CheapShow - Ep 128: The Price Is Right Is S****

Episode Date: May 24, 2019

An impromptu recording session means that Paul and Eli find themselves thrown into the midst of a hastily arranged episode. How do they cope in the new exciting studio at Soho Radio? Will the passing London public look in and be bemused by every stupid face we pull? And will Eli cream his pants over a new online discovery? How about you find out in this week's episode. It's basically a double Price of Shite special. Kinda. Almost. It will make sense when you hear it. Honestly. And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-128-the-price-is-right-is-s If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

Hello, ladies and... No. What do you mean, no? No. You're not doing the intro. Oh, you're doing your voice now. I'm not... Right, okay.

I'll go back to Gannon voice. No, you're not doing an intro. Don't do the intro. Don't do the intro. Why can't I do the intro? I've got something prepared. Go on. Hello, ladies and gentlemen.

It's Cheap Show time again. Special episode coming from Soro. That's Soro. Oh, God. Coming from straight out... I'll tell you what, Paul. again. Special episode coming from Soho. That's Soho. Coming from straight out. I'll tell you what, Paul. Your shit I'm good. Let me do this. Here we go. Blah, blah, blah, whacked, blah, fucked it up.

What a wanker you are. Straight from Soho or Soho, it's Eli Silverman and Paul Gannon. Is Soho where like doggies go to Soho? Yeah. Soho. Are you in Soho? Right on, Raggy. We. It's Soho where, like, doggies go to Soho. Yeah. Soho! Where are you in Soho? Right on, Raggy. We are in the Soho Radio studios recording this very special episode of Cheap Show. There's nothing special about this episode.

It's just recorded in Soho. Very normal. All right. Fucking hell. Because if we say something like that, they'll think Soho Radio is, like, endorsing us or involved. And then Soho Radio would listen to this and say, oh, they're not recording in this place again because they're naughty, dirty boys. All right.

We are in some place in Soho. Adjacent to Soho Radio Studios in Soho. And it's time for Cheap Show. It's the comedy economy podcast for your ears. It's not. Is it, though? What isn't it? It's the economy comedy podcast for your ears.

You said comedy economy, and it doesn't quite have the right... I actually think it sounds better. Do it. It's the Comedy Economy Podcast for your ears, where we go, we trawl, Paul. We trawl through the charity shops, pound stores, bargain basements, jumble sales, car boot Yeah. Pound stores. Yeah. Bargain basements. Bazaars. Jumble sales. Yeah, we go to all of them. Car boot sales.

Yeah. Thrift stores. Knock-off supermarkets. Pound. I've said that. Island. Pound Island. Yeah.

It's the new shop, Pound Island. Moominland and Lion King. What, you're just naming cartoon shows now? No, there's the two shops near me. There's one called Moominland. Right. And there's one called Lion King. Has the Moominland got anything to do with Moomins? No, it sells a huge range of cigarette papers. And does the Lion King

have anything to do with a Disney film with the same name? No, it's a corner shop. Welcome to Cheap Show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, alright? It's a fact of cheap show, you're gonna have to fucking reset. Noodle time. Tales from the dance floor How's the big guy?

A fight of the shite This is your gun and take Hello Eli Silver Welcome to Cheap Show I'm not going on a nuzzle This is good Live from Soho Radio Studios Studios, studios

You can't just say I'm not allowed to do it and then just do what I did I sadly think I am And I sadly think I did Alright so I sadly, yeah Yeah Welcome to Cheap Show. Oh, how have you been?

Oh, it's been a week since we last heard from you. How's your mum? Is she all right? What? Your dad's staying all right, isn't he? Oh, did your sister's thing clear up? That's great news. I'm playing catch up with the listeners.

Who wrote in saying their sister had VD? No, I didn't. No, I didn't say VD. That's what you were implying. Might have been crabs. That's VD. It's not. Crabs is VD.

All right. Stop. You're tying yourself in tongue-tied circles, mate. You're tying yourself up with your tongue. You're tying yourself up with your tongue. It's very interesting, isn't it, that you're quick to criticise, and then you fumble over the words yourself like a fat-mouthed prat. I am not fat-mouthed.

You are. I am so not. You're a fat-mouthed, chubby-fingered, wretched... Don't start in the hands. Club-footed. Fuck off. Barrel-chested. Yeah, I am barrel-chested.

Gormless or gobshite. Right. What was I going to say? I don't know. Anyway, did you have anything of note to bring up? Any interesting facts? Anything that you've seen? Tell us on the shop floor, dance floor. going to say i don't know anyway did you have anything of note to bring up any interesting facts anything that you've seen tells on the shop floor dance floor have you got anything going on your life i don't but i have a new segment i want to trial ladies and gentlemen trialing a brand new

segment on the cheap show podcast eli silverman and his new segment say Say that again. Eli Silverman and his new segment Guess the Tat. Oh, so what are the parameters of the rules? I have, Paul, in my bag today a piece of tat. Right.

I've bought this. Yeah. And it's a thing. Right. And you asking questions that can only be answered yes or no.

So like 20 questions? Yeah. So it's 20 questions. Yes, but it's called Guess the Tat. Okay. I mean, fundamentally, I have no problems with the game. Well, good. So here we go then.

Let it commence! Here we go. First question! You've got to keep track of the number of questions, all right? How many did you get? 20 usually, don't you? That's why I said, is this a rip-off of 20 questions? How many questions did you get to ask?

Oh, just three? Well, I don't think we should do 20. All right, how many? 17. Why? It's a good number. It's not. What's popular at 17?

What's a good... Just 17 magazine? That's good. East 17, the band? That's good as well. Actually, on reflection, there's a one or two that come to mind.

Yeah. Sweet 17? No, that's Sweet 16. Stalag 17? Stalag 17. I don't know. That's not right, is it? It's not called Stalag 17. What is it? What are you talking about? It's a film, isn't 17? Stalag 17? I don't know, that's not right, is it? It's not called Stalag 17.

What is it? What are you talking about? It's a film, isn't it? Stalag 20... I don't know. So, first question. Right, okay. Guess the tat. Yes or no only.

Can you fit it in a shoebox? Yes. Right. Is it made of plastic? Yes. I hate this game already. can you stick it up your ass it would be painful has it got is it angular yes is this thing in your bag shit oh yeah is it porcelain does it is it just what you look at purely decorative is it edible? No.

It's good, though. I hate this game. This is awful, this game. It's good. It's awful because you're making it awful. It's awful because all I get to do is ask pointless questions and you just say yes or no. It's not a very fun game, is it? Yes. No.

Come on, you're almost there. All right, is it... Just remember what we've got so far. It's small. It's plastic. It's plastic. It doesn't have a function. Yeah. Is it decorative?

Yes. Right. Is it a statuette of something? Yes. Is it a statuette of something in gaming? Yeah, it's associated. No, it's not a specific gaming title. Okay.

But it's associated with certain types of games. Oh, God. Is it... Oh, that's made things actually more complicated. It's a statuette which is enclosed in some way. Is it something...

Is it a porcelain statue based on a recognised public property? No, it's not a property, but it's a creature which is in lots of stuff. A mythical creature. Is it a dragon?

Yes! What kind of dragon? A red dragon? No, no. What kind of object is it? Now, creature. Is it a dragon? Yes! What kind of dragon? A red dragon? No, no. What kind of object is it? Now we know it's a dragon. It's a dragon in a snow globe. Yes!

Because you said it was enclosed. There we go! This game's brilliant! It's not! I zoned out of our own show. Check out this dragon I've got, mate. I'm getting it out now. While you're doing that,

then I'm going to... Here it is, look! Alright. It's a sparkle globe with a dragon in it. Oh, it is. It's a pretty dragon, isn't it? Look at him. He's an ice dragon, though. He's an ice dragon.

And the base of the ball is also crystals. It's like the Fortress of Solitude from Spider-Man. It's Spider's Man. Spider's Superman. It's Spider's Man. Spider's Man? Yeah, Spider's Man. Spider's Man.

He has a collection of spiders in his spider van. Oh, no. He's got Spider's Man. Spider's Man. Spider's Man. He's not a man with a spider, you know, capabilities. No, he just has a large bunch of spiders. Yeah.

Spider's Man. Spider's Man. Got kicked out of his camper van. Too many spiders. Not enough dogs. Oh, no. I don't know. We'll go with that.

He's an enemy. Dogs man. Yeah. Dogs man usually wins. And cats man. And there's also sardines man. Yeah. He's always good in a tight situation.

That's good. I thought you'd get one for me next time alright guess the tack you did quite well there that's a lovely bit how much was that

can I ask two two quid oh it's alright there were two I got it in New Crossgate the other day good charity shopping

down there yeah New Crossgate yeah oh I'll have to investigate it I went to Pinner recently and I had a nice

collection of charity shops there that I found one or two bargains. And Pinna's quite close to where you live in Harrow. Yeah, Harrow. Oh, Harrow. Right, so I asked the Cheap Show audience, ask Cheap Show, hashtag. So should we go through some? It used to be Ask Silverman.

Yeah, but you want in on it, don't you? You can suck my fat twat. Gee. Right, hang on. I'm looking for the questions because there's been a few. Hit me. Ow. Hit me with questions I meant. Also someone got in touch to say they are flexi discs

are on the comeback. NPR did a documentary or something recently about flexi discs and how they're becoming trendy. They are. Like most things. I went to a poundland the other day and they're selling rolls of film for cameras and cassettes. Blank. Like most things. I went to a Poundland the other day and they're selling rolls of film for cameras and cassettes. Blank cassettes. Crazy.

It's all coming back. It's weird, isn't it? The physical formats. It's because people are bored. It's just lifeless, isn't it? If everything's just a file. Everything's just a file these days. Right, here we go. Here are the questions. Ask Cheap Show. If you want. Here are the questions. Ask Cheap Show.

If you ever want to ask us something, hashtag Ask Cheap Show. Or ask Silverman. Yeah. Which is perfectly serviceable.

Shut it. Tiger Mac Zed says, if I cut off my hands and eat them, would I be breaking the law? What? Not the strongest

start. How would you cut your hands off? Well, you could do it with a machine, couldn't you? What, like some kind of guillotine-y thing that you can just... Yeah, you just put your hands in the guillotine, chop-chop. Well then... Chop-chop, and then you use the stumps to bring it to your mouth.

Perhaps you've got a pot of boiling water on the other side of the guillotine. Yeah. So they soften a bit before you eat them. So they plop into the water. Yeah. And then what? But you can't pick them up. Who is this weirdo?

I don't know. I shan't be asking any more questions from him. Right. It's probably not against the law. Rhiannon says, I know you want to do more live shows,

but have you got any idea of when they're likely to be? No. Sorry. At the moment, it's just digitized alive and then we'll figure out. It's just because

even though we're reasonably popular as a podcast, we're not huge. And so it's harder for us to kind of justify all the travel and costs to get to some places and put on live shows. So we want to do it. But for instance, I got in touch with a few live comedy agencies a little while ago and said, Hey, we're a podcast.

We do this. We're looking to help get live shows. And they all went, What? You're on the telly? No. Ah. And that was kind of their reply. Apart from one guy did get in touch, and he was very interested.

And even though he couldn't help us, he did give us lots of advice and said he would all be happy to help in the future. So it's not all shit in the comedy industry. But the plan is more live shows. I mean, we had a lot of fun doing it. Do you know what I was thinking we could do? And this is just me speculating right now. It's not a plan.

It's not going to happen. But I thought we could do for Christmas a comedy show. But make Dewey do a live panto. Fucking hell. Maybe. Richard Brando? No. What do you mean, no?

No. Of course, he must be involved. He has to be involved. All right. And he has to have a line. Right now, I insist. I want it in the contract. Brando appears, and he has this line.

Spoff my broth off. Richard Brandoff must say spoff my broth off. Is it in his rider? Yeah. No, not in his rider. How would you have a line in your rider? Because he might say, I won't do the show unless I say my line. Yeah.

That's kind of a rider, isn't it? No, the rider is always food and drink, which is provided backstage. So do you know what Richard Brando's rider is? Is it two women he can spank and belittle?

How did you guess that? Because you're a horrible human being with a horrible character. I am. Yeah. Don't blame me for the personality

of something that was born from me. Right, so don't blame you for you, is what you're basically saying. No, I'm not. If a lady has a child, and the child ends up as a criminal,

do you blame her? Yes. You do? Because she should have been a better mother. Is that... Oh. I don't know. Well then,

spoff my broth off. That could be the name of the panto. No, it's not. We're not going to call... No. I insist. No. Rename cheap show, spoff my panto. No, it's not. We're not going to call... No. I insist. No. Rename cheap show

Spoff My Broth Off. No. If that ever happens, I'm going to kill you. I've got an idea for how the plot could go. Richard Brando... Shouldn't have fucking mentioned this.

I just wanted to ask a few questions. He goes into a brothel. Yeah? Yeah. And then he has some soup. Right. And he wanks into the soup. That's not anything like a panto.

Then he could say something like, oh, I've spoffed my knob off into this broth off in this brothel. Fucking hell. Spoff me broth off. Where's me spoff gone? It's behind you. Ruff, ruff, ruff.

Anything else? Yes, more live shows, please. Yes, but we haven't got any concrete plans. We haven't got any plans so far. Voroton Tony asks, what music y'all listen to lately? shows yeah yes but we haven't got any concrete we haven't got any plans so far for a ton tony asks what music y'all listen to lately i need recommendations anything new that you've been listening to i buy records so it's hard to just list a bunch of disparate discs you know i've been listening to a lot of 10cc recently love 10cc and a little bit of steely dan love steely dan i'm

kind of going through a weird period right now where I'm listening to a lot of like 70s, it's not middle of the road, is it? But what would you call like that kind of laid back piano, like, you know, Oreo speed wagon kind of stuff? Well, it is AOR. AOR. Generally. But I mean, Steely Dan is like high class AOR.

Yeah. I've been listening to a lot of that. Anyway, a lot of mellow Americana kind of 70s music. Nice. And a lot of Blur. I've been listening to a lot of Blllow americana kind of 70s music nice and a lot of blur i've been listening to a lot of blur albums over and over recently i've been listening to the four seasons oh that must take you a whole year right look at me why this is weird yeah it is it's weird doing it in the studio. I don't like it.

I'm looking out into the street and everyone's staring in. Yeah. People think we're weird because I just went, really? I've got a knob off to prof my stuff off. You know what? They're looking in going, what are they talking about? You know, music, reggae. Reggae?

I don't know. You were talking about reggae before on your Soho radio show, so it just jumped into my head. They think, oh, they're doing a radio show. But actually, we're dirty boys saying rude words. Indeed. Right. Let's race through these. Whatever we miss out, we'll probably answer in a Patreon stuff or something in the future.

Who's the better looking out of the two of you, says the Flated Fruit. I don't like that question. Because I know a lot of women find me ugly and you attractive and vice versa. So it's eye of the beholder, Paul. Any a goal in it any holes a goal well i wouldn't go that far i would actually i'm you know what the older i get the more i just realize i'm a dirty filthy man oh yeah just a sexually filthy man wake up to yourself oh i'm very woke to myself don't you worry oh yeah i'm getting very much in touch with myself oh yeah how by spoffing off and your broth off

yeah I will dress up as Richard Brandoff go into fucking I don't know yo sushi and spoff in their sushi I'm Richard Brandoff I've got my top off

and I'm spoffing into your broth off in a brothel in a brothel in hoff right Chris Clay says

what's the one thing you would like to do before you die? Trivial or otherwise? Bucket list then for us. Basically, yeah. What's on your bucket list? I haven't never done a skydive. I'd like to do that. Would you really?

Yeah. I would not ever do that. Fair enough. What else? Too much fear. I'd like to spend the night at the East State Penitentiary or whatever it is. It's like a very haunted,

allegedly haunted place in America that loads of the ghost haunting shows have been to. And I'd like to just go there for the night. I'd like to visit Japan. Oh, fair enough. Yeah. And just for any particular reason. I'd like to see Tokyo.

Yeah. Just because, well, I love a lot of aspects of their culture. The young women who look like boys. My first girl. Whoa. Whoa. aspects of their culture. The young women who look like boys. My first girl... Whoa! My first girlfriend was Japanese, as we've been through this. So you have a longing for that aesthetic. No, I

like the food. Yeah, I bet you do. I like cities. He likes cities. That doesn't narrow it down, does it? Tokyo's one of the big ones, isn't it? And he wants to get sexy. I'd like to go to Japan before I die. What else? I'd like to go to Japan before I die. What else? I'd like to smoke DMT before I die.

Okay, great. What else? I'd like to probably have a coffee enema. Go on, now you do. You stand up about that, don't you? Go on, do your stand up

about that. I'm not going to do my fucking stand up. Ladies and gentlemen, he wanted a bit of stand up about coffee enemas and it was very funny. Let's do it now.

Ladies and gentlemen, doing some stand up on Cheap Show, it's our special guest, Eli Silverman. Hello. So, I'm half Jewish. Boo! What a shit.

I'm half Jewish and half Christian. So, you know, my parents didn't get on. That's not your stand-up. Yeah. I'm not fucking doing my stand-up for you. Do that bit about the coffee. Do about the coffee. No.

Do it. No, it's not about coffee. It's about ketamine. It's the same difference. It started as something about ketamine. Yeah. And then it was about that. And then it ended with the line, grande arse wash or something.

Yes, it did. It's good. It's a good line. You should do it. I'll do it on the drugs episode. When's that coming? Oh, we should do that soon. Maybe when I get back from LA.

I just realized, unlike the sex episode where we both had something to say, in the drugs episode it's just going to be basically me listing the various drugs I've done. Yeah, then you say, I did a mushroom once.

Did you? Yeah. Ooh. I never really got on with them. Never really enjoyed it. No? Nah.

Never got the, oh man, just kind of felt a little bit buzzed out. You probably didn't do enough. Maybe. Got to scoff them.

And I have injected raw heroin into the tip of my cock. No you haven't. I have. Doing it didn't do enough. Maybe. Got to scoff them. And I have injected raw heroin into the tip of my cock. No, you haven't. I have. Doing it now. No, you're not. Oh!

Oh, I'm fucked off with this. I'm not doing any more. Come on, Mark. A couple more. No, one more. A couple more. One more. Paul, do I have any more

paranormal stories from behind the scenes? I do, but I'm going to save them for a project I'm now working on. Oh, yeah? What's that? I'm writing a book. We'll move on from that for a project I'm now working on. Oh, yeah? What's that? I'm writing a book. We'll move on from that.

Oh. I'm writing a book as well. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sophie Brown asks- It's called My Life with Paul Gannon. Yeah. A nightmare.

A tell-all expose. A livid existential nightmare that never ends. Oh, I'm writing a book called Eli Silverman. What a fat-mouthed, stumpy-handed, club-footed, barrel-chested cunt. Fuck off. Right. I'm writing a book. Yeah? It's Fuck off. Right. I'm writing a book. Yeah.

It's called Cunt Paul. I'm writing a book called Eli, a list of small things atop bigger things. I like that. I'm writing a book. Yeah. It's called Paul's Shit. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a follow-up to Cunt Paul. I'm writing a book. It's called Eli's Penis. All the places it hasn't been, and then a name of every woman on the planet. That would be a long book. Yeah. I'm writing a book. planet. That would be a long book. I'm writing a book. It's called Paul.

Why you should hate him too. I'm writing a book. It's a self-help book. I'm writing a book. It helps people to see the true Paul. I'm writing a book. What's it called? Eli Silverman, a guide to his inner torture. I like your ones.

I'm writing a book. Yeah? It's called Paul's a Nont. Fucking hell. Probably. Giacomo Soldier. Giacomo Soldier! Right, that's enough of this segment. Hey, look, you've got a nice cardion today. Fuck off, we're not doing that.

Is it time for the price of shite? Hello. This segment of Cheap Show is also available as a video for Patreon people. That's exciting. If you don't give us money on Patreon, don't feel bad. It's okay, buddy. It's all right. I'm just saying.

This one is. Welcome to Cheap Show, part two. Oh, what the fuck am I saying? I don't know. You should just let me speak. Go on. Hi, welcome back, everybody. And it's time now for... The Price of Shite.

It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. It's the fucking price is shite. It's the fucking price is shite. It's the fucking price is shite. And that's right. Oh, ah, a cheapity, ah. And that's right. A cheap chap, cheapity, ah.

And that's right. A cheap chap, a cheapity cap. And that's right. That's right. That's the price of right. And that's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. And we love your tiger. It's the price of shite. No, it's the shite. It's the price of shite. Oh, we've just ripped off. Sweet now. We've ripped it off. your tiger. It's the price of shite. No, it's the shite. It's the price of shite. Oh, we've just ripped off. Sweet now. You ripped it off.

Right, we're doing the price of shite. And, oh, we're going to do something a little bit different. So I've got three objects. I bought them from various charity shops in the northwest of London. Ooh. Pinner. Hatch end. Harrow.

All the world. And I'm going to bring them out one by one now although it's not mandatory you don't have to you don't have to guess the prices but we can do that afterwards

all I need you to do is do I get an extra no this is the way the game is played Paul right with this format with this format what we know is known as the live

which is now the live can you not do that can you not do that honestly is that what is that what this has fucking come down to? Right, finished? Yeah. Okay.

All right. As is our want, the live version. Stop making a noise. The live version of The Price of Shy is where we arrange the items by price in a big row. We'll do that today, but when we... Stop, please. You've dropped me stuff, haven't I? But there's six points available, basically.

Yeah. There are three items, yeah? Three items. So there's six points available. Each item I get in the right order in terms of pricing. And, no, there's nine points available in total. Oh, God. So just put them in the right order and let's do the fucking show.

If I get them all in the right order, that's three points. If I guess the price within 50p, is it 25p or 50p? I think we do 50p for these because they're bigger prices. Within 50p, then I get another point for that. And then each one, if I get it on the nose, I get two points. So, there are possibly, if I got everyone,

I'm guessing the exact price of each one, and I got them in the right order, that would be two points for two times three, six, plus another three, nine points. Nine points available. Are you ready yeah

well I'm glad you know someone's thinking about the rules yeah I know that's the problem though you think about the rules and I'm thinking about the raw energy

of the segment the excitement the banter why don't you get some fucking wine out that seems to be the only way I can deal with it get some booze out

you know get a fucking bottle of vodka just down it before they do the recording, Paul. It's the only way you can look at me. It's the only way you can deal with me. Can't you deal with me? I'm here.

Deal with me. I'm here. Shut up. Come on. It's the price of shite, and that's right. Right. Here we go. So I've got three items.

Now, they're a bit more costly than usual. So, oh, I am a liar. One of the items I got off the internet right you got it off the internet yeah are you going to tell me the origin of these items yeah uh yeah yeah because that's part of the whole process all right are you ready for your first item i'm ready i'll just i'll show you it first and then i'll give you the backup information once you've given it a perusal okay hand it over i'm just going to show it to the camera first. Here is what we're looking at. All right?

Ooh. What is it? It looks like a Plinketto game. Kind of. It's a black sort of plastic box thing with red plastic panels in it. Yeah. And these are drawers.

It has two drawers at the back. And it has little... Like a Plinketto, if you imagine the... Is that what it's called? Planchetto? Pachinko. Pachinko. and it has little like a Plinketto, if you imagine, is that what it's called? Planchetto? Pachinko. Pachinko. Plinketto is the red letter media version. Planchetto.

No, you know what? Planchette is the thing on a Ouija board. This is a I can't remember the fucking word now, it's because I've scrambled it. Pachinko. Pinchenko. Whatever, the Japanese sort of pinball style game where you put This is a... I can't remember the fucking word now. It's because I've scrambled it. Pichenko. Pichenko. Whatever. The Japanese sort of pinball style game where you put a coin or a ball into the top

and there's little obstacles vertically down which they bounce off and it can go into one of two separate drawers at the bottom. This is a strange item, Paul. Yeah. Did it come with anything we can use? Or do you use coins?

Let me see if I've got it. It comes with these. Okay. What do you see? What do you see? Oh, fuck it, though. What? So, these are stickers that you can put onto the drawers.

So, this is like an eight ball meets a plinketto. It's more like a pinchenko Meets a money box Ah So you put a coin In the top And it Randomly bounces off All the pegs

Bintzy bintzy bintzy Yeah It bounces off the pegs And it can go into One of two drawers Yeah And you decide What the money

You can put These stickers here Have round Trip to the moon That's obviously facetious Yeah One way bus ticket Out of here

These are all not real They're just facetious. No, I know, but they're larger in terms of my love. A weekend with my posse. Those are real things. They're realistic.

A car. Yeah. A sports car. I don't think you're going to get enough money in a draw to afford either of those cars. Give to charity

or me, me, me. So you can put these stickers on one of the two draws, I'm assuming, and then you put the coin in and it goes into one of the two draws.

Clinky clanky clinky clanky. So randomly you support and there are also some blank stickers for your own so you could put pay for VD cream

yeah yeah or VD cream or whatever you might need to save money for or Mr Mouse's blackmail money yes

because Mr Mouse knows stuff about me and I gotta pay him off what did you do to Mr Mouse no he knows stuff that I've done you shoved him up you bam bam'd him

no I haven't Mr Mouse has just you've put rodents up your, he knows stuff that I've done. You shoved him up your bum bum, didn't you? No, I haven't. Mr Mouse has just seen what I've done. You've put rodents up your arse. We all know. I haven't put a super rodent up my arse. You have. You get extra thick Trojan condoms. Super, super strength.

What? Right. Can you carry on with this while I stare at the child behind you looking through the window? So can you carry on telling me about how I like to stick things up my arse? Super strength condoms.

Yeah. And you get rodents. Yeah. You buy them off pet shops. And waving at the kid and the mum who's dragging the kid away now. Like, fair enough.

And you fucking get them all rolled up. You go, oh, you do little impressions. You go, oh, you little fucking mouse. You're a fucking dick, you little mouse.

Then you shove it right up there. You go, oh, oh, oh. And it gets you off. Comedy stylings of, oh, oh! And it gets you off. It gets you right off. Comedy stylings of Eli Silverman there. It gets you right off.

Yeah, we call it gearing. Is that what it's called? No! I was talking about Richard Gere, wasn't I? Oh, Gere, yes. Because of the whole gearing. That's a myth, isn't it? Yeah, but never out of the train.

Of course it didn't. So, there you go. There's your first item. What? That's why you're in black. No, I don't do it, otherwise I'd call it gathering. Well, why did you say Mr. Mouse? What's all this Mr. Mouse?

Mr. Mouse is a pseudonym for a man who's blackmailing me because he knows all my dark secrets. Like what? I'm not going to fucking tell you on my podcast, am I? Or maybe I should, and then he's got nothing on me. Shall I give this go? All right. I want... Oh, my God.

I didn't. I did not, Governor. Right. Shall I try? See how well this works, Paul? Yeah, my God. I didn't. I did not, Governor. Right, shall I try? See how well this works, Paul? Yeah, go on. Have you got money in your pocket? That's rare, isn't it, ladies and gentlemen? You know what one of the most tired tropes of this whole fucking show is, Paul?

What? You going, Eli's always borrowing money. When was the last time I borrowed money from you? A couple of weeks ago. No, I don't. Yeah. I'm not like that. Anyway, here we go. I'm holding it up for the camera, Paul. Yeah. I'll hold it. It won't go in. What do you mean it won't go in? It won't fit. A pound coin won't fit in that slot. Well, maybe it's not for pound coins. Maybe it's for... Fucking hell, you're never going to... Oh, hang on. Nothing will get in that hole. Oh, no. Maybe like a 50p, a 5p. A 10p? 10p should be fine.

This is a terrible item. It's not. It's just bounced down. Go on. What hole's it gone in? One's gone in both. So I now have 11p in this. Give it back to me.

No, it's definitely mine. Okay, so that's my first item. I'm not going to say how much I think that costs until I see the other two. That's all you need to know. Here is your second item. Now, do you want me to tell you where it came from, or do you want to do that information later? No, tell me where that came from. That came from Tiger, near the store Tiger.

Ah, so that's a new item. Yeah. Okay. Here we go. It's terrible. I don't think it's very good. I'll wait to get a clue to the next fucking one. All right.

Here we go. Say what you see. I'm going to show it to the camera now, but we'll show it again in a little while. What's that? Ah, it's a smartphone projector. Yeah. Cardboard? Yeah.

Okay, we're going to open this up. He's opening it up. It's a card phone. Oh. Oh, there's two vinyl in there by accident, but they're the stuff I picked up recently

and I forgot to get. Tell her about it by Billy Joel. Love that song. Yeah, I know. I just thought that. And Stutter Rap. By Morris Minor and the Majors.

No Sleep Till Bedtime. Yeah, because I've never heard the B-side, so that's why I got that for the B-side. Well, we're going to do a comedy rap as a section.

Yeah, in a future episode. So we're going to need that for that. Bank that. Yeah, bank that. Now, let's put that aside. I'm getting out the... The item itself.

Which is a smartphone projector, yeah? Yeah. So this is meant to be for watching movies, YouTube videos. You put your phone in it, and then you can use it to cast your phone onto... And there is actually quite a heavy piece of glass, a lens in here. Yeah, which you stick in the front. You stick in there.

Like that. Pretty much, yeah. And then you put your phone at the back. Yeah. And it's a sticky pad at the back for your phone. It's like a weird plastic that keeps the phone to the thing. Now, there's no electronic components to this.

There's no wiring. There's nothing else. It's just cardboard and a glass lens. And that's how you focus by adjusting the... There's a drawer. Retractable.

That you pull out like that, yeah. Now, so when I got this, I was kind of like, this is a bit of fun, isn't it? It looks nice. It's got leather finish. Well, it's cardboard,

but it's like fake leather. Let me just... The problem is, here's one of the major flaws. Now, obviously't it? It looks nice. It's got leather finish. Well, it's cardboard, but it's like fake leather. The problem is, here's one of the major flaws. Now, obviously, it's not going to work that well in a lit studio like we've got in, but you're meant to just put it in here like that. Yeah, I see. Raise it up. Not all the way, because otherwise it will fall off. And then in a very, very dark room, you can adjust it to make,

so you can cast it on the thing. Does it work? No! It doesn't work it it works to the extent where if you if you don't mind looking at something at the size of a postcard on the size of a wall that's basically the size of the screen exactly so you may just like just have it in your hand where it's near to your face and in sharp focus and in high definition as opposed to the misty washed out colors of yeah it's a bullshit novelty item for idiots to buy.

I mean, people were saying, oh, you can use it in a tent if you go camping. You can project it onto the side of the tent. I doubt you'd get it dark enough for it to be effective. You could just look at your phone in a tent. Just look at your phone. Why are you looking at your phone if you're in a tent anyway? You should be enjoying the great outdoors.

Well, I'm saying if you're doing a festival and you want to watch Stage 7 on iPlayer because you can't reach it because you're at the festival and you could maybe cast it onto the side of your tent and have like an

in situ, like, you know, like a kind of festival within a festival and everyone hangs around your tent and goes, Paul, you're the coolest. And I go, yeah, I know.

Do you want some drinks? Yeah, I've got tea. I've got coffee. You don't have tea or coffee. How do you have tea or coffee in a tent? I've got one of those hot packs.

Hot packs? Of tea. A hot pack of tea I've got one of those hot packs. Hot packs? Of tea. A hot pack of tea. I've heard of those. Yeah. And that's a real thing. And everyone goes, Paul, you're so trendy with your cardboard projector in your phone allowing us all to watch Stage 7 at the festival we're at when we can't access it.

Now. It's like we're right there. That's what happens in my head. Now, I know how much these roughly are new, I believe. Yeah. But is this a second-hand item? This is definitely second-hand. This was in a charity shop, was it? Otherwise, to be fair, I would never buy one. believe but is this a second hand item this is definitely second hand this was in a charity shop

otherwise to be fair I would never buy one no it's a charity shop item yeah yeah okay what charity shop

that was a Dr. Monardo's in Pinner where I recently picked up now album one oh yes that's good you found now now number one

in Goodnick very pristine not pristine but in Goodnick okay but you know and it saves me spending £30 on a repressing that they brought out recently yeah fuck off mate found Now Number One. In Good Nick? Very. Pristine. Not pristine, but in Good Nick. Okay. But you know,

and it saves me spending £30 on a repressing that they brought out recently. Fuck off, mate. What's the first track on side one of Now One? It is, I believe, a Phil Collins song and I can't remember

what it is right now. Hear it coming in the air tonight? Maybe. Maybe. I don't know. Su Su Studio? Nah, that'd be wicked. I fucking love that song.

Everyone does. Everyone loves Su Studio. Can I just say this? I've said it before, but it's true. The pop video to that song, it's confusing. What happens in the pop video? She's Russian.

She's a Russian. She's got a big muff. No, no. She's got a big muff on. No, I don't know what you're thinking about, but it's absolutely nothing like the video to Susudio. It's got a big hairy hat muff. It starts off, camera outside on a London street,

looking at a dingy East End pub, right? And then the camera goes in, and there's a bunch of people really upset and not interested looking at their pints and stuff like that meanwhile phil collins this band has just finished their last song of the night and they're like a pickup band just in the pub and everyone's like oh phil collins is shit and this is whole this whole thing so they're not interested the band hasn't done and then he goes all right let's do susudio see if they like that and then it's... And then he goes into it. And then everyone slowly over the course of the song goes,

yeah! They get into it. Yeah. And then there's a whole band on there and it's wicked. I like that. It's great. But the problem is,

it proposes that Phil Collins took his band to a nightclub, did a whole night of songs that were awful, which no one liked, but at the end, all he got was the studio. But that's a bit like, it's sort of parallel to his actual career,

where everyone hates all of his stuff apart from actually the studio. Yeah, maybe you're right then. Yeah, maybe you're right. But anyway, so that's the second item. This is what it looks like up close, camera person.

There you go. My first experience of Phil Collins was when he covered this... Mys come shut up christ one week without without this nonsense it's been one week without this nonsense oh dear can't get over it uh it's uh you can't hurry love it's diana ross song oh it might have been that, actually. He did... Yeah, that seems to fit. That was one of his early, early hits. Yeah, so...

Okay, so how much is one of these brand new? I think they're around £12 brand new. I think I've seen them more costly than that in some places. Really? 20. But even so, whatever it is you're paying, it's not worth it. It's bullshit. It's all just...

It's pure novelty shit, isn't it? Yeah, it is. So, it's not worth it. It's bullshit. It's all just pure novelty shit, isn't it? Yeah, it is. So, that's the second item. I think that was cheaper. I'm just going to say, I think that was cheaper than... Phil Collins' You Can't Hurry Love is the first track on Now One. Oh, there you go. And then it's Duran Duran, Is There Something I Should Know?

Yes, there is. There is Duran Duran. There is something you should know. Yeah? You're shit. No, they're all right. They are not all right. Wow, boys.

I'm sick of this. Wow, boys. I'm sick of this Duran Duran apologist. Reflex. Flex. Flex. I don't like, I just don't like them. White lines.

That is not. That's not theirs, but they did a good cover of it. They did not do a good cover of it. Yeah, they did. They fucking did it. In an ordinary world. I hate that as well. It's not theirs, but they did a good cover of it. They did not do a good cover of it. No, they did. They fucking did it. In his ordinary world. I hate that as well. It's an ordinary world.

It's an ordinary world. Don't come to me with Duran Duran. The last song on Now One, the very last song, is Genesis, that's all. Oh, so Phil Collins starts and finishes. Tops and tails it. Tops and tails it. There you go. He was hugely popular, wasn't he?

He was. And he made the suit and sneaker combo popular. That's your second item. Here's your third and final. What are we going to refer to the Plinketto thing as? Just call it Moneybox. The Moneybox. Moneybox projector.

And here's your third and final one. Okay. I want you to hold on to your bollocks. I've got my bollocks cupped, nestled. Oh, mate! Look at that. It's fucking hell, man. Yeah.

It's a Tommy Yeag. Yeah, Tommy Yeag. That's Yeag. Yeag. There we go. Just going to put that there for the camera so you can see. It's a Tony Yeag. Yeah.

So, we've got, what was the one you bought? I bought. Wow. No. Ah. But I got you. Wow. I've got, what was the one you bought? I bought... Wow. No, ah! But I got you. Wow.

I've got the wow. Which is currently covered in his room in dust. Well, I haven't had a go at the wow. And sauce. It's got pride of place next to the pickle mound, drug paraphernalia, and sauces. There's no pickle mound. There should be. The pickle. I'm getting this out.

Paul, I love this. Now, I will tell you, I'll be honest, this is the one I got online. But I will say this, it sold cheaply. How cheap? I'm not going to say. But it sold cheaply because it doesn't work at the moment. What's the problem with it? There's something wrong with the power or something. So when you turn it on, it doesn't do anything.

The buttons work, so theoretically it's just about getting it to work somehow. Somehow rewire it or something. So when you turn it on, it doesn't do anything. The buttons work, so theoretically, it's just about getting it to work somehow. Somehow rewire it or something. Which I think is doable. I think even I, with a solder, can probably sort that out. Anyway, that's it. I bought it because I wanted it. It's in good nick apart from that,

and you've got the box as well. Yeah. I love these things. I love these things. It's basically Tomy trying to compete with the early computer game market, video game market, isn't it? You're right. I hadn't thought about it like that before.

But it's equivalent of basically like playing Donkey Kong. Yeah. It's got that same kind of, it's about reflex and it's about obstacles and it's about... You know, you're right. I never thought about it that way. But it's almost like a kind of physical platform game. Yeah. Literally is.

This is great. I love the colour. It's beautiful is great. I love the colour. It's beautiful as well. I love the colours. Now, is that all three? That's all three. We've covered all three of them. I wonder what that's known as,

the Tomy exclamation series or something. I don't know because Tomy... Because you've got wow, argh, and what's this? Yeah! All sounds I make when I cum. Urgh! Yeah!

Wow. In that order. But Tomy, I love Tomy made tiny little ones of these that I used to have as well. Like tiny little wind-up toys. Yes. Half the, quarter of the size of this. And they also made the famous water games. You know, where you had to pump the water and you used to make a baseball go into the net or whatever.

And they also did, they did like trucks and stuff as well, didn't they? Very well known for robust toys. They're still making toys today. I think they're great. I think they're great. For me, this is their golden era, the 80s, early 90s, when you're making these really ornate, lovely little kind of activity pinball game things.

Brilliant. Oh, that's really lovely. Lovely to see that, Paul. Lovely to see that completed. Now, do you think you'll be able to get it fixed? I'm going to try to. I'm going to try and be a bit more kind of

fixer-upper, makey DIY-y this year because I've got a ukulele that is a build-your-own ukulele that I want to do. I'm going to make a video about that for YouTube, actually. But, yeah,

apparently with this one you have multiple bowls going at the same time and the idea is to get as many as you can before the timer runs out at the goal. There's little skulls

and crossbones. Yeah, it's nice, isn't it? Yeah, it's really nice. It's similar to the Kong Tomy thing that we did on Barsians. And that didn't have a power supply problem

as well, didn't it? He had to have an external sort of battery pack completely re-gut all the wiring to fix it. So maybe you're going to have to do something like that.

Maybe. But there is also a pocket version of that Kong one. So it comes in like a keychain size and it's just a wind up I'm going to look out for that

so cool I love my wow wow ya raw now this was online the Tomy

the Jörg was online yeah smartphone what was the just for that was a charity shop in Pinner

I think it was I think it was Barnardo's Barnardo's yeah and then finally this was in mint on card this is Tiger say this was in Mint on card.

This is Tiger. Say mint on card. Mint on card. Thank you. Even though it wasn't on card. There's no card. It wasn't even a box.

So there you go. I need you to rank them now from cheapest to most expensive. So what do you think is the cheapest out of all of these? I think the smartphone

projector is probably the cheapest item. Yeah? Yes. Okay. What next? Now, this doesn't work, but I know that these games go from... Am I right in thinking that

in working order online, these Tomy games go for in the region of £25-£30? Depending on what it is and what condition they're in, yeah. Yeah. So, but this was broken. But I will say, it's nowhere near those prices. No, I know. It's cheap enough for me to use it in this segment, put it that way, without feeling guilty.

Right, so I don't think any of these items were more than sort of fiver. Okay. I'd stick within that ballpark. Yeah. Yeah. So, I... Look at us taking a game seriously, ladies and gentlemen. I haven't said content ages.

Well, you have now. So, I think maybe the... And prat. And clunge. I like the word clunge. Anyway, go on. What other words do you like? Spatch cock.

Spatch cock's a good one, isn't it? Poppy cock. Lots of cock words. What other cock words have you got? I like... Fishy fanny. Oh, come on, man. I don't know.

Come on, Paul. I like respectable. Look, we're in a professional studio here. Let's just lift it. Let's lift our game. Let's lift the broadcast quality of our show. I spunked it in your mouth when you were looking for your toothpaste. I put it in your toothpaste and you washed my gob with jizz.

Don't queef on me when I'm sleeping. Don't queef on me when I'm sleeping. Don't queef on me when I'm sleeping. Don't queef on me when I'm sleeping. Because I don't want a mouth full of discharge. Yeah. And all our hits will be out on the Cheap Show album at the end of the year. Right. So what's next?

You've said the projector is the cheapest. I think, now you're not including the postage. No, no, no, no. Just what I bought, what it was labelled as when I pressed pay. I think this could be the most expensive item. Okay. Yeah. Alright, so do you want to put this second? I want that

in the middle, yeah. Alright, so that's going in the middle. The money box is in the middle. And then, and I think the Toby Yerg is the most expensive. Alright, okay, so with all that in mind, do you want to give a price to these? Yeah. Alright. £2.50. £2. Okay. So with all that in mind, do you want to give a price to these? Yeah. All right. Smartphone. £2.50. £2.50.

This? £3.50. £3.50. And that? £5. Okay. Here we go. I hope I score some points because last time we played, I scored zero.

Well, get ready to score zero again because it's time to reveal the scores. cheapest thing today was this. This was on sale in Tiger because the store was closing down in power.

So any two items any two items in the store were a pound. You could buy any two things. So that was 50p? This was 50p. I also bought for 50p

which we'll be using to digitise a live for a thing I won't explain right now a baseball ball launcher that you put balls in and it fires them into the air and you get a little I also bought for 50p, which we'll be using Digitizer Live for a thing I won't explain right now, a baseball ball launcher. You put balls in and it fires them into the air and you get a little baseball bat to knock them. Little balls, though.

Yeah, little plastic balls. Not like heavy glass. Well, I didn't know that. I wonder how much that retails for when they actually are selling it. Honestly? Probably like fiver. Yeah. Well, that's so that you see why I... I know, I know, but this is part of the game, isn't it?

Shit. I'm out to addle and confuse. You have. You could have followed up questions about its heritage and this, that's so that you see why I... I know, I know, but this is part of the game, isn't it? Shit. I'm out to addle and confuse. You have. You could have followed up questions about its heritage and... Well, you just said it came from Tiger. What am I not like to... I know, but you didn't follow it up because you're a very uninquisitive person. As Mary Poppins once said, can't see past the end of your nose.

I certainly can. Right. There's a microphone. The second most expensive thing. I can see you. Second most expensive thing. What do you think? No, I'm on reflection. Well, I'm probably wrong, wasn't I? Yeah. It's probably the Tomy. It is. The second most expensive thing. I can see you. Second most expensive thing. What do you think? No, I'm on reflection.

I'm probably wrong, wasn't I? Yeah. It's probably the Tomy. It is. It's the Tomy. This was £2.99. £2.99 because it didn't work. And he said he was basically selling it for parts.

And I was like, I want this part, the pretty part. I want this. Cool. Give me this. That's nice. Nice thing. So that was £2.99. And that.

The projector. The projector was £3. And I bought it almost out of spite for this. I said £2.99. And that... The projector. The projector was £3. And I bought it almost out of spite for this. You did. I get a point. You do get a point for that. Yes! There you go.

One point. Yeah. They call me One Point Silverman. No, that's a little victory for me. I thought I was going to blank out. No, you get one point. But I was disgusted that I bought it out of disgust to make a point. It's a terrible thing.

It's a terrible thing that is not very effective. Now, interestingly, a few years ago and I think America, it might have been Britain, but in America, Pizza Hut did a thing where you bought a pizza and the box you got it in turned into one of these. And I thought that was actually quite cool. Yeah, because you're reusing something.

Yeah, and if it didn't quite work, you think, ah, fuck it, I didn't lose anything. I've still got pizza. Yeah, I've still got pizza. But this, it's not very effective. It's not sharp. It doesn't even focus. The colours are muted. I mean, it looks like what it is.

Your phone in front of a big glass. Yeah, it's just bullshit. It's trying to sort of appeal to this kind of hipster retro market. It's got that thing going on. It's designed like an old film camera or something. Piece of shit. I don't know. I don't know how you can improve that.

You could. Like Polaroid released one as well. And Polaroid's one was just as bloody awful, if not worse. Yeah. I don't think the glasses are as good in the Polaroid one. You can actually get projectors that actually are machines yeah that actually have

you can get a really decent palm sized projector if you want one for maybe about 150 quid yeah fuck only the highest spec and that works they'll do the job

they'll bloody work this is just a novelty item yeah and it's a piece of shit also can I just say I don't like that money box at all alright

it's awful why does it's job it's just there's no the coins we put in job? It's just there's no the coins we put in they fell down extremely fast.

There's no play to it. It's bullshit. That Tomy thing is by far even in broken state a hugely superior thing. Yeah it is. So I've bought

three things. One that's great that doesn't work. One that shit that does work. And one that shit and works but no one wants.

Yeah. What a great haul. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the price of shite. It's the price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite.

It's the price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. Oh, it's the Price of Shite. It's the fucking Price of Shite. And that's right. Okay. It's becoming quite a regular part of this show. Not out of any design, but just because it is. But it's Ganon's Golden Games. It's Ganon's Golden Games.

That's it. That's all I'm doing. That's all you're doing? Yeah. Some people really like it when you do the whole I find it deeply fucking unpleasant to sit through an experience. Oh, I don't know. But I've just been down here and I don't know what's going on.

Well, I'll tell you what's going on, little person It's going to go Yeah That's it That's all I just thought I'm waiting that out That's all Because a lot of people say

Oh, Paul, you always interrupt Eli When he's doing one of his funny characters You fucking do And I thought I'd let that one go You fucking do And see what happens It did, it worked And what happened

It was brilliant It was a fucking embarrassment It was an fucking embarrassment. It was an absolute embarrassment. You should be ashamed. So cool. And also, I'd like to apologise for my drunken behaviour in last week's episode. You should apologise. People went, are you really drunk?

And I was like, yeah, because the stuff I cut out. Yeah. It was bad, Paul. But we all know, you know, now we just know we've got safeguarding in place. Don't bring live alcohol onto the show. I won't bring live alcohol into the show anymore. From now on, it's just drugs and sex. It's God.

It's God. I want to do an episode of Cheap Show where I'm having sex with something at the same time. What do you mean with something? It's never been done before. Has it? Has anyone ever done a podcast where someone's having sex whilst recording it? I'm sure they have. Have they?

I'm sure they have. All they? I'm sure they have. Right, coming up. Right, coming up. We've got the Price is Right. Oh, that's right. That's right. Oh, she looked at me then. Keep forgetting there are people who can look in. There's people looking in and every time we say cock... It's like they go

the whole London looks at us. Right. But what are we playing? We're playing this week on G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G It is the fucking Price is Right. The Price is Right. The Price is Right. Now, we have played the Price is Right before, but it was part of a box set from Marks and Spencers. I wanted to know what this original Price is Right board game... It is, and it's manufactured by Peter Pan Playthings. Do you remember anything else that they did? No, but they did something recently that we covered.

Also, you remember those quiz books where you slide them into a computer-type wallet and then you type in the code of the answers and the questions? I vaguely remember those. Remember that vaguely? Were they Peter Pan playthings? They're after Peter Pan. And I'm sure they did loads of other board games as well based on UK TV properties.

Okay, so that was their speciality. Yeah. And this is ITV. So this is ITV. ITV been in the news recently. Oh, God. Stop making this a current and first program. I don't want people

to listen to this a year from now, two years, ten years, and go, I don't give a fuck about that show they're talking about. That's not on telly anymore.

That also is out of my interest because I listen from another country. All right. All right. Hello, Tokyo. Hello, Italy. Hello, Germany.

Hello, Sweden. What are your points for Eurovision? Yeah, well, don't be topical, Paul. No, we exist in a bubble, a timeless bubble. Yeah, we do. The cheap show bubble, where it's cosy and the real world can't get in.

Do you know what the walls of the bubble are made of? Spoff. Yeah. So are... What happened? What would happen if you mixed some spoff Yeah With like Washing up liquid

You'd get frothy spoff You would You fucking would You would It would all be frothy Let's go home and do that tonight No Let's make our own frothy spoff

And then sell it in little jam jars Oh we can't No We're treading on Uncle Grumbly's territory there. Come on, get out. He'll have words. Get the prices right. Prices right.

Now, Leslie Crowther, he was the presenter, Paul. In the UK originally, yes. Is he still with us? No, he died a long time ago. He did pass away. I believe he was in an accident, wasn't he? Really? Okay.

And the catchphrase of the show, come on down, because he'd pick contestants from the studio audience, wouldn't he? That's right. And they'd all come along and they wouldn't know if they were going to play. So once they got played, it was a big excitement. Come on down. It was based on an American show, wasn't it? It was originally an American show.

The price is right. But again, the UK version is the one I know. It's what I'm going as. I've got to put these cards in. I'm looking at it, and I'm getting a real nostalgia glow. I quite like the art. Yeah, there'll be pictures of this board game

on our website. There's little pictures of the items, and there's a spinny, a wheel of spin. Yeah, I'll explain how this game works, because we're going to shoot through it as quickly as we can. The whole game involves you playing the one-bid game, the cliffhanger game,

the danger price game, and the... Have you checked the cliffhanger game? Have you checked that it's all good? Yes, I have. Fuck off. There's a card game and a money game. Now, the... Okay, we're going to start playing it, but you'll soon quickly find out where the flaws are

in this game, which take away any particular skill. Because you know when you watch the show and it goes, here's a tumble dryer made by Kazoosie and it's got four spins and a 4F setting. How much do you think it is? You think, okay, well I know the brand. It's a well-known brand. Yeah, it's a Noosie. And I think, alright, okay, £500.

Fuck off correcting me, by the way. Don't you dare correct me. Sorry. I said Noosie because you were wrong. You couldn't think of the right word. So, I'm here, you know, dare correct me. Sorry. I said Zanussi because... Because you were wrong. You couldn't think of the right word. So, I'm here, you know, to correct me. Yeah, I'm not here to correct you, Paul, but if you say something wrong, don't we want this to be truthful? Don't we want the podcast to be truthful?

It's true. It's honesty. So, yeah. Yeah. So, I just think it's fair if you can't remember the names of things for me to correct you. I'm not doing it because I enjoy correcting you. Anyway. I'm not doing it

for my benefit, Paul. You're doing it for my benefit, aren't you? Zanussi. Zanussi. The Appliance of Science. Do you remember the Appliance of Science?

I'll wash your pants. Zanussi. Are you doing a Zanussi? Yeah. It was Zanussi. Callback. Yeah, thank you. What were you going to say?

The Appliance of Science. Yes. Oh, that was their motto. That. It was a new seat. Callback. Yeah. What were you going to say? The Appliance of Science. Yes. Oh, that was their motto. That's a good motto, that. The Appliance of Science. Do you remember Arias Storm? And on and on. They made washing machines

as well, didn't they? Yeah. And Philips. Should we name all the companies that make washing machines? Hot Point. On Cheap Show today. The Hot Topics.

Hot Point. Hot Point. Shut up. Hot Point. Zanussi. Ford, you're getting a weird look in your eye, mate. Hot point. Hot point. Shut up. Hot point. Zanussi. Ford, you're getting a weird look in your eye, mate. Dyson.

Dyson. Hot point. Dyson. Did Dyson do washing machines? I don't fucking know. Come on, explain then. So, on the show, they'd have like,

for example, a Zanussi washing machine and you'd think, oh, you know. Based on what I know about the brand and the sound, you'd go,

all right alright that's formed with quid the problem with this game is it's random so all these little cards that you have to guess the price of on a spinning wheel

behind them with the price that you can't see so you can't look at that watch and have a guess of what the price is it's just been a randomly assigned price

which means there's no real skill to this there's no fucking shit let's go through it round by round are you ready we're going to play

against each other you don't necessarily need the third person to be host but we're just going to go through it round by round. Are you ready? We're going to play against each other. You don't necessarily need the third person to be host, but we're just going to go through this and see how we go. How to play one bid.

Here we go. Setting up the board. Done all that. Host spins the arrow to select a prize. Each player bids on the prize. And the winner of that round is the person who gets the truest value without exceeding it. Right? Every item on this side is between £47 and £78.

All right? Great. Just double checking that. I like some of these illustrations. They're very, very simple, aren't they? Look at the Walkman and the cassette radio player. Oh, no. They've really got something. Nice 80s can of film. I like that on a t-shirt, mate.

Look at the teddy bear. Look at the Hoover. Look at the Hoover. Look at the BMX style bike. Look at all the things on the circle. Yeah, let's look at the thing. So, shall I spin the wheel? Here we go. And it's spinning and it's landing on the the circle. Yeah, let's look at the thing. So, shall I spin the wheel? Here we go. And it's spinning and it's landing on

the typewriter. So, how much do you think the typewriter is? It's between 48 and how much did it say? 47 and 78 pounds. And it's just random?

Random. I was going to fucking have a guess. Between what? 47 and 78? Yeah. 60. Alright, I'm going to say 42 pounds.

No, I can't because that's lower than the actual fucking price. I will say... Numbers. I will say 60. 60 pounds.

I just said 60. Did you? Yeah. Fucking hell. 52. Woo! Okay. 52.

Have we done it now? I never knew it was going to be this hard to pick a number. So 52, I'm going to turn it over. I say 60, you said 52. The typewriter was... 78. So you, I'm going to turn it over. I say 60, you said 52. The typewriter was...

78. So you win because you were closest without going over. What's on the other side? For the later round. So 78 pounds.

What do I win? You just get to go through to the next round. As you go throughout the game, you'd add these points up, so you'd now add 72.

So sorry, Paul, are we not actually playing it against each other? Yeah, we're going through it in a general way, but here's what you get to play. You get to play the cliffhanger game first of all, didn't you? Careful. Look, it comes with a little board.

Oh, that's cool. Yeah. Look, number 25 at the top. Where it's meant to be, yes. I'm fucking aware of the mistake I made. That was an award-winning mistake, I'll have you know. It's good. It's good, that, yeah. Alright. It comes with a little piece. I have to say I quite like the design of this game.

I mean for what it is it's very simple. But it's quite nicely done. Nice colours. And the box it comes in is part of the game. The game itself leaves a lot to be desired. Starting on step one. Let's read the rules out because they are slightly different.

So, the host, me, will now spin the disc to pick a new prize. Again, like before, the costs of these prizes are all between 47 and 78. Unlike our game, where you have a guess because each one rises in price, this is random. So you could spin it and it'd be 50 quid, and then you spin it again and the next one could be 42. You could go up and down. Yeah. So there's no real internal logic. It's not like our show, which has thought out proper rules, Eli.

It does have thought out proper rules, but you can't count basic numbers. You won't let it lie, can you? I won't. You wouldn't let it lie. No, don't do. Slowly turn the show into a thick and bold big night out. No, you can't turn it into that. What's on the end of the stick, Eli?

Come. You know what? I knew it was coming. The audience knew it into that. What's on the end of the stick, Eli? Come. You know what? I knew it was coming. The audience knew it was coming. You probably saw it coming too. It could have been poo. It could have been poo. But today it's a particularly spoffy episode, which is fine.

Anyway, check the value on the disc to work out the difference and then play the game starting at one step. And then after that, after you've done your first thing thing you can then pick the next two off this list without spinning it all right just take me through it as i play because all right so i get to spin the first disc and it'll choose a prize right ready so we're not going to do that one so the first prize is the bike right nice bike between it's a bmx it's got one of those uh Seats. And... Handlebar. And... Tyres. It's a bike. A bit of a bike.

It's also got one of those things to protect your bollocks. On the middle bar. A nut guard. Nut guard. That's what I used to call it when I was a kid. Did you actually call it a nut guard? Yeah. Because it guards your nuts from having hard metal whacked against them.

Yeah. When you slide off the... Did you used to cycle around as a kid? I was a little... I had a Scootex when I was a kid. What the fuck is that? Half BMX, half as a kid I was a little I had a scoot X when I was a kid what the fuck is that half BMX half scooter

I love those so I had one and you know it had the wheels and the handlebars of basically and a brake and proper pneumatic tyres

they had as well I loved those I loved it I loved those until I tried to be a stuntman when I was little and tried to jump a wall

and instead broke my leg and then I had to literally crawl on my belly half a mile home on my Scootex with my wobbling leg hanging behind me. It was quite clean. Couldn't put any weight on it. So if you were around

the Immortan Estate in around late 80s, early 90s, you could have seen me on my belly on a Scootex crying, trying to get home in pain, looking like the saddest snake in the world. Right, bake. How much do you think it costs?

It's between 47 and 78. Bake. It's my next bake. It's your next bake. How much do you think it costs? Yeah. It's between 40. What did you say?

47 and 60. What's it? It's 47 and 78. Okay. I'll go 65. 65. Let's have a look. 73.

Not bad. So that's eight. Eight. So one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. There we go. Oh, look. There's a skier who's gone nuts first into the tree. Yeah, he has.

He's had a very unfortunate time. He needs nut guard. And look, there's a little goat on that one. And he's looking all over the mountains and saying, I judge you. He judges the mountains. Oh, yeah, there's another skier. I was looking at that one. But you're right, that one.

He's ran into the tree, hasn't he? He needed a fucking nut guard because that's a ball smasher. I guessed literally what I just fucking said. I was not listening to you. Fuck's sake. I was too busy looking at theher. That's literally what I just fucking said. I was not listening to you. Fuck's sake. I was too busy looking at the judging goat. Come on, keep up, Paul. Right, right.

You can now pick the next item from this list. The one that I want to guess? Any one you want to guess. I guess. I know. That's the problem with this game. I'll go for the Walkman because I want that in a t-shirt. Oh, look.

They've got an Atari system as well. Yeah. No, I'm telling you. These are really lovely. the designs of the... Because they're drawn like what's the coolest thing you have in 1986, and it's this shit. So you're going to go for the Walkman? Yes.

All right, so what do you think it's going to be between 47 and 78? Let's go for the lower end. Let's say 50. He says 50. Let's find out. It's 66. So that's what? 16 out. Looks like I'm going to fall off the cliff. Hang on. 1, 2,

3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16. Oh! 24 of 25 steps. The point is I can't use my intellect to guess. Exactly! It's complete fucking chance. That is terrible.

Go on, pick one more. Why do you think they decided to do that? To make it timeless? To make it proof against inflation? Maybe. And changing prices. I will say this, though. The version of the Price is Right that I got with the Marks and Spencers thing, we did

it on the show episode 10 or 12, whatever it was. That was better. Much better, because every item had a reasonable, sensible price attached to it. So if you had a picture Of the washing up liquid You turned it over And it probably said £1.20

Because you'd go That's probably Give or take inflation And time And you could Yeah You could actually Make a judgement

And actually use Sort of your brain This is just random Pure random It's just Guess a number Yeah Isn't it

So guess another thing Guess another number Don't even pick an item Just guess a number Actually no We've got to guess Pick an item I want to go for

the computer game. All right, he's going for the computer game. So how much do you think that costs? I'll say... Based on fucking

no evidence of anything. 60. He says 60 and the price is 53. I'm off the cliff, mate. So unfortunately, Eli,

your time is over. Please die Do it Sorry what's that There's a yeti waiting for you And he's going to eat your bones What Sorry, what's that? There's a yeti waiting for you. Oh, a yeti? And he's going to eat your bones. Oh.

Ah. Ah. Ah. What? Not all yetis are good singers. Some yetis are mean bone eaters. Monsters, yeah. This one's called...

Grown up yeti. Grown up monster yeti. Naughty Sasquatch. Naughty Sasquatch? Ah, I ate your bones. Good. Gordon's alive. No, don't do that.

He's alive. Gordon's alive. That's not, that's, you're quoting Flash Gordon. All right. I thought you were going to do a Yeti. Again, someone looks in when I pull a fucking face. What's going on out there in Soho land? Nothing.

We're not turning this into fucking this morning where you go, oh, there's a bunch of Asians like you did last time. Oh, come on, mate. Now, we're going to play a game called Danger Price.

Danger Price? Right. And that involves new cards? I don't know. What does it involve? The card game? As in Cliffhanger,

Danger Price is played by the winner of one bid. We'll just have you play all the games, Eli. Cool. The price disc is rotated and replaced at random before the game starts so now you just go yeah you can go i don't like that that's not good it means this game's meaningless totally it's just number guessing so here's the danger game this is fucking shit by the way here's the rules the host spins Are these all based on actual games that were in the TV show?

Yeah, they were. But again, with solid basis of... Yeah, and actually something you could play along with. Observation and deduction.

So, the host spins the arrow four times to select four prizes. He writes the name of each prize on the board. He secretly chooses one of them as the

danger prize. And he does this by secretly looking at the prize to reveal the danger prize on the card. The player must now choose three of the four prizes written on the board. Each time a choice is made, the prize is revealed and written on the board.

The player adds the value of the highest to his overall score. But if he hits the danger price, he loses everything. So basically, I'm going to pick four things, and you pick three. And if you don't pick one of the things I've chosen as the danger prize, you win. That's literally it. That's the game. In a nutshell. Okay.

Computer. Bag of money. What do you mean? Bag of money is not... You can't guess the price of a bag of money, can you? It's because it's how much money is in it. That said, it was 55 quid. Right.

Let's put it again. So we have computer, hoover, bear, sewing machine. Sewing machine. I'm going to think of one right now, which is the evil prize. Okay. Done it. Now you pick three. Sewing machine, computer.

What were the other two? Hoover and teddy bear. Hoover. All right, you win because I picked the teddy bear. I know because I saw you glancing at it. Ah, fuck. See? You did very well, then.

I'm good, then. Oh, you're like Sherlock Holmes, aren't you? A little bit of observation there. You're like Colum it. Ah, fuck. See? You did very well there. I'm good, that. Oh, you're like Sherlock Holmes, aren't you? A little bit of observation there. You're like Columbo. Just one more. You like Columbo, actually. I am like Columbo, yeah.

You'd be a good Columbo. I'd like... If anyone out there is remaking Columbo... You'd be... You know what? I often rip the piss out of you, but I'd love to see you do Columbo.

I could do Columbo, couldn't I? You've got the shubby thing. Like a British version. Me and you should write a scene of Columbo, and I'll be the murderer you're harassing. And I could do Columbo, couldn't I? You've got the shubby thing. Like a British version. Me and you should write a scene of Columbo. And I'll be the murderer. You're harassed. And I could go...

You spoffed on it dead tits! Christ. We found your cream on the crime scene. Just one more thing. We know you did it because we found your eggy spread all over her tits. I used to love the way he smoked cigars all the time. Yeah.

And he used to... He'd do great business where he'd be used to love the way he smoked cigars all the time. Yeah. And he used to, he'd do great business where he'd be like fondling the cigar the whole way. Oh, mate. Me and my girlfriend. And then he delivers

his damning, you know, he delivers his, what he's worked out and then he lights it, doesn't he? Does he ever light it? He does light it.

Not all the time because he usually, me and Anthony have been watching all the Columbos because I recently got the box set of everything and I will say this,

the 70s Columbos, fucking excellent. They're good. The 90s ones I don't know what they're fucking doing. There's some great ones but it's like

they just went Columbo's a madman isn't he? He's a bit stupid. It's like no. He's very clever. There's one episode right where for no

reason it's like Columbo's caught the guy in his plot to expose him and then it cuts to like him wearing ringmaster's uniform like a circus ringmaster. Okay. Going da da and then it cuts away and he's back in his plot to expose him and then it cuts to like him wearing a ringmaster's uniform like a circus ringmaster

going ta-da and then it cuts away and he's back in his normal clothes and I'm thinking what did you do that? what did you do that? and there was a scene

where for no reason Columbo picks up a tuba and plays it for two minutes of the show really? because Peter Falk went you know I do play tuba and they were like

yeah probably probably because he was completely in control of the show in the nineties. Oh, he took control. Yeah. Cause William Lincoln,

whatever the other guy was who created Columbo were the main showrunners and writers and producers. And he had a big say in it as the show got successful. However, when it came back in the nineties, after being off air for 10, 15 years, he had full control.

So he must've been like, Oh, you know, I can juggle. Let's do an episode where the killer's a fucking juggler. And I can go, here, I got some bars.

And they also got that nasty sort of 90s cheap look about them as well. Yeah, the 70s ones had a really beautiful production quality and design, didn't they? So what you're saying

that it's ended, the original season ended like this late 70s. Late 70s. And then there was nothing in the 80s but then came back in the 90s. Yeah 70s. And then there was nothing in the 80s, but then came back in the 90s. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can tell because the writing's not as strong. No. There are some really good episodes, don't get me wrong, but they don't hold a light to the 90s stuff.

Does this box set have Mrs. Columbo in it as well? Yes, it does. And that's poor. Yeah. It's just one pilot episode. Well, it's funny because the actress who plays Mrs. Columbo is Kate Mulgrew, is her name?

Yeah. Who was the Captain Janeway on Thoyger. Okay. As a younger person. And it's basically Murder, She Wrote. You know, while the husband's away, she solves crime too. It's terrible. But then apparently, like, Peter Folk saw it and was enraged by the low quality of everything.

He wanted the name taken off so the show was then renamed to something different, like Kate Solves Crime. Right and it wasn't a hit. No and then they just dropped it after like six episodes but those

episodes were all in the box set. Oh they're all there as well. Yeah if you ever want to watch it they're there. Now we have gone

way off the topic of this terrible Gals Golden Game. Because we're talking about Columbo it's better than fucking Prices right?

I wonder if there's a Columbo board game. There is. There is. Fucking hell. I know. There's a Columbo board game. There is. There is. Oh, fucking hell. I know. There's a Columbo board game,

and it's basically like a can of Coludo. But the idea is that you go to different rooms, and you build up, you get cards, and you get to those rooms, and they build up the evidence. So you go, that bit, that bit,

and that bit makes the killer's face, and that bit, and that bit, and that bit make up the weapon. When you collect it all, you can then go, I is you. And you can say, just one more thing.

Yeah. And there's a Murder, She Wrote board game. Your apartment smells of hydro marijuana. Oh, it smells of hydroponics. And we know that on the dead person, they smelled of marijuana, even though they don't smoke and don't do anything. So how did they get the smell on them? He was in The Princess Bride.

Yeah, and Murder by Death. What's Murder by Death? Murder by Death is the Neil Simon play where all the famous detectives turn up at this mansion and they have to solve a murder before midnight. It's got Alec Guinness in it and it's got fucking Peter Sellers. And they all play versions of very famous detectives.

So he plays like Sam Spade detective, who gums you. Sam Spade is, yes, is the character from the detective Maltese Falcon no yes

you're right the Dashiell Hammett yeah and there's a Poirot type character and then there's like David Niven playing the thin man

basically yes which is another Dashiell Hammett yeah I love the thin man books they're fucking wicked and also finally

there's Peter Sellers who pulls his eye back you know dyes his skin his eye back, you know, dyes his skin yellow and is a, you know, detective. Oh, who was that famous Chinese detective?

Fu Manchu. No. Oh, there's another Fu Manchu detective. Oh, but he's really racist. Yeah. Anyway, and he gets to do the most racist character

ever in a film. Like Mickey Rooney in Breakfast in Tiffany's. Like nearly any Peter Sellers character when you think about it because you look at Peter Sellers in Pink Panther, broad racist French. Yeah. You look in Pink Panther, broad racist French.

Yeah. You look at The Party, broad racist Indian. You look at this, broad racist Chinese. But don't get me wrong, he did it very well. Okay. Now, are we going to do any more of this game? All right. Well, then we can do...

I tell you what, we'll do the money game. This one. Okay, money game. I spin an item, right? I spin an item. And it's a two digit price as you know right between 67 and 77 between 47 and 72 right that seems you don't have to guess it as well yeah i know you have to guess it by digit at a time all right so i'm gonna spin a thing spinning it

and it is the roller skates the roller skate so i'm gonna have a quick look at the prize now don't look i'm looking away. All right. Okay, I've got the price. So you now have one, two, three, four, five guesses to guess the price by looking for a digit at a time. So a two-digit number. Name any digit, Eli. What digit would you like?

Well, I know it's not going to be nine. All right. So where do you want to go? Six. There is no... There is no six here. Imagine it's Sunday. It's Sunday somewhere in the north of England before the fucking internet.

And this is all you've got. There's no six. Imagine playing this. I know, it's really actually depressing me right now. Okay, have another guess. What other digit would you like? I mean, think about it. Four.

There you go. I mean, literally say a digit. Yeah, four. There you go. Now you've got four guesses to guess the last digit. One. It's not one. Five.

It's not five. Got two more guesses. Three. It's not three. Eight. It's not eight. You lost. It was 47.

What a great game that was. Oh, that sucks. Because again, you could play this without having to have the parameters of 47 to 72 because you could do any two-digit price and then go, oh, it's a Walkman. It must be high-end.

I'm going to guess 80-something. There's no game. The best thing about this game is the designs of the products. And then the showcase final. Oh, hang on. The host places

the supermarket game cards picture-side up on the table. Each player chooses up to four different prizes. He wins the value of the selected prizes provided the total is less or equal

to £20. If you go over £20 you win nothing. What? So, these are the blue cards. Let's do it. Blue cards. I'm not going to

pick the ones I want. Yeah, you just we both will pick four. Four cards each out of this pack. We get to keep it if it's under £20.

And the idea is Here comes the maths. Keep it under £20. Hold on guys. There's going to be a little highlight at the end of this pack. We get to keep it if it's under 20. And the idea is... Here comes some maths. Keep it under 20. Hold on, guys. There's going to be a little highlight at the end of this episode. I'll tell you what. Just pick whenever you want and just stop. Stop.

All right. How much was that? £6.50. All right. I'm going to pick... What is it? Box of chocolates. £6.50 box of chocolates.

Hold on to that. It's quite expensive. I'm going to have a go now. I'm going to randomly grab one and I'm going to go and grab the toaster. So the toaster is £8. Oh, shit, son. That means I've only got £12

available. Right, here we go. £13.50 available. I want that calculator. That one? Yeah. How much is that? £5. So that means you've one? Yeah. How much is that? Fiverr. Fiverr. So that means you've got £11.50.

Still got £8.50 to go. All right. I'm going to go for... Oh, I don't want... Roller skates? Teddy bear? Maybe teddy bear. No, I want the clock. Alarm clock?

I want the clock. Alarm clock. And that is £4. So that's £12. So you've got eight. Right, we've got two more items to get next. This, God, this is... Here we go, pick another card.

It's draining the fucking life out of me. Pick a card. Pick a card. Pick a card. Pick a card. Roller skates. I have those already. I don't know, just pick any one.

No, I like roller skates. Yeah, I know you do. 11. Ooh. Oh, so what's that? 11 plus five is 16. Oh, it's over to me. You've lost. All right, so that means I get to pick the next prizes. 11. Ooh. So what's that? 11 plus 5 is 16. Oh, it's over to me. You've lost.

All right. So that means I get to pick the next prizes. Here we go. I'm going to pick a football. Fucking hell. How much does the

football cost? It costs £10 I've lost. We both lost. What a great game. What a shit game. What a great game. That is terrible. I hope you didn't pay a

lot of money for that ball. No. I paid £1 for it. Good. And then that's it. The other thing is the bloody prize thing at the end where you just, do you know what? When I was

playing this with my girlfriend the other night, we both came to the same conclusion. It's pointless. It's awful. It's pointless. It's a pointless game. The only game that is any fun is this cliffhanger one, but even that you can't play accurately because of the parameters of the rules. It's very poor. Yeah. Very poor.

So I'm not happy with that, but it is all a precursor to the announcement I'm going to make. Ooh! Paul's making Cheap Show the board game. Gannis Golden Games! I've got a spot in me mouth. It's Gannis Golden Games.

Gannis Golden Games. Gannis Golden Games. I'm going to turn Cheap Show into a board game. Cheap Show the board game, Gannis Golden Games. Cheap Show the board game, Ganon's Golden Goats. Cheap Show the board game, Ganon's Golden Goats. Cheap Show the board game, Ganon's Golden Goats. Ganon's Golden Goats.

Shut up. Shut it. Shut it. Shut your mouth. Be quiet. Halt. Cease sound. Stop delivering noise.

Stop it. If you don't, I'll punch you in front of all these people. I'll punch you in front of London. I'll deck you in front of London. In front of Landro. Go, go, go. I'll give you a ten if you put your bum cheeks against the glass right now. Ten. If you pull a Mooney.

I'm not going to do it. I was about to. So I'm going to make a cheap board game. I've got acne. A case of acne. When I have a problem sleeping at night, what I do to try and get sleep to make a cheap board game. I've got acne. I've got a case of acne. When I have a problem sleeping at night, what I do to try and get sleep is I plan this board game in my head. So I have... The basic gist is you will play as a player ready to do an episode of Cheap Show and you've got to collect certain things from shops.

Can we have Canebro and Lundro? No, it's all going to be set in a fictional Cheap Show town with different shops in. Called what? Cheapsville? I don't know, maybe. And there'll be the House of Pickles on the board and there'll be a record shop at a Poundland town with different shops in. Called what? Cheapsville? I don't know, maybe. And there'll be the House of Pickles on the board and there'll be a record shop

at a Poundland and a Food Corner shop. Pound Grot Pounds? Yeah, Grot Pounds might be represented on the board. Scribbles? But you've got to go

around the board, right, via different public transports and buy things and then you get to go back to the House of Pickles and then you play the ultimate face-off version of Price of Shite.

That's the basic gist of the board game. Fantastic. And is it going to be artwork or what i'm going to try and design i'm going to draw it i'm going to bring a cardboard thing i could do like a cityscape for the background town so maybe i haven't thought out anything much more really other than the sketchy ideas of how everyone moves around the board there's going to be no dice basically you'll have a little oyster card quote unquote with money on and you've got to get around the board without spending all the money on that card.

So if you take a train, you go further around the board, but it costs more. Now, Paul, you, through Ganon's Golden Game, have become somewhat of an expert on the mechanisms of board games and the strategies. So are you going to make it fun, is what I'm asking? No, I'm going to make it arbitrary. How much is that? 80 quid, but it's a pearl necklace. No, I'm going to basically... Try and make it fun, is what I'm asking. No, I'm going to make it arbitrary. How much is that? 80 quid. But it's a pearl necklace. No.

No, I'm going to... Try and make it fun. That's what I'm saying. I'm going to basically use bits and bobs of other board games to make up the prototype of this. Fun bits, then. Yeah. Use fun bits.

Because there's lots of the other Price of Right game cards that we can use because they have small things that are cheap and you can test their prices. So I might use those for items and I might cut my own albums out

in a little square album. So there'll be Price of Shite sort of mini game within the game. So I might use those for items and I might cut my own albums out in a little square album. So there'll be Price of Shite sort of mini game within the game. Yeah. When you go to a store, you have to play a mini cheap show game. And will there be a cheap eats? Somehow.

I don't know how you're going to work that in, but it might just be you go to a food shop. Tales from the shop floor? No. There's only so many things that will work within the game. I've tried to make things logically work, but they never do.

All right. So they won't have everything in. I'm excited. I'm excited too. Right. That won't be just Ganon's Golden Games. That'll be

Ganon's Golden Game. It will. That's what I call my factory of Game Boy, Game Boys. That's what I call my board game factory, my company,

Ganon's Golden Games. I could do the ad. Yeah. Go on. Hello. Hello. Hello. We're going to look... You know what?

Thanks for coming in, but we decided to go with someone else for the ad. No, no. Hang on. Can I just have a... Yeah. Please. I'm desperate. Okay.

Please. Just go from the script and action. Hello. Do you like board games? Well, I've got one for you. In fact, I've got a whole factory full of them, because I'm Ganon. And these are my golden games! Right, I am

right now saying you're not allowed to play me in any adverts. I'm not having you dressed up as a fictional Paul Ganon who makes games like some kind of Colonel Sanders or Ronald McDonald. Hello, I'm Paul Ganon. Chubba-lub. Excuse me! Chubba-lub. That's what you're going to say. That's not my Ganon's catchphrase. Ganon's catchphrase. Chubba-lub. Excuse me! Chubba-lub. That's what you're going to say.

That's not my Gannon's catchphrase. Gannon's catchphrase. Chubba-lub. Right, you can fuck off. Chubba-lub. You know. Gannon's golden game. This new one's called Spunk Test.

Fucking hell. Can I have a ban on me saying spunk? You're going to have to because we've been quite spunky today. I will do one whole episode. Yeah. No spunk. Yeah. No spoff.

No cum. Mate, that's not Cheap Show. Spooge. It's not Cheap Show. No spooge. It's not Cheap Show, is it? Have I said spoff? Yeah.

No spoff. Jism. Or jism. Manglue. Bollock butter. Bollock butter. Bollock butter. Yeah. Gland ham.

I don't know what that means. I just wanted to say it. Right. Bye. Let's just wrap this up. Okay. That's Cheap Show. It's great, yeah.

I thought you were going to leave them by doing all the admin. Oh, I'll do the admin, yeah. Go on. Let's see how far you can go without making a mistake that you shouldn't be making right now considering how long we've been going thank you so much for listening everybody cheap show is a weekly podcast available on itunes stitcher soundcloud i said i choose spotify yeah and anywhere you find quality podcast podcast app that you can get for your phone. Any podcast app, we're on it. So, thank you again for listening. Thank you so much

to our patrons supporting us through Patreon. And you can do that, if you wish, by going to... Here we go. Go on. He's sweating. He's actually looking stressed. Come on. Patreon forward slash Cheap Show. No!

You were so close! Patreon.com forward slash cheap show no you were so close patreon.com forward slash cheap show thank you but valiant effort continue and we are also

if you want to contact us if you've got questions or you have tales from the shop floor tales from the shop floor is

when we read out your tales from the shop floor where you've been in shops and stuff working in shops and things have happened but

just bear this in mind what are you fucking doing I'm saying something all you've just got to say is email us at

thecheapshowatgmail.com thank you but especially if you have anything with people dying in the shop because I'm if anyone wants any kind of here no

questions ask sexual adventures just give us a shout no because I know a really dirty alleyway near mine which you could be having some fun in come on email me if you want to have out. No! Give us a shout because I know a really dirty alleyway near mine which you

could be having some fun in. Come on, email me if you want to have some. No strings attached, dirty bed of action. You're a grotty little snotbag. Come on, snuffle my truffles. Hang on, I go for nuzzles. I'm snuffling. Don't snuffle shit. You can nuzzle your beer but I'm snuffling your

truffles, love. Floppage! TN! Right, we're on Facebook you can find usle your beer, but I'm snuffling your truffles, love. Thwoppage. Thwoppage. Right. We're on Facebook. You can find us on Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr. That's it. That's it. And our website is thecheapshow.co.uk.

www. At thecheapshowpod. At Paul Gannon Show. I'm on Twitter as Eli Snoidy. I lie, I say no, I do. And that's it. Join us next week for more. What's happening

next week? Austerical comedy. I don't know. This one was impromptu. So we'll figure out. We're about to get turfed.

So we need to. They want us out. We've got to go. We've filled. I'm sorry officer. We'll be out in a second. I only meant to

cover her neck and chest. Shut up.