CheapShow - Ep 0: An Introductory Offer

Episode Date: June 10, 2017

Don't know CheapShow? Don't know where to start? Well, how about using this delightful teaser mini episode that sets the scene for the madness that is to follow! In each episode, Paul Gannon & Eli Silverman celebrate the cheap and tacky and try to find treasure in the trash. It's a little pop culture, it's a little nostalgic, it's manic, verbally violent and unlike any other podcast you know... potentially! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Subscribe or Die! You can see pictures and accompanying videos for this episode on our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... all that jazz!

Hello, you've chosen to listen to this podcast, The Cheap Show. Hiya! Hi everybody, I'm the other guy who's in the podcast, Eli. Hello, my name's Paul Gannon, that's Eli, and we do a podcast called The Cheap Show. And after 44 episodes we thought we'd finally do a pilot to introduce you to the world of our pod. How would you describe it, Mr Silverman? The Cheap Show Yes. Yes. But the thing is, the format wasn't always so secure. No. Well, that's why we thought we'd do this introductional kind of podcast-y thing. Basically, we thought we'd explain why

the first few shows were all live and then it moved into a studio thing. And that was because we tried to do it live. Oh, it's hard. Yes. When no one knows you're a podcast. And you don't know what you're really doing either. No.

It becomes what we like to politely call shambolic. Yes. So, the first few episodes of our run were recorded under the title of Unclickables, which was a show with a bad name and no format. So bad. The name's so bad. I mean, you couldn't even spell it.

No. If you want to follow us, please go to The Unclickables. T-H-E-U-N-C-L-I-Q-U. Anyway, we begun to realise there was a format brewing within it, though. We were testing cheap food out and looking at charity shop finds and things. And eventually we thought we'd rebrand it and call it Cheap Show. Yes.

Good. Good move. And it was a good move. Because we have rocketed from tens of listens to now thousands. So, we just wanted people not to be put off if they go back to the beginning

and find these strange relics of the proto-pod that was The Uncleakables. Yeah, and then we move into a studio a few episodes later on down the line, and then we began to find the format a little bit more, and our special relationship, and obviously Barshan's kicked

off at that point as well, the YouTube channel, so things began to change, and what? I'm just waiting for you to stop talking. Oh. Yeah. So, what have we got on this little pilot that people can listen to, Paul? I just thought I'd edit together a little bit of a highlight reel

of some of the things that you can expect over the next load of Cheek Show episodes, from the live all the way to the kind of more weird stuff, like the scripted, sketchy kind of bits we do. Which we also do, if you're a fan of semi-scripted... Improvisational bollocks. Drama. Yeah, drama. We've got a few episodes like that. semi-scripted improvisational bollocks drama yeah drama we've got a few

episodes like that we also have a few episodes when we're out and about with our recorders on the scene on the scene on location

yes we've got a few so it's we this is it it's just a taster this is like a pilot recorded two years down the line for a show that's

been existing for two years so please enjoy please enjoy the cheap show taster pilot episode oh wait that's it I should just give them some more information existing for two years. So please enjoy. Please enjoy. The Cheap Show Taster Pilot episode. Oh wait, that's it,

I should just give them some more information. On Twitter, we're at thecheapshowpod. Email us thecheapshow at gmail.com

Our website is thecheapshow.co.uk and we have a Patreon. If you're listening to all of this and you go, I want to give them a little bit of money

to say thank you and hope they carry on, then you can go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show and there are lots of this and you go, I want to give them a little bit of money to say thank you and hope they carry on, then you can go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show and there are lots of tears and rewards and things like that when you say tears it just sounds like there's lots of tears

do you know like sadness and trauma, no it's T-I-E-R-S I know but you should say there's lots of rewards at different levels of giving see that's much more clear, you're just like there's lots of tears, there's lots of tears there's lots of woe you can go on there and there's woe and tears and just existential this episode hung over yeah well you did so enjoy hello my name is paul gannon and this is a taster of what we do on the Cheap Show podcast,

an economy, comedy, entertainment podcast where me and my co-host Eli Silverman go for the bargain bins, charity shops, car boot sales of the UK, and try to find treasure in the trash. Now, we like to mix it up on the show, so one episode might be in the studio. The next, it might be a live show in front of an audience with guests. We've also done scripted episodes for Halloween and Christmas, where they're a bit more kind of plot comedy-based, with all our usual games folded into the narrative. And also maybe get out and about, where we go to car boot sales and we do something like a bargain hunt.

We're recording with our handheld recorders and getting out and meeting real people. So this is a taste of some of what we think represents the show. You're going to see four clips from four episodes. The first one is from episode four called Stuart Ashen Eats Sponch. That was recorded live in London. Also following that is episode 12, The Cheap Show Creep Show, a scripted comedy episode, a spoof found footage thing where me and Eli go spend the night

in a haunted house and then go insane episode 20 is up next to play your blankety cards right game show where me and eli find a bunch of classic board games based on tv shows and we play them i'll let the title give you a clue as to what games we play and finally is episode 36 the car boot challenge special the one where me and eli go out to a car boot sale in north london and try to find some interesting tat with just a budget of five pounds so there you go if you want to know more you can go to our website www.thecheapshow.co.uk where we have videos and extra content and all kinds of weird and wonderful stuff other than that we hope you enjoy what you're about to hear. Take it away, us.

All right, next one. This toy is simply called Aquadots. I'll give you a little bit more information. It was a pen that, when you squeezed it, laid little tiny dots that you could make into shapes and build structures with. So a little liquid pen thing. So what do you think, Aquadots?

What was the problem with that? It only worked underwater. I'm struggling. I've had no time to prepare, guys. You don't have to prepare. It's a question. You wouldn't go on Mastermind. I wanted to say something fucking funny. Of course you'd prepare if you're on Mastermind. Well, yeah. Yes, you would. What is your specialty subject?

I don't know. I just thought of it. Queens or something. Queens of England. Yeah. Haven't done any research. Don't know. Don't know. I just thought of it. Queens or something. Queens of England. Yeah. I haven't done any research. Don't know. Don't know. Pass. Pass. Pass.

Queen Victoria? No. Thank you. You passed on 18. Fuck's sake. The caps are building. They're building. Thank you.

All right. That was a lame answer. You couldn't use it underwater. Ashen's. All right, go on. What have you got for us? So this was a pen that you stick underwater. No, no, there was no water involved. Don't listen to that feral denizen.

Then why is it called Aquedot? Exactly! It's called Aquedot because it was like a little liquidy stuff inside it that when you squeeze solidified into little dots that you could make patterns with and things. It was a pen that gave out chunky beads. Oh, that's the best thing you've said all night. Fuck you. So it's like

a drug dealer and a pen? Yeah, if you want to think. Funnily enough, you're not... I'll let you answer before I tell you why that was surprisingly close. Don't tell me kids could get high off the aqua dots. You know what? I'm going to give you half a point for being anywhere near the postcode

of that right answer. The right answer is this. It was a little pen, and when you squirted it, little beads came out, right? Those beads could be easily swallowed. Kids, obviously being kids, swallowed a lot of those beads. Now here's the problem. Kids would eat them and sometimes vomit.

They were the lucky ones. The kids who didn't vomit fell into comas. Holy shit! Wait, that's not even the horrible part of this story. It turns out the aqueducts were made of a chemical called GHP, which, when you metabolise, is a date-rate drug. So basically, these kids were falling into comas because they were eating date rape drugs

and that for some reason date rape drug is the hardest sentence I've said all night. Anyway, let's just Move on. Let's just bring the doorbell. Look, I just want to say

don't be calling me a tramp in front of the proprietor okay, because you know I know you don't like it so I won't do it. Unified are you we're in a professional professional podcast team okay stroke ghost hunters who the fuck are you hello uh my name is pa Paul Gannon And this is Eli Silverman, the hairy tramp From the podcast Cheap Show

Oh, you're here for the ghost hunt? Yeah, remember I emailed you about the ghost hunt Oh, sorry, yes, great, come in This, I tell you what, this house is fucking so haunted How haunted is it? It's brilliantly haunted Right You're not going to be

disappointed. Okay. And I should tell you now, I mean, I don't know if you're planning on getting any sleep, but the bed has been shat in. Right. Okay. So that's nothing to do with ghosts, really? No. Eli, you've been silent. What do you think about this? Oh,

hello, Mr. Bollocks. Why don't you have a conversation with yourself, I mean, with Mr Bollocks, Eli? Oh, so you're Eli, the dirty little tramp? Yes, that's right. I'm Eli, the dirty little tramp. So, you're the brains I can see in this operation. Yes, that's right, and Paul's a dick. Yes, Paul does look like a total dick. Oh, look at him with his big cherub face and his

silly hair. Alright, you two, come in. Thank you very much, Mr. Bollocks. And Paul, behave yourself. Okay, now just make your way into this ornate, wood-panelled hallway, and you can see there's some very macabre, stuffed animals on the wall,

and there's the hand of old Jeremiah. He was my groundskeeper. And the award for best actor goes to Eli Silverman for the dual role of Bobby Bollocks and Eli Silverman in the Cheap Show podcast. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you. So, we can't go in your bedroom. Nope. What about the attic? You can go up there, but it's just got loads of old DVDs. Right. The basement?

The basement's fine, and there is a lot of ectoplasm lying around. The kitchen? The kitchen? Fix yourself a cup of tea, by all means, but don't use the best china. And finally, the toilet. The toilet is... I'd give it five minutes. Believe me, it's fucking haunted. Right.

It's, it's... I get the gist. It's like... Eli gets the gist too. I get the gist too, Mr Bullocks. Good, good Eli, yes. This is so sad to listen to. But moving the plot along.

He is laughing at you. He is laughing behind your back, Eli. He knows what you did. Hey, Doc. Oh, hello, Michael. What you doing? Well, I've been listening to the Cheap Show Halloween special, and it's sadly lacking in spookiness. So I had Ashley engineer a few holographic ghosts. Thought I'd send them over. You know, help spooky it up a bit for them. I'm sure they'll love it. I'm just about

finished up recording some creepy audio. Right. So I guess this means you're not working on the podcast. Did you get any work done on it at all today? We're kind of overdue for an episode. Well, the bunker's ventilation system did need immediate attention today. I'm sure. And the stereo needed to be rewired, and the cutlery

in the break room needed to be alphabetized, and you needed to start this... what is it? A ship in a bottle? I'm a victim of my whims, Michael. And besides, you should talk with your obsessive shot-for-shot recreation of the cult classic Monster Squad using only Remco action figures. Hey, that's my art you're talking about. Well, you're here now, I suppose. Shall we get to work? On the podcast? Sure.

No, no, on these custom dedications. It'll be much easier if we split them up, don't you think? Uh, okay, I guess. But let's get back to the podcast as soon as we're done, okay? Well, I mean, after I film the Wolfman's Got Nards sequence. Of course. I'll start. He's coming to get you. Okay, Michael, will you take the next line?

Sure. Paul Gann is going to kill you slowly. Don't you think that's a little on the nose? Michael, I'm sure everything will be fine. Oh, hang on. I'm seeing something. What's that? He knows what he did.

Oh, this place. It's not a scam. That's some kind of apparition. Hang on, it's saying something. I must record. He is coming to get you. Uh, Paul? Paul, I think you should come in here.

Paul? He is laughing at you. He is laughing behind your back. He knows what I did. Of course. I can't let him leave. He must... He must stay here forever.

I must stop Paul from ever leaving this place. Paul is going to kill you slowly. He must be silenced. He must be silenced. He can never speak. He can never speak of what Eli did. No, he can never know.

He can never tell the world what Eli did, and I won't ever say, and then he won't say. And, ha, ha, ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Okay. Pick your top three price.

Okay, I'm going to go with... I'm going to pick, first of all, this bottle of bleach. I'd like the bottle of bleach, please. Bleach for you. Okay, push that forward. I'm going to also take the strawberry jam. Jam, he thinks it's more expensive. And I'm going to go with pizza.

Pizza as well. I'm going to go with pizza. Pizza as well. I'm going to go with pizza. He loves pizza. So, I have the pizza, the jam, and the thick bleach. Okay, ready? So, let's start with the bleach. How much is the bleach? The bleach is worth 80 pence. I thought that might have been more. Oh, I can't eat any more beans.

Do you want to just eat the bean now? No. Pizza is worth £1.66. That's good. Now I'm playing for now I'm in the game. You're in the game now the bean now? Pizza is worth £1.66. That's good. Now I'm in the game. You're in the game now. And the strawberry jam is worth 60p. Now. Now.

Jam's really expensive these days. I was going to go by 1986 prizes. You've got to try and, you know, time scale it. So, if two or more of these items are higher than two or more of your items, you eat the bean. So, bananas. Yeah. 70p.

You're looking good there. Okay. That's lower than all three of your items. You're looking good. No, it's higher than one of your items. So that's fine. I'm still in. These two need to be the winners still.

15 metres of wide thickness foil. £4.57. Fuck off! What the fuck is foil being? Mate, it's metal. It's a resource. It's metal. Poundland for a pound.

Well, it's not Poundland. What's this? You only get the best, OK? Now, you're not looking good, but six packs. If this is over a quid, you're in trubs. Go on. Variety packs, six packs of crisps, £1.18. Eat the bean.

You actually tried as well, didn't you? You're terrible at that. You are terrible at that. God almighty. Let's see if I can get a really nasty one here. Buttered popcorn or rotten egg? Now this one is really nasty, isn't it? I know, this is nasty as shit, this one.

Oh, God. That one. Yeah. So it's either popcorn or what? Eggs. Rotten eggs. Oh, come on, give it here. It's gonna be eggs. Oh! Oh! Oh, no!

Paul! Stop making that noise! Seriously, are you okay? Oh, this has been the best show ever I don't like it Wow I just can't lose Let's take a quick commercial break While we set up the final game for Price of Shite

That is right Well I have a little bit of budget left And I wonder if I should get one more thing or not You have to I know Well I have to get like three things I'm not spending a five on utter shit And then you go

Oh no I'm saving money No I'm not saving money And my query is How far do I spend? Do I look for quality or quantity? I've got enough money to get one more thing potentially You've lost I haven't lost

Unless you've bought eight amazing things. I've bought some amazing stuff. I think I might swing this, though. Go on. Go and get your last ice. I've got five minutes. All right. Two minutes.

Whatever. Shut up. So, time is up, Mr. Silverman. Time is up. Have you got everything you need? I have. Are you feeling confident? I'm feeling pretty confident.

Also, can I just mention now, you took way too long, and you should be disqualified. No. And basically, I'm not going to mention it again later, but I basically won, even if you won. That's just bullshit. That's you getting ahead of the curve, isn't it, really? That's you saying, moralistically, I'm a winner. It was meant to be like Bargain Hunt. You took way over the appointed half an hour that we needed to do this.

Anyway, either way, we've finished now. We've bought what we need to. We're going to go back to Eli's flat now and evaluate and basically judge each other's tat. Can I tell you as well? No, because we've been recording this. Right. So, I'm recording it. I'm moving around.

I'm holding my phone. And this guy, who I'm looking at his table of contents goes are you recording me and I was like no because I hadn't I turned my phone off at that time so I wasn't actually

recording at that time you just had the mic out yeah and he was like are you recording me what is this is this a sting or something I was like

no no no no and he goes what's that in your pocket and then he saw this yellow puff of this thing which again wasn't on

wasn't recording and he goes watch this that's a recorder that's a recorder are's recording you're recording me like no no no this is look and i got it out for him and i was doing a podcast and blah blah and i go it's you know it's a task cam it's blah blah blah and he goes oh yeah how much did you pay for that and i was like 80 quid i'll give you 50 i was like no he would have bought it off you for 50 right yeah but then we wouldn't have a show because how are we going to record anything yeah that would have bought it off you for 50, right? Yeah. But then we wouldn't have a show, because how are we going to record anything? Yeah, that would have been good, though. So all we've got to do now is pack up and head back home.

I win, no matter who wins, I win. No bullshit. Right, we're heading home. Onwards. Bye.