look for him and finds the iconic horror character of this movie. Oh my God, yes. Referred to as Tar Man. And now this is the body that. that was in the barrel that, like, kicked everything off. Yeah. And it basically is just like, how would you describe it, Hesse?

Like, a big grinning skeleton with big ass eyes that's, like, covered in tar. Yeah, that moves like a dark crystal character. Like, it moves like a Jim Henson, like, uh, scary, from a scary Jim Henson movie, kind of, is how it moves. And it is so fucking cool. It's so fucking cool. Yeah. And by Tar Man, some of you might be picturing George Miller and the character he portrays in the video game Death Stranding 2. But we are not talking about that, Tar Man.

We are talking about a totally different Tar Man. So get that out of your mind. Tar Man corners Molly Ringwald in this closet. And is, but the punks looking for shelter get in there just in time for suicide to go down there. get the the zombie says in a great comedic line the zombie goes brains and then eats suicides brains as they watch helplessly and they're like what the fuck and then it stops gets up looks around for a beat and says more brains charges at them they barely escape lock it into the basement this is when all hell really starts to break loose, because Fred and Frank are getting, like, disastrously ill at this point.

Yeah. They are not going to make it. Yeah, the paramedics, the paramedics arrive. And they're like, they check their vitals. And they're like, well, obviously, you know, you're sitting here talking to us, but at the same time, you have zero blood pressure, no pulse, and both of your body's temperature is 70 degrees. Yeah. Which in other than the fact that you're sitting here talking is for all intents and purposes medically dead. Yeah. Yeah. And at this point, the kids in fear have

fled the warehouse. They are in the cemetery. And this is when we get the amazing needle drop where the skeleton rises from the grave and opens its eyes. And you just hear, do you want a party as the zombies flood in hundreds of them from different Yes it's so cool All the body has come out of the ground

You know and like Yes And like indeed they start their zombie parties And then beginning with trash Who gets her sort of sex and death Wish fulfilled as she is eaten by a group of old men On the ground covered in mud Yeah

Yeah And it is, you know, which I was very disappointed about because she's so beautiful, you know, beautiful girls, as Columbo said in one episode, it's so, it's even sad when a beautiful girl dies, you know? But, if only Columbo knew that sometimes beautiful punk rock girls, they die. And sometimes they come back. Oh, yeah. They party and they punk rock even harder after they're dead. Oh, absolutely. And we will get to that. And I really love the paramedics go outside. They, the recurring, the recurring gag of just like more and more city workers from like two ambulances and then like a squad car and then like 50 squad cars. Keep getting sent to the graveyard to like, you know, hey, like someone check on that missing ambulance. They keep, they keep showing up to the graveyard and getting immediately mobbed by like, like, dozens of zombies just immediately taken out yeah i um and i love the kids um so the like at this point the uh first two paramedics they're marked and the zombies are eating them for the time being

so they're like and there's a great scene of like just dipping one of the zombies just like dipping into one of the skull of one of the ambulance one of the paramedics and just scooping out his brains and eating it like like fucking ice cream yeah it's it's gruesome and um then the kids arrive, and there's a great line, they arrive at the mortuary, except for Rick Astley and Cindy Lopper, who are in the, they are still in the warehouse, but the other kids are in the mortuary, and the Molly Ringwald character says, quote, they're horrible and they scream, and you've got to do something about it to the people inside. I like when they show up that they're banging on the door of the mortuary, and Ernie comes out

with his luger and opens the door and he's like, are you crazy? Are you on PCP? Yeah, yeah. And I also love, just in case we forget to mention it, when, like, right next to the barrel in the basement of the warehouse, there's a crumpled Nixon Agnew poster right next to it. Oh, wow, I didn't even notice that. Yes. Which, like, pretty much obligatory for all 80s movies to do something like that. This is where we get the montage of them boarding everything up. The first issuance of the oft-issued line, grab me hammer and nails, quick. Yeah, as the mortuary is now under siege from the graveyard ghoul gang. Yeah, and maybe my favorite line of the movie or second favorite happens here where it cuts back to

the zombies outside feasting on these paramedics, and you hear from inside the ambulance. This is Dispatch. Can we get a six on your situation? And one of the zombies gets up, walks it over to the ambulance, answers the line and goes... Come in this rush. Send more paramedics. And then another ambulance shows up and gets mobbed by zombies immediately. Yeah.

In a very, very funny... It's made so funny because they're watching from out the window, and you just see from a distance these two guys coming out. And they're like, watch out. And then a thousand zombies flooded and just fucking kill them instantly. It's so, it's so cool. And like, in the midst of their barricading the doors and windows, like, you know, all these arms are busting in, like, through the, through the boards they're frantically trying to nail.

And the sort of Sid Vicious style punk gets sort of pulled through the window, gets his brain eaten, gets his, like, body pulled through into the zombie apocalypse. And by the end, but like, as they. as they pull him back into the building, like the old lady zombie chorus. I call her old blue eyes is still attached to him. Oh, yeah. It's like half a corpse.

It's just a torso arms and this like desiccated head and face. But these striking blue eyes have still not out of, for some reason the eyes have not rotted out of this corpse. And they're still quite beautiful and striking. Yeah, it seems to be a theme in this movie that the eyes are, you know, they're going to need those eyes to, find brains to eat. And they strap this half corpse down.

It also is moving like a Jim Henson creation. And the zombie, they interrogate this zombie or this one half of a zombie. The zombie informs them, I can feel everything. I can feel my body rotting. Brains are the only thing that alleviates the pain. Like when you're dead, you can feel everything and there's no end to it. And it's just eternal pain. as you feel your body rotting away.

And it's like, okay. Now, if you interpret that to be that, like, when you die, you feel everything? Or is this only once you are reanimated by the zombie gas? See, that is one of the big kind of existential questions posed by this movie. And I think it's the gas, honestly, because it's just too horrible to anything other than that. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, just lying in a box feeling every mull.

your body decay and just being like, God, this is boring and painful. Yeah, yeah. And I love another great detail that I love is that as this woman is talking, her spine is like flopping around like a fish's tail, and spinal fluid starts coming out of the edge. There are so many great details like that in this movie.

Yeah, like in when the gas first gets released and you see all these butterflies pinned to a board flapping their wings in the warehouse. Basically, call it, call this nightmare on Elm Street 6 because Freddy's dead. He's gone. Okay. You know, they're like, we got to lock, we got to lock Freddy and Frank in the chapel so that

they don't, you know, eat us. And the Molly Ringwell-Walled type character, whose name I should probably just be saying, honestly, Tina. Tina keeps, is like, I'm going to stay here with him because I'm stupid. and then yeah he's like he's like it hurts it hurts Tina and then like at some point he transitions over he crosses over and go and goes full brains mode and he attacks his girlfriend in the chapel and they're like what do we do and Ernie comes up with the genius idea of they're like well acid can dissolve everything and he just has one jar of acid

and then he throws it in Ernie's face and that's it yeah again like I love the comedy of just He just throws acid in this guy's face. I mean, there's like, just like, you see all the smoke rising off his face and it's, ah, that he just keeps running around, but, like, is angry. And then for the rest of the movie, like, his eyes are, like, fucking, like,

melted out of his skull. Yeah, like, there's just two, like, large red lumps where his eyes used to be. It's very grisly, but also quite funny. It's like, the acid effectively does nothing. It just makes the zombie, it makes Freddie the zombie even more hyped up. Yeah.

And then we get, Um, a very, then this is when trash rises and makes her grand return. Um, and we see a homeless guy pushing a cart around. And in one of these movies, if you see a homeless guy pushing a cart around, he's done. Okay. This happens in the blob, too. Yes, absolutely. Every sound has a local tramp, a local hobo, local sort of can man.

And they're, they're always one of the first to go. Absolutely. They're always, they're done for. And, um, people, I, I really think people must have been so afraid of Annie Lennox for some reason in the 80s because between this and Ghostbusters, the prevalence of like a sexy, hard-bodied, like, basically naked woman with short red hair is, it's too, it happens. I think there must be more examples, but even two is a lot of something like that happening. It certainly made an impression on me, has to it? Oh, absolutely.

I love Eddie Lennox, by the way. Oh, yeah, me too. Absolutely. And there's a great, another great comedic beat where it cuts to Cindy Lopper and Rick Astley in the, aka Chuck, in the, like, warehouse. And they're like, you know, barricaded. They're scared. And Chuck clearly has a thing for her. And she says to him, Chuck, I never did like you.

But please hold me. I just love the inversion of what that beat would be in any other movie of like Chuck It's like I still don't like you at all It's never going to happen for you But I need someone to hold me right now

She maintains her punk bona fides Until the very end Yes absolutely Absolutely It's like loving someone That's not punk rock Hating someone That's punk rock

Yeah absolutely And then we get like an amazing uh this is my favorite line in the movie when the cops arrive and they of course they get brain mobbed immediately yeah yeah one of them says stop bringing the dinner bell yeah stop or blow your brains out as like 50 zombies are rushing toward him and then um as the zombies are eating the cops a confederate soldier kind of gets up from the scrum goes over to the to the police to the squad car picks up the radio and says And I love that this Confederate soldier

knows the word cops and knows how a police radio works I do say dispatch the local constable I'm a bit peckish for brains you see Send the bobbies So basically yeah like It's now all our war in the streets The cops set up barricades

it's all going to shit at this point Bert and Spider but they're like we need to make a break for the cop car because like the cop car is still idling

like the keys are in the ignition that they can run outside they can get to the cop car they sort of fight their way to the cop car they peel out like they're supposed to go back for Ernie and Tina

but like there's too many zombies so they have to like leave and then they immediately like crash into the warehouse just because like there's too many zombies you can't even make a turn without you know

running over some zombies they're like they're they're they're they're they're they're back in the warehouse uh bert knocks tar man's head off yeah because they need to use a phone they need to call the police well they can't call the police they're finally good then they finally figure they're gonna call the number on the barrel they get to the basement and at this point uh ernie and tina are like have like they've gone up into the attic before before we get to this we have to uh we would be remits not uh mentioning frank's noble end um Oh, my God. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Because Freddy dies a little bit before Frank, and Frank is about to go. He's about to become a bloodthirsty zombie, and he is not, he does not want that to happen. So he takes off his wedding ring. He turns on the crematorium, the, like, machine. Oven. He preheets it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, preheets it. It sets it to broil. Yeah. Takes off his wedding ring, puts it on the switch to the oven.

and climbs in and then, like, shuts the door behind him and then you just hear him go, ah, like, as he's, like, but has it, like, in such a funny movie,

and this is a funny scene, I just like, there's something about him taking off his wedding ring that I find so touching. Because, like, it's so sad because, like, yeah,

this guy's a boob and a dunce, but, like, my favorite character. He's still, he's, there's still love inside of him and has a, here's something,

here's something great about this scene of Frank, crawling in an, oven and incinerating himself. The actor who portrays Frank, James Karen, despite how old he looks in this movie, he died fairly recently.

Oh, wow. And when he died, he made it into the Academy Awards in Memorium Montage. The scene that they used to commemorate him in the Academy Awards in Memorial Montage was him crawling into the oven in return of the living dead. That's sick.

honestly that's awesome I'm sure he would have appreciated that I mean it's an iconic moment yeah yeah yeah because I I was reading something else too that he would come to set on days when he wasn't like when he wasn't called just to like encourage

the other actors and be like great see yeah yeah yeah yeah and by the way like the reason Ernie can't couldn't run out to the cop car with everyone else is because he broke his foot in the funniest way possible where they were just moving a bench to barricade a door and it, they just moved it over his foot.

He was like, oh, guess that's it for me. So him and Tina have to go into the crawl space in the attic and hide there. As Freddie tries to get at them and is like, Tina, like, how could you do this to me? I just want to eat your brains. Yeah, there's a great, he goes, Tina, you made me hurt myself again. This time you made me break my hand completely off, Tina. But I don't care. I love you.

and you have to let me eat your brains it's so cool it's about getting brain yeah yeah um they call the cops and they're on the phone with a cop and the cop is like what the heck is going and then immediately every single like all 100 cops in louisville uh are mobbed and killed by the zombie mob um and yeah this is when they called the number um and this is the return of the colonel yeah the army man that we saw at the very beginning of this movie and like a one-off scene that like you know you're like i wonder how this is going to pay off so they call the number on the uh the u.s army corps of engineer barrels and they're like yes i see all right we're putting you through now and like colonel glover has a like a sort of like a communication station in

his study and he like or he like he gets called the middle of the night and you only hear you only hear from colonel clover's side of the conversation and he goes oh really uh-huh uh-huh and how long ago did this happen and how many acres is the cemetery

and you didn't call the number okay I see that's understandable yeah I love that line where are they now and how many acres is the cemetery how many

I see I see of course all right I'm gonna I'm gonna transfer you back to the other line we'll take care of this right away

and then he like he like he hangs up calls his superiors and he goes general louisville kentucky the egg those missing easter eggs it appears the eggs have hatched yeah and then like the survivors are with like like clue gulliger bert and the other survivors they're like what's going on again bert goes uh don't worry he says the army army said they have a contingency plan to deal with this and then we get the great gag at the end of this movie they just nuke louisville yeah contingency as they call

and like one of my favorite things is like one of those like gigantic Canons that are, like, mounted on, like, a railway car. Yeah, like, two rail, two rails, basically, one for each side of this giant car. And it just, like, adjusts itself. And, like, an enormous cannon. And they basically fire, like, like, a shell, but it's, like, a nuclear bomb at Louisville. And they, they nuke the city. Yeah.

I love when they're all in the basement and you just hear... And, uh, like, Burt is like, do you guys hear that? And it happens right when right as Freddie bursts into the crawl space and it's showing like all the disparate people. I also love that Ernie is

about to, is about to Lenny from he's about to of mice and men. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, he's got a gun to Tina's head. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the situation isn't that dire yet. He's like, already thinking I'm going to have to put this beautiful girl out of her misery. It's just like, well, just hold off for a little bit.

Yeah, his Nazi instincts are kicking in. Yeah. One of the great lines at the end is the colonel on the phone with someone else. Again, you can only hear his side of the conversation. And he's like, yeah, that was great. It was pretty damn near close to the center of the target. Yeah, that's 20 square city blocks, 4,000. It seems like it's been well contained.

And then he goes, don't worry. The rain will wash everything away tomorrow. The president's visiting Louisville. Yeah, I understand. it's going to be tough but like and then you just see like obviously

the nuclear bomb is just a bigger version of the crematorium yeah yeah it's just spreads obviously the chemicals everywhere now and at the end of the movie

you can be you can rest assured that the rest of America is going down with Louisville yeah yeah it shows this great shot of the rain clouds coming in

that score that thumping dope-ass score kicks back in and then as the rain comes down, it goes, the camera pans down to the ground, you see the cemetery

and then it goes into the ground, into the groundwater and you can see it keeps going down through all these layers of dirt and then that's the the conclusory like note of this movie. It's fantastic.

But yeah, it's just the, I don't know, it's just sort of, I really like the kind of I love any horror movie where there's only a couple locations, and I really like that about this movie. It's like, it's the warehouse, it's the mortuary, it's the graveyard, and that's pretty much it. And it's just like a bunch of people in a pressure cooker, awesome punk rock music, awesome punk rock party music, and then just like a fair amount of like nonstop mayhem and grisly hilarity. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. We didn't mention every time

they say, give me a hammer and nails, but it does happen a lot, trust me. And yeah, it's, it's so there's so many funny lines in this movie that we didn't even get to like mention like when the second ambulance calls up and spider's like what is that and ernie's like it's an ambulance another one um the uh wet right before suicide dies um or no right before the rain starts falling suicide is like no one takes me seriously this isn't just a costume you know it's a way a life. It's a lifestyle, yeah. Yeah, and it's so fucking funny.

There's so many fucking, like, it's literally every line in this movie has a tinge of, like, horror and, like, existential dread and sadness to it, but is also just so, so funny and delivered at breakneck pace. And I really love Clue Gallagher as Bert. I think he's so funny. He's got this, like, members only jacket. he's wearing the whole movie and like I love that in the face of this like his primary instinct is like I don't want to lose my business he's like I could get fined by the city and like he like

there's something very like paternalistic about him in the midst of all of the horror like even at the end when he's like don't worry the army has a contingency plan yeah yeah I um I really love also like his relationship with Ernie and how like they're so close like I love like right before he runs out to go to the police car. Earlier in the movie, Ernie says, you're going to owe me a big favor for this one right before he burns the body. And like, before Bert runs outside, Ernie's like, remember that favor you owe me?

And Bert's like, yep. And he's like, be careful out there. And I just love that. So sweet, you know? From a Nazi war criminal, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's also, in one scene, he's wearing, like, a, like, a wear-mocked, like, trench coat when he goes out to check on the ambulance. It's so funny.

But, like, despite all his Nazi regalia, he's wearing, like, a maroon valour tractsuit and new balance sneakers. Yes, a trac suit, a maroon valour tractsuit with one leg cut off. Yeah, because the zombie grabs it at one point. He, like, loses half of the leg of one of his pants. But it's a good outfit. It's a good look for him. it's so cool the costumes in this are amazing i i also read that uh tina's outfit was um an actual like was miguel nunez's outfit like an outfit that he just had in his closet that he brought

um and yeah like all the costumes are so sick i love like all the different kind of subculture archetypes of like uh punks and outcasts that are uh in this uh this movie reminds you a repo man of ways. Yeah. Punks versus authority, punks versus zombies. And the fact that the punks themselves are all kind of like,

just shit. It's like they're just like, they suck. Yeah. They're stupid. Yeah. I mean, like they, suicide, the big tough one,

is dies instantly. Like literally because he walks up to the zombie and he's like, what the hell are you or something? It reminds you of like Miguel Sandoval's character and repo man when he gets shot and dies at the end. end and he's like talking to Emilio Estevez and he's like I blame society it's so cool um yeah and I I just love this like the how this plays fast and loose with reality and with um you know like suspension of disbelief and like all of that kind of stuff and it does it so well it's like

truly such a watchable movie I watch this like like three times this week. Oh, it's so much fun. Yeah, it's fun from start to finish. And I cannot emphasize enough when that fucking return of the Living Dead score hits in this movie and this scene where like the zombies are spreading everywhere, the smoke is coming out through the chimney and you just hear that thumping fucking like zombie soundtrack.

It's just, oh, it's so good. Yeah, the like Georgioma rhoder. Yeah, yeah. As like, uh, ba, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. It's so fucking sick. Oh, I just remember. Clue Gallagher, I remember one more movie he's in.

He was in Don Siegel's The Killers opposite Ronald Reagan. Oh, period. There we go. I know we've discussed it before, but we should do a Killers episode with Don Siegel's The Killers. What's the other big one? There's one more that's really good. And it was the other The Killers, which stars, Lee Marvin, I think, right?

I think so, yeah. And then there's also Andre Tarkovsky made a student film of the killers when he was in film school. And the criteria on box that has all three of them on there. So it would be fun to do a little three-way

where we compare them. But yeah, but not this month because it is... It's all horror movies. It's all horror time. It's all horror time. All right. We'll take a little break and then we'll be back with

the blob If it had a mind you could reason with it if it had a body you could shoot it if it had a heart you could kill it is no longer the supreme being on this planet.

The organism is growing at a geometric rate. By all accounts, it's at least a thousand times its original mass. Nobody believes me about what happened tonight. What did happen? You were there, you saw. Asmic life form that hunts its prey. Predator. I want that organism alive.

I think you ticked it off. All right. All right, we are back. And now we turn our attention to 1988. It's The Blob, directed by Chuck Russell. Now, this is a remake of the original sort of drive-in horror, sci-fi, classic, The Blob, starring Steve McQueen as a high schooler. Yes. I'll never forget the first time I watched that movie when I was a kid.

I was high. And about 40 minutes into the movie, Steve McQueen goes to try to report the blob at a police station. and the police officers like, that's it, that's it, mister, I'm calling your dad. I was like, I thought he was the dad. I was like, what the fuck? What the fuck? Because there's no indication that he's in high school up to that point. But from that point on, like, he goes into a bar at one point and he's like, we don't serve

minors in here. Get out of here, kid. And I'm like, come on. But yeah, that is a truly a classic movie. And I honestly think the acid jar scene in Return of the Living Dead might have been kind of an obage to that, to a part in the blob where the doctor's like, throw that acid on the blob. Like, that'll take care of it. And it's the kind of acid they used to treat like genital warts. She just dumps it on it and it doesn't do anything.

and uh this is this is the this is a remake and it was um co-written by frank darabant who you might remember from the shawshank redemption and the mist and the walking dead oh yeah that as well the mist i like a lot that's a that's a that's a very fun movie oh the mist is awesome but uh it's like and chuck russell uh you know not not not someone who's usually of movie mindset caliber because his other films include The Mask starring Jim Carrey and Eraser starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Look, I mean, like, those are good movies, but, you know, look, like, you're, not everyone has to be like a God-leveluteur to get into movie mindset, because this movie is brilliant.

It is so well done. Oh, my God, yeah. It is fantastic. It is scary, and the blob effects in this movie are so fucking good. Unbelievable. There were parts where I was like, I got to rewind that because they really just had a blob.

Like, there's no way they're going to have done this if they didn't just like, I'm like, are we sure they didn't have a blob? This is sort of verite filmmaker. You know, it's like Jean-Luc Godard. It's like, all you need is a camera,

a girl, and a blob. Just get out there and make your movie. Who cares about form or convention or anything? Just get a. blob and start filming it. Watch it run amok and wreak havoc as it absorbs everything in a small town in America. Yeah, the small town of Dante's Peak, where this takes place. This sounds very Dante's Peak-esque.

Yeah, yeah. And it's like, you know, sort of at one point, the sheriff played by Jeffrey DeMun, who's sort of like a Frank Deribont regular, he says, like, can you get that body to Sacramento, No, no, we want those results by morning. So I'm assuming that this town is sort of like a northern California ski town, somewhere in the Sierra Nevadas or something. Somewhere in like the California, Oregon, Washington area, kind of. Yeah, but it's a small town that's a ski town. It's sort of a winter town that relies on skiing and sort of winter sports to keep it going.

But it's sort of a sleepy, quiet town. And that's how this movie begins. we see earth from space and then we sort of zoom in into this sort of small and strangely empty town like as the opening credits run it's sort of this eerie scenes of like this town

with no people in it you know it's like leaves are blown around the street it's just like the streets everything is empty you just see a cat and then it's like sort of jarring because like as the credits end the camera pans over from this like

weird like this like town that's just like negative space it's been like denuded of people and then the camera pans over and it's just like a high school football game and they're like oh everyone's everyone's going out to cheer for their highs because as the movie begins it like gives you the sense that like the blob has already like taken everyone

in the town and absorbed them but then like oh they're like oh no it's just thank God it's just a regular American town it's Friday night everyone's at the high school football game everyone's been taken by something worse than the blob which is football which is

fashion You know, I'm getting in my life of Sweden. Got my Jan Horx. Football is fascism. Fascist. And we see like, you know, like the sort of the captain of the football team. You know, he's like, he's out there. He's playing.

And the head cheerleader, the captain of the football team, Paul Taylor, is played by Donovan Leach. And the cheerleader is played by Shawnee Smith. Now, Donovan Leach is like, he's a guy who's face I maybe remember from a couple movies, but none of them spring to mind. However, in researching this episode, I did find out that he, one thing of note about him, he is the son of the folk pop singer Donovan, responsible for Bertie Gertie Man and Atlantis. Whoa. You know, like that guy, Donovan.

He looks kind of like Donovan, now that I think about it. Shawnee Smith, it was bothering me so much, like, the whole movie, because I'm like, she looks so familiar, but I cannot. All the saw movies. All the saw movies. Yeah, but I don't even And by the way She has not aged at all

Between this and the saw movies It's crazy Yeah, she's in like Her and Tobin Bell are In like all the saw movies Yeah, she like takes over for him It becomes jigsaw She's like jigsaw's acolyte

You know, she was the girl Who had like the bear trap Trapp Saw trap In the first one Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, I'm a huge Oh and isn't she

The girl that gets thrown into the swimming pool full of dirty needles. Hypertraming needles and saw two. Yes, of course. She's also in the X-Files episode, Firewalker, if anyone remembers that one.

A lot of X-Files regulars in this. Yeah. But yeah, there's, we, at this football game, we hear the first line when Donovan Leach's a skeezy friend on the bench tells him,

come to look at her, man. Look at her. I think she wants your body. And if that, if that ain't the blob down to a T, the blob wants your body it wants everyone's bodies but he's like hey what are you going to ask her out man

and he's like I'm you know I'm waiting to the timing's right and then like oh like the defense like you know like they get fourth it's fourth down you know they punt the offense comes back and he's like all right cool like they run a play and you know Donovan Paul I'm going to call him Paul you know he makes a catch and he gets tackled

like into the gator into like the Gatorade table and he's like slightly concussed and you know shawnee smith meg the cheerleader is like standing over him and she's like are you okay and he's like uh what are you doing tonight and he's like he asks her out while suffering a mild concussion it's very it's very cute and and there is like i'll get to the second one but like this is the first example in this movie of like a nice and small and budding romance that in many movies in most movies when you see characters introduced like this you think this is going to pay off later. Like this is like this is,

we're going to get to know these characters and they're going to like get together by the end of the movie. We'll see how that develops. So, so everyone who's like on the straight and narrow in this small town, they're at the high school football game.

Yeah. But not the hero of the movie. Enter Kevin Dillon. The beautiful boy. Johnny drama himself. Johnny, Johnny motherfucking drama. Looking young as shit.

young as hell. Yeah, young and beautiful. And he's got, he's got a leather jacket. He's got like a pirate-style button shirt. A Civil War shirt. Literally. Yeah. He's got jeans.

He's got motorcycle boots. And yeah, he's got a motorcycle. You think he's, you think he's watching football? No. He's too busy smoking cigs, drinking beer, wearing a leather jacket, and trying to jump his motorcycle over a collapsed bridge. That's what cool bad boys are up to on Friday night in small down America

Absolutely And his hair is unbelievable His hair is crazy Like he's a bad boy But he goes and gets a blow out every morning The town's a lot This is 1988 Yeah yeah

So like he like he like he revs up his bike And he's like I said He's trying to jump this like collapsed bridge over ravine But like the engine You know sort of like taps out on him he bungles the jump he like slides it into the ravine like you know barely gets away with his life this is all witnessed by you know an indelible character in small town America we already mentioned it in return of the living dead the local tramp mm-hmm the local

sort of can man whino stumble bum you know and he has and he has to have a dog with him you know and he's like sort of gives him the thumbs up and you think you think when you see this you're like okay, now I know that Kevin Dillon, later in the movie, he's going to have to jump over this bridge for real and make it this time and it's going to be a character moment. And there's going to be some kind of moment with Donovan Leach where he has to do like a football style thing that he has to, you know, complete that arc because he got, you know, wrecked in the opening scene. So you're what you're like, you know what movie, I've got your number. I know how movies go. Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's already happened in my mind.

I can see it, you know, like, why don't even watch the rest of the movie? Yeah. And like, and for another example of that, what has a, okay, we've got, we've got the high school football team. We got the captain of the football team. We got the cheerleaders. We got the whole town cheering them on. We've got the town bad boy who smoked cigarettes and rides a motorcycle and wears a leather jacket. You've got the town sort of tramp and his dog.

But it has to, like, there are still two more sort of iconic figures that, like, sort of bring this Norman Rockwell, like vision of small town America to life, to animate it. There are two more sort of institutions, figures, roles that need to be filled. Beginning with, of course, the kindly town sheriff. Yes. Played by Jeffrey Dumont, like I said, he is in the mist as well.

He's sort of a Frank Darabant mainstay. He's, you might remember him as Chuck Rhodes Senior from the TV show Billions. He plays Paul Giamatti's father on that show. Oh, damn. And he is wonderful on billions. But one more character, the kindly, like the small town sheriff,

who's sort of like keeping an eye on the kids, you know, keeping everyone on the straight and narrow, sort of like got the cowboy hat, sort of tipping it, ma'am. But he's tipping it to the kindly diner waitress. Every small town needs a diner. And of course it needs to be presided over by like, a sort of matronly but still quite attractive sort of middle-aged woman who's like everyone's sort of like if you're over if you're a dad you got kind of got a crush on her and if you're a kid she's sort of like

the town mom she takes care of everyone norma she's nice yeah norma exactly by the way and then jack nance shows up in this movie as the doctor it's the it's the same casting director as twin peaks oh really yeah yeah yeah and um you know they're they're having their little meek you also um i didn't look this up, but the actress playing the diner waitress, I think she is Vincent de Navrio's wife in Men in Black in the opening scene.

It's like, Edgar, you're acting weird. No, no, no. It's Fran is played by Candy Clark. I know the actress you're thinking of in Men in Black, but that is not her. Okay, okay. Candy Clark, who is in The Man Who Fell to Earth and American Graffiti and Blue Thunder. Another movie written by Dan O'Bannon.

I'm going to leave that in just to let our listeners know that it doesn't happen often but even us movie mindset experts make mistakes. Folks, when you're right 99% of the time you're wrong the other 1% of the time. It's true, it's true.

I apologize for my co-host. I've never made an error on this show such as 10 minutes ago when I referred to Miguel Sandoval's character in Repo Man, but knowing full well that wasn't Miguel Sandoval but he was just a name that came to mind. It was one of the other punks

who dies and blames society. But I love to see, so we get the kindly sheriff, the kindly town sheriff, the diner lady Fran, and we get this nice moment of like sort of like almost like a Jackie Brown style moment of like two people sort of past middle age in life who are sort of like flirting with each other. The sheriff sort of gets up his courage and asks her out if she'd like to see some country music with him tonight.

Yeah. She's like, oh, I don't know. You know, I'm going to be here all night. The game gets out. We're going to be a pretty slam. But he's like, okay, well, if you get free, just let me know. And he's like, is that my check? And she hands him the check.

And on the bottom of the check, she's written, I get off at 11 p.m. And he smiles to himself. And it's like, it's at a normal. Nice moment. Yeah, exactly. Like, you know, it's kind of probably been having a will they, won't they thing going on for a lot of long time. Both them are probably married. Maybe one of their spouses has died tragically.

But now, the point being is they're free now. They're free to pursue this flirtation to its logical end point. And then we get the first subversion of this small town, idyllic kind of vision, where the sheriff drives by Kevin Dillon, who's now in town after... He's like, yeah, he's got to hitchhike back to town. Yeah. His bike's, you know, wrecked in the woods. And the sheriff drives by and goes, hey, Kevin Dillon. Brian Flagg is the character's name.

But he's like, hey, a flag. heard you got a birthday coming up no more juvie for you can't wait to lock you up for good it's like oh that's a little crazy to say to such a beautiful boy he's like got a birthday coming up you're gonna be 18 you know what that

means I can finally ask you out on a date you can take you're riding on your motorcycle boy and he's like he's like yeah he's like no more juvie for you if you screw you know if you get busted this time you're going to the big leagues going to the big house and like you know he's just like he's hassling them just for being cool You know, and that's the kind of prejudice and sort of small-minded bigotry that plague small-town America

is that they just don't like people who don't fit in. People who are cool and wear leather jackets, smoke cigarettes, and ride motorcycles. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And like, what has, I mean, just as a digression, when is there ever going to be a town just for cool people? Or if you're like a square, they're like, keep on driving square. This is a town for people with motorcycles. Well, that's why they do Burning Man once a year. Oh, yeah, all the cool people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. All the coolest people in America. Go to Burning Man. Getting my steampunk gear ready to go. I wish the fucking blob would go there. Yeah, absolutely. Seems like it already has. Yes.

Oh, my God. Brace is reporting from the ground. So he's like, yeah, no more, no more juvenile, no more juvenile, no more juvenile, no more juvenile for you for being cool. This time you're going to the real prison for being cool. Going to the big house. Yeah. And then, um, we see,

basically the I think what happens next is the pharmacy scene which is a great comedic before the pharmacy scene which is a great bit

of like horror movie comedy we see a meteorite lands up in the mountains outside of the bum and once again witnessed by the local tramp and his dog and he's like

well you know like sort of like rubs his eyes theatrically after drinking like you know bad dogs 2020 yeah drinking like fortified wine And he's just like, okay, you have to go check this out.

So, but like, so that's going on. And then the football bros, they go to the drugstore to get condoms. And you got like, Paul Taylor, Donovan Jr. He's like the good one and he's going on a date with Meg tonight. But his, his skeezy buddy, no, no, his buddy is like, I need to go buy condoms because I'm looking to get lucky tonight or whatever. And like, you know, and then runs into the reverend while buying condoms. You know, we've all been there.

Classic. Yeah, yeah, classic from. And the reverend looks like a famous mad TV character named The Molester, basically. The Reverend Meeker is played by the character actor Del Close. Yeah. He was like, you know, sort of a classic weirdo character actor. He's been in a number of Brian De Palma movies. Yeah, I, okay.

The Untouchables and the Black Dahlia. Okay, because I, I clocked him instantly and I said, that is the killer that's shown for three seconds at the beginning of blowout in the fake movie. And my friend was like, I just looked it up, it's not. And I'm like, that can't be true. I still think it's him. I still fully think it's him. Because especially now that I know he's in a ton of De Palma films, I'm like, that's got to be him.

But if someone can check on, no, actually don't. Don't check on it. Don't comment about it. Do not let us know right or wrong about this. I will stand on business that he was in. in the untouchables and the black delia. Yeah. So,

uh, and like, you know, this is another downside of living in a small town and not being allowed, where no one's allowed to be cool. When you go to buy condoms, you're buying condoms like the pharmacist who has to sell you the condoms. Is like the dad of the girl you're going to see.

And the skeezy friend sort of like to get out of the awkwardness of like talking to the reverend while like the guy's like, you want ribbed or regular? And he's like, ribbed, I guess? And he's like, oh, Jason, he's like, I haven't seen you

with Sunday services, you know, if you've been too busy and then like, he's just like, no, just buying rubbers, but for my friend over there. And he's like,

he points at Donovan Jr. And it's just like, yeah, he's about to, he's going out to de-flower some, you know, naive young girl tonight. And I just, I'm so irresponsible.

Like, I made him get some rubbers or whatever. So it's like, he blames it all on his, his much more virtuous friend. Yeah, and then Donovan is like, come on,

hurry up. And the pharmacist, of course, is looking at him with complete disdain. The pharmacist who I called in my notes John Favreau-Ritchard Kind. He's played by Art LaFleur. Yeah. He's in Field of Dreams.

He's in The Sandlot. He's just one of those like, that guy actors. He's just in tons of movies. And then we get, we're back to the bum. And he's checking out the scene at this meteor crash site and we see the kind of this meteor split down the middle

glowing on the inside and him and his dog are like whoa this is a crazy thing that's going on and he takes a stick and pokes it into the center of the meteor and this is where we first catch sight of the blob and the blob is crazy looking at this point it's sort of like a miniature blob It's just like pulsing pink like sort of ball of goo

It's like the size of a loaf of bread Like a tennis ball or yeah Yeah It's a mini blob But like it immediately Just sort of scoots up the stick And attaches itself to the hand Of this hobo

And it's a great smash cut From like this pink blob of goo consuming the hand of this Poor Vagrant And it's a smash cut too A kid slurping red jello directly off of a plate just putting his face into the plate

and just slurping up a big like sort of cube of jello and it's like it's Meg's younger brother and his friend and they're planning on going to the movies tonight and now of course if you've seen the original the blob you will know that the movie theater

is like a major is like a major set piece of the blob so if you're going to do a blob remake you're going to have to have a scene in a movie theater so like that that's foreshadowing of what that's happening and I really like the like the two younger boys talking to like one of the kids' moms

and they're like oh like we're going to the massacre movie fest tonight mom and she's like oh like what he says of the movie they're going to see you know it's your average slice and dice a guy with a hockey mask chops up a bunch of teenagers but don't worry mom there's no sex in it yeah yeah I know I love it's not the kid talking to his mom it's the kid's friend who is completely fucking this up for them basically like he's like and the mom's like they won't let you into a movie like that

and he's like don't worry my brother is the usher he'll let us in the R-rated movies all the time yeah like the one kid is like he's trying to keep it cool and then the other kid's just spilling everything he's like shut up shut up shut up and the kid's like yeah we're going to see garden tool

garden tool massacre is the name of the movie and the yeah obviously this kid is has some trouble at home he's bringing this shit up Um, but yeah, the mom is like forbids him from going. He's like, okay, fine. Um, and, uh, in my notes here, I wrote down that, um, this is one of those movies that takes place in a kind of 1950s version of

the 80s. Yes, absolutely. Yeah. Um, because they're really, it's like if the two timelines and back to the future existed simultaneously. Yes. Yeah, totally, totally. And, um, I, I really love that. The first, like, indication that, I mean, the cars, there's a lot of stuff that should have been an obvious tip-off to me, but I'm stupid. So the first time I noticed it is when a character takes a battery powered mixer out of his trunk and uses it. And I'm like, wow, they didn't have those in the 50. Oh, this is the 80s. I'm an idiot. Well, a more example of this sort of 50s, 80s crossover is when Donovan Jr. shows up to take out Meg on a date. And she's like, oh, like, come in, he's a very polite,

he's a very polite young man. And he's like, okay, before we go out, I just want to meet my father. And they go in the living room and like the dad is obscured because like he's got his legs across

and he's just sitting in his like, in the dad chair reading a newspaper. And like there's something about like a dad. It's like eight o'clock at night. Like reading a newspaper at night after you get home from work and you got your slippers and your like sort of house cardigan on. That to me is very 1950s coded.

Oh, absolutely. Because like, You know, TV exists in the 80s. Why the fuck are you reading a newspaper at night? I mean, this is a, this is an old-fashioned kind of, you know, an old-fashioned, if not impotent dad. He's... Well, because the newspaper comes down and reveals that Meg's dad is the pharmacist.

Yeah. That, like, he was just slandered as, like, having condoms bought for him so that he can deflower his naive young daughter. And the dad just looks at him and says, ribbed. Yeah, I love that. And then basically, like, the kids are being ushered out. The kids also get ushered out, and the one kid's zipper gets stuck

on his jacket, which is... The mom makes him wear the jacket, because she's like, she's like, Mom, it's hot out. You know, it's a, it's an Indian summer, it's very hot out, it's October, but she's like, it's October, it's fall. If you're going out at night, you're wearing your jacket. So she makes him put on a jacket. As always, the parents are wrong.

in this movie. The authority figures are always wrong. Yes. So then we cut to Kevin Dillon who has gone back up to where his motorcycle is sort of up in the mountains

and he's like borrowed a set of ratchets from like his friend who works at the garage who you know fixes stuff for the ski like the ski resort including their snowmobiles and crucially snow machines. Yeah.

So he borrowed some ratchets from him and he's like fixing his bike that like he like wrecked after failing to do the jump. And then this is where like And then he's still like, like the bum, like with the blob on his hand, like emerges and he's like, ah! And he tries to cut his hand off with a hatchet, but like it doesn't work. Yeah, because Kevin Dillon stops him and is like, whoa, man, what the fuck are you doing?

And as Kevin Dillon then pursues this, this, you know, whino through the woods and into the road where Donovan hits, I'm just going to call him Donovan. We will refer to him as Donovan or Donovan Jr. for the rest of the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Donovan hits the old man with his car, and he... Like, not super bad. I mean, the real problem with this old man is that the blob is on his hand. And it's the pink goo slowly consuming his hand. Yeah.

And, you know, they have a little argument. It's kind of the... The, you know, the clash of a jock and a cool. You know, jock and a biker, jock and skater, you know, like they're, there, this is an art. This is a sort of Jungian archetype. It works it throughout, works this way throughout high schools throughout all of history. Yeah. And something that jumped out to me here is that when Donovan Jr. is next to Kevin Dillon, they're the same height.

Even though Donovan Jr. looks like he would be shorter. And which made me remember society. And Brian in that movie is. like also looks very short. I mean, he is short, but I think something about the outfit of like a Letterman jacket and like blue jeans

that are a little too long and a little too wide just makes guys look short. So that's my costume talk. It's part of the movie. Well, Donovan, Meg, and Brian, they all take the whino to the hospital. And they're like, oh, like,

you have to come with, you know, they make Brian come with them because they're like, there's going to be a lot of explaining to do. And, like, you're a part of this. And he's like, oh, we're all right. Like, you know, you're probably going to blame it on me. So I'm going to come with you so that you don't do that. So they show up at the hospital and hand off the whino to the town doctor

played by Jack Nance from Twin Peaks. Yes, there's a blob in the percolator. Yes, exactly. And, like, he's in this movie for like three seconds. He has like four lines, he has like two lines. But, you know, if you're a true head, you'll just be like, Jack Dance, you're pointing at the screen. Absolutely.

And, you know, the Donovan Jr. goes to check on this Winoe and notices that he is being, there's some blob action going on with him. And this guy's, it's no longer just his hand. Like, now he's in, like, he's like under sheets and it's like, things are moving around there. And like, he pulls the sheets back. like half of his body has just been consumed and melted away by the blob. Yes. And, um, you know, he calls, uh, Jack Nance and, uh, they go in and the blob is gone.

The blob is, uh, completely missing. And he runs into the office. And what does he do? He makes, he tries to call the sheriff. Yes. He makes a fatal mistake of going to authority for help. Um, which in this movie is, not a good idea. And it is proven in

one of the craziest death scenes I've ever seen. It's fucking wild. And like, I love this because like, this is where the movie really turns a corner into just like, you're like, okay, like, this is some horror. This is some horrific shit. Like, yeah. This is, this is like, this blob is like next level. Because I love that the movie, like the whole first half hour of the movie really sets up Donovan. as like the main character.

Yes. As like the hero, he's a star of the football team, he's going on a date tonight, and it's just like, in other movies, like this character would be portrayed

as something of like maybe a cad or disrespectful to Meg or sort of a jerk, right? Yeah. Everything he does in like the setting, like going on the date or whatever

is that he's just like, his friend is the skeevy, like nasty one. We'll get to that. But like, Donovan is like, he's just like a nice young man. He's good looking.

He's, like, well-liked in the community. And crucially, he's, like, respectful of his date and goes out of his way to help, like, someone in need, like the vagrant, the homeless guy. Yeah, yeah. And like, all for, like, everything would lead you to believe that this guy is going to live through the movie. But, like, out of nowhere, he tries to call the sheriff

to get help, do the responsible thing. And it's just like, as he's on the phone, little droplets of acid are hitting the desk. he notices the second one looks up and now there is like a basically like a man-sized blob on the ceiling in this office in the hospital it just drops on him like a blanket and consumes him right as Meg

walks into the room and like sees his face dissolving as his like one arm reaches out from the blob and she tries to pull his body out of the blob and his arm is pulled off as she's looking at his face dissolve into this like pink mass of goo. Yeah, it is

like literally, if that happened to anyone on the planet, if they saw that happen, they would be in a psych ward for the rest of their life. Like they would be all sanity points gone. Yeah. Never to return. But this is

this is my favorite little joke in the entire movie is that why is Meg blessed with not being killed by the blob? It's because, you know, this movie is about, like, subverting the norms and subverting expectations. And in the first conversation that Donovan Jr. and his friend have, they mentioned that Meg has a boyfriend. And you never see this boyfriend, but he's brought up, like, twice or three times. And right after Donovan Jr. dies, Meg just moves on to Kevin Dillon as Kevin Dillon as,

kind of the object of affection. And the, like, the reason, the way that Meg is kind of, you know, deviant in this, like, society, this, like, Goody Two Shoes girl is because she's kind of a ho. She's, like, just looking for Dick wherever she can get it. Sort of like a classic Paul Verhoven, a female sort of protagonist. And she always has to have, like, two guys. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. And, like, other movies would judge, like, any female character.

for having two boyfriends at the same time as being sort of like a harlot or like a fallen evil woman who's, like, I remember like Paul Verhoeven talking about how sort of shocked he was and how like the audience reaction to Denise Richards character and Starship Troopers for like, quote unquote,

betraying Casper Van Dine where it's just like, that's crazy. She's just like, she's in high school boyfriend. She's going to college. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah. And she's obviously like smart and ambitious and he's a fucking does.

Like, what do you think it's going to happen? Like, she's supposed to fucking keep a candle burning for him? When she goes to Fleet Command? I don't think so. Yeah. It's so, it's like, truly like, and this movie really doesn't even call attention to it. You could miss that she has a boyfriend from the beginning. Because he never shows up in the movie at all at any point.

Yeah, the blob doesn't even get him. He's just like non-entity. He's jacking off at home. He's a gooner. He's gooner. Yeah. Never, never go to the authorities. Never go outside. Stay gooning. Stay gooning. Stay calm and gume on. Just keep going. You can do it. Don't give up. Keep gooning. Keep blobs and keep gooning. And I would like to stress again that the blob effects in this movie are so good. And then just like Paul's screaming face as like with his last conscious thoughts, he tries to reach for this like, this like, this. this girl that he wants to be his girlfriend as his, like, his screams are muffled by, like, pink acid. And then you see his, like, face and skull dissolve as she pulls his arm out,

like, off his body and out of the pink goo. Yeah. Incredible. And then she passes out from fear. And, uh, fortunately, the blob, um, has other plans, does not eat her. And then, um, we see. The blob absorbs all of, all of, all of, Donovan. Yeah. And then like abscans elsewhere. And then of course like the sheriff shows up. And also we get to meet the sheriff's deputy who is played by speaking of Paul

Verhoven. He's played by Paul McCrane, who was Emil in Robocop. Another victim of goo and melting. Yes. He's been, he's been, his body has been horribly affected by, you know, illicit substances in multiple, like Robocop, the X-Files episode. where he has the I was just going to say

the X-Files episode but like he can he's the EMS worker that can't die and like regrows his head yeah great episode so we get

we get a meal from Robocop but like the blob is gone and like Taylor's missing and like like any small town sheriff's department

who are they going to point the finger at the kid with the leather jacket yeah I in my notes at this point I wrote Johnny Drama is so beautiful he really is

But meanwhile, as this is going on, we got to check in with Taylor's friend. You'll remember him from earlier in the movie where he tries to jacket his friend with a reputation of the kind of guy who would buy condoms. You know, a sick, fucked up pervert. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

But in fact, it is the friend character who is the ban of low moral character because, listen, how shall I put this? This is a movie made in the 1980s, So the chances that you are going to get what is essentially date rape portrayed as something other than like horrific is pretty high.

Yeah. So like he's got a girl in his car that he's like slowly trying to get as drunk as possible just to do some light sexual assault to her. The girl in the car is played by what's her name? Erica Alaniac who was also abused

by Steven Seagal on the set of under siege. Oh my God. Oh no. Oh no. but to be fair to this movie he does get his uh well yeah i mean the movie like it's not totally immoral but like you know it's it's the 80s like there are so many scenes in 80s movies or 80s comedies or 80s horror movies or like a girl is passed out and a guy's just like you know like time to cop a feel yeah let's do it and it's like it's not like oh this is good or normal but like

it's always played for laughs in a way it's like the boys yeah In a way that, like, is just, you know, like, let's just say, like, hasn't aged particularly well. Yeah, for sure. This guy, he's got a bar in the trunk of his car. This is where he has, like, a little, like, the battery-powered mixer. The battery-powered mixer. And he doesn't even need to, like, he just pours, like, vodka into, like, fucking, like, franberry juice. Yeah.

And he's just like, oh, it's time to shake this quite vigorously to get the intended effect. so he like he like his girlfriend is like she's like no I don't want another like I've had too much of your cherry coolers or whatever and he's like no babe you've never had enough so he like goes behind the car into the trunk to like fix them two more drinks as the blob approaches the car and the open door so like while he's mixing the drinks he comes back around and he's like two more two more drinks for you my lady and the girl appears to be passed out So he's like, mm-hmm, well, time to cop a feel. And he's like, wow, it's pretty hot in this car. Why don't I just unbutton one of these? And then, oh, oh, no? All right, one more. And he, like, unbuttons her blouse and, like, copse afield.

Just, like, sticks his hand under her shirt, under the bra. It gives her a squeeze. But the tits squeeze back. Yes. Her body has already been consumed from the inside out by the butt. blob and like right when he squeezes her tits like its tentacles just like consume him yeah her face caves in and yeah a great effect a great effect as he screams and you know kicks out the window and he's like yelling her name buddy she is no longer alive she is not there and this um this is the

first uh of a few like real indications in this movie that this is a blob this is a blob this is the same type of blob from the 50s movie this blob is uh can has like signs of intelligence and like sets traps for people and like um you know is kind of like a kind of a fucker you know it's like let me this is going to be funny if i do this to this guy you know yeah yeah um and i a detail that i love like and just like a little bit after he like the blob consumes like the the the friend and the girl in the car is it like okay like they're both football players and there's a scene where he goes

in the trunk of his car like he's wearing like his like varsity ring and he's got a whole bunch of rings in the trunk of his car and then they're like as the blob sort of like congeals and it's like sort of oozing its way towards town you see like in the pink goo

there's a fucking high school varsity ring inside the goo so it like dissolves all organic matter but like the the brass ring is like still in the goo like because like all the flesh around it has been melted into the blob so great detail so many so many good little details in this like there's just like this like all the like detritus that the blob has like absorbed that is inorganic is still like sort of coursing around in this giant pink sort of goo pile yeah yeah

absolutely and it's like you know it's it's shedding it as it goes and then it's like Like, it's, it's, it's a connoisseur this blob. It's, it's a bit of a gormand, you know. It'll spit some shit out. Sometimes it'll keep shit in its mouth for a long time. Sometimes it'll turn people into, uh, kind of half blob, half human, um, still living, uh, beings. It'll sort of like melt half a person and then leave them alive. Torture them a little bit, toy with them.

Yeah, this blob's a fucker. Yeah, that's what I mean when I say this blob's a fucker. Like the, the 50s one, it'll just like, you know, it's like a virus. It doesn't have a brain. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, just a standard blob. Standard blob. This blob's a little bit different.

It's a little bit worse. As this is going on, like the sheriff and Emile from Robocop are sort of like putting the screws to Kevin Dillon because like they're like, well, we don't have any other suspects. Time to round up the bad kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, the sheriff is like he's not a bad guy. And like, he knows that like they can't really hold him because like they have no motive. There's no blood on him. They have nothing to hold them on.

So they turn him loose. And like, and they have to turn him loose. And, like, he's in town. And then Meg, who's supposed to be asleep, she's still obviously traumatized by what she saw. The fact that Donovan, her would-be boyfriend, is, like, missing. And she's the only one who knows he's dead. And she heads to town and she needs to talk to Brian.

And she goes to town to bail him out, but he's already been left out, already been let out. And they go to the diner to, like, talk and get something to eat. And, like, you know, like, they... And the thing is, Kevin Dillon still hasn't seen the blob. So he's still kind of skeptical. And, like, he does... Yeah.

Like, Meg is the only one who's really seen it, like, face to face. Yeah. Kevin Dillon just saw, like, a flash of this weird thing on this guy's hand. And he, like, has no clue what it is. And, like, they sit down. It's a beautiful scene because, like, all the lights are off. And, you know, the town mom, you know, Fran is, like, makes a sandwich and some chips for him, like, a kid, you know. And as they're sitting down, they start, like, you know, they start rapping and she's trying to convince Kevin Dillon, like, look, we've got a blob in town that we got to deal with. And he's like, that's crazy. And she's like, you're not even, you're not even counterculture at all. You're just like a caricature of counterculture. You're something an old man who made the original blob movie would think is a, but, you know,

Evan Dillon puts that idea to rest by listening to her, and they start to bond a little bit. Now they're kind of on a date. Yeah, and less than two hours ago, she saw maybe the worst thing that's ever been seen. The worst thing that anyone's ever seen. Yeah, yeah. And then, like, as this is going on, we cut back to the sheriff. And he's worried, of course, about Fran, because, like, he knows there's something about going on. There's something not right happening.

And he's like, you know, like the secretary at the sheriff's department. She's like, he's like, yeah, he's like, I'm worried about everyone tonight. I think I'm going to, I think I'm going to head over to the diner and check on France. Yeah. And when the sheriff's on the phone in the background on the wall behind him are a bunch of old black and white pictures of like men of distinction, you know, aka authority figures. And which might give a little hint as to the direction this movie's going. Look, he's concerned. Like, you know, like they were supposed to go on a date to.

tonight, but, like, there's something not right in this town. He's going to go check in on Fran, the nice diner lady and his crush. So, at this point, I think Meg and Brian have left the diner. And, you know, Fran is left to close up with her cook. But, like, wouldn't you know it? In the kitchen, the sink is backed up. And she's trying to unclog it with a plunger. And the cook is like, don't worry.

Like, Fran, you can take off. Like, you know, I'll take care of it. And he tries to plunge it and it's just not working. And then he reaches his arm. into the drain. Will, this is like my least favorite thing that ever happens

in a horror movie. Whenever this, whenever someone does this or like, another is like if a window is completely dark and someone slowly looks out it and the music cuts out,

it's that and reaching your hand down a drain are insufferable to me. I'm like, no, no, no, don't do that. Please don't do that. Please don't do that. And like, this shit is great. And you think like it's going to pull,

it's going to pull him into the drain through his arm but like he's just like he he take but he takes his arm out and there's like some weird like slime on it and he's like what the hell and then that's when the blob fully just shoots out through the drain grabs him by the face

and then pulls his entire body into the drain through the drain and you see like and like Fran comes in and you see like his legs bouncing up and down in the sink and blood pouring out of the drain pipes below the fucking

as they like as they like bulge out with his uh like the blob has so much force that it can pull an entire body through the space the size of a kitchen drain yeah this is one of those special effects where i was like genuinely how the fuck did they do that because they do like it shows his whole head getting pulled down the drain and it's like i don't like it really doesn't look like the drain stretches it doesn't look like the head like shrinks it's like magic kind of And it's like so crazy. And, oh, Kevin, Kevin Dylan and Sean E Smith haven't left yet

because they also run in and see this. Yeah, I forgot. And then like, it blobs out of the sink. It's like, now Kevin Dylan sees it. And they run into the walk-in freezer. And they, like, they shut the door and you see the blob coming under the door, but it stops.

Aha. It doesn't like the cold. Important. Also, when it comes out of the sink, the effect there is so fucking cool. It, like. blasts out onto the ceiling. Kevin Dylan and Shoney Smith,

like they're trapped in the freezer, but they've sort of like protected themselves because they've learned a crucial vulnerability of the blob is that it does not like the coal. Now we get to my favorite scene in this movie. Oh my God. This is also my favorite.

This is the most brutal, like the most brutal scene in this movie. Yeah. So Fran the Diner Lady. She's, of course, seen this too. She runs outside in a panic and runs to the phone booth to call Herb, the sheriff, for help.

She call her friend and sort of crush the sheriff for help. She, like, puts a coin into the thing and she's like trying to call panics, like trying to call the sheriff's department. And as she's doing this, the blob just sort of comes down and, like, consumes the entire phone booth with her in it. And you see, like, the glass of the fucking phone booth

like, it's just that the pink slime just runs down it. Yeah. And, like, she's now totally, like, the blob is. is like she's still like it hasn't got in the phone booth so she's just like yeah she's completely panicked she keeps trying to dial and then like she finally gets through like this the phone booth has been completely consumed and she finally gets through the sheriff's department and she talks to the separate secretary and she's like i'm trying to get herb like

where's herb get me herb and like the secretary goes oh he went down to the diner and as she says that she looks at the glass and then sort of just floating past the glass is fucking Jeffrey is the sheriff's body his face pressed up against the glass and his eye coming out of its socket Yeah just like it's like like his dead face Being sort of pressed against the glass

And then sort of like sliding up The fucking phone booth Yeah She sees the face of her would be lover Half dissolved face And his eye His eye is moving back and forth Like he can like he's still alive a little

And he gets to see As the blog like the blob is showing them both like I got you both and then and then poor Fran it's in the phone booth and we get a shot like shot from above as the glass shatters and like her body in the phone booth as all of the goose floods in and just like smashes her and it is one of the most this is a special effect brutal it's because like these two nice characters once again like Donovan Jr. that you think like the kindly sheriff the nice diner lady they're going to get together in this movie. They're going to be

the heroes of this movie. They're going to make it through this movie. But like, no, it just introduced their characters and gave them that little backstory, that little pathos, that little bit of unrequited love, just to show you that scene. It's so effective. It's

so good. And I can't tell you how fucking, like, how sick it is when you see the sheriff's face, uh, fucking Jeffrey DeMun's face fucking like slide up the glass of this fucking phone booth as it like is consumed and digested

by this giant pink goo. Yeah. And like Candy Clark gives an unreal performance. And like the blob busting into the phone booth is the part where I was like, they must have had a real blob and a real person for this because it's one of the craziest special effects I've ever seen. It just looks real. It looks like it literally

looks like a snuff film, but with a blob. It's like, it's so upsetting to watch. Like, it's, it's like a real car crash video in slow motion, and it's like so, it's so brutal. And then we get, at this point, Kevin Dillon and Shawnee Smith emerge from the, emerged from the freezer, and Kevin Dillon has gone full pirate mode, because he is wearing his Civil war top and he has a hook, a meat hook from the, like, from the freezer. And, you know, they emerge.

They're kind of like going around. And then we also see the priest coming down the street and he witnesses the blob. And of course, because he's a priest and another authority figure in this film, he is like, oh a blob awesome this means that a great prophecy is being fulfilled it's been prophesied it's like the end the end is nigh and he just sees this giant blob sort of like go into the sewer

but then like he goes into the diner that's been like ruined and abandoned and he notices that there is still there's a piece of the blob that is separate from the sort of the blob prime that's frozen slightly and he puts it in a jar and takes it with him yeah and that'll come back uh that's a little foreshadowing perhaps meanwhile uh brian and meg

head back into the mountains to look for the deputy and there they run into the greatest authority figure of all the u.s government helicopters guys in hazmat suits and we meet uh dr meadows played by uh john seneca kindly who's like uh yeah jo joe seneca sorry yeah who's seems kindly at first. He seems like a kindly government scientist who says that they're there with a government-sanctioned biological containment team. We're microbe hunters. Yeah, we're microbe hunters. Yeah, you're like, okay. He's like, man, I don't know if this is a microbe, but if it is, it's the biggest goddamn one you've ever seen in your life. Yeah, yeah. Macrobe, if you will. Yeah, yeah. Then we get the, like, the movie within the movie of the Garden Tool Massacre

where you think this is like another scene of like young people making out before they die but it's just we realize that it's the two

the two boys from earlier in the movie or in the movie theaters they're in the movie theater watching this like slasher film and there's this like dumb asshole

behind them who like keeps saying what's gonna happen right before it does where he's like oh now she could get killed with garden shears

and they're like stop ruining the movie yeah the kids are pissed and the girl that he's with doesn't care because girls don't care about movies

and the then it It cuts to inside the- Period. Period. And it cuts to inside the projectionist's booth. And if you know anything about the original blob, you know that the on-screen deaths in the original blob are, you know, you've got, of course, the bomb at the beginning. You've got the mechanic, which we've seen a mechanic in this, Moss, who's, you know, Kevin Dillon's friend. And, you know, you've got the, but we haven't seen him die yet. He's, you know, and the projectionist in the movie theater, who is, gets blobbed bad. And he gets blobbed but bad in the original. And now we are seeing this and we know, you know, it's over for this guy. It's Joe for. The projectionist played by Frank Collison, who's another classic, like, weird guy actor.

Yeah, another, like, he's been to tell you, he was in, oh, brother, where art thou. He's in The Happening, Mark Wahlver, the M. Night Shyamalan. movie he's in he's in he's one again he's in the village he's in a number of shimelon movies uh he's in the last boy scout it's like he's another one of those faces that you've seen a dozen times in movies but he's always like the weird looking guy yeah he's like the west virginia appalachian like inbred looking guy is kind of his uh yeah yeah i think that's what his agent would say if you call yeah for sure for sure he um he also sounds kind of like adam driver much like the zombie in return of the living dead

who calls the more paramedics it's like we've got a it's really hot up here can you check the AC and why don't you head to the club

go back to the club go back to the club go back to the club and do you want me to read it back to you Mr. Lincoln but yeah the projectionist is on the phone

he's like it's hot as fuck and the guy on the other line is like, well, the AC's on full blast, so no, it's not. And he's like, come up here and see for yourself. And then, before he can even, before he can even, like,

blink his eyes, the blob is on him and it's attacking him. And we see the guy he just called up coming up the stairs. And when he gets up there, he's greeted with a pretty horrifying sight. And it's the man, the blob is on the ceiling,

and the projectionist is like, basically just like a big stomach like with eyes and a mouth and arms and is like screaming silently as he is now like it's like the blob is trying a new way of killing someone where they become like all gross in a different way you know yeah as the blob begins this assault at the movie theater back like outside of town where brian and meg have run into the mobile biological containment unit. They're like, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine.

Like, just get into the quarantine van. You know, but Ryan, he's smart enough because he has a leather jacket and rides a motorcycle. He doesn't trust authorities. He doesn't trust the man. And he's like, I don't know. But of course, Meg being the good girl, despite being a bit of a bit fast, if you know what I mean.

Yeah, yeah. She's like, oh, I just want to go back to town. You could be fast and be good, you know. And that's what this movie shows. It's actually very woke in that regard. Yeah, yeah. And you're just bad enough to avoid the blob's wrath, honestly. It's just that little thing that puts you over the edge.

And, yeah, they, you know, have an argument. And Kevin Dillon's like, you can get in the van. I'm not going to get in the van. And they, like, pretty much try to force them into the van. But Kevin Dillon leaves. She gets in the van. he's able to escape from the van using the ratchet that he borrowed earlier

from his friend at the garage. Yeah, even though the men in hazmat suits force them into the van, Shawnee Smith is still like, I don't know, I think they're helping us. And yeah, Kevin Dillon picks the lock like the cool guy he is and like gets out and then is basically like a cheerleader flag.

God damn it. He can't believe he fell for a cheerleader. And then it cuts back to the movie And there's a hilarious line right here in the movie I mean the fake movie inside the movie Garden Tool Massacre And the line is 10 It's like two women talking to each other And one says

Did you know that 10 years ago tonight There was a horrible murder in this house No, no way And like it's like They're watching the stupidest movie And they have no idea horror movie dialogue. Yeah, they have no idea

they're about to watch the blob and whether they like it or not. Well, then the blob shows up in the movie theater and goes blob mode in like a theater full of people. And it's just like, it's absolute chaos.

It's blobbing everywhere. Yeah, these people do not stand a chance. It is like complete and total havoc. The two kids are in there, you know, watching the movie. And Shawnee Smith at this point, the van has dropped her off

and she's being hoarded into like a containment area with everyone else in town. But she manages to slip out so she can go find her brother at the movie theater. I love her dad, the pharmacist, as like when the government guys who have like M16s

and like full biohazard like level four biohazard fucking suits on. He's like, don't tell me to be quiet. I'm a taxpayer. I pay your salary and you're finding my son right now, mister. And they're like,

all right, shut up and getting the death. Get on the train to the fucking. Blob Concentration, I love the, like also the dad's, another funny, like, little show of his impotence is that she still goes, Shawnee Smith still goes on the date with the guy who she, he thinks is like ready to deflower.

Like a rapist, basically. Yeah, yeah. And he just does not protest very much. And. He just says ribbed. Yeah, yeah. This is why the kids survive, because their authority figures are bad, parents, so they, like...

So, Shawnee Smith enters the movie theater and witnesses... Even more horrors. Even more unspeakable horrors beyond comprehension. Yes, and like, there's a woman on the ground and she tries rolling her over and it's like half of a woman.

Like half of her is gone, yeah. Yeah, it's like a spit dog, kind of. It's just melted, yeah. Yeah, and there's a crazy strobe light effect that's going on that, like, will give you a headache if you uh you know if you don't blink enough um and she makes it out she busts out and escapes with the two uh the two kids with her brother and her brother's friend and um but her brother's jacket gets stuck in the door and he's almost cooked because why because he listened to

his mom exactly jacket when it's cold out exactly should never do mm-hmm and like like they're they're chased by the blob into like the sewer underneath the town. Yes. And, oh, this is also a really horrifying scene in this. Yeah, but like, but back up, like, Brian, Kevin Dillon has escaped from the van, but like he sort of like circles back to like where the government goons are. And he sees them like unearth the meteor.

But aha, it is in fact not a meteor, but a satellite. And one of these classic, you know, thank God Trump. has done away with all of this stupid government research into like disease or whatever. We don't need any of that. Oh, absolutely. What were they doing? What were they wasting our tax dollars on HESA?

They were like, in the movie they're like, well, yeah, like the satellite, we've had an accident, the satellite camera, our satellite program to test the effects of space on viruses and bacteria has unfortunately irradiated this organism and it's caused it to grow at an exponential geometric rate. And all civilians are now expendable.

Yeah, yeah. And it's, it really, like, this movie really reminds me of outbreak in a lot of ways. Yeah. Like, the fact that it's a government germ warfare thing, the people in hazmat suits being like, we just got to get rid of everyone in this town just in case, you know? Yeah, yeah. Very similar to the end of Return of the Living Dead. Oh, absolutely, yes, yes.

He overhears this and, you know, Meadows, we find out Meadows is not so good a guy, which, big surprise. Kevin Dillon is not surprised at all. He's like, wow. Like, I knew this was going to happen. And then we get, like, another, just a really horrifying scene where the blob kills a kid. Yeah, that's how legit this movie is. Yeah. It's straight up kills a kid. Like, the little brother's friend. Yeah. Not in a nice way either. Yeah, like just gets taken. Like, you see him half dissolved, like popping out of the blob, like reaching for help. Yeah, like the blob is chasing them through this water, and, like, they try to, like, climb up these pipes to get away from it. And then, like, the blob emerges, and it's, like, huge. It, like, fills this entire, like, underground sort of chamber and emerges basically looking like a giant asshole. Yeah, yeah. It's very suggestive. And, like, this is when we get the grand return of Kevin Dillon, who comes, saves the day.

like pulls Shawnee Smith out of the sewer and, uh, you know, the, the kid is able to escape. And he does a cool motorcycle trick to escape the blob. It's like, they're in, they're in like the tunnels of this like under these aqueducts that run under the town. And like, the aqueduct is like, it's like cylindrical. And like the blob is like, is blocking their path. And Kevin Dillon's like revs the motorcycle. Somehow he's gotten the motorcycle into the sewer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I wasn't concerned that part. But he like, he like, he revs up the motorcycle and like he rides, like, He drives it like up the, up the, up the, like the sides of the circular wall. He does an Italian job.

He does an Italian job to the, uh, to the blob. Yes, the Italian job move. And then they, okay, how I said, did you notice this cameo of the, of the government hazmat suit guy that they meet in the, in the sewer who's like injured and panicking? Oh, who is it? This is Bill Mosley Chop Top from Texas Shinsome Nesker 2 shows up for like 10 seconds in this movie as one of the, the government goons who, gets clowned on by the blob.

Oh, my God. I didn't even notice that. That's so fucking cool. I love this. Like, he's not the guy that they're, like, hanging with and talking to. Does he get killed, like, instantly? Or is he the guy that, like, gives them the bazooka?

He's the guy who gives them the bazooka. Okay, yeah, yeah. I love that guy. He's, like, he starts doing the Bill Paxton aliens thing where he's like, we're fucked. We're fucked. We're fucking over, man. Game over.

Yeah, yeah. Um, and Meadows basically seals him in the, um, they, the sewer. Meadows, yeah, seals them in the sewer to contain the blob and how, why he thinks that the blob will be restrained to the sewer is a complete mystery, especially because there are like dozens of manholes all over town that the blob has been more than able to escape from. Um, but like the, uh, you know, Kevin Dillon gives a big fuck you to Meadows who, closes the manhole on them and then drives a truck over it by taking chop tops bazooka and just blasting that fucking truck

to kingdom come through the minhole yeah and escaping to the top and at the surface there's a good old-fashioned Mexican standoff between Paul McCrane Meadows and Kevin Dillon

and Meadows is basically like shoot these boys they're infected you know which another like thing from outbreak is pretending a guy you don't like is infected. So you can kill him, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Donald Sutherland style. Yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. And I was like to, you see that like

Paul McCrane, Emile, the deputy, he's been really hard on Kevin Dillon, the whole movie, he's like, yeah, your mom's out with her friend, Johnny Walker Redd, whoever else will come home with her, right? You know, he's yeah. And you think he's like, he's like typical mean sheriff's deputy, mean to the cool kid, but in the Mexican standoff, like originally like, Kevin Dillon has an M-16, and he's like, they're all lying to you. And, like, the deputy points his gun at Kevin Dillon.

He's like, son, drop that gun or I'll blow you out of your shoes. But then when, like, the government guys put their guns on Kevin Dillon, Emil switches over and puts the gun on them. Yeah. And he's like, put that gun down. He's like, if anyone's going to kill this cool kid, it's going to be me. Yeah, it's... I've had to deal with his shit in this town.

No, we see he's actually not such a bad guy. Yeah, in the outbreak comparison, he's like the Morgan Freeman to Meadows of Donald Sutherland. And also, when Paul McCrane calls Kevin Dillon boy, he says it in the most racist way for some reason. It just sounds racist the way he says it. Even though they're both white. Yeah, yeah. He's like, watch your mouth. Boy.

It's like, damn, dude. I said, put it down. I'll blow you out of your shoes, boy. And then like the standoff is interrupted because the blob just like shoots out of the sewer, grabs Meadows leg, and pulls him into the sewer. and then we get a great scene of like the army guys they're like the head army guy like takes the house mat like the sort of the hood of the

biohazard suit off and he's like fuck this and he's like men on me and then they just go to the open manhole cover and just start firing bullets down into it like that's gonna do anything and then they drop C4 down there too and they're like good riddance we got the blob

theatrically dusts off hands We won't be seeing that blob anymore. And the blob just gets pissed. And at this point, the blob is like the size of a building and shoots out of the manhole and is like a ceaseless discharge type like just launches from the manhole. The army guy in a noble attempt to sacrifice himself

to destroy the blob pulls the two grenades off of his hazmat suit, arms them. and the blob crushes him with its arm and they do nothing. I really love the scene of the guy in the house that's dude who are like, they're like, all right, we've got to go to the backup plan.

He gets out the flamethrower. Love to see a flamethrower in a movie. He starts shooting flames at the blob. The blob just flicks him away. The fucking tank on his back blows up. And we get, I've talked about this many times, especially on horror movie, Gouldvee scream set.

I love any moment in a movie when we get a stuntman fully engulfed in flames just running down the street waving their arms and panic oh fuck I'm on fire just burning alive the reverend gets

doused in flames as well but basically like it's like the town is under assault from the blob the blob is massive it's attacking the whole town all hell breaks loose and all like the dumb towns fuck they run into the town hall

and start barricading the door because you know that's you know In sort of traditional 1950s slash 1980s America it's so important to have a town hall

you know whatever happened to town halls is where you go when the blob attacks you Yeah it's it you know It's the center

of the community It used to be cathedrals and churches were the biggest buildings in town then it was town halls now it's empty skyscrapers that billionaires

by condos in so I guess that's where people would run nowadays if there was a blob attack and they would find the doors quadruple locked with like bioscanters and be unable to get in. And I, what I really love about the, the flamethrower scene is that the blob doesn't just

flick the flames away. It bugs bunnies him and just puts, puts its finger down the barrel of the flame thrower. Yeah, the classic. Stick your finger in the shotgun and then Elmer Fudd pulls the trigger to blows up in his face. Turns it to do a banana on the blanket. um but um shani smith during this scuffle during this carnage is um like sprays a fire extinguisher at the blob and realizes something she should have realized earlier in the movie when they were in the freezer that the blob doesn't like the cold and they these assholes are trying to use a flint pro yeah yeah it loves that

it's a huge fan of that um and you know everyone is in the town hall they're barricading it you know um the deputy is fucking pushing things into the like to block the doors and then gets pulled this is another horror movie thing I love is someone getting folded in half backwards down the middle oh yeah yeah it happens in the new final destination movie which is it's a really cool part um and yeah also wishmaster where the guy fucks his own ass in that one scene um but after that happens all hope seems totally lost and then lo and behold boom moss's garage the garage door bursts open and kevin dillon is driving the brand new snowmaker that just repaired by moss um towards the blob at breakneck speeds and he is about to save the day by freezing this blob but the blob knocks the truck over and is trying to get at him and shawnee smith like goes over there and basically becomes rambo like takes um and 16 and is distracting the blob trying to get it angry so that it

attacks her over by the you know the big giant tank of compressed snow I'm not sure that's how snowmakers work I don't I'm not either but yeah it's like it's like a big tank of the same shit that ever whatever makes your refrigerator

cold you know coolant something like that I look I'm not I'm not you know I don't run a ski resort but I'm just saying it's a giant tank of cold yeah yeah I mean I think a snowmaker is literally just a mist machine. Well, like, there are different kinds of, like, essentially, like, it's just like hoses that, like, spray it into the air.

And if it's cold enough outside, it'll turn into snow in the air. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A giant tank of, like, you know, like. Freon or something. Preon, yeah, exactly. Yeah, they're killing the blob and the ozone layer at the same time. And then Kevin Dillon's going to huff it later because you can do the sky off of it. Absolutely.

And, you know, Kevin Dillon, Like, Shawnee Smith really kind of, like, saves the day, but, like, it gets stuck on this big canister of snow stuff, and Kevin Dillon saves her life at the last second, and then boom, a huge explosion, the blob freezes solid, it is, and we get in, you know, an inverse kind of parallel to return of the living dead, where precipitation equals bad. in this movie, precipitation equals good because it starts snowing. Snowing blob, sewing frozen blob pieces, but now safely neutralized, dead blob. And it's like a nice pink snow covering the town.

Yeah, it's beautiful. And now they can reopen the town because the ski resort is... The ski season is coming up. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's been unseasonably warm for the winter in... this town for the past like several years they they say so now this is a you know an omen of good hope that um the industry will come back to the town the tourist industry um but yeah we see all the glistening frozen pieces of blob and then we get the epilogue it's just like at some at some point

like somewhere somewhere else in the country some time has passed and then like we see like a tent revival and it's just like and it's the reverend from earlier in the movie but he's now horribly burned and he's become this sort of like apocalyptic book of revelations tent revival preacher and you know like he's a he's talking about his congregation about like when the end of days happens only the faithful will be saved only the faithful his sermon is over he like goes into his little dressing room takes off his like sunglasses revealing even more of his like hideously burned face and this old church lady like like knocks on the door and she's like reverend when when reverend and he says what he says the day of reckoning and he just says soon soon then he like

goes into the goes into his little like you know cabinet or dresser and he pulls out his jar of frozen blob but now it's unfrozen and it's just like a miniature piece of the blob still alive and pulsing in this glass jar and he says the lord will give me a sign oh credits yeah chills chills and you know what i was i've never been more disappointed in my life than when this movie decided not to end with the opening credit song from the original blob which is a banger yeah you know it's it's the blob it slimes it rhymes and it's time because the The blob is coming to rock your mind. It's so fucking good.

By Bert Bacharach saying the original blob song. I think we should go out with the original blob song on this episode. Absolutely. I'll put it in right here. I'll fade it in. And we need the return of living dead theme in this episode too. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And people can hear the greatness.

Yeah. And I'll put some of the crazy songs from that movie in as well. Yeah. you want a party yeah well movie fans I hope you've enjoyed partying with hessa and I to inaugurate this Halloween season we've got four more horror movie double features

coming forward to you on this season of gulvy scream set horror movie mindset yes and something I didn't mention there's foreshadowing in this as to one movie we're going to see later is that when they're watching garden tool massacre her. The guy in the back says, watch this. He's going to hair curl her to death. And you might be asking, like, the joke there is, how do you hair curl or someone to death? Well, we are going to

find out later in this season when it happens to someone. Well, there will be more thrills, chills, ghouls, and gore coming this season on Goal v. Screamstead, horror movie mindset. But that does it for this episode. That was Return of the Living Dead and the Blah. we make. Happy Halloween. Happy Halloween. Beware of the blob. It creeps and leaps and glides and slides across the floor right through the door and all around the wall. A splotch, a blotch, be careful of the blob. Beware of the blob it creeps and glides and slides across the floor, right through the door, and all around the wall a splotch a blotch be careful of the blog