CheapShow - Ep 105: The Brookside Tiger

Episode Date: December 7, 2018

Get ready for a "storytime" with a difference in this week's CheapShow. When YouTube channel Video Games Basement got in touch to offer up an unusual cassette tape from a mad relative containing a previously forgotten bedtime story, we simply HAD to listen. We soon regretted that decision. Discover along with Paul & Eli the true terror of The Brookside Tiger... If you are brave enough. Oh, also, the cheap chaps taste test some hot sauces, get an exclusive "Tales from the Shop Floor" from internet sensation Ashens and sadly bump into Storytime Grandpa, much to Paul's disappointment. It's a packed show... Just don't say we didn't warn you... And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos and the full live show on YouTube can be found at... www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

Oh, fuck off, mate. Now you're just doing it on purpose. Prick. Hello, welcome to Cheap Show. It's the economy comedy podcast. I am Paul Gannon. And I'm Eli Silverman. Oh, damn right! I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, alright?

It's a fact of cheap show, you're gonna have to fucking reset. Noodle time. Tales from the dance floor. How's the big guy? A piece of shite It's a tour gun and saying hello Eli Silver Welcome to Geek Show I think I'll go and I'll nuzzle.

Yeah? Hey. Hey. What are you doing? How are you doing, little man? How are you doing, little man? I'm all right, Paul. I've got to talk about this for the whole show.

All right, yeah. All right, go on, do it. So, how are you? How has it been since the last episode? I feel right, Paul, you right, go on, do it. So, how are you? How's it been since the last episode? I feel right for me now. Yeah? Yeah. Great. So what do you feel about Brexit? I feel it's a glorious opportunity. What's that? A glorious opportunity? If. Yeah. If. Wow, this is hot political talk on Cheap Show. Oh, it's fiery hot, ladies and gentlemen. I'll do the intro, yeah?

Yeah. I love you, buddy. Cheap Show. You like to talk about the economy podcast. It's full. Anyone listening to this is going to think it's... What? What kind of impression is that?

When people listen and they hear that stupid... No, not your impression. That's not the impression. I'm not talking about that being an impression. No, I meant what's the impression impression I'm not talking about That being an impression No I meant What's the impression You're putting on New listeners to the podcast

Who may have been Recommended it by a friend And they hear this Fucking muck Coming out of your mouth Apologise I'm sorry Hate you

Yeah Hate you You know what I saw recently Someone sent us a link On the Twitter Oh yes About an article That was seen in the Metro.

Daily Mirror, sorry. I do apologise. Shall I read the title to you? Please. Accept Cookies. Is that the title? Accept Cookies. No. Always accept cookies when you're offered them. Accept Cookies. That's terrible. Accept Cookies.

You can accept cookies. Accept Cookies. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Except cookies You can accept cookies Except cookies Oh dear Oh dear Right the article actually is called Teenagers are boiled Are boiled alive? Shut up Teenagers are boiling used sanitary pads

And nappies to get high What? Dun dun dun Another shocking moment Is this a Jenkum thing? Because you know Jenkum's real. Oh, hang on. Young people in Indonesia, oh dear,

claim the resulting liquid makes them feel like they're flying. What? Wow. Teenagers in Indonesia are boiling used sanitary pads and drinking the resulting liquid in attempts to get high. It today emerged. The bizarre new craze has reportedly gripped youths looking for a cheap and legal attempts to get high. It today emerged. The bizarre new craze has reportedly gripped youths looking for a cheap and legal way to get high.

The Indonesian National Drug Agency, BNN, said the chemicals in the sanitary pads give those who drink the concoction a feeling of flying and hallucination. So there's a basis. There's a real basis. Well, I'm going to get to the end of this

and then I'm going to go to Snopes. You know what I mean? You always got to double check your stories like this in case it's bullshit. Young people are also boiling nappies, some dirty,

in the process. So it doesn't have to be used. It's actually... So it must be what? The chemicals in the nappies? Yes, the absorbing. That absorbs the blue stuff. If you pour the blue stuff on it. Obviously, don't do that. If you're listening, don't do that. That absorbs the blue stuff. If you pour the blue stuff on it.

Obviously, don't do that. If you're listening, don't do that. I drink that blue stuff. No, you don't. I'd like to drink the blue stuff. No, you won't. That's a bad example to put out.

You know the blue stuff we're a very influential podcast. That they use as poo? No. What about those blue balls? Those blue balls they use in the nappy ads. What do you mean blue balls?

They go, look, here's some blue balls that represents your baby's fecal. And they all roll around, don't they? Oh, the little balls. And they don't come out. No, that's pee, not poo. No, it's poo.

The balls are poo. The liquid is pee. I hate this podcast sometimes. Fucking hate it. I would. Paul, I'll tell you what. Get those blue balls that they use to fake poo in Raffiads. Smoke them up.

Right. In a pipe. Someone's got an opinion about that. they use to fake poo and what he has, smoke them up. Right. In a pipe. Oh, here's a... Hey, someone's got an opinion about that. Oh. It's story time, Grandad. Here he is, Paul.

Sorry, he's come back. Oh, hello there. Yes. I hate this character. I've got a lot of stories to tell, Paul. I hate this podcast. I've got a long

and distinguished career in the military. You know what you used to have to do? Go on. Eat each other's genitals to stay alive. Again, they've got the eating your genitals thing. That's all the stories I have. They call me story time.

They should call you one story. I know, they used to call me one story, Bill. Why? Because I used to tell stories, but they were all basically come down to... I mean genitals being... Chomping on genitals. Yeah, got it.

Yep. That's my one character trait. And I smoke a pipe. Hate you. Oh, so I do. And there are people out there. No genitals, mate. Anyone know the accent, by the way, out there?

Anyone have a guess? It's my own accent. Storytime grandad. It's a bit Dorset and a bit Irish. That's exactly where I'm from What a brilliant portrayal Dyrish I'm Dyrish I'm Storytime Grandad

I just stopped Storytime Grandad I'm bored of Storytime Grandad I'm bored of my whole life Police on the island have in recent weeks Arrested teenagers said to be high from the sanitary pad formula. Oh, children as young as 14 have been detained. This is sad. It's believed users bore with the sanitary pads.

Yes, you've said that for an hour. Well, yeah, lovely. Beverage is understood to be bitter. Ah, I tell you what. Now that you're having a sneeze, I just have a little thing to add to Storytime Grandad here. Do you know what we used to do to get high?

Shut up. Do you know what we used to do to get high? Genitals, yeah? We used to eat each other's genitals. Right, great. I'm Storytime Grandad. The drink is bitter. Right, I don't know about this story.

I'm going to snopes it. I'm going to snopes it. I'm going to snopes it. I think that could be true. You know, and also... Yeah, but just because it's on the internet doesn't mean it's fucking true. They do... There used to be a time,

back when the internet was young, where all the facts you saw online you thought were true. You just trusted the internet more. I never did. Yeah, you did. No, I didn't. Yes, you did.

You'd go, I want to find this fact out and read it on the internet. I know, I never did. I read that thing on the internet and I trusted it. No, I never did. And then it all changed. internet and I trusted it. No, I never did. And then it all changed.

We started second guessing it. And then we started just lying outright. And then fake news. And it's all dark. Do you know what I did when I was at boarding school? We collected, because we were desperate to get high. Yeah. And we had no access.

Okay. To drugs. Drugs. Yeah. Bananas. Again, does it work? No. But I had a whole, we used to live in sheds.

And this is true. And there's one guy's whole shed, which had a particularly strong air heater in it. Right. Loads of banana skins. And then we went out and did this huge joint with banana skins, dried. That's disgusting. It was very bad. You can't smoke banana skins.

You fucking can, get them dry enough. You physically can, but you shouldn't. There's no benefit. You shouldn't. You shouldn't. Don't smoke banana skins, ladies and gentlemen. Also, they used to say if you smoked a cigarette through an apple. What did that do? Get you high. Also, they used to say if you smoked a cigarette through an apple. What did that do? Get you high.

Tea. We used to smoke tea. What didn't you smoke to try and get high? I bet you did all the herbal high stuff that you used to get in shops, the hippie shops. Well, I did, yeah. You used to get all that stuff. A lot of that works. Cedricordophilia did work.

Really? It's a stimulant, yeah. It's easy for you to say. Cedricordophilia. Yeah. Oh, I just guessed that based on the sounds you made. Cedricordophilia. Cedricordophilia. You know it's really guff, yeah. I sounds you made. Cedacordophilia. Cedacordophilia.

You know it's really good for you. I used to do it. You want to take a hit of it. It's a powder. For fun. You take it and... I'm doing a Broadway song. All right.

How'd it go? What's the word call again? Cedacordophilia. Cedacordophilia. You know it's going to get in you. You're going to take a drug in you. And go fly in the Lord's. Cedacordophilia. I love it when it gets to my and it goes my wing wingy great goes to your wing wingy

paul i'm not very good at anything he confesses at last what have you got there he's checking out well so far there's no article online that says this is not, this is not not true. This is not true. See, I thought it was a Jencombe thing at first. Well, I mean,

Jencombe is also disgusting. But Jencombe is real, right? Yeah. You put a load of piss and shit in a bottle in the sun. You just put it below. We talked about this in a very, very early

Cheap Show on Clickables. And does that work or is it just that you're sort of... I don't know. ...stifling your brain of oxygen? Well, no, because you're sniffing toxic, decayed arse rot. Yeah. You know?

Wow. Welcome to Cheap Show! What have we got coming up on the show, Paul? Well, we've got a tell us from the shop floor, a very special one coming up. Oh, who's going to read it, me or you? Well, I think I should read it. Okay.

All right. We've also got... Storytime Grandad, is he coming back read it? Me or you? Well, I think I should read it. Okay. All right. We've also got... Storytime Grandad, is he coming back? Well, we've actually got Storytime Uncle and I'll explain more about that later on.

Okay. But in the middle, we've got... You're going to go for your hot sauces. I'm going to... Just a little introduction to the hot sauces of my life

and... Yeah. And I fully support this. Unlike the noodles, I support the hot sauce experience on this show. I'd like to call this segment the hot sauce experience. Okay. Hot sauce experience, the first episode of that.

Here we go. We do have one of them that I'll just mention is one that was given to us by one of our people. Cheapskates at the show. Cheapskates at the show. Excellent. The same guy who gave us the ghost pickles, which played a role in the previous Halloween special. And they were very, very hot. They were very hot.

I've been nibbling those on the off chance just for some frill. Good. So, are you excited about the show? Shall we start? Yeah. Give us a high five. I don't want to... Give me a high five.

Put your hand at the right angle. How was that? Not satisfying. You missed it. All right. There's more side. There we go. That's a high five.

I'm happy for us to continue. Let's do this. I'm excited. Are you excited? Really? Let's do this, you sick hobbit. Tales. Tales from the shop, shopbit tales tales from the

shop shop floor tales from the shop shop floor shop floor shop floor so again it's that part of the show where you the

cheapskate or the listener if you don't want to be too you know familiar you don't have to be a cheapskate do you you don't have to just be casual

we like him casual I like a casual listener we like the listener who pops in and out oh it's just like who's this who's this

oh I haven't listened to a cheapskate in a while someone said cunt oh I'll listen to that one again I like that there's not another dollop out for a while

I like it when he says cunt do you know what I really like as a casual listener go on mate I've tuned in once and there was this character

yeah story time granddad shut up shut up stop trying to bring it in by the back door so we have a part of the show

called Tales from the Shop Floor where you get in touch and you tell us about a story where when you've been working in a shop, something that's happened of amusement. And again.

Wow, that was well explained, Paul. Was it? Yeah, let me try. Go on. Tales from the Shop Floor is this lovely, very popular section of our show,

Cheap Show, Paul, where our listeners will write in with a tale from when they worked in a charity shop or other type of shop or any kind of shop. In particular, providing the story's true. We just want a story.

We just want a lovely story. We've got one today. It's from someone very familiar with the show. It's from a Mr. Stuart Ashen has written in. We are, thank you, sir, our Lord, Stuart. Say thank you to Stuart. Thank you, Stuart. I'm in love with one of those cherry gummies.

Oh, do you know what I had the other day? Have you heard of Colé beer? No. Coal beer. Beer made from coal? No, it's a soft drink. And I think they sell it in Africa. Yeah.

K-O-L-E. Okay. In a brown can. It's made by Coca-Cola. Sorry, what? Made by Coca-Cola? Made by Coca-E. Okay. In a brown can. It's made by Coca-Cola. Sorry, what? Made by Coca-Cola? Made by Coca-Cola. Okay.

I wasn't quite sure. I just wanted to... Okay. It's made by Coca-Cola and I gave it a little taste. Who did you get it from? The hip... Not hippie shop.

Yeah. The hipster shop. Okay, right. Where they got veg, tofu, Oh my God. and records right

I mean it's like come on guys get a focus focus mate right so you got that you tried it

what do you think it was interesting do you know what it was most like go on vimto fizzy vimto or flat

fizzy it was like a combination of vimto and a cream soda if you can imagine that so slightly cream but also a little bit medicine-y. Yes. We should have to return to fizzy drinks at the froth shop.

Is that the froth shop? Is that the umbrella that it falls under? I do believe so. I think sodas count. And I'd like to also, I'm into this cherryade, this locally made cherryade. Great. Which I'd like you to taste as well. We should do all of this.

Right, so here's from Stuart, who writes a story to us. And it goes exactly like this. Hello, loves. Long-time listener, first-time correspondent, although I have been on the show a few times. Oh, yeah? Has he? What?

Has Stuart been on the show? Yeah. He was on both episodes of the live show. Really? Was that him? Yes, that was on both episodes of the live show. Really? Was that him? That was him. Dear. I wanted Tom Scar.

Ooh. YouTube in, Joe. Oh, I don't know him. Right. I wanted to share with you my own little tales from the shop floor. Sadly, it does not involve

any form of effluence, although it is a bit perverse. I hope this suffices. Listen. It doesn't have to be shit. I'd rather it wasn't all the time. Then it makes the shit stories that little bit more special. When it's all shit. When it pops out. When a little turd pops out.

Yeah, it's more of a surprise than a delight. But it's all shit. It just washes over you in the end, doesn't it? It's a big tide of shit washing over you. Yeah. So here we go. Many years ago, I worked on the technical desk of PC World, which was a UK chain of shops which sold computers and accessories. People would bring in their broken computers, and we would try our best to fix them, despite the management just wanting us to tell everyone to call a helpline.

Professional. Mrs. Miggins has got this computer. Mrs. Miggins? Yeah. Mrs. Miggins has got this laptop. Oh, hello. I've got a laptop. And she's having problems with it. I've had has got this computer. Mrs. Miggins? Yeah, Mrs. Miggins has got this laptop. Oh, hello, I've got a laptop. And she's having problems with it.

I've had terrible problems with it. We've got to change the memory on it. Oh, I think something's wrong with the memory. We could do this right now, right now in the shop. Could you do it now? What's that? Hi, Mrs. Miggins. Tell her to call a helpline.

Call a helpline, love. Oh, what helpline? I don't like that. Have you got a pen? No. Right, it's 0111097612. I can't remember this. I've got dementia.

I won't repeat it. What's my name? Where am I? Fuck off. Bye. Am I Mrs. Miggins? Bye, love. Oh, I'm outside.

It's cold. What's happened to me? What's happened to my life? I really like that little playlet. Okay. Right, anyway. One of the worst aspects of the job was the health check, which had been offered to people who had bought PCs using a finance package.

It was sold as being some marvellous boon, which would keep your computer running as quickly. So it's like a warranty where they check up on it. You buy it and you go, oh, why are you remaking it? Do you want this? It's like PPI or something. Something that they sell you. Because it's H-A-P-P-I.

I'm H-A-P-P-I. I know I had, I did have, I did have PPI. I ripped me off, you can't sue yourself to me. I know I had, I had it on a credit card. Actually, I've had it at PPI. Great stuff. So it was there to keep your computer running as quickly as the day it was bought. But it was mostly a hollow promise used to convince people to take on necessary buy-now-pay-later financial products,

which jacked up the price of the computer. Because, of course, there isn't actually much you could do with a pc to speed up without fundamentally changing the way the person uses it which is fair enough if you use a lot of programs a lot of windows open so you know you're really telling them to you know give it a clean book change your habits stop downloading huge porn files yeah stop it you listening you know you're doing it. You're there hours and hours waiting for it. No one downloads porn. No, they have it all. YouTube,

YouPorn, Redline and Hamster.sex. FannyTube. Great. Is that what you really wanted to add? Really though? You couldn't have been a bit more kind of surreal with it? You just went, ah, FannyTube. Are you really happy with that?

I'm not happy about anything at the moment, Paul. Right, good. I'm just wondering. Okay. We would essentially just disable unnecessary startup programs

installed by printers, etc. and run a virus check. Although it must be said that one time out of ten a computer was absolutely riddled with viruses and it did actually help. So far, this story is dry,

but it's informative all the same. Did he write that, or you're just commenting? No, I wrote... I said that. You said that. Yeah, I'm making a comment.

Who am I? Are we here? Yeah, this is characters. This is here. You are here. We are here now. And this I'm now. God, it is dry, that story. Yeah.

Come on. Every day, multiple people would drop off computers for health checks, sometimes as many as 10 a day. In a stunning move of incompetence, the helplines told them that it would take approximately 30 minutes. An extremely unrealistic forecast as an average virus check was about two hours, and a lot longer than that if the computer was actually infected. This led to a horrible culture of misinformed and angry customers waiting around for hours.

Terrible. Sounds nightmarish. Anyway, that's the scene setting and local colour. So now, good. We got... It's done. This is Norwich. This is... I believe so. Norwich. Let us continue to the horror. So where do you think the story's going right now, based on the information in the background?

Like a Columbo episode, what do you think? Just one more thing. Is it to do with... Because I've not read this all the way through. Something being found on a computer that shouldn't be there. Maybe. Or maybe it's like war games. Or maybe someone gets really angry because they've had to wait too long.

And they shit on the help desk. No, there's no shit. We know there's no shit. Oh, good point. Well played, Detective Poop. They spunk on the help desk. Monsieur Detective Poopoo is here to solve another crime of poop.

There has been no Poopoo here. I must go home now. Bye-bye. Wow. Lovely little cameo from a character I think was the right name but not entirely sure. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

What a lovely character. What colourful characters we have on this fucking show. We managed to do a whole episode last episode with no characters coming. No, we did. I'm sure we did. You heard that voice. No, that was this episode. I've lost my mind.

Right, okay, here we go. Anyway, that's the colour of the scene with Kinta. Right, good. A slightly wild-eyed older lady with mad hair brought in a fairly standard Packard bell machine for one of our oh-so-important health checks. As she handed it over, she warned us that the screensaver was a little rude. Oh.

Oh. What do you think? Donkey coming. Donkey winking. Just like sploosh. Dog's red rocket popping out. Dog's red rocket. Yeah, dog's red rocket. Doggy's wet red rocket.

He's a wet red rocket. Doggy's wet red rocket. That's a fucking... It's a mouthful. I hope not. Fucking hope not. God. Sacking dogs off. I hope not Fucking hope not God Sacking dogs off

God Hate this podcast Right Paul Get it together I am Right Right

She thought And she thought You'd better warn us, as some people don't like that kind of thing. Yeah, fair enough. She's like, you know. All right, okay. Careful.

Soft-core screensavers weren't unheard of, so we just made a note to disable the screensaver as soon as we booted up the computer. Depending where the PC was set up in the workshop, it could be possible for customers to see the monitor. So we had to be very careful about the kind of thing so little Johnny didn't spot a titty

pick while his mum was shopping for frighteningly overpriced ink cartridges. Absolutely fair enough. You don't want to expose little children to that. To that kind of tittage. Filth. No. They must be protected and in any respect, told all sex is bad and it will fuck them up completely.

Therefore, they all live a really unhealthy, dangerous mental... Speak for yourself, Paul. I've got secrets. I do. I've got dark secrets. Yeah. I'm not going to tell you. I'm just going to tell you I'm just going to show you Let me show you my dark secret

Show me Oh it's come out It's all come out his mouth It's like a little It's like a little lizard man Come out his mouth. Oh, hello. He's going back in now.

Oh, right. Okay. We'll move on. Right. So about half an hour after the lady left, one of the workshop guys set the computer up and was called away to the front desk as it booted. Not having spoken to the lady and not having seen the note yet, the computer was set up with the monitor facing out towards the public.

This turned out to be something of a problem by the quote-unquote screensaver. The lady actually meant desktop background. Ah. We've all been there, though, Paul. background. We've all been there though, Paul. I've got a lot of sympathy for this woman until I get to see what she put there and then my sympathy might go.

Stuart goes on to write and by... You know, she pre-warned them. Yeah. She did say. She got confused about what's a screensaver and what's a background. Either way, she's warning them there's an adult content they may come across. Yeah. If they wanked over it.

I thought we'd skip that. Right, so, Stuart writes, and by a little rude, she meant a photograph of a lady opening her vagina up to an astonishing height using some kind of small car jack. What? My word.

I've never seen Eli's shocked face. It's like a viced open fanny. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Like a... Yeah. Fortunately, one of the sales guys spotted it almost immediately

and leapt into the workshop, turning the monitor off with a speed that would startle a cheater on steroids. Wow. As it was a slow time of day, no customers saw it, which was a huge blessing, not only for their own peace of mind, but we would doubtless have gotten the blame for our failures to communicate the potential horrors of a rude computer. But we bore the lady no ill will as her actions seemed more absent-minded and odd than malicious. And the story of a mad hair understatement lady turned into a minor legend, which was told as a cautionary tale to new people joining. But I'll tell you who we did hate.

Who? A guy in his late 50s who brought in a PC for a health check and had plastered the desktop background with a frequently revolving slideshow of low quality digital photographs. All of a naked young South East Asian lady posing in a living

room. Wow. He then sent that lady in to pick up the computer. Oh, wow. What an arsehole. Hugs and kisses, Stuart. Thanks, Stuart. That was good. Thank you, Stuart.

That was good. I like that. You know what my favourite bit of the story is? What? The fanny that's been opened. Right. Well, that was Tales from the shop floor. Ladies and gentlemen, if you've got asbestos pants, time to put them on.

It's going to get hot in here because it's time we enter the hot sauce experience. Don't do that. That's from the... That's from the Lynx advert. No, it's not. Yes, it is. Don't you remember? He puts lips on it and he goes...

Yeah, but that's not unique to that fucking advert. Yes, it fucking is. Chicka Chicka Wow Wow is the universal sound of porn. Chicka Chicka Wow Wow. Chicka Chicka Wow Wow. Chicka Chicka Wow Wow. Chicka Chicka Wow Wow. Chicka Chicka Wow Wow. Chika-bow-wow. Bow-chika-wow-wow. Bow-chika-wow-wow.

Bow-chika-wow-wow. Chika-bow. Okay. Yeah? Fine. If you heard that music playing and you were the lady naked and you were both in the mood, you'd be like, time to get it on. The music says so.

No. Bow-chika-bow-wow. Bow-chika-bow-wow. Oh, God. Why is there mouth noises? Bow-chika-bow-wow. Oh. Bow-chika-bow-wow. Oh, God. Why is there mouth noises? Paul? What? Bow and bow.

Oh! Chicka-bicka-wow! Paul. Paul. What? Was that not sexy? I honestly, I don't understand how this podcast can get worse and worse. At least we know it.

We lean into it. All right. Yeah? Yeah. Right. So what is the hot sauce experience, Eli? Well, Paul, you know, everyone knows about my thing with noodles. Yeah?

Oh, we know your noodle. I've got an itching for noodles. You do. Only a noodle can scratch. Exactly. And as much as I love them, I do also love hot sauce as well. He's telling the truth, ladies and gentlemen. He's a hot sauce nut.

Ever since I was a child, I've loved spicy food. Do you remember your first spicy meal? It would have been at the, what was it called? The Bangladesh. It was called the Bangladesh. He's coming in and out. He's coming in and out. Consciousness.

He's coming in and out. His eyes are focusing. It was called Bangladesh something. All right. Okay. It was my first curry restaurant and it was up on Western Lane in London. Okay. And.

Did you get it hot then or did like your parents say, no, have a mild one? No, we went for hot. Oh, okay. That was very brave. How old were you again, sorry? I was probably about six, seven. Six? Oh, you developed young then.

Because I would have thought back then, so many taste buds would have been super... It was, but I loved it. I always loved it. You know, it's a matter of personal taste, isn't it? Yeah, no, it is. I like spicy food, but I didn't really discover it until much later in life.

Much later in life. Maybe like 20s. My first hot sauce would be classic Tabasco. Yeah. Which is, we don't have any today, Paul, but it is a good hot sauce.

It's a classic. It's like the ketchup in many respects of hot sauces. It's dependable. You know what you're getting. It's universal. It totally is, yeah.

Chips, burgers, sausages. And it has and it is it has a distinct flavor steaks anything veg anything it's a great sauce um and that's right i'm pro hot sauce section ladies and gentlemen pro hot sauce and uh tabasco actually they've been going for so long i believe there are actually a strain of chili pepper that are known as tabasco peppers now can i just say this point, I was very surprised to find out that, what is that other hot sauce which is actually made of tomatoes? Sriracha.

Sriracha, yeah. It's not made of tomatoes. I thought, what is it made of? It's garlic, chili, and sugar. Okay, why did I think it was made of, like? Everyone says it's really tomato-y. Stuart Ashton has this thing where he's like, it's really tomatoey. There's no tomato in it.

Why do I do it? Sriracha is basically the biggest hit of the hot sauce world over the last few decades. Yeah. And it's huge. You know, hipsters are into it in America. Sriracha coming at you. Yeah. And it's a nice hot sauce.

Yeah. I think what it really has above something like Tabasco. Yeah. Is it's got the consistency of ketchup. It's got a bit more flavour as well. That's why I think people think it's got garlic. It's got the consistency of ketchup. It's got a bit more flavour as well. That's why I think people think it's got garlic. It's got the flavour of garlic

in it as well. It's got a little bit more flavour to it. And it's sweeter. Yeah. Maybe it's the sweetness that makes me think it's modern. It's more of a condiment. It's more of a useful dipper.

It's a dipper. It's a lovely dipper. You can put it on chips. I've been getting... Again, versatile. I've been getting this stuff which is shriatcha mayonnaise where they pre-mix it with mayonnaise.

Oh, yeah. Ooh, baby doll. That's good to know. Yes. Highly recommended. I would recommend that highly, yes. If you're into mayo and you're into sriracha.

Why not marry them? Marry the two. You could do that yourself. You could, I guess. But you wouldn't get the same sort of mix, would you? Something we can try maybe on the show one day.

You know what I'd like to try on the show, Paul? Go on. Making my own McDonald's Big Mac sauce. Because my mate did it. He did burgers at home from scratch the other day. Yeah.

And he goes, I've made Big Mac sauce. How did he make it? I was like, you what? You what? What? In fact, what? He goes, yeah, I made it. I said, I don't believe this.

Did you try it? Yeah. And? It's fucking lush, man. Really? Really nice, yeah. He basically mixed ketchup, mayonnaise, mustard, and that's it. Really?

And it's a bit of vinegar and sugar, I think. I don't know. I'm going to ask him for the recipe. We'll find this out. Maybe we can do a sauce hack episode. Because McDonald's, you know, get a lot of bad shtick, but the fucking Big Mac sauce, Christ. Well, we'll do a sauce hack one day in the future then.

How about that? We make our own sauces. Oh, this is exciting. We're talking about stuff coming up on the show, Paul. It's always like I've forgotten how shit I feel inside. Right, so, hot sauce, what do you want to start with? You've got three on the show today. What do you want to start with?

Well, I would just... We've got more than three. Oh, well, let's get going. Okay. Now, well, let's start with one of my first hot sauces ever. Oh, here we go. And this is a Caribbean-style, Jamaican-style hot pepper sauce. The pepper they use are scotch bonnets.

All right. And they're called scotch bonnets because they look like those little scotch hats. Eh? What scotch hats? Like the Scotsman's wear on there. Yeah, like Scotsman's wear. Like a big fat beret. Like Scotsman's in cartoons wear.

Yeah. Oh, the jings, crivens and help me, Bob. Oh. It's a bro lick, moon lick, neck to neck. Oh, Jimmy the Cricket. Oh. Okay. Oh, the hymn blow high and the wind blew.

Paul, Paul, Paul. Just a word. Can I just have a word, yeah? Can I just have a word? Don't know the words yet, true. There was quite a lot of Scottish people at the live show, and I don't think we need to alienate them. I think they find it charming.

Hoots mon. This is Encona hot sauce Now I'm going to give you your chilli spoon We're going to have a little taste Hootsmond is a moose Loose about this hoose Thank you Hootsmond

Finished? Yeah Now Paul you're right this podcast does get worse it does go on this is encona hot sauce yeah uh taste explorers is their new is their new sort of uh tagline right but sorry for wasting like a minute on that song. You shouldn't. Just cut it out. Nah, fuck it. Now, I have a little story with this hot sauce. Yeah? I once went to a cash and carry with my dad near Brent Cross. Yeah, come on.

Yeah. And there were some Asian gentlemen who were on their break having an egg sandwich. And I just saw someone, this is true, pour a load of this onto their egg sandwich. This Ancona. Fried egg? Yeah. And this, for me, and maybe it's just because of what I associate it with, but for me then, this is the fried egg chili.

Right. It's dry. It hasn't got any sweetness. It's dry. It's like in Red Dwarf where he goes, what's the perfect sandwich? And he goes, it's a fried egg chili chutney sauce sandwich. That, I mean, unsalivated. Yeah. It's dry. It's like in Red Dwarf where he goes, what's the perfect sandwich? And he goes it's a fried egg, chilli, chutney sauce sandwich. That, I mean, I'm salivating. Yeah. It's great.

Here we go. It's great. So you're going to pour a little bit out on the spoon now. Little taster for you there. Alright, sweet. Here we go. This is Ancona. This is a classic. I've got the spoon. This is also, I think, I could taste, I could tell you this was Ancona. Okay. Ooh.

What did you get there? It's very vinegary. It's very vinegary, very tart. Slightly sweet. It's not sweet at all. You don't think so? It's really not. I got a little bit of sweetness, personally. But it's very warm. Very hot, yeah. It's a good flavour. Very good flavour, I like that.

Yeah, that'd be nice with... It'd be nice with an egg. Maybe not a lot, but yeah, with an egg. Or with meat. Like salami. No, we wouldn't eat hot sauce. I don't know. I just...

You are so terrible at food, aren't you? What about pork chop? Yeah. Or steak. Sausage. Yes. I'd have that on a sausage. Now, that's very nice.

Very nice. Now, would you like to pass me the yellow? Oh, it's hot. I hadn't really considered... How hot it would be. to pass me the yellow? Oh, it's hot. I hadn't really considered how hot it would be. This isn't as hot. No, that's fine. I think I was just realising that maybe a few in a row is going to be... Yeah, it's going to build up.

This is good. I'm already feeling like a healthy glow. My nose is running already. I'm feeling a healthy glow. I'm going to have a little cherry gummy. Now, that's Jamaican style. Yeah. What makes it Jamaican style?

Just because they use that certain chilli. Yes, Scotch bonnet. Okay. And it's that vinegary dryness I think makes it this. Now this, product of Barbados, hot pepper sauce, windmill products. Can I ask a quick question? Yes. What country makes the best hot sauces?

Or maybe what do you prefer? I like Caribbean hot sauce. There's this stuff, ocorios, which is a yellow. Just let me show you this spur tree. This is Scotch bonnet. Okay. This is crushed Scotch bonnet pepper. So this is even more unrefined.

It is literally just lumps of the pepper. Yeah. Oh, God. It's chunky. Now that's the stuff i'm into oh baby but we're not going to concentrate on that we've got a little yellow concoction here now bayesian or hot sauce from barbados yeah traditionally has one extra element can you guess what that element is another hot spice but not it's not chilli. Cardamom? No. Cinnamon?

What's yellow? Mustard. Yes. Now, Barbadian hot sauce, Barbasian hot sauce they call it, is mustard. It's mustard and... Chilli.

And those Scotch bonnet chillies. Wow. It's a very thick liquid, or thick-wood. I'm having trouble getting it to come out. Ladies and gentlemen, Eli's said it before and he'll say it again. He's now shaking the bottle. Is it coming?

Yes. It's coming out. Here it comes. It's dribbling. There's a little dollop. I'll do it. You do your own. Yeah. And this is, I like. You wouldn't have it on everything because it's mustardy. Yeah.

But especially for meat. Or anything you'd eat mustard on or hot sauce. What are your thoughts on mustard? That depends on what it's with. Yeah. You're not a mustard lover. There you go. There you go. There's plenty.

There's plenty. That's plenty. Right. Oh, it looks like a little bit of mustard on the tippy tip of my spoon. It's water, ripe peppers, onions, then mustard. So it's quite mustardy. I'm going in. Mustard flour.

God bless my. This is a Bajan style hot sauce. Now that's got a sweetness. That's pleasant. It's mild. It's milder. It's got a nice chilli flavour. It has a mustardy flavour as well.

Mustardy, definitely mustardy. Nice. That's actually a nice chilli flavour, but it has a mustardy flavour as well. Mustardy, definitely mustardy. Nice, that's actually quite nice. I would have that with a sausage. I'd love that. Yeah. I'd love that on a sausage. Nice hot dog. I would love that on a sausage.

Yeah. Now, where do you want to go next? I haven't opened that one. Now, that's meant to be... Which one? This one. Read that one. This one is called...

It's a South American style one. El Guacte. Yacatan, isn't it? Yacatan. El Yacatan. And it is a triple extra hot sauce. Salsa picante. So that could be...

Basically, we'll come to that last. Chili habanero. We'll come to that last with the death because we also have Blair's death sauce, which is a beautiful... Not Tony Blair's death, although war crime, right? Criminal. Yeah, right. Now, Blair's death,, which is a beautiful book. Not Tony Blair's Death, although war crime, right? Criminal.

Yeah, right. Now, Blair's Death, which was given to us at the live show. Oh, it was as well, yeah. Has a little skull, quite a detailed skull. A little keychain. Keychain. Hanging off it. Comes with it.

We like that. Eli likes the little tiny keychain stuff, don't you, for your shelf of interesting items? I do love a novelty keychain, Paul. And I've got a ZZ Top one. Have you? Coming in the mail. That's good. Because, you know, in Legs or something, he revs up his special ZZ Top car and he's got

the ZZ Top keychain. What, big Z's coming off it? Keychain. Which could look like SS from a certain angle. You're getting an SS badge sent to you. I'm not getting an SS badge sent to me. You are. That's insulting to me.

All right. But we're going to go that later because that's meant to be really hot. So we're going to do this one then first. No, I've got another one which I'm just trying to locate.

That one? No. That one. That's a bottle of whatever. That's whiskey. So let's just do these ones. No, this is a really important one for us to taste. Hang on.

Oh my God. I'm just going to go over to Mount Groppance. He's going over to Mount Groppance, ladies and gentlemen. He's put on his expedition clothing and he's... Oh, he's there. I've got to go in the other room. Oh, mate. Here's me otsles.

Oh, there it is. Are you ready? Yes. Now, Paul, this is also by El Yakuteko. That's what it is. El Yakuteko. Right. I think they are

a South American brand. Perhaps Mexican. Okay. Fine. And you get a lot of this in Florida. Right. So that's a nice,

big, thick, dark green one. This is... Is it? No, it's brown. Habanero. Now, habanero, you, thick, dark green one. This is... Is it? No, it's brown. Habanero. Now, habanero, you can see, is a very similar chilli to a Scotch bonnet. Yeah. Very hot, but not the hottest by any means.

Okay, so why are we trying this one? Just because you like it? Because this is Black Label Reserve. Now, this is a very interesting flavour. What does Black Label Reserve mean? It's their special reserve one. This is one of my favourite hot sauces. Is it?

Yeah. You'll see why. I'll see if you pick up on what the extra sort of flavour is with this. This is exciting, isn't it? And it is very black. Quite unappetising looking, isn't it? It's a dark, sort of burnt colour. Yeah.

Oh, I think I know why you like it. It's got like a barbecue sauce kind of thing. Taste it That's not for me But I can see why you like it It's smoky And Not too hot at all

It's rich isn't it It's a really It's a deep Peppery flavour Smoky and peppery It's a special reserve What would you. Smoke. Smokey and peppery. No, it's lovely. It's a special reserve. What would you have that with?

Other than a wank. That's such a good hot sauce. Yeah? That's... So shall we go on to this one then next? Now, the El Yacateco Extra Extra Hot. See if we can handle it. That's what it says.

This I've had for a year, and we're just opening it now. It should have retained all of its freshness. I love the design of these. Simple bottle design. I love chilli bottle label. I love everything about chilli sauce.

Aww. This is a good segment for you, isn't it? You're happy and I'm not ripping the piss into you every five seconds and having a lovely time. It's got a very

protective coating. It's not letting us in easily. No. No one's meddled with my extra picante. No. Let's have a very protective coating. It's not letting us in easily. No. No one's meddled with my extra picante. No. Let's have a sniff. There's not much coming off it in the sniff department.

Faint. You could definitely tell it with the barbecue you want. Yeah. Wow. I love that special reserve, man. I'm sure you do. I really do. Is that costly? No, but when they import it to here,

they'll have it in sort of trendy... Oh, burrito places. Burrito places for five quid a bottle. And you go out to Walmart in Florida and it's like... 99 cents or something. Oh, funny. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

It's fucking bullshit. I suppose it's closer to where they make it. Well, yeah. Less import tax and whatnot. I'm just going to give this a shake. Why do you give it a shake? Is it very chunky? Well, just because it might have dried out a bit tax and whatnot. I'm just going to give this a shake. Why do you give it a shake? Is it very chunky? Well, just because it might have dried out a bit at the top.

I want to get this consistency. Well, we're all learning some tips here today. It has not got a lot of nose, this, but this is the XXXtra hot sauce. Lovely. So I'm expecting a bit like a kick from this, yeah? Yeah. Is that what we're expecting?

A big kick, yeah? I'm expecting it's going to be fiery. Here we go. He's putting it on my spoon now, a little dollop. Just a little dollop because we don't know what we're expecting? A big kick? I'm expecting it's going to be fiery. Here we go. He's putting it on my spoon now, a little dollop. Just a little dollop because we don't know what we're playing with yet. We're playing with fire. Yeah, so we've got to... Don't do this at home, kids. We are trained professionals. People can get

poisoned. Yeah, I know. There's that story about some guy... Because if you buy the extract, the extracted chilli oil from one of these super hybrid chillies. Yeah. The two million Sco from one of these super hybrid chilies. Yeah. You know, the two million Scovilles

unit or whatever. Yeah, daft. And the guy got hospitalized and he fucking prosecuted his friends for assault. Did he win? Because they kind of

slipped him some. Yeah, I think so. Wow. They thought it was a bit of a prank. He had to be hospitalized. Yeah. Cunts.

Yeah. Really horrible pricks. Give him some cyanide. He's almost dead. Let's kick his fucking teeth while he's unconscious. Yeah. All right. Okay. I'm going to try this now then. It's like, yeah. Horrible prick. Give him some cyanide. He's at West End. Let's kick his fucking teeth in while he's unconscious. Yeah. All right.

Okay. I'm going to try this now then. It's hot, yeah. Oh. It's not immediately hot. It's got a big, a deep burn. It's when it gets to the back of the throat, you feel it. Deep burn.

Oh, yeah. And with the saliva. Any flavour to speak of? Nice, actually. It's kind of similar to the, I think, to the first Encona. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's similar to the, I think, to the first Encona. Ooh, yeah. Ooh, it's hot.

Ooh, that's got to... When you first get it, it's kind of cool and fruity. Almost fruity, yeah. And then the heat hits the back of your throat. I love a fruity. And the habanero is a fruity pepper.

So do you like that then? Because that's... It's made my eyes water a little bit for a bit of a sweat in me, but it's not repulsive I don't think it's anything special I think the

El Yakuteko special reserve is the bollocks fair enough but that's I think a flavour thing as well for you yeah

it's not just the heat ooh now are we going to finish with Blair we're going to finish with Blair I'm going to pull

up the skull and of course the noodle no look it's actually a gift key ring look yeah I know just pierce it see I'm already on top of it okay And of course a noodle. No, look, it's actually a gift key ring. Yeah, I know.

Just pierce it. See, I'm already on top of it. Okay. Don't ruin this lovely moment. Where's the skull? I've dropped the skull. He's down in between my legs, reaching for my skull. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Now, if you look at the box, they've got a whole range of... What sources? Blair's Pure Death Sauce. So where's this one on their ranking then? It is. Because it's got a fiery ranking. It is almost halfway. Oh, it's... They're not horrible, but still very hot.

Well, it's actually... They are ranging from the mildest. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. And this is number six. So it's on the hotter end of the scale. It's just over halfway. Just over halfway. So Blair's pure death.

It looks pretty bad, doesn't it? It's with yolokia. Now, yolokia. Jolokia. Yeah. Which was a pepper that... Wasn't it on one of those sauces as well? No.

No, okay. Because it's one of these, like, recent... Because now there's a whole international competition of people trying to grow the hottest peppers. Oh, shit, yeah. So it was naga.

It was ghost peppers, which are the Indian ones, for a bit. And then there was a Trinidad scorpion. Okay, so this is one of these kind of things. And this is, I think, the...

Like a Frankenstein chili. No, they're just strains. Just the same way you'd get a strain of cabbage or something. But they grow them through extreme heat. And I think J just strains. Just the same way you'd get a strain of cabbage or something. But they grow them through extreme heat. And I think Jolokia is the world champion. I don't know if it has a Scoville rating there.

Here's an interesting thing. It says suggested uses, right? Oh, what's it suggesting we use it with? And then it just says, this is the sauce with no limits. Universal flavour appeal the world over. What does that mean then? Feel alive. Pure death.

I'm getting a bit of a bullshit vibe from this sauce. Do you know what I mean? Maybe it's a bit more There is a lot of bullshit on the market but I'm looking at the ingredients it's pretty

What does that smell like to you? Tell me. And I'll tell you what I think. Tomatoes. Baked beans for me. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like baked beans and tomato sauce. Oh yeah. It's got a very tomatoey huff on it has it got tomato in it or is it just that's the flavour

of the chilli no interestingly this is its selling point is the gelocchia yeah but that is way down

the list of ingredients the first ingredient is habanero huh which is what is the incona it's your standard

yeah yeah yeah habanero let's do Which is what is the Ancona, it's your standard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Habanero. Let's do this then. Water, cane, vinegar, salt, jalapeno, cokia, chillies, and spices. Oh, let's give it a go then. My tongue is quite burning

from all of the sauce we've been eating. I'm all right right now, actually. Right. It's just I've got a bit of a sweat on, which is troubling. It's good.

It's endorphins, mate. Is it? I do feel alive. I feel like I could, I don't know, sing a song in I do feel alive. I don't know. Sing a song in a big Broadway musical. Please don't. Okay, this looks vicious.

We have opened it just now. I'm ready to go in now for Blair's death. Alright, pure death. Here we go. Very fruity, isn't it? That tomato-y-ness. There's a very flavour. There's a sweetness, basically, at There's a sweetness basically at the top. Quite a lot of heat.

I almost felt no heat off that. That was more, definitely flavorful, but I didn't feel like, not compared to the one before that we had. The extra hot. The extra hot was hottest. Yeah.

That was, that was mild. I thought actually. It's not that hot. Is it? It's nice flavor. Quite fruity. Quite nice.

Quite unique. Quite unique. Yeah. That's a food source. It's a gimmick, isn't it? It's nice flavour. Quite fruity. Quite nice. Quite unique. Quite unique. Yeah, that's a food source. Bit of a gimmick, innit? It's a bit gimmicky, but it's not as bad as some. Do you think, to be fair, because we like spicy and chilli sauces, right? Would someone else find that too hot for them, do you think? Someone who doesn't enjoy it and just maybe would find it in a meal.

Yeah, if someone wasn't into spicy food, they would be, they'd be in shit loads of pain. Okay. I've got a bit of a sweat on, but I enjoyed that. But that's it, your mouth gets used to it. Fuck, I'm fat. But you see that footage of us on, I've put the YouTube videos up. Fat.

We're going to have to sort of help out. You look good for your body shape and stuff. I look good for my body shape? Yeah, you do. Can you say that again? You look good for your body shape. And I I look good for my body shape. Yeah, you do. Can you say that again? You look good for your body shape. And I was just like, got a gut on me. Well, you need to exercise.

Do. I'm just going to sum up with the peppers that we've had on the, what's this section called? The snot all over my fucking face experience. Have you had a good hot sauce experience? I have. I look forward to the next one. Well, look, grab that one behind you. We'll be tasting that next time. What is it?

This is proper sort of small batch fire fruits artisanal hot sauce lime cilantro habanero. Exciting times, ladies and gentlemen. I think you'll agree when we return once again to the hot sauce experience.

And I'd just like to mention as well, Paul, don't make that noise in your mouth. Don't. And there's one called Cigar City, which is a smoked jalapeno. Now, we started with the Ancona, pretty classic, standard Jamaican hot sauce. What did you think of that?

Good. Very nice. I like that. Very vinegary. Then we went to the Barbados for their takeican hot sauce. What did you think of that? Good. Very nice. I like that. Very vinegary. Then we went to the Barbados for their take on hot sauce, which has mustard in it. Yeah, I thought that was pleasant. Very nice. Different flavour.

Yeah. It's a sort of something sweeter. Then mustardy, obviously, if you like your mustardy. Yes. And then we had the El Yakuteko, my personal favourite. The barbecue-y, smoky one. Black Label Reserve. I like that one.

That's a smoky, very smoky. Then we had the El Yacateco Extra Hot Sauce. I think my favourite really was that. It's nothing special, but I would like that on sauce and stuff. Yeah, it didn't have a great deal of distinction for me. Okay. Do you know what I mean? There wasn't much going on in the flavour realm.

What about Death? And then death Which was surprisingly fruity Pleasant isn't it It was nice Another pleasant one I think that's the Jolokia has a sort of

Tomatoey fruity Yeah Finish And that's hot sauce experience For another week Paul Bow Wow No don't

Wow That's not funny Bow Bow Bow That's an experience I want to I want to

try some really hot sauce let's do it that's what I was going to say I've got things to say and stop trying to finish this section I am trying to finish this section stop trying to finish this section I've got things to say about hot sauce

because there's been a sort of rise in the popularity which has to do with sriracha which by the way was invented by a Vietnamese American in America a lot of rise in the popularity which has to do with sriracha which by the way was invented by a vietnamese american in america a lot a lot of people know that uh and it's only come out in the last few years really but a lot of people jump on the bandwagon and they go oh yeah we're

gonna have all these brilliant sauces with skulls on the design and they all love it all the hipsters will buy it right all the millennials buy our hot sauce but you look at their ingredients they've got like carrots in them and that's always at their ingredients, they've got like carrots in them, and that's always a bad sign when they've got carrot puree. They're just sort of they don't know what they're doing, or they've got sugar in it. Anyway, that's all I had to say.

I edited the ending ages ago. Did you? Yeah. This has just been superfluous. You're a cunt. And to finish off Cheap Show this week is something a little bit different. Oh, what's a

different thing there? We got an email. Shall I read it? All right. Hello, Paul and Eli. Hello. So, Tom. Hello, Tom.

Hello, Tom. From the Video Game Basement, which is a YouTube channel, very lovely channel. It's not a real basement then? That's disappointing.

I think it is. They do it from a basement. Is it real though? I mean, in what respect? It's not a real basement then? That's disappointing. I think it is. They do it from a basement. Is it real though? I mean, in what respect? It's a world of chimeras we live in, Paul.

What are you suggesting? That Tom doesn't exist? Sometimes I just want to walk out in the rain, naked. Yeah? Yeah. And then what?

Do a little dance. And then what? Go back in. If you were waiting to cross off your jacket square, I'm sorry, not this time. I pulled my punch on the jacket. Yeah.

Then I pulled my pud. Mate, not our best ad lib. Paul and Eli, Tom from Video Game Basement. Why not give their channel a go? Is it a real basement, though? Yes. Shut up. Anyway, Tom here with something very, very special.

A year or so ago, I made a comment about some recordings a great uncle had made, my brothers and I. Stories that he had made... Sorry, sorry. Shut up. A year ago or so, I made a comment about some recordings a great uncle had made by my... What?

Shut up! A year or so ago, I made a comment about some recordings a great uncle had made my brothers and I. No, no, no. That's what the sentence says. His uncle made with his brothers and I. No. A year or so ago, I made a comment about some recordings

a great uncle had made my brothers and I. That doesn't make sense as a sentence. Maybe he should have put for my brothers and I. Well, no, who's he made the comments? Christ, that's a terrible sentence. Mate, he just, the uncle made some stories. Is it a real basement, Paul? No! The uncle made stories for Tom and his brothers. Ah, I see. Right?

And he made a comment about it. Stories that he made up and thought were perfectly fine for children to listen to. These were posted to our family on a regular basis and funnily enough, Mum had the right idea and vetoed them first. Really? Weird. An uncle sending tapes.

Storytapes. These are fucking stories for your kids to listen to. Did you get my storytapes? Did you get my storytapes? Did you get the one called The Secret? Did they get that one? That's important that they get that one before they play any others.

Anyway, I now present to you the first of the recordings, which, as you will tell, was not suitable for children. As you can tell. As you will be able to tell. Sorry, hang on, I read that wrong. I now present to you the first of the recordings, which, as you will tell, was not suitable for children. As you will tell. As you will tell, was not suitable for children. As you will tell?

As you will tell was not suitable for children. We'll be able to tell. Should be. I can guarantee you will not see. Do you know what? He's spent too much time in the basement. He's forgotten how to write English. I can guarantee you will not see where the story is going, and the end,

albeit shit-free, will have you shocked, amused and devastated. Alright. I am now working my way through the other cassettes to see what treasures we have. One such cassette is labelled The Day I Bought an Egyptian Carpet Sweeper. Take it easy and enjoy. Thank you very much.

Sorry about the criticism. I mean it's just they know when they write in what they're open to from you. Yeah. It goes through the jagged teeth of my maw. Some maybe like it.

They go, oh yeah, I like it when Eli tells me off. Makes me feel like I'm on the podcast. I'm on the podcast. Stop eating those bloody sweets. They're nice.

Let's listen. I've downloaded it. I've got it on my phone. We're going to listen to it. We're going to try and pause. So if you want to say something, pause. Yeah.

Okay. And then we can go through it. It's about 40 minutes long. Alright. Alright. Yeah. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. I want to tell you of an experience which I had while living here a few years ago. Er, no. I'm scared.

Already I'm scared. It's taken from a cassette so there might be some wild flutter. Which is maybe why his voice is a little bit like this. Yeah, but... There's a bit of flutter on the tape. So that's having an adverse effect on the storyteller, first of all. He sounds decrepit and spooky. Yeah.

So, we continue. I was sitting in my lounge one evening, very cold winter's night looking at the news on the television when the news came that

a tiger had escaped from a circus in Newquay very specific detail circus in Newuki. Very specific. That's quite specific. Very specific detail. Circus in Yuki lost a tiger.

Now, at the moment, we presume he's just making it up as he goes. Well, that sounds like too much detail. You think he's basing it on a real thing that happened about a tiger? No. Seems to be. He's making up. He's just being whimsical.

The detail adds the whimsy. Okay. You know. All right. So, just seems a bit specific. Circus in Nuki. It's just detail, isn't it? All right.

And he had warned all local residents and the population in the area to close their doors and windows as the time went on I got a phone call from my friend Harry number 38

is that too much detail do you need to have that it's just your mate Harry yeah it's true

it's true that's why number 38 it's not true where do you think to have that it's just your mate Harry yeah it's true it's true that's why number 38 it's not true where do you think the story's going the lion the tiger

comes down and eats someone yeah yeah Ira what do you think someone blows the tiger no one blows

calms it down Harry from number 38 blows the tiger to calm it down no no no and the tiger to calm it down. No, no, no. And the tiger goes, great! And he gets his Frosties all over his face. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Crispy Frosties. Anyway. Right. I'm intrigued. In the block, there were 39 residents at Brookside. He said he had a problem. All this detail is weird.

Yeah, the story's called The Tiger at Brookside, by the way. So Brookside, he's not referring to the... I don't know if he's talking about the actual Brookside from the sitcom. The sitcom. No, not sitcom. The soap opera. Soap opera. It was a soap opera in the UK set in Liverpool. Ran for about 20-odd years the sitcom. No, not sitcom. The soap opera. Soap opera. There was a soap opera

in the UK set in Liverpool. Ran for about 20 odd years or so. It did run. It was pretty popular. Called Brookside. Yeah.

It was popular. But I, calm down, calm down. It was mocked for being liver puddling. Well, that's where Harry Enfield was taking the piss out,

wasn't he, when he did his Scouser's Couch. Yes. You are. You are. Calm down. Yeah.

You calling me? You calling me that? Yeah. And I, calm down. You are. Ick. You are. Calm down. Yeah. You calling me? You calling me that? Yeah. All right, calm down. Yeah, all right. You are. Ick, ick. All right, anyway.

I said, well, if you can wait 10 minutes, I'll come along and see if I can help you. Anyway, I finished my cup of coffee, put on my coat, and went to investigate to see what his problem was. I see what his problem was. I know what the problem was. Yeah? The tigers around there. Yeah. I know.

I'm going to just finish my coffee, put my coat on, look for a tiger. He's a terrible storyteller. I was going to look for a tiger. Would you do that if you were like, oh, there's a tiger on the street? I didn't tell him. The guy from number 38 just said he had a problem. Yeah. Perhaps that's code for come round and nosh me off.

Do you think this is one of those stories where the tiger's like a metaphor or a code word? For the forbidden love. You know, the tigers at Brookside. Oh, is that right? Basically, I reckon the tiger is super intelligent and has taken him hostage. Okay. And he's sort of just sitting in the back room smoking a cigar going, call your friend.

I'm the tiger, yeah? Let's see if he's Eli's wife. I bet he's like that. So he's Snagglepuss, basically. Who's Snagglepuss? Old Hannibal Bergerac character. Does he go, row? Yeah, actually, he kind of did.

He's a big pink tiger, I think, wasn't he? Pink tiger? Meet big pink tiger, I think, wasn't he? And he was an actor, Snagglepuss. Pink tiger? Yeah. Meet the pink tiger, the rinky pink tiger. No, I think he was a big pink tiger or maybe... He's like, not a panther anyway, but I'm pretty sure Snagglepuss was a great big... He was a cat, a big cat. Maybe he was a big cat.

No, I mean, that tiger is a big cat. So, you know. And he talked like this, you know that guy? Oh, yeah. The guy with the Mad Hatter voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That fucking dude. That kind of voice.

Anyway, let's see what he has to say, Paul. As I walked along the tarmac path, I couldn't believe it. Ahead of me, 40 yards ahead, was a massive tiger. Did he say I couldn't believe it? I saw a tiger. I think he could believe it. Because he'd just seen a news report for that bloody tiger. I couldn't believe it? I saw a tiger. I think he could believe it. Because he'd just seen a news report for that bloody tiger.

I can't believe it. I saw the tiger I was looking for. Terrible. Anyway. Terrible. We're only fucking two minutes through this and there's another 12 to go. Well, let's just let it run.

His front feet on the floorboards and his head up against the window of my friend's ground floor flat. I didn't know what to do. I stood rooted to the spot. I was thinking of a quick escape route. If it had seen me, I didn't know where I was going to run to. Anyway, I held my ground for some time and

it didn't appear to take any notice of me. Well, then go back the way you came. Go back. Call the police. You know what? The escape route was

back the way you came, mate. Yeah, but he didn't want to make a sudden movement in case he went... Yeah, but he said it wasn't paying attention so he could just slowly creep back.

Do you know what he was doing? It was beard nuzzling. He was putting his beard against the glass. He probably had a podcast. Cheetah show. Cheetah show. I know, he said it again. Cheetah. Cheetah show.

Come on. Let's see. Come on. He's just seen the tiger. All right. I walked backwards for some yards and then went straight indoors where I telephoned my friend, Fred the vet. Call the police!

Fred! Fred, I'm going to call the police. Just call the police. Yeah. I thought I'd tell you, Fred. I know, was Fred in the house when the tiger was looking through the glass? It was Fred who called. It was Harry, wasn't it?

It was Fred. Let's find out. I often called him when my wife wasn't very well. Oh. Anyway, I told him what I'd seen. He said,

I've already seen that on the news, Derek. He said, do be careful. They can be very,, Derek. He said, do be careful. They can be very, very vicious. He said, hold on till I come

there. Why is he calling the police? What's Fred going to fucking do? Who's Fred? A fucking ringmaster of a circus or something? Imagine this. You're at home. Your phone rings. It's me. I go, Eli. Hello, Paul.

There's a tiger in my street. I just saw one. Call the police. I thought you'd come round and help. I only come round when your wife's sick. Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do. Come on.

She's sick a lot these days. I grind it up. Oh, mate. Put it in her soup. Oh, you're poisoning your wife. Next part of the story. I bring my tranquilising darts. Okay, so...

What? Tranquilising darts? Fred has darts. Just on the off chance. What is Fred? Some kind of big game hunter? Apparently so. Apparently, he just happens to have a gun with tranquilizer darting.

I feel like Fred, I feel like Derek, our narrator, kind of hero worships Fred, doesn't he? Maybe. He sounds like he holds him very high. Your big gun. Your sleepy time gun. He's like a father figure, isn't he? And he's got a big gun. Big phallic gun.

Maybe he went, I've heard rumors that Fred's got a big gun. Big phallic gun. He went, I've heard rumours that Fred's got a sleepy time gun. But you know who else has sleepy time guns? The authorities. Yeah. Permanent sleepy time guns. We've shot that person and now, unfortunately, he is in sleepy

time mode. He's forever permanently in sleepy time. Come on, let's see on how far are we through this three and a half minutes and all the necessary equipment oh i waited and after about a quarter of an hour his car arrived he came to the door now he said where is this animal Derek? I said, I'll show you where it is, but we must approach with extreme caution. As the two of us walked up the tarmac path, a month, the flower beds at Brookside, we saw this huge animal animal still in the same position it hadn't moved from when I first saw it and the vet looked at me and said what can we do now

we waited for some time and it was very very cold it was a white frost. Shoot it with a fucking gun! And we kept edging closer and closer to it until we were right up alongside the animal. Ah, this is killing me. It did not take a bit of notice of us at all. We knew then that something

was drastically wrong. What? What? When we did eventually examine the animal, we could see that it was in a state of shock. It was a female, because I could tell that by the press studs. The what? The press studs?

Is that like the paws? I don't know. You can tell by the big fucking cut funny. Come on. We all know that. We've all seen that. I'm sorry for saying cat funny. We've all seen that, mate.

Come on. Did he say Fred's a vet as well? I think he's just mentioned that he's a vet. I don't know. I think that's why he called Fred. But if you've got a gong, why do you have to get up close to it? It was in shock. What was it like that he's a vet. I think that's why he called Fred. But if you've got a gong, why do you have to get up right close to it? And it was in shock. What was it like? Yeah.

Well, let's find out. How do you know it's female? From the what? The pad. Shut up. On her undercarriage. Oh, I see. The nipples, he means.

No. The vet said, just look at those eyes, Derek. He said they've become detached from the retina what the hell's wrong with this poor creature he said i'll try the stethoscope see what we can find out he placed his stethoscope on her body and he said derek this creature has had an enormous shock. We don't know what it is. Fuck it up. But her heart is racing away. We stayed with her till gone 11th,

and she was still in that position. But just before we decided to go, she slowly took her feet off the flower bed and slid to the ground still breathing very heavily and she lay down anyway

what is going on this is pure gold oh this is sick animal do you call it a night yeah I'll go home let's fucking leave it It'll be fine

It's fine Go and call The authorities Call the authorities I know it's a story time I reckon he saw it was a female And just thought Aye aye

Yeah I'm gonna go to bed Wink wink Aye aye I'll see you then Oh Oh Right I'll see you Oh

Is that the time already I must go to sleep And not at all come back and rape this tiger. Right, lovely, lovely stuff. God. We're not doing that kind of... We're not doing what? We're not doing what? You could have said anything like fiddle with the cat.

Just soften it. You can't consent. God. Animals can't consent. Right, next section. You can't consent. God. Animals can't consent. Next section. The vet said to me, have you anything, Derek, you can cover up this creature with?

Because it's very cold. You know, I've just thought, maybe it wasn't Fred. Maybe he said vet. He called the vet. And the vet said, I'll sort it out. Maybe it was our error. Why would he call his vet when his wife's ill? It's Fred. Who's also a vet.

And a friend of Derek's, who lives in Brookside. All right, anyway. Confused on the characters a little bit. Yeah, he's definitely saying vet now. And it's getting very late. And he said, we'll have to come along in the morning and see if she's still alive. I said, well, I've got my old army grey coat.

I will go and pet that, which I did. And we covered her up and left her. We both went our different way. And in the morning, around half past eight, my doorbell went and the vet stood there right the daughter now and the vet

is that what he said no he went home and didn't call the police no he just went let's go our separate ways and come back in the morning there's a fucking dying tiger out there

as far as we know but the daughter did he say came out what about the person whose house the tiger was by yeah mate you got a tiger outside just staring in didn't he call him in the first place no he's What about the person whose house the tiger was by? Yeah, mate, you got a tiger outside, just staring in. Didn't he call

him in the first place? No! He's deranged. He's knocked on the door. Come out. Come out the front door with me. Derek is deranged. He hasn't got his priorities right. Put it that way. Alright. Well, at least we know for now that the tiger isn't particularly a threat. But where does it go? And he said,

Have you been up to the animal yet, Derek? So I so i said no i dare not go on my own i thought it advisable to wait till you came he said well as soon as you're ready put your coat on it's still very cold and we'll go and have a look and see what happened. As we approached, the poor animal had not moved one inch. She was still breathing very rapidly and her eyes looked terrible. After about 20 minutes, she gave a large growl her mouth open wide and her whole body shuddered

and the vet said Derek, this creature is now having a massive heart attack so far great for kids so far you know what a fucking weirdo. Remember that bit

in Snow White where Dopey has a heart attack and he's lying on the floor shaking with his mouth open and white eyes are terrible. Remember that bit in Snow White? Or do you remember in Sleeping Beauty when she has a heart attack and goes into a coma? Actually, that kind of happens.

You can't say that. It's a precedent then. You can't say that. There's lots of nasty things happening in fairy tales. True, but... The kind of clinical way to say the heart attack. Not just like, I saw a tiger. It was unwell. Yeah. I went back the next day.

It had a massive heart attack. Fuck. All right. He's insane. All right, let's see where this goes. It's just a matter of minutes before she pulses away. That was the case.

She was dead. Oh, that was it? That was the case, she's dead. Is that what he said? Yeah. So the tiger's dead. Alright, great. We knew it was unwell from last night. Nine minutes and thirty in. We've got another five to go.

Let's see. Maybe four. Four and a in. He's got another five to go. Let's see. Maybe four. Four and a half. What's he going to do now? I don't know. Where's the story go from here? The tiger's dead. What?

I think it's uncalled for. Are you drawing a line at fucking a dead tiger? Yes. Well, I wouldn't. God. Anyway. Oh, anyway, it's dead.

Well, we can do no more. He didn't do anything. We've done the best we could. You didn't. You did nothing. He said, but I cannot find out what caused this animal to have such a shock through her system. He said, it's a mystery and with that I said well I suppose we better go and see what our friend Harry wants he phoned me last night and said he had a problem I said are you coming with me let's go and see what he wants as we went

round to the other side of the block of flats. The door was ajar. I suspected then that something was wrong. Kitchen light was on. We called his name. No answer. We went into the lounge. The lights were full on. Called out again.

Still no answer. were full on, called out again still no answer and then we made the most gruesome discovery go on, he's been mauled to death by the tiger no, the tiger saw something that's so horrible

that happened to Harry tigers don't suffer trauma when they see gore maybe the tiger looked in the window ready to pounce going oh I like this place. Saw what was in the room and was like, oh, I can't believe it. I'm having a massive heart attack. And it's female, right?

So I'm going to guess that Derek said he was naked in the living room with a big fat cock out. And the tiger saw it and went, Oh, it's a big fat cock! And then was like, Oh! In shock. Listen, this is the worst theory I've ever heard in my life. And yours is?

He is mauled by the tiger, but he got some swings in it. Obviously, it'd been a struggle, but he died. The tiger kills him, but gets injured to the extent that causes the heart attack later. I'm just being serious for a second here.

I just think it had shock. It saw something. Maybe it wasn't him. It doesn't get shocked from seeing something. Maybe it was because he was dressed up like Batman with a big cock up his arse. A big flexible rubber dong. A big dong hanging out.

What's he got? What else has he got on? Just the cape. Is it like a solid one? No, it's just the cape and the mask. Everything else is naked. Naked.

And he's got a bat dong up his bottom. Okay. And that traumatised the tiger so much. Because it was like, I can't believe it. Batman doing that.

It just had a shock. And he was a Batman fan. Yeah. Fan of the DC universe. Preferred the DCU rather than the MCU. Even though it still thinks Batman versus Superman is better than the Avengers. It's fucking got a problem. I saw that came up on Netflix.

I haven't bothered to watch it. It looks really bad. We're not going to talk about that, Gash. Okay. Here we go. Let's find out what they saw. Excited? I am, actually.

He's a terrible storyteller, but actually I do want to know what's going on now. Yeah. I shall never forget it as long as I live. Wow. As we entered the bedroom, I saw my friend on the floor, dead. His boxer shorts were only up to his hips

and his anatomy was so horrific I cannot describe it on this tape. What the fuck is going on? His anatomy was out of shape. So his boxerorts were pulled up To his hips he said

To his hips That's where they normally go Yeah So they were pulled up past his hips maybe No he didn't mean that And his anatomy Maybe his junk Is hanging out

No He's saying In a kid's story This is not a kid's story It's very grim He sent it It's very grim and weird Yeah

It's like strange. Do you know what I mean? This sort of portent of doom, this dying tiger, and then his friend. It's really nasty. It's like an Edgar Allan Poe fucking short story. I think he means he's been eviscerated by the... It's like his guts are all hanging out, is what I think. All right, well, let's see where it goes.

We were shocked. No shit. Very shocked. And on the table, there was a box, a pink box. And on the lid, it said Pfizer Pharmaceutical Limited. Sandwich. Kent. What?

A pharmaceutical company called Pfizer Pfizer Said it's a pink box Pfizer's a very big pharma company Yeah It's like Procter & Gamble Which said sandwich Maybe that's the town

Ah In Kent In Kent, yeah It's a pink box So he received some drugs in the mail We'll find out Harry had And now he's dead

Do not Under any circumstances, take more than one every night. Viagra are very, very powerful. Viagra? What on earth is going on in this

man's head? So? He's got a stalk on that killed him? Yeah, and a tiger saw it and died of an heart attack. Fuck me! What the fuck's this? We knew then what we could see had been a terrible death for both of them. The tiger had looked into the window, had seen my friend in this most distorted condition,

that the animal died from shock. No. And my friend was also dead. That's not an explanation of anything. Death by massive cock. He took more than one pill to get a big stonker. And that's what he meant by the anatomy, his stonker.

And the tiger was just going, oh, I've escaped from the circus, I'm just going to have a little nose of bile. What? What. What? What? What? It's a big fat cock. Oh, good.

It's a lady, you see. He meant it's a lady. So a lady tiger would be more sensitive. Derek, it shouldn't be allowed around the children. It shouldn't. It shouldn't be allowed. These tapes shouldn't have been made. It's a cursed tape. It's all weird.

And it says more about his personality. We have one more minute left. We can't... We have one more minute left. I want to see the police make an appearance and lock up everyone responsible. Well, no one's responsible. And start asking questions and smacking heads together.

All right, okay. There we go. So let this be a lesson. What? Sorry? Don't do a load of Viagra and then shock a tiger to death. You know what? More people need that advice.

They know. They should have posters. Try not to shock a tiger to death with your knob. Especially lady tigers that have escaped from specific circumstances. Fucking ridiculous. A lesson to you. It's a lesson in trying to keep sane and not make tapes when I'm an old man

to send to my nephews. That'll teach you to have a big cock. That'll teach you to be an old man who just wants one big erection. Who's his partner anyway? Who knows? You don't do Vagra just to have a big stalk on. For a wank, maybe.

No, because when you wank and then you've got another three hours. Yeah, that's true. Well, maybe he didn't know that, though, did he? Maybe he wasn't happy with the one pill, so he took two. And then a tiger happened to come round. Which is extraneous to the story when you think about it. Did you ever used to read that?

I used to read one of my favourite kids' books. What? The tiger that saw the big cock. The tiger that came to tea. Oh. Do you remember that one? Vaguely, yeah. The tiger just comes round and they give it, has tea with him. And then it goes. Yeah. It's nice. tea. Oh. Do you remember that one? Vaguely, yeah. The tiger just comes round and

they give it, has tea with him. And then it goes. Yeah. It's nice. Just goes by. Alright. I like that. I really like that book. That's what this reminds me of. Well, no. The tiger didn't come for tea. The tiger came a bit off more than it could chew. Yeah. Visually. It's more like Harry came. Okay, but Paul, we're mocking

this, but he's obviously deranged if he, you know, thinks that a tiger can be shot to death by a distended penis. Or he thinks that's appropriate to tell a bunch of children. That. Or. Is that. Or ever. His whole take on it. He came on strong for his first story. He came out on the gate strong. You know what I mean?

It's like, no fucking about. No leading up to it. This is going to involve a big dick and an old man. And a dead tiger. And a dead tiger. I've got all the bases covered. And he describes the tiger's death rattle. Yeah. All right, let's get through this last little bit. All right.

To all you old men over 65 who think that Viagra is going to make you feel 25 years young every day, because won't please be careful they are a wonderful drug use sensibly please don't do what my friend did as we cannot afford to lose a smashing bloke like him. Or a beautiful animal. With a blade blade outside his bedroom window. Goodbye. Oh my God! That is one of the best things I've ever heard. We've got to have more of this guy. Derek, come on.

Wow. Well, there are more tapes. Man, he made it up as a more of this guy. Derek, come on. Wow. Well, there are more tapes. Man, he made it up as a sort of fable. Do you know what I mean? I think the kids need to learn about Viagra. The dangers of Viagra. I'm going to tell this protracted story, that end of the sad death. Does he think this really happened, though? No.

Because he's like, oh, my mate, Harry, don't go the way he went. I have a feeling he's just one of the worst writers ever. And he felt like by putting the tiger in, it would demonstrate the danger. Do you know what I mean? Almost symbolically, maybe. Yeah. Very strange. It's very strange.

You could tell. It's like a fucking waking dream that he's having, isn't it? All I know is that I will be more careful using Viagra in the future. Yeah, especially, yeah. I don't want to kill no tigers. Although we also know that in certain circumstances you can scare away a tiger with a big cock. So, you know.

Kill it. It's like, oh, there's a tiger coming at us. What do I do? Give me a Viagra, I'm going to wave at it and shake it in its face. Wave my knob. Oh, oh, oh, oh no! I heard a story about it

fucking insane thank you very much for that video game basement Tom thank you video game basement Tom that was great I love a bit of found footage and that was yeah

let's try and do more of that then oh for sure we'll talk about getting the exclusive rights so that's cheap show for another episode thank you for listening all pictures and videos that could accompany this episode

will be on our website thecheapshow.co.uk oh yeah yeah there's also on twitter at thecheap Show Pod. I'm at Paul Gannon. Eli is?

Eli Snoidy, L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And we'll be on there. We've got a Facebook page, a Tumblr page. We've got a Reddit page, forward slash, no. Reddit.com forward slash R, forward slash Cheap Show. I can't work Reddit. Don't worry about it. I'm on top of it you don't need to

I'll keep the secrets are you pumping it yeah I'll go on there and I lurk and I give the odd feedback the odd feedback yeah they know I'm lurking

what else if you want to donate to us on Patreon and help keep this podcast going we love the people who do and appreciate it wholeheartedly so

I bring my nasolophicus round again we still haven't had that mysterious donation that specific number that will get you to come over and give them a specific price yeah so i've got oils yeah he's got the oils ready for nuzzling i've got beard oils ready for nuzzles so just so though just so you know someone will one day hopefully get that magnificent prize and Eli will nuzzle their window I've been collecting my beard draught

yeah he has been he's preparing mixing it with oils like a champ he's been on the go and I've been applying it like a poultice to my undercarriage

on reddit someone put an image of my face on a poultice and called it a poultice so yeah patreon.com forward slash cheap show

if you'd like to help support this pod. Any little amount will do. Thank you so much. It doesn't have to be a lot, but thank you so much. And I think that is it. I think that's it, Paul. That's it.

I think that's it. Email the show, thecheapshow at gmail.com. That's it. Oh, and like and subscribe and all that shit on there. Both live shows are up on YouTube now. Live shows are up. Lots of fun. Thank you again to Biffo.

They've got a bit of a different flavour from us just sitting in the house of pickles. We're all live and in your face unleashed. Yeah. What else? Oh, Digitiser. If you want to watch me on Digitiser, that's now on YouTube. Episode 1's up. By the time this goes up, episode 3 will probably be up. I'm not in episode 1. You're in 2 and 3 though.

I'm in 2 and 3 though. And maybe a few more after that. But anyway, I'm the pig. Digitiser, the show on YouTube. It's a retro video game show, but it's comedy and it's chat and interviews and silly games. Very good, I'm the pig. Digitizer, the show on YouTube. It's a retro video game show, but it's comedy and it's chat and interviews and silly games. Very good, I thought, Paul. Thank you. I'm glad you liked it because, you know, I know it's not really your thing. Well, I'm into retro video gaming.

Yeah, but it's for you. I watched a whole video about Tetris World Championships. That's true. Highly recommended. I've watched King of Kong. I was in Bristol the other day and I went to a place called Kong's which had video games. A bit disappointing. Oh, retro 80s

kind of place. Yeah, but they only had about five machines. They had Pac-Man, Street Fighter 2. The typical stuff, really. They had that wrestling game. Multiplayer, you know, World Wrestling Federation game. Did they have asteroids? No.

Tetris? No. A claw machine? No. See, they didn't have much, but they did have what looked like a double dragon cabinet. Yeah. But it had this one fatal...

Fury. Yeah. Yeah? Which I think it's like a total Street Fighter 2 sort of rip-off. Yeah, like Streets of Rage almost as well. Yeah, but it's like Versus. Yeah. I thought that was quite good.

There's this little Freddy Krueger type character. Oh, yeah, that's right. You had a little play of that, did you? Oh, that's nice. That was nice. What a lovely fucking anecdote. But it was like 50p per go, and that's not very good, is it? Well, anyway, we've had a lovely time today on Cheap Show.

We hope you've had a lovely time, too. I hope Derek is rest in peace. Is he dead? I don't know. Tom, is he? Is his work final is it a complete set

we'll talk right bye bye bye everyone bye