Chart Music: the Top Of The Pops Podcast - #78 (Pt 3): 16.2.78 – Paint Along With Nancy Spungeon

Episode Date: May 5, 2026

David Stubbs, Simon Price and Al Needham plunge the critical fist even deeper into this episode of TOTP, and the big names keep coming. Darts begin their biggest year by not doing The Wank! Legs & Co are finally granted full ramp access to one of the greatest tunes ever! Billy Joel gets a sweat on! The Sweet are back! And Elkie Brooks And All Her Looks show poor Kate how to ignore the snot-nosed urchins and put a single over to the nation!Video Playlist | Facebook | Twitter| Bluesky | The Chart Music Wiki | Patreon Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This will certainly have an adult theme and might well contain strong scenes of sex or violence, which could be quite graphic. It may also contain some very explicit language, which will frequently mean sexual square words. What do you like this and say? Um, chart music. Chart music. Just take a look around you. What do you see? Kids with feelings like you and me

Those kids happen to be David Stubbs Simon Price and me I'll need them And once again the kids are united They will never be divided And the feelings we have at the moment That this episode of Top of the Pops From February the 16th, 1978

Are about to be shared with you The Pop craze youngsters In part three of episode 78 of chart music. So, let's get back to the episode. Let's all grab and let's all enjoy. A single comes from a magnificent album from Kate Bush, lovely. And now for something different, here come the darts, all right.

We cut back to Kid, flanked by three maidens of the studio floor, who were all dressed like the cast of an East German version of Charlie's angels. Kid tries to convince us that we've just witnessed a spellbinding performance and quickly introduce us in his words, come back my love by the darts. All right. We've already covered Bob, Griff, Rita, Den, John Horatio, Thump, George and Hammer in chart music number 45 and this, their second single is the follow-up to Daddy Cool slash the girl can't help. which got to number six for two weeks in December of 1977 and is the second cut from their debut LP Darts. Clearly in the mood to kick on they've rushed out this, a cover of the 1995 single

by the Rends. It entered the charts three weeks ago at number 43, then sawed 23 places to number 20, which got them in invite to top of the pops, which knocked it up eight places to number 12. This week it's risen to number four, but as they're out of the country at the moment, they've just finished a mini tour of Sweden and are currently on the top and pop and circuit, here's a repeat of their performance from a fortnight ago and gaze upon their works show wadi wadder

and despair for their own new gods in town. I've said this before, but I'll say it again. If you'd have pinned me down to one favourite group in 1977, Probably would have said the wads But by this time I'm opening myself up to everything that's set Before me but right about not I am very keen on this new group

Who all look like your favourite teachers Doing a turn at the Christmas Assembly And I wasn't the only one I have a very distinct memory of being in Westclair Junior School cloakroom with my mates after school Pulling our parkers on And we all gathered round And tried to recreate the opening bars of this song

only to have our high school fantasy interrupted by the hysterical laughter of Mr. Wright in the doorway. Oh, we were so shamed up. It's understandable. The boys can't help it. It's understandable they appeal to kids. They're dynamic. In a way, they're more punk than Tom Robinson band. They're more punk than anyone else on this episode.

And it's because they're having a laugh. Even though they're not young by pop standards, they seem like they're on the side of the kids. you know, they're like madness before madness. Oh, yes. They're disruptors, they're subvertors, they're having a laugh. They're doing what you would do if you and your mates were on top of the pops when you were kids. They're sort of, you know, fighting to get on camera, shouldering each other aside and all that. So it's definitely catnip for kids that.

Definitely. I mean, I was going to ask you, Simon, are darts a TED band? Because to my mind, they definitely are and they're definitely not. You know, most of the signifiers are here, you know, the do-wopera, the hot. walking back and the knockabout playfulness that the British always seem to impose on rock and roll. But, you know, they seem to lean more into the early 60s than they do the late 50s. And they definitely do as time goes on. Yeah, they're a bit more kind of vocal harmony, a bit more duat bass than the Wadiwadi.

And they don't have the kind of toughness to them that Stray Cats would have a few years later. Obviously, for bands like Darts and Shwadiwadi, it was all over when Stray Cats came along. because suddenly you got this band to a sort of cool, young, beautiful, and they've got this kind of punk toughness to them. But for their time, I think they were kind of a punk thing, a punk presence in a weird way, darts on top of the pops. I like them, you know, I'm not especially a fan of music, but it's impossible who the hell would dislike darts, you know?

And I mean, especially like, den hegetively, he's got that kind of wonderful lurch-like presence, just a thoroughly likable group. But I think also, though, at this point, we're at the kind of the tail end of this sort of whole rock and roll revolution. revivalism or era of like 50s revivalism that culminates in Greece. I think Shaking Stevens wants to have a word with you, David. Yeah, yeah, but as a sort of mass thing, I mean, yeah, there are sort of sporadic sort of things, you know, like

shaky or whatever and stray cats or whatever. But it's a sort of high watermark in the 78. And I mean, it's interesting, for instance, like John Travolta, who's huge in the 70s. You don't really hear much of John Travolta now after this until Pulp Fiction, basically. By 1979, you know, it's kind of getting into the stage of back to the future. Simon, you're very pro-darts, aren't you? Yeah, we live in a time when going to see darts means dressing up as the Super Mario Brothers or minions with 20 of your mates, going to Ali Pally and getting shit-faced while somewhere in the vague background, 50-year-old teenager Luke Littler beats someone twice, but also half his age.

Yeah, I've become a regular darts goer in the doo-wop sense. They hardly ever play live just a handful of times a year. But the last two years, I've seen them at the 100 Club. There's a reason I was wearing my brothel creepers at Chart Music Live. I was off to see Darts at the hundredpoles. This year for their 50th anniversary, they are playing dingwalls instead, and I'll be there again. The thing with Darts now is, and I think it's kind of unique for bands of their generation, you go and see them, there are no ringers.

The classic lineup, you know, they're not all alive anymore. Bob Fish sadly died a few years ago, but those who you do see on stage are all members for the 1970s. There's six of them, I think. No triggers broomery there then. No triggers broomery. Even though he did kind of look like a member of darts. They're all in their sempsies and there's something amazingly beautiful about that, about seeing these men and one woman belting out the hits with genuine love for what they do

and for each other. Griff Fender and Rita Ray are married. Oh really? It hurts my heart. It probably makes me well up to see it. Although if you're getting a bit too emotional, gone close. like baseman, Den Hegherty of Tizwa's fame, one eye going to the shop, the other coming back with a change.

It's always there to provide some light relief if it's getting a bit too much. Oh yes. It's a magical thing going on right now, and I would urge anyone to just take the chance to see Darts Live while you still can. You've told that great story, Simon, when we covered Darts last time, ages ago about Darts in Darbe. Refresh the memory of the pop craze youngsters. Yeah, basically Danny Baker goes on tour with him,

and he says to going on tour with them is, you know, the best band you could possibly go on tour with. It's in his NME days, darts at the peak of their popularity. And he says they're an absolute challenge to keep up with in the offstage, high jinks, no sleep till Hammersmith department. And yeah, he tells that story as proof. Basically, it's in the middle of the tour.

They're booked into this motel outside Derby. They get there about half ten, only to be greeted by this snooty Jobsworth receptionist who says, if he'd known they were a pop group and not an actual darts team, he would never have accepted the book in, and he refuses to serve them any drinks from the bar.

So the first thing, George Curry, the guitarist, tells him to fuck off. And he does fuck off. He fucks off back to the back room. So the bassist, Thump Thompson, starts ding in the reception bell, ding in him really repeatedly to annoy him.

Meanwhile, this stuck-up receptionist is in the back room, phoning the police. So rather than maybe do what most bands would have done, go quietly to their rooms, Darts are sitting in the bar area They start helping themselves to bottles of beer They're not stealing, they're having a whip round

In a pint glass to pay for it, mind But Danny Baker, who knows how switchboards work Because, you know, working at the NME, he was on reception He leans over, he starts connecting random rooms To each other for a laugh, which is a little side plot to this That I love, you know, so you get people never spoken before Like the phone going off in the middle of the night And talking to strangers

But darts are entertained themselves by leaping up And trying to headbut this giant glass bauble that's hanging from a light fitting successfully, sending it crashing into the upside down wine glasses hanging from the bar. Obviously almighty noise, glass shattering. One member, again,

Danny hints strongly, it's a guitarist, George Curry, says, all right, fuck it. If he wanted the sex pistols, let's give him the sex pistols. And he throws his beer bottle through a plate glass window. At the exact moment, the police turn up and bundle everyone into the spack of van and slough him in a cell for the night.

You've got to bear in mind, Danny Baker was closely acquainted with the actual sex pistols, having shared an office with their management when he wrote for sniffing glue. But sex pistols, I'm imagining, were pussycats compared to the, you know, apparently wholesome family entertainers, darts. And I think of that story, whenever I think of darts, whenever I see them live or on TV, that's what's going through my head is them trashing a motel outside Derby. You're right, someone. I mean, darts may postulate themselves as another group of crazy rock and roll funsters who are happy to pitch up on everything from Revolver to Chega's plays pop.

But you clearly wouldn't want to fuck about with them. And they're actually going to create an international incident in a few months' time. Simon, are you aware of the Musical Malauca Festival? No, but I want to hear about it. Oh, well, it was an annual song contest broadcast live across Spain, watched by an estimated 25 million Juvenis Locos Por el Pop, and then beamed right across South America. So it's a very big deal.

like the professional Eurovision. Nice bit of Spanish there, Al. I appreciate that. That was good. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know me, mate. And it's a fucking big lineup as well. You know, Manhattan Transfer, Tavaris, Demis Rousseau-Rusos, Julio Iglesias, Jorge fucking Ben, to name but a few. I mean, fucking Alzheimer's.

Darts and Manhattan Transfer are on the same bill. And luckily for us, Roy Carr was there for the NME, and I'll let him pick up the slack in this quotes. Okay. Like the rest of the day. Darts team, drummer John Duma, was travelling light. To expediate the changeover of acts, the organisers had arranged for a kit to be on hand. All cameras were on darts as they swaggered into Daddy Cool.

Suddenly, without warning, the Spanish drummer with the Festival Orchestra, who was later quoted through a fat lip, the Englishman ill-treated my symbols, began dragging said symbols, out of Duma's striking distance. Enough was enough, and the next time the drummer grabbed at the hardware, Duma didn't whack the symbol, but, without dropping a beat, caught his tormentor with a saber-like slash across his mouth with his stick.

First blood to darts, and the signal for the Spanish brass section to bombard Duma with their seat cushions. Stage centre, the demonic den. Hegator achieved lift-off, leaping over the footlights, hurtling health for leather over the black tie and corsage audience, and growling, I'm mad. He tumbled into the festival judges and right into the lap of the wife of Robert Stack, who plays Elliot Ness in the Untouchables. He then attempted to befriend the prima donnerish, seldom seen unclothed Immanuel star, Sylvia

Christel. Back on stage, while the suave Bob Fish and the Foxy Rita Ray were ploughing through Make-It, and Griffender was preparing to dash to Dumas' assistance. Hegatty was now diving into an ornamental floodlit

waterfall. Pandemonium erupted as Hegatty emerged, soaked to the skin, playfully flicking a wet sock at the front row. As a parting gesture, he wrung the last remaining drop. down the neck of one of the jabbering presenters.

Jabbering. Shocked, but far from silent, the capacity audience responded with a standing ovation, punctuated with ecstatic cries of fantastical! Apparently the cop has paid a visit to the dressing room afterwards, but Darts as manager Bob England managed to talk everyone down. No charges were filed, and the band were pretty much celebrated in the media as heroes,

because they were sick to death of this fucking ridiculous folder role of a talent show. Yeah. There is a full transmission of the broadcast on YouTube, but alas, it's the version that's been broadcast to South America, and darts have been completely edited out. What a shame, man. Yeah, yeah, it is. The other thing about this performance is that it led to a great school playground urban myth,

which is that we all thought darts had snuck assuear past the census. Oh, of course, yes. Because at the beginning, you know, it does appear that he's singing, whoop, do the wank. Do the wop, do the wank, and all of that, yeah? Now, I've believed that, or I've wanted to believe that for years. Yes. I sadly found out the definitive answer.

It's in Music Week, you know, the contemporary one from this episode. Big advert for the single, yeah, big advert, big full-page advert that says, do the wang, W-A-N-G with darts. And I'm really sad about that. I tried lip-reading here, and yet, sadly, it does seem to be. Wang. But Wang is still pretty funny, mind you know. Yes, it is. Yeah, I mean, the intro was, it wasn't in the Wren's original version. It was added on by Dots. And yes, there are dancers called the Wop and the Wang, but the only examples I could find came long after 1978. The Wop was a

hip-hop dancer, the mid-80s. And there's something a bit more recent called the K-Wang. So where Darts got it from, fuck knows. I think they knew exactly what they were doing. Yeah. Yeah. I've got to say, Bob Fish looks fucking amazing. That jacket, right? Yes, he does. There's good, right, I'm a connoisseur of leopard print clothing, right? Yes.

That jacket, there's good and there's bad leopard in the world. That one is to fucking die for. And the trousers as well, he's got those kind of wet look PVC trousers, very tight. Basically, it takes on balls to dress like that when you're going bald. And I ought to know, right? I would wear that fucking outfit. He looks so fucking cool in that. A friend of mine's dad used to be.

to know Bob Fish. This is very convoluted. Right, a friend of mine, Jake Schillingford from the band My Life Story. His dad, Alan Schillingford, is still with us, was a very prominent visual artist. He used to do sort of poster art and things like that. Back in the pop art era. And he worked alongside Bob Fish. And Bob Fish used to work on record sleeves by sort of people like the pub rock artist Mickey Jupp, that kind of thing. Happily, not the album, Japanese. I would advise everyone to maybe through parted fingers, look up the sleeve for Mickey Jupp's Japanese.

Yes, he's doing that thing. He's doing that thing on the front. But, yeah, luckily, we can't blame Bob Fish for that. The other thing about darts, they were fucking huge, right? Yeah, we forget. The thing I've noticed is that younger people, even just slightly younger than me, look at me a bit blankly when I talk about darts, right?

But I've got some stats here for Music Week, okay? So here we have the top-selling groups for the first quarter of 1978 in terms of singles, okay? Number 10, Althea and Donner. Number nine, Scott Fitzgerald and Yvonne Keely. Number eight, E-L-O. Number seven, Rose Royce. Number six, wings.

Well, obviously. Number five, Abba. Number four, Brotherhood of Man. Oh, I'm a brotherhood of man selling more than Abba. Fuck me. This country. Number three, Bob Marley and the Whalers. Number two, the Bee Gees.

Number one, darts. Really? Fucking out. Is that domestic? It's UK singles in the first quarter of 1978. They went on to spend a total of 20 weeks in the top 10 for the whole of 1978. The only acts to do better than that were Boney M and the duo of John Travolta and Liv of Newton John. So they also sold more UK concert tickets than any other act in 1978.

Did they know? That is how fucking huge they were. Of course, and you'll probably come on to this, but cruelly, they had a string of number two hits. Never quite reached the top. They're the Jimmy White of DuWall. Yeah, because everyone goes on about squeeze around about this time, having two number twos on the bounce. But they're there three.

It's ridiculous. Yeah, not fair. So the following week, come back, my love, nipped up one place to number three, and a week later edged up to number two. Its highest position held off the topermost of the popermost by this week's number one. The follow-up, a cover of the 1964 ad-lib single, The Boy from New York City, repeated the trick when it got to number two in May, held off by Rivers of Babylon by Boni M.

And one of their own songs, It's Raining, got to number two again in August, unable to dislodge three times a lady by the Commodores. They rounded off 1978 with Don't Let It Fade Away, only getting to number 18 in December, but they'd have two top ten hits in 1979 with Get It and Duke of Earl. What a band. Love so badly I need your love so badly Baby I need your love so badly Come back my love

Darts in full flight and now in full costume It's Legs and Co with the music of Rose Royce I'm wishing on a star To follow Kid! With a massive Tom Robinson Band badge on his brown

trousers and flanked by two very spaced out maidens draped in floral fabrics, alerts us to an impending blast of crumpetre, its legs and co, dancing to wishing on a star by Rose Royce. Formed in Los Angeles in the early 70s after a merger between a band from Watts

and one from Englewood, total concept unlimited, were linked up with Edwin's star for a tour of the UK and Japan in 1973, and the war, hitmaker was so impressed he bigged them up to Norman Whitfield who had just started his own label after leaving Motown. After changing their name to Magic Wands,

Whitfield employed them as the studio band for Whitfield Records and the backing band for the undisputed truth. And it was when they were in Miami on tour with them that they were introduced to a local singer called Gwen Dicker who was invited to L.A. for an audition and became the lead singer they were crying out for. Around this time, Whitfield was approached by the director Michael Schultz, who had just had a massive hit at the pictures with the film Coolie High,

which had a soundtrack soddened with Motown. He told them he had an idea for his next film called Car Wash and invited him to handle the soundtrack. Seeing the opportunity to launch his new act properly, he gave the entire soundtrack over to them. with Whitfield writing the bulk of the songs. Unlike most OSTs of the era, where the material was written and recorded after the film gets made,

Whitfield and the band were allowed to visit the set to soak up the atmosphere and bond with the cast, writing and recording on the fly, which led to them changing their name again to Rose Royce. The film and the soundtrack were massively successful, putting them over in America. Not only that, but the UK were immediately on board as well, putting their debut single Car Wash, which got to number one in America,

all the way up to number nine in February of 1977. This single, their eighth, is the follow-up to, Oh Boy, which wasn't released over here until 1980. It was written by Billy Ray Calvin of The Undisputed Truth, and after it was offered to and knocked back by Barbara Streisand, it was gobbled up by Rose Royce, who made it the lead-off cut from their first non-syn track LP in full bloom, which came out in July of 1977.

It entered the chart five weeks ago at number 44 and began a deliciously slow upward pull until a fortnight ago, when it only got up to number 26 from number 24. But Top of the Pops came to the rescue when it aired the video Which helped it saw 15 places to number 11 This week it's jumped five places to number six So here's the conglomerate of Lower Limbs PLC Who this week have been given full ramp access to the studio floor

For a much needed blast of satisfaction Chaps, song or dance routine first What'd your fan say? Dance routine. Dance routine, yes. Yeah, and I'm glad that, you know, true to form, Flick Holby's failed to resist the temptation to feature stars in the stage props. Taking an obscure cue from the title.

I suppose indeed there's a lot of running up and down, isn't there? Yes. They're running up that hill, a lot of years in advance of Cape Town. Flashing up that hill, I'd say. Yeah, I suppose so, yeah. I mean, legs and co. They're in hot pantera with a neck curtain stapled to it that opens at the front so they can show off all their legs. There's a gold star on their crouched,

and they're topped with a gold brocade bra top. Big development here. Lulu Cartwright has ditched her Claire out of Grange Hill, flicked back parted and got herself a poem because it's that era. I mean, by this time, by early 1978, Kevin Kagan's already got a mild perm. It's a few months before he goes full old English sheepdog as an ITV panellist at the World Cup

but there is one man who's brave enough to go full bubble perm earlier Simon Bates have you ever seen photos of Simon Bates with a perm? No. Sadly he got rid of it before he became a top of the pop's presenter.

David, me and Simon were too young. Were you not tempted with a perm? No, I was centre party and I was. My nickname was butler, you know, because I looked like a butler. Not after standing on the buses. No, no, no. In other leg-related developments,

Rosie and Sue are going to be nipping off to do a bit of moonlighting, possibly this very week, to film an advert for the next Ronco LP, Boogie Nights. What's more, they'll be reuniting with none other than the much maligned Floyd Pierce, the ethnically dignified one out of Ruby Flipper,

who's about to strike back as a member of Hot Gossip? We'll see them having a cavort to knowing me, knowing you by Abba. Ain't gonna bump no more with a big fat woman by Joe Tex. Yeah. Black Betty by Ram Jam and free by Denise Williams while wriggling around in them dead tight, shimmery disco trousers in a way that'll absolutely inflame the national fronts. So good show to that.

So yeah, it's your bog standard flick Colby Flans about again, isn't it? Against this Art Deco background of stars and arrow things. But it's good to see that top of the pops of. finally adhered to the chronically sick and disabled persons act 1970. I got some ramps in which they go up and down upon. And that's pretty much your lot there, isn't it? Yeah. First of all, you're quite right to point out the spaced out youths.

Yes. Flanking Kid Jensen at the start. Oh, but they've had their minds blown by Kate Bush, haven't they? Yeah. Yeah, already, already. Yeah, the girl on Kid Jensen's right is very Linda Blair, I thought. She looks like half dead, basically. and seems to be hanging in mid-air.

Someone called an exorcist. Absolutely. Kid Jensen's mother sucks cocks in her. There's your episode title. Yeah. That woman, I think I was probably, you know, I wasn't scared of Kate Bush,

but I'd been scared of this woman to his... I mean, she looks like an apparition. You know, you can imagine Kit Jensen later on watching the playback, you know, at the top of the point saying, wait a minute, there was no one to my right in that bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The one thing to be said

for Legs and Coe's performance here is that at least it means we get to hear the record in all its genuine beauty, which is, given what happened to poor Kate Bush, you know, this is really important. They've got Rose Royce in for this. I guess so, because it's a band, yeah, unless they

they thought Rose is their name, yeah. Yes, exactly. Like blondie, you know, yeah. Yeah. It's interesting you point out the sparkly stars that are stapled to their crotches by Flick Colby. Is that implicitly inviting us to wish upon their crotches. Is that what's been...

Yes. Goodness me. When you wish upon a fan. But anyway, Rose Royce, what a fucking band, man. Oh, funky as fuck when they wanted to be, but also

capable of knocking at astonishingly brilliant ballads, which not every band of their ilk could do. You know, Earth, Wind and Fire, they could do it. Calling the gang in the Aventis, they had to go and they were all right, but I'm not talking about Cherish and Joanna. Before you dark on there. Yeah, I mean, I'm not a fan of car wash, particularly. I know that's probably

heresy, but I think it's a bit one note. Is it Love Your After? That's pretty decent. But I do prefer Rose Royce's ballets. I prefer them in this mode. Yeah. This is Norman fucking Whitfield at his very best. Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong are here to make right everything that's wrong, to quote Billy Bragg. And yeah, the production on this is incredible. The reverb gives this kind of ethereal dreamy quality. It's got almost sort of cinematic sound effects on it. Obviously it nods to when you wish upon a star, Jiminy Cricket from Pinocchio and all that.

It's one of the greatest records ever made for me, this. To the extent that I can hardly speak about it, it's really, really hard to talk about. Yeah, it's one of them, isn't it? Yeah. Don't listen to us going on about it? Just go and listen to the fuck her. Yeah. It's mint. Yeah. I mean, we've already had a taste of

Rose Royce doing the slowjams with I want to get next to you and I'm going down. But it's a toss-up between this and love don't live here anymore for the absolute best work. This is interesting. I think people fall into two camps. Some people rate Love Don't Live Here anymore, a bit higher. I personally am in the wishing on a star camp, although obviously Love Don't Live Here Anymore is fantastic. I think what needs to happen is Jimmy Nell needs to do a cover of wishing on a song. Yeah. So we can compare, yeah. Yeah. Roast Royce,

they've got this body of work that's absolutely endured. But of course, at the time, yeah. It was just a disco rubbish, wasn't it? Yeah. It was just, you know, they talk about pleasant but disposable records. They talk about like Rose Royce or Sheik. You know, but Christ alive, these records are still being played. They're just etched in the firmament. Meanwhile, in 1978, rock critics

they're doing two-page spreads on the bands set to dominate the 80s and beyond. The shirts. Yeah. I met Rose Royce once. No. Yeah, it was at one of those best disco in town package tours. Sheik were headlining and various other people from that era. And I had a backstage pass.

and got very drunk and I got it wrong. You know, sometimes you meet a famous person and you fuck it out. Oh, no. I was talking, because by this point Gwen Dickie wasn't the singer, okay? Right.

It would have been either Ricky Benson or Lisa Taylor. I'm not sure which one it was. Right. But my line of attack with the conversation was that that performance was so good, it didn't matter that it wasn't Gwen Dickie. And obviously, you can imagine the look on her face,

like, you know, smell of gas, you know what I mean? And rather than pick up on her visual cues and talk about something different or just quietly walk away and they go, I just carried on talking about Gwen Dickey. Oh, no, Simon. You could see each time I mention the name, Gwen Dickey, her face got more and more thunderous,

and I still cringe my laugh to this day. If you're out there, singing with Rose Royce in about 2000, whose name I can't remember, I'm sorry. It's weird, you know, people that were appreciative in the press of Rose Royce, they were constant saying, every article would say, look, Gwen Dickey has got a sort of look to solo,

career. It's obviously as if that was the obvious next step. I wouldn't particularly sure why, isn't it? I think it's going all right at the moment, Rose Royce. If she can find a backing band

as good as Rose Royce are, good luck with that. But she didn't exactly, you know, do a Diana Ross, Gwen Dickey when she went solo. She'd probably have ended up on top of the pops and of course to say,

oh, of course, if you had Rose Royce with you, we wouldn't have to fuck it up with the top of the pops orchestra. There you go. So the following week, wishing on a star nipped up two places to number four

and a week later, to number three, its highest position. The follow-up, it makes you feel like dancing. Got to number 16 in May, but they went back to the slowest to finish off 1978 when Love Don't Live Here Anymore, spent two weeks at number two in October. And wishing on a star didn't even make the American charts

because they're all ignorant cunts. They all deserve Donald Trump and their country's just a big Britain that thinks it's summer. Sort yourself out, Yank. Fucking hell, that's a shock. I didn't know that. Oh, by the way, chaps, who's this? Ro Ro Ro Ro Ro Roe. Blue Tulip Rose Royce.

Hey! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Wish you got to stop, Royce. And now a lovely song from Billy Joel, a former record of the week of mine, in fact. We cut. Back to Kid, sat in the middle of three lines of ten young ladies, all festooned with TRB badges, arranged as if they're on a pirate ship at the fairground, and it's just starting to swing backwards.

Kid then wants to tell us all about a lovely song which he made his record of the week, earlier in the month, just the way you are by Billy Joel. We've covered Billy Joel many a time and often on Chalk Music, but this, his 10th single, is the one that finally put him over in the UK. It's a follow-up to moving out, open brackets, Anthony's song, close brackets, which failed to chart, and is the second cut from his fifth album, The Stranger, and El Pete Fraught with Mither,

as his label CBS were on the verge of dropping him if he couldn't produce a decent selling album. He wrote the song for his wife at the time, who was also his manager, but once it was recorded, neither he or his band reckoned it in the slightest. But when other Musos working in the studios next door, including Linda Ronstadt, heard it,

they told him to stop being a twat and bung it out. It rocketed up to number three in America, and it's entered our chart last week at number 30. This week it's slithered up four places to number 26, and Robin Nash is clearly gagging to pot on something for the Mams. So here's a video of a live performance, which marks his first ever appearance

on top of the pops. And yes, chaps, all of a sudden this episode has got properly adulterated, hasn't it? Yeah. You mentioned the pirate ship aspect to Jensen's intro there. For me, it's like adding to this sort of sense of foreboding, because he's surrounded by about a dozen

very conservatively dressed and expressionless youths. It's like he's being held hostage by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We've already had that girl who looks like Linda Blair hanging from the ceiling. Exactly, yeah. It's getting creepier and creepier. It is, yeah. This song, yeah, it is very kind of mum-friendly and all of that.

And it feels like such a standard that I've got to be honest. I, for a long time, had no idea it was even by Billy Joel. Right, yeah. It's almost one of the songs that you can't imagine it being written by anyone. It's just always been there. Yes. And the fact that it comes on the scene as late as 1978. Yeah.

Feels really weird to me, you know? I mean, I first encountered Billy Joel via, it's still rock and roll to me. Yeah. Which is, you know, that strangely uptight, passive-aggressive, pugnaciously reductive moan about new stuff that he doesn't understand or doesn't want to understand with maybe a 15 to 20% element of disco-suck sentiment that I'm detecting in there as well.

I actually quite like it as a song. But he's a funny little man, isn't he? I mean, you look at this clip now in its 1978 context. He's accepting this sort of weird premature permanence. Like he, as well as the song, is someone who's always been there, just someone from a previous era who's still knocking round. The way he's dressed, he's got a suit, the colour of butterscotch angel delight.

He's got a kippa tie. He's sweating like Prince Andrew in a police car. Billy Joel denies all allegations have started. the fire. Yeah, but he looks like some kind of old showbiz hack from the Vegas circuit. It's like a kind of cultural progeria, you know, he's like he's old before his time culturally. But he's 28, right? I feel like that talk sport caller about why Ante Nemi couldn't play for Scotland because he's finished.

He's not finished, he's 28. You know, but in terms of the prolific new wave hitmakers, of 1978, okay, had Billy Joel been on the same episode as Blondie, he's four years younger than Debbie Harry, had he been on the same episode as the Stranglers, he's the same age as Hugh Cornwell, and 11 years younger than Jet Black and so on. And, you know, let's not even get started on Charlie Arbor from the UK subs.

Ian Dury as well, he's about 11 years younger than Ian Dureen. Yeah, so maybe that's why he's really shirty about the new wave, and it's still rock and roll to me, because he's like, you know, all you people, you're older than me anyway. Yeah. So in terms of this episode, he's only a year older than Tom Robinson. Yes.

He's a year older than Kid Jensen. He's a couple of weeks older than Bob Fish from Darts. Fucking hell. But it just seems so old. And like I say, the song, it just seems to have been around forever. It's a pebble mill at one standard, right? You imagine Tony Monopoly singing it

when you're off school with a lurgy, that or orange-colored sky. Definitely. I associate it with the preset boss overbeat of the Bon Tempe organ played by the covers duo in the bar of Barry Island Butlin you can imagine that

definitely yeah don't go changing nah all that and I suspect that all throughout his run of 80s hits I didn't know that he had done just the way you are

I bet it pissed him off in the UK at least that you know Barry White says thank you very much and takes it seven places higher in the chart the following year Obviously, Billy's version does way better in America. I used to take Billy Joel during his run of hits on a single by single basis. I love tell her about it.

I quite liked the longest time. I'm a sucker for a bit of sentimental acapella. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like this one much, I have to say. No. I've got a certain respect. I can't believe this is an old man thing to say,

but I've got certain respect for the craft of songwriting. You know, for such an infinitely singable, coverable standard. like that. If I was watching this at home and my mum and dad started looking at each other in that way the way that turns your stomach. This is a piss break, isn't it?

I mean, it's only on for a minute or so. So it's going to have to be a short press break, but then again, I was 10. I've got a smaller bladder. I could do it. First of all, yeah, 28 in 1970s, he's like 48 in lots of respects. Although, of course, Debbie Harry is the one

that absolutely defies all of that. She's 33 at this point, yeah. I mean, Bob, he's only eight years younger than Bob Duhin. I mean, he's only 30 years younger than Bob Duhin. I mean, he's only 13. 36. Fucking out. Probably 35 in fact now I think about it.

Yeah, I mean, Billy Joel. I mean, I never carried a torture Billy Joel, uptown girl. We didn't start the fire. Oh, but you fucking did America. You deposed democratically elected government in Iran in 1953, you know. Never a fan of anything else that he ever did.

You know, there's something about his material quite often at the time, like him, a very sort of stumpy and pugnacious that, you know, turns me off a bit. But this, I like, I really, really liked it at the time. I really liked it, yeah. Fucking out. Oh, but he's playing an actual piano, David, not a synthesizer. What's going on?

Well, actually, that sound that he gets is actually, you know, that kind of very limpid keyboard sound. It's something very peculiar to the 70s. You get it on, I don't know, everything from Paul Simon slips sliding away, love hangover, 10cc, I'm not in love. Yeah, yeah, I hear a lot of I'm not in love in it. It's not a sound that's very often revived, and of course, a lot to Stevie Wonder. So Stevie Wonder didn't make an album in 1970. He was preparing a journey through the secret life of plants, God, Albert. And so in a sense, with this very limpid ballad, I was strongly reminded of Stevie Wonder at the time when I was obsessed with Stevie Wonder at this point.

There's a dose of methadone, I suppose, for one of any Wonder heroin, I guess. At the time, Billy Joel says in an interview, says a lot of my romancism comes from novelists, which was a big reader, apparently, when it was a kid. F. Scots, Fitzgerald, Ernest, Hemingway, Mark Twain, Sartre, Kafka, Hesse. I'm not really sensing an awful lot of them in this lyric about

just stay as you his own sweet self. I mean, it's not very existentialist. So it's not really so much of that, but from a musical point of view, I absolutely immersed myself in this. I thought it was lovely, but Billy Joel never remotely touched me again. Anyway, chaps, it's safe to say

that when Milhouser's dad made his demo tape of cannabora a feeling, this is what he was shooting for. You know, something that would get people up on the dance floor of the Bernie Inn or make them reach their hands towards each other through the candles. and the plates pooling with cow blood.

And at first glance, it does seem like a touching display of marital affection. But if the Bradford Gay Liberation Front had a cob on with Tom Robinson for Wright-on-Sister, then, oh, they're going to have a field day with this, aren't there? Let us count the ways. So, one, he assumes that his misses would only go changing for the specific purpose of trying to please him. Good point. Two, he tells her that she's not to get the ass with him if he doesn't notice her because he does actually.

And when he looks like he doesn't give a toss, she's not to go on about it because she's wrong. Three, he tells her that she's not to try new fashions or change the color of her hair, which is essentially a demand that she's got to wear flares and have a farra-forcet major's flick back for the rest of the life. And four, most damning of all, he doesn't want to have clever conversation. with us. So yeah, no open university for you, Shirley Valentine.

So to sum up, if the music is that date night at the Bernie Inn, the lyrics are essentially saying, you're not going to eat all them chips, are you? And hey, the fruit salad looks dead nice. You should have that. Yeah, I like the adult one. Don't want clever conversation here.

Don't start one about it. I wonder if the Labour Party should stick to its 5% wage restraint policy. I think it should. He's been in a five-year marriage with Elizabeth Webber, It's been properly Jeremy Kyle. They first met in the late 60s when she was married to Joel's partner

when he was in the acid rock duo Attila. And after Joel became their lodger, he started knocking her off, which led to her moving out and Attila splitting up. They reunited a few years later and they got married in 1973. She recently tried to get George Martin

to produce his current album, but he saw him live and said, oh, no mate. And yet, safe to say that marriage

isn't going to last. She backs off very soon from the management aspect and gets her brother in to do it.

And apparently he wrote this song as a gift to her. And when he played it to her, according to Joel, the first thing that came out of her mouth

was, do I get the publishing as well? It's a really good point you make about the lyrics. There are red flags there all over the place. Yeah.

It's always a bit worrying when a man tells a woman, you know what, maybe you should just stop wearing makeup. You know, you don't need makeup. I think you've just got a lovely face, you know. Yeah, yeah, you don't. Yeah, because we all know what's really going on there. It's a very kind of controlling thing. Simon, aren't you married to a goth? Listen, I, yeah. Yeah, try that one, Simon. Exactly. Talking to the video, it's your classic 70s video trope, isn't it? The in-concert clip.

Joel at the keyboard, in his suit with massive. lapels but no badgers slowly zooming in and out on his face and a few cross face to the rest of the band. The thing about this is it's actually shot on video, isn't it? Which is kind of rather go ahead in 1978.

Yeah, it's not grainy, is it? Yeah, it's not film. No, it's got that sheen but so has Billy Joel's face. It just brings out the sweatiness even more. He looks like a Wessler's hot dog that's just been fished out of the tin. And you're looking at it, you think, what's he

sweating for? What's he been doing in the previous songs? Like, pushing the piano from one end of the stage to the other about ten times. Exactly. I mean, you know, if he sweats like this, just performing a limpid ballad. I mean, imagine I'd be sweating if it was like we didn't start the five. Coming off them like Niagara Falls, wouldn't it? It's ridiculous. So, the following week, just the way you are, only managed to nip up one place to number 25 and a week later got to number 19, its highest position. But it won two Grammys this year, one for best record, and one for best song, which is fucking thick, if you ask me. What the fuck is that all about? I suppose they go for production and stuff.

I suppose so. But, in 1982, while Joel was still in hospital after a motorbike crash, his wife filed for a very costly divorce with her claiming that he had changed. Oh. To try to please himself. Yeah. Soon afterwards, he learned that her brother had been dipping his hand in the jolly till to the tune of millions. Consequently, when he recovered and went back on the road, he fucking hated playing this song.

And after he heard his own drummer singing, She took the house, she took the car. During the gig, he dropped it from his live set for over 20 years. Fucking out. The follow-up, a re-release of moving out, got to number 35 in July, and he closed out the year with my life, taking 11 weeks to pick its way up the charts and spend two weeks at number 12. The same position that Barry White reached with his cover of just the way you are in January of 1979.

I don't know why, but I'll take it from Barry White, but not from Billy Joel. I love you just the way you are. Oh, just the way you are. You know, there is so many good singles around at the moment, just like the mid-60s, all over again. Sweet, after being away from the scene for a long time, or back with a vengeance. And here's another example of one of those good singles around at the moment

with love is like oxygen. Love is like oxygen. Connie's own reminds us that we're in a glorious age of pop going so far as to compare it. with the mid-60s. He then introduces us to a band who are back with a vengeance. Sweet with love is like

Oxygen. That's what he said. What the fuck is going off with kid this week? Is it some kind of reference to Jean-Michel? Joe Jard. Yeah, yeah. We've sucked off sweet on many an occasion on chart music and by God we'll suck them off again because their fucking skill.

Nom, nom, nom. After ripping through the charts of the early 70s with the assistant sashed so-called control of Cheney Chap, they severed ties with their songwriting overlords and struck out on their own in the summer of 1975 in an attempt to establish themselves in America as a serious rock band, which led to modest sales over there and diminishing returns over here. By late 1977, they've left RCA, signed with the... Polydor and have taken a year off gigging, partly to work out a more chart-friendly style for the Yanks,

but mainly because Brian Connolly's voice has been fucked after an assault in 1974. They reconvened to France to record their six LP, level-headed, which came out last month, and this is the lead off track from it. The week it was released, they were immediately rushed into the top of the pop studio for their first appearance in nearly two years.

years, which got it into the chart three weeks ago at number 48. And after it soared 27 places to number 21 the week later, top of the pops repeated the performance, which got it up three places to number 18. This week it's jumped nine places to number nine, their first top ten placing since Fox on the run in March of 1975. So here's yet another repeat. of that performance.

And boys, I would have been absolutely fizzing with glee about this because as you all know, the sweet were my first favourite band of all time ever since I heard

Papa Joe on a Ronco album me dad had. To see them on top of the pops of the first time in ages, it would be like hearing about a new series of the banana splits or even better

tree boil blobs coming back, especially the top of the apple ones. Fucking yes. The trouble with me is that I wouldn't have been excited. No, David. No, no, no, insofar as, same as with Slade. I loved

Sweet and Slade when I was about sort of like 10, 12, but now I was 15 and now is on the cusp of like more serious music. And, you know, and so people like Sweet and Slade had to be repudiated. And I did repudiate them rather formatively at the time. I bet his teddy beer went right in the

skin. I'm afraid so. Fucking out. Yeah. But I haven't said that, I think it's attributed to the song that it's pretty and fatful. Actually, it scared me a bit. This whole idea about love, it's like oxygen, you get too much and you can't survive, not enough, and you're going to die. I was on top

of the class when it came to chemistry, and I trusted that Sweet had done their homework when they wrote this, and that this was based on some sort of chemical reality, and I started to be concerned that if there should be a kind of oxygen surplus or oxygen depletion, that was immortal danger. Isn't it? You get too much, you get too high. Yes, David.

Yes, you'd be walking around, like, just buzzing off your tits on all the oxygen you'd had. Get it right, man. You can't survive, not nothing you're going to die. That's what I heard it at the time. All of these years, all of that needless worry was a 15 year old. It's just too hard. That's all right.

I've got to say, this is a fucking tune. I fucking loved it when it came out. And listening back to it now, it's like, yeah, this is mint. I'm not saying it's ballroom blitz or anything like that. But fucking out, it'll do. It'll do. It's the last sweet top 10 hit. But for me, it's not their last great single because I'm not as fond of it as you are.

For me, that would have been. the aforementioned Fox on the Run back in 75. And that was the last really amazing sweet single. To me, by this point, it feels like they've had their wings clipped. And it's all self-inflicted because, as you say, by this point, they are in charge of their own destiny. Exactly, yeah. But the way they look, they look like a sensible band of the late 70s.

They could be the motors. They could be pilot or someone like that. Instead of, you know, transvestite space Nazis. Exactly, yeah. So what you're saying is this is a sugar-free suite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, Steve Priest just looks like an off-duty Tim Curry instead of an on-duty Tim Curry.

Yeah, yeah. They don't give him enough to do in this. You're right, Simon. Time has moved on. By now, Andy Scott is the only one still in his 20s. Right. The others are in their early 30s. And as we've already pointed out with Billy Joel,

that's early 30s in the old money. They're a little bit heftier. They're a lot more serious. And if you've come here hoping for a bit of Mike stand snapping, tigerie jumpsuits and gay Nazi action. Well, you're going to be very disappointed, I'm afraid. Mick Tucker is wearing a black leather waistcoat, like as in Frankie Guss to Hollywood.

Brian Connell has got a tote cowboy shirt with BC written on the pocket in Marker Pen. Andy Scott seems to have been replaced by Derek Smalls. Oh, yeah, exactly. And Steve Priest, hero of chart music, he's wearing a white top with an Egyptian cat-headed woman on it. and matching Saxons. Looking like Terry Gordair

of the fabulous freebirds. Don't worry, chaps. Some people will know what I mean. But more importantly, he looks like fucking Jim Baines by now. You know, the mechanic at Crossroads. And not only that, they've got two extra people on stage.

What the fuck's going on? Ringers. Jeff Wesley on keyboard and some bloke on rhythm guitar, which absolutely confused the fuck out of me at the time. It's like, this is not my sweet. Yeah. Well, Jeff Westley.

plays on the record but I think they might be Nico Ramston and Gary Mobley on the actual top of the pop's performance but either way they are ringers that is not canonical sweet is it? No it's not. The Derek Smalls thing is screaming the obvious it's just as well that nobody knew what a Derek Smalls was in 1978 because everyone would just say and hope you enjoy a new direction. Yeah there's a lot of Cossack hairspray going on because

it's like anything that might be wild and flying around free is sort of hemmed in you know they put this spray to make sure their hair doesn't get out of light. You put cigarette lighter anywhere near that. They're going up in flames. Sweet in flame. And if you get too much of that, you will get too high. Well, you know, fire needs oxygen.

Fire needs oxygen, doesn't it? But the close harmonies feel significant. The close harmonies, it's like it's all rained in. It's like everything's afraid to strike out and be freaky. Like even, you mentioned the album title, level-headed. Yes. Which tells you a lot. You know, to me,

It just feels like they're being penitent. Like a lot of early 70s stars did after punk came around. Yes. The big difference for me is that all the fucking wonderful hysteria has gone. You know, in the chorus, instead of a timely Steve Priest's falsetto interjection, we get too high and going to die. It appears to have been sung by the Honey Monster. No, we don't need that.

And just as well that I never heard the LP version at the time. Have you heard that? It's not seven or eight minutes long in there. Seven minutes long so they can get a really progressive acoustic guitar solo in because it's 1970 fucking eight. But it's very segmented, isn't it? All the other kind of meshy pieces, it's almost like they're trying to go for a bohemian rhapsie type effect.

There's a lot of other sort of weird business going on. Yeah, yeah. One aspect of their appearance we haven't mentioned, did you see the red rosette that Andy Scott is wearing? Yes, it's that Retsum FC rosette again, isn't it? He's getting on the Rexam bandwagon five decades early. Yes, that's impressive, isn't it? Just imagine if sweet, in Inventuset,

best of their fortune in Rex and FC. I made a reality series. I would watch the shit out of that. Are you ready, Joey Jones, Mickey Thomas, Arvon Griffiths, Eddie Niedzvetsky. All right, fellas, let's go. But yeah, Kid might be excited by all this, but they are playing it really low-key in the UK. This is the third time this performance has been on top of the pubs, so they haven't bothered to come back in. They're playing their only UK gig this year at the Hammersmith Odeon next week.

And there's been no interviews whatsoever in the music press. But there has been a full page ad for the single with the headline. There's no mistaken suite with a photo of a Jimmy Edwards-style headmaster lifting up the skirt of a schoolgirl who I think is Jilly Johnson. Oh my God. All the better to show off her stockings and knickers as she fails to spell oxygen on a blackboard. Oh, different times, eh, chaps, wacko. Just as well, he didn't come in to do similar with Kid Jensen for pronouncing oxygen wrong.

The next link is kid bent over his knee, getting six of the best on his bare ass. It's quite interesting watching Sweet on top of the pops for me now, because since the last time we dealt with them, I've acquired a copy of Steve Priest's amazingly titled Autobiography, Are You Ready, Steve? Right? Which is both very partridge and very spinal tap. And very hard to find.

When you can find a copy, it's the best part of 100 quid you're looking at. How much did it cost you? I'm not saying. So Steve didn't like Top of the Pops growing up. He thought it was, in his words, Nambi Pambi, compared to Ready, Steady Go, which he thought was a proper rock show. Among other things he says about Top of the Pops,

he admits that Sweet got their first appearance by cheating. They sent record company minions around the country buying up copies of funny funny and then he says dumping them in the Thames which seems a bit excessive.

He reckons that when they did I think it was funny funny Oh no it was Coco I think he says that he was the first man to appear on top of the pops wearing hot pants

what he did was he was wearing a pair of big baggy green trousers and he sort of hoisted them up with carpet tape and then he got really pissed off when David Bowie got the credit for being the first man to wear hot bars. There's a bit of running theme of, you know,

he reckons sweet did this, sweet did that, and then David Bowie gets the credit for it. Berlin period, yeah. He really hates Robin Nash for a number of reasons. He hates Robin Nash for not allowing Fox on the run on the show at first because it had the words, for God's sake in it. He hated it when Robin Nash would send a cameraman round the back to get a shot of him from behind.

So what he did was, when they performed Ballroom Blitz, he wore a jacket with a skull and crossbones embroidered into it and the words, fuck you at the top. Wow. Yeah. Which he then had to cover up with gaffer tape. Robin Nash was furious about this. Didn't the other members have something on the back of their jackets as well?

Oh, maybe. Because I've seen a photo years ago on a glam rock blog, a photo of the suite on their tour of Japan in 1976. And it's taken from the back and they're waving to the crowd. And one of them's got, fuck you. on the back of his jacket. One of them's got bollocks. Another one's got a swastika.

And I swear damn, the fourth one was a big spunking cock made out of sea queens. And I've been looking all over ever since for this photo. Can't find it anywhere. Pop craze youngsters help me, please. So there's this one thing in the book

of Robin Nash being furious with the suite. And he was even more furious when Andy Scott picked his nose on camera during a recording of action. So Sweet had a nickname for Robin Nash. They called him Knob in Rash. Oh, very good. If you don't mind, I'd like to read you an extract from Are You Ready, Steve.

Oh, yeah. And this is all about love is like oxygen, love is like oxygen, and the effect that the success of that song had on their career temporarily at least. So if you'll bear with me. Go ahead, mate. We did our first TOTP for God knows how long time with our new lineup. It was a happy time when, at last, the chance. charts came out and we were in them. It was a good time to take advantage of the situation,

so we decided to tour the UK. We began our first tour of Britain in four years and were pleasantly surprised by the audience reaction. It appeared that the old stigmas of the so-called glam rock era was slowly being forgotten. Even though level-headed didn't do too well in the charts, the fans that attended the shows knew the song, so they must have had copies. Someone decided that the time was right to put in a London date. The venue that was was picked in England's capital was to be the Hammersmith Odian. We had reservations as to how well it would sell, however. Three weeks before the show, we were very surprised to learn that it was, in fact,

completely sold out and that there were rumours of a second show. No one had the guts to go for it, though. We had absolutely no idea what our audience would be like. There had been no sweet records in the charts for some time now. This is despite the fact that these songs have been some of our better material. Oxygen was our first big hit in year. which meant, I would suppose, that our audience may well have changed a lot. Punk rock was in vogue, and I didn't expect to see any of that crowd.

I was completely wrong about everything. When February the 24th rolled around, it was a day of total chaos. As it was a local gig, the wives and kids had to come too. This only added to the pandemonium. They thought they were bigger stars than we were, and demanded their own limos. Having your wife at a gig is really nerve-wracking. This is especially so when they are inexperienced backstage. You really have to try and stay calm and collected behind the scenes,

so as not to panic anyone. Having your misses there getting hysterical, because you haven't spoken to her for five minutes, tends to sap your nerves. He doesn't want clever conversation, Doc. No. Just sit down and just be the way you are, okay, for five minutes. And it continues. For some reason, instead of using a warm-up band,

someone had the idiotic idea of opening with a comedian. What? And this is me talking here. I don't know who this is. I would love to know who this is. And he says, while this poor schmuck was trying to get his humour across, I had a chance to see what the crowd was like. I'd never seen such a cross-section of humanity in my life. There were 40-year-old businessman in suits, punk rockers with mohawks and rings in their noses, and whole families with their young kids. I was completely taken aback. So was the comedian who had no idea what would make them laugh. Backstage was beginning to look like a circus There were semi-celebrities, roadies, wives and kids And to my horror, the two girls from Japan that I had made Whoopi with

Oh no Luckily, I spotted them before they saw me And I was able to get my faithful roadie jammed To usher them into a safe area, possibly Yam Be still my heart I know things weren't too good between me and Pat, his wife But I didn't want any aggravation before this show.

Oh, God, certainly. The time to start, the show was rapidly nearing and you could feel the tension growing in the audience and backstage. I had forsaken the habit of toting half a gram of Coke before a show, unlike the rest of the band. I found that it dried my throat out too much. I would lose my voice.

While the rest of the lads were imitating vacuum cleaners noisily in the dressing room, I would knock back a few bells of brandy. This numbed the nerves. I would do my blow after the show when I needed help standing up, exclamation mark. When we took to the stage, the suspense was incredible. We opened with what had become our anthem, Ballroom Blitz.

The crowd went nuts. I'd never seen a crowd in London react this way. The atmosphere remained electric through the whole show. Nothing went wrong. Even during Lady of the Lake, my eight-string bass stayed roughly into you. I never used it again, because I thought I was pushing my look. We did two encores and then lined up

arm in arm like chorus girls and thanked the audience. Then came the after-show party. Even Nikki Chin was there. He hadn't changed one bit and was as polite as ever. Christine Woods, our fan club secretary for many faithful years, was really overcome with emotion. She came over and knelt down in front of me, hugging my legs.

This didn't go down too well with my wife, needless to say. Chicks, eh? Christine and I had been more than close for years. But as she is now presumably in wedded bliss, I won't go into that in detail. It would make good reading, though. And there ends the extract. No harm done there.

Well, of course there's going to be loads of punk kids in. They grew up on the sweet. Well, that's the thing. In the early 80s, there was quite a sort of cult following that belatedly grew up around Sweet. On the goth scene, the sort of backwave scene, they all loved Sweet. You know, and it makes sense.

But I love that extract just for the phrase making whoopee with his Japanese fans. Yeah. Fucking hell. I mean, it's lovely to see them back. But this isn't my sweet. No. They are working musicians now. Yeah.

Which was something the sweet I love never were. It's just another performance in another TV studio. This could be Brayman. Yeah. Yeah, the thing is, just when they're moving away from the sort of hysteria of glam, they are sort of excising from their music. the thing that the punk's actually liked, which is, you listen to someone like Hellraiser, you know,

look out! I'm not like that kind of crazy shit. You know, that is a, hellraiser is a fucking punk record, you know. But for Sweet, that's the past. That's glam, that's something that's forbidden now. But actually, that's what the punk kids grew up on. They wanted that kind of visceral thrill, didn't they? So the following week,

Love is Like Oxygen dropped one place to number 10, but rallied back to number 9 a week later. its highest position. And we don't know it yet, but this is the last time we will ever see the suite as an active band on top of the pops. Because after Levelhead had failed to dent the LP chart and Connolly collapsed on stage

after getting K-Lyed at a gig in Birmingham, Alabama, the band would spend the rest of the year attempting to work on their next LP, but Connolly left in November and the rest of the band struggled on as a three-piece until 1981 Oh God, I love that band

Yeah Alegate Elkie Brooks is here to brighten up the dark recesses of our top of the pop studio tonight With her new single release, it's called Lilic Wine I lost myself Gave myself in that misty light Was hypnotized by strain Under a live Kid back amongst the dowdy youth of Albion

Introduces us to in his words The ever-elegance Elky Brooks with lilac wine. Born in Salford in 1945, Elaine Buckbinder began her singing career as a child singer at Bar Mitzvah's and Weddings. In 1960, at the age of 15, she won a talent contest in Manchester, with the prize being a slot on a package tour of the UK, promoted by Don Arden. She signed to Decker in 1964 and released her first single. a cover of Etta James as something's got a hold of me. But even though she landed a spot on the Beagle's Christmas show

and put out a slew of singles, the hit never came. She was dropped by Decker, and she spent the rest of the 60s as a cabaret act with the occasional dabbling jazz with Humphrey Lickleton's band. But near the end of the 60s, she approached Pete Gage, Gino Washington's guitarist, in an attempt to work with the round. jam band. And although the collaboration never came off, they became an item and in 1970 they formed a 12-piece

collective called Dadaar. A year later, after one LP, Dardar's label, Atlantic, sub-licensed them to Ireland, who advised them to slim down. And after myriad line-up changes, they became a five-piece called Vinegar Joe, which did include Robert Palmer, but not Phil Korn. Collins because they turned down an application from him to fill the drum stall. Vinegar Joe would go on to put out three LPs and be constantly bigged up by the music press, but chart success eluded them and they split up in early 1974, with Brooks spending the rest of the year as the backing singer in the American southern boogie band, Wet Wille.

In 1975, she returned to the UK, signed a solo deal with A&M, and put out the LP Rich Man's Woman. But it received more attention for its cover with Brooks wearing nothing but a feather bow a strategically placed round her bits than the actual songs and failed to chart. However, the next LP, two days away, spawned the single Pearls a Singer,

which got to number 8 in May of 1977, and she scored another hit that year when sunshine after the rain got to number 10. in October. This is the follow-up to her cover of Do Right Woman, Do Right Man, which failed to chart in December of 1977. It's a stop-gap single

between her last album, two days away, and her next Shooting Star, and is a cover of a song from the 1950 Broadway musical Dance Me a Song, which had already been covered by Arthur Kit and Nina Simone. It's not in the charts just yet, despite being out for the best part of a month, but Robin Nash has got a feeling about it. So here she is, without her backing band, all her looks,

on the top of the pop stage. And yes, chaps, like poor old Kate Bush, here she is on a lonesome with the top of the pop's orchestra, but they can piss this sort of song out of their ass all night long, can't they? Yeah, they're much more in their comfort zone doing this, aren't? And I do hope that, like, a seven-year-old Michael Jackson sitting in the wings of the Apollo

absorbing every erg of James Brown stagecraft. Kate Bush is doing likewise here because this is how a solo singer puts over a record on top of the pops. And never mind Kid Jensen. Kate Bush should have been put into Elky Brooks's dressing room so she could

sit down and say, hey Kate you see all those kids out there, fuck them, they're just for decoration. That red dot on top of the camera, that's your audience. So what we get here is instead of trying to win over some sullen youths with a song that says nothing to them about their lives, Elkie Brooks is towering over them, glammed up to Ross in a blue dress, a chiffon throwover, and a necklace of what looks like giant tadpoles, which could have gone massively wrong but doesn't.

And she's absolutely hurling this ballad right down the barrel of the camera, with a full wind of the top of the Pops Orchestra at her back, directly into the faces of the older viewers who know exactly what she's going on about. Love and lost. I mean, what are these kids in the audience ever loved and lost? Some fucking football cards up against them all.

Fuck them! I took it to be a ballad about home brewing at the time. Yeah. Because my granddad, or Seven Days Jankees, he's a very enthusiastic home brewer, actually. It was absolutely like rocket fuel, the stuff that he did. So that was my take on it. I think you're absolutely right.

I mean, looking in it now, objectively. It's a big old proper performance. It's real kind of Thespian stuff. In 1950 Broadway that would appeal to a lot of people who are actually watching Top of the Pops. That era of like 40s, musicals is big with a huge

segment. You know, it's why the black and white minstrel show is still being broadcast in 1978 because essentially that's a sort of cavalcade of show tunes. Because at the time, I'd have been tapping my watch and I'd be looking at like, you know, Judith Han. Because Elkie Brooks has Judith Hand to me at this point.

Oh, yes. Fuck up. Yeah, micro-processes, robot washing machines, we fucking get it. Just hurry up. But now, you see, this is a constant season performance. Yeah, the song's all about making wine from the tree where you first snog the love of your life and getting pissed up on it after they've gone,

which I'm sure we all can relate to, chaps. I mean, for example, I first kissed the love of my life on a bench by the Thames. So for me, the song would be called Riverwater, with me lamenting and vomiting. and shitting myself all at the same time whilst being loaded into the ambulance. Very poignant. Listen, mine would have been over a trolley of seafood,

so, you know, with the treacherous death. So fuck knows what I'm drinking. Some kind of vinegony brine, you know. Apparently it could be based on a picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, where Lord Henry discovers Dorian with his face buried in a load of lilac blossoms. But, you know, this is Oscar Wilde. That could be an analogy for anything.

And I feel with that, we've had fun. too much lick crit for one episode so yeah this is certainly not the Elkie Brooks of Vinegar Joe which is what you could call your cocktail there Simon prawn juice and brine but neither is it the Elky Brooks

of two years later being manhandled by Travis over a Datson and with this single she's properly established herself hasn't she Well it's weird with Elkie Brooks maybe it is the industry clout of Don Arden who you mentioned there but I always felt she was spoken about as if

she were a bigger star than her record sales would justify. Yeah. Like, as if she was our Streisand, our midler or something, you know. And hence getting name-checked in that two Ronnie song, Elkie Brooks and all her looks, you know. And hence getting booked by Robin Nash for a month old non-hit single like this. Yes. She does present like a diva, to be fair, you know, wearing that dress, it has those high priestess wings on it that look like your nan's tablecloth. that she only gets out on special occasions, you know.

Yes. All her looks present and correct, and her asymmetric nostrils. The camera gets right up those asymmetric nostrils, as though searching for little white rocks or something, like it's some kind of airport security feature. Neil Young at the last waltz. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

The first we see of her, though, it's really weird. She appears in this small, soft-focused kind of lozins shape in the middle of the screen, which then sort of expands. So, yeah, they... They really have pull out all the stops production-wise, haven't they? She appears as a little hazy circle in this field of purply lilacly velvet.

Maybe the same backdrop that they used when the queen snuffed it. Oh, yeah. It looks like a cabri's advert, doesn't it? Yes. You get a glass and a half of lilac wine in every Elky Brooks performance. It's definitely a bias there, isn't there? It's as if Robin Nash is saying, now, look, Mr. so-called Sid Vicious, this is how it's done. And you're right, the studio audience are rooted to the sports.

spot motionless, aren't they? And it's not because they're transfixed or awestruck. It's because a man called Colin with a clipboarder shouted at them to keep still and pay attention. You know, that's what's going on here. So yeah, a song about getting pissed under a tree to block out intrusive thoughts about someone you've lost as far as I can tell. It's not a bad song. From this musical, I've never heard of the musical Dance Me a song. Have you? I've never heard of it. Previously recorded by Arthur Kitt and Nina Simone. So old Elki clearly reckons herself to be following in those footsteps. And it ends up on that album Pearls in 1989,

which is the one everyone bothered buying, which was a sort of, sort of a best of, but with a few newly recorded cover versions. It's the one with Fulliff, you think it's over on it, stuff like that. But this is also on there. And whatever you think about,

she can fucking sing, that's for sure. You know, that big theatrical show-stopping finale. I'm not surprised. The song's actually at the end of Side 1 of Pearls, because after belting out that big note at the end, there's nowhere you can go after that. No. Side two, I suppose, but yeah.

And yeah, she's established now because this month, Richard Dijans puts out his cover of her previous hit, Earl's a Winger. Have you heard that? Oh, for fuck sake. About the rubbish footballer. Oh, okay, no, no.

And, yeah, when someone does a baron knight's on you, you are clearly winning at life. I guess so. So, the following week, Lilac Wine, entered the charts at number 47, then soared 20 plays. to number 27. And a fortnight later, after another top of the pop's appearance,

it made it to number 16, its highest position. It was also covered by Jeff Buckley for his LP Grace in 1994. Hey, because men have feelings too. May I share mine with you? The follow-up. A cover of Only Love Can Break Your Heart, only got to number 43 in June, but she'd round off

1978 with Don't Cry Out Loud Getting to Number 12 for two non-consecative weeks in December But she'd have to wait Eight years for her next top ten hit When No More the Fool got to number five For three weeks in January of 1987 All our songs about being shit on

What's going off, Elke? But that's true of so many great female singers Of a certain era Look at Dusty Springfield you know, this kind of feminist icon that she is, but all the songs about being a dormant. Oh, better choices, ladies. And on that note, pop craze youngsters,

we're going to step back one more time and gird our loins for the de noomont of this glorious episode at Top of the Pops. So come and join us for the last part tomorrow. In the meantime, do not forget that we've prepared a massive video playlist for you to pick this. through. Everything we listen to, everything we talk about, everything 1978 is all there and it's

all waiting for you at YouTube.com slash chart music TOTP, all one word. So, until we meet again, this is Al Needham on behalf of Simon Price and David Stubbs advising you to stay pop crazed. chart music