CheapShow - Ep 129: Rappin'

Episode Date: May 31, 2019

It's another extra chunky economy comedy podcast, jam packed with gifts, gaffs and garbage. On this week's episode the cheap chaps explore a bit of comedy rapping when they uncover 4 odd vinyl selections on Silverman's Platter. They cover snot, stuttering, stand up routines and, err, Hitler... Which is lovely. Elsewhere, Paul flies back to the Country Urban Noodle Kitchen to see what's cooking and nearly crashes his magic carpet (!). So join us, for another "austerical" comedy podcast. And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-129-rappin If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

Get some silence. Sorry. Fucking hell. Fucking. Mate, I asked for silence. How long? 10 seconds. Okay, let's do it.

And you couldn't sit still for 10 seconds and give me some silence. You have to go. And then drink your tea. Don't. Fuck you. I'm going to stop the intro. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast, where me and Eli Silverman go for the charity shops, the bargain

bins, the powerlands, the thrift stores, the bazaars and jumble sales. Are you fucking happy now? I'm happy. That was good. Thank you. Of Great Britain and beyond to bring you the tat and the treasure, the worthlessness and the wealth. Right. You can. I know, I fucked it. It was going so well.

It was, it was. It was going so well. Anyway, welcome to Cheap Show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, alright? It's a fact of cheap show, you're gonna have to fucking reset. Noodle time. Tales from the dance floor.

Alright, how's the bit going? The price of the site? It's a good guarantee. Hello. Eli Silverman. Welcome to Geek Show. I'm not going, I'm nuzzled. And I'm Eli Silverman and I'll be bringing you a source report presently. Why don't you do it now and get it out of the way?

No, I won't do it when you ask me to. That's such a shit. I won't do it when you ask me to. It's such a shit. You're using the not looking at me technique now, aren't you? Yeah. Why are you doing it? I don't want to look at you. Yeah, I know weird right source report at some point i would like the source report to start now

all right well anyway anyway source report hello everybody i'm eli silverman i'm here we fucking know who you are i'm here what this is all right just. Just a bit of, you know, gravitas for the source report, please. Gravitas. Yes, gravitas. Gravitas. Shall I just say something about putting an ant in my meters? In your meters? Imagine you had an ant applicator, meters applicator.

Imagine you had an ant farm in your penis. That would be, well. Come on. And you could see it through a glass on the side. Half your penis has been sliced up the middle. And you can see all the little ants living in the tunnels that they've borrowed into your wang. No one likes this.

No one likes it when you talk like this. You should see my idea for sea monkeys then. Hey! Right. Eli, it involves cum. Source report. Do-do-do-do. Uncle Grumbly's ant farms. Uncle Grumbly's ant farms?

Yeah. I thought he only did food. He's branching out. Into what? Cock ant farms. Cock ant farms. And spoff-based sea monkey toys for kids. Spoff-based sea monkeys.

That's good. I'm liking this. Give me some more ideas. It's a jar full of human DNA in its most pure liquid form with some sea monkeys in it. Awful.

So, what you're saying... They don't survive long. It's just a jar of cum. Yeah. Now, soul support. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. What you're saying? They don't survive long. It's just a jar of cum. Yeah. It certainly is. Now. Source report. Do-do-do-do.

Do-do-do-do. Do-do-studio. Today on the source report. Source, source, source report. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. You're obsessed with the studio, mate. It's really in my head right now, the studio. Well, stop it.

Banish it from your head. I like your source. Source, source, source report. Why are you looking at me? Why are you doing this funny singing to the middle distance in the House of Pickles? Because if I make...

By the way, House of Pickles, I might call it the House of Pickle Waters. Why? Because it's more mosaic. Have you put some kind of man-made river system in here now? Well, basically, yeah.

Yeah? This is not piss, is it? You haven't just pissed on the floor. No, I haven't pissed on the floor. And it's your willy trickles. Have you been to Willie Trickle Lane? I like Willie Trickle Lane. Oh, it's lovely, though, Willie Trickle Lane.

Pickle Waters. There are all these longboats in his pee. We could do a children's TV show, Pickle Waters. The People of Pickle Waters Avenue. Yeah. Willie Pickle Lane. Now, talking of fucking sauce, which is what we're supposed to be doing, Paul. I hate this show so much.

Fortnum and Mason. Hey, hey, hey. Fortnum and Mason. This is cheap show, mate. This was free. You can't get cheaper than free. All right. All right.

Yeah. Within the parameters. Now I know the context. Okay. But mate. And it's in the context of sauce. Treading on thin water. Sauce. I'm treading.

Nice. Oh, classic. Oh, dear. Oh, classic. Classic. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. It's because you thought trending water, didn't you? Oh, we have fun, don't we? Oh, we have fun. Sorry. Oh, we have fun, don't we? Oh, we have fun. Sorry.

Oh, we've peaked. That's it. Talk downhill now for the next 90 minutes. Should we just stop the fucking episode, man? Goodbye, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for listening to Cheap Show. Oh, funniest ever. Fortnum and Mason.

Yeah. Christmas. Come on. Figgy mustard. Christmas? Figgy mustard. It's figgy mustard on the source report today, Paul. Oh, I've got some figgy mustard. Exactly. It is like an Uncle Grumbly's fucking product in real life.

If I read it out in that voice, here we go. Oh, would you like some of this Uncle Grumbly's Christmas figgy mustard? Yeah, and... You need a spoon. It says here, it's got some copy on it. Yeah. It's all in shiny foil writing. It's really hard to read. If you haven't thought this through.

Why can't I see anything? Wanking. Years of wanking. That's such an old trope, Paul. Come up with something else. You'd make a prison bumming in the showers joke, wouldn't you? If you could. If it was appropriate.

Yeah, it's never appropriate. It's never appropriate. Right. Sweet and tasty. Yeah. Sweet and tasty. This figgy mustard is nothing short of a Christmas miracle. Right. Doll miracle. Right.

Dollops. Yeah? Dollop it on the side of your main meal. Right. And pair it with your pie and cold cuts. No, I will not, Mr. Fortnum and Mason. So it is a Christmas-based mustard that has what, figs in it? To me, Paul, this really, yeah, it mustard that has figs in it to me paul this really yeah it's

mustard with figs in right this really uh epitomizes my whole problem with the christmas palette they always just stick fruit in savory things don't they fruit nuts you know what i mean christmas they take a fucking cheese and they put fucking cranberries in it yeah or blue what do they do fucking at john at John Lewis or like food experimental lab or whatever, sitting down there underground going, right.

I don't know what they're doing. It's a science lab sound. Oh, science lab sound. It's like Bunsen, you know, boiling over in it. Okay, now. Okay, team,

we need new ideas for the Christmas offerings this year. And I've come up with sausage with a pineapple on it. Oh, I like that. I've got an idea. Bacon with ubbubbubba. Oh, that's nasty. It is nasty.

So that's the sauce report, Paul. Also, my flatmate... Have you tasted it? No. Do you want to do that now? Well, I don't know if you want to do it now, but I thought you might have had more context. That's how I feel about tasting it.

So why bring it up? Why bring it up? Because it's the sauce report, mate! But you haven't tasted it. It's a report on what's going on with sauces! It doesn't have to be tasted. It's a sauce. It exists.

It exists in the world of sauces. That's like watching Top Gear, and then fucking Clarkson goes, oh, it's the Cavati Veyron 7. And then you go, yeah. And then he goes, right, next on the show. He's like, no, well, I want to know more about the car you just mentioned. Bugatti. Bugatti Veyron.

That was the word you wanted. But, Paul, you are treading on thin water. Because, one, I don't want to be like Top Show. but Paul you are treading on thin water because yeah one I don't want to be like Top Show the Source Report is its own

Top Gear the Source Report is its own fucking thing and I as founding member of the Source Report

committee what a loser I get to say what sources we will taste it on an episode. All right. Or a mustard special.

Yeah. All right. Can we do a mustard off brand off brand off? We can do if you want. Yeah. Let's do a mustard off brand brand off. Off brand brand off. And I hope it goes as well as the mayo one.

The mayo one was good, wasn't it? Until it made you feel sick because you were just eating big dollops of mayo on a spoon. I do can do that. And what did we find out? It was, surprisingly, the Sainsbury's brand. Sainsbury's was a good brand. There you go. Don't say we don't learn stuff on this show.

Okay. So what have we got coming up on this show, Paul? Well, I'm going to do a Tales from the Shop floor now. I'm going to ask you a question. Would you like a story about a dirty dog or would you like a story about a naughty old man oh it's got to be the naughty old man are you sure yes all right a dog what a dog shit in a shop i can see it what's happening the dog rolls around in shit in the shop some finesse and a twist a dog farts no there's a dog fucking, shit, shag someone to ejaculation.

Shags and old ladies. No. No. You've got a thing lately about defiling old people. No, I don't. You keep saying, make it an old person. No, I do not. Make them nice and vulnerable.

I like that one Tales from the Shop floor. I thought it had a lot of good structure. You said you wanted more dead pensioners. When the guy died, yeah. Your word. And she ran out. Ah, old lady in knickers running out. Yeah.

So what, do you want the dirty old man, or do you want the dirty old dog? I do, I want the dirty old man. And do you know what, Paul? Yeah. I don't want to, you know, be a nasty person, but I hope he dies. I hope this old man dies. All right, well, let's find out, shall we? Hello there, says Josh Kirchhoff.

Oh, Josh Kirchhoff. Josh off. Sorry, Josh. Josh off. Josh, you're off. It's almost like

it says, Josh, you're off. Read it. Josh Kirchhoff. Sorry, Josh. He's listening,

going, oh, they're going to read my letter out before we even get there. It's like, wanking. Just read it.

Just read it. So, Josh off. Just read it. Just read it. So, Josh off. Hello, Josh. Josh off. Sorry. Sorry. He's not. He says that.

I says that. I not says that. Can't fucking speak today. He's not says that. I says that. I says that. Oh, dear. Oh, God, Paul.

Josh says, Hello there. Long time listener, first time caller and all that jazz. As an aside, oh, he's always going off topic already.

All that jazz. You know, all that jazz. It's not jazz. It is. It's a song in it from a cabaret. Is it cabaret

or Chicago? I don't give a fuck. As an aside, I'm sure you'll be glad to know this podcast is the only thing I've listened to that has made me feel physically ill. And Paul's anecdote about gobbling a load of thick green snot to hide it from his teacher and Uncle Grumbly's debut had me feeling extremely uncomfortable on my commutes. I don't know why Uncle Grumbly just is sticking around like a fucking bad smell. I'm surprised he's lasted as long as he has.

Why doesn't, you know, I like Jimmy Biscuits. What happened to him? He's on sab. Why doesn't, you know, I like Jimmy Biscuits. What happened to him? He's on sabbatical. Or, you know, one of your other fucking voices. I don't have that many. They're on rotation. And not their voices, they're fully fleshed out characters with needs and wants and desires and goals and dreams.

Does everyone know what happened to Cheggers? Yeah, he died. He dried up. Oh, that Cheggers, not the real not keith chegwin no all right i mean cheggers yeah he's son of keith you should have kept son of keith's pseudomore oh god cheggers born of pseudomore what are you fucking going on about cheggers mate no mate. No, I know what Cheggers is. He's dried up. It's all dried up.

Did you know that? We found that during the awards episode. Oh, right. Did you watch? You saw it, yeah? Yeah. Can I look at it now? No.

Please. Let's get through this fucking story. All right. Hello, Josh. Anyway, to the meat of the story, I'm not 100% if this qualifies as well. What was the aside? What was the aside? Him saying the show makes a mil.

Oh, yeah. I'm not 100% that this qualifies as, while this takes place at a Tesco supermarket, I don't work there. Just purchase goods inside and occasionally recreational drugs outside. Oh, edgelord. While a couple of days ago,

I was picking up some essentials on the way home. Salads, spring onions, three bottles of antiseptic disinfectant. Mate, we don't need all the details. Just most. He's trying to intrigue us about what he needed the disinfectant for. So salad, spring onion, three balls.

He must have had large cuts. Is he going to make a poison salad sauce? He's probably got long cuts. On his penis? No. Why did you point to your penis then when you said long cuts? I did not point to my penis, Paul. I pointed to my leg.

Perhaps you got confused. No. No. Anyway, as soon as I arrived in the aisle, I was hailed by a man. Excuse me, can I ask you something? Now, I'm a fairly suspicious person, the kind who will deliberately ignore someone addressing me in the street in case they ask for money or directions.

Basically, I'm a Londoner. The man was short, perhaps mid-forties, wearing a suit and overcoat. He seemed to be just a normal businessman, but something about him was a bit off, so I made a mental note of what valuables I had on me. Okay. For the record, I'm a guy in my early 20s. I'm okay looking, which I feel is relevant for reasons you'll soon find out. So far,

where do you think this story's going? The old guy's going to try and bum him. I don't know if that's quite where it's going to go. No?

I mean, there's going to be... You're just going to try it on? All right, well, here you go. Because he mentioned his physical attractiveness. Yeah, I mean,

that's his opinion. We haven't seen him. We don't know what he looks like. He could look like a fucking plate of dog's dinner. Well. For all we know. All right. The man goes.

The man goes? The man goes. Does he go out to the pineapples? What about the coconuts, Paul? Where do they go? Or the limes? Look, they'll be putting them with fucking sausages and calling it Christmas. Right.

The man says, do you go to a gym nearby? I don't, but I was interested in going and I was also interested in where this conversation was going.

I said yes and that was my first fatal mistake. Do men shower naked there? This is like the cockpit scene from Airplane.

Yeah. Have you ever been to a Turkish bar? Whatever it is. I've seen a grown man naked. I like to wrestle. Oh Christ, here we go. He wants to see some cock and balls.

I answer affirmatively, carefully considering whether I too am a degenerate for talking utter crap in the hope of seeing where this exchange leads. Well, he's intrigued now. My second critical error. Because the other day,

I was at the gym putting on my trainers and I was next to this guy who was getting out of the shower and he deliberately turned towards me as he took off his towel. So his cock was right there in my face. What is going on with this story, man? You picked it, mate. I said, do you want dirty dog or dirty man? I thought he might shit himself or something.

This is disturbing. This is like Derek. He's like an unfettered Derek. He puts his hand inches away from his face, indicating how close the cock was. His massive, thick dong right in my face. I look down the aisle to see if anyone's coming to save me. Nobody is there.

The old man now says, I was just like, wow. Wow, but imagine if you're young and you've got a rocking body and a massive dong. You want to show it off, right? How does that make you feel? I wasn't expecting conversation to turn this weird so suddenly. This man's a fucking weirdo. He's the combination of an aggressively homosexual therapist

and a dirty old man who likes peeking big at cocks in a changing room. I just kind of smile and nod and tell him that it wouldn't make me feel anything and stop moving away from him. Visibly frustrated, he takes a step towards me. Have you ever heard the expression growers and showers?

Again, I nod to evade the question. He grins and shifts his coat with his hand I hear something drip Oh he's a dirty rustler He's a dirty fucking I hear something Coat rustler I hear something drip onto the floor

Swappage We've got swappage I hear something drip on the floor Oh Please come John And glance down To see that he's exposing himself to me His fly is undone

His erect cock is out And literally dripping on the floor I'm a shower. What about you? I panic internally. I have no idea what to do, so I just stand there staring at him for a couple of seconds. This is a crime. It is a crime. This is sexual assault, isn't it? Yeah. This has got serious.

It's not a noise. From behind me, a woman arrives in the aisle. Does she see his drippy Johnson? I don't know. She's also got a toddler and a pram. It's Leaky Ken. He is Leaky Ken. No, Leaky Ken's just Leaky. He's not pre-cummy.

That's pre-cum, John. Leaky Ken is pre-cum as well. All right. God's good to know. Anyway, a lady arrives in the aisle, instantly notices me retreating and stops and screams

at the top of her lungs. The flasher turns to look at her, evidently not expecting anyone to have been around to see him and lets out a yelp. From behind, the top of her lungs. The flasher turns to look at her, evidently not expecting anyone to have been around to see him, and lets out a yelp. From behind, the front of the store, a security guard comes running. The flasher turns to look at him,

evidently not expecting such a quick response. He hasn't even had the chance to put himself away. Oh, this is terrible. That's when the magic happens. The creep turns to run down the aisle, but with his first step, he puts his foot in his own self-made puddle of pre-cum. Whoa! Losing traction. No, this is not true. And falling over. turns to run down the aisle, but with his first step, he puts his foot in his own self-made puddle of pre-cum.

Losing traction. No, this is not true. I'm falling over. You've just jumped the shark Josh off. It was like Charlie Chaplin slipping in a banana peel. Yeah. But instead of banana peel, it was a puddle of spunk. I hate this show. Wow. What's it come?

I heard someone recently say on the comments, oh, I listened to a small episode, it was all conversational and quite light, and you fast forward and it's like, pre-cum, spunk, spoff, whack, jizz. Perhaps we should change back to a more conversational style. Anyway, he slips on the spunk, he's been humiliated,

he has no escape, he hasn't even bothered trying to get up. He laid there on his back, spread eagled on the floor shopping scattered out of the bags with his back presumably

covered in his own jizz no word of a lie his penis gave one last throb of defeat before shrinking away I didn't stick around my security guards

picked him up and sorted him out I spent long enough there so I just picked up my beers and left however I did make extra sure that nobody's following me on the way home

and then he says do you want some Womble Severledge finals So I just picked up my beers and left. However, I did make extra sure that nobody's following me on the way home. And then he says, do you want some Womble 7-inch vinyls? Yes. No, we don't. Yes, we do. I don't want any Womble 7-inches. Why not? Wombling free.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, what do you think? Is that a real story? Well, it could be. In which case, if i actually witnessed it it'd be fucking hilarious seeing some guy with his big todgy out no it wouldn't be i would be watching him slip in his own spunk puddle that would be funny it's like those videos you see videos of that guy who did a little puke yeah does a little puke he's like out on the town or

whatever does a little puke and then falls flat onke he's like out on the town or whatever does a little puke and then falls flat on his arse by slipping in his puke that's just come out of his mouth have you seen that one yeah

it reminded me of that great so what let's just turn this whole show into us describing you've been framed videos

alright yeah do you ever see that video where a man hides in a bin and his friend comes round the corner and the man jumps out of the bin

and the man reacts by punching his friend in the face. I love that one so much. Oh, you've got crisps. Yeah. Pickled onion. I didn't want to know. I didn't want to do that in the source report.

Marmite and pickled onion walkers. They're good ones, aren't they? Are these new? Marmite's been around for years. You just don't always see it. Marmite and pickled onion walkers. They're good ones, aren't they? Are these new? Marmite's been around for years. You just don't always see it. Marmite crisp, you mean? Yeah. Marmite...

Well, you asked if they're new. Oh, I haven't really thought about it. Is pickled onion new? No. There's a pube on this mic. Are you obsessed with pubes today? I'm not obsessed. There's been two.

One in my mouth and one in my mouth. You just said I found a pube in my mouth earlier. I'm not sure it wasn't from you. You said I found... Well, I've been, uh... Do you know who's been two. You just said I found a pube in my mouth earlier. And I'm not sure it wasn't from you. Well, I've been there. Do you know who's been doing pubes recently? What do you mean, who's been doing pubes? Who's been, you know, branching out to pubes. What do you mean, branching out to pubes?

It will all make sense when I tell you who it is. I hate this show. Grandma Sprinkles. Do you remember her? No. Grandma Sprinkles. I remember her? No Grandma Sprinkles I don't know She was a good character man

Obviously not Because Lady Plops came along Yeah Lady Plops may be the main one But Grandma Sprinkles has got something to say And it could have been her Who Was it a grey? No it was a nice, thick, curly black one.

Okay. That could have been me. Can we not talk about pubes? Well, you just keep finding pubes everywhere. There was one on the mic. Yeah. Yeah, there was. Oh, God.

This is a mucky show. I've teabagged the mic. Right, good. I've used the mic as a douche. Right, good. As a poultice as a douche. Right, good. As a poultice. Yes. Yeah?

Yes, I have. What was the other one you came up with recently? I've got a whole tranche of poultices. A tranche of poultices. Hey. Hey, though. Hey. Yeah?

We should do both those flavours on the League of... We haven't done the League of Snacks in a while, so that's a good idea. The League of Snacks and Crisps. Yeah, all right. Fair enough. They're good. All right. I think the Marmite one is a classic.

And so, their pickled onion All right, fair enough. They're good. I think the Marmite one is a classic. And so, their pickled onion. Yeah, fair enough. Essentially, just to give you a little summary, pickled onion is basically the flavour of pickled onion Monster Mushroom. It's a vinegary. But on a crisp. Yeah. But it's a good flavour for a crisp.

It's that tartness. That tartness that bites through. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah? I don't care. What are we doing now? We're doing Silverman's Platter.

Hello, what the hour? It's the Platter Splatter from your friend Clyde McFatter. Yeah. I forgot about him. He's a character. I don't know, like a sea character, isn't he? No, there's no Clyde McFatter. Let's talk about Cheap Show.

Now, Clyde McFatter. Clyde McFatter's an actual recording artist. Is he? Of the 1950s, yeah. I did not know that. What do I know his music? No, I've got one I've been playing recently, Let the Boogie Woogie Roll.

Let the Boogie Woogie Roll? Sort of, yeah. Nice. R&B, very good. Great. And he sponsors Silverman's Platters. Does he, officially? Because he has a name that rhymes,

so I can go, It's time on the hour for the silverman's platter splatter brought to you by clyde mcfatter it just sounds like a made-up name yeah anyway what what we got on i should know shouldn't i know it's your section today yeah ladies and gentlemen there's a theme isn't there there's a, we are covering three comedian rap, four, I'm getting my producers telling me, four, four, and we might discuss some others. Yes, we might go off on a slight tangent or two. We're covering four comedians doing rap, novelty records. Now, I wanted to do a little bit of research about this, Paul. Yeah.

So I looked on Wikipedia and I put comedy rap in. Yeah. But there's a whole genre of comedy rap within hip hop, which is like legitimate, which is like De La Soul did it. Is this when like, you know, when we were listening to the last podcast? Far Side, Your Mum Is So Fat. Do you remember that tune? No. Do I?

It's a good one. Anyway. Excuse me. What? What's in your bed? Bread. You've got bread? Wrapped bread in your bed?

Yeah, I've got a whole loaf of bread here. Look at the size of that. Mate, why is it in your bed? Because... Are you sleeping with bread? It's the house of pickles. I'm not sleeping with bread. Are you having sex with bread?

Yes. Are you rubbing your... I hollow out a bread and then I put my wee-wee in. Yeah? You pour some sauce on it, do you? No. You have a sex kebab night. I take a syringe and I put sriracha into my knob end.

A new low for Eli Silverman. It really is. Look, stop trying to say shit about my bed. It's a fucking nest. Look, I've got The Problems of Philosophy by Bertrand Russell. What are the problems of philosophy? He can't figure out shit. It starts off with him sitting by his desk and going,

yeah, the desk is real, obviously, but is it? You can't say. I'm not getting into philosophy right now. Don't get into philosophy. So, these are comedians who have done rap novelty records. So, comedy rap. For example, do you remember on Silverman's Platters, we did a Fresh Prince and Jazzy Jeffers?

The Mike Jackson thing. I can beat Mike Tyson. That's comedy rap. Do you see what I mean? And you said Beastie Boys had a few. And Beastie Boys, yes. Now, remember when we listened to the last podcast? I've got to get this point, otherwise I forget.

And they were talking about the rise of East Coast, West Coast rap. And they said it came from a novelty comedy record, didn't it? Yeah. The first West Coast gangster rap record. Dracula and Wolfman. Yes. Would that kind of fall into the same thing? Yes.

Oh, okay. So the comedy rap is an actual, and they said as well that Falco. to rap records. Dracula and Wolfman. Yes. Would that kind of fall into the same thing? Yes. Oh, okay. So the comedy rap is an actual, and they said as well that Falco, Rock Me Amadeus, that is comedy rap. Really?

Not that song, but he used to have lots of other stuff where he sort of brought a comedic hip hop approach. I don't know. But that's not what we're covering.

No. It's not comedy rap, which is an actual genre in its own right, is what I'm saying. These are comedians who are trying to sell a novelty record by doing a rap. Yeah, because rap's popular. Yeah. But it's not, though.

It's a straight... Think about it. It was at the time. But for the audiences these people are reaching out to, it was a novelty, wasn't it? Yeah. It was something you could sell as a novelty. So, if you're a comedian, you can do a Christmas song. Yeah. A funny Christmas song. reaching out to no it was a novelty wasn't it yeah it was something you could sell as a novelty so if you're a comedian you can do a christmas song you know a funny christmas song an old musical

hall standard and you could do a rap couldn't you yeah because it's sort of it was a way of because it was novel at the time as a sort of form of music to the white masses of of so it was gentrified and made palatable no no it's of, they don't know what to do with it. So they think of it as it's a medium for a novelty record. Right. Because I was going to say, one of the reasons why I think a lot of these acts made these songs is because it allows them to basically do their characters spoken. Yes. They're not hiding behind a song or lyrics or a tune.

They can basically do their set. So that's another reason why it lends itself to comedy novelty records. There's one exception, I think, in the pile, which we'll get to. But the other three are basically acts saying, let's just do our act via rap. Yes. That's how we can sell it. And rap had a certain zeitgeisty sort of... It's a strange thing, though, for a bunch of white middle-aged and older gentlemen to use as a medium to sell there's a deep there's

a deeply sort of racist thing which is behind all of this isn't there is there yes because hip-hop yeah wasn't wasn't mainstream it wasn't allowed to be mainstream it had to cross over to the pop and it only that only really happened in in the 90s 90s yeah with like there was more there was crossover stuff in the 80s but but do you see what I mean? So this is sort of like, yeah, like you say, it's a way of them sort of exploiting... A popular youth media.

Youth culture, yeah. But not really understanding it, because most of these records you wouldn't even describe as hip-hop. No, and also... They're sort of disco records, sort of weird disco records. Depending on the track we listen to,

they vary, don't they? From disco to simple rap, like Grandmaster flash type stuff and also what's the other thing i was thinking of fuck like a little bit of i said disco didn't i yes okay forget that point just forget it it was shit and i'm sorry you think about the beastie boys as well yeah but they were a serious group they were but if you think of their big hit, it was basically a comedy song. What, sabotage? No, fight for our right to party. True.

And that had a funny video, didn't it? Where should we start, then? Should we start chronologically in terms of date? Yeah. And go through it? Because I think, although they were all taken in the 80s, I think. Well, one's quite later. It's much later, really.

Let me see. That's 84. What year was this? 83 is the year. Oh, okay. So let's start It's much later, really. Let me see. That's 84. What year was this? 83 is the year. Oh, okay. So these... All right, let's start with the first one, then. I think...

Let's start on home soils with Kenny Everett. Kenny Everett. And snot rap. And you know what? Let's just play a little bit of it now so you know exactly what you're getting. Hello, creeps. It's Sits Not Here with some GPH for your flaming ear.

It's all in rhythm. It's all in rhyme. You know what I'm talking about all the time? It's not here with some GBH for your flaming ear It's all in rhythm, it's all in rhyme You wanna know what I'm talking about half the time? It's a rap It's a load of furballs, it don't make sense It's all off the wall of the local jams You can listen if you want, I couldn't care less The whole thing's a sort of musical mess

It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap.

It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap.

It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap. It's a wrap, it's not rap. It's not rap. Hang on. Okay, why is it not rap? Tell me that now, because I'm actually interested to see why it's not. He's kind of singing. No, he's not, because he talks, doesn't he?

It's sort of, but yeah. All right, okay. No, it is a rap. Sorry, it is a rap, but it's very much a sort of disco backing, isn't it? Yeah. All right, okay. No, it is a rap. Sorry, it is a rap, but it's very much a sort of disco backing, isn't it? Yeah. A kind of late disco sort of boogie sound. I'm trying to find a bit more about it. To the wiki.

Wikipedia. Right. So anyway, we've talked about Kenny Everett on and off on the show in the past, haven't we? He's a bit of a genius, wasn't he? In the late 70s. Troubled. He was troubled as well, wasn't he?

You know, in the 70s and 80s. He was eccentric. He was, but he was also a genius when it came to radio. He was a Tory as well, wasn't he? Big Tory. He was. The famous story about him coming on and giving Thatcher the big hands. Yeah.

Did the RMS seem to remember that? He had big hands and he felt Thatcher up with the big hands. Yeah. Did the RMS seem to remember that? He had big hands and he felt Thatcher up with his big hands. No, he came on with massive huge hands, didn't he? Because that was based on a character he did, the kind of preaching evangelist character. Yeah, with huge hands, yeah. But apparently, like he said,

if I'm going to do this, I may as well do it ridiculously and that's why he went overboard with it. But anyway, whatever. To cut a very long story short, anyone outside the uk listening he was a radio presenter first and foremost like messing around with audio and then he developed into a tv comedian yeah didn't he really yeah and he tried his hand at movies and

songs but he was big i it's one of the first tv shows i remember actually discussing in the playground and like it being a big thing because it was rude and naughty it was naughty it was edgy but you know what the wheel is it wasn't too there were times when you could put it up against benny hill that was on at the time and yes same fucking difference mate but he had it somehow felt uh less uh pervy leery less yeah less sexy somehow didn't it? Yeah, less grubby. He came across as, like, page three, the son kind of titillation. Yeah. Rude, cheeky. Yeah.

And because he's Kenny Everett, you can get away with it. What was it named? Cleo, Leo, Cleo. Remember that woman who used to hang around with him all the time? Cleo Lane. No, Cleo Lane was a... Jazz singer, yeah. That's Cleo Lane, yeah.

Yeah, but there was another one. Anyway, let's just talk about snot rap. In 1977 It says on Wikipedia Everett collaborated With Mike Vickers To release the single Captain Kremen

I've got that Have you got that? Yeah Oh That's actually quite I quite like it as a tune What is that? It's just another

Sort of comedy song But just like The Snot Rap Yeah Snot Rap has an Instrumental part two On the flip side of the seven Okay

And Captain Kremen Also has a sort of Almost dub version On the flip side of the seven okay and captain cremin has it also has a sort of almost dub version on the other side okay that's quite good ah the song peaked at number 32 in the uk chart on the 12th of november in 1983 kenny everett released a single snot snot rap when was captain cremin released 77 right so a good five years 6 years yeah ostensibly sung by 2 of his TV characters Sid Snot who was a punk

character punk character yeah no rocker sort of rocker punk yeah and then Cupid Stunt

who was his American film star who was a big big big slag that was the joke really yeah it was hilarious

big tits and she slept with everyone everyone loved that Cupid Stunt popular spoonerism as we all know. That was the point. This would peak at number nine in the UK charts in the week ending on 16th of April.

A sequel single, Snot Rap Part 2, again performed in character was released in 1985. But the B-side to this is called Part 2, but it's just a dub. Have you ever seen Snot Rap Part 2? I mean, I don't know if that might not be erroneous information. You think they got it wrong there? No there unless they said it was released later in 85 yeah i know if i find it we want it too i'll put it in right now and i'd like to hear it as well right now Hello, creeps. This won't take long.

It's since not here with a rapping song. We've done it before, but it's this part too. If you don't like it, you know what you can do. I'm rapping again. He's rapping again. I'm standing out, you're sitting out. I'm rapping away and you don't care It kills the time, it's something to do

You don't bother me, I won't bother you I'm rapping again He's rapping again Rapping again, rapping again We are moving, happening again Chanting away, doing sweet Getting off to a funky beat He's rapping again

This is not rap part two Getting off to a funky beat. Here's rapping again. This is my rap part two. Yeah, yeah, that's what we do. And it's all done in the best possible way. Oh, that's my microphone. Oh, thank you very much. I'll start now. Hi out there.

I'm Q. So, what do you think of that? I've got, it's, the problem with all novelty songs like this, and this is across the board, is that the first minute and a half, maybe minute, is enjoyable. And then after that you go, ah, there's two more fucking minutes of this. And the joke doesn't last the length of the track. So the first, like, half of it you think, ha ha ha ha, all right, now wrap it up.

And also, it's because it's kenny everett and it's written by people like the writers from his tv show like barry crier help write the lyrics yes it's got that sneery tone almost where it's like oh yeah rap's just shit in it just talking about whatever you think and yes and it's like all right don't make a shit song and then point out how shit it is in the song and think it helps it yeah it's a little bit it's it's enjoyable but it's the joke runs out pretty quickly and also there is a sort of attitude you can feel with these records that they are kind of a bit sneery about rap a little bit but again it's that weird thing was like you're a white bloke in your mid to late 30s doing a song and

you're exploiting a very popular type of music to do a song that i don't know if your heart's in it mate i'll be honest yeah it it felt like someone turned around and was there do you want to make a song do you want to and he went all right because rap's popular yeah but i think yeah i think around this time because they're all from around the same time most of them apart from the beastie boys rip off um it must have been a big thing and we were talking about the early 80s was huge for novelty records wasn't it? Yeah. Especially in Britain the whole comic

relief thing became a sort of yearly novelty record event didn't it? Yeah and that was when they gave a shit about having comedy content on comic relief for those outside the UK who don't know it's a, every two years they have a telethon where comedians help raise money and every year

it just gets more and more depressing to watch I've watched earlier ones from years ago little clips online you think oh there's the spirit

the kind of oh anything could happen it's crazy something could go fucking mad and then you watch it these days and it's just like

watching the one show yeah you know what I mean slick here's the fucking Cassidy Stenders doing Cabaret. Yeah, yeah.

Here's all these actors pretending to do Celebrity Bake a Cake. It's a tough time for culture. Celebrity Bake a Cake, Eli. Celebrity Be a Boss. I'll be a boss. Celebrity Eat a Penis in the Jungle. I will eat a penis in the jungle. Would you?

If you offered money to go on I'm a Celebrity. How much? I don eat a penis in the jungle. Would you? If you offered money to go on I'm a Celebrity. How much? I don't know how much they'd pay. How much? 200 grand? Yes.

The answer is yes. And they'd be like, Eli. Scoffing, chewy, kangaroo knob. Eli, stop. They were meant

to last four weeks. You need a whole bag of knobs. I've developed a real taste for kangaroo penis. They fear your name. What happened with Edmunds in the jungle? He went on and he got first voted out. Oh, he was first off.

Yeah. And he was like, don't care. Got my profile raised. Got a load of money. Joke's on you. And that is exactly how he operates. How he operates. He's a fiendish shark like dead inside. Yeah. Psychopathic entertainment cunt. Yeah, he operates. He's a fiendish, shark-like, dead inside,

psychopathic entertainment cunt. Yeah, he is. He's like a shark swimming the water. He's got to keep moving or he dies. And I get that. He's a wheeler dealer. It's good for you. Why are you singing that?

Would you be his minder? Why did you sing that then? Would I be Edmunds' minder? Yeah, like he was Arthur Daly and you were like, you know, Pete Waterman. Yeah. Pete Waterman? Yeah.

Peter Waterman, isn't it? Dennis Waterman. Who's Peter Waterman? I don't know. Who's the guy from... Pete Doherty. No, Pete... Who's the Kylie producer, Waterhunt, Powerhouse, Waterman?

Yeah. Stock Aitken and Waterman. Stock Aitken and Waterman. Is that Pete Waterman? I think it might be I hate this conversation What are we talking about? We're talking about novelty rap records

What do you think of snot rap? I actually think that the music The production The instrumentation Is not that bad It's pretty good It's not that bad But it feels like it needs a bit more

It needs filler It needs more filling out in the sound. Yeah. But that might have been what the sound was at the time. You know, it's interesting because in DJ circles these days, it's very popular. A very popular type of music is what they call Brit funk, which is a sort of disco funk stuff made in Britain around this time

in the early 80s. And I've been playing a bit of that. It's sort of jazzier than the American stuff. It's got a certain sound and it's quite popular. People are reissuing it and all that other stuff. And this sounds a bit like that kind of thing. Yeah, like the horn section it's got in this track. And the sort of bass.

You're right. The bass is quite sort of thin or isolated. It doesn't feel like it's swelling out the sound of the song yeah and that's that's the kind of sound that you get with brit funk before we move on i do want to say half me thinks he knew it was shit in the first place and you know he made those album collections of songs he played on his radio show and then released them as albums like the worst songs ever in the world worst songs ever yeah it feels like he was happy that would have been happily on side b he was basically an a human embodiment of a novelty record, wasn't he?

He was like so novelty record. He had his problems and his demons, but he's a proper source of inspiration to people in radio. Yeah, because he was super good at it. Like all the sort of actual technical aspects of it. But he's dead, so let's move on to the next one. So we'll do

Dangerfield then, because that's the same year, 1983. Dangerfield. Now this was the same year, 1983. Dangerfield. Now this was a charity shop find. You found it, didn't you? Yeah. And it was a complete...

So when we were talking about this pretty much months ago now, it started because I think we found this online and then we subsequently found it in the wild.

And I thought because it was a 12-inch, it was just an elongated version of the single version which i tell you what we'll play it right now this is rapping rodney i tell you all right now but last week i was in rough shape i don't get a break with nothing i played hide and seek when i was three no No respect, no respect. Why they would even look for me. No respect, no respect. I was an ugly kid, I never had fun.

No respect, no respect. They took me to a dog show and I won. No respect, no respect. When I was born I brought no joy. No respect, no respect. My old man said he wanted a boy. No respect, no respect. I was an ugly kid, always alone. No respect, no respect. My old man said he wanted a boy. No respect. No respect.

I was an ugly kid, always alone. No respect. No respect. Halloween, I had to trick-or-treat over the phone. No respect. No respect. Friends don't call, my phone don't ring. I don't get a break with anything.

What's the matter, Rodney? Ah, death, where is my sting? It's just rap and Rodney. Ain't rap too tight, no,'s just rapping, Rodney. Ain't that too tight? No, no. Rapping, Rodney. Get out of sight. It's just rapping, Rodney. Make no mistake, poor old rapping, Rodney.

Can't get a break. As you can tell, very similar in many respects to snot rap. But this isn't just a single. It's 12-inch and it's got basically a live set. It's got a whole live set. Which is fucking great. It's just such a great thing that he did that. He's just a classy operator.

You know, you put your novelty thing. He must have had a deal with the record company and said, yeah, okay, you can put out this silly novelty rap record that might sell, but can I put a really good recording of one of my live shows on? Well, you've got to remember as well, it's a really good recording. It's a really good performance, isn't it?

Because it's recorded at his nightclub in, I want to say New York, Dangerfield. It's classic Rodney Dangerfield, isn't it? Yeah. And I don't know why, but over the years, the more Rodney Dangerfield I see, it? Yeah. And I don't know why, but over the years, the more Rodney Dangerfield I see, the more I just love it.

Isn't it weird? It's weird. I believe he got into comedy really late in his life. And, you know, people who know his whole shtick is, everyone's a schlub, I'm the worst schlub ever.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, I can't believe it, my life. You know? It's mad that he gets everyone to sort of do the call and response about when he changes the topic. Yeah. Whatever his topic is.

Oh, Chicago. What's bad about Chicago? Yeah, yeah. What about the one where he says, oh, I've got a drinking problem. I went for a urine test last week. It had an olive in it. No, you really are messing it up.

Well, I don't do stand-up, do I? Fuck me. You fucking hemorrhaged that joke out your mouth. Shut up. Well, Nick gives you a chance to hear it. I got a drinking problem, went to my doctor, he did a urine test. He took it from me, put an olive in it. No, he didn't say that.

The joke was he had a urine test. I'll put an olive. Go on, where? In your... Me. Me. Jesus. This says it's an album on Wikipedia.

Rapping Rodney is a comedy album by American comedian Rodney Dainfield in 83. The title track is a rap-influenced novelty song co-written by J.B. Moore and Robert Ford Jr., the same songwriters who worked on Curtis Blow, The Breaks. That's a very early rap record. Is it? Yes. Interesting. He was a very early rapper, Curtis Blow.

Dennis Blair co-wrote the song. I have a Curtis Blow. I think I've got that record over there. The accompanying music video, which includes cameos from Pat Benatar and Don Novello, has played heavily on MTV at the sign of relief. The rest of the album consists of a live stand-up set. The time of release.

The sign of relief you read that as. I mean, come on. The rest of the album consists of a live stand-up comedy show under the titles Rodney Rappin' and Rodney Continues Rappin', recording it live at Catch a Rising Star at New York City. The album peaked at 83 on the Hot 100 Billboard chart

and earned Dangerfield a nomination for Grammy Award for Best Comedy Recording. It's good. It's a very good comedy recording. And it is. Again, it does what snot rap tries to do with its characters, but does perfectly here. What song are you talking about? It's Justin Dune's set-up pull-back reveal. You know what I with its characters, but does perfectly here. What, the song you're talking about?

It's just him doing his set-up pull-back reveal, you know what I mean? Yes, but they're cleverly linked. Great. And musically... Structurally similar. It's not, again, it's not hip-hop, is it? It's just sort of like a disco tune, and they get some black female backing singers. That seems to be a...

Common trend. A common trait with these records. Rap, chorus is sung by the backing singers, and that tends to be a common trend. A common trait with these records. It's rap, choruses sung by the backing singers. Yeah. And that tends to be disco-y. Yeah. Disco-y. Yeah, a bit disco-y, but not hip-hop.

And people, I guess people just didn't really, it hadn't really come through. I mean, rap had started, but the hip-hop, the music hadn't really started to come through, cross over to the mainstream. No, not at all. But this was rap as we understood it from like 1981 onwards, in terms of mass popularity. Was it Grandmaster Flash?

Was that the first like big hit rap? Mainstream? Well, they say Rapper's Delight was the first. Okay. Hip. Hippie. Don't stop. Bam, bam, boogie.

Upside. Hotel, motel. Holiday Inn. Yeah. Let's do the whole song now that's a different song Paul I like this song I do like that song though

yeah Oh, bing bang boogie boogie bang boob. Bing bing bang boogie bing bang boob. Bing bing bing bing bing bang boob. Bing bing bing bong. Bing bing bing bong boob. Bing bing bong. A bing bang. So, so far, what's better, rapping Rodney or snot rap? I think rapping Rodney. He's better.

I think it's funnier for a start. Definitely. It has jokes. It's just a string of jokes. Better production. Yeah. Right. I like it.

I like Rodney Dangerfield. You know, I like his material. I wonder, though, if they actually put the... I'm interested in the formatting of this. If he actually put this record out as a 7-inch, the actual, just the song. Don't know. Maybe not. I've never seen it.

I've never seen it. Yeah. But that's not to say it didn't get released in the UK or in Europe. So, you know. Might have been just put on seven-inch radio stations. Who knows? Could be. Maybe you've got one out there listening.

Do you? Can we have it? Do you mean no? Fuck off. What do you want it for? I want it. Oh, all right then. Let me talk to him, Paul.

All right. Hey. Give us it. Give us it. Yeah? All right then. He said no to you as well. Yeah. Yeah, give us it. Yeah? All right, then. He said no to you as well. Yeah.

Yeah, bollocks. Right, next one. We go on to 1984 now, and this is... Hitler Rap. It's Hitler Rap by Mel Brooks. Now, do you think this would have been released today? Well, let's get into that.

But first of all, let's play the first bit of Hit The Rap by Mel Brooks. How myself Well, hi there, people You know me I used to run a little joint called Joy Mini. I was number one in the people's choice. And everybody listened to my mighty voice. My name is Adolf. I'm on the mic. I'm going to hip you to the story of the New Third Reich. It all began down in Munich town. And pretty soon the world started getting around.

So I said to Martin Bormann, I said, hey, Marty, why don't we throw a little Nazi party? So we had an election, well, kind of, hey Marty, why don't we throw a little Nazi party? So we had an election, well, kind of, sort of, before you knew, hello, new order. To all those mothers in the fatherland, I said, up to, baby, I got me a plan. Said, what you got, A-Law? What you gonna do? I said, how about this one? Well, what? To be or not to be, oh baby, can't you see? We're gonna take it to the top. And again, similar. Rap, rap, rap. Backing singers do a disco-style medley. Disco-style.

All these tunes... It's a formula, isn't it? Yes. A very safe, familiar formula. All these tunes have like a keyboard synthesizer solo. Boop-a-doodle-dee-boop-wap. And an instrumental solo on a keyboard. Yeah.

Glovely. And the backing singers. So you're wondering, maybe, out there, why did Mel Brooks release a song where he raps as Adolf Hitler? And he's got the full regalia. Yeah. Well, in the pop video, it's him as Hitler, all funny, like, you know, like Freddie Star did.

Yeah. And he does his rap in a kind of minimalist black and white set with drapes of red and dancing ladies and they're all kind of oh oh and he's all like uh yeah and then they do dancing the reason why the song was released is because he just released a movie called to be or not to be which in itself was a remake of an old i think a 1940s 50s film yeah i've never seen it. Was it a flop? Do you know what? I don't know. All I know is that the basic plot was

they're a Jewish acting company acting during the rise of the Third Reich in Berlin. And it's that kind of... Wow. So I believe it was a kind of personal project. He had his wife bankrupt.

Yes, it was a big personal project for him. Did he do a comedy remake of a drama film? 1942 was original and then 83 was his remake. So let me have a quick look on that wiki like mate.

I realise we used to hide from wiki but it actually gives context and we can riff on the facts we learn. That's what it should be. It's not just about ripping off other people's hard work and research. Even though we do weekly. Paul, are you okay? Yeah.

I think that guy wants to talk to you. Which, oh, not him. I don't... Yeah. Just... He's still going on about that record.

Just... Let Paul... Let me have a word. Let me get a word in edgeways. Hey, you! Yeah. Oh, not him. No, you, not him.

All right. Come on. What have you got from Wiki talking to him or me now no you I'm talking to you but what about him I've shut the door to him

oh to the dimension of him right good to be or not to be 1983 film American War comedy directed by oh directed by

Alan Johnson produced by Mel Brooks starring Mel Brooks Anne Bancroft Tim Matheson Christopher Lloyd screenplay was written by Ronnie Graham and Thomas Meeham.

I didn't know that. Do you know who those people are? No, but I'm just saying I thought it was more Brooks-led. Oh, I see. Interesting. So, apparently it wasn't particularly well-reviewed. Three stars, Robert Ebert, combines a backstage musical with a wartime romance and comes up with an eclectic comedy that races off into several directions,

usually successfully. So, he liked it. It doesn't mention the original film. No, it does. It has connections. It says it's mostly faithful to the 1942. There are some dialogue lines taken verbatim from it, but certain things differ

and certain plot points differ. But other than that, it's pretty much the same story. Oh, it does say, it says in the remake, his dress at Anna was replaced by sasha allowing them to rest the plight of gay people under the nazis as well as the jews so there's a character in there that they changed the sexuality of i don't know if that doesn't

meant they just had this mincing american actor come on probably because yeah mel brooks does do that in his films doesn't he yeah he does it's hard to defend some of that shit and that's where we get into the interesting part which like you couldn't release that song now because there'd be a fucking outrage but the song is works in the same way the producers did because here's a horrible cunt from history the best way we can take the edges off him is to make fun of him you know so the approach in the song is to make him like he's a hip cool daddy talking about his career

and how he's the rise and fall of pimp daddy Hitler. Yes. And it's a ridiculous concept. It doesn't quite gel with the tone of the movie though which is gentler than Mel Brooks stuff

tends to be. It's bizarre. It's an odd... It's like we want to sell the movie. And this is a charity shop record that you see all over the place you really see it everywhere

both the 12 inch version and the 7 inch release Paul yeah you see it everywhere yeah you see it everywhere you see it absolutely

everywhere it's like for instance on this album this compilation album I found it on it was weird because when I got it home

I found out that the two albums inside were from two different albums not connected to the one on the sleeve one of which was from that album one got it home I found out that the two albums inside were from two different albums not connected to the one on the sleeve. One of which was from that album? One of which was from the album with the sleeve. Hungry for hits? The second one was just from another compilation but they both had the Hitler rap on. Really? Yeah, weirdly. But on the other one it's called

To Be or Not To Be Rap. Apparently you couldn't put Hitler on it. It was obviously Hitler though, I was singing it. Recorded by Mel Brooks in 1983 for Island Records, for players on the soundtrack, it was derived from the burlesque show within the film, but did not appear within it. It also echoes 1967's producer with the line,

don't be stupid, be a smarty, come and join the Nazi party, take it from Springtime for Hitler. The accompanying video, Mel Brooks dresses like Hitler and raps about the events in the Third Reich. Whilst having limited success in the United States, the song managed to chart high in Australia and the UK, peaking at number three in the former and 12 in the UK singles chart. It reached number one in Norway and number two in Sweden.

Weird. They like that humor. Yeah. Number one in Norway. And I would say, out of all the rappers so far, he sounds the most proficient doing the rapping. I think he's comfortable with

that kind of musical, tactile, bending, stretching, making words fit, songs and beats and things like that. You'd think he's a better rapper than Kenny Everett. Yeah. Kenny Everett does two different characters. He doesn't really rap though, does he? He kind of talks, but at least I would say he does rapping in this because he's got really rap though does he yeah he kind of talks whereas at least i would say he does

rapping in this because he's got the beat and he puts the effort in and he makes all the inflection the intonations right on certain words so they read what about rodney what does rodney do he just sort of these gags kind

of get lost in production he sort of yeah he's like hey look at it and the meter is all the meters is the meter all right it's all the same with rodney isn't it yeah it just doesn't change it contracts as jokes to fit the beat of the song.

Yeah. They all do the same beat, basically. But he sort of plays around with the rhythm a bit, I suppose. Yeah, I would say he's a bit more proficient as a rapper. Yeah. And again, I think that goes back to his old, you know, he's a performer. Company performance days.

All his films are packed with songs and drifts and bobs. He's more of a musical comedian I love Mel Brooks I like all the acts we're talking about so far I love Kenny Everett for very

different reasons and Robert Dangerfield for very different reasons for Mel Brooks but maybe the last one

not so much well you're fond of it now what is the last record on our selection of comedy novelty rap records

well I think we've talked about this before maybe briefly, but it is Stutter Rap, No Sleep Till Bedtime, by Morris Minor and the M-M-M-Majors, picked up in a charity shop in Camden. Bedtime, boys! Oh, mom!

Now, hey there, people, won't you land in here? Because I've a story to tell, and I'm telling it here I was born in a town in the great UK From a baby to a boy to a man today And I'm a musical man, and I'm a man of verse But I got a little problem and it's getting worse My life was so well planned Surviving and surviving in a f-f-f-funk band Cause rapping, it's my bread and butter but it's hard

to rap when you're born with a stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stir stutter well no one's ever seen what i mean from the age of 13 we've all been caught in a mouth trap so join with us in the stir stir stir stir stir stutter rap yes now this... So there's lots of specific... What was pleasing about this is there are lots of specific references to things that were happening at the time. So there's a reference to 19 by Paul Hardcastle.

And there's also a reference to... Which is a great gag. This is good this is well written you know what i mean because they use the beastie boy sound that's it take the piss but also that they themselves as characters are like try hard posh boys trying to be edgy new york rappers yeah are they rappers beastie boys i guess they are absolutely yeah it's just weird because they have... They started, though, as a punk, hardcore punk group.

Oh, I did not know that. Yeah. And then, what, this changed over time? Yeah. Well, they were, you know, they were in New York when it was all going on.

It was all going down and they just moved their sound to the new ground. But, like, this is definitely clearly pastiching the early Beastie Boys production sound

and fight for their right to party. All of that stuff, yeah. Although Sabotage came much later. Sabotage came much later and doesn't really sound that like that anymore.

Like that. You like Sabotage, yeah. It doesn't sound like that. I don't know if it does now. Anyway, produced by Grandmaster Jelly Tot. That's a joke name. And then Jelly Tot. Wiki says...

Oh, Stutter Rap is a song by Morris Minor and the Majors, led by Tony Hawks. Tony Hawks. Are you trying to do it as a rap? The song is a stylistic parody. Paul, this is not working. You're treading on thin water. Fuck off.

The song is a stylistic parody of the Beastie Boys and the subtitle plays on the 87th single No Sleep Till Brooklyn. The record sold, yeah, 2,200,000 copies. A lot.

Yeah. Hawks, Tony Hawks, probably the most well-known of the three comedy actors playing the Morris Minor guys. If you're in the UK, he's popped up in stuff. Off the top of my head, it's not a great example, but off the top of my head, he's popped up in Red Dwarf one or two

times. Things like that. Yeah, you've seen him. He did that book, didn't he? Round Island with a Fridge. Remember that one? Which was what? He took a fridge round Ireland? Yeah. It's a good book. It's well worth reading.

It's a funny read. It does obviously, I think it's a bet. He loses a bet so he has to go round Ireland with a fridge. Anyway, Hawks started out as a songwriter

but was not successful. Instead he became a comedian and a writer. However, in turning to comedy he achieved a hit with Stutter Rap which reached number four in the UK, number 14 in Canada

and number two in Australia. number 14 in canada and number two in australia written by hawks and performed with him along with two others doesn't fucking say who poor bastards yeah poor bastards in the video for the song john deacon of queen makes an appearance wearing a blue ring a wig and playing guitar the song was accompanied with another boring b-side where the chorus simply repeats the line very very very very very very boring so the b-side was another joke song but the line, very, very, very, very, very, very boring. So the B-side was another joke song, but not anything to do with rap or hip-hop. No.

Just sort of a silly joke. Oh, that's interesting. So, you know, producers, and it's a Grandmaster Jelly Tot, I click on it and it goes, Jacko Jackiscus, Michael Jacko, born Michael E. Curran in 1958, is an English musician, record producer and actor. He released several solo singles, album songwriter, multi-instrumentalist and has been the lead singer

of King Crimson since 2013. What a fancy jelly talk. Lives in Archway apparently. Let's go see him. Before joining King Crimson, he led bands for 30 years, 64 Spoons. Oh, 64 Spoons? 21st Century Schizoid Band.

That's based on another King Crimsoid. That must have been a King Crimson tribute. Rapid Eye Movement. He was a member of Level 42. Oh, God. And he's collaborated with Danny Thompson, Gavin Harrison, Dave Stewart. He's a session musician, works in comedy

and acting, so he's worked with French and Saunders. Yeah, he's basically behind a lot of this stuff. And he had the pseudonym Grandmaster Jelly Tot for that record only, which was a reasonable ticket for him. Well, there you go. I like it. It's fun. For me, musically

is sort of the weakest. Maybe. Maybe. But it's sort of the weakest. Maybe. Maybe. But it's a hard battle between that and snot rap for me in many respects. I think stutter rap just wins out. And I was going to say as well, Paul, for different reasons, and perhaps to a less extent, this would not be released today, would it? Because you can't make fun of stutterers.

Because you can't make fun of stutterers, don't you think? It's just such a tricky fucking topic because it's innocent and you could probably play it on the radio right now and no one would give a shit.

But if it's a new thing, then the idea is you should have hindsight. Yes, you could do that then. You shouldn't do that now. Yeah. But, you know, for instance, by that logic,

we need to ban Boom Shake the Room by Will Smith. Why does he go? What does he do? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no No one makes that fucking noise It's the Paul noise everybody Oh Paul Sticky business Oh it's sticky business

It's not sticky business No it's not sticky business Oh it's time for the cheap show rap My name is Paul and I'm wearing a hat And I'm sitting in a chair and I'm looking at my mate Whose name is Eli He masturbates in the toilet, in the bathtub, in his room he does it in the light and in the gloom oh he's Eli that's his thing and he plays with his little tiny ding-a-ling oh it's

the cheap show rap it's the cheap show rap it's the cheap show rap boom ba dum bum bum boom oh it's the cheap show rap it's the cheap show rap. It's the cheap show rap. It's the cheap show rap. Hello, my name is Eli and I wank in the toilet. That's just my lyrics. Fucking rap something new. You can't even rap something new. Hello, my name is Eli.

I've got a shirt and also some socks. I don't know what's worse. You fucking awful rapper. I've got Figgy Jam in my hand. I've got a newspaper. Just stop. I've got a newspaper. Out of the four songs, what's the best?

I've got four songs on my nong. Out of the four songs. That's not even a word. Mate. Hello? Fuck off. Out of the four songs, what's the best? I've got four songs on my nong. Out of the four songs. That's not even a word. Mate. Hello? Fuck off. Out of the four songs, which is the best? You've got to pick one.

Ooh. Ah. Ooh. Oh, I don't like any of them. I know, but you have to pick one. You have to pick one. But you have to hear a lot. Yeah.

Like, you have to put it on your phone and always hear it. I think I'd go for Snot Rap. Really? Yeah, the instrumental version. That's not really the... No, you have to pick the A side.. I think I'd go for snot rap. Really? Yeah, the instrumental version. That's not really the... No, you have to pick the B, A side. That's the rules. No, no, no, no.

That's the one we're talking about. That's the focus. All right, that's still snot rap. I would probably go with Hitler rap. You what? Oh, fuck off. All right. I'm just saying, I'd pick that.

It's the most musically pleasing to me. And it's funny. My name is Eli. And I've got some floss. I take it and I My name is Eli, and I've got some floss. I take it and I put it... Some what? I've got some floss. Right.

And I take it and I put it in a wooden casket, and... Fucking hell. Fucking hell. And I put it in a wooden casket. Who could have asked it? A wooden casket.

It's less Eminem. It's less M&M it's less M&M and more Pam Errs isn't it really with you I've got a fleece with lots of bugs in and I'm going to take them and put them in

neurotoxin and I've got oh mate now it's just getting out of hand stop stop he's asking you to stop who is

you know oh tell him to speak to me directly then mate speak to I just said speak to him. I will obey. I will obey. Ah, here I am again.

Flying on my magic carpet over North London. Oh, it's exciting. Oh, look over there. I see Eli's left his window open again at the Country Noodle Test Lab Kitchen, wherever it's called. Country Urban Noodle Test Lab Kitchen. Kitchen Test Lab. Cunt. Anyway, I wonder if he's making some noodles right now. Why not fly in and see? Oh, here we go. I'm going in through the window.

Oh, oh, oh. Let me just close this. Oh, hello, Mr Silverman. Hello. Oh, I didn't see you there. How are you? I'm very good, Paul. Thank you. And welcome to my country urban noodle test lab. Oh, it's exciting.

Kitchen, kitchen. We've got two noodles for you today, Paul. Yeah. Two great noodles. We've got one stir-fried style. Yeah. Right. And one soup-fried style yeah right and one soup based style so we're

representing both major groups of instant noodle types that's fascinating well we're all here to see what we can see today on this magical adventure in the urban noodle country kitchen test lab Kitchen Test Lab. Country Urban Noodle Test Lab. Kitchen. Workshop. Workshop in progress. Right. So, tell us about the two we're working with today. Well, I'll start with the big boy. Yeah, the big number.

The main attraction, as it were, Paul, on today's show. This is Samyang. They've got the noodle world by the bollocks they're taking the noodle land by storm they are numero uno noodle brand worldwide with their worldwide known hot chicken flavor ramen we've been there paul yes we have don't need to cover this but we have tried both the one times spicy and the two times spicy now samyang is like the apple isn't it of noodles in many respects they're big at the moment now uh but they all what they do is a variation on one flavor which is interesting because this is hot chicken flavor ramen they're all hot chicken flavor ramen but all this for example is a cheese one. And we tasted one.

Do you remember the carbonara, which I thought was cheese, which was pink? That wasn't actually cheese. It was carbonara flavour. Oh. So a bit of a mistake. Sorry. If you thought we were doing a cheese Samyang hot chicken ramen before,

it wasn't. It was the pink packet, which is the carbonara. Now this is the actual cheese, yeah? This is the cheese. It's the big cheese. This is normal cheese. You can see it's actual cheese, yeah? This is the cheese. It's the big cheese. This is normal cheese. You can see it's got a yellow packet and a picture of cheese. Yeah, no, I got it.

The Barbanara one had a picture of cheese and a pig, which just should have caught me out. I should have seen that and thought, hang on. Rookie error. You know, what's this pig doing? Pigs don't do cheese, do they? No, they don't. What's this pig doing on my packet?'t do cheese, do they? No, they don't. What's this pig doing on my packet?

Well, a lesson for us all there. I think you can understand and agree. I don't know about you, but the two times spicy was too hot for me. And the first time spicy is quite hot as well. Hot enough. Yeah. And another one I've bought. I'll just grab it for you down from the noodle shelf.

You can see this is the Jiangang jiang which is black bean oh but it's still hot chicken flavor ramen but this is and they've also do a numbing pepper style which I want to taste have we not done a numbing pepper one did we do the numbing yeah we did do a numbing it wasn't particularly numbing was it it was a tingly it was okay. So, this one is prepared, cheese one prepared how? I need to boil the noodles, which I'll start doing now. Alright, Paul? Yeah.

Let's just see how many packs it is. I think two. They're usually, these Samyang come with a dry powder and then a very thick sauce. And how much is one of these cost at your local Chinese or maybe just local supermarket? Around £1.20.

But they're bigger than your average one. And look at those noodles. I mean, that's a fucking healthy block of noodles, isn't it? It looks like a big, thick wedge of shredded wheat. Shredded wheat? Yes, it looks like shredded wheat and as shredded wheat yes it looks like shredded wheat as i guessed we have one dry powder pack and one saucy sachet saucy sachet okay is that when you do this when you walk no one can see that i'm walking saucy sassy. He's mincing around. Saucy sachet it was. It was a saucy shantay.

Chassé. Chassé. Roxanne Chantay. Who? What? Is that your drag act? No, it's a hip hopper. Oh.

She's a rapper. The real Roxanne. You've never heard of that? You're lame. Right. Now, I'm just looking at the cooking instructions on this cheese Samyang pork. Can you make this a bit more interesting, mate? Okay, I'm trying.

What's that? I'm just doing... Teen Yeti? Teen Yeti's Urban Noodle Country Kitchen. Hello, everybody. Oh, Teen Yeti. Yes, it's T-Yet. I'm back. And I've actually been working.

I heard you guys. I was in Mount Grop Pants, you know, looking out the window. Oh, looking at all the scribbles. Oh, scrummaging around out there in the skiddies. I've got trees of skiddies, specially made. I have. I have. You may scoff, but I have trees of skiddies specially made.

Ah, T-Yet, and I thought, oh, I can do it, right? And I'm a bit of a comedian, you know, in my, in my, you know, sometimes. So, uh, straight out of Mount Gotpants I come down. So just say hello. Bye. Bye. So, alright, thank

you. Well, we look forward to his rap song coming up in the future on Cheap Records. Now, back to the task at hand, Paul. Concentrate, because I'm going to expect some help in the test lab from you today, okay? Right. Put noodles into 600ml of boiling water. Right.

Five minutes. Right. Remove water from saucepan and then put that in it, basically. Right. Yeah. Familiar. Yeah, that in it, basically. Right. Yeah. Familiar. Yeah, it's a familiar technique. Right.

Let's get it boiling, yeah? Let's get it boiling. So the kettle's just being reheated. It has been pre-boiled already. Put that on the pan for me. Put the heat on for that, please. He wants the heat on for this one. That's the wrong section, isn't it?

It's on that one I've put... You put that one on. So I do that one. No. I was going to do this one. Jesus! This one? Are you okay man?

I got it. It's not working. Ah! Fucking hell! It went woof! Don't play with fire! All I did was do as you instructed. Right, I've heated it up.

The pan is now getting hot on the stove. Add the water. I'm not going to measure it, Paul. I'm not going to measure it exactly because we're going to drain all the water off because it's a stir-fried one. It says 600ml, so I'm going to give it a good lot because I don't know if you know, it's the same for pasta, all kinds of pastas and noodles. The more

water, the better it's going to cook. The more fully, more evenly it will cook. Right. Yeah? Did you know that? No. So you always go for the biggest pan you can when you're doing spaghetti. You spat in my face.

That's more where that came from. It's not. I fucking hope not. Right. I don't want your spittle in my face. Okay. Right, he's putting the wedge of noodle. Is it fried egg?

Egg noodle? No. What is it? Wheat it fried egg? Egg noodle. No. What is it? Wheat. Wheat. He's put it in. They can't because egg noodles will go off, so you don't generally... Oh, what's a strange fizzing is going on there? It's called bubbling.

It's when water gets hot, you fucking idiot. When it gets hot, it's called bubbling, is it? Yeah. I'll give you bubbling. A bubbling hot, hot, hot. A bubbling hot. Shall we move on to... That's ready. That's going to go. That'll be done. I'll give you bubbling. A bubbling heart, heart, heart. A bubbling heart. Okay, shall we move on to... That's ready.

That's going to go. That'll be done. It's a few minutes. Shall we move on to our next one, Paul? Yes. Now, something a bit special here, Paul. Oh! In the Country Urban Noodle Test Lab kitchen,

it is pickled pepper beef. Noodle. Noodle pickled pepper. I'm hoping that this has actual... A wet pack, which is a special thing. A wet patch. A wet pack of, I love a wet pack in a noodle. Like a poultice.

No, not like a poultice. You know what is like a poultice? Basically, again, no more P words. Right. Tubby lipped twat. I'm hoping it has, fucking hell, mate. You know, I'm not tubby-lipped twat. I'm hoping it has... Fucking hell, mate. You know, I'm not tubby-lipped. You've got a fucking... You've got a fucking tongue like...

Like a snowman. What's that mean? A snowman who's forgot what day it is. Like a snowman in a hat. Wow. Can we not do... Wow. I'm just going to go over here for a minute and just look out the window.

No. While, uh... You have to tell him about the other noodle Alright It's a pickled pepper beef noodle I'm hoping it has a wet pack of pickled peppers It's easy for you to say I'm hoping it has a wet pack of pickled peppers Shall we have a look

Look at that fresh pickled pepper on the back Of the pack Let's open this up I knew you were going to have a hot pickle pepper snack. I would have put a better wind guard on this. The noodles are much slimmer. Oh they are, they're like a little round shape, the actual pack. And let's see how many sachets we... oh I've got a wet sachet. My fingers are nudging wet sachet here. No there's a three, it's a three packer, Paul. It's a three packer.

Look at this. Look at that pickled pepper. It's a single pickled pepper in a little pack. One of the sachets is that. And then there's a sauce. I can't get over all this pickled pepper in a wet pack patch. I can't do it.

It's a pickled pepper noodle, man. What do you want? It's a pretty pickled pepper I can't do it It's a pickle pepper noodle man What do you want It's a pretty pickle pepper Now Patch I want you To take a photo Of these

This beautiful I'm also recording the show Fucking hell I was going to film this as well Because I thought It would be nice to film the noodles You know when we do them But it's just a fucking ball

Because I have to go Hands Hands Handsy With the recorder Right Here we go I'm bringing the recorder. Right, here we go. I'm bringing the bloody thing.

Take a picture out of the way. Look, three packs. Right, here we go. Right, look, I'm taking a picture now, you big bastard. Three, two, one. Bosh, bosh. Show me the chicken one, the chicken cheesy chicken. I just need to see the cheesy chicken.

No, get the packs in. Oh, God. This means packs in. Oh god. It means full documentation. Alright. Right. I have pictures have been taken ladies and gentlemen. I'm excited by this pickled pepper pack but I can't seem to see where it tells me how to make it.

Can you see it anywhere? No. So I'm just going to have to go by my noodle instincts on this one, Paul. Oh, he's living on the edge. I'm just going to assume from the serving suggestion, that's definitely a soup. It's a broth. Oh, good point.

Because that looks drier. Yeah. You can tell what broad category of noodle it falls into, even if there isn't any legible directions on the back just by doing a bit of detective work looking at the front

of the pack and making a measured guess educational measured guess just a gut I had a gut feeling

this is a soup noodle we'll see right well this is exciting isn't it and it doesn't say how much water that's the thing that's really bothering me you can't use as much water it? And it doesn't say how much water. That's the thing that's really bothering me.

You can use as much water as you want. It doesn't fucking matter, does it? You need lots of water for an evening. Yeah, I think I'm just going to go for your standard 400 millilitre. I'll turn the heating on. Which one is it? It's that one. It's not coming on again. It's not coming on again.

It's not coming on. Why won't it come on? Come on. Just use the back one. Here we go. That's on. Right. It's on the stove. And he's actually measuring the water this time. Ah, that's on Right, it's on the stove

And he's actually measuring the water this time Ah, he's going to just double check he's not going to be in the wrong I'm measuring a nice plastic measuring thing So you can put hot water in that and it doesn't melt or anything And I'm putting that in my other noodle pan Now we're going to keep the liquid in this Right Do you know what? I think our other noodles are getting there

They are getting there, aren't they? They are getting there. They're looking... Cheese noodles are getting there. And we're going to have to drain the water off the cheese noodles. Right. Oh. He's visibly excited.

Look at this pepper. It's a pickled pepper, Paul. I know. I know, mate. Pickled pepper, Paul. It's a pickled pepper, Paul. In a pack. So, we need to... what did you turn on?

That one. Did you? Yeah, it's on, look, see? It's just taking a little bit longer. Shall we have a cut now and we'll come back once both our noodles are prepared? Yeah! Right, we're back and... We're about to drain the cheese, Sam Young. It's very exciting time.

It is. And the other water is now bubbling as well, so things are... And it's bubbling, so it is actually time, before I drain the Sam Young, I'm going to start the pickled pepper noodle. The pickled pepper noodle.

There it is. Look at that. Beautiful, because the round cake, noodle cake, fits. There it is. Look at that. Beautiful. Because the round cake, noodle cake, fits into a round pan perfectly. Watch this. You fucking watch me take a picture. Look at that.

Beep. That's good stuff. Beep. Paul, I'm... I'm gone one at a time. What are you doing? He's draining it. Now, if you remember noodle 101, what's the rule when You're draining it. Now, if you remember Noodle 101, what's the rule when you're draining of a stir-fried style instant noodle? Just leave a little bit.

Leave a little bit. Leave a little bit to help fry it off. Leave a bit just to give... And I think that's enough. That's enough. Just a little bit of extra water. Don't drain it all, ladies and gentlemen. That is a error.

We'll need that water to... We'll need that water. That's just bubbling. You need the water to get everything going. Get it all gooey. All gooey. Anyone knows you can't put things straight in if they're dry. You've got to get them a little bit wet first.

Don't you? Give me a huff on this. I think the cheese goes on top. So this, I'm going to assume, is quite a standard chicken ramen flavour. Oh, you dropped it. Ah. is quite a standard chicken ramen flavour thing. Oh, you dropped it! Ah! Alright, Paul. But it is, you can see it's exactly the same colour as all the other ones, so

just assuming. Red wet sauce pouch has been poured in. Onto the Samyang. And we're going to add the cheese one. What, at the end once it's mixed? I think you sort of sprinkle it on top. If you look again at the illustration, the cheese seems to be sitting on top of that, doesn't it?

Slightly melty. Yeah. I wonder if we're going to get an actual melty... Cheesy effect. Cheese effect, I'm not sure. Okay, that's good and mixed. I'm going to put the cheese on now. Here we go.

I want you to give me the Huffington Post on the cheese. It's very cheesy. Is it? It's got that macaroni cheese. I don't know why I'm not pointing the microphone at me. The macaroni cheese craft fake cheese smell. Slightly quavery. I'm going to liberally sprinkle the cheesy on top.

God, I can tell this is going to be a great noodle. Honestly, I'm getting an umami hard-on the size of a fucking... marshmallow. It's not that big. What's a marshmallow? What's a marshmallow? What, in terms of size?

No, what a weird name for a thing, isn't it? Marsh, a soft, boggy area. Mallow, mellow, I don't know. You don't know? Don't try? Marsh, a soft, boggy area. Mallow, mellow. I don't know. You don't know. Don't try to know. Just by saying it. Right.

I'm going to take a picture. Hang on. Bosh. Right. I'm ready to taste this. Go for it. Go for it. He's going in.

Look at his big, fat mouth. And the powder's just sort of sitting on top of this. I don't have a fat mouth, okay? I've got a nice mouth. The powder's just sort of sitting on top of this. I don't have a fat mouth, okay? I've got a nice mouth. You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen. He has a nice, pretty mouth. Oh, he's tasting it. It's spicy, very spicy in that way.

And it's got a cheese flavour. I don't know what else to say. A bit more. It's really good. Nice texture of the sauce. I'll grab you a fork and you can have a taste, Paul. I'll have a look for a fork. There's one up here. I've got a fork.

Right, I'm going in. Mmm. Yes. That is nice. I don't know if I quite like the cheese. It's a sort of slightly strange combo, isn't it? It's a strange combo with the... Because it makes it very umami. And the heat is nice.

But the cheese, I don't know. It kind of ruins the heat flavour, which I prefer. Well, it fights against the heat. That's what's nice. It sort of smothers the heat. Because with all the fat they sort of lactose. Do you know what I mean? Coats your mouth in a way.

I'm just preparing the other noodle. Right, which is a soup. And it's got a kick. You can tell. Oh! Are you alright, Paul? I swallowed the headphone cable in my mouth What?

Because I thought it was noodles Oh my god, really? Oh yeah I was slurping down the noodles on my fork And it scooped it up Got a big brown dollop of God I'm sweating up Going in here

It looks like plops It looks like plop plops, that's for sure. He's got the... So there's a broth, there's a noodle, thin noodle, and he's squeezing in the brown... There's a powder pack, which I put in, and then there's a wet pack, basically, which is sort of an oil pack or something.

Right. And then there's the third pack, which is just the pickled pepper. Pickled pepper? So... Oh, he's running around the kitchen. It's great. Give this a rinse.

That's the one I used, I think. Don't use your fucking fat thumbs. Fucking shut up. I don't have... So now I have to use a fork that's been cleaned by your dirty hands. It's clean. I'm clean. I'll give this a mix around. Oh god. That's got an unusual

smell mate. Like quite a very... Pickle pepper noodle? Yeah. Pickle pepper beef noodle. Could be quite hot as well so give that a sniff before I've even put the pickled pepper on. Oh, God, it went in my eyes. It's astringent. Ah, it really hurt my eyes. Ah! Look, now, I'm opening. This is my moment. My perfect moment. This is my moment on the... Yeah, we're opening the third pack,

which is the pickled element of the recipe. Ooh, this is amazing. Huffington Post reports. It smells like a pickled pepper. Yeah, you is amazing. Huffington Post reports. It smells like a pickled pepper. Yeah, you're right. It just smells like a pickled pepper. They are little chilli peppers, little yellow chilli peppers, which you just put on top, I guess.

Yeah, I guess you just stick them in. One for me, one for you. There's only two. That's a bit of a shame, isn't it? I've never tasted it. I'm going to taste the pickled pepper. Yeah. I've got a new fork.

Yeah, because I'm not touching anything you've put in. No, give me that back. Why? I used that to eat that one. It's got cheese on it. All right. You were just about to throw away cheese. Good cheese powder.

No one's ever said you're about to throw away good cheese powder. No one. Just said it. Just said it just now. Right, I'm going to taste some of this broth. He's going in. What are you getting? I'm getting salt.

I'm getting spice. Umami. Oh, that is nice. Very nice. Is the pickle flavour in the recipe as well? Yes, it is. Yeah. That's what that smell, that kind of peppery smell that you got off the huff.

I'm going to taste some of the noodles. Noodles look pretty standard, just sort of thin. Yeah. Nothing too exciting there. Because one of the advantages of the cheese of those Samyangs is the noodles have a nice chewy consistency. And they're thick, don't they? Thick, chewy noodles. Which was my rap name.

Now I'm going to taste one of these. Pickled peppers. Pickled peppers. Oh, that's very dry. Very dry and tart, but nice. Oh, that's a nice pickled pepper. Where's your one gone? I don't know.

It's sunk in there. You're not getting the full experience unless you have it. Well, you fucking ruined it for me. There it is. I found it. I'll have it now before it gets missing. No, have it. I'll have it now before it goes missing. All right, he's going to taste the pickled pepper first, which is not the way I did it. I went for

broth, then noodle, then pepper. I'm doing it backwards, innit? Oh, for fuck's sake. We'll have to work to get there. There you go. Right. Ooh. Oh, that's nice. It's nice, isn't it?

I'd like a few more of those, actually. I know, there weren't enough. That would be criticism number one. Not enough for the lovely pickles. Definitely not. I've got two. Now have some of the broth, Paul. Here we go.

Just for the, you know. You'll know what the noodles look like. Oh, oh. It's got a kick to it. It's nice. Yeah, it's good. Good noodle, that. That's a good discovery.

I'll get that one again. Honestly, I will get that one again. Cheese Samyang, yeah. It's fine. I don't tend to eat them. I have them here, but I don't tend to eat them. I do generally like the flavour to this. I thought the pickle would be off-putting.

Yes, but it does have a sort of Pickled and Hot, chilli heat For fuck's sake, I've spilled it everywhere I'm just going to use my fucking hands like an animal Mmm It's actually quite fresh tasting It's got a zesty, it's almost citrusy, isn't it?

Sort of a citrus zest It's gone citrusy, isn't it? Sort of a citrus zest. Got it up my nose. My eyes hurt. And pepper. And pepper, he said after sneezing. I would like a mark out of five, as is our want, as is our way, as is the way we do. How do you noodle do? How do you, Paul, do the noodle do? I do you poor Do the noodle do?

I doodly do the noodle do I give The Samyang cheese is a nice dependable Lovely flavour Maybe the cheese Is unnecessary I think the sauce is hot enough and lovely enough But I'm going to give it 3.5 out of 5

Noodly do's Where do you go'm going to give it 3.5 out of 5 noodley doos where do you go I'll give it 3 alright and then the pickled pepper pickle pepper

pickle pepper beef noodle pickle pepper beef noodle that I'm going to give 4 I'll give it 4 as well

it's very nice isn't it it's very nice I didn't expect it to be as nice as it was and it was a delight it's got a lovely dry spiciness to it do you know what the company's called?

no but there's a little chef guy isn't there? there's a little cartoon chef guy no I do not know what the company's called let's see if it says on the back imported by express limited it's imported we don't know

but it is a pickled pepper beef noodle. It's a three-packer. It's a very strong contender for a good noodle, isn't it, basically? It's not bad at all. Right. You always know with a wet pack with actual, you know, actual vegetables in. Just rub heat in my eye again. Paul, it's time for you to fly away from the urban noodle.

I can't fly away with my eyes in this situation. Come on, out you go. Oh, I can't see. You need to go that way. My eyes, I don't think I should be driving a magic carpet. Get on the fucking carpet. It's still outside, I'm going to get in it. Here we go. Oh God. I don't know where I'm going.

I'm gonna get in it. Here we go. Oh god. Oh, I don't about the rap I did. Don't be. I'm sorry to everyone. I don't know why you can't rap. I don't get it. I can't do anything. You can. You can.

Go on. I wish I could rap, but I'm bloody crap, but I can't. You can. I can. You fucking can. Do you want me to fucking fuck why, you ass? What? Hey, look, Paul. Hey, I've got something.

Have you? Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening to Cheap Show again, for joining us this week. Sesame Street book. I know. You saw that? I was there literally when you bought it. Well, were any of our listeners?

No. No. No. No. You bought a Sesame Street listeners. No. No. No. You bought a Sesame Street book. Hey. By Little Golden Books, which is an American brand of kids' books.

In the UK, the equivalent would be a Lady Bird book, wouldn't it? Not really. Yeah, they would be. I think so. It's more like a Penguin. It's more pamphlet-y.

It's more like a Mr. Man book, isn't it? Oh, have you seen these playing cards? Mate, have you got fucking ADHD or something? What's going on? Have you seen these playing cards? Why? Look, they've got airplanes on the back. That's quite good, isn't it?

While we're here, these ones as well you've got, haven't you? KK 2001 playing cards, double K. High grade poker. Those are cheap ones. Right, great. Right, have you fucking stopped pointing shit out at me? Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening to Cheap Show.

If you would like to support us on Patreon, go to thepatreon.com forward slash cheap show and donate whatever you like. We're giving you videos and extra podcasts and all kinds of lovely things like magazines and bits and bobs. And bits of my dried skin. Yeah, we're not giving anyone your flakings. Flakings in the morning.

Flakings. Shutakings in the morning flakings Granny Sprinkles Shut up! We're on social media all over the place. Granny Sprinkles coming down the chimney Granny Sprinkles with her chimney

She's got a dusty chimney My We could be out of here. Her Quimney. We could be done with this show already by now. She's got a dusty Quimney. Mate, it's Chimney and Quimney. Chimney and Quimney. I'm not going to do an ending. No, do an ending. Facebook. No, we're not doing an ending.

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