Chapo Trap House - UNLOCKED: 391 - Bernie Won (2/5/20)

Episode Date: February 6, 2020

We celebrate Bernie's victory in the Iowa Caucus. TOUR DATES:ALL TICKETS AVAILABLE AT: www.chapotraphouse.com/tour Las Vegas, NV Feb 18, @ House of Blues San Diego, CA, Feb 23, @ The Observatory North Park Sacramento, CA Feb 28 @ Ace of Spades

This fucking state, these motherfuckers, these goddamn pieces of shit, they spent so much time trying to convince us that this is some sort of real fucking system, this is a real place, that they're playing by any kind of rules that we can understand. And that when people to come together to go to a goddamn train museum, then it'll be fucking open. But instead, after waiting for days, it's so excited to go to a nice fun excursion to Trainland, USA. We drive through the fucking waste of this shitty fucking frozen hellhole and then get there and the goddamn fucking train museum is closed with no warning. What the fuck are you supposed to do? Why do you even, even, why do you ever open your heart to anything? Why do you even try? Why? God damn it. Well, on the bright side, burning one. Yeah! Woo! Oh, you know what that is? That's the sound of Bernie winning the Iowa caucus. Let's pour it up, guys.

What's up, baby? Got some shampoos here. I still got the vuv. This is the good shit. Vuv? Vuv. You also say Kaiser salad. Well, that's Latin. We'll have this discussion off mic. Well, no, no, seriously, guys, we're coming to you the day after the Iowa caucus and despite the fact of the just honestly like brazen corruption and cheating of train... Woo, they tried....of trainland USA and not putting on their website that they are only, they open in May despite having hours of operation that seemed like they would be open... Whatever....and blatantly stealing this from us. Stealing the experience of seeing delightful trains. Let's cheers, guys, to victory. I got to admit, I got to admit, like, I feel bad admitting this, but you guys know I'm friends with like all the Pod Save guys, right? Of course, yeah. Well, they're on the board of the train museum. I knew it. I fucking knew it. They did tip me off. They told me not to go in that day. I instead went to, you know, this sort of mosque of Iowa, Lifetime Athletic instead.

But I'm sorry, you know, I should have told you guys. I'm sorry. But, you know, next year, next year they're going to use a different train museum. This time, sorry. You get it. You get it. Okay. Just again, despite the fact that we were kept out of the promised land, and by that I mean America's largest model train museum. Bobby Bacala died for this. Yeah. Let's be clear about what happened last night. Because they are doing their damnedest to muddy the waters and make it unclear. No, like to be serious, let's be 100% clear about what happened last night. First and foremost, Bernie Sanders won the Iowa caucus. Yep. This is, by the way, not a troll. We're not sending you out. We're not trolling. We are gloating. And you should be too. We are celebrating and we are gloating. So if you're like us, I mean, you probably spent last night fucking clawing your eyes out, watching TV, wondering what the fuck was going on. But here's what happened. A couple days before on stage at our Iowa City show, we found out right before we go on stage that the Des Moines Register decided to spike the single most important poll of the entire election season to spike it and not release it in an

completely unprecedented CNN canceled their like hour long special to unveil the last poll for the Iowa caucus. This is the poll insofar as polls are ever important and that they matter to people. This is the one they spiked it due to a technical glitch brought to their attention by the Pete Buttigieg campaign. They spiked it because of a technical glitch, even though while we were on stage and every don't be fucking fooled, every journalist in the state saw the same results we did that we read out on stage. Those have since now been leaked and it held true to what we said on stage, which showed that Bernie was 22, Elizabeth Warren 18, Buttigieg in third, Biden in fourth. They spiked that fucking poll and it took me like it took me a while to process it, but I was like, holy shit, are they really doing this? Are they really doing this? And then last night, they spiked the whole fucking Iowa caucus. The whole thing. The only reason any person in Iowa lives here. The only reason they think this place is not like Nebraska. No, no caucus here and there never was one.

No, again, this was not the Iowa State Democratic Party. This was them in conjunction with the Democratic National Committee that made them fall on their sword and end the Iowa caucus. This will be the last Iowa caucus ever held. They made them end their precious Iowa caucus to spike the results that like that poll, we all know to be true, that Bernie Sanders won convincingly. And you know what? Good riddance. If this is the way it had to happen, good. I mean, as far as I'm concerned, we won twice. Because Bernie won and now we're getting rid of this absurd anti-democratic, archaic fucking feudal pseudo-democratic procedure. Every time someone asks me what a caucus system is, I have to panic and kind of half remember what it was. And it is my job to know it because it is so fucking stupid. It is a purely voluntary system where people who, you know, one, don't work evenings or can get off work. Two, feel confident enough in the process to think that they can participate. Three, like have childcare. Four, have transportation.

Five, are familiar and comfortable enough with the fucking language like can go in and there's a reason. Okay, do you know what the record high of 2008 Iowa caucus participation was? Give me that data. 16.1%. They're like, damn, shit. This is huge. This is democracy. They were so excited about that. 2016 was 15.7. When you look at these things, they're completely absurd. And more than all of those other things where it's just difficult to find time and a place to do this bullshit fucking, I don't know, children of the corn like community meeting version of democracy. Small towns are fucking tyrannical. And when people romanticize community, I want to guess that they've never lived in one. I want to guess that they've never known like a single teen mom who had trouble renting an apartment locally because her brother's girlfriend punched a state trooper in front of a 7-11.

People have to be very careful when you live in a small community because everyone knows who everyone else is. You can be discriminated against through employment, through housing. People, the right to be private about what you want to vote for and who you want to vote for is so essential to democracy. We were watching this last night. I was watching on TV first and then we ended up in the holiday inn where the Bernie headquarters and rally was and where he gave his comments on the night of. We were in the press room watching this. There were foreign journalists there. We were sitting in the back of the room, posted up next to a set up by Japanese television. And all I could think about... Also, they do say Trumpu. I heard it, I swear. All I could think about is I've been asking myself, how far are they really going to go to stop what's coming? How far are they really going to go? When they spiked that poll, I was aghast. I literally could not believe that they would do something like that.

And then we all saw on national television, not national television, they humiliated American democracy on a global stage, on a global stage for one reason and one reason only. A, to prevent Bernie Sanders from giving a victory speech in prime time. Two, to make the muddy the water so much and make any result that comes out of Iowa so vague and confusing that basically nobody will have anything to say about who won or didn't. We know who won. It was Bernie. And they literally set themselves on fire. The precious data that they all love so much, they threw in a fucking trash compactor. Bernie's coming for their lands. And instead of even at this point trying to fight for them and fail them, they're like, fuck it, we'll just burn the crops. And I do want to say something that I said last night to a lot of people. A lot of people were fucking heartbroken last night. And I initially felt pissed off instead too. But the more I talked to people and sort of talked people down, the more I realized, no, we fucking won. The only thing is they didn't let us have a victory party on their terms. They probably never will let us have a victory on their terms, but that doesn't fucking matter.

That doesn't fucking matter. It doesn't fucking matter. Just like it doesn't fucking matter that Bernie isn't on the doing the Allen Ginsberg special like Pete does on all the morning shows. He's on fucking Joe Rogan, which has a greater reach. It doesn't fucking matter that he doesn't get coordinated in Iowa like Pete does. And you know what? Have your own fucking victory parties. Tweet him at us. Yeah. This is still your victory. You still did this and they want you to feel beaten down. They want you to feel fucking disconnected. And they want you to feel like you are overwhelmed and powerless in the face of the process. But you are so powerful that they blew up their own fucking...they fucking did the looty tunes where they got blackface from blowing up TNT in their fucking faces. They are the road runner and you turn them into that. And then we go again. We go again. We go into New Hampshire and we will make them run into a fucking tunnel painted onto the side of a wall. And that's what the thing that I get so excited about is the way that they are showing their weakness and failure, their willingness to annihilate the institutions that are the only things that give them legitimacy.

Yes. We are the Democrats. You suck. You hate us. But we have these institutions that you got to use. They are the only ones. And they are literally willing to destroy them for no benefit. And the best part is, these are institutions that Bernie would have to fight and get rid of anyway. If he won, these things all have to go no matter what. And he is not even doing the work. They are doing it for him. They are destroying these institutions so he can't use them. But it's good. Again, we are winning twice. We are winning twice. It will be built out of the ashes of what these fucking idiots have destroyed. They are doing to all of their sources of their institutions and legitimacy. They are doing to them what that guy did in front of Robert McNamara's office in the Pentagon during the Vietnam War. They have just doused gasoline over themselves and lit them all on fire to just a petty spite that doesn't even help them. Let's say Buttigieg did win. They are going to say, oh, he won Buttigieg DOA in New Hampshire. DOA.

He's got no momentum there. He's got no organization there. Meanwhile, Bernie Sanders has a whole second battalion that has been in New Hampshire since New Year's doing the same shit that we did here all week. The same people doing the same thing. It can't be stopped. And it doesn't matter because he did win. Bernie has already rid us of the hated Iowa caucus. He has rid us of Rush Limbaugh, who's dying of cancer. He's not even president. He is already delivering on his promises to you. And he's not even elected yet.

Actually, I think Virgil should take a moment for this because when we say he won, we mean he won. We should clarify exactly what happened last night. And again, Chapo Action 5 News Team was in full force at the Bernie Sanders victory rally. I was not there. Felix was gaming. No, you are a digital correspondent. No, I earned it and I was also posting. I was helping people through my posts. 100%.

Let's start from the beginning. Iowa has a fucking caucus. It's a convoluted system. You go into a caucus location, you vote for a candidate, and then you appoint delegates based on who voted for whom. And those delegates are called state-level delegates. They go to some fucking state-level convention and their pledge. It's like a mini fucking DNC happens, basically. And then those delegates then vote for the national delegates who get to vote and pick the fucking president. That's the short answer as to what the fucking system is. Last night, the Iowa Democratic Party, they had developed some kind of app.

Let's talk about the app. We will talk about it. Let me just describe exactly the process of events last night. They had developed some kind of fucking app to do the simple process of each precinct location reporting the results. How many raw votes everyone got, how many state-level delegates everyone got. There's, I think, something like 6,000 precincts. In the past, they would just phone it in, and it still worked. They still fucking figured out how to do it. And then they would just email it, which, you know, I'm sure to you, the ingrate zoomer listening to this show,

you're probably thinking, oh, email, you could text in a very simple record of information. No, you need an app for it. They hired some real dum-dums and crooks to make the app to do what is, once again, a simple process that can be done via email or text message. And we know it's a simple process because they've literally done it every fucking time. They've done it every fucking time. This is the failsafe. And honestly, if you have the app, and you're like, oh, the app doesn't work, all right,

I guess I'll just call the guy, you know, like I do every fucking time. Anyway, that's all the process should have worked. The app fucked up, meaning that Iowa Democratic Party was caught outside with their fucking dick in their hand. And everyone was like, you know, including the media, they didn't know what was going on. The campaigns didn't even know what was going on. Everyone's like, what happened? Where's caucus? I was told there would be a caucus here. We have an app problem.

So every candidate went on TV and said, I don't know, I guess I won. What the hell? You should just say it. One in particular did that. One in particular did that. But the reality was literally nothing was being reported and there was no information as to when anything would be reported. That night, around midnight, the campaign chair of the Bernie campaign walks out and he says, in 10 minutes, we will be releasing our account because one of the caucuses sucked. They're really awful.

We can talk about it for, you know, we can go off on this topic for a long time. But there is one thing that actually went down at the Bernie's benefit last night, which is that the caucuses are public, which means you, like, observe each campaign, like the media, everyone observes what's happening. They are less democratic, but they are harder to cheat. They are harder to cheat. And I want to emphasize that for anyone out there who might be afraid of, like, fraud, and they're just going to, they're just going to, like, fucking, you know, release fucking just whatever fucking made up numbers they want, like it's North Korea or something.

No, no, no. You can't because every campaign, well, every good campaign has a precinct captain at every single caucus location who takes down the numbers. Everyone sees the numbers. Whoever's running the caucus goes around to every campaign says, OK, here's the numbers. Here you go. Here's how many delegates you got. Here's how many votes you got because we all watched it happen. So that means the Bernie campaign has also been doing the fucking Nevada, Iowa Democratic Party's job.

They had their own count. And last night, they big-dicked it and they came out and they released the fucking results based on it. They had 40 percent counted, plus they had their projections. They have their benchmarks, which are pretty fucking good because once again, hey, that's the team that just fucking won Iowa. They released the results that had Bernie Sanders winning. You can trust the fucking count because they did the count. They watched it. They're not pulling that out of their ass.

It's not a fucking dirty trick. No, I saw the people, you know, engaging this operation of collecting that fucking information. Today, Bernie Sanders released another set of numbers, which conformed with the first set of numbers that Bernie Sanders won Iowa. The Iowa Democratic Party finally, finally released preliminary vote totals with 62 percent in showing that Bernie Sanders won the popular vote unequivocally by a good margin too. But the state-level delegates might go to Pete. But here's the kicker. At the end of the day, Pete and Bernie will probably walk out of the caucus with the same number of actual fucking real delegates to the Democratic Convention. Probably, probably the same number.

If that doesn't make sense to you, it's because it doesn't make sense. It's fucking our case system. We should all fucking get rid of it. And one thing I really do hate is, you know, the resistance psychos and the Warren people, they say that, you know, oh, the Bernie Sanders loves caucuses because he does well there. The fucking Bernie supporters love caucuses. No, we hate them too. The campaign fucking hates them. They think this system is exactly as stupid as we do because it fucked them. So here's what the media wants to report to you.

That Pete won the utterly irrelevant state-level delegates. The reason for that discrepancy, by the way, but Bernie won the popular vote, but in this internal mechanism, Pete ends up with more, again, state-level delegates who do not go to the DNC or any shit like that. The reason for that discrepancy is it doesn't fucking matter because it's a stupid, stupid, stupid fucking system. And also, by the way, at the end of the count, it's very possible Bernie will just be ahead in that stupid, fake number that doesn't fucking matter. No, so because, recap, because Bernie and Pete will end up with basically the same fucking number of delegates to the actual fucking convention. That means the only thing that fucking matters in any kind of democratic, basic fucking system is how many votes you got. Who fucking got the most votes because that person won. And that person is, once again, Bernie Sanders.

And if anyone argues with you on this, search their history and see what they said about Hillary Clinton winning the popular vote. And, you know, so that is the, you know, that's the scam right now that they're playing. So they, after they kicked their pants last night and said, we're going to punt and figure out how to spin this. What they did today is they released, they've released 62% of the raw of totals, which show Pete up by a few points, even in the popular vote. And then they just stopped releasing stuff. They stopped at 62. And so essentially what they're doing, what everyone can see they're doing is they're waiting as long as they possibly can to finally come out and admit that Bernie won. At which point they hope people have completely forgotten that there even was an Iowa caucus. Which again, Bernie unequivocally won.

I forgot the first thing I want to say, but I'll just say the other thing, which is this, we have met a lot of people who came from out of state to canvas in Iowa. The last number I heard was 1700. I'm confident it's over 2000 people came and made the Bernie journey to Iowa. There are people who have been here for months canvassing for Bernie. And we went out in canvas for Bernie and it, I was going to say it sucks, but I shouldn't say that. No, it's cold. It's cold as fuck. Okay. It's cold as fuck. I canvassing, participating in it like helping get Bernie Sanders elected talking to people. That's great. That's good shit. But it's cold as fuck. Okay. I'm not used to that. We've seen a lot of 2000 people, 2000 people came, my guess.

And I know people, we've met people who came from Ireland, came from Australia. Today, I wish I could transmit this image to you using my beautiful voice. Today, I was speaking with some of those volunteers. They got up today with their horrible hangovers. And they marched back to the Bernie fucking offices, to fucking canvas locations, to Bernie HQ to continue Bernie Sanders counts of the Iowa caucus. To continue calling precinct chairs, you know, all over the state and get them and ask them, hey, give us the fucking numbers. That's what they're doing. The next fucking day that Bernie Sanders, the day after Bernie Sanders won the fucking Iowa caucus, they suited up and went right back to work.

That's right. You want to talk about the app? Let's talk about the app. Let's talk about apps. Let's talk about the app. Well, let's take a brief moment, again, just to go back and remind ourselves that Bernie fucking won. Another one! Pour up, pour up, pour up. Bernie fucking won and these people, the thing is, I know some people were discouraged because it reminded them, oh god, they are going to try to steal it from them. One, yeah, that's scary because we've seen it happen before, but think of the other thing. One, that means Bernie is actually a threat, which is the reason that this matters. And two, even though they're going to try, look at what, 40 years of being hollowed out, 40 years of the Democratic Party turning into this disgusting patronage machine

for fucking dipshit failsons to fuck around with each other and develop apps together and just swap fake jobs at fucking think tanks and advocacy groups and all this shit. That's what they have created, this disgusting institution that only existed to personally serve the ambitions of the little rat scum fucks who populated. And that means that what they now have is an organization that is completely hollow. It's a shell. It's like the fucking Byzantine Empire with Mehmet the conqueror showed up at the walls of Constantinople with the fucking gunpowder cannons. Yeah, it's like that. Think about this from their perspective. What were they envisioning a year ago? They're envisioning the coronation of Joseph Robinette Biden, someone who would cruise through Super Tuesday, someone who would drive his big car around New Hampshire, maybe get a strong second place there, maybe tell a group of school children about dental dams and not even get right with what they actually are.

He thinks there's something else. But that's what it was supposed to be, right? Like, I thought that. I thought that's what it was going to be. Oh yeah, you were all like, dude, what are you guys getting excited about? It's all going to be Biden. Now they have had to revert. I'd say Pete is their third choice. He is absolutely nobody's first idea. Pete is continuing in his tradition of being picked last for every team. He is Team C here. He has no depth on Super Tuesday. Bernie is going to crush in New Hampshire. They'll try to fool you into thinking that there's no primary in New Hampshire, that no one goes that stage,

that they're going to, they are going to, I predict this, they're going to legally validate the arguments of all New Hampshire sovereign citizens. And we will have 49 states potentially. There will be fringes on the flag that validate all your DUIs. But this Pete thing has no life. Like any rat trapped in between basement walls, he will rot, he will stink like shit. You'll have to pull him out with little tongs. But that's it. Don't get complacent. This isn't like, let's not be the DNC. This isn't Pied Piper. But no, let's fucking steamroll this little fucking rodent.

So the one thing that I would say that, and I'm not trying to sound smug or cynical or blackbilled or anything, but I haven't been shocked by literally any of this. Like I've sort of been doing this kind of thing for a while and it's like, oh, they cheat. This, what's what they do, they cheat. So you have to try and anticipate their cheating. And what did the fucking Bernie Iowa campaign do when they saw this happening? And we saw these people and they're like, all right, here's the fucking triage. We talked to this person, we talked to that person, we talked to that person. They were completely unflappable. They knew it was coming. They were not shocked. They were not hysterical. They were not despairing.

They were not anything. They were cold, blooded, vigilant and militaristically dedicated to what they anticipated coming. And that is what we need to be because I'm sorry you can't afford to be blown away too much by this because it's going to keep happening. They're going to fail. They're going to fail because we are provident, because we are prepared, but they're going to keep doing it. And that is just a testament to how good the Iowa team has been here. The people from Iowa, the people from out of state, the people from out of countries, they've been absolutely amazing. They were ready. They were like, yep, they're going to try and cheat. And that's the fucking game. They're not fucking whining Hillary people who are just like, yeah, but actually they're not trying to win on a technicality. They're like, they're going to cheat and we're going to win anyway.

We were talking about this earlier and I think what you said is so important Amber. And I want to talk about the app after this in a second. And you can talk about the app in a number of ways as a dramatic demonstration of their greed and incompetence or a jaw dropping display of like open malicious conspiracy. A distinction without a difference. We can talk further about that. But here's the important thing. It is not so much to notice these things or call it out. It's like it doesn't matter that the truth is on your side. And I think the most important thing right now for Bernie and especially his supporters is you cannot take from this and adopt for yourself a posture of whining defeat and victim hood. That is the worst thing that could come out of it. And thankfully everything I have seen shows me that the exact opposite has happened. I want to hear any complaints about unfairness or like oh they did this to us or whatever. No, of course they did. Of course they fucking did.

But just because the truth is on your side, it doesn't mean that you'll be rewarded for it. This is that 90s thing. It doesn't mean that you will be rewarded for it. What you need to do is realize they did this because of all the hard work that you did and that it worked. And what you need to do now, double down. You need to keep making those phone calls. You need to keep knocking on those doors. You need to keep knocking on those doors because what I've seen here this week is unstoppable. And it's going to keep on going on if you just keep fucking doing what you're doing. We'll have a little celebration first because Bernie fucking won.

And here's the thing. People get worried. You're like oh god look they're trying to fuck us. And look at what their strategy was. Last line of defense. When Joe Kennedy Sr. fixed the primaries for his son in 1960, what'd they do? They sent guys, they sent Teamsters to West Virginia with fucking bike chains around their wrists to beat people up. They sent guys out to fucking canvas graveyards in Chicago. They fucking their heavy hitters, the Chicago Outfit and the Teamsters Union. Who are these guys? These are Robbie Mooc and a bunch of pencil neck nerds and fucking donors, cousins and the five DUI dipshit children of congress people got jobs building little apps in their fucking co-working spaces. When they weren't like outsourcing it to fucking fiverr. So the old Democrats, they would just fucking, they would kill you. They would kill you guys. They would literally change numbers. What can they do now in the face of actual grassroots mobilization at this level that they are not able to deal with because none of their guys have anything comparable to push back against it.

They are the equivalent of some fucking nerd who didn't study enough for the midterms and on the day of the test, his big strategy is to just take a bunch of fucking X-Lex and shit his pants in front of the entire school. Yeah, no, this is not Giancana and JFK sharing a girlfriend. This is, you know, just two guys who were born in three-quarter zip-ups holding hands with the same girl in Bumble. This is how they rat fucked you. We've explained how they rat fucked you. How they tried. How they tried to rat fuck you. I'm sorry. Yes. How they tried to rat. How they're trying to distort the results of what happened, which is, of course, that Bernie won. Bernie fucking won. And in their fucking, you know, wonk out of minds, they think that, okay, you know what, we'll just, we'll wait a day. We'll just, we'll just turn the lights off and say, there's no way we're democratic here, party here, and there never was one. They go, we'll wait a day and then we'll release these results that, okay, sure, it shows that Bernie wins the popular vote.

But Pete won the precious state-level delegates and that this will be an image that could be on the fucking, you know, air it on MSNBC and the fucking, put it on the front page of the Washington Post, that, hey, if you just air those results, people will think that Pete won. But the reality is, people think you guys are crooks and morons. That is the fucking, most people do not give a shit about what's on the front page of the Washington Post or what's fucking airing on MSNBC, people mainly whose brains have fucking melted with this impeachment horseshit for the fucking past three years of their life. No, your average person, they, you know, who's not really following politics that much, but maybe, you know, they got the sense of it, or I don't know, someone talked to them at the water cooler and said, hey, how about that caucus? Their, their, the notion that is firmly planted in their mind is, hey, it looks like Bernie won, but these guys tried to fuck them, or, hey, that's suspicious.

That's kind of fucked. Like, you know, like I said, like, like many of you, I know you're probably, you know, watching, watching cable news, you're waiting for the news to come in, you wanted to see those results. And if you were like me, you were sitting there and the longer it went on, they're just like, hey, like, this has taken a little bit long. And they started getting reports in about these, like, glitches or errors. And the line coming out of the Iowa State Democratic Party is, we are taking time to do quality control. We are doing self care. We are downloading, we have, we have, but Robbie Moog has made for us a self care app.

The Robbie Moog self care act accidentally instructs you to cut your wrists. Well, it started, it started out with a draw a warm bath and then he got confused. Dammit, I read the wrong, I read the wrong wiki how it could happen to anyone. Okay, so if you're like me, you were seeing this here watching on TV. As soon as you started hearing all of this talk about quality control on this vote counting, my heart fucking sank. But here's the thing, that is intentional. That's why they did this spectacular boondoggle was to make you feel exactly that because they just, they knew what was coming. And here's the thing, all day yesterday, I started to get so sprung when I read literally article after article.

After article after article coming out in the mainstream press saying, you know what, the Iowa caucuses don't really matter. Let's not pay attention to whoever wins the Iowa caucus or you know, the real story here is who finishes second in Iowa. I saw all of that and I just knew they know what's coming and they know what's coming is their worst fucking nightmare, which is Bernie winning Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada at this point, maybe South Carolina and then South Carolina and then going into Super Tuesday when he has like a fucking lead in California and being tied in fucking Texas. If that happens, Bernie will be unstoppable and it is their fucking nightmare and they only did this ridiculous, openly corrupt disaster. Now, like I said, has probably done more to destroy the legitimacy of our democratic process than almost anything that's happened in American history. Well, expose the illegitimacy.

Expose the illegitimacy. But, and I just want to reiterate this again, do not adopt for yourself a posture of victimhood, of whining about how it's unfair. You are not, you are not a victim. You are a winner. You won. And the only reason they did this is to get you to doubt what is plainly in front of your eyes. A victory. If you are feeling as I did, as we all were, like you just got punched in the gut and you were just like, holy shit, how could they fucking do this? And you have a feeling in a natural one to retreat into yourself, to retreat into depression or despair, then you must understand that that was the point of why they did this, was to make you feel that way instead of, instead of withdrawing into yourself, continuing to be a part of a movement that is, I said, again, not me, us. A part of a movement we were all working together to do this. And guess what? We did do it.

Okay. Serota had one of the best side-by-side screenshots, tweets of this. Oh, God, this is so good. Jennifer Rubin in Wapo, May 13, 2019. Why Iowa is so important this time? Jennifer Rubin, February 3, 2020 at 12.15 p.m. What go to the Iowa caucuses anyway? It could not be more obvious. And that's the thing. Okay. And let's talk about this as long as you're talking about obvious. Let's talk about this fucking app. There's a lot of news stories going on. There's a lot of information out there. I want to refrain from getting into too much because I don't know how much of it to believe. I hope everyone who works at the Intercept is going to be staying up for a week straight, figuring all this out.

Here's what we know for sure. The people who created this app is a private for-profit company called Shadow. Sounds normal. That is owned by a larger group called Acronym. Gentlemen, too evil. A company called Acronym that is literally made up of Democratic mega donors and staffed by Hillary Clinton and the Obama veterans. David Plough was on MSNBC when all this shit was shadow was happening. And they're like, isn't this your company, David? And he goes, well, I sit on the board, but this is the first I've heard of Shadow. He said he's a volunteer on the board. He's a community organizer.

What the fuck? Were you drunk driving in Uber, Saudi Arabia? Your previous job? You fucking scumbag? And this was your community service assignment? What the fuck is that? Let's just think for a second about how fucking insane it is that a private for-profit company is creating the software, which by the way, according to certain reports, was not even vetted for security by any level of the U.S. government or elections to committee. Have to say, though, not inconsistent. This is one of the big problems, though, with tech coverage is that it's all fucking 90s people who just got into it. They're like, do you know how dangerous and privatized this tech stuff is? It's the same thing with voting booths. They're owned by private countries. Yes. It's completely inconsistent. Again, you can't hack a pen and paper for fuck's sake.

Welcome to MOOCnet. Give permissions to Bonsie, buddy. We should honestly just go back to putting marbles in a jar at this point. Thumbprints. But here's the thing, leaving aside how insane it is that any private for-profit tech company is designing software that will decide the results of the United States presidential election. Now imagine that that same company is run by literally all of the most evil people in the Democratic Party who are diehard anti-Sanders partisans, including people from the Pete fucking Buttigieg campaign who use this technical glitch like they did complaining about the poll that showed them in number two to fucking completely starch the results of this Iowa caucus. So to that end, I have a message now. I have a message now for Pete Buttigieg, for his campaign, for his supporters, and for every rat fuck piece of shit involved in shadow, acronym, the DNC, and this entire empire of crime that in any just country would be under investigation by the FBI right now for election fraud.

Here is my message. We would actually be sending in troops. Oh no. If we were South American country right now. Could you imagine if in any South or Central American country would happen last night? Oh my God. It took place. Yeah, the organization of American states would be rolling down.

Pete Buttigieg literally did the one Guaido playbook. If you don't think this guy is CIA affiliated by now, I don't know what to fucking tell you. This is straight out of the McKinsey CIA election stealing rat fucking playbook. He declared himself the victor exactly like one Guaido did with no support or evidence for it. So to that end, here is my message that I would like to read now and direct that Mayor Pete and his entire campaign and everyone who supports him. Hark, Triton Hark, fellow bid our father the sea king rise from the death full foul in his fury, black waves teaming with salt foam to smother this young mouth with pungent slime to choke he engorging your organs till you turn blue and bloated with bilge and brine and can scream no more. Only when he crowned in cockle shells with slithering tentacle tail and steaming beard take up his full befell film arm. His coral tine trident screeching banshee like in tempest and plunges right through your gullet bursting ye a bulging bladder no more but a blasted bloody film now and nothing for the harpies and souls of the dead sailors to peck and claw and beat upon only to be

lapped up and swallowed by the infinite waters of the dread emperor himself forgotten to any man to any time forgotten to any god or devil forgotten even to the sea for any stuff for part of Pete even any scantling of your soul is Pete no more but is now the sea itself. Okay yeah no you know what I'm saying hey hey hey hey hey you know what Pete killed a seagull and that is a whole thing bad luck to kill a seabird. Pete may not be familiar with this concept as an Episcopalian they're more concerned with their god who I believe is Moloch. This is in the Tanakh an unfamiliar set of books for them but Bernie is our David he is a covenant with God. Well I mean I've said this before Episcopalians are to me Catholic light so to me he worships the cam girl of Babylon. Yeah Pitbull comes out of the sea. I'm sorry I hate it I really wish we could stop being right all the time all the time. I don't want to take just a little victory lap here maybe because you know I don't think Chris is gonna have time to do this but I do want to roll the tape from I think the second to last

Beltway Garage where Matt and I were doing some game theory about how I would play out and I kind of think I called the exact Bernie percentage. Diggler magic. And as well said about a year ago that Biden would collapse that's not real there's nobody for Biden. There's passive Biden. Yes Biden it's a passive it's your default state is Biden like Biden is that's neutral. But it wasn't just I mean other things happen to like it wasn't just OK so you've got the app. Shadow app the shadow app knows what evil lurks in the hearts of shadow. You know who knows if it how much of it is conscious and how much of it is just incompetent.

It doesn't matter it's a distinction without a difference. We are not Gen Xers we do not believe the truth will set us free. We've had whistleblowers since however long and people just knowing things doesn't help. But we had the app quote unquote malfunctions. We had we had the Des Moines registered dropping the report. There were other things too. There was there was a call you know with the DNC with all the candidates they were allegedly just forgot to mention to bring Bernie on it. And then when he did get on it it was just the DNC like talking without questions.

There was there were some out of state caucus volunteers that got shifted around. They thought that they could because Bernie has a lot of out of state people in Iowa. And some people are like well we should only have I was which is total bullshit by the way. He's not running for president of Iowa. He's running for president of the fucking United States. By the way carpetbaggers were good people. They were the good guys. So there wasn't just that and you know there was some rule switches about that were very like that had people doing they moved some caucus sites at the very last moment.

And you can say it's relatively randomized. But for people who are Bernie supporters who are in fact maybe more likely to have to plan in advance of stuff like this that's more difficult for them. All of this stuff kept happening. That everyone is going through fine because of course they're going to cheat. They're like fine. Everyone in the Iowa Bernie campaign whether they're Iowa or out of state or out of country whatever they have completely anticipated this and they are moving forward and they are not being psyched out because they know they are doing well. They know that this was a win for them. But again really wish we weren't right all the time.

Here's the thing. We've told you for months now. Pete Buttigieg is a rat face little CIA op. Yes. That's funny. We broke that story. His face is objectively awful to look at. Yes.

And yes he probably kills dogs for fun. Clearly. But what we've seen now though. We still need another source on the dog thing. What we've seen now though is that he is not just a figure of fun. He's a riseable figure that is fun to make fun of. He is a genuinely creepy and evil person who is backed by even more evil people. The darkest forces.

Northwest positronics. And he just straight up trying to steal this fucking caucus for himself. Okay. So here's where I'm going. Based on flops and technicalities. Yes. And a wine just whining. Yeah.

Just stealing. Trying to whine his way into the presidency. He is trying to freak out and go imp mode. Go rat and imp mode simultaneously. A phenomenon of quantum physics that has never been achieved. So here's where I want to go right now. So yeah. Pete number two.

Elizabeth Warren finished in third. Somehow I don't think her, her campaign, her surrogates or her supporters will face the similar barrage of questions about her path to victory. But here's my thing now. If you're an Elizabeth Warren supporter, you're going to have to ask yourself. You're going to have to look in the mirror and really think hard to yourself about what you're doing and where you're going here. Do you want to get on board and stop this fucking rat fuck CIA op from being the opposition

candidate and going on in this election? Or do you want to get on board team Bernie? Look, I'm sorry I sent you all those snake emojis, but I'm not. Sorry about that. Maybe you will join us now in sending the rat emojis to Mayor Pete and his supporters. But here's the thing though. You, I'm not going to, you know, I don't have any control over you. You probably all fucking hate us by now anyway.

But here's the deal. Do what you want to do. But how, what you do will determine where your immortal soul ends up after you die. I'd like to do a brief bit of good cop, bad cop here because I share Amy Klobuchar and Amber Frost theory that yes, it is better to rule by fear than by love. So I want to give a shout out to a very special fan, the person at the Iowa caucus wearing all this Warren shit who came up to me and said he was a huge fan of our show. Fuck you, asshole.

I will say this. Get in line. Get in line. You wanted us to both to take a selfie and a Godless, Virgil doesn't like taking selfies, but he's been feeling more, you know, open and friendly. I've been vibing. So many awesome shooters, he wants to fucking show appreciation. So he kind of went default and he didn't even really think about it.

But I saw that Warren button. I just was like, fuck off. And I just walked away. And afterwards, Virgil's like, yeah, I should not have let that. Yeah. But it's over. It was automatic. No, it's done for.

I will play a medium cop. For medium.com? Yeah, medium.com. Medium cop. Hey, go to bed out there. So are police the thing? You have the right to remain so tiny. Oh, God.

You can have a phone call. I hope it's to me. Disgusting. Oh, fuck. Disgusting. I can keep doing this all day. Please don't. All right.

I should never have given them that rebound. Look, you tried to grieve her game. You'd lagged out of the server while the captain of your eSports team went, it's hot structural girl summer. I'm swiping. I'm swiping left on corruption. No, I love that structural girl. I like it too.

I'm going to eat the bank's like she was doing that in your discord call and you were like, what the fuck are you talking about? But like, look, we've had our differences. You guys, you kind of ate it. You're not going to do well in New Hampshire because Elizabeth Warren has broken ties with longtime friend and supporter Dave Portnoy in barstoolsports.com. Elizabeth Warren canceled. This was in the news.

She canceled $350,000 worth of flights to pizza restaurants. Dave Portnoy was going to review with her. She's dead in the water in New Hampshire. Nevada. Who knows? Probably not good. I haven't read the polls, but I can't imagine it's great. She's not going to have a lot of momentum.

But you can join us. You can join us in this new world, this new world of rat killing. So I don't know if any of our listeners read. They probably don't. But I wrote something for my old column in the baffler called it's Bernie bitch, which was an unequivocated support for Bernie Sanders. And it got pulled for reasons they said were related to their 501c3 status. However, multiple 501c3s offered to rerun it.

And it ended up going again in Jacobin, which is also a 501c3. So it's really weird. I mean, it's like, you don't want to get paranoid about these things. Who's right? Who's to say? But in it, I offered a final path out for what I call the pessimists. The media who were, you know, they considered themselves intelligent by being pessimistic about our political possibility, the political potential of social democracy.

And I said, look, you know, this is this is kind of your last chance. So get aboard. I have to say, I mean, we cannot forget, but this is kind of a last minute moment where we could forgive you have one last fucking chance to save your immortal soul. Yes. Yes. You have seen what hedging your bets have done jumping on Warren. You have seen where she is now.

So, yeah, we won't forget, but we will forgive. You will be allowed to continue after our success is complete. If you come to Jesus right fucking now. Isn't there a phrase will that, you know, metaphoric phrase that would denote that activity? Yeah. Hot structural girl summer. No, no, no. I know the one you're thinking of.

Make it so. Yes. Yes. Yes. Wait, what are we talking about? Last rights. Oh, no. No.

It's this one. No. Oh, no. Okay. No, no, no. I got it. There is no spoon. The matrix.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. Get your ass to Mars. It's the show we talk about.

Should I got in trouble for saying it's this one. Hey, I'm Tony Soprano. Shut the fuck up. Soprano. No, no. He got it. No. Okay.

Wait, wait, wait. I got it. I know. It's prestige TV show. Beloved by all. Seven seasons. Seven perfect seasons. My name is Ray Donovan.

And I'm going to throw this dead woman in a dumpster. You know, like Bernie's going to be president. And if you spent this fucking time hanging on to the fucking like sinking ship that is Elizabeth Warren, trying to think you could. I'm sorry. Ride the fence. So long. You got splinters in your asshole.

You better see which way the wind is blowing right fucking now. If you would live if you're if you make the decision to have your soul cast into perdition, to be cast into Gehenna for eternity because people were mean to you online, then guess what? That's what you deserve to be. You are neither hot nor cold, but lukewarm and I shall spew you from my mouth. We will be vibing in heaven. All right.

So outside of the, I honestly say, historically unprecedented debacle that happened last night. Leaving that aside. Bernie won. So it doesn't fucking matter. With enemies like these. Yeah. Oh my God. A historically unprecedented debacle.

These people were willing to pants American democracy for the entire world to see shit their pants and then go, I've got duty in my pants. I can't take the pants. My pants are filled with duty. Like I said, just to stop Bernie from giving a speech at 8 30. It was like we said, it was like we said, we've been saying for months that, oh, we see the reality of the movement that Bernie is building and these freaks do not understand that they are that fucking incompetent and out of touch.

And then by the time Bernie would start surging, which he started doing when we told you he would, they're like, oh, wait, holy shit. That wasn't supposed to happen. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. We got to do something. Not happening. Maybe it's not happening.

Maybe this is real. Oh fuck. Oh shit. Shit. Shit. I literally culminated in them and them saying, uh, uh, there, I lost the caucus. Sorry. Good.

Goodbye. See you in four years. It's it. They're fucked. Because because they didn't recognize the danger of Bernie early enough, which honestly should have been a year ago. A year ago, they should have fucking like just, I don't know, they should have listened to this show.

Psychopath. They should have done some true believers. They should have fucking gotten Obama and like put a gun to his head or found something to fucking threaten him with and say, you need to fucking pick a guy and campaign with him and endorse him now. So we have someone to rally around and clear the lane and they never did it. And that left this high pink and it ended up who ended up who ended up at the end of this process.

We got Bernie and who are the people against him? We have Mayor Pete, who is a guy who is designed in the same fucking Monsanto lab that creates the corn that tastes like, uh, sugar. They also created a guy designed to win in Iowa where these idiots love fresh faces and Obama asked, uh, empty hopes, bullshit. So, but a guy with no legs beyond that, then Mayor Pete cannot take this and you can't call it anything. It's not even anything now.

It's a dog's breakfast. Even if it was something, he can't take it anywhere. So he's fucked. Warren. I was the one thing I was worried about before last night was a strong Warren second because then she could have been the unity candidate. She could have won the sun. I'll give you the Bernie, uh, social democracy policies without any of the combativeness and

the baggage for 2016, but that she needed to do good here. And that her and third, they fucked up so bad. They should have all rallied behind Warren and they couldn't do it because they're not together enough. But hold on. I'm almost done. Um, and so fucked. Warren fucked.

She has no depth. She's going to get crushed in the state next to the state that she's a senator in. And she has, she has about as much black and Latino support as mayor fucking Pete does less than 10%, which means when you get to Nevada and of course, Biden, who is collapsing before our eyes because he was always just a placeholder and anti-democratic as it is, Iowa bumps him out. And those voters will go to who looks like the winner, the guy who can beat Trump. And a lot of them love Bernie.

We know they love Bernie. He has the highest favorables, but they think I love him, but can he win? Well, guess what? If he shows up in Nevada, having just crushed in New Hampshire after what happened to fucking Iowa and Kevin Sintering, he's already in the lead in New Hampshire in a lot of Nevada or polls. He wins Nevada. Permission.

Heverly Hispanic, Atlanta. And then you know what's going to happen. I said it took him three weeks ago and even after this, I still stick to it. He's going to win South Carolina. And when he went South Carolina, there will be nothing anyone can say or do anything. And then he's going to win California and Texas at least on Super Tuesday. And there's no one that they could. We talked about Bloomberg.

It's too late at that point. It's a coronation. It's over. Now there's no manager they can call at that point. The deal Elizabeth Warren has been offering to voters and to the Democratic Party is that she will be the one to unite the Bernie wing of the party with the donor establishment class. She will unite on the terms of the right of the Democratic Party, always on their terms.

Well, she has no path to victory now. She has no path to victory. And if you're an Elizabeth Warren supporter, you got to decide which side are you on. That being said, I need to talk about outside of the world historical level embarrassment that they did to themselves to spite and stop what is plain for everyone to see. There is a second story to come out of Iowa that is almost as astonishing. And that is the astonishing collapse of Joe Biden. This is honestly, there has never been a major candidate, a former vice president in modern

history who has ate shit and choked as hard as Joe Biden just did in Iowa, who may end up finishing fourth or fifth even when 100 percent of these votes are counted. So Felix had the best line on this when he was just like, what was Joe doing? Yes. And here's the thing. I said more broadly because I was looking at support for Joe across the country that Joe was going to be one of the biggest competitors. And that would be true if it weren't for this insanely anti-democratic thing called the caucuses.

Because the caucuses are a fashion week for Iowans, that's all they got going on. And it's why they're psychopaths because if you're from Indiana, you've never mattered and you're like, I don't matter, it's fine. If you're from California, you're like, I matter and you develop that attitude as well. But if you're from a place that has a dad that visits you once every four years, lets you drink some of his beer, buys you a nice stereo, makes you promises, and then doesn't come back for another four to eight years, you are way more fucked up. So they are more obsessed with novelty.

It imbues a kind of strange psychosis in them, which four people who have lived through Obama and are familiar with a tangential relationship to Biden, of course, you can't do well. You're looking for novelty, of course. And I was just like, well, but, you know, people like their default, the passive Joe Viter, but that doesn't matter. Like the passive Joe voter is irrelevant because all of a sudden there are confidence in the Biden thing is shaken by the first two primaries or the first two caucuses. Biden was up until now, up until basically a week ago, the consensus choice for front

runner in the Democratic Party. Felix, you got it exactly right when you said, if you're one of these insurance executives or super PACs that has just been giving, just shoveling millions of dollars to him and you saw what happened last night, what are you thinking right now? He did the thing the Joker in the dark night did. All the organized crime and got them shoveled that money in front of him. But he dropped palmade and a match on it and he was like, well, Jack, now we have half as much money.

Some men, some men, they look at the world and they go, well, you'd look a lot better on fire. But it is like, it is like, he might as well have done that. I have no idea what they were doing. I have no idea. What were they doing here? What were they doing? All he had to do was look slightly novel, but this is the one place where you can't

rest on legacy laurels because they're like, look, once every four years, we want a fucking show. We're goddamn Iowa. It's fucking boring. Joe Biden, you better come out with fucking fireworks shooting out of your ass and he didn't. I would have taken $30 million from the Joe Super PAC to tell Joe, like, just get like cornrows. He would have done better if he had done that.

Again, the caucuses are fucking fashion week for Iowa. It is the only exciting thing in their life. Here's why it really matters, though, aside from how fucking unbelievably hilarious it is. I can't stop laughing. It's so funny. Imagine you're like an insurance executive and you're like, you're just like, you know, same thing.

It's like, hey, look, I know this business can be brutal, but it's like, you know, I went to school as a system we have. I like to think I'm a good guy. I'm putting a lot of money into the Democratic Party, Joe Biden. And you're like, you're like, yes, yes, it's going to pay off. Like we're going to defeat Trump. I can both feel better about myself. Yeah, we're going to feed Trump and Sanders.

I can feel better about myself while preserving the advantages that like I got. This guy has fought for it, for me, for his entire career. And then you shovel tens of millions at him and he just gets guided around Iowa, kissing his granddaughter on the lips and being like, God, whoops, Mac, I lost like it owns. Just watching cable news and like, by the way, the kid never ever just a traveling pepperage farm commercial. Yeah. I'm just I'm giving you like advice, like that I need to take myself in these coming

states and further go to the section. Do not do not watch any cable news. Fuck that. No, you will. You will drive yourself. Like you out. Don't let them. You know, it will drive you insane.

But to that point, leave the Katie tour to us. Yeah. I did watch. And when they were, you know, again, totally meaningless reporting, just hanging out in gymnasium is being like, look at the crowds here, here and here. It doesn't mean shit. There's 1,700 of them idiots is literally meaningless to cover any one of these things and like, oh, look at the boring people over here and the booty.

Oh, it's like they're going to get a sample crowd size. Yeah, we fucking Rachel Maddow, by the way, being like, well, if I lived in Iowa, I would cancel everything up. You never had a job. You never had a real job. Never had a real job. You don't know what it was like. You don't know what it's like to like be trying to get like a job and retail and worried

that the that you're fucking middle manager is going to see you voting for someone who supports unions. Fuck you. You don't know anything about this. The cable news, like they mainly go to like the big caucuses and like the downtown areas of like the major cities in Iowa, which is like, you know, voting groups that are like naturally favor Buttigieg Warren or you would think Biden. They're covered to that when they were like looking at the crowds milling around in each

corner of the gymnasium at every single one. The Biden fucking corner looked so fucking sad. It looked so fucking sad. Yeah. It was just like a junior high dance where like the couple boys, all the boys were in one corner over in a corner just thinking like, I don't know, should I should I ask Amy to dance? I don't know.

I don't know. However, I really think I should get out of this experience with like a weird silent husband. Some of them are hot, but OK, here's why it matters though. Here's why it matters. Up until now, it's been at a national level. Sanders and Biden coming out of this, but he's got a 15 point lead in the picture. He is currently tied with Joe Biden in New Hampshire.

Oh, no, in Nevada. No, no, I'm sorry. No. I'm sorry. Yes. He is tied. Blessing. I saw it.

Tied with Joe Biden in Nevada. I think we know where the sports going. Nevada and trailing by five points in South Carolina after he just ate shit. The electable candidate literally we saw this with our own eyes at his event and everything I've seen on cable news or any news coverage of this, his only pitch to voters. The only single thing he is offering them is I'm the electable candidate that can beat Trump. He is going to finish fourth and maybe even fifth in the Iowa caucus.

If you're telling me that those Biden voters are because here's the thing. This is so good for us because the Biden voter, they're just average middle class duvuses. They want to win. They just root for the Democratic Party. They want to win. Anything. Anything. We passed it.

We were watching last night like when like you were in a gymnasium or like corn suppository. Where? It's corn suppository. Yeah. Yeah. It's the most corn suppository. What is this? William Faulkner novel?

I meant to say I meant to say depository, obviously, but to the corn depository. Yeah. They. My voice design in case you haven't noticed my now completely fucking shocked. We get at least one person, if not all of us gets one on tour. So like, yeah, they would, if like, you're in one of those places where like a war war in section collapse, like it would just be like the worst day of my life I've ever tried. And if like a Pete section collapse, same thing, like dog, dogs, dogs, dogs, dogs, but

when Biden, we saw so many where it was just like, like this is pretty much everywhere where Biden collapsed was totally unviable and it was clear within a second. And they would interview the Biden guy and he'd be like, well, you know, I'm just, I'm just going to stick around here, hopefully get a pop, we can get those amiable doofuses easy. Matt and I covered a real live Iowa caucus on caucus night. And you know, we saw the whole McGill out like everyone, you know, arranging into sections and then then the realignment happens if you don't meet a 15% threshold.

And at our location, the only three viable candidates were Bernie, Pete, and Warren. And the club people and the Biden people and the Yang people, they all had like decent size crowds like pretty similar. So reps from Pete, Warren and Bernie, you know, they go to those crowds and they're like aggressive, like, you know, okay, how can I, how can I, how can I get you into a Bernie Sanders today? And the Amy people and the Biden people, they mostly just kind of scattered around. I didn't see like, like any, like, like definite big motion, it's kind of hard to see, but

I think it's like kind of, kind of even on their second choices, which is what polling says. But the Yang people, I would say about half of them went to Bernie. Some needed a little cajoling, but someone immediately to like big, big applause. But some needed, some needed to, to hear a pitch and you know, God bless the people working for the Bernie campaign who are at that precinct location because it looks like they had a hell of a good pitch. I will say, you know, I know there's some Yang people who listen to the show.

I will say, you know, if you actually happen to be a Yang person who listens to the show, who was cajoling in Iowa and Yang was viable and he went out and cajoled for Bernie. Thank you. That's cool. Thank you. If you are in a later state that does not have this arcane, moronic caucus system where you just show up, you go to a booth, you just, you know, make a vote and then you leave. If you're still planning to vote for Andrew Yang, do not do that.

Andrew Yang will not win. He's not viable. Loser. This is, this is proven. And, you know, I'm sure whatever, often the thing is, often people who like Andrew Yang for, you know, political reasons, there's not just because like, oh, he has the best memes or whatever, often they articulate. They believe that Andrew Yang is, you know, he wants to redistribute money in this country,

something like that. They think that he represents a revolutionary ideal, you know, like he's really, this guy's going to really change the system, man. And he's also, he's going to fix poverty and all that stuff. They think that UBI is redistribution. Yes. They think, they think that. And it's like, look, I'm not going to argue with you on that, but I promise you that whatever

you're thinking about Andrew Yang is, and why you think he's cool is 100% true about Bernie Sanders. But I don't even have to argue about that. It is a wasted vote at this point. That is proven last night, Andrew Yang came out of Iowa with zero delegates. And he was, he had 5% of the vote before realignment and approximately 0% after realignment. Lose the zero, get with the hero. Get with the hero.

Get with the hero. We will welcome you with open arms. There's a female voice saying that you guys have to listen. I will say this. We will, with, you know, with Warren supporters, you know, okay, there's going to be a little tough love there. Okay. You're going to have to go through some kind of reprogramming.

But if you're a Yang person, our message is, hey, come on in, pull us fine. If you're, you're a Yang person, like God bless you. We'll watch Mythbusters with you. We love, we love a lot of. How it's made. Yeah. I love that. We love it.

That you love. We love games over here. A lot of us. We're going to get along. This is going to be Homer meeting Gerald Ford. Yes. Join the winning team. We guarantee it.

If you're, if you are one of the clones that Tom Steyer made to vote for him, make him reconstitute you in New Hampshire. We're all going to be happy family. Seriously. A leading family. This is an aside. I find the exact number again, but Chris, maybe you remember this. I read it to you in the car.

How much money that Tom Steyer spent on TV advertising in Iowa. I believe it was like 18 million. I just saw this quoted online. 14 million. 14 million dollars for 0.7% of the vote. Less than that. Tom. He lost to Andrew Yang in Iowa.

And again, I just told you Andrew Yang also lost and got zero Tom. You will have all the friends you would ever want if you join us. Here's the thing though. And this goes back to why Biden completely collapsing matters. And like this is what I'm going to say now it is sort of like dated by anecdote, but it's what I got here and it's what I've experienced this week and I'd like to share it with you. I talked to so many people, Bernie journey people or people from Iowa who are knocking doors knocking doors for like either they came here this week, this weekend or here

the whole fucking month doing this and I would always ask them, like, what was your canvassing experience like? Did you have any interesting conversations? Did you get to ring the Bernie sales bell? Did you, you know, did you close any deals? What were like, who were the hardest people to talk to or convince? They said overwhelmingly that it is so much easier to talk to a not going to Biden door. What did I say?

Not going to Biden door and I'm sorry, not going to Trump door. What did I say? Then it is to talk to anyone of these Warren and Buttigieg supporters who I'm sorry are fucking brainwashed. And now the Warren people, look, they were going into Iowa thinking they had a chance to win this. We'll see where they shake out after that. Buttigieg people gone forever, unreachable.

Yeah. Like I said, cast them into perdition mutants, cast them into apps, cast them into perdition. Like because like the thing is, it's easier because like like the Biden people, everyone likes Bernie. They just don't think he can win or they just want someone who can is electable. Well, Biden obviously is not electable. He's lost half his jacks. Don't even get me started where he's pulling with skirts now.

They don't even they don't even let him play Santa at his own family's Christmas parties. The Trump people, you just say, well, OK, you support Trump. What do you like about Trump? And they just say, oh, like I like because Hillary Clinton hates him and their response to them is an easy one. Who's the only person in the world that Hillary Clinton hates as much as or if not more than Trump? Trump.

More. I said this before that a thing that I would say in Indiana, which no one in New York really got, except if they were like actually from like an outer borough area, is that it was just so. Like me. Yes. Yeah. The outer Upper West Side.

The outer Upper West Side. I'm almost. I grew up almost in Riverside Park. That's how that's how far out I was. But I said the only thing you had to say and it's a class difference. That's just it. The only thing you had to say to people who weren't like, you know, small business owners that sold ski dues, but actual working class people that sold their labor for wages is

you really think your boss works harder than you. And that's it. That's fucking it. They're not fucking stupid. Like they're aware of that. And it's just you can't write people off like whoever. If you're listening to this, odds are you are probably like aspirational PMC that failed. Like that's what a fail son is.

You were expected to be, you know, a lawyer or an accountant or whatever. And it just didn't happen for you because you graduated after the post 2008 financial crash and you're in decline and you never recovered. So you have been given a really horrible gift of sight. You now see that that system is entirely bullshit. However, you are a minority among your kind of PMC class. And the truth of the matter is, is that like these diehard Warren people, they're not on your side.

And ultimately deep down, they really believe the reason that you're not successful, the reason that you have to keep moving back home, the reason that you are off and on healthcare, the reason that you are acquiring debt to pay for a fucking inhaler or, you know, pay off your car that you need to get to work, they think it's because you did something wrong. Yes. Yes. Because you're lazy.

Yes. They are not your fucking friend. Yes. And if you'd like when people take on bridge about my criticism of the PMC, look, if it doesn't describe you, then you shouldn't be offended. If it doesn't describe you, then you shouldn't be offended. No, I asked Amber. Yes, sir.

I'm good, right? She said, you're good. You're good. You're good. You're allowed to be good. If you believe you're good, you're good. I mean, I got a fuck, I mean, whatever, I went to fucking community college, but I have a degree.

That's fine. It's not that. But the truth of the matter is, it's about where you ended up and what you see. And the people that ended up on the wrong side of the 2008 financial crash, they see because they've been forced to see. Now make sure you move forward with that and I'm sorry, but the people that you were that were supposed to be on your side, the people that were supposed to pull you up, they don't give a shit and quietly, silently behind your back.

They think that you are fucked because of something you did church, church, church, church, church, church, church, church, church, church, church, church, church, church, church. Look, we needed one evangelical on the pod for just this moment. I want to share something. Chris, Chris, I want you to say it. We were, me, Virgil and Chris were interviewed by some college or radio kids at Iowa State in, or no, University of Iowa in Iowa City before our show. It was a great convo.

And part of the conversations, they asked us all why we like Bernie and mean mean I gave a like a tech forward looking answer. Virgil gave one talking about like 2016 and then Chris said something that he found. Where was it? Actually, this is not my quote, but it's actually Molly's, who's in the room. Molly. Molly. Can you come over here for a second?

So, you know, Molly and I were Virgil and I are just so happy to have another girl on the. Can you give Molly a mic? Yeah. Felix, can I use your mic? Yeah. So, you know, we were up in the hotel room packing up here for the day and yelling about politics like we do.

Molly told me this thing that she she found on Caroline Calloway's Instagram page. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I love Caroline. First of all, hi. Second of all, I love Caroline Calloway. She's like an icon of our times, our modern times.

And then she's surprised. I would have put her as a Warren bro, but she came out last week for Bernie, which I mean, amazing, like that's queen shit right there. Yeah. Like someone, of course, all of her fans are Warren people and so there are a lot of people in the comments of the post where she endorsed Bernie being like, I'm just curious, like, why you're interested in him. And the best response I saw, which was not from her, it was from another person that

follows her, said that Bernie is the only candidate who doesn't leave anyone behind. Yeah. And I love that. And then I use that. Yeah. That's like a perfect, easy way. It's the best one phrase explanation for Bernie that I have heard. Yeah.

I mean, it's testing you. They're not making sure that you had a good enough fucking SAT or that you've absorbed enough fucking correct cultural opinions. It is a rising tide. Bernie is the rising tide. Yes. That will also envelop people to judge and he will become the sea. I met someone.

I met somebody this week. They're in their thirties. They work more than I ever have. It worked probably like 60 hours a fucking week. I feel like I've known you for a while now. They're a nurse's assistant. They drove here from fucking Albany. All the way from fucking Albany.

Amazing. And he said, like, listen to you guys at work, that's what I do. And he came here. You didn't come here like what you hear from the people. I just like he gives me that Obama feeling. He doesn't tell you that same type of shit from the war on people. He came here because he wants this to be a better world. I met so many fucking people, so many different types of people.

I met fucking single parents. I met parents of adults. I met fucking dislocated 19-year-olds. I met people who I am supposed to believe we are all diametrically opposed. I met people that just by demographic, you tell me I'm supposed to fear them as some incel or mass shooter. And they all came here because they want the world to be better. There's no one like that.

There's fucking nobody like that. That's it. They all came here to work together. And I was so fucking happy to see that. First off, can I just say I'm kind of shocked that the first reference to Caroline Calloway on the show was not made by me. I want to build on what Felix said here. We have commanded you, our loyal Bannerman, for months to go out and volunteer for Bernie.

The Bernie journey to an early state, make phone calls for the Bernie app that Robbie Moog designed, send text messages. Not true. Not true. And you heeded that call. We called our banners and you came. We know for a fact substantial numbers of you were among the thousands who came to Iowa to ensure victory.

We've met you. Because we've been out here too. You're real. And after this, honestly, pathetic attempt at a rat fuck. We know you are more dedicated than ever to ensure that Bernie will continue to win. Before Iowa, you were our Bannerman. After Iowa, you are our blood riders. Watch another show.

Yeah. Now, Bernie didn't win, though, Bernie won. The media, the DNC, the Hillary failbrains, the rats tried to put a question mark on Bernie's victory and you put an exclamation point on it. Bernie Sanders winning Iowa, something they deluded themselves into thinking was impossible as recently as last night validates their greatest fear that they are irrelevant, that they can try to cheat and lie and distort reality for a mass audience and nobody will listen.

They've spent years trying to kneecap Bernie and they've failed catastrophically. They are running scared. Their world is shattering and yours is being born. I would just like to go on to go off that and like, you know, again, this is, you know, I said this the other night at the canvassing party, but it was like, you know, as long as you've been doing this show and like it started catching on and people like, you know, on Twitter who are following, be like, oh, cool, I like your show. And I'm like, oh, that's cool.

I'm glad something I'm doing is enjoyed by other people. And then certainly when we started doing live shows, then when we started touring the country doing the show, I've had the opportunity to meet people after shows or just walking around. We just like come up to me and like the most common thing that anyone, any fan of the show who's ever introduced himself or said hi to me has ever said to me is I thought I was insane until I listened to your show. I thought I was the only one. You are the reason I'm here.

You got me into politics. You got me into Bernie's. You got me out of fucking like the death spiral of fucking liberalism. You made me feel that like, again, I wasn't the only one. And up until now, up until this week, I've always been immensely heartened and gratified to hear that from other people about something that I'm doing. It wasn't until this week, like, you know, I'm humbled to hear that from other people. It wasn't until this week being here and like hearing that same thing that I realized how

much do like everything that you say to me or like about this, how much like how much it is reflected back in how I feel and how much this show has meant to me and how much it's changed my life and make me feel that I'm not insane either. And it's just really, really underscored the fact that it's just like we are all doing the same thing and we are all the same because we all want the same fucking thing. And as Virgil alluded to, there may be as many as 2,000 people who came here from out of state to fucking canvas, knock on doors for Bernie and fucking do this from every fucking walk of life imaginable.

Of those numbers, I would say conservatively, probably several hundred of them were listeners of this show, which means that that is thousands of doors that have been knocked on in Iowa. Not because of us. You listen to the show and we told you to do it and you did it. We did this for the same fucking reason. It's all the same fucking thing and I think no matter what fucking happens, we should be immensely, immensely proud of that, of what all of us have done here this weekend and not only that, what we are going to continue to do in New Hampshire and Nevada, but seriously

though, like this is real. What we're doing is real. It's fun. I have a great time doing it. I still have a great time doing it, but this week being here and seeing it and how real it is has filled my heart more than maybe it's ever been in my life and I keep thinking back to the Adam Curtis interview that we did a long time ago that it still remains one of our most iconic episodes and I have ever since been very haunted by a thing he

said at the very end of that episode, which is that you talk about change or revolution or changing the status quo or getting out of this trap, this hyper-normalized world of spectacle and illusion that we all live in and then confronting the fact that there are people outside of that spectacle or illusion who have nothing to lose and they're the ones who look like they may be winning because they have nothing to lose. The question he asked at the end of that episode is, do you really want what you claim to want? Do you really want change? Because if you do, then there's a huge risk involved to yourself and what I've finally

resolved or come around like in my own head, I was always haunted by that question because in my own heart of hearts, I didn't have an answer for it. It has been answered this weekend, this week in Iowa and last night, it has been answered for me and the answer is, we want it. Not me though. I was always aware I was willing to detonate the vest. No, but this is literally, okay, this is super stupid, this is super stupid, but I'm going to take just a moment, does anyone remember the old tea party movement?

So I joined DSA in Indiana, you have those little hats with the two things. But I remember it was associated with also a big austerity movement for a town in southern Indiana that I lived in that was a college town, but I did not go to college there. I had married a townie at age 23 and we both worked food service, which is hell because there's nothing shittier than serving students in an expensive college town when you're not a student. And we protested as like members of Bloomington, Indiana, DSA, a tea party rally because it was associated with kind of austerity, which cut like the women's shelter by a third, cut

like the food bank by this and that, it was a huge fucking deal. And there's one picture of me online that people tend to find and I have Doritos in my mouth because I'm extremely, no, you can find it, I'm wearing like a micro mini dress and I have Doritos in my mouth. Don't tell our fans this, they will find it. No, they've already found it, I have a full mouth of Doritos. But I remember walking around and I remember seeing guys who were fully packed and this sounds super dramatic, but like, you know, it's Indiana, people are carrying guns, big

guns, lots of them. And they were holding signs that said better dead than red. And we had signs that said we were socialists. And I had this weird semi self-congratulatory melodramatic moment where I was like, oh shit, they want to kill me. And not like, you know, there's brown boys, they like wearing the same shirt kind of way, but like they had guns that they were walking around with. And these were like rural militia people, they're serious.

But you know, the militia movement is still so much more dangerous than like these kind of nerdy alt-right online right-wingers. And I thought for a second, I was like, well, but do I want to like put my life at risk for this? And I thought about it for like 30 seconds in an overly warm southern Indiana swampy day and I thought, yep, yep, I would, that's, this is worth it. And once you get at that out of the way, you just keep going. And it doesn't matter if you fail, because you know you're going to fail more than you

lose because we're fighting something much bigger than us. We're going to fail more frequently than we lose. And whenever anyone asks me what are Bernie's chances, I'm like, well, it's a small window, but it's the biggest small window we have ever had in our fucking lifetime. And it's getting bigger and bigger by the day. And I'm not even going to get shot for it, so fuck it, I'm going to keep going. This is nothing like it was being counter-protestant tea partiers in fucking southern Indiana. It's amazing.

We have such a shot. We have a real fucking shot. And there is this, there is this, one of these phrases that makes sense until you think about it for more than two seconds is like, well, if you're not outraged, you're not paying attention. Well, okay, or maybe you're tired, or maybe you've been paying attention for too long and there's, you know, social exhaustion and political exhaustion and moral exhaustion. There's this fatigue that takes over.

That's just real. You don't have to be outraged all the time. And also it turns you into a steric, like the Liberals, we're not that either. But you also can't be pessimistic because it's childish and it's also fucking lazy. Saying that we're doomed, catastrophism is a lazy way out of working. Maybe you are doomed. Yes. Maybe you are.

I have acknowledged, I'll admit. You have to see regardless because that is your fucking job. So yes, passion is a virtue, but so is stoicism. And moving forward, we have to be serious. Yes, there's a time for passion, but there was also a time for stoicism. We have to be dutiful. We have to be diligent, vigilant, provident and loyal to one another because we're on your side and we hope you're on ours.

We were with you in Iowa, we will be with you in New Hampshire, in Nevada, not South Carolina for contractual reasons, and in California through Super Tuesday when Bernie Sanders becomes the presumptive nominee. So we got, so we got, hey guys, one more thing though. Bernie won. Bernie won. Bernie fucking won. Scream it.

St. Pauli's bookers. Keep saying it. He won in Iowa. Have your own parties, have your own Bernie victory parties, send us pictures if you're so celebrating Bernie's victory, tweet that shit at us, Bernie fucking won, don't let them psych you out, we are winning. Today is a good day to die, or start direct next generation. This government had an idea, and parliament made it law, it seems like it's illegal

to fight for the union any more, and which side are you on boys, which side are you on, boys, which side are you on, boys, which side are you on, boys, which side are you on, Which side are you on, boys? Which side are you on? Which side are you on, boys? Which side are you on?