CheapShow - CheapShow Episode 423 Stop Pointing!

Starting point is 00:00:00 I can't think of anything I'd rather drink than pepsi much cherry. And when I'm asleep I drink without it. I dream about Elon Musk. What, drinking a PMC? No, playing Bellatro. I'm not 100%. Can you hear it? Can you hear it?

Starting point is 00:00:14 We're gonna have to make do, aren't we? Because every other fucking week you're ill. Every fucking week. Mr. Empathy, Paul Gannon. Don't worry guys, I'm 110%. You feeling it? I can lift you up. How is this for you though? That's fine You sound beautiful darling. And can you give me a quick count to ten, please? Mr. Mr. Helm one two

Starting point is 00:00:34 three four five Really smart guys next door. I'm saying six stop talking seven eight nine Right, you got there everyone. He got there, he's fine, he got there. Well, you asked if I could and I can. And you did. It was like a little Sesame Street moment. Right, I'm recording already by the way, so surprise. It's how I like to get you.

Starting point is 00:00:54 Are you having your little puff stick? The thing is, I shouldn't have said that because I actually wanted to say, can I have a puff of it next? Because I didn't bring mine, it didn't- You can, Paul, yes. Yes, thank you. Can you just share inhalers? You're not meant to. Why not? I know, because of it next? Because I didn't bring mine, it didn't- You can, Paul, yes. Yes, thank you. Can you just share inhalers?

Starting point is 00:01:05 You're not meant to. Why not? I know. Because of germs and stuff. Because of COVID. But we've shared so much over the years. Well, you're in a booth as well. Now, Paul, this is-

Starting point is 00:01:13 This has got this sort of- This has got the- Steroiders. It's the combined one, yeah? Give us a fucking hit of it. It's the combined one. It's the combined one. What the fuck was that sound you made?

Starting point is 00:01:21 It's my wheezy, I told you, I was sick! That's- For fuck's sake! Can you just say you go to me? Alright, if it's gonna do this... This is what it's gonna do man! Oh no... Have a puff quick, do you want a puff? What does it do?

Starting point is 00:01:35 It gives you a high. Does it? Takes you to a moomoo land. I'll do it. It's just because we're tight chested men who should really lose weight and stop smoking. Okay, can I ask a question about it? Didn't they used to come in like pellets and you'd have to load them Yeah, powder ones. Yeah. Yeah, right. I'm not in the phone off probably you Had you right?

Starting point is 00:01:56 Airplane is perfectly acceptable right as everyone finished with it. I just put it on airplane mode. I know put on a Sorry, I put it on airplane mode. Fine, I'll put it on airplane mode. Don't call me Shirley! Oh, sorry, I put it on airplane and movie mode. Fine. A proper gag right at the top of the show. How exciting for everyone. Over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over, over or a prison or a prison or no a prison I've killed him Right, uh Prism Right, hello welcome to Cheap Show Is that it? No, I'm just

Starting point is 00:02:31 You're not gonna keep all of that me the weezing I might keep some of it in as an indictment on your health Frankly my dear don't call me Shirley I like your laugh with this cough now It's got kind of almost porcelain girly quality I quite like. Oh. Oh.

Starting point is 00:02:46 Hello everybody I'm Eli Silverman. Hello everybody I'm Eli Silverman and I'm joined by Paul Gannon and Nick Helm. Hello I'm Paul Gannon and Nick Helm. Returning guest on his own this time without his comfort blanket friend Nathaniel Metcalf. Nathaniel Metcalf? Does he sleep late? Does he sleep late? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:03:04 How do you mean? Because I, Paul said to me. Well I've not said anything yet, hang on go on. Nathaniel Metcalfe? Nathaniel Metcalfe? Does he sleep late? Does he sleep late? Yeah. How do you mean? Because I, Paul said to me... Well I've not said anything yet, hang on, go on. Paul let me know that three was too late, too early. Oh yeah, he works. Yeah, no he's got a job. He works nights.

Starting point is 00:03:16 He works days. Oh I see. I thought it was because he was like... Your only alternative was not that he works within office hours, he works through the night and he's asleep at 3pm. No, he's working right now, he's working. So there you go, he's happy now, casting his versions. He watches lots of movies, that's the other thing I know about him. He's always watching movies, he doesn't have time for appointments.

Starting point is 00:03:38 Yeah, so I thought maybe he's up all night watching movies. To the point where he won't make day appointments. Well, if you stop watching movies, Paul, how about this if you stop if you watch movies all night every night right movies movies movies yes movies movies games and videos yes when it became later on later on yeah what did that show movies movies movies used to be on Saturday mornings before like movies movies movies yes to be on it didn't it used to be on after kids tv programming and then it was on and then you'd sit there and it would be like, what was the one? It said Naked Gun 3½ is out at the cinema and in America, it's in the American charts

Starting point is 00:04:20 and you knew that in like a month's time you'd get Naked Again 33 and a third in England. Proper anticipation. It was magic. It was called movies, movies, movies and a lot of the time it would be like executive decision is on in the charts and so I'd go to my dad let's go to see executive decision it's on in the charts and we'd go with that sort out what you're doing that afternoon on Saturday after. Oh right. It was brilliant.

Starting point is 00:04:42 But then the bottom fell out and so they decided to fold in music videos and games to make it more of a multimedia package. Music games and videos. Yeah, but if they'd kept with the format religiously, which wouldn't it have been called games, games, games, movies, movies, movies, videos, videos, videos, videos, videos. Yeah, it might have been, but I can guarantee in the pit session for that namesake that was probably quietly ditched. They probably just wanted to keep it simple.

Starting point is 00:05:07 Who presented it? Various people. It was John Sax, wasn't it? John Sax to what? The guy from 40 Towers? Andrew Sax. No, that was, who's John, who's Andrew Sax? 40 Towers.

Starting point is 00:05:17 Andrew Sax. Yeah, Mr. Fawlty. So John Sax, didn't he used to host sort of like, it wasn't going for gold because that was Matthew, no, not Matthew Kelly. Matthew Kelly, no, it was Matthew Kelly no not Matthew Kelly Matthew Kelly no it was Matthew no what's my no no Andrew Kelly David Kelly something Kelly Ian Kelly for gold Matthew Kelly no Matthew Kelly was this you know what this is a six and a half seven minute cold open I need a segue to get into the credits hey guys let's get going yeah that'll do. Fuck it.

Starting point is 00:05:45 Cheap Show to the Mother Boy! Cheap Show to the Mother Boy! It's the Heist of Shai! Cheap Show to the Mother Boy! Welcome to Cheap Show. I think it was John Sax. Right, was he the guy who played the villain in Galaxy Quest? No he wasn't.

Starting point is 00:06:02 He was the villain in Galaxy Quest. Welcome to Cheap Show. I think it was John Sax. Right. Was he the guy who played the villain in Galaxy Quest? No, he wasn't an actor. He was like a radio presenter. Maybe he was a... Oh, a Voice for Higher kind of guy. He was a...

Starting point is 00:06:16 No, but I think he really cared about it. I think... I can't remember. I might be talking out my arse, but I think his name was something Sax. S-A-C-H-S. And I think he hosted was something Sachs S-A-C-H-S and I think he hosted a daytime TV quiz show in the mold of going for gold. I can just look it up with movies, games and videos, ITV.

Starting point is 00:06:38 Narrator. Narrator. Narrator. Eli's drinking some Pepsi Max cherry here. Yes, for the sake of goodwill and peace among men, I have brought Pepsi Max cherry to the table as a gift offering. And we need more. We're both addicts aren't we, Eli?

Starting point is 00:06:53 Say that again. What? As a gift offering. As a gift offering. Paul, I need more than that from you. And? We need an admission on your behalf that it's a delicious sodie. Well that's never gonna happen because I that it's a delicious sodie.

Starting point is 00:07:05 Well that's never gonna happen because I think it's piss. What do you mean? I don't like it. We've had this discussion before. My world view is either have something with sugar in or don't have something with sugar in. And what? Let people die? Yes. Let children fat up and die? Yes. Yeah. It needs to be. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:07:23 Let kids fat up and die. Put it on a t-shirt. Can we do that? But what if you're not drinking it because it's a sugar alternative, but because you actually just like the drink and it happens to come without sugar? I can't speak on mental health issues and why people would choose to degrade themselves in that way. Right, he's calling us nutters. Degrade? He's calling us Max Sherry nutters. I'm calling you nutters? Just ill-informed. That's all. Yeah, alright. I don't understand.

Starting point is 00:07:49 There's no fucking reception down here. Not having that. I do understand. I do understand. But it's, well, I don't know. To each their own, but I'm not going to cause too much of a fracas today because I've brought this in as a peace offering. My belief system on Cherry Max is...

Starting point is 00:08:02 Cherry Max? Who's calling it Cherry Max? The kids are calling it Cherry Max. No one's calling it Cherry's calling it cherry max the kids are calling it cherry max no one's calling it cherry max the kids max cherry pepsi max cherry yeah pmc i've got a major case of pmc yeah e pepsi max cherry envy maybe this is what it comes down to i'm envious that i can't join in the fun well you can join in the fun everyone can join in the pepsi max cherry fun i don't really want to okay that's absolutely fine you've got Brexit, we've got PMC. You've tasted the other flavours haven't you, the mango. Oh this fucking podcast. How was

Starting point is 00:08:32 that? Mango was surprisingly good and do you know what lime was good. The only one I never liked was raspberry but they got rid of that and I think they got rid of it because the labelling was confusing. It was very similar to the cherry. Because Pepsi Max cherry used to be sort of like purple and raspberry was red but then they got rid of raspberry and they made Pepsi Max cherry red. This is always the issue that manufacturers have. Problem is three of your main flavors basically the same color that's why blue razz exists. Yeah, Blue Razz exists to differentiate the berries.

Starting point is 00:09:07 From the strawbs. Oh strawbs, who's drinking strawbs? There's not Pepsi Mat strawbs, is there? There better be Pepsi Mat strawbs. What, PMS? In the final battle... I'd like two litres of PMS please. That's why I get every Saturday night. In the cherry wars, I will pick cherry over strawberry in No, I will pick cherry over strawberry in that war.

Starting point is 00:09:25 I will, I'll side you on that battlefield. Because strawberry is just a fucking ridiculous flavor. I think synthetic strawberry flavors are not the way forward. No, it's very bad, I agree. Stick it in the bag with synthetic banana. But you know what the story is, right? I know, everyone talks about how it's not the real fucking flavor of banana, now it's an old banana flavor from the past.

Starting point is 00:09:40 It's an old banana flavor. And the flavor that they generate for ice creams and milkshakes and such are actually the flavour of the original banana and the banana that have been modified now for most market sellers is not the same flavour profile. And carrots are purple. Oh fuck my knees. Oh do you know how to sweeten up a pasta sauce? I told you this why are you fucking asking me? Because it's really good, stick a carrot in it.

Starting point is 00:10:03 That's a good rule for everything by the way. I put some PMC in it. It sweetens it up without the sugar. Really? Have you really cooked with PMC? I have, but not... This is a great idea for a book deal, man. What, how to do PMC with all the... Cooking with Cherry Max. Cherry Max, stop calling it that.

Starting point is 00:10:23 I'm fucking going to call it that now that I know I don't like it. I'm gonna go all in. I don't care either way it makes you sound like an old sad cunt. I am a fucking old sad cunt. It's the premise of this fucking show. You heard it first. Yeah. Go on, cooking with Plexi Max. I cook some venison a couple of Christmases ago, deglaze the pan with PMC, made a nice sweet cherry gravy with it very nice yeah but I didn't put it on the meat though I smothered my balls with it right well we're all learning something today aren't we we're all learning something new about the people we hold dear sticky cola ribs that's a problem I've had for fucking years mate I swear to fucking god that's a thing yeah is it yes no it fucking god. That's a thing. Yeah is it? Yes, no it is. Coca-Cola is a thing. Oh fuck, I mean I used to make this fucking cola sauce. What you'd do is you'd get two litres of Coke right and she would get a bag of those Coca-Cola fizzy bottles

Starting point is 00:11:16 and you would fucking reduce that down until it was like, you'd get two liters right put it in a pan yeah you do sit down till it's sort of like like a scum on the book not scum because that's sort of like foamy right every more like thick layer gelatinous yeah treacle a molasses yeah molasses yeah yeah yeah cola flavored molasses yeah yeah my favourite blues singer. Fuck off! What have you done? Come on, wait a minute. I'm Manuel! Again, it's your excuse, Andrew Sachs! You've got to present movies, games and videos for us. He'd be cancelled these days, wouldn't he?

Starting point is 00:11:56 Mr Fawlty, he like executive decision. Something like that. Well, that was David Soushey. No, he wasn't. He was, he was. Soushey was in that. He plays the main villain. In what? In Executive Decision.

Starting point is 00:12:06 Alright but David Suchet did not play Manuel. No. He played the bad guy in Executive Decision. He was another man with a CH. He only played him on stage. He said Andrew Sacks, as Manuel was in Executive Decision, but it wasn't, it was David Suchet. No but my joke was that he was presenting movies, games and videos and suggesting that the Movie of the Week from Manueluel from faulty towers with executive

Starting point is 00:12:26 What I thought we did was we organically built on what each other was saying and it got more and more ridiculous But now you've deconstructed it. It's shit Well, there you go. Welcome to the format of this show the successful format of this show I would argue paul. Yeah, there's other people fucking pointing. It other people called Andrew sacks stop pointing it's rude this is the actual content for you hey? Yes, it's like a ravenous goat. Eats tin cans. It does it. Fucking scoops it all up. Well, climbs mountains.

Starting point is 00:13:10 Scoops up dust balls. That would be a nanny, right? A nanny goat. Yeah, I guess it would be a nanny, but your nini would be a small nanny goat penis. Can I finish this about Andrew Sachs? With ball horns. Speaking of Sachs, Stop pointing, it's rude! When you go in the tube, yeah, someone's busking, but they've got basically just a Henry Hoover.

Starting point is 00:13:33 It's like listening to a dead man, his final fucking words. Go on. They've got a Henry Hoover. Is he playing a flute? He's playing a saxophone. He's playing a sax! Sometimes's playing a saxophone. He's playing a saxophone. He's playing a sax. Right. Sometimes they change his name. What?

Starting point is 00:13:47 Herb. Andrew. Andrew Sax. No they fucking don't. I love the girl he plays. I need a tissue. They call him J Ed Gevacu. Are you alright love?

Starting point is 00:13:55 I need a tissue man. I don't have any tissue. I don't know what to say to you. I've got sleeves. Oh man. you. You alright love? I don't have any tissue. I've got sleeves. I'll just go. You can't fucking have a mental breakdown during a recording. It's fucking ridiculous. Is this the worst one yet? Easily. Is it me or is it you guys? No it us. I'm gonna put my nose on a t-shirt or something. Oh my god.

Starting point is 00:14:27 Can you not just open up both of those soundproofing doors? If we all promise to be quiet for a little bit. Tell you what, this is the perfect excuse to take a break and we'll stop and come back and start the show from here. This is the second break we've not said anything yet. We've said fuck all. We segment this show for the benefit of the listener. Did you look it up? Terry Trumpet, that'd be the other one.

Starting point is 00:14:48 Stop it, you can fucking blow your nose. So who did Movies, Games and Videos then? Right, the voice of Movies, Games and Videos. Movies, Games and Videos. Was Stephen Priestley, who was a... Oh yeah, tell you what, Stephen Priestley, that rings a bell. If you invite him over and pretend you're out. Ding dong. No, no, no, hang on, I did it wrong. No, that rings a bell. If you invite him over and pretend you're out. Ding dong!

Starting point is 00:15:06 No, no, hang on, I did it wrong. No, he rings a bell. Stephen Priestley rings a bell. If you invite him over and pretend you're out. Stephen Priestley rings a bell. If he's working with the scientist Pavlov and he's got a dog nearby. Stephen Priestley rings a bell. If he's on a program called I'm a bell ringer. No, it's a good one that. Stephen Priestley rings a bell. Oh it was the bell ringer thing again sorry. Stephen Priestley rings a bell when he's starring in Hunchback of Notre Dame at the West End. Stephen Priestley rings a bell when he's cycling

Starting point is 00:15:36 down a hill without any brakes and there's loads of kids in the way. Elo what's the name of that disco act who said I can ring my bell? Anita Ward. Anita Ward rings the bell. Right we're moving on so she does it. She asks someone if they can. If they can and then she replies in kind. Which and by her bell she means her massive clit. Right. She obviously does have you heard that song? Yeah get it up with my ding-a-ling with Chuck Berry. Have a genital double act on stage. Do you know what Chuck's middle name was? Usher.

Starting point is 00:16:11 Right, so basic same thing. You know what, it's worth it for this laugh this week. Do you know what Chuck's middle name was? It was Pepsi Max. But no, that brings us round round doesn't it? Does it? When are we going to start this week's episode? Do you know what though? Chuck Pepsi Max Berry. He's a guy isn't he? A jazz guy. A jazz guy who worked with Sun Ra. Sun Ra? Yeah. He's a free jazz guy. Do you know about that soda buffalo stance artist? Name of Pepsi Max?

Starting point is 00:16:45 If this is what we're going to do all this week, I'm all in. Do you know what Eagle Eye's middle name is? You're the same as I'd imagined. His name is Eagle Eye Cherry Pepsi Max. Right, okay, good. We've moved it all around. We move on from the Cherry Pepsi Max discussions now, please. On a serious note. Right, fuck this. We're getting into the beans of this.

Starting point is 00:17:04 I went to the shop on the way in to get some Pepsi Max and I saw a few things along with a packet of crisps that was sent to us this morning in the PO box. It sounds like we're about to get started but before we do, what was John Sax? John Sax was a broadcaster, sports commentator and voiceover artist but you may know him as the voice of the original series of Gladiators. Right. And what did he host as a daytime TV show? Oh, I'm not going.

Starting point is 00:17:32 Do your own research at home. Get involved. Comment below. I don't know. But that's what he's mostly known for. But he wasn't the Scottish referee? No, he wasn't. Have you heard of John Saxon?

Starting point is 00:17:42 I know John Saxon. He was in... Saxon? Yeah. He was in Enter the Dragon. Yeah. And I don't mean John Saxon, the guy... What do you mean right now? Because it looks like you're having your own fucking podcast over there. I'm always having my own podcast over here. I know you are. How's it going? No, no, no! What are you doing? This is like... What the fuck are you doing? Why are you bringing up John Saxon? Because I was going to do a joke about the lead guitarist from Saxon. Why? Why? No one fucking knows who's listening is going to know that.

Starting point is 00:18:14 It's just for you. I know Saxon. But it's not about you, is it? It's not about. The immediate references that someone in this room can get. God fucking hell. Okay, but let's take it from the top. When I say... It's like Christmas dinner around here.

Starting point is 00:18:28 And when I say John Saxon, I mean the guy out of Saxon. Like Nightmare on Elm Street and stuff. Yeah. Yes. Dad in Nightmare on Elm Street and not... Mau Mau Err Street. What did you say? Mau Mau Err Street.

Starting point is 00:18:41 Nightmare on Mau Mau Err Street. Fucking terrifying film. I can't talk everyone everyone I'm really sick. Well then shut up, don't talk about John Saxon. Nightmare on Meow Meow Street. I love it. Meow Meow Street, great. Do you remember Meow Meow? I did, I had one thing, I did a bunch of Meow Meow.

Starting point is 00:19:04 What year was that, like 2010? Everyone was on meow meow. Around then. One thing, it smelled of wee. Was it cat wee? It smelled of cat piss and it made you exude, if you did any amount of it, it made your pores stink of cat piss. Right. So that's not a good look, is it? Also, it gave me the horn. I don't know. It gave me the horn.

Starting point is 00:19:23 It gave me the horn to the point where i have to stop and deal with this in the toilets of the national theater well you know why are you on meow meow in the national theater i was outside on the beach right then i did some meow meow and it's like there has to be a location i'm gonna watch mccardo yes yeah no i had to just go find the nearest i don't know if the national Theatre sees them or not. They might have been light-off. I'm sure they've had several productions. What's Meow Meow like, Eli? Yeah, tell us.

Starting point is 00:19:49 It's quite nice, quite euphoric. What is it? Is it a liquid or is it powder? It's a powder, you snort it. It's quite nice, quite euphoric, but incredibly Moorish. Bit like heroin? No, no. Not euphoric like heroin? It's more of an upper than heroin.

Starting point is 00:20:00 Right, yeah. You don't get relaxed, you get sort of... Well, and you get horny apparently as well. And you get fucking stonk on. Like you would not know. And you dealt with it in the bathrooms at the NC. I was going out with someone at the time and they were there. They weren't going to help.

Starting point is 00:20:13 Did they not help? Why wouldn't they help? Give them a hand. They weren't going to do that. They kept saying, Eli stop pointing. My ninny goat. Shut up now, are you a ninny goat? Right, this says, hello Paul and Eli, I sent in an email recently that I'd send you some pickles and mayo flavor

Starting point is 00:20:28 crisps so here you go hope you like them love the show from Tomi or at least Tommy T-O-M-I Tomi Tommy whatever it is thank you very much they apologize for the handwriting never do that it's fine did they write it in by letter yeah by hand yeah we get letters yeah let's have a look. Is it illustration as well? Yeah, there's some little drawings on there as well. Oh right. Sometimes I think we should record like a kind of, you know, BBC broom closet type thing we can put all the drawings on the wall behind us. We should do that for the cheap shot videos maybe. Oh that's a good idea. In fact if you're listening to this and you want to send us

Starting point is 00:20:57 some art, we'll post it in the background of our cheap shot videos and turn it into the broom cupboard from CBBC. Right. Tommy, Eli. These are the crisps. Tell ya. What's about them? They're pickle and mayo flavoured. That sounds gross. That's the point though, isn't it? Pickle is fast becoming a popular flavour.

Starting point is 00:21:14 What do you mean pickle? Like pickled onion? No, like pickle like dill pickle, like you know. Pickle cucumber. Pickle cucumber. Like a gherkin. Yeah, like a gherkin. Very much like a gherkin.

Starting point is 00:21:24 For the very first time. Like a Polish gherkin or like an a gherkin yeah like a gherkin very much like a very first time like a polish gherkin or like a like an american gherkin like a girl and if we're gonna discuss gherkins any further we need to delineate there's two big families of gherkin yeah there's sweet pickle yes and there's the salt pickle no no no no you got fucking school you got your own Cornish on that's a size thing where do I get my Cornish on? From the corner shop. Yeah, that's good. From the Cornish on corner shop.

Starting point is 00:21:51 Go. Brim full of Asher on the 45. I was trying to think if I could get brim full of Asher in, it's fine, you got there, we're good. Brim full of Brian on the 45. 45, 40 Brian. Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian, Brian. I'm Brian Blessed.

Starting point is 00:22:05 I'm Brian Pickles. Anyway, Brian Pickles now, go on. Basically, what we would call like a cucumber in brine, that is... Salt, salt brine. Yes, and that has the live cultures in that everyone goes on about the health about... Well, that is good for you? Yes. But a pickled cucumber in vinegar and sugar is also good for you, but not in the same way of the live cultures, but it's a different thing. Is there a difference between a pickle and a gherkin?

Starting point is 00:22:35 No, a gherkin is a type of cucumber. Oh. Grown specially around Germany for pickling. It's a big knobbly, it's a knobbly sort of baby's arm stuff. This fucking podcast mate. It looks like, do you remember my pet monster? Yeah. Looks like his nose. Yes. Oh rough and bumpy. Do you think you look like my pet monster as well? If they put some purple handcuffs on you, be job done. I wish you would sometimes. They were orange, they were orange handcuffs and they had purple eyebrows. Have you ever seen the movie Bad Boys, Eli?

Starting point is 00:23:09 With Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. And don't forget Tierleone, she's often forgotten about him. There's a scene in Bad Boys where him and Tier? They're looking at footage or something. And he's eating like a sandwich with like a pickle on the side. And she's like saying, oh, do you know how bad your diet is? Look at that. I mean, you're eating all this shit.

Starting point is 00:23:37 And he's like going, well, how about now? And he gets his pickle and he dips it in his coke and he's like washing off the salt. And he's like going, how about about now and he starts eating the pickle is that is that good is that better for me is that what you should do and all this time I was thinking should you wash your pickle before you put it in someone's mouth how much salt is there in a pickle? Well if it's a pickle in brine and then I wasn't I wasn't aware that there was anything other than sweet

Starting point is 00:23:59 pickles sweet sweet pickles. Now you get the briny ones which are the real health benefit ones. But years later now I'm aware of the brine stuff, it solves a 30 year old mystery. I'm glad I was helpful there. No you didn't, I worked out for myself weeks ago. Yeah you did nothing. Well I'm glad I abetted it. I was in your mind when you were thinking that. You really didn't have any. I'm glad I popped in there two weeks ago. Well I hate to do this because I like you but it's kind of like you didn't have any impact on that whatsoever. It was more like I was giving you some information.

Starting point is 00:24:32 Yeah, thank you. Oh, you're welcome. Thank you. Are you two fucking done? Do you want to eat these crisps? Yeah, oh yeah. Right, so what's the company you're called? These are made by the original Taffel Snack.

Starting point is 00:24:44 That's the brand and it is a very large packet of crisps. When's the last time you came across a Tafel snack? I've never seen them before. No I've never seen them before. I don't know where these come from, are they American? No they're not. What's the top right corner say? What is that? It's a blue cross on a white background. That's not Scotland, Scotland is an X. Oh of course yes like the Union Jack. That's right it forms part of the Union Jack doesn't it? That's not Scotland, Scotland is an X. Oh of course, yes. Like the Union Jack. That's right, it forms part of the Union Jack doesn't it? That's off to one side, that's why I'm thinking, is it Swedish? Or Dutch?

Starting point is 00:25:10 Let me see. Is it Norway? No, oh yeah, could be Norway. Or is it fucking, what's the one, is it Finland? Oh, is it Finland? It's really hard to see, yeah Finland. Yay! We figured it all out together.

Starting point is 00:25:21 Do you know what? The parent company is called Orkla. Eat these crisps. Orkla? I'm getting called Auckland. Eat these crisps. It says big time. You know where it says grab bag on a walkers? Walkers, yeah. Walkers?

Starting point is 00:25:34 Walledo. It says big time. We've got grab bag, they've got big time. This is bigger than a grab bag. It's a huge fucking bag. This is a fucking huge bag of crisps. It's bigger than a grab bag, that's why they haven't called it a grab bag shortly. And it says diner, so perhaps this is a nod to the American food culture. It says diner, taste of pickles and mayo. Mayo obviously also an Americanism, short for mayonnaise.

Starting point is 00:25:59 For the listeners at home, what I'm looking at here is it's almost like a square bag. It's about the size of a large Doritos bag in terms of height, but width. It's almost like a magnified regular packet of crisps. It's got a strange appearance. Yes, a strange shape to it, but it's also, it's like more than any other crisp I've seen, because normally there's a lot more air in the crisp bags, aren't there? And I guess that's to stop them from breaking up on delivery, right? I never thought of that.

Starting point is 00:26:35 But I also- I need to fart. Oh God, sorry. Are we still recording? Oh my God. Literally, he's got to go through, how loud's it gonna be? He's gone through three soundproof doors.

Starting point is 00:26:45 I don't think the loudness is the issue. Well, he's just gone into the cafe area where everyone's eating. Where everyone's eating! You've gone where everyone's eating and let off! No one was there! He'd better go to the toilet, besides better out than in, innit? I would say more than any other bag of crisps I've seen, they've really been stingy with the air in that.

Starting point is 00:27:04 It looks like it's a third full well it could have been transported by air and which case it does have an effect and it kind of pushes the air out of the bags eat the crisps all you've got to do is open the bag and eat the crisps why is it taking us 14 minutes to do this if they're transporting if they're transporting bags by air yeah right and it takes all the air out of them, why is it that my suitcase doesn't shrink? Because it's not airtight. You clever bastard, explain that.

Starting point is 00:27:36 I'm not a no scientist. You're the one going around telling about how air settles things. Look at that strand of mayo behind the illustrated crisps. Eat the crisps, Eli. Open them, eat them eat them get them going give it a huff shuffle and huff oh there's a very milk milky mayo ruffled everyone are good for your pleasure. I'm handing them over to Nick now. I don't like this. Well you only have to have a little one. Oh dear, he's not happy.

Starting point is 00:28:09 No it's just, do you know what, it's not the, there's the milky undertone but it's also like, oh god what manner of pickle is it? It is a strange mix. They're little cubes of, there's onions and there's cubes of gherkin on it. Let's have a look at the cover again. What's it smell like Paul? The old album cover. It honestly smells like your bedroom if I'm gonna be honest. It's

Starting point is 00:28:27 got tomato, onion, parsley and gherkin. Yeah. Well yeah. You like them? Spring onion as well. Are they good? I'm gonna have a go. Oh yeah they can fuck off. That's not for me. No. They're not for me. Oh, they're nice. No, Nick, no. Nick didn't like them. I mean, nice potato quality, lovely crunch. There's a weird, there's a kind of, the mix of like sharp and milky. The sugaringness.

Starting point is 00:29:02 The sweet milky. And then the tangy kind of lemony sharp. Ugh, I'm not picking up any mayo. Ugh, it's just... That's the mayo taste. Yeah, obviously. Ugh, smack of pickles ok ma honi. That's what it says at the bottom.

Starting point is 00:29:15 Well, it's a... Smack my pickles up. It's a, um... Right, a police academy tie-in. It doesn't taste of pickle. Doesn't taste of onion. Doesn't taste of onion, doesn't taste of tomato, doesn't taste of spring onion, doesn't taste of parsley, doesn't taste of mayo, doesn't taste of any of the things it's saying. It kind of just sort of hints at all of them. It's a bit like that

Starting point is 00:29:36 um everything crisp. Yeah. You know the ones they have in Canadian prisons or whatever. Yeah all dressed. It tastes like uh like a greatest hits. Greatest crisps. They bit off more than they could chew in terms of the flavour profile on this but still I would not. You wouldn't kick it out of bed. I wouldn't kick it out of bed. I'd spread it all around the bed. Do you want to give it out of five? Let's do some arbitrary rating. 3.5. 3.5 go on Nick. Out of five? Yeah. Do you know what? Knowing what flavour it's meant to be is the most off-putting thing about it. So when you put it in your mouth you feel sort of unsafe. One of them had a real flavour load there. There's an uneven flavour load. Thanks for the update Mr Silverman. I'm going to give it 3. It's fine but it's middle of the road for me.

Starting point is 00:30:15 Middle of the road is 2.5. Alright then I'll give it 2.5. I was just being over generous. I'll give it a 1. I've always given it a 1. 1 and a half. It doesn't say what it's meant to... Does it care for them. No. Now, before we move on... Stop pointing!

Starting point is 00:30:27 When we're on... Stop pointing! You can make a point... Stop snorting snot everywhere as well! When you went out to fart, why didn't you get many tissues? Because I didn't know it was going to be like this. Oh, for fuck's sake. And we're in a tiny room as well.

Starting point is 00:30:41 Whilst we're on the... Stop pointing at him as well! I'm not pointing! You're using your fingers. Eli, you can point at me all you like. Thank you. I think it's rude. He's a guest. I'm your a tiny room as well. Whilst we're on the... Stop pointing at him as well. I'm not pointing. You're using your fingers. Eli, you can point at me where you like. I think it's rude, he's a guest. I'm your man. Yes.

Starting point is 00:30:50 We're bonding and you can fuck off. I don't give two shits. What's your point? Right, I'm stopping this. No, no, no! What do you mean? Have you stopped it? No, not yet.

Starting point is 00:30:58 What do you mean? What's your point? One minute you're telling him not to point and the next you're begging for it. Yeah, a different kind of point. That's more the figurative point, not the literal one. You two are fucking me off. Fucking cunts. Fucking finger-banging you.

Starting point is 00:31:11 Nini wants to suck up your dirt. I'll fucking finger-banging your nini to fucking oblivion, mate, if you don't get on with your point. Whilst we're on the subject of food... What is the subject? Food. Right. Crisps.

Starting point is 00:31:21 Yes. Now, go on. Did you know? No. Tell me. I am. Can I just just ask did we review the crisps? Yes One point five two point five. I said three point five. I think I just gave it a wand and no Yeah, well you moved it up to one point five one point five. Yeah, I'm gonna lock that in Mark speaking of points Marks and Spencer. Oh, yeah, I'll bring out a sort of mushroom based, Lion's Mane based drink.

Starting point is 00:31:46 Lion's Mane? Marks and Spencer are bringing out a mushroom drink. And it's meant to get you a bit high. Like magic mushroom? Yeah, it's a type of magic, it's a type of psychoactive mushroom, it's not like psychedelic. How are they legally allowed to sell that then? Because it's not psychedelic. Is it going to be sold with booze and wine secuces or whatever?

Starting point is 00:32:01 No, it's in a can, it's just to give you a little... Pep? Yeah. It's a bit like being high and also caffeine. Right, and's in a can, it's just like to give you a little pep. Yeah. It's a bit like being high and also caffeine. Right, and so how is this added to the conversation we're having about this? And do you know what they're calling their range? What? Functional liquids. Functional liquids. That's what I've got there. Is that it? Is that the real thing? Look it up. Yeah, everyone, look it up. Fuck off., when I got those Cherry Pepsi Maxes, right? Fuck off!

Starting point is 00:32:28 When I got those Pepsi Cherry Maxes, right? Fuck off! When I got those Max Cherry Pepsi's, right? Fuck off! When I got them, I thought, oh I'll... Fucking hell! I saw these as well! He will not learn!

Starting point is 00:32:37 Say it right! No! I'm literally not going to! When I got those, I decided to splash out! It doesn't reflect on us badly, do you know? It doesn't. It's not about you. I'm not here to reflect on you. I'm just here to say that my current stance is I think it's an insidious drink.

Starting point is 00:32:50 Who gives a fuck what you think about the drink? Say the drink right. No! It's like saying, oh I don't like Neskin. Yeah. What? Mescaline. Neskin. Oh what's that? Guinness you can't... Oh I don't drink Guinness. It's not about whether you like Guinness or not. I don't drink Guinness. No, it's not about whether you like Guinness or not. It's like, oh, oh, Grand Juice, I don't like Grand Juice. And then everyone's like, what the fuck's he talking about? It doesn't matter.

Starting point is 00:33:12 And they'll serve you orange juice. I really like Miguel San. Yeah, I'm really into Wiser Bud. Give me a pint of Artois Stella. Yeah. I need some Bull Red Stats. No, if your wife was called Stella then. Give me a pint of Artois Stella, Stella.

Starting point is 00:33:34 Oh, fuck's sake. Right, so I went into the shop and I got these Cherry Pepsi Maxes. Fucking hell! Pepsi Max Cherry! What is it? What does it fucking say? Pepsi Max Cherry? Is that the official? What does it say?? Pepsi Max Cherry. Is that the official...

Starting point is 00:33:46 What does it say? And then he read it off the bottle and he read it right. Fucking Pepsi Max Cherry. But Cherry Pepsi Max sounds better. No it doesn't. Cherry Pepsi Max. It's the cherry flavour of Pepsi Max. Cherry Coca Cola. Cherry Coca Cola sounds like the king of drinks. But Pepsi Max Cherry.

Starting point is 00:34:02 Pepsi Max. All way together, Pepsi Max is the... You know what, it's like in Back to the Future and he goes get me a Pepsi free and he goes you can't pay for it round here. But it's Pepsi first and then the thing... Yeah. Right, there in that case, the Pepsi... Pepsi Cherry Max, Pepsi Max Cherry... Oh I'm going to have a stroke. The Pepsi Max cherry I bought those in a corner shop in Soho and I saw these two other things and I bought them as well and added it all together. How much do you think two bottles of water, two cherry Max's and two Kit Kats came to? Now bearing in mind these are unusual Kit Kats. How much do you

Starting point is 00:34:37 think it came to? Was it that shop just up there? No it's the one opposite the sex toy shop in Soho by the old windmill by Raymond review where that cost you 15 quid for the lot. It was two bottles of water two cherry maxes and two unusual KitKats how much you think it all came to Eli says 15. I would say it's yeah like 20. 22 pounds fuck me you should not have paid for that. I shouldn't have but at this point I was like, oh fuck it, it's for the show. All around here they get you trapped basically because you can't go anywhere else. But I think the reason why is these two Kit Kats here must have cost a fiver each,

Starting point is 00:35:16 it was my mistake for not checking the prices, but then I also fucking noticed nothing had a price in there. No. Nothing had a price on those fuckers. It's been imported from America Yeah, you've seen tourist prices for these I mean I said this on another podcast, but I bought two pints of the day it came to 17 pounds 50 fucking madness Wasn't even in Soho that was in King's Cross where you can escape because there's trains was it strong lager Was it just normal lager? It was two different lagers. State of this country. That is just fucked up. So, the first of these is,

Starting point is 00:35:48 I'll tell you what, I'll give you them both. You can have that one and you can have that one to explore. Well, they're Kit Kats, right? So we can have a finger each. You can have a finger each of Kit Kats. And then we can have the Kit Kats. We've tried this one before. Did we do the birthday cake one before?

Starting point is 00:35:59 Yes. Then put it aside, we'll scratch the birthday cake. No, did we? Five pound gone. There's the other one, is what? What have you got? This is a chocolate frosted donut Kit Kat. Oh, did we? Five pound gone. The other one is what Nick's got, what have you got? This is a chocolate frosted donut Kit Kat. Oh, I haven't tried that one.

Starting point is 00:36:08 I haven't tried that one. I thought we'd done the Kit Kat, I was wrong with the birthday cake. I haven't had the birthday cake though. Oh, let's try the birthday cake as well. I mean, I have had it. So open it up and explain the colour and the look of it. How many calories are yours? Mine's 210. Mine is 220.

Starting point is 00:36:22 Fucking hell. Birthday cake, you only have it on special occasions though, don't you? You only have it on special occasions though don't you? You only have it once a year don't you? It's white with different coloured speckles. How does the donut one look? It's got like a pale, almost like a caramel, like the colour of a caramel almost. Yes it is. Under side and then the top is is well

Starting point is 00:36:45 It does what it says on the tin is chocolate frosted It's it's got a caramac underside, which is what they happened to me at the party the other night when I shot No very well done very well done mate Johnny fucking KitKat you howling gibbon of a fucking idiot Well, I've made a start on that You howling gibbon of a fucking idiot. Well I've made a start on that um, that donut. How was it? How was the donut frosted ice cream, whatever it's called? Do you know what it was really, it tastes like a donut taste.

Starting point is 00:37:14 Wow, like a fried dough. You've got one just there. It tastes exactly like a donut and then you get into the biscuit waferiness of the Kit Kat and then it tastes like a Kit Kat but it's uh. There's a donut note. Alright well let me have a few of yours KitKat. Mm-hmm. And then it tastes like a KitKat, but it's It's not just like chocolate, you know, I mean there's like a there's an undertone and then you go What is that? It's a wrong texture and then you go. Oh, it's doughnut. That's what it tastes like. Yeah, it's got vanilla It's hitting me the American doughnut flavor kind of profile. Yeah, what is red iced sugar sort of taste? I'm not getting a fry taste. No, no, it's fine. It's quite nice

Starting point is 00:37:47 It's very it's a bit too sweet for me. Very sweet lots of them. It is sweet vanilla That's too bad. I would give that a three nice simple fine. Okay now birthday cake three out of ten about five Three Okay, so go on commit to a number for that one. Four? Four, fine. I'm a Kit Kat fan. I mean it would be better if you didn't shake your head and shrug when you did it at the same time as if you don't give a fuck.

Starting point is 00:38:11 It's important information for our listeners. Well what's the basis? What would you give a Kit Kat? Well, a Kit Kat out of the bag, five. I love a fucking Kit Kat. And what about you? I would say, yeah, 4.5. Hmm, Kit Kat chunky?

Starting point is 00:38:22 No. I like a Kit Kat chunky personally. Much lower down for me. I like a Kit Kat Chunky personally. No, much lower down for me. I like a Kit Kat Chunky. The ratio's off. The ratio's all off. Todd's enjoyed when the ratio's all off. There's more chocolate.

Starting point is 00:38:30 And way more thicker biscuit wafer. What about when you have like stuff on the top like, what's it called? Peanut butter. Yeah, I don't like the peanut butter. There's something about that. It's too much. Reese's peanut butter. It's too-

Starting point is 00:38:42 The super smooth peanut butter. Yeah, because it's kind of grainy isn't it? And so it feels like it's just sugar, but it's... I don't like that. But they did like salt caramel, that's a really nice Kit Kat. What do you give that then? I like that, I'll give it three. But what would you give a Kit Kat? A Kit Kat I would give 4.5.

Starting point is 00:39:00 I prefer a normal Kit Kat. Not an American one. No. Right, next one, because I want to get these done now. Birthday cake. And this is going to be white chocolate, which is offensive in itself. But let's give it a go. I like white chocolate. I can't fucking eat white chocolate.

Starting point is 00:39:16 Don't think about it being white. I have a thing about white chocolate, it fucking turns my stomach. Although this isn't too bad, because it's got a little bit of other things going on. There's a little textural thing, isn't there? Hundreds and thousands. Oh and thousands yeah. Yeah. Oh I like that more I think. And the other no? What do you think Nick? I've got to say I hate it. I hate it. It's called birthday cake. Everyone's got a different idea of what their birthday cake is you know what I mean? Chocolate. Mine's a Bart Simpson. Mine's like a boobies. Oh a Raroptic cake. What's three in a bed?

Starting point is 00:39:45 I've got all right okay I'll have the chocolate hedgehog then. I would like. That's not a boobies. Oh, a raroptic cake. Got three in a bed. Right. I've got, alright, okay. I'll have the chocolate hedgehog then. I would like... That's not a hedgehog. Yeah. It's a special sex act I understand. I would like a full bushy... Go on, commit to it.

Starting point is 00:39:56 Come on. Fanny cake. Right, a big... So, let me just imagine what the cake looks like. I'm guessing you're having the vagina right there. What are you using for pubes or is it a shaven cake pubes would be very long thin chocolate shaving Oh shaving you got it right. Yeah, you know embarrassing though wasn't it remember that surprise birthday party had when you walked into the room and you saw the

Starting point is 00:40:18 Vagina cake and you just started going to town on it And then your whole family they switched on the lights and they said surprise but you were fucking all the cake It's that time I chow down on a dog by mistake. Oh, sorry. I can't do it this week. You can't do it any fucking weeks. Every fucking week it's the same. I'm sorry everybody. Right, well that's the KitKat segment done. Let's move on for the music segment of the show. That was a good break after that Kit Kat section.

Starting point is 00:41:13 Hey! Right, so this is the music part of the show where we go into the charity shops and find records. I think these two were sent to us, but I don't know if they were sent separately because they are connected, but they don't know if they were sent separately because they are connected But they've just been like banging around basically I've had a hold of this one for a while because I wanted you to hear it because we know you like you You're Stallone do like so is it Frank Stallone? No, no, it's not it's not even a Stallone

Starting point is 00:41:36 It's a song about Rambo and it's called rugged and mean butch and on screen by the PB squad I would call it rugged and mean like a fuck machine. Yeah, but do you know why it's called that? Have you figured it out? Butch and on screen. Yeah. Why do you think it's called rugged and mean and butch on screen? Why do you think? Rugged and mean and butch on screen.

Starting point is 00:41:54 Can you figure this out? Go on. What do you mean? Why do you think it's about Rambo? Yeah. And it's called, if you look at it, it's rugged and mean, butch and on screen. Rambo. R-A-M- B on screen. Oh my god I've just worked it out Paul. Yeah it's an acrostic. It is. What's the difference between an acrostic and an acronym? Well an acronym is the collection of the first letter of words, right? So you've got like Spectre, right?

Starting point is 00:42:27 It's silly people. Yes, everywhere. Coz. Really. Whatever it was. Really everywhere. Silly people everywhere, coz really everywhere.

Starting point is 00:42:36 So that's an acronym, right? Whereas an acrostic could be, every time I walk down the street, very many people say this. But you can't... and that would be like EVB. Do you know what I mean? Oh, you mean there's extra words that aren't necessarily in the across... You could, you could if you want. It doesn't have to be a single word.

Starting point is 00:42:54 Well that is as well, because there's an extra and in stuff, isn't there? And they've stuck the word S on at the end. So it is more of an across it than an acronym. I see. So here's what's going to happen. We're just going to play a little bit of it, give you a minute or so, listen to it now, and then we'll come back and I'll give you all the details on why this fucking thing exists. It's more of a B-O! What's that spell? What's that spell? Rack-o! Yeah, that spell's Rack-o!

Starting point is 00:43:28 Rack-o! That's me! R is for the rocket shells that bounce right off his head. And A stands for the anti-tank gun he cuddles up and bends. Oh, my little anti-tank gun! M, well, that's for macho, but we all take that as red. Rambo, Rambo, the very name spits lead. The B that's as in boxing, remember Rocky III?

Starting point is 00:43:50 The O's are like those line of zeros on the big guy's massive feet. Yes, Rambo stands for action, Rambo stands for butch. Just pity those guys with the slanty eyes, he don't like them very much. That's Rambo. That's really Rambo Hey get those guys to chant my name out again, I love them! Rambo Come on you guys, all together!

Starting point is 00:44:14 One, two, what comes after two? RAAAAM! You get the gist of that? Wow, I've got a lot of thoughts. Go on, what are your thoughts on that as a piece of music? Well, you've just got to remember that a grown-up wrote that. For what point? Well...

Starting point is 00:44:34 What I say. Yeah, go on. No, no, no, go for it because when I tell you who wrote it or the kind of person who wrote it, it will suddenly make a lot of sense. There's an Alice Cooper song, a Christmas song called Santa Claus is coming to town right and but he's but but Claus is written C-L-A-W-S right because it's because it's Alice Cooper because it's Alice Cooper but it's all horror isn't it he's all like but he's he's got to be edgy right he's got to be edgy right he can't stop himself right but because Claus and Claus sounds the same it's a visual joke because you've got to

Starting point is 00:45:09 root, because it's spelled. You have to read the title of the record to get it. So instead they spell it at the beginning and they go, Santa Claus, C-L-A-W-S-R. And it's like, well, I get it. Think of something else. And it's kind of like, they've got this acrostic thing with the Rambo thing going on, but then they just go, they just spell Rambo.

Starting point is 00:45:29 Why not something like, just off the top of my head, Santa Claus is killing into town or something like that. Yeah, no, but that's a good idea, yeah. You see what I mean? Are you talking about Annis Cooper? Santa Claus is sleigh, S-L-Y, S-L-A-Y, sleigh. Santa's sleigh, but then you'd still have to fucking spell it. S-L-A-Y. It's bad. SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY,

Starting point is 00:45:52 SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SLAY, SL and all the Stallone references. Here's my Rambo song. Do you remember Demolition Man? Yeah, so it's like... One of Sting's best. It's confusing. We'll leave on a cliffhanger. Yeah, over the top. Tango and Cash gives me a rash

Starting point is 00:46:15 I'm Rambo all the way. I've got my cock in my hand as I watch Copland and it's gone my fucking way. Copland, very underrated actually. It is, it's great. I was saying this the other day, Copland's great. I really like that film. You get me pissed, I'm a specialist and I'm Cobra in the grass.

Starting point is 00:46:30 That's not a good one. Cobra is one of the canon ones isn't it? Cobra is a weird one. It's really bad. Do you know what Cobra is? Well Cobra basically ended up being his version of Beverly Hills Cop. Exactly, right, we're gonna see Beverly Hills Cop and he... Was he in the running to play yeah yeah he was Axel F and then he rewrote it

Starting point is 00:46:50 and he and it was so violent and they said we're not making this and they got Eddie Murphy oh really yeah so he went off and he made Cobra but Cobra is based on the book Fair Game which later on became the Cindy Crawford vehicle oh really uh was it William Baldwin one of the Balwins yeah I think it was William Baldwin and Cindy Crawford vehicle. Oh really? Was it William Baldwin? One of the Baldwin's, yeah. I think it was William Baldwin and Cindy Crawford. That's the same book that it's based on. That's the second dynasty we've mentioned. The Bridges, the Baldwin's. We're getting there.

Starting point is 00:47:15 Next is the Gans. I think we talked about the Bridges in The Gap. Oh, sorry. No, we might have been at Bridges Gap. Funnily enough, it bridged The Gap. Right, so here's the thing. Let me tell you about the song, alright? The Bridges. Unless you have anythingily enough, it's a rap. So, here's the thing, let me tell you about the song, alright?

Starting point is 00:47:25 Unless you have anything pertinent to say about your opinion on this song. Can we have a little bit to say? Bridges the Gap. Now, years ago we covered a similar sort of novelty record about Schwarzenegger. Yeah, by Steve Wright. By Steve Wright. Oh, is that, um, if your lover gives you the elbow or you're threatened with the sack, just look him in the eye as nice as pie and say

Starting point is 00:47:46 I'll be back. Oh it might be. No I don't think it's that one. Is it not? Because it might be. No. There was a Terminator 2 rap that came out in the early 90s. No this was way before this. Is it? Much earlier. No it couldn't have been because they say I'll be back in the single and that wasn't a thing until the second film. No it was. It was. Oh no he says it in the first film. He says it in Commando or something. He says it in the first film. Yeah, it went in the police station. He says it in every film after that. Yeah, any film. In Commando he says, I'll be back, Bennett.

Starting point is 00:48:10 Yeah. He does a spin on it. Yeah. Now, that had a terrible generic sort of comedy German accent for the Schwarzenegger bits. And it's like no one had learned to do a Schwarzenegger impersonation and this is a similar thing. It doesn't sound like an impersonation of Stallone does it? It just sounds like a generic sort of yank. 1991 was that single I'll be back. I'm sorry to correct you.

Starting point is 00:48:38 That's okay. 1981. I really want... 1991. 1991. Yeah that's the one I'm talking about right? Arnie and the Terminators. Arnie and the Terminators. Yeah, Arnie and the Terminators.

Starting point is 00:48:44 Yeah, Arnie and the Terminators. But that's Steve Wright basically. Do you see what I'm saying about the voice on this record? Yes. It doesn't have that recognisable Stallone impression. Yeah do you know who it is? Shall I tell you? Because it's got a link into this but basically this song was done by a guy called Paul Burnett and even though he's not a famous name now, he was huge in the 60s and 70s as a BBC Radio 1 presenter and he was like Sub Kenny Everett. Bitzany. Bitzany characters, daft songs and this is the song he released in the 80s, I think this

Starting point is 00:49:18 is 85, the voice, it's not confirmed but the voice of Stallone in this song. Go on, give us a multiple choice. Okay, well no. Based on the fact that this was written and performed majorly, the vocal bit by Paul Burnett, ex-BBC One presenter, now jumping about the country doing commercial stuff. Which is that sort of wrapped American accent bit. Judging by that and the people he associated with at work at the BBC, who do you think did the voice of Stallone?

Starting point is 00:49:45 Phil Cool. Not Phil Cool, nice choice. That's a good guess. Well that's too good for this. Er, Mike Yarwood. No, Mike Goddard. Another too good for this option. Think about the people he would work with.

Starting point is 00:49:55 Les Dennis. Not Les Dennis. Davro. Not Davro. Don't even think Impressionist. Think of who would this guy who works at the BBC or at radio would work with? Not Noel Edmunds. Jimmy Saville. No. Dr Fox. What would this guy who works at the BBC or at radio would work with? Not Noel Edmonds? Jimmy Seville?

Starting point is 00:50:05 No. Dr Fox? No, not Dr Fox, but we're in the right Utre-esque area of things. Right, Stuart Little. Not Stuart Little, he's a mouse. Dave Lee Travis? Dave Lee Travis. Oh yeah, you mentioned that to me before.

Starting point is 00:50:16 Dave Lee Travis, we think, it's not confirmed, is The Voice. Yeah, it makes sense, it sounds like him. And we'll get to why I think it's like him in a minute. I don't think it sounds too off from Stallone. What it doesn't sound like is a Stallone impression and I think a lot of Stallone impressions are impressions of impressions. Yes, but it has none of that that that's not what he sounds like. No but it's closer that's just a very generic sort of yank American accent that we're getting

Starting point is 00:50:47 on that. No, the main singer is the voiceover, like the guy who does the beginning of the 80s, it's that thing. But the thing in the middle is like movies, movies, movies, John Sacks. Movies, movies, movies. Steven Priestley. I've lost my point now. But anyway, yeah, effectively this was, we think this was just something he released

Starting point is 00:51:03 for no reason to take the piss out of Stallone in the 80s. And the B-side to this talking DJ blues, which is not worth playing, is basically the same song, the rhythm, but this time he's now talking about his life as a DJ going around the country doing gigs. That's kind of the song, but in a kind of shitty, piss-poor, observational comedy kind of way. Oh, terrible. Oh, God.

Starting point is 00:51:23 When you go back and you listen to some of this 80s stuff, it doesn't feel like it's kind of like attached to and it's not like, oh well you know, we do things different now it's a different style. It genuinely feels shit. Yeah, but here's the thing right? We talk about this a lot. It's like listening to cavemen making music. It's so bad.

Starting point is 00:51:43 And being funny. Do you know what I mean? It's like... But here's the thing I want to get to, because we speak about this on the show a lot, about how the art of the novelty single is completely gone, right? And how it's kind of harder now, even though it should be easy, it's harder now for a song like that to chart at all.

Starting point is 00:51:56 It's got to only 52, the other one we're going to get to charted higher. Harder for it to chart at all? Yeah, because like for instance, you wouldn't get something like Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Pokedot Bikini going to number one like it would have with Timmy Mallet in the 80s. But I don't even know how charts work anymore. Charts don't exist anymore. True but even so those songs don't flow to the surface. Because you can have like the R&B chart don't you, you have the rock chart you could have the international charts, you could have the novelty charts, you could have number five do the Bartman. There is have... Well, this is the thing... Coming up at number five, Do The Bartman.

Starting point is 00:52:25 There is no... In the US, they had the Billboard comedy album charts. Did they? Yeah. Because for instance... Who was on it? Weird Al Jankovic? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:34 Basically, or the guy we know, Brian from Ninja Sex Party, their albums always chart really high as well. But they're not... Because you've released a few comedy LPs, right? I'm writing... Well, I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with... But do you ever get pushback from people saying, well, we can't play this on the radio or we don't want to play it or...

Starting point is 00:52:49 How do you get that out there now? I don't think anyone's ever played anything on the radio. Really? Yeah, I don't get it out there. I get it out, I get it out of here. I mean, your system, yeah, yeah, yeah. Once it's out of me, I don't really care what happens to it. No, perfectly fine, but it seems weird that...

Starting point is 00:53:03 Let's go back to the 80s and you released that album there was more chance of it getting traction somewhere. Well I see I don't I'm not writing parody songs. No. So my relationship to it really is that I'll write a song and if it happens to be funny then fine. Yeah. But my goal isn't to fit a punchline into the song. No, no, no. Fine. So, but when you, what comedy song, musical comedy is guilty of and what gives it a bad reputation is when you've got a joke that you're basically trying to shoehorn into music because it's not a strong enough joke by itself. Well the most extreme examples are all those songs where they go, he fell down on the grass or whatever and you can see it coming. There's the R-themed- examples of all those songs where they go he fell down on the grass or whatever and you can see it coming.

Starting point is 00:53:45 She was rather blunt so she kicked me in the house your father. That thing. It's that whole kind of burlesque end of the pier kind of humour. Cleaning windows as well. Cleaning windows is all about a pervert that's wanking in windows. He was a huge pervert. Was George Fornbue a pervert? Was he? He brought that grill out, that was good. Oh I'm grilling on the sidewalk at the corner of the street, I'm looking for my lovely ribs to get done. Turned out grilled again! But, George Formby's air fryer. Can I say one more thing about that song?

Starting point is 00:54:16 Turned out dry again. Did you say that? Yeah, fuck it. Also in parallel with the Schwarzenegger thing, where it's like he can't act at all, that was the sort of received wisdom, was that it? Schwarzenegger couldn't act. And similarly... Schwarzenegger thing. Yeah, where it's like he can't act at all. That was the sort of received wisdom was that yeah, Schwarzenegger couldn't act and similarly No, that was what everyone sort of said about him you try acting like a robot from the future Yeah, we don't agree with it. We're just voicing public opinion saying at the time everyone's like he can't act He's got an accent, you know, it was all this sort of Also, he couldn't really answer well he couldn't really answer... I mean he does alright... he's a person who learned his craft over several films he's like Keanu Reeves he's a movie star I like I think he's good in Total Recore

Starting point is 00:54:54 I mean I love him he's one of the most fucking charismatic movie stars that's ever existed and because he's so charismatic you'll look over any of his flaws same as Keanu Reeves it's like you no one could say that he's so charismatic you'll look over any of his flaws. Same as Keanu Reeves, it's like no one could say that he's a great actor. No they could not. But he's one of the best movie stars and I'll watch him do anything. He is a great star. So with Schwarzenegger there was this sort of received wisdom that he couldn't act and you know he couldn't speak English properly and that's what people

Starting point is 00:55:22 mocked him for. With Stallone there was a similar thing that he was perceived to be an idiot and you can hear it on that song because he says I can't count to three or what comes after two. And that's also a myth that doesn't really apply to the real man does it? Would you say Sylvester Stallone is a stupid man? He's a genius. He's a genius. He's very smart. You don't get Rocky made without being a smart guy.

Starting point is 00:55:43 He wrote the script for... Then do you though, there's this perception that comes through on that? This lazy perception of him being stupid. But do you know why that is? Because of the character of Rocky, not Rambo. Because Rocky, yeah. And it's really a pastiche on Rocky. But in Rocky 2, he's doing that advert, isn't he, where he has to dress up like a caveman. And then he's like...

Starting point is 00:56:05 isn't he? Where he has to dress up like a caveman and then he's like... And so he's dressed up like that and so the idea in Rocky is that because he's got muscles in Rocky 2 that people treat him like he's an idiot and when Arnold Schwarzenegger came along there wasn't anyone in Hollywood that looked like that and so he looked like a big muscley and to make people feel better about themselves They kind of palmed him off like oh, he's a neanderthal. Yes, and we don't know why his movies are so popular He's do really violent movies, right? And I only thought about this last night He's doing really violent movies in the 80s and then he moved over more to kind of like comedy Twins Yeah, that's what we're talking about. I thought you were talking about Stallone. But Stallone and Schwarzenegger have the same thing.

Starting point is 00:56:48 But Schwarzenegger was huge and so Stallone pivoted from being kind of like a dramatic actor doing stuff like Paradise Alley and Fist. Right and he pivoted over to be doing more like action stuff starting with sort of like Nighthawks and then he went and then he got big and then he was just like, right, I'm going to be big like Schwarzenegger. And then they were competing and then you got Dolph Lundgren out of that as well. But with Schwarzenegger, he kind of like he started doing comedies in the night. He still did some action, but he peaked maybe with Total Recall or Terminator 2 and then there was True Lies, right? But what never occurred to me was the reason he was doing that was because it's fucking hard doing action.

Starting point is 00:57:28 He spent 15 years doing action movies and his knees must've been fucked. It's no joke. And he's got to get in shape every fucking time. At least when he did Junior, he could put on some pounds, couldn't he? Yeah. Right, but like it must've taken,

Starting point is 00:57:42 it would be fucking exhausting and thinking I've got to go out for four o'clock in the morning to do this again. I mean, that was the era the action films at the time were. Yeah, it's a glorious time. But like, the line in The Sound was die hard. When it was like, OK, that kind of superhero, that kind of action hero, is that generation, is that decades. Well, I'd say like the line in, well, Stallone said the line in The Sound was Batman.

Starting point is 00:58:03 And it was just like, if you can actually glue muscles to any actor. I guess that's a good point yeah. But I think also the introduction of Batman was like well Batman's the star right whereas before it was Schwarzenegger's the star. Yeah it was a watershed film in all sorts of ways. Well that's what that guy says on that fucking channel where it's like the age of the movie star is gone because now all actors do are filling the role of IPs and characters shocking shocking well you'll go and see a thor movie but you might not necessarily see a chris hemsworth film that's right yeah i think commando is one of the best i like i like commando i think commando is brit it's 88 minutes long he's just killing

Starting point is 00:58:39 people and making jokes it's fucking fun it's a fun like banger of a movie i like that bit where they go and they buy a bunch of guns from the shop it's like fun. It's a fun, like, banger of a movie. I like that bit where they go and they buy a bunch of guns from the shop. It's like wishful filming, isn't it? He just, he doesn't buy them. He ram raids a gun shop. But then he goes around with a shopping trolley and you're just thinking, oh wow.

Starting point is 00:58:58 I mean, imagine. If an action scene does not take place in a convenience store in an American movie in the 80s, is it an action film? I don't think it is. The opening of Cobra is in a convenience store in an American movie in the 80s, is it an action film? No. I don't think it is. The opening of Cobra is in a convenience store, isn't it? It's in a supermarket. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:09 And RoboCop when he... I mean RoboCop. The daddy of it. It's brilliant. It's fucking great RoboCop. It's a masterpiece. Right, we're going to take a quick break as we move on to our next track, which is related to the one we've just spoken about. ...

Starting point is 00:59:24 So with all that being said, this came out in 1985, a track about Rambo, didn't chart very highly. I'm just stressed that that's one of the worst things I've heard. It's lazy, it's awful, it's unmusical. We've had worse. The impression doesn't work. It misses the point. It misses the point of it.

Starting point is 00:59:39 It doesn't have a point though. It's kind of like it doesn't have anything to say. It's literally just... It's cynical cashing. Half of the song is spelling Rambo. Yeah, which is what big deal. Everyone can do that. R-A-M-B-O. R-A-M-B-E-A-U. Bridges. Rambo Bridges. Right, so the next track we're gonna to do is by the same artist, Paul Burnett. I mean artist. I hate Paul Burnett. But we have to go back another 10 years to, I believe, 1976.

Starting point is 01:00:14 And he releases this song. It was a foggy day on the 6th of May in a scamble-hauling pricks. It was just crackin' dawn and I started to yawn cos I couldn't find any nice chicks. I tried Newport, Pagnell, Tollington and he grew off a gap. But after so many eggs, chips, sausage and beans what I really needed was a nap. He's a lonely life truck driver but he's better than a bike. Cos when you're up in the cab, you're the king of the road, and he's good romantic like. And then I remembered me two-way radio, so I started feeling better. And I thought, I'll start a convoy, you know, just like that American fella. Hello, this is Super Scouts Con. Anyone out there? Come on. Hello, hello, this is Plastic Chicken Goa. That's come on.

Starting point is 01:01:05 What's your load? Plastic Chicken Goa. Well, it would have been a good idea if you had a little bit of a Hello, this is Super Scouts Con. Anyone out there? Come on! Hello, hello, this is Plastic Chicken Go-On. That's come on! What's your load, Plastic Chicken? Well, it would have been quick dry cement, but the rain got in. Do you know anybody who wants to buy a three-ton brick? No! So there we were, the two of us.

Starting point is 01:01:37 Right, you get the idea of what that one was. I hate that, I hate that. I hated that. I hated that. So you know what the original inspiration for this song is? I hated that more than the mayonnaise crisps. I hated that. I hated that. So you know what the original inspiration for this song is? I hated that more than the mayonnaise crisps. I hated that. So what's he done? He's used the Chris Christopherson movie Convoy to the theme tune from that to spoof the M1? Yes, it's a song about...

Starting point is 01:01:57 He's a fucking bellend. Thank God Stallone came along. How dare he? How dare he be writing whimsical, satirical songs about a road, right? And then when Stallone comes along, he's like, oh, he's a bit of an idiot, isn't he? He's the best thing that came along for you, mate. Yeah, this is the thing with DJs of that time. He's spoofing a motorway. Well, no, he's spoofing the idea in this of the convoy in America, which is not a thing. So in the song, over the course of the song he explains how other characters join the convoy and how some of them are, you know, of different colour or sexual orientation.

Starting point is 01:02:35 Can I ask, we brushed over the whole, did that start with a racist thing? No, it gets like racist later. We brushed over the racism. Oh, in the Rambo song, yeah. Well, it was so much other stuff that was like, but yeah, I mean it was casual racism as well. But also he's basically saying that he himself is being racist in a way that Rambo isn't. Yeah, I guess because Rambo is a kind of big broom to cleaning up the American guilt of Vietnam. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:04 Well, the second film was. Second film. The first film was guilt of Vietnam. Yeah. Well the second film was. The first film was not like that. No. Directed by Ted Kotchoff, who directed Wake and Fright, one of the greatest. Australian, yeah. On Australian awards. Do you know what else he directed?

Starting point is 01:03:14 Do you know what else he directed? Kotchoff. Yeah, do you know what he, do you know what? This is a big one. I'm sure I did hear it. Do you know what this is? This is a big one. Is it a big, how big?

Starting point is 01:03:22 This is a big one. Get big. Weekend at Bernie's. Big time. Oh did he, yeah. He. Get big. Weekend at Bernie's. Big time. Oh did he? Yeah. We directed First Blood and Weekend at Bernie's.

Starting point is 01:03:29 And Waking Fright. Waking Fright, is that Donald Pleasance? Yeah. It's great. With the quince on your eyes. Yeah. Fucking great film. Big influence on Scorsese.

Starting point is 01:03:37 Weekend at Bernie's, which is a big influence on Tarantino. Which is a very good film as well I think. Weekend at Bernie's is alright. Don't watch it on YouTube. They cut out all of the good jokes. Oh really? Don't watch the sequel. Which a voodoo in zombieism weekend at bernies 2 is jaw droppingly bad it's so bad it's like they filmed it at the hotel

Starting point is 01:03:59 there's so many scenes that are in a hotel room and it's just like is this where you is this where andrew mccarthy's staying it's just like, is this where Andrew McCarthy's staying? Probably. They probably caught him as he was just having a nice weekend break away. Do you mind if we just make a quick sequel while you're here? They're like some sort of like three star resort in the Caribbean. And it's like, that's where the crew is staying, right? Because also, it's worth noting, this isn't a sequel that came out one or two years after.

Starting point is 01:04:21 It came out like 20 or something. No, it came out about five years after and you're thinking, fucking old Bernie's rotten by now right? I thought it came out in like the early 2000s weekend at Bernie 2. No it came out enough of a gap where you kind of go, really? A sequel? Like Mannequin 2, Mannequin on the Move, which is like, I don't understand the point of this existing. But it's got Hollywood in it, hasn't it? That's the only thing it's got in it.

Starting point is 01:04:41 I've never seen First Blood. You've never seen First Blood? I've never seen it. I need to see it because I love Waking Fright and you know. It's more of a noir isn't it? It's more of a sort of noir drama. What? First Blood? Yes. No it's more like a survival. Yeah. Yeah. But it's not like all out action. It's more on the drama than it is the action. And the whole point is that he's not killing them. He only kills one person. That's. Well they drew, you drew first blood!

Starting point is 01:05:05 You did! You drew first blood! They drew first blood. You drew first blood! This convoy came out in 1976, right? Paper song, hater. What's the song called? Convoy Great Britain.

Starting point is 01:05:17 Now, who directed Convoy? Oh, fuck. And you do know. Was it Sam Peckinpah? Yes, Sam Peckinpah. Well done. One of his last ones. Paul Burnett was a DJ on the air,

Starting point is 01:05:24 and he played this as a gag on during one of his last ones. Paul Burnett was a DJ on the air and he played this as a gag on during one of his shows. I'm not saying there aren't racist undertones to the Rambo movies, but what year was this song out? This 76. This is 76 and the Rambo one was 85. So I think First Blood 2 would have been out by then. This he did with Dave Lee Travis. Dave Lee Travis and him made this song. So between

Starting point is 01:05:42 them they're doing all the voices. There is Super Scouts who's played by David Lee Travis so that's the guy mainly talking all the way through this. That's what I wanted to ask. Is David Lee Travis from the North West? David Lee Travis? David Lee Travis. Yes, he is Northern. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:05:57 He's not a Scouts though? No, he's not a real Scouts at all. He's the hairy cornflake they used to call him. PC Plastic Chicken played by Paul Burnett who was another DJ. Why was he a cornflake? Because of breakfast tv, breakfast radio. DLT was basically I think fucked off because his career was never Noel Edmonds's. There was like a top of the pop. That's something innit. I'm fucked off that I never had Noel Edmonds career. But think about it if you're Dave Lee Travis. I wanted to kill someone on telly. Yeah but no if you were Dave Lee Travis... I wanted to kill someone on telly.

Starting point is 01:06:26 But no, if you were Dave Lee Travis... I'd have to do it on the radio instead. I'd have to just be abusive to females. There's a top of the pops annual we've got where there's an interview with Dave Lee Travis where he goes, I got a start on a German TV show and what I like to do, this is what he said, I like to unscrew the lenders on the cameras to upset all the camera guys. And everyone thought I was a great wheeze Yeah, I think no you're just a fucking cunt everyone

Starting point is 01:06:47 I hate annoying cunts and apparently everyone hated working with them. Anyway, there's a load of characters There's a West Indian accent voiced by DLT. There is a gay character called the camper DLT That is quite clever though, isn't it? Is it called the camper and this Jimmy Savile Jimmy Savile makes a brief appearance at the end. Play by Dave Lee Travis. So you know, and then it just goes through the whole song. All the lyrics are here about how they're all joining a convoy going through Newport Pagnell, the MOT, Scamble, Spaghetti Junction, Dimension Tax Disc and HR1. So at least it has a sort of comic conceit that they've applied in the writing of the

Starting point is 01:07:22 song. No, fuck that. The rule needs to be, if you're a radio presenter, you are not allowed to release a song. I just think that needs to be the rule. Give me an example of a radio presenter and a good song and I'll throw that rule away. But you've got this guy, you've got Steve Wright in the afternoon, you've got that fucking cunt who did Disco Duck in America. Oh yeah, that's it.

Starting point is 01:07:38 What do you mean Disco Duck? You know, Disco, Disco Duck, that one. You never heard of it. And that led to the... One of the most infamous one-hit ones of all time. Did that lead to Doobie Duck's Disco disco dog that one you never heard of that led to the infamous one hit ones of all time Did that lead to dooby-duck's disco bus? No, I can imagine that might have been the inspiration though Dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-dooby-do They're all on the fucking Stuart Millard's channel. Oh I love that channel. I can't remember the guy's name. Stuart Millard's fucking brilliant.

Starting point is 01:08:09 Waiting to get him on this. We really want him on. It'd be good to do a four way wouldn't it? A five. You alright mate? Getting to the end of the show now are we? We've got one more segment to go and then we're done. But that guy who did Disco Duck, not only is that horrendous record,

Starting point is 01:08:25 he also was behind what became the Disco Demolition Derby, which is where they blew up all those disco records. He wasn't behind that. He was involved. Maybe tertially, but he wasn't directly involved in that because that was two other separate DJs. I don't know what that is. Right. To cut a long story short with this, disco was huge in the end of the 70s. What? When did that? What? I know. End of the 70s? End of the 70s. But because it was so... I was listening to novelty albums by DLT. But there was an outcry in America about this. And so a couple of upstart DJs said to people,

Starting point is 01:08:54 bring your disco albums to this baseball game. And it was a famous promoter, wasn't it? A baseball promoter who always gave away turkeys or whatever. Was it up for using the stadium as a fucking pantomime coliseum so they all started throwing their records into the middle set fire to it then it became a massive riot and they were literally using explosives to blow these up and disco sucks was the slogan so why are you telling me this i'm just i find it interesting i didn't really think that the camper joke was clever well i don't know that's on record now and i might just i think

Starting point is 01:09:24 it's quite clever. I think you've ruined this segment. I'm just going to put a pin in this because you've kind of deflated it somewhat. I don't think any of that is true, but this Convoy song... Out of five, what are you giving Convoy and Rambo? You can lump them in as one. I hated them so much. Nothing. Nothing. Valid. We've had that before. Eli?

Starting point is 01:09:41 0.5. 0.5 for me as well. I I say, there was a concept at least. The DJs wouldn't stop. They were good about it. There was nothing good about it Eli. He's doing jokes about the M1. How old is the M1? Was it brand new at that point? It might have been brand new. You might have been all the rage back then.

Starting point is 01:09:54 Were there no motorways until the mid-70s? Spaghetti Junction would have been reasonably new in the 70s as well. The first one was his mid-60s I think. Anyway, exciting times for fucking DJ rock music parody stuff. So yeah, let's get on with it. What's his name again? Paul Burnett. He's a cunt. He's still alive. I hate him. I hope you're listening Paul. Fucking stop it. I hate him. It is on to the final part of the show now. Nick and Eli we're gonna play a game. This is the charity shop item I bought called Mates Raids. It a little game do you want to do Gannam's golden games or it's Paul's

Starting point is 01:10:26 pleasant pastime really so which one do you want to do? What do you mean which one do you want to do? Yeah what Jingleey wants to do for this I'll let him decide you want to do a pastime or do you want to do golden games? It's golden games. It's not really though because golden games really are like for the classics. Alright. This is a pleasant pastime so I need a different jingle from you. Poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo All right, well, yeah, okay fine. That's not all fucking troubling at all

Starting point is 01:11:07 Can't believe you got Dave Lee Travis in for that Do look like Dave Lee Travis Don't stop me calling you fucking no ledmonds we're gonna start doing parallels no ledmonds DLT I am NOT DLT Mr. Blobby Paul fuck off at best on Paul Burnett. No, you No you're that cunt in the glasses. That doesn't narrow it down. What's he called? Fucking... Timmy Mallett. No. I'll fucking take Timmy Mallett, solid guy. The ginger one. Chris Evans. Yeah. I'm not. You know Chris Evans, Chris Evans. Chris Evans had a lot of talent. And I don't have that. I didn't mean it to be that insulting. Why are you shatting Paddle? No it's fine to be in a room with my peers and see it up close. Peers?

Starting point is 01:11:47 Yeah. Come on. Fucking hell. Fucking hell. Who's insulted now? Well, I hope it's fucking you. Here we go, mates rates. Why have I got this paddle?

Starting point is 01:11:59 Because I have handed out paddles. Where are peers? Where's my paddle mate? You're more peers Morgan though, aren't you? Woah You're more Piers Morgan though, aren't you? Woooooooo! You're more Piers Forskin, aren't you? I thought I was Noel Edmonds, you prick. He's the same fucking thing.

Starting point is 01:12:11 He's a blight on a man's cock. Noel Edmonds? I'm more Piers upwards. I'm going to give out a stack of these each so it's easier to handle. Just hold them down. You don't have to look at them. Hold them down? I'm more Brighton Piers.

Starting point is 01:12:24 Yes. These are for you. You don't have to look at them yet. So just put them down. Don't have to look at them. Hold them down! I'm more brightened, Piers. Yes, these are for you, you don't have to look at them yet. So just put them down. Don't have to look, but could? You could, theoretically. So, here's the game, we're playing mate-rate. I've given you- I'm more apples and pears. So where's the pen?

Starting point is 01:12:34 Apples and pears. Here's a pen for you. Ah! Dickhead. Fucking hell, he's getting so violent! Pay attention, or I'll get more violence. Fuck! Right.

Starting point is 01:12:43 Fuck! No one fucking sees the violence, so when we do it in front of a guest, he's now more violence. Fuck! Right. Fuck! No one fucking sees the violence so when we do it in front of a guest he's now complicit. Fuck you! He didn't step in. Right. Right. I've got my pen, I've got my paddle board.

Starting point is 01:12:53 It's a very quick simple game. What happens is on this panel you're going to write a number. You start with player one which will just say it's me. I'll turn over a card for example like this and it will say, rate my Tinder game. Crap example but I write a number down. Let's say I write three in the game what's rate my tinder game don't know what that means does that mean we all have to be on tinder we have to go on tinder with you don't use this card as the one we're gonna do this is an example I like an example then what other bonkers shit is they gonna be

Starting point is 01:13:18 don't know fucking terrible so if I write a number down then you two guess what I've written down okay and then we reveal them and if any match I get a point. If they don't, no one gets a point, we move on to the next player. What sort of numbers are we looking at? It's out of ten. I've just been back from the loo, I took a real pierce. A real long pierce. Oh no mate.

Starting point is 01:13:36 No no no no no. Let's not, shall we? Oh wipe the seat, I've done a pierce on it. I'm gonna go first with the first one, right? I'm like Piers Gaviston from Edge of the Second by Christopher Marlowe. Right. The first one is, rate my likelihood of being arrested.

Starting point is 01:13:55 1 to 10, is this? Out of 10. I'm going to write a number down, and you two have to guess what you think the number is I'm writing, or even your own opinion on how likely I am of getting arrested. So it's not what we think, it's what we think you think. It's kind of if that matches up.

Starting point is 01:14:08 We think, it's what we think you think. Yeah, it's what we think you think, but it's necessary what you think is what scores the point with what I think. But is there a certain element where you want to win, so you're trying to beat us with what we think you think we think? Yeah, so you try and give us something that you think. No, I need to be honest. I need to be honest, I need to be honest. So I'm going to be honest and I'm going to write down what's the likelihood of me being rested. And then you guess your own way and if it syncs up, I get a point. Moving on.

Starting point is 01:14:34 So you're trying to get points from us, not vice versa. And then when it's your turn, you're doing the same. And are we trying to make this funny for the listeners or are we just trying to play it straight? We're just going to play it. At this point it doesn't really matter does it? No, God, they're way gone. I mean I've already mentally checked out of this week's episode. This is just all formality at this point so get on with it. Wow.

Starting point is 01:14:54 I know. It's a fucking ugly game podcasting mate, I don't care what you say. It's not an ugly game. Fucking is, it's a half and half, fucking man and boy mate have been doing this. I tell you what, it's an ugly game and you can see it Paul. Oh. Is this coming from a Noel Edmonds Paul. This coming from Noah Edmonds? Fucking look-alike.

Starting point is 01:15:07 Guys, guys! Noah Edmonds look-alike. He was a golden child kissed by God, Noah. Right, have you written your numbers down? Here we go, I'm going to reveal mine. Hang on! 8, 7, 69, nice. No points there, Eli, you'll go take the top card and see what it says.

Starting point is 01:15:28 Do you know what? My first number was 10, but then I changed it to 69 because I thought I'd be boardy. Okay, ready? Right, what's your card? If you don't like it, you can swap it out. Rate my muscles. Oh no, no, no, no, no, we're doing that one. No, go on, pick the next one.

Starting point is 01:15:42 Okay. Because I was going to give it one. You'd be wrong. Rate my muscles. I'll give you one. That's quite a nice one. That one was good. You guys ready? Yeah, go on. Next one. What is it? Rate my honesty. Show us the card. Show it to the camera. Show it to the camera. I thought you were being meta there. Oh yeah. Yeah, I was. I was being clever. Right, write your number down. What wasn't meta about it? Because he said show me the card to make sure that you're being honest about what's on the card. The card says rate my honesty. That is meta. What was the meta about it? Because he said show me the card to make sure that you're being honest about what's on the card.

Starting point is 01:16:06 The card says rate my honesty. That is meta. That is very meta. Accidentally quite clever. Right I've written my number down already. You have to write a number how honest you think it is. Meta? Hardly newer. What's this? Rate your muscles? Yeah, rate his muscles. Rate your honesty. I think, you know what, I'm going to go ahead and say I think you're quite an honest person. Sometimes to a fault. I think I'm quite honest as well. But I think you hold back some of the darker stuff that you obviously don't want to talk about publicly and that's fine. Are we ready? That's not about honesty is it? That shields in people from what's awful inside you.

Starting point is 01:16:35 I guess that's true. I do like to shield. Because no one wants to see that rot. Have you got your number down? Yeah. Alright, go on, show it. Eight. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:43 Well done! Oh, Eli gets 2 points! Come on! I'll make a little number in the corner. I do regret. Right, and 69. It's okay. We forgive, but we never forget.

Starting point is 01:16:54 I'm being 80% honest when I say that as well. Nick, turn over your card. If you don't like it, we can swap it out, but what is it? I mean... I mean, this one's shit, because it doesn't really apply to me at all. Go on. Rate my car. Yeah, let's not do that.

Starting point is 01:17:06 Fuck off. You know, you might have had a car. No, but it's all like mates. Blokes have cars. It's mates' rates. It's not the game, is it? Fuck them. I'm not sure.

Starting point is 01:17:15 I mean, this is going to go badly for me. But rate my hairstyle. Oh, yeah. What does he think of his own hairstyle? Oh, it's about what I think. What you think of your hairstyle and how honest you want to be. The thing is, you have a natural rugged sexiness. It's my beard that I'm not a fan of at the moment.

Starting point is 01:17:33 But I'm fat. Is that something you're going to stick with, the beard, do you think? I've got a mirror in my bathroom but it's sort of like slightly too low and too far away. So when I look at it, I lean in. So whenever I shave, I go I go oh he looks alright and then when I look in any other mirror I'm like oh my god it's a fat baby so I've got a beard at the moment. It's a kink for everyone. The beard looks alright, are you gonna stick with it for a while? Well I'm gonna eventually lose some weight. Yeah but until then. But we all do

Starting point is 01:18:00 eventually don't we? Yeah the no, I forgot. Yeah. The hard way when the worms come. Alright, I've written a number. I've written a number. Are we, was it rate my hairstyle? Yeah, so you have to rate your hairstyle. I'm not looking. Look at you. I think for what it is. Yeah. Right, go on, what have you got? Oh, I've got seven. Seven. Wow! Oh. I thought you might have been unhappy with yourself in general. His hair looks good.

Starting point is 01:18:26 Well I was, but normally when I'm happy with myself it's a ten, isn't it? Fair enough. I underestimated your self-opinion. I think it could be worse, but I think my main problem with everything that's going on now is my beard. The beard ages you because it's so white. Fuck off! I've suffered from the same thing.

Starting point is 01:18:43 I've started shaving again. You dye your beard? No, you don't dye at all, don't you? I tell you what, I got one of them mascara just for men brushes that you go through your beard, right, just to see. Was it too purple?

Starting point is 01:18:58 It was, what was it, it's dark brown but really when my beard wasn't grey, it was almost black. Right. So when it's brown, it just looks like a Paul McCartney die job. Yeah, that's the problem. When he's jet chestnut.

Starting point is 01:19:13 That's the problem, isn't it? Yeah. Right, we'll do one more card each and then we'll call it a day. So I don't use it because it just looks bonkers. Yeah, it looks kind of orange. And also how do you explain that to people? Turn up one day and you haven't got grey hair anymore. Yeah. And everyone just, what, take that at face value? Well, Well, they know they're probably just nice to you and they won't mention it

Starting point is 01:19:29 Yeah, I don't want that. You want honesty. Yeah, that's why I gave you a three. Honesty. Well Eli's the obvious one Yeah, but then you're not giving him a three you're meant to be I hate this game I hate this game. Right is one more card each. Here's my next one. Rape my Cockney accent. Right. Here we go Well, what mate how you doing now, dear? Want to come round the old dogging pub, have a bit of fun? You want some nylons? Get up the apples and pears. You want to go to the apples and pears?

Starting point is 01:19:54 Yeah? Get up the apples and beards. Get up the PMA and pears. Pepsi Max apples. Oh, Pepsi Max apple? Well, wouldn't work. Would it? Cola and apple do you think? I've never seen an apple cola. I've seen cola and apple at some point. I'm pretty sure Coke did something like that. It didn't take off. I'm getting confused with Tango. Tango does apple. If you're listening Coca Cola, try apple but maybe keep the sugar

Starting point is 01:20:20 in because I'm fucking sick of all your flavoured stuff being sugar free. Why are you talking to Coca Cola when we've been talking about Pepsi? Because they're, because I'm fucking sick of all your flavoured stuff being sugar-free. Why are you talking to Coca-Cola when we've been talking about Pepsi? Because they're listening. I'm just talking to Coke now to see if they want to balance it out. I'll tell you what though, once as a trick, you know, it's a prank, somebody wanted a coffee. Yeah. So I microwave'd some Coke and then gave it to them. So it's hot Coke. I mean that's nice.

Starting point is 01:20:43 It was delicious. I mean you say you don't like no lemons. The joke was on me. Yeah. Did they just sip coke. I mean that's nice. It was delicious. I mean you say you don't like no lemons. The joke was on me. Yeah. Did they just sip and go oh that's hot coke. Hot coke is a thing. Hot coke's really nice. Hot coke is nice, burns the nostrils. Talking about, you see. Talking about the chiropractic. Well actually when people do cocaine, they use heated plates and so forth because it does insuffocate easier when it has been heated slowly. Insuffocate? Insuffocate, yeah. Here's a word. Right, rate my Cockney accent. I've written my number down.

Starting point is 01:21:12 Have you written yours? Three, two, one. Hang on, hang on. Go on. Oh, fuck's sake. Well is it compared to Cockney? Just what do you think it's like? As a neutral party? What do you think the quality? No, it's what we think you think it's like. Yeah neutral party? What do you think the quality? Yeah, and I'm thinking I'm quite good. Oh. Five. Oh, I gave you more.

Starting point is 01:21:29 You did, you overestimated. Zero. Oh. Bullshit. Zero would be if I just went like, hello, I'm a cockney, and they ended it like that. I think there was a little bit of Grant Mitchell there that you're ignoring, and I thought it was quite nice.

Starting point is 01:21:41 Well, I think if you listen back to it, you'll agree with me. No points for you. It's my card time. Fuck off. I happen to think that's quite a good accent considering. I gave you a better score than you did. Tell you what then. Yeah no you did. Okay. Give me a real score. A real score? Yeah a real score. I thought it was genuinely bad. You genuinely thought that was a zero. Guys. I genuinely thought it was bad. Like the worst thing in the world was a zero. You think that's a bit childish. What I was trying to ask you Paul. Yeah. Was am I comparing it to whether it was like an American

Starting point is 01:22:08 doing a Cockney accent, which if it was an American doing a Cockney accent I'd give it an eight right, but you're a guy in the fucking West End of London. I am right now. Of London yeah. A short step away from the East End of London right. You can't even do a fucking Cockney accent. Yeah, a short step away from the East End of London, right? Yeah, Geeser! Man, boy! You can't even do a fucking Cockney accent! You can't even do a fucking Cockney accent!

Starting point is 01:22:30 That's not a Cockney accent! That's not a Cockney accent! I'm just gonna copy everything you say, you know? Well, I am Cockney. Well, I am Cockney! You're not saying it like me. Why are you not really saying it like me? God, fucking hell.

Starting point is 01:22:41 I don't fucking know. God, fucking hell. It's not what you say, Paul, it's how you say it. It's not what you say, Paul, it's how you say it. But I don't really have a Cockney accent. But I don't really have a Cockney accent. You fucking hell. It's not fucking hell. It's not what you say Paul, it's how you say it. It's not what you say Paul, it's how you say it. But I don't really have a copy of the accent. No you don't. I'm just copying everyone. I've got to stop. I'm fucking copying everyone. Eli, do a card and we'll fucking end this. I do like this though. Break my Peter Griffin impression. Alright, go on then. What's his wife called? Lois. Oh, Lois. I can't speak properly. Yeah, it's quite good. Oh, I got! I can't speak properly! That's quite good! Well, I got lightheaded then.

Starting point is 01:23:08 Pack the car, Lois! Fucking hell! Right, so you have to write down the number you think you are. It's weird, isn't it? Because it's like, rate my hairstyle, you can do that. Rate my Cockney accent, you can do that. Rate my Peter Griffin impression, you can do that. Rate my Tinder game! As if, why would they be on his Tinder?

Starting point is 01:23:24 Oh, fucking minute, do that! Rate my car! What, I've got to go out and drive my car in shit living room? Yeah, yeah. It's a cover and all basis. This game sucks ass. Right, I've written a number down. It's not a fun game, is it? I'm lousy. That's better, yeah. I don't know. I just, no, the laugh. You didn't really do much there, did you? Oh, I just put the number up right now. Juan, what have you got? Wow, thanks guys. I overestimated. I thought it was four times better than...

Starting point is 01:23:52 My cockney. I've got a fucking don over by you. Pick your last card. So far Eli's winning with two points still. Oh I'm so... Well, go on. What have you got? Rate my German accent. Here we go have you got? Write my German accent. Here we go. Now please give us a German accent. My name's Paul Gannon.

Starting point is 01:24:11 And I'm from the East End of the Bann. Rattleduck Duck. You know what? This is actually quite sad now. Yeah, yeah! Schnell! Schnell! Was ist dies? Yes, yes! Quickly! Quickly! What is this? What's the phrase? A little leg.

Starting point is 01:24:32 A... A cookie! I am a Berliner. Yes. I am a donut. Is that what it means? It did. I've already written my number down. Well, you have to write your number down.

Starting point is 01:24:43 Write your number down. I've heard of this. I'm Bradford. No, that sounds scouse. That sounds scouse. I've already written my number down, you have to write your number down, write your number down, I've heard of this. Ich, ich, Heiber, Bratwurst. No, that sounds scouse. That sounds scouse. Ich, Heiber, fucking Bratwurst. It's a scouse talking German, it's not a German accent. Zero. Zero.

Starting point is 01:24:56 At least he gets three points and that officially means you've won. You won. So congratulations through your own incompetency and neglect of talent. What do you mean incompetency? Neglect of talent. We are moving on. It looks like I set a trap and you walked right into it. Yeah, well maybe you did.

Starting point is 01:25:11 Was it a well played? That could have been a good meta move. Nille point. Nille point. Ladies and gentlemen that was Cheap Show for this week episode 200 and 422. 422? You've had 422 episodes? Yeah. Wow, well done guys. It's good man.

Starting point is 01:25:31 Nine years of this. Is it every month? Every week. Every week for the past eight years it's been weekly. Every single week? Yep. Fucking hell. With Christmas off.

Starting point is 01:25:40 We do have Christmas breaks. Yeah. Nick, do you want to say anything about where people can find you online if indeed you do care about that? I know you've got a podcast now with Nat. Do you want to say anything about where people can find you online if indeed you do care about that? I know you've got a podcast now with Nat. Do you want to tell people about that? We do a sporadic podcast where every six weeks we record five hours of content.

Starting point is 01:25:55 Are there long ones? And then release it as one big podcast. Wow. Yeah, your Christmas end of year one was like four hours or something. I think it was five hours, the Christmas end of year. Well, we've just recorded one at the end of January to be released at the beginning of February, but I haven't, so I'm going to try and do it for Valentine's

Starting point is 01:26:09 Day. But yeah, that was four hours long and that was just meant to be, well, have you watched this month? And it was four hours long. Well, he watches so many fucking films that guy. Well, it's mainly me talking to be fair. I talk over him. Yes.

Starting point is 01:26:21 Yeah. I know what that's like. I feel terrible about it. I know what that's like. I hate myself because I edit it and I go, God, just let him speak. So good podcast then, you enjoy it? What's it called? The John Carpenter Appreciation Society or something? No, that's what we're called. We're called the JCAS, the John Carpenter Appreciation Society, but the show is called Consume and Obey, that is on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. And enjoy it because it will be witty banter with all...

Starting point is 01:26:46 It's not banter. It is, it's banter. It's always fucking banter. It's not banter. We just talk about films that we've seen. Just admit it, it's top banter. Enjoy it. Embrace it.

Starting point is 01:26:55 It's not banter. It's definitely not banter. It's fucking banter. It's not banter. No one needs to talk about movies. So if you do, it's banter. Follow me on Instagram, I'm The Nick Helm. Yeah, when it comes to wars just go to theche on Instagram. I'm The Nick Helm. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:27:05 When it comes to wars, just go to thecheapshow.co.uk. It's your one stop shop for everything. And if you're a Patreon supporter, thank you. And if you'd like to support us on Patreon and get access to years of podcasts and videos and behind the scenes and magazines and early tickets to live shows, it is patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. I'll do you a little link, yeah? Go on. Like a little ident.

Starting point is 01:27:26 Hey, my name's Nick Helm and I just love Cheap Show. That's a nice, clear one. You can use that. You should use that. I have a radio show every two weeks from here on Soho Radio. You do? What's it called? The House of Pickle sound show.

Starting point is 01:27:39 Are you fucking kidding? No. Anything else? Here come the dick flapper. I'm on tour in the autumn. Oh, oh. Oh yeah? In the end of the year. New show? So there are... Here come the dick flapper! I'm on tour in the autumn. Oh, oh yeah! In the end of the year. Yeah. New show.

Starting point is 01:27:47 When's this coming out? This will be out this Friday. Right, so in 43 weeks I'll be on tour. Nick, I wanted to ask... Is it a new show? Yeah, of course it's a new show. Oh, of course. Can you just toss up old stuff and add like one new gag? What was that thing called that we opened for you for?

Starting point is 01:28:01 The fuckfest. The fuckfest, yeah. Which, to be fair, can we just say again thank you for letting us do that? Because it was a laugh. So thank you. Great. Can we do that again possibly next year? Well I get very mixed feedback. Mostly from me. Yeah I think it would be good. I think we'll do it every year and then eventually you know. You'll get bored of us and move on. No I don't think so. I'm not really in the room when you're on. No it's probably for the best. I've got a lot of stuff to... I need an out. You need an out. You know what it was

Starting point is 01:28:30 wonderful. I'm really appreciative that you came and did Fartfest. It was brilliant. Thank you. It was just the kind of wacky anarchic energy that brought my mind back to the 1980s where all of the good ones were on there. You'd have, who was Mike Smith? Lenny Bennett from Lucky Ladders. You had uh Tarby. Tarby? Listen, I want to wrap this up because this has already gone on for far too long. Well, thank you Nick for joining us today. Was it Mike Tarbook? It is always... Johnny Tarbook? Uh, Goan Tarbook? Benny Tarbook? Tom Tarbook? Tommy Tarbook... Johnny Tarbuck? Goan Tarbuck? Benny Tarbuck? Tom Tarbuck?

Starting point is 01:29:07 Tommy Tarbuck? Tommy Tarbuck? I'm going for Tommy Tarbuck after this. Peter Tarbuck? It's not Peter Tarbuck. Alistair Tarbuck? No, no one remembers because it's actually really weird. What was his name?

Starting point is 01:29:18 His name was Arbuck Tarbuck. Tarbuck? Yeah, fair enough. What was his name? I don't know, John Tarbuck? It's probably John. It wasn't his daughter, it was Lisa Tarbuck. Johnny Tarb't know John Tarbuck. It's probably John. Was it his daughter? It was Lisa Tarbuck. Yeah. Johnny Tarbuck. Jimmy Tarbuck. Jimmy. Jimmy.

Starting point is 01:29:30 Oh, it's too many fucking jimmies in light entertainment in the 80s. I wish his name actually was Arbuck Tarbuck. Arbuck Tarbuck is better. Listen, there's information coming for the Cheap Show album this year. We've got a live show at the Cheer for Live for Podcast Festival. That's going to be announced next week. So until then, Nick, thank you for joining us this week again. Thanks Nick. That's Cheap Show. And that will do us this week. Take care mate. Bye.

Starting point is 01:29:53 Bye guys. And I'd just like to say thank you very much for having me. That's okay. Press the fucking button.

CheapShow - CheapShow Episode 423 Stop Pointing!

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