CheapShow - Ep 114: Winkie

Episode Date: February 15, 2019

What is "Winkie"? Who is "Winkie"? Why is "Winkie"? This is the mystery we try to uncover in this week's episode. Paul and Eli take the deepest dive they can into a world of weird and unusual vinyl in Silverman's Platter. Along the way the Cheap Chaps tolerate "pub singing", strange French musicians and uncover what must be the most obscure record in podcasting history... which leads down a very odd rabbit hole! For those of you missing out on some hardcore Noodle action, fret no more, as CheapShow also returns to Eli's "Country Urban Noodle Testlab.... Kitchen" for a selection of cheap and cheerful instant noodle snacks. It's a big, fat chunky one this week, folk! Get comfy! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos for this episode can be seen at... https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-114-winkie If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

Hello, it's another episode of Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast. I'm going to turn the light off, Paul, because you could have done that before we started. Because I'm looking at you. I don't want to see you. All right, well, turn the light off then. I fucking will. Go on then, do it. Fucking hell. Right, happy?

Am I? Well, no, you're not. You never have been. I never have been happy. No. It's you. What am I? I do nothing but... been happy. No. It's you. What am I? I do nothing but... Your sadness shaming.

Oh, whatever. It's exactly that attitude. Oh, whatever. I've got nothing. Do the fucking intro then. You just interrupted me. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Cheap Show Economy Comedy Podcast. The Cheap.

Welcome to the Cheap Show. The Cheap Show. I'm just... Listen The Cheap Show. The Cheap Show. I'm just, listen. I'm just pointing out problems just as I come up. I'm nipping it in the bud. That was going to turn into a grammatical train wreck by the end of the sentence, okay? Boys and girls? It's not for children.

It's not, but we have a lot of kids who listen to this. Do we? Yeah, we had a 14-year-old write in once. You shouldn't be listening if you're still listening. Shouldn't you? No. No one listening should be listening. No, well, we know that.

Yeah, we know that. But I... I can't say it. No, I'm not going to say it. It's dark in here now, isn't it? Yeah, because you turned the light off. No, it's nice. It's cos it. It's dark in here now, isn't it? Yeah, because you turn the light off. No, it's nice. It's cosy.

It's warm in here. The house of pickles is humid. It's a fecund attitude. Yeah, I can see Mount Groppant steaming away. In the hazy semi-distance. In the corner of my eye. Look how majestic the sources, the hall of sources there up on the hill. They shine like a beacon over the hall of sauces there up up on the up on the hill they shine like a beacon

over the land of pickles you can see the sauce trough has made a bit of a return there it's building it's like a there's some Kit Kats in there in my new sauce

sauce bucket it's like a fly tipping site that part of your table where every now and then just like you know a couch turns up on it or a football diarrhoea medicine

why have you got you know what I don't want to know why you've got diarrhoea medicine because I had diarrhoea medicine. Why have you got... You know what? I don't want to know why you've got diarrhoea medicine. Because I had diarrhoea. Ooh. Ooh.

Mrs. You know what? What? I got... I didn't get diarrhoea. Do you know what I got it for? What? It's meant to be

a good hangover cure. Is it? Yeah, because it's like all salts and minerals that you need. It rehydrates you. It's diarrhoea medicine. Great.

And so you have a... A big part of the hangover, Paul, is dehydration. And just, you know, so it helps with that. Right. So welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast. No, it's not the...

Where we go through the bargain bins, the charity shops, and jumble sales of Great Britain and bring our findings to you. We have not once been to a jumble sale on this programme. Just welcome to Cheap Show! I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, right?

It's a fact of Cheap Show. You're going to have to fucking reset. I love Moodle, alright? It's a fact of cheap show, you're gonna have to fucking reset. Moodle time. Tales from the Darks for a while. Alright, how's the bit going? The price of the site? It's a true guarantee.

Hello. Eli Silver. Welcome to the show. And I go and I nuzzle. Is that it? We've got a definite problem with these new mic stands. What? What do you mean? Because every time we speak a bit loudly, you get that...

You can hear that twang. We've got to fix it. I told you. Let's just make it part of the... No, that's really not a good idea. The Twanger Man? No. Could the Twanger Man come and...

We're not having a character that involves that, because it's really fucking annoying. The twangerman, he come. I'm just going to have to insulate it next time. Maybe put like an elastic band over it or something like that just to keep it from vibrating. Do you think that might work? Yeah, I think that might work. I don't think...

Anyway, welcome to Cheap Show. How are you doing? How are you doing, Eli? Well, you've been here for several hours. You know what I'm like. Yeah, but for the listener, it's next week, isn't it? Or this week? You know, it's just

in it. It just goes on. I'm sorry. Oh, no, it's a cheap show. We've got some fun stuff. It's all fun and games today, isn't it? It's basically an Eli special. I'm glad. Yeah.

Because there's been a fucking little tail off on the noodle content. Yeah, there is. And we bring the noodle content right back up there.

Yeah, we have the like a chive filled yogurt poultice of destiny. You and your poultices. What's that? It's the poultice

machine. Whacking them up. It's a metaphorical poultice machine Whacking it Whacking it Here comes the Imagine this

I don't want to And underneath the conveyor belt It's like suspended in the air And it's all people with their bums out on it All going along Here comes the poultice thwacker. It comes up. It's just a metaphor for how much the noodles are coming back.

It's not a metaphor. It's not. It's your sick, sex-deprived mind. Oh, sex-deprived? Yeah, that's how you get off. You imagine. Imagine poultices. You imagine poultices being violently whacked against perineums.

Yes. That's what you like. You're a gooch molester. You're a gooch masher. I'm a gooch masher? You're the gooch punch. Now, what have we got coming up on the show, Paul? Ladies and gentlemen, today on the show, we have some fun and games.

We have a trip to Silverman's Platter. Why are you lying back? I'm just relaxing. What? It's my room. Yeah, but you can't hear me if you do that Why are you lying back? I'm just relaxing. What? It's my room, man. Yeah, but you can't hear me if you do that. I didn't talk. I'm talking here.

Now I'm lying back. Right, so we're going to do Silverman's Platter. I'm back now. I'm lying back here, Paul. Comfy. And we've got a few records to choose from. You still hear me? Yeah, I hate you.

I mean, I literally, episode by episode, get to the point where I could just easily snuff you out. You're stuck with me. Very much like a nappy is stuck to a baby's dirty bottom. Or an adult man who pretends to be a baby. Tell me about this adult man. What's his name? Where does he live?

He's called Eric. Eric the man baby. Yeah. Okay. He lives in Reading right and so what does he like he likes dressing up as a baby

and what does he sound like hello I'm Eric I dress up like a baby I've got nothing else to say and I don't want you prying into my life okay well okay

I'm Eric the man baby goodbye wow forever I thought we had a new character On the way there Well we fucking didn't Paul I wanted to talk about a poultice Why

I meant A nappy Can Like I'm stuck to you The way a nappy Filled with a yoghurt And chived poultice

Is stuck to you Metaphorically Well we went along I didn't think it out No I haven't thought anything out You don't Never do

You just open your mouth And madness falls out That's all it is with you. We've got platters though. Yeah, we've got platters. What else have we got? We've also got a trip to the Country Urban Noodle Test Lab. Also known as CAT.

You love that, don't you? No, I don't. It's very immature. We didn't know that when we put it together. That was what it was going to spell when you made it into an acronym. The City Urban Noodle Test Kitchen. Test Kitchen. Thank you.

Yeah. So we're going there because you've got a lot of noodles. Got some good ones. Good ones today, Paul. Exciting. We've got an exciting one. I don't want to give the game away.

Yeah. But it's a reverse. Instead of like a British noodle company trying to ape an Oriental or Far Eastern dish, this is the other way around, mate. An Oriental dish trying to ape British... It's them trying to ape European food. Well, I'm fascinated by this.

It's a cross melange. What? It's a cross melange. What does that mean? I don't know. It's nice to say melange, though, isn't it? Melange. Do you like that? Oh, I have the. It's nice to say melange, though, isn't it? Melange. Do you like that?

Oh, I tengo el cuerno. Poet is melange. Well, we've lost our shit today. I think we can all agree. We haven't. We have. You're being very sober. Am I?

You're acting very sober. I think I'm feeling rather mature today. Okay. I shan't be acting immature. Okay. No, don't. He's sticking his tongue out. I'm not.

Don't do it. I'm being an adult. Don't do it. sticking his tongue out. I'm not. I'm not. Don't do it. I'm being an adult. Don't do it. I'm an adult. I'm 40 now. I've got to act like an adult. So, you know, I've got to do that.

He's putting the swear fingers at me. I'm doing all the funny faces. I'm not doing those funny faces. Okay. I'm a mature adult of 40 years old, and I will not be doing any of those. That's not even my voice. No, no, it's not. What else have you got? Anything? That's it. No, that no voice. That's not even my voice. No, no, it's not. What else have you

got? Anything? That's it. No, that's it. That's all we're doing. What? You're not

impressed? You're not impressed? No, I feel like there should have been something else we should talk about.

Go on. Sources. Clappy monkey. I've got some tiger balm over there. Wow. Okay, great. This is very interesting. It's dark.

It's like I'm getting sleepy. It's all warm and wound-like in the house of pickles. I'm lulling you into a false sense of security. And then when you're most vulnerable, I'll strike. Oh, yeah? Yeah. How? Oh, there's something flapping outside.

I heard it was a female relative of yours vagina on the wing. You thought that was all it was? What was that? It was some female relative of yours. I hope anyone listening to this episode for the first time really thinks this is... Dracula Fanny!

Yeah. Eli, think about what you're saying. I can't. I can't. This is meant to be a podcast about enjoying the best of life. Yeah.

Sorry, back on message. Not shouting at me that you can see Dracula's Fanny through your window. But I can! Right, this is it. We're moving on.

All right, move on. Thank you, yes. Hey, welcome to Cheap Show's musical excursion to what we like to call on the show... It's Silverman's Platters, everyone. Hey, how you doing? Yeah, okay. Yeah, wow.

So what have we got today in our platter splatter? On today's platter splatter, we've got a real mixed bag. We really do. Yeah, we've got some French techno. Nice. It's not techno.

It's more like electronica. Disco, I don't know. It's more electronica. Yeah. And we've also got like a fucking really deep, deep 80s cut novelty record. Oh, wow. Yeah, we're digging deep, Matt.

And we have perhaps the most obscure tune we've ever heard on the show before. It's a one-off DIY record that I've uncovered. And I think you'll agree it really is obscure and pointless. Well, I'm looking forward to this. Eli Silverman's Platters splatterata. I'm the splatter. I could have done that. Really cool and chill.

I didn't want to be chill. And then you went, I got a platter splatter. Oh, he grumbles. Oh, he grumbles. Oh. So, right. Right, shall we go look at Eli Silverman's platters?

Yeah, let's do that. Let's do it. Come on, buddy. I love vinyl, Paul. Shall we go look at Eli Silverman's platters? Yeah, let's do that. Let's do it. Come on, buddy. I love vinyl, Paul. No, do you? And over the years doing this podcast, we've built up a little collection. A little weird niche collection of oddities. Of terrible 45s.

Yes. Is what you'd call them. It started off when you used to have a live show. Yeah. Geek Night Out. Was it Geek Night Out or the Geekatorium? Geekatorium. I don't think I knew you during Geek Night Out stuff. Geekatorium, where I would appear and do a little bit of DJing in between the acts. At the beginning of the show and in the interval, yeah, you'd play some records.

And I had a character called Mike Alanius. Mike A-lanius, yeah. Mike Alanius, the DJ, who was supposed to be a play on words miscellaneous. Yes, it was very clever. Mike Alanius. It was not clever. He was crap. He played shitty 45s. Yeah.

Nasty novelty, advert-based jingles and everything. And that started me on an unstable road to collecting this stuff. Whenever I see it, I'm going to put it all in. I've decided what I'm going to do is put it all in one big box. Yeah. And then we could perhaps have sort of shit record lucky dip. Oh, that's a good idea, isn't it all I've decided what I'm going to do is put it all in one big box yeah and then we could perhaps have sort of shit record lucky dip oh that's a good idea

isn't it do you know what I mean yeah you could just go in and go oh this is shit look at this shit one yeah when we really run out of ideas

oh but Dracula's funny I like that one that was good that was a good piece of prog no no that before

yeah what I said was good no no it wasn't what I do is good because it was it wasn't. You know why? Because it was like the tied ramblings of two unfunny men reaching desperately for anything in the comedy dark. We need something to... What? Respark like a vindaloo flavoured condom. We've got the awards coming up soon.

We've got another car boot challenge. We've got a fashion episode. We're going to have Ash back soon. We've got Biffo on the way. Okay. It's exciting. So what are we going to start with here? I might be doing videos as well.

It's exciting. Yeah. It's exciting. It is. So, stop complaining. Okay. All right?

All right. So, what are we doing? It's Silverman's Platters. It's Silverman's Platters. So, your collection of oddities is growing Which one? Paul just nod

Okay We're going to start with We've covered a lot of this man's records By accident It's another Steve Wright project From the 80s This one is called Just in case you haven't heard any previous episodes

Steve Wright, British radio presenter for BBC Extremely popular In the 80s in case you haven't heard any previous episodes, Steve Wright, a British radio presenter for BBC. Extremely popular. Extremely popular. In the 80s. Afternoon show. He kind of had a crew of characters and other people who hung out in the radio studios, all banter based. Shall we say it? Zany. Yeah, zany. I mean, it's zany.

What do you think, Mr. Angry? Oh, Mr. Angry! I can't believe it! What about you, Mr. Off-camera-and-you-Can't-Hear-Me-Mumbler? Oh, what about you, Lady Secretary? I don't know! I don't know! I'm just a girl! So I said, ooh!

That kind of stuff. And then he'd go, oh, now's aha and take on me. Yeah. So, presenter, but... Do you think he nicked the style from someone in the States, though? and then he'd go oh now's aha and take on me yeah so presenter do you think he nicked the style from someone in the States though I think he actually sort of got influences

because I there is a big American influence at some point isn't there in British presenting probably through Howard Stern

yeah Stern was going back then wasn't he yeah but I also think there was a lot of those morning jocks that was like

you're listening to BJ and the Ram that kind of stuff and that probably sunk in because they probably had you know want the presenter

and the brother person and the news person all chipping in and going oh you're crazy I just wonder how organic and how original

righty was you know whether he took it from took elements from things. Because the thing is, all his songs that he's released are novelties, and he hides behind a character in them. Yes. Mr. Angry, I think we've played on Clicables, but not on Cheap Show. There's a whole Mr. Angry rap.

Yeah. Which I think musically is probably his best offering. There's like a sort of dub side which has it's not too bad. Alright. We'll have to maybe get that back on the show. We should let people hear that.

We had the Arnie and the Terminators on whatever that was called. I'll be back. I'll be back. And it was just a terrible Arnie impression back when Arnie impressions

were people just doing a German accent. Yeah. And didn't have any of the arrah. No. Providing you rode on stage on a bike

and wore a leather jacket and shades. You were Arnie, yeah. It was Arnie. Yeah, yeah. You know. So there was that. And then he did the...

When we cover the Chas and Dave knockoff, I'm Alright. And also... I'm Alright, yeah. And also the weird 80s, I don't know, R&B thing. There were other songs on that. That was a 12-inch, yeah. Some kind of weird... It was a copy of...

Therapy. Imagination or whatever, wasn't it? Something like that. Awful. Anyway. Very, very poor. We found another. But I think we've actually hit the motherlode of naffness here.

Yeah, we really have. A terrible, terrible cash-in. This is Steve Wright Introduces. Oh. But I have a theory. Let's go back. Sorry. Should we just play the song first?

I haven't even said what it is. Well, do it. Steve Wright introduces the legendary pub singer, I Sink Them My Way. Here's what it sounds like. And now, live and exclusively for you ladies, the one and only pop singer! All right, I'm back! I'm a dance, I'm a dance, I'm a dance Rock me, I'm a dance, I'm a dance

Rock me, I'm a dance, I'm a dance Rock me, I'm a dance, I'm a dance Rock me, I'm a And my deuce Yeah Come on, my ass Rock me and my deuce And my deuce Rock me and my deuce And my deuce Rock me and my deuce

And my deuce Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah Baby, baby, baby Do it to me Baby, baby, baby Do it to me Baby, baby, baby

Do it to me Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Rock me and my deuce And my deuce Yes, it's one of those kind of songs. A piss-poor stars on 45 thing with the gimmick is that he's the pub singer. And he can't sing. It's like famously the Paul Shane clip from was it Pebble Mill at One or whatever it was. Because he was releasing an album.

I love that. I could watch that over and over again. And he sang You've Lost That Loving Feeling. And it's beautiful because he's there selling his album but he's got like four backup singers helping him do the notes he can't do

so when he gets his solo he goes beautiful it's a beautiful thing so it's a particular British affectation he looks pissed which is the club singer style

and old that's what he looked like it's a club singer style but it's a very British affectation isn't it that whole hey-de-hoo

yeah that but then is parodied by Vic and Bob it is with their club versions which they do with in Shooting Stars

but also it's like the American would have the lounge singer which is just smoother I got you which is sort of a Frank Sinatra sort of trope.

Yeah. Whereas we've got that. It's like they're singing the notes, not the words. Yeah. So that's what that is. Now, at the same time, wasn't there another one as well? Pump Up the Bitter. Put the needle on the record.

It was like a Geordie thing. Pump Up the Bitter. Yes. I think I've got that somewhere, so I'm going to play a bit of it now. This is a journey into space. The names have been changed to protect the committee. So knock the wild hoon,

bring the drums in, let's have a party. Pump up the bitter. Shh, testing. Pump up the bitter. Hey, Jordy, have the start turned? Scratch has arrived yet

Hey watch the record player, buddy lad Pump up the bitter Pump up the bitter Pump up the bitter Power turn, give us some of your housey housey music man Start tune So yeah, for some reason, pub club singer spoof was a thing in Britain for a while. And it is. It says, I sink them my way.

It says in brackets medley-ish because it is essentially a medley of some of the biggest hits of the time. You start with Amadeus Falco. Yeah. Wake me up before you go, go, wham. Yeah. What else was on there? It goes into Like a Virgin, Madonna. Like a Virgin Madonna Like A Virgin

Madonna wait before you go you said that was there any others there's one or two more but anyway they're huge oh yeah there was

Two Tribes by Frankie Goes To Hollywood which was their follow up single to Relax yeah which was one of the

most format of any one single because it was the highest released on everything cassette, because it was the highest. Released on everything, cassette, CD, single vinyl. Yeah, there was sort of three or four versions on 12-inch. They just kept,

the greed just kept, they just kept trying to put different versions out that people would buy. And again, wasn't that a success because the BBC banned it? Because Simon Bates was like, I'm not playing this shit. What, for Two Tribes?

No, for Relax. But that had the obvious effect. Also, it was one of those things that Relax. But that had the obvious effect. But it was also, it was one of those things that Relax, by Frankie Goes to Hollywood, came out, but it was bigger than just a hit record. It was like this kind of fad.

It led to all those Frankie Says Relax t-shirts. But it was also kind of like mainstream acceptance of homosexuality, which Pet Shop Boys had done a bit of, I think, at the time. But it was quite full on the lyrics because it has

the electronic noise of someone ejaculating one of our favourite sound effects we've said about this before on Cheap Show yeah yeah

and like in the video you know men being gushed on and he goes like that so it's not subtle no so

going back to this but it was a yes so they were big is all I'm saying back to this but it was a yes so they were big is all I'm saying and then that was that was a huge record

as well Two Tribes wasn't it as well so they were he's parodying so he's doing a satire

and I'm sure it's him it's Steve Wright singing but it's almost like he is a frustrated singer himself and he has to hide behind this sort of

pretense to to satire. Make novelty. Yeah, of novelty. The spoof or something. But he actually gets a chance just to go into the studio and sort of be a singer. And go on top of the pops and perform.

Yeah. Because like, you know... There was so much of that. Like DJs, he's the ultimate example of a DJ sort of... Like Bruno Brooks is presenting and he goes,

I've got to fucking introduce Steve Wright on stage. He's going to fucking love it. He's going to rub this in my face. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my good friend Steve Wright here. Now with a little character you might remember from his breakfast show. It's the pub singer.

Then it cuts to this. Now there is a photo of the pub singer on the cover of this. Yeah. Looks like a beer mat, doesn't it, the cover? It's a beer mat design. And they've got like a very similar to the Cheap Show logo, Paul. It has coffee stains glass stains on there

but that's not that's not Righty no but I think Righty is singing I think so on the A side you've got

I Sink Them My Way which is just a medley of the big 80s hits and B side Rock on the Rocks which is a medley

of rock and roll hits which is intolerably awful. Do you know what I mean? What's the joke? The joke is he's a terrible singer. Well, that's the problem with it. When you first hear the first 30 seconds, you go, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Then you go, oh, there's three more minutes of this. That's the worst kind of novelty records are like that, aren't they? Always. You have it who, and it's funny, it's funny. Yeah. It's getting funny. Woo, but who knew? Always. You have it who, and it's funny, it's funny. Yeah. It's getting funny, woo, but who knew? If you'd have been. Yeah, it's like, now please.

If you'd have been. Goodness gracious, great bonafide. Right, move on to the next joke. Kiss me, baby. Yeah. There's no jokes. No. There's not enough jokes on it.

It's not a joke song. It's a novelty. Yeah, it's a terrible novelty. Anyway, what would you rate it out of five? I'm going to say one. I'll say one as well. It's horrible, and anyway what would you rate it out of five I'm going to say one I'll say one as well it's horrible and I'm glad I found it

it's a horrible medley yeah it's horrible but I'm glad I found it yeah you can add that to your collection mate actually you know what there's a guy standing next to yeah that's the right

righty yeah but he's introducing him it's the same guy as the pub singer yeah but that's what I'm saying he's just the front so if you think the pub singer is just a cypher? Just a front, yeah.

Just a no one, like Milli Vanilli or something. Yeah, it's like Deep Throat. Okay. So one each for the pub singer. I really genuinely hope I never come across this again. Well, all right, good. Next track is a really interesting one that I think might be the most obscure thing we've ever done

and might be the obscure song anyone will ever do. I think this is the most obscure record I've ever seen in my life. So, this is a record by Keith Armstrong. Who is that? Exactly, this is part of the mystery. A-side and Amazing Grace. Yeah. B-side Space Boogie.

So far, you think, this is interesting. It could be good, yeah. Who's this artist? It could be good. And it's on a, it's a picture sleeve. Yeah. Black and white.

On the front, can you describe what that picture is on the front cover? I mean, it's a self-made record sleeve, as you say, and it's apparently an old lady and an old man, and the old man's eating pizza badly.

It's not pizza. I don't know what he's eating. It's like he's got a TV dinner. They've both got TV dinner trays. Anyway, that's it. They're both in their Sunday best. I thought there know what he's eating. It's like he's got a TV dinner. They've both got TV dinner trays. Anyway, that's it. They're both in their Sunday best. It looks like there's some grim stuff in there. And he looks horrified to be eating whatever he's eating.

But also, almost like he's maniacally hysterical as well. Ah, I'm eating pizza. It's not pizza. I don't know what it is. It's like a big cheesy cauliflower. Oh. What is he eating? Pizza. This looks like a little cloud. Is he eating a cloud? Maybe that's like a big cheesy cauliflower. Oh. What is he eating? Pizza. This looks like a little cloud.

Maybe that's why he's horrified. Maybe he's a giant and he's eating a cloud. And she's like, yeah. She's looking like, yeah. Yeah. She's like, yeah. Anyway, it's a weird record. So what's this picture on the back? It's not some kind of Saul Bassian

abstract piece of this. Oh, what is that? Is that the back? It's not. It's some kind of Saul Bassian abstract piece of art. Oh, what is that? Is that a photo? Saul Bassian, did you say? Saul Bassian, yeah. Who's Saul Bassian? He's the guy who famously did the title sequence for Psycho. And he has that he designed movie posters and things like that

but also did title sequences for certain And it's sort of a cut out and he did Vertigo as well. I couldn't tell you. I'm not all that versed. But anyway, that looks like a picture of his face, but it's like it's obscured by a scarf and a hat. But here's the thing.

So, so far you think, oh, okay. It's a record. But when you open it up, as you did, you found other pieces of evidence with it. There's bits of paper. There's two items inside. Shouldn't have turned the big light out, you know, at the beginning of the show. Whatever. other pieces of evidence with it. There's bits of paper. There's two items inside. Shouldn't have turned the big light out at the beginning of the show.

Whatever. Can you read in that light? I can read. Right now, you look absolutely fucking haunting with that light on you. You're like the demon stony tailor. So, this is a record. There is a fact sheet that comes with it,

like a release fact sheet, but it's typed up just on a typewriter. It's not a manufactured item, if you see what I mean. It's all homemade stuff, it looks like, you know. And it says, fact sheet, an Amazing Grace stroke space boogie. Label, old new wave records. So he's built that himself. He must have.

Old new, as in I knew her. Yeah. Wave records. Yeah. Funny. so he's built that himself he must have old new as in I knew her yeah wave record yeah funny label address Victory Cafe 54 Eversholt Street

London NW1 now does yours say what it says on here where on the back it has that address and then it says where good egg and chips is to be had

no that's what it says on here I don't know if that place still exists the Victory Cafe in Evershot Street, London. Yeah, it'd be crazy to know. When NW1 would be...

It's much more central. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Evershot Street. We'll look it up. We'll look it up next time. There's a little bit of a mystery

about this platter. Yeah. Artist Keith Armstrong, release date 18th of the 8th, 1978. Oh. Please do not review before that date, he says. Well, good, because no one did, apparently.

No one has ever, I mean, what? Type of record, 7-inch. Yeah, I can see that. Yeah. Dist, as in distribution, it says one stops. What do you think that means? One stops. Distribution, one stops.

Was there a record company or record chain called One Stops? Something like that. Like R Price or that kind of thing? Contact phone number 01. I just find that interesting because it... 01, 811, 8101. The London code used to be 01, and then they had to change it to 0171.

Oh, yeah. And 0181 to differentiate between in and out of London now you've got 0208 and 0207 and you have fact fact time fact

you have 0203 as well Eli let me just bend over while you fact me 0203 it's the new London number oh I've been fact 0203 oh

fact me again 0203 0203 0203 0203 0203! 0203! 0203! 0203! 0203! Stop it! Okay.

So. Yeah. And then age of artist it has, which is good as well. Yeah. He's 28. Oh, bless him. He was 28 at the time. So if he still walks the earth, he'd be how many years ago?

What year was that? 78. 78, 88, 98, 2008, 18. So 40 years. So it'd be 68. Crikey. Wow, that's crazy. And Amazing Grace was recorded on a Philips cheap cassette.

Yeah, it sounds like it. At Pathway Studios. Wow. The engineer who did the mixing as well, Baza. Fair enough. Can't go wrong with Baza. Get Baza in. Yeah. Space Boogie was... You know Baza. Fair enough. Can't go wrong with Baza. Get Baza in. Yeah.

Space Boogie was... You know Baza was a massive stoner, right? Baza must have been. And he had a little recording studio in his shed. Yeah. And he was like, piss holes in the snow eyes and a smoke hanging out of his mouth.

Just imagine Baza going in. I'll mix it for you. Space Boogie was recorded at Pathway Studios as well. Okay. But the engineer was not Baza. Oh, that's where you went wrong. It was Mike Finsilver.

That's why it sounds like shit. Oh, no what the mixing engineer yeah guess go on baza oh good old baza so he did the engineering and the mixing on the first tune but he got this guy mike finsilver because the uh that the b-side space boogie does have more sort of effects on it and also but it sounds like cheaper and rougher. It doesn't sound as, quote-unquote, as produced as the side A. Don't you think? No, I think it sounds poorer. Okay.

I've sort of heard it as a... Maybe it's the actual pressing that's bad. Maybe. But I think the A-side sounds better. Instrument played. An amazing grace. Harmonica, wow, wow, tremolo, echo and reverb. Right. Space boogie. Harmonica, Wow Wow, Tremolo, Echo and Reverb. Right. Space Boogie, Harmonica.

Yeah. EMS, Synfy, High Fly, Wow Wow. So everyone's probably... Is that all? No, there's... Oh, go on. Cut at the Master Room by Porky. Good on...

Oh, Porky! Baz is here! Hey, I'm Porky. Porky's over here. Porky, do you have my heroin? Of course I've got your heroin. Good, I'm Bazza. Come's over here Porky do you have my heroin of course I've got your heroin good I'm Baza come and get it Baza

can you wipe it wipe it on me oh I absorb it that way yeah don't do this at home don't this podcast don't do this

don't ever make a podcast don't do it yeah cut the master room by Porky if you want further info please ring. And he gives a phone number. Thank you for playing this record.

Exclamation mark, end. Now here's the thing. At this point, it's only fair we play the record. Play a bit. So here's what A sounds like. Amazing Grace. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 How's that going to get on the radio? It's not. It's a very experimental piece of artwork.

But it's just one instrument. Yeah. And let's just go and tell them what the second sounds like, shall we? Okay, go on. A bit of Space Boogie. I prefer Space Boogie, I have to say. Here's Space Boogie in all its glory. © BF-WATCH TV 2021 The End More of the same. Wow!

No, but it gets quite more reverb-y there. Yeah. But I don't know. Now, there's three documents that fell out of the sleeve of this record. That was the first one, which is the fact sheet. Yeah. And there's another two. Shall we?

Oh, yeah, let's go through them. Here's a yellow one. Again, we're piecing this together. We need to find out if that place still exists or if the cafe's still there. Maybe that's our next adventure. This guy was a proper old-school squatting hippie. This is the picture I get. I get that.

And it's just a lovely little... And he spent his dole money trying to get this made. It's a lovely little window on when that kind of shit was going on in London. I'm going to press a record. It's like the end of punk and all of this, you know, they're all, know they're all like squatting and like you know they were able to be on the dole not have jobs scratch your living it's a different world you know i mean none of this could be possible at all these days it's different though now it's just like you just load up to the internet and

you go look where it is and you yeah so this whole way this whole way of sort of do it yourself was the punk ethos this is much more scrapbooky isn, isn't it? Yes. Much more kind of... It's got more of a feel. But he must have been a punk or influenced by punk. Do you know what I mean? To do all of this. It's experimental. It's do-it-yourself.

Do-it-yourself. That was the whole ethos. But this is a... It survived. So what's that then? A yellow piece of paper. This is your yellow slip. Also printed on the same typewriter, obviously.

But he had some weird typewriter thing. It says, 5% of all profits from this record will go to CLAP. Okay. Community Levy for Alternative Projects.

Right. So this is, yeah. It's going to a place where hippies can make plays about beetroot. You know what I mean? Old New Wave News. Right.

Okay, so this is like a little news insert. This is the first and probably the last record on Old New Wave Records. It probably is, isn't it? So what was the point of it then? An Amazing Grace forward slash space boogie

by Keith Armstrong. The cover photo was taken by Newsline. The artwork was by Redesign and Old New Wave Productions. Brackets who? Question mark. Yeah, means they don't know.

We hope to turn this into a musical co-op. If you like this record and want to see or hear more, do write with a large stamped addressed envelope or IRC to Old New Wave Records, care of the Victory Cafe, 54 Oval Street. So they were operating at the back of a cafe at this point. They were like, give us a bacon sandwich where's Baza

he's round the back mixing fucking harmonica music there will be some exciting events happening can I have fish and chips and an egg butty please

and you wouldn't get fish and chips we don't do fish and chips I'm just fucking whatever no we don't do them

Baza told me to tell you stop ordering fish and chips I got me a last time we don't do them we chips. I'm just fucking whatever. No, we don't do them. Bazza told me to tell you. Stop ordering fish and chips. I got me a last time. We don't do them. We're a calf. We do bacon sandwiches. I got fish fingers. Oh, you have the fingers of a fish.

No, you say you gave me fish fingers. Fish fingers and chips. I'll do you fish fingers. That's what I fucking asked for. You said fish and chips. We don't do fish and chips. My point is... Wrong kind of calf.

My point is... You want to go to the fish the chippy over there this is a calf i know but i want fish fingers i'll do your fish fingers right where's your harmonica player he's out back fucking out baza right good and porky porky's there they're all there all there right making records that no one's going to listen to in the margin on this yellow slip it says this is a mailing address only, but you good egg on toast there. Misspelt there. He's really selling the egg on toast, I've noticed.

Does he say egg on toast on the record, or does he say bacon? No, it just says egg. He's probably veggie. Probably veggie. Bloody hippie. He just says egg on toast. Yeah. Some details about this record.

It's shit, it's long, and you'll never listen to it again an amazing grace recorded on cheap cassette space boogied boogie yeah recorded at pathway by mike minsilver

both mixed by keith armstrong and baza yeah yeah yeah cut by george peckham here's mr peckham to you right

at the mastering something and thanks for kim for the coffee oh good old Kim fucking hell even the sexism even these people

who were like I'll put a recommendation of your fucking coffee in my record yeah give me do you know what I mean thank you for putting me

on the record do you know what I mean yeah it's so condescending evening she made it and thanks to Kim great arse made the coffee

do you know what I mean it's weird how it's a totally different world we live in these days. And in many ways, a better one. Or is it? Or is it? Or is it? Well, there we go.

So, Kim for the coffee. Christ. You've gone down in my estimation, Keith, I have to say, with that one little thing. Do you know what I mean? It's changed the whole complexion. Maybe Kim works at the CAF. Maybe. And she does the good old egg on toast as well. There you go. Maybe that's

that mystery solved. Thank you to everyone who has helped get this record together. Capitals. It's important that there is mutual communication between musicians and people who like music. Good. So what else is left? There's a letter. Then we've got the last document that was in this. Yeah. It's the

covering letter. Go for it. now you have to be him now oh all right yeah dear melody maker people so this has been sent to melody maker then yeah or was originally sent enclosed a copy of my first record to replace the one which was lost in the post how fucking lame is that? Sorry about that. You know, I put my tea down and I was like, oh, where's my egg and toast?

And then fucking it got lost in the post. I think they're trying to ban my shit from getting out there. You know? Yeah, man. It's too vital. It's too strong. It's too reverb-y harmonica.

The man probably took it. Listen, mate, come down the cab have some lovely eggs on toast with me talk to me over some eggs on toast Kim will come out she'll nosh you off give her a five right good

I'll let this record speak for itself if you've got the space please give it a review thank you best wishes Keith Go on. I'll let this record speak for itself. If you've got the space, please give it a review. Thank you. Best wishes, Keith. And this is the actual... Signature. ...of the man himself.

What is his name again? Keith what? Keith Armstrong. I wonder if we can find Keith Armstrong in a later episode, or we can do some research. If he's still around, it'd be great. Because you know what? Breaking Cheap Show news.

Breaking Cheap Show news. Since we've recorded this episode, more information has been found about... Keith Armstrong. Sorry? Keith Armstrong. Keith Armstrong, yes. So, long story short, is that I went down a bit of a rabbit hole

because on that vinyl, there's that address for Victory Cafe, Eversholt Road, London, right? And we were wondering where it was. Yes, but also, can I just point out that on the actual copy that i have that he's misprinted the address of eversholt of a victory calf it's written 34 and he's crossed it out and in biro written five next to it which is professional i don't think there

were many printed of that so he could probably afford the biro ink so i did a bit of research right because i wanted to know more so So I went to Discogs, found out about them. Through Discogs, I think I found a website and that website had like

his name on YouTube. So I did a YouTube link for Keith Armstrong and Amazing Grace. What came up was not that track but the bio

of the YouTube account for a guy called, and it's the same one here it's called Ruhuman right oh no are you human that's it yeah you're right hang on and there's info about him so this is what it says on his SoundCloud account and finding it on on YouTube his YouTube videos and under there it had Twitter account it had fake my, it had all that stuff. So, bio. My musical

influences are fairly eclectic and I enjoy music from around the world and in a different time period. Now, I knew this was the same Keith Armstrong because Amazing Grace ends up on this as well, on SoundCloud. Yeah. I am a mainly self-taught musician and sound creator after being as asked to leave

my high school class music lessons which consisted of our percussive accompaniment of military band tune marching this is not me having difficulty reading it this is the difficulty of a sentence structure um i have learned a lot from the musicians i have met and i've been lucky enough to play with musicians from all over the world in many different styles my My music is mainly improvised at first. No shit. At first? Yeah, at first. And then it's improvised in the middle

and then at the end I improvise some more. With one instrument. Yeah. A harmonica. Yeah, a harmonica. Most of my public performances have not been recorded at all. Those that were, were mainly recorded on audio cassettes. I consider that cassette recordings have both their advantages and different disadvantages, brackets which are many, full stop.

Fair enough. One of the disadvantages for us, for him recording on cassette, Paul, is the fact that they degenerate. Oh, yeah, they do. So we wouldn't be able to enjoy Keith's music. It's very unlikely they would survive, especially, what, early 70s? Oh, no.

Late 80s. Pure English beef. Pure, just, it's just a tone. Just this fuzzy tone ends up. And right in the background, like under a million layers of concrete and eiderdown, there's a slight bit of the tune. Wah.

Yeah. Wah. Anyway, it goes on. The main advantages for musicians when they were available is that they were not intrusive. I don't know what that means. In the same way that with some cameras,

such as the twin lens reflect, where the photographer does not have a direct eye contact with the subject, who can then relax in order to make a better image. Do you understand that? What's the start of that sentence? The main advantages for musicians when they were available is that they were not intrusive.

Cassette recorders. Cassette recorders, he's talking about. Oh, he's talking about that. Cassette four-tracks. Tasham. Tascam or something like that. The main advantage... Oh, yeah.

Oh. Four-track cassette. Compact cassette. Yeah. Okay. All right. Okay. Right.

Okay. My one claim to fame, and this is where it gets interesting. My one claim to musical fame is that John Peel, the legendary radio DJ, played both sides of my one and only vinyl single, An Amazing Grace slash Space Boogie, on his BBC One radio show. I also had a cup of tea with him in his London flat. R.I.P. John Peel. Slightly more than 10 hours of free music here,

so just let your ears and move your body to get there all artwork created by Keith Armstrong so he seems to be a guy who loves his music and makes it

for his own real enjoyment yes but also he does the artwork so like I was saying it's very much a sort of DIY aesthetic and approach but when you go

to his website when you go to his YouTube page which is on there called Your Camden so if you want to go on YouTube user forward slash Your Camden. So if you want to go on YouTube, user forward slash

Your Camden, Y-O-R-U-R. It's stuff about Camden, is it? Is it stuff about Camden? No, it's stuff about like London Transport. There's like tons of

pictures of like coaches and people getting on coaches at Victoria Station and old 70s shots of London and things like that. Well, he liked the Victory Cafe, which we've discovered

is right next to Euston station. Yeah, I believe it's closed. I went to have a look at it. But it's still got the signs there. There's still the sign there. Oh yeah, I've taken a picture I'll put up on the website. Again, what I'll do is I'll put a link to all his stuff on there, and you can explore it. Did you listen to any of the other stuff? Yeah,

Bits and Bobs. Is it all harmonica music? Is it all? Okay. I'll wind up to the speaker now, so let me just try and have a look at it. I'll pick a song at random. There's one called Sound Allies, which is raw and pure, dub but not overdub. Do you want to give that one

a go? Or there's one called Jimmy Scott. I want to get the dub but not overdub one. Alright, okay. Here we are, I'm playing it now. Do you know what this sounds like? This sounds like I'm at a dub reggae event, but I'm in the toilet. Do you know what I mean? He sings a bunch of songs with Frankie Armstrong.

He does Ellen Cobb and Keith Armstrong, We The People. Let's give that one a go. Let's do it. There's the harmonica again. There's the harmonica again. There's the harmonica. There's the harmonica. He also does techno to blues. Techno, techno, techno, techno. Do you know what this reminds me of? Cotton Eye Joe. Cotton Eye Joe.

Bet I'd been forgotten now, Joe. I'd been married a long time ago. Where did you come from? Where did you go? Where did you come from? Cotton Eye Joe. Right, been married a long time ago. Where did you come from? Where did you go? Where did you come from? Cut now, Joe. Right, so, I'll stop this. The basic gist is he likes his music and he's been getting around.

And the more I discovered... Can I just say, you said it wasn't all harmonica, but two of those tracks had his harmonica on it. Right, well, maybe that's his thing. He's a harmonica player. He can be that. So, let's skip to the end on this. So, I had a look around.

He's got these interesting websites. He's got photographs and videos and slideshows on YouTube. But then I noticed everything, his Twitter account, everything stopped in 2016. And I thought, oh, no. Because I was kind of at that point going, should I reach out to him and see if he wanted to be on Cheap Show and talk about how this single got made?

Anyway, went to one of the YouTube videos. There's a mix on there. We did an interview with a BBC guy with some music he's made over the top of it, but the mix is so bad you can't hear the voice because the music's so loud. Someone underneath that video put a comment saying, who did this shit video? The music mix is too loud and I can't hear it.

Someone then posts below, well, he wasn't very good at sound mixing. I knew him well, but he can't fix it now. He died in 2016. So Keith Anderson died in 2016. His short name, though, Paul, his name is Keith Armstrong. Yes, Keith Armstrong.

I've had a problem with names. I don't know. Weird. So that's update, update on Keith Armstrong. But if anyone knows or knew him, reach out. I'd like to know more about him. And let's start a

start a campaign to get the victory cafe open again and get egg and chips good egg and chips there that's the important thing good egg and chips just do a pop

up call it egg and chips you know yeah fine there you go beep beep beep beep beep beep we now return you to your regular cheap show programming

this kind of follows on to our next and final single in this section. It does? Yeah, because we went down a kind of rabbit hole there as well that we didn't really expect. You can see photos of Amazing Grace and Space Boogie on our website. And if you know anything about this record at all, get in touch. I would be very surprised. You never know.

The Cheap Show at gmail.com I mean how many do you think he got pressed up probably only a handful like 50 odd maybe yeah maybe max

it says not quite mono the other thing is like he's constantly sort of making excuses for it a bit on it it's like when you think about it

Neil from the young ones hey everyone sorry song about Lent was gonna be really heavy, but you know, thanks for letting me express myself. You know, that was part of that scene at the time. It's like you couldn't have had a character like Neil

in The Young Ones if that character wasn't still hanging around, culturally, you know, at the time. It says glorious mono on one side and then says not quite mono on the other. Oh, not quite, yeah, whatever man. So, out of five, I'm going to give it one for the actual music, five for the curiosity of it all. I don't think the music's as bad as you think.

It's just warbling for five minutes. It's nothing to it. It's very abstract. It's very minimal. I know I get that, but I couldn't listen to that again. Not great, no. But I was thinking you could use it as a bed if you were doing a radio show.

You could talk over it and it has a sort of sound effect. Yeah, all right. I'll give you that. Do you know what I mean? For a mood piece, I'll give you that. Except the mood it puts me in is fear. It's just weird.

It's weird, lonely harmonica and this guy's like... Yeah. It's not like he was trying to make it. It seems like he really sort of was trying to make it it seems like he really sort of was trying to support the community or

you know well yeah but that thing charity could have been a made up thing for him and his mates just put money in a jar so they can put on

some fucking play that yeah it sounds a bit dodgy actually Denise the Mary has put together oh I've got the clap Kim's given me the

clap that's it call it community come on help me no it's more fun it. Call it community. Come on, help me. No, it's more fun to watch you struggle. Community. LARP.

Oh, yeah. Community. Community levy. Levy. Yeah, that's L. Like a little tax. For alternative projects. That's what we're doing here.

Levy is a hippie way of saying tax. Yes. That's what it is. So anyway, interesting. So we go on to our third and final curio on the platter today. A third of the

splatters. This one's my favourite of the bunch. I love this. It's an amusing record. I fucking love it.

It's called Winky. Winky. Winky. Winky. It's called Winky. And the thing is, you think it can't

be as good as the title. It's a picture sleeve. Now, I have to say, I bought... Let me finish. I'm just saying, you look at the title Winky. It's called Winky. And the thing is, you think it can't be as good as the title. But the title is really funny. Now, I have to say, I thought... Wait, let me finish. I'm just saying, you look at the title Winky and you think that's funny. The song can't be as good. Can't live up to the title.

It kind of does, you're right. It fucking does, mate. It kind of does. Shall we have a little listen to Winky before we go into... I am honoured, absolutely honoured to introduce you to the track called Winky Venez d'ailleurs, décolle de ton humeur Si tes yeux pleurent, le musique rachève ton cœur C'est le Winky, le Winky, Winky Et toi au vert, il faut que ça bouge Musique, feeling, ne reste pas au rouge Le nouveau déclic d'un futur électronique C'est le Winky, le Winky

Passionné, bi, énergique Amour sympa, tu rêves d'un sourire Couleur grand-adile, un sourire de Marilyn C'est le Winky, c'est le Winky, c'est le Winky Paris, Tokyo, New York, l'emmêche universelle Contact, contact, tu n'auras plus le trac avec Winky Winky Winky, c'est simple, rouge, tu n'es pas bien Mais toi, au vert, tu verras, tout devient clair avec Winky Avec le Winky Winky c'est simple rouge tu n'es pas bien Mais toi au vert tu verras tout devient clair avec Winky Avec le Winky

Mais toi au vert il faut que ça bouge Musique feeling ne reste pas rouge Le nouveau débit d'un futur électronique C'est le Winky, le Winky Passionné et puis énergique Amour sympa tu rêves d'un sourire Couleur grand indigne le sourire de Marylise C'est le Winky, c'est le Winky, c'est le Winky Passion and energy Nice love You want a smile Colour of a girl The smile of Marilyn

It's a wink It's a wink It's a wink With a wink I say wink A wink Or a wink A wink

A wink A wink A wink No, it's that call and response That's what makes it so amusing A wink A wink A wink

A wink I love it It's like they're asking each other You're like Winky You'll be singing it in the schoolyard tomorrow Winky As you listen to Tantamon

As you listen to Montauban As you listen to Alacour Winky It's the best fucking thing ever And I love it I know nothing about it It's on best fucking thing ever. And I love it. Right. I know nothing about it. It's on the Callista label.

Again, which we looked into and nothing much on it. And also, it's a fucking weird record in that it doesn't... The artist is winky as well. Yeah, everything's winky. It has the vibe in terms of the title of a novelty record. Yeah. But it's more of a pop tune, isn't it, really? I thought while listening to it that it reminded me of, like,

the theme tune to a kids' TV show or a movie. Like, it's got this kind of winkies-a-thing. And it has quite a sort of... Well, it's not a cheap-looking piece of artwork on the cover, is it? No, it's like a microchip design. It's a sort of microchip design with two eyes, one green, one red. But what I want to know, Paul, is why is one of those eyes not winking?

It's a very good point. But we don't know what the word winky means. If that's winky, I want to see him winking. But here's what I'm thinking. Maybe his name is Winky. The computer's called Winky. It'd still be Winky.

It would reinforce his name in my mind. Maybe when they designed it, they did it with a wink and it didn't look as good as a cover. So they went, we'll have a give him two eyes. What is this? What is this wink?

I do not want this wink. A winky? A winky? What is this winky on my cover? A winky? A winky? A winky? A winky?

It's great. So I don't know what it is But it's like this high energy Disco It has elements of Electro Electro Pop

Very much electro But then also some sort of cheesy pop Sort of chorus bits So And some quite good Sort of that electro Digga dooga dooga You know when it's

That sort of I love the sound of it Keyboard Figure Yeah So I don't know if it was meant to be a kid's thing where winky's a character or you know like because the thing is it's french we don't speak french

if anyone listening is french and can tell us what the lyrics are about i genuinely don't ruin my dreams yeah but i want my dreams ruined so email me thecheapshow at gmail.com or get in touch on twitter you'll find us at the cheap show pod we would like to know but here's where it got interesting because we were like oh who's the guy who wrote that who what where did it come we looked it up because we couldn't find it on youtube so we didn't and there's no mention on uh wikipedia so our first port of call for a quick internet search had just uh come up pretty dry it. We went to Discogs in the end and Discogs had the artist and the people involved

in making it. Claude, what does it say? Claude something to something? Tognetti. Claude Tognetti. Okay, so I clicked on him to see what... There's another guy but he's the guy we found something about. It was like I went online to try and find what else he'd done by clicking on his name and see if any other tracks came up. No.

Absolutely nothing. So I copy pasted his name, copy pasted Winky, typed it into Google, see done by clicking on its name and see if any other tracks came up no absolutely nothing so i copy pasted his name copy pasted winky typed it into google one thing came up it was a youtube video it was a youtube video and we went to it and we pressed play and it was just this random song with oh it sounds like this this Je ne suis fou, Waouh, Ostrogo, Je suis attendu, Dernier pape chrétien, Benoît XVI, Dégage, Tu ne sauras stopper montées de violence

Tes nouilles, tes touilles et ta citurne Pipi, elles te servent qu'à cela Dégage, tu sens le gaz Tu vas tout faire péter And as you were watching it, you turned to me and you said, we're the first people to watch this. Yes. Which is a very strange feeling, like a Google whack. Yeah, it was. It's like the YouTube equivalent of a Google whack. Once we finished, number of views, one.

We were the first one. And it had been posted six years ago or something. No, it was like 2012, I think it was posted, 2013? Yes, six years ago. Oh, okay, yeah. Oh, God. Oh, time passing fast. Getting old.

So he put it up with maybe one other video which is just a small little nothing video and it was this weird rap it was a kind of like a rap mumbled rap

yeah they've heard it now so that's what it's like and the video has a picture of a cat smoking a joint interspersed with other sort of weird

religious imagery it was like a brick wall pictures of a wall yeah pictures of a wall now I put that link up on Twitter it's quite a rock interesting looking wall like rocks one of those ones Sort of weird religious imagery. It was like a brick wall. Pictures of a wall. Yeah. Pictures of a wall. Now, I put that link up on Twitter. It was quite a rock, interesting looking wall.

Like rocks. One of those ones which is just rocks. Lots of plaster between it. Plaster in the rocks. So, I put it up on Twitter and said, does anyone know what's going on? And I think it was Alicia who got on Twitch today. She doesn't know a lot of French, but it was some kind of toilet humour based rap. Okay. Well, I'm glad it wasn't race hate.

Well, we don't know. Or something like that. Because in the, what, week and a half since we watched it, it's now had 37 views. Wow. So, we have about, for this podcast. He should fucking pay us. For this podcast. Let's be Claude Tognetti's social media manager.

For this one, Claude, we've got you up to 37. Well, that was the only thing But this is the thing I put a comment on that video Because I wanted to reach out to them Tell me You are the real Claude Montagnetti I said

Can you say Were you the guy who wrote Winky Yeah Right And then I copy and pasted that Into a translator And then made it into French Yes

Copied that in I was there for this As of yet We've had one like From an unknown source And no reply But it has had 37 watches. Now, we get about 8,000 or 9,000, 10,000 people listen to this podcast, right?

Per episode. God bless you. God bless you. But if we can get people to suddenly start watching it, I hope it wakes up his like. He's getting an email suddenly from YouTube saying, you've had 17,000 likes or you know what I mean? Two things.

He might be dead. True. And the other thing, he might be. He might be dead. True. And the other thing, he might be a psychopath. Yes. True. He might be in jail.

But think of the movie rights we will get when we sell the story of how an innocent podcast Oh, third thing, third thing, Paul. Third little problem. Little prong in your spoke.

Yeah. He might not be the same Claude Tognetti who did Winky. It's true, but when you consider they both did musical stuff online. I know, but his thing, that thing

that we watched was not as good as Winky. He wasn't. It wasn't halfway as good as Winky. You couldn't shake it a Winky at that. You couldn't Winky. Winky. Winky. Winky. The other thing I noticed looking at the cover, it says Winky trademark. So this is what I don't understand. It's bizarre. That's what the cover, it says Winky Trademark.

So this is what I don't understand. It's bizarre. That's what makes you think it might be like a kid's thing. It could be a toy. I couldn't find anything online that said Winky T. It's an aborted sort of franchise. Do you know what I mean? They just... It's like, we're making this show.

The single made it out, but that was it. We've made a pilot. 85. So we've got two real mysteries on today's platter. Keith Armstrong's An Amazing Grace. And then Claude Tonietti's Winky. I'd like to see more of his winky.

I'd like to see where his winky goes. I'd like to see where his winky's been. I would love to know the origin of his winky. And who his winky thought it was. How deep it goes. I want to know all these things about his big fat dick. And that is, what should we give that? I'm going to give that five out of five.

I like it. Four. I'll give it four. That's our recommendation of Silverman's Platters this week. Good ball. Thank you very much. Ladies and gentlemen, oh, we're just around the corner now from Eli's Country Urban Noodle Test Lab kitchen.

And let's just see if he's in. Hello? Mr. Silverman? Oh, come in. I've been expecting you. Is it time for more noodles? It's noodle time. I think we're okay to go in, ladies and gentlemen. Let's go in. Ah, hello, Mr. Silverman.

Hello there. I've been very busy here in the kitchen. What have we got lined up in. Ah, hello, Mr. Silverman. Hello there. Been very busy here in the kitchen. What have we got lined up in the noodle kitchen today, Mr. Silverman? Well, we've got a real treat for the noodle connoisseur today, Paul. Look at this. This is one that we were given at the live show. We said we'd taste it. I think it's our duty to

taste it. I think it's going to be shit. It's the Pokemon Noodle. Oh, the Pokemon noodle. It's very exciting. It's a Pokemon noodle style. And it says soy sauce flavour. Wow. Well, you know these kids... That's why I'm saying salt flavour, isn't it? A bit. Yeah, it is. But flavour of

food, you know? Alright, well maybe it's... Fuck this noodle! But you would if you could as well. I'd fucking fuck that. I'd fuck a classy noodle. Like what? Like a slimy one. What's a slimy noodle that you would slather all over your gaping arsehole? No, no, no. Listen.

Cut. I'm not doing gapes, right? All right, slather it all over your... You fucking moved the goalpost. We started with what noodle would I fuck, and then I'm slavering it over my gaping arsehole? Yeah. Excuse me.

This is my city urban noodle test lab. Kitchen. Fuck off. Right, well, anyway. And that's so, we're going to have to do that. In all honesty, I don't hold out high hopes. Okay, but I'm saying, because it's a child noodle, maybe it's just an entry-level noodle, just for the kids to get them interested in the cut noodle. It's a child's noodle, maybe it's just an entry-level noodle,

just for the kids to get them interested in the cup noodle. It's a quite small noodle, isn't it? Which would suggest it's for a kid as well. It's got Pokemon on, and kids love the Pokemon. It's a half-size noodle. Yeah, like your... Like my noodle. It's a half-size noodle.

Is that what you're trying to say, Paul? You come in here, and you know what I mean? It's actually something I'm into, and you're just like, he's got a little willy. Yeah. Well, here we are in the noodle kitchen. Tea frog. Tea frog.

All right, tea frog. My tea frog. Can we show them my tea frog? Yeah, I'll take a picture of the tea frog. What is tea frog? It's like a tea diffuser that has a frog on it, like a plastic frog, and it makes it float. It floats in your tea. Like on a lily pad. Yes. It's a frog on it, like a plastic frog, and it makes it float. It floats in your tea.

Like on a lily pad. Yes. It's a frog on a lily pad. He's smirking. What does he know? Do you know what he knows? He's shat in your tea. He's diffused his froggy badness all over your tea.

It's all spawned in my tea. Right. It's chunky spawn. Let's see. What else have we got? right it's chunky it's chunky spawn let's see what what what else have we got now this is one that was supposed to

have been brought to us at the live show by Mark Allen who's our noodle contact yeah and it's in a brand

that we've done a lot of covered once a dragon made us eat one of these no yes he did

you can deny it but it happened paul and i it's not canon right um and this is samyang chicken flavor hot chicken flavor ramen but this is the cheese one interesting it's the cheese one we did uh try a cheese flavored um ramen noodle on the show before and i ate one just for myself the other day. And? It was pretty good, actually. Quite nice. Because it has a sort of... It adds... Cheese adds to an umami-like,

that dairy sort of mouthfeel. You know what I mean? But doesn't overwhelm with cheesiness. No. Now, and I'm going to have a review. I'm going to read out a bit later in this segment. I'll read out Mark Allen's review of this. Okay.

Yeah? Okay. That's fine. Get our opinion out first and then see what the connoisseur states. Cheese flavour one. segment paul i'll read out mark allen's review of this after we okay yeah okay that's fine get our opinion out first and then see what the connoisseur states flavor one i don't know if it says cheese on it anywhere does it hot chi hot chicken flavor just says but it has got a picture of cheese on it in the top corner but it's like is it suggesting cream cheese is it there's a big spuffy lump next to the actual cheese there's a sw Swiss cheese, like a cartoon Swiss cheese. Then there's a sort of twirl of white...

Soft-serve ice cream-ish mould. Yeah. Carbo, it says on it as well. I don't know. It is carbs. Fatty. It's halal as well. So they sell it in, I'd say,

in Arab countries as well. And Lionel Richie songs. Halal. Is it me you're looking for? Always reaching up, but he? Oh, he's reaching up, but he can't because he's a small man.

Now, I've got some noodles. Now, you pick the third one we're going to do today, Paul. Oh, there's been a topple of

noodle. Look at that. Look at that little winking fella on that one. Well, we're not doing that one.

Another time. We'll deal with the winking man another time. Say what you see here, Paul. This is our third one. Ah, now we saw this, didn't we? And we were like, huh? one. Another time. We'll deal with the winking man another time. Say what you see here, Paul. This is our third one.

Ah, now we saw this, didn't we? And we were like, huh? Yes. It is cool spaghetti. Yes. And this seems to be like a spaghetti bolognese copy of... A noodle. A noodle version of that.

An instant ramen version. It's like making a pasta meal, but in the way you'd make a noodle meal. And the serving suggestion, this is like Italian-style spaghetti bolognese, isn't it? Or more of a Napoletana. It just doesn't look like it's got meat in that sauce. But anyway, there's a basil leaf. There's little flecks of Parmigiano. And I'm wondering if this has got an actual sort of fake Parmesan pack,

along with the tomato sauce one. It'd certainly be interesting, isn't it? This is going to take the most work. So let's, shall we start on this one? Let's start on the

cool spaghetti. Now let's, there's helpful photos on the back. What does it say? God, that writing's small. But it's all pictures anyway.

So that is tiny fucking writing. It's just ridiculous. And we're old. You put one of the packs in with it whilst it's boiling yeah then you drain the water there you can see the draining yeah and then you put the red pack in at the end which is obviously the tomato sauce so no so simple really let's have a look at these uh these sachets in here

get it out let's see because it is a normal sort of um pad of noodles but is it but it's not going to be spaghetti-shaped, I don't think. Normal noodle shape. It's round. Put that there. Okay, so yes, we've got some dehydrated vegetables that need to go in whilst it's boiling

to rehydrate. You've got a green pack, which we imagine is the kind of bolognese-type topping. And then a Which we imagine is the kind of bolognese-y type topping. And then a red one, which is also the bolognese. It's a three-packer. We don't often get three-packers. Let's get that on the go, shall we?

Yeah. A pretty boiled kettle here in the test lab. The country noodle, country urban noodle test lab kitchen. This will get the air around the noodle, which helps with the flavour buds. So actually, do you think maybe the front of this is lying? Do you think it's not going to look like that in the end? I don't think it'll look exactly like that, but they cover their backs, Paul, by being in Vietnamese.

So there you go. Right, so you've boiled the kettle, have your love. Boiled the kettle. Yeah. Now these ones are both pot noodle style so you're not going to need you're just going to steep these other two

so let's just get this one done and then we can taste all three in a row that's I like it as is our want bang bang bang bang

done done done and I haven't eaten today so I might actually I like a nice bit of ASMR when we do that okay there's the water going into my noodle pan, which has a lip, a curved lip,

that allows me to pour the water off easily. Also a milk pan, I guess. Yes, but it works well for a noodle, especially if you have to drain them. Oh, I don't contend that. I don't have to have milk. No. So there.

Right, so he's put it on. he needs to correctly have it on over the flame there we go so no worries so let's get into these ones see what's going on here because these might have packs that you need to so we're going into the pokemon one first must not microwave the pokemon fair enough this is soy sauce flavour. Bloody hell. Do you think with it being Pokemon and it's a Pikachu it'll be

electrifying? No. I don't think it will be. So you can see from the instructions on the lid you

don't, it's got a pull back mark on the reveal. Pull back on the reveal. Pull back my reveal.

Wank my... Chaff. Oh, shit. Right, okay. Oh, yeah, there is a pack. That's good. Oh, is it a toy? It's some kind of thing.

It's a little... Pob. It's a little... Like a pog. Like a pog. It's like a paper pog in a packet. A paper pog in a packet? So, no, there is no flavour pack. You're not meant to put this

in there, are you? What is that? It's a sort of gift or something. This is for children. This is a children's noodle. Yeah. Children deserve noodles too. And this one gives them a little, it looks like a sticker, maybe. It's a sticker. Oh, it's Mewtwo or one of the Mews or something. I don't fucking know.

You know that. No. It looks a bit like Mew. You're sad. You knew that. I might be wrong. Who are the Mews? I. I don't fucking know. You know that. No. It looks a bit like Mew. You knew that. I might be wrong. Who are the Mews? I don't know. We do know. Who are Lewis and the Mews? Right.

Take a picture of that in a bit. Yeah, there's a little thing in there. Lovely little sticker for kids and a noodle. It's not going to be a serious noodle. It's not going to be a serious noodle, I can tell. It's just going to be right in the middle. And then this is the potentially cheesy chicken pot. Pot, ramen flavour.

Whoa, is this a pour out? What's going on? What's it saying? It's got little notches cut into the top that look like lips. What are you meant to do? Where does it say? Does it say anywhere? It doesn't seem to say anywhere.

Hey, it's a pour out. So, yeah, we're very impressed so far. So the noodle, what's it called, cup itself, on its sheath on the top, there are three little triangles that you can pop out. And you can poke out and you can drain it. But then what's the point if you've already opened the whole thing? Because it just makes it easier. Oh, if you only do it halfway.

That's what I'm going to only do it halfway. Mate, this is technology. This is noodle technology. In action. So you've got packs in there. I was wrong. That's the trademark very hot stuff. And there's the powder.

Nice. And I'm just going to get the cool spaghetti in there. Because we need that to start going Spaghetti's gone in now to the boiling pan of water Give that a few minutes And then Shall we pour these on as well? Yeah, I think we can

Do you need to restock the kettle with water? No Good, we've got enough Now is there a fill line in here? It doesn't matter There is Because they've thought of everything at Samyang But this is a

stir-fry style noodle in a cup. Which is why they need the drainer. Because you're not having it for the soup. You're not having the soup. Which I've never seen. This kind of pot noodle. It's like a pot noodle where you drain all the fucking nasty off. Highly recommended that as well.

Or just not having a pot noodle. Put it in the bin! Shove it down the loo. And piss on it. Slap it. Like a poultice. A pot noodle poultice. I say when the poultice comes.

Pot noodle poultice right in your slammer. Don't listen. Don't listen to you? Alright, I won't. You don't. What? Listen, it's noodle kitchen time. Just don't... Is there a wink What? Listen, it's Noodle Kitchen time. Just don't.

Is there Winky? No, don't say it. How dare you deny me Winky? I will deny you Winky forever. Don't you dare. It's wall now. Ella Winky. Winky.

Winky. See, there we go. And now I feel better. Do you have the fill line on this? I don't. Yeah, maybe. Yes, there is. You can see the fill line. Yeah, there it is. It's I feel better. Is there a fill line on this? I don't... Yeah, maybe. Yes, there is. You can see the fill line.

Yeah, there it is. It's faint, but it's there. The difference with this Pokemon thing, noodle, is... That's it. God, it's a poor noodle. You can tell. But,

the difference is, you keep the liquid in there, don't you? Yeah. You don't pour it off. Yeah, up to the fill line. Oh, see, this is the problem with these.

Is that it pops back up. The lid pops off. Oh, it pops off. Put something atop of it, like that lid. All right, then. I will. Do it. I'll hold it.

Look at the construction on the Samyang. I mean, it's just built for noodle. It's built for noodle. And we've got the cool spaghetti. That's going fine. Oh, we had to put those in, weren't we, with the cool spaghetti? We could still do it I think

the green one we're going to put the green one in at this stage do it then it's fine I don't know if they're right about that we're only going by the instructions as we perceive them

the green pack oh it's a saucy one it's very red very saucy oh and it's brown as well it's got brown bits It's a saucy one. It's very red, very saucy. Oh, and it's brown as well. It's got brown bits.

I think you're right. I don't think you meant to add that to it. Well, it's what it says, so I'm just following it. And then you drain. Is that or is that not the green one? Yeah, when do you put the red one in then? At the end, once you've drained it. This is just for the cooking.

This is a cooking sachet. I'm telling you now, it's not... Do you need to stir it? Yeah, I need to drained it. This is just for the cooking. This is a cooking sachet. I'm telling you now, it's not... Do you need to stir it? Yeah, I need to stir it. Stir it, then! I need to put these veg... They didn't have anything for the veg, did they?

No. They don't know what they're doing on this noodle. They've leaped on an idea and not seen it through. They don't know. They don't understand.

Right, he's getting a fork out, ladies and gentlemen. Ooh! Can you get in the half off that, mate? It's got a nice huff. Very garlicky.

Very garlicky. Very garlicky huff. Now, I'm giving that a good stir. We need to give that maybe another minute and then it's going to get drained.

This just sort of gives it a sort of background flavour that you lose. You drain it all off. Fascinating. Now, so what do you think's in the green packet? No, the red one.

What is that? I think the red one is more tomato-y. It's like a finisher. Oh, that is a... Garlic-y smell. Yeah, garlic-y. Almost meat-y smell, though, as well. It's a meat-y smell.

Well, they're giving it the meat-y umami, aren't they? Meat-y umami. Shall we drain the cool spaghetti noodle? I think we should. Do you think that's tender enough, that noodle? What would you say, Paul? How long is it meant to be in there for? Doesn't say.

Does it say? It's made by Mike O.M. It doesn't say how long. Oh. Open flap. Move the flap, does it say? Yes yes but what should i do with the noodle packet sorry right let's fucking drain it fuck it oh he's gonna go in all in he's getting draining now this is weird to me so because it's like i'm throwing away flavor juice that's good flavor

juice i'm throwing that away you know Why am I throwing this flavour juice away, Paul? Why am I draining this flavour loveliness? But I am. I just thought I'd let you go because it sounded like some kind of scene from a Pinter play. It was nice. Right, I'm not going to give it the full drain. I mean, that's what

you're meant to do anyway with a fried one. So I turn the top off? That. Hob. I mean, that's what you're meant to do anyway with a fried one. So I turn the top off. That. Hob. Turn the hob off. Yeah, turn the hob off. Oh, mate.

It's got a real bolognesey odour now. Yeah, it does. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I think it needs more draining.

Yeah. I think they know what they're doing. There's too much liquid left on that. There's lots of liquid left on that. Right.

Right, now we're adding the mystery red pack. Finishing red pack. Oh, now we're adding the mystery red pack. Finishing red pack. Oh, yeah, that's very much tomatoey. That's pure tomato. What a strange noodle this is. It's a bit of a Frankenstein, isn't it?

It's a bit of a Frankenstein's monster. Right, now, I think we should leave that for a second. I'll put a plate on it so it doesn't get too cold. Yeah, let it steam and... Well, it's ready, but, you know... Yeah. Right, so we've now let Well, it's ready, but... Yeah. Right, so we've now let the other two noodles settle now for a few minutes. I need to... What?

Drain this. Oh, the drain the... Oh, he's using the little popped triangles. The triangle drainers that are built in. It's very clever. Like that, Paul. Just draining it right off. Like that, it's easy.

I'm holding the flap closed. It just makes it easy for you. It's the little touches like that that show that they are on top form. Samyang are delicious noodles, and they seem to be taking the world by storm with their hot ramen flavour, and this is their cheese product. And I think we've had a big part in that explosion of popularity on Cheap Show. I think without it, people wouldn't know.

Here comes the cheese. That's what he says to all the ladies. I want you to tell me what that smells like, Paul. Like cream cheese. Yeah? Yeah. It smells like cream cheese to you. There's little oniony bits.

So you add it, now it's drained. I don't know if you're meant to do that, but... Maybe you should have added it to the water first. I may have should have. You fucked it. No, I don't know if this is meant to do that, but... You should have added it to the water first. I may have should have. You fucked it. No, I don't think I have. Oh, look at that go. That's more liquid, so that will dissolve all the powder.

Oh, cheesy whiff coming off my noodle. There is a good old cheesy honk in the country urban noodle kitchen. The blood. If you remember from the Sam Young noodles, very dark and powerful. Yeah. Do not rub your eyes or your glands. And don't let dragons do anything.

Dragons. Wait, dragons. It's all coming back to... Is it? I can't... I can't... I remember it all. You remember the dragon now, yeah?

I remember it all. I have to say, it was very convincingly played the way that came back to you thank you shut up now we can fucking stop talking about the dragon

fucking hell I remembered the end plot twist right Jesus I'll never forget don't wave those scissors around

when you're angry there it is same black the black nasty and I'm going to mix that in and that will dissolve the cheese powder. I don't know how they're meant to work together. It's a very, again, bit of a Frankenstein. A bit of a Frankenstein for this one.

That's the noise of a noodle. Coated right up. With that. It looks devilish. Okay. So, do you want to grab a fork? I've got a fork already. Hang on. Alright, I've got...

Here we go. We're starting on the Pokemon. Very watery. Very basic. It reminds me of that chicken, that Jewish style chicken noodle one. Do you know what I mean? Very basic. It had a little something to it.

Mate, you're not getting any noodle. No, well, you have a scoop first, and then I'll do it. Right, he's having a good old nosh. It's very low-grade noodle. Is it? Just like with the salt flavour, it's just like no noodle flavour. But having said that, I'm quite a peckish. It's quite nice still.

Do you know what I mean? Because it's not exciting. It's a bit cardboardy as well. It's quite nice still. Do you know what I mean? Because it's not exciting. It's a bit cardboardy as well. It's comfort foody, isn't it? If you don't want anything risky, it's fine. There's no risk. It's got a clear broth, which I'll just have a slurp of. Oh, mate.

There's a fun thing. It's a Pokemon face in it. It's a Pokemon fish cake face. That is quite good, isn't it? Eat it. Yes. It's like Pokemon face in it. It's a Pokemon fish cake face. That is quite good, isn't it? Eat it. Yes. It's like fish cake. I don't think you should have this.

Oh, shit. Does this explain why my tongue is tingling a little bit right now? I really hope you don't die. There's a fish in either of the others, though. I don't know if there's fish in it or not. Probably not. That is what fish cakes do. Are you feeling anything, honestly, Paul?

No. No. No. I won't have another one just in case. We should have been more aware of that. Shouldn't we? I blame Stacey who didn't warn us it had fish in it. If it does have fish. If it doesn't, then we don't hate you, Stacey. But if it does have fish in it, I hate you, Stacey. I hope you're alright.

Out of five... It's a very basic noodle, but if it does have fish in it, I hate you, Stacey. I hope you're alright. Right, out of five... It's a very basic noodle, but still tasty enough. I mean, two and a half? Yeah. It's fun for kids, isn't it? It's a decent enough noodle. They can scoop around and eat Pikachu's face. Now, let's go for the cheese

Samyang hot chicken ramen flavour. It's got a cheesy and hot sort of huff to it. I'm getting a good mouthful here. He's got a big mouthful of that in. But let's see what he thinks about the flavour. He's got his cum face on. That is very nice.

I'm going to have a go at this now. It's painfully hot, like all of their products. All right. But the cheese sort of has a really umami, a mealiating sort of umami to it. Talk about comfort food. Oh. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. It's thick and it's cheesy, but it's not repulsive because the spicy tang. It's a balance between the cheese and the hot chili flavor, isn't it? It's a wicked beast, though. You can see that being very hot after a few mouthfuls.

Ooh. Yeah, but in a good... In a good way. That's a 4.5 for me. I'm going to need... That's a really... Hot. It's hot.

I'll go for 4. It's fucking nice. We'll read out Mark's review to finish this section, all right, Paul? But we now... Spaghetti. We want to go for the spaghetti, which has been sitting there. Oh, I've got a sweat on just from that one mouthful. Spicy forehead.

You heard it here first. I'm literally going to have to have a glass of water just to reset my palate. Should have thought. We should have had the chicken ramen. We never learn. But at least we're having this one last, which should take some of the edge off. Just clear the palate. Clear the palate. All right, least we're having this one last, which should take some of the edge off. Just clear the palate. Clear the palate.

All right, here we go. Last one. Good noodle. That Samyang is good. Very good. Very deep, scorching chilli heat. It's got the kind of,

I don't know, like rug burn kind of heat on your tongue. It's that kind of burn. Yeah, totally, yeah. All right, here it is. Make sure you get some of the red sauce.

All right. Now this is like a Vietnamese plone of spaghetti bolognese in an instant noodle flavour. It's like someone made an artificial spaghetti bolognese flavour. It's just weird. I like it. It's nice. It's very tomatoey. It's very sweet.

Yeah. It's definitely... It is. It's a weird Frankenstein between noodle and bolognese. Yeah. But it's got that weird like artificial

like they've they've made it they've they've pretended to make bolognese. You know what I mean? It's like a toy snack. It's like a toy snack.

It's a funny thing that. It's enjoyable. I could certainly finish that off. You know what I mean? That would be I could eat that.

It's not so much of a novelty that it's off putting. No. You've got I mean? I could eat that. It's not so much of a novelty that it's off-putting. No, no, no. You've got little bits of carrot in there. Spring onion. Nice. Good.

What would you give that out of five, then? I'd give it a high score. What would you give the other one? That's the thing. You could pimp that with things that weren't necessarily like Far Eastern-style food. You could pimp it with some, I don't know, like a pepper or something. Mushrooms? Yeah.

Shiitake? Well, you wouldn't want to do shiitake is what I mean. It's only mushroom, I know. You don't, you can't name another mushroom. Name a mushroom. Come on, you utter philistine.

Cloth cup. Cloth ear. Cloth ear. Right. I don't know, I made that up too. What's your score? Three and a half for that for me. Four and a half for the I made that up too. What's your score? Three and a half for that for me. Four and a half for the hot, fiery Samyang.

That's your favourite? Yeah, and two and a half for Pokemon. Pokemon may have poisoned you and... I feel alright. All three quite enjoyable, but for you, what's the very best? Which one's going home with the prize tonight? It has to be the Samyang. I agree.

On a different level, man. That is like... It's very spicy. And what did Mark say on that to end on? Mark Allen is the noodle posse capo, apart from me. He's one under me, yeah? He runs my noodle

business when I'm not around. I mean, I don't give two literal fucks, but I'm glad you're enjoying yourself. You're here in the noodle fucking test lab, yeah? Yeah. And you shut your mouth. And he has reviewed this cheese one. He was meant to bring it to the live show. He ended up not bringing it. He swapped one noodle.

Noodle posse forever. Noodle posse forever. Oh, and as we record this, I should mention, even though it'll be old news by now, we're on Spotify. Yay! And Spotify said,

we welcome the noodle posse to Spotify. I just thought it was very nice. Because they know what this fucking podcast is really about. They fucking know it. They know what side of their bread they get out of. They know what side of the noodle to drain the excess moisture off. Yeah, they do. They know which noodle to...

The noodle side. That's the side they drain it off, Paul. They know where to drain. The noodle side. Yeah. Anyway, Mark has reviewed the samyang cheese hot chicken ramen flavor noodle which we just ate i should say he did review the actual pack version rather than the cup noodle version which we i don't think there's gonna be a great deal of difference okay

and i'll just read it to you now this is yet another intriguing strand of the sam young hot chicken range excuse me this time with a cheese flavored twist i have to admit i've been putting off tasting this noodle for a while i know he was meant to you know i've been waiting for this i can't fucking stop making comments we're not going to get through this i have to admit i've been putting off tasting this noodle for a while now because let's face it when are you ever in the mood for a cheesy noodle, when there are countless other joyous flavours out there to divert your attention? Isn't the dreary, my life before the review kind of article, where it's like, here's a cut of my life, aren't I interested and interested,

and now I've got time for a noodle because I'm a little bit different. Listen, this is a quality noodle review, and I will not have you just trying to just... You're clutching at straws. You've got fucking Yelp for this, Mark. Fucking go there. However, I decided to swallow my preconceptions and vow to take the noodle on its own merits. When I opened it... Was it good?

Yes. It's getting there. This is my moment, Paul. Just don't ruin it, please. When I opened it, I was greeted with a modest two-packet offering. One of the spicy chicken sauce and the other of cheese and herbs in powder form. That's what we got. The former packet is the standard one you get in the Samyang hot chicken noodle, as I said.

Only smaller. Nothing controversial there, but it was the cheese packet that was most startling. Upon opening it, I was overcome with a pungent cheesy smell that was fiercely redolent of a child's milky sick. Did you get that? I didn't, personally, but I can understand what he's getting at. Yeah. Neither me nor you have been around a lot of child's milky sick. So we'll take his word for it.

Fair play. It genuinely made me recoil in horror and strongly reconsider my choice of noodle. However, I chose to soldier on. I'm glad you did. I, for one, am glad you did, Mark. One bar left on the battery skip to it if only because the good people of samyang have been proven to know their way around a new and yet never steered me wrong yet i followed the instructions and i'm delighted to say that the taste was immeasurably less offensive than the odor essentially what you're getting is a creamier milder version of the hot chicken flavor noodle

with a background hum of umami underpinning the whole thing. It's a surprisingly sweet noodle too, which caught me off guard initially. After two mouthfuls of those, I was fully on board and it was added another level of complexity to an already pleasantly multifaceted noodle. As with all of the other recent Samyang offerings, this noodle still offers that robust chilli heat,

which although not as potent as other versions in this range, is still a bit of a brow dabber in the very best sense we both agree. All in all, a complex, often enigmatic noodle with a great depth of flavour that will have you scratching your head wondering why you're reaching for yet another packet. A slightly guilt-inducing, seedy treat

like a school kid finding a weathered jazz mag under a hedge. Five stars. Thank you very much Mark do you agree with that review though I didn't really listen but I mean the gist of it is

you liked it yeah it was good noodles it was a bit floury you could have just said it tastes nice great I mean mate maybe he should just record it himself

and we'll edit it into the episode in the future because otherwise I will just turn this fucking podcast into Reader's Digest episode by episode

Reader's Digest in what way is that like Reader's Digest, episode by episode. Reader's Digest? In what way is that like Reader's Digest? Oh, isn't it funny that you can turn a coat hanger into a Christmas decoration once a year? That wasn't like that at all. It's all boring. A coat hanger into a Christmas decoration? Yeah, like an apple.

You were clutching at straws. You've given up. You've checked out. You've checked out of this podcast. Yeah? Are we finished at the Noodle Kitchen? I'm bringing Mark into this podcast. He's not.

See the podcast? I'm holding it. I'm walking away with the podcast. Out of the Noodle Test Lab. I'm going. Get out. I'm going. I'm going down the corridor. Oh, it's you. Eh.

Shut up. corridor. Oh, it's you! Eh! Ooh, and that was cheap show! Yes, yes, yes, it was. I think one of our better platters ever. A real mystery feast. Yeah, I'm very interested in obscure, the obscure, more obscure end of the retail chain. Seven inch singles.

See, again, when you go looking for charity shops, you don't know what you're going to find. Yes. So, excellent, wonderful noodles, some more delicious finds. Good work there. Thank you. But, hey, hey, you're listening out there and you're thinking, how do I get in touch if I want to speak to you? How do I do it?

You can email us. No, but I'm listening out there and I'm thinking, how do I get in touch? I'm going to tell you now, aren't I? But how? Dickhead. Shut up, dickhead. No, but tell me.

First of all. How? No, don't. Listen, Chub Chub. Don't you fucking dare. Listen, I've got my beard all greasy. Right, here we go. Email us, thecheapshow at gmail.com.

Or follow us on Twitter at thecheapshowpod. I'm at Paul Gannon's show. Eli is. Eli Snod Eli S-N-O-I-T what else what else what else yes we're on Reddit we're on Tumblr we're on Facebook we're on Instagram get in touch

just look for cheap show podcast you'll find us most likely what were you saying what were you saying and if you continue to support us on patreon thank you for keeping us going thank you for keeping us weekly I've got something in store for you yeah we Thank you for keeping us weekly. I've got something in store for you.

Yeah, we've got some big plans coming up this year. No, I've got something personally in store. No, we're not doing that.

I've got something personally. If it involves a poultice. There's no poultices around here. There's no poultice tier.

There should be. So where's, if you're wacky and hard enough. It's a secret poultice tier. Right, so. Right.

Right, good. Good. That's it. E-L-I- Right. Right. Right. Good. Good. That's it. E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D. Yes. Good and wonderful stuff. And if you want to support us on Patreon. Can I just say thank you very much, Paul?

Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. Thank you very much. Thank you. What a lovely episode of Cheap Show that's been. Shut up. Bye. Bye. you