CheapShow - Ep 109: The Ancient Order of Froth Blowers

Episode Date: January 11, 2019

Have you heard of the "Ancient Order of Froth Blowers"? The CheapShow chaps hadn't until it was mysteriously pointed out to them via sacred scrolls... or Twitter. Whatever. The point being is that it's once again time to go down the history rabbit hole. Exciting... Just not for Eli. Elsewhere in the podcast, Eli teases some tasty USA sourced Cheap Eats and, for some reason, Paul and Eli decide that allowing its listenership the opportunity to ask us a question would be a good idea. It wasn't. To be fair, some of the replies are traumatising! It's your weekly dose of tat, grime, bargains, verbal violence and scatological absurdity! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos for this episode can be seen at... https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-109-ancient-order-of-froth-blowe If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

There we go. Got rid of all that horrible buzzing. That's a shit way to open. Well, I'll... I say shit. I say shit. Word one. Shit.

I haven't really started, though. I was just saying get the buzz off. Word one. Shit. Word one. So the first word of this year's podcast is shit. We've already had a podcast out this year. Yeah, true.

But this is our first recording session of 2019. Don't peel back the foreskin on the show, man. Like a banana. I've lost it, Paul. I've lost it. 20 seconds in. That's not good. I'm going to hold myself together.

Just come on. I'm going to get myself together. It's a totally normal year. It's just a normal year year it's just a normal year it's just another year another day at the cold face the cheap show cold face making quality content uh so shall i do an intro uh you should do the intro where you could do i mean it's tradition isn't it but what about mixing it up mixing up with what every all things need an opening. Go on then. No, don't say go on then.

Go on, do it. This has become part of it now. I've given up. It's part of the whole fucking tired, rote, cliche of the opening of this show is you going, go on then.

Pull back the foreskin, Eli. Like a banana, apparently. That was meant to be the preamble to the, you know. Just do your intro. No, don't ask me to do my intro. No, you asked me to ask you to do it. Look, how about this, Paul? Let's just start the show.

I'll slip my intro in so that it feels good. Like, it feels like. Is that what you say to the girls? It feels fresh. Is that what you say to the girls? I don't say anything to the girls. You don't, though, as well. Oh, shut up.

Just sit in your room playing WoW. I haven't actually had a chance to play WoW. I thought you would have mastered it now, like the pinball wizard. I love WoW. Ever since he was a small boy, he played the toby ball. He bounced it round this old course. I'm going to wait for this. He could have bounced the ball. We'll see how it goes. He pressed the push button as ball. He bounced it round this old course. I'm going to wait for this. He could have bounced the ball.

We'll see how it goes. He pressed the push button as the timer began to run out. And everybody said he was the wow maestro. The wow maestro. Paul, cut that. No. Cut this. No.

Cut this whole bit down. No. Do your intro. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. It's Eli Silverman here, and it's round about three o'clock here in the House of Pickles, and I'm sitting here. So what? You don't need to mention it's 2019, but you can exactly tell the time.

Well, they like it. No, they don't. No one sits there going, oh, I really hope he tells the time on Cheap Show, so I can time it to when they recorded it. No, they don't. No one sits there going, oh, I really hope he tells the time on Cheap Show, so I can time it to when they recorded it live. I was wrong anyway. I'll do it again. I was wrong. Tick, tick, tick. Two o'clock in the House of Pickles.

Hello, I'm Eli Silverman, and it's time for another episode of the Cheap Show pod. Here's the other guy. Does it with me. Comes in my house. Comes in my house. Comes to my house. Quite literally. Paul Gannon.

Hello. Welcome to Cheap Show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, right? It's a fact of chief though, you're gonna have to fucking reset. Noodle time. Tales from the dance floor. How's the pick up? The price of shite. How's the bit going?

The price of the site This is for Gallantay Hello Eli Silver Welcome to Geek Show So you've not been playing much WoW then? I have not had a minute to myself. Oh, fair enough. You've been a busy boy. I will be playing WoW.

I absolutely love the colours on it though. It's nice. It's a nice almost cobalt blue. It's almost cobalt blue but it's not plastic, is it? And there's a sort of pastel aquamarine, almost, one of the buttons. Yeah. And a, what can only be described as, 80s children's toy green on the other button. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's good. It's good. It's good. And I've got a Sherbert toilet on top of it. Is that a euphemism? I don't know what for, but maybe I don't want to know. Perhaps we can all think about it. Maybe you at home can think about what a sherbet toilet is.

Something's come to my mind, Paul. Has it? Yes. A frothy knob end. Oh! If you give it a sherbet toilet. No, let's just stop this. Come on, let's stop it.

Let's not do that. I was thinking about it like a granny. Anyway. Wait! No about like a granny. Anyway. Wait. No. This thought continues. I was thinking about a granny. Two non-sequiturs there.

And then you went to Sherbert Toilet. Well, I was thinking of Granny Sprinkles. Look. It's Granny Sprinkles. She'll be coming up in the show, Paul. Oh, no. I know that. No, but it relates to something on the cheap eat section

when did cheap show become the fucking Russ Abbott's madhouse of characters do you know what there's a load of birds look how many birds the real birds ladies and gentlemen not in a derogatory term for women there's outside the window of the house of pickles in the

what would you call that the semi distance just in the distance it's fine in the, what would you call that, the semi-distance? Just in the distance, it's fine. In the close distance. Near distance. There's a bunch of chimneys and they're absolutely infestuned with birds. It's a bit scary. Edit this bit.

Edit this bit out. Don't edit it. What did you have something to say? I've been carrying this bundle of sticks. This is meant to be a podcast about the economy austerity and getting the best out of cheap and cheerful items we find in pound lands charity shops bargain basements throughout the country and also birds on chimneys it's not about birds on chimneys it's not what this podcast is about i just want to make that clear okay cheap show although cheap show

birds alright maybe what do you mean cheap show birds what sounds the birds make cheap cheap cheap they do yes cheap cheap we could have a

you're right it's now cheap show we're doing it welcome to cheap show here's some birds on a roof yeah they're not doing much but they do look quite ominous

not quite as an elastic format as we'd hoped. It's over. It's done with. You see, it's all about conflict, Paul. Once you've accepted it into the Cheap Show, I grow tired of it. Right. So, what have we got coming up on the show

today, Paul? Oh, let's look in me little folder. Oh, why? Here's what's coming up on show today. Right, we're going to do Ask Cheap Show. I put a shout out up on Twitter. I've been demoted have I? I used to be Ask Silverman but now you want some of this, do you?

You want some of it. Yeah, I think it opens up the number of questions we could receive. Well, and they're mostly for fucking you anyway, so it doesn't really matter. Also, Eli has decided to choose the Cheap cheap eats for the coming section of this show as well. So it's an Eli Silverman curated cheap eats.

It's exciting, isn't it? It is exciting. We'll see the answer to the little clue about Granny Sprinkles. And then finally on the show today, I'm just going to say one word. Froth. It's the froth shop. It's going to get frothy, ladies and gentlemen, but maybe not in a froth shop style

inspired by a twitter thread I went down a rabbit hole and I'm going down the rabbit hole but what a rabbit hole of what froth blowers

ah yes ah ooh lovely little thing ooh ah lovely little thing it's a novelty item it's a novelty item

do you know what do you know like Tim sometimes gets like mashed up on Twitter or on Facebook. On YouTube. Shut up. I got there eventually and it makes it look like he's saying I'm doing rude things.

I'm beginning to think he leans into that now. He totally leans into it. Because he was like wanking off a thing the other day. He's just literally had this big pipe in his hand and he's like oh this is good. Oh this is good. And it's like come on mate. You know someone's going to put a big cock in that. Now there's one thing we know about Tim. Yeah. his hand and he's like, oh, this is good. Oh, this is good. And it's like, come on, mate. You know someone's going to put a big

Now, there's one thing we know about Tim. Yeah. It's that he's a businessman, essentially. Yeah. And sometime in the early 2000s, someone said to him,

you should get online. And he sees it as an extension of his business. Yeah. You can see that because it's always talking about stock and going to the conventions and picking stuff up. Yeah. You can see that because it's always talking about stock

and going to the conventions and picking stuff up. And he's obviously passionate about it and a bit eccentric. That's why people like to watch him. Well, do you know he likes those magazines? But he probably doesn't give a shit. Oh, they think I'm working, you know, kids.

He's quite old. Yeah, but do you think it's just because he's kept away from it? Like he doesn't really engage with the community? I don't think he uses YouTube. I don't think he can probably use YouTube as fluently as, say, a 20-year-old could. See, I don't know the facts and the details,

but I just feel like behind the cameras, his wife is going, lean into the wanking, Tim. She's like, yes, let's really work with that. Can you do some thrusting? Can you just purse your lips a little bit and go, ooh. No, I think he just, he does that anyway, doesn't he?

What a lovely little thing. Got a nice action. And then he goes, ooh. When he tries to be zany, that's the best bit. Where he puts a hat on and goes, ooh. And he does sort of grandpa at a party. Uncle at a party who smells funny. Anyway, that's what's coming up on Cheap Show today. Yeah. Uncle at a party who smells funny. Anyway,

that's what's coming up on Cheap Show today. Good. Eli's foraging. We've done them. Would you like a beer flavoured jelly, mate? No, we've done them.

Stop foraging in your nest. Get on mic. Just down there under the bed there where the sauce trough of yore has been partially contained in boxes down there. But you can see there's also sauces out. I hate you. I just hate this. You're feral at all living quarters. Look at that.

Hind sweet relish. Great. Have you tried that ever? No. Paul, it's all grist to the mill. What does that mean? It means we can use it to create content that people enjoy about sauce. Anyway, welcome to the...

Ooh. Frenchies, yellow. Mustard. I've had that. Yeah, but it's good, isn't it? You don't see that around in here, round these parts. No. What's coming up then?

What's this bit we're doing now? Generally, Eli, are you losing your fucking mind? I might be just slightly. Subway olive oil blend. Come on, you're impressed. No, I'm not. I don't know why you think I would be. Well, people who know about sauces and sachets and are into that kind of thing

are cunts too. Right. Right, ready? I'm not going to rise to it. Welcome to the part of the show where we ask you to ask us to Ask Cheap Show. Oh yeah, that's what we're doing. So, I just put a tweet out, ask a question, hashtag Ask Cheap Show.

We'll read them out now. Okay. As per usual. I'm ready. They're subpar. But we'll get through and we'll fill 50 minutes. Is anyone trying to invent any kind of creatures

that their grandma told them about? No, no, no. Not like that. Here we go. Pixel Gruff. No, Pixel Guff. Asks, What's the silliest thing

you've put your knob in? Ha. Yes. Ha. Ha. Very good. Now, what do I do? Do I do a joke now about naming a girlfriend that I once had?

Sheila. Sheila. Not Sheila. That's a bad name. Rebecca. Rebecca. I went out with a girl called Rebecca. I can't say that.

Did you put your dick in her? Well, yeah. Well, it might have been a sort of... What? Put it to the side of her? It might have been a thing before you'd gone through puberty. And, you know, one of those early ones. Oh, you mean like...

We're going out. Yeah, how sweet. As long as you don't actually try and knob her. Because that would be really... Yeah. Really bad. Great. Good.

So what's the silliest thing you've ever put your knob in? I must have put... Oh, I must have. I used to put things into my knob. So are we going to go there with this? I mean, let's roll the dice. I put the end of a pair of scissors into my knob. Why? You know scissors, those scissors...

Paul, come on. You know those scissors? Didn't we do this on the sex episode? No! You know those scissors? What do you mean On the sex episode No You know those scissors What do you mean No That have a little hook On the

One of the The rings That you put your finger through Yeah Like a little hook Yeah Thing Yeah

That's for darning or something Yeah Put that in my Why Because I was very horny God you know what? That's it.

That's enough. And I had not yet reached ejaculation age, but I still wanted to, you know, I knew something was going on, and I was just experimenting. It was scissors. It was scissors, though. It was just that they had a cleanable knob prodder,

I think. Okay, well, don't have to. I think. Right, okay, well... I think I'm going to go. What's the silliest thing you put your knob in? No, that's fine. So have you got an answer? Nothing will compare. I've not really put my knob in anything unusual.

I really don't... I've never felt the need to look casually around, you know, like, what can I put my knob in? I'm sure I've put it in fruit as well. I'm sure I've had felt the need to look casually around. You know, like, oh, what can I put my knob in? I'm sure I've put it in fruit as well. I'm sure I've had some fruit. All right. Well, I just think I've put them in the usual things. Hands.

Have you ever had a Timotay wank? Like where you've put Timotay on the end of your knob? I've done that. I used to do that a lot. No. It was my favourite, Timotay. Do you remember? That was one of the first

wash and go ones, wasn't it? Next question. Timothee, just wash your hair once and go. Next question. For me, Paul, you know what it was? Next question. Wash my hair once and then wank off. In a bath at boarding school. Next question. I don't want to know.

Next question. Oh, right. This is from treacle truffle if there was a range of cheap show action figures what character would you most like to see rendered in four inches of plastic bonus points for life-sized eli oh yeah because you're small um I would like to see as an action figure Jimmy Biscuit. Oh, fuck off. You're just so proprietary, aren't you? Jimmy Biscuit, of course, has to be in on the deal.

We've got Jimmy Biscuit's lawyer version, Jimmy Biscuit's annoying little cunt, Jimmy Biscuit's dickhead. Yeah, well, good improvisation though. Dickhead model. Fresh onation Good Dickhead model Yeah good Fresh on card

Jimmy Biscuits yeah Yeah I'm Jimmy Biscuit and I can do the voice I would like a play set of Madame Plop Plops and Squishy Do you squeeze her You could squeeze her for the little Plop Plops To come out.

Yeah. And he could have the trolley. Yeah. Like a little play-doh thing. And he'd squeeze that little play-doh and he could stamp on it. Yeah. Yeah. What?

And then as a backdrop, you could have like a supermarket shelf sort of facade thing. I like that. Nice little play set. Nice little kind of diorama. I'd like, as an action figure yeah I'd like to say see Jimmy Goon

is he called Jimmy what's he called what was his it's our show Paul yeah but I'm trying to not remember it trying to blank it out I think it's Jimmy Goon

he's not trying to be Jimmy what great names Mr Goon from the I'm getting hard Yeah He's hard downstairs Yeah

That guy Yeah Could be a sort of G.I. Joe style Action Oh yeah And he could Have a sort of

I mean I'm going to say it Paul He can have a Lever action erection For when he gets hard Downstairs You can pull a little Corner back Yeah

And he'd go... I'll tell you what! I'm getting hard downstairs! Yay! Alright, that's good. No, you! Listen to me right now! I'm getting hard downstairs. Right, okay. I almost slapped your knee. Right, great. Deflated

Fruit asks, Would you rather have two Eli's or two Paul's? Who's the question for? Exactly. That's a terrible question. Would I rather it be me and me or you and you hosting this show? Yeah. And also.

Why would I wish myself out of existence of my own fantasy? And imagine the existential crisis of coming across your total clone of not coming across. I'd like to come across myself. That is serial killer. That is serial'd cut... That is serial killer. That is serial killer talk. That is serial killer talk. Because I know he'd be up for it. Who would?

Me. This total clone of you. Yeah, he'd be up for it. Is that what we're talking about? Yeah. Imagine the nightmare. What? It'd be you.

Yeah. And you'd want to kill it. The doppelganger. No. I don't want me there. What about me? You're not in my fantasy of me wanking over me yes but when you're done wanking paul yeah when the next day we'll just play games

when you're having breakfast just play games you mean you could do that whole thing where you send him out and do your job he's not going to want to do that because he's you though you go all right cool i'll send him out and he'll do my job do do all the stupid shit I don't want to do. No, I fucking won't. No. Because you do that. First of all, Paul's gutless and he won't stand up to me, let alone himself. So that's not going to happen. He won't stand up to you.

It's you. The point being is that we both understand that we give each other days off. So he'd be one or two days on. I'd be one or two days on. We'll just balance it out knowing that we both get time off. But you'd be sharing the same life. Yeah, that's fine. That's not fine. fine it is fine who gets to fuck your girlfriend it depends on exactly it depends on who's on so you'd be happy with something both can oh we have to have that chat

right okay in answer to your question deflated fruit yeah two elis yeah two elis yeah okay right Two Eli's. Yeah. Two Eli's. Yeah. Okay, right. Ben says, which is more annoying out of these two cheap show occurrences? For Paul, when Storytime and Grandad appears. I'm not bothered.

And then for Eli, when Paul starts doing blues music. I think the worst is me doing blues music. Yeah, it is. Because it gets to you. Yes.

It's not a music thing. It's a... I'm not listening. I'm just going to, you know... You're mocking the rhythm of how I speak. Whereas Storytime Grandad is a well-established character on this show. He's a tedious fucking half-baked piece of shit character.

One of your worst. Oh, so who's my best? Come on, Paul. You hate them all. It's this... But in fact, you think, yes, I've got the copyright and the action figure thing was an actual thing. I like John Cunneyhole.

You don't like John. I do. He's delightful. I just don't think you've properly exploited him yet. Alright. I just think he's one you can work on. There's no one here with us right now. Okay, good. John Glib asks, asks Cheap Show,

can we have a Northwest episode with Pound Cafe in Liverpool and Wimpy and Birkenhead? That would be good. I'm up for that. I'm massively up for that.

I told you, I'm going to get a photo of that Wimpy remnant in the late night kebab shop that goes. Oh, dear, do that. I should have, but I just felt weird

the other night. I was there the other night. When you're confident enough, do it. I just thought, oh, can I take a photo of your Wimpy thing? They might get violent.

No, but we should do an episode where we get up north and you can see all the shithole places I used to go. I'd love to. The Pyramid Centre, Birkenhead,

Blackpool, Liverpool. No, Blackpool's way up the coast. But we could go up there and start something. We could go up there, but I'll tell you what,

I've mentioned this briefly before, but when I went up there for Digitiser, Blackpool depressed the fuck out of me. If you live in Blackpool, I do apologise, but then it's your own fault for living there. Right.

Another question. Chai asks, what's the minimum amount of money you'd fuck on another fort? I'm going to go. I need 100,000. No, it'd have to be more than that. I'd need something to actually be able to wipe the memory off. I would just go for whatever you have, and I'll double it.

What do you mean you'd double it? I would ask for 200. Right. So what's my fee? 100, because you've just priced it. That's what you just said. I didn't say 100. So it was agreed. And I've said 200. It's So what's my fee? 100. Because you've just priced it. That's what you just said. I didn't say 100. So it was agreed.

And I've said 200. It's going to be 500. Half a mil. Half a mil. No. You can't now. It's been settled. It's not been settled.

You're getting 100 grand. For one thing. And I get to pound you. Also, I'm the top. No, but you have to get a fee as well. Is this what you're saying? Yeah. Right.

We can stop now. I've got to find this fee. You can get rid of you're saying yeah right i get we can just we can stop now you can get rid of this bit yeah paul but you yeah you give me all the money yeah why because you want to fuck me and i don't want to fuck you and i want money and i need at least half a mil personally but if you ask for half a mil and you tell me you give it i'll get a full mil and then i walk away forever then i I go to... Then I relocate. So what, the final episode ever of Cheap Show is me fucking you for half a mil and you're just leaving the country.

And then the case snapping shut, the sale of that, and me going... And fucking off. Son of an aeroplane taking off. No. In answer to his question, no. Half a mil.

I think the question here is like if someone came to us and said how much do you want between you for the dirty deed I don't care my half's half a mil

I don't care about you I'll do half a mil then a mil between us does that ever happen it's indecent proposal isn't it yeah that never happens

that would be beyond weird I don't know if anyone's listening I actually wouldn't do it no I don't know. If anyone's listening does want to... No, I don't know. I wouldn't do it. What if someone listening to this said... I could not get it up for you.

Go on, try. I've put on something pretty. Right. There'd have to be a full fleet of fluffers. A fulsome fleet of fluffers. What if the trade-off was... It was a lady wearing a lifelike latex head of meat. I could do that. A fulsome fleet of fluffers. What if the trade-off was... Fluttering around. It was a lady wearing a lifelike latex head of meat.

I could do that, yeah. There's no pause there. Well, that's totally different, isn't it? Cracking body, but my head. A voice coming out. Fine. What, like some little radio thing? Yeah, I'm talking through her head.

Really? Like a Jim Henson puppet. You've gone so sociopathic on this episode. I don't agree. Right, next question. Tony asks, so did Paul ever try LSD? Did he?

No, I've never tried it. I've never tried any hallucinogens. And I don't know where I stand on that. I'm sure you told me that you had tried magic mushrooms. Oh, no, I've had mushrooms, but I never... They're hallucinogens. And I don't know where I stand on that. I'm sure you told me that you had tried magic mushrooms. Oh, no, I've had mushrooms, but I never... They're hallucinogens. Yeah, but I never experienced anything with them. You experienced something.

I don't know if I did. Oh. I've got a bag up here. Ooh! Well, don't get... No, you can see them. Look, I'll show you them. Oh, God.

Don't do drugs. Look, here they are. I don't want to know where show you them. Oh, God. Don't do drugs. Look, here they are. I don't want to know where you got them. Look at those. Oh, God. They look grim. Yeah. So how do you eat them?

You just eat them. They're mushrooms. What do you want? I thought you might put them in yogurt to take the taste off. Brew them up as tea. Oh. Are they effective as tea? These, you need about...

Don't do drugs, ladies and gentlemen. You need about three packs to really get off on these. And I've had it for about two years. Oh, it's probably shit then, isn't it? Yeah. You want to try it? Yeah, maybe. Really? When we finish recording.

Not in between episodes. I have to work. Anyway, so no. And you're against them, are you? you No I just worry that Because I know what my body is like You're going mad You're going fucking mad Genuinely

Because of my mental health and everything I just think I don't want to push it It's good to be cautious Paul You know But You've done it haven't you I've done it all mate

Yeah I was given my first acid By my mother When I was 16 Okay that's interesting And it was a Gorbachev Why was it called that Because that's what's printed on the tabs.

No, no, I appreciate that, but why was it called that? It had the face of Gorbachev printed on it in bright colours. Was there any particular reason it was associated with him? Because it came out of the whole movement at the late 80s that started with Perestroika, whatever you call it. What did they call it when the... I know what you mean. When Russia...

Became the Soviet Union. When the Soviet Union became... Union became... When the wall came down. When the wall came down. So he was associated with... Yeah. You know, it was just sort of a...

Like the Reagan fact check. He was associated with, you know... I wish I'd asked that question, but you took LSD. But the thing was, Paul, my mum gave it to me because she was in that whole movement, the zippy movement of the sort of early acid house stuff that was going on in the late 80s. Okay.

Was that late 80s or? Yeah, 89 was like the summer of love. Oh, okay. The second summer of love. Yeah. So she was at all those early parties. She was in that kind of moving in that kind of scene. And I was into psychedelics as an

idea i was 16 yeah she gave us this one picture of gorbachev so we thought this is we have no idea me and my friend yeah i think this is one tab so we all if we halve this we'll be taking half of half of a tab which doesn't work that. But it was actually printed over four. Oh, shit. So like a jigsaw, you know, like a panini stick or whatever. So you actually took two doses rather than... And it was very strong, very strong. And what happened? Did you suck him off?

I had a huge... No. It's not like that, Paul. I don't know. I had a very profound experience. Did he dream of skiing? I didn't dream. It's not like you dream. Did he imagine dream of skiing? I didn't dream. It's not like you dream.

Did he imagine he was skiing? I'm not going to even just get into it with you because you have no clue. Did he imagine he was churning buttermilk? I didn't imagine I was churning buttermilk. You think you're playing whack-a-mole. Come on. I didn't wank my friend off. We went on the heath.

He's so upset about that. We went on the heath we went on the heath oh fuck you fuck you man open your mind Paul I've got something to tell you if you go oh I might go mad

if I do psychedelics be weary, be very weary of eating cannabis, okay? Because I had that full-blown agoraphobic fucking fit in Miami when I ate a gummy bear, half a gummy bear head. Yeah, you twat. Right, next question.

I want to be there when you eat it so much you're going to have such a sweaty nightmare. Next question. This is from GodIsAWoolman. Eli is a big record collector, and obviously content plays a big part, but are there any labels you especially like to keep an eye out for? My dad collects records also,

but Gold Inc. London label records from the 50s and 60s are his favourite. Gold Incorporated. Oh, it says Gold Inc. I-N-K, so maybe, I don't know. But anyway, do you have any labels you look out for? Well, as a collector, Paul, of soul records, disco, there are labels. So I do.

I collect Motown 45s. I'll always look at a Motown label. Atlantic, Stax, American labels. Yeah. Other good ones. There's so many. But yes, if you do get into especially collecting 45s, most of the time they're not going to have any kind of cover art

or anything like that. No, nothing like that. And also, a lot of that kind of music is by artists you may never have heard of. There's so many thousands and thousands of artists. So you go by label. You say you trust the label. Good stuff on the label, yeah. All right.

So, great. Here's another question for you then. This is from Christopher Pork on Toast. Asked it before but never got an answer. So let's clear this up once and for all. Eli, can you explain your monopoly strategy? Why build houses and no hotels? Is this where you go,

I can't remember. I've written it off. I only half-entered it. I saw it on an article on my phone. You know, Jared Christmas also did the exact same statement. It's true. Because he's a Monopoly ninja. Firstly, can I just say,

Monopoly, why would you want to play it anyway? I fucking hate it. I hate that game. I fucking hate that game. They always bring up versions and make it sound like it fucking hate it I fucking hate that game they always bring up versions and they don't I've told you

I've told you they've done statistical analysis like a game theory statistical analysis of the actual gameplay of Monopoly yeah

and compared to almost any other popular game it has the least chance of someone losing once they've got ahead early on okay

so well sorry say that again so someone gets a hotel, gets some money, lands on Park Lane, you never catch up with him, and you play for another three hours, and he never loses. The percentage of the time that he loses is well low compared to other games,

where you can have someone... There's a bit more chance involved than a bit more... No, no, no. It makes it boring, because someone gets ahead and then generally they win, and you have to play for two hours. Whereas other games, where there's a bigger chance of someone getting ahead and then generally they win. And you have to play for two hours. Whereas other games where there's a bigger chance of someone getting ahead and then losing eventually, you have people overtaking. You know, like a race. A race is much more interesting and fun if someone gets ahead

and then someone comes up from behind. Well, that's like Cluedo, isn't it? It's like, oh, I think I know, but I've got to be in the room and I need to do that. Does it happen? I don't know. Cluedo isn't a good one for that either. No, I think it is.

I think it is. People can come from behind. Yeah, because let's just say you think you know. You go and make the accusation you're wrong. All of a sudden you're out the game and three people who almost thought fight now chase for that. Yeah. And it relates also to the fact that soccer, football, is the world's biggest sport because it's the team game that has the highest chance of an underdog winning. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's related, isn't it? And that's what makes Monopoly so deathly. But have you ever played the short version? It's what people should do. Of what? Monopoly? Yeah. No, because I don't want to play Monopoly. That's where you deal out all the properties before you start.

Okay, so everyone gets a random share. Yeah, and then you play it out from there. And it's much better. Come on, that's going to be much more fun. But I still wouldn't want to play that. No. But to answer the question, there's something about the mechanics of it

that basically favours you if you just have houses. Just build as many houses on as much stuff as you can. Randomly. Yeah, don't try and wait for Park Lane. Just buy up everything and stuff it with houses. That's my patented Monopoly strategy. Fair enough. Right.

Finally, for now, because there's quite a few, but finally, Martin at the Broom Cupboard Club says, imagine you had synesthesia. What do you think an orgasm would taste like? Sorry, I'm in a bit of an odd mood tonight. Well do you think an orgasm would taste like? Sorry, I'm in a bit of an odd mood tonight. Well, I think an orgasm would taste... Can we know? Can we first have a bit of a...

Just a bit of synesthesia practice, please, Paul. What does that mean? What colour is the words coming out of my mouth to you now? Yellow. And? Soft. Are they softly tinkering on your tapestry? They're kind of tediously trickling down my brain.

Have you ever trickled down your tapestry? It's the squeezings of my mind, Hugh. Do you know what it is? My mind, Hugh! It feels like dirty water. My mind, Hugh, squeezes. Squeeze my mind. I'm just going to let you go along with this.

Well, I will. How's... Yeah? You happy with your output? Yeah, you dying? Squeeze the tapestry. Squeeze the tapestry! Eli Silverman, fuck off.

Ooh, I can feel the soft foaminess of your very squiggles. What do you think an orgasm tastes like? A pork rib. Great sherbet. Really? Yeah. I think it's all fizzy and...

Oh, you can't see, but that's the fantasy of the sense. If I knew my orgasms were going to taste like steak, I'd probably not have as many...

No, but then he's not asking what your cum tastes like. What, my cum? No, I just mean when you cum. But as we know, if you did eat a lot of steak, you could have quite a steaky cum.

I guess you could. But that's not what he's asking, Paul. That's gross. But it comes out like fucking beef fat. Barbecue. Heavy yellow liquid. Do you know what? I had a big packet of barbeque.

Just pay me for it. Oh, come on. Everyone loves it, Paul, so you might as well. What? Anyway. Cum? No, vomit. No one loves vomit.

Do you think anyone's actually vomited and ejaculated at the same time, or is it like sneezing? What? You can't sneeze and vomit at the same time? Synesthesia is a related topic to hallucinogens, because that's what happens sometimes on hallucinogens. Who was the composer who had synesthesia? I get close-eye visuals when I'm on ketamine, and I can see sounds, all the sound of the music I'm hearing. Twelve famous artists with synesthesia.

Yes. Vladimir Nabokov. The writer of Lolita. Tori Amos. The writer of, what was her one? She does music. Name one Tori Amos song. You fucking sexist!

Cornflake Girl. That's Susan Vega. That's not, I don't... You prove it. Geoffrey Rush, Duke Ellington, Billy Joel. Oh, he was a fucking obese

Duke Ellington. Anyway, well, there you go. Anyway, anyway, oh, it doesn't fucking matter. Oh, no, beat, no, list. I think list, yeah.

And apparently, when he was trying to get the orchestra to change how they played, he would say, make it more red! Bluer, bluer. They were like, what are you fucking talking about?

Make it taste of popcorn in the seaside. Make this sound more purple. Aww. Make it sound more like the noise of a butterfly on a candle. Ooh, that's nasty, isn't it? Yeah. Make it sound like the pain of the butterfly. Right, well, we've lost Eli once again

so I think I think we'll wrap that up make it sound so good right that's that segment wrapped up

thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you no thank you Eli he's here with his

selection of Cheap Eats ladies and gentlemen Eli selection of a Cheap Eats. Ladies and gentlemen, Eli Silverman. Hello. Cheap Eats time. Right, what's happening on Cheap Eats today? Well, today, Paul, we appear to have started off doing an accent.

And we both know it's not going to fucking last. It's not going to fucking last. It's going to be gone. No. So. So. So. Anyway, having a laugh. I was in the States of America. Did it So. So. Anyway, having a laugh.

I was in the States of America. Did it. Did it. And I said, I'm going to kill Paul. No, I don't want to do it now. No, do it. No. I'll fucking do it then.

I was in the States of America. No, no, no, no, no. And I said, I'm going to fucking kill Paul. No, no, no, no, no. He gets on my nose. No, no, no, no, no. And I'm going to do him by stamping on his balls. Why are you so awful at rhyming and rapping? I don't like rhyming.

Why aren't you good at it? I don't understand. You're like really incompetent of just forming a basic kind of rhythm. I can rhyme. Tune and rhyme. You can't though. You can rhyme. Tune and rhyme. You can't though. You can't. Cheap Show has proven on numerous occasions

that you vitally struggle with the concept of the States of America. Here we go. I said I hate pool. I've gone to the swimming. You've gone to the swimming. And I'm in the pool. I'm having

a drink. I'm having a think. And I say in the pool. I'm having a drink. I'm having a think. And I say to myself, you're living in hell. You've got to kill Paul. You've got to kill Paul. Again, it's gone off the rails. It's just awful.

No, but it's just bad. It's real though, Paul. It's not... Well, what is real? What have you chosen for us? It's just bad. It's real, though, Paul. It's not... Well, what is real? Na-na-na-na-na. Right. What have you chosen for us from America? I was in America, Paul.

Yeah, visiting family, as you all want to do around the Christmas period. I was there on the Christmas period. Yeah, it's nice, isn't it? And I had some lovely meals out there, Paul. And a lovely picture of you being fat on a unicorn. Exactly. Great. This is the first item. And this was

suggested that you might want to try this. Who by? Emma. Oh, okay. She bought this. This is... Oh, what's this? I'll hand it over to you. And we'll both have a little taste. It is... Oh, basically it's... That's interesting. So it's an Oreo chocolate bar.

But have you noticed that in the UK, this means nothing to us. We've already got Oreo chocolate bars. Do we? Cadbury's Dairy Milk do them. So you get Cadbury's Dairy Milk, but on the inside, it's on the Oreo centre. What's interesting here is that this is Oreo doing it with Milka. They've teamed up with Milka. A different brand.

But we do get Milka in this country, don't we? Yeah, we do. No. Yeah, I think we do. No, we do, but I've not seen it in a while. That's why I paused. And also... I bet they're both owned by Nestle, aren't they? No, it's Kraft. Kraft is Nestle. Anyway, the point is that Kraft

own Cadbury and they own Oreo so that's why they slapped them together and ruined Cadbury's chocolate. For whatever reason, in America, they work with Milka and not Mika. Made with Alpine milk. The singer who sang Fat Girls and Grace Kelly. Right. Okay.

Good. So this is an Oreo style, but what it looks like, it looks like it's got a fondant centre, Paul, from the diagram. Yes. So does the Cadbury's dairy milk one. It's exactly like that, is the diagram. Yes, so does the Cadbury's Dairy Milk one. It's exactly like that, is it? Yeah. So this is essentially Cadbury's Dairy Milk.

Cadbury's Oreo Dairy Milk. And have you had those? So you can compare the taste, because this is made with Milka and not Cadbury's. It's going to be an interesting one, because Milka's... There's two individual bars inside this two-pack, so we can each have a... Each have one. Have a bar each. There you go, Paul.

Thank you. So, there's a little bit of damage to the chocolate because of travel and heat and stuff like that. It's very pale. Yeah, but I think it's still alright. It was only built for complete. Mmm. That's evil.

Well, the first bite isn't nice, but it has a nice aftertaste because of the Oreo centre, which is exactly like the one you get in. It's got a little bit of that fake sugar tang to it, but I think that's on the chocolate. I like that.

I will say the Cadbury's one's better, I think. Really? Yeah, I would. Fine. And obviously there's a little bit of... I don't know what it is when chocolate goes pale like that. Well, it's a sign that it's gone off. But this hasn't gone off, obviously.

Yeah, because you only bought it, what, a week ago or so? Yeah. So it must be a heat thing. It was because it's been in the hold of an aeroplane. Because I also brought some coffee back. Yeah. And I've noticed this both times. I brought like a pack of beans.

Yeah. And it's gone in the hold. And then when I gave it out here, it's like it's of beans yeah and it's gone in the hold and then when I gave it out here it's like it's been vacuum so it's even

small it's shrunk all down and it's really solid in that pleasing way that it's like vacuum sucked out like a brick and this

it's because it's cold and airless isn't it in the hold they don't have to put air down in the hold so I'm going to give that out of five

three. Next. Ah, now, yes, we were given these at the live show, I believe. Yes, so this isn't from America, sorry. Snaps, spicy tomato flavour by Smith's, still apparently. Smith's is definitely owned by Walkers.

They're a subset of Walkers. But you never see this do you i've never seen these no i mean i know i see them every now and then they turn up with b&m value packs and things like that but very rarely singly in a box on sale i have no knowledge of these whatsoever it's very 90s font on the snaps you know what they basically are they're like a cross between a quaver and a smith square crisp so the square Smith's Square Crisp. So the squareness of a Square Crisp, but the flavour texture of a quaver. So it's like a quaverised square. Yeah, and spicy tomato is just because it's not cheese.

It's a quaver clone, is that what you're saying? I have the liking snaps. What's the half on it? Oh, it's pleasant enough tomato half. You can't go wrong. I like that. It's not too overpowering. Yeah.

Let me just take one. There we go. Oh, they're very quaver-y. Very quaver-y. Mmm. Oh. Almost got a little bit of skip

texture. Very much. It's not really the texture. I think the square, the comparison to Square Crisp was a bit of an anomaly. No, no, it seems to me

it's a Quaver Skip Hybrid. It's a Quaver Skip Hybrid. It's a Quaver Skip Hybrid. It's an ungodly invention. I like the flavour.

The flavour delivers more than the Huff hinted at. You know what? I'm really not a huge fan of tomato flavour crisp, but that's pleasant because it's not too sweet. Have you ever had a packet of

Walker's Heinz tomato ketchup? No. I like them. Don't fancy it. I like them. I don't fancy it. Now here's the question though. Should we have really put these in the League of Snacks?

I know nothing about them. I wonder when they... But they've got a character and everything. They've been around for God knows how long. Have they? I remember them in the 80s. Well, there's another packet. So, we're going to have to put these in the League of Snacks at some date in the future.

But, first impressions on a non-official basis in the Cheap Eats section, Paul? First impressions. Mmm, Betty, the cat did a whoopsie. What? That's the first impression I thought of

when you said first impressions. Okay. Let's have a little breather. Let's just take a break. All right? Yeah. We're doing the Cheap Eats bit, yeah? You've got to try and be,

I don't know, just do something give me something you say oh you can't rhyme you can't come up with right, ok, that might be the case but I tried Paul and I need something from you

just not this constant denigration and criticism yeah desperate dad gags please don't do that denigration and criticism. Desperate dad gags. Yeah. Please don't do that. Also, Paul, I'm going to retry... There should be a Beano character called Desperate Dad. Having said that...

And the character is basically a guy who is divorced and he's chatting up women half his age and trying to get into a younger industry. Kind of like my life. Right. I'm desperate dad. Paul, you're not a dad

though. I'm trying to be a single man. You haven't got a kid. In this character. You're not pitching a character. You could play that character though. God, I can see it so. I can see it. No, you don't. Oh, I'm desperate dad. Oh. Oh, my life. It's in ruins. No, I didn't. Oh, I'm desperate, Dad. Oh, my life, it's in ruins.

No, I didn't want this to happen. Oh, desperate, Dad. I'm not happy with the voice. I'll work on it. So, Paul. I'm going to go. What we can do now is we can go back to the beginning of this segment where I was doing that kind of blues thing.

Yeah. And I'll try it again. And you can encourage me, yeah? All right. I've gone to America. Na-na-na-na. What a load of fucking shit. What a load of wang.

Snaps. Last one. That one didn't work. I gave it three. Three? I'll give it a... Well, we can't differentiate. Just give it a solid three.

All right, you ready for the last item on Cheap Eats today, Paul? Yeah. Now, this is something I picked up myself in, I believe, a shop called Dollar Tree. Not Idolatry. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, ew. But there was much Idolatry in there. What would the Idolatry sell?

Pictures of the Virgin Mary with her cock drawn on her. Fair enough. I guess. Yeah, no, it's good. One thing I did notice, though, is this. It was a big sort of Poundland equivalent, basically. And at the front, they had a pen for helium balloons. Yeah.

A pen like. Yeah. Like with a roof. But then above it, on the big sort of metal roof of this sort of shed, you know, one of these metal shed things. It's all balloons that had escaped. Like hundreds of them all up there. I was like taking a photo of it and the woman who

was serving was like, oh yeah, that's where they go to die. That's where they say the balloons go to die. That's where balloons... And then Bob and Joe comes by with a... And that's right down there, down there. With a little bitty pop gun and he pip pops them out of the escap. Pop you mad now, I'll freak myself hard with my fingers.

He ain't good at the learning, but he got an eye for a gunshot. I'll freak myself off with my fingers. What the fuck are you doing over there? I told you. I told you. Hooey boy. I'll freak myself off when I think of all those balloons sold into heaven. And it makes me wet.

You freak yourself off thinking about those balloons that didn't get into heaven. Thank you for explicitly stating that, Paul. I just wanted to understand it. I wanted to hear it again to understand it. It was an interesting shot. And I picked up these, Paul. Grandma's Mini Sandwich Creams. Quality since 1914.

Vanilla, artificially flavoured. And it's a blue pack. They're mini biscuits. They look like little mini custard creams. They are identical, I'd say, with custard creams, aren't they? Do you think? But custard creams, what are the flavour of custard creams? Custard.

Vanilla. Oh, yeah. Custard is a sauce flavoured with vanilla. It's a cream. When someone says custard, they mean vanilla. Lumpy vanilla. Spodgy vanilla. I'll give him a lumpy custard.

Right. And look at Grandma. Grandma. I said lumpy custard. Right. And look at Grandma. Grandma. I said lumpy custard. And I meant spunk. Now, since 1914, look at Grandma. She looks a bit fucking frisky.

She looks like she's seen a lot. She's got one of those faces where it's like, I look nice. Well, I've had a few adventures. She certainly has. Now, shall we? Well, I've had a few adventures with She certainly has. Now, shall we? Well, I've had a few adventures with her. Well, Eli and Paul's adventures with Grandma. No, but this is at this point which I want to introduce the character, Paul.

Oh. Of Grandma Sprinkles. So let's do it as if she arose naturally from just our conversation. So we'll just take it back a bit. All right. So, Paul, now... Look at that, Paul! Grandma!

Oh, look at Grandma. What would she sound like? Oh, I don't know. I wonder what she'd sound like. I bet she's got a lovely name. Oh, I'm Doris. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh.

All that. Oh, no, no, no. All that build-up. Oh, oh, no. all you've said so far is ooh and no stop saying ooh stop it stop it

god just that's not the character now young man I'm just finding my feet around here I'm sorry you startled me all the big microphones startled me. I'm Grandma Sprinkles. You're fucking awful. Do you know what my special power

is though, young lad? What? Sprinkles. And what does that mean? It means I get all turned on then Just one character. I get turned on then Just one character. I get turned on, right?

For watching that Wogan or something on the telly. It gets me all the flutter in the downstairs region. Oh, and then I get a little hand dryer. I dry it all out. And then I give it a sprinkle. Know what I mean? Powdered. I'm it all out. And then I give it a sprinkle. Know what I mean?

Powdered. I'm getting my sprinkles. Well, that was the worst 60 seconds of Cheap Show to date. I'll go off then. Am I going to get paid for this? No. Oh, young man, I was told I'd get paid. No. Right, I'll be

leaving some sprinkles. You weren't even invited in. I'll be leaving a trail of sprinkles. Sounds like a kind of watered down version of Madam Lady Plops. I'll be honest with you, I'm not happy. Madam Lady Plops. Excuse me young lad. She popped when she appeared. She flourished. She had

character instantly. Excuse me young lad. Grandma Sprinkles is a very poor copy. I'll be leaving a ghostly sprinkle. Very poor character, ladies and gentlemen. I'll go then, you rude young man. To quote Vic Reeves, very poor. Very poor.

She's gone. Gone for good, I hope. Well, you'll never know. Gone for good. Look, I could have done with a boost, yeah, I just didn't get that audition. Oh, the vanilla half on this, Paul. I think you're going to find that pleasing.

Oh, very strong. It's a very custardy cream scent. Oh, it's a deep, deeply vanilla. It reminds me of custard cream. These are smaller than I thought they would be. They are literally like a miniature custard cream that you'd give to Humpty Dumpty or someone. Or maybe... I could put it on that toilet.

Look how big it looks on the toilet. Imagine that toilet was real. Look, it's a fucking huge custard cream on top of the toilet. The toilet lollipop thing. Look, here comes a robot cat. Oh, the robot cat's jumped up. The robot cat's pissed because it keeps falling off. Toby, wow.

Robot cat's gone up. Fucking just control your cat. The robot cat's pissed because it keeps falling off Toby. Wow. Robot cat's gone up. Oh, and he's... Fucking just control your cat. He stopped dropping it. He's sniffing it. Oh, and he needs to go to the loo, but someone's left a big... Eli, this is cheap eats. Would you like to taste Grandma's mini sandwich cream?

Fucking quick. So these are obviously... There are probably sandwich creams. So sandwich creams is what they call a custard cream. But they've got a Jammy Dodger element as well, aren't they? They have a little hole in the middle. They have a hole in the middle like our Jammy Dodgers. Yeah.

Our British Jammy Dodgers. Right, well, let's eat one. I've had two. They're actually really nice. Yeah. I thought they were going to be much more unpleasant than that. I don't know why, but... When was the last time you ate a custard cream?

Was it when we tasted the custard creams on this show and we got the cheapest of the cheap and they were horrible? No, we didn't do custard creams on the show. Did we not cover them? No. Yeah, I think they're all right. I like those.

I'd give them a three still. I'll give them a four. You know what I really like about them? You can play with your cat on the toilet with them. They're a bit like animal crackers. The cracker is a bit crackery. It's not like... No, I know what you mean.

The texture of the biscuit. Yeah, it's almost... It's sweeter. The biscuit itself is sweeter than on a British one. Yeah. But not in an unpleasant way, actually. And also because it's a mini, that affects the whole way that it's delivered to your mouth, doesn't it?

Is that what you say to the ladies? because it's a mini that affects the whole way that it's delivered to your mouth, doesn't it? Is that what you say to the ladies? Because it's a mini, it affects the whole delivery into your mouth. Well, it's a sentence that works in multiple... Do you want a disappointing custard cream, love? Grandma Sprinkle's going to come back in here.

Bye. So a little while ago on Twitter, one of our Twitter followers by the name of Chai sent a link to a Wikipedia page. He goes, oh, this is so cheap show. Clicked it and it said, Ancient Order of Frothblowers. Because you know the show's relationship with the word froth

and me getting all frothy and froth shop. A froth shop is the section of the show traditionally paul where um we look at a number of confectionery items that you might get in a sweet shop yes in a ye olde sweet shop or in a modern sweet shop there's no modern sweet shop what's a modern sweet shop there are none there are you dickhead let me fucking tell you i will not listen you may not be happy, but you've got those fake old-timey sweet shops that pop up in London now. You know, the giant candies on the outside in the windows, like a giant refreshment or a fruit salad.

You've got them. And you've got those bullshit American candy stores. American candy stores. Where it's like, here's a box of Skittles. Pay four quid. Yeah, because they're different Skittles. Because they're exotic. Paul, pass me over the Cheez-Its.

Oh, here we go. Here we go. we go there's something I missed out on the last section these are Cheez-It duos bacon and cheddar cheese

so they're different we're not we can't have one stop we can't have one segment bleed into the next oh that was a cheese one

cheese stop it alright read to me about the froth blowers all right then why you fucking eat that shit well you don't want to taste them oh oh the bacon ones are a bit weird all right well good anyway ancient order of froth bro so i was like oh all right fair enough and then last night i thought oh you know what i'll have a look into that so i went down the rabbit hole and it was interesting because,

first of all, what do you think it is? I? What do you think the ancient order of froth blowers are? Or is? Or am? Is it to do with the manufacture of beer? No, but beer plays a part in it. Is it to do with barrel making, casket making?

No. It's people who put their genitals into a pint of ale. Yes. Dunk them in. Just tea bag it. And then someone else has to drink from the cup. And that person's the froth blower. Are you shitting me?

Yeah. Yeah. No, here's what it is. So I went down the rabbit hole, went to Wikipedia, and here's what it is. The Ancient Order of Frothblowers was a humorous British charitable organisation to foster the noble art and gentle and healthy pastime of frothblowers amongst gentlemen of leisure and ex-soldiers.

So frothblowers were people who liked to just enjoy a nice foamy ale. Yeah, that's it. So they blow the froth off a beer. Yeah, and then drink it. So they don't get froth in their beard. Yeah, so they're just drinkers, but they do it Yeah, that's it. So they blow the froth off a beer. Yeah, and then drink it. So they don't get froth in their beard. Yeah, so they're just drinkers but they do it

in a gentlemanly style. A gentlemanly style. It ran from 1924 to 1931 and was founded by a guy called Bert Temple which is one of my favourite names. Bert Temple. I don't know,

I like the sound of it. Because outside of it you almost sound like an adventurer. He does, he's good Burt Temple. I don't know, I like the sound of it. Because outside of it you almost sound like an adventurer. He does, he's good. Burt Temple and the Ancient Order and the Flathblowers.

I think my favourite name is Tony Croydon. Tony Croydon. It's alright, I like that one. He was an ex-soldier and silk merchant. Try that whole sentence.

The zhuzh zhuzh zhuzh zhuzh. Burt Temple. Ex-soldier, silk merchant. You want to permanently speak like that when I kick you in the fucking mouth. Oh! Try that whole sentence. The Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz...

Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz...

Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz...

Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz...

Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz...

Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Ziz... Z equal of £5,234. He wanted to raise that money for a children's charity. Of the Surgeon Sir Alfred Fripp, one of the order's first meeting places was to Swan Fittleworth in West Sussex. It was called the Zero Vat.

The Zero Vat. Yeah. That's a strange name for a pub, isn't it? Yeah. There you go. I think what they got into the habit of was calling... The Zero Vat. I'm all into that.

Yeah, but I think they got into the habit of just calling wherever they met up Vats. So another one would be Vat 2 and Vat 5 or so on and so forth. I think that's what it is. Let's find out in the history section of the Wikipedia. Well, the pub had a name,

but they referred to it as Vat Zero. Yeah, or Number Zero Vat, I think it was. Either way, Vat Zero. Zero Vat. Anyway, Temple founded the organisation in gratitude for life-saving stomach surgery by FRIP. Membership of this spoof order cost five shillings, equal to £13 today.

Each member received a pair of silver enamel cufflinks and a membership booklet and card entitling them to throw froth... to blow froth off any beer's... Fuck's sake! Would you like me to read it? No. Okay.

And a membership booklet and card entitled... Now, go back. Listen, you've made such utter gumbo of that last few sentences. I think we actually are going to need a little rewind and come again. Membership of the spoof order cost five shillings. It wasn't like a real order. It was something that they called themselves to support this charitable trust, right? Yes, but an order is an order.

I mean, an order is just a bunch of blokes saying that we're an order, isn't it? Yeah, I know. You name it and you make it real. We're the order of fucking cheap showers. Let's have an order. Order of ancient cheapskates. Well, we're not cheapskates, though.

No, but we run the order of the... No, but we run the order. Yeah, we do. We run the order of the ancient cheapskates, though, Paul. No, but we run the order of the... No, but we run the order. Yeah, we do. We run the order of the ancient cheapskates. It's a good order, that. Shut up! Now try and say that sentence. Membership of this spoof order cost five shillings.

Each member received a pair of silver enamelled cufflinks and a membership booklet and card entitling them to blow froth off any member's beer. I'll blow froth off your beer. Oh, bro, Gary, come over here and let me blow your froth off. I'll blow your froth off. Come on. It's such hard sentence for you to say.

It is, actually. I don't know why. It's your special speech impediment. Yeah, anyway. And occasionally... It brings out your lisp. Blow the froth off. Yeah, it does. I don't know why it's your special speech impediment yeah anyway and occasionally it brings out your lisp blow the fluff off yeah it does

and occasionally off non-members beer provided they are not looking or are of a peaceful disposition so you go over to

some other guy's beer and he's playing darts and you go and he goes oh you and you go and then he fucking I'll blow the fluff off

your beer and then he goes and stabs you and he bottles you he stab And then he fucking... I'll blow the fluff off your beer. And then he goes and stabs you. And he bottles you. He stabs you. He just smashes a bottle and sticks it in your neck. So that's why it says you've got to make sure there was a peaceful disposition. Their motto was lubrication in moderation. Ah, so they weren't like...

So they were also, you know, drinking moderation. But back then, moderation was like only half a bottle of brandy before I go out. Yeah, that is true. Moderation was very different then. It was actually in the 70s they had units, units recommendation as they do now.

Now. Now they say it's 14 per week for everyone. Yeah. Which is like, fuck. What, like three glasses of wine

or one beer? No, three glasses of wine would be, yeah, roughly nine, I think. Ugh. Anyway. So that's it, you're done. Three glasses, you're done for the week after three glasses of wine.

Anyway. So you've drunken a year's worth already this year. I... No, but... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When they had the unit recommendation in the 70s...

Yeah. It was 50. Fucking hell. Yeah. So can you imagine that? Yeah, you'd still be in your limit. I'd still be well within it. Yeah.

They don't know what they're talking about. I feel fine. The idea was to meet regularly in pubs and clubs, or vats as they called them, to enjoy a beer, beef and backy. Ooh, sounds nice, doesn't it? Oh, it's possibly a memory of the skeleton army of the 1880s. So skeleton armies were similar, just like a kind of weird informal... Men's club. Yeah, kind of thing.

No women allowed, were there? It doesn't say here, but I presume not. These are the cufflinks you got when you joined. Ah. They're nice, aren't they? Nice. I like that. Oh, pretty. Kind of almost modernist sort of font there with the... Yeah, almost like the tube, underground tube font.

That kind of font, yeah. So, when they got to these meetings, they could be fined for heinous sins, such as not wearing the cufflinks, dinners open with the highest-ranking members or the senior blower, giving the command, gentlemen, shoot your linen,

at which point all members showed their cuffs. This was just a big gay orgy thing, wasn't it, basically? Last night, I went over and the senior blower shot my linen. Oh, darling, I'm so glad you're home. You've been out all night. What were you up to? The fucking senior blower shot all over my fucking linen again. Oh, that's okay.

I thought you might be having a gay affair. No, you'll be scrubbing that stain out all fucking night, Valerie. What is it the stain of? Spoth. It's a froth. What do you think it is? I thought it might be, you know, beer. All fines and residual membership fees were sent to Sir Alfred and Lady Fripp,

or as they were called, the Wee Waifs of East End of London. So basically, all that money that they raised for fines and things like that and drinks would go towards the charity, would go towards paying for these doctors' work. Well, it sounds like they got sent to the doctors. Yeah. But they run children's homes. Yeah, so like the poor school in Stratford. Yes got they run children's homes yeah so yeah like so like you know the poor school in stratford yes places like that so um yeah in the in late 1925

the editor of the sporting time starts to publish articles of the orders gatherings and the idea took hold in the public imagination the now retired frip traveled around the country as a guest speaker over 200 of these vats and thousands clamoured to join. Men who were called blowers, women called fairy bells and children and their dogs were allowed and they were called faithful bow-wows. The children and the dogs?

I mean, that's what it says here. It's not healthy to call your kid a bow-wow. Come here, faithful bow-wow. Anyway, they all enrolled. Those who enrolled, others received titles such as Blaster, Tornado, up to Grand Typhoon. See, it's like the Clue Clucks clan. So if you recruited 25 members, you were called a blaster. If you recruited 1,000, you'd be Grand Typhoon.

That is just like the Clue Clucks clan. Because the Clue Clucks clan was just like that, like a pyramid scheme thing, where you recruit and you get benefits from recruiting more. Yeah. So it's this whole recruitment sort of scam thing. Recruit and drive thing. Yeah, which is how

the modern day sort of vitamin pill pyramid schemes. Avon calling and Tupperware stuff. Pyramid schemes work. Oh. You make money

if you recruit other people to sell the product. Do you see what I mean? Oh yeah, fair enough. And that's just like that but obviously not based on horrendous ingrained racism and hatred and cruelty yeah so was there any bigotry they let their women in but just like because they the clue clocks can have like the

grand wizard this sounds exactly like it well no because these these what they call a blaster yeah but that's if you oh i'm a grand bl No, I'm a scob muffin. All that means is that you have gotten that many people in. So if you got 25 people in, you were a blaster member. And if you got 100 people to join... Yeah, but that means you were actually up the hierarchy. But it wasn't a rank. It just meant that... It is a rank.

It was like getting a Boy Scout badge. It just said it was a rank. No. It doesn't say about ranks. Just titles. It's like Boy Scout badges. Yeah. Anyway, for five years years the froth blowers

extolled britishness and lubrication in moderation this they had a song the more we are together which is an adaptation of oh do lieber augustine where are we so they had their own theme tune like the oval teenies people the lyrics are the more we are together together together the more we are together the merrier we'll the more we are together, the merrier we'll be. For your friends are my family, and my family are your friends. The more we are together, the merrier we will be. That's a lovely rhyme. Yes.

You might want to think about that form and structure when you try and improvise something. You talentless wanker. Okay, so I'm talentless, yeah. That's just, just attack me, so I go on a bit of a rant, and you just... You do, so you are, so I win. How do's just, just attack me so I go on a bit of a rant. And you just... You do, so you are. So I win. How do you win? What do you win?

What do you win? Satisfaction. You don't win shit. You're just trying to... I am a puppet master. This bit hasn't worked. It hasn't fucking worked for me. Why?

Well, froth blowers and they fucking... You don't think this is interesting? Well, they do. They had some drinks. And they... I'm going to tell you now what they fucking did. Did they actually get down to it, Paul? At any stage?

Is that what you're interested in? Did they have underground corpse stores? No. Did they have rituals where they go to Highgate Cemetery and fuck a corpse? No, there's none of that. Did they? Well, you can see why I'm not interested. Because you'd rather it be depraved and foul.

Something? This is just a bunch of boring arseholes between the wars in some cricket pavilion. This is how I'm imagining it. Oh, shut up. Just shut up and fucking listen. And they have some kind of curry. By late 1928, 700,000 people had joined and they raised over £100,000,

which today is about £5,529,370. You didn't have to read that whole, it's just £5,500,000. But I did. I'm impressed with myself. And they paid for hospital cots, outings to the country, invalid children.

It endowed 40 hospital cots, funded holidays for thousands of needy children in 1929, established a roof garden for mothers and children and the Marlborough Housing Association's first block of slum clearance flats. So there you go. A plaque designed by artist and illustrator Henry Charles Innes Fripp,

cousin of Arthur Fripp, was created to accompany donations of £500, which is about 2020,000 today. So that helped pay for hospital beds for kids as well. So there you go. However, their popularity was particularly upsetting to the temperance activists who believed that it was alcohol

which caused the wee wave suffering. So what they're saying, so these fucking religious cunts have turned up now. They've been like, oh, but it raises money for charity, but it makes people want to drink, which is ungodly. It really shouldn't be done. So moralising. Moralising.

A bit like the Salvation Army of today. It was something they said that a doctor or a surgeon to the king should not be sponsoring. In 1927, Walter Grenville of the Good Templars described it as the latest recruitment ally of the liquor trade. You see, saying that for ridiculous vulgarity and foolish methods, it took first prize. So it's a bit like it had a bit of a sort of Club Med kind of reputation. Yeah, Club 1830. But, you know, phone parties, not cross parties.

They could have... The difference is that that... Yeah, Club 1830. But, you know, phone parties, not... Croft parties, yeah. They could have... The difference is that that... Now, how about this as an idea, though, Paul? Here we go. You get a little pen in a pub, and you get in it, and then guys all blow froth. Could be girls, could be him. But, yeah.

Or it could be a machine. A machine blows froth. A machine of beer into the pen. You have to wrestle. Yeah, they fucking do that. What? I've seen that in student unions and files. No, but it's all foam party stuff and foam nights.

I'm not talking about a foam party. I'm talking about a beer suds party. So you get genuine beer suds. I get into my pants. Yeah. All right. Do you just want this now? Can we just...

Would you be happy if I just... We've got some beer here. We've got some beer. We've got the Stay Puft Marshmallow. No, that's for my pants. Yeah. Right. Do you just want this now? Can we just... Would you be happy if I just... We've got some beer here. We've got some beer. We've got the Stay Puft Marshmallow... No, that's for my Ghostbusters episode. I'm saving it for my Ghostbusters episode. Marshmallow Porter. Yeah.

Spoiler alert. Taste of sick. Yeah, and again, spoiler alert. You mentioned that last time. Well, it's not a spoiler alert then. No, well then don't say it. And we've also got wild beer. Do you want to pour some of this in my crotch now?

No. Hang on, that was very specific. Right, no. I just would spice it up around here. Oh, Sir George Hunter, speaking from the Fellowship of Freedom and Reform in 1929, called the froth blowers a disgrace to this country. Disgrace.

Even though they're raising lots of money for charity. Yeah, but they're doing it in the wrong way, Paul. What should they do? They should be... Just go on about how you should do good, but don't actually affect anything in your surrounding area or raise money for charity just because you spout the word of God. Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah. Nevertheless, the Lord Chancellor, Viscount Hallisham, described it as a great charitable organisation. And when Fripp died in 1930, his Times obituary said that the frothblowers, by their innocent mirth assisted by a catchy tune, have contributed largely to charities

and have entertained and brightened the lives of innumerable children. The movement came to a natural end shortly after Fripp's death, when the sporting times folded, and finally Burt Temple died in 1931. So it all kind of died out when the people who it was for, and created by, passed on.

In that year, the ancient order of Frothblowers Limited went into voluntary liquidation. Residual money was used by Lady Fripp and her family to fund Heartsease, which was a girl guide retreat in the grounds of a West Wycombe home for the recovery of children with heart disease, a hospital which has been partly funded by Frothblowers since 1927. The ancient order of froth blowers

girl guide and boy scout charity limited are still administrators and they administrate this wikipedia page ah so there you go and they have a quote from the aofb handbook do you get this when you pay your 13 15 shillings whatever it was and i really like this quote because it kind of shows that the more things change the more they stay the same, right? This is just a quote. A sociable and law-abiding fraternity of absorptive Britons who sedately consume and quietly enjoy with commendable regularity and frequentation the truly British malted beverage as did their forebearers and as Britons ever will and be damned to all pussyfoot horn swogglers from overseas, and including lowbrows, teetotalers,

and MPs, and not excluding nosy parkers, mock religious busy bodies, and suburban foolhens, all of which are structurally solid bone from the chin up. That's what they're saying. It's pretty cool. It's a group for people who just want to hang out, be cool, chill, and not cunts. And have a bit of a drink. And not be

full of cunts. No, cunts allowed, but also a bit of the foreigners thing in there, wasn't there? Yeah, no, no, no. No, what they said was, and not cunts. Have a bit of a drink. No, cunts allowed, but also a bit of the foreigners thing in there, wasn't there? No, what they said was, and be damned all pussyfoot hornswogglers from overseas, so basically what they're saying is people who come over here and take our jobs. No, and start swinging their power around, or like, you know,

dignitaries and things. What was interesting, and I'll briefly mention this because I don't want to go on forever, but the most recent use of the Order of the Frothblowers was used by a mercenary group led by Mike Hall in an attempted 1981 coup of the Seychelles. And they disguised themselves as a drinking party itself

called the Ancient Order of the Frothblowers. Okay, so they stole the name to cover their invasion army. Yeah. But what's interesting is that the story is basically... The guy, Mike Hoare, was christened Mad Mike. It's complicated. This guy... Well, he was christened by his mum, Mad Mike.

No, he was christened by the German radio stations. He got the name. Yeah, he was called Mad Mike by German radio broadcasters. Because he was such a voracious soldier. He had it like... Basically, he got the epithet Mad Mike Hall from broadcast by East German radio during the fighting in the Congo in the 60s.

They would proceed their commentary with the Mad Bloodhound Mike Hall. And he was the military guy and he had all these operations. But he also advised on the set of Wild Geese, the other movie, The Wild Geese. No. I think it was like Patrick Burton and Roger Moore

playing SAS soldiers who go in on a kind of... Big budget 60s, like When the Eagles Dare. Those kind of films, yeah. Wild Geese, I think, was a late, it was like mid-70s version of those. I think I've heard of it, yeah. I haven't seen it. So how long is this? It's not that long,

so I'll race through it, right? It's fine. I'm fascinated, Paul. As long as you don't want to be funny or say anything. No, you know, it's up to you, really. But, Paul got involved in this coup because the Prime Minister of the Seychelles promoted himself to President, and a lot of

people thought this shouldn't be done. So, the military option was decided by washington dc because of their concerns of access to a military base on the argo casilla islands there was a necessity to move operations from the seychelles so basically what they're saying is america got involved to have a little coup d'etat and send some mercenaries in this mad mike hall was one of these guys who put a team together. And when they got to the Seychelles, they called themselves the Ancient Order of Frothblowers, a charitable organisation from Britain. And they were over there to give toys to kids and things like that.

So the people in the Seychelles didn't do a lot of research because they would have found out that the frothblowers had been disbanded. Yeah, but they could have just said it. They could have even just pulled it off as just being, oh, we're just doing some old traditional thing. But the reason that they had all these toys apparently was because the toys were big and bulky so they could put guns in there so they just basically filled all these toys that they were meant to have as charity things did you say they did base a film on this no they haven't yet as far as i know that's very much uh a filmic little concept to have these but then bulky cases and with toys written on it and it. It's got an Argo flavour to it.

Yes. But what's interesting about the story is that it didn't go very well for them. Because I'll boil it down into what happened next. They got there and they were going through customs and they landed in the Seychelles. And then one of the baggage guys went, can I just check that one suitcase? And went, oh, shit.

And they found all the guns and the toys. That guy ran off to get help. He was shot in the back. And then the mercenaries had to basically take over the airport and close it down and fend themselves off from the army.

They were under siege in the airport? Yeah. And nothing was allowed to land there. But unfortunately, this one plane had to land there because it was running out of fuel.

So then that became the getaway ship. And it all goes to shit. Wow. And then they hijacked the plane? Yeah, to get away. But long story short, they were all captured captured but some got let off because of government interference and let's trade off that prisoner for that person and so it all kind of filtered down and out but it's

when is this the 60s uh 80s in the 80s and 80s coup yeah the seychelles that went horribly wrong and he spent time in prison but then he got on quite well in prison. So what are you looking at? Oh, that. Just ask for it. I can edit it out, prick. The dildo. Yeah, I have the dildo. So in a nutshell, that's the boiled version of the froth. I like the second half better, Paul. Yeah?

Yeah. But I spent more time on the first part that you weren't interested in. It was just a bit dry. Fine. Well, you fucking researched something then. I did. What? Ramune bottles.

Fuck off. Come on. This section's over. No, it's not. You've ruined it. I've got a bit. This is good. We've got things to talk about.

I give to you. You give to me. I'll give you fucking this. I polish the ball you have given me. You're going to froth me off. It's wooden. Blow my froth off, Eli. I'll blow your froth off.

Blow it. So, I don't know. Listeners will remember that we mentioned the grape-flavoured Ramune drink that I had in here, which had the marble bottle design on the bottle. But not the actual bottle. Was that that thing you mentioned to me a while ago, where the envelope is used to signify emails even though we don't use letters anymore?

Skeuomorphism. Yeah. Would that bottle be a skeuomorphism of sorts? Don't care, move on. No. Skeuomorphism is like an envelope is what you press for email. Yeah.

But there's no envelopes involved. It's like an anachronistic symbol of what that used to... Like when you show old pictures of telephones and your phone rings. Yeah. Your phone rings. Exactly. There's an old-fashioned headset. Yeah.

That's skeuomorphism. Okay. And like wood panels. So you had those cars in the 70s. Yeah. That would have like wood paneling. So it's like an old carriage. Okay.

Do you see what I mean? It's using something old that isn't used anymore, but to signify symbolically to old carriage. Okay. Do you see what I mean? It's using something old that isn't used anymore, but to signify symbolically to the user. Okay. A connection to its heritage. It's more like that. Whereas this is more self-referring, isn't it? It's like this used to be in this kind of bottle.

I guess it is skeuomorphic. It is skeuomorphic. In a way, I think it could be described. But the point being is that the design of the glass bottle with the marble in, we wanted to know what the origin of that was and i've assumed it was a japanese thing because i've only ever seen them on those japanese like the sweat yeah i've got the sweat pakari sweat i think they call it and the ramune yeah sodas have those uh those marbles in the neck things yeah and

i someone sent me something on twitter and and I went down a little rabbit hole. Well, not a rabbit hole. Let's call it a little shallow rabbit shelf. Yeah. Yeah, a little rabbit shelf. Oh. Someone sent you something. You went on a little internet search, did you?

Did you pull it? No. Did you shoot your linen? I didn't blow the froth off my mild or shoot my linen. Yeah, you shot your linen. Listen, I've got all kinds of things brewing. Show your cufflinks, did you? Yeah.

I shaked my cufflinks and I spoffed off into a guy's mouth. Wow, wow. Right. Under the darts table. Right, good. Let's wrap this up. No. I'm explaining to you the research I did.

I know, and I want you to wrap it up. So those bottles, turns out they weren't invented in Japan. They were invented in England several hundred years ago and were known as cod bottles. C-O-D-D. Cod bottles.

Is that where cod swallow comes from? That is one of the theories for where that's where cod swallow comes from because they used to put beer in it and

it's cod swallow because it's the kind of beer you don't want because it's difficult to drink. There's a skill to drinking with those marbles because you have to get it past the marble when you're pouring it because otherwise it will roll down and block it.

So it's quite difficult to drink. But that's why the Ramune bottles had that pinch in so it caught the marble. Ah, so it actually had a modification. Yeah. I think traditional ones just had a... Just a rolling in the middle neck. Yeah, fair enough. And it was difficult to drink from them. And it was like for ale and lager or cider.

It was basically for pressurised drinks, wasn't it? Yes. And the glass was quite thick. And it's probably, it was used before there was ring pulls, obviously. Because also, wasn't it in Britain where they developed the glass that you could actually make champagne in the first place? There was monks that would make fermented kind of drinks. So they created the glass bottles that were strong enough for that fermentation.

Which has the indentation on the bottom. That's what makes it strong, isn't it? The thickness. But anyway, Codswallop was a theory that that's where

Codswallop came from, but it's said that most people think that's kind of... Britain's best at glass. Mythology. They said it was a... They said it. It was a...

What they call popular mythology or just sort of wrong mythology. Just like a... What they call it... What's that? Urban mythology or something. Yeah. It's just sort of wrong mythology. Just like what they call it. What's that urban mythology or something? Yeah. It's just made up. Yeah. So codswallop. But yeah, that's their cod bottles.

That's what they're called. And they say that they went out of fashion because kids liked them because they'd smash them and get the marble out. Yeah. And that's dangerous. Yeah, no shit. And you get lots of glasses. I like marbles. I'm going to get a bag of marbles. I used to love marbles. I used to have all different mar that. Yeah, no shit. And you get lots of broken glass and stuff. Oh, I like marbles. I want to get a bag of marbles. I used to love marbles. I used to have all different marbles.

Oh, marbles. And I used to look at them and go, these ones are these. This population. They would like different races. Okay, so you were into a part height for your fucking... No, I didn't keep them apart. They all lived together.

Oh, I didn't know. But I just used to stratify them. So that's segregation? No, I didn't pull them apart. I didn't segregate my marbles. I didn't segregate my marbles. I don't know why that tickled me. I didn't.

No, but I used to love them. I used to love marbles. Did you like them? Yeah, I loved them. I liked the little spirally shapes in the middle. Those are the most common type. Yeah, I know, but you get all kinds. You get ones with little air bubbles all through.

You don't get ones now that Speckled with air bubbles. That makes it look like little universes are inside them, because the way the glass has been blown and stuff, it looks like a little cosmos in the middle. I like stuff like that. Yeah. Anyway, thank you for listening to Cheap Show. Is that it? Yeah, that's it. Let's wrap up.

Alright then. Email us, thecheapshow at gmail.com. Go to our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. We're on Twitter. I'm at PaulGannonShow and at thecheapshowpod. Eli is... It's Eli Snowidy, L-I-S-N-O-I-D. We're also on Instagram.

We're on Reddit. We're on Twitter. No, I've just said Twitter. I can't get on Reddit. Don't worry about it. I get notifications from it on my phone. I can't get on it. I don't know what to do.

I'm not going to help you. Help me. I'm not going to get... Help me sort my life out. No, I can't. I've got enough on me phone. I can't get on it. I don't know what to do. I'm not going to help you. Help me. I'm not going to get... Help me sort my life out. No, I can't. I've got enough on me plate. Fucking just be an adult, please. Just be an adult. I can't.

I know. No, we know. No, we know. We know. We're you and who? You can't do adulting. You know what? We who? You and who, Paul, have decided I'm not an adult? You and who? Yeah? have decided I'm not an adult? You and who? Yeah? No, I'm asking you.

I'm asking you a question. Everyone who knows you. Everyone who knows you agrees you can't do being an adult. Have you spoken to them all? Yeah. And they all agree I can't be an adult? Yeah. What else do they say?

You've got a small dick, you're fat, and your body odour is questionable. How would you mean questionable? What's the question? Why does it smell so bad? Right. And on Patreon. Fuck you. Can I just say that?

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That's it. That's it. Hello. Let's end this fucking episode. Oh, I've got a fucking issue. No. Oh, you wouldn't hit an old lady. Sprinkles. granny sprinkles.

Fuck off.