Chapo Trap House - UNLOCKED: 275 - Tabletop Game Theory Pt. V: Musks of Nyarlathotep (12/27/18)

Episode Date: August 19, 2019

Come see Tabletop Game Theory live in Providence this Friday, Aug 23rd: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/chapo-trap-house-plays-call-of-cthulhu-live-tickets-62234533164 Merry Gamesmas featuring James Adomian, David Kresses, Stavros Halkias, and Simone Norman

Hi everybody, Chris here, producer Chris. We're unlocking episodes five and six of our tabletop game theory series to prepare for our first ever live recording of a tabletop game theory later this week. This Friday, August 23rd at 9 p.m. Virgil, Will, Matt, Felix, and myself on the sound board will be playing Call of Cthulhu live at the Columbus Theater in Providence, Rhode Island as part of Necronomicon 2019. Tickets are still available and the event link is in the description to these episodes. Please come out if you're at all nearby. We're really hoping to put together something special for this, and

it should be a great mind-rending time. And with that, on to the adventure. On this week's tale of fear and phrenology, the Capone boys find themselves on the cutting edge of horror. Will our heroes get mangled by the gears of progress, or will they stand the thwart history ailing knock it off faster? Find out on this week's electrifying episode of Chapeau Trap House. I never thought I'd die alone. I had 16 hit points who'd have known. I never thought the Dunwitch would be so bold. The horror there is very old. Okay, okay, Jesus. Semper Games. Virtual Texas. Active Duty Gamer. Here with you again. If you are

new to our Call of Cthulhu episodes, by which I mean, if you are a fake friend, please stop this recording now and listen to tabletop game theory episodes 1 through 4, which have been unlocked for you. Alright, welcome back. It is my pleasure to introduce here in studio for the first time my co-author of today's scenario, as well as the preceding ones, Dave Kresses. Yeet. Before we begin this next chapter, one thing must be stated clearly. Absolutely, positively, nothing in this scenario is based on any person, place, or concept living or dead. Any overlap between reality and this work of fiction is totally, completely

coincidental. Now, without further ado, let us begin. Musks of Nair Lathatep. It is September 11th, 1925. Two months have passed since you banished the Slavic warlock infiltrating prominent Republicans, saving the Grand Old Party and preserving America's two-party system. Earlier in the year, you failed to prevent the opening of the pizza gate, so your record is 1-1 right now. You have since returned to the daily grind of producing your premium radio show, Capone Speak Easy. Starting with Will, go ahead and introduce your characters and describe what you're doing in the Capone mansion in Red Hook.

Dr. William Hackenbush here. You might remember me as the Professor Emeritus of Phrenology at Miskatonic University in Massachusetts. In my time away from academia, I host this rather jaunty radio program with my chums at the Capone Speak Easy. I have, over the course of my investigations into the strange and weird, have exposed myself to a rather dangerous amount of the Cthulhu mythos and have driven myself very nearly batty. However, the only thing that counsels me, or consoles me rather, as I sit here in my cavernous mansion in Red Hook, are the daguerreotypes of my dear, sweet, departed sister Sonia. I'm wistfully

sort of pawling at as I study her gorgeous and perfect skull. To clarify one thing, in addition to being in mortal danger from physical weapons, the investigators have a sanity meter, which, when it goes to zero, means they're permanently insane and can no longer play. What's your sanity at, Will? My sanity at right now, I believe it's 21 out of 99. Okay, so that's about how crazy I am right now. Got it. You also acquire, like, Insanities as you lose points, and Will has a phobia of modern art as, like, a permanent status effect from the first game we played. Felix? War-cracked my eggs in a scramble for

Africa. Fuck the potato famine. I got a whole platter. My name is Lieutenant Felix Comtrey. I'm a lying veteran, a horrible... A inventor of white jazz spoken word, which I also suck at, despite being the inventor. Basically, never complete any task I set out to do. Always go off on some bird brain side mission. My sanity right now, it is at 34, but luckily I have just completed rehab of three days. Yes, I left early, and I decided that everyone else is the problem. Matt? Dr. Matthew Pennyfarthing here. I was unjustly unlicensed as a surgeon after becoming a little overcome with ether and killing a couple of patients while

transplanting goat testicles into their ball sacks in order to increase potency. And I am currently working on a bathtub cure for catholicism. Your activities are interrupted by your faithful Portuguese man servants. He hands Will a Western Union telegram. Oh, okay. Gentlemen, it appears we have a telegram. I will read it forthwith. Capone boys, you up? Stop. Salutations from your greatest friend and admirer Charles Lindbergh. Stop. I have spent this past year preparing to assist in a great endeavor by daring industrialist Enoch Musk. Stop. Demonstration of his scientific marvel crowns the World's Fair.

This weekend in San Francisco. Stop. I'm returning now from leave and humbly invite you three to journey with me to the jewel city aboard my trusty aeroplane. The Lindy West. Stop. Downstairs. You hear an engine sputtering in the squeal of airplane tires breaking on asphalt out on your driveway. Well, boys, looks like we're going to San Francisco. The city, the city on the bay and the city with too many Chinaman. They must be stopped. The Asiatic hordes are coming to America and all immigration from Asia now. Let's not forget the overly licentious sailors from all over the world who come to San Francisco to sate

their a natural lust. I don't know, dude. Like I was in the army like anyone else. Like, you know, when you're in basic for three weeks, you got to do what you got to do, but I'm not with that sauce shit. The only thing is I don't think the housing in San Francisco is nearly expensive. The crescio ushers in your pal Charles Lindbergh, heroic, proud aviator. Lindbergh is a young pilot from Detroit, the son of a congressman. He's an avid fan of your radio show. You were here. He hit it off with him last year on your Midwest tour when he smoked you up with his personal stash of opium and flew you around Lake Huron for like

hours. Yo, yo, Charles, what's up? We're going to smoke on that auto on Bismarck. Capone boys. Good to see you again. You're all looking well. Bit of a vacancy in your eyes there, William. Well, Charlie, let's just say I've been getting up in the air a different way as my soul travels outside my body and seemingly slips away into the inky and infinite abyss of which is filled with unspeakable beings of a different dimension. Yeah. And for me, man, I just can't like stop forgetting what I saw. Like, the book Johnny got his gun was actually based on me. I was lucky they put my arms and legs and eyes back on. I

got new ones. I didn't need a new dick, dude. Fucking trust me on that fully to hear it. So you got my telegram. You coming? I mean, what else are we doing? Oh, brother, here we go again. As you walk out the front door, Decretio slowly comes after you lugging a very heavy suitcase. It's sirs. Sirs. Decretio, what is it? Oh, no, you forgot your recorder all us. He opens it up. It's your portable radio recording device. Oh, dude, the fucking pigs can go one week without one of our programs. I mean, I don't know. We're already we're already fucking done with that microbial shirt waste ad. I mean, whenever you're late on one of your

premium radio shows, you know, you're just flooded with telegrams. Okay, dude, I I learned a lot in the three days I was in rehab. And I'm actually starting to think I don't have the problem. It's all you're all the fucking addicts. You're all fucking stupid. You're all fucked up. Give me I'm gonna go back inside and grab my opium pipe. Fuck the show. In any event, I'll say you at least thing to be prepared and loaded in along with all your luggage in Lindbergh's plane. Then you're off. He takes off from your front yard. You're in the air. The miracle of flight. None of you have been on an airplane before, perhaps? Yeah. Hey, so

while we're up here, guys, I mean, I know like none of us like them, right? But don't you think a Jewish person could find out like the funny things about like going in one of these contraptions? Like you got to admit, right? Yeah, no. Yeah, the Hebrews are good at noticing things about certain things and then telling you about it in a humorous manner. In the air, Lindbergh explains that he's been going through intensive flight training for a project so secret that he can't divulge it even to you. Oh, I've been on a ton of those. I have a ton of things I can't talk about. That's right. You were a pilot during the Great War.

Absolutely. Yeah, that was the thing that I did. I know that I said I also did trench warfare, but they didn't let me take my plane one day and I was in the trench. They said I was actually better than most guys, so I had to go home because I was decreasing morale because I was so much better than the other guys. I could actually fly around the world if I wanted to. I just really don't have to. He absolutely packs an opium pipe and hands it to you. Yeah, you know what? I don't really have a problem. I just had like a bad decade. Give me that. This would be a good point to fill you in with some background information that

you're all familiar with. A little about Enoch Musk. He's one of the most admired men in the world, the founder of Tachyon Industries, the sole visionary behind such game-changing inventions as the driverless carriage, the womanless mop, and the next generation penny farthing that has two giant wheels instead of just one. If I won the lottery, I would buy one of those. He is so cool. Constantly in the press with his cryptic pronouncements, one of the modern era's greatest celebrities, a millionaire who's dating or fetching young Shantous. Yeah, she looks dirty all the time though. What's up with that? Suffice it to say,

the three of you are huge fans of him. I've long said, second to myself, the greatest band of our generation, and of course third to my dearly departed sister, Sonia, who often would dust her cheeks with ash from our family's fireplace to encounter the role of a little street urchin and ragamuffin as I chased her about the house. That's fucking sauce. For the past several months, Musk has been hinting at the unveiling of his newest invention, one that's supposed to change the course of humanity itself. Suffice it to say, the fact that your old friend Charles Lindberg is working so closely with such a

revered intellectual is quite exciting. Mr. Lindberg, can you give us a hint on what your Enoch is working on and what he'd like from us? Well, I'm probably the biggest hint of all, right, as an aviator. Do you have any child rearing tips for us who might one day decide to become fathers? The problem with modern parenting is these gyrocopting parents always watching their children. You have to cut the leash. Let them roam free. We live in very safe times. Very, very true. Mr. Lindberg, so are you, are you mean to tell us that Enoch Musk has created some sort of new way of travel, even superior to that of this

aeroplane? Oh, you'll see. You shall see. You do seem to remember that before his recent unbroken string of successes, Musk had some fairly high-profile failures in the 1910s. There was the his infamous submarine with the screen door, which he offered for use to retrieve the skeletons from the shipwreck of the Titanic, but failed so catastrophically it crashed into the Lusitania. Then, of course, was his big, his last new big mode of transportation, the hypergun. It's a gigantic gun with bullets so large that people could ride in it and you would be shot across the continent. You could get from San Francisco to New York within

three hours. I mean, you guys know the famous story, like Shula's Joe Jackson was cut from his, like, you know, lower school baseball team. He was actually homeschooled, so it was even more insulting, but he was a champion. Yes, everyone fails, dude. Yeah, but he never fired hundreds of people smack dab into the side of skyscraper style buildings, turning them into paste, like Mr. Musk did. Okay, well, according to Mr. Musk's, people were already paced when they got on. So are you gonna believe, like, are you gonna believe the fucking lying media who is in the pocket of, like, big non-bullet transportation? Fair enough.

Count von Zeppelin has made some very large purchases in American newspaper media in the last decade, so. But regarding failure, as you know, gentlemen, failure always leads to success. That's what I'm saying. That's the first rule of successonomics. Finally, a like-minded person. It's good that we can converse to the fellow educated man. After a mere 30-hour flight, you arrive in San Francisco. You check in to the local days in by Windham, and Lindbergh leaves you to get a good night's rest. The next day, you take a cable car to the Presidio on the North Shore, the site of the 1925 World's Fair. For once, you're happy to

see so many foreigners, as they've brought marvels from around the world for your entertainment. It's frankly overwhelming. Monumental pavilions built in cutting-edge architectural styles house the latest developments in science and the humanities. Since you woke up at 1 p.m., you have time to check out just a couple attractions before the Taquian Industries exhibition. Three pavilions catch your eye. One is in the style of a Shinto shrine. Another is a miniature version of the Roman Coliseum. Another is a massive hangar from which you faintly hear whale songs. Dude, I think I can spit over that. Let's go to the whale songs.

I would like... I'm, of course, instantly drawn to the Shinto temple style as I'm a fan of the sort of illustrative narrative style of the people of Nippon, and their sort of animated storytelling. Should we split up? Yeah, let's... what's the first one? The Coliseum. I'll go there. The Romans had a lot of good ideas. All right, we'll start with you, Matt. You make your way to the Italian pavilion. As I said, it's in the style of the Roman Coliseum. Oh, you didn't tell me these recursive detallions. What did you think the Coliseum would be? I thought it was just a neoclassical ode to the great civilization of old before it was

contaminated by by Mediterranean sloth and indolence. Well, you are about to turn your back to leave in disgust when you attract the attention of one of the mustachioed men in lab coats outside harassing people walking around. Hey, Al, come on in. What's the matter? Well, I do I do loathe the cursed Italian, but I'm drawn as always to any man who won't take no for an answer, so I follow him into the pavilion. Inside there are shiftless men playing the accordion on every corner to the amusement of dancing cappuccino monkeys. There are great... Oh, you can tell the difference between the players and the monkeys. That's very

interesting of you. I myself cannot, sir. There are great banners hanging all around boasting of Italian achievements throughout history. The conquests of ancient Rome. Is this the invention of fascism? Is this what the young people refer to as irony? The opening of the pizza gate and the invention of cat calling. Well, those are noble achievements. I guess I should give him another chance. You wander around. There's several booths advertising the latest inventions, the latest achievements in Italian science. One guy manning a booth calls at you to come over. Hey, you want, uh, you want, uh, you

want something? You want to buy something? Well, let's see what you have. You swirly lout. He opens up a very small and very dark jar. You peer into it. It's very black in that jar. It's probably the blackest thing you've ever seen. Is this what they put in their hair? No, no, no. This is called venti black. It is the darkest blackface makeup ever created. It captures 99% of light and the grease from your forehead. It doesn't rub it off. God, with this, one could become the most powerful entertainer the world has ever seen. You, uh, you want to buy? You want some? Only $5 a jar. $5 being, of course, a very large. It is a pretty penny, but at

the same time, I really do enjoy singing along to Amos and Andy on the radio and and it just doesn't feel the same with my pallid white skin. So sure, I buy a jar. Okay, you've acquired a jar of venti black. Uh, before you have time to contemplate your purchase, you're roped into it, uh, the second exhibit here. There's a very large machine resembling a printing press, just a mass of gears, you know, intricate machinery, steam coming out of it. You know, like a printing press. It's a printing press. You're invited to watch an exhibition of the, of the Italian printing press. Uh, the carnival Barker here informs you, finally, you can read the

great works of Italian literature the way they were meant to be read. The printing press spits out pieces of pasta in the shape of letters and deposits them in a can. Here you, sir. Why don't you give it a try? He hands you the can. He says, this is the Decameron. Well, that's very all well and good, but I myself am a, uh, acolyte of Professor Phineas Adkins and his, uh, new approach to nutrition, which, uh, strictly forbids one to consume such heavy carbohydrates as the Italian ate pasta, but, uh, I will enjoy reading it. Perhaps this is going to be a really big invention. I have a cousin back in the old country. If he can increase your

investment five fold, you invest some money right now. Yes. No, be gone. You charlatan. I would sooner, uh, give my money to a drunken pollock than to a shiftless, a shiftless Italian, such as yourself, Dr. Penny farthing though. You still did invest my money with Charles Ponzi though. Well, of course. I mean, we can expect a massive return on that. And obviously, I mean, he is, he is a credit to his race. He's shown himself to be, uh, of quite a upstanding and, and profitably driven, uh, Mediterranean fellow. I don't know of this. There's no way we can lose money. Well, Dr. Penny farthing, it probably behooves you to leave

the pavilion before you arouse their famous Mediterranean ire with your tie rates against their swarthy race. Yeah. I mean, I soon, I would rather not be gregoned into any more questionable financial arrangements. Let's go to Will Story. Will, you enter what is clearly the Japanese pavilion. You find yourself in front of a stage in a labyrinth calligraphy. Uh, a sign outside. It's a sign outside says the Konami stage. The room is packed. Uh, you ask the person sitting next to you what this is all about. He says, don't you know the fame to Giro Hojima is unveiling his latest revolutionary, darkly satirical game.

What, what game is this? A hush over the crowd as the trailer begins. The curtain rises. A samurai in full combat gear enters. He takes out a katana and does cool sword moves. A single hoop rolls down the stage. The samurai definitely stops it with a single tap of his blade. The hoop catches on fire. The samurai runs around in circles on the stage, pushing the flaming hoop with his katana. A banner unfurls, announcing the name of the game. Hoop and stick five, rebirthing of a nation, survivalist tactical momentum. The crowd is going the gamer you talk to will grabs you by the lapel crying and screaming. He's a

genius. He's a blasted genius. I'm feeling kind of called out right now. A game's reporter is speaking into a phonograph recorder. Hojima has saved hoop and stick once again. Another banner unfurls reading coming November 1939. My beloved and soft headed nephew Morton, I'm surely will be intrigued and amused by this, you know, bit of trifle, but to me hoop and stick was already perfected in hoop and stick to the phantom immigrant. Felix, why don't we move on to your adventure? All right, so little update on me. I, my back hurts from sitting in the plane. I've been up for two hours. I'm sort of mad of certain

members of my party going to the Japanese place because I was, as people know, I was on the plane thinking about if I had a son and he went to war in Japan and died and it really, really upset me. But luckily I have with me a book by a writer of the top musical in the country, Show Boat, Oscar Hammerstein and famed, famed telegraph comedian, Jonathan Moon, called Salute Salutations, this good morning. And it teaches me it's important for guys like me recovering addicts who are also now using drugs again and veterans and liars for tips for like, you know, being kind to yourself. So make sure to drink a tincture of

mercury every morning. I'm opening it up. I'm opening it up. Okay. He plays his cute character on the telegraph. He's a Polish person coming into a normal country and trying to learn how to use words that the Polish don't have. So we open this up. Okay. You are a special ma'am. It does not, it doesn't matter if you dimmed or did those things in the Great War. Give yourself a nice hop of ether and don't forget to drink brain tonic. All right. Well, you know, I feel the same things that everyone feels about Polish people, but sometimes, you know, from the mouths of children or people who are permanently children like

the Polish. So I, I have, I have a little ether. That isn't really a drug. That's more of a, that's more of a kind of just helps me think honestly. And when I'm fucked up, that's the real me. So I'm going towards that whale sound. I'm feeling better now. You are inside what is building practically the size of an airplane hangar. Edison Labs has set up an exhibition, the latest wonders to come out of Menlo Park. There are booths, gigos, doodads everywhere. Booth slatterns at each booth trying to entice gentlemen such as yourself into checking out the wares. Now Felix, it's very loud in the pavilion, but if you listen closely, you

can hear those whale songs. Fuck it. This is a bop, dude. They're resonating from the center of the pavilion. All right. Bring me to those whales. Want to see those wet guys? Here's what you find. The centerpiece of the pavilion is a massive tank with four orcas swimming through it, majestic. Yeah, I don't know. I've just always, you know, always my entire life, even though I've literally never mentioned it ever before. Felt a connection to sea creatures. They're just, they're really, they're strong, they're empathetic, they're nice people. When they get fucking pissed off, don't mess with them. That's like me. So I'd

like to put my hand on the tank. You put your hand on the tank and one of the orcas swims up to you, puts its mouth where your hand is. I nod at him. I nod at him solemnly. You look up and there's a platform above the tank. Thomas Edison himself stands aloft. He speaks into a microphone. Throw the miracle of modern science. Edison labs his revolutionized, mankind's pescarius endeavor. God are the days when whalers, fishermen, fear shipwrecks be forced to resort to godless cannibalism. Behold! Edison flips a switch. Two massive coils on either side of the tank will red-hot. Arcs of lightning cascade

between them, flying into the tank. The water, the water begins to roil. The entire pavilion becomes hot. Then you see the orcas surface belly up like expired goldfish in a bowl. The crowd breaks out into a polite golf clap. Booth slatterns walk through the crowd carrying trays of whale meat or derbs. Edison declares, imagine a world where the peaceful Eskimo, like my friend Nanunabhut here, he pats an Inuit man wearing a full parka on the back, can get the blubber and bones they need for their sustenance through nothing more than the flip of a switch. Our investment in Edison labs today promises a future

for you and your progeny where the entire ocean is electrocuted, famine eradicated. Your next meal is only a walk to the beach away. Oh, dude. I fucking hate it when people abuse orcas. Everyone always talks shit about orcas, but it's the owners, not the fish. I'm so fucking mad. What now? I'm gonna, I'm calling Thomas Edison out. Hey, Dr. Thomas Edison, I respect you, dude. You created electricity and, you know, you, I mean, technically you didn't. You sort of, you took it from the guy, Benjamin Franklin, but he's fucking gross. No one likes to look. You have a question, sir. Shut up,

dude. I am the reason that you speak English right now. Do you understand me? Are you ascertaining that, sir? Now, I admire you a lot. I think it's cool how you humiliated that Slavic guy who say that he invented all your stuff, but actually you did it, and he died, and so he's a bitch. But how dare you abuse one of the kindest creatures on this earth? Orcas are beautiful, fucking intelligent, kind fish that are, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, after God's own heart. Why? For progress. What does a man gain if he gains the entire world, but loses all the fish? What do you eat for sustenance? I'm, yeah, I'm on the polio

diet. You can't eat any foods that can't be consumed by Polish people. You know, they're pretty stupid, but they're actually pretty in shape. Sir, are you on narcotics right now? Maybe you are. Hey, if you're asking me, maybe you're the fucking drug addict, sir. As you're saying this, you're very clearly sniffing from a rag this entire time. This is medicinal. I need this. After what I saw over there. Edison snaps his fingers, three burly men wearing Orca costumes. Have you by the arms to drag you out of the pavilion? Dude, get your fucking hands off me. I'm the reason you can dress up like a fish. You're all, you're,

you're, you're all of you, every single one of you. You're all little Kaiser Wilhelms. You have taken this entire, you've taken the entire concept of science and you've turned it into a juggernaut and you're galvanizing me into becoming pissed. Fuck you. You're deposited outside the pavilion where your two compatriots are waiting. Dude, let's fucking leave this place. Everyone's fake. Everyone's. Dr. Penny Farthing is carrying a can of soup and a little, a little tin of makeup. This time I've eaten soup. And Professor, Professor Hackenbush has this big grin on his face. Like he's just been amazed.

You also have, you also have a hoop on, hoop and stick five swag. Gentlemen, you'll never guess what I have seen in the, the wonders of the far east and the Orient. Technology has now finally opened up the Japanese technology to us and the rest of the world and I think their virtualized entertainments will keep us not thinking about our sister and the bizarre city of impossible geometry I see every night when I close my eyes. Oh, okay. Yeah, so cool. You guys had a lot of fun there. You, you like the wall being pulled over your eyes. I, you like, because what I saw in there was disgusting. I saw a man's bullshit to man and

fish. And also, by the way, I've played hoop and stick six actually. They let me play it and it's better than the shit you played. I'm, I have a potentially amusing bit of a tintature here that I may use for a more realistic Amos and the pantomime at home, but I'm fairly certain that one of those swirly fellows sold my identity in some fashion and that, that my credit account at local pharmacy will be overdrawn when I return home. If you check your pockets, you notice that there are several bills and coins missing. I never should have gone in there. You turn around and look at your rear and there's a monkey hanging

on your pocket. It is the late afternoon now and announcement is made over the loudspeakers that technology existed. Ladies and gentlemen, the event you have all been anticipating, the demonstration of hacky on industry's latest technological marvel is about to begin on the Northwest shore. Why does that announcement ends? Everyone rushes in one direction. The scientists from various pavilions seem especially eager to get their elbowing their way to the front of the crowd. Now what guys? Well, you gotta go where the crowd is. Gotta, gotta see, gotta see what's all about you. When you arrive at the Northwest shore,

there are well over 10,000 gawkers assembled on an empty field before a massive curtain object on a platform right on the shore by the Pacific Ocean. It's about 45 feet tall. From your perspective, it blots out the late afternoon sun setting on the ocean. It is in a cordoned off area guarded by a squadron of well-armed security guards. Several yards from the platform, there's a dais with a podium and a microphone in the center. On one side, you see your friend Lindberg sitting next to the man himself, Enoch Musk. Beside him, his gothic songstress girlfriend Slimes. On the other side of the box, sit three

dozen scientists and engineers all wearing tacky on industries badges and lab coats. The speakers crackle with an announcement. Now for your amusement, to introduce this technological marble, 100% on the level lost generation Yes, dude, this guy is so funny. Huge cheer from the audience for this small and clearly 50-something man who stands up and takes the microphone. He's like one of the cats and jammer kids. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much. I'm sure you are wondering, hey, what racial categorization is this guy? I'm half Rajput and half Celestial, which means I purchased my curry from an opium den.

Oh, dude, I told you. Everyone is going nuts for this. This is the funniest comedian you've ever seen. He continued. Does anyone remember the Wall Street bombing of 1920? Yes, sir, yes, I do. The bombing in front of J.P. Morgan. It was horrifying. The bombing in front of J.P. Morgan's that killed 38 people. Does anyone remember this? Absolutely. It turns out it was not caused by anarchists, as the police said. It was actually someone attempting to power his Alexander Graham Bell telephone using alternating currents. Some people are literally doubly over how funny this is. This goes on much further. I may have to do another

sanity roll because of just how uproariously funny this is. I might have to loosen my masculine corset, which is maintaining my robust physique. He must be smoking some serious drugs to come up with this stuff. This is so good. Plus, it's refreshing how he doesn't use godless language like other body dancehall performers of the day. It's no question that this man has had several tin types taken with President Coolidge. And what you like the most is that he makes you laugh, but he also makes you think. Yeah, you know, I've seen this guy, I've seen this guy special before, and you know, is it a horrorously funny? No, but

it's so important. It's so important. The second half is so good. You've listened to Nan's one-man show, Nanette. Nan's stand-up comedy performance lasts another 50 gut-busting minutes. He completes to rap to a support. It is nighttime now. Hundreds of torches are lit all around you. Massive bonfires now flank the curtain objects. And now, the other man you are here for, it is my honor to introduce the greatest visionary of our times, inventor and industrialist, Enoch Musk. Musk stands up and takes the microphone, but not before Danean ropes him into taking a self-photograph with one of those big

old-timey cameras. That takes another three hours as they stand and pose for it. Hello. Yes. Thank you, citizens of the world. Mankind has conquered our planet. Through our industriousness, we have explored all seven continents. We have navigated all seven seas. We have identified all 500 species of animal. We have measured the skulls of every race. Our labors here on Earth are complete. But the eon of exploration has not eaten yet. Tonight, I begin our next great expedition, mankind venturing out there into the great unnapped expanse of stars and planets and comets, so that we may conquer them and divide them fairly

among the great European kings, as is their birthright. Just imagine what alien races we will meet there. Picture what exotic skulls they will have, perhaps a cubic skull or a tetrahedron, and perhaps once we enslave them, we will find the aliens quite fit for factory labor, making the common Italian obsolete. I give you now the vessel that will lead us into the galaxy, the culmination of three years of innovation from Tachyon Industries. I give you my rocket ship. Porters pull ropes attached to the curtain, unveiling what is indeed a 45 foot tall rocket held in place by metal scaffolding. It emits burps of steam and

smoke. The crowd goes wild, especially the scientists. It's very hard to see because they're so far away from the dais. You see that the scientists, the Tachyon Industries scientists on the dais are making a strange face. It's a, you can't make it out too well from where you are, but it's a look of both surprise and elation. Oh no, no, I've seen this look before. I've seen this. Oh my god, dude, when they came out with the new, with the new jacks kit, they're just all these awful men. Yes. Jennings supporters. Yes, yes, yes, yeah. Yeah, it's a facial expression that I associate with certain exotic grains. I can't think of

which specific, but overly consuming them leads to the compulsive need to make this expression. Yeah, it's just, it's a very, it's like you're tricking someone into thinking you're excited and happy. Enoch continues. In time, I will explain to the world how this device functions so that all the great kingdoms of man may suckle at the teeth of my technology. But for now, I wish only to astound you. For this is merely a test rocket. In one week's time at the Tachyon Proving Grounds in the Black Rock Desert, I invite you all to witness the launch of the rocket that will send a human Caucasian man into space, then return

him safely to Earth. Today, for this demonstration, there is merely an inanimate Slavic child on board. Well, nothing of value will be lost in the event of emergency, so this is good. And now, I invite my little pile of awesome sauce to ignite the rocket. Oh. Musk points at the full moon resplendent in the sky. Darling, to there. Slime's winces at this, but dutifully joins Musk at the podium and flips a large switch. Presently, thick black smoke gushes forth from the bottom of the rocket, followed by gouts of white-hot flame. You feel the ground tremble.

Astonished gasp are coming from the crowd. Although you are several hundred feet from the rocket itself, you feel the air grow intolerably hot. It feels like the end of days. My god, these are some thick-ass ropes were coming out of this rocket here. Now the rocket is rising from the stage as if time itself has slowed down. For some reason, I'm looking at this rocket rise into the sky majestically, and I'm thinking once again of my tubercular sister Sonya being eaten by rats. But then, something seems off. One half of the scaffolding totally collapses. The rocket isn't going straight up anymore to where space is.

Instead, it's arcing backwards, back towards the crowd, back in the direction of the world's fair. Panic erupts. People start shoving their way out of the rocket's path. You're in a massive crowd. Make dodge rolls. Oh, oh, oh, it's a hundred, right? Well, I'm fucked. It's a critical fail. I am fucked. I got 44 on a 35. Two fails, one critical fail. Felix and Will take 1d4 points of damage. Matt, take the full four points of damage. I took one point of damage. I lost four. Your trampled pretty bad by the crowd. Ah, you cursed Saracens. You are trampling the friend of a veteran. I yell at them. But the three

of you are just trampled. Sonya, Sonya. Fortunately for you, the rocket flies over your head toward the fairgrounds. You turn and see it. It crashes into the Japanese pavilion, obliterating it in an angry fireball. In the future, we've always been dreaming of is no more artificial computing and intelligence. Rest in peace. Authentic ones. You're in the middle of a screaming panic and crowd. You pick yourselves up. What do you do? I mean, let's let's this is the house of horrors. I suggest that we exhwent the entire fairground post hate. Perhaps try to get some medical attention and some opiates. Indeed. Our battered body is.

I am what I am what the what the children refer to as a torn up from the ground up. Lindbergh from the dais runs up to you during the bedlam and says, we better fly out of here fellas. He rushes you to his plane. Takes off from the presidio and flies you back to your hotel a half mile south. After landing in the parking lot, Lindbergh pulls out a cigar and just starts puffing on it. Very stressed out. Charlie, you okay? That wasn't too good. That rocket was not supposed to explode. This this struggles me because

the the nattering naebobs of negativity. I think my I suggest we'll use this incident to further tar the reputation of a great genius like Mr. Enoch Musk. Well, I I take this as just further confirmation that there will never be a more effective or efficient model of travel than the hot air balloon. It is it is God's preferred conveyance and I will stick to it from now on sir. Boys, boys, that Argonaut who's supposed to go into space in one week's time is me. This was no accident. This was sabotage.

Someone for some reason is trying to take down Mr. Musk and my life is at stake. This I bet it's one of those disgustingly negative people who you often see on the the public limited character telegraph lines who are always second guessing Mr. Musk and all of his brilliant ideas. That's good intuition, Dr. Penny Fargan, but I bet my bottom dollar it's an inside job. No one else would have had access to the scaffolding or the rocket except someone inside Tachyon Labs. Well, that seems to me to indicate that we

must go and and carry out a thorough investigation of those figures who we might be responsible. Would you, Capone Boys? I think one good turn deserves another, eh? I'd be downright grateful if you'd investigate these goings-on and ensure my total safety next week. Of course. Here here. Sir, it would be my sacred honor. At one point, I perceive through that same intuition you spoke of a future where there will be great pressure in this country to be embroiled in some sort of global conflagration on behalf of

hebraic financial interests. And I see you, Mr. Lindbergh, as the one person who might stand in the way of us entering such an awful cauldron of violence. If you do this for me, I will do that for you. Here here. That's the deal to me. How do you want to go about things? Well, first of all, we're going to need a name of everyone who works at Tachyon Labs who might have had access to the rocket and the scaffolding. Well, there's Enoch, obviously, and interestingly, Slimes. He's there quite a lot. Yeah, I certainly never trust a female.

She is number one on my list of suspects and my list of Sonya look-alikes. As we like to say in the streets of Redhook, chippies are not loyal. Yeah, the first time I saw Slimes, I said, who's that harlot over there? No, no. You're absolutely, you're absolutely right, Dr. Penny Farthing. No self-regarding American male would ever seed any authority to a chippy, but I have to tell you, Slimes seems to wear the slacks in this relationship.

She's very sweet to her bow, but she's awful to everyone else. Enoch gives her free reign over the compound, and boy, can she be a real terror if you catch her in one of her moods. Could you imagine a female giving orders to male scientists? She walks all over them. She even tried to tell me how to wear my aviator goggles once. One teaspoon of the old Lindbergh charm, and she backed down too sweet. I bet she's a suffragette, which of course, those are never to be trusted.

Suffragettes almost ruined Hoop and Stick 4. I fucking hate them. These suffragette justice combatants, their profidity notes no end. As for those scientists, I don't know any of their names. I mostly spend my time at the testing grounds. Well, I do think we should begin with Miss Slimes, because of course, a woman is always more treacherous than any man one could imagine, but we should try to also, if that goes nowhere, seek some sort of information about those other scientists, because if you don't know their names, sir,

that makes me raise my eye. They might be Bolshevik provocateurs. I hadn't thought of it. I mean, they seem like pretty swell fellas. Fairly affable, good-humored, always excited about their work, even if the hours get a bit long. Yeah, I'm sure that's what they said about Leon Cholgosh. This is other fella. Big ox of a man. I've encountered him maybe once or twice. Thought he was another aviator on account of his swagger, real funny dress. But it turns out he's some sort of shadow investor or something. Real ladies' man too, it seems.

All the secretaries turn their heads when he walks by. Good thing he stays out of my way, eh? You know his name? Yeah, dude, if there was a fucking contest, you would win. No cat, no cat, no propeller cap, sir. Didn't catch his name, but he's not hard to spot. Maybe be on the lookout for him. All right, well, I think first order of business is to track down Mrs. Slimes and and follow her to her domicile or her first meeting place with other folks. Well, you fellas seem to know more about this

investigating stuff than I do, so I leave it to you. Hey, you know, leave the investigating to us. We'll leave the child care to you, okay? I don't know anything about babies either, but you know, you do you, Ms. Charlie. There's nothing you can do tonight, but if you want, I can get you access to the grounds tomorrow, perhaps a tour, whatever you want. That sounds like a good entrepo. Just let me know. In the meantime, we're letting you know. Y'all got me opium, because we gotta kill the night here. Oh, of course.

I'd like to have some loud noise. Yeah, I want a chief on that loud. Where are my manners? I've been shaken by witnessing the rocket be destroyed. Please, please. All right, let's get fucked up, family. You smoke some loud with Lindbergh. Lindbergh bids you good night. He has to get to the proving grounds and be there in the morning. After he leaves the Capone boys form a cuddle puddle at the days in, you all feel a level of trust for each other that you really haven't felt since your infamous

1924 presidential election live show. Oh, it's a thousand pardons, Pam, for my exuberant behavior under the influence of ether and laudanum and patent medications of all stripe. Yeah, and I should have been there, but I just had to perform with alfalfa. The little rascals that night. You all get a great night's sleep. In the morning, you receive a phone call by the press agent of Tachyon Industries and Mr. Walter Mathow. He informs you that Mr. Lindbergh has requested you

receive a personal tour of the facilities and he is happy to add that Enoch Musk himself will sit for an interview with you in the afternoon. They will send a self-driving carriage to your hotel to take you to the lab at 2 p.m. Until then, you have some time to do research, hang out in the city, follow up any leads. I would like to do do all the research possible into this Slimes character. Clearly, we have very little understanding of her because we only prefer more esoteric interests as opposed to the popular trifle that she puts out. So

we should all spend some of this time anyway finding out everything we can about this Slimes character. I would say you have the time for each of you to tackle one topic or you could double up on one to increase your chances. I will look through her, what are they called? God damn it, not photographs, the cylinders. I'm going to look through her cylinders and see what her musical output is and then also any mention of her in any library references in popular newspapers or magazines. Got it.

Will and Felix. You know, as much as I love comedian Nan, we are just staying in the army. It does be your own fellows and so I will investigate him. I hope I'm wrong, but I'm going to... How do you want to investigate him? The library, the cylinder store? I'm going to go to the library. Okay, and Will? I would also like to go to the library and investigate Mr. Enick Musk and his history and any possible connection to any occultish or a mythos type activity. All right, let's go about this one at a time.

Felix, you head to the San Francisco Public Library, one of the finest libraries in the country. Make a library use role. 37 and library use is 20%. You only get the general surface information about Nan Dainan. He is one of the greatest comedians of all time. Probably the greatest. He is indeed half Indian and half Chinese. Well, um, look, I've never been one for books. I'm a book type learner. I'm an experience type learner. You do find a book that he wrote. Nan language.

Cool. And you amuse yourself throughout the warning, reading his observations about modern life. Oh my god, this is... This shit is so good. Oh man. Either way, you're confident that you have turned up enough information to rule him out as a suspect. All right, well, having completely exonerated a comedian, Nan, I'm feeling good. I'd like to go back to reading my positivity book. Yeah, no, I'd like to read the positivity book just for a second too. And I just really like this one section where it says,

I am an i-bish and so are you. It's so good. Professor Hackenbush, you also had the library to dig deep in the history of Enoch Musk and Taki on Industries. Something to do a role in this. All right, I got 38. Under 70 is my library. All right, good pass. First off, you turn up the story of Enoch Musk that you're mostly already familiar with. He made his wealth in the early 1900s with the invention of a payment processor called Fiat Currency.

Before then, in order to make transactions, people would have to carry around gold nuggets and scales. It was all very unwieldy. Uh, he sold... Oh yeah, our friend Nicholas Moll from Ejaculate Village actually like made a lot of investment in Fiat. After selling Fiat Currency to the Federal Reserve, he found a Taki on Industries, an R&D heavy company that he bet would produce lucrative scientific breakthroughs. The company's first few projects were massive public failures such as the

submarine and the hypergun. It managed to shoot the bullets but couldn't really stick the landing. He ended up destroying several buildings, dams in Appalachia, things like that. Also, the trigger took 20 men to pull. Is there anything... Sounds like my Saturday night. Can I look up anything about... Uh, hang on, I'll go on from there. His failures were so infamous that he was widely lampooned in the press. Up to 1922, up to that point, uh, the name Musk was synonymous with failure. But something changed in 22. The company's fortunes turned around with a string of dazzling technological

breakthroughs. The ones that I described to you earlier, the carriage, the mop, the penny farthing. Musk, his pronouncements in the press, they were different after 22. Before then, he would announce something like the next generation submarine and say, here's my invention. I hope you, I hope you like it please. Or he would blow up a ship or a dam and say, I'm very sorry I did that. I hope you like me still. He was also famously an eligible bachelor, but despite his great wealth, seemed to have no, uh, opportunities.

But 22 is what changed it all around. Uh, the string of successes and as well Musk's new public persona. He became, uh, he started acting cocky, virile, acting like a real genius. He bragged that he invented every single thing that his company produced. They all sprouted from his mind, fully formed like a peanut. It was also around 22 that he started dating the young cabaret singer Slimes. Hmm, interesting. Hmm, that's, that's sus to me. Uh, yes, quite suspect. Yeah. Another thing you realize is that in 22,

you can't find a transcript of it, but he appeared on one of your competitor's radio shows. He sat down for an interview with radio host Father James Bogan. During the interview, he was offered a jazz cigarette. This was quite controversial at the time. Not long after that, his company turned things around. That is what you get, Will. Okay. Can I do any like, uh, like, like a mythos or a cult role knowledge to see if he's has any connections to the, the mythos or anything?

Just from the press, uh, clippings that you read, nothing screams a cult to you. Okay. Uh, he just seems like a guy who was a failure and then he became a success, which is not a wholly un-American story, as you know, from reading The Great Gatsby published this year. I'd say that's good for you, Will. Now, Matt. Yes. Uh, make a library use role. Well, wait, hang on, hang on. Actually, let's, let's make this more interesting. You want to learn more about Slimes, but you don't know a lot about recorded music, so you walk down to a record store.

Uh, you head in the record store and, uh, the clerk is, uh, one of those snooty, entitled lost generation types. Oh, my blood's boiling already. Oh, I'm so angry at him. I'm resentful because he's younger than I am and I'm gonna die before he does and I hate him for it. Hey, man, what are you looking for? Some of them jump blues. I am looking for the latest recorded cylinders from this Chantuce Slime. Thank you very much. You don't think that, uh, Susan Marches might be more your speed, my cat.

Oh, you're a youthful factlessness. Fills me with rage and a desire to see your standard of living drastically decline. But sadly, there's no voting booth in my vicinity. I will be forced to just carry forward and ask you for the Slimes. I bet you're still complaining about your $3 finishing school debt. Man, man, I'm just yanking your chain. That Slime stuff is hip if it's 1924. But go back around the back and we've got a few gramophones back there for you. Oh, thousand thank yous, my cursed

entitled young friend. I think we need another great war to sort all these lost generation sickos out. Indeed! Hopefully one will be forthcoming too sweet. Dr. Pennyfather, you flip through the record discs in the women's section. You get to Slimes. You find several copies of her debut album, entitled Blood Moon. Uh, you put one on. One thing strikes you is interesting, whereas the sleeves of the other records tend to use the graphical language of the era, which is to say a lot of words.

There is a long block of text on the cover that says Dear Patron, will you consider purchasing this disc? Uh, and then a very small image. This one is more, oh, I don't know, artistic? Uh, the cover is a photograph of what you presume to be the singer, a young woman, wearing a soiled wedding dress. Well, this is quite tawdry and profane. It seems to be making you question your assumptions about, uh, the patriarchy. It's just a concept

you don't even know. I see this, and it seems to suggest to me that there should be some sort of, I can't even pronounce the word, equatity? It sounds like, equatity between the genders? It's such a notion is so, so alien to me, but yet yet this image insists upon it, and I cannot drive it from my mind. You blink and rub your eyes. It's almost as if this woman is empowered. Oh, this is as if by alternating currents. This is a, this is a incandescent

amazon attempting to overthrow my masculine wiles. I cannot handle it, but I must press on in the name of investigative rigor. So I take my eyes away from the cursed image, but I listen to the cylinder. Okay, uh, you take the disc and you put it in one of the trial phonographs. You listen to the first few songs. They are, they're interesting. It's, uh, she has an interesting voice. It's high-pitched, very girlish, but whereas most young women of the era are, uh, tittering and shy and obsequious, as

you are familiar with females being, this one seems, uh, she's, she seems very confident and strong. You, uh, a pang of fear goes down your spine as you listen to this. You, you're kind of afraid that even though she's not there, what if she were to tease you or emasculate you in some fashion? My god, not any of these lyrics refer to taking a handheld stroll around a duck pond with one's favorite. No, not at all. And as well, there are very few songs about, uh, the grand old flag or fighting in the battle of

Fredericksburg. Not a single denunciation of the Kaisers behind in any of these tracks. Instead, they're more about, uh, seducing the captain of the footsball team. Or what else? Uh, there's a lot of, uh, gothic imagery. God, it's almost, it's almost Rome and destroyed our classical civilization. It's almost as if she doesn't care for taffeta and cake parties, but cares more for things like, uh, black ravens in the night. My god, this is, this is untoward. No, no, no woman should be meddling with such

dark and occult figures. This, this is like some sort of dystaph Edgar Allan Poe. But I will not have it. But hang on, hang on. You get to the title track. Before you do, you hear a call, uh, from the clerk in the other room who yells back at you, hey Grover, this ain't a library. Cease your complaint, my young friend. I need only listen to a few more of these tracks. You sally forth and you hear, finally, the title track Blood Boone. Black pharaoh calls to us

across space and time. Hear our voice guide us to the stars where we will join you in a darn foretell. Never in cut the tug in all of us. Oh, now it's time to make the world a sarcophagus. Sand and blood will mix when he comes from outer space. Tug in all of us, for tug in all of us. Blood moon, blood moon, open yourself to me. For tug in all of us, blood moon.

There was a slight tang of the hebraic to that incantation, but what I draw most from it is that this woman is clearly invested in the sort of interstellar travel that that Mr. Musk is investigating, and as such, has a deep investment in his efforts, which to me confirms that she is suspect number one. Matt, make a mythos roll. It's gonna be a hard roll. O is 100, right? Yes. Oh, I'm fucked, man.

Zero is good. That's good. You rolled a two. I rolled a two. Oh, all right, I'm good. You passed the fuck out. You rolled zeroes. Let's go, let's go. Well, then I don't even have to look at it. I passed that. Wow, well done. From your experience with the mythos, you realize that the refrain of the song is in fact a spell of some kind, an ancient incantation, but you have no idea how a 20-year-old woman would know such a thing. Preposterous. Very troubling. I may not understand how this this mere

stripling gained this called information, but clearly she is to be followed quite closely, and we must make her the focus of our investigation. What do you want to do in the record store? I must return to my fellows that didn't impart this information upon them. Are you buying the record? No, I got the gist. I spent all my money on this godforsaken blackface that I hoped one day to make you some. Oh, what, just all perusing? You don't even want a Gilbert and Solomon? Oh man, come on.

Gain meaningful employment. Dr. Benifolding, you conclude your investigation into the slimes and reunite with your colleagues at the hotel just before 2 p.m. Care to share what you learned? Gentlemen, there is no doubt that Slimes is dabbling in occult forces that are fixated upon some sort of celestial intervention. She is, without a doubt, the top suspect in any sort of shenanigans related to the rocket fiasco that we experienced. She must be our focus.

Dr. Benifolding, this Slimes woman and her connection to the occult prophesies a grim and terrible future where slatterns of every type will style themselves witches and astrologists as they live in the borough of Brooklyn. Felix, you're particularly frightened by this concept, being afraid of witches as you are. I'm not afraid of anything, but I have a medical condition that causes me to scream when I see a witch or hear about them or think about them in any way and involuntarily run in the other directions. You guys know me, you guys know me. Like if there was an active swordsman or anarchist bomb maker,

I would run straight into danger, but a witch that does... Yeah, unfortunately, it stops me in my tracks. Sucks. As well, Dr. Benifolding can report from listening to Slimes' music that she seems to have an ability akin to that of a banshee. Her coquettish voice, her confidence, makes you deeply afraid that she might emasculate you in some fashion. She might say something to question your fundamental masculinity and make you feel bad. As you guys know, I went on a spiritual journey one night on the overheated room in my cousin's domicile, on a boiled leather contraption, a sitting and laying contraption,

a Davenport. We consumed many, many pints of ale. We listened to the same shitty phonograph over and over and over again, and at that moment, I witnessed a ghoul. I'm tired of slatterns other than my sister telling me that it's Libra season. I don't know what the fuck that means. Who's bringing the recording equipment? Uh, can we hire some sort of, uh, some sort of a porter? Yeah, a porter, a man-at-hand to slave away for us? They don't have Portuguese out here. DeCretcio, please come!

Oh, there's Celestials, there's homunculus-like Italians. Yeah, let's hire a fucking Italian, let's get some of their fucking viscous tomato soup. Jesus Christ, I am so fucking sick. Every time we have to do something, getting into a 20-minute debate about which immigrant group we should hire or eat for lunch. Fuck it, I'll just carry the gear, are you happy now? I'm like your fucking parents. He's carry- Fine, fine. Dr. Hagenbosch is carrying the gear, it's very heavy, and he actually, I mean, he can carry, but he's really overdoing it and like, uh, like grunting and shooting daggers at Felix.

All right, no, I would, I would carry it, but as you know, I've been up for three hours. My, the bed at the fucking place wasn't right, the dazing at Windham. By the way, I've noticed that we've been staying at a lot of the dazing at Windham's on our various occult investigations, and I'm worried about this wizard figure that they keep harassing you every time I ask this disgusting cursive wizard. The dandy fop with a, with an obscene, sort of, awkward beard and a walking stick. Yes, the Windham ogre, he disgusts me. The Windham ogre with his sort of impish smile beckoning you into these rather fetid domiciles.

I cannot escape his, his haunting visage at all on any of our travels. Also, their radio signal sucks. I have lost so many, I had, dude, no, I have lost so many fucking checkers by telegraph games. I know I'm fucking better than those players. No, by the way, before you fucking start, they're not children. Adults play checkers by telegraph, too. It's actually fucking harder than chess by telegraph. There's a lot more coordination, and you have so fucking watered their kids. All right, two at 2 p.m. sharp.

A car drives up into the parking lot of days in by Windham. There's no driver. It's a tachyon, top of the line, model Mick. You load in your gear and sit in there. According to the instructions, you simply announce your destination, and it automatically takes you there. The tachyon enterprises headquarters in Dormitory, please. You hear a muffled voice from inside the front compartment go,

I- The journey is uneventful, though the car stops three times free fuel on whiskey. After an hour, you reach the tachyon industry's laboratory grounds. Raw and iron gates, bearing the words tachyon laboratory, swing open as if by magic to let in the model Mick. Adding to the main building, you pass laboratory topiaries in the shapes of tachyon's greatest achievements, the driverless carriage, the mop powered by coal, not estrogen, and now a rocket ship. The car pulls up for the front entrance of an imposing, yet non-descript, concrete building.

It's four stories tall, massive, the size of three airplane hangers. It's almost intimidating how functional and industrial it appears on the outside. The only thing that gives the building any character is a massive banner from the roof to ground level bearing the name, stylized, of course, tachyon. A late 30-ish man with slick back hair wearing a corduroy blazer holding a pipe greets you at the car. Hmm, I'm Walther, Walter Mathow. We spoke on the phone. I'm the head of public relations here.

It's my pleasure to welcome you gentlemen to tachyon lab. Greetings, Mr. Mathow. It is our privilege and honor to visit you here today and receive this complimentary tour of your most wondrous facilities. Mr. Musk as well is quite excited. He's running a little bit late, as you know, he's a very busy man. Well, here's a very, you know, he's an intelligent man. And if he's a fan of our, you know, radio program, it's a good chance he's a pretty high intelligence quotient.

Walter leads you inside to a massive atrium. Fellows, please pay attention for this part. It's quite important. There are armed guards, lab coated scientists, all of whom are Caucasian and bearded everywhere. The first thing you notice is a series of transparent pneumatic tubes winding all around the atrium rapidly carrying scientists through the building. You see a scientist get deposited nearby from a tube. He walks over to a huge ball pit and dives in joining other scientists and childlike play. And another part of the floor, you see two scientists playing Hoop and Stick 5,

even though it's not out yet. Walter sees you staring at it and says, yep, we got the alpha version. Enoch is close friends with Tajiro Hijima and gets to play all his games years before they come out. Walter leads you past the bouncy house, a row of hammocks, and a cordon off area splattered with paint where two scientists are dancing erratically. Walter explains, this is our do whatever zone. It's a place for our engineers to just be themselves and go cuckoo banana pants. Because being simply epic is a big part of who we are at the Tachyon family.

I feel looking at sort of walls that are just splattered with paint in sort of an erratic fashion is triggering my modernist art phobia. Ooh, hmm, good point. Make a sanity roll. Oh, wow, I passed it. Wow. Two. Wow, I maintained my sanity even looking at that horror.

Well done. You look at it and you're like, not today. Not today, demons. Walter keeps leading you. As I said, Enoch is running a little late for your interview, but to make it up, he's offered to personally conduct your tour. In the meantime, gentlemen, may I interest you in a drink? He gestures to a gleaming chrome bar with red leather stools.

He motions for you to sit down. He says, what'll it be, boys? I'm gonna huddle. I'm gonna huddle the memories. We got a show huddle here. Yeah, OK. I don't know that we all really like Mr. Enoch much, but I don't know what's going on here.

Like, the looks of these men. Before we accept anything from them, I would like to try to talk to them in their language to try to get something to figure out what's going on here. OK, I agree. Colonel Country. Yeah. All right.

All right. All right, I turn to the very epic gentleman. No, thanks. I'm actually sober. I have a kid. Oh, how old is your lad? You know, like a few months. OK.

Hey, you know, like how old kids are you doing like months? Dr. Dr. Hackenbush, Dr. Penny Farthing. All right. Yes, one drink, please. He smiles listening to that and then calls out three spunks, Johnny. A bartender merges from a set of double doors. He pulls on a tap connected to a series of brass pipes leading out of the room and fills three mugs

with a frothy white substance and serves them to you. I'm having a vision. I'm having a vision, like 90 years in a future. There is a bar that resembles this and it's called Scallywags. And its motto is drink like you give a damn, except the A in damn is an asterisk. I'm feeling this awful vision of the future. You feel it because there's already a banner in the cafeteria

that reads drink like you give a damn. Ah! Except it says darn, but the A is still an A. Oh, God, I feel a chill go down my spine. This is some sort of ghostly, ghoulish apparition, the future that we have. Matt, I'll just drink up, gents. OK, I'll just I'll have it.

I'll quaff my thirst from this frothy, just sort of milky viscous beverage. Matt and Felix? Yeah, fuck me up. All right, I'm not going to drink. I'm the only one thinking with a full head of brain here. But he smiles at you and says, all right, sir, you're not thirsty, you're not thirsty,

but I do have to ask you to put that ether rag back in your pocket. This is medicinal. I'm an epic veteran. I would have to ask you. I am an epic veteran. I would have to ask you it's not my policy. It's the company's policy. He taps his cane.

He's a cane guy. He's got a cane. Oh, OK. All right. I would like to attempt to like I want to make a big scene. I want to imply that I will create a huge, huge problem on the big telegram central telegram service Teleger about how this company won't let veterans use their ether rags.

OK, he gets the impression you're about to cause a big scene. And he just tries to placate you as best as possible. You know what? Our ethos here is do whatever. Maybe you want to just go to the do whatever zone. I would love to go to the do whatever zone. It sounds like it's for cool adults. OK, feel excited to do whatever zone.

The two of you take big swigs of the frothy white beverage. How much do you drink? I chug that shit. It's taste and texture reminds me of a blackened tan. The drink name for the the irregular militias that unfortunately couldn't prevent the formation of an independent Ireland but a few years earlier. Here's the deal. Professor Hackenbush, the beverage is saccharine.

It's almost too sweet. The texture is thick. It's a substantial beverage to be sure. Just having a sip of it makes you feel full almost like you've eaten a meal. Dr. Penny Farthing, you chug the entire thing. You feel pretty good, actually. You open your eyes. Oh, yeah.

It's already colorful in here, but the colors seem a bit brighter. Yeah. You're feeling really excited about being in tacky on labs. Oh, I'm feeling it. And getting to see all the cool stuff your hero Enoch Musk has invented. Oh, it's amazing. The human mind is capable of so much. You know you've got to record this episode of your premium radio show,

but you you hope there's some time for you to check out that ball pit or 1v1 someone at Hoop and Stick 5. Yeah, I mean, I just want to I want to live. I want to live in all of this amazing splendor. The two of you look around you. You notice there are other scientists at the bar, all of whom are drinking the same beverage, and they seem to really enjoy it. You see one scientist go up to the bar and ask Johnny, the bartender,

what's on tap today? Well, we got super sweet rainbow unicorn cotton candy spunk. Scientists' eyes grow large. His mouth opens wide. He goes, ooey gooey, they're making that horrible face again. Not Felix, but the two of you make spot hen rolls. I failed miserably. I failed miserably.

Two fails. You just see people around you drinking the same milky white beverage. A female secretary walks over. As she passes the various scientists in the bar cafeteria area, they all avert their gaze staring at their shoes. She tells Walter, sir, you have an urgent call from Will Rogers. He's threatening to call the rocket bunk. Walter says to you, please excuse me, I have to take this.

I'll be back in two gifts. In the meantime, make yourself at home. He heads over to one of those pneumatic tubes and hops in, then shoots away to another part of the building. Felix, you head over to the do whatever zone. There's two guys there. They're not wearing shoes. This is a playpen.

This is a playpen for adults. All right. So it's pretty cool then. All right. What do you do there? I go up to them. I go, I can tell you, I can tell you roused about sons of bitches work hard on your science contraptions,

but you play equally hard on your fun contraptions. All right. Hey, you don't work here, but you're welcome to be yourself in this zone. This is the B zone. All right. I immediately take out my ether rack. Yeah.

You're going hog while I'm going nuts. I'm going cuckoo banana pantaloons on it. Those two gentlemen are making that face, you know, that face of both surprise and elation. The sister face. When they see, when they see you take the ether rag out, you get the kind of vibe that they want to be judgmental because you're hitting it really hard and it's like three PM.

It's okay. I was in the army. I was a pilot actually. They're not saying anything. You're just saying that to them and they're like, all right, I'm going to put my shoes on and leave this area. I'm done being. All right.

All right. I got to get back. I got to get back to work, friend. All right. So now the B zone, the cool adult exploration zone, is totally unoccupied except for me. Right? Yes.

All right. I'd like to investigate this cacophony of epicness. I'll make sure of a boxing arena and there's ropes there. It's clear that you can be yourself within the limits of these ropes. Paint splattered everywhere. People have just been doing all kinds of wild stuff there. All right. Uh, I'd like to go up to where the paint splatter is.

Are there any? It's all over. Yeah. Are there any consistent patterns, any words written out here? No. It's just a lot of splatter and finger painting, but there are a series of messages written there that appear to be affirmations.

They say things like, I'm still with you, John W. Davis. All right. Well, I really like this. This just reminds me of my affirmation books. As you look at the affirmations, you feel a tap on your shoulder. May I have the pleasure of knowing who is touching me? You turn around and you see three scientists with their hands covering their mouths.

They look excited. Why? Okay. I'm assuming they're making the cool face. They're not because their hands are covering their mouths. But they want to. But their eyes look quite giddy. So like, yeah, they want their-

The one in the middle says to you, excuse me. Are you Felix Cumtree from Capone's Speak Easy? Yes, I am. They all instantly go, ah! Okay. Oh, okay. I'm going to need you guys to stop doing that. Oh, MG, we are your biggest fans.

We have been premium radio subscribers since 1923. Okay. That's what I like to hear. That's what keeps me having a top-of-line telegraph machine to play checkers on. By the way, read the checkers play by play. We're working on it really hard. Another one of them says, we all post on your message board. He points to a cork board in the cafeteria where there are messages in offer of work.

Enough. That's great, guys. I actually got started, you know, posting on a message board myself. Oh, we know. Yeah. So, wow, I didn't expect listeners to be working at this company. That's pretty cool. Fans, over here, of course, so many of us are fans of you.

So what do you guys do here? I work in the driverless car division. Mike here works in the womanless mop division. Steve's trying to get that submarine to work, but hey, good luck, Steve. Steve. So. So, how about that rocket sheet yesterday? Pretty fucked up, huh?

Don't know what happened there. Enoch, his designs are always great. And they're pretty... Jeez, I can't believe I'm saying this, but they're pretty much the bees of these. Oh, don't let humanoid resources here, you say that. But you know what they say, science is freaking hard. Yeah, it is. It is.

100%. I did science in the army. I was an army scientist. We know. We edit the public book about you at the library. We're all editors there. Let's just say that for a future episode, I would kind of want to know more about the rocket. Where would I go here?

What do I got to look at, fellas? It's just between, you know, you're not my fans in this mode. We're friends, right? We've always been friends. You're my friends because you listen to the radio program. What do you say that they look at each other and go, ah, we're friends with Felix Comtree. That's right, you are.

He said it. You guys are my friends. I wish I had my photograph recorder here. I wish I did too, to capture this moment. Felix, you should just tell them that you and your cousin fucked Marie Curie at one point. So between friends, where might I find some rocket information? We're not in that division. You'll have to talk to Enoch.

All right. Do you know where Enoch is? Probably either in the rocket area or in his office. I don't know. We haven't seen him in a while because, you know, he's been working on that freaking cuckoo banana, that freaking cuckoo banana pants rocket over there. All right. So between friends, that wing ding bees these rocket.

All right. So I may as well just go to Enoch now. I'm overhearing Lieutenant Colonel Comtree talk to the fans. But then I did hear that these are the fans that were editing our public book at the library. And as well, you hear they post on the message board in the room. If you're very narcissistic, you can check it out. Well, I'm not going to say I'm not. So I'd like to check the public message board as part of my weird, masochistic fetish.

You amble over there. Here's what you find. Pinned up fan art, depicting the three of you as pregnant with D'Crescio as the father. You read a couple of the written posts. They're all handwritten and they're incredibly mean to you. Uh, things like William Hackenbush mispronounced another word on the September 3rd broadcast. He's an absolute dotard. I hate him and I hate this show and I'm not going to give them my nickels anymore.

Or, well, the show is funny, but the guys are clearly progressive, so are too cowardly to embrace Bolshevism and the propaganda of the deed. I hate them and I hate this show. I'm going to keep listening though. Again, I'm just really thinking about what that derringer would look like firing a very small pellet-sized bullet. No, actually, I should be saying this. I'm not saying any normal person would think that.

Yeah, no. I want to put a pin in that and say to Dr. Penny Farthing, you drank this substance. You feel really good about everything. You feel really epic about everything. Oh, yeah. What do you want to do in this whole zone full of scientists and futurism? I just want to go around and ask everybody to tell me something I don't know,

to blow my mind, to expand my mind, to give me just a portal into the future. Dr. Penny Farthing, you elbow a gentleman at the bar and say, hey, expand my mind. Tell me about the future. He turns to you. His jaw is very slack. The bottom of his jaw is nearly on the bar. Exposed are his green teeth.

He has a full mug of the milky white substance in front of him. With whatever facial muscles he has left lifts up the ends of his mouth in a grotesque parody of a grin and then pours the entire mug into his jaw. He looks like a python about to eat large mammal. I mean, I'm waiting for him to blow my mind. That's fine, but he hasn't told me anything. I will say you're safe from the sanity loss with your long history of experimentations on humanity.

Yeah, I mean, show me something I haven't seen before, buddy. How about we're all made up of stardust that God created and sent to this planet? All right, whatever. Forget about it. Be too full of freaky. Never mind. I lost my high. I don't give a shit anymore.

Fuck this. I'm feeling a little bit nervous about the violent fantasies I had about people who are editing or public book at the library. I know I should watch myself as I'm currently embroiled in a lawsuit with one of Calvin Coolidge's press secretary. Now what? Let's just let's go talk to Enoch Musk. A few minutes later, Armguards approach you all individually and say,

Musk is ready to see you. All right. You're shoved into pneumatic tubes that deposit you in the center of Musk's office. The floors here are covered in plush scarlet red carpet. Musk sits at an imposing desk cast in luminous chrome. There's an assortment of curios around the office. Some of them on bookshelves, some in glass cases, some of themselves the size of furniture pieces. A couple of them.

There are various small scale models of Musk's inventions, rocket prototypes, the driverless car, the screen door submarine. There is a massive pendulum hanging from the ceiling that swings back and forth behind Musk's desk chair. Musk himself is at his desk. Breeds you just a little distance. Oh, hello, Capone boys. Very cool to meet you.

I'm super busy, so why don't we get started? You can set up over there. Let's set up our phonographic recording material and begin the interview. How about I start by complimenting Enix Musk. I'll say, hey, awesome pendulum, dude. It's just like that Edgar Allen post story. He was an author and troubled soul. You set up all the microphones.

He saw the interview and he goes, don't you usually engage in some amusing dancer to warm up at the commencement of your program? Usually Dr. Williams, the showrunner kind of, but I can tell he's a little nervous right now. I'm going to try to get it started. Okay, you ready? Dr. Hackenbush, I usually say something along the lines of hello, hello, hello, hello, Jupiter's Beards greeting and salutations to all the listeners there in telegraph land. This is your Capone speak easy for this fortnightly cycle of the moon.

I hope you're listening unless you're a woman. Just kidding. They don't listen. We would not let them. Anyway, guys, we're going to be taking on the bonus army today. That bunch of fucking losers. Hey guys, you didn't decisively win Europe and we didn't get anything in Africa. Quit complaining.

How are you fellows enjoying California? I find the weather quite pleasant. I find the food stands of which I can go in and out of to be quite different than those available in New York City. Yeah, I am really missing my Kutra monster right now. I'm not at my desktop telegraph checkers at gaming station that has pretty reliable telegraph speed. Are the gymnasium here insufficient?

No, okay. And there aren't even enough guys in Turtle Next that you can throw medicine balls at. It fucking sucks. They don't have. I feel weaker. I want to fucking kill myself. And they don't have the gigantic barbells that are just like two massive spheres that say 100 LBs on each one.

Yeah, and their fucking triangle weights only go up to 50 LBs. And there was a guy there when you were trying to do Olympic style lifts wearing a who has like a big handlebar mustache showing off and improperly doing the lift. Yeah. Yeah. He was using the Olympic lift platform. There aren't enough Chinese in the bathroom and it sucks. I don't like it, dude.

Well, I believe this is the point where your opening banter segues into a theme musical. We hear the theme music. All I want to be is Al Capone. Oh, okay. Musk really loves this. Like you look at his face and he's like, he's brightened up. He's really happy to do this interview. Okay.

Inic Musk. We are joined now by Inic Musk. Oh, I'm a little nervous being in to speak easy, so to speak easy. Do you want to hit an ether real quick? Well, I don't partake myself. What about the jazz cigarette? What about the L'Opium? Hey, now, hey, gentlemen, I understand the body nature of your program,

but let's not discuss illegal narcotics here. I understand we're not as big as the Joseph Rogan show, but you know, whatever. We're, so right off the bat, we're thrilled to be with you here today. You know, you're a big fan of us. We're a big fan of you. But you know, just right off the bat, got to ask you yesterday at the World's Fair, your comments, sir. Don't believe everything you read in the spiteful media,

how disdainful they are of the core truths of the matter. The media doubted my brilliance for years. Now I am the most successful genius alive. Yes, but it doesn't. I mean, we were there, sir. So what? It did not require the media telling us of the conflagration. We witnessed it firsthand.

We were trampled. I lost four points of damage, sir, in the trampoling. So I know for a fact that this happened. Everybody was everywhere. That's not a big thing to brag about your location. So what if there is a little bit of property damage? Property is, in a way, fictional. And human damage, sir.

Well, look, there's some lives, but there were no human Caucasian lives that were lost. Clearly, though, this was not the desired effect of the rocket. But it was. You don't understand rocketry. You don't understand science. Let me expound upon it for you. You get your information from the bulletin boards, from the idle Gawkers, and keep it, sirs.

OK? The science of my witness? The science of someone's floor shine crushing my face? That's the science that I observed, sir. I was there when it happened. Doctor, doctor, I am deeply upset about your injuries. Perhaps I can make it up to you with a peace offering. Would you care for a barrel of spunk?

I would rather have frank answers to my query, sir. Sometimes a sacrifice must be made for the sake of progress. We learned very much from that exhibition. For instance, which direction the rocket must go in towards space is what we learned. Such is the nature of science, trial and error. Your injuries were not in vain, for they contributed to the greater understanding of men of science. Mr. Musk, what is your goal here?

Should the rocket work and not crash back into Earth, killing hundreds of properties? What is your goal here? What's the end game here if you're sending the rocket to slip these heavenly bonds? What end game? To send a man into the heavens? Is there anything more than that that you should want? Is that not enough for you to slip the surly bonds of Earth?

Is that not cool? Well, I mean, I just, for me personally, it makes me obviously very cool. I'd love to shoot a rocket. Do you want it to copulate with you as well in the missionary position as all human beings are known to make love? Let's leave my sister Sonia out of this. But when you are essentially meddling with things in the celestial sphere, do you not worry that it could awaken certain entities,

certain ancient beings like Cthulhu, Yogshogoth or Thandos? Baldur Dash did Noah meddle with the great beings in the construction of his ark? No, he, like me, merely served God. What about the moon, though? What about the moon? I mean, would you want to go to the moon? Could we put a man on the moon? Obviously, we can.

We can put a man on the moon. We will put a man on the moon. We will put the city on the moon. We will mine the moon for valuable bauxite and bring it back to Earth as repayment for our benevolent lordship over the moon. What about a blood moon, sir? Blood moon? Look, blood moon, what about it?

You're talking about astronomical phenomenon. It's just an eclipse based on the position of the sun in your shadows. But also the name of the single on the best-selling phonograph of your paramour, Slimes. Is she interested in the blood moon? Oh, how she loves that moon. The day I met her, I promised the moon.

Perhaps it's the stench of ether emanating from your co-hosts so thick. It's quite thick. It's to the point that you should not be alive. Well, yeah, there's a lot of ways I couldn't have been alive. But the scent emanates to the extent that I can tell your listeners that I intend to wed my beloved science chippy on the moon. Imagine that. Perhaps you are jealous, sir.

Oh, how your sweetheart must be craving. You cannot wed her on the moon, but I can. Well, I mean, she has a very fetching look. A look of a victim of tuberculosis or cholera. Someone who's dirty. Yeah, sorry, Mr. Musk, but we have to get this in. Do you hate it when anarchists kill your mailman? Go to Hearst Shipping to ship the package.

The only shipping company that are protected by Pinkerton. Don't you hate when your Pony Express writer comes to you and he's got five arrows in his back? Don't you hate that shit? Folks, don't you wish that you had the inside information on the 1919 World Series? Well, today you can. Go to our betting bulletin. Bet these socks now.

Bet these socks now. That's the Black Sox bulletin, which gives you all the insider information you need to fix the next World Series. Let me say that I may have failed at my attempts to increase male sexual vigor by transporting goat testicles into the human scrotum. But my colleague, Dr. John Brinkley in Kansas, has perfected it. And I say that to anyone here who is seeking a more robust sexual reaction to their fair spouse to travel to Kansas and to have goat testicles

in place in their scrotum by Dr. John Brinkley. Musk goes into a sort of reverie. He looks out in the distance. Slimes. Oh, madam, slimes. My beautiful QT 3.14. She gives me butterflies in my silly place. Oh, I just got the 3.14 thing.

I just got it. Oh, how admire that Tushy. On the night of the rocket, I would finally, I mean, I will again, you can imagine the sort of launch that will transpire in my quarters. A similar sort as the rocket indeed. Looks like we're getting a world exclusive. Mr. Enoch Musk is going to get his own special goop, that slime goop. Well, when you have, hey, the best narcotic is a narcotic of love.

And Mr. Musk. The slimes have partaken any spirits or narcotic reveries? I don't know what slimes does between the hours of eight anti-meridian and 11 post-meridian. But I certainly trust my heckin' sugar plumb to maintain her continence. Have you ever seen her interacting with any of your machinery, the rocketry, or the scientists who produce it? Oh, she goes down and she sings to the scientists and they love hearing her sweet voice. Yeah, so these katanas, they're pretty cool, right?

They were designed by Takyan engineers. Traditional Japanese katana body folds steel one million times to forge a blade. My engineers folded it one billion times. The steel comes from a melted-down Pullman rail car. It can cut through anything, even diamonds. Super cool, yeah? Sir, this is simply epic. Watch!

He ungracefully swings the katana in a clumsy arc at a cardboard cutout of Greta Garbo, lopping the head off. As he makes each swing, he goes, It is so strong. It doesn't seem like a heavy sword, but he acts like it. This is all really cool, right? It's phenomenally cool, but it seems just talking to people here at Takyan and doing a little research. I actually do do work for the radio show a little bit,

but in doing a little bit of research for the radio program today, it does seem that things really took off for you in the year 1922. Could you speak about anything about your life before the year 1922? I have always been a genius, even before then. But what changed in 1922? Is it meeting slimes? Yes, I met my gorgeous tiny honey widget in 22. Oh, and if you could know the innumerable times we have conjugated,

well, they wouldn't be innumerable nowadays. Where did you meet her? What were the circumstances of your first encounter? Oh, thank God, I feel like I was fucking dying out there, dude. Thank you. I met her at the nadir of my life. I was being castigated by every wag and farsure in the yellow press. And there she was, a five foot four inch angel who floated down to me from heaven by way of Calgary.

Although it seems like an odd pairing, me, a middle-aged man of genius, her, a brooding young gothic nightingale, ours is a love written in the stars. From the moment we met, slimes has been utterly infatuated with not just my heart, but my mind. Whoa. Oh, man, I'm not trying to get his band from Airwaves. This is getting pretty hot and heavy. What? So, you know, next week you're going out to the desert. You're doing, you know, take two on the rocket.

Yes. And perhaps this is the ether talking. But you guys seem super cool overall. And you are making me look really cool on your radio show. That's yeah. Everyone's going to hear this and think, what a cool guy. You want to see the rockets, don't you? Oh, absolutely. The one that hasn't blown up.

I mean, that was the test rocket. I've already explained this to you. It was supposed to blow up. So we may learn the effects of rockets blowing up. That is basic science. How many times must I explain how science works? You utter fucking buffoon. What I like you.

I mean, this guy just like, I mean, I feel like he's just giving me to our component mansion and is telling me it smells like cat piss and nerves. And she's like, he's pointlessly antagonistic. He's making all of our fans get very anxious about this. They don't hate conflict. It makes them very, very, very, very worried. He's trying to argue with me about James Coughlin. Charles Coughlin.

Charles Coughlin. Very bad. This interview is fucking going on. It sucks. That tubes. I don't know what to do. This guy, this guy sucks human hindquarters through a pneumatic tube. This is why we hire Chris.

Oh, I'm trying here. I'm really fucking trying. He is. He is. He is a laudanum pill. He is awful. Quit this conference. I'll show you my rocket.

Then you can see and you can convey this to your audience of very cool people. And they will know how cool it is because of your conveyance. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, thank you for this. Probably one of the best ones we've done, right guys?

Yeah. No, seriously, Enix Musk, honestly, thank you so much for your time. This was honestly a five star episode. And I think our fans are going to be super excited to hear it. It's the best episode you've ever done. I anticipate so many laudatory message board postings about this radio. They'll be mad when you're not on the show. He has you break down your recording device and he ushers you into a tube.

You're deposited at the end of a long hallway. Enoch arrives last. He falls upon you. You're in a long windowed hallway overlooking the R&D lab. Lab is one floor below you. As you walk down it led by Enoch, it's bathed in red light. They're a row after row of sweaty bearded scientists working on various pieces of technology. They're soldering, sawing, wiring, that sort of thing.

They're sweating immensely. It's actually kind of nice in the tube, but you feel very like you almost feel hot looking at all these guys who are sweating like shit wearing heavy layers of lab coats. It's tough labor, but the engineers appear happy about it. They periodically make that same face of surprise and delight. Some of their jaws hang so loosely that they light folded on the work benches. Their yellowed and capped teeth fully exposed, lights of sparks flickering off them. Enoch is leading you down the hall.

Yeah, this is where my guys put together the technology that I designed. It's just Uber Super. Yeah? This is so Uber. This is Uber Mench, Mr. Musk. Everyone make a spot hidden role. Fail. Pass.

You do pass. Matt, roll a 1D4 and lose that much sanity. Sanity point two. Matt lose two. Felix and Will lose one sanity point. As you walk down the hallway, you look down on the rows of essentially slave labor engineers. And you see something very weird. Some of the materials that they're working on, bloat and pulsate.

As if they're organic, like a beating heart. Dave, do you want to add anything to that? It's like if there's two pieces of rocket material next to each other. Sort of like veins, but of metal and rubber extend from the pieces. And they bond together almost like cells melding. Like there's some biomechanical technology at play here. Not anything you've ever seen in a conventional factory or owned before. This reminds me of the silent films of David Cronenberg.

Where, I've never seen technology like this, Mr. Musk. Could you explain why the metal is pulsating like a human heart or intestines? Yeah, so I designed all this myself. Well, I mean, that's nice, but how did you create metal that defies all physically understood properties of metal? You don't know what it's like to be a genius. You have these ideas that are so brilliant and they want to escape your brain. Like Athena being born from the mind of Zeus. But you want to keep your brain children inside of you because they are your precious idea, baby.

But how did you turn those ideas into reality, sir? What was the mechanism? We are men of science. We will understand your explanation by describing them to my subservience. So basically by mad capering jabber that has no relation to anything. You are not even responsible for your own innovation. How dare you, sir? You cannot describe your own innovations. Then you are nothing but a loudmouth fraud.

Sir, you are out of line. I invite you to my campus. I invite you and your cool pals to see my innovations and hang out with me and to be my friend. And this is how you repay the favor. Surely this is not how you treat all of your guests. Well, I mean, it kind of is, but you know... You did not treat Margaret Sanger like this. Okay, can we just see some more of the rocket?

You walk down the walkway, Dr. Penny Farthing screaming at Enoch all the while. A hallway ends and opens up onto a catwalk above a massive silo at the center of which is another rocket. The final rocket that's going to be launched in a few days time. It's identical to the test rocket, except it's twice as large, about a hundred feet tall. It's a monumental object. Enoch beams with pride. Behold! H-A rocket!

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Can you believe this cradle of my imagination will in less than one week's time bare your friend Charles into space and return him safely to the earth? Yeah, I'd like to inspect the rocket closer. Also offer you a cardboard cutout of the rocket through an aperture in which you can have your daguerreotype taken Perhaps wearing a genuine space helmet. I Certainly like to do that. I'll let you get a closer look at the rocket and just sort of wrap this whole thing up Yeah, I mean you've given us some great radio service, you know

I don't make it. Everyone make a spot hidden role Uh, oh, oh, right there nine. I pass. Here's what you see You're standing on like a catwalk above the main rocket silo Underneath a bunch of the scientists like the ones you've seen earlier, but they are very work like their jaws Don't open anymore. Like those muscles don't exist. They just have slack jaws was Beard hair surrounding their mouths

They seem like They're about to pass out in any second except they don't because periodically Their mouth which is already slack grows just a little bit bigger and their eyes bug out their retinas grow big they Have some excitement in what they're doing even though they've been pushed far past the brink of Humanity you also see a man down there

Who immediately attracts your attention because he's wearing this? fluorescent garb his shirt is bright pink his pants bright green he has a hair is a Blonde triangle like the fin of a shark or a cockatiel's crest he walks in a very elaborate way

He has bow legs He has one hand One muscular powerful hand Extended forth the other is angled. Oh my god. Also big biceps this in a certain way this is the fabled Chadwick a figure of untrammeled Masculinity and testosterone of just a being of pure male energy

next to next to anubis Isis and raw in hieroglyphic fonts on the tombs of the great pharaohs of Egypt Such a figure was prophesied indeed. This man is the he is the harbinger of Masculine renaissance and but yet he's surrounded by all these scientists who seem to have Degenerated yes, I'm sort of like in Smith like state sort of a horrible mirror image of the Chadwick this this sloping Hunched just a monculous figure They strut around as though they have never encountered the touch of a woman as though they were they were virgins The is a they they walk around in the manner of a virgin and and their their virginal

Their virginal and grotesque and sad Capering is only made more so by comparison to the robust and powerful gate of this Chadwick Dr. Benny probably is really unusual to you to see all of these A very downtrodden scientist be bossed around by a man who is at least one foot taller than all of them Massive powerful. He exudes a confidence that none of you have ever experienced in your life It indicates a new and hellish realm where physical prowess is totally replaced mental acuity in the social hierarchy The man does not appear to be a scientist. It doesn't appear to be a man of the mind Exactly the mind has been destroyed the man the mind has been made the grotesque

Supplicant of this this grotesque display of yeah, it's not Enoch It's not slimes giving orders there. It's this man and frankly you all look at him and You are either intimidated or seduced I'll let you decide which I For one I'm deeply seduced. I find his his This assertive masculinity to be a bracing tonic to the

increasingly weak-willed sort of pageantry of of impotence that one sees in in Civilized culture I find it to be reckoning back to to prehistoric norms of of of Physical power and dominance Asserting themselves over any sort of raw and mulling intellectual Powers and I desire to follow him you observe the powerful big ox of a man the big bear of a man down there Hmm, why intimidated?

Hmm, you know access to you. Oh Boy, it's been quite a day. I'm bushed, but I like you you think I'm cool, right? I think you're very cool. It's your mask coolest people. We've ever met. I think you're cool, too What do you say we go up to my room for some cigars and whiskey is masculine cool types like us enjoy I love whiskey. Yeah, let's I it's like those photographs that one of your scientists was showing me earlier We are sort of pals now. Don't you think I think so 100% I'll give you my telegraph number Enoch leads you into another one of those other fucking tubes And they deposit you in the middle of his bedroom

Here's what you see first off Enoch must bedroom is incredibly messy There's just fucking shit strung everywhere first you see Something that he's really proud of check out my bed hop hop hop you like it look at it It's in the shape of a train. Is it not? Uh, everyone make a spot hidden role

fail pass I'm even I believe that's a pass. Okay, uh Felix and will you notice that clearly only one side of his bed is slept in? Also on his bed is a glorious swanson body pillow. Uh, so mr. Must this is where uh You in slimes where the the the magic happens would you say? Oh, yes, absolutely We I mean that's interesting because it looks like um

The bed clearly only is only only one person sleeps in it and there's there's a sort of Anthropomorphized body pillow on the other side of it. Where does where does slime sleep? All right? I don't like that implication first off my squishy honeydew does not need to sleep here every evening She is an unmarried woman after all. She's a flapper. Santa more Santa more second of all glorious swanson a great actress Shining star of stage and screen. I don't need to defend that at all now Do I you don't have any body pillows in the shape of females? Is that what you're telling me professor? Laura Swanson a great actress of of silent film or films as we call them now

Will will she might say something like I'm ready for my close-up mr. DeMille in the future, which I have seen in one of my opium dreams. Okay. Well, why don't you take a gander at this? It's super cool. Yeah, I love cool things He opens a cabinet and inside is every copy of whoopin's thing Oh, whoa single one Something else you all notice just by being there There were tubes of Vaseline everywhere the way spins are full of crumpled tissues

There are erotic Japanese wall scrolls littered about the room remember we encountered those and our our mission into into Baron Trump I wait on our not our mission into Baron Trump our mission into boy Our mission into his his domicile and apartment in New York. You also and gentlemen pay attention to this You also see a telegraph machine in one corner and around our reams of communications Just crumpled up messages all around dr. Benny farthing You realize this Enoch opens up his liquor cabinet he Brings out a bottle of whiskey and says this is one of the finest whiskies pours you all glasses of it

You realize however, that is one of the poorest quality whiskies in existence Swill He also take he also takes out a pack of cigars and hands them all out You realize that they are very low quality cigars Oh These are French this man is an un-cultured Sorry, these are these are Indochinese this is this is the tragic result of someone's money running ahead of his tastes And it is unseemly in the extreme a Philadelphia Dutch master one of my favorite cigars on the market

He pours you all glasses of whiskey and he likes one of the cigars, but he likes it from the wrong end I You know I see in hails and says I'm bringing back the art of being a gentleman any lad can have swagger pots we gentlemen We embody class yes, and along those lines. I'm actually be interested in asking you about that sort of hulking behemoth walking about your rocket factory floor The very large gentleman who stood out from all of your other scientists You mean Chadwick is a very good friend of mine Chadwick would he would he like to join us for cigars and whiskey?

Oh, no Chadwick. He keeps his own hours quite a busy fellow. No time to enjoy the finer things in life But he's a cool guy too this man this man believes that his Disgusting array of stogies and rotgat is the height of sophistication He is clearly a roub someone is directing him Someone is a puppeteer and my would wager that it is this slime character Musk Coughs heavily trying to smoke cigar the wrong way He takes one sip of the poor quality whiskey and immediately passes out

The three of you are in his bedroom alone. He's passed out now. What I Rifle I rifle his pockets for any and all pertinent information good instinct doctor. You find VIP tickets to the Exhibition of the main rocket Nevada boys. It looks like we're going to Nevada Hi, five and then we maybe jump at the same time and as our hands hit together in the air we freeze Ever so slightly for a few seconds ladies and about the tickets are the words Holocaust lad What this is a disturbing development? Holocaust as we all know is is it is ancient Greek for for an all-consuming fire?

Yeah, and yeah, if they did, you know if someone was to do a hog on earth it would probably be a hoax I mean obviously Yeah Linberg about this Larry the word and the word count into the millions Matt the word Holocaust doesn't have Doesn't have the positive connotations yet that it will have in the next few decades. Laming sort of a burning man Well, that's musk It's a showman

And he's passed out. You're in the penthouse of the Muska the tacky on industry's compounds I think you want to do while you're here. I mean we need to rifle through every yeah Let's just make a find any any drawer you find a lot Of crumpled tissues you do find a big case full of dolls I don't know what kind of way it will kind of dolls These are garishly painted figurines many of which are in their original packaging depicting what appears to be women from the worlds of cinema and cartoonery

One of which is an original Lillian Gish action doll One of which is a first-run fritzy Ritz. I mean I am aroused by them And I would like to sort of satisfy my masculine urges in private, but here's a time for that Well, here's a Phyllis wallets and her Areolas are exposed. Oh dear. I'm feeling quite flushed I have to I have to fan my face to reduce my my physical excitement But I must carry on and try to find some sort of pertinent information that might shed light on our investigation of the rocket failure I mean you are in the man's bedroom. Perhaps there's a limited amount of information here considering

well, what I assume is you think is a Buffies for funerary. Is there any other Area that we can access while he is passed out an office perhaps you open up a dresser drawer and dip your hand in and immediately Your hand is just covered with tissue paper that's balled up Ah Some kind this gentleman has he has an onanistic fever apparently he is a bit of well It's rightly a bit unusual isn't it he cannot cease from some stimulating himself. I know hang on I thought he seems to be

I thought he was so virile. Well, he seems to be part of some sort of intellectual shadow society of people who imagine themselves to be great geniuses but are in fact socially maladroit master beaters and Halfwits the three you make listen rolls, please Pass pass The two of you here Feminine giggling coming from next door next room. Well, if I hear if I hear a woman a giggling

I'm gonna come in a knockin and I'm gonna actually not even gonna knock. I'm just gonna open the door. Okay. What do you what? What do you both do? We I I burst into the door to find the source of this tittering Absolutely, you go on to the hallway you burst into the next door. Here's what you see This is a bedroom a master bedroom, but it's smaller than the master bedroom But still like very well-appointed very luxurious On the outside before you burst at the door you see A painting that says no boys allowed. Well, I will I you know, I as I am a man and not a boy This this signage of is of no bearing on my intense indeed. I

Pushed through it heedlessly you burst in and here's what you see one is a Woman sitting on the bed. We'll get back to her. The other is there's a bathroom adjoining connecting this room where There is that same man you saw earlier that same massive powerful man and he's wearing a towel, you know around his waist, but he Still has on the neon

Outfit so he's not nude or anything. Oh, thank God I might have fainted if I'd seen such a lewd act in public the woman on the bed is looking at her and giggling But they both turn to you when you barge into the room greetings and salutations from the boys at Capone speakeasy couldn't help but hear you laughing in here and just had to had to Burst in unannounced and see what is going on as is my you know habit. Yo, what's up Mac? Were you trying to watch me crush some salmon? That's kind of dandy, yo

Um, no, just just a friend of Mr. Musk is a friend of ours just where what do you like his boyfriend or something? Well, I mean, we're you know that not boyfriend for say just you know an acquaintance of mine We're here to interview him. We've been shipping some whiskey and smoking the cigars and just want to oh you smoke this cigar, huh? Hold up I just uh, you know, no, no, just yeah, I shared a tobacco. Yo, yo, yo, yo hold up Mac You little dwarf let's got to get out of here man. Oh, oh what you three little tiny little dwarf lens You're only like threes or fours you cocoons got to hit the skids

I mean were you working on the rocket earlier? We I couldn't help but notice I was I was watching you earlier Not like I was like trying to watch you, but I you know, I just I noticed you earlier working on the rocket and I'm just interested. Yeah, you're really interested in working on a guy's rocket, ain't you? How about you work on getting the fuck out of here, huh? Oh, I mean, it's just it sounds like there's fun going on stutter He holds out his hand and you feel yourself pushed out of the room with a violent invisible force The door slams and you hear the latches lock

You also hear the giggling from slimes And you also hear if you listen closely her say who was that door? Yeah Yeah, that didn't go how I wanted it to In the room having experienced that your like masculine energy levels go way low I just I feel my jaw Sort of falling down and my eyes lightening up and just sort of a some somewhere deep inside me almost like Not my own voice, but the voice of an entity that is not myself just sort of produces the sound

You you feel Utterly a mask Just this is this is a new experience to me. I just I don't quite know that there's a word for it Here you new think No, I'm gonna go back there and I'm gonna give this fellow. What's what? Yeah, I'm gonna repair What's left of my masculinity? I don't know if you actually do it. Do you yeah, of course? I mean, that's that's what I would do in that situation go back to the door Yeah, and you knock on it, but you knock on it quite insist

Only the sound of bed squeaks and moans of orgy as to pleasure I heard from within You know, I'm a man of the world and Sounds like sounds like a man is having a conversation with a woman in there Sounds like sounds like they're doing suffragette things in there. Is that like a good old-fashioned cut? Well, this conversation sounds like it's pretty intense and maybe I should Go find my compatriots and leave this dormitory because honestly like, you know I need to go back to the days in by window Felix. Yeah, you've been back in Enoch's room Playing

replaying whoop-n-sick three This game never gets old and But you're playing by a telegraph and you're losing to Children oh, dude, you are such a fucking fun word Trying to go to the end of my board. Hey, you're fucking lucky. This guy's shit connection. He's a fucking pussy I hate him want to kill myself Enoch's passed out. Perhaps it's time for you gentlemen to leave. I really need to go back to days in by window Yeah, I love days in by window

Despite the pervert Pervert the size that haunts that that particular in we do love days in by window You return via tube the main atrium of tacky on labs It's nighttime now, but the facility still brims with activity. Walter the press secretary finds you again Gentlemen, I trust that was a prosperous interview with mr. Musk Perhaps you can get the word out to your fans to come in person to the launch of the rocket black rock Yeah, I suppose we can plug that, you know, I'm happy to help I guess I hate live music, dude It's looking Al Jolson concert

group my feet Standing there. None of it sounds good on the records There's nowhere to plug your telegraph your portable telegraph machine into fucking sucks I feel like popular music is bullshit ever since Steven Foster died I feel like I've aged out of the live music experience like there's no way I'm going to like be on my feet for three hours just to hear like a weird version of camp town races That sounds different than the one that's in my head Bet my money on the bottle next somebody bet the bay. I just keep that Walter

clears his throat and says Well, it's getting late and I'm sure you're Eager to get back to your accommodations. You'll follow me. I have a driverless carriage to take you back to San Francisco Finally, fuck me. I fucking this is the worst story. We've ever taken the worst decision you've ever made You're on a desolate stretch of road from Palo Alto back to San Francisco. This area is quite undeveloped You're on a cliffside overlooking San Francisco Bay in the far distance by the shore You see meat packing plants smelters tool factories all the signs of capitalist progress You're tired from the day's investigations

Sluggish from the whiskey that you drank in Musk's room Some of you still feel the sting of emasculation from your confrontation With an alpha male not me No, I was I was just baiting him. He's the real pussy the on-board navigation system in your driverless carriage slurs roadblock Reported ahead Calculating alternate route your car crawls to a halt. There's some sort of impediment before you I suppose we should Get out and investigate this impediment, but not before I sing another verse from camp town races

The long tail filly and the big black boss do da do da can't touch a bottom with a ten-foot pole Oh, do do da day. All right, let's let's check this out. That's a bomb This fucking slaps you get out of the car and inspect the impediment before you it appears to be logs that have been placed Oh, here comes someone's trying to block our exit. This is this is quite Suspicious we better remove these as quickly as possible You get to work removing the logs the review makes spot-hidden roles. I have a 33 my spot hidden is 60. I pass flying Felix passes will fails Felix put a check mark in the little box. That's a spot hidden. I would love to Zero zero is a hundred right? Oh, so that's a that's a good pass. That's a very good. Oh, yeah. Yeah

Okay, will you continue your work on perturbed? I continue singing camp town races It's a classic minstrel song Felix and mad. However, dude, you're fucking spinning Felix and mad. However, you realize that something is amiss you look around you and you find just in time to prepare That there are men rapidly coming towards dude. Am I oh am I seeing an unmarried woman? Because I'm sensing a miss something's a miss. There's six men coming two men are coming directly at you They're wearing all black First I'm gonna like pump myself up like to like battle jazz white jazz It's just three bars. It's really quick

Face balming in paradise like my name is captain Picard Throwing up the crowd we getting hoisted by my own petard 21 on blackjack hit me with another card. All right, I'm ready. Okay. Do you want to do a combat thing? Yeah, I do. I want to take out my pistol. I'll say you can get off one shot here. It's a colt 1911 I've rehandle back when elephants weren't endangered. So you can't get mad at my guy That's a 27 firearm handgun is 80. Okay Roll for damage the damage should be listed at the bottom of your sheet the D3. What else? What's the there's no D3? What it says one decided dice. It's I don't know

I don't I didn't take geometry suck my I assume that's a D8. It says three dude. There's no Fucking my dad was a dice maker. He could make it. Maybe y'all can't fucking make one y'all are the real fucking drug addicts Okay, it says one D3 on the sheet I'll let you roll a deal. I'll let you roll a D8 there because that makes more sense Okay Use the D8. It looks a little smaller than the D time. It's this one. All right. I got a five You fire a shot square until one of it's it's it's dark out It's very difficult to see but you still managed to land a shot square in the center of this guy and he doubles over

One shot one kill the six of them are going to take rounds now The first one comes and he tries to grapple you you can only dodge here. I believe oh Yeah, no, I fell hard fell. How bad was the fail because he failed to 99 critical fail Jump into his mouth Swallowing me now like a bow constrictor. Okay. Well You see that his his stance is utter is horrible. It's very poor. You you're really disgusted by it You're more disgusted by the fact that you fuck up so badly that he does manage to grapple in a mobile

I took an L. Tomorrow. I bounce back. We're cutting up the bullshit like bacon. I'm back that now we go to my friend Matt Actually, first we'll go to will You they get a surprise attack on you which is bad. Oh, you can only roll dodge here. What's your dodge? My dodge is 35 roll that I Missed it by two. Here's what happens one guy comes a Mobile eyes view and then swiftly the second guy just knocks you out. The last thing you see is a hand coming to your eyes See them flying on a 10 mile heat do da do da Matt two guys are trying the same thing on you Because you pass that spot in role. You're aware of them. So they don't get a bonus attack on you

I'm fighting these motherfuckers. Okay, and being destroyed because I am an old feeble idiot who made a terrible character Okay, so we'll start with the first one. I used a d3 to roll all those character attributes roll But here's the trade-off if you try to fight back here you forfeit your next action round. All right, fine I'll die. Okay. It's your call. No, I want and I'll let you I have a terrible gun or a terrible weapon I'm old. I need all the advantages I can get so I want as many chances as I can get okay roll We'll start with the first one roll your dodge 67 on what Oh boy, we're chilly for you. He fails as well. What a pussy for some reason in this game

I have an excellent credit rating, but almost no other Most people in society who have that combination the first guy fucks up Do you want to fight back or dodge on this next second? Let's dodge him too He's a pass 69 fail. That's the epic number. He immobilizes you as well. You get the next action round Uh, you are immobilized by this guy. You he's got like your arms in a lock You can try to get out of it. Oh wait. I'm sorry. What was your build hero? You can try to get out of this Made of fiberglass and I believe that the way to do that is to use bones are spun sugar Man, I believe that the way to do that zero is a standard

Um, I believe that the way to do that is to if you want to get out of this roll your fight. Oh Oh my god, I passed. Whoo. Let's go Duda Duda 21 on 29. Sorry. He gets a 10 on 75, which is an extreme pass Damn it. Yeah, that motherfucker bet on debate. No one likes you when you roll a three Felix you're at this the top of the round. Uh, yeah, you can pretty much all you can do is try to get out of this All right, I'm rolling for just brawl. Okay. Yeah, that's an 80. So I like my oh, okay You got pretty good shot here. Oh, yeah 47 Uh, you manage to get out of his trap. Yeah, that's right. Last year was practice this year is a playoff

Suck my dick, dude. He's gonna come back. You're the one with a fucking drug problem He's gonna come back at you as will the two other guys who just got done knocking out will have better odds brawl And I believe you do damage on it and also you have a build of one, right? Yes, okay So there you're bigger than these guys. Yeah, call me build the Blasio. We'll do it one at a time roll your fighting brawl 45 That's a pass. He fails. Uh, you can roll your hand-to-hand damage against him. Okay. Oh damage bonus is 1d4 Oh, so there is a three side it does. No, no, you roll the d6 and divide it by two. Okay rounding All right, it's a three. Okay, so rounding up. It's two and then roll your damage. Okay. I got a

You managed to knock that guy out All right, get a go at brawl again fucking working golden Lee All right, 45 he's a fail damn dude am I my Donald Trump cuz I missed the 45 I got a five the rounding up that's three before I Have a six. Wait. What is your damage mode is one d4? Yes. Okay. Yeah, so then you roll a d4 Yeah, I got a six on the d4. You can't get a six on a d4. Look at this one plus two plus three No, no, no, no, no you it's the number on top. Okay, it's one one

Okay, so the total is four. All right. Well, dude, I don't go to school for math or dice the last guy now He literally told me run that shit no run that shit back He told me they have to add it up the total so that whatever we're doing good way by adding all the number I get all the numbers I get on one side of the d4 I'm sorry that I'm literally the only one who understands the meta of lying to the Dungeon Master Okay, okay, you feel like my feelings roll your with the last guy now roll your brawl All right, I have a 61 again

Amazingly, he failed and you pass. What a bitch. I knew you'd fuck up roll the damage this time Doing the d4. All right, so I got a one and then the d4. Yeah is Three okay, so four total. Yeah You're grappled by one guy, so it's an automatic here. The other guy knocks you out. Oh well We'll go to the top in the next combat round Felix. You're not I love I love by the way I there's nothing I love more than engaging physically in this game I feel so much control over my my choices. I feel so much autonomy. It's fantastic Well, I think this would basically play out like basically how it would in real life and that like you and I would get knocked out

She looks would save us. That's very very active. You're so fucking lucky. I'm a podcast who never experiences any Anymore else I would fuck you up. No caparino Felix. There's four guys now Still fighting you have the first move on this action problem. I think it's done time You're shooting a point black range, but it is dark and they're wearing flags So I'll say that's it. That's a standard role. So roll your gun 73 that's a pass roll damage on the handgun. Oh at 9 9 9 9. Oh, you got a 9. Okay. Well, you kill a man Rip, I knew I could do that. Okay. Same thing. That's actually not the first time I've done that I was in the war by three guys are trying to grapple you now

I don't feel I don't love my chances rolling three more times on brawl, but I do like what happens. All right All right, talk me into it. If I lose I get a duo first one gets it first one gets an extreme pass rules So I don't think you can actually win on this one. I knew I should have used my fucking gun You can't really gun against a brawl, but whatever. Yeah, you can it happens all the time Then you see John Wick. Yeah, no Well, just roll it out. Just roll it out or 004. Yeah, that's actually a victory for you I got the math wrong 18 with 18 is not an extreme pass here. So you get to do damage again Go back to the fucking lobby. You're rolling like fire and I'm really terrible. I'm one of the best rollers three three

Yeah, that guy is he's looking real bad and he also Enjoy the loading screen again two more guys. All right, pretend I'm pretend I'm making the fucking late-caps work on Twitter I'm putting you on saying normal world because that's how you're feeling with your fucking normal pass suck my dick I'm the best at rolling. Let's go 54. Not good enough. That's a tie. All right I'm coming back stronger next year The guy also managed to incapacitate you. He's doing these these these moves that are They're foreign in some way. They're they're like these martial arts that the they're clearly not the Caucasian

Anglo-Saxon Anglo-Saxon style of fighting which is to get drunk and eat 10 loaves of bread Oh my god, and then just like punch each other. This guy's from the Far East, Poland Polish martial arts where they chop up screen doors in half. Yeah, you did amazing Acrobatic demonstrations where they all take for turns screwing in a light bulb Giant light bulb. I gotta say I wasn't expecting that. That was pretty good Felix. Great run. Yeah Well, I'm literally the fuck one of the best gamers. The last thing you see is his partner. Just straight you out A cosmological cretin is curious Chantouse and her clandestine Casadova Can the command boys disentangle themselves from this simmering menage our mystery?

Or will they become one with a polycule of horror in the black rock desert? Learn the answers to these burning questions and more on next week's thrilling conclusion to musks of Nihilaratha depth