CheapShow - Content House (Not For Public Broadcast)

Episode Date: August 14, 2026

NOT FOR PUBLICATION Content House. 2026 Brandoff Industries Data Mining Police Inquiry Do Not Listen

Right. I'm fucking sick of this. What? Get your laptop out. I'm fucking sick of this. Now, come here. Where is it? It's there. Right. So, fucking Brandoff Content House. I've been getting bills for that.

There's a fundraiser going on. I want to know what's going on. I want to use that code. Jeremy gave me. Yeah, hang on. I've got it on my phone. Hang on. Get it up. Right. What's the address? Brandoff Content House. Search for Content House.

Yes. Google. Content House. Fine. All right. Log in. Right, I've already paid for that. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

No, you need to tick the box. Fuck off. Tick that box that's... Ticking it. Okay. Is that, I don't think this is the right... It says put the code in there, but that's... Hang on.

Juicy's sent me, isn't that, doesn't look that long, you know? Wait, it's got two steps. Hang on, it's got to send it to my phone. Hang on. Put my number in 07. Oh, my... Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Right, I've got to get a text.

No, hang on, I just got a text. Well, no, because it's sent it to my number. That's not the right number, though. No, it says Rof-Rough. Well, I haven't done anything with that. It says Rof-Rof-Rof, Content Housecode. Yeah. Why have I just received a text?

Well, I've got one as well. What's your number? 6-257. Mine's 4-1-332. Well, which, we'll try your one. I mean, I don't know. Maybe that's just a coincidence. 4-1-3-2.

No. No. It's not like that. Resend. Resend. No, I've got another one. No, hang on. I just don't have a text.

Well, how does it shouldn't do? This doesn't have a number. What does that just say? No, that's just a donation button. That's just a donation for the Rothbooks. Don't you have to put Rothbox in here? No, you get Rothbooks when you're inside or something. I don't know.

We haven't logged in yet. You need to fucking be off. Let me just do this. Let me just fucking do this. I'm just trying to fucking help, man. I've got to put my password. I've got to put the email in from beginning. Hang on.

Uh, uh, uh, show at gmail. com. I'm checking my emails. Password. Chunky boy. 12. Right. Two-step verification. Yeah, that's what we just did.

And it's got, prove I'm a human. Oh, you have to prove you're a human. By clicking on lollipops. Just use the webcam. No, there's no face thing. I've got to do the lollipops. There's a lollipop. That's a lollipop. That's a lollipop.

That's a lollipop. No, you missed that lollipop there. That's a lollipop. That's a lollipop lady? No, that's, well, yeah, but she's not holding it. It's not in shop. Oh, no. Another captcha's just come up, Paul.

Wait, what? Scan face or give bank details to verify age. You've got to put your bank details in. I'm not putting my bank details in for this. Well, that's the only way you can do. No, I'll do the face scan thing. Do the capture. There's another capture to do. No, I'll do the face scan thing.

Here are. Just, yeah, move your head forward. Forward. Move your head, no. Move your head back. No face detected. No, I've got to take my glasses off. Right.

No face detected. Enter banking. I'm not right. Okay. Give me my wallet. Give me my wallet. Give me my wallet. This is fucking ridiculous.

Wallet. Gosh, I don't know if you should put your... Fee's up. What's my long number. I've got... CVC. I've got loads of text messages from Content House for some reason. I don't know why you're getting it.

Did you give you number to him or something? No. I don't know. It's saying... Right. Log in. Log in. Right. Lollipops. That's a lollipop. That's a lollipop. That says chuppichups, but is in fact a van. It doesn't count then. That's a lollipop. It's got to be literally a picture of a lollipop. That's a lollipop. That's a lollipop. That's like a rocket. But ice lollies. Do they count? That's a lollipop. Enter. Yes, it counted.

All right. Cool. Now it's going to send the text. Fucking hell. Riddle. There's a riddle. What's open when it's closed and closed when it's open? Is it a drawbridge, a door. A lollipop van or a carpet showroom. It's a drawbridge. Drawbridge. Right?

Yeah. In. Another two-step verification. Oh my God. I haven't got another number. It's not accepting my phone number. I'm going to give him your phone number. 07,8.

2.5. Okay. Right, you'll get a text. Yep, got it. Right, give me the seven-letter code. There's only a three letter. code. It says it was seven. It's got seven dashes here. I've only got, uh, would set put in you know? No, I'll get the code juicy Jeremy gave me. Yeah, that's my way, wait, wait, wait,

yeah, that one. That's the code there. No, I've got that. You sent that to me. Yeah, that's seven digits. That's the one they're getting out. Go on. It's 5,21. 521. 2.1. 62. 6. 2. Oh, I'll put 6 3 and I've got to start from scrap. Oh, no. It's lock me out. Hang on. Password. The cheap, uh, uh, uh, GM. Dot com password Chunky boy Too many attempts was it 12? No no no no no no

Two step Oh my God It's been a fucking 16 step Verification 7 7 7 8 8 It's gonna be fucking shit It's just a straight up scam Lollipop

Lollipop Lollipop Lollipop Lollipop In there Am I a bot Oh mate it's just stressing me out Why is everything like this now Why is everything like this?

I'm in Oh, I'm in! I'm in! I'm in! I'm in! I'm in! Cool! Right, click on introduction video. It's not working. Deadlink. Control, enter. Control, enter. Control, enter.

Shif, enter. Shift, enter. Hold down. Right, you can do it from the drop-down menu. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. All right. It's quite a little retro vibe, the website here. No, it's not a retro. It's just out-of-date, cheap shit.

All right, well, should we watch us... It's black with green writing. Should we see the intro video then? All right, hang on. Play. Thank you for choosing Content House for all of your lovely content, rough, rough. Now, there's an endless choice of fantastic cheap show characters for you to enjoy here on Content House. We've got Squish. gym and lady plops, teen

Yeti and even urchard boy for people who like children. Rof Ruff Ruff! So, Ruff Ruff, all you need to do to enjoy fantastic content featuring at your favourite Cheap Show character is click on one of the

stream boxes below. And every time you do so, you're rating Rothcoin for fantastic causes. Why don't you leave it on overnight? Rof Ruff Ruff, it's not like it's data mining or anything. Roth, Roth, it's like having a new member of the family move in.

Leave it on all the time, Roth, Roth. Thanks for choosing Content House. Rof, Roth, Roth. Well, I don't know about you, but that looks dodgy. It looks really dodgy. I mean, have you ever heard of Roth coin till now? No, I mean, he's got several different... Mistow things.

This remind with the fucking red knob, they shit he pulled. I remember the fucking shit we got in... Well, at least we're not anywhere near that this time. Anyway, let's check some of this out. Oh, yeah, let's have a look at this fucking thing. What have we got here? We've got squishy gym and... Active rooms. What have we got?

Squishy Gym and Ladyplops. Do you want to go with that one first? Yeah, my name. All right, no, I'm fine. Okay, here we go. So I tend to find that fibre really enriches my droppings on a daily basis, and that in turn helps your squishing, doesn't it? It absolutely does, madam, and I enjoy the squishing to the day.

It's done. I'm squishy in, squishy gym, everyone, hello. So there we go, Mrs Parker from Leeds. That's how I keep my fecal diet on it. It's best shape. Thank you very much. Thank you. What have we got now?

Oh, we go. It's time for another whizzo prank, don't you know? Oh, it's time for squunched. Yes, it's time for another squandched. And I believe it's time for another silly prank. Does this one involve me squishing the shit in what you've done out your ass, please? No, no, no, that's our other financial outlet.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, this sluces. Oh, well, I'm up for anything because I love you. I love you, my wife, lady. Squish it, Jim, I squish it in. Hello. Oh, oh, not now. You could save that one for later if you wish. Oh, okay, I love it.

Although it might seep into the rug. Anyway, who is our next prank target? Oh, let me see here. Yes. Today we will be calling a very popular performer and we will be pretending that he is about. out to have, what it says here, a late career renaissance. Oh, yes, this is, we're calling everyone's favourite actor Grumpy Sessions.

We're going to play a little harmless, harmless, little prank on him now. Right, okay. So, you bring me the phone, darling. Okay, here it's, uh, here it is, uh, here it is, madam. Here, Mr. Grumpy Sessions. I'm a representative from, uh, United Artists in America. Oh, oh, really? Oh, amazing... Oh, yes, what's this concerning?

Well, as you know, we look for the biggest stars for the most amazing blockbusters in Hollywood and we believe you might be right for our big next Christopher Nolan movie. I, I don't, I can't believe it's actually happening. Oh, let me just get my fire facts out to take this down. What did you say, your name? What's matter? My name is J. R. Hartley.

Oh, that sounds familiar. Anyway, yes, okay, and do I need to audition for this? Yes, so you'll be playing the role of an angry farmer who owns a struggling milk farm. Oh, that's fantastic. I can be great for that role, you know, because I can do a viral accent. I used to do. on Emmerdale as an rural ice cream van man. How about this?

Just to give you a little taste. Whar! How's that sound? No, that's spot on. Now, we do have one little request, if that's all right, sir. Hello? Is there someone else there? In the roll, you've got to be able

to, um, uh, slats. your hairy tummy. So can you maybe give me a few slaps on your hairy tummy over the phone? Oh, I suppose so. Yes, it is quite hairy. Oh God, this made me feel all funny. How's that? Now, so I'm an angry farmer in a blockbuster movie. Yes, and could you also, what should we make them do? Oh, I don't know, me lady, do you. Um, yes, you've got to pull your pants down and say, I'm a naughty sailor. Can you do that for me?

Oh, uh, well, I am a professional, um, Mr. Hartley. And, uh, I, of course I can. Here they go, I'm a naughty sailor and I've got a big body. Oh, something like that. I don't see how this has got to do with farming. What about this? If I, if I, if I go, I'm a naughty farmer and I have a big, A big tractor or something.

Um... Oh! Yes, that'll do. Now, um, you must be ready to get on a plane right now. Oh, yes, I've always got an amazing emergency suitcase ready to go with my suits, my Panama hat. Oh, whoa, you're back. Oh, yeah, thank you so much, Hartley. I'll be ready to go in an hour or so, okay.

Um, by the way, must hardly... What did you say the name of the film was? It's called squashed. That's right. You've been squashed, mate. You've been squashed, mate. You've been squashed hard, mate. Sorry, what, squashed?

What, who's that? Who's that? What's this all about? You've been pranked, you fool. Right, we're off. Take care of you, loser. There's no role for you, me. Christopher Nolan.

movie. No, let's get out of here. Bye, loser. There you go. Another wicked, funny prank from he thought he was going to be in the Nolan film. He was never going to me. I really must squish something in, by lady, because I, oh, I have got the twitches on, and I need to, I've got my big boots on. Oh, squish you in gym, squish it, Jim. Well, why have a nice little shit squitch session? Squish it in, go on bed over right now. Squish it. Oh, in the sluice, down the sluice, right down. Squish it in, squish it in.

And apparently Daniel O'Donnell was gigging in the same venue and he went to the wrong hotel room. He did not. Apparently he did. He went to the wrong hotel room and Jamelia was in. Jamelia was in there. Not Jamelia. And Jamelia was on the time of the month.

Oh, oh. And Daniel O'Donnell got a bit of red face and I don't mean he was in ball. I do not believe that this happened. Do you have proof of this crazy incident? Well, it was reported in the local paper. Ah, then, okay, that makes sense, yeah. Anyway, welcome back to Hour 7 of Gossip Toilet. We are...

Charity Shop Vampire. That's him, and I'm Tunieti. Hello, taking a little break from making hard beats and great tunes to discuss some of the... Hot takes and titbits from the world of celebrity with my great mate, Charity Shop Vampire. And oh yes, I have taken the cock out of my mouth for long enough to speak about the things that excite me in the world of Entie Daymond. And what's hot stories do you have, charity? Well, have you heard that there is going to be a team up between Ross Abbott and Lady Gaga?

Oh my. Covering. Covering atmosphere. Oh my word. And he's going to appear on the video as well? Yes. I believe he's going to be in one of his funny fat suits. Ha ha ha ha. And she's going to be made wearing a dress made out of cake. I see. Oh, well, I don't know why she would never call me. Well, I've still got... You don't want to get mixed up. You don't want to get mixed up with Lady Gaga.

I don't. Why? What have you heard? She'll sample your bits and take them for her own, I've heard. Oh, everyone used to take my beats. You know, I'm very proud, actually. I can see that, you sexy beast, very proud. I must be excited. I'm actually, very proud on one of the three ones. But I'm not on the clock for cock.

You're not on the clock for cock. I am not on the clock for cock. Why don't you just go and put the toothbrush back in the glass? Why are you interrupting a hot gossip with the silly things of this? Just because it just annoys me, you know? I know it's only a little thing, you know? but why can't you, after you've brushed your... Well, why can't you put your clothes back once they've been in the tumble dryer?

I always do. You do not put the... You're not making any sense, do you know that? The washing machine never dries them properly. Anyway... You have to air them on the rack, and you never put them in, so I have to have a dab cloak. Look, just let me get through this story. No, no, no, no, no.

I want to clear this up. I'll agree to put the tooth bush in its correct holding. What do you want me to do? If you agree to take the clothes... out of the dryer and put them on the rack and properly air them. I don't understand.

The dryer's meant to dry the clothes. It doesn't dry him very well. Well, what's the point of having a dryer then? Why must put them straight out the rack out of the washing machine? I said this when we bought the thing. I said, what's the point of a dryer if we could just hang it on the rack for free? Because the dryer's meant to do it.

The trial's meant to do the whole job. You don't mean to have to dry. You put too many clothes in. You put too many puffer jackets in and hats. In the dryer or the washing machine. They're both because they're the same thing. I like, that's part of my look. It's like...

It doesn't allow for a successful dry when you stuff it with seven bomber jackets. Well, you never brush your tooth properly. I can still smell all of the... That's because I use it on my asshole. Oh my word, it's not very nice. I've got two toothbrush, one for bomb and one for fun.

You brush... You use a toothbrush on your bum. Because certain clients come to me at night and they do not want a claggy experience. And we've already discussed this charity. You're not meant to be seeing clients here. Well, I am. But I don't like it.

I don't like the sex noises in the night, you know? I'm not a teen anymore. You know that. You're your 57. I don't say that on the street. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm not 57.

You fucking go. Let's just do a story. I can't believe you said that. Let's do a story. One more story. Drake is going to be playing Bruce Forsyth in a posthumous musical.

Musical, retail. I know who's directing it. Who's directing it? Who's directing that? Christopher Nolan. Oh, that's very interesting. Now, I can smell penis on your breath. You don't brush your teeth.

Oh, what does... Because you keep moving my toothbrush. I just put it in a rational place, which is the... Yeah, but that's not the right toothbrush. So I'm now washing my teeth with my bum old stick. The little Spider-Man, the Spider-Man. The Spider-Man.

Man Cup is where you put the toothbrush. You know what? I'm not sitting here for it did. Oh, come on. Oh, no, I've had enough of you today. Oh! I've had enough of all of this nonsense from you. Fine.

I'm going back to my coffin to have a lovely wank. Well, that's fine. I'll do the gossip by myself then. Thank you. Right, Gary Wilmore, he's got crabs apparently. Inch. Inch. Inch.

Inch. Inch. Inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch. Inch. inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch inch well that's all right that one inch man's got his own stream on this it's the best thing on here so far last thing i heard he was like you know what what making money on miles i dared he'd got over to the mile gang no he was a complete drug addict living

in his car his whole life had broken down yeah well it's good at least he's making a bit of money at least he's doing something at least he's doing a little bit of something that's all right but i don't understand though i just don't understand how this is making money I don't understand how... There's no viewers. We're the only people... Look, we appear to be the only people... There's two people watching Inchman just then, and that was us.

That's us. There's no one... And that historically looks like that's the only people. How does any of this make any sense? Fiscally, it doesn't make any sense. No. I don't... Well, I just...

I mean, it looks like it's fucking just data mining the fucking shit. I'm looking at... I'm looking at Juicy Jeremy's text here and he says... He's got this security code thing as well. Oh, no, we're talking about that. Yeah, no. The hack... for the security.

Let's do that. Let's have a look at that. Can you think we should? Come on, man. There's got to be some reason. I've got to log out. We don't know. We need to know what the scan is.

I know, but I need to log out of the main screen. You put it in there. You put it in this. Hang on. On the drop down, there's a blank space on the drop down menu there. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, give me the number. Give me the number. It's 52 stroke. 52 stroke. Z3. That's not a number then, is it? Because that's a letter.

It's a, yeah. Z3. Z3. Oh, yeah. It looks like, to me, that looks like security footage from the camera. I think we've hacked into the security feed. Put the volume up. Yeah, put the volume up, here.

Take it. Take my, feel my, my power. I'm so wet, so, oh, something. Oh, yes, Jane. Rough, rough, oh, Jane. I'm almost there. Could you? Jane.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm almost at the finish. Alright. Do me a favour. Yeah. Just, I'm just gonna pull out and just have a wee. Oh yeah. Have a wee.

Oh, you bash my doors in. Roth. Oh, get your clothes on, Rob. Oh, my knickers are soaking wet. Yes, yes, yes. Oh, they sniff like tuna. Oh, oh, oh, just how I like it. You're a real man.

Rough, bro. I'm very busy actually, John. You can get your clothes back on now. Oh, there they are. There they are. There they are. You're that kind of guy, aren't you? Love them and leave them.

It doesn't matter. Richard's John Goatee. Hello. Oh God, it's my husband. Alright, I've got... I'm getting in the cabin. Alright, I'm getting in the cabin. Get under the desk. Get under the desk.

Uh, yeah. John. Yes, you know, so was it something, uh... Rough, rough, ruff, urgent. Yeah, well it's just a little, uh... The little matter of the rent on the property. We, uh, into my account. on the first of every month and it just hasn't seemed to have been going in for the last two months.

I just wondered if there's any kind of issue or problem. Ruff, well, yes. I was going to tell you, but it's just been so busy all the time, 100% on here. I was going to say, I've come to a different Ruff Ruff-Rangement for the rent. Sorry, I've got a, I don't know what that was. My stomach, I haven't had time to eat properly. It's been pure ginsters. Ruff-Ruff, they've really really, really.

you repeat on me terribly, sorry about that. Oh, Ginsters, yeah. I've given them mediocre ratings in my own personal food review pieces, but a different arrangement. I don't understand. I really need the money just for the basic overheads of keeping the electricity on here and all of that type of things. I don't mean to be a pain.

Ruff, yes. We've got to have to discuss this later, John, because John, it's time for your food reviews, with urchin boy, little urchin boy, the orphan boy, you know. It's kind of rough, rough, we'll talk about this later, okay. Oh, oh, you're right actually? Oh, I didn't realise. Ah, okay.

Inch, inch, inch, inch, inch, inch. And it had a very peculiar bit of flavour. Anyway, moving on, the next item we're going to look at are fish fingers. Now I've got bird's eyes. I've got two different types here. I've got battered and breadcrumbs which are the two major categories of fish fingers. Now for this segment I've got an expert in cheap food. It's the little urchin boy. You want to come in now? Oh hello mr I'm starving I've been out all night selling matches. Yes yes urchin boy well we've got some fish fingers for you to taste so uh we're

If you want to start with the battered, this is bird's eyes battered fish finger, and I've done them in the oven to keep the fat down. Oh, thanks, Mr. I love, I love all food. Oh, oh, give it to me. Oh, my word, that's the most delicious thing I've ever tasted in my whole life. Oh, the blood's come back to my face. Oh, I can feel my fingertips. All right, all right.

But what did you think? It's the most delicious thing. A million out of ten. No, I want you to give it an honest review. It can't be a million out of ten. It has to be out of ten. Did we like to be very scientific on the show about our grading? Oh, Mr.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for this fragment of fish finger. This will sustain me. No, just give me a mark out ten. Oh, what's the point? Oh, Mr. What's the matter? I don't know. I used to think I wanted to do food reviews

My wife doesn't even eat dinner with me anymore Talk about fish fingers, she always smells of fish Don't be sad I'll tell you what mister I'll try to have a fish finger I'll give her a proper mark Yeah, you could I suppose what's the point It's bloody just fish fingers anyway I don't repair my marriage will they

Oh Put me through to Mr Banana Yes, I'll hold. Flowers smell particularly beautiful in the fall. Uh, yeah, code number is a... 2.1, 2,1, 1 2, 1, 2, testing, 1, 2, 3.

Yes, Mr. Banana Boat. Let me tell you, everything is set up. Yes, my decades-long plan is finally coming together like this embroidery on an old lady's welcome to Bridgeport badge towel. What? No, I do not exactly. expected to be any problems with this case. No, it is my life's work. Yes, I know I am hanging a massive lantern on this plot.

Yes, don't you worry, we'll have him within the hour. Jimmy B, Mysterious Agent 415 signing off, Mr. Banana Boat. Goodbye, goodbye. Oh, yes, yes. What a lovely, lovely memory from the past. Thank you, Donald for reminding me. Now, my next letter, to Mr. Bill Donut, says this, Dear Bill, I remember seeing you in Bournemouth in 1972, and could you please sing one of those songs today? Well, who is this?

Catherine Smyth. Catherine, due to woke behaviour, I now can no longer sing some of the hits that you so enjoyed back in the day. I'm so sorry, so sorry. But maybe I can interest you in one of my favorites from my seaside days and a bit more cheeky. I remember back in the day my daddy taught me this song from his days, treading the boards just before the First World War, and I believe, if I remember rightly, it's called Don't Put It Here, Put It There.

Oh, dumpty turtle-y-tum, oh daddy caught me fiddling at midnight. yesterday. He said, Oh, naughty boy, you will have to put it away. I said, Oh, Daddy, where I could put it clearly out of sight. And then my daddy said to me as he turned out the light. Put it here, not there. Put it there, not here.

Wherever you put it, I want to suck it, so put it not right there. Yes, it was something like that, I seem to remember. And then there was Mummy's song where it's wet, what was it called? If it's cold outside, it's wet and warm with mother. And it goes like this. Inch.

Inch. Inch. Inch. Inch. Can I have my smack now, please? Please. Inch. Inch.

Inch. You said I could have some smack. So that's where I think about Johnny Depp. Right. So, hello. Welcome back to our Pirates of the Sea section of the show. Once again, joined by Long John Can't Come. Thank you, Captain.

R. Who are indeed? I still can't come. I've been trying for years, and we've still got smiles on our faces. Well, Captain, I hope this list here will help us to achieve the goal, the single goal of both of our lives on land and at sea, which is achieving spunk. I looked in Cosmo the other day. Oh.

And Cosmo had a top five ways to help. your gentleman achieve ejaculate. So I thought we could look at these and have a little thing about worrying. All right. Now Captain, you don't mind about getting me britches open just in anticipation of the

furious whank session. We'll be having. Right, so step one, it says here. Yeah. Words of comfort and support from your partner helps. So you get it going. Oh, you're all right. No, you can't go and I give you.

Oh, I'm going. I'm already going, Captain. All right, there you go, my son. Oh, yeah. Well done you. Oh. Why, you're a testament to your species. It's a, oh, no. You've got a nice haircut.

Oh, I do. No. All right, you read number four out then. All right, I read number four here. And it says, a stroke in your air whilst tickling the end of your nose. All right, well, I tell you what? It's like a sneeze thing. You are, I'll get it out.

Oh, it's out. Right, and you need to, you tickle my nose and rub me air then. All right, here we go. How's that? No, it's kind of put me off more, actually. Oh, is it the smell of my fingers? Yeah, it does smell a bit like you've been eating fish fingers. A lot of that about.

No, that doesn't work for me. All right, no, all right, I'll give you. Try number three on me, Gatner. What, it's the third item. I hope it works, but you know what, ladies and gentlemen, I don't think anything's, I don't think anything. I think it's a medical condition. Right, okay, so during your, during the stroke,

why not introduce a tickling sensation to the bum-oh? Oh, oh, the bum-oh. I'll tell you what, you bed over then, my lord. All right, I'm giving it some, don't you worry, ar. There we go. I'm going, the shot. Oh, oh, that's almost, oh my God. Oh, no, I wouldn't recommend that.

Oh, you smell that. That smells like my bottom. It smells like fish fingers, is all. I've been eating a lot of fish fingers. It smells like crabbing fish fingers. I've gone for, I'm flat as a pancake. Yeah, it's happened. Right, let's go on to number four then.

No, they're never going to come. They never are. It's never going to happen for them. It's a shame. It is a shame, but there must be something medical with them. It's got to be at this point, or deeply psychological. They can't get over something. I don't know.

Who watches this shit anyway? Well, let's have a look at the view account here. Zero. But there was two before, though. That was you and me. We're still logged on. Why have we not? What's this thing next to the view account?

That's like a data mining thing, I think. That's like a little bit of code. Rothcoin, that's his thing, his crypto, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's going fucking huge. They're on 2 billion Rothcoin. How can they be on 2 billion Rothcoin though if, like, there's no one watching? It just doesn't work.

It doesn't make sense at all. I mean, I don't get it, but that doesn't make sense to me. It just doesn't make sense. I just think... Where are these Rothcoin coming from if no one's watching? That's one thing. Is this why it's data mining? Is your laptop getting hot?

I think your computer's being used. Can you smell? It's burning my computer. Oh, shit. I just smell the food on it as well coming off. Can we log out? Let's look at... No, I'll look at the security feed again. Go back on the security feed. Go back to the security feed. Go to the office.

That's right. And also, it's all going to go down much sooner than rough I expected, Carol. So just get the motor running, if you know what I mean. Have you sealed the fire escapes? Ruff, Ruff, yes, I know they'll be trapped inside. That's the whole point. I don't need any loose strings on this one, Carol. All right.

Roth, Rob, Rob. Carol, how about an extra thousand pounds? Rough, Roth. Yes, I thought that changed your mind. Yes, Carol, yes, that's right. Now, I've closed all the accounts. The Rothkoin has been transferred. That should finish in the next few minutes.

So time is really off the assent here, Roth, Roth. Oh, and a cup of tea, please, Ruff, Ruff, Hello, Brenda. Hello, Jim. Jimmy? What are you doing in the office at this time? Jimmy, I'm just on a very sensitive thing. If you could just give us a minute, Rough Rock. Okay, I just gotta...

What are you doing back here? I'm just gonna pick up this nondescript empty bottle of alcoholic beverage. No, I can throw that out, Jimmy, Rothrop. It's not... No, I gotta... It will bug me if I don't take it out now. It will bug you? I mean, it will upset me if I don't put it in recycling straight away, because I'm very much into a... I'm very much into recycling these days. Well, that's strange.

So this bottle has to come with me right now. Fine, fair enough. I just have warned you. I may have used it to store a lady's piss. That's good. I need DNA evidence as well. That's a good point. What?

No, no... Rob, no, Carol. I wasn't talking to you. I'm just gonna take this bottle to write a suitcase. Oh, right, Jimmy. Okay, Branda. Alright, Jimmy. Oh!

Ruff, bro! There's a little red light on that monitor, doesn't that? Doesn't that mean someone's watching? Oh, yeah, I mean the camera's being viewed. Who's watching? Right, we're going to go to WebCamp 3 now, where we're going to pop in on some chaffinches, because I believe they're setting up for winter, and I'd like to see the camera.

Let's go. And to join me for this is a good friend of the show, Willie Wanker's Nature Grumble, is Cardinal Sin. Hello, everybody, it's me Cardinal Sin. It's crazy in here, isn't he? What are we looking at today? Is it pigs? No, no, no, that's a pig Friday.

We don't do it today It's Pig Friday We do pigs Oh okay I'll wait till then What are we got today then First of all Your fucking accent's getting worse

I'll say that for you But we're looking in To some chaffichers In a little webcam Let's go to Cam 5 Here we go And there's the nest And there's a beautiful

Chaffinch Oh Look at the plumage On that one You dirty bitch Fucking come to Nest eyes You've got

Haven't you Oh Oh I see you've got Your boyfriend in this week I thought you'd kick him out the nest after I saw him with a hawk. Yeah, I see that.

I see that all the time. It's crazy. I see, I see the hawk on chaffing, fucking. But anything under the sun I like. Right, okay, that's good. You, fuck. Yeah, anyway, I've lost interest now. Right, next one.

Now, you'll like this cardinal sin. Just for you, we're going over to the cow barn. Oh, I like cows. I like to suck on their titty, titty odders, don't I? It's amazing. I suck on him, I lie under them and I say, one at a time, girls! Like that, it's fun in it!

Now, you know, you go straight to the goal, you don't play me dribbling, do you? You don't play the long game. With a cow, you've got to lull them into a false sense of security, you know, because those cows, oh, they give you the big eyes. But what I like, the big thighs on a cow, it's all right, let's go over to Bessie's barn

and look at those fuck. Oh, k-doors and action! Oh, what happened? It's just cut. Oh. Weird. Those Rothcoins are still going up, man. Yeah, yeah, but all the feeds have died.

Can you go to any other rooms? No, there, no, there's lady plots. It's all gone. So the hosting site's there, but the streams have all gone. Oh, what the... This is so weird. This is weird. Should we check the security?

I'll tell you what, yeah, I've got to go back, because we got bumped off before, so go back into the CCTV. Okay. I don't know what happened before, but bump us back. All right. Started the fire now, yes. We've only got a couple of minutes. Yes, all the coins been downloaded.

Roth, Rob, come on, Carol, please. You've got to get here very fast. Carol! I know about you that you don't even know about yourself. Jimmy, you have to get out of my way. No. Content House is on fire. I know.

I know. I've already called the fire brigade. And the police. The jack. You fucking. What? The police. The most secret of plans.

What? I have been on the cover. Man and dog. 10 years I've been in full trading every single entrail in your empire I was there for the Pish Magic I got all the receipts All right, Rob Rock! Rock! You got all the receipts as a police where you could... Here coming now!

It's actual fire! I'm so... Gentlemen! You got a gun and said who's into some weird shit! Rough Rob! Oh! Ah, this is my greatest victory. Randolph, do you have anything you want to say? Rob, Rob! Rob! It wasn't me! I have a...

me, I don't know what he's... Take him, or has saved it. Oh, I don't fire. I forgot I can get out of here. Bye! Oh, that's it. The whole thing's been dumped. It's just closed. Yeah. It's gone. Yeah. I mean, I don't... You know what? Just fine. Close it. I don't care. I think we're done.

I'm not getting involved with those guys again. What a nightmare. To be fair to Jimmy? Yeah. I mean, that's the long con. That is the long game. But do you think he's... Do you think Brandoff's ever going to see jail time? Well... No. He's not.

Probably not. He's got men. on the inside, men on the outside. Jimmy's done his duty, but no. Anyway, that's a waste of fucking time, wasn't it? Huge waste of time. One's going to happen to all the characters,

now they've burnt the house down. Where are they going to go, eh? Those fucking idiots, where are they going to turn up next? They shouldn't have put their lot in with Brandoff. They should have known better. No, well, again, not our problem. Oh, who's that? Are you expecting anyone?

No, no. Because I've got stuff to do, mate. I've got the live. Well, let's just... I'll see if it is. All right, I'll see. I'll look at the door. Turn the lights off.

Turn the lights off. It's all the... Okay. All the fucking characters. Okay. They're all outside the door. Shit. Hello, it's Willie Wanker.

We need a place to stay. No, no. No, they can't stay here. They can't stay here. They can't stay here. Turn the... I'll turn the lights off. We know you're in there.

Go on let us it, please. We can go live in the attic again. No. They can't live in the attic again. They're not coming into the attic. They've got fucking guests coming. Stop banging on the door, you're not coming in. Stop!

Open the window. Get out the window halfway. Alright, it's get out of here. Fuck out of here.