CheapShow - Ep 131: Ye Olde Frothe Shoppe

Episode Date: June 14, 2019

"Tingle-Lingle-Ling" Why, it's the sound of the Froth Shoppe doorbell ringing! So that must mean it's time to go back to the most special, most wonderful and most affordable sweet shop in Londro! It's a sweet tooth's dream this week and Paul and Eli dedicate a whole episode to fizzy delights, frothy surprises and fruity consumables. The cheap chaps revisit candy from their past, slurp down unusual drinks from today and even do a kind of "makeover" with things that looks good enough to eat... but probably shouldn't! Warning: there is more singing that usual this week. We apologise. And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-131-ye-olde-frothe-shoppe If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US!

What are you doing? You've put your voice on now, haven't you? No, but what are you doing? I'm emptying my pocket so I don't jingle jangle. I don't know. What? You know, I woke up with an earworm this morning and it was one of my brain's own creation.

How'd it go? It went, oh girl, with your hot, hot butt. Did it really? Yeah, I woke up with this going over and over my head. Oh girl, with your hot, hot butt. It was in a C. I woke up with this going over and over my head. Oh, girl, with your hot, hot bat. It was in a cod Jamaican accent, was it? Yeah. And I couldn't shake it. Oh, girl,

get your hot, hot bat. I like it. I like it too. I've got nothing else, but let's see if we can build this as we go. Thought you'd want to share that. What else you got? Well, you do the intro. Why don't you do the intro? I'll do the intro. Go on, boy. Okay, you ready for a fucking intro? Go on. I'll give you do the intro why don't you do the intro i'll do the intro go on boy okay you ready to do for the fucking intro go on i'll give you a fucking intro yeah yeah you ready for it i'm ready for it hey ladies and gentlemen yes it's me eli silverman welcome to cheap show what is cheap

show you may be asking what is cheap show so they're asking paul what's the tip thank you they're asking and you know what it is paul it's where me and you, Paul Gannon, go through the charity shops. Bing. The pound stores. Bing. The thrift stores. Bing. The flea markets.

The jumble sales. The bazaars. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Of this great country of ours and others. If we ever go there. If we ever go there. Or they come here. No, they can't bring a bazaar here.

No, but they could bring things from the other countries here. But that wouldn't fit with the remit of going to shops. I've ruined the intro. You fucking have. And sometimes we talk about sauce, but that's a separate thing. It's almost going to be a separate podcast. It fucking will. Don't threaten me.

Anyway, it will be. I'll be branching out you can't branch out i will branch out into a source report i've got a hot listen paul yeah can i just say welcome to cheap show then we can start the show no no no no no welcome to cheap listen i hate you and your fucking noodle posse people love noodles, alright? It's a fact of cheap, so you're going to have Geek Show. They're not going on nuzzle.

Listen to me. I have a whole tranche of podcast ideas. Yeah? The Eli Snowy Podcast Network. So, what have you got? You got source support. Go on, what else? Noodle time with Eli Silverman.

To be fair, don't start your breakout here. And also Stuff Without Paul. It's just called Stuff Without Paul. What about Eli's Vinyl Infection Podcast? No. Not going to do it? Is that exclusively for Cheap Show? Pickle Waters, which is my children's story time.

With Piddle Dribble Lane or whatever it was. No. Winky Dribble Lane. Winky Dribble Lane. Yeah,iddle Dribble Lane or whatever it was. No. Winky Dribble Lane. Winky Dribble Lane. Yeah, Winky Dribble Lane. Pickle Waters with Winky Dribble Lane. Why don't you give us a taste

of a little snippet of your forthcoming children's exciting podcast called Pickle Waters. Oh. Oh. I'm conscious. Oh.

Look at my legs. Oh. Why is the water conscious. Oh, look at my legs. Oh, why is the water yellow? Goodbye, world. That's it. What do you mean, that's it? That's it. That's the first one. There's nothing to it.

It's a builder. Yeah, but you've given us nothing. You've given us nothing. Well, I gave you a character who woke up, looked at her legs. Oh, it's a hair. I didn't know it was a hair. All right, I'll do it again. Oh, look at my little breasts.

Oh, no, we're not doing that. And my legs. And all the water's yellow. Why? Who am I? I don't know. Perhaps I'll just go back to sleep. Pickle waters.

What a horrible, horrible podcast for children who deserve better. All right. Compare that to Bagpuss. Hello! I'm Rumpy Pumpy, the pickle boy! Hello! Is this what you want? Oh, look! Sorry. All the water's gone rainbow coloured. That's because there's lots

of different dead insects upstream and they've all got different qualities when they die. And all the die seeps out of their blood. I am Rumpy the Puppy. I've got a... Eli, do you ever listen back to this podcast and feel embarrassed? All the time.

What have we got coming up on the show today, Paul? Today on the show, we're doing something a little different. I think we've done something similar in the past, but we're going to dedicate this whole show to the froth shop. A trip to Paul's Candy Land. Now, for people who might just be tuning in for the first time, Paul, what does a froth... First of all, if you're tuning in for the first time, I'm so sorry. Are you always sorry?

Stop apologising for my work. Yeah? I speak for me. I'm apologising for me as well. Well, apologise for you alone. I apologise for my antics on? I speak for me. I'm apologising for me as well. Well, apologise for you alone. I apologise for my antics on this podcast. Thank you.

Eli is shameless. I'm not shameless. I just... I'd like to be... Have no shame. I've got shame. I've got clothes on now, don't I?

I'm not naked in front of you with my wiggly going, oh, hello. I'm not doing puppetry with the penis now, am I, Paul? Maybe you should.

Well, that's what a shameless person would do, isn't it? What are we talking about? I might be doing, a shameless person might be doing their bum breathing trick

whilst recording this podcast. You've never done it. Just be happy I have some shame, yeah? Don't call me shameless. What do you mean I've never done it? You haven't done

your breathing arsehole thing. You mean I made up the breathing arsehole thing? You said I made up the breathing arsehole thing? You said it was a fact that you could do it. I can. Well, then do it. Maybe put an...

Oh, he's actually getting on the bed and spreading his arse. I'm not doing it. What are you doing? He's pointing your arse at me. I'm not doing it. Good. All right. I'd like to see you play a harmonica.

I can do it. Play a harmonica that way. I can't play harmonica with... I could actually play harmonica. The Pooh's harmonica. I can do it. Play a harmonica that way. I can't play harmonica with... I could actually play harmonica. The Pooh's Harmonica. You see what I did there? Yeah. I took the word blues

and said Pooh's. So, Paul, before we get into the froth... Yeah. The froth shop... The sugary froth... Yeah. ...of the froth shop...

Yeah. ...which is where we buy a bunch of sweets and we review them... We do. ...for the listeners so they don't have to. But today,

we're broadening the froth shop scope and bringing in some items that could be described as froth shop appropriate, but actually you can't eat them. Well, that's your special little take today. A little twisty story today, sorties. But before we... Before we what? But before we move on to that, Paul,

don't you have a little story, a tales from the shop floor, so to speak, that you encountered the other day? And I think it would be remiss of us if we didn't mention this to the wider listenership. Right. Well, I put it on Twitter and it got quite the response. But basically, I was on a bus, 31, I think it was, leaving Camden, heading in towards Swiss Cottage. And I sat next to this guy.

It's a good bus, that. It's a solid bus. It's a solid bus, that. It's a solid bus. It's a solid bus. Goes all the way to White City. Goes around corners. Goes around there. Comes around there. Goes all up round there.

Goes up round there. Shout out. I'm sitting next to him. And then I get a whiff of something. And do you know, well, skip to the end. Do you know the smell of rotting teeth? That smell of dead rotting teeth in the mouth kind of smell. You know, pull the tooth and then you've smelled it and you go, oh, God, it's like death.

I haven't had that experience, thank God. I'm not saying I have good teeth, but I've never had a tooth that fell out from rot. I once kept a wisdom tooth that I had extracted and put it in a tin. And I forgot about it until I opened the tin one day. And it had the half of death. And I opened it up and it was like a massive fog of just mouth rot. It's like bad breath sort of smell. I smelt that.

And I was like, oh, what is it? And then I look down. No, I look across. I look to my side. You look to your side. I look to my side and he's got at least

three fingers in his mouth pulling, just like wiggling something in his mouth. And then I heard this and he just pulls this tooth out. at least three fingers in his mouth, pulling a, just like wiggling something in his mouth. And then I heard this, and he just pulls this tooth out. And it looked like a real tooth,

but let's just say, even for the sake of argument, it was a Falsie, right? He pulls it out. He rolls it in his fingers a little bit, looks at it, gives it a sniff, puts it back in his mouth.

Was he dressed like he didn't have anywhere to live? He'd look perfectly normal bloke, jeans, t-shirt. He looked reasonably normal, bloke. Jeans, T-shirt. He looked reasonably clean. But he's playing with his tooth. And then every other minute, he's reaching in and pulling it out and looking at it. It must have just fallen out just then. Because he's, you know what I mean? I don't know.

It might have been a falsie. I don't know. But you don't get one false tooth, do you, like that? I don't know. You get crowns. Yeah, but it had a root to it. I could see the root. Yeah, that's not a false one.

So he's moving it. And then something happens and he drops it on my lap. And I'm looking at it on my lap. And he's looking at me to go, can I pick it up and give it back to him? And I was like, no. So he brushes it onto the floor of the bus. Why? What's his thing?

Then picks it up. Then rubs it on his jeans. And then puts it back in his mouth. And at that point, I just thought, I've got to get up. I can't. Because every time he in his mouth. And at that point, I just thought, I've got to get up. I can't. Because every time he opened his mouth or pulled the tooth out, the stench was like, ugh. Do you think he got off on it?

Do you think he was like secretly like, oh, he's disgusted with my mouth. He's disgusted with my mouth. He's disgusted with my mouth. He's disgusted with my mouth. I've got a disgusting, dirty mouth. I've got a disgusting, mouth! I've got a disgusting dirty mouth! Paul has closed his arms. He's waiting to see

where this virtuoso improvisation's going to take me, ladies and gentlemen. It's not virtuoso. Mother always said she didn't like the smell of my dirty mouth. Yeah, that was less virtuoso and more virtuoso-so. Oh!

Roastbone from Paul. I'll give you my roast bone. I'll give you a fucking boning in your sleep. Right. I'll get leaky Ken. I'll get pre-cummed John. Leaky Ken. All your dribbly acts.

All your dribbly characters. And once they're done with you, the roast bone comes out. What? I was going to ask what. I don't want to know. It looks like half of a wishbone from a chicken sitting on top of a coconut. And I'll roast bone you. Right, good. In your sleep.

You know why? Why? It'll all be moist from the work of Precum John and Leaky Ken. Leaky Ken less so. In fact, I think Precum John's here. Can we just step outside the podcast for a minute? No. Sloppy this week, week mate what do you mean sloppy

pick it up alright pick it up well you're looking like this bit you're resting on laurels for a start you're looking

like this bit this is news character news alright come on anyway Precum John's here and he's got some things to say to our listenership

and to you and me Paul ladies and gentlemen please welcome back to the podcast Precum John oh yeah right

what it is yeah I've been... I'm just going to have a smoke. Me and Leaky Ken come to an arrangement. I'm buying Leaky Ken out. He's retired. So if you need any kind of... What was Leaky Ken's job? Well, he does essentially what I do, but with less range.

He just would leak a bit of spooge on someone's head or... How are you proud of this character? I'm pretty calm John, mate. I mean, come on. No, Eli. No. How are you proud of these characters? I'm pretty calm John. You'll have to ask Eli why he's proud. Eli, come on. Eli, are you proud of this character? What, Paul? It's not pride. It's you create something and

you, you know. It lacks none of the spark or joy. It lacks none of the spark. You mean it's got spark? As a Jimmy Biscuit. It lacks none of the spark. Of a Jimmy Biscuit to a Madam Lady box. It lacks none of the spark. It lacks none of the spark. You mean it's got spark. It lacks none of the spark. Of a Jimmy Biscuit to a Madam Lady box. It lacks none of the spark of Jimmy Biscuit. So it has the spark of Jimmy Biscuit. No, it doesn't.

It lacks the spark of Jimmy Biscuit. You said lacks none of the. Play it back, you prick. This lacks none of the spark. Oh, fuck off, Eli. Here comes John to explain the rest of what's happening with his franchise. Okay. Right, go on.

Yeah, thanks, Eli. Right, so I'm Precum John. And Leaky Ken, he's getting bored of the game, you know? It's hard for him to produce the semen on the drop of a hat. I've got no trouble in those parts, ladies. Thank you. And I am Precum John. So, if you need Leaky Ken,

just give us a call. We're going to incorporate it all. Leaky Ken's going to take more of a back office role. Position, yeah. Going forward, yeah. Some more administration. Going forward, he's going to be on the admin side. Precum John, I'll come round.

I'll get the sprinkles. I'll get the pellets. I've got all sorts of little tricks. And we're going to move into urine staining. Now, I've heard a rumour. Yes. On Cheap Show, I'd like you to confirm or deny this rumour. Right?

You're also looking to expand into squishing. I've heard that you're looking into squishing of poos. Oh, I can't comment on that, Mr Gallant. I'm concentrating on the core... I'm just saying there are jobs at risk. I'm concentrating on the core of this business. It's a family business. Yeah? Me and

Leaky Kin are brothers in law. What a twist! What a twist! We are brothers inin-law. By marriage, we're related, but it's a family business. And I want to stay true to Leaky Kent's core principle, which is at the core of our business, Paul.

It's creeping into people's rooms while they're asleep, full money, and depositing varying amounts. Vary varying amounts. Varying amounts. Depends on what you pay for. Varying amounts of spooch,

cum, spoff, call it a lot what you like, wank mess, onto people's heads. That's it. I'm Precum John, and thank you. I hope you will keep using our services and keep up the good work.

Thank you very much. Well, thank you very much, Precum John. Thank you, Precum. For filling us up in with your latest news. Now what? I was going to pull out something from my bag and talk about it. Oh, yeah.

Pull it out. Every now and then on Cheap Show, I'll buy something and I can't quite make it work for a show. That's your bag full of records. Where's my stuff gone? Where's me washboard? Ah, fuck off

Every now and then on Cheap Show You know, you ask me to be fucking nice This is my livelihood, yeah? Records are my livelihood If you ruin them, I can't play them anymore And I can't Oh, anymore. And I can't... Oh, fuck off, you boring little man. Oh, it may be if you...

It's a house of pickles, yeah? Here's the thing. If you treasured your records, why don't you put them away safely so they're not just scattered around the floor? I've got too many! I've got too many, don't I? Get rid of some. I'm trying, Paul. You're very trying.

Yes, you are. Oh, that is just a shit joke. You know what? Why Yes, you are. That is just a shit joke. You know what? Why can't you just be funny once in a while? Oh, that's easy for you to say, isn't it, Mr. Elongated? What the fuck is that? Well, that's what I was going to talk about. I've been distracted by your object.

So to speak. Every now and then on Cheap Show, I like to buy something that doesn't quite fit the show or we haven't got room for it and I'll just buy it and see how we go so i bought this in a charity shop right about two hours ago oh from the st john's hospice or whatever it is it's called st john's hospice charity shop it costs two pounds and it's called the ab gym nick electronic gymnastic device oh scumps firms and tones muscles with the quick, inexpensive solution. Six pre-programmed exercise routines. Here's what it says on the back of the box. AB Gymnik, which is a stupid fucking name.

It sounds like a really poor character from Lord of the Rings. It's not AB, it's AB, as in abs. AB Gymnik. AB Gymnik still sounds stupid. It's not great, but it's better than... Why would you say it's AB? You are full of stupidity today. You're spewing a lot of stupid stuff.

Just wanted to say that ab jim nick a b jim nick replaces monotonous someone's name yeah it is oh hello i'm a b jim nick hello i'm a fucking hell hello yes i am a b jim nick oh he's german is he why is he german i miss you know who i miss i miss, buddy? I miss him as well. I miss him. Adolf Mason. Adolf Manson. Manson. Adolf Manson. It's cool, baby. It's cool, baby. So I got this. Replaces...

I can't do the accent. Replaces monotonous sit-ups and exercise. Only 10 minutes... Only 10 minutes... Oh, this is badly translated. Only 10 minutes you can exercise your abdominal muscle. Approximately 600 times. Can you imagine?

Sit-ups. Would you like to achieve the same results? So it's basically... Basically, it's like, don't send a signal from your brain to your muscle to make it tense. We'll cut out the middleman and just make it tense by sending a shock for it. Yeah, it's an electric shock pad. Put it on.

Stick it on me. Wait, I can't... Stick it on my knob. I don't... Hang on. Will my knob get stronger? Will it? I don't know. Will my knob get stronger? Will it?

Will I dream? Wait, I've got to look at this. Oh, look, it's got diagrams of bodies. Is that a knob? What happens if you put it up your bum? You can put it on your waist or your abs, your arms or your triceps, biceps and shoulders. Okay. God knows if this fucking works, by the way. There's a battery. Yeah, there's

two. There's two batteries. This will work, and I will try it. Right, I've put battery in. On high, low. Start it on low. Oh, it's not working. Strap it on...

It's not working. How do you know? Wait. The light's not coming on. Wait, I might... Try the other battery, because there's two. Or maybe I need to put two in.

From the look of it, Paul, it would actually be quite An effective piece of Cheap cosplay costuming Wouldn't it as well You could do a robot Thing with it Yeah you could

You could do a robot Thing with it I think you've got to put Two How does it say You can find pictures Of all of the Crap

That we discuss on Cheap Show At our website Which is www.thecheapshow.co.uk. Bob! There's no Bob at the end. Bob! There is.

What's it called? Hot Bud. Oh, girl, with your hot, hot bud. So it's got two batteries, but they don't fit in. Let's see. Let's have a little look. You have a little look. Just be careful.

I think you're only meant to put one in. I think you get a spare. Yeah, it says one, but I put one in and it didn't work. Give me the battery lid. On turns the unit on, increases the tensification of

the pulses every time you press it, or you do off and low. Mode. Six different programs, so you put it on and then it works itself out. Mode one is called karate. Red light. It doesn't work. Very fast. it works itself out. Mode one is called karate. Red light. It doesn't work. Very fast.

It doesn't work. Maybe the batteries are dead. I've got batteries at home. I could try it then. How's it made it even fit round? You've got a strap here, haven't you? Oh, give us a strap. I'll give you the strap.

Well, why don't you bum me with a dildo using a strap? Why do you have to bring in the whole bumming thing? Just keep it nice. All right. Let everything end with my penis inserted deeply into your anal cavity. I wish everything did. It wouldn't. Good for you, Eli.

Oh, now I've bummed you. We've got, like, some dinner. Bummed you. Want to go for a walk? This is a piece of shit, Paul. Bummed you. There'll be a photo of it, everyone. Well done.

That segment didn't work. Right, let's carry on with the show. Yes. I'm in the mood for frothing and spoffing. I'm wanking the night away. I'm in the mood for frothing.

You jack your lotting and I'll jack it all night, I say Jack it I'm in the mood For wanking Romancing So we've gone from sweet chops to wanking now.

We've just completely removed the subtext. I'm in the mood No, wait for it. Spanking myself With a hand after I've sat on it Oh, my hands gone I've never done that. No one's ever done that. It's one of those stupid things. I can't imagine it's good. No, you get

like... I just use a severed hand. Do you? Yeah. I use the wanky monkey claw. Of course you do. There it is, wanky monkey claw. And with its tiny paw, it's just enough to hold your girth, innit? Well, yes. Yeah. It's adjustable. What, is it? Your penis is isn't it? Well, yes. Yeah. It's adjustable. What, is it?

Your penis is adjustable. No. Well, yes. Is it? Everyone's penis is adjustable. I guess to some extent it is. Imagine you didn't have an adjustable penis. Well, it was just in one constant state of shape the whole time.

Imagine it had a bone in like a whale's and it was in its own pouch in your abdomen. Yeah. And then it came out. Like a whale's. Is it a whale? No. Whale penis. Whale bone penis. Yeah, but it gets bigger outside of the bone, doesn't it? Doesn't it just rest

on the bone? The bone's in the centre of it. It doesn't rest on the bone. I don't know what it does. You don't know anything. I have never seen a whale's cock. I have. Have you? Yeah. How? In my dreams. Yeah. Every night. Yeah? Yeah.

Great. I'm in the mood for dreaming about Jumbo Peony. Right, we're doing froth shop. Yes, let's go. It's only been two minutes. Should we enter? Should we go down, see what's going on at the froth shop? Yes.

Why don't you... I'll get in the shop and get into character. You get into the character. I'll get into the little urchin boy.chin boy yeah okay get it like we've got one oh oh it's cold out here on the streets of here london but i've never known nothing else not my whole life no governor no oh it's cold though oh me little blackened hands from all the cold sweat, cold soot and all of that. Oh, but what's that? Through the snow of Victorian London and the grit and the grime.

What can I see up there? Oh, I'll trot along up there. Oh, oh, it's the lights of... Oh, what's going on up there? Little boy, Little boy. Something's calling me. They come to the magical sweet shop. Oh, it's a sweet shop.

Oh. Oh, coming through these big white doors. Oh, cool. Blimey, Gavner. I ain't got... I've got some piles from sitting in the snow, but I'll go up there. Oh, here's the door for the froth shop.

Oh, I'll push the door open. A tinkle, linkle, linkle. Hello, is anybody here? Hello? It's a bit scary. Wow. Ah, hello, little boy. Oh, hello there.

Welcome to Mr. Gannon's Froth Shop, a candy store of unlimited imagination. Of limited imagination? Of unlimited imagination. I think you've got your fucking... Had a bit of a Freudian there, didn't you? Let me come in again. Oh, come in again.

Tinkle, linkle, linkle. Oh, hello. Let me come in again. Oh, come in again. Tinkle, linkle, linkle. Oh, hello. Ah, hello, little boy. Welcome to my sweet shop of unlimited... Unlimited imagination.

Right, let's get the fluff out. Ah, so, would you like to see some of the candy I have on offer? I'd love to. Oh, me poor jittering blidbies. Right, well, I'm just going to go in my magic bag. Oh. So, this week I thought we'd try some classic candies from our youth. A bit of nostalgia. Rather than these newfangled sweets with toys and whatnot,

I thought we'd go old school with some classic sweetie candies. And I'm sure you'll agree you'll enjoy them. Get it out. Let's see. What have we got first? Here at the froth shop, Paul. First of all, I thought we'd get these out of the way. Say what you see, Mr. Silverman, young boy. These are Barrett's shrimps and bananas.

Now, Barrett's in the UK tends to be a reasonably well-known sweet manufacturer, candy manufacturer. What is their most famous... Licorice all sorts. It is licorice all sorts. Bassett's tend to... But they also... That's Bassett's. Yeah.

These are Barrett's. Oh, sorry, Barrett's. It's Barrett's, yeah? It's definitely Barrett's licorice all sorts, is it? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not sure Allsorts, is it? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Yeah.

I'm not sure. No, it is. They do. The other do Allsorts. Oh, God fucking Christ. You're going to have to do a little... I know. A little web search.

Oh, I keep writing Barrett's. What is it? Barrett's. Oh, it is Barrett's. I keep... Yeah, no, Barrett... Liquor's Allsorts. Just check.

Is that... Go on. May... No! No, you see, you're wrong. It's Maynard Bassett's. Yes. So, what... Licorice all sorts Just check Is that Gone Mate No No you see you're wrong Maynard Bassett Yes So what

I knew I was right there Wasn't I Just Yeah Wait What did Barrett do They do licorice novelty minis Oh

So it's a different company I'm confused It's a different company mate But I recognise the logo They make sweets Wait Hang on This was manufactured by a company Called Tangerine Confectionery Limited.

Paul's having a meltdown. Well, no, look. They still make a lot of popular brands. They've got dib dabs and whams to come. Yeah, they are. You just got them confused. And I have to say, I don't blame you. I didn't even notice the difference until right now.

So they do not make licorice all sorts. Bassets. Bassets make licorice all sorts, and Barrett's make cheap, affordable candy for y'all kids. And we're going to start with shrimps and bananas. Now, are these sweets from your youth? Yeah, when you used to do penny sweet pick-a-mix thing. Remember? Basically, you have three basic kinds

of sweet chocolates yeah gummies yeah which can be fizzy or sour yeah and foam and these are the classic foam ones aren't they shrimps and bananas well you've also got ones sherbet and the sherbet which is powder which can also be lollipops like boiled sweets and then they've got the boiled sweet there's quite a lot of there's quite a lot of different sweets. But you know what I mean? What I'm trying to get at, Paul, is that these foamy ones have their own whole sort of type of sweet. Yes, because you'd also get the fried egg. That would be classed as a foamy sweet.

No, no, no. What do you mean, no? Of course it would. It is not foamy. It's much more gummy. It's not this same sort of powdery foam that is this. Oh, you might be right. I'm right.

I'm right. Yeah, you might be right. I'm right. I'm right. Yeah, you might be right. But my point still stands, is that when I was a kid, I'd go into the sweet shop or the corner shop, and there'd be a little tray near the till. With the one-piece sweets. With all the one-piece sweets in.

You never see that anymore, do you? No, you just don't. Because the thing is, because it all became brands. Put it this way, the rise of the old, ye olde sweet shop is because you can put it in jars. And that goes back to the Victorian era. But in sweet shops, you'd have, in proper old school sweet shops that I remember,

you'd have jars which would have the boiled ones in, like the colour cubes. Oh, snap. Come on. Yeah, baby. Now we're getting nostalgia. Colour cubes were great, weren't they? The atomic thunderbolt balls, or whatever they were called. And aniseed balls.

Yeah. Remember when you used to have a little seed in the middle of them, the aniseed balls? Remember Metal Mickey used to run off atomic thunder balls or whatever they were called? Like little silver aniseed balls. They were silver aniseed balls. I remember those. Yeah. And pineapple cubes.

Do you remember those? Yeah. Lemon drops. Lemon drops have that weird thing in them that makes them... The sherbert. No, pear drops have that weird taste. Pear drops.

You know, that kind of ammonic sort of... It's hard to say what that is. It's a chalky kind of... It's not chalky. No, it is. I'm talking about the chemical taste, that kind of pear-y taste. Yeah, but it's very nice.

And so, it probably... So, back in the day where they just have trays full of different generic, unbranded sweets, which you get for 1p. And they use, I remember, to show my age here, Paul. But I remember half-p ones. Oh, half-p sweets. You used to get little ones, which were half-p.

They were used like chews or something, weren't they? Do you remember that? And you'd literally have a half-p coin. Yeah. And you'd go there and they'd literally have a half-p coin. Yeah, and you'd go in. They'd give you a sweet for it. And the man behind the counter would put them into a little white paper bag and then flip it over. Remember, he'd flip it to seal it.

And then undo it. I used to love all of that stuff. I loved it, all that. I loved penny sweets. I remember when I was a kid, I pissed off the newsagents near me because on a lovely summer day during the break in school, we all chipped in a few of us

to buy loads of sweets from the shop and then we went out round the back of the shop where there's a little field and we put up a little table and we sold those sweets on for a profit

wow and then the man from the shop he got angry he noticed we were coming in every couple of hours or so to buy sweets and no other kids were coming in

and then he popped his head out and saw us selling it and he went you! and we all legged it. Really? I grabbed the money. Someone else grabbed the sweets.

Very entrepreneurial. Yeah, I know. Like that. So I guess what would happen, though, in those days is that they'd have some kind of supplier, wouldn't they, for their one-piece sweets? I'd imagine so. And it would probably be... Well, it'd be a cash and carry, wouldn't it?

Yeah. They'd go to a cash and carry, order big tubs of this stuff, and then... I wonder why that system has just completely disappeared. Again, branding. And also, people now just shop at cash and carry. So kids go in, they buy the toy sweets, or the wrapped, or the things that come in packages. No one tends to buy loose bags of sweets.

But you still haven't explained why that is. I don't know. Is it because of inflation? It's just like, you can't... Because they're not 1p sweets anymore. They're probably like 2.5p or something. It might be just they went out of fashion. Is it because of inflation? It's just like you can't, because they're not 1p sweets anymore. They're probably like 2.5p. It might be just they went out of fashion. You know what I mean?

You go to the cinema still and you can still do the pick and mix there. Yeah, you do pick and mix. It's not the same. It's the 1p trays, is it? It's extortionately expensive getting pick and mix as well from the cinema. I'm opening these now. So let's try the shrimps and the bananas. Foamy sweets.

But they would be in separate trays in the old days, wouldn't they? Yeah. You'd have shrimps, which would be their own thing, and bananas, which would be their other thing. I'm getting a huff. I'm getting a fucking... Massive huff. Fucking hell, there's a bananary huff coming off this bitch.

So, banana... Whoa! Banana load! I'm not getting any shrimp. Well, that's the thing. What is shrimp's flavour? Raspberry, it says here. Oh. Raspberry and banana flavoured. I'm not getting any shrimp Well that's the thing What is shrimp's flavour? Raspberry Says here

Oh Raspberry And banana flavoured So why aren't they Shrimp flavoured? Because that'd be disgusting That'd be disgusting It's like

Why are fried eggs Not fried egg flavoured? That'd be a horrible gummy He's having a good one It's quite Alright Fucking Don't

Hyperventilate Into the sweet bag No man I don't care. Stop it. You're like a Twin Peaks character. Put the microphone on your wing wing. Just not trying today, are you?

Come on. Give it a half. I'm going to give it a half. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Very banana-y. It's a comforting half. It's that fake banana smell

You know like Banana medicine Banana ice cream It's that fake banana smell And they're raspberry So Right well I'm going to try The banana first

Because I fucking ate Banana flavoured sweets It's a weird texture Isn't it? It's almost gummy But it's dense Powdery Yeah

It's more powdery What do you think? It's exactly how I remember them tasting. I'm sure the numbers and the sugars and the E numbers have changed over the years, but effectively the same. I don't know if it's because the banana's too strong, but I can't taste anything on Very little taste, isn't there? It's much less strong.

Here it is. I can taste a bit of, it's mainly just sweetness. Mainly just sugar. There is a little bit of a raspberry. And here's why. I'll never put those in a bag when i was a kid i never i never bought them no neither did i no always avoided them well i intended to buy is our next option today oh yeah usually when i went to a sweet shop

if i didn't come out with a little white bag full of these it'd be a disappointing you know what i liked melon slices fizzy melon slices fucking hell those are good You don't see those very often Here we go Now this is This is actually What Barrett's most famous for I'd say Definitely These are fruit salads

And blackjacks These would be one pea each Traditionally Usually No back in the day One pea or so And these were little Chews

Like Chew-It's like Starburst or Opal Fruits, if you remember those. but much tougher chew than a Starburst. Generally tougher, but it's basically the same sort of material.

Yeah. Or a Wham Bar or a Refresher without the... The stick? No, or the sherbet-y bit in the inside.

that does have a sherbet-y bit. It's gum, sort of fruit gum stuff. Do you know what's weird? It's not gummy, it's opaque and sort of pasty. Yeah. You know what I'm talking It's not gummy. It's opaque and sort of pasty. Yeah.

You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, like a chew it. I'm just trying to explain it to everyone. You've got to explain it. It's a baby. It's a baby. It's a me baby. Weird, you hot, hot butt.

Shut up. Right, what do you want to start with? Well, let's give you one of each. Now, personally speaking, I'd like to start with the blackjack because they're a stronger taste. The design on these has changed. Over the years, it's changed. You know what? Again, these

used to be separate, didn't they? No, they were. They were sold separately, but now Barrett has just gone... Talk into the mic! I don't want to start while you don't get that! Don't get angry, yeah? I don't understand why you don't get that. Don't get angry, yeah? But I don't know why you don't get that

after three fucking years. Don't get angry with me. It's a helicopter. So, anyway. Black Jacks. Yes. And these aniseed flavour. Yeah, well, I'll explain to the people at home.

Okay, explain them. It says, Black Jack here on the Wikipedia page is a type of aniseed flavour chew, according to its packaging. It is a chewy, gelatin-based confectionery. Blackjack is manufactured under the Barrett brand in Spain. In the 1920s, Trebor Bassett, Trebor, also make mints. Trebor mints.

Trebor mints are a minty bit stronger. And that Trebor make the extra strong mints. Yeah, stick them up your bum and they last a bit longer. Is that what you used to sing? Of course. In the 1920s, T-Ball Bassett manufactured them. Oh, and the rapper showed Gollywogs on it. Yeah.

I didn't know that. Yeah. I know Jam, obviously, famous for the Gollywog logo. No, they're Black Jacks. So they were, yeah. Troubling. They've been rebranded to Barrett. And it's been redesigned.

But no, you'd recognize it because the wrapper was always black and white. So let me have a go. They no longer contain gelatin, so they're good for vegetarians, blackjacks. And now they're mostly sold in packs rather than separately or in a fruit salad blackjack bag,

which is what we've got here. Now, I like these when they're a bit hard because you know they're soft now, it's nice. When they're hardened, they're brittle, you can bite it and snap it off. Toasty, it's a toasty sweet. Classic. Blackjack's nice. Oh, I love these when they're a bit hard, because you know they're soft now, it's nice. When they're hardened, they're brittle, you can bite it and snap it off. Toasty. It's a toasty sweet. Classic.

Black Jack's nice. Oh, I love a Black Jack. I like licorice, but I prefer the Annie seed. Mmm. Oh, that takes me back. It's good, isn't it? Memories. Before I turned 40 and got fat.

When I was young and you could see my belly. You could... What? See, it's not making sense. You're not making sense. Get up. Not. And do what?

And do what, Paul? And do what? In reality, do what? Come on, mate. Stand over here. Yeah, you can't... Yeah, and go... I've got fucking...

I've got Precum John on my side. No, Precum John is a lover, not a fighter. He's not a lover. He is. No, no, no. I've heard rumours about Precum John. It's not all the Precum John is a lover, not a fighter. He's not a lover. He is. No, no, no. I've heard rumours about pre-cum John. It's not all the pre-cum. Now, these are much similar to our, remember them,

they've shrunk down. It's not a post-cum John. No. Like a man who's really tired and regretful. Well, no. Should be. Shrimps and bananas, they've shrunk them down to get them in the pack,

haven't they? I remember them being large. They were larger. No, were they? They were, yep. I know you couldn't get big ones. You had long bananas, didn't you?

He's, yeah. Anyway, long bananas and like big curly shrimp holes. Oh, yeah. But these are basically the same size as they used to be. Yeah. But they have,

do you see they've turned, put the font as exactly the same on the blackjacks and the fruit salads. Yeah. But the design used to be different I mean we know that they used to have

gollywogs on the so they obviously got rid of that on the blackjacks but the colour has kind of stayed the same black and white and the other ones

kind of yellow and purple the colour scheme has stayed the same but they have totally changed the design and the fonts they use fruit salad confectionery let's see what this says

on the Wikipedia land man come on love load up load up load up load up with Wikipedia facts confectionery. Let's see what this says on the Wikipedia land, man. Come on, love. Load up. Load up. Load up. Load up with Wikipedia facts. And they are two-toned, these fruit salads. It's a raspberry and pineapple-flavoured chew. Fruit salad still

manufactured by Barrett in Spain. And yes, blah, blah, blah. That's all really the facts of it. It doesn't say when it was invented. It doesn't say when it was invented, though. I imagine, obviously, nearly 1900s, based on the blackjack. Yeah, earlier.

Oh, look at that. Because they were there for my youth. They're two-tone. They're sort of yellow and pink. But in other ways, the text... Too much, too much. Too much, too fast. Dee-da-dee-dee-dee-da.

Don't have one of them for me. Two-tone. Oh, God, Paul, that sucks. That sucks the fuck off. Not only was that bad, Two Toe Oh god Paul that sucks Fuck off Not only was that bad It's a reference no one's going to get Might be if you like the specials

You're much too much No but you It doesn't go like that The song The song doesn't go like that It's you've done You've done You got too much.

Much too young. Young. Young, Paul. Now you're married with a kid when you should be having fun with me. Me. I know the lyrics. Better than you, I know the fucking lyrics. Much too much.

It's not that! It's not you've done too much! Stop singing that! Anyway, I'm eating a fruit salad and they're fucking lovely. Yeah, it's actually the same texture as the blackjack. And flavour. Again. No, what I'm saying is they're two sweets are exactly the same texture, but different flavours.

Now, these bags were both a pound each, so that's alright, I guess. Yeah. Obviously, back in the day, you could just get a hundred, I guess. Yeah, you could get a hundred. There's definitely not a hundred of each in there. Nope. Which do you prefer, a blackjack or a fruit salad? Oh, it depends on the mood. I think right now it's a fruit salad kind of thing.

It's juicy and I like the flavour contrast. I don't know. It's a unique flavour, the fruit salad. So is the blackjack, really. Yeah. And that's probably why they've lasted so long. Probably. You don't see really these days, but you remember you used to get milk ones, milk che really. Yeah. And that's probably why they've lasted so long. Probably. You know, they've... You don't see really these days,

but you remember you used to get milk ones? Milk chews? Yeah. Looked like Chew-Its or like those, but they just tasted of... I never got those.

...milk, I guess. I used to get them from the Chinese supermarket. You'd get white rabbits. Remember those? No. They're like milk chews, yeah, but they're Chinese ones.

Anyway, we're going to move on. Next. Dib Dabs. Dib Dabs. Now, these, again, are a classic childhood staple. Similar in some respects to your sherbet fountain. Well, it is essentially a sherbet fountain. But replacing a licorice stick with a lollipop.

And you know what? I'm all up for that. I'm up for that. I don't like licorice. We've covered that. One of the few things that we... Yeah. But you like a blackjack.

I like aniseed. It's a different flavour. Oh, yeah, you're right. Sorry, I got confused there for a minute. Oh, God, Paul, that's... Oh, Paul. That's so bad. What?

Just that joke you made just now, it's... Should I cut it out? Yeah, please. Anyway, it's dib-dab. It's a big packet of sherbet with a... A hard-boiled... Strawberry-flavoured lolly. please anyway it's dib dab it's a big packet of sherbet with a hard boiled strawberry flavored lolly and what you need to do is moisten it yeah pre-cum john you got any advice no right okay just kill that then oh it's a nice sherbet oh mate i'm getting diabetes oh this is like

being in school and we're on a break and we're in the playground and we're sharing sweets. That is pleasing, isn't it? I think I've had enough. Three spoonfuls, though. That's a perfectly good sweet. I like it when you just pour it straight into your mouth and let it clot. Oh! I knew you were going to do that and stop getting

sherbet on my record. Stop spitting the sherbet. It's all going to do that and stop getting sherbet on my record. Stop spitting the sherbet. It's all going to go on my fucking vinyl. It's a tiny bit of sugary dust. It will come off. Your records are covered in fucking sauce and pubes. They're not.

Dust and fucking whatever dribbles out of your sad body. Nothing dribbles. No. You seep. You're a seeper. Fuck you. You do. You seep. You're a seeper. Fuck you. You do. You seep stuff.

You've got fucking nubbin' holes on your what's it? No, well, what a fucking witty man you are by using the words nubbin' holes. I think it was better

than what you said. Nubbin' holes. Yeah, oh, what? Repeating what I said. Flattery is the worst form of criticism. Nubbin' holes sounds like a place in a...

Yeah, that was fucked up. Nubbin' holes sounds like a place in a... Yeah, that was fucked up. Nubbin' Hole sounds like a place in... Pickle Waters. Pickle Waters. Go up to Nubbin' Hole. Go up to Nubbin' Hole. Oh, yes, what should I do up there? Oh, yeah, forgot that character's in it now.

Nah, fuck this. Oh, go up Nubbin' Hole. Maybe I'll find out the meaning of why I'm alive and in so much pain. Oh, I love this new character, Rumpy Pumpy. I'm Rumpy Pumpy. Hello. Oh, go up this new character, Rumpy Pumpy. I'm Rumpy Pumpy. Hello. Sounds a bit like an angry yeti, really.

He's got nothing to do with that. You've changed the voice now. Before it was all like, I'm an angry yeti. Are we going to just let the character breathe for a second here, Paul? Let's step outside this for a second. Stop interrupting me. All right. Okay.

I don't like this character. It's inconsistent. Oh, I'm going up Nub. All right. Okay. I don't like this character. It's inconsistent. Oh, I'm going up Nubbin Hole. I'm going to stick my head in there. It's just you shouting. Oh, what's in there? Perhaps it's the meaning of life and why I'm so miserable. No.

No, it seems to be a dead frog and a little white birdie. What else can you add to this to make it funny quick? Come on. Come on, make it funny quick? Come on. Come on, make it funny quick. You can feel the struggle. Well, you're not fucking making it funny, are you, Paul? You don't do that. You don't add value of funny to things, do you?

You're not like a good football team manager who adds value. You're like a poor one who does not add value. Do you want to add something else to that to make it funny quick? I'm trying to finish my fucking thing for Pickle Waters. Go on. Oh, his little white birdie poo and a dead frog. Right, I didn't find out the meaning of life. Next week on Pickle Waters, Paul, Rumpy Pumpy, is that what he's called?

Yes. Rumpy Pumpy has a little nap. Oh, that sounds more lovely. He's tired from going up the nubbin' hole. Is he? Yes. He's got a bit of tired from going up the nubbin hole Is he? Yes He's got a bit of a callus from his nubbin hole He's not got a callus

It's a hole in the ground How can get a callus from that? Shit son I forgot another bag Ugh Oh Barrett's cola bottles Now they didn't have No Fruit salad

Is theirs And blackjack They were like a brand They were branded But cola bottles are not branded. No, anyone can make cola bottles. Haribo do. Most knock-off candies in a corner shop is just cola bottles.

And they're more famous. I mean, cola bottles used to be there, didn't they? But then fizzy cola bottles come through. I like them. And then once fizzy cola bottles come through... It was a game changer. You couldn't look back. The old-zy cola bottles come through it was a game changer the old-fashioned cola bottles didn't seem to fade they went to obscurity i will say the cola bottles you get in haribo are a really nice flavor i like that but i i haven't tried these yet by

barracks but i i'm looking at them i'm thinking they're going to be kind of um i've got to think they're going to be soft chewy in a kind of slightly bad way and claggy almost yeah claggy densely yeah so have a look. And do you remember the beer bottles they used to have which were white and yellow? Yeah.

I used to like those as well. Didn't Jelly Belly make beer flavoured beans? Yeah, it tasted very similar to those old school beer bottles, ale bottles they used to make.

What's the huff? I haven't had the Huffington Report. There's a hard huff of, oh, hard cola huff. Very chemically. Cinnamony, cinnamony. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. There's a hard half of... Oh. Oh, hard cola half. Very chemically. Cinnamony. Cinnamony. Yeah, you're right.

There's a cinnamony sort of underscore to that. But yes, very chemically. Almost like that smell you get in a dry cleaner's or something like that. Do you know what I mean? I see what you're getting at. Yeah. Anyway. They're larger than usual.

This would be a 2p cola bottle back in the day. Maybe 5p. Yeah. Let's try it. The gum is exactly as I thought it would be. Yeah. It's not as chewy.

I don't like it. It's funny when a texture really affects the flavour. It's not very nice, is it? That's a shame. Because even the shrimp and bananas which aren't my favourite things

are as I remember them. Yeah, but these are they're not as yeah, not as elastic, is it? It's more just sort of soft. Soft, kind of crumbly. It's not crumbly, but yeah. I don't like that. They're not as elastic, is it? It's more just sort of soft. Soft, kind of crumbly. It's not crumbly, but yeah. I don't like that.

They're not too bad. No, they're perfectly fine. Now, whilst we're on the topic of bottle-flavoured confectionery, bottle-shaped confectionery. Here we go. We need to get hold of, Paul, these new bubblegum fizzy cola bottles from Haribo. Oh, shit, yeah, dog.

We were meant to do that, yo. Yeah, listen, pup. Listen, Wookie do that, yo. Yeah. Listen, pup. Listen, Wookie. Oh, I like that. Listen, Wookie. What's your pet name for me? I'm going to call you my little fairy nub nub. You my little fairy nub nub. Notice listens. Notice listeners.

I was doing this as well. This is another thing he fucking does. He's used the nub, the nub noise, the nub noise I made, and he's trying to incorporate it. Creative bankruptcy, anybody? Yes, Gannon will have some. Ladies and gentlemen, he's my fairy nub nub,

and he comes from out of town. Oh, he's my fairy nub nub, and he sure gets around. He rubs his nubbing on the doorstep, he rubs it on the glass. And if you're open to his suggestion He'll rub his hairy ass I got thwoppage I got thwoppage I got a nice greased up thwoppage

For you madam I thought you turned that into an end of the pier type thing then I got hairy greasy swappage for you lady and if you play your cards right tonight I'll

fop you right I'll fop Paul Paul we'll have an album up by the end of the year so we do want these bubblegum

they're weird like they're sort of aren't they blue and pink or something yes but opaque with a sort of fizz on it We'll have an album up by the end of the year. So we do want these bubblegum. They're weird. Aren't they blue and pink or something? Yes, but opaque with a sort of fizz on it. I wonder what they're like. We need to grab hold of those, and we need to taste them forthwith, Paul. For a future froth shop.

Shop, shop, shop, shop. Right, I think we've got one more thing. What's your favourite so far? I think it's definitely going to be the fruit salad. Yeah, talk into the mic so we can understand that. Fruit salad would be my favourite so far, Paul. Right, well, we definitely going to be the fruit salad. Yeah, talk into the mic so we can understand that. Fruit salad would be my favourite so far, Paul. Right, well, we're going to end this particular segment in the froth shop with something that we've talked about. We've done wham bars. We've done them.

We haven't done wham bars, have we? Yeah. And they're nasty. They're not the same as they used to be because they're all sort of soft now and they don't have any hardness. It says, original wham with sour crystals. Now, did the one we choose last time was like another brand or a different type of wham bar? No, it was this type. No, because look. Wait to be disappointed. Now, did the one we chose last time was like another brand or a different type of Wham Bar? No, it was this type.

We've tasted them before. No, because look. Wait to be disappointed. No, look. This looks like I remember it. Ow, that's hurting my teeth. I can't get the fucking wrapper off. The wrapper is surgically attached to this fucking candy bar.

Hang on. Here we go. Oh, I can't remember if they tasted like that. They didn't. No, they did. I think they did. They tasted... I love this. It's slightly better. But the ones we had before didn't. No, they did. I think they did. They tasted... I love this.

It's slightly better, but the ones we had before didn't say Wham! original, so I think they changed the flavour back. They've done a bit of a Coke. Yeah.

And they've said, oh, people are complaining because it's too soft and not like the original. So they've made it harder again. Yeah. A little bit harder. It's still softer than I...

Which is what I like to do, Paul. When I... Creatively bankrupt. Paul Garry. You know, I roll over and then they say, make it harder again. I say, how many times do you need? Because I can do it all. Who says that?

Who's saying that? Someone I'm in a relationship with. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Is your Canadian girlfriend who only I never see because she's always here when I'm not around? Is that? Is there one?

Yeah, there's always some kid in school who went, I've got a girlfriend, yeah? She comes from Germany and he comes over for a couple of days and then he goes back. And you think, that's not true, headmaster. Thank you very much. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I've got a fucking rope. I've got a... Right, well that... You talk about me being creatively bankrupt,

but then you get to a point where you push out all words and all logic. You just go... You just do that. You just go... So I think they have... What they must have done with the wham bars is they must have had too many complaints. Because do you remember the one we tasted before? Yeah, it was different.

And it was just completely, no, it had no elasticity to it at all. It just completely fell apart. They've put back some of the tooth damaging elasticity and brittleness. Yeah. Elasticity, elasticity. I don't care. Just carry on. Well, you may not care, but I do. Well, you shouldn't care. Elasticity. Elasticity. Elasticity. Yeah. Elasticity. Elasticity. I don't care. Just carry on. Well, you may not care, but I do.

Well, you shouldn't care. Elasticity. Elasticity. Elasticity. Yeah. Elasticity. Oh, and it's got crystals. It has got crystals in it.

There's one melted. Why did you do it? You literally did the impression of Zippy then. You put your hands up to your face like Zippy would go, It's got crystals. Bangle. Oh, yes, Zippy. I'm turning into Zippy then? You put your hands up to your face like Zippy would and go, it's got crystals. Bangle. Oh, you Zippy. I'm turning into

Zippy. I'm turning into Bangle. Right. No, you're turning into Zippy. I'll turn into Bangle in a minute.

What does that even mean? It means I'll be a fucking big hairy bear man. Right, so you're in a pub, a hard pub, and some guy comes in

and kicks off and you go, oh mate, I'm going to go full Bangle. If you don't mess, if you keep messing around, at a hard pub and some guy comes in and kicks off and you go oh mate what's it I'm going to go full bungle if you don't mess if you keep messing around I've got the bungle suit

in the car don't mate when he goes full bungle I can't stop him yeah all the top the streets and houses bungle flying eye

opens up his hairy arse and shits in Geoffrey's eye great and that's how we're ending this segment. Opens up his hairy arse and shits in different his eye. Paint the whole prison cell with your faeces. Nice.

Ah, little boy. Welcome back to me. Oh, hello. Yeah. I don't know where we went just then but we were seemed to be taken over by characters living in a whole different universe governor this magic shop is possessed by the ghosts of two podcasters from uh the future oh really inhabit us and they try out the sweets in the store so eli enters you and pa Paul enters me. Oh, I don't know if I'm ready for that yet.

Well, it's going to happen again because we've got to review some different things inside the froth shop now, little boy. I've got papers to sell down the street. Oh, you'll get to that,

no worries, because time freezes in the froth shop. Oh, that's lucky, yeah. I won't miss out on any of my paper. The minute you leave the shop, my mere seconds have passed.

But it seems like forever. It does. It really does. It really fucking does. It's quite depressing. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. What have you got else in the froth shop, mister? Well, I thought today I see there's something in your back pocket, little boy. Why don't

you pull out what's in your pocket and let me have a look at it. And scene. Now, Paul. Now, Paul. Yeah? I would like to introduce something which I think should be incorporated

into the Froth Shop pantheon. I think it works as a segment within a segment, if you will, which is soda fountain. Oh! Frothy soda fountain, which can be a different little bit of the froth shop, can't it? I am for this.

Because me and you both, as well as liking nostalgic cheap sweets... Oh, we do. Which we do, we also do like a bit of fizzy pop, don't we? I love me fizzy drinks, mate. If you love your fizzy drinks, it's problematic, to a problematic extent.

But... No, problematic is living in a room full of filth and sources of drug paraphernalia. I'm just going to say that out loud. That's problematic, not my predilection for fizzy, bubbly drinks. I'm just saying. I read stuff in the papers. They say if you have more than one a day, which you sometimes do. One a day of what?

A fizzy drink? Yeah. Very bad for your heart. You have at least a Coke a day. So? It's not good for you, mate. Yeah? It's not good for you, mate. Yeah? It's not good for you.

What about your... Listen, are you going to cut this out? Yeah, I'm just saying, though. You know, it's funny. You get on your little, little pillar. It's because I care about you, Paul, and you're in danger of being a diabetic. Because you have too much sugar. You're in danger of being a proper fucking ugly cunt, aren't you, Eli?

No, I thought it's too late. It's fucking happened, hasn't it? Yeah, it has. Well, there you go. So the joke's on you. It's not what joke. I'm ugly. Are you saying I'm ugly?

You're fundamentally grotesque. I'm not. You are. It's not just physically. At least I haven't put on weight lately. That's why I got that fucking AB gym, Nick. Doesn't work though, does it? I can fix it.

I can put new batteries in. I've got batteries back at the house. I'm sorry I said you had a soda problem. When I come in with a six pack, you'll be like, oh, Paul, can I borrow your AB Gymnic? And I'll be like, no, you can't. Get your own. Get your own AB Gymnic. Oh, but if they're out of production now.

Well, then you're all out of luck, aren't you, fatty? Right. Paul, sorry I said you had a problem with aren't you, fatty? Right. Paul. Yeah. Sorry I said you had a problem with fizzy drinks, okay? But anyway, you and I both love them. Yes. You don't like root beer.

I like root beer. It's good root beer. You know what I had another can of the other day? Root beer? Yes. Virgil's root beer. Okay. And we tried their Cherry Aid cream soda.

Which was... You like that? Was it dark cherry? Yeah. That was good. Black cherry cream soda. My tongue came so hard. That is, you like that? Was it dark cherry? Yeah, that was good. Black cherry cream soda. My tongue came so hard. That is an ultimate,

these are proper old soda fountain style. And you know what we've both discussed on and off air before Paul, is Dr Pepper cherry vanilla flavour.

Lovely. Boom. I had another can of that yesterday. And I often say, I'm not a big drinker, but have that with a Jack Daniels or a bourbon. Lovely stuff. Very good. Goes well with that. But I noticed

on the can that I got yesterday of the Dr. Pepper Cherry Vanilla flavour. Dr. Pepper! So misunderstood. It has. It says, Soda Fountain Favourites. This little logo, Soda Fountain Favourites. So what they're actually doing is they're trying to hark back to the days when all of

this stuff was invented in America. Like back to the future. Yes. When you go to the soda fountain. Can you imagine that? You'd go to a soda like a shop

and they'd have a soda fountain and they'd mix it up for you there and they'd have all different their own different ones. Then they'd have you know a Coke float is a classic

which is kind of ice cream in. I like that as well. So I we both it would be fair to say have a bit of a predilection for old school soda. Yes. With that in, it would be fair to say I have a bit of a predilection for old school soda. Yes. With that in mind,

what have you brought to the froth shop? Now, have you noticed a trend within lots of established fizzy drinks brands recently, Paul? Right. They've been going new flavour crazy, haven't they? Yes, they have. They've been branching out into all sorts of new flavours. Fanta, noticeably,

just last month, has gone from, like, you get the lemon, maybe, and the orange, to grape, berry, a shocker, which we still need to fucking track down, which is their new lemon elderflower drink, which has disappeared from the shelves in the last two weeks. I should have picked one up. You should have. If you see an Ashoka... I'll grab it.

Yeah? Yeah, I'll do my best. But they have literally about seven new Fanta flavours, in a shocker... I'll grab it. Yeah? Yeah, I'll do my best. But they have literally about seven new Fanta flavours. And you know what other brand is doing it, Paul? Lucozade. That's the other brand

that's doing it. Yes. They've had Cherry recently. Pink Lemonade. But they've done that for a while. Tropical. They brought out... You know, they brought out

Orange Lucozade and Cherry. Have you, though? Have you, though? Have you though? It's in the fridge. Don't diss me. While you're doing that, I'll tell everyone what Leucosade is. So I'm going to go on the internet right now and look up

Leucosade. Aha! Leucosade is a soft drink manufactured by the Chinese company called Suntory. I didn't know that. I mean, that's obviously a new thing. And marketed as a range of sports and energy drinks, created as Glucosade in the UK in 1927 by a Newcastle pharmacist called William Walker Hunter,

who was trading as W.O. and his son. It was acquired by the British pharmaceutical company Beechams in 1938 and was sold as this energy drink for the sick as Glucosade. The company's advertising slogan was Lucozade Age Recovery. I didn't know this was originally called Glucosade. Yes, because it's glucose based. And I used to think it's the flavour, the recipe has changed

because stereotypically in the 80s when you're in hospital for whatever, someone always bought you a bottle of Lucozade. Also if you were sick at boarding school, let's say, you go to the sick room and they put a little bottle of Lucozade. Also, if you were sick at boarding school, let's say, you go to the sick room and they put a little bottle of Lucozade

on the table and it used to come with an orange, distinctive orange crinkly paper. I love that. The kind of see-through plastic wrap.

That's now been totally abandoned. So, the product was sold until 83 as a carbonated, slightly orange flavour drink in a glass bottle wrapped in yellow cellophane.

There you go. Pharmacists sold it. Children were given it when ill. And you'd always see it in hospital visitor rooms and things like that because they'd arrive with a bottle. It was rebranded as a pick-me-up in 1978 and a sports drink in 83 to associate with health rather than sickness. The company switched to a plastic bottle and introduced a range of flavors. Yes. So, as of 2016, 2016 a 500 ml bottle contained 62

grams of sugar more than coca-cola in 2017 to avoid sugar tax it was reformulated to contain 4.5 grams of sugar and is now full of artificial sweeteners like aspartame and all these other things that actually people are allergic to and don't like drinking. Like Iron Brew, famously. It's done that more recently. It tastes like shit now as well. Yeah. Apparently, in 2013, GlaxoSmithKline, who merged with some other company

and bought it, sold Leucazade and another soft drink, Ribena, to the Japanese conglomerate, Suntory, for 1.35 million. Ah, so it's made by Suntory now. Yeah.

Now, Paul, that's... Leucazade fact! That Leucazade branching out and introducing lots of new flavours has... On the record, I prefer the old flavour of Lucozade. I like the medicine-y flavour. Anyway, go on. Why have you put that on top of my records?

Oh, fuck off! But why? Because there's nowhere to put things in your room. I looked down, I can't move my feet because of records. All your shelves are filled with records. Your bed's got records. The table in the House of Pickles is covered in... Sources. Sources and pens and

drug paraphernalia and shit. Stop saying that. And coins. And also there's barely any room for me to move. So yes, when I have to put something down, I look for the only space I can and it was there. Tidy your room and give me more space. How about that? Just give me, hand it to me. No that? Just give me hand it to me No, fuck off

Please hand it to me I'll hand it to you Don't threaten me and hand me the thing Ten minutes and we've not even touched what we're meant to be drinking Paul, just hand me that box

Fucking don't do that Is this your box? Yes Hand me your phone No It's coming on the bed or we're not I'll put it on here

How can you be so precious about something you obviously don't really care about you don't otherwise you'd clean it all up and tidy it but if there's nothing lying on your bedrooms a shithole eli yes paul but yes your bedroom makes everybody sad oi oi oi lie your bedroom is a shithole and you need to clean it really bad, really badly. He actually looks angry. I am. His teeth are being a bit to me now, ladies and gentlemen. We've done this show in this fucking room for about two years now.

You like it in here. It adds ambience to the podcast. You like the smell. But I'd like to be able to just come in it one day and say, let's get recording and get going without you going, give me 15 minutes to clean my room and an hour later

you've moved one crisp package All I object to is weight being put onto the records that might damage them. That's it. Okay? Right, what are we drinking?

Lucas-Ade watermelon and strawberry cooler. Blow! Don't know about that. Don't you think? No, that's unusual, isn't it? I like watermelon and strawberry flavours,

but I tend to find them the weakest of the fruit flavours. It's like a weak flavour for me. Why? I don't know. It's not like raspberry, which has a kind of punch, or orange, which is a tang, or lemon's tang. It's just like, it's a bit sweet. A bit watery.

Yeah. Now, have you seen this flavour of Leucosade before, though? They really are. They're trying to branch out. They've had pink lemonade flavour, tropical flavours. They had Lucozade Sport, which is a whole other different thing. So let's just taste this here on the soda fountain within the froth shop. Eli's soda fountain inside the froth shop.

He's opening the bottle. I notice it's £1.08, or you can buy two for £2. He's got a very watermelon in his smell. Let's have a snuff. I mean, I'd imagine the watermelon's going to be the predominant flavour and smell. They've quite got a lot of common strawberry and watermelon. Oh, there's a bit of strawberry in there. Is there?

Yeah, you can smell the strawberry. And the watermelon. Yeah. So it's hitting the brief. It's hitting the brief to some extent. Here, I'm going to pour you out a bit. Here you go, Paul. It's nice and frothy.

I will say that. It keeps its froth. It's nice and frothy. I will say that. It keeps its froth. It's got a fizz to it. It's important to keep froth going. Yeah, keep the froth on. Keep the froth on, ladies and gentlemen. Don't like it. It's fine.

It's not a flavour I would pick. Again, it's the watermelon thing. I think there's something about the flavour. I like that. Works for gummies, works for hard-boiled sweets, but for some reason in drinks, it just comes across as really sweetenery. Okay, yeah.

But watermelon was a flavour you didn't find in sweets very much. Nice bubbles, though. Yeah, it's not a bad drink. It's not a bad... No, if you like watermelon and strawberry... It's quite nice. Go for it. I'd recommend it.

Not too sweet, and it's got that kind of astringent thing that Deleuze has, that sort of... Medicine-y almost aftertaste. Almost. Almost, but not quite. You never used to be able to find watermelon sweets, did you? Oh, you sound like my fucking grandad now. You never used to be able to find them, though, did you? And so they became a sort of one of those...

Do you know what I think it is? Watermelon was more of an American flavour for candy. That's right. That's what I was just about to say. It became one of those, like... You'd go to a candy store. You'd go to America. Yeah.

And you'd get something that was grape-flavoured, and it would remind you of being in America, because you didn't get that grape-flavouring here. But then... Watermelon was similar, wasn't it? You never saw watermelon-flavoured sweets of any description, but now they're all over the place. Lucas A, you could get more British than that, could you, Paul?

No. And it's gone watermelon-y. Yeah, but watermelon's not like an American flavour, so to speak. Do you know what I mean? It's not like you go, oh, watermelon's an American brand of flavouring for something. Well, it was, though. For many years, you wouldn't be able to get the... not like an american flavor so to speak do you know what i mean it's not like you go oh watermelon is an american brand of flavoring for something it was though for many years you wouldn't be able to get the wide range of sweet flavors that they have now unique to candy i'll give you that but i

think when dolly ranchers came over and jelly belly came over and they had that's when we started seeing it integrated but those are american brands yeah so there you go Starburst did they have a watermelon before they became Starburst from Opal Fruits did start doing like tropical flavour Opal Fruits didn't they

yes they started to branch out but now Paul we live in a world where you can get all sorts of different flavour sweets

and different flavour of Fanta's but are we happier are we happier now imagination come with me in the hospital van. For two. If you want to view.

Poor. Paradise. Poor. You cock around and do it. So, I like a mark out of five for the watermelon strawberry. If you want to do it, do it. If you cannot do it. It doesn't smell that bad in here.

B and Q. It's fine. My records, you know, they're important to me. This little room. He put stuff on them. Filled with gloom. Is a place of pure repulsionation. And it makes me feel sad when I'm in here.

Paul, I'd like a mark. If you want to view misery, all you've got to do is come here. Look around and look at this mess. Makes you feel so sad. Oh, it makes me feel sad. It just makes me feel sad. And now I'd like a mark for the watermelon cooler. Two out of five?

Yeah. Didn't like it. I quite liked it. I'll give it three and a half. Got anything else in this fucking show? You've really pissed me off. Disrespect my records, then tell me I'm a cunt. How's that different from any other fucking week?

I don't know. It looked like you meant it. It's not exactly the same every week. You had a look in your eye. You weren't playing. I'm better than this. You're better than what? This.

This podcast? This. You're better than what? This. This podcast? This. You're better than the podcast? I'm about to explode big time on the scene, granddaddy-o-flash-flash. I'm going to get super cool down with it, and you're going to see me on the pages, you're going to see me on the screens,

you're going to see me on the news. Why? I'm going to be big. British man opens fire at Ghostbusters convention. That's not... That's fucking not... That's not humorous. British man shits himself at...

British man pukes on Sigourney Weaver's face at FanFest. Are you going to meet Sigourney? I don't know. You've met her before, haven't you? No. She listened to the song, The Slime Poem, and gave it the thumbs up to use in the documentary. So it is.

Yeah. That's why I'm going over there to do the documentary, the Q&A. Because you did a song version of a poem that she wrote for the cast and crew. At a wrap party. For Ghostbusters 1. Yeah.

So that's on the end of the documentary. She didn't do it for Ghostbusters 2, did she? Because everyone was like, fucking hell, this is all shit. Can we wrap this up? And that baby's got serious colic. That baby was unwell. One of the babies they used.

I don't know. It was unwell. You could see his poor little red nose. Might have just been a little baby. I remember going to see Ghostbusters 2 and my dad Yeah. saying, that baby's ill.

It took away from Ghostbusters 2. Basically. The health of a baby. And we went to see, me and my dad went to see Karate Kid 2 right in the cinema

yeah alright and there's one point where his girlfriend says Ralph what's his character's name in Karate Kid I don't know

she goes whatever his name is I've got something to tell you and then I remember distinctly my dad saying my vagina is sideways that was one of his best ones quite great that's what that's what he imagined he imagined that's what he had

to tell him the man who will fight for your slant ways vagina sorry letterbox vagina i'll be the The hero puts it in like a letter. I've got a flat one. Don't you worry now. Because I did it all for the strange flat version of love. Ah, there we go. Stopping it, are you? Ah, ooh, now, little boy. What is it, mister? Oh, my arms don't half hurt from carrying all me low-worldly belongings around in the shithole of London.

Well, then just put them down on the stair. No one asked you to carry them, little boy. Oh, but look at my grabby little cheeks, all grabby. Put them in my magic box. Put my cheeks in your box? No, put your stuff back. Put my cheeks in your box? No, put your lovely... Oh, you're as bad as Fagin. Who makes me go and pickpocket?

I've got a sideways bumhole. How do you like that? I am a man who will enter your bumhole. I've got a very strange flat knob. Hold it open whilst I... Fucking hell. What else is coming up on the froth shop, Paul? Well, I thought we'd end today by looking at a different type of froth shop.

Things that are candy flavoured or scented. Yeah. But you can't eat them. Why not? Because they're not sweet, you fucking prick. What are they then? What are they then? What are they then? Well, let's have a look.

Oh, it's not there. Where is it? Over here. Oh, yeah. On my records. In this week's edition of the Froth Shop, something a bit different. What's going to happen with these? I don't know. Don't get them on my records. I won't. There's a trend right now to make

perfumes and lip balms and all sorts of things based on nostalgic reference. Cosmetics and cleaning products. And basing it on sweets from our past, candy from our past. So even soap hand soap is now like strawberry laces or cola bottle scented. You know? Yes.

And you have all sorts of shower gels, which are sort of based on mushroom, not mushroom, fucking marshmallow. Marshmallow flavoured. I can see you can get candles, Hubba Bubba, not Hubba Bubba, Jelly Belly flavoured. Chupa Chups. Chupa Chups flavoured candles.

Jelly Belly make in-car air fresheners. Remember in one of the very early Uncleekables, we found that collection of Jelly Belly car scented things. Remember? Air fresheners for cars. Someone won it in the audience and we gave it to them. Now, what have you got here? We've got a few of these kind of items.

Well, as we're saying, even though a lot of these things are based on the flavours and smells of our past, some of them are directly tied into brands. And so, here are a bunch of branded things that are based on sweets. So Barrett, here they are again. We covered them earlier in the show, didn't we, Paul? Barrett's did the fruit salad and blackjacks, the shrimps and bananas and the cola bottles. In fact, almost everything we did.

And the original wham bar. And dip dabs. But they don't make licorice all sorts, as we discovered. No, that's Barrett. And the dip dabs. Yeah. And this is a dip dab bath fizzers. It's not a dib dab.

It's a dip dab. Dip dab. That's what they're called, dip dabs. Yeah, dip dab. This is a dip dab bath fizzers. And it even says there, don't eat me. These are little things you put in the bath then. Yeah, like bath bombs.

You put them in, they fizz. It is a bath bomb, I think is what they call it, isn't it? Shall I open it? May as well. Give it a sniff. If you can. If not, see if there's any huff on it. Yeah, give it a huff.

Stick it on a bath. Because we can compare it to the dip dab we've got right here. Have you noticed as well, there's white and then there's orange and strawberry. So they're also copying the lollipop flavour, not just the sherbet. Yes, but then what's the third flavour? Because you've got the white for the sherbet, the red for the strawberry flavoured lolly. What's this yellow one? Maybe it's an orange flavoured lolly.

That's a wee-wee flavour. No, maybe it's orange. Maybe I pissed the bed. Right, I'm going to open one of these and put it in my mouth. No, it says do not eat quite clearly. It's a sweet, Paul. It's not a sweet, it's a bad pizza. I'm going to open one of these and put it in my mouth No, it says do not eat quite clearly No, isn't this a sweet, Paul? It's not a sweet, it's a bad thing I'm going to put it in my gum

Good fucking die That's such a nostalgic smell for me It's that soapy Does it have a smell? It's like being in Brent Cross Oh, you and your fucking Brent Cross It is though Tell me that's not like, this is strawberry

Do you know what this reminds me of? What were those toys that... Strawberry shortcake. That whole thing. Tell me that doesn't bring you totally back. Yeah. Isn't that a strawberry shortcake smell? Yeah, you're right. Because my

sister used to have strawberry shortcake things. Plastic things that stunk. I used to like huckleberry Thin or whatever his name was. Oh, they were great, weren't they? And he smelled of blueberries. He did, didn't he? Brilliant. I mean, you can still smell the soapy quality, but there is that artificial

strawberry. Now, I'm opening the white one. What do you think the white one will taste like? I don't know. That's a good question. Give it a poke. Almost exactly the same. Oh, really? Yeah. I think it is the same, actually. I think the colours are different, but... Yeah. It's a little less strawberry, but

it's undetectable. Right, you may as well prick the orange. Yes, but what shall I do with this? Oh, come on, mate. Pick it up. You pick it up. Baby, pick it up. No, don't. Pick it up. I've missed all the singing in Cheap Show A lot of people hate it

And quite rightly But guess what It's my show Okay This is the weakest of the three Yeah it's the weak It's the weakest It's not very good

But they're best to go in the bath And they fizz And it's fine I might have those in my bath though yeah Yeah do you want some Yeah Alright I can have them then Are you going to use them in your bath

I might use them in my bath. I might treat myself to a dip dab bath. Alright, and what else have you got? Oh, let's have a look. Oh, what's this? It's Ward's Ice Cream Scented Nail Polish. Wow. There are four little pots of

nail polish. Now, shall I paint one in my hand so we can use one for each nail yeah now there's let's have a play a little game so there are four ice cream flavors here based on famous uh ice lollies walls um again uh for uh listeners overseas walls were dominant in the ice cream van market yes so you'd have a whippy yeah my ice cream van would come round and they'd have basically a vanilla ice cream, soft serve, what you'd call soft serve these days, really, which they have a machine that does that.

And then they'd have a whole freezer full of lollies with sticks in and you had different types. You had rockets. Yeah. Well, the four they have here, just before we get ahead of ourselves, they have split, which was a strawberry split, which had vanilla ice cream outside a strawberry ice lolly casing. Did you like those? Yes.

I like those. I like strawberry splits a lot. They're very satisfying snacks. They're nice. Really nice. The next one is a starship, which is like a rocket-shaped thing with multicoloured. Yeah, there you go. And then Solero, which is an orange lolly.

Yeah, but it's got a sorbet in, is it? Or something in the middle? Oh, yes. No, they were fucking great as well. Fucking lush. Again, it had an orange ice cream with a casing made of lolly. Yeah. Made of ice lolly.

And finally, Feast, which was a chocolate thing. Still get it today. With bits of nuts. Yeah. Bits of nuts on the a chocolate thing. Still get it today. With bits and nuts. Yeah. Bits and nuts on the casing. Chocolate centre. Hard chocolate centre. Chocolate ice cream.

And then a kind of nutty chocolate coating. Yes. So, by that then, what do you think the four scents are? So, Split. Will be strawberry. Yeah. Starship. Hard to say.

Maybe a more generic fruit flavour. Blueberry, it says here. Oh. Solero. Orange. Orange., it says here. Solero. Orange. And feast. Chocolate. Let's open this up and see if they smell.

Let's paint my nails. Let's paint your nails. Give me the first one. Which one do you want first? Split. Yeah, go for split first. I'm just going to have a little sniff before I hand it to you. You're going to have a little huff, are you? I love the little bottles, though. They're really cute.

It smells like enamel paint. But strawberry. It's nail varnish, isn't it? Have a sniff. It does smell of strawberry slightly. Slightly, but more of a nail varnish-y smell. I'm going to do my thumb with this. Yeah, you do your thumb.

Oh, it's like a nail bar. Oh, hello. Welcome to Pamela's Nail Bar. How are you doing? I don't think you should do that. How are you doing? How's your week been, love? I've been okay, yeah.

Yeah, oh. Would you like your follicles buffed? Oh, it's all tingly on me thumb. Ah, it's a good... This is our new range of... Is this going to come off, by the way? Yeah, you just warm water it. Now sniff your thumb.

Can you smell shit or can you smell strawberry? No, it's not very strong. I thought there'd be stronger smells. But I think the problem is it's nail polish, so it's got to have some work as nail polish, doesn't it? It's got that paint element to it. Yeah. I'm just drying that off.

Now, let's have the next one. A bit underwhelmed with the smell of that. All right. Okay, so that was Strawberry Split, a nice red. There is a strawberry scent to it, but it's not quite as strong

as I would have wanted. Do you know what I mean? We're moving on to Strawberry... No. Fucking hell, Paul. Come on. You'd looked at it and you knew it.

Come on, Paul. It's purple. We're moving on to purple. Starship 4. Scented nail. I'm going to have a little sniff. Give it the old... The old Huffington Post.

Smells like the last one. Yeah. These are quite bad. I mean, first of all, these are kind of for kids, Adam. They're novelty items. They should smell right. Or, you know...

Oh, no. Again, it has a bit of a blueberry. A little bit of a blueberry. I can smell blueberry. Yeah. Just not as sort of a... but it's not too dissimilar to the strawberry flavour not massively strong is it

weak scent and then that paint alcohol-y whatever it is solvent-y smell solvent yeah that's it alright so far you've got a very pretty hand

you've got a red thumb and a blue nail purple yeah but blueberry that's not blue. It's like puce. Yeah, it's a bit of a puce colour. Right.

Solero. On to the Solero. It's a nice colour. I love the little bottles. They're really cute. With the little logo on. Yeah. Yeah.

What's that? Oh, that's got a smell. Yeah, that's a familiar orange huff. That's got a good orange huff. So that's the strongest huff so far. Strongest huff. It's still got that orange huff. So that's the strongest huff so far. Strongest huff. It's still got that solventy,

painty thing. Oh yeah, but, oh, that's better. That's a better one. That's better. It's got a very

orangey smell. Ah, that orange springs out of your eyes, that love. How's your uncle? I don't think he should do that.

How's your uncle David? Is he alright? He's dead. Dead. But he's, he's, Uncle David's dead

and you know that he's the father of my children well you should have fucking thought before you opened your legs

well you're not woke at all are you Eli fucking me too I'm saying Paul all I'm saying

victim blaming are you horrible man I was not he took advantage of it and prompted the world. And this fucking Uncle David's fucked off leaving Pamela to run a nail bar. She basically inherited.

Well, no, that's good. The orange smell on this is very good. Yeah? Yeah. I wonder how long it lasts. That's my favourite so far. What would you say? That's definitely the best flavour, most sort of...

Yeah, less scent. It's most like the object, the brand that it's trying to sort of be like. But I always remember Solero being like passion fruit or something or mango or... No, no, orange.

Maybe they did a flavour of it that I remember. They may have done different flavours under that brand. I wouldn't be sure. Right, on to the last one now. We've done fruit

and this is a finale of chocolate. Feast. Where's it made? Around the corner. Yeah. Milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner, you stick your finger up your arsehole. Here weast. Where's it made? Around the corner. Yeah. Milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner, you stick your finger up your arsehole.

Here we go. Chocolate's made. No. Weak. A very tiny, weak, slightly cocoa. Yeah. It's actually, this smell is actually unsettling. Pass it over, I'll tell you.

It feels like I've opened a pipe, and then that pipe has that smell in. What do you mean? You'll find out when you sniff it. Like a pipe, you open up a pipe under your sink or something. Oh, a drain pipe. I don't know. Well, it could have been a tobacco pipe. Yeah, it could be.

No, because it could be a different smell. It could be a pipe with your hot, hot butt. Shut up. Hey, girl, with your hot, hot butt. You got it on your nose, you prick. Now it looks like you've been sniffing shit. Right on the nose. You look like a little shit sniffer.

Oi, oi. Like, ah. Okay. Yeah, got it on my system. Good. What do you think of the Huffington? Meh. No?

Weak chocolate Huff. Yeah. So he's spreading the brown. This is the last one, isn't it? So I'm going to have to have two brown fingers. Two brown nails. Shut up. Well, you could just leave one empty, I guess.

I'm not leaving it empty. All right. Well, he's making his fingers brown. He's going to brown town. Two brown nails. That's what they call them at school. Old Eli, two brown nails, Silverman. There's my hand.

It's done. Yeah. And I think you should take a take a photo of it. I will take a photo a bit later when my battery's charged. Not later. I got no phone battery.

Take a fucking photo of that. I'll edit out the fucking drug paraphernalia in that picture. There's no drug. Naughty boy. There's no drug paraphernalia.

Anyway, that was two pounds. Watch out you don't throw that on the floor. Oh, fuck off. Two pounds anyway from B&M. So I went to B&M and that was two pounds. Watch out you don't throw that on the floor. Oh, fuck off. £2, anyway, from B&M. Because I went to B&M and that was £2.

Well, I suppose it works as nail polish, doesn't it? It does. It's fine for what it is. The best smell by far was the Solera. Yeah, strange that. I don't know why the strawberry... The orange kind of cuts through more. It's a citrus acid.

And you're right. These two aren't strong enough flavours by themselves to carry the scent of the product. And what about the chocolate one? Same thing again. It's a strange flavour that is overwhelmed by the chemicals. It's the way that the chemicals and the scent interact that gives the effectiveness there. Well, we're ending today on our final piece of froth shop oddity.

It's lip balm collection, but all from Swizzles. So we have lip balm that is flavoured like refreshers, double lollies, drumsticks, double dip and rainbow drops. I have a feeling they're all going to be very similar. I've got a feeling they're going to be very similar. Because I don't know how much distinguisation they can actually do. They're all familiar in that they're kind of can actually do. That's the real word. They're all familiar in that they're kind of shirby. Distinguishation. They call it distinguishation.

Distinguishation, that's what you get if you want to beat the rest and you want to take the test. All distinguination's what you need. Ha-ha. Ha-ha. Ha-ha. Now, yeah, there we go. What should we start with?

So, refresher. Now, what was refresher again? Refresher, it was a yellow gum, yellow, what do they call it? Chew. Yeah. Encasing sherbet. Yeah. No, a pink thing, strawberry-flavoured pink chew, which encases yellow sherbet.

Yeah. This says here just a lemon-flavoured lip balm. It's the lemon sherbet. Yeah. So. Oh, it does smell very lemony. Ooh, it actually smells like that lemonade lolly ice you used to get. Nice.

Now, how are we going to taste these without putting them on each other's lips? I know. I'm sure you gave me warts. I'll give you more than warts, mate. Yeah, what are you giving me? Fucking hell! What? I'm going to dab it on the side.

Or maybe I can rub it on my finger and then taste it on my finger. Well, then I have to put your finger on my lips. What's dirty in my lips and my finger? It's all much of a muchness as far as... I'm just going to have to... You know what? Put it on a piece of paper. You know what?

No, we'll just take turns. I'll do this one. You do the next. Okay, you do the refresher one. Yeah. Right. So I'll do this one. This is refresher.

All right, here we go. Yeah, that's it. I'm applying it to just one bit of my lip because if I do the whole, then it's going to mask the flavours for later. I know. You need to fucking... I'm thinking it one. This is refresher. All right, here we go. I'm applying it to just one bit of my lip, because if I do the whole, then it's going to mask the flavours for later. I know, you need to fucking... I'm thinking it through. Yeah. Oh, wait, it doesn't taste of any...

Oh, no, it does say lemon flavour, but... Does it taste? I'm not getting much of a flavour from it. Well, you're not meant to eat it. That's the point. No, I fucking know. I know, but... Just saying.

It's just meant to have a sort of slight taste in your mouth. The hoof is stronger than the flavour, but... Well, you'd expect with something that you're not meant to have a slight taste in your mouth. The huff is stronger than the flavour. Would you expect with something that you're not meant to eat, wouldn't you? Yeah. You'd expect this huff to be more like... It is there. It is there. Okay.

But it's not strong, which is probably a good idea. It's a subtle flavour of refreshers. All right. We've got four left. Which one would you like to try next? Double lolly, drumstick, double dip, or rainbow drops? Now, double dip is their version of a dip dab, isn't it? Yes, it is.

Double dip, dip dab. Swizzlers are very much in the same market as Barrett, aren't they? Yes. They're in the same field. And Bobby's. Yeah, Bobby's. Bobby's needs to break into this. Bobby's needs to get on the Bobby train.

Come on, Bobby. Release, I don't know, flavoured, snacks flavoured lip balm. Yeah. Poultices. No, don't do fucking Bobby poultices do fucking yes that's what they need that's what they need they don't want to do bobby's poultice i want to see a whole tranche of modular poultices bobby's flavored he's with little poultice packs paul little poultice brackets when you fucking slap a poultice in, poultice all done. Oh, poultice. Fuck off saying poultice. Please. Poultice all run

out of flavour. Right. What do I do, Paul? Snap it out of the poultice holder. Go to the drawer where the whole tranche of products is. Pull out a different flavoured poultice. Snap it in. What's that? You say poultice one more time, I'm going to fucking punch you. It's the smell of poultice. I'm going to fucking punch you. Yogh say poultice one more time I'm going to fucking punch it it's the smell of poultice I'm going to fucking

punch it yoghurt poultice look that's fucking not a word what look what

look you look you there are four left which would you like just give me one you fucker you choose no you pick

you choose double lolly drumstick or double dip or rainbow drops There are four left. Just give me one, you fucker! You pick! No, you pick! You choose! Double lolly, drumstick, or double dip, or rainbow drops? Do fucking double dip since you brought it up. So again, this is based on the candy lollipop thing. What flavour does it say it is on that? Double dip, cherry flavour. Oh, lip balm. Do they correlate?

No. Because double dip wasn't... Was the lollipop jelly? Cherry? Jelly. Just leave me alone, mate.

Jelly. I can't. I've got a mouth with disabilities. No shit, man. Right. Yeah, not much of a smell.

Give it a smell without pasting it. No, I won't. For cherry, you'd think it'd be a lot stronger. Yeah, not much of a smell. Give it a smell without pasting it. No, I won't. For cherry, you'd think it'd be a lot stronger. It's not a strong cherry flavour. You can almost not smell that. I'm going to put it on my lips. Yeah, do it.

I'm going to rub a bit on my wrist to see if I can get more of a... What, are you going to do the refreshers, yeah? Yeah. When you rub it on me hand like that... Oh, that's really good. Yeah? Is it tasting like cherry? I've applied it properly as if you'd applied some lip's really good. Yeah? Mmm. So you can, is it tasting like cherry? I've applied it properly

as if you'd applied some lip balm all over. Yeah? And done that thing where you go, I'll do that with a refresher. Yeah, do that. I'll give it due course.

I think, yeah, to give it, it's fair, a fair shot of the whip. Fair crack of the whip. It's not strong. It's still subtle, but the lemon is there.

Yeah. That's quite pleasant, but I'm sure Double Dip didn't have a, did it have a cherry flavour dipper? I don't think so. Could have had. Oh pleasant. But I'm sure double dip didn't have a... Did it have a cherry flavour dipper, maybe? I don't think so. Could have been. Oh, no! Wait, what was it? Double dip? It had two different flavour dips.

It was like a chalky sweet, wasn't it? That you had two different flavours at each end. And some sherbet. Ah, so it was strawberry and cherry at one end or something. Right. Yeah. Must have been. But they've just gone cherry, because they can't do two flavours in one. No, they can't.

How would you? All right. I'm going to do this one next. I'm very curious. Rainbow drops I'm going to do next. I don't remember that product. Do you, Paul? Rainbow drops were those little puffs of rice that were kind of coloured to blue.

Oh, those were horrible. I kind of liked them. I did not like those. They were like Rice Krispies with fucking some colour on them. Yeah, with sugar all over them. Multi-coloured Rice Krispies. But they were all spiky because of liked them. I did not like those. They were like Rice Krispies with fucking some colour on them. Yeah, with sugar all over them. Multi-coloured Rice Krispies. But they were all spiky because of the sugar that was sprinkled on. They were more rigid, weren't they?

Yeah, more brittle. I liked them. In the same way I liked Purple Sweet, what's it called? Violet. Parma Violet. Parma Violet. It's that kind of potpourri candy thing that Britain did. Yes.

Yeah. Right, so this is, according to Rainbow Drops, this version is strawberry-flavoured lip balm. Okay. I don't remember the flavour. I don't think there was. I think it was just sugar flavour. So they're not being accurate.

I mean, how could they be? No. But they're just sort of going for a bit of nostalgia, but it's just general lip balm flavours, aren't they, really? What does that smell like? That smells more like vanilla to me. Oh, that's got the least... What's it supposed to be? It's meant to be

strawberry? Yeah. It's just weak. It's a weak flavour. It's a weak... I'm applying it to fat lips. Oh, no. In fact, it's a bit farty. Really? Not very nice. It's a little bit farty on my lips. That's the worst so far, then, I think. I'm rubbing that off right now. And what are we finishing with?

No, we've got two more. Crikey. So can I have my own second and last one then? There's double lollies and drumstick. Drumstick. Of course you do. Now drumstick was again

a chew on a stick and that was it. Did it have sherbet in the inside? No, as far as I remember it was just a chewy stick of chew. I can't even remember

what flavour it was. To me in my head it reminds me it's a fruit salad. Now this is vanilla flavour. None of these flavours are correct. They're just slapping generic flavours onto the brand. Yes. They bought the branding.

You can't really blame them, can you? How much were these? I think it was like £2 again for a pack. You get some lip balm, don't you? Lip balm is easily about a quid. This is vanilla. Oh yeah, that is much strong with vanilla. Is it? Why are the fruit ones really weak? I don't know. I've applied it to my lips.

He has indeed. And they're looking lovely, ladies and gentlemen. I'm doing the whole Robbie Roundy thing. He's doing the Robbie Roundy, licky, licky, tippy, tappy, socky, socky, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah thing. Yeah, nothing. Nothing happening there. That's it. No real vanilla honk.

Nah, it's bullshit. Nah. It was huff, but no honk. Not much huff, I'd say. Well, no, there's a lot of vanilla huff. Just fucking get it over with. These are shit. Double lolly strawberries. Do you remember double lollies? They're all very similar products as well, Swizzlers, aren't they?

They're all just sort of chews with sherbet involved. This does smell a little bit weak of strawberry. They're meant to be strawberries as well. But a different strawberry to the... Is it exactly the same? But. But a different strawberry to the... Is it exactly the same? But it's a different one to the rainbow drops. No, it's not.

That's what it says. It says strawberry. They're both saying strawberry, but you're right. They both smell differently. No, they don't. That does smell more strawberry to me than the last one. But you're imagining it. It's exactly the same.

All right, here you go. Oh, now I know. Oh, my lovely lips. Oh, my lovely lips. No. I mean, a little bit, but I don't like it. That's bullshit. I don't like it.

I might apply this to the tip of my dingle dangle. Oh, yeah. And then what? What would happen then? No, nothing. No, what would happen? Bit of chafing. I've got a bit of chafing.

How far are you getting chafing from? On the mouth of my penis. Where from? Just from rubbing up and down against my grundies. And then what do you do? Just take it out and air it. And I sing old standards. Like what?

Start spreading the news. And I'm wiggling my penis with its lipstick mouth. And I put little googly eyes on. Then who comes in? No one comes in. Someone comes in. No, the door's locked. The door's locked.

Someone catches you. The door's locked. They're banging. Whoa, I know you're in there. I'm not's locked. The door's locked. Someone catches you. The door's locked. They're banging. Whoa, I know you're in there. I'm not doing anything. This is your father. No, Daddy. No, Daddy.

Right, I'm coming in. No, I'm in. I see what you're doing. I see what you're doing. You're making Mr. Winky talk. I'm making him sing. I told you not to ever make Mr. Winky say another word. He's got a song to sing.

I think we should just stop doing this podcast. Stop. Stop. Stop. Want to say anything? That wasn't very good. None of it. That was fine. I've got greasy lips.

Anyway, it's time to leave the prof shop. Oh, mister, don't make me go out there again. I've grown accustomed to the warmth and the soft furnishings around here and all the sweets. Don't make me go down to Fagin's office and get matches

to sell and have to give him half of what I earn. Little boy, would you like to work here at the shop? You know what I can do? I'm good at shoveling coal. I'm good at selling matches. I'm good at picking pockets. How about this? I'm good at selling papers. So you don't need to do that last bit. And I can scrub a toilet out.

Sometimes I like to get me nubbin'. 44 seconds! And he gets his nubbin' out. I thought we did it quite sweetly. No, I get my tuppence. I get my little tuppence and I get change. I call it getting change.

Have you got change for a tuppence? No, I'm not giving you fucking anything for your tuppence. All right. Listen, aha. Have you got food? Can I stay here forever? Can I? Little boy.

Oh, mister. Little boy. I'll fucking hit you. Just answer me my question then, mister. Little boy. What? I've got a job for you. All right.

You're going to be in charge of stacking the shelves and filling up the jars with sweets. You're going to be our candy stacker. I'd like to accept, but years of living on the street as an urchin has made me long for the cold and the snow. It's all I know. All right, get out. I have to say bon...

All right, get out. All right, fuck off. I've given you a cushy job, well paid. I don't want your fucking job. Fuck you. You fucking rude little prick. Listen. All right, fuck off. I've given you a cushy job, well paid. I don't want your fucking job. Fuck you. You fucking rude little prick. Listen. I bring you an ear.

I've stolen. I've stolen from you. And there's nothing you can do. Well, I can just lock the door. There you go. You can't get out. No, you haven't. Now I'm going to talk to you.

I'm going out the window. There's no windows. We're in the basement. Talk about victim blaming. No, I'm just going to lock the door to the basement. No, you can't. I'm outside already. Where's your sweet... Oh, I'm outside. No, you can't. I'm outside already.

Where's your sweet? Oh, I'm outside. No, you can't. I'm outside the door. You're not. You don't know where I am. I do. I've got telepathic porting.

You've got porting? I can teleport and telepath. Right. And I'm on top of a mountain now. Ooh,

look at all of the world. I'm some kind of super urchin. That's right I'll fly away bye alright well that was Cheap Show

this week we went to the froth shop and discovered some very terrible things thank you for supporting us on Patreon patreon.com forward slash

Cheap Show give as little as you want give as much as you want but we'll try and give you as much content extra just for you guys to say thanks.

I can give them, you know what I can give them? El Thwoppo. Fucking Thwoppo. You're not just doing it. El Thwoppo de Soso. Do you know what that means? Yeah.

Do you know what that means? I'm going to guess it's penis related. No. El Thwoppo. Yes. Yeah. Right, good.

So, if you want to follow us on Twitter, please do. We have a nice little chat on there, at The Cheap Show Pod. I'm at Paul Gannon Show. Eli is... Eli, Snoidy, Eli, S-N-O-I-D, Thwoppage, Maximosomite.

Email us anything you want, thecheapshowatgmail.com, and we're on Tumblr and Facebook and SoundCloud, and we're on almost podcast. If you're on iTunes, review us. I've got a new product. iTunes is closing. What?

They're closing down iTunes. It's fucking too soon. I don't know what's going to replace it or how it's going to affect podcasting. But anyway. Do you know what? iTunes is one of the worst ever pieces of software ever. It's a massive piece of gash. It's a piece of shit and no one in the whole world who's ever used it will shed a tear that it's gone.

Maybe not. But if you are on iTunes, please rate and review and give us a good one, please. They're going to have some other music app. I don't know. I don't know how it affects podcasts. And what's going to happen to everyone's things that they've downloaded? No.

Files that people own on their computer that they got through iTunes. It's a great question. They're going to disappear. Yeah, because you haven't bought anything physical. You just own a bunch of code that they can take away. Oh, angry. Angry. And on that note, we will say goodbye for another Cheap Show episode.

Nuzzle-throppage. And good, good, no. Oh, and me hot, hot butt. Yes. Goodbye. Goodbye