CheapShow - Ep 118: Tat Hunt: Bum Of Justice

Episode Date: March 15, 2019

It's Part Two of Tat Hunt! Paul & Eli return home to the House of Pickles with their East Finchley Booty to see who made the best charity shop discoveries. What sugary treats did Paul discover for the Froth Shop? What gets Eli deeply upset and jealous? Who will reign victorious in the first ever "Price of Shite VS Battle!" and also we discover two new characters... That we hope to never perform again. Welcome to CheapShow! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos for this episode can be seen at... https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-118-tat-hunt-bum-of-justice If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

it's part two it's part two do you know what I've got Paul? cystitis apart from that chlamydia apart from that hopelessness

noodle crotch oh you got noodle you know what I forgot it's noodle crotch news tell us about noodle crotch well I was making a noodle Paul and I was really looking forward to it

it's Taiwanese noodle it was a pot noodle variety where you get the uh the receptacle that holds the noodle what are you fucking bored of this i know what happens it's a receptacle yeah it was what was interesting about the noodle which i believe was a numbing pepper uh beef flavor noodle was that it had three packs of goodness. But that's unusual for a cup noodle style noodle. Anyway, you spilled it on your cock. I

prepared it with my usual... You prepared your cock. I prepared it with my usual rigour. Three packs. Ooh, smells good. Puffs hard. And then I brought it into my room Yeah

A house of pickles Put it on The eating bench A stool The stool of eating The stool that I usually sit on To record Cheap Show And watch I eat off

Yeah Not at the same time Good And I spilt loads of it Onto my crotch And it burnt my belly About as well It burnt your belly

And it gave your crotch a nice noodley waft. It's got a numbing pepper waft coming off my crotch area. Imagine if you had dipped your junk in that spicy numbing pepper. I might have got the Finder's pancake dig. To this day, that's the most disturbing headline I've ever seen.

What? I made love to a Finder's crispy pancake and it cooked my knob. Oh. It cooked it. Oh. I didn't know where my cock ended and the cheesy bacon filling started. Anyway, welcome to Cheap Show. Cheap Show, ladies and gentlemen.

The economy comedy podcast for your ears. Jumble sales, jumble sales, jumble sales. Jumble sales. Jumble sales. Paul, can we go. Jumble sales, jumble sales, jumble sales. Palance charity shops and... Jumble sales. Paul, can we go to jumble sales? Can we go to jumble sales? I want to go to a jumble sale.

All right, you find one and we'll go. I want to go to a jumble sale. I want to go to a jumble sale. I want to go to a jumble sale and buy someone's old jumper. Welcome to Jeep Show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, alright? It's a fact of Cheap Show, you're going to have to fucking reset.

Noodle time. Tales from the dance floor How's the big guy? The price of the site This is for Gun and Take Hello Eli Silver. Welcome to Geek Show. I go and I nuzzle.

He's got the mold. Now, talking of pointless music, you've had a very terrible earworm all this week. And do you know what, Paul? What? Give us the earworm. You don't have to sing it. You just describe it. The song.

So, for no reason, I woke up a couple of days ago with this song stuck in my head. And it was Babylon Zoo, Spacecraft. Spaceman. That's what the tune's called. Spaceman. Why do you always want to go into Space Man? Into galactic crimes. Now, that was a Levi's ad, do you remember?

That's what made it popular. It was a Levi's ad. Levi's picked it up, put it on their ad, and then it was so popular that they released it as a single. Yeah, but you know what the problem is with that song? It it's just that hook and then there's nothing else to it the song that they use in the in the advert it's a sped up version of the song because apparently if i remember the details correctly a dj played it at the wrong speed by accident and thought it was a dance hit and so tumble down effect, that ended up getting remixed

into the original version of the song, which is much more dirgy and, you know, Brit poppy. Okay, it was more on the rock end rather than the dance end

of the spectrum. Babylon Zoo, the band that made it, basically went... You say band. No, it's that knob end from Wolverhampton. It was one knob end.

It was all like, my music needs to be more circular. Did he say that? Something like that. But, it is one of the worst earworms of all time yeah

it's that hook when he goes intergalactic crime that just goes through your head space man I always wanted you to go

into space man and it's like someone said say it intergalactic crime space man space man terrible earworm I don't know why it's such a terrible earworm

I don't know why it's such a terrible earworm It's just like that a lot of songs do you remember that other song from the 90s that was similar but it has faded more

into obscurity now Your Woman That's good I really like that That was apparently one of the first songs by an independent artist where the whole song

was done on a guy's computer at home and he just did it himself and then released it That's a good tune and he didn't go on and then released it. But that's actually got, that's a good tune. And he didn't go on TV saying that sound

needed to be more circular or whatever. No, he didn't. In fact, I don't believe he did anything after that. It was just that one Your Woman song. It was a hit, yeah.

Bum bum, ba bum bum. I liked it. I liked it. It's not bad. It's well worth investigating. It's probably on now 36. Anyway,

welcome to Cheap Show. This is part two of our little adventure. Part deux on now 36. Anyway, welcome to the Cheap Show. This is part two of our little adventure. Part deux. Part dois. Where we went to East Finchley. A place that me and Eli have connections to. We both lived there.

We lived there. We're depressed. I was my most depressed there. I was at my most depressed there. But here we are. We're out of that. But we went back. We're out of that now.

And I don't know. Going back there. Eh. It's alright. I saw an know. Going back there. Eh. It's all right. I saw an old flatmate. Did you really? And blank me. Did she really?

Because to be fair, I think she saw me with a recorder in my hand and was like, I'm not going anywhere near that hot shit. But it's someone I need to know. Yeah, I think so. Who? Oh, yeah. I'll edit it out. She blanked you?

Yeah. What a fucking bitch. No, I just think she saw me recording and thought, oh, I'm not getting involved in that shit. I'm not doing that. Head down, plough on. She could still say hello and say, I don't want to get involved.

Look, there's a possibility she didn't recognise me. There's a possibility. Because, you know, I'm sexier now than I was back then. You're very recognisable. I'm very handsome and sexy and I'm all modern. So, of course, she didn't recognise me. When Sheila saw me, I was probably crying. Crying.

So anyway, we went back to E.T. I spilt a noodle on my bollocks. Did I just... You've made that a bit of an affair. And unlike the incident the other day where I spilt a cup of tea onto my crotch, which was surprisingly nice. I think we've learnt that Eli's developing a new kink

where he pours hot objects onto his neglected penis. Hot objects? Seems like they're like solid objects. Like I heat up a garden gnome and then drop it on my cot.

You could do. I'd like to see that. I'd like to see it. What? You'd like to see that? You'd like... We're recording not in the House of Pickles

by the way. We're in the... House of Sausage and Eggs. Yes. Of course. The painting. That's what I call it mash and sausage and eggs

all there in a big scrumptious pile it's the room of mash and sausage and eggs I like this room it's got a great big Tabasco bottle and it's got big

Snapple bottles big Snapple inflatable Snapple bottles as well people who saw the 50th episode video probably recognised them was there a video

yeah I remember we did a pre-show video live on YouTube it was us going oh it's exciting it's our 50th can't believe it now here we are recognise them. Was there a video? Yeah, we did a pre-show video live on YouTube. It was us going, oh, it's exciting. It's our 50th.

Can't believe it. Now here we are 115, 16 or whatever. maybe we should at 150 mark time by having two guests on and playing a bunch of games again.

Yeah, I think we should. I think that's what we like to do. Have people come in and have a lovely time. Have a lovely time. Now,

before we get started on the things that we bought in East Finchley and we're now going to review accordingly and all that stuff that we always do, there are a couple of points I would like to make. One, Winky. Yeah, let's get Winky out of the way. Let's get Winky out of the way.

So, ladies and gentlemen, he has one. I can't ever have a Winky now. We'll get you a Winky. I guarantee you someone's bought a Winky in the sentence. I deserve a Winky being the founder of this. I found that Winky in the sentence. I think I deserve a Winky being the founder of this. I found that Winky. It was languishing, that record, in the bottom of a bin of records in Soho. Languishing.

Sitting there. No one wanted it. And yet we've caused... It said French Electro on it. I gave Winky a chance. You did. I brought Winky into our world. Yeah.

You put Winky in your ears and were delighted by what Winky brought. And little did I know Winky would be such a strange thing winky has developed into a delightful curio and the offshoot of it is yes we bought the badgers but also people who listen to the podcast found out about it went on to ebay and started buying badgers and now there's a shortage, a worldwide shortage of Winkies. There's a Winky ration going on. There's a Winky drought. A Winky drought. And apparently one of the guys who was selling these individually got in touch with... Why does everyone want a Winky now?

Yes, like, I've had these for 30 years and no one's touched them. And now everyone's buying my Winkies. It's extremely puzzling. They want my Winky. And then he goes, did a popular YouTube channel mention it? Yes, maybe they did. No. It was a podcast.

Sloppy Cult Podcast did it. So Winkies are selling out across the world. We've Nostalgia Nerd bought one. And what else did you want to mention? What else? What else? What else? So Winkies sell out.

We're going to do an English language version of the song. I've had a few people give me different variations of the translation. Yeah, because some people are better at French, I guess, or some people know the nuances. Well, as you know, Paul, translation is very much an art form and not an exact science. It's all about context, isn't it? Je suis un big balls. You have a big balls. I have a big balls.

Je suis a throbbing honky. you have a big balls I have a big balls I am a throbbing honky I am I have a quern I am a

croc noodle juice with spicy spicy I've got numbing pepper

seeping into my pants oh that you'd never hear me say that no usually it's

seeping out of your pants from your wounded arse I spilled noodle water hot noodle water all over my knob no that's why I've come back to

that I've come back to it when I spilled hot tea onto my knob the other day yeah I thought oh in the moment it

happened I thought oh no I've burnt my dick but it wasn't that hot because I'd been sitting there for a little while and it was actually really nice like getting into the bath but I wasn't that hot because I'd been sitting there for a little while and it was actually really nice

like getting into the bath but I wasn't in the bath or that feeling you'd get if you pissed your pants yeah but I hadn't that's the main thing so I was sort of like oh

ooh now I'm beginning there was a moment of lovely crotch warmth I'm beginning to think you actually pissed your pants and you're retelling the story to justify you

getting off you'd love that wouldn't you what you to piss your pants you'd love it You'd love that, wouldn't you? What? You to piss your pants? You'd love it. You'd love it if I did it now. I think I was ringing it in front of you.

Go on. No, of course I won't. Piss your pants. Shut up. No, I shall never do that for you. Piss your pants. I won't piss my pants for you.

How much is it going to take me? £75 cash. I will do it. All right. Good to know. I'll just stand here and piss myself. Yeah. I'll stand in a bucket £75 cash. I will do it. All right. Good to know. I'll just stand here and piss myself. Yeah.

I'll stand in a bucket. No. What I'll do is I'll lie between your legs and you'll spread them above me and you'll just let it all run. No, that's 500 quid. Is it? Yeah. If you're getting off on it, it needs more money.

We'll negotiate. Anyway, that winky. Also, Keith Armstrong. We're going to go back to this properly, but a lot of people did get in touch with us about Neil Armstrong. Keith Armstrong. Not Neil Armstrong. That's unrelated.

But Keith Armstrong, the guy who did that song. Space Broogie backed with Amazing Grace. And Amazing Grace, yeah. So a lot of people got in touch to say, oh, I found stuff out because, long story short, he was disabled and he was a big activist for disabled rights, disability rights. So was he in a wheelchair? Yeah.

That kind of disability. So I'm going to go through that properly and boil it down to the point. And we'll give him the due respect we'd be giving Winky, frankly. Because, again, that was a double haul of fascinating platter. It was a good platter. Yeah, very good platter. Good platters there. And it might be a platter that might be interesting today that I've picked up in East Finchley, Paul.

I went to the Victory Cafe on Eversholt Street. Oh, yeah. And I took a photo outside on Eversholt Street. Oh, yeah. And I took a photo outside and sent it to you. Remember that? Yeah. And you said, RIP Winky. Not Winky. Keith Armstrong. Oh, yeah. I think Mr. Armstrong would have hated Winky's corporateness. Maybe. Wouldn't he?

They'd be opposed to each other. Oh, wait. One last point. You know that video with the stone cat in the wrap? Someone got on Twitch with me to say that that's just sampled from an m&m track no he's wrong no someone said that track that they use in that um french thing is just an m&m backing track that he's doing his own thing in that video yeah it could be it's not an m&m backing track it's a sample that m&m must have used on one of his records that's i hate this fucking illiteracy about how this stuff works. People just go,

it's like the guy who went up to David Bowie and said, oh, it's great that you're covering Nirvana. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I get it. And he went, fuck off. And that's what I say to your mate, whoever said that. Fuck off, all of you.

Come at me. Calm down, grandad. I've got pants of noodle juice. Noodle juice, man. Noodle juice crotch. I've got spicy noodle juice. And finally, just one more point. We have a new enemy. I thought it was Noel Edmonds.

For the longest time I thought Noel Edmonds. Cheap, cheap, cheap. He's ruined us. Yes. We're wrong. Rhett and Link. Had they yet to do Beautiful Good Mornings? Good Mythical Morning. Two Look, people like him.

Two bearded hipsters. If you like him, that's fine. That's fine. But they've just started doing something called knock-off knock-out, which is them taking off-brand things. Sorry, I take my penis out of your mouth. That was my noise of outrage.

Yeah. So they're doing videos now where they test Coca-Cola against other Coke brands. We've done that. We did that. Didn't we? They're doing all sorts. Did we do one?

We did a Coke one, didn't we? The thing is, I don't think that what we do off-brand brand-off is new. There's definitely been shows that have done this and dealt with it in the past. It's just weird that it's called knock-off knock-out because it's similar to the brand-off. weird that it's called knockoff knockout because it's similar to the brand yes

and then someone says they've also just now started doing noodle tasting what packaged noodles international noodles they're doing a test

competition to see if they can guess where the noodle comes from and then they also do get this what was the other fucking one they did

I just had it in my head bear with me let me think what did we do on cheap show oh they did a league of snacks are you fucking other fucking one they did? I just had it in my head. Bear with me. Let me think. What did we do on Cheap Show? Oh, they did a League of Snacks. Are you fucking kidding me? No, they did a League of Snacks. A league? It wasn't called a League of Snacks, but it was called

the Championship of Crisps or something. I fucking hate them. So, I'm beginning to think... They've listened to Cheap Show and they're stealing stuff from us. And they're thinking, these Cheap Show schmucks. These Cheap Show schmucks. Oh, they do. No one's gonna know we steal hippie we steal it there

we steal it here and we'll use it and they won't know and then and their fans will get into a good loss the unregulated world of fucking internet

those shenanigans those fucking fans who watch it and will find out about cheap show go oh cheap cheap show's ripping it out from the Rhett and Link show

because Rhett and Link are great. No, Rhett and Link are just beaded idiots. They're just boring, boring knobs. Bland, fake. They're the Noel Edmonds of fucking YouTube.

They are. And what is more, and we're going to kill them. They probably, because they do daily videos, don't they? It's gone daily and that's where a lot of people

would say their quality dropped as a result. Of course it's going to drop. And they started, quote unquote, borrowing ideas elsewhere. I bet they employ researchers. I bet they didn't even lift it themselves. They just go, all right, weekly meeting. What have we got?

Oh, well, there's this thing. We'll do that. Yeah. I'm Rhett and I'm Link. And we're going to ruin these little podcasters. Let's do Paul. I've got an idea, right? We could, just to see if our theory that they're researchers or they themselves are stealing content ideas from our cheap show pod.

All right, yeah. What have you got? We'll eat each other's cum and see if they do it. If they do it. Desiccated cum sprinkles. Okay, so you're only going to be happy when you see Rhett and Link gobbling each other's cum out of bowls on their show.

And then we'll know, and then we will have an evidence, and we can go to them and say, listen to this, this is me sprinkling cum on some cornflakes and giving them to Paul. We'll say, oh, we'll call it the Come Splash Swallow Challenge. Yes. And they'll say, oh, the Seaman Gush competition.

They're fucking wankers. So Rhett and Link. I don't like their videos. Do you like their videos? No. Boring shit. Boring, bland. It's just like,

oh, let's buy some food. It's fake edge. It's fake wackiness. If they have the price of shite, if they have the price of tat or something if they have like guess anything like that mate anyone listening from the retinolink show good mythical morn if you're listening get in touch let's have a debate about this but also if you do get in touch just know this we're gonna fucking dominate you yeah we're not as big we don't have

millions we don't have millions of fans and millions of views but we do have integrity or fists fists and underhand cheating yes and we will they were in the UK a few weeks ago for the VidCon fest spying on us that's what I'm beginning to think

that's what I'm beginning to think they were camped outside the fucking house of pickles with binoculars I found it I found the house of pickles

is that how they sound though Paul no I just like these voices they find let's go up listen to the I found it. I found the house of pickles. Is that how they sound though, Paul? No, I just like these voices. They find... Let's go up. Listen to the class. Listen.

And meanwhile, me and you, oh, it's the fucking price. Shall I... Write it down. Write it down, Red. Write it down, Red. Write it down, Red. Link, come down.

Write it down. Is he called Link? As in Link Zelda? Yeah. That's his name, Link. Yeah. The only Link he called Link? As in Link Zelda? Yeah. That's his name, Link. Yeah. The only Link he is is the missing Link.

And Rhett, Rhett, more like... Wet. Wet. Wet and stink. I actually can smell the noodle. I can smell your crotch. This is my only pair of trousers. That's the problem. Right.

Well, that's all the admin out the way. You've got the admin out the way? Yeah. And so we can carry on. We're looking through our East Finchley finds. And what... That's the problem. Right, well, that's all the admin out of the way. You've got the admin out of the way. Yeah, and so we can carry on. We're looking through our East Finchley finds. And what... Just give us a little hint about what we've got coming up on the show then. Well, we're going to go straight to the froth shop first.

We're going to get that out of the way, some of the candy and the toys that I've bought. And then we're going to go into our... What did you want to call it when we buy a bad thing for each other? An awful bit of worst rubbish. Now, I haven't made my mind up. I was hoping i could get some help with this um but it is sort of like the opposite of me casa su casa yeah if there was some play on words there we could use or p casa poo casa peep i mean that's terrible but that is

gonna stick yeah maybe or uh me crapper, you crapper. We just try and buy awful naff things and we'll just talk about why they're naff. Yeah, and then we decide which one's the worst one. Yes. Which one's the worst? Like a best of the worst. Like a best of the worst idea.

Oh, we're going to get an email from Red Letter Media now. They wouldn't mind. They wouldn't mind. They would. They'd be like, Oh, that guy's from Q Show. Cool. All American podcasters

and YouTubers sound like gremlins. Yeah. Or goblins. McQueen. McQueen. Shut up. Billy.

Come on, on with the show. And then we're going to do Price of Shite with all the stuff we bought for me to Finchley. Stick with us, why don't ya?

Right. Before we get into the froth shop, before i open the doors of the froth shop tinkle tinkle tinkle let's get our bad things out the way our me crapper you crapper i like that as well that's what i said before me crapper you crapper you want to get these out the way yeah get out the way because i think we can't really do it the price of shite and it'd be nice to kind of bookend the froth shop with a bit of tat. So you get your crapper out now. Here's my crapper. Now, I got this initially because I thought actually you'd like it.

And then I bought other things and I thought, well, maybe I can relegate this to crapper. And I was kind of right, but I just don't know what the point is of this item. Its pointlessness is an aspect of crappiness, isn't it, Paul? I mean, it has a use and a use that people would use. It's just I don't know why they presented it this way. Okay, so it's not useless.

No, but see what you see. And he's handed it to me. This is six erasers. Not erasure, the band. Erasers. These are rubbers, and I do collect rubbers, Paul. I can't like this. Yeah. It will go in my rubber collection i'm sure it will sure um a collection of erasers that shows how a simple object can communicate a powerful message by its use the negative printed

values disappear in use so the user user becomes an active, affirming participant. These, Paul, are fucking pretentious rubbers. I never thought I'd hear the day where I'd buy pretentious rubbers. So the concept, which is weak as fuck, is that these have bad things written on them, these erasers. And by negative connotation. Negative things. So I'll just read out what they've got. All of these are basically negative things.

And it's just a white eraser with the words in black. It's a square white eraser. It's a standard eraser shape. One says censorship. Wow. Bad. Edgy. Discrimination.

Oh. That's bad. Who knew? Corruption. Oh, God. What about, it doesn't say corporate eraser

pretension does it no corruption slavery oh that's bad I think we all agree

I think we're all agreed but am I doing my part to rub out modern slavery by just drawing a picture of a cock and using this

slavery rubber you know I'm a participant affirmative participant you know though these are shit these are good Affirmative participant. You know though that these are shit. These are good for shit. These are good for shit.

This is shit. This is shit. I don't want this in my rubber collection anymore. This is awful. But you know, there's a guy, a white guy,

who probably went to university. I think it's probably, isn't it? It looks to me like it should have been like... That guy, that white guy, who drinks organic coffee,

probably uses those and goes, I'm doing my bit. I'm doing my bit for the planet. Yeah, I'm aware of slavery. Starbucks. I've just read some more. Oh. These were manufactured by Fabrica.

Okay. And it says Fabrica underneath, where it describes the horribly pretentious thing that you're going to do with the rubbers. Fabrica is the Benetton Group's Communication Research Centre. Benetton as in the fashion brand? Yes. And do you know what Benetton as in the fashion brand is? Pretentious.

They were, but they used to be big. They lose money, but they're still around. And you know why? Because they're owned by Italy's biggest road building family. What? It's like a hobby company for them. We build the roads, but we also make the robbers.

The fashion, yeah. We make the robbers with the words on. It's great. So they have a big... Altruistic, that's not the word. What's when a guy... Altruistic? Is that right?

No, the opposite of that. No, not the opposite. It's similar. You know when someone gives loads to charity, they participate in... Yeah. What's that word? Charity. No.

I don't know what you're getting at. That's altruism, basically. All right. So they've got a big wing of that, and they've made a very pretentious set of rubbers there. I'll just read the other ones after slavery. Pollution. Pollution. And dictatorship.

Oh, dictatorship. Italians are all about that, innit? They do as well. They do. In Italy, they do, Paul. It's me. Fascism.

Why have you gone all Second World War and you're like... I'm doing the Italian accent. Oh, man, don't burn me. So, how bad are these? Pretty bad. Pretty bad.

They have use, but you wouldn't want to use them for their use. No. Because you're not going to get a date if you're in the classroom or something. Well, look, I'm rubbing out slavery. No, you're not. You're just...

Anyway. No, it could be worse. You could be in the office and the hot lady walks past that you've been fancying. She sees you're rubbing something out. She goes, why does he support slavery? He's got a bloody big array of things. Slavery. Yeah, I know.

It's just they're terrible. So, in terms of pretentiousness, high. Yeah. That definitely should be one of our NAF-ness qualifiers. Uselessness, they're pretty high on that as well. I mean, you could still use them, though. Were they expensive as well? No.

£1 for that. Okay, that's reasonable. I bet they cost £12, though, in some art house. I bet they did originally, yes. Gallery gift shop. Terrible. Now. I bet Banksy wanks to this.

Paul, as awful as those are... A Benetton. The advert for a Benetton. We make the advert for everything about it. You know what's making it worse, my experience of that? What? It's the smell of noodle emanating from my crotch. What do the rubbers smell like?

Not a very rubbery smell. Sometimes you get a nice smell of noodle emanating from my crotch what do the rubbers smell like not a very rubbery smell sometimes you get a nice smell of rubbers although I'll tell you why because each one's individually wrapped in plastic that's not very good

for the environment is it it's fucking yeah what about the pollution one yeah pollution this is wrapped in seven layers of plastic pollution one

how much fucking plastic is in that pollution one alone yeah which you rub and then you blow it off you know when you erase something and where's all those rubber shavings go in that pollution one alone. Yeah. Which you rub and then you blow it off. You know, when you erase something.

And where's all those rubber shavings go? Into the sea. Into a rabbit's eyes. What have you got? Say what you see, Paul. Oh. Oh. What a piece of shit.

Yeah, I know. It's a little red box. It's me, Pua, Casa Pua. Yeah, me, Crapper, Sue Crapper. It's a little key ring in a little red box it's me Pua Casa Pua yeah me crapper su-cap crapper it's a little key ring in a little red box

with hearts on it what does it say well it says in a trendy font well fit you're well fit so I've got you this key ring

will you put it up your fanny when you think of me will you dang I'll dangle it off my cock when we're next intimate and you think oh

he thinks I'm well fit and as we're having sex you can hear well fit slap against your wet cunt. So. Yeah, it's good that Oi, oi. Oi, oi. Why are we doing a... You're well fit. Why are we doing a mock meeting? Fucking eight men like that. Who would give their girlfriend a

well fit key ring? Who would give their unironically it's not, it's quite well enamelled. It's nicely enamelled. It's all right. It is cheap. It's obviously a Valentine's gift, isn't it, of some sort? It's probably a Valentine's gift, or like one of those stocking fillers for Christmas.

So I think it could have originated... This is mint on card. It is mint on card. Although our definition of that is getting loose by the week. It's mint on card, but it has little hearts around the well-fit. So for me, it seems it would have originated in a pound shop around the Valentine's time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very naff.

How much did that cost? A quid. Yeah, I don't know. It's very naff. Value for money, you get more with that. Yeah, but you don't get value for money either of these. This has been a successful segment. This has been a successful segment. This has been a successful segment.

But which one is the worst? You see, I'm torn because there was more to talk about with the robbers because of the pretentious grotesqueness of it all. But also that is the... It is shit, isn't it? It's just an ugly piece of shit. I think it wins just by being shit.

Because I reckon, honestly, most people who bought that, if they did, bought it for themselves to dangle off their house keychains and ironically call themselves sexy. When actually, you should probably stay indoors more. You know what I mean, mate? One eye slightly lower than the other. Well fit.

You know what I mean. Well fit. You know what I mean? You can just imagine someone turgidly obese with this. Wash your balls with Umbro gel. Umbro gel. Now, also,

it's a key ring. God, such a snobby cunt remark from me. Anyway. It is a, it's a key ring, Paul,

which is very useless. Does the world need more key rings? don't need more key rings. In fact, keys are going to be fucking a thing of the past soon, aren't they?

You just have to stick your tongue on the door and you'll get in. You just have to go, open, Eli home, open door. Hello, just have to stick your tongue on the door when you get in. You just have to go, open, Eli home, open door. Hello, Eli. Please push your noodle balls against the pad. Smell the noodle door. Ah, tonkatsu.

Welcome home, Eli. Right, that's that out the way. Alright, so the well-fit keychain, you're the worst this week in Me Crapper, Sue Crapper. It's a very successful segment for the show but ha oh ah yes i do believe it's time tingling to open up ah oh mr gannon's froth shop oh i've been saving up my pocket money for two years now i'm gonna go in the froth shop i'm

gonna have oh onions and onions of all delicious sweets crisps little boy oh hello come into my shop oh but it's dark back here it's dark for a reason why for i have secret treats to put in your mouth and we can't have people seeing my secrets no no mr tim so no gannon mr tim does a different character i recognize audibly it's similar but I don't have that much of a range just let me have this voice oh you can have

that voice oh I've been saving all my pocket money from selling papers oh well we should have some affordable

I sell papers and I never buy any new clothes well don't worry little boy I don't sell papers and I've got grabby

yeah I know I've got a grabby face but I'll wash you up. Okay, that doesn't sound good. I'll put you in Mr. Gannon's frothy bathtub. No. Full of Paul Gannon's special frothy liquid. Pause it here.

Can we just fucking pause it? This is a terrible segment. Get the froth out. Keep trying to. Anyway, ah, yes, ah, here we are in Mr. Gannon's froth shop emporium and I've got some delicious treats for you today. Oh, I'm looking forward to the delicious ones. Oh, mister, how much

money do you want for them? Oh, we'll figure out a way to pay them. Fuck off, don't care. Don't care. Oh, I can see that one now. Well, here's my first treat. We're going to start off small, little boy, so here's a lovely sweet treat to put in your mouth. What is it?

This is a Gummy Zone branded pizza. Six slices. Yeah? That's all I've got to say. No, it's good. Now, there was a company, do you remember Trolley? Vaguely. The company Trolley used to do a burger, a gummy

burger. Yeah. And I believe they did a pizza as well, but this is a different company. This is Gummy Zone with their pizza. I like these. I've not had one. One of the reasons why I got them was because I thought,

oh, let's try gummy pizza. They're good for sharing as well because they're six slices. That's exciting. It's a whole pizza. Oh, look at that. Let's have a look. Although it does look like

a tray of sick. Yes. Right. So, I'll let you open them then. I hope it has a nice fruity half on it. What? Is it just a fruit gummy?

Fruit and cream flavoured jelly and foam gums. Ingredients, bunch of shits and e-numbers. Now, do you want the Huffington Post? Oh, this is from

Yuppie Indo Jelly Gum. Yeah. Do you want the Huffington Post? What's the Huffington... Do you like that? No. I've been working on that. I'm glad.

You should work harder. How could that be improved? By just letting it go. Do you want the Huffington Post? Yes, I'll have a... I'll log on to www.huffingtonpost.com. It smells like cheap, normal gummy swiss.

Gummy, fair enough. I'm going to have one. It's from Gunyung Putty Bogner. That's very nice. Yeah, almost exactly how I thought it was going to taste. It's just a normal gummy, isn't it? It's fine. Two out of five?

Yeah. I didn't get enough fruity bits. No. Two out of five is enough for that, I think. Gummies-O. Pizza. Six slices. You're right.

Fine. That cost me 50p. I would have preferred something that looked more like pizza. I mean, it does look like pizza. There's not that much attention to detail that's been made to make... No. You know. What's that red thing? What's it meant to be? A tomato?

Probably. You don't know, though, do you? No. It just looks like an unidentified lump. They could have called it Gummy Zone Sick Puddle. Yeah. And it would have been the exact same thing. I would have preferred it.

Sick Puddle. Let's rebrand it. We'll buy a load the exact same thing. I would have preferred it. Sick puddle. Let's rebrand it. We'll buy a load and we'll put your and my face on it. Instead of this stupid gormless chef. Yeah. We'll put our face on it and be like, keep show candy. Gummy sick puddle. Gummy sick puddle.

That's a good idea. There we go. Mmm. No, awful. It's not very good, is it? No. After I've had two or three, it tastes sickly. Yeah, it's not very good. Right, next.

Right. I've got some proper fun ones in here. What else have you got in the froth shop that's new this week? I'm building up. Here's the next one. Wow. That looks good. I do think the Trolley branded...

What, gummies? Gummy pizzas. I don't know too much of them. Are more anatomically correct than that. And so are the Trolley. It's T-R-O-L-I. Something like that. And also, and so are the trolley. It's T-R-O-L-I. Something like that.

Okay, I don't know them. Yeah, I think it's an Italian company as well. This Gummy Zone, was this made in Italy? No, I think it was made somewhere in Asia. Indonesia. Oh, Indonesia.

Okay, so, the Haribo do one as well, don't they? Yeah. But don't they just like have a big gummy base and they pour star mix on? It's a big trope

in sweets these days, isn't it? Like a gummy pizza is a big thing. Gummy burgers. Yeah. And that's it. The Trolley Gummy Burger was the original. I used to eat those back in the 90s, mate. And they were a treat.

They are. They still remain a treat. You like a gummy burger, yeah? Oh, little tough little chewy gummy. But they actually look better, don't they? Yeah. The way it's moulded, like the bun with the seeds in and stuff. Now this looks...

Gummy just like... Shit. Puke. Everything's gone to shit in this world. Right. Here's one by Candy Factory. don't they the way it's moulded like the bun with the seeds in it and stuff now this looks gummy just like shit puke everything's gone to shit in this world right here's one by Candy Factory it's called

Big Dipper and it's two in one lolly and sherbet blue ras lolly which I presume means raspberry and watermelon sherbet dare you to put

your helmet in it pre-moistened my cock no your bike helmet oh I put my bike helmet in you don't have one do you you? I do, actually. Why? Because I had a bike

when I lived in Southampton. South row. No, no, no. We can't retroactively go back and call it that. I can. So this is, it looks like a like an iced latte pot, a little iced latte pot with a lollipop. Yes. It's a miniature

latte with a domed cover at. Yes. It's a miniature latte with a domed cover at the end. But it has a lolly and the stick of the lolly plays the straw. Yes. It's very cute.

What I'm going to do is... So that's watermelon and this is raspberry lolly. Ooh. Nice combo of flavours if it works

out. I'll give the powder a huff and I'll huff the lolly. Fucking ugly. Careful. I think so. If it works out. I tell you what. I'll give the half of the powder a half, and I'll hoof the lolly. Fucking open it. Careful. Oh, that's really bad. Oh, no.

What's it smell of? What's it meant to be? Watermelon. Yeah. It smells of soap. Oh. It smells like watermelon and feet. Yeah.

I can actually smell the... It's got an acridness to it. And a cheesiness, almost. Almost a cheesiness. Why does it smell cheesy? I don't know. I can actually smell the... It's got an acridness to it. And a cheesiness almost. Almost a cheesiness. Why does it smell cheesy? I don't know. I don't know. Perhaps it's just like that Colombian stuff

and they put cheese in. Like they did with the popping candy. They put milk in it. I don't know what that was all about. I'm going to sniff the lolly. This probably has dextrose in it. This smells like a rock you get from Blackpool or Brighton. So this is a normal...

So I'll let you taste the lollipop and I'll let you experience it. I'm just going to put my finger in the sherbet. That sherbet? Oh, it's nasty. Don't tell me that before I've had it. He's sucking the lolly out. Now the lolly's meant to be what? Raspberry.

That does not taste of raspberry at all. It smells like strawberry to me. It's got a generic vanilla-y sort of... It's a blue raspberry. Yeah. I'm going to go and get some of the sherbet on there. Get some sherbet on that.

Go on, give it a good huffing. Does it improve it by adding that to that? It's not that bad. What was your take on the sherbet? The sherbet was, again, it's like watermelon,

but almost like watermelon and feet. And then a very sharp, bitter sherbet tang. So that flavour, that watermelon flavour, for however briefly it lasts, is soon overpowered by the sherbet. It doesn't deliver the flavours that it promises, this product.

No, it's a disappointment, that, unfortunately. I'm going to go for one out of four, five. Yeah, I'm going to go with one out of that. I mean, it's edible, it's fine, but ultimately, it's both flavours. There's better sherbet with a dipper involved products out there. Even if you've just got a normal sherbet fountain dip, whatever it is, just go with that.

Licorice, sherbet, just normal sherbet, fucking gold. It's gold, that, isn't it? Can't go wrong. That's the sausage and mash of candy, basically, that, a sherbet fountain. Yeah, but that's no sherbet fountain. That's a Thinders crispy pancake with a cock in it. Next one. Oh.

Let's do this one next. What have you got in your bag of froth, my friend? Say what you see. Oh, it's another toy. Cum sweet. Not a cum sweet. Toy strokes sweet. Yeah.

And it has a little slam dunk, little basketball game in the lid of this... Is it a lolly or is it... I think it's goo. There's a see-through tube. I think it's goo. And I can't see in there. I think it's translucent goo. But it's called Sports Flickers.

He's made a face. Why? Because it's like... Because it sounds like... It sounds like a porn, doesn't it? It sounds like a porn film about a lesbian basketball group. Yeah. I'm sure it's like the Mighty Ducks, but with more Jill in.

I think it sounds like sort of a competitive masturbation sort of ring. Is there a competitive masturbation competition? Like everyone gets in a row. I've scored about four times through this hoop. The game involves no skill, Paul, I hate to tell you. It's a bit of fun, that's all it is. It's quite good. It's quite, I mean, it's quite nifty.

You got another one. I did. You're enjoying that. Another one. Are you enjoying it? I am. Another one. It's the most successful you've ever been in your life.

Now it's time to test the candy out. Right, so the lid is a domed little basketball hoop and arena, which has a flicker in it and a brown. I think it's too brown. They've got the wrong colour plastic. It looks like a big poo. It should be an orange ball, but it's not. What can you do?

So I don't know how you open it. I don't know what's going on. I think it's got a screw at the top. Cellophane. Right. So I'm inverting know how you open it. I don't know what's going on. I think it's got a screw at the top. Cellophane. Right. So I'm inverting the basket to open it. It's got a little screw here and we'll see what's in there. Sports flickers. There's no clue really from the title

what kind of sweet that will be. I think, no, not really, but I think it's a goo-based sweet. I think it's a goo-based sweet. And I think it's a lolly in there. I don't know. I don't think it's a lolly in there. I don't know. I don't think there's a lolly. I think it's like, you know, like just very sour slime that you drink.

You know. Oh, dear. We have some fun, don't we, sometimes. Not as much as I want, though. Oh. Oh. What is that? It's a lolly.

Oh, it's a push pop, basically. Fucking terrible. What a terrible product. Do I have to taste this? That was a lolly. Oh, it's a push pop, basically. Fucking terrible. What a terrible product. Do I have to taste this? That was a quid, by the way. It was a quid? Well, you're paying for the toy there, aren't you? You are paying for the toy.

It's for that screaming child you push into the newsagents because you've got to update your Oyster card, and they go, Mummy, Mummy, we want toy. Paul, I hate to be pedantic, but you don't technically update your Oyster Car, do you? You top up. I don't know what you do.

Top up. Generic. Generic push pop flavour lollipop. Bullshit flavour. No. Strawberry. Strawberry. Strawberry flavour.

Next. What else have you got in the bag of froth? I've got two more items. Okay. I hope he's been saving the best for last. I think I have saved the best till last, but for now, here's the penultimate.

It's a toy egg. And it's a Mario branded Super Mario Sweets and Surprises. Now, do you think they've actually licensed this from Nintendo?

I would have thought so in this instance. Yeah, it's got the official Nintendo seal on it, which they do give out to things that they give the... I mean, look, all that means is that

this company, this toy company, can't quite make it out. Oh, Bon Bon Buddies. Bon Bon Buddies went to Nintendo and went, can we make a ship egg and sweets? We'll put Mario on it. So it's like a Kinder Egg. And their lawyers looked at it and went, fine.

And then Nintendo put the little logo on. And it has actually the font on when it says Super Mario is the official sort of game font as well, isn't it? Oh, yeah. It's official, buddy. Can I see game font as well, isn't it? Oh, yeah. It's official, buddy. Can I see it, please, before you break it? Yeah, you can see it. Here you go. It's a blue egg.

It's got Luigi and Mario high-fiving on the cover. Because they're brothers. Sweets and surprises. Do you think they've ever shared a princess? I'm sure that's depicted in many places, Paul, if you wanted to see that. Because, you know, like, at the end, they rescue the princess. Because there's Peach and there's Daisy and there's a few different princesses. And, like, usually it's Mario

on his own, but if you're playing two-player, then Luigi's gone through all that stuff, and it's like, Hey, brother! What's going on? What's wrong? Luigi. It's just you and the princess. Yeah. Now. I helped save the princess too. The toy.

So how about me Super Mario Double Team that has? The helped save the princess too. The toy. So how about to be Super Mario Double Team that has. The sweets are the most disappointing they possibly could be. What are they? I'm handing them to you. They're those little sugar pills

that come in all of these little ones. Like Easter always ends up with like a cheap egg with that kind of thing inside. They're not even sweets are they? They shouldn't even bother.

Just coloured sugar pellets. Fucking terrible. Well I'm going to open them up, obviously. But I quite like the toys, mate. Oh, what's the toy? Well, I don't like the toy, but there's a Bowser sticker.

All right, Bowser sticker. Job done. We're happy with that. I like the Bowser sticker. You can't go wrong with Bowser. Oh, he looks angry. He looks good. I'm putting that on one of my record boxes.

So, what's the toy? It's not a toy. It's a key ring. Oh, what is it? We're key rings. Do you know what I is it we're key rings do you know what I mean how many key rings

does one man ever need in his life oh well lady it does say sweets and surprises so the surprise is that you've been

massively let down it's a shitty plastic key chain and look at the actual the actual ring that you're supposed to attach to your keys isn't a proper one no

do you see that Paul I think the idea is the plastic's so bad it's meant to be like that so it's twisted but it's not that it's not oh there you've done it yeah yeah you see so that's how it works how did you do that just twisted the plastic round so it did that oh you just sort of yeah who's who's featured on the uh keychain it's yoshi not i mean i'd want a mario or luigi i'd certainly take a Toad over Yoshi. Would you?

What's wrong with Yoshi? He carries it around. He's got a big tongue and stuff. I don't like his attitude. He flies. I don't like his attitude. I like the sticker. I don't like the way he swallows enemies whole and then shits them out as eggs.

That's good. It's not. Now, I'm looking forward to the last item of the froth shop, Paul, because you said the best will last. I have. We haven't tried the candy. Do diligence. Do diligence. Do? Do diligence. Do diligence. Do not

due diligence. Right, I'm having a few. Do I have to? No, if you don't want to, I'll do it for you. You do it, because I tasted the other generic pushpops and stuff. Anything to say? They're just pellets of sugar. They almost have no flavour. You put them in your mouth, and they just crumble. And there's a pellets of sugar. They almost have no flavour.

You put them in your mouth and they just crumble. And there's a little bit of that. You know the powdered lollipops? The tough powdered lollipops? The bits of sherbet-y. Slight sherbet-y. Like a compressed one of those but without any flavour.

Terrible. That's another one. For me. Poor toy. It's a poor toy. Poor candy. Nintendo should be ashamed putting their

yeah they fucking should I like the blue egg though gonna keep that blue egg maybe see how see how life takes me me and my blue egg on an adventure

what's now we have one last item in the froth shop last item I hope it's gonna redeem it I don't think we've got five stars across four items

no we haven't not even cumulatively well we might have but you know very nearly not. Are you ready for the final froth shop toy?

Yes. Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle. Here we go. Ah, ooh, here we go. Oh, shit. Oh, shit, son. This is, this is something, man.

That was £1.50. Wow. This is My Little Pony themed sweet dispenser. Yeah. Like one of those machines that you get in old school supermarkets that have toys in little plastic balls. You put 50p in and you turn the thing.

Crank. You crank the wheel. And you get a shit toy. And it's a facsimile of that. And then you go, I spent a pound on that bouncing ball. But this actually, as a toy, is quite detailed. The My Little Pony figure on the top of it. Yeah.

And it's quite good looking, isn't it? It's fine for what it is. You could also, if you were naughty, replace the generic looking candies in there with ecstasy tablets. You could. That'd be a great way to distribute them at festivals. Do you know what I mean? Oh, here's Eli, the My Little Pony man. He comes around with drugs. Give it a twist.

Take all the wrapping off. So these bronies will like this. Yeah, bronies will spunk their chunk. Oh, you've taken the bloody... Well, you have to take them out to make this work. You have to take the... Oh, I see what you mean. I see what you mean.

Sorry, yeah. Now, this looks like it was officially licensed by the My Little Pony people. Who owns that? Mattel? Hasbro? Hasbro and Mattel. I might be wrong. So, I'm going to pour the balls into the...

Actually, have a look at it right now. Oh, my God. That Mario toy. There's a list of all the things you can get. I forgot to mention that. Plastic whistles, badges, stickers, and that's it. Nothing good at all, basically. Nothing good at all.

Oh, terrible. So far, the license for My Little Pony is far more effective. But, you know, the toy's better. I've opened the sweets, put them in. Now, let's see if I can operate this My Little Pony themed sweet dispenser. Oh, a little one came out quite well. It did. It worked surprisingly effective. They're terrible sweets.

That sadly does not surprise me though. Oh, now it don't work. Oh, now there you go. Maybe there's a contraption inside that means it spirals it rather than turns a dial, which explains why it takes a little bit before one pops out. I know, he's still spinning it. Oh, there you go. I want to go!

Give me it! Spinning the little contraption. Oh, yay! I won a prize. Now... I'm gone. I haven't eaten it yet. Taste that sweet and tell me, is it worse or better than the Mario bits? Slightly better?

More flavour? Better. It's got a bubble gummy sort of flavour, doesn't it? Yeah, it has that flavour at least. That one just didn't have nothing. Although, weirdly, it feels it tastes a little bit soapy. Yeah, it's a bit soapy, yeah.

Let me try another flavour. It's not another flavour, mate. Well, another sugar pellet. Yeah. No. No. Now, if you like your savoury, you could replace these with peppercorns, couldn't you? You could.

You could just have a little individual peppercorn dispenser. Or what else comes around? Peas. Peas. Hard peas. You could put some hard peas. You know those peas that come in Bombay mix? Yeah.

Put a bunch in there. Oh, I fancy a pea. I fancy a pea. Give me a pea, please, Bob, bob you could say and then cry in the dark oh p comes out all right well what do you think then of that as a toy the build the color the finishing on the model yeah it's not that bad is it not that bad at all i'm actually quite impressed with it the painting on the eye is pretty good as well isn isn't it? It's like, it's not... Oh, look, there's a little... Thing.

There's a little rainbow symbol, because I think this is Rainbow Pony or whatever. Rainbow Pony Man. But it has two little rainbows coming out from behind clouds on its buttocks. Can you see that, Paul? I can see. It's an actual detailing. No, that's its tail, isn't it?

No, look here. Oh, no, all my little ponies have a logo on their arse. Okay, so yeah, but that's... Like Care Bears. They've kept tail, isn't it? No, look here. Oh, no, all my little ponies have a logo on their arse. Okay, so yeah, but they're like Care Bears. They've kept that, haven't they? It's quite impressive. For £1.50, you're getting a toy there and a little game. And you can refill it with other sweets. That's definitely the best of the lot.

I'm going to give it three and a half. I'll go for three, but yeah, it's still good. Let down by the candy, but you can replace that with maybe something similar that's better. And it's my little pony. Maybe a little glass ball sweet. You know, like little um little like you're still sniffing your squash crotch oh but it's got the whiff no you know what i'm gonna call it a squash that's probably what it is right now eli's squash i spilled noodle juice on my crotch everybody yeah no you've made that apparent and i'm still not quite sure if you're turned on or not by this. I'm not. No, the tea was like, warm.

Oh, warm and wet. One lump or two, madam. So anyway, that's been, oh, ah, ah, that's been my thrift shop. Oh, God, Eli's dying. This is the last episode of Cheap Show. Oh, ah, oh, ah, yes. Well, that means I can now close my shop, little boy. Okay, I'll come back when I've saved up more money, mister.

All right, yeah, you come back when you've got money. I'll come back with money and buy more froth. I've been selling papers. Ooh, ooh, ooh. I go down the street. No one looks at me. I wish I was a proper little boy. Goodbye, everyone.

Goodbye, Mr. Sweet Shop, Frost Shop. Ladies and gentlemen, we've been to East Finchley. We have reaped what it had to sow. We have, mister. It's the little urchin boy from the last skitch. Hello? I sell papers. Don't fucking try and do my voice, mister.

No, I'm not. I was being nice to you. No, I think of your little shit. All right. No, if you want to be nice, that's fine. Or you can buy a paper. Right. Well, little boy,

what are you doing so lost and cold in the streets? I ain't got no one looks after me because I go in the streets. Oh, where's your mummy and your daddy? They died. Yeah? Yeah. Oh, how?

Industrial accident. Oh, it's a shame, that, isn't it? In the textile factory. Do you miss mummy and daddy? I never knew them. Would you like me to bring them back from the dead? Can you do that? Yeah.

How? But dead is better. What? Some things are better off dead. Do you want me to bring back your mommy and your daddy from the grave? Not really. This is my new character.

Well, your new character is badly thought out. Dark Magic Alan. Excuse me, Mr. Alan. Yeah. Can we get on with this section? Because it's really... I don't know. I'm breaking him in. It's crashing. I'm trying... You can't... Listen, you wouldn't just let Eli break in

his new character, little orphan Eli. If you, Eli, would like to break in... If you, Eli, would like to break in a small urchin boy, go for it. Oh, nonce. Oh, it's a nonce joke from well done i meant your character you've put you've this fucking dark magic alan it's got nothing to him dark magic alan he hasn't even got a fucking voice i can bring him back from the dead do you want him i

actually quite like dark magic i know how to oh bringing them back from the dead. I know how to. But, mister, if you do bring them back from the dead, they'll probably insist on a split of my newspaper money. Yeah, they might. Or they might be screaming in hell for all eternity. Well, not if you bring them back from the dead. No, they'll bring them back. Can you try and fucking make some fucking sense?

Magic is a dark art? Magic is a dark art. Magic is a dark art and you just don't know how it's going to play out. Well, I prefer not then.

Some things are better off dead. Yeah, you've made that clear. I can do it, little boy. Listen, mister. Yeah.

Don't want you hanging around with your funny, magical incantations. You're putting off the punters. I'm going to do the incantation. Here we go. I do, do, do, push pineapple, shake the tree. It's the Price of Shite. It's Finchley edition, everybody. Push pineapple, grind coffee.

You've got nothing. Right, here we go. Price of Shite. So here'schley edition, everybody. You've got nothing. Right, here we go. Price of Shite. So, here's what we're going to do. We bought an item each. We'll reveal them at the same time, one by one each. Right. But we're going to go from our cheapest to our most expensive.

Yeah. And I will write down. So, I've had an idea about this, Paul, how to do the scoring. Go on. Just like normal Price of Shite. Yeah. You get two points if you guess the other person's price on the nose. Yeah.

One point within 25p either way. Yeah. But as we're competing directly against each other, which is an unusual aspect here, I think we should have whoever's closest on each item also gets a point. Oh, I like that. Pair item. Yes. Shake hands.

All right. It's a new rule. Okay. Heard it there, ladies and gentlemen. Price of shite versus He better off dead. I forgot.

Where's my pen gone? Get your pen. I've lost my pen mother is it on the floor did that was it is that what I heard falling down

maybe oh for fuck's sake where's my pen oh it's right there you got it you got it yeah I found the pen

mother the game can begin so we're going to start with our cheapest item first. So, let me make a grid. Eli, Paul, item one, two. So, just to recap the rules of Versus Edition, Price of Shite, Paul, is you, just like with normal Price of Shite, you get two full points for guessing the item on the nose price.

Yeah. price of shite, you get two full points for guessing the item on the nose price. You get one point if you are within 25p of the actual paid price of that piece of shite. Tell me about it. Yeah, and you get one point. This is the new bit, everybody. You get one

point. Each of us will be awarded one extra point for being closest on that particular item unless it's a draw and then we don't get any points God you sound

fucking annoying that's the most annoying thing I've had to listen to in ages I got to a scene where like 30 seconds in was like

oh mate it's actually getting my back up love it right love it can I just say Paul that's a good character I think they should appear together Urchin Boy and Alan I'm a backup. Love it. Right. Love it. Can I just say, Paul,

that's a good character. I think they should appear together. Urchin Boy and... And Alan. He's always trying to bring him back from the dead. Yeah. Get his parents back. I couldn't do it, but there's a prize.

Right, come on. Get your shite out. You start. Something's a bit off, dude. I want to hear your... I want to see your cheapest price of shite item today, Paul. Regardez.

Here is my first item. And this was your... Now. Say what you see. It's a shot spinner. Yep. Look at that pen again. It is see-through.

Like literally two seconds ago I had it and it's gone again. Well, you've got to find it. Better find it. Best find it, mate. Wait, I literally just... I don't know what to tell you. Where's the pen gone? Yeah, you used it to write some shit down with.

This... This... can't go on. Oh, you spunk. Don't you spunk. Anyway, just fucking, whatever. Shot spinner. Now you need to get the pen, don't you? You can't do this without a pen. What have you done with it? I don't know, it was literally just there

and now it's gone. Look on the couch. I don't get it. Don't get it. It was right here. Where's it gone? There it is. Where? On your hand. Gone. Gone.

Gone. God damn it. You okay? Yeah, I've got me pen Right shot your pen Now the first item That you've handed to me Paul Yeah Is a shot spinner

Now Tell me Am I wrong But you considered this For the worst possible thing Yeah I did actually It was a toss up Between the bat

And the rubbers And the rubbers I think Do win out Just a bit But this is To see who Spin the is to see who... Spin the arrow and see who is next to drink the booze. It's a little base that you put a shot glass on.

I'm opening it now. What's the huff like on this? Give it a go. Nothing. Probably for the best, because if it did smell of something, I would probably be upset. You've got a standard shot glass with it. You get a glass.

That's all right. And you get... It's just a base that you sit it on, and you rotate the arrow. I mean, that's quite sturdy. It's like a Lazy Susan sort of action. Yeah. Well, as I say, there are pictures on our website. You put the glass in the middle.

Thecheapshow.co.uk. But. What? I mean, that's all very good, Paul. You know, it works quite well, actually. Have a look at that. Put it flat. It's quite mint on card in it yeah

put it down flat and then let's just say there's something in the glass like I don't know whiskey and then it's like oh that's who's gonna drink it and kick it with the arrow and it

goes oh it's you oh yeah you have to drink it oh oh it's gone crazy you know oh it's my it's my stag do now everyone throw their keys in the in the bowl come on Graham fucking throw your keys in the bowl. Come on, Graham.

Fucking throw your keys in. I want to knock shit off. The thing is, it's a terrible thing. Because who needs that when they're drinking to play a stupid game? Like, oh, it's me. Do I have to drink? Just fucking drink some party whiskey. But maybe you could put it, like, fill it with bleach.

Yeah. And then it's like, go on. Yeah, then it's like proper Russian roulette. Yeah. Go on, Tina, drink that. This could be put to the use of evil, this item. And it still might do. But it has an arrow.

You could... I'm thinking of something you could do with your knob. I don't know. Nothing. Nothing. Right, that's a terrible thing, Paul, but I need to guess the price. Have a guess of the price. This isn't about judging it.

No. It's about guessing the price. And it was the cheapest one I bought, so, bear that in mind but it was i noticed the shops in these finch the charity shops quite pricey a lot of them compared to other parts of the world yeah this was from i think that's tiger isn't it the brand i think so which is that shop where it's just like loads of tat and kitchenware yeah and you go around in a big circle big sort of bottle open it's made to look like mermaids and shit like that.

It's a very poor shit thing, Paul. And I think you paid... Oh, again, cheapest item. Two more. How low or high do you go right now? I think I'm going to go for £1.25. £1.25? That's right.

Right, just checking. Yes, please. Okay, wonderful. What's yours? Here we go, Paul. This is mint on card. Actually mint on card. Now, I'm handing it to you.

Just say what you see as it goes. First of all, it's not mint on card. It's just in a bag. But it's mint. Warning. Oh, okay. It's mint, mate. It looks like a little...

Let me tell you, it's fucking mint. It's mint because it's not been opened. It doesn't mean anything. Yeah, it hasn't been opened. It's mint, mate. It looks like a little... Let me tell you, it's fucking mint. It's mint because it's not been opened. It doesn't mean anything. Yeah, it hasn't been opened. That's mint on card. So I'm going to open it now. It's a white fabric thing.

Do you know what this is? Yes. Or did you just buy it because... I know. I saw an unfolded version. Oh, version. Right, so I'm unwrapping it. Oh, what is this? Is it a tea towel?

It's a tea towel. Oh, it's a tea towel. It's a tea towel. Oh, it's a tea towel. It's a branded tea towel. And it says, Long live crispy bits. They're worth the washing up. Lurpak. It's a promotional Lurpak thing.

It's a Lurpak tea towel, Paul. I mean... Mint on card? It's not. Stop saying mint. I've lost the pen. Paul, I've got it. You've got it. I've lost the pen. Paul. I got it. You got it. Paul.

This is good for. It's like Robin Williams. Oh, he's a character. It's a shawl. I like my titties felt up. It's a nappy. He's modelling it now like a nappy. He's putting the white tea towel between his legs.

I'm flossing me knob. He is giving his perineum quite the bracing scrub. No, it's... He's tucking it in now like a... Like a napkin. Oh, look, it's a... God, this is... This is like a bird pool.

Flappy flap. Flappy flap. It's funny when people say where the laughing cavalier is good. It's like, no, and the laughing cavalier is good It's like no I'm Superman He's not flying What great improvisational comedy

Look It's a skirt I've never been so depressed Making this show Look under the skirt Do you want to see my lurpak Do you want to smell my lurpak It's your... Do you want to see my lure pack? No, it's your fucking... Do you want to smell my lure pack?

It's your noodley squash. Yeah, it's a tea towel. Right, it's a tea towel with a logo for a lure pack. I would say... I can give you... Yeah. Stop throwing it down. It's a ball.

Have you lost your fucking mind again? I'm going to... Oh, don't fart either. Stop that. Yeah. Well, you stop it. Listen, Paul. If you stop farting, I stop bringing it up.

Oh, mate. If that wafts anywhere, you know what? I'm spinning the arrow as a fan. He's spinning the arrow on the shot thing to defect the fart, which I ain't done. Yeah, which he fucking has done. It smells like all aboard in here. Oh, you're wafling it in my face. It's fine.

It's fine. How has your fork got chunks in? It's gone. Oh, God. It smells like everything. Now, Paul. Right, go on. How much?

This was discounted. Oh. And do you know how much they were charging for this originally? Go on. £3.99 That's a fucking If I had to guess that I would have been out

For a fucking tea towel And you're advertising butter with it Alright I'm going to say My cheapest item I'm going to say 75p Okay Alright My turn next

Yeah Alright next one for me Oh oh oh oh oh Here you go love What is it? This is similar to one of the items that we've had on the froth shop. It's only something I've just really put together now. But yeah, what is it?

It's a sweet dispenser. It's a little gumball machine type thing. Yeah, a globular in shape. Very globular. Got it out. Oh, look at that. It's quite sci-fi looking, isn't it? Yeah.

How do you make it globulate I presume you've got to put batteries in oh really it's automatic yeah because it says doesn't it

it's like with one touch operation holds up to 450 millilitres there's a little button on the very the southern southern most point

the south pole of the globe fill with your favourite goodies automatically dispenses treats, works with most sweets. Where do the batteries go down here?

Let's see. I presume on the base. Well, there's a little screw that you have to unscrew. Well, I mean, I can't do anything about that now, but suppose you do that,

you hold your hand underneath it and it just goes and spits sweets up. It's the kind of item you just know. Someone got it and just went,

well, I'll bring that to the charity shop next week because it's utterly useless for anything apart from a very sort of... You could put cat biscuits in it. Why not just have some sweets

in the drawer? You know, then dispense them into your hand. Why do you need that? Because that's fun, isn't it? You have it on your desk and everyone thinks you're a trendy boss.

And then at the end of a meeting you go, hey, Robert, you can have some gummies. And he goes, oh, Frank, who is the guy? can have some gummies. And he goes, oh, thank you, Mr. Cannon. And then Robert puts his hand on it and goes, and he gets two jelly beans. Could you put soap in there, maybe? No.

The mechanism inside is like a spiral. So things fall into it. That's the spiral twist. It forces it out towards the slot. So it is, it looks to be in good condition, working condition. It's got a switch on the back, on and off there. Get the batteries in there, put your sweets in. I mean, there you go.

What's a child going to do when you've gone to bed or like whatever? They're just going to come in, take the lid off and go, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, That would be Urchin Boy doing it, wouldn't it? I don't know. But, mister, how am I going to sell my papers when my mum and dad are back? Because your parents, well, they will make a fine outlet for the local paper. I'm now sick of these characters. But while I am bored of this. Come on. Right.

Two pounds. Two pounds?. Right. Two pounds. Two pounds? Two pounds. Two pounds. Two pounds, two pounds, two pounds, two pounds. All right, good. Next then. I like that.

So that's your item. And now it's time for my middle item, yeah? Your middle item. Your second of three. Oh. Oh, what is this? This might be an upcoming platter on Silverman's Platters. I think it's going to be an upcoming platter on Silverman's Platters. I think it's going to be an upcoming platter

on Natural Inquirer, America's fastest-growing artificial weekly. Big Daddy. What really happened to the band of 59? It's a confusing record cover. It's an LP, I should say. Is this a bunch of doo-wop guys who were about in the 70s

but modelled their music on 50s doo-wop? I think it's more the 80s. Big Daddy, a popular 1950s rock and roll combo, had recently returned home after being held captive for more than two decades

by communist revolutionaries in northern Laos. Laos. Laos. Amazingly, because the group had not heard rock and roll for nearly a quarter of a century,

the record consists of contemporary hits recorded in the musical styles of the 50s. So what tracks have they got? I Write the Songs, Betty Davis Eyes, Super Freak,

Star Wars, Whip It. Star Wars? The rock and roll Star Wars theme, mate. Whip It is also, is that Boogie Chim? Whip It, isn't it, not Styx?

No, Whip It is a Devo. Oh, yes. Ebony and Ivory, You Don't Bring Me Flowers, Hit Me With Your Best Shot. I believe that's Pat Benatar, right? The Rose, Just What I Needed, Hotel California, and I, the Tiger. All done in a rock and roll 1950s style-y. Crack that whip Give the past a slip

Step on a crack Break your mama's back When a problem comes along You must whip it Before the cream sets out too long You must whip it When something's going wrong You must whip it

Now whip it In the shade Shape it up Won't you get it straight And try to detect it It's not too late To whip it Whip it good

Phantom speaks from the grave I don't really believe I'm dead yet Oh, some things are better off dead Some things better not come back. Because when they come back, you don't know what they're bringing with them. Now, you're going to play... I need a price for that LP.

Now, check it. Let's have a look at the actual... Condition. Condition isn't great. One side is quite marked up. Let's have a little look. Yeah, but it's probably... That one's more scuffed than the others. But it's clean. Let's have a little Luke. Uh, yeah, but it's probably not, that one's more scuffed

than the others. Eh, but it's clean. We'll probably play. I like that, to be honest. I'd quite like to hear their sort of rockabilly revival version of the Star Wars theme.

Yeah, we'll cover it on a platter next week. Next time we do a platter, we'll do that one. Okay. And we'll go into more detail. I need you to hold onto it for me, Paul, because, uh...

Why? All right, no. Just leave it here. They look terrible, don't they? I like the fact that it exists, but whether it's any good, we just don't know. We don't know. Right, so how much is it, though? I think that's my middle item.

How much is it? I don't know. I'm going to say that was two quid. Okay. On the nose. Yeah. Now, it's your most expensive item, Paul. I think you should go first. Why? I'm going to say that was two quid. Okay. On the nose. Yeah. Now. It's your most expensive item, Paul.

I think you should go first. Why? Because I like what I've got as my final item. You like it? And I want to end on it. A little micromanagement, is it? Micromanage me? Yeah.

That's all I ever do. I think you may have seen them poking their little heads out. Oh, let's have a look. Here it is. Oh, it's a Batman. Truly awful. It's a Batman look. Here it is. Oh, it's a Batman. Truly awful. It's a Batman versus Superman Dawn of Justice

fucking clock. That's what it is. Look at it, rubbery capes. Oh, God, it's horrible. Yeah. I love it.

It's really bad. Oh, it's got radio in it as well. Oh, it's got radio in it? And you can use it as a speaker because you can plug it in. So it's a speaker

and it's got a snooze button. I didn't realise it had all of this on. And a sticker that says X the future. A sticker that has a Superman logo and a cross through it.

Is it going the right way the cross there? Yeah. Yeah. I like the Ghostbusters logo. It's got a volume. It's got a read up

which I imagine has the timing shit on it. It's got a LED time display. And literally it it's ugly. And it has Superman and Batman in big rubbery capes. With big rubbery capes standing on top of it. Now, I have to check out the butt.

So let's lift up Superman's butt. Definition on the butt? Nice butt. I like it. It's pert. It looks tight. It looks fierce. I like it. Fierce. Fierce. Now, Batman's butt. Is going to be the same butt. Superman versus It's pert. It looks tight. It looks fierce. I like it.

Fierce. Fierce. Now, Batman's butt. It's going to be the same butt. Superman versus Batman's butt. Which is better? Boom of justice. Oh, now he's got a very...

Is it better? Is Batman's butt better than... You look at those two butts and you tell me which one's better. Batman. Batman's got a great ass. He's got a lot more definition, man. He's got a lot more definition man it's got a lot of definition i can't believe i'm discussing this it's a whole palm filler you know you put your palms on each

cheek they're very high yeah his whole back has more definition on it batman's bottom's a bit flaccid now these uh action figures have no articulation because if they did i think they realized if it did have articulation you could make it look like they were jacking each other off. Which you do, immediately. But it's a truly terrible thing. It's a truly terrible thing. People have told me that that's one of the worst blockbusters of all modern times. I genuinely almost walked out because I've never been so depressed watching it.

Was it really bad? I was genuinely depressed watching it. Everything was miserable. Everyone was stupid. Nothing made sense. The final battle depressed watching it. Everything was miserable. Everyone was stupid. Nothing made sense. The final battle, when it happens, is pointless. And it stops as soon as it starts. So they can have a bigger fight with Doomsday.

And by that time, I'd mentally checked out. Now, it is a terrible item, which I'll be returning to. Yeah, I should, yeah. The world of charity shops. Someone might have a use for that. Yeah, well, you know, someone who wants to wake up to Batman and Superman going, I think, well, his face isn't that bad.

I mean, he looks a bit like Henry Cavill, doesn't he? The other thing is they got rid of the underpants on the Superman costume, didn't they? Ridiculous. So it looks like a bodysuit. It's terrible. Why? Because it's not sort of...

Give him back his pants. Give him back his outside. Give him back his, outside of the suit pants. Give Superman's pants a chance. Do you know why superheroes used to have those pants? Because of wrestlers? Yes.

Yeah. They were based on early wrestling costumes. Boxers and things like that. It's weird how that sort of became like a standard thing and now they're getting rid of it,

of course, because it doesn't work for superheroes anymore but I think he looks a bit naked with his balls just he does he just looks like

a ballet dancer or he's wearing his pyjamas do you know what I mean give him back his pants give Superman back his pants I need a price

from you for my most expensive item I want to know what your expensive item is I'm going to say that that is £4. £4 for that.

Right? Do you want my final one? I would like to see your final item on this versus edition of The Price of Sight here on the Cheap Show Pod, everybody. Now, I found this in a box under a bunch of stuff. And I'll say this. It was expensive. So I haggled a little bit because I'm not

guaranteed it's going to work so you haggled it down from about two quid off it you took two quid off their asking price

yeah and it was fine because she said they hadn't been able to get rid of it which is weird because I think it's really nice

I thought you didn't haggle in charity shops I did in this instance because it's an electrical item and it didn't have the tape on the sticker saying that it had been tested. Okay.

So I said, just in case I can't bring it back. So here's what I bought. Oh, it's a Mathmos product. It's a colour-changing glass light. A blimp is the model name. Mathmos famously made lava lamps. Yeah. They were big in the 90s when that whole thing came out.

You've got the lava lamps on the box here. Yeah. One's called Jet. One's called Jetstream. One's called Astro. That's what I think of as a typical lava lamp.

The Astro one. Yeah. And then there's Astro Baby which is a miniature version. That was it in the 90s. All that 70s shit came back, didn't it? Like all the lava lamps

and the flares and everything was all a bit day glow again. But can you imagine how dangerous original 70s lava lamps back, didn't it? Like all the lava lamps and the flares and everything was all a bit day glow again. But can you imagine how dangerous original 70s lava lamps must have been? A bunch of hot wax or... Well, apparently they weren't that dangerous. They sometimes exploded.

Very rarely, but if you didn't work them right, yeah, they would explode. Oh, this is cool. I want this. Yeah, but guess what? You can't have it. It's mine because I found it. So this is like, it's a blimp. It's

a, is there any way we can test whether it works now? Should we try and test it now? Yeah. Hang on, let me plug it in. It's a light glass and it colour changes, doesn't it? So can you set the colours or does it just revolve? I think it revolves. Okay. Let me plug it in.

Now let me see how it works. A moment of truth here for the Mathmos. Now these are at least 20, in the sort of 25 quid range new I would have thought. Oh, more than that.

Really? Mathmos, because they were huge and were like the lava lamp distributors, could charge whatever the fuck they liked.

And so lava lamps went for like 50, 60 quid. So this must have been like 30 odd at least. Can't get it in the old one. You've got a power supply with it. He's got it in the hole. This is the moment of truth.

He's plugging in the blimp, ladies and gentlemen. Don't knock over the Tabasco bottle. It doesn't work. Wait. Push down to turn it off. It does work, everybody. Oh, it's excellent. I love it.

Look, I can put it down my pants and be sexy boy. Oh, that's so good, Paul. Can I buy it from you? No. I wanted this since, like, 97. Really? Yeah. That's why when I found it, I was like, I've got to get it.

It works. It's in working condition. Paul's scored a real bargain there. I really have. But how much of a bargain? Well, that's what you're going to find out, innit? I think your kind of limit. Now, it's costly still.

It was all within the £10 limit. I never went over my £10, just so you know. And what did I say you spent on the other two? So you said £1.25 for the first, £2 for the second. So let's just presume you're even close to right on that. That leaves you with... £6.75.

So, I mean, that's your window, but that's if you're correct. You could be massively out on all. So how much did you think the Math Moss colour-changing, what was it called, blimp? It looked like a UFO disc. Little glass...

It's a blimp, yeah. Very nice. Frosted white glass. It's a blimp, yeah. Very nice. Nice. Frosted white glass. That's what the inside of... On the new Boeing Dreamliners, the inside of the cabins do that. I'm going to have that in my bedroom

as I'm chilling out with some lovely trance music. Okay. And relaxing and listening to that. And enjoying it more because you don't have it and because you've told me you want it. I now like it more. I don't want it. Maybe because you've told me you want it. Shut up. Whatever.

I now like it more. I don't want it. Maybe we can do a drugs transaction for it. Eight quid. Eight quid. Yeah. Okay. Shall we reveal our results?

Let's reveal the results. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Now, there hasn't been any cheating by either of us here. No, not at all. Because we both, before the show, wrote down the answers on a little piece of paper. Here we go. I have in my hand a piece of paper. Peace and our time. Right.

Okay. So let's do it. Let's start with me. So you've got to do the scoring as we go as well. Okay. All right. Cool. I can do that.

Ready? Cheapest item. Yeah. Which was for you the... What was the off-cheapest item again? Was my tea towel, lure pack, Lurpak, T-Towel? T-Towel or Lurpak? I said 75p.

It was 99. Oh, so I'm just in. So a point. You're not. What do you mean? 75p, 25p out? You get a point there. A point.

Right, so... And your cheapest item was? You said £1.25. What was the item though, Paul? Oh, it was the spinner. It was the glass shot spinner. Oh God, terrible. Terrible thing.

That's probably the worst item of all of them, isn't it? Really? You could use this. Yeah. To tell, couldn't you? Even that's a bit of fun for a laugh. Who's going to have a shot? I'd fucking...

You could play. I would sweep that off the table and go, just give me the fucking bottle. Yeah, but if it was you and some friends, and that was full of spoff, right? And you put it down, you went, here you go. Drink my spoff game. Yeah, drink my spoff game.

Oh, God. Let's stop doing this podcast. I think we've got to a level now. We're talking about drink my spoff game. I mean, mate, didn't you already give me a game called Sniff My Spunk or something like ages ago. It's not uncommon for us to do. It's all the same.

It's going round and round. It's fine. It says on the description for this podcast, scatological comedy. It's fine. You said £1.25. It was £1. So you get a point as well. I get a point.

But who was the closest? So you were literally 25p out. And you were 24p out. So I get the extra point there. You get the extra point there. There we go. I'm never going to win anything. You don't know.

I'm never going to win anything. We've got two more to go. All right. So the next was the middle item, middle price. Oh, yeah, it was my gumball machine. Which I said. You said the gumball machine was two pounds exactly. And?

It was two pounds fifty. Ah. So, no point there. Shit. You had the album of Big Daddy's retro rock and roll covers album. I said two pounds for that. They've got some lame jokes on here. Yeah, I know. We can go into that in more detail when we cover it properly

on the platter. Warning, extraterrestrials buying up the world's tuna. It made someone laugh. Frampton speaks from the grave. I did that because that's when I did the, you don't know what you're bringing back. Something's better off remaining dead. Frampton's not alive.

I don't know why that counter amuses me but it does I like his two pounds you say southern drawl I cannot lie it was two pounds spot on

that was a weird echo spot on I literally think I heard the echo off the back wall and then your mic caught it I told you I was going to lose right so that's

two more points to me and I get a bonus point for being closest. Fucking hell. So let's just see how much we've got so far. So as we go into the final item, I've got five points. And Eli has one point. So here we go. Final item.

Okay. It was the Batman and Superman clock. That was my item. I said it was four pound. How much was it? It was three pounds. Ah clock. That was my item. I said it was £4. How much was it? It was £3. Ah, so no points there. I have a feeling I'm not going to get any points for this either.

Well, no, if it ends up being my guess closer than yours. I said that the best item from the Price of Shite, easily the best item, wouldn't you agree, Paul? Math Moth Glass Shop. Math Moth Blimp. Yeah, thing. Colour-changing blimp lamp, pebble-shaped lamp. Yeah.

I said eight quid. Reduced from ten. So here's the thing. It was eight quid, and I hanged it down to six. Shit. So no points there, but I get a point for being closest out of those two. Do you? Yeah, because you were out by two quid, and I was out by one. So let me just count up all the points.

I've got one, two, three, four, five, six, out of a possible what? One, two, three, four, five, six. No, it's out of a possible one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine. Yeah, out of a possible nine. So I've got six out of nine. Now, it's going to be close.

Let's see how many Eli got. It's not going to be close. Let's see how many Eli got. It's not going to be close. Eli got... Shut up. Just carry the six. Shut up. Don't even tease me. So out of a possible...

I got one point. Nine points. You got one point. You got one point. Yes, I got one point. So that was close to being a whitewash draw. I win. It was beautiful.

Who won the prize of shite versus? Ladies and gentlemen, I have won the first inaugural prizes of shite versus competition. And I just want to take this opportunity to say, I think we bought some really good stuff considering our limitations and what the show needed.

Well, no, my stuff's going, you know, what's going straight back to the charity shop is the Batman versus Superman. And how? Radio alarm clock yeah the shot thing

no I'm going to keep that really yeah for what me and my girlfriend will play sexy games with it excuse me darling do you want to play

drink my spaff I might lose though and then I have to drink my ball utterings ball utterings yeah at least it comes with a shot glass

it does so you know you've got that on your hand so there you go you going to take anything else back and we'll have a little listen to the Big Daddy record Ball utterings. Yeah. At least it comes with a shot glass. It does. So, you know, you've got that on your hand. So, there you go. You're going to take anything else back? And we'll have a little listen to the Big Daddy record. In a future platter.

What about... I'm having that as well. I'm going to keep the sweet. Really? What are you going to put in it? Sweet, you fucking meth. Well, you could be putting spunk in it. No, I couldn't fill that. It'd all dribble out anyway.

That's good. It'd just constantly dribble out. Constant dribble. And I'd be filling it up all the time to keep it up. It'd probably short the system as well. It'd all dribble out anyway. That's good. It'd just constantly dribble out. Constant dribble. And I'd be filling it up all the time to keep it up. It'd probably short the system as well. It might do. And then all I'm doing every day is just constantly filling up this with spunk to keep it going. I think you should.

What kind of life's that to live? It ain't life. It's a kind of death. Oh, death ain't for the living. Living ain't for the dead. That's the way I see it. I only live in a hostel. It's very dark. I could do with that blimp light. Just for charity

like. Please, mister. Oh, I've got, I can rent the plug socket. Eli, you're not having it? Please. You're not having it? I bought it for me. I'm an orphan and I have to work on the streets selling the papers. It's awful. What should I do for you want me to work

have a blowjob I do that sometimes as well let's just be honest it was going there from the beginning we introduced that character it's just the way it goes so there we go

we've fulfilled our potential I'll just eat this orange to get the zest in my mouth and help with the diseases oranges and that's been Price of Shites today well and that's been Price of Shites today.

And that's the end of another cheap show. I haven't benefited personally from this recording at all. Whereas I have benefited considerably. I've got candy. I've got a Mathmos lighter. I've got a gumball machine. And more importantly, I've got a My Little Pony can. I can't even have that. Do you want that?

Yeah. Oh, well, you can have that then. Do you want that as well? No, I do not want the basketball thing. You don't want the basketball flipper? No. On another point, Paul. What about the Yoshi keychain?

Nah. I don't like keychains. No, don't mention that because I'm trying to wrap up and this has to be the short segment of the show. Say three words. I bought a 12-inch record as well and it's by the olympic runners great so in good nick we'll carry that on from the next platter maybe yes it's not a funny record it's just a disco record oh well then fuck it ladies and gentlemen you've been listening to cheap show

the economy comedy podcast where we think again today we found some right gold in them their charity shops gold in the rubbish why don't you join us next time? Next time for another exciting episode of Cheap Show. The awards are coming. I'm piecing it together. I'm having to script things. Really?

And I've got to go through and pull out the audio as well. So it's going to take a while but it will get done. And we're going to have some very special guests joining us to announce some of the winners as well.

I'm looking forward to that. So it's going to be a big gala event, the awards, the cheapies. The cheapies? The first inaugural cheapies. Yeah. And the last. I'm planning that. I'm worried about how much work everyone's had to be a big gala event, the awards, the cheapies. The cheapies? The first inaugural cheapies. Yeah.

And the last. I'm planning that. Judging by how much work everyone's had to do. Anyway, let's just do the admin. If you'd like to support this podcast online, you can go to Patreon. And for as little as a dollar, you'll get access to all kinds of fun and frolics, extra Cheap Show content. So go to patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show.

You always interrupt when I'm doing that bit well you haven't I know now you haven't but you always do and then I go here's an important piece of information

and you go so should we repeat it Paul just in case they've missed it patreon.com forward slash cheap show thank you very much

if you want to follow us on twitter I am at paul gannon show Eli is Eli Snoid which is spelt out using the letters

E L I S N O I D and the podcast has its very own twitter account and show Eli is Eli Snoid which is spelt out using the letters E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D and the podcast has its very own Twitter account at thecheapshowpod follow us on there we're quite chatty get involved

if anyone's got a jumble sale invite us or a yard sale or a thrift store yeah any of those

invite us or maybe a flea market and also are there a flea market maybe you know there's a place in London that we could go to to investigate for a future two-parter. Well, in part one, we investigate the area and buy. And then the second part, we evaluate and try.

Worked. So get in touch. You can email us about anything. If you've got a tale from the dance floor. Source it and then source it. What did you say? No, you fucked that. Within a sentence, you fucked that. Source it then source it. Ah what did you say? No, you fucked that. Within a sentence

you fucked that. Source it then source it. Shut up. See it, say it, source it. That's terrorism. I've got what I was

going to say now. I didn't fart. Look for Cheap Show Pod on Tumblr, on Reddit. You can join the discussion there. You know what, Paul?

I've erased Tumblr off my phone. I don't use it that much. Fine, you don't have to use it. Why? Is there content going up there? Cheap show content I should know about? There's women asking you out on dates there.

Oh, because I'm so desperate. You would, though, wouldn't you? Look, Paul, little tales from the shop floor here, tales from the dance floor. Yeah. I was DJing the other night, right? Yeah. This woman came up to me.

She'd had a few. Yeah, that explains a lot. So she started going, oh, I like you. Even emails. The cheap show at Gmail. I had to crouch down to look for my new record in a box that was on the floor.

And then she started playing with my ponytail as if it was my flaccid cock. She was trying to get it, you know what I mean? That way they do. Trying to get some life into it. Kind of flicking it and bouncing it. No word of a lie, she went,

I've got to go to the loo, but I'm coming back for you. She said that. I was like, and the bar staff had all seen it, and they were like, oh. Did she come back for you? No, she fucked straight off out of coming out of the loo. Didn't even say goodbye. Oh.

I'm sorry that my haircut didn't become erect. You know what I mean? What am I going to do? I'm sorry that my haircut didn't become erect. You know what I mean? What am I going to do? Have some kind of pump in my hair so I get stiff when ladies feel up my ponytail? I get a stiff ponytail? Did she shout, you traitor, as she walked away?

Ladies and gentlemen, that's been Chief Show. I've been Paul Gannon. Goodbye. Bye-bye. Gannon goodbye bye bye