Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast - #77 (Pt 2): 27.12.71 – Six Tins Of Batchelors Peas

Episode Date: January 21, 2026

David Stubbs, Taylor Parkes and Al Needham commence their expedition into a TOTP end-of-year review with a comprehensive breakdown of Tony Blackburn’s 1971 – from the highs of compering the Daily Mirror Hot Pants Ball and having his own board game to the lows of having his image desecrated by Bristolian Prog bands and the nightmare of being stalked by the Heavy Music Brigade. Marc Bolan celebrates being the new King of Pop, The Tams have come dressed as John Inman if he supported Barcelona, and Benny Hill cops a meat pie in the heart...Video Playlist| Facebook | Twitter| Bluesky | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This will certainly have an adult theme and might well contain strong scenes of sex or violence, which could be quite graphic. It may also contain some very explicit language, which will frequently mean sexual swear words. What do you like this to? Um... Chart music. Chart music. You pop crazed youngsters and welcome to part two of episode 77 of charm music.

The podcast that gets its hands right down the back of the city On a random episode at Top of the Pops. Here I am, Al-Needham with my dear friend's Taylor Pongs And David Stubbs How's? Boys, December the 27th, 1971, A very rare foray into the early 70s. I think we've only done one episode from 71 so far,

the one with Lulu. And yeah, we're in the 6thirties, aren't we? Or are we? You know, we've already nailed down the 8-Venties as the period of time between our friends' Electric getting to number one and the launch of Channel 4. And we're still undecided about the beginning

and end of the 90s. But I get a feeling that the 6th century's is a lot briefer of an interregnum than the other two, don't you think? Yeah. Yeah. No, I absolutely agree. Yeah. My personal opinion is that the 70s proper began with T-Rex on top of the pots.

Culturally, I mean. Right. Yes, the 6th century. is the shortest one of all these interdecade cultural interregnant periods. I only see the six fenties lasting from the first day of the Beatles shooting, let it be, through to Hot Love on top of the pops, which is about two years,

just over two years. Because by 1971, if you look at culture more broadly, there's films coming out which wouldn't even have been acceptable in the late 60s, right? Like villain was that. Hitchcock was in London. film in frenzy, you know. And these are relatively mainstream films which take advantage of new attitudes and exhibit

a new cynicism, which is really the hallmark of the 70s. Yeah. And even though in society, the so-called spirit of the 60s didn't really drop off until about 1973. In culture, things are distinctly different by mid-1971 and they do have their own identity. David, your thoughts? Well, I suppose I see everything. you know, perhaps too much as determined by the Beatles.

And the fact is that, you know, rather conveniently in terms of measuring things in decades, the Beatles did split in 1970. And it seemed to kind of mark a sort of dramatic, you know, cleavage between the 60s and the 70s. And as Taylor says, this kind of new era of perhaps sort of cynicism and downbeateness and moribundness or whatever. And yet at the same time, it doesn't feel, isn't it, that the 70s have quite gotten going. I mean, certainly T-Rex is a pretty enormous. inaugural moment. It doesn't quite feel like the 70s of, you can see signs of the formations of the 70s in this episode, but they're not as yet fully formed. And I just do get the impression that people

were in a kind of collective days at the demise of the Beatles, despite the fact there was so much good music being made that far exceeded what they think they did, you know. I'd speculate, and I could be wrong, and I may well be wrong. I believe the 6th century's began with Apollo 12 and ended the day your dad bought some fliers or had some plays bought for him by your mam. Yeah, big part of this is the basic 60s changes finally moving into the mainstream. Yes. And the high

street is catching up with Carnaby Street and you've got news readers with massive sideburns and premarital sex now open to non-members of the Rolling Stones and by the time that stuff arrives in the mainstream it's taking on a different feel.

There's less novelty to it. It's got kind of straight. Which is why people like Slade had to look and act even crazier than they would have done five years previously, you know, and that too is the 70s happened. There's other signify as well, like decimalisation, which occurred early 19701, and which I remember really quite vividly, I actually have a childhood memory of the smell of the newly minted coins. You know, it's really vivid memory for me. Yeah, if you're buying something that costs like £1.50, it's the fucking 70s. You know what I mean? This is a different 70s to the dustman strike

in the same way that, you know, a hard day's night is not the same 60s as Woodstock. But it's still the seven. All right then, Pop-craze youngsters. It's finally time to plunge the fist of knowledge deep into the ring piece of 1971. Always remember, we may coat down your favourite band or artist, but we never forget.

They've been on top of the... the Pops more than we have. It's 25 to 5 on Boxing Day, Monday, December the 27th, 1971, and yes, I know I said Boxing Day, but that's the way it was when Christmas Day fell on a sat day with the 26th being known as Christmas Sunday, and Top of the Pops has come to the end of a very rocky year. It's still one of the flagships of BBC Light Entertainment, pulling down 11,000. million viewers. It's already racked up 406 episodes and it's got Johnny Stewart, the originator of the format, back on the tiller after a two-year layoff of sorts, and he

immediately knobbed off the album section, which took up 10 minutes of precious pop time. But, as we mentioned in great detail in chart music number 38, the show was in crisis after the death of a 15-year-old girl, who was a regular audience member. of Top of the Pops, who died of a drug overdose and left behind a diary, claiming she had consorted with various presenters and pop stars. Obviously, chaps, the papers piled right in on that. Here's a column by Barbara Griggs in the Daily Express, dated April the 7th. Could anything have been more predictable than the top of the pop scandal,

which is now blown up in the BBC's face? It picks a bunch of delicious, nubile little dollies in their only teens. It introduces them to a heady new world of famous DJs, pop singers and TV technicians. That everyone falls about in astonishment when people talk about the pretty little dollies and the TV men. The BBC is considering chaperones now. I should have thought that it was an idea that might have crossed someone's mind a bit sooner. And yeah, get used to that word

dollies, by the way, Paul Crazy Juxes. You've got to hear it to a lot in this episode. It's strange to that really because it seems to sort of hold the kind of mix of kind of content, but perhaps a sort of like welcome duty of care. Yeah, and all, you know, 15-year-old girls and 57-year-old lighting rigors,

they turn a girl's head. In the wake of a report in the news of the world earlier this year, after they received a letter signed, BBC producer Radio 1, which claimed that DJs and producers were being supplied with prostitutes in return for playing certain records, including the quote, I suggest you hit some of the guilty ones like Tommy Vance, who is the king of the orgies. The BBC have clamped right down. Article in the London evening news date in April 15, Big Check on top of the pop's dollies.

Dolly girls in hot pants were questioned as they arrived at the BBC's top of the pop studio last night Uniformed officials checked that none of the girls was under 15 the program's minimum age limit Two officials scrutinized tickets and questioned teenagers The BBC said the only way people can get in is to have a ticket We are taking our usual precautions to prevent anyone under rage from getting in.

And chaps, I do believe that's what the goodies were getting at a couple of years later with that superstar episode. You know, the one where Tim and Graham try and break into the top of the pop studio to shag up Bill's appearance as Randy Pandey. And they're confronted by security guards with machine gun nests and a sign that reads,

Top of the Pops tonight. Girls own layer must be over 16 and under 17 with big knockers. Yeah. Yes. they dress up accordingly. And yeah, I've got to say,

Tim Brooke Taylor as a red-ed strumpet. That has to be number two in my bloke's dressed as women. I weirdly fancy sheet. And I'd say, Gunner Parking as a busty blonde. In it ain't half-hot mum. That's at number three. So there we go.

Luckily for the BBC, however, the Sunday people has found a solution to Top of the Pop's age problem. Article dated September the 5th. Is she Britain's gruviest or wackiest, Granny. At 67, she's the toast of a city's night spot. And not amongst the sedate set with their blue-wrinse purms either. No, Edith Percival's scene is right here amongst the swinging youngsters. In hot pants, floppy hat and all, you can find her dancing the night away with the best of them.

The fact is, she said, I haven't grown up. I'm still a teenager at heart. soon as I hear the music, I get switched on inside and I can't help dancing. Something comes over, me. Anybody who knows the Birmingham scene knows the go-go granite at the Barbarella, at the Lacarno, at Rebecca's, at the Birdcage, Edith as an enthusiastic regular. Mind you, she said, keeping up with the latest fashions is a bit difficult when you're living on a pension, but I think of creations and set to making them. Needless to say, Mrs Percival, who has 12 children and 30 grandchildren,

is well up on the top 20. Her favourite group, Mungo Jere. Favorite singer, Tony Christie. Favorite DJs, Emperor Roscoe and Tony Blackburn. But the whole scene is definitely a big miss as far as her husband, Sam, 70, is concerned. He goes his way and I go mine, she said. He's content with his beer, darts and dominoes.

He has his own room and does his own washing and cooking, and I live my own life. Of course we speak to each other, but that's as far as it goes. He doesn't appreciate all this modern pop music. Fucking Alabetty doesn't. And the article's accompanied by an astonishing photo of Edith having a rave up in one of Birmingham's discothex,

dressed as if she's in erasure. And I'm afraid to say, the facial resemblance between her and me is an absolute dagger of ice down the spine. You go and look at it, fucking hell. You know how you look at photos of yourself and you always see the worst? Well, this is what I'm seeing now. She looks like a really bad photo of me with my mouth not held right. And yeah, definitely not on my list of men in drag.

want to have sex with. Let me tell you. What's it? 12 children and 30 grandchildren. I mean, does she live in a shoe or what? I mean, bloody hell. I know.

Yeah, a husband does his own washing in the toe cap, I believe. But also in April, ITV finally got its shit together and put out a music show of its own on a Saturday tea time, Whittaker's World of Music, starring the Anglo-Kenyan whistling sensation,

featuring a massive non-more 1971 set, a group of dolly dances in hot pants called Pieces of Eight, a blatant nick of the Ladybirds, the top of the pop's female backing singers, and acts such as the New Seekers, Rolf Harris, Lulu, Slade, Georgie Fame and Alan Price, Shirley Basset, Gilbert O'Sullivan,

Sandy Shaw, Matt Monroe, McGuinness Flint, the Dubliners, Frida Payne, Blue Mink, Dana, Stefan Grapelle, the Bee Gees, Sasha Distell, Davy Jones, Valdunikin, the Tremelos, and more Roger Whittaker than a person would actually need. Always ending in a well-supervised freak out at the end to let the sunshine in. Boys, have you seen that show? It's very interesting, isn't it? Yeah, it's like watching Estonian TV or something. A real funeral parlour vibes to it.

Yeah, but that version of Jimmy Smith's Walk on the Wild Time by the Peddlers that's on it is fucking astonishingly skilled. You heard that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, it's the end of the year, and this is the second of three episodes of Top of the Pops in a space of a week. It's also the second part of the traditional roundup of the year,

where the champions of 1971 stand on the top deck of the open-top bus, holding aloft their gold discs. The first one was, of course, on Christmas Day, presented by Jingle Nons, and sadly unpreserved. But shall I run down the track list, chaps, while you make noises of reaction to see how it compares to this one? So, I hear you knocking, Dave Edmonds. Stoned Love by the Suprees.

Baby Jump by Mungo Jere. Double Barrel by David Ansel Collins. Nothing rhymed by Gilbert O'Sullivan. Tap turns on the water by CCS, which only got to number five, but there's a reason why it's here, which will be revealed later. I'm wearing my KPM sweatshirt right now. Knock three times by Dawn. Granddad by Clive Dunn.

You're not so bad to yourself. A whiter shade of pale by Procol Horam. Why was that on? I had no idea. I think it was re-released. The push, bike song by the mixtures. Fuck off. Churpy, chirpy, cheap, cheap by middle of the road.

Where's your caravan? And hot love by T-Rex. Oh, well, yeah, there you go. It's a mixed bag, but there's some fucking proper tunes in there. It is, yeah, distinctly. They definitely preserved the right episode, though. Yes, definitely. We're immediately hit with a title of the six-fenties top of the pop's logo, which leans hard on the Mexico 68.

font with a ribbon and bow, accompanied by what appears to be a special theme tune, even though a whole lot of love has only been pressed into service a month ago. This isn't a 70s theme tune at all, is it? No, it's like some sort of Pearl and Dean type variation, isn't it? Yes, it is. And I swear down, I've heard it before on top of the pops, but for the life of me, I can't remember where. They didn't do this in 72 or 73, I don't think.

No, God, no. Then we're thrown into a shot of the kids, raving in. up in the studio as footage of a speedboat is screened on blue screen slats in the background, giving off the impression that we're at a disco on a fair air. It's very martini advert, isn't it? Yeah, definitely, yeah. Yeah, images are the good line. Yeah.

We then get the usual poor composition shots of tonight's Bill of Fear with the close-up of the kids. There's a very distinctive typing pool at the office party vibe here, isn't that? Yeah, yeah. I mean, first of all, I love this period of top of the box. Yeah, me too. And I desperately wish that more of these episodes have survived. Oh, God, yeah. So when you compare it to mid-70s or late-seventies episodes,

it's simultaneously more and less slick. Yes. And both in precisely the ways you'd want. Like, the whole thing is held together with sticky paper, you know, and it's quite loose and quite unpredictable. But at the same time, a bit of thought and effort has gone out there. Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

And it's not just, you know, stick Noel Edmunds on a podium and try to land the plane before they turn the lights off in the studio, which is what it soon became. Like, the people making these early 70s episodes do seem to have taken a bit more pride in their meaningless work, which is what all good TV is about, really. And here's one way you know it's a six-fancy's episode of Top of the Pops. Attractive young people in the main. You know, this is how Top of the Pops would get over the age,

marry her, my, the later on in the 70s. They will have younger kids in, but really dowdy younger kids. Dowdy and also a bit glum. I mean, you know, there's a certain energy level that you've got in this episode. But by 1976, it's like they're being kind of worn down by the decade. And there's some fantastic soul rail replacement service scenes down on the dance floor in this intro as well. There's a lot of world-class aimless shuffling down in the pit. Like the exceptions as usually in this era are the guys.

go go dollies. Yeah, most of them here, thankfully, about 21, who they've put up on the higher level, supposedly to raise them above the riff-raff and showcase their dancing prowess. But actually it's obviously just so the cameras can look up their micro skirts. Yes.

But at least they can dance in a very basic, groovy kind of way. Whereas everyone down on the studio floor is moving around like a pinch, or on a boat. Yeah, well, it's not really about dancing anymore, not particular dances. You don't see a ready stand to go.

You can see the mashed potato and the holy gullet and all that kind of stuff. By 1971, it's less about dancing, more about raving or grooving. Yeah, yeah. A lot of wispy arm gestures. Yeah. Your host this afternoon is Tony Blackburn,

who's quite possibly at the peak of his powers in 1971. Four years into his. position as host of the breakfast show on Radio 1, 59 episodes deep into his top of the pop's career in a pool which consists of only him, jingle nonce and Ed Stewart. No longer the thrusting young pirate of the 60s, but not yet the national joke of the latter half of the 70s, don't you think, chaps? Ultra safe hair of hand. Safe to a fault, really.

Oh, fucking hell, what a year he's had. Chaps, would you care to join me on a journey through time? Tony Blackburn's 1971. We would. That sounds amazing. Hit the fucking music. In January, Tony begins the year, defending his profession against the accusations of Paola,

currently swirling around the British radio community. I have never been affected by this, and I would warn any Payola crew that the stairs of broadcasting house are very steep, and they would take a big tumble. Meanwhile, a new ad campaign for B-OAC Youth Adventure Holidays fills the newspapers of the nation

and there's only one man who confront it, Tony Blackburn. Get round to your B-O-A-C travel agent right away. Get it on the most fantastic travel opportunity ever. Do it while you're young, a copywriter says on his behalf. Wow. It's like Noel Edmunds,

always on the public sector gravy train when such a thing was possible. In February, Tony puts NASA to shame by choosing to do something for the oldens. Article in the Thadet Times. Thannid teenagers have been asked to raise enough money to buy 60 television licences for old age pensioners with a sponsored three-wheeled race next month. After an appeal from Southern Television and Radio One disc jockey Tony Blackburn

for teenagers in South England to collect money to help buy the licences. He's a Southern television personality in this article because he was the host of the Southern TV pop show Time for Blackburn two years ago. This is a time! Time for Blackburn! When is it not Time for Blackburn? But then...

In March, Tony has taken ill with abdominal pains, yet still soldiers on with the Breakfast show against medical advice. Eventually, he is rushed. into a nursing home and upon release is told to go home not to travel and not to work with his breakfast slot being given to Dave Lee Travis. After an operation, he is kept away from Top of the Pops for five weeks. In April, it is reported in the Western Daily Press that the Bristol-Prog band Squint

with two Ds are ending their gigs by burn. photographs of Tony Blackburn on stage. But then, in May, Tony lands a gig at the Lyceum in London as the compere of the happening of the year, the Daily Mirror Hot Pants Ball. He'll be presenting Tina Charles, Pants People, Chris Barber,

the Tremelows and the Ray McVeigh show band. But more importantly, he'll be handling the Miss Hot Pants' 1971 contest. Meanwhile, on the other side of the channel, Mick Jagger marries Bianca Perez-Morri-Massius in Santa Pei with a strict door policy at the reception. All invited guests, including the Stones, Paul McCartner, Ringo Starr, Julie Christa, Roger Vadim,

and Brigitte Fardo have to wear a badge that reads, Turn on to Tone, Tony Blackburn. But then In June, Tony, who has just appeared on Jimmy Saville's Radio One discussion show Speakees. Debating the rights and wrongs of pornography with the editor of Forum and Lord Longford is about to make an appearance at the Stonehouse Nightclub

in Longstretton, Rutland when a letter is sent to the Peterborough evening telegraph threatening to kidnap him and put him on trial for play list related crimes. The verdict even now will be unanimous, and he will be most severely punished.

Yes. He's read. He escaped us in Oxford Street London three months ago. This time there will be no mistake. We have nothing against a Stonehouse Club, all the people who go there, but be warned, this

is no joke. The reason for letting you know beforehand is that it will make the kidnapping more exciting. Your sincerely, the heavy music brigade. While his agent tells the media that his client has been shaken up by the threat and the owners of the club announced the precautions are being taken, tone air, just like the Israeli government,

refuses to make any concessions to terrorism and announces he will go through the gig after consulting local police. despite an anonymous phone call to the venue which claimed that he would be beaten up on the premises. Well, this is the venue take precaution. What precautions? They put Ron in front of his dressing room door. That's all they did.

Apparently they got some bouncers to dress up as the kids. A bit like carry-on camping. The personal appearance goes off without incident. And later in the week, four lads who were caught bragging about it to some schoolgirls, a question by the police but released without charge and the manhunt

for the heavy music brigade continues. And then In July Tony sits down for an interview with Dorothy Newton of the Kent Evening Post for a frank discussion

of his political views. Uh-oh. He states that he doesn't feel in the least bit guilty about the money he earns as he worked hard to get where he is. Before, turning his attention to the economy.

I believe in the principle of the profit motive, and I hate inefficiency. If someone can't tackle a job, get rid of him. That's why Britain's in a mess. Some firms aren't sufficiently profit-minded. Nor should this government continue to subsidise flagging industries. Hard luck, I agree, on the workers who go to the wall. But if you have proper management, you should be able to produce profit.

If not, it's no use pouring money into lost causes. Says the man whose only job is to talk and who cannot complete the sentence. After pointing out that he'd like to see more women taking up positions of power, he's asked if he's a supporter of women's lib. Oh no. I don't believe in treating women exactly the same as men. Equal paying opportunities, of course. But I still like women to be feminine, domestic.

and happy to stay in a home and rear children. After pointing out that he has no affiliation to any political party, he states that all politicians are stupid and out of touch in any case, and they should be retired off at the age of 40. I remember meeting one man who is very high up in the present cabinet. When I said I had a show on Radio 1, he said, what's that? I had to explain that the old light and third programs had died and there was a new radio system.

That man could not have read any newspapers. A week later, Tony demonstrates how in touching the world he is when he describes middle of the road as a hot new band from Spain. And then! In August, at Stanford Magistrate's Court, A 24-year-old bus conductor and garage labourer pleads guilty to causing wasteful employment of the local constabulary and causing needless anxiety to the manager of the Stonehouse Club in Streaton and is unveiled as the ringleader of the heavy music brigade. According to a statement he gave to police, Derek Lee admits to writing the letter to the Peterborough Evening Telegraph that threatened a punishment beat. to Tony Blackburn, and he and a friend actually did see him on Oxford Street,

but they didn't talk to him or go near him. I just added it to the letter to add a bit of spice to it, he said. He was fine, 70 pounds. And then! If you walk down through the woods today, you won't believe your eyes. In an old log cabin on the Great Whale River underneath the road. In September, songwriters Nikki Chin and Mike Chapman have found a hot new talent to emote their latest song, Chop Chop, Tony Blackburn. Released on RCA, it's about a lumberjack called Woodrow, which was clearly knocked back by the suite.

Sadly, it's immediately banned by the BBC, who refused to play any singles made by their talented until it gets into the charts, which it doesn't. In October, Tony announces the release of his new board game, created by the makers of Socorama. If you like the pop music scene, you'll love Chartbuster, he says, in an advert. Chartbuster creates all the thrills and excitement of the pop world. It makes you the pop star getting bookings, recording, and trying to get your songs into the charts. It's a great game. copies are still available on eBay for £90 in its original non-Blackbird endorsed edition. In November, Tony, who has just presented the 400th episode of Top of the Pops with Jingle Nons,

Sandy Shaw, Alan Price and Clive Dunn poses for the camera astride an ice cream bike in overalls and a peak cab as he reprises his role as a former ice cream salesman for a Daily Mirror article about the former jobs of celebrities. He's accompanied by Jimmy Young as a baker, Clodagh as a schoolgirl, Jonathan King as a student, and Sandy Shore as a shop girl with her foot cacettishly perched

on a massive wheel of cheese in a shoe, thankfully. And in December, Tony, along with Pete Morair, Ed Stewart, Terry Wogan and Jimmy Young, are rewarded by the BBC with a new three-year contract and a 25% pay rise. The longest contracts the BBC have ever given to their radio talent, which has absolutely nothing to do with the advent of commercial radio in the UK, which will launch in October of 1973.

And the year ends with him celebrating the announcement that he is the top Radio 1 DJ in the Revely game. DJ Poppole. And that was Tony Blackburn's 1971. Oh, man. He's at the top of his game here, isn't it? Yeah, that's as sweet as life got in 1971.

And although Tony does get the party started in fine style by clapping hard with the mic in his hand giving off a barrage of thusses. I've got to say that this could be one of his more professional performances, mainly because the links are kept short He's kept off camera quite a lot, isn't it? Yeah.

It's better because there's less of him. And what is he wearing, chaps? A belted knitwear. Like a woolen jerking. Yes. He looks like Robin Hood on the front of a knitting pat. It's an off-white, very tight gartergan, which does look pretty sensible at first in this head and shoulder shot, doesn't it?

Yeah. It's in vogue, but it's not wacky, and neither is it jazzer. No, it's studiously neutral. Yes. He's also an earlier doctor of the so-called genesis. Bender bender trends. Oh, is he now? Tony here is wearing

disconcertingly prominent eye maker, almost sort of J.D. Vance-ish. Right. And with one eye slanting weirdly and almost closed up, as if like on Christmas Day he was playing with his

new chemistry set and carelessly wiped his hand with one eye. I can't work out why it's like that, right? Maybe syphilis or maybe he just did his own eye makeup and jabbed himself in the tear duct with a cold

brush. Excessing. Yeah, one or the other. But he should see a doctor really, but obviously it's Christmas, so he might just have to go down to casualty, like I did last year on Boxing Day. Always a delight. Yeah, it was bad. Stabbed myself in both tear

ducts simultaneously with two cold brushes. Tragic. Tragic scene. But he must have been sitting in casually quite a lot lately because although as you say his links aren't quite as stumbling as they usually are he doesn't seem to have spent that much time preparing what he's going to say on this very important 15 million viewer festive episode at top of the pops right wouldn't it be good to go back in time and say to him Tony in 54 years some people who are currently small children one of them still

in utero will be on a podcast. It's like a radio show but on a computer talking about you presenting this episode and they're doing it for a selective audience and yet they'll spend 10 times as long preparing their comments about you doing this as you spent preparing for the actual programme. We're like the heavy music brigade.

Shit! We've turned into monsters. But of course if Tony was smart, His response to that would be, sounds like I'm the winner here. Oh, and then he'd say, by the way, am I still alive in 54 years time? Because I'd be almost three. Don't tell him. No, we'd have to. I'd say, let me just check.

Yes, actually, perfectly healthy and still working in radio, still earning many times what we are earning. Which wouldn't do a whole lot to counter his claim, I suppose. No. Oh, and then his next question would be, just out of interest. interest, what happened to Richard O'Sullivan? And that's the point where you've got to say too many questions and just get back in the time. Although, not before grabbing a Mars bar, because in those days they were nine feet long, so they say.

Yes, that's right, yes. A curly-whirley was three yards long. Yeah, you could lean a curly-whirley up against the garage and climb up onto the roof. Yes. I mean, yeah, you took the bike with links. I mean, they are the smallest of small talk, aren't they? I said earlier, well, you know, a safe pair of hands to a fault. And it just seemed to be that some kind of ultra-caution is at work here. I mean, in my story's profile on the meeting with Tony Blackburn back in 1986,

I described him as the only vegetarian I know who's made love to over 250 women. But if his chat-up lines, if his sort of verbal inducements were on this part, I mean, God knows how he got any kind of result at all. David, did you not ask? So if you're a vegetarian and you've been with 250 women, What's your standpoint on going down on them? Is that vegetarian? Good question.

Didn't ask. Well, he didn't tear chunks off with his teeth and swallow it. Oh, true. Actually, I don't know. Maybe he did. But his encounters with the population of Earth in this episode, they are a little bit awkward. Yes.

I mean, we'll maybe discuss them when we get to them. But he's not exactly a smoothie, is it? No, no, certainly not. But he's not a ruffie either. It's odd. No, but I mean, he's kind of. Competitions Ed Stewart and Jimmy Saville at the moment, so fucking out. Hello!

Hello and welcome to Christmas Top of the Pops Part 2. I hope that you saw the programme on Christmas Day, and I hope very sincerely that you're having the most gorgeous holiday, full of plum pudding by now, I expect, and I hope that you're having a really lovely time. Sit back and relax and enjoy the show, because if you saw the Christmas Today edition of the show, then we're looking back at some of the fabulous number one records

that we had last year. Here is the only group to have two number ones last year. You saw them singing on Christmas Day and here's the other one. T-Rex and get it on. Tony welcomes us to the show and hopes that we had a gorgeous time with loads of Christmas pudding because in 1971 Christmas is absolutely done by now and this is a bank holiday Monday

so he instructs us to stay in the armchair and witness the only act to have two. number one singles this year, T-Rex with Get It On. We came across T-Rex in Chart Music 63, the post-Christmasmas 72 episode, but 1971 was the year that Mark Bowlin blew up. He started the year with Ryder White Swan, the first single by the Electrified T-Rex, standing at number six in the first week of 1970, but it rallied in the charts and surged back up to number two in mid-January, still unable to dislodge Grandad by Clive Dunn.

But the follow-up, Hot Love, didn't fuck about, sweeping aside baby jump by Mungo Gerr and spending six weeks atop the summit of Mount Pop before giving way to double barrel by Dave and Ansel Collins. This is the follow-up which penetrated the chart at number 21 in July that sought 17 places to number four and a week later assumed its rightful position at number one ending the foul five-week reign of chirpy chirpy cheap cheap by middle of the road and here they are back in the studio and chaps it's difficult to work out in this episode what is a new studio performance and what's a repeat because you don't get any sweeps from tony to the stage to let you know that oh look here's

band and look, there they are over there. Yeah, I think that's deliberate. I think they've just, you know. Yeah, and it works really well. Because if you did get the kind of the band sweep, you'd think, okay, well, where's the band sweep on the other thing? Yeah, exactly, exactly. Because out of the 10 performances we're going to see this afternoon, only four of them are new. And the only way that you can tell is that the older ones, the repeats,

they still have loads of girls who are still wearing miniskirts, while performances like this are festooned with hot panted crumpetre. And chaps, I know we've touched on this before, but, oh, hot pants, eh? The dolly's got to show off their gamaroos without flashing their drawers, and the fellas got to see even more leg. Plus, hot pants, they kind of brought the ass into play a bit more, didn't they? It's a curious phenomenon, because it erupted, and it was ubiquitous, and then they go, you know? It's like a sort of Cloder Rogers type phenomenon.

Yeah, it's called fashion. Yeah, but it burned intensely. and then seem to sort of snuff out overnight. And the downside of Hot Pants, particularly in the case of the All In Ones, that are supposed to look like sexy Ladoes. A lot of the maidens of 1971, including one or two in this episode,

they just look like giant two-year-olds, don't they? And like me, chaps, I'm sure there's one question that's just burning in your brains at the minute. What do the Radio 1 DJs think of Hot Pants? Well, that was a question that was answered by the London. and evening news in February

of this year. Quote, girls are taking to hot pants like hot cakes and the bottom has fallen out of the maxi market. But what do the fellas think? In the main, it seems

that they are all to a quickening heartbeat, four hot pants. Fantastic! Fabulous! Came down the telephone from all the radio one disc jockey when I breathed the word Hot pants. Tony Blackburn likes them to be very tight and very brief.

If you're going to wear shorts at all, you might as well wear them short, he said. Ed Stewart thinks sat in hot pants can turn any man on. They are a really good substitute for the minare, and I hope the birds won't wait till the summer to wear them. He also reckons hot pants look better walking away than advancing on him. Yeah, that's lucky for him, in it? They're a gas, said Emperor Roscoe, but I'm not certain if I like them more than the minet.

And Dave Lee Travis hates them because they play such havoc with his hormones. He does often seem to have trouble with that. There are naysayers, though, amongst the celebrity community. Henry Cooper doesn't think they're dressy enough for his taste, and he doesn't think his wife will wear them out, although she might round the house. Norman Hartnell thinks they should be called cold pants

as they look a bit chilly and it's still February. Peter Osgood hasn't come to a decision because he hasn't seen anyone actually wearing them yet. And Roy Hood thinks are a bit kinker and he prefers the max air as it's more mysterious. So there you go, chaps. Any thoughts on the men in hot pants? Yeah, on the way back in that time machine

should have picked up Henry Cooper, take them to a UFC. fight and go look that hot pants in the ring obviously tony is going to be pro hot pants because as we've already mentioned he was the compare of the daily mirror hot pants ball this year and i know i'm overdoing it on the newspaper quotes chaps but there's so much fucking gold line about i you know me i can't leave gold lying on the floor can i no article in the daily mirror date of may the fifth Grooving, with a G on the end. DJ Tony and the girls play it cool at the mirror's great hot pants ball.

Without question, they were the coolest collection of girls you could ever wish to meet. The hot pants girls had come to town, and what a knock-how bunch of birds they were. Hundreds of girls turned London's Lyceum ballroom into the hottest spot in town. There were hot pants everywhere, satin ones, cotton ones, red, white and blue ones. For a start, there were 50 of those Miss Hot Pants girls who pictures of brightened the pages of the mirror over the past few months. They came to London with their escort, i.e., pissed off boyfriends and protective moms,

as the mirror's special guests, and they got a slap-up champagne dinner at the ball, an accommodation at a West End hotel. Sun-tanned compare Tony Blackburn soon had the party going with a swing. He took one look at the audience and joked. It's like a department store. Something interesting on every floor. Anyway, finally, music, T-Rex. What a fucking year!

Yeah. T-Rex turned up on that Christmas episode we did before, as you said, right? In 1970s. And in terms of groups reappearing on chart music, I always say that if a group's records are sufficiently varied, there's something different to talk about every time. Now, while I truly adore T-Rex, variety was never their strongest suit.

But there are some major differences between this performance and the one we already covered from a year later. The main one being that Mark has chosen not to get hopelessly pissed before this appearance. which tells you something about how his attitude to stardom shifted over the course of their all too brief heyday. Because here he's still determined to sell himself and he's conscious that there's work to be done.

Yes. Whereas by Christmas 1972, he basically feels he's ascended above such petty concerns as effort and professionalism. Sobriety. Yeah, simply allowing the masses to gaze upon Mark Bowlen should be enough for them, you know, even if he's struggling to stay upright and his eyes are so puffy

looks like he's been fished out of a canal. And this version does work a lot better, I have to say, even though mixing a shiny silver jacket and shocking pink trousers is a bold decision even for Mark Bowling. I think that's a very good point about

Mark Bowen as opposed to Bowling. Bowling, Bowling is very much a changeling. Whereas Bolan here, that image is kind frozen in time that image of him because he doesn't ask about with his appearance as such. And I think, again, actually having the benefit of seeing this in colour, this really, really feels like might have been made yesterday, might have been made tomorrow. And I still think that this actually would stand up in 2071. You know, if there's a 2071, I think this would feel just as kind of close to the present

day. I was in awe at this point of T-Rex and Boeing in a similar sort of way. But I wouldn't have contemplated going out and actually buying a T-Rex record. or engage with them further any more than I would trying to chat up a 16 year old girl, something like that when I was only nine years old. It was that kind of relationship. It was almost like I felt it was too good.

It was too evolved for the likes of me. You know, there are other groups that were perhaps more at my level and we might hear one or two of them later on. Jimmy Osmond's not coming just yet, David. Yeah. Here he is reprising the moment, the fucking golden moment when he put on a bit of spangle under his eyes in March of this year on top of the pops.

and create one of the greatest music genres ever. Nice little callback here. But also at this stage, you do sense that it is kind of an inaugural glam moment, but it's almost like sketching out or kind of creating a foundations for a kind of fully blown glam moment. You know, there's still this kind of sort of downbeat, boogish element to the sound of it all. As far as the actual song goes, I've got to say, it's the T-Rex single of 1971 I would least want to put on the jukebox.

But that's probably because I've heard it so many more times than the, the other two. My relationship with Mark Boland, by the time I was aware of him, he'd practically been and gone. And I only knew him from the 1977 Granada TV Kids Show. But then in 1980, there was that magazine, A History of Rock. Oh, yeah. Which came with a free album. And Rideau White Swan was on it.

Heard it and went, fucking hell, this is skill. But, oh, I shouldn't like it. So I'll play it really quietly on my dad's music centre in case anyone comes by. Yeah. This has become their biggest. number, hasn't it? Yes. Over the years.

Yes. And you can sort of see why. Even though it might not be that many T-Rex fans' favourite T-Rex song, you can see why. Because there's just a lot more effort gone into it than a lot of their other stuff. Yes. He's even putting effort into the lyrics at this point. I'm a big defender of Mark Boland's lyrics, right, even at their silliest. But you can always tell when he's put some thought in, as opposed to when he's just sat there

with a bottle of champagne and a biro and passed out. and woken up six hours later and found some words scribbled down on a soiled napkin and just shrugged and said, all right, book Trident Studios. This is actually quite a neat lyric because who wouldn't be fascinated by a girl who's dirty and sweet and has a cloak full of eagles? It's silly, but it's not quite as silly as silly as some of its stuff.

And also the playfulness of the words sits perfectly with the playfulness of the music. there's a sort of rhythmic wiggle and bounce to this, which is something people often miss about T-Rex because as a lifelong R&B obsessive, Mark Boland understood, you're onto a winner if your song has got its own distinctive rhythmic momentum where if the band just played one chord with no singing for one minute,

you'd still recognise what song it was meant to be. And it would still sound good. And that's not true of every T-Rex track, but it's true of their best ones. And especially this one. Yeah. You know, it's not like, oh, some of their other songs are more emotionally powerful, you know,

or more soaringly original. Like, they're not. They're all pretty similar. And yet some are clearly superior to others. And that's usually why. It's because the groove is better. Yeah. Same as most Bo Didley songs are basically the same,

but some are clearly better than that. Yeah, I think rhythmically, textually, you know, this is a kind of a whirl and to itself this track. And I guess another thing that happened, You know, and it's outside of time in lots of days. We talk about maybe proto-glam and all that, but it feels outside of time to me. But again, another reason why I think with Mark Bowen

is the fact that he died so young. There are other images of Mark Bowlin. I mean, there's photos that have come to light over the last few years of him as a mod, you know, looking really, kind of immaculate there. But really, I think that Edibut, at the moment you think of Mark Bowlin, you think of the Mark Bowlin right here on this show.

And, of course, there's a special guest on the piano. Elton John, making the first of two special appearances by music biz celebrities. His 1971 was a bit quiet. He scored a number eight hit in February with your song, but he's definitely not yet the behemoth of the 70s he'd become. And he didn't even play the Glissandoes, that are the only piano bits on the record,

because that was either Blue Weaver or Rick Wakeman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because according to the story, Wakemer was absolutely on his ass, and he didn't have any money to pay the rent when he bumped into Bolin on Oxer Street and was invited to drop in on the session. only for him to hear the track and protest

there was absolutely no need for any piano only for Boland to say well you want your rent don't you so yeah he got nine quid for running his fingers across the keyboard which is 115 quid in today's rubbish money but I think he was wrong you need that glasando

both sonically and visually because you know Elton stands up and knocks the piano stall back and I love the idea of getting Rick Waitman it's like getting Joe Sassano Atriani into strum and e-cord, then giving him a tenor and telling him the fuck off. It's so beautifully insulting.

We're going to see another special guest appearance in a bit, aren't we? The thing about Elton John in this is that he doesn't exactly capsize the performance with a celebrity. I think quite a few people would actually recognise him at this point. The camera does focus a lot on him. It's obviously a, hey, you see who this is element to it, but it wouldn't overshadow. No. I mean, to be honest with you, the thing that stood out more to me was the

shot between the crack in the flats in the corner of the stage where there's two blokes to a technician grooving along. Yeah, it's all about this gorgeous innocence of a time when covering the back of an upright piano with Bakeo foil

transported us to a sexy space station of the mind, which is the difference between modern day fans of T-Rex and the original fans. Because for the original followers, this magic was all real. It was authentic wizardry and the universe to which T-Rex would transport you was a real place where elves and

unicorns were co-existing with hot rob mommas in leather boots and you shut your eyes and you'd be there. Whereas for anyone following T-Rex now from a distance, the fact that not only was that not a real place but in fact all this flim-flam was side by side with Brentford Nylons and on the buses. That's part of the appeal. looking back, you've got this defiant duel somewhere that it shouldn't have been. Do you know what I mean? Like, as you say in this clip, when they pan the camera all the way around towards the stage,

but a bit too slowly, so it spends too long pointing into the dark gap between the scenery flats. Yeah. There's a bunch of stage hands or whatever they are. There's a little bloke who looks like a brummy rocker with his skinny legs and big hair and attach. there's a big bloke who looks like a coach driver and the two of them are like frugging game leafs and fit in and then there's a dour, bearded Mr Baxter type

leaning on something which looks like a monitor speaker or a packing case looking like he's desperate for the hometown bell you've got a bottle of haye stashed in there that's keeping his emotions in check so these geysers are right there and then just inches away this otherworldly elfin superhero is casting a spell

in front of a decorative row of highly sexualised girls hovering somewhere around the age of consent. So we're only a couple of minutes into this episode and it's already the most 1971 version of 1971 that you could ever see. You know, silver microphones, white go-go boots, Elton John with 50% of his air, You might as well have had Ted Eith on there, like measuring up John Perkway for a pair of hot pants.

The reason why this is the most well-known tune, it's the only one that actually got into the top ten in America. Oh yeah, yeah. As far as the Yanks are concerned, this is a one-hit wonder performing their one-hit. Yeah, you mean, Dexies. Silly Americans. Yeah, they retitled Banga Gone because Get It On was too rude for American radio, yeah. Yes. But this really is the blood.

blazing heart of 1971 for better or for worse. And what he doesn't know is that this is the peak. This Christmas is the pinnacle, the top of the hill. This is the momentary weightlessness in the stomach before the downward slope. And it's the bargain that he made,

like the monkeys. You embrace the possibilities of extreme pop and you get this sudden magnesium flash, but it lasts a year or maybe two. And then you're fucked. Yeah. A bit like hot pants. Just like hot pants.

Yeah, but what a year or maybe two fucking out. Good start. Really is. So Gettys On would spend four weeks atop the summit of Mount Pop before giving way to a single. We're going to hear in a bit. The follow-up, Jeepster, is currently the Christmas number two and would stay there for five non-consecutive weeks.

They begin 1972 properly with telegram sound. smashing into the chart at number three in the last week of January and then getting to number one for two weeks, followed by Metal Guru getting to number one for four weeks in May. And they rounded off the year with two number ones on the bounce with children of the revolution and solid gold, easy action. Fucking hell, what a run. This was a number one hit this year.

Hey Girl Don't Bother Me from the Tams. After the screen fades into a seasonal wash, we're thrown straight into Hey Girl Don't Bother Me by the Tams. Formed in Georgia in 1952, the four dots started life as a vocal group, playing in local bars for $1.25 each. Desperate for a look, they pulled their wages in order to buy a set of Tamo Shantas, which led to their following, referring to them as the Tams and the name stuck. In 1962, they were discovered by Atlanta music publisher Bill Lowry,

who hooked them up with Joe South and paid for a recording of a song he'd written for them called Untimmer. After Lowry took the recording to the Philadelphia label Arlen Records, it got into the top 20 of the Billboard R&B Chots. After Arlen Records went out of business, they were snapped up by ABC Records, and in 1964, the single, What Kind of Fool Did You Think I Am, got all the way to number nine in the Billboard chart. This single, the follow-up, failed to chart in America when it came out in 1965 and did nothing over here, and the group faded into obscurity. But in 1970, two things happened. First, their 1968 cover of the sensational epic single, Be Young, Be Foolish, Be Happe, was put out over here and got to number 32 in March of this year. And secondly, the phenomenon, which was starting to call itself Northern Seoul, was beginning to put itself about,

which encouraged British record companies to take a punt on the oldies. And when Polydor released, I'm Gonna Run Away from You, the 1965 single by Tammy. Lynn and he got to number four in June, ABC dusted this single off and put it out on their probe label. To the astonishment of everyone, it entered the chart in the last week of July, and three weeks later, when it was at number 19, pants people bothered us sensually with it, catapulting it into the top ten at number nine. And three weeks later, it deposed a single we're going to hear later to make it to the summit of it.

Mount Pop. This is a repeat of their studio performance they made on October the 7th, even though the single had dropped one place by then to number two, but fuck it, it's the Tams, and here's another chance to see it. Lot to talk about it, chaps, but the obvious first question is, we're in a new decade, there's loads of new acts bursting upon the scene, so why are so many people looking back? Because remember, 1971 is the year of Malcolm McLauri,

and Vivian Westwood opening Let It Rock and the Rock and Roll Revival Show at Madison Square Garden and Northern Seoul is booming. Chaps, why? Why so much looking back? Yeah, I mean that really kicks in about two or three years later when you get this kind of full-blown rock and roll revival.

Yeah. It's as if for the first time since the beginning of that, I know, rock and roll history, it feels like there's a very slight hiatus. It feels like maybe the sort of forward momentum, the forward propulsion of things has slowed briefly, and there's almost like a time, you know, where the dust is slightly cleared, especially again, with the beetles

are reforming and perhaps a sense of hiatus created by that. Maybe people just let's go back and recap. A lot of waters passed under the bridge. And so, yeah, you get that first stirrings of nostalgia. And obviously in nostalgia mode ever since, really. I mean, it is weird because

Pete Townsend one said that in the 60s, bands like the Who were being dragged along by the expectations of their audience who wanted something new and advanced. And by 1971, that gone the other way around. Marvin Gay of 1971 does not sound like Marvin

Gay of 1965. So the audience is going, can you just slow down a minute, lads? We just need to go back and pick up these things. It's like the 60s are a burning house and people are still returning to get all the good stuff. And, you know, things like this

and I'm going to run away from you, which is a fucking tune. They were really released in the UK when they first came out. To the British audience of 1971, these are new tunes. It's not that they sound a bit older, they just sound totally different from what's going on today. Yeah. They look a bit older as well.

Got to be honest. The Tams look so fucking old. They do. Oh, God, yeah. Normally, famously, black guys don't show their age quite as brutally as white guys. Black don't crack. Yeah, but they don't look like giant tortoises. And their average age here is about 36, which would be young for a six.

music act these days. It's a reminder. Beyonce is 44. Because people playing in the Premier League at 36. I mean these lads must have a paper round in the goby desert. And the singer's hat looks older than he does.

There's a bit at the front that looks like a baboon's had a gore. Do a Jewett with Sylvia. Do they have a tattered hat off? The tune's fucking mint. Everyone knows it. He's fucking skill. We don't have to say any more about it. It's your classic mid-60s soul record, isn't it? It's fucking beautiful.

A worthy number one. That's all that you need to say about it. Let's move on to the outfits. Because fucking hell! They're in jackets and trousers of purple velour and red patent leather with matching Baker Boyce caps. And the lapels are huge. The cuffs are voluminous.

And the flares are fucking hefty for 1971. Let's face it, chaps. This shop, tailored song, is being performed by Dick Dastardly's pit crew in wacky races, isn't it? Fuck me. I mean, they were lucky that when they went into Foster Brothers, they had five of those suits left, all in the right side. At the very least, though, some thought has gone into this ensemble,

whereas I actually get impression with a lot of people like, even like T-Rex, no thought has gone into how they're dressed. It just flings of trousers and jackets of various colours randomly together. Well, this is a thing that dates them. They've still got this 60s attitude, as if the lead singers were in summer, every fucker else has to wear the exact same thing. Yeah, yeah.

With little variations. And in a podcast chaps that has praised the achievements of Black America to the skies, and rightly so, I have to ask the question, is the popularity of Flares in the UK their fault? Because I've been, like Simon, I've become Flair Finder General in this episode, and I've been keeping a close eye on the width of the trousers.

And, yeah, Black America's leading the way on this. Yeah. They've given us some very challenging sartorial choices throughout the 70s. And I believe that this performance could be the beginning of the slippery slope towards the likes of sheer elegance, the most wrongly titled group in the history of top of the plops. In the case of the prosecution, I present to you now the sleeve notes to the 1986 Kent Records compilation, the Funk and Soul Revolution, written by the great Harborough Horace. Okay, I've never been down on the old funky handshake, but in 1974 I was known to do a northern all-nighter at weekends and groove down a Soho funk dive in the week.

The soul barriers had not been erected. It was a minor minority music and clubs welcomed punters for their listening taste rather than their fashion sense. Just as well when you consider the outfits our heroes used to sport. I remember raving about the chai-light, slick, soulful sounds to alien black sabathans at the college I was at, only to cringe with embarrassment when they hit the top of the pop stage resplendence in lime-green dungarees and Diddy Man hats. Black America laid it on thick, didn't they, in the early 70s? Yeah. And yeah, they looked so fucking old and so tired. Yeah.

It's extraordinary. Do you know what's strange, though, is that this completely passed me by at the time. Really? Yeah, this has been number one. Every other track on here, you know, I would have known very well at the time. And yet this, perhaps I was a racist. I don't know as a kid. Who knows?

But it just passed me by completely made no impression on me, no impact on me at all. And why are they wearing Baker Boys caps and not Tams? It's the 70s, lads. Come on. Get yourself a big Scottish audience. Yeah, yeah. They were a bit rubets as it is, but that had a basic role in the other. Oh, God, yeah.

This is old black rubets, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. I guess another aspect of all of this is that around 71, Top of the Pops was perfectly prepared to have black artists on. You know, it certainly didn't operate a callabai. But I think it probably had to be pretty non-threatening a lot of the time. I mean, there's a lot of, I mean, you know,

the vanguard of black music at this time, I mean, out of America or whatever, is, you know, it's pretty militant, you know, when it's Curtis Mayfield, you know, there's elements of sly stone, and stuff like that. Reggae is about three or four years old and obviously there's an edge to that and reggae artists bitterly complained that the BBC wouldn't give them any sort of coverage whatsoever. You know if it was Johnny

Reggae, that's all right, you know, Jonathan King but this has the advantage of being kind of non-threatening, I suppose, really. Yeah, because it's old, it's been... Yeah, yeah. So this has been re-released because of Northern Soul, right? Yes. Yeah. Which is really weird because it doesn't sound like

your standard Northern Soul song. It's slow-paced, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it's much more. sort of like early Motown. You know, it's got that sort of soul ballad feel to it. It's not actually my favourite by the time. I had a copy of this single. In fact, the B side on this single was

takeaway, which I assume for years was the A side because it just seemed better and more interesting, you know. But there's something about this that almost feels a little bit stiff and generic. Although a lot of Northern Soul type stuff is generic, which is why it's such an easy genre to rip off or pasty. You know, you just work out the chords to heat wave and play them a bit slower with a loud tambourine

and make the drums either go do, do, do, do do do do do or maybe do, and you're there already, you know. But it's the thing about genres that operate in a very small space is that you have to fill the track with your own life and imagination to make it stand out, you know, like punk or 12 bar blues. so this reissue may just be a bit of a cash in

but I'd rather have this sort of cash in resurrection than the Tams' 1980s cash in resurrection Oh we'll come to that in a moment Oh right I'll mention that in a bit So I once owned a copy of this single But what I never owned was the album that this was on Which was an album called Hey Girl Don't Bother Me Which is really not an album title is it?

No And this is the track listing. Side one, track one, Weep Little Girl. Track 2. Go away, little girl. Track 3. What kind of girl are you?

Track 4. Hey, little girl. Track 5. Why did my little girl cry? Track 6. Hey girl, don't bother me. Side 2, track 1. Silly little girl.

And then just abruptly they run out of songs with girl or little girl in the title. And they have to sort of limp towards the finishing line with songs like melancholy baby and my lady Elena, which fire all round the target rather than hitting it. Sounds like a really fucking spiteful WhatsApp conversation, doesn't it? But there's nothing more frustrating than a half-hearted concept album. And this one just loses wood and drifts off in the second half worse than the who sell out. You know, I say, have the courage of your convictions, Tams. Yeah, look, just fuck off, won't you? Little girl.

Yes. So, hey girl, don't bother me. Would spend three weeks at number one before giving way to a single we're also going to hear later on. They also became the first black group to get to number one in Ireland. Billy Preston was the first black person if you count him as being part of the Beatles and get back. And no, I'm not getting into it. fuck off. And the first black solo artist was Frida Payne with Band of Gold in 1970. By the way, chaps, would you care to guess what the Christmas number one is in Ireland in

1971? Jack in the Box? Oh, Holy Night by Tommy Drennan and the Monarchs. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was on a tip of my tongue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the Irish charts tended to go their own way for quite a while. They can, like, fall into line with the UK by the mid-70s.

So there we go. Sadly, the follow-up, a re-release of what kind of fool Did you think I am, failed to chart, and this would be the last ever appearance of the Tams on top of the pops, even though they resurfaced in 1987

with There Ain't Nothing Like Shagin, which got a number 21 in November, but was banned by the BBC for, well, you know. I bet Tony Blackburn played it on Capital, though. He'd have fucking loved that. There ain't nothing like Shaggin, girl. Yeah, it's not great.

Well, their other single from that time was called My Baby Sure Can Shag. And it's like, I mean, this can't have been coincidences. This can only have been the work of someone to determine their songs should not chart in Britain. Like some last gasp of revolutionary war defiance.

Aren't they, they still go in the Tams with two different lineups? Really? What's disappointing is that I think there's one or two, original members still in both of those lineups. Right. I like it when all the originals have been phased out. Is it the same band?

Is it a new band? It's what's known as the broom of Theseus. Or triggers shit. There you go. That's the sound of the town. It's nice hearing that one again, isn't it? Are you having a lovely Christmas? Fabulous.

Lots of lovely presents and everything. Yes. And you have lots of Christmas pudding. Oh, yeah. Lovely. Okay then. Right. We're going to go... Well, that was a number one record of, oh, sometime back. We have some most fantastic number ones for you to see. This one's still at number one for about the third week running.

Benny Hill. You can hear the offbeat's pound as they raced across the ground. And the clatter of the wheels as they spun round and round. And he galloped into Market Street. He's badger upon his chest. His name was Ernie. And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west. After another festive wash. We cut back to tone air, flanked by crumpeterre,

and discover that his sensible cardi has actually been adorned with a brown belt, which is well, fucking thing. Why would you want to belt off a cardigan? That defeats the object. Starsky never did that. No, but in Star Trek the next generation, you know, centuries onwards, there's a lot of belted cardigans and things, aren't they? Oh, really? Is there now?

Oh, well, there we go then. Pioneer. He turns to a maiden of the studio floor, wearing an old gold all in one hot pants ensemble which is cut way too tight in the crutch and asked her if she's had a lovely Christmas then asked her if she had some lovely presents and asked her if she had some Christmas pudding

when this searing cross-examination into the mind of the youth of 1971 has concluded Tony says lovely okay then right we're gonna go well that was a number one record of oh, some time back, and we have some fantastic ones for you to see, and continues to bumble fuck his way into Earner, the fastest milkman in the West by Benny Hill.

And as a wise man once said, if someone can't tackle a job, get rid of him. That's why Britain's in a mess. Fuck me. That's typical, are you, lads. You try and talk to women, you get one-word answers. They don't ask you a single question in return. Nothing ever.

I know. Seriously, Tony talking to women, or in this case, girls, is always quite interesting to see because they always look at him with wide-eyed awe, like trembling and giggling at everything he says as though in the presence of the smoothest and most effortlessly charming dreamboat while he stammers and blusters and says stupid things

and just clearly can't wait to end the conversation. conversation and turn back to the camera where he feels safe in the reflection of his own golden glow. But this is the thing. I mean, it's just like, have you heard lots of Christmas pudding? Oh, yes. Yeah, he's leading into the pudding motif again, isn't it? But is this the calibre of his chat-up lines? I mean, you know, would he, like I said, I mean, in real life, would he follow up with, like,

fancy some lentil soup and a fuck? Yeah, he says, did you get lots of lovely presents? And you expect to know, say, yes, I got a trite. Yes. But in fairness, bear it's. and in mind Tony's 1971, it is easy to understand why he might be a little bit nervous

interacting with a very doled up girl, a very indeterminate age, but almost certainly under. There was the option of not actually doing the idea at all. Talk to a bloke, Tony. But it's just so awkward. It's excruciating. He's so nervous. It feels like he's

biting my nails. It's like he's suddenly in a room with a naked child and it's beaming parents. It doesn't know where to look and he really wants to get this over with as quickly as possible and I can't blame it because I want him to get it over with as quickly as possible. We've already covered Alfred Hawthorne Hill who was born in Southampton in 1924 and his tale of of a blood feud between a milkman and a bread delivery man when we did the 1972 post-Christmas episode at Top of the Pops in chart music number 63. It was actually written.

by Hill in 1955 as the theme song for a mooted film about his real-life experiences as a milkman in Eastleigh and was pulled out of the draw when he defected from the BBC to ITV in 1969 and used during the 1970 series of the Benny Hill Show. A year later, when he signed a deal with Columbia Records, he rewrote some of the lyrics and it was released as the lead-off single from the LP Words and Music. four weeks after it entered the charts in the second week of November, it became a surprise number one, knocking off another song we're going to hear later. It's still there at the top, the Christmas number one of 1971, and here's another chance to see the video, which has been re-shot in

Maidenhead, as the original film on the ITV series had to be shot in black and white due to a technician strike at Thames Television. Bloody Union! smash them. David, me and Taylor have done this already. So I'm offering the floor to you if you want it. Yeah. And if there's one thing you don't associate with Benny Hill, it's constant repetition.

So, yeah, you go. Yeah, the only thing I'd say about this, it sounds like to never work out. Is this Ernie himself narrating from beyond the grave, you know, because it's all in the third person? Or, you know, who is this narrator if not Ernie himself? It's a bit like with the Monster Mash. isn't actually the monster match.

It's a song about the monster match, which is an unknown thing, etc. And all of that. Similar elements of that, really. But Benny Hill generally, he did a whole range of voices, of characters, but I always felt he did them all slightly badly. And always at the heart of it was just this perpetual expression

of kind of gurning puzzlement, which, you know, I just always find him disappointing just as a comedian, really, in a way that I don't find, say, Bernard Manning, disappointing, actually purely technically as a comedian. and he died practically the same week as Frankie Howard. And I remember Alexie Sable writing a piece in The Observer, in which he tried to reclaim Benny Hill, as it were,

because obviously he was part of, and Ben Elton were part of the whole alternative comedy thing. They wanted to kind of Scotts perception that they really had this serious downer on Benny Hill and perhaps slightly overpraised it at the end. And they said that Lexi Selle felt that he felt that Benny Hill was superior to Frankie Howard. And all I would say is that while Frankie Howard only has one character, I just found far more comedic wealth in that one character

than did in the entirety. Benny Hill's output. No. One strange thing was once, I was in New York, I was on a job, and I was at the Gramsty Park Hotel in the bar, and had a big screen. And they were projecting Benny Hill sketch in which he was doing a take off of Molly Weir, you know, he used to do the flash adverts, the Scottish woman. Yeah.

He was his old American couple who were just sort of, eh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, they were like laughing and giggling away, but surely with incomprehensible, there's no way that they would get the reference to Molly Weir. No. It was astonishing that Benny Hill had this kind of enormous following in America. You know, was it just sheer exposure? Because, you know, so much of the stuff was parochial like that. Yeah, I've looked back at some of his 60s stuff when he was on the BBC.

And he's very Dick Emery. There's lots of man on the street interviews and stuff like that, loads of him in drag. Very different to the Benny Hill, me and Taylor would know. No crumpet either. No. Or at least not as much. Yeah.

Not as blatant. And quite a lot of imagination too. I mean, there was one thing, though, he did at that time. He did a Chinese character. Yes. I remember this woman saying that her mother-in-law, whether was Chinese, and she always really loved when Benihil did this character, as if to reply,

so you see all these kind of political correctness, you don't know what you're talking about. She's Chinese, she loved it. And the point is, she might well have liked it just for want of any other representation on TV, but she deserved a hell of a lot better. She deserved perhaps someone that was actually Chinese for a start. Well, yeah.

Who's buying this? It's old folks and kids and that. Yeah, the typical Christmas audience. Well, in fairness, when Sir Henry Irving, the great Victorian actor. Irving! Was on his deathbed. The legend is that somebody said to him,

Henry is dying hard. And he replied, no, dying is easy. Comedy is hard. I mean, do people even laugh at comedy anymore? I was thinking about this the other day. Or just a video on their phone of a panda doing a forward role. Is that it?

Comedy seems to have faded out of view. And it's hard to explain to younger people how different it was, like the role that comedy played in your life, television comedy back in the old days. When I was growing up, it was simultaneously a link with the adult world, like an explanation of how things worked and how people thought about them, and a tantalizing mystery. because all the conventions of mainstream comedy on TV

was so weird and so unlike anything that I knew. Sometimes because they were things that were still in place from the musical and were totally archaic and only understood by people of middle age and above. And sometimes just because they were so middle class that they didn't connect. Like I grew up watching those two Ronnie's party sketches where there's a cocktail party in someone's, front room as with about a hundred people, blokes walking around in golf club blazers, like spirit and mixer in a wine glass, randomly introducing themselves to each other with

an outstretched hand. Have you met the wife? And I'd never been anywhere like that. So I thought it must be a preview of adult life. And that was a depressing enough prospect until it turned out that adult life was actually worse than that with a lot less wife swapping. Also, just the idea of middle-aged people having a party, I fucking wish. You're right, that the comedy had all of these kind of stock conventions and, of course, stereotypes,

some of which were, you know, obviously something's being very offensive. And one of the great breakthroughs in the post-aut alternative comedy era was that it attempts to dispense with all of these stereotypes and try and make a comedy that reflects the way that people actually think and feel. And I suppose what you then get is that kind of more naturalistic style of comedy, and of course, the decline of the laugh track. And what Taylor said about, does anybody laugh at comedy anymore? kind of resonates really because things like the detectorists or whatever isn't people just sort of engage with them in a sort of rye and roofing sort of way but you're not getting the big old laughs anymore you know there's possibly an argument for the restoration of the laugh track it's funny though I was raised on that old stuff those quite rigid comedy templates to the extent where for instance I might think of stupid supposedly funny things to say on this podcast but it doesn't feel like I've created anything

or really written a joke because to me it's not a joke unless it's structured as a joke. It's just flippant bullshit, right? Like the only time that I feel like I've earned my corn is if I think of a line that I could once have sold to Les Dawson for 25 pounds. That's the only time it feels like I've done some work. I thought one last week, I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for my wife. I'd be at home with the kids. That's a fucking joke, mate. None of this shit about John Chrysostom and Tony Blackbird's eyeliner.

If I'd been knocking out lines like that in the 70s, I'd have been living in a detached bungalow in Berkshire with a rover in the Pebble Drive and a cocktail cabinet shaped like a glow. I would have been having boozy chain smoking lunches in Soho with Johnny Spate. Do you realise I could have written the script for the film version of George and Mildred? Do you have any idea? dear what easy money that would have been. Then when I died at 59,

they'd all be out from a funeral, pictures in the daily mail of Dennis Norton dabbing his eyes. Sound of Barry Cryer laughing in the background. As opposed to the reality, when I go, they just have to leave me outside and hope the council will take me away. Actually, no, I might write it into my will that when I die, I want to leave my body to necrophiliacs.

Just because nobody ever does anything nice for them. them, don't they? Poor bastards. Mind you, though, in some of the lesser sitcoms, people aren't actually structuring jokes to get those kind of big, periodical laugh. Sometimes people are just saying something like, chance would be a fine thing, you know,

big old laugh. Those audience seem to be terribly easily amused. They've been sort of primed in some way. Oh, wait, here's one, you're like this one. I haven't spoken to my wife for three years. Say, why not? Why not? She doesn't like being interrupted.

Yeah, that'll do. Kelly Montief would have took your hand, off there Taylor. I told that one in Cabaret and the entire audience rose to their feet as they walked towards the door. Bloody woke. It's pathetic. It's like David said in his book.

It's all been ruined by political correctness. I say bring back the innocent, patriarchical heteronormitivity of Ben Hill. It's like David just said. At least that stuff reflected the real world. Because I was chasing a bunch of bikini-clad women around a park just the other day. But because we now live in this joyless, woke society, I had to wear a ski mask while I was doing it, so nobody would recognise me.

But it was just a genuine, spontaneous compliment. It was so spontaneous, in fact, that I was halfway through clipping back the branches on the horse chestnuts. So I was still carrying the chainsaw in one hand when I started running after. Didn't have time to switch it off or put it down, which I admit might have looked bad, but it wasn't. And with the other hand, yeah, I mean, I was fiddling with my trousers, but, you know, I was running and these things happened. But luckily, when the police arrived, they took my side and sent me on my way.

So there's still some common sense left in this topsy-turvy, bonkers, PC world. So Ernie, the fastest movement in the West would spend four weeks at number one, eventually being usurped by I'd like to teach the world. to sing by the new seekers next week. He would never trouble the chart again, although Ernie rose from the grave in May of 1992, when it spent two weeks at number 29 in the wake of Hill's death. I say, I say, I say. My wife's gone to Indonesia, say Jakarta.

Jakarta? No, she went on an aeroplane. It's over 7,000 miles away, you fucking insane. Of course I didn't Carter. I'm sorry Just thought of Fuck's sake And on that

And on that note Pop crazed youngsters We're going to stop Catchers Breath And prepare ourselves To plunge deeper into this episode At Top of the Pops In the next episode

Which will be with you Very soon indeed So on behalf of Taylor Parks and David Stubbs This is I'll Needham Telling you To stay pop crazed.

Shark music.