CheapShow - Ep 117: Tat Hunt: East Finchley

Episode Date: March 8, 2019

Something a little different this week as we launch "Tat Hunt". This is Part One of a Two Part series where Eli and Paul pick a place in the UK to hunt for charity shop treasure, gather their wares and then prepare them for next week's reveal! So, because Paul & Eli are lazy, they went someone close in location and close to their heart... East Finchley in North London. A place they both lived at one point, and also at their darkest hours. Will Paul & Eli regret returning? Let's find out! Listen as Eli and Paul take their £10 budget and use it buy some class tat, avoid nosey teenagers, hold their breaths in a very smelly place and apologise profusely for Eli's inability to work a microphone (Genuinely sorry for his loudness. Eli is practically eating his mic!). And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos for this episode can be seen at... https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-117-tat-hunt-east-finchley If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

Oh, hello everybody, it's Paul Gannon from the Cheap Show podcast. You know it because you're listening to it. I've just arrived at East Finchley Station. Why? Because today we're doing a kind of new take on Cheap Show. We're going to split it into two parts. I'll explain later, but basically I'm getting off at East Finchley Station. Why? Because I used to live in East Finchley. Again, we'll get into that later. Oh, but I'm running late, so I've got to go see Eli. He's been here waiting for 20 minutes, which

is surprisingly efficient of him. Let's see where he is. posse back up help Welcome to Cheat Show I'm not going, I nuzzle He said he's out the back Great There we go

Right, now to find Eli The big bollocks Does that mean he's gone round the back? For fuck's sake. Here we go. Anyway. Oh, no, here he is. Oh, no.

Oh. I'm sorry I'm late. Why are you at this end? I thought it'd be a good place to start the recording off. Look, let's go back here. Why, okay, we're going back here then. Hang on. Oh, that's better. I can hear, okay, we're going back here then. Hang on. Ah, that's better.

I can hear myself now. That's better. Had the headphones too low, I thought it was all wrong. Right, why are we here then? Around the back of the station? This is the causeway. And you can see there's a sign to Edmunds Dean's... Edmunds Walk Dean's Way. Edmunds? Edmunds? And, er, you go

the other way down the causeway to the Great North Road the Bishop's Avenue now you know about the Bishop's Avenue don't you Paul it's where all the

big houses are and rich people so let's just backtrack a little bit here's me backtracking a little bit right shut up

I'm not in the mood we're going to do a two part episode oh you're not in the mood can I just say to start wait where were you

I had a quintessential fucking East Finchley moment What episode? Oh, you're not in the mood. Can I just say, to start, wait, where were you? I had a quintessential fucking East Finchley moment waiting for you in a damp puddle while the greyness of North London... I was trapped in the Metropolitan. Metropolitan was running slow and then I got off the train because the next one was leaving at the station before this one,

so I swapped and then it got stuck between the lines and the train I left went past. Okay, I accept that. All right, I can't help it, mate. Do me best. All right. So let's go back.

What's the deal? What's the deal today? Don't. Oh, come on. Got a cold. So here's... We're here. Tell everyone where we are.

So we're doing a two-part episode. Part one is where you kind of come with Eli and I as we buy things for the show. And part two is the show, where we talk about the things we buy and we thought we'd start by going to random places in london uh and see what the shops they have there explore them right what that bell just went off i don't think it's related to what we're doing. No, but it's funny that it did. I'm very tired. Wanker. So, we thought we'd start our travels in East Finchley,

because it has a meaning for both of us. East Finchley, North London, in the N2 postcode area. Yes, I lived here probably at the lowest point in my life. I just want to interject there, because I also lived here for a while at my lowest point of life. So it's a great positive way to start looking back on the grey days

of moderately depressed Eli living in a fucking... I had one of those beds that come out the wall like a lonely guy bed. You know what I mean? Like Eddie Valiant

in Who Framed Roger Rabbit. It's that Steve Martin film The Lonely Guy. Okay. Have you not heard of it? It doesn't ring a bell. And he lives in a room and it's got one of those fold-down beds. Great.

Well, there you go. Fold-down bed. That lady was an absolute bitch. Sent her... Where do you live? It was right around here. Let's go look. So we're going to go and look.

And you can come with me and Eli as we remember all the awful times. Remember? What? Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. So we're going to do a little walk down memory lane for you today, and then we'll buy a few things in the charity shops here. I thought we could see if Allen's is open.

I don't know if it is, you know. Monday's not a good day for selling records, is it? I don't know. I didn't know there was a day. We'll go up that far, though, yeah? I yeah i mean we can still investigate and we can still tell people about alan's and why we're bringing it up at all okay yes let's go to alan's so uh what about cheap eats well we can get i don't know we can just get some bobbies and get the froth shop now sandwich and coffee now right well then just as we're getting going we're going to take a break we're going to get a sandwich and coffee should we go to the uh cafe the delamichi place oh

delamichi delamichi is uh it's not that band that sing nothing really matters no it's called yeah i think this is called delamichi although the band was called delamichi yes that's right this is delamichi that was delamichi great so we're going past on the left here Although the band was called Delimitri. Yes, that's right. This is Delimitri. That was Delimitri. Great. So we're going past on the left here, Paul, the carbuncle that is the UK headquarters of McDonald's restaurants, I believe. Is that here?

Is this the... These fucking flags with the big golden arches on. No, but I didn't think it would be the UK base of operations. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, they do. I don't know what else to say. Fuck. Should we go ask if we can get a quarter pounder of cheese? No they don't serve. Oh there's the cashier I used to get money out. Oh I remember that. Horrible building though where the McDonald's

is housed. It's like a horrible brick thing. Very much of the 90s style isn't it? I guess so, it's just horrid. There's a lot of things about this area that sort of... depress me. So we're walking up from East Finchley train station on the Northern line, if you're going to High Barnet, that's where you'll find it. But there are things we can explore here, I thought we'd mention the Phoenix Cinema, which we can talk about later. We can have a look at where I used to live, where you used to live. We're passing the first of the significant charity shops on the strip here. Where's that?

And we'll aid in advice. Oh, that's true. I forgot about that one. It's a good one. Proper old school. It looks closed. No, look, someone just came out of it. You're right.

Someone came out. It just looks, as per usual, dingy. It's dingy and it has stroppy grannies serving in there, I seem to remember. I remember stroppy grannies. in there, I seem to remember. I remember stroppy grannies. Dirty video, I downloaded it. That's strap-on grannies. Strap-on grannies, right. Let's take a quick break while we get something to nibble on.

Okay. All right, Paul, let's do that. And I'll just say, when I go here, it was always my favourite place to get a coffee. We've got Delimitri's. Yeah. But nothing really happens, ever. Not that happens at all. go here it was always my favorite place to get a coffee we've got delimitries yeah but nothing really even happens ever not it happens at all and then you do this and that and then if you've got to quote the song at least quote the song you rancid twat oh rancid

off how can i be rancid i've had a shower it's called a michi delicatessen everybody i can see it now great well that we're gonna be taking pictures you'll see our journey on on the website the cheap show.co.uk and what else no that's it you can follow us we're

walking up from East Finchley station up the main road yes we are this great this come on everybody it's an adventure there's a dog you said there's a dog it was it was dog dog's arse you said there's a dog it was

it was a dog's arse wasn't it it was two dog's arses I think we can admit that on our own podcast you looked up you saw eye level

it was like a eye level poodle butt eye level poodle butts right let's turn this off and have a coffee and a sandwich

oh poodle butts. Right, let's turn this off and have a coffee and a sandwich. Oh, what a lovely, lovely coffee and sandwich we had at Amit Delicatessen. I'm just waiting outside now, uh, Eli's in there paying. For some reason there's a... something's going off. Is it what... is it setting this bitty thing off? For some reason, I keep hearing this bee, like, you know, like, interfering, like a phone. My phone's off. I've turned my phone off. Well, it could be another, it could be another electromagnetic pulse from somewhere. Oh, I don't like the sound of that.

So, we just finished at Amici Delicatessen, and I don't mind telling you, I like their coffee there. Very nice coffee. I had a ciabatta panini thing, and she served it to me with olives on the side. Oh. Extra gratis olives. Oh, that's nice when they throw in some olives. So we're walking up Viceroy Parade now, past the Budgins, along the high street.

Well, it is a high street, I guess. A little East Finchley village. And on the right here, we have the famous Poseidon fish and chip shop. Oh yeah! The chips are good here, if you don't mind me saying so. A little costly, but that's just the way it is these days, isn't it?

Can you stop talking like a prick? How about that? And I'm not just saying that to like... Fuck off! No! I'm trying to saying that to like... Fuck off. No. I'm trying to turn this into one of those Michael Palin travelogues. Well, stop acting like a prick, though. I'm not acting like a prick. I'm acting like a perfectly nice guy.

You're just glossing over reality with a sheen of gubbins. Right, well, fuck you, you hairy bellend. Mese and sheesh. That's all I have on that. That's been many restaurants since I've been here. And nearly every year or so, that corner restaurant always gets bought and sold. Yes, but it looks like it's got its act together with this new Turkish restaurant there. It's on the corner, Paul.

And you'll notice, problem restaurants always on the corner. Really? Why? I have no idea, but it's a truism. Paul, and you'll notice problem restaurants always on the corner. Really? Why? I have no idea, but it's a truism. So if you're opening a restaurant, try not to open it on a corner. That's Eli's top tip for fucking the Richard Brandloff School of Commerce. No, I got it from Anthony Bourdain, the late Anthony Bourdain, in his book Kitchen Confidential.

He said, restaurants to avoid, and part of that list was restaurants on a corner, because they never last. They last for a few months, and it's hard to make it work on a corner. Now, as we're walking up, here's a charity shop. Here we go, here we go! So let's just have a little look at this charity shop.

Here's the plan. We're not going to go in quite yet. The plan is we're going to go to the top of the road, and then we're going to go to Allen's, explore Allen's. Hopefully it's open. We'll explain why later. And then once we get there, we're going to split up and we're going to get things for the podcast on some of the many charity shops that litter

East Finchley. Here's one. All aboard. I think it's Pro Israeli. What, the charity shop? Yeah. What makes you think that? I think it is. Working for charity. It just doesn't ever tell you what charity it is i mean that is a salient point oh no it's all about the charities we support uh it's stuff i don't know but they've got a monkey in yeah why would you say

it's all about the charities we support and and they're not lists, any of the charities. And that's... Anyway, look, I'm not... I believe it has something to do with... Israelis. God. Is there any way we can get through a podcast without you fucking inseminating it with your fucking... Inseminate?

Inseminate this podcast with your fucking pointless seed. I'll tell you what, and that's not all I inseminate itminate this podcast with your fucking pointless seed I'll tell you what and that's not all I'll inseminate it with go on explain I'll inseminate it with other things pathetic

I will say this though when I lived here admittedly a fair few years ago now let's say four or five wasn't a Sainsbury's local that's not that

this wasn't a Sainsbury's local in my what I want to say it was a pharmaceutical place, but I might be wrong. Known as a chemist in the trade. Fuck off. Just...

A pharmaceutical place? Fuck. Fucking shut up. You're such a prick. Right, so anyway, we're carrying on. Now... Look, there's a there's a tops and trousers place you're just being amused by signs now here's a here's a uh a dry clean is named after you sponge and press

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah right and you see the pub next door gertie browns gertie browns i went Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And you see the pub next door, Gertie Brown's? Gertie Brown's. I went in there once for one of the most uncomfortable evenings out for a drink ever. Why was it uncomfortable? Because of who was with you or because of the environment or both? A bit of both. Really?

So I was with someone who remained lameless but is a loud mouth. And we went in because he goes, oh, it's an Irish pub. Oh, it'd be fun. Irish. Sports night on. We went in because he goes oh it's an Irish pub, oh it'd be fun, Irish. Sports night on, we went in, we got one of those Wild West looks. There's scratch record and then I went to the bar and I was like two Guinnesses please and the guy behind the bar completely ignored me and I said, can I have a drink again, sis? Did he eventually capitulate? Eventually,

but it felt like he did a thousand pointless chores beforehand. Washing a glass. You know, I'm going to fucking hit him if he's in there now. I'm going to go in. I'm going to fucking hit him. Oh, it's from the Muff Liquor Company.

Yeah. I like a bit of muff liquor. I'm a muff liquor. Come on, they must have known that when they come with the company. Yeah, well, muff is a word for fanny, Paul, as we all know. Because we all know, like, one of them on the board meeting was like,

Oh, let's call it cunt. Cunt? Cunt liquor. Listen, who's inseminating racism into the fucking pod now? It's not racism, it's the Irish. I'm Irish. Okay, you're Irish, so you can do it, can't you? Gannon is an Irish name, and I'm sticking with that.

I used to, when I was sad, go to the laundrette up there and read a novel and do my undies. That little laundrette there, by the bus stop? It's a classic old-school laundrette, isn't it? It's a nice one. I've spent time in there when I was a washing machine. And you know what? Some of my happiest memories in East Finchley were at that fucking place. Really?

Just sitting there, the warmth from the machines, the gentle whirring. Caffe there. Grabbed a bacon sandwich and a coffee, went and sat in. Little old lady there talking. She was lovely. It was absolutely lovely. Oh, look. Here's our second charity shop.

Third now, Paul. Yeah. North London Hospice, there. Yeah, now, I. Yeah. North London Hospice, there. Yeah, now that... I actually really like North London Hospice. You know, in Cambridge I had that little store

that I loved going to. Was that a North London Hospice? No, I'm just... Was it in Cambridge? No, I just meant... So next is the pharmaceutical outlet. Fuck off! My point was that...

What? That it has the same feel that you can find anything in there. Anything could be in there. Yes. It's a funky, funky... It's on the spectrum from Oxfam, which is corporate to the max

and has packets of fucking beans and shit in there. I saw one that was selling Flash Gordon soundtrack on vinyl for £25. Yeah, yeah. What? It's a disgrace. It's a disgrace. It's a disgrace.

You've got Oxfam at one end of the spectrum, the corporatised charity shop world. And what you're saying, Paul, is places like the North London Hospice are on the funky side. Yeah, the kind of... The funky other end of the spectrum where anything goes and, you know...

The way I look at it is, like, you go through one of those charity shops and it's like going through someone's attic you don't know. Yeah, exactly. As opposed to, like, you go through one of those charity shops and it's like going through someone's attic you don't know. Yeah, exactly. As opposed to like, buying something way overpriced and then some beans or something. Yeah. And there are black gold books next door. Is it real?

Remember that place? Well, I used to go in there because they have weird and wonderful books and it's got that kind of black books feel to it. I don't want to say it was what it was named after in the sitcom, but I'm gonna. Because fucking why not? It wasn't though. I know. Yeah, it was what it was named after in the sitcom, but I'm going to, because fucking why not? It wasn't, though. I know. Yeah, it was.

No, it wasn't, though. It was. I'm saying it. When it's on the podcast, it's real. Another charity shop just here, mate. Yeah, this is the RSPCA Finchley and District branch. Evening all. Let's have a look in the window.

Oh, there's kids' books. Sunny Days, Read and Write. There's a rabbit hole in the bucket. Oh, there's kids' books. Sunny Days, Read and Write. There's a rabbit hole in the bucket. That's the problem. What? You have to buy them all for 25 quid. Nah, I'm out. Job lot, mate.

Job lot. I'm out. It's too rich for me. Oh. Haven. So we're going to carry on walking now, because as we walk up past the main chunk of the high street, we go further and we head... Oh Oh no, here's the pharmacy now. The pharmaceutical store.

It does actually say pharmacy. Oh, punk. Let's have a look in the window. Oh, look, tenner for men. Absorbent level one. There's nothing more depressing than me, to me me than the existence of male piss pads Yeah, but here's the thing They're quite subtle They're like pads New and improved

Three drips out of eight Right Look at those big ones They're proper nappies for men It just makes me feel grim Proper nappies for men Lady pants those are They're classy

These are for men and these are for ladies. Do you reckon people buy them for sex stuff as well? I'm sure some people do, Paul. Some man goes, oh, I'm wearing me tenor. Daddy don't dumpy. Baby don't dumpy. And then like a 50-year-old woman wipes his bottom.

Oh, don't. Everyone needs love in different shapes and sizes. And if you're shaping sizes to get into a pappy's nappy for men, then memorials, Paul. Remember, death. Oh, look who died. Laser etching. It's a big grave with the words laser etching written on it.

And I get it. I get it. It's an actual grave, Paul. It's an advert tombstone all we should do is buy it and put it in a graveyard and just have people

commemorate the memory of laser etching that would be so good wouldn't it it'd be like that sign in Welsh which said the translator

is out of the office now you know it was an actual place name with an English name and the Welsh name but if you understood

Welsh it says the translator is out of the office, please... Oh. Because they just sort of thought... That's the... It's a bit like that, isn't it?

Not your best anecdote. So, yep. Not my best anecdote! Oh, I'm not going to get angry. Walking further up now. Further up. Oh, HSS higher. That's coming up on view.

That's where you can buy a chainsaw. Or a ladder. I'm sorry about what I said about you saying a pharmacy place. It's perfectly reasonable. You seem to laugh like it wasn't. No, I'm not reasonable. No, you are not reasonable. You are one of the least reasonable people I know. Now, global climate warming attack. Look at that thing. It's blossoming, full blossom. And it's only early March, ladies and gentlemen. It's blossoming, full blossom. And it's only early March, ladies and gentlemen.

It's a tree in full blossom. But the tree next to it's all out. There's no leaves on that tree. Aren't they... What is a tree that blossoms all year round called? An evergreen. What's the one that don't? Deciduous.

Don't say you don't learn anything on Fucking Cheap Show. Maybe it's an evergreen. No, but they wouldn't blossom. Evergreens don't blossom. They're evergreen. Do you just see what I see? Look at that. They're breeding them.

There's a sign that says Scribbles Nursery. Oh, God. Scribbles Nursery. You know what they learn in there? What? How to scrub off skiddies with their mouth grills. Oh, with their fuzz-me-away mouth grills. Oh, Scribbles, I can't believe it.

That's what a Scribble looks like as well. They've actually drawn what a Scribble looks like. Yeah, it's got a big head and it's got a big proboscis-style mouth scrubber coming off the top. That's how it hunts for skiddies. Yeah. It sniffs out with its proboscis. Eli mouth scrubber coming off the top. That's how it hunts for skiddies. It sniffs out with its proboscis. Eli's arse remains. Not just mine.

They're not a species completely dependent on me. No, but they are unique to your hemisphere and your room. Well, obviously not, because there's a Scribbles nursery there. Yeah, but obviously it's catching on, like Winky. Strong, you know, cages for the Scribbles, the newborn Scribles in there all right we're turn the corner now oh it's oh Alan's records totally shut let's see let's see if there's a sign on it so it's closed all Monday I didn't do me

research I didn't know Monday wasn't a day for music. Some good stuff in here, though, isn't there? It's a classic record store. He gets a load of second-hand stuff in. Is he moody, or is it just like... I presume he's moody, because nearly every record store owner of Note is moody. I've seen him go off at people, but you get chances coming in here trying to sell him a bunch of crap. Semi-homeless, weird people with trolleys full of, like, broken records.

That sounds familiar. Hassling him. What do you mean? That sounds familiar. As in what? I'm a semi-homeless person with broken records who trundles around North London. Going, please, sir, will you look at my records? Yeah.

No, I'm not. Yeah. You are. Anyway, but he's great really because you go in there he says i've got this stuff here that he's priced up he always has loads of stuff that is not priced that he lets you go through and he lets you just stand there listening to seven inch singles on like so you can hear it and then he'll sort of you go through about like i don't know 50 and then he'll go oh what's that one i remember that one and then his mate will you know what i mean and it's like it's nice i was in there once and i was looking for comedy records and i think i found the derrick and clive that i didn't have

yeah long story short some guy comes in he's testing records and i don't know what it was he put on but alan went nope no off off off the guy literally in an instant turned it off yeah exactly so it does have a community vibe but he probably because he has to deal with people and he's constantly

people are bringing in shit collections and like people house clearings you know what I mean that's his stock in trade quite literally it's old people's

records collections so he's busy basically busy's good but I've found some absolute gems in there over the years. Well, we recommend Alan's. It was on a website, like a Londonist website,

like top record stores in London. Well, what happens is a lot of the DJs and kind of musicians of note from London, they'll say, what's the best kept secret in London in some kind of article or whatever where they're doing an interview, and they always say Alan's. It's not that best kept secret in London in some kind of article or whatever where they're doing an interview? And they always say Allen's. It's not that best kept secret then if everyone says it. No. You want to go to evil Allen's?

It's the opposite of Allen's. It's evil. No, there's an old sign that says antiques, but there is no antique shop here anymore. No. I like that kind of residual signage.age they call them ghost signs don't they there are websites called ghost signs where you can go and people have taken pictures of buildings that have like advertisements that have become faded or fallen away or they were painted on hundreds of years ago they get a lot of that in london like match matchbox uh adverts and stuff

inside of buildings that's quite a nice one isn't it it's an old box uh with antiques written on it yeah that salvage guy would love that wouldn't he go up there right so we've gotten to the top of the road there's no more really to go unless we walk down to the bloody cinema up the road there's cinema up there now five more minutes up the road there's a view cinema oh i never knew i've never even when i lived here i never ventured past Allen's apparently the story is is that it was used as the premiere for the Arnold Schwarzenegger film oh what was it called

really shit 90s one that's a lot of Arnold Schwarzenegger films that it could be Eraser right yeah Eraser yeah

apparently they did the UK premiere at fucking East Finchley View Cinema and he flew in on a helicopter went and then flew out again a helicopter, went, and then flew out again.

What, a helicopter landed by the cinema? Yeah. Wow. That's the story. I might be wrong. Anyone who knows can fill us in on our website or forum. Are you going to explain the challenge to the listeners? No, it's not so much a challenge.

We're going to split up now. You've got a recorder. I've got a recorder. You're not giving me my money. I'm going to give you the fucking money. Give me the money. I'm going to do it in a minute. a recorder i've got a recorder i'm going to give you the fucking money give me the money i'm going to do it in a minute and then we've got 10 pounds take the money buy a six pack tenant super and go wank behind that church well i'll be there to record that what you can hear is daft fappings staff wet dribbles so we're going to split up he's got

recorder i've got recorder 10 of each we're going to go out and find an item for a new section of the show Where we look for the very worst thing we find in the charity shop In the area we investigate The second thing is we're going to get some prices of shite In mystery So we can do a shite off And finally I'm going to check out some sweet shops And look for some frothy froth givings

For the froth shop Shut up Do you want me to fucking hit you In your mouth and break your fucking awful teeth frothy froth givings for the froth shop. Shut up. Oh, fuck off. Do you want me to fucking hit you in your mouth and break your fucking awful teeth? Listen, just because you got a comment

saying we were nice when Octavius was on the show, it doesn't mean you have to pretend that you're going to cause me violence. Scribbles Nursery, Paul. Oh, I've got to take... You know what? Let's stop,

because I need to take some pictures of all the things we've mentioned, so I don't want to miss out on all these lovely things for the viewers to see on our website, thecheapsofthecurl.uk. Right, so... We were meant to record a nice, clean introduction to the show, a nice, clean setting of the rules, but Eli needed to take a massive piss, he said.

So as a result... Oh, it's windy as well now as a result um he's run off so I've given him 10 pound and I've got 10 pound and we're both happy and he's going to go find somewhere to urinate and I'm going to try the first shop at the top of the row which is the RSPCA so let's go okay uh yeah I can hear myself that's good uh yes so first part of my mission today is cafe nero well i will be weeing uh but i i won't uh let me just see if this is uh god paul's to hate this. I won't be weeing.

Start again. I'm across the road from Cafe Nero and I'm crossing right now to take a wee and then I'm going to get some tat. Oh boy. Right, I'm crossing now. Almost ran into someone on the other side there.

Cafe Nero looks bustling full of life, full of toilets ready for me go in, take a slash, come out again we're going to do it I'll report after this absolutely nothing in the RSPCA

actually that's not true, I got one thing I found some interesting erasers for Eli. I think these might be my bad choice, but I'm not quite sure yet. If they don't find anything worse, they might be my bad choice. Other than that, I can always use the price of shite. It's a win-win. I've picked it up. It's only a quid. I can tell you because it's only Eli who has to guess.

So I'm just going to walk to the next one now. And that one is the North London Hospice, my personal favourite. Let's see how that one goes. Okay, so... Mission accomplished. I went into Cafe Nero, and I have successfully urinated without having to make a purchase. Ooooooh baby!

OK, and I'm ready to start my little shop. I'm looking across at All Aboard Charity Shop. The guy working in there, he's giving me the eyeball something rotten. rotten so I think I'll put away the recorder for the sake of anonymity and an easy life and see if I can make some purchases here on All Aboard Okay, yeah, I got an item from all aboard there. My first item, I think it's going to be a pint of shite, and it's not a very good thing. It's a Batman vs. Superman alarm clock with action figures stuck on the top. The guy who worked there, he saw me talking into my recorder. He asked me as I walked in what I was recording.

I said it was for my own use. He said I know that in a sort of aggressive way. And we left it there. So I wasn't feeling great about that guy. And when I went to buy my item, there was an overwhelming smell of fresh shit that filled my nostrils. I almost vomited. I hope it wasn't him, and I hope it was the small child who may have filled their nappy.

Anyway, it made me quite nauseous, and I'm going to move on now to the next charity shop. I'm feeling good. I've made a purchase, and I think I'll just wander down and get some more stuff over and out. Right, so I've just come out of North London Hospice. Well, no dice. No dice. Not for me to date. How many have you been in so far now?

Just that one up the road, just that one. RSPCA. What have you done? I've done one shop so far. I just came out of this one. A little notice, a thing I noticed. Do you feel they're

a bit pricey? Around here? I don't know, it depends on what I'm looking for. But yeah, the things I really want have been like, oh, I'm not

paying five quid for that. Yeah, it's all at the sort of five quid level whereas in certain other parts of the world it'd be at the sort of three pound level. Do you know what I mean?

Like Cane Bro. In Cane Bro, for example, yeah, well, no, it's dirt cheap in Cane Bro. What I'll say is this, right, if you go the world it'd be at the sort of three pound level do you know like cane bro in cane bro for example yeah well no it's dirt cheap in cane bro what i'll say is this right if you go to the rspca have a look at the records i found something in there which i didn't buy and i don't think it's worth buying because i don't know what it is but it's two white vinyl unlabeled and on the front it's there's someone's written charity shop trance Red Cross and then a date but on the label on the vinyl

there's nothing on it so I don't know if it's trance music that was made specifically for a charity shop or there's a band called charity shop trance

no there's not I don't know what's on it okay I'll check that out Paul I'd give it if you're going to go into

all aboard that's where I'm heading next because someone seems to have shat hard in there what you went in and it was all aboard. That's where I'm heading next. Because someone seems to have shat hard in there. What? You went in and it was all a bit goofy. I went to the desk

to leave to buy my item and it was an overwhelming smell of shit. Real fresh. Like a log. A real kind of

just laid warm. And I thought is that the man's breath who was serving me or is it the small child filling their nappy? Well, I'm hopefully

about to find out one way or the other. I will say this, I went to a charity shop in Elephant Castle and there was a big, big, large dude. That's nothing really

to do with anything but he was behind the counter being very loud and vulgar. And when I went up to buy, he let off the wettest fart i've ever heard and rather than say i'm sorry mate he actually turned around to me and well at least i'm eating healthily oh i'll be the judge of that well i was the judge of that and it sounded like he was eating raw dead cats yeah anyway i'll let you go in there i'm gonna go down

to all aboard or all right well i'm gonna do this one and this one and then i've uh let you go in there. I'm going to go down to all aboard or... Alright, well I'm going to do this one and this one and then I've... Did you go to the cat one down the road? No, but then I'll head down to that one. Perhaps I'll see you outside there, Paul. Maybe. Best of luck to you. Best of luck to you. Have you got something yet? I've got one item. I've got one item too. Okay, see you later.

I've also noticed that there's bloody kids everywhere now coming out of school so now we've got a battle with bloody kids making a menace and a noise popping their dirty little hands in and being all stupid and small and childlike fucking chin'em anyway

I'm going to go to on all aboard now and I feel like I've been properly braced for the guff that awaits me but hopefully whatever it was was just a momentary air biscuit something that hopefully was dissipated by the time I go in right so here we go walking up to it now deep breath all aboard okay I just come out of North London Hospice and disappointing on the whole, very disappointing. A child hit their head on one of the rails in there and cried and then the mother asked for a number to make a complaint, which I thought was a bit much.

It seemed quite out of the way and safe to me. Anyway, it's all action here in East Finchley. It's rush hour has started. You might be able to hear the traffic really picked up here. I'm just about to go into the RSPCA charity shop. North London Hospice, disappointing. Doesn't have the same vibe as the one up in Harringay near me. And I didn't manage to get any items there so I'm

hoping I can get a couple of items at the RSPCA. I'll report back. Thanks very much for listening everybody. Yeah that stonker shit in there. It wasn't as bad as maybe Eli sampled, but oh god, it was a proper foggy woof woof. But it was windy. Windy, windy, windy. There were two or three items in there, but like Eli said, there was a few things in there that would have been a definite buy had there been a quid, maybe a two quid cheaper. But, for whatever reason reason oh lordy gonna I might go back there if nothing ends up in my last charity shop today the one further down the road with the pets so the little sweet shop here called PV news I used to go there all

the time for newspapers and whatnot and last-minute birthday cards because I'm awful at remembering birthdates if that that's been you, I apologise, I'm shit at it, so I'm going to pop in and have a quick look for froth shop stuff, see what I can find, and then head down to that charity shop, should I do that, you know what, no, no, charity shop first, with the day being like it is, I'm pretty sure that if I don't go now, it might be closed when I want to go later. So let's do this tootsuite. So if there's nothing there, I can run back and get those expensive things from all aboard. But we'll see.

Then at least I've had three things. I need to get a fourth thing. Ah, shit. Beginning to think East Finchley's got some kind of... interference going on. Because all my electronic devices are off. But I'm getting feedback. Maybe there's a mystery to East Finchley.

Who knows? Talking shit. I'm just going to go to this charity shop with the old angry ladies. Hopefully it's open. hopefully I can find something fun fingers crossed, in we go, next one happy days right, another disappointing visit there in the RSPCA just boring, really boring

I'm sorry about the wind everybody Paul's going to love that isn't he? Yeah I just couldn't find anything. Got one item, an Olympic runners 12-inch which might be good. They're quite good sort of disco funk outfit from the late 70s and I bought something for the price of shots so not doing too badly but I was hoping for more entertainment value from the items from the shop a little update on the poo in the North London hospice the lady with the small child who I suspected of shitting themselves actually came in and it didn't look like there'd been any kerfuffle around them, so I think it was the breath of the man who works in

that shop, which is very unfortunate, because when I say it stank of shit, it was like I was... Anyway. Okay. Onwards and upwards. It's fucking closed. Monday, 9.30 till 5. Push hard, it says.

Am I being an idiot? Yeah. Tuesday, it says. Am I being an idiot? Yeah. Tuesday open once. No toys, no books. Thank you. We have no space. It looks really good in here. I can't go in. There's loads of stuff in there.

I can't go in. Gadgets and paperweights and snow globes and bits and bobs and toys and albums... And I can't go in! Oh, there's a book here about Darwin! I'm fucked off now. Fuck, why is it every time we do an episode like this, things never go our way? Seriously, why? Why do you think that is?

Why do you think, like, when I pick a a car boot sale it closes the minute we get there early because they're just a bunch of cocks? What is it about charity shops that decide arbitrarily to open and close when they fancy it? What is it about walking into arse-foggy shops? Now I've got to... Now I don't know what to do. I've got to go back to my previous three charity shops now. Shit. Oh, I bet Eli got something good out of it. It's angered me now by that. Right, so I better go back to the arse fog shop, see if I can get anything there. Maybe go back to the hospice.

Have a look again. Pick something up. Hey, it's this corner. I apologise if you're hearing this wee sound. Wiry kind of screech. It's only at this corner. Of East Finchley. This whole corner of East Finchley.

Where Fortress Green Road meets... Viceroy Parade? Some strange interference. Or maybe it's the underworld entrance. Or maybe it's the fact there's these fucking security cameras everywhere. CCTV. Who knows? Right, well, I'm heading back to that charity shop then. I'm not happy about this. Not happy. You know there's a saying right? And that saying is never go back. It's true,

just went to that little sweets shop instead to get some fr shop. Almost gutted if it's sweets department. It's all birthday cards, post and cheap booze. There's no candy. So, I'm personally having a pretty underwhelming exploration of East Finchley

today. Maybe that's fate telling me something. There's no more here for you. You've done it all. Maybe that's the plan. I've got to go back now and buy that ship. That is too expensive. I'm going to go to the hospice first.

Go there, have a proper look, because Eli's face put me off, and I bumped into him. So I'm going to go back to the hospice first, check that out, go back to all aboard on the way back, hopefully get three more items. I'm not doing very well. Not doing very well. And these kids give me the V's right now because they see me talking to a muff and one doing the wanker sign.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Hey, listeners. Okay, I just went into Amy's's seeing if i can get a stealth item something uh outside paul's comfort zone outside his usual area of operation with the old price of shite i managed to get a discounted lerpac themed tea towel so i'm hoping that's going to bamboozle the old rascal and i'm going to be able to get some much needed points on the price of shine. OK, and then I've basically got one item left to get. And it is the worst item, the worst thing possible. What is the worst thing possible? I did see a hairbrush iPhone holder combo thing. That's pretty bad, but I'm hoping something

much worse is going to pop its ugly little head out and really make that new segment work, which I'm hoping will work. Better fucking work. Anyway, heading down to possibly the funkiest of all the charity shops here in East Finchley, the Animal Aid one, near the Phoenix Cinema. Over and out. So, Candy got hospice, found something. It's a very costly item, but I managed to haggle it down because the bulb wasn't working and it didn't come with something so I said well because it doesn't come with this and that I need

to replace it how about can I have it for the o'clock so I got it for the o'clock oh I spoilt it now but don't worry because Eli doesn't need to know that's the main thing I'm going the wrong way I don't want to go to that shop again. I'm going to go back to All Aboard, or All Abowls more like. Yeah? This show is better when I have to bounce off Eli. I mean, I think I can accept that as being truth. Right, okay, on we go. Last store. I know what I'm going to get from that last place. Again, two slightly more costly items. One extremely expensive for the shit that it is. But I'm going to get it anyway because I honestly think Eli's going to hate it and find it useless.

So, here we go. Finchley Youth Activity Centre on my left as I walk down now. Space for young children to do talent shows and learn things. Which is good. But yeah, it's funny being back. I haven't been back here properly in years. Having a mince about, seeing what there is. Hope Eli's calling me, because if he is,

then he's going to find out that basically my phone's on airplane mode. So, I've bought my tings and now I'm going to go to all aboard and buy those two tings and then that's it I might have gone a bit over the £5 budget though froth shop doesn't count see I'm at the corner again

it's getting that beep beep beep beep beep interesting alright here we go back to all aboard one last time hold your breath in we go well here i am outside animal aid and advice uh the funkiest of the charity shops here in east finchley it's grotty and dingy and it is 100 shut no reason, the stroppy grannies must have gone for a fag or something. Or maybe just fucked off home. And there's some items in there.

I'm looking at a Sphinx. Other cat things. Two pairs of binoculars. Some little red baby shoes. Ooh, more vintage cameras. There's a mobile phone from the early 2000s by Alba, and some costume jewellery there, and it's shut. No explanation, nothing. And I still haven't found my really awful thing, so I'm just going to wander down towards the station where I'm meeting

Paul, maybe I can get something, a left field awful thing, perhaps a terrible foodstuff. Some kind of fish maybe or something along those lines. We'll see. It's getting very busy here now. I suppose we are heading towards the rush hour. Right, all things are bought now. I've decided to forego the shit thing that there's no... I'll tell you what it is because I didn't buy it. I bought... I didn't buy, rather.

It's a comb, a big comb for a big brush, for your big hair, that has a place to stick your phone in. So you can give yourself a comb and then take a fucking selfie. There's that noise again. What's it with this corner? So I bought, I've got three items. I've got a opposite bad, good, thing, whatever Eli's idea is. He says for months, literally four weeks ago, he came up with this idea. And even then it was based off something I suggested to him so deal with that. Now I've got to go find where Eli's gone,

I presume back to the station and again if he's calling me I ain't picking up mate. Don't know how I feel about my purchases, one quite expensive, two a bit daft. One I just run out of time and effort for, so I grabbed it. Disappointing, disappointing findings. And the fact that I've been denied access to the animal aid and advice store is deeply depressing. No, look, that guy's just gone in.

It's closed. He looks as flummoxed as me. Oh, just walked past me all flat, mate. But she's blanked me. All right, well, that guy's just gone in. It's closed. He looks as flummoxed as me. Oh, just walked past me old flatmate. But she's blanked me. All right, well, that's awkward. Right. So, let's go find everyone's favourite hairy yeti, Mr. Silverman. So, I'm walking back to East Finchley Station and I thought

there's a, there's a, he likes sitting on a wall and it was an old woman so it wasn't him, so I don't know where he is I thought I'd be late again, and he'd be the one the little angry man Little angry man. Little angry man Sawyers.

But overall, return to East Finchley. Yeah, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Cafe's been replaced by a subway. It's great. I wonder where Eli is. I should turn my phone back on really because he's probably calling and trying to get in touch oh so I gotta go pee pee

so let's just check the station see if he's here because you never know oh there he is look at him what's he doing I'm going to sneak up on him I'm going to sneak up there he is

he's frightened you ok I'm here to sneak up on him. I'm going to sneak up. There he is. There he is. Ah, he's frightened you. All right, hello. Okay, I'm here waiting for Paul at our predetermined meeting point inside of East Finchley Underground Station. People really do give you funny looks if you talk into a recorder. I don't know what the problem is.

If the recorder was my phone, no one would have an issue with it. But the people are giving me stink eye one after the other coming through the gates there. I don't know where Paul is. I actually do have enough items. There he is.

There he is. Right. They give you the stink eye, don't they? Something rotten. With regards to what? When you're on a recorder. The guy just gave me a look like,

he fucking, and the, Mr. Breath, as I'm going to call him, from fucking, did you go in there? Yeah. Did you smell his breath?

Mate, I don't know if it's his breath, but the definite arse honk. He had shat himself. No, what I think is that the toilet's too close to the shop, and he left the door open after dropping, what might be,

all of his, all of his contents, over the weekend. That was one of the words. No, I think that was a breath thing. And it's a bad. You know, they say, well, you know, you can work. It's a charity.

He's volunteering. No one wants him there. Because his breath is like Satan's arse. Well, I went in, right? I bought a few items from there. You went where? Into all aboard. You know what?

I missed the animal one. Can we just get the fuck out of these noisy, youthful pricks? Shall we go down the far end? Where there's a bit of quiet? Yes, reconvene down the far end. Let's convene in our grotto. Wasn't it Eli? Yes, Eli, it was.

Say yes, Uncle Eli. Yes, Uncle Eli. Thank you. Thank you. It was a good idea we're reconvening now Paul down the far end

where perhaps people won't give us a bad look just for doing a podcast this one guy that guy said I heard I saw you were recording

and I was like yeah do a podcast and he said what's it about and I just said social issues good social issues

social issues and then I I got two things right I got two things, right? I got two things and I put them down and I went, can I take, can I get these please? And he went, okay. Picked up one, scanned it and he went, that'll be a mount. Obviously I can't tell you. And I was like, oh, and there's this. And he goes, you should have given to me both at the same time. I said, what part of the sentence where I said, can I get these? And they're both on the you know

and this is the breath man we're talking about this breath man I had a problem with breath man from the word go something smelly about him

there certainly is I said he said what were you recording I said oh it's for my own use oh he asked you as well yeah

it's for my own use he said I know I know it is and this breath smell shit so bad, Paul. The deepest shit. The deepest. Maybe a lady backstage likes it.

And so, like, part of the deal is he does the shop front. But when it's time, he goes backstage and she craps in his mouth and he goes back. There's something about charity shops and feces, man. Can I just say? Me squatting and saying shat in his mouth as two 15 year old girls walk past and then start laughing and pointing at me really disconcerting we can't do this in public mate right outside the school i've just realized oh is this why it was your favorite location because it's right outside the school no i didn't know that it was you didn't know there was a bunch of

15 year old girls about to come out now of course i didn't the whole place has got a lot busier whilst we've been doing our mission you're going to turn this podcast into Finding Neverland, aren't you? You're going to end up being one of those things that gets shown and then no one can listen to our podcast again. Why? Because I've abused children. Is that what you said? Just come out and say it. Is that something to make a joke about, Paul? The fact that I potentially could be a paedophile?

Is that... Do you want to say that louder right outside of school? But you started it. No, I didn't. There was no part of that that suggested that. I was inferring the possibility, but didn't want you to come outside and say it, did I? Especially right outside of school with children coming out. They're here to come.

More children. Right, well, then we're going to have to get out of here because this is what worked out great. We're going to take the bus now back home now, Paul. Because it was shut. The animal one was shut. Yeah, I went there. Closed.

And it looked good. It looked excellent. And there was no sign of anything. Nothing at all. What's the debate about? What's the debate about? What's your name? Mohammed. Oh, you're about to be in a very crass podcast.

A what? A very crass podcast. I don't mind. That's fine. How old are you? 16. I can't legally speak to you. Right, we're done. Thank you. All right, take care, kids.

This is awkward now. Let's get on a bus, Paul. Right, did you want to look you. All right, take care, kids. This is awkward now, so... Let's get on a bus, Paul. Right. Did you want to look at where you lived or have you gone past it already? Oh, it was way up there. It's way up there. Fuck it, then.

I can't be arsed. Were you depressed there? Yes. Shall we go past where I was depressed? No, that's at the top of the hill as well. We will on the bus. Yeah, we'll go past on the bus and we'll briefly go...

We both were depressed on the bus. Not depressed on the bus. Where we were depressed. On the pass. We'll go past. Can I and we'll briefly go... We both were depressed on the bus. Not depressed on the bus, where we were depressed. On the bus, we'll go past. Can I just say, the last four minutes of us talking nonce chat and then speaking to 15-year-old kids, really upsetting. Why? I don't know.

You know what upset me? People giving me the hatred eyes. The hatred eyes for just recording. If I'd been speaking into my phone, no one bats an eyelid, do they? Just because you've got a little recorder with a muff on it, a pop guard on it, they're like, ooh, where's he? He must be, you know, reporting on something.

I like the fact that he said, what's the debate about? Rather than, what are you two dirty old men doing outside our school? We don't look... Oh, God, just drop that. No, we do. We do. It's just the way it is. We live in a culture now.

Something I like about this station, Paul, is this little thoroughfare that you don't have to don't have to um touch in or out it's actually part of the route that goes through the station like a subway but it's not a subway because it's above ground what would you call this thoroughfare that we're walking down right now alley an internal alley yeah i met her once she was hot you ever met did she do did she put things in her bum or something? Yeah, can I also just say,

to the person who got in touch with me on Instagram and said, here, show Eli this video of a man putting his head up a lady's fanny. I'm sure he'd like to see it. I won't. I don't. I will not. I literally said, it's nice to know that it exists, but I am not fucking watching it.

No, I don't want to watch it, but I was right, though. You were right. What are you doing now? I need, oh, no, I've got a drink, haven't I? We're good. We're good to get on the bus. Let's get the hell out of East Finchley. And I got some froth. All right, so let's join the bus stop. I've got some items, Paul. Oh, Cherry Tree Woods. A number of times I used to, just to get out the house. Which way are you going? Archway? Archway and across? Or do you want to go up to Muswell Hill and through? Muswell Hill from here. And then the 144 back down to Turnpike Lane.

Fine. Happy with that. I thought you might have been suggesting going down to Archway and then across from there. Nah. Nah. Archway is quite depressing for me as well. Oh, there's a smell of egg.

Oh. Memories of East Finchleychley dog shit breath and egg so anyway here we are at the bus stop i'm going to stop recording now because there's a as well the 603 should we do that that might be a windy behind the route sort of bus it's exciting we might have a hail and ride section let's do that let's fucking do that a bit of fun a bit of fun on our day out in miserable East Finchley. I did have some fun. I thought the charity shops were a bit dry, Paul. Yeah, they were today. I was a bit disappointed. Which is why I was forced to get an item for the price of shite from a shop that wasn't a charity shop.

Fine. That's fine. A reduced item. It's a branded reduced item from another shop, Paul. Well, as I say, I'm excited. I'm fine with those. Have you got some froth for us? Got some interesting froth. I saw those records. Very strange. Oh, the trance thing?

White labels, yeah. I think they're just, someone's been going through a collection and he's written charity shop where he found it. Okay. I think he found it at a British Red Cross charity shop. Just labelled it that. And it's trance.

It's probably sort of generic dancey trance music. Did you see that big vinyl of Café Creme? I did, yes. You left that out for me, didn't you? I put it at the front, yeah. We're leaving little Easter eggs for each other in little charity shops around East Finchley. Because it's what, the 12-inch version of that?

I think it's the LP version. They seem to be doing a medley of every single Beatles song, basically. Because we had the 7-inch, but that just had... It's the 603. It had a disco medley, didn't it, on one side? Yeah. Of several of the Beatles, especially the early hits. But that had, like...

All of it. Fucking shitloads of tracks. Right, let's get on the 603. We're heading there now. Excellent. Yeah. Start again. Hello. Yeah, start again. Hello. Hello, we're on the bus.

And Eli just said he used to live in a flat where a man made boffy stew below him. It was very boffy. He took old mutton and boiled it for hours. And I went past where I used to live, Fairlawn Avenue in East Finchley, which, again, tiny little room, reasonably depressed most of my time there, mostly very stoned and inactive as well, I must say that. And I think I mashed my cock and maybe the most in my life in that room.

Maybe. What, most in one day or just sort of the most? Just in general. As that period of my life, that chapter, I think my penis saw some considerable abuse. And we're going past the Manor Health and Leisure Club there on the left. That's an old mock Tudor building that there is now. Some nice old buildings up here. Yeah, as I say, very villagey round here.

It's still London, but, you know, leafy. It's the leafy side of London. And a few celebrities live around here. You won't mind, but Rory, who was the guy, one of the characters in Doctor Who, he used to live around here. Comedian Bob Mills used to live around here, I believe. And also two of the League of Jetmen, I think, live around here.

They still do, or they used to? I don't know if they've moved since, but Rhys Shearsmith used to live not too far away from where I lived, and I bumped into him every now and then. And even though I admire and respect his work, he looks grumpy 24-7. Really? He looked very grumpy? Very grumpy.

Face like thunder? Yeah, I mean, that's fine. Just because he's a comedian doesn't mean he has to smile all the fucking time. You'd hope so, though. Give a little back, Paul. I smile at people, yeah? People see me. That's not true.

I mean, remember when Lindsay saw you and you just shrugged off? She said, like, hi, Eli, and you completely ignored her when she saw you in Swiss Cottage. I did not completely ignore her. I curtly nodded and acknowledged the presence of someone I know slightly. So, when she turned around to me not too

long after and said, does Eli hate me? Because when I said hello, he went, and walked on. She's just being oversensitive. Right, okay, good. So, heading into Muswell walked on. He's just being oversensitive. Right, okay, good. So, heading into Muscle Hill now. Now, it's interesting, because there's a few good charity shops around here, so maybe we come back to Muscle Hill in the future.

I'd like to do that. I'd like to be more prepared. Maybe start earlier in the day, Paul. Maybe not on a day after I've been DJing. But it was the only day we could do this week. I understand that. And by DJing, read as get insanely drunk and take a lot of drugs. No, no, no, no. And suffer daily afterwards.

No, no, no. I had a commitment to DJ last night. I did it. I bought some Chinese food on the way home, which was very, very misguided. You know when you walk into a place and you think, mistake. But you've committed to it. I've committed to it and I should not have. Someone looked at me

like, with an angry look and I said, can I get some food? He went, Chinese? And they obviously didn't, I hadn't noticed,

I thought it was just a Chinese but it was a Chinese and Indian and Thai which means it was horrible slop of the worst order. Do you know what I mean? Yeah,

and I presume what went in sloppy came out sloppy. It's bubbling and a grumbling. See, there's a charity shop there, Children's Air Ambulance, North London Hospice. That's got some stuff in it. That's funky.

There's like two cancer researchers and a heart foundation around the corner. So maybe we should do Muswell Hill. We might even end up with a more... I mean, part of me wanted to do East Vintage just for the nostalgia, but after being there for an hour or so, I regret it. Really? Why? Because it was depressing

and everything's changed, but kind of still the same. East Finchley, eh? Anyway, that's East Finchley and this is Muswell Hill, very pretty time. This is where, where was that serial killer? Where did he live? He lived up there, didn't he? Dennis Nilsen, yeah. If you turn right

up down there. Down there, basically. Up that road. Can't read that road right now. The bus is in the perfect position where it's Mill Hill Road. Okay, there we go. No, Muswell Hill Road. Yeah, he lived up there. That's where he famously...

He wasn't actually on Muswell Hill Road. He was on one just off it. Cranley Gardens, is it? I think so, yeah. Cranley Gardens, yeah. And that's where he tried to flush the body down the toilet and ended up blocking up the sewers, didn't he? Yes.

Saying it was KFC. He said it was KFC, didn't he? Oh, no, that looks like a human limb. Well, as they said in the last podcast, even though that's the infamous letter dress, that's where he did the least of his murders. He only did three or four there, didn't he? Compared to the other where he got...

He got a 10 in the previous address, which he had to leave because it was too full of corpse, wasn't it? I mean, you know, when you get booted out for having a flat that smells of reeking death, you're going to get nudged on he got nudged on up to here up to a cancer research shelter there's actually more charity shops up here in muswell hill than there are in east finchley pool there we go got another future episode already in the bags the views are better up here look at that i love the view from up here that's an amazing view because it's all of crazy take a picture with your phone let's take a shot

you do it we'll cut we'll wait till we're off the bus and we'll have of crazy take a picture with your phone let's take a shot you do it we'll cut we'll wait till we're off the bus and we'll have a little take a shot yeah no but you can get it when on that street because as we go past slowly you can take a picture do as you're told okay right so here we go oh miller and carter steakhouse now that used to be um an irish pub look that potential the the firkin what What was that place? Firkin and... No, that used to be a Wetherspoons or something. O'Neill's.

O'Neill's, yeah, but it also used to be a Frog and Firkin or whatever. What were those pubs called? I can't remember. I think they've gone out or they're not in London anymore but they're called

the Firkin and whatever. Firkin crap. God, the comedy's great in this podcast, isn't it? There's another one there, Potential. It's a nice one. Oh, another Terry shot? Yeah.

No, there's a silver mug of beer. Oh. Quickly now, quickly now. Is it time? He's taking a picture. Exciting. Oh, there's a man playing a saxophone. What kind of saxophone is that?

It's very thin. It's the type of saxophone known as a clarinet. I don't think that's a clarinet. It is. It looks like a little saxophone. We're going to have to ask him. I'd say that's a clarinet. I've lost interest now.

Right, we're going slowly up that road so you can take a picture soon, all right? You might get a perfect shot. Oh, no, there's trees. Cancer research. There's a lady who works in one of these who's very beautiful. And my heart skips a beat. This is it. We have to get off, Paul. Oh, I know. I was just saying. No, we have to get off Paul. Oh I know, I was just saying.

No, we have to literally get off. Let's do that, let's get off the bus. Muswell Hill just passing through but there's a fair few charity shops here. There really are. There's an Oxfam round the corner, there's a bookshop. Oh, lots of people. There's one there, wow. Yeah, and there's two charity shops down the road there.

There's an animal one. All Dogs charity. All Dogs? Yeah. It's for all dogs? All dogs. So that's that. And there's a little pawn shop there as well.

You know those little cool pawn shops where you can, gold and silver traded. Yeah, it's good round here. Part two of this ongoing new series and silver traded. Yeah, it's good round here. Well, part two of this ongoing new series of split episodes. Yeah. I crossed the road. Crossed the road.

And that Jenny's there, Jenny's, that's basically a wimpy. It's a wimpy in all but name. Basically, yeah. I still haven't got a shot of that wimpy remnant in my local kebab shop. Well, next time you remember, make sure you get hold of that wimpy remnant.

It's pretty awkward, you know, because I have to negotiate why you're taking a photo of our wimpy remnant. You know, they might want to charge me extra. Just fucking say to them, I'm taking a picture of a wimpy remnant. If you don't appreciate it, I'll take a picture and show what it will. Shall I say, a large kofta, please, large lamb kofta, and I'll just have a quick snap of the wimpy remnant, yeah? Yeah, and they'll go, yes, of course, sir. You asked politely, therefore you'll get your wish.

Can I have a cup of tea as well? No, fuck out, you bis-bastard. You bis-bastard. Shut up. Shut up. I can't believe I found it so funny that you called a chemist a pharmacy shop. Pharmaceutical outlet, you said, or something like that. It doesn't matter anymore.

Nothing matters. What bus are we getting now, anyway? The 144. So that one's at Edmonton Green. I need to figure out... The only thing was right about the bus stop, Paul, because we are on the right side to catch the 144, straight back to Turnpike Lane. Hooray, we did it! A hook with a four-four! Four, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.

Yeah, whatever. You take the piss out of me being professional. When you do it, you just sound like a Butlins host. What's that? It's a memorial for Keith Blakelock, who I believe was the police officer killed in the Broadmoor... Oh, riots? The estate. There's an estate up near me.

Yeah. And he was famously murdered in that riot. But it's just a memorial saying he served here for three years, from 81 to 85, for four years. Oh, that's nice, then. Thoughts from the Haringey Police? Strange. Ah, bless.

Well, maybe there used to be a police station here. I mean who knows there's a one on the corner just up there. That's a police station. That must have to do with this memorial then. So there we go. We're just gonna wait for the 144 then now. I'll check my bus up and if there's time. Well there's one waiting without a driver in and it's going to come down now. Are they going to that little hut in the middle, do you think, still? And what do they do in there, do you think? Mash it. Really?

I mean, no. I don't honestly think bus drivers get off and then mash it in a little hut and then get back on. The W7 might be good for us as well, mate. Let's check the route. Let's check the route. Let's check the route. No, not really. Turnpike lane? No. Goes through Crouch and so it goes right round.

Not good for us. Not good for us. We'll just wait for the 144 as per agreed. OK. Right. Signing off. Oh for fuck's sake. I swear to God. What? I understand. it's sometimes handy to have

a press once to get ready and then press again to record. But sometimes I just want it to fucking record. I was talking about the mural that you can see as you come out of Turnpike. Let's see a little memory test. Can you remember what is depicted on the mural at Turnpike Life bus station that we had a discussion about? Literally 30 seconds ago. The answer's no. No. UFO. Yeah.

Lauren Hardy. Yeah. Felix the Cat. Yeah. Popeye. Yeah. Fred Astaire. Yeah.

Charlie Chaplin. Yeah. Olive Oil. Yeah. That's it, isn't it? And the UFO did I say that yeah

he got them and I was I was suggesting that maybe the UFO as part of the mural even at being odd

suggested maybe it was aliens gave us Fred Astaire yes yeah so we're walking back to the

house of pickles now where we will soon lay down our words and give part two of this thrilling, possibly misjudged idea. Possibly. I thought we'd try something different.

All right, it'll be all right. Sauce it and then talk it. Sauce it and talk it episode. Sauce it and talk it episode. Well, I'm going to get the bus from here, Paul. Why? It's like a seven-minute walk, tops. I don't want to walk for seven minutes. Perhaps I don't want to.

Perhaps I'm tired. Yeah? You've done nothing. I've walked around East Finchley. It's not that big. I've walked around East Finchley and I could easily walk just a few minutes to your door. Well, look, I'll give you the keys

and I'll meet you back there. No, because then that means you'll get the bus before you get there, and then you'll be waiting for me then. Exactly. So what are you going to do about it? I'm going to fucking bend and crumple and do what you want. Crumple what? Crumple and bend. Can you bend over?

Go on. No, I'm not going to go on if you're going to... I'll let you out of the house Oh Paul Right let's get a bus and then head on to the House of Pickles We'll do a sum up

when we get back to yours We'll do a sum up and then wrap it up How long is it till 141? Two minutes Should have walked the opposite way then

shouldn't we? This is fine. Disagree. Disagree. No. Disappointed. I can't remember how the meme goes. Disappointed. It goes like that. Disappointed.

We've arrived not too far away from the House of Pickles. Yes, we're just around the corner. We had a little sneaky pop into the local charity shop, didn't we, Paul? And we saw a very interesting item. Monty Scrabble computer, which seems to be some kind of massive red box with buttons on that helps you play against the computer for Scrabble. Well it's your opponent, Monty is your opponent and there were cards with it. We were just about to snap it up weren't we Paul but there was seemed to be an issue when we opened the battery

compartment it looks like there was some chips missing. It felt like there were microchips missing or certainly I didn't want to get it without knowing it needed to have them in, which it could also be extra slots. I don't know. We need to do some research and then come back on that. But we'll put a picture up on the website again. So that's it.

We're heading to the House of Pickles. We're stocked up with all our goodies. How are you feeling going into the next episode? Is it going to be in we're doing two episodes yeah this is part one us chatty chatty chatting and part two is cheap show the usual shit we're spreading this way thin man fuck off i'm just trying to do something different see the process see how the sausage is made that's all i'm doing milk milk lemonade around the corner sausage time um so so yeah uh how are you feeling you got confident you're confident that what you've bought is good is good well

yes right interesting items paul yeah i also have some interesting items now pricey items i think i can i can admit up front but front but well you gave us the budget of ten which is bigger than what we usually spend on Price of Shite for example isn't it

true you bought some frothy stuff I bought some froth I bought a very bad thing I bought Price of Shite stuff so

I'm good to go and so am I so why don't you join us next week after this reasonably disappointing episode for part two of our adventure to eat Finchley am I? So, why don't you join us next week after this reasonably disappointing episode for part two of our adventure

to East Finchley. And next week you're going to find out what we... Well, I mean, some of you already know because we've probably told you. But Eli won't know and Eli's going to find out what I bought last week and I'm going to find out what Eli bought next week. It's very exciting. Last week. Next week

because this is going out now so i'm talking about the thing that's yet to happen well why are you down there love shut up he dropped the keys and i did that gag about knobbing um right that's it we're entering the house of pickles we'll see you next week again join us if you want in the conversation all things cheap show if you want to find out more and get involved with the cheapskates You can You can go to Reddit You can go to Facebook I can't smell gas I can't smell it

Or did you just fart And I'm walking into it Is that what you mean by gas leak No Have you become all aboard man Shit breath Rectum gob Oh no itum gob Oh yeah

Now I can smell the lovely Lynx Africa Anyway You can find us on Reddit Look for Cheap Show You can find us on Tumblr You can find us on Facebook Twitter is At the Cheap Show Pod

I'm at Paul Gannon Show Eli is Eli Snoid E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D I smell the Lynx down in Africa And Email us anything you fancy The Cheap Show N-O-I-D. I smell the links down in Africa. And email us anything you fancy. Thecheapshow at gmail.com. That's all for now.

Pictures and videos accompanying this episode can be found at our website, thecheapshow.co.uk. And if you're a Patreon supporter, thank you. You're amazing. Patreon.com. Patreon.com forward slash cheap show is what you want. And it's what you get. we're in the house of pickles join us next week as we dish out our wares

thank you thank you and goodbye say goodbye Eli goodbye Paul oh we're in the kitchen of the house of pickles oh it's bleeding through just like your arsehole does

after all that curry bleeds through should have ended it yeah Should have ended it. Yeah. Should have ended it professionally. That's why we're never winning awards.