CheapShow - Ep 108: Dick-A-Lot Bear

Episode Date: January 4, 2019

We're back for an episode full of laughs, random tangents, quality tat and a lot of gagging and coughing. Paul has a pretty rough time this week! After a long absence The League of Snacks (and crisps) returns to tackle the mystery of the Doritos. Where will they rank? There is also an overdue return to Silverman's Platter to listen to some unusual charity shop finds. If you care about your childhood, you may want to brace yourself. Finally, Paul and Eli eat some disgusting bug gummies. It's not going to be pleasant! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos and the full live show on YouTube can be found at... www.thecheapshow.co.uk If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

How many fingers can you get in your mouth? That's how we're starting the show, yeah. I can get five fingers in my mouth if I want. Oh, I feel very deflated all of a sudden. Come on, mate. Another successful year at Cheap Show HQ. Better known in the common parlance is the House of Pickles. Hello, this is Cheap Show.

It's an economy comedy podcast. I'm your host, Paul Gannon. And joining me, as ever, is my good friend, Eli Silverman. Hello again, everybody. Welcome to Cheap Show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, alright?

It's a fact of cheap so you're gonna have to fucking reset. Noodle time. Tales from the dance floor. How's the bit going? The price of the site This is for a gun and saying hello Eli Silver Welcome to Geek Show How many fingers can you get in though? No, I'm not talking about that How many fingers can you get in though?

I'm not talking about that. How many fingers can you get in your mouth? Can I have a nap? Now? You can, but you know what will happen if you have a nap? The little teeth gremlin will come. The tooth gremlin made up. The tooth gremlin will come.

It wasn't a real thing that that person was told. We'll get your teeth. Don't start. Don't start. Don't start with the Tooth Gremlin. Well, the Tooth Gremlin will get you. It's true. Yeah, but... I heard about it somehow.

The Tooth Gremlin's not real. I heard it on a podcast. It must be real. Tooth Gremlin's not real, but you know what could really happen? You, for example. You've been struck by a Tooth Gremlin. Paul, do you know what's real, though? Do you know been struck by a tooth gremlin. Num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num, num. Paul, do you know what's real, though? Do you know what's real, though?

Yeah. Leaky Norman. Leaky Norman? Leaky Ken. Leaky Ken. Get your characters right. Come on, mate. No, come on.

There is a leaky Norman. Get your characters right. No, I just got confused because his brother's called Norman. And he's also leaky. Is it a leaky family? Yes. What's his mum's name? She and he's also Leaky. Is it a Leaky family? Yes. What's his mum's name? She's called Leaky Leaky. You know what? I can see racist material coming based on

that name. Really? Yeah. Because Leaky could be a Chinese name. No, no. They're not Chinese. Well, what's the name then? What's Leaky then? It refers to his compulsion. Whose compulsion? Mate, your story's falling apart. It refers to the compulsion. His wife's name. It refers to the genetic compulsion in the whole family to quietly go into people's rooms when they're asleep

and sort of flaccidly excrete. How does the lady do that, then? I don't have to ask me that. You should try. She just stoops. Oh, you know what? I don't fucking want to know. I just don't. I just don't want to know. I just don't.

I just don't want to know. Leaky Ken is real. Anyway. And he's really visited you. I can tell you that. Welcome to Cheap Show, ladies and gentlemen. It's the economy comedy podcast. Leaky Ken is real.

Leaky Norman is real as well. Mate. They work as a tag team. Yeah, do they? Yeah. They're great. What? He goes,

I love this. Norman. Norman. It's time for you to be leaky. And then he comes in, you know, and they pass like strangers in the night. How do they pick their victims? It's you. It's just you.

It's just me. It's only you. Leaky Ken and Leaky Norman pick on me directly. They exist to flaccidly spuff on you. You're Leaky Ken and Leaky Norman, so that you do it. I'm Leaky Ken. Are you saying I'm Leaky Ken? Yeah. I'm not Leaky Ken, mate. You are Leaky Ken.

I'm not Leaky Ken, mate. I am. You are. It's like you're Batman. By day, he's Eli Silverman, but by night, he's Leaky Ken. Look after your foreheads, gents. He'll be plopping his flaccid todger down on it and excreting a weak piss jism. So, Paul, what have we got coming up on the show today?

We have a lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely trip to your platter. A trip down platters. A trip down the platter avenue. Now, not to be honest, this week they are not, strictly speaking, Silverman's Platters, are they? No. But it's the platter section of the show when we talk about vinyl. We talk all things vinyl. All things.

All things. All things Mahogany. We work them all in. We talk all things teak. I talk all things. I can't do this anymore you mean tonight or ever again I don't know

I don't know Paul I don't know is this you quitting the show no he says mulling over his other options just give me something oh by the way now that we're on the topic yeah

haven't you mentioned this on the topic, yeah. Haven't you mentioned this on the show before while I was reading this? Yeah, but we haven't tasted it. Do you know what? We never will. Okay. I bought this Kenyan-style chuda, chevda, which is like a Bombay mix style thing. Yeah, African Bombay mix. And I checked it, and I checked the ingredients, and I couldn't see it said raisins.

Look at that. It's got fucking swimming with blonde sultanas. That's unacceptable. It's unacceptable. Unacceptable. Unacceptable. Not wanted. But maybe that's just how they have it, though.

It is how they have it, and they're wrong about food. So we will not be tasting that on cheapies. Is it a cultural thing? It's a disgustingness thing, Paul. Oh, well. The League Against Fruits With Meats shall rear its head and defend celery and iceberg lettuce.

Is that it? In your weird niche protection racket? Well, it's not a protection racket. Well, whatever. It's a protest movement. I'll show you a protest movement when I take a shit right on your nose. Yeah.

The big stink, they call it. I'm running out of insults for you. I can hear one of our superheroes approaching. I'm Pondstopper. Gagstopper. Pondstopper. Is it? Gagstopper Incorporated got in touch with me

and said I had to change my name. Well, you're going to have to stop your own avatar, Paul Gannon. It's going to be tricky. Yes. Because I love him. Right, okay. I love Paul. Do you love me?

I love you. Okay. That's great. Why don't you two kiss? Let's kiss. Ooh. And a bit more. Yeah.

A bit more. Stop my pun. Right. Stop my puns. Oh, stop your more. Yeah. A bit more. Stop my pun. Right. Stop my puns. Stop your pun. Paul, Paul. Paul, no. Why has it got mouth noises?

It's just gone mouth noises. All you do is mouth noises, man. Oh, right. I am off now. Goodbye, pun stopper. You certainly stopped his puns. Going home to my wife. All right. I am off now. Goodbye, pun stopper. You certainly stopped his puns. Going home to my wife. All right.

He's secretly hot for you. You lead more than one double life, don't you, pun stopper? He certainly does. You hypocritical bastard heartbreaker. It's always the same. Paul, now Paul. He does this a lot. He flies into my life.

He says, don't do that, pun. And then he goes, can I have one more little kiss, please? What pun did you do? And then I go, all right, but it's the last time, pun stopper. And I kiss him on the lips. And it all gets heated for a moment. And he leads me up the garden path. And then he goes, oh, I can hear a pun happening.

And he flies off. It didn't get heated enough for me. No. No. No, not at all. We'll do a pun then, and maybe you'll come back. I don't get heated enough for me. No. No. No, not at all. Well, do a pun then and maybe he'll come back. I don't want him to come back.

Do a pun. I want him to come back. What's that stuff called again? Chevda. Chevda. Chevda what? Chevda puke after eating it. No, he's not coming back.

He's not coming back. That's fine. He's gone. Didn't he qualify as a pun? He's gone's gone. Didn't he qualify as a pun? He's gone. No, didn't qualify as comedy. Because you have to. I can't think of a pun on you have to. No, because you have to.

Because you have to vomit because of the sultanas. Because you have to. Because you have to. We're not making this work. We're literally trying to squeeze a round peg through a square hole right now. Oh, yeah. No.

How square? Describe the hole. It's a round one. It's a round one. And how square? Is it square? What are you doing? Coming up on the show today, we have...

What have we got? What have we got? What have we got? We've got the platter. Oh, we've got the platters. We've got a league of what we got we've got we've got the platter oh we've got the platters we've got a league of snacks and we've got it's a very serious

league of snacks and crisps and we're going to end with a a nut busher challenge a nut booker challenge nut butter challenge that sounds like

what is it I found it in a shop bush tucker bush tucker bush tucker bush tucker challenge it's called the bug tucker challenge oh bug tucker challenge

spin the wheel to see which bug you will eat but these are sweet I'll explain in more detail later what else that's it

bush we've had that's it that's all bug tucker pun stopper heartbreaker love maker

salt shaker right that's the they would do Pugtucker Punstopper Heartbreaker Lovemaker Saltshaker right that's the show good good bless you what's that you're drinking it's green that is

tea okay fair enough good point it's milky matcha like a latte like a tea latte a pre-made matcha latte oh

is that cheap? No. We're frauds, aren't we? Ladies and gentlemen. I just want to taste it. But matcha's very sort of this high end anyway, isn't it? It's expensive stuff. It's quite nice.

Ladies and gentlemen. You don't like the taste of green tea, do you? I do. I do. Yeah, just carry on drinking it, mate, in the show. They're fucking Sultanas. What about this as well? Stop talking like my dad. Complaining about Sultanas and tea. I, mate, in the show. They're fucking Sultanas. What about this as well? Stop talking like my dad.

Complaining about Sultanas and tea. I'm not complaining about the tea. I said it was nice. Well, you just have a face of a complainer. Sultanas. Right. What about this? Ramu Bottle Grape.

It's a grape drink that tastes like Ramune. Now, Ramu Bottle. Do you think the translation is Marble Bottle? I don't know. Because everyone must be familiar with those. Yeah, the little Japanese soft drinks. Soft drinks that have a marble in the neck. Yeah.

And then you do something with the lid. You pop it down. Yeah, you pop it down, the marble drops out. And it releases the marble. I'm really interested to know what the history of that is. Because a lot of these Japanese things are things that go back years and years and years. Do you know what I mean? But this is a Ramu bottle, great,

but it's just a normal bottle. And they've got a picture of that bottle on this normal bottle as if they're saying, this is the type of stuff that you'd put in that bottle with a marble, but we're not going to do that. Why are they going to do that? Because it's terrible for the environment probably. Probably, so they have to now just affect it by the

iconography on the bottle. Having a picture of it. Yeah. Well, the bottle itself is reasonably nondescript. This stuff is evil, man. Is it? So sweet. Yeah.

So artificial. Great. So, yes. And what did that cost? Was it expensive? Yeah. Stop buying expensive stuff. It's called cheap show.

Oh, well. It's not that much, is it? Stop showing it off. Look at my Ramu bottle style, Greg. Maybe it's to do with the containers. Maybe in the past, they used to have jars of balls in so it wouldn't spill

if you tipped it upside down. The marble would roll to the top. Well, it must be something like that. I'm going to look that up. Well, not now. Oh, all right. Not now. I don't want to do it now.

I want to do Cheap Show. You don't have to do it now. Can we carry on with the show? I'm just trying to... I'm going to do League of Snacks now. That's exciting. We haven't done that in a while. Let's fucking do that then. Right, come on.

Let's kiss. No kissing. Well, that's a good one. You've already had a snog. Pun stopper not doing his job. No. And not getting me hard. Because it was so weak

nearly livid well right let's do stop making noises hello yeah no i'm gonna stop it and then the link and then the sound effect and then the spit. Good. It's time for the League of Snacks. And crisps. What have we got? What have you chosen for the... And crisps. What have you chosen today for League of Snacks? Doritos. Why did you pick Doritos?

Well, they've been ubiquitous for a number of years in the crisps scene in Britain. I'd say the 1990s in Britain. I'd say the 1990s in Britain. I could do some research. Do some fucking research. It's a serious part of the show. The League of Snacks and Crisps.

Doritos. Let's find out about Doritos. Yes. Is an American brand of flavoured tortilla chips produced since 1964? By Frito-Lay. Yes, Frito-Lay, obviously the huge company. The original Doritos were not flavoured.

The first flavour was taco, released in 1967, although other flavours have since debuted for the company. Doritos originated in a restaurant at Disneyland. Ah. Didn't know that. This is actually quite fascinating. In Disneyland? So they're always a sort of pretend.

And then nationwide, 66, they released in America. They're like a pretend sort of authentic item, aren't they? They are like a kind of theme park snack when you think about it. It makes sense that that would be its history. But what I want to know is when they were introduced to the UK, Paul. Because I believe that was no earlier than like 1990. No, you're probably right, but this particular Wikipedia page does not say anything about it.

It just merely focuses on the American market. Do you remember them? They came in in the 90s, didn't they? I think you would have been right, because Mexican food was not big in the 80s, and it was starting to become a bit more popular in the 90s. They haven't been here since the 60s in this country. No, no, no. I don't think they have.

I think you're right. I don't think they have. So, you have... We're going to taste all three. Talk into the mic. How hard is it though? Do we have to have another episode where we talk about this? No. Let's not have another episode where we talk about it. Yeah?

Behave yourself. Just looking at some crisps. All right, then. So, anyway, Doritos. So, what was the first flavour that came out? It was probably Cool Original, wasn't it? Cool Original. That's what it's original, isn't it?

What does Cool Original flavour mean? What does it taste like? It's cool. Yeah, but what does it taste of? What does it taste of? I always think it's sort of like a ranch sort of style flavour, isn't it? Oh, do you think? That's us.

Yes. Let me look for flavours and see what it says. Here we go. But it's a strange non-flavour, isn't it? Usually a flavour says something like cheese or... Yeah, it's like... It's just called original. What's the ingredients say?

It's just new, new hot. Let's have a look. The ingredients don't say anything. They've got cheese. There's cheese in look. They've got cheese. There's cheese in them. I've noticed that. Vegetable oil. Cool original flavouring.

Contains milk. It says flavourings contains milk. It's ranchy. It's like garlic, cheese, garlic sort of. Herbie cheese garlic, isn't it? Made in a factory that also handles wheat, gluten, barley, soya, celery, mustard. And giant squid. Ah, thumbs up or thumb.

Oh, the weather outside is frightful, so sit back, relax, and slay your Christmas party with this seriously cool snack. You might be right, it might be a ranch-style thing, but for me, it's always been a bit cheesy. It is cheese. It's a cheese ranch. Well, let's open the bag up. No, no, we've got three flavours.

We can do it one at a time. All right, shall we start with the original? Keep the bag up. No, no we've got three flavours. We can do it one at a time. Alright, shall we start with the original? Yeah, keep the mystery going. Otherwise we blow our load. Oh he's having a huff. I like the huff on that. Have a look. I have to say I like the huff on that. It's almost tangy. Tangy salt and vinegary. Yes. So they are just, you've seen one tortilla chip, you've seen them all. That's what the shape is. Let's have a little taste. It's really hard to describe.

There is a sort of vinegary-ness to it, isn't there? Yeah, there really is a vinegary-ness. Yeah. God damn it. Are you okay? No, I've got a headache. He's still hungover, everybody. Shut up.

Okay. It says, welcome to the website. What is Cool Flavour? It says the flavour in the US is called Cool Ranch. Thank you very much. It's a forum on Digital Spy, so they had a forum. Cool Original Doritos. And then someone says, donno. Sour cream.

Yes, there's definitely a sour cream sort of flavour to it. Yeah, there is. The flavour in the US is called Cool Ranch, but nobody over here knows what ranch is. It comes from one of the most popular salad dressings called Hidden Valley Ranch. It's a very nice dressing. You can also make a ranch dip for Doritos.

There you go. So basically, it's kind of a ranch dressing. Oh, God. It's gone bad. I'm going home. I think I'm going to die. Paul. I'm going to go home. It's tickling my throat and it won't go away.

It's a cough. I had it. It's not. It's a tickle from this thing. You're getting a cough. I had it. It's not. It's a tickle from this thing. You're getting a cough. It's a little bit of Dorito. I can feel it in my throat. All right.

Stay in the podcast. This is all real. No, don't keep that in the podcast. It's disgusting. I'm eating another crisp. Oh, God. Oh, you made me cry. That was so funny.

Right, what do you think of Cool Doritos, then? I've never gotten on with the flavour. Really? There's something about it. I'd rather just have a plain tortilla chip. So would I. I don't like all the flavouring, because there's also quite a kind of thick flavouring to it. It is.

And it's almost, it's very kind of chemically. Yeah. It's a chemically flavour. I would, if I was really hungry, just eat a pack though. No,

that's the thing though. It's like you get stoned or you're drunk and you come home, you can't be arsed to cook and you open one up and half an hour, it's all gone.

But it is ranch because they're called ranch in the States and that's obviously because ranch has no meaning in our culture, does it? No. It's not a thing that is known about at all. You know what I mean?

Mate, I feel like shit today. I feel like shit doing this episode. I know, Paul. I'm sorry. I'm bunged up. You have to do it, though. We don't have to do it. We could just stop.

We could do it some other time. No. We have to carry on we could just stop we could do it some other time no we have to carry on okay now so we need to rate it in the four categories and the first category is flavor flavor uh i don't know i've never really liked that flavor so um i'm is out of 10 certainly is i'm gonna go for six it's not unpleasant but i don't care for it. Now, remember, we have to agree on this. I know, but that's why I'm saying six. I want to push it up to 6.5. All right, 6.5.

Are we going to agree on that? I'm happy with that. That's fine. It's not very good. No. It's not very good. Okay. Next.

Texture. Texture. Oh, it's got a nice texture. Good texture. Oh, it's great. They're quite thin, aren't they? But still quite corny. Yeah, and there's still a lot of crunch to them and bite. So texture's good. They're crispy. Veryxture. Oh, it's got a nice texture. Good texture. Oh, it's great. They're quite thin, aren't they? But still quite corny. Yeah, and there's still a lot of crunch to them and bite.

So texture's good. They're crispy. Very good. Eight? Yeah. Eight. You can't really go wrong with a... It's a solid cunt with a corn chip.

Not really. You can. You can. They can taste a little bit stale, but these don't. I think that's... Doritos, one thing they try and get spot on is the crunch. And they've worked on that since the 60s. And they've done it.

They've done it. They've achieved crunch. They've rock and rolled it. So we worked on that since the 60s. And they've done it. They've done it. They've achieved crunch. They've rock and rolled it. So we're giving eight for texture. Yeah, next. Nostalgia. No, not nostalgia's not next. Value for money.

Oh, value for money. So this is a multi-big bag thing, isn't it? These were all a quid, and these are the Christmas... So they're on probably a promotion. These are Christmas promotion packs, but these are 180 gram big packs. Yeah, they're huge big bags. That's good value for money. But on average, they tend to be about 80p for smaller bags.

They're the same as an equivalent bag of potato chips, aren't they? And if you're in that mood, you get a bit more value for money for a Dorito bag than a Walker's. Do you think so? Why? They're heavier. The corn chips are heavier. I mean, you probably get less in, but it's more kind of a... It feels more like food

for some reason than a potato chip doesn't it yeah it's a bit more legit when it comes to corn based snacks these have got like

fake snow on them I don't think we need to take that into consideration I just think it says deck the halls with boughs of holly is crossed out and Doritos is said

yeah you wouldn't want to deck your halls with Doritos no it'd be a nip not unless you're very poor this Christmas it'd be very cheesyip, wouldn't it? Not unless you're very poor this Christmas. It'd be very cheesy. Oh, Mummy, why does the

hall smell of cheese? Because we've used Doritos. Mummy, why are you the prostitute from the old other episode? Because Paul can only do a few voices. And Mummy, why are there crisps up on the ceiling? I haven't got an answer for that.

Why have you decked the halls with Doritos? What does the other one say? Report. All I want for Christmas is you. You is crossed out. Yeah, and it says Doritos. Doritos. Imagine being that lonely.

You have a Dorito Christmas. All I want for Christmas is Doritos. Just sit in my room, eat a bag, and another bag. People do get into them. And then another bag, and then another bag, and then another bag, and then another bag. And then I'll have a sleep, and then I'll have another bag, and then another bag. We've reached a level of mediocrity now on this podcast. And then another bag, and then another bag.

Okay, right, value for money. What are we going to rate it then out of that? We need to come up with a number. Value for money I think is high. I'm going to go for 7.5, pushing out there yeah no 7.5 i'll go with it's a little bit costly still especially if you compare it to say a space invader snack whatever they call them because you know get a nice little bit of snack there for your money with a space vader what are they called space space invader oh they call that the snacks yeah space raiders

space raiders thank you yeah they're more value for money did we cover those yeah we have covered them i hope we're biffo oh yes now moving on to the most controversial of the categories but we stand by it we stand by this yeah i stand by it i stand by you oh please i stand by you Please don't sing that Nostalgia everybody I stay by you Nostalgia What do you reckon? What's your nostalgia associated with Doritos? To me Doritos reminds me of that mid 90s extreme

Whoa dude Oh radical kind of thing They've got a very 90s feel the brand still Even though they're a 60s snack and blah, blah, blah. For me, they are the 90s cool, rad, extreme snack. And the lettering that they use is totally like that as well, hasn't it? It hasn't changed. It's got a very 90s feel to it, the font and the design.

It's got a big extreme heat sort of triangle. Put it this way, it means less to me as a snack than a Monster Munch would from the same period. Because this is an American snack primarily. It entered the UK reasonably. It came into my life like at least 10 years later than Monster Munch. At least.

It was the cool trendy kid on the block who wanted to be cool and edgy like you. It really was though and perhaps that gives it a nostalgic thing. Because, Paul, we were just like, oh, there's corn-based maize snacks, such as Space Invaders. There's crisps.

There's Golden Wonder. Salt and Shake. There's Square Crisp. There's Discos. But where is the corn-based thing? Well, we didn't have that in our culture. It was an exotic thing. It was very exotic.

It was like, ooh, this is a bit different. Hey, hey, hey, Bob. It was less based on... Hey, Bob, have you seen these? Have you seen these crisps? They're a bit different, aren't they? I'm trying to sleep. All right, sorry.

I'll send Leaky Ken round. So I don't know. For me, the nostalgia is kind of feeling like they're imposters, like trying to... Yeah. You know what I mean? They've got an American-ness about them, don't know for me the nostalgia is kind of feeling like they're imposters like trying to yeah you know what I mean and they've got an American-ness about them don't they

yeah a brashness a brashness yes it's like the Pepsi Max of snacks they so are they so are and I think Frito-Lay are actually own PepsiCo

as well yeah they are oh that's a good point they are that's probably why I made the association yes they're behind the scenes

of our lives that's the 90s isn't it skateboard scenes of our lives. That's the 90s, isn't it? Skateboarding, Doritos, Pepsi Max. That's the 90s summed up in three words. So what we're saying is they are, they do cause nostalgia, but for quite a specific period of time. So they are quite a good nostalgic snack, but in a kind of interloper,

ooh, you Doritos, but they're still around. So we're going to go for 8.5 on nostalgia. I would just go with 8. Okay. Fair enough. I'd just like to keep that one simple. Fair nostalgia. I would just go with 8. Okay. Fair enough. I'd just like to keep that one simple. Fair enough. So, all together, what does that give us?

And then we'll quickly do the other two. For the other two, we just have to change the flavour score. That's it, yeah. And that's how we do things around here. That's how we do it. It's a scientific method. If the crisp is the same crisp, essentially, but just with different flavours, we come up with a score for texture, flavour, and

value for money. And unless there's a great discrepancy between the two flavours in that crisp, we only change the flavour one. That keeps things spick and span, all squared off, all spickety spookety. All the I's are dotted and all the T's are crossed. And I've got it all

straight. I've got it right straight, all straight up. Straight up there. Right, good. So can you now sum up what the score is overall now for the cool original Dorito snack on the League of Snacks board before we move on to the other two flavours? He's working it out, ladies and gentlemen. While he's doing that, Raquel, you with my latest hit single. No, no, please. You know working it out lately. Let me, while he's doing that, regale you with my latest hit single.

No, no, please. You know you've got it. Where'd you put it? I know you got it. Where'd you put it? That's really unoriginal. I saw it the other day. Where'd you put it? I know you took it. 30! Say you didn't. I'll slap you away because I know

where my badges went and they aren't on my bedroom bench and I thought you said you were quite hench when I found them in the sock drawer and you said that you had swore that you'd not seen them

before, well you're a liar too, but dude, dude please, please fool please you really Please. Please, Paul. Please. You really... This is a different song now. It's different. Yes.

It's different. Paul, finished? Yeah. Good. What's the score? Honestly, good. Right, good. I've said Good. What's the score? Honestly, good. Right, good. I've said it.

What did you say? You literally weren't listening. 31. It's 30. You're trying to sneak at my scorecard. Yeah. Don't be sneaking a peek at my scorecard. That's how I get through.

I saw you sneaking at my scorecard. I saw you sneaking. I saw you peeking. You thought I was cheating, but I wasn't. I just looked. Come in here. I've got to speak to you peeking. You thought I was cheating, but I wasn't. I just looked. Come in here. I've got to speak to you. Yeah. Hello. I saw you

sneaking a look at my scorecard. I didn't. It got me fucking frothing. Frothing in the pantos. You're the worst teacher ever. My pantos are frothed up. Why have you got those canes, sir? Oh, they've been up my arse. Right. Right.

Let's get the other two open. If you want to go sneak and look at my winky hole, if you want to look at my winky hole, I'll come round. Eli, I do not want to look at your winky hole. I was playing a character. Yeah, but I'm talking to you, Eli.

Now, next, Dorito. The next flavour of Dorito is the tangy cheese. Now, but I'm talking to you, Eli. Now, the next flavour of Dorito is the tangy cheese. Now, I don't know about you, Paul, but this is my personal favourite flavour. Again, I don't like... It's got a very cheesy huff. I find them too intense flavour-wise, and they come across as quite cloying. It's a very cheesy huff, but not like a Watsit cheesy huff, which is quite intense. They do have some of the Watsit-style orange dust, though.

It's an orange dust snack. But is that nicer? Have they changed the flavour? No. Because for me, this doesn't seem as thick with dust as it used to be. You're thinking of the cool original. You're thinking of the cool originals. I don't know.

I remember these being really cheesy. We haven't shaken the bag. Get the powder all around it. I actually do think I prefer this snack, this flavour to the Cool Ranch though.

Yeah. It hasn't got that vinegary aftertaste the Cool Ranch one. That kind of chemically sweetness. There's not much of that. Yeah, that's better.

0.5% better? 0.5 of a... What was the one we gave for flavour last time? 0 better 0.5% better 0.5 of a what was the one we gave for flavour last time 6.5 I would say 7.5 oh even that high

yeah I think it's quite a comfortable flavour it's a full point higher than by a long margin oh well they're my favourites yeah

what would you have said without me involved would you have gone a higher score with the flavour no I probably would have gone about 7.5 yeah

alright 7.5 and then ooh now we're back to the fucking a score with the flavour? No, I probably would have gone about 7.5. Yeah? Yeah. Alright, 7.5. And then, ooh, now we're back to the fucking almost swimming pool. It's almost chlorine-y. There's almost a chlorinated smell.

What flavour is that? These are chilli heatwave. It's on a heatwave! They've got an almost chlorinated smell. I got confused and I sniffed the microphone then.

Very good. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And that's that artificial-y-ness. Yeah. The artificial chilli. We've had a then. Very good. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And that's that artificial-iness. Yeah. The artificial chilli. We've had a half.

Shake it. Shake the powder. Shake it. Shake it. Shake it like a Doritos bag. And he's going to have a little few. I'm also going to have a few. It's not strong, is it?

What they do, and what I don't dislike about a lot of products that claim to be chilli products, is there is some heat that they put in it, but they mask it in a load of sweetness, don't they? They kind of make it more palatable by sweetening it up. Do you know what that tastes like to me? It's really sugary. That tastes like ketchup. Yeah. But that's how they...

Is it like a sriracha-y kind of thing they're going for? Yeah. It helps. It's not unpleasant, but it's a bit unremarkable. I don't like it. Do you think it's what... Well, this is what we have to decide now, Paul. I would still probably have them over the Cool Ranch.

You would. Yeah. So, are we going to say... And Doritos also do plain now as well, don't they? Should we put them... We can get this nice and symmetrical by putting them exactly halfway between the Cool Ranch and the cheese in the flavour scale. Okay.

So, yeah. Let's do that then. So, there'll be a seven. And then 7.5 for the cheese. And let's have the final scores Okay, so yeah, let's do that then So there'll be a 7 And then 7.5 for the cheese And let's have the final scores for the Doritos Let's do... Have you got a pair? Just as a...

What have you got? Just as a comparison Oh, okay I have some organic nacho corn chips Now, we will not be rating them on the League of Snacks scale No, not including that But let's just have our thoughts about these These are sort of

expensive cheese flavoured corn okay alright corn chips are these a cheap brand or just a foreign brand like an import thing

imported they've definitely got much more coarse grained corn you know what I mean they're much cornier yeah but they're also

again I think they've been open a while because they're a little bit stale which is affecting the overall impression I'm having on them they are Yeah, but they're also, again, I think they've been open a while because they're a little bit stale. Yeah. Which is affecting the overall impression I'm having on them.

They are. But try and ignore that. And the cheese flavour's very subtle, isn't it? It's subtle, but I actually prefer the Doritos cheese flavour. Yeah. Again, it comes across as a little bit too weak. Too weak. Okay.

Interesting. Well, there you go. It's got a very interesting addition. What's the overall score then across the three snacks? Let me just find my pen. While he's looking for his pen, it's time for my latest song. So. It's my new song go It's been a very interesting Edition of the What's the overall score Then across the three snacks Let me just find my pen While he's looking for his pen It's time for my latest song So It's my new song

It's called I found my pen Where's me pen Oh baby I've lost my pen No I found it Very short song Yeah it's a short song

Right So that makes Cool original Of a score of 30 Cheese A score of 31 Oh I guess that makes sense And It's a full point more So it'll of 30. Cheese, a score of 31. Oh. I guess that makes sense.

It's a full point more. So it would be 30.5 there. 30.5 for the chilli heatwave. Interesting. Also, annoying 90s nomenclature as well, isn't it? Chilli heatwave. Just call it chilli flavour. Well, that's not what you're going to call it.

You're going to call it cucumber bumhole flavour or something. Cucumber bumhole flavour. I'd like to try that. You know what I mean, though? Like knobbly pickle flavour or something. I'd eat those. But I mean, you know. Yeah, I know what you're getting at.

It's like a blade. It's trying to create a feeling rather than a flavour. I've got a better one. Go on. Like surfing hot dog flavour or something. Or it's more like, no, it'd be more like skateboarding cat. Autumn Peppers. I like that. Autumn Peppers.

They sound like a soft rock group. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, it's Autumn Peppers with Where's Me Pen. Ooh, baby, baby, where's my pen? I found it. You have to pay for this, the hiring of the studio today, Mr Peppers. Oh, do I? Yes, because you told me you could sing.

Can we cut this stuff? I'm recording and it's a bit awkward. I can't afford it, mate. Well, you'll have to have sex with me. I'll suck you off. Yes. I'll suck you. I was going to suggest that.

Yeah. Please do it. Fourth with, jump on this knob off my gob goby my gob jobby job on no

oh we're meant to have been doing a league of snacks don't make yourself gag again he's rolled up a packet of tobacco ladies and gentlemen and he's put it into his mouth and now he. Don't make himself gag again. He's rolled up a packet of tobacco, ladies and gentlemen, and he's put it into his mouth, and now he has. He's made himself gag.

That's his... It's standing for material. This segment is now over. Cool Ranch, 30.30. No, 30. Cool Ranch, 30. Cheese. What's the cheese one called?

Tangy Cheese. Tangy Cheese. At least that's descriptive. It is descriptive. Tangy Cheese, 31. And... descriptive. It is descriptive. Tangy cheese, 31, and chilli heat wave,

30.5. Well, what a, what a successful, what a congratulations. What a congratulations that was. And what a fine addition to the

League of Snacks that was. I think that ranks about right compared to everything else we've done so far. Yes. Maybe we need to find a League of Snack soon. A snack that's,

you know, well known. Like a pretzel. Well Liga snack soon. A snack that's, you know, well-known. Like a pretzel? Well, I'm just saying a snack that's well-known. What about those sticks? Those salty sticks? No, I know,

but what I'm saying is find a proper thing that's good for the Liga snacks, but a snack we know is bad because we need, I think, a spad Liga snack entry to kind of get an idea of, you know what I mean,

a barometer of like... So we need a spectrum. Because we've had like 30 and 32 and 36. We need to find a snack that's bad. Well, this was quite low as far as they've gone so far.

True, but if we can think of a bad snack that's eligible for the League of Snacks, I think we should try it. We need to get hold of the spreadsheet, Paul, in all seriousness

so I can do some research and sort of crunch the numbers. Well, we're going to crunch the numbers on that and then we'll think outside the box with some blue sky thinking and hopefully knock this one out of the park

after some spitballing ideas. Yeah. That was the League of Snacks. That was the League of Snacks. That was the League of Snacks. And crisps. Oh, it's becoming one of my favourite parts of the show. Oh, yeah.

It's Eli Silverman's platter. But they're not my platters today are they no they one was gifted two were gifted at the live show and one I picked up

in a charity shop up the road from here that death charity shop shall we start with that one then Paul show which one the one you picked up

from a charity death row charity shop did you say a death no not a death row charity shop a death charity shop that'd be weird

wouldn't it? Why? What are you sending them? Last meals? He's shrugging at me. I've got nothing. Look, you could send a burger through the mail to them. No, I think we should start with the one...

Because I think the last two have a theme. And the first one is a bit of... A bit different as a result. So let's first of all talk about a song that was gifted to us at the live show. It's Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince singing I Think I Could Beat Mike Tyson. Is that the actual title? Yeah. Not in my hand.

I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson. And with the year of release. Yeah. It's got to be early 90s, right? 89. Oh, 89. Yeah, that makes sense then. Yes.

Yeah. So it's Will Smith and Jazzy Jeff, who we know from Boom Shake the Room and Summertime. And The Prince of Bel-Air. And The Prince of Bel-Air. Now, I will be honest. Here is a clip of it right now at the beginning. Here we go. Uh-uh!

Leroy, Leroy. Yeah? Did you hear about that boy Mike Tyson? Mike Tyson, he the boy that played football for Montreal, man. No, you old coot here. He a boxer, man. Let me tell you, I went to his fight a couple months ago. I seen him hit that boy.

He hit that boy so hard, his head flew off into the 18th row. Had to go get his head out the 18th row. I was in Jeff's crib one night about 8. We were watching a couple of Mike Tyson fight tapes. Jeff was like, man, you see how hard Mike's punching? Come on, Jeff. The other guy was just lunging. Left, right, left, right, another KO.

If that was me, I'd have been okay, though. The very next day, I gave Russell a ring with JL and Leor, and we all called Don King. I said, yeah, Don, I got a problem. Tell him, Prince. Yeah, what's up? What you saying? You trying to solve him? Forget the small talk.

Let's get to the nitty gritty. Me and Mike, two months, Trump, Atlantic City. Yo, you got this. You on a bus, dude. Yeah, you can be my trainer. Word up. I'm rough like a freight train, smooth like ice. So I want to listen to that. You know the first thing I thought of? I can't stand this. Well, okay. The second thing I thought of was when he starts singing it,

I was like, this is the exact same as the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song. It's exactly... It's like it begins with that whole... And this is the story all about how... But it's... This is the rhyme structure. The rhyme structure is exactly the same. Yeah.

And it has a sort of novelty... It's almost a novelty rap record it almost is a novelty but that's also what I don't like about it because it's like trying to be sort of music but also being funny

and where does it lie because what is it called it's not for the parties it's not for the for the block party see the thing is I don't know too much

about Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince outside of his you know appearance on the TV show. But in terms of how did he get his break, what music was he associated with? Because this is quite family-friendly for rapping, you know? Totally.

Well, it's meant to be funny, isn't it? There's no cussing, is there? No cussing or swearing. No, because it's the back end of the Gangster War rap stuff. No, that would have been happening... About now. Early 90s. Into the 90s, yeah.

So it was coming out... When was... Public Enemy? They were 80s. They were innovators in hip-hop. Yeah, innovators. And they had protest songs and it was quite hard-edged. Fuck the Police, NWA.

That's not until 93. Or 94. Okay. So he still was an anomaly within that music because he was quite family friendly. He looked nice and it was all cheeky fun. Yeah, but rap was, it did take a turn towards the gangster stuff, didn't it? Yeah.

It was kind of more friendly. He had like De La Soul and stuff. I mean, he did do a gangster song at one point in his career, the famous Wild Wild West. That was not a gangster song. It's about, he's a gunslinger. Yeah. He's a gunslinger.

He's a gunslinger. Yeah. Not a gangster. Right. Same difference. Now, I really hate the production on that as well. What didn't you like about it? Because I thought it was too noisy.

It was too noisy. Yeah. Very bright and cluttered. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? There's too much. Oh much there's just too much going on in it too much going on

that riff too much synth like synthy drums and sort of like and like almost a kind of cavalcade of beats yeah that just kind of

fall over each other it doesn't work like the last like 30 seconds when like he's talking to Jazzy Jeff about saying no you can't do it

the beat's going on and they're riffing and trying to wrap it up and it just it's not good it's noise and saying, no, you can't do it. The beat's going on and they're riffing and trying to wrap it up. It's not good. It's noise. And it feels hastily thrown together, doesn't it? Yeah. Can I also say one thing?

What? Did this song remind you of something we've also done on this show before? Think. Another song we've covered. Yeah. This reminds you of it. It reminded me of the World Wrestling Federation tune.

Oh, you see, you know what I was thinking of? That Frank Bruno rap. Oh, that was mad. Do you remember that? But do you know what I was thinking of? That Frank Bruno rap. Oh, that was bad. Do you remember that? But do you know what's interesting? Do you know what's interesting though?

Is that if that song perfectly represents Frank Bruno and white rapping, then this perfectly kind of illustrates the kind of cheesy equivalent of that

with Mike Tyson, but it's more produced and it's got, it's like, it's like, it's more legitimate than the other one. And it's back in a time when the boxing was sort of right in the mainstream culture, which doesn't seem to be these days. Do you know what I mean?

I guess at this point, Tyson hadn't, you know, done the rape stuff. Had the rape problems. And the bite ear thing. And the bite ear thing. He was now on the,

He's world champion. Yeah. As he says on that. Yeah. Years. Yes. Yeah. So, uh, it's a joke. He can't be, he thinks he can. and the bite a year thing he was now he's world champion yeah this is the Don King years yes so it's a joke

he can't beat he thinks he can the story is he's watching videos tapes fight tapes yeah and he thinks he could slip

and he could dip and he could flip he sort of figures out a way to beat Mike Tyson so he goes off and he tries it he describes shitting himself he does this at the moment

where he basically says very politely, I shat my pants. I evacuated my barrels into my panties. Because he gets hit so hard, he said, his inside chick.

He eventually has this fight with Mike Tyson. Oh, does he get hit? Yeah, and he gets hit and he goes... And then at the end, he runs away after the first round.

Yeah, he runs away. And all the newspapers are saying that Fresh Prince ran away from Mike Tyson. Yeah. Mainly because he broke his ribs and shat his pants. So, fair enough. And then at the end, and all the newspapers are saying that Fresh Prince ran away from Mike Tyson yeah mainly because he broke his ribs and shat his pants

yeah so fair enough and then at the end Jazzy Jeff Jazzy Jeff goes now you were wrong he gets the fever the fever of trying to beat

Mike Tyson do you think a lot of people watched the Mike Tyson match though and thought yeah I could have him no way because I'd watch that and go

you'd just be dead he's playing off his character as a sort of braggadocio, you know, like he plays in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Yeah. Sort of cocky. Do you know what I mean? Cocky, but ultimately a bit of a coward.

Yeah. Which he plays off. Maybe immature. Immature, yes. Because this is the thing, it's like, I don't know too much about... He's written it for that persona,

hasn't he? You can tell. Was he like California West Side rapping? That kind of sunny, light, happy-go-lucky kind of popular? You can tell. Was he like a California West Side rapper in that sunny, light, happy-go-lucky kind of popular? What kind of music was he doing?

Because he doesn't seem like... I'm not sure. But he was a TV star. But it was very pop-friendly. Yes, this is very poppy. Boom Shit in the Room was obviously a huge hit for him in 1994.

He had several huge hits. And Summertime. Yeah, I was going to say we've already mentioned the two big ones. And Summertime is the other big one, is it? Yeah. And he had a somewhat credibility, I was going to say, we've already mentioned the two big ones. And Summertime is the other big one, is it? Yeah.

And he had a somewhat credibility as a pop rapper, but he was never one of these sort of hardcore gangster guys. He was like Gangsta Light.

Not even Gangsta Light. He was like domestic gangster, because it kind of has that kind of, oh, I've got beef with my gran.

Anyway, I didn't hate it, but it's... I hated it. I really wanted it to end. Yeah, about half a minute

before it did. What would you give it out of five platters, then? Two. I really wanted it to end. Yeah, about half a minute before it did. What would you give it out of five platters then? Two. I'd actually agree with you on two then. It wasn't novelty enough. Not enough. No. Next track.

This is more of an LP, isn't it? So I found this one in a charity shop up the road from you for deaf charities. Okay, so it goes back to the things I fucking love about... One of the things I loved growing up as a kid, so I think I've mentioned on the podcast before, in the past when I was a kid, for Easter, outside of an Easter egg, my mum would always get me a rainbow book and tape. What did she get you inside of an Easter egg?

You'd think most things would be happening outside of an Easter egg. I'm interested about what happens inside the Easter egg. Special party time. Special egg party time. I'm going to punch you. Don't punch me. So hard in the face.

Come on. Shall I introduce the record? No, do you know what? Because I wanted to do it in my special way Oh, it's a little trip down memory lane With our resident podcasting technology expert Paul Gannon We've mentioned on the podcast before That I enjoy read-along adventures

You know, a cassette with a 26-page book Your new watch I've mentioned it on the show before We have not mentioned the watch So, alright Go on, start again So anyway, I like these cassettes and books

that have a cassette and you can read along with the cassette and the action the sound effects and the music along with the books it kind of gave you

that sensation of enjoying the movie that you'd seen at the cinema but it wasn't on telly I know I never got into that but that's what

the books were for to give you the feeling of enjoying the films without I know but I always found them just sort of I didn't want to do it

I don't know, I like them. I like picture books. we've mentioned it on the podcast before because we talked about the Ghostbusters one and the Rambo 2 one. I kind of like that.

I've got them up there. Look, I've got the Mad Max, that's one of my favourites is the Max Hedrum one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, the Mad Max Hedrum one up there.

Oh, I love that. Yeah, it's a nice bit of thing, isn't it? It's a nice bit of thing. It's a nice bit of thing. Weird. Weird movie. We'll have to talk

about Mad Max prop. Have we not, have we mentioned Mad Max on the show before? It's not Mad Max, Max Hedrum. Oh, Max Hedrum on the show before. it's a nice bit of thing isn't it it's a nice bit of thing weird weird movie we'll have to talk about Mad Max prop have we mentioned Mad Max on the show before it's not Mad Max Max Headroom oh Max Headroom on the show before

we must have did we play a song of his did you see that video about his Christmas special he had a Christmas special yeah it was very bad I got off on a tangent

we'll have to talk about Max Headroom another time anyway so anyway I love these things I have a collection of them but I saw this in a charity shop

and I had to get it what kind of things for Ghostbusters have you got a Ghostbusters one yeah Ghostbusters I had a few these things. I have a collection of them, but I saw this in a charity shop and I had to get it. What kind of things? For Ghostbusters? Have you got a Ghostbusters one? Yeah, Ghostbusters. I had a few Star Trek ones. I had a lot of Disney ones. No, didn't care for Star Wars. Actually, no, I had Empire Strikes Back.

Ah. But I think that was part of a pack. Nice. So I had... Rage is Lost, though? Yeah, I had that. I had Gremlins. I had, like, Pinocchio and Snow White.

Some classic Disney ones. Some of the classic Disney ones. I think Disney dominated the market in this kind of thing, didn't they? Well, they did. Because again, Disney had that thing about the Disney Vault where they would never release on home video their classic films. So it was more of a big deal when they did. They never did, did they?

It was a big deal when they finally released Snow White on VHS at home. And that was like the 90s when it was finally... Into the 90s, really? Yeah, I think so. They're very... They do sort of I mean that's gone completely out the

window now but it was very rare it was like you'd only see a Disney film usually if it was just on TV at

Christmas like Pinocchio's on Christmas morning oh and it had a certain cachet didn't it

still right into the 90s I remember weird so anyway I went to a charity shop

and found this it is a book and tape so it's a book and a cassette but actually it's not. So it's a book and a cassette. Actually, it's not a cassette. It's a 33 and a third long playing record with a 24 page book.

It's a 7 inch disc but plays at 33 and a third. Is that rare? Yeah, relatively. Things like this often they are. But in terms of the music just sort of pop and rock rock it doesn't happen although i do have a grand funk railroad oh yeah you do uh which runs at 33 seven inch that runs at 33

and a third and uh it's very good paranoid and that's cool so anyway this is a disneyland record book this package includes a 24 page book with full color illustrations and a seven inch 33 and a third rpm long playing record with the narrator reading every word exactly as the child sees it Now, what's the Disney story we have on here? Is it Dumbo? No. Is it Alice in Wonderland? No. Is it Mary Poppins?

No. No. Is it Mary Poppins? No. It's Walt Disney Presents Peter and the Wolf by Prokofiev. Prokofiev. Prokofiev. Five, six, seven, eight. So this would be 68, I want to say. Five, 68. Yeah.

Yeah. 68 this came out. 1968. 1968. So that isn't one of their animations, is it? This is just for... This was basically one of their merry medleys. You know, so basically it wasn't a full feature.

It was a shorter Disney cartoon that was released. Oh, really? And they did. They made an animated feature along with the famous Peter and the Wolf. Did they? Was it a feature? Yeah. You could buy it.

Again, when Disney were releasing like... You know, they released this on a double feature with like the three Caballeros or whatever that Disney cartoon is where Donald Duck goes to Mexico. Right. And it had those double features. It's not one of their more famous cartoons, though, is it? It's not at all. But, again, this is a book that tells the story briefly in 24 pages of Peter and the Wolf.

Here's a little clip of it now. Here's the beginning. This is a Disneyland original little long playing record, and I am your story reader. I'm going to begin now to read the story of Peter and the Wolf. You can read along with me in your book. So as not to spoil your enjoyment of the music, which runs right through this story,

there are no bells when we reach the end of each page. Let's begin now. This is the story of Peter and the Wolf. Now, as you know, in the musical score of Peter and the Wolf, each character is represented by an instrument in the orchestra. Peter is represented by the And his trusty pop gun by a pop. The bird, whose name is Sasha, by a flute, which plays very, very high. Sonia, the duck, by an oboe. Like this. What I find quite interesting is at the beginning he says, you won't hear a bell telling you to turn the page.

Which is different. So live with it. Well, that's the thing. Because every other one is like, when you hear R2-D2, that's to turn the page. So you could follow it, you know? But this, because of the musical score, which is so heavily reliant on the story,

you know, because all the musical... Yeah, but do you think some kids will, oh, I need a bell. I don't know what to do. Well, what he did know is he was listening to it. Oh, I don't know what to do, mummy. Where's the wolf? I don't know what to do. There's no bell.

I need the bell. I need the bell to turn the page. I'll give you a bell. Oh, gosh. Really? I'm your babysitter. Oh, mate, come on. Dan, Dan, the babysitter man

steals your kids and off he ran. Where they are, white van, where is it hidden? Amsterdam. Uh... Dan, Dan, the babysitter man. I don't want to explore Dan, Dan, the babysitter man. At the back of his hand

where he goes to no one understands, Dan Dan, the babysitter. The thing is, he's a really good babysitter, but he's just got this voice. Yeah, and he has a whole rhyme to do with him as well. He's really nice, but he's like, yeah, I'm Dan, I'm going to look after your kids.

I'm going to look after them really, really good. He's actually a nice guy, isn't he? He's a really nice guy. Puts TV on educational entertainment he makes popcorn everyone has a good time

you know they touch his dick it's fine Paul what? I used to think my baby's his puppet Richard

what? he has a little puppet called Dick he gets to touch his dick oh yeah I know it was a misfortunate name but it's his grandfather's called Dick so he kind of wanted to name it after his grandfather who was a ventriloquist

and where do I go to hire Dan? you can go to dandanbabysitterman.com and do I have to, has he got a CRB check? you have to use Bitcoin and you can only talk to him

via a messaging system. Do I have to put the mask on? Do I have to put the mask on to talk to him? It depends on if you meet him in the street or not. Just do it over the internet, it's fine. But if I go on the street, I put a mask on? Yeah, because it mostly hangs around the dockyards. Do I have to go on a slippery slide?

No. Do I have to... No, this is things you want to do now, isn't it? Do I have to go climb very, very high and go on a slippery slide? Like we've lost Eli. So the thing is, it does a really good job of explaining all the instruments related to an animal. So the flute was the bird, the cat was the oboe, whatever, whatever. Yeah, but that was

Prokopiev's original... That was the gimmick of it, wasn't it? I think so, yes. Yeah. And it's reasonably faithful to it. Now, in my memory, I remember some of the characters

dying in Peter and the Wolf or being eaten by the wolf. Okay, so it was a bit darker. But they Disney-fied in this where they, oh, he's eaten. Oh, no, he's hung by a tree. Okay.

Oh, everyone's happy. Yeah. But ultimately, it has got that... He goes out and kills a wolf. Everyone's happy. But ultimately, he has got that. He goes out and kills a wolf. That's the story, isn't it? He goes out to try and catch the wolf. He fails and loses the friend because he gets followed by a bird and a cat and a duck and things.

And then one by one, they're picked off. You're putting me off the wolf. And then they capture him. They snag him in a snare. The town come and they fucking put a bullet in the back of the wolf's head. Really? No, not in the cartoon version. They just leave him hanging in the tree.

You know what they should have done, Paul? What? He's got a gun, though, doesn't he? Yeah, it's a pop gun. Weird. That's the whole point, though, isn't it? He's ill-prepared for the job at hand. I like that picture of the wolf on the back page.

That's for colouring in. Now, we should mention the quality in terms of the condition is extremely high because these type of things are children's things and they're destroyed. It's hard to find good quality children's records.

Torn, drawn upon. And this hasn't got any of that. It hasn't been coloured in. Even the record's in good condition? No, but the point I wanted to make Yeah, Paul. is if you'd really wanted to kill the wolf

I know a technique. Pop a couple of Viagra. Oh, yeah? Wait for it to come round. Wag all the wiener at it. And the wolf. And then the wolf saw Eli's erection.

And he had a terrible stroke. And my friend Eli's genitals were in pain. God, it sounds like you're doing him well, man. Such a horrible state. So, the duck's not the right size. I'm picking holes in this now. The duck's not the right size.

Doesn't matter, it's a cartoon. The duck's fucking huge. And it's a cartoon. Duck's too big. It's a fucking cartoon, mate. So there you go. I really like that. As a platter, it's lovely.

It's a nice little thing, Paul. It's well presented, well narrated. It's in good condition. It somehow manages to boil down Peeps and the Wolf to, what, 15 minutes or the whole story. And it's educational to some extent for kids who like music. Now, these are some of the other ones you can get in the series. Yeah. Sleeping Beauty, Mary Poppins, Three Little Pigs.

Read into the mic. Jesus. Sleeping Beauty. Yeah. Mary Poppins. Yeah. See, these are all things you couldn't watch on telly. That's not a Disney thing, Wizard of Oz.

No. They must have sublet it. I think the company that makes these, some of them were released as Disneyland titles. Br'er Rabbit and the Tar Baby. Yeah, that's not... That's the whole Songs of the South thing, isn't it? Yeah.

Rapunzel. That's a good one. They did eventually make it to a Disney film. Cool Tangled. Oh. But it was computer animated. Yeah. Looked all right.

I'm not seeing it. Some people think it's better than Frozen. Pumper's Race. Frozen shit. That's like a computer animated? Yeah. Looked alright. I'm not seeing it. Some people think it's better than Frozen. Thumper's Race. Frozen shit. That's like a little story. Yeah. Thumper from Bambi. Did you just say Frozen shit?

Yeah, Frozen shit. It's got one good song and the plot's boring. Tangled's better. I think that's quite controversial, Paul. Don't fucking come at me, Disney freaks. Whoa. I'll fucking school them on proper Disney. Seven Dwarves Diamond Mine. Disney freaks whoa I'll fucking school them on proper Disney seven dwarves

diamond mines so they've got little ones that just are yeah are not even the whole story just a little

adventure with the dwarves it's a little dwarf adventure and Thumper's Race seems to be yeah one of those Haunted Mansion

yeah I'd love to get my hands on that that I bet that one's pricey now there's a website you can go to called readalongadventures.com where they've uploaded

some of these to the website. I know, but you'd like a copy of the Haunted Mansion one. I fucking love a Haunted Mansion. It's basically a little, it's a bit like this. It's a musical score trip for the haunted house. You go through and it's every story page. Now, I'd like to see that. Based on the rides.

You see this a lot. Yeah. And it's interesting because the readalong story version of the Haunted Mansion features the hat box ghost, which was a big feature at the time, but was removed really early on the Haunted Mansion's life because it didn't work. It stays in all of the media around it. It's only recently been added back to the Haunted Mansion

because they had the technology to finally do it. Oh, they couldn't even achieve it when they built the original. No, because the hat disappeared from his head and then appeared in the box and then went back to his head. But because the lighting had to be perfect, it meant you could usually see the head still, even after it quote unquote disappeared I remember that

yeah but you've got full story ones as well Bambi Snow White Tokyo again all stories that you couldn't

watch on TV and you've also got It's a Small World here now I wonder is that the same as the picture disc one I got you no

because I think that's just a single I imagine what they've done with that is they've turned it into a book where it's like here we are in London

everyone's reading it must be a read along Disneyland what they've done with that is they've turned it into a book where it's like here we are in London everyone's reading it must be a read along Disneyland record and book I love that let's have a score for that that's a four for me I'll say I'll go with you for four

if that had been Haunted Mansion that's a stone cold fucking five oh yeah but as it stands a four I mean that's easily

the most desirable one on the list the Haunted Mansion don't you think oh god yeah I mean I quite like the Mickey Mouse ones. Yeah.

Again, you've got all these sort of racially questionable ones, like Little Hiawatha. Lovely. I think that's Native American, isn't it? Yeah. Goldilocks and the Three Birds. Yeah. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Yeah.

The Whale Who Wanted to Sing at the Met. Oh! Have you ever heard that? Yeah, it's the story of Joseph Wilson. Yeah, and our last item. Our last item today was donated to us at the Met. Oh! Have you ever heard that? Yeah, it's the story of Joseph Wilson. Yeah, and our last item. Our last item today was donated to us at the show, again,

by someone I've forgotten the name of. We should have made notes, mate. I'm bad. We should have. We were too busy and people were throwing things at us.

Find out and just insert it here. There you are. So, I'll insert it there. I'm Pondstopper. Give us a kiss. Get off me! Oh! Oh! No, it's not right. I'm busy.stopper. Give us a kiss. Get off me. Oh, no,

it's not right. I'm busy. Oh, they're tangling. Oh, it's a blur. It's a blur of arms. Oh,

oh, oh, no, no, no, no, I've come. I'm off.

You bastard. Goodbye, Pondstopper. You bastard. Thanks for coming. Love me and leave me. Hate him. Love him, really. Love me, leave me. Hate him. Love him, really.

He'll never marry me. I know. He looks sad, everybody. Paul looks sad. He keeps saying, oh, I've got to leave my wife first and then I'll come to you and he never does.

Oh, well. Last song on the album. Last thing on the show. No, is it the last thing on the show? The last thing on the segment is this. It's the... Let me talk, Brian. All right, go on, you do it then. thing on the show. No, is it the last thing on the show? The last thing on the segment is this. Let me talk. It's an LP called Care Bears To The Rescue.

To The Rescue? To The Rescue. And it is made by Parker. Parker Brothers, yeah, who made board games. Who are a toy manufacturer, right? Now, this reminds me of that record that we covered before the garbage

oh the cabbage patch dolls sorry the cabbage patch dolls was that made by Parker as well no I don't I don't think it was I can't is it Mattel

but there also was a record which had the label was just the toy manufacturer yeah it doesn't seem to be made by anyone else apart from so it's an album

that we thought was just going to be a bunch of songs about Care Bears but actually like the cabbage patch dolls there's a plot running through it but is essentially a toy advert oh it's an album that we thought was just going to be a bunch of songs about Care Bears, but actually, like the Cabbage Patch Dolls, there's a plot running through it. But it's essentially a toy advert. Oh, it's a massive toy advert.

And you know what I noticed about all of these? What? They're kind of militaristic. There's... You know, they've got kind of military jumps. They're like the NATO of love. When they come, and they're never really distinguished. Because they want you to buy every single bear,

buy all of them, and pest your parents to get them all, they don't really distinguish between the bears as characters, do they? No, they do. They're this sort of unit. No, the characters are reasonably broad, yeah. But Grumpy Bear was still grumpy. Love-A-Lot Bear was all the nice one.

They had a certain kind of broad character, but it weren't, it wasn't in depth. And they do sort of act as a unit. Yeah. Then they help out. Because they're stronger together.

Yes. But that is, I can't help but cynically see that as Parker Brothers just trying to sell the whole lot. Yeah, but you know what? You could also sell them on.

It's like if you had a kid who was afraid of something, you could buy him a Care bear so this care bear is scaredy bear and he's always frightened but if you hold him close they'll help protect you you know it's that kind of thing and the story in this is our kevin is he called the care bears are 10 roly-poly little bears who live high up in the land of fluffy clouds and rainbows called care a lot like camelot but right to the round table and replaced with Care Bears. You see what they've done? I see what they've done there. Whenever

you want to share your special feelings with others, they come right down to help because they really care about you. One look at the Care Bears tummy tells you why they're so good at helping you express whatever you're feeling. In this musical story, all the Care Bears come to the rescue of a young runaway who needs help the mad scientist professor coldheart tm fucking hell yeah

wants to freeze the feelings of the whole world so that no one has any feelings or cares about anyone else why don't you sing along with the care bears tm and help them in this exciting adventure remember every day can be a care bear, and then it's song after song after song telling the story. And Paul, I have to say, the songs are very saccharine and nasty. I don't think they're... Do you know who wrote this music? Edelman. Randy Edelman. Randy Edelman.

Do you know what he's just called? I do recognise the name. Tell me. So, I only know from one film soundtrack, unfortunately, which is predictable. He did the Ghostbusters 2 soundtrack. Oh, my God. Which is not a great score. It's not a distinguished score, is it?

He's a hack. He also did Bloodsport. He did Scandal Sheet. The Chipmunk Adventure. Dennis the Menace. Was that the live-action Dennis the Menace film? Yeah, but one in 87, so not the 1990s one. Feds, Twins,

Ghostbusters 2, he did Quick Change, Kindergarten Cop, Drop Dead Fred, V.I. Warshawski, My Cousin Vinny, Beethoven, Last of the Mohicans. That's a step up. He's done a lot of film work. Beethoven's second, The Mask.

The Mask and the Ghostbusters 2 soundtrack sound very similar. Really? Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if we reused stuff. While you were sleeping, down Periscope, Dragonheart, Daylight,

Anaconda, Leave it to Beaver, Ed TV, The Whole Nine Yards, Head Over Heels, Osmosis Jones, fucking hell, Triple X.

What's Triple X? It's that American Bond movie where like, Van Diesel can do things, but he's more extreme. So, yeah, lots of stuff. Recently, the most recent film he did was Max 2, White House Hero. Max 2? Is that like a cat or something? Fucking don't know.

Don't care. Unless, actually, no, I do care now. I want to know. Now, the music, I have to say, Edelman, you have a pedigree. You've worked a lot in Hollywood. I did not like your sugary sort of sub-show tunes that you made for this album. The other thing is the people performing it, they sound like fresh out of stage school, just sort of, just the most...

Well, I think they used... ...cliched sort of musical theatre style vocal performance well what's confusing me is that obviously it's an American product and it's blah blah blah and a lot of the Care Bears

do sound like from what I remember the characters sounded like in the movie yes right but the kids definitely British kids

singing this and then I found out it was recorded in England they got them out of the stage school PRT Studios England it says yeah

so they went we've got Kelly East. Oh, Randy also sings in it. So maybe he did the voice of the Care Bear. Also, Max 2 White House Hero is about a clever dog who protects the president. I knew it was a dog or a cat. Now, I hated this record, Paul. I personally thought it was harmless.

Terrible. It was better than the Cabbage Patch Kids one. No, I was going to say, it made the Cabbage Patch Kids ones sound like a work of genius. Now, this record belonged to a person called Karen Elliott. Oh, Karen, we've got your record. Wait, I want to show two things.

So, you know, you've got different songs, so let's talk about the three points quickly. One, Professor Coldheart, yet another Eastern European, possibly Jewish bad guy. He's all like, yeah. He's a mad scientist, isn't he? Those are really unbearable, those.

Always the same. Always the same kind of voices. They've always got a sort of foreignness to them, don't they? Yeah. Which is, I guess. And the Care Bears theme's quite good. And I thought Care a lot was a good theme. But I think they took that from the movie.

I might be wrong. I can't remember now. Did he probably did the music for the movie as well? I don't think he did. To the internet again. Okay, Google, who wrote the songs for the Care Bears movie? The Care Bears movie's music was composed by Patricia Cullen.

Patricia Cullen. I think the songs were better in the movie. There's this good bit, though. It's not a good bit. Care a lot talks about the Care Bears, what they do, because the Cloud Keeper basically narrates the movie. There's this good bit, though. It's not a good bit. Care a lot. It talks about the Care Bears, what they do. Because the Cloud Keeper basically narrates the story.

He's the big, fluffy, godlike character in the sky who sees all those adventures. These are the Care Bears. Green, pink, yellow, and blue. They've got pictures on their tummies

that shows just what they can do. Why have you got a picture on your cock or on your belly? I'm dick a lot better. I dick that. And I dick that. And I put that there. Now, Paul. See a lot better. I dick that and I dick that and I put that there. Now, Paul. See that

plant pot? I dicked it. See that bowl of porridge? I put my dick in that. I'm dick a lot better. You don't get to come on our adventures very often, do you? No, because I'm dicking things. I've dicked your food. I've dicked your sandwich. I dick that. Dick you.

Paul, now. And finally, Paul, finally, the point I dicked that, dick you. Paul, now. And finally, Paul, finally, the point I wanted to make, where it's like, Care Bears, what does it say? Well, folks, don't forget, Care Bears are always alert, and if you ever need them, they'll be right by your side. That's false. They won't be right

by your side, will they? No. Imagine, imagine, imagine you're a little 10-year-old, right? And you've gone to the shopping market with your mummy and your daddy. The shopping market. The shopping market, the shopping mall

with your mummy and your daddy, right? The shopping market. And then you go, your mum and daddy look busy and you sneak out of the shop and then next thing you know, they're not in the shop anymore and you panic

and you don't know where you go so you think you go back to the car park and wait by the car but you're too young to remember what level you're parked on so the 10 year old gets lost in the car park right and then he goes i don't know what to do so i'll wait outside and he goes outside and there's a motorway in a wood and he panics and he runs into the wood and the night comes and it gets dark and he's shivering in the cold and he's crying and he's crying because he's lost his mummy and daddy he doesn't know what he's done he's crying because he's lost his mummy and daddy. He doesn't know what he's done. He's all lost and frightened. And then he hears voices.

And it's the Care Bears. No, it's an animal out to get him. A beast. And at that point in the re- No, that's the point. Where are the Care Bears? They don't exist. That little kid's going,

Where's happy, happy little blinky boy? That was a long way of saying that. And he says, I want him, I want him. And the kid dies in the water. I'm interested. You know what I'm interested in, Paul? What? The shopping market. What about it? So they sell Care Bears? In the

shopping market? Yeah. Now, your extremely weak bit about Cock-a-lot-Bear, which he should have been called. Dick-a-lot-Bear? No, Cock-a-lot-Bear. No, because called Dick-a-lot bear No cock-a-lot bear No because dick is good It made me think There must be some adult fetishists

Who like to get dressed up Like the care bears Well possibly Like the bronies Isn't there an equivalent thing To the bronies Maybe They fuck each other

Dream-a-lot bear He helps you dream Fuck-a-lot bear Good luck bear Come-a-lot bear Alright all the obvious ones Yeah Gush-a-lot bear Yeah yeah alright Anyhow Shit-a-lot Sweat-a-lot bear Spunk-a-lot Helps you dream. Fuck a lot, bear. Good luck, bear. Cam a lot, bear. All right, all the obvious ones, yeah.

Gash a lot, bear. Yeah, yeah, all right. Any else? Shit a lot. Sweat a lot, bear. Spunk a lot. Spunk a lot, bear. Yeah, is that it?

That's all you got? Slosh my gob off and off, bear. Right, that doesn't even work and it's pointless. Anyway, slosh my gob off, bear. We haven't played a clip yet. Let's play a clip now of a song. Bear. We haven't played a clip yet. Let's play a clip now of a song. Funshine Bear is such a clown. Tender

Heart Bear helps to end a frown. And Birthday Bear brings sweets and cake and cheerbuilders your tummy ache. So call on us to lend a hand. Think of us. We're just around the corner. Concentrate hard and snap, it's true. A Care Bear will be next to you.

Enjoy your way. Care Bears wanna be friends to you and me. Come join our parade. Spreading rainbows every day. In our special Care Bear way. Care Bears care a lot. Care Bears love a lot. Bringing tender thoughts your way. Care Bears wanna be friends to you and me. Yeah, that stuff. That's what it sounds like, basically.

Awful, awful saccharine, awful. I hate it. Anyway, Care Bears were huge. I don't think they were cabbage patch dog huge, but I remember one and one. I never got a Care Bear growing up. I was much more of a Wuzzles kind of person. You were a Wuzzles kind of person.

Yeah, I had a Wuzzle. What's a Wuzzle? Wuzzle was a Disney show that ran for one season. Was it? Was it? Was it? Was it? Was it? Yeah. And it it? Was it? Was it?

Yeah. And it was about animals that were both, it was two things. So they were both one thing and another. Like Bumble Lion was half Bumblebee, half Lion. They're cool. I had one called Tycoon. Half tiger, half raccoon. They're like chimeras.

Yeah. Mythical beasts. Yeah. And they lived in the land of Wuzz. That's where I was in the 80s with Fluffy Dolls. Okay. But Care Bears was still very popular. They have a kind of resurgence

going on at the moment. People are buying them again and the retro thing leaning into that. So, you know. It's a brony thing. Yeah. It could be an adult

Care Bear collection. But that is harmless. Honestly, I would, if I had to give that out of platters, I would give it two and a half. I would say two. I'm going to say three then

to knock it up a full point. You can say what you like. I'd imagine if I was into Care Bears and I got that as a kid, I'd fucking love it and never stop listening to it. It also has their name in Dutch Turtle Birch. And when my mum and dad were having a fight and splitting up over another silly argument and they're shouting at each other

and saying hateful things, that's what I'd play as I cry in my room trying to drown out their screams and bitterness and anger. And in French they're called Les Bisonneurs. Turtle Birch which I think is Dutch. It must be Dutch, right? screams and bitterness and anger. And in French, they're called les bisonures. Turtle birches. Which I think is Dutch. It must be Dutch, right?

Yeah. Turtle birches. Yes, the kerbush. The fantastic stuff. Let's poke a big doobie in the kerbush. Hey, mate. Hey. What? Don't.

There's a certain character. Yeah, I know. He's not here now. Anyway, that's the segment over with now for Vinyl Platter. Which one is the best one today? Which is your favourite? You have to pick one. My favourite platter would be Peter and the Wolf. It's quality.

There you go, Peter and the Wolf wins today's Silverman's Platter. Even though up until today, we've never had a winner on this segment at all. Paul, you've lost it. Are we recording now? We're recording now. Okay.

Right, ready? What's the last section of the show, Paul? Well, Eli's only got 20 minutes because he's going somewhere more important than making good quality content for you, the listener. That's how much he cares. What a little shit. We're playing a little game because I went to b&m before i left cambridge and bought a bunch of stuff right i've got to speak fast eli because you've got to go somewhere more important what a cunt what a horrible person he doesn't support the cheap shape skate fans or community you never see him talk to people on twitter notice that on reddit never

engages on instagram what a horrible person and yet people like him don't understand that i put all the work in but do i get any of the love? No, Eli gets all the love, and then he can wander off this podcast recording whenever he wants. I'm not. Because he throws his weight around, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, I know it looks like I'm the boss here,

but Eli calls the shots. Ultimately, people don't realise that. So I do. I bend over backwards to accommodate him. Right, I went to B&M, and I bought a bunch of stuff, and we've used it all, bar this one last thing.

Oh, I've just got the half off that and it's not happening. So what is it? It is this thing. Oh no, Paul. We're going to have a problem here. We're going to have a problem here. Well, let's explain what the problem is. We are going to have a problem here.

I bought something called the Bug Tucker Challenge. It's basically a spinning dial with gummies around the outside. And when the arrow lands on a gummy, you eat it. But it could be fruit, or it says meat. Right. It's strawberry and durian fruit and bacon-flavoured gummies. That's what's on that dial.

The smell has just hit me, and it's fucking horrible. That's the durian, mate. We're not going to be able to do this. With bud, you will eat. Here's what we'll do. We'll do three questions each right I just smelt it and it's not good man

Can I have a sniff Oh my god I've never Mate that's awful it's over this segment is over you're not going to be able to get through this mate

you're not going to be able to get through this we'll have to try because I've I've decided this has to this has to work as a segment

I've bought it all now mate that is fucking horrible that's horrible yes sir we have a dial, and then... I've explained the rules, mate. We've got some gummy sweets,

and they're very nicely made, aren't they, Paul? They're nicely put together. They look like bugs. A lot of detail, though. Like the spider's got little white eyes and red ridges on its back. I'm sniffing me Coke tin because I can't. And there's a fly, which is like four colours.

Paul is literally very... I didn't think about the smell. I didn't think they'd smell this bad. And when I said we have a problem, I told you you didn't want to... I said we had a problem and you didn't want to listen to me. Stop fingering the bugs.

I'm fingering the snail. Does this spin well? I want to know what the spinning circle's like. It's not great. We should take it out. No. Otherwise it won't point at the bug, will it, you dickhead? We're just going to eat some bugs, are we?

No. I got this pack, and it was from Tommy Dempsey, who sent us a pack of all the... We mentioned it earlier, the Ghostbusters drink and the beer and the stuff. Remember the ale? So we're going to have that

on a Ghostbusters special. Remember I mentioned that? But he also, in this pack, had this. Tell me, Quiz, the answers change on every spin. So I thought we could use this as the barometer of who gets to spin when.

Right? Fine. He left a little price tag in. He got it from Birmingham St Mary's Hospital. £150. I'm going to be sick. Come on, it's just durian. It's a fruit. If does that help?

The game is to collect the most cards by being the first to call out a suitable answer. There are two sets of questions on each card. On each card, the upper question precedes the larger question mark. This is too complicated. Oh, I see. So it's a spinner. It's got two levels.

It's a spinner that has the alphabet on, and you spin it until it stops and look, oh, T. And then you have all these little mini playing cards, and it says, a 20th century invention. You have to think of one beginning with T. Telephone. No, we'll do it properly. All right.

We'll do it properly. So we'll read a card. I know where this is going, Paul. It doesn't matter what you say. The first person to think of one gets to dodge it. You know what I mean? So if I go N, and then I read a a card and it says things to do with golf. But then you're reading it.

You've got an advantage because you've read it. You can do the next one. Because we'll do four. But who eats the bugs? Whoever, you've either wrong or if I get it first before you, then you have to eat the bug. How would we know if we're wrong? We're going to have to look online.

No, this isn't working at all. It's not. Trust us. Trust us. Trust it. I'm making it work. Here we go. Round one.

Let's go to the shopping market. Bug, bug, letter. Tell me game. Tell me bug game. Tell me bug. Bug Tucker. Tell me Bug Tucker. Here we go.

Spinning the wheel, spinning the wheel, and it lands on H. Ready? Yes. Yes, I am. Okay. Here we go Spinning the wheel Spinning the wheel And it lands on H Ready? Yes Yes I am Okay Here we go H A job or profession?

Hotelier Bollocks Eat a bug I've got to spin the wheel It's landing on the spider I'm not going to put the whole thing in my mouth Is that alright? I mean I need something to spit this out into as well

If all that is wrong Use this coffee cup okay? Yeah What does it smell like? It smells I'm not going to put the whole thing in my mouth. Is that all right? I mean, I need something to spit this out into as well, if all goes wrong. Use this coffee cup, okay? Yeah. What does it smell like? It smells like... Hold your nose, and you're going to have to take a little... Paul, are you going to actually vomit?

I'm going to bite it now, all right? See, the texture's quite nice, actually. I'll say that for it. I'm talking so I don't have to chew it yet. It's just resting in my mouth. Just chew it. You're going to have to chow down. Pass it here.

Paul, Paul. Paul. What are we doing with our lives? You know, you ever wonder that? Ever wonder about that? I hate this I hate this Next one

I'll eat one mate You're so squeamish L A board game Ludo Eat another bug No that was a draw Come on

I think Come on please Please Give me a chance eat another bug no that was a draw come on I think come on please please give me a chance was that a bad bug then are some of them nice yeah some of them were just apples

and that was durian was it or bacon fuck that was horrible really durian probably C

ready yeah a word that describes you crazy you eat one alright I'm gonna give it give it a spin.

It's that brown bug. Oh, it's a brown bug. It's kind of stuck a bit into his tray a bit. My eyes are tearing. Now, he's very well. And I'm all over. I don't like this game. It smells like a bacon-y one.

It smells like a bacon chew. So I'm going to bite this head off. He's taking a big bite. Yeah, it's bacon-y one. It smells like a bacon chew. So I'm going to bite this head off. Well, he's taking a big bite. Yeah, it's bacon-y. Not very nice. I got the bad black Dorian one, which just tastes like blood and death. That's pretty unpleasant. Yeah, it's not good.

Next letter. We're going to do two more. Here we go. That's the right answer. Here we go. Aye. Are you ready? Yep. The name of the book. Here we go. What's the right answer? Here we go. Aye. Are you ready?

Yep. The name of the book, Indiana Jones Goes Golfing. That, yeah, spin it. Oh, what have you landed on? Scorpion. Now, this might be a nice one. Give it a smell. Give it a smell. Bad?

I don't know. It might have the smell of all the other bugs. Right. No, because this one is actually quite nice. Oh, mate, stop eating. I'm going to have a little bit of the tail. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Bad? Oh, God. Oh, God. Right. I'm having a nice time here. Why does this always suck for me when I do this fucking stuff? My one was actually really nice. Last one.

B. You ready? B. I'll eat the dirty one. I'll eat the dirtiest bug. Something made of metal. A chair. Oh, Eli. Spit it. Spit it of metal. A chair. Oh, Eli.

Spit it. Spit it. I've got that. All right, yeah. Oh, yeah. All right. You spit it. You spit it.

I spit it. Right. Oh, it's empty. Now, I have the white bug one. Do you think that's a nasty one? I don't know. I just want to give them a smell. No.

And see which one's nasty. And then, oh, I think that's a bacon one. Which one? The white one's bacon. But I want the durian. I want the real nasty. And then, oh, I think that's a bacon one. Which one? The white one's bacon. But I want the durian. I want the real nasty. Oh, God. I don't know.

They all smell bad. What's that one? Is that the durian, yeah? Oh, mate. Oh, mate. Now, this is a big bag. That's a big green one. I wouldn't have taken that big a bite.

Oh. Oh, that big a bite. That's deeply unpleasant. I can't do this. That's the durian, I think. It's really toilety. God, it's like... It's like taking a mouthful of shit. It is. It really is bad That is the worst thing I've put my mouth on this show

In a fucking long while Oh that's disgusting Ladies and gentlemen that's my cheap show Thanks for listening everybody I'm glad you fucking like this shit I'm glad you like what we do. If you'd like to carry on supporting Cheap Show, why not do it on Patreon?

Go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. My mouth is like a toilet hole. Anything you donate keeps this podcast going and is gratefully received. We can buy more bugs with it. You can vote on the awards still going on. They close on the 6th of january for the cheapskates award find out more by going to our website thecheapskate.co.uk or going to the reddit page

reddit.com forward slash forward slash cheapshow i wish you wouldn't do that mate when i know pictures that come in this episode will be on our website thecheapskate.co.uk email us anything you want Tell us on the shop floor Or chat anything At thecheapshowatgmail.com We're on Twitter At paulgannonshow

At thecheapshowpod Eli is E-L-I-S-N-O-Y-D Quick quick quick I'm going to vomit mate And then we also have Tumblr Facebook

And Instagram Just look for cheapshow You'll find us You'll find us And that's it Mate I'm going to press stop And be violently sick in your cup. Don't be sick in the cup.

Go out to the other room where there's a hole. This is the worst thing I've ever done. Thanks for listening, everyone. You sign off. Goodbye. What do I do? Press this button? Just press that square.

I've got to vom. I've got to vom. Are you going to vom? Don't vom. Just have a deep breath, Paul. Okay? got to vom. Are you going to vom? Don't vom. Just have a deep breath, Paul. Okay? Goodbye, everyone. I'm going to see to Paul now.