CheapShow - Ep 139: NaffPop

Episode Date: August 9, 2019

There was no way in hell that Paul and Eli intended to talk about naff 80s novelty band "Black Lace" for any longer than 5 minutes or so... 35 minutes later and they are still forensically trying to figure out what the point of Black Lace is. We may never know. Elsewhere in the Land of the Platters, we finally get a second dose of Russ Abbott with songs taken from his Manhouse TV vinyl... Which may not be as painful as you think! The cheap chaps also take a trip to the far future to visit Granny Thought 3000 in the FrothShop of the Future... and ultimately decide to maybe stop doing random characters for a while. Finally. Eli can't say the word "Floorboards" And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-139-naffpop If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow

I don't know how to start this one. All right. I'll start it then, yeah? Go for it. Ooh, what's that smell? Must be in the house of pickles. Is it off milk? Ooh, what's that rice pudding?

Shit, that's no longer a rice pudding. It's a squelch monster. Yeah, I take it back. Every time I ask you to start a show, I just regret it. Ooh, ooh, it's the house of pickles. Here we are, Paul. It's E-Dice Silver. Is there any sense that you don't start with an ooh or an uff or a roff?

Yes It's the House of Pickles Yes, we're here, Paul It's cheap show time Again, it's time for it It's time for it and you're Paul and I'm Eli It's the House of Pickles How does it smell?

Milky? It's lamby It's a little bit rancid today It's got a bit of lamby milk It's got a tangancid today It's got a bit of lamby milk It's got a tang to it today It's got a kind of Lamb Lemony

Say lamb Lamb Thank you I'm David Lamby You've broken me, you know You've broken me Sorry I'm conditioned

Sorry So, Paul Hello Hello, Eli Welcome to Cheap Show It's the economy comedy podcast for your ears Where each week we go for the bargain bins and charity shops. I'd just like to say...

Oh, mate, I hadn't planned out that one. I'm not going to say anything. You do the list of places we go to. Just do it. It's fine. I trust you on it now. There's nothing you could miss out or anything like that, okay? So just say it. It's fine. I will not interrupt while you're doing the list.

Fuck off. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where we find hilarity in austerity. Why? We go for the bargain bins, the charity shops, the power lands, the charity shops, the bargain bins, the power lands, the charity shops, the bargain bins, the power lands. Bazaars!

Take bazaars, you cunts! Bazaars! And jumble sales. Bazaars and discount sales. Bargain bins. And jumble sales. Bargain bins. And jumble sales. Bargain bins. Of Great Britain.

And we turn it into podcast. And this is that podcast. Welcome to Cheap Show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles, right? It's a fact of cheap show, you're gonna have to fucking reset. It's noodle time. Tales from the dance floor. Alright, how's the dick going?

The price of the site? This is for guaranteed hello. Eli Silver. Welcome to Geek Show. And I go and I nuzzle. Diddly dum. Diddly dum. Diddly dum. Diddly dum.

Diddly dum. Diddly dum. Oh, he likes room is stinky. It makes me hate my winky. I want to wash it in the sinky because it's full of rats. All right, let's just deconstruct that. Do you think we have to? Let's just.ruct that. Do you think we have to? Why would the smell of my house of pickles

make you hate your winky? Isn't that a much more deep-seated psychological problem, men who hate their penises? Killers. Don't fucking wink my penis! I'm fond of it, actually. Do you have a whole machine set up

where you can cycle and it has blades that rake along it? Like that book I read. What book have you read where a man has razor blades on his bicycle seat? And he punishes himself on the wee-wee. Is he J.J.? No, what's the guy? G.G. Allen. No, what's the name of that seal killer who stuck pins in himself from the 1800s?

I don't know. Oh. Albert Fish. Okay. Oh. It's a book. Albert Fish. Okay. Oh yeah, God. Hmm. I Was Dora Suarez.

You were who? That's the book. I Was Dora Suarez? Yes. And what's it about? It's a... It's Cannon's page turners.

Paul's page turners. Kinda. It's by Derek Raymond who is a noted it's Cannons Page Turners Paul's Page Turners kinda it's er by Derek Raymond who is a noted British sort of noir

writer does he deal in British noir or he writes American noir it is British it's very British all set in London

or like Soho in the 60s with gangsters that kind of thing the shooters he's I like his stuff but he has these sort of

police procedural novels where you know they'll find the the policeman will find a bunch a cache of cassettes yeah that the the victim recorded okay or like you know i mean it's like oh here's his diary or like right you know it's like these terrible, clunky, expositional devices. It's not really about that, his writing. It's much more about the sort of prose. His first one, what was it called? Which he published under... What was that guy?

I know you're bored. What was that guy who was found dead in the woods? Can you help me? And he was in the Labour government. Please help me. I'm trapped in this podcast and I can't get out. What was he called? Robin Heath.

The guy who was allegedly involved with looking into the Iraq war. The guy, that politician. And he was, quote unquote, found dead in a forest. Yes. I can't remember his name, but let's just say his name was Robin Heath. Anyway, Derek Raymond, that was Derek Raymond's real name. Oh, really? The Crust on His Uppers was his first book.

Right. Oh really? The Crust on its Uppers was his first book Right Which is very autobiographical really Because it's about a sort of posh Upper crust sort of guy Slumming it in the underworld of 60s gangsterism, London That's why it's called The Crust, as in the upper crust Yeah On its uppers In one of his books, someone is sticking razor blades in there

I was Duara Suarez. Duara Suarez. Yeah. Yeah, the killer. He's a serial killer. He's a killer and he's also a self-flagellist or whatever. And he's built this cycle contraption which punishes his pee-pee. It's not, you don't want to do that.

Punishes his pee-pee. Why? Well, he's mentally unwell. And he hates his winky. He hates his winky. You know, I just looked at the recording device we have, and for once I thought, I wish I'd forgot to press record.

I wish, in this instance, I'd forgotten to... Hello, welcome to Chief Show. We have a show for you today. Why? We're going to go back to the froth shop because someone was meant to do League of Snacks and someone had a week to plan it, and someone couldn't be arsed.

Do you know what happened today? Do you know, on that call, do you know what happened today? You're unreliable. someone was meant to do League of Snacks and someone had a week to plan it and someone couldn't be arsed. Do you know what happened today? You're unreliable. Like with the sheet. I'm budgeting myself and I bought my lunch band me and I was in a shop and do you know what they had in those?

Which we haven't done, which needs to be done. Branigans. Oh, we haven't done Branigans. Yeah, but i didn't have enough money to buy another pack and i ate a pack sorry but i'll get them i've got a source for branigans your promises mean nothing to me just so you know your promises mean absolutely nothing promise what have i promised and not delivered oh i promise i'll bring the sheet to the show in gratitude. Oh my god, Paul! One thing! Several years ago!

And you will not drop it, and you punished me, you docked my pay without telling me. Yeah, I did. You know what I mean? I'm expecting 150 to come into my account, only 100. I'm like, what the fuck is this? He's like, you fucking sheet. You forgot the sheet. Mate, you have no idea

how much that wrangles me. And it's just another situation today where it's Mate you have no idea You fucking cat How much that wrangles me And it's just another situation today Where it's like you have one I forgot You had one segment One segment to do for this show Out of the many I end up doing I will source the league of

Snacks and crisps Oh you know if it's noodles Or it's fucking sauces Oh you can't You can't help enough You fucking can't help enough Oh there you go yeah Well they are the two fucking...

But they're not specifically a cheap show fucking problem, are they? They fucking are. But only by default. Sorry, hang on. One fucking minute now, Paul. Did you just say... Just correct me if I misheard this or something, yeah? If I, yeah?

Tiring, angry little man. If I've got a build-up of wax in my ears or something. If I've missed... You're like the mini bagel man of fucking podcasts. Correct me. Shut up. Don't call me the mini bagel man. Don't want me, do you?

Too short, aren't I? I'm just going to let him go. I can see you looking down at me. See that? Sell me a bagel. Anyway that? Sell me a bagel. Anyway. Oh, fuck a bagel. Fuck it, I like that.

Better than you. Who are you talking to? I don't know. Furry bagel hole. That just came into my head. Now, one minute, Paul. Did I hear you just say that sauce, yeah? Sauce and noodles

are not specific to Cheap Show, as if they aren't the two central legs, the elephant legs on which this podcast is the foundation, the firm foundation, the fucking, the base from which

all Cheap Show hilarity springs. Right, so I'm just going to put it this way to you. Noodles, I'm going to give you a pass because cheap noodles, you know, can work. Listen, Paul, can I just say something now? I don't need a pass, yeah? I don't need a pass. I walk around cheap show. Oh, I'm going over here.

I'll thwop some noodles out. Oh, I'm going over there. Oh, what's that? Source report? Yes, the people have spoken. I will deliver source report. I'm just going to say this and then we're going to move on.

You work for me. Oh, fuck off. So just bear that in mind. So what have we got coming up in the pool? We're going to do a little, we've got another Tales from the Shop floor,

which hopefully won't be as intense and as grim as last time. Let's just say, does it have wound fucking? No. Okay, good. There are no necrotic elements to this section. A necrotic injury, as I found out after researching it. It's rotten.

It's like when the skin just goes dead. Yeah. And then we're going to do a froth shop, because again, we were going to do something else. Yeah, we covered that. And then, oh, boy howdy. Have I got a platter selection for you. It's time for the platters.

When people say, Paul, you're obsessed with light entertainment from the 1980s. And I say, no. People will point out episodes like this to me and go, yeah, but you are though. And then I'll say, yeah, you're right. You are. I am. Yeah. I've got a fascination with it. So this platter marries cheesy 80s-like entertainment

and rare records, and I can't be more excited. And we've got a single which was not in the right sleeve that was given to us by a fan. Yeah. A cheapskate. Yeah, a weird cheapskate. Not a weird cheapskate. It is weird, though, isn't it?

It was weird that he gave us a single looking at the cover thinking that was going to be good. And it would have been. However, the insides, which we won't reveal now, end up having a weird parallel to the main events that I've brought along. It's strange. Now, could I just ask, before we get on with proceedings, Paul, could I ask, has there been any update on the weird guy saying about the Louisiana Gold Hot Sauce? No, nothing. After that email, that's it.

Do you think it might have been a bot? No. Like a weird bot? Like the Louisiana gold? No, nothing. After that email, that's it. Do you think it might have been a bot? No. Like a weird bot. Like a weird algorithm. Oh, no. Hot sauce algorithm working for the Tabasco company. But then you're suggesting that like an AI listens to our podcast, picks out that thing, then creates an email and sends it to a pocketbook.

You don't know what's going on these days. I'm pretty sure there's not a robot designed to listen out for hot sauce news and email companies. Mate, I was online the other day. Oh, yeah? And, uh... Did you chunder? Did you do a little cock chunder? Cock chunder.

Cock chunder. There's something noodley. I've been noodling and I've got cock chunder all over my hairy belly. Well, I'm my cock chunders. I bring the fucking thunders. That's a rhyme. There you go, Tony. Make a t-shirt out of that fucking bon mot.

Can I just do Tales from the Dance Shop? Can I read this one, please? Do you want to? Yeah. Now, can I just say before I read this, before I give it to you to read? Yes. We take it as face value

that when people get in touch, they're telling the truth, right? There's no way of knowing. There's no way of knowing. There's no way of knowing. So we don't know if these increasingly distressing stories that we get sent to this podcast are real, but we're going to take the word for it, and by that, I'm leaving it open to interpretation to this story. Okay. All right?

Hi. Are you ready, Paul? Yeah. Ready for story time? And let's begin. Hi, Paul. Hi. And Eli. Hello? And let's begin. Hi, Paul. Hi. And Eli.

Hello. No, don't. I'm Eli. Yeah, but you were busy, so I stepped in. Do it in my voice, OK? Hi, Paul. Hi. And Eli.

Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ruff, ruff, ruff. No, anyway, I'll just continue. Just another quick story from my time working in a jewellery store. One of the weekends when I was working, the shop was having a lot of renovations because the building was quite old and pretty much falling to bits. There was a team of builders that were stripping all the furnishings and taking everything apart, but they started upstairs where the offices are

so that the shop could stay open a while longer before having to close for the refurb. Fair enough. There was also an extremely creepy looking electrician who was very reserved and didn't talk much. Anyway, whilst taking up the floors in the toilets, they discovered all the floorbirds.

All the floorbirds? What are they? Are they like creatures that live in the floor? Fuck yourself. No. Oh, the floorbirds. Actually, that sounds like a 60s folk band kind of thing. Now, ladies and gentlemen, singing Harvest for the World, the floorbirds. Not Harvest for the World.

That's an Isley Brothers song. Mate, I'm not looking for... Did you say the 60s? Yeah. Well, the Isley Brothers wrote Harvest for the World in the mid-70s. So don't... You know what I mean? Don't.

Let's just... Shall we get it out of the way? Strewn Onions. That's the imaginary folk band from the 60s on this podcast. We are Strewn Onions. And this is floorbirds, floorbirds singing. Oh, the willow, it leans into the lake. And the witch from underwater, she's got the eyes of a snake.

We are Strewn Onions. I'm dying. She's got the eyes of a snake. We are strewn onions. I'm dying episode by episode. Oh, the willow. Oh, the willow. Oh, the willow lady. Read the email, please, Mr. Silverman. So, floorboards. Anyway, whilst taking up the floors in the toilets.

Uh-huh. What was wrong with that? I'm just saying Okay You know Yeah I mean the toilets Foreshadowing We're foreshadowing

So far creepy electrician Floorboards Toilets You got any predictions What happens? I mean I read it So I know What do you think?

The electrician Collects poo-poos Well let's see Let's see what happens Floors in the toilets They discovered All the floorboards You've got to say floorboards.

Stupid word. Fliblood. Fliblood. It's a stupid word, isn't it? Fliblood. No, it's not. It's actually a really simple word. Floorboards.

But why does he need to say the word floor? I'm just going to have a little style tip here. Because there's a difference between floor and floorboards, isn't there? Yes, but it's contextual, isn't it, Paul? So anyway, whilst taking up the floors in the toilets, they discovered all the boards were starting to... You know what I mean when I say that. Okay, I would have gotten that, yeah.

But he was being a bit more over-descriptive. He's being way over-descriptive. Doesn't mean you still get... Also, I just noticed while we're on it, I noticed before, he says, very reserved and didn't talk much. Bit of a tautology. Do you know what I mean? Reserved, you...

If someone's reserved, you assume they don't talk very much. Just a bit of a tautology there, Paul. That's all I'm saying. You pedantic little fuck. Jesus Christ. Oh, I can't say floorboards. So now I'm going to correct the writer. I'm just being aggressive because I fucked up saying floorboards twice.

No, but I'll say it. Floorboards, floorboards, floorboards. That's really weird when you start saying it so much. Floorboards, floorboards, floorboards. That's really weird when you start saying it so much. Floorboards. I think Eli's broke. Floorboards. Floorboards. The Floorbloods.

Floorboards. Floorbloods. It's a great word, that. It's not anymore. It's become nightmarish. It's going to be on my bedtime word. Floorboards. Right.

Go on. Okay. They were starting to break apart And separate And separate Forming large gaps Mate Take a breath

And go The floorboards were starting to break apart and separate Forming large gaps in between Right This made going to the toilet very uncomfortable Because in theory People could look up and see you on the pot mate that's like your flat they we've had the people downstairs paul removed their floors yeah

and i could uh see through the floorboards down into the room below yes and they could see up they could be looking right at your gooch they could yeah that's why i've put a little sign on it mate because you walk around in your boxes sometimes they look up there and then i get i think oh some builder could be looking up here. Looking at my gooch. And then they come up here and they're like, oh, talking to my flatmate.

And I'm like, fucking, I'll get you. So, obviously, Eli is possessive and has jealousy issues when it comes to his flatmate and he doesn't like

big burly man who stare up at his gooch from the floor below. Fucking stare at my gooch. Chat to his flatmate. Stare at my gooch. People pay money for that. No, they don't. No one gooch people pay money for that no they don't people pay money for that if you want to pay to see eli's gooch there is now a new tier on patreon

yeah we can fake it we just get two slats of wood put a little gap in you stand over it i take a picture i would do that i am getting turned on by this thought oh i've ruined cheap show okay very uncomfortable because in theory people could see you on the pot, through the floor. Yeah. Luckily, the toilets were above the storeroom, which was off limits whilst the roof herb was happening. Great. No problem. Great.

No fucking problem, is it? So you can see down, but hopefully they can't see up. Yes. One day, however, I was sat having a huge shit and I saw movement from the darkness below. Is that a euphemism about his shit? I saw movement in the dark below. No, I think he's talking about below the floor. My movement.

My movement came from the below. Please shut up. Crept from the depths of Beelzebub, climbing up inside, outside, within the demon's temple. Ah, I saw the darkness and the darkness saw me. And both of us went blind. That's a lift from Nietzsche. When you stare into the void, be careful the void doesn't stare back at you. Yeah, I know.

Don't fucking ruin my moment. I let you ramble on with your fucking rof rof rof. I was doing a bit. I have not done a rof rof. That's a distinct character who makes that noise. And it's a little like the McDonald's. I'm loving it. You know, like that. Or Maybelline. I mean, noise. And it's a little like the McDonald's. I'm loving it. You know, like that.

Or Maybelline. I mean, specifically. Maybe she's born with it. It's like a little audio cue. Ooh, Gannop. Yes. It's an audio format. What are they called?

Stabs. What are they called? Little stabs. Yeah. Ruff, ruff. We know who's coming. Everyone's ready to get their frottage on. I should just let him read the story.

When Brandoff comes. I shouldn't get involved. Get your little clits at the ready for the tap-a-thon. What the fuck, Ian L? Read the story. Clit tap-a-thon. Mate. Paul.

How disappointed was your dad when he heard this podcast? Out of interest. I think he was pretty... He did a PhD in English literature literature yeah so yeah he's gonna hear this go right yeah right okay movement down below the darkness yes through the floorboard gaps then through one of the gaps appeared a wooden spoon. What? Which rose slowly up until it was right between my legs, which is when I saw the smiley face that was drawn on it. The spoon then quickly disappeared

and I heard somebody leave through the storeroom door. I was absolutely mortified and I waited a while until I eventually finished up. Even then I was paranoid and kept thinking I could hear noises below. My face was bright red like a cherry tomato when I went and reported it to my boss. We checked the CCTV and discovered that it was the electrician who'd sneaked into the storeroom and purposefully kept the lights off to watch people on the toilet in secret. According to the timestamp on the recording,

he'd been in there for over an hour watching different members of staff, but apparently I was the only one to get the spoon experience. My boss fired the electrician straight away and reported him. I didn't return to work for a while after that. I hope that was an interesting tale for you. Absolutely love the podcast. Thank you. And look forward to it every week. Cheers, I hope that was an interesting tale for you Absolutely love the podcast Thank you And look forward to it every week

Cheers Tom Thank you Tom Thank you Tom I like that What a terrifying puppet show I know The creepy spoon man Electrician spoon man

What was his thought process? He just liked creeping people out I guess Yeah but you give yourself away You know when they say in the last podcast On the left Serial killers have allowances Where they'll do little things that they can get away with to justify that impulse and then it leads to murder at some point you know start with the kidnapping they're amused to maybe a bit of abuse and then they do the murder well because they get

um so what was his thing it's like a drug isn't it you get uh used to you tolerate and then you need bigger and bigger doses so get the same uh high so when he's staring up and you can hear the splosh and splash of whatever's going on in the room above right he's getting a sexual vibe from it maybe when do you go right i'm gonna draw a face on a spoon and pop it up between the slats he's obviously pre-planned that i'm the spoon man hello did you have a voice maybe if you had. No, why does he have to sound like that? That's like a Star Wars thing. I don't care.

What is that from? Where did you first start doing that voice? It's probably, actually, you know what it sounds like? What? Animal from Muppet Babies. Yeah, it does, yeah. Yeah. Who did the voice for that?

Oh, I've just forgotten as well. Who did the voice for that? Oh, I've just forgotten as well. He also did the voice of Gizmo. And he was a judge on America's Got Talent. Mendel. Ah, fucking hell. Oh, don't.

Don't say hello, Google. I can't. I've turned it off. Turned it off? I've turned it off. Howie Mandel. Howie Mandel. I've heard that name. Yeah, he did the voice of Gizmo

So he's a great voice actor Bye bye Billy So that was a good story that Spoon man But yeah for some reason He decided I'm going to go One step further And turn this into

The worst Punch and Judy show In the world Well he probably didn't think There was CCTV In that particular storeroom either True but again I don't think he sort of thought But again

I think he thought He'd get away with it Well you show your hand though He was getting away with it To some extent And then he goes With the spoon Which is a step too far

Do you think the spoon Was like a request Like put a bit of Poo poo on the spoon And then I take it back down And then you hear nuzzled Oh Paul Why?

Thank you Paul This podcast is meant to be about It it's a comedy podcast about cheap stuff. It was, yeah. But why every week we seem to have something about eating shit? Right, well then, here we do. For now, we'll do no more for the next ten episodes. We can't mention eating poo ever again.

We can't talk about poo. We can't talk about eating poo. We can't talk about playing with poo. Having a poo. Being pooed on about playing with poo, having a poo, being pooed on, throwing poo, catching poo, smelling poo, hearing someone poo, we can't talk about

wearing poo, we can't talk about using poo to draw words, we can't talk about freezing a poo and then bamming yourself with your own poo! Okay, well there we go. There we go. No, you need to calm down before we carry on with this podcast.

Oh. No. I'm changing the story of the froth shop. Oh, yes, that's what you said, because you blew up the urchin. We blew up the whole froth shop. And Mr. Gannon and the urchin were blown up. So now, here's what I suggest.

Okay. The froth shop now lives. The froth shop now exists in the future, right? In the far future, right at the edge of time, right? Like the restaurant at the end of the universe? Yes. It's just like that. Now you've put me off.

How have I put you off? I don't know. That question and then you taking your inhaler. It was just weird. Come on. It now exists in the far future. And as a result, they have every candy ever made there. And what's going to happen is you...

It's like a library of every sweet ever conceived of. And what's going to happen is you... It's like a library of every sweet ever conceived of. And what's going to happen is every week, or when we go to the froth shop, I'm going to send you into the future, right? And then you will speak to the mother brain control system that looks after the froth shop. And I'm not going to say mother brain because that's Metroid, isn't it?

So I'm going to call it... Brain mother. Granny thought. Granny Thought. Over Mum. No, Granny Thought. I'm going to send you into the future to see Granny Thought. Could she be called Granny Thought 3000? Yes. Okay. Granny Thought 3000. Oh, that's hard now.

Granny Thought 3000. Granny 2000. Granny Thought 3000. Anyway, you're going to go into the future and you will interface with the Granny Thought. Where do I find this time machine? Am I an urchin? Perhaps.

And I find the time machine. Oh, walking down the streets of Landrao. Oh, I got matches. What me selling? Matches. Hello, ma'am. You want some matches? Two fucking minutes in and he had to drop a character.

You want some matches? No. Right. Hello. All your characters are hateful. You want some matches? Two fucking minutes in, and he had to drop a character. You want some matches? No! Right. Hello? All your characters are hateful. Do you know that as well? Hello, sir. All your characters have a slither of hate in them.

I've got a paper here. Do you want a paper, mister? Wanker. No. Right. What's this? Oh, mate. Oh, look at that.

Lub-a-dub. Look at that. It's a little box, but it Oh, look at that. Lubber dub. Look at that. It's a little box, but it looks very ornate. And it's, oh, it looks very ornate. Oh, I might get a few bobbers for this. Down the old fencing shop. Oh, I'll just see if I can. This is increasingly becoming Eli Silverman's fucking audition tape, isn't it?

Oh, I'm the little urchin boy. But I'm totally different from the one who got blown up that was my mate tom tom tom tom right so not only is the character long since dead but only then do you decide to name him in in in passing he was tom tom it was unknown to me as tom tom but anyway hello i'm little billy hello billy who are you i am paul gannon i'm not doing a character right and listen i need you to do me a favour Little Billy Oh I only do favours for money

That little No we're not fucking doing That kind of material either We're keeping it clean What do you mean I'm a little urgent I've got to fucking keep my keep I've got to make my keep

I've got to make my nut You're going to make your nut I've got to make my nut Every month I've got to make the nut I'll wash a woman Henry You'll wash a woman, Henry.

You'll wash a woman called Henry? She's the landlady, yeah. Where I live. I sometimes think you've got problems. I've got problems. I'm little Billy. I'm on the streets. I'm only eight.

Billy, I need to go into the future because I'm too old to. Oh, it's in this box that I've set up. This box that you've found. Yes. So I'm moving it forward, the narrative that you've written. I'm enacting your dreams. This is not anywhere near my dreams. Oh, I'm a little fucking scrabble me. I'm a little urchin.

But what is in the box then, Mr. Gannon? Well, it's a time machine. And I'm going to send you into the future to go to the froth shop where you'll meet Granny Thought 3000. And you'll report on the candy. Does she need matches? No, she won't because she's a computer from the future. Does she need papers? I don't think she needs papers or... Papers or matches? No, no papers. She doesn't need the news.

She doesn't need matches. Does she know all the news from history because she's at the end of time? She just needs a human being to taste her frothy goodness. Well, scrub and tuck, fucker! I'm up for that. Right, hold down that red button. This one? Yeah.

All right. And then count to three and you'll go into the future. I'm holding it. Should I press the button as well? Yeah. God, that's done every single week. That's good. Hold the button.

I'm holding the button. Oh, tingle, lingle, lingle, lingle! Hello, little boy. I am Granny Thought 3000. Hello, I've come from, I don't know, somewhere. You've come from the year 2019. Well, I, yeah. Mate, this is already complicated. I can't...

You're going to do a time travel fucking thing. Yeah, but from one point... I never really thought that in the froth shop's original form it was a time into the past. I just... It was, wasn't it? It was a sweet shop. All right, come on.

Let's just get this out of the way so we can eat some sweets. Fucking hell. So, would you like to try some of the candy I have in store? I would love it. I'm absolutely Hank Marvin from the Journey Through Time. It seems to have completely emptied all my stomach of all his stuff and the juices. Does this form frighten you, little boy?

God. No, don't frighten me. No, I like this form. This is good. How about I take the form of your friend in the past, Paul Gannon? Oh, you know who I miss? What? Since he got blown up with my friend Tom Tom.

Yes. Gannon, the froth shop owner. No, you know what? Hello, I'm Paul. This is Eli. We're going to take some cheap candy. Yay! Come on, get out. We're not doing the froth shop character. No, you know what? Hello, I'm Paul. This is Eli. We're going to taste some cheap candy. Yay!

Come on, get out. We're not doing the froth shop character. There's no point. There's no point, is there? Tingle, lingle, lingle. Six, seven minutes of this shit.

Fucking hell. Terrible, man. So, I digitised a live again. Got loads of goodie bags from loads of people. I lost track of who gave me what. So, long story short,

I have three bags of candy that we're going to try today. Ooh, baby. Interesting. Oh, baby. Interesting. Oh, baby. Variety, but they could be extreme. Let's find out. Are they extreme?

What's the first one? Hand it over. Let's go with this one first, I think. I've got my eyes closed. Put it in my hands. And I'll put in the candy as well. Yay! Blau!

Haribo Spicy Pick I didn't know they did spicy Spicy P! I did not know they did spicy Do you know what Paul? It looks like everyone in the world is jumping on the spicy bandwagon I guess so Now it looks like it's French

It says Nouveau on it It's new So we haven't yet tried And maybe they're coming up. I don't know. Yeah. The bubblegum ones. Fizzy bubblegum.

I ate them. You ate them? All of them. What were they like? Gorgeous. Really? What's the flavour like? Bubblegum.

It's fizzy. It has fizzy sour kind of crystals all over it. Nice then. Yeah. That's why I ate the whole bag in one sitting. Yeah. And we were meant to do them on the show, yeah? Yeah.

But guess what? Well, then we're one all. Because I ate those Branigans today and thought, this would be great, but they were great. Shall we just do podcasts in our head from this point on? Let's just do podcasts in our heads. Let's never release another episode again. Yeah, so this is Haribo Spicy P! K. I wonder what that refers to.

Oh, mate, and these, like those ones that we had the jelly beans remember the chilli jelly beans that we tasted last time on the froth shop yeah and they had a scale they had a different

levels of heat for each different flavour these have different different shaped different levels of heat which you've got a key on the back so these ones

are extra extra hot I guess the ones that look like a little devil is it the devil and the trident yeah these are in the middle what is that it look like a little devil, is it? The devil and the trident. Yeah. These are in the middle. What is that?

It's like a chili pepper. And the cool ones is like a blue lightning bolt. I like the fact that they're differentiating the heat. Shall we? Shall we? But shall we start with the ones that they say are the least... Of course we should. Yes, we should.

Now, interestingly, when we did that other one that had that scale, I didn't really notice much of a difference between any of them. There wasn't that much of a difference, was it? No. It wasn't. Yeah. Oh, by the way, I tasted some of that chilli chocolate that came with the dark one. Oh, yeah.

Just totally inedible. You know what? I said that, didn't I? I said it ruins the taste of both. Yeah, way too spicy. It makes the chocolate grotty and the chilli seem cheap. He's having a huff. What do you think of that?

Ooh, it's very fruity. Very fruity. I'm not getting any spice. No, not at all. So let's start with what they say. I'm going to hand you. No, go on. Actually, what?

I was going to say, I could taste a little bit of spice. There's a bit of one, yeah. So here's, I'm going to have a blue one. Little blue lightning. I can to have a blue one. A little blue lightning. I can't find another blue one. Oh, so I go with halfies with this. No, here, I've got one. You've got one, all right.

Now, Haribo, one of the biggest sweet manufacturers in the world, I would have thought. It kind of came out of nowhere. You know what I mean? It's like, all of a sudden, Haribo. Yes. But it was like, in my head, Haribo was always like the cheap knockoff, because you always used to go for Maynards or Starbursts i think what it was you know we've discussed before that you don't you do get it but you don't as so much get these days the separated penny sweets yeah pick and mix

and they sort of fill the mark gap in the market because they do they they specialize in jellies basically don't they do it very well and yes and they've got a load of different types. I like those ones which are the little berries with the hard little nubbles all around. Yes, I like Smurfs. And Smurfs, are they good? You used to do these things called, I think, wheels or bike wheels. And they were just basically like roll-ups that you could stretch out. Oh, nice, yeah.

So let's start. Is that like a blue raspberry flavour? Mm-hmm. Now, it's not very hot at all. Quite nice, though. It's very nice. No heat there at all, really, I think. Just a taste of blue raspberry with a little bit of sour crystal on.

But fine, maybe that's the intention. Is it just because of our hardened mouths? Pardon? Is it because of our hardened mouths? I think I'm getting a little bit. Would you like me to put something hard in your mouth? Don't sigh when you've been doing, oh, should I swap it out? Oh, and then get the thing out.

Yes, what I do is some elan and artistry. You do it with a lamb? Yes, that's why it smells so lamby in here. You've been having sex with your meals. I've been, yeah. Sheesh. Shut up. Right.

So this is a green pepper. This is a green pepper, which is meant to be halfway up, I guess. And I've got one here as well for me. Excellent. This is like a little jalapeno. Jalapeno? Same flavour. Almost.

That's like pear flavoured or something, isn't it? No, I'm getting... There's definitely some chilli on that. It's not that strong, though. No. So far, if I hadn't been told, I wouldn't know. You would. I wouldn't.

I don't think I would. I don't think I would. I don't think I would. Based on the two flavours so far, I wouldn't go, oh, they're spicy. You're getting a bit of... I've got a bit of heat in my mouth from that. They're a bit like the chilli millies.

They're reminding me a bit of the chilli millies. They're chilli millies that were hot, though. And they were also juicy. Well, Paul, all I can say is you're a hard man. Waiting. No. You're not getting that say is you're a hard man. No. Waiting. No. You're not getting that one.

Here's a trident. You want a trident. These are going to be the top half. I'll try the trident. But these are quite nice, aren't they? Yeah, they're tasty and the gummy's nice consistency. Give it a suck. Suck all the stuff off it.

See if you can get some heat coming out. And what about the candy? Candy. So far, they're nice, just juicy. They're spicy. I can't... There is a little bit of heat. You do feel it on your tongue. There's definitely some heat on that one. But there's no spike to it, you know what I mean? It's like a warmth

rather than a spike. Yeah, but you wouldn't want to make them too spicy. I like that. I like that. I like those. That's the other thing. Sometimes those chilli candies, you have one or two, you think, oh, cute. I'm not going to finish them, though. But those, actually, you might. One stoned evening, they'd be gone in a heartbeat.

Yeah, absolutely. So, nice. Those are nice. Not particularly hot, but I guess they have to... It's not for the hotness market. Now, what's next in the froth shop? So, next in the froth shop. Tete's Brûlée's Bill.

I think maybe all these came from France. Now, these are framboise, which is raspberry. Yeah. Fraise, which is strawberry. Yes. I think. Goots Hyperacides. Do you know what that means?

No. Super sour. Well, we'll be the judge of that. Hyperacides. Super sour. Yeah, as in acid the judge of that. Hyper acides. Super sour. Acide. As in acid. Acide. Acide. Acide. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I like this sweet. Yes. I like this sweet. Hyper acide. Yes. Yes. Yes. Muscles, hyperacid, yes. Yes. Yes. Muscles.

Muscles. Muscles. Yes. Muscles. Yes. Muscles. Bees. I'll open these.

I'll open these. Yes. Yes. Yes. We've lost Eli. All right, good. So I think these are individually wrapped. They're called Tetz Brûlés.

What do you think that means? Hotheads? What did you say? Tetz Brûlés. No. You said, are they individually wrapped? They are individually wrapped. Right.

As you can see. Oh, they're good. Do you want to... Shall we try alternate ones? So you start with a framboise. Which is blueberry. No, I believe it's raspberry. It's blue raspberry, isn't it? Right.

And I'll have a fraise. Oh, the characters on them look very angry. They are hotheads. They are angry. Tits, brulees, or fireheads. Oh. They're small. I thought they'd be bigger. Are these going to be spicy as well? They just say hot, so I can imagine this is going to be sour. Well, they say hyperacide.

Acide. Right, so these are little boiled sweets. Yeah, fine. Here we go. Hypoacide. Acide. Yeesh. Yeesh. Right, so these are little boiled sweets. Yeah, fine. Here we go. Oh, wow. I tell you what, the fucking strawberry ones are very sour. This one isn't so sour.

Am I dying? It's like, I can't taste spice. The sour isn't working. And I have no emotions anymore. No. Let's try the strawberry. Well, it does die down. You've got the crunch on. What are they like? Just kind of anymore. No. Let's try the strawberry. Well, it does die down. You've got the crunch on. What are they like?

Just kind of ordinary. Nice. The flavour's actually really nice. Give me the strawberry. Have a strawberry. Right. And I will try the blue raspberry. Maybe that was just a...

Maybe that was a freak. Maybe that wasn't particularly covered very well. Mate, you'd just better hope you're not losing all sensation in your mouth. Why? Have you got something planned? I don't know what I want the answer to that to be. Here we go.

Oh, that was much more sour than that one. Oh. Yeah. Okay. You must have had a dud on that first go. It must have been a dud. This is extremely sour. I'm trying to...

Oh. Definitely a raspberry. Oh, baby. It's sour, very sour. If you like sours, they're good, aren't they? But it does calm down, and you've got the sweetness coming through. Well, I'm glad it calms down, because, mate...

It's like there's a party in my mouth, and there's some kind of horrible person there at first who, like, bums everybody out. But then she gets, or he, gets... Oh, there you go. What are you talking about? I'm saying what the party in my mouth is like. There's a party in my mouth,

and I'm uninvited. There's a party in my mouth, and there's some people complaining about the noise at the beginning, but then they leave, and they don't call the police. They're all right, aren't they? Tasty.

I like this blue raspberry flavour. It's better than the strawberry. Yeah. I just had a dud one. That literally had almost no covering on. There's a marked difference between the two. Right. Last on the fr the strawberry. I just had a dud one. That literally had almost no covering on. There's a marked difference between the two. Right, last on the froth shop. I don't go for

boiled sweets much though. I love them though. That's my thing. I love boiled sweets. I love gummies. Not a big fan of chocolates. Not a big fan of lollipops for whatever reason but good boiled sweets. Okay, this is something that came up, Paul. Would you call like a magnum a lolly? Because I think An ice lolly

Ice lolly I think of As a sort of Water based Yes Because the word ice Yes An iced lolly

It's a lollipop Yeah but These days Almost all of them Have got ice cream elements I would say If it's an ice cream Based

Lolly It's not a lolly It's an What is it then I I don't know. Ice cream on a stick? Yeah. It doesn't have a ring to it. Lolly pop, lolly iced is a certain kind of glacial water, fruity kind of...

Yeah, you want that refreshing wateriness, don't you? I couldn't say a magnum was a lolly pop by that definition. It's not a lolly pop, is it? Or a lolly, an iced lolly. It's something to consider. It's a choc ice on a stick and you pay £2.50 for it, when actually, if you go to the back of the fridge, you can get eight for a pound, and they're just as nice.

Really? Yeah, I went to Morrison's the other day and bought eight choc-ices for a pound. Magnum, magnum. Knock-offs, yeah. Tastes fine. Almost as good. Well, people are prepared to pay money for brands, aren't they? Yeah, they are.

There's no real difference in the quality or the taste. No, honestly, I would say if you could, get the off-brand, because they're not too dissimilar. Yes. Cheap prices, but not cheap tasting. Okay, well, that's your little tip for the day from Gannon. Little money-saving tip if you want to have eight ice creams all in one go. What's the last item in the froth shop of the future?

Well... The froth shop at the end of time. Oh, yeah, we're not doing that. Right, go on. Finny Destroyer Chewing Gum, liquid lava filled. It's heat, and it's got a little ball with a mouth, and it's almost like he's bubbling from the heat, like a planet.

It's like a planet with a lot of volcanic activity on it. Sans Gluten, which is good. I loved his first album. Sans Gluten, which is good. I love this first album. Sans Gluten. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm Sans Gluten, and I've got a brand new

hippity hop shing-tong for you to sing to say. It's going to be top of the 90s. These are all individually wrapped as well. Great. I think these are probably spicy.

It doesn't say. It just says liquid lava filled. So is that going to be like a... Is it going to be a sort of sour? Well, all I know is it's bubble gum. These Tetz brulees, look, they've got flames coming off them as if they're equating sourness with a sort of flame as well. But they're not hot.

No. Because I remember when I was a kid, you used to get jawbreakers and you used to have hot flavour and you put it in your mouth. And it was... It was heat, but it tasted like soap almost. It was cinnamon heat though,

wasn't it? And it tasted a bit like soap. Cinnamon, not a chilli heat. I've got a feeling it's going to be like, oh Jesus. Now what do these look like? These look like those golf ball ones. They do, but brown.

But all sort of red and lava coloured. Fiery. Do people know what I mean? The golf ball chewing gums. I remember golf balls. Minty chewing gums. So it's a knobbly ball. Didiery. Do people know what I mean? The golf ball chewing gums. I remember golf balls. Minty chewing gums. So it's a knobbly ball. Did they have a centre?

Or were they hollow? They were hollow. It's got something in. You can feel the movement. You can feel the tidal movement of the lava inside this. Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to put it in my mouth and suck it for a bit and then bite into it and release the goodness.

So I just go straight for the bite? Well, I just want to see if the flavour of the... Oh, you put it right here. Well, there's no immediate flavour by just licking it. No. I'm going to go for the crunch. Go for it. I'll do it too.

Sour. It's a sour burst. Quite nice. It goes quite quickly, though. You get that big hit. Yeah. I like that. Tasty.

It's all right, that, actually. A bit appley. Yeah, very appley. It's a sour apple flavour, isn't it? It is a sour apple. So none't it? It is a sour apple So none of them have been reported To this day To this day

Acid shock, it says Acid Yes, yes, yes, yes I'm Sian's Gluten And I've got a new 90s dance track For you to sing along to Let's do it Yes, yes

Yes, yes Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Sex party, sex party, sex party, sex party. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Little brown spoon with the face upon it. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Toilet spoon man, put his head up.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Toilet spoon man, very bad man. There you go. Sample that. Now come and say yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes had in my mouth on Chief Show were the fucking Vimto ones from way back in the day, like when it was Rob Bedford. They're the most sour thing you ever put in your mouth.

It was uncomfortable. No, there was these ones that Stuart Ashton's had on Barshan's. That we did at the end of the gunk box episode. Yeah, those were the worst for me. Those were just completely... They were very intense. They would not yield. They did not yield to his sweetness.

See, both the Tetz brulees and also the Destroyer chewing gum liquid lava filled, have that trick. They do that trick where it's very intense sourness, but then the... It thins out. And the sweetness comes through. To rescue you. Which is nice. It's a

mouth effect, isn't it? Otherwise, it would just be unpleasant candy that none would complete. Yeah, which is weird when they're just like, it's really sour the whole way through. It's not sweet anymore isn't it? Well, otherwise, it would just be unpleasant candy that none would complete. Yeah, which is weird when they're just like, it's really sour the whole way through. It's not sweet anymore, is it?

Yeah, but you think, why would I want it? What's the fucking point? If I'd won, you'd let her laugh. Mr. Vimto, yeah? Are you going to sell more of those?

Bonus item. Bonus item. Oh, actually, I ate it. Right, great. You got the hopes up. Let's just see. Let's have a little rummage.

No, let's not go rummaging in the house of pickles. We don't know what we'll find. What's in it? Nothing. Nothing in there. Yeah, so what was it that you ate then? Just so, you know. Did we do these?

Oh, yeah, we did them already. Sorry. What, the things that we ate that I thought... Center shock, which were those little cola things. Yeah. They were similar to those things. Yeah, they were gummies, chewies as well. So, thanks for making this section a massive anti-climax.

I'm sorry. Shall we end on some Dutch dance? Yes. Yes. Yes. Hello, I am the spoon man, the pooey spoon man. Hello, hello, hello. Yes, I am the spoon man, the pooey spoon man.

Yes, yes, yes, yes. Wooden spoon, put the poo on. Oosh, oosh, oosh. I'm trying. All right, stop it. Yes, you spoon, put the pool on. Oosh, oosh, oosh. I'm trying. All right, stop it. Yes, you are very trying. Oh. Anyway, that was the froth shop with no more characters involved in the setup or closure of these segments.

All right? I'm just saying. From now on, we're just eating candy. Fair enough. Yeah, fair enough. And Paul, we're always on the lookout on Cheap Show for unusual confectionery items for the Frosch shop. And at some point, you know what we're going to have to do?

We're going to have to go back to Bobby's. We haven't done a trip to Bobby's Canyons in a while. We've got to see what's out there. Bobby's do peanuts. Did you know that? Bobby's do peanuts. Yeah. There.

I had a pack the other day. Great. Reasonable. Right. Very nice. There's a great review. And bye. Not forever.

Just now. Just for this bit. Just bye for this section. So I'll see you on the other side of the section. All right. Bye. In the next segment. See you in a great review. And bye. Not forever. Just now. Just for this bit. Just bye for this section. I'll see you on the other side of the section. All right, bye. In the next segment. See you in a bit. Bye.

Bye. Hello. Oh, hello. How was your segment break, Paul? Oh, wow. I got a cup of tea. I had a cigarette. I relaxed.

Oh, my God. I was just here. I watched Love Island. Oh, yeah. Oh, I can't believe of tea, I had a cigarette, I relaxed. Oh my God. I was just here. I watched Love Island. Oh yeah. Oh, I can't believe that got together and won. Fucking hate that show. Have you seen it? No.

Have you been subjected to it? It's like... I don't want to talk about Love Island. I'm not. I'm going to talk about reality shows in more general. Do you think they're on the way out? I mean, define that Because it's like they had a hot moment

When everyone was doing them And now they're kind of fewer and further between So what's going to be the new format? Is TV just going to completely disappear? Well look at it this way Reality TV came in at a point when 24 hour TV was becoming more natural So it kind of filled in the gap of programming

And also they called it in many circles It's. And also, they called it, in many circles... It's cheap. It's cheap content. Yeah, but they also called it unscripted programming. It wasn't reality. It was unscripted. Yes. Basically like Cheap Show. It's unscripted. Yes. And there's a bare framework, and we try desperately to fill the void. And we sort of manufacture

conflict between us. Anyway, fast forward 10, 15 years, from the height of Big Brothers and all those kind of shows and Survivor and all those big things. Yes. Because of Netflix,

more people are watching dramas again. So more people are watching Peaky Blinders, Game of Thrones. This is what I mean. It's the craze of reality.

The binge watching thing. Stranger Things. All these shows, people are getting back into drama now because that's where the tide's going.

Interesting. That was the question and you answered my question. Thank you. And I actually think it stems with shows like twin peaks and lost those kind of shows that drew people in they were forerunners of the uh the serials that we have these days yeah because lost had a lot of problems but i still love it but lost really was like the last event tv because millions of people watched it and there was a whole mythology around it and it was bigger than the program in terms of its legacy yeah but it led to shows like fringe and then supernatural and then all the superhero shows

and blah blah it kind of opened up all the floodgates buffy is probably a big example of that as well probably a big reason why we're watching things like stranger things now yeah so there you go is that your question answered thank you right we're doing silverman's platters that i've had to come up with again. I've got platters in the locker. Like? Well, by the way, I think we've mentioned this

but I'm just going to bring it up again. When we do our Moog sequel, someone says it has to be Electric Moogaloo as the title. Yeah. I don't disagree with that.

We'll call it Electric Moogaloo. It's fine. We're going to rock down to Electric Moogaloo. And then we geared it squelchy. Bum, bum, bum. We're going gonna rock down to electric moogaloo and then we geared it squelchy we're gonna go down to electric moogaloo and it will be modular

i see the man and the lion well that's great chin anyway eddie grant yes what else did he do joanna. Give me hope. Joanna, give me... No, I don't think he did that. He did a cover of it. No. Give me hope into the morning. He did a walk on to Electric Avenue. Yeah. And then me take it higher. And he also did... Eddie Grant. What was his other big hit? I'm pretty sure it was Joanna.

He was in the Foundations, wasn't he? Of what building? No, not the Foundations. The... Equals. Equals. I always get those confused. Yeah, because you're racist. No, no. They were both early multiracial bands, yes. Yeah, so he had a platinum single with Electric Avenue,

which is a great track. He also pioneered the genre ring bang. I have never heard that word before in my life. I'm going to find out what ring bang is. Ring band. Ring bang is variously a Caribbean fusion of music genres, a philosophy and an aesthetic

propounded by Eddie Grant in 1994. Stylistic origins, calypso, reggae, tuk bands and zook. Yeah, zook is, yeah, another sort of folk music. And he says in an interview in 2000, he defined it like this, ring bang, ring back, fucking hard, ring bang, it's like, he defined it like this. Ring bang, ring bang. Oh, fucking hard.

Ring bang. It's like floorboards. It's not. Ring bang is the thing that makes the soul quiet. That, in a musical concept, is rhythm. A child is given ring bang when a mother rocks it in her arms. Ring bang allows the slaves to communicate. Ring bang is the bridge that allows us to stop us being insular.

It is the concept predicted on our being able to communicate with one another. Predicated. Predicated. There you go. What other songs did he do? There's another big hit from the Electric Avenue era, the 80s. Baby Come Back. That's the equals. Baby come back do do do do do do do

baby come back do do do do do do do I picked up that on 7-inch the other day. Because I play the Foundations when I'm DJing. Yeah. Baby, Now That I've Found You. No, I can't let you. No, that's not it. That's their tune as well, but I play their other one.

The Foundations, which is Build Me Up, Why Do You Build Me Up, Honey Bunch. Buttercup. Buttercup. Was that it? Yeah. Why do you build me up, build me up, buttercup baby just to let me down. That song was everywhere when that film came out.

What film? Something About Mary. Yes, so that's why it still goes down quite well with the millennials these days, Paul. Yeah. He returned to the air charts in 1980 with a song called Do You Feel My Love? The opening track of Can't Get Enough.

I love you,. I love you. Yes, I love you. I don't want... I don't want to dance. That's it. Dance with your baby no more. I never do something to hurt you, no. Oh, no.

The feeling is bad. The feeling is bad. I don't want to dance. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Don't ruin it. We're bringing songs closer than... He did dance remixes yes, yes No, don't ruin it We're bringing songs closer He did a dance remix

of his own tunes didn't he? That was that big dance remix of Electric Avenue Oh, apparently He did the theme song for Romancing the Stone but it was cut from the film

at the last moment and it stalled outside the top 50 in the UK as a result Romancing the Stone because Billy Ocean Well, that was for the sequel though That was for Duel of the Nile.

The Going Gets Tough. I listened to that again last night. On a whim. Do you know the opening? Do you know what's really hard to get through? What? The opening of The Going Gets Tough by Billy Ocean. When the going gets tough.

It goes... It's got all these fucking stupid effects. Go, go, go, go, go. It's got 80s midi sort of effects, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I kind of like it. It's terrible.

The opening is terrible. It really puts you off. A bit like your mouth. Anyway, Eddie Grant, a pioneer British black musician. Yeah. Definitely. I'm glad we've managed a little segue then. Also, what's that?

Did you hear that tune? That kind of weird reggae funk tune I've got, which is him as well. No. I'll put it on the show. It's really good. Bank it for another episode of Platter. It'd I've got that would seem as well. No. Hmm. I'll bring, I'll put it on the show. It's really good. Bank it for another episode of Platter.

It'd be nice that. Yeah. So anyway, so we've got Platter's, I've got Platter's and they're a light entertainment starting point, right?

Now, I want to do one and get out of the way, mainly because we've touched on this group before. They don't deserve too much fucking respect. I mean,

not respect, but you know, they don't deserve too much time of our podcast to talk about them. They're cheap show they're very paul's naff obsession with the 80s they're right the center of that they are they are the they appear to me of the naffness that you so crave and that you you say it seemed to have a love-hate relationship it is it's almost abusive relationship it is it's like it hurts me because it's so awful but i go back

to it it's like when you like listen to all me because it's so awful, but I go back to it. It's like when you listen to all of Cannon and Ball stuff or whatever. Yeah, but I still will defend Cannon and Ball. I mean, Little and Large. Little and Large, that's abusive. Yeah, that's pure. That's abusive relationship where I'm like, I can't stop it, but you fucking keep bragging me in. What was that comedy troupe who were around? Grumble Weeds.

Grumble Weeds. The Grumble Weeds were talented but they had very poor material yes they had an impressionist on it and I forget the name there's someone out there

who knows and is listening and shouting whatever I don't care but he was a really good impressionist it's just that his impressions basically seem to be

Rolf Harris Stuart Hall and Jimmy Savile I'm guessing he can't do those characters anymore he's been totally U-treated so anyway

the first vinyl and this might be the cheapest I've ever bought for an album, is a 40p for Black Lace Party Party. That's cheap, even as charity shop LPs go. Let me look at the quality of this. I mean, they look like a Poundland...

Oh, what's the word I'm looking for? They look like Poundland Trevor Horn. This is pristine. Yeah, because it's never been played. Yeah, no one... It's just terrible. Telstar. What's the word I'm looking for? They look like Poundland Trevor Horn. This is pristine piece of vinyl. It's never been played. No one. It's just terrible. Telstar.

I put it on this morning. Telstar, a reference to the Joe Meek tune, Telstar. I think it's a very cheap label. They were kind of compilations and things like that, like Timelife in America. Like K-Tel or that kind of cheap compilation label. I bought the album, Black Lace. This album is called Party Party by Black Lace.

Now, for people outside the UK, Black Lace was a very, very cheesy pop group that dealt in... To say very, very cheesy is a real understatement, though. They epitomised the worst kind of club... Cheap. Club 18. Crass.

Club Mallorca. Terrible. Leery. Yeah. Ica, terrible. Leary. Yeah. I mean, they served the purpose. They were awful. They had the worst hair of all time. Yeah, but that's why I said they look like kind of Poundland Trevor Horns.

Look at them. They've got like boxing trainers. Yeah. Oh, God. Adidas boxing trainers, but they're not actually Adidas because they've got four stripes. And like the hair is like his roots are coming through that kind of two-tone hair

with blonde highlights it's the 80s thing but what interested me Paul about the cover Telstar says as seen on TV so where were they seen on TV

on top of the pops it just means advert it just means that advert for this album was on TV that's so cheap isn't it terrible but I guess though if an album

party party this is called if an album is advertised on TV then there's a cheap, isn't it? Terrible. But I guess though, if an album's Party Party, this is called. If an album is advertised on TV, then there's a bit of respectability behind it, because they've managed to secure the money to put it on the air. You know what I mean? To sell it. So that's what they're saying. It's like It's alright. It's safe. It's not like Stars on 45. Yeah, it's safe. Even though it's basically Stars on 45. Yeah.

And the cover depicts a party, because it's called Party Party, this LP. A very 80s party. And you've got the two members of the group. There was two of them, wasn't there? Yeah. And they're quite indistinguishable from each other, really, weren't they? Both blonde guys. Or bottle blonde guys.

With tight trousers on. I do like his silver vest, though. And then behind, they're doing the Congo, aren't they? So it's that kind of party. It's like in the UK, there's a particular kind of party. It's always like someone's 40th and there's a DJ and they play basically everything that Black Lace covered. So it was like Superman and do the conga and soup.

And I said soup, Matt. You know what I mean? What's the conga song? Do, do, do. Come on and do the conga. Do, do, do. But what's that? Put it in, put it out.

What's that one? What? Put it in, put it out. And shake that one? What? Put it in, put it out. And shake it all about. That's how you... The hokey-cokey. Hokey-cokey. Or hokey-pokey

in America, isn't it? Is it? Yeah. Now, the hokey-cokey, they could be doing that as well, They could be doing that. Because that's a dance that you do in a big line.

Yeah, but usually not in a... That's the conga line, though. Ah, you know. Usually in a circle when you do the hokey-cokey, aren't you? Oh, really? And you jump in and jump out.

And you put your left in, foot in. Hey, did you hear about what happened? The guy who wrote the hokey-cokey, aren't you? You jump in and jump out. And you put your left foot in. Hey, did you hear about what happened? The guy who wrote the hokey-cokey. He put his left nut in, his left nut out. You know the guy who wrote the hokey-cokey? Do you know what happened when he died? Yes.

Do you know when he died? Yeah, it's a joke. It took him forever. Because when he tried to get into the coffin, he put his left leg in and then he took his left leg out. You know how it goes. Very bad taste. Very bad taste.

The reason why I'm bringing this up, though, this album. Can I just describe the cover? Yes. So they're doing a conga line and then behind the members of the band

I thought we'd spend two minutes on this I guess I was wrong you've got the like a hip young lady teenage lady maybe then a young younger girl

again in the very 80s way so you know tracksuits grandad grandad behind her then you've got the couple

mum and dad Mr and Mrs Plane yeah and at the back, the little kiddies. Yeah. Everyone can enjoy this album. So it's like a party for everyone, isn't it? Everyone can enjoy the songs. Was that their appeal?

They had a cross-generational appeal. Well, this is what I want to get into. So I bought that because I saw it and I thought, 40p and it's got Agadou on, which is their big hit. Which is just so awful. Such an awful song that makes you just die inside. We've played it on the podcast before, but let's just put a little bit of it in now. Up and down and to the knees. Come and dance every night. Sing with a hula melody.

That's enough. The reason why I brought this along, though, is because Chai, Charlie, gave me a little care package at DigiLive. And in it was a looking magazine. Why do you need care? Shut up. If you turn up to live events, maybe you get free stuff, too.

I did turn up to the fucking live event. Briefly. And then you fucked off at the interval. Because I had to work elsewhere after perhaps the greatest character ever performed on a stage. I've been having talks with Biffo. We're killing off Fat Sal. What? Yeah.

Why? I just wanted to break it to you. You guys just don't like the attention Fat Sal gets. Yeah, we don't. And we don't like the attention you get from it. We've got someone else to play Fat Sal anyway. What? Who?

I'm not going to tell you in case you, you know, approach them and threaten them. I'm going to do my own spin-off. Oh, yeah? Yeah, overweight pig. Chunky pig. tell you in case you you know approach them and threaten them i'm gonna do a bit of angry mouth oh yeah yeah overweight pig chunky pig overweight pig right okay sounds exactly like fat sal yeah you're gonna do it too you're just gonna i'm gonna fucking break into wherever you're doing your stupid show and fat sal be fucking we'll have security fat sat oh you'll have security will you i'll be fucking there's a picture i'll be fucking... There's a picture of Eli. I'll be armed. Don't let him in. I'll be armed.

You won't. I will kill your security. Where's this going? I just want to talk about this fucking album. Move on. Are you really banning fat sal? No. No, we're not. All right.

Okay. So, I got that album. Charlie gave me a looking magazine from 1984 because it's got Ghostbusters on. So, I thought, cool. But inside that issue, there's an interview with Black Lace. And I'll read it out to you because I think it's really illuminating. Okay. Black Lace, title underneath it says,

We like to laugh at ourselves. Here's the article. No one could accuse Black Lace of being a serious band, but they just don't care at all. Just so as long as everyone's having a good time. Alan Barton, who I presume is the main guy, told Lookin's Phil Parson all about their knack for making catchy, fun records.

Here's where it gets interesting. I mean, as much as talking about Black Lace is going to be interesting. A string of hits like Superman, Agadou, and now Do The Conga have left the duo wide open to criticism. But Alan doesn't mind. It's funny when we read what people say and laugh.

I like to think we laugh at ourselves because we're doing things that we really can't say and laugh. I like to think we laugh at ourselves because we're doing things that we really can't be taken seriously. I like the way it's done because everyone takes the mickey, but in a nice sort of way. We can't be taken seriously and we don't want to be. God, say that again in a different

way. Fucking hell. Not that. Not serious. Just not serious. We don't take ourselves seriously. No, we're not serious. It's a joke. Absolutely not serious. We're a joke band. I bet they get into the studio and they're like, right, fucking serious.

Now make this a masterpiece. But then the next line, it says, not with the kind of thing we're doing now. As if this is a stage of their career. Yeah, and they want to, I mean, where are they now, I wonder? Well, life wasn't always one big party for Alan and his partner, Colin Routh. So that's the other guy who does the piano.

Routh. Routh. Once he tried to be really arty doing ballads, but no one was interested. So now they concentrate on giving everyone a good time. When we play live, we get up there, have a laugh, and a mess about, and everyone's joining in. Although Black Glacier's success has been fairly recent, they have been together since 1979.

So this was 84 when the magazine came out, so what, five years? When, as a four-piece band, they represented Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest. I don't know what that band is, and I have to find that out. Out on a late night, way after midnight Armed with a bottle or two

What's the time of getting out of my mind? I gotta get to you Marianne, I'm gonna do what I can But I can't do more than try Tearing my heart out, trying to make it up to you Marianne, I'm to do what I can If that's the truth, then that's the lie Crying my eyes out, gotta get it back with you

As a four-piece, but that's Agadou, but they were just a four-piece. No, they weren't. I don't even know if they were called Black Lace. So you're sure it wasn't Black Lace? I'm not so sure they weren't called Black Lace. They could have just had two other members or two people they hired to dance around. Either way, they represented Eurovision in 79.

After that, they were popular in Eastern Europe, but never got anywhere in Britain. They called it a day in 1981 when they were stuck with £8,000 of debt. But Alan and Colin stuck together. We started again. We brought a little van, played in pubs for £25 a night and slowly paid off that debt. Then we slowly built up the equipment and moved on to a bigger van and it eventually paid off. The duo's hit singles all have interesting stories behind them, as Alan explained. Our manager heard Superman when he was on holiday in Tenerife.

He couldn't get hold of a copy, so he bought a cheap cassette player and stuck it to a speaker in the disco. It was in a foreign language, and I didn't think much of it. But he was so determined we wouldn't miss out, like we did with the Birdie song. We actually had that song given to us before the tweets, but we messed about with it because we didn't want to release it we put it out there's a version they've done a version of the birdie song on this album so yeah we put it out under the name of busby with our own words to it but it was the tweets who had the hit weird so there's another there's an there's a black lace version of the birdie song yeah on well i mean that would be it i guess that version yeah who knows what they released it under the

buzz buzzbees yeah so we recorded superman on monday and released it on the friday so turn around that hit agadu the big famous one yes also comes from abroad one night when we were working a guy asked if agadu would be our next hit single we'd never heard of it but tried to track it down eventually went to a place in derby where they were dancing to it on the table so we thought this is it agadu was written in 1967 for a holiday company and was a hit in germany four years ago so their current hit it's just a pure like ephemeral shit they haven't written anything disc fucking tune isn't it it's like a well it's like i went to pontons used to have the crocodile pontons rock and you could buy a vinyl single of this crap yeah yeah yeah yeah must have been something like that yeah their

current hit also has European connections. I was speaking to the guy who wrote our Eurovision song on the phone one Sunday and asked him to write us a song. He wrote it that afternoon and we had it finished by Tuesday. Alan and Colin do write some of their songs, but they're stuck to the hit formula for their album Party Party. We've done covers of songs like Locomotion, The Bump and The Twist. All class stuff, laughed Alan. Yeah.

Black Lace were enjoying their success, even if it does mean playing live nearly every night of the week, but Alan realised the party could be soon over for them. You did. I think we're the type of act that could disappear for for quite some time. No. Although it could just easily stop tomorrow. You did. I think we're the type of act that could disappear for a couple of years and then be back with another hit. You aren't. No.

In the meantime, Black Lays are happy to keep us all laughing and doing the conk and having a good old knees up. And what does it matter if no one takes them seriously? And all people don't adore us like Duran and Duran. We just have a good time. Colin summed it up nicely. He said, we're for anyone who likes to act like a bit of a wally

they are yeah that's it but that's what I mean that's why they epitomised that naffness they weren't the only proponents

of that kind of music and that kind of movement then that was just sort of naff but didn't care didn't want to be taken seriously

it was cheap disco dance floor tracks I mean you look at that and you could if you were a shit DJ at a 40th birthday party, 60th grand, you could put this on and walk away and get drunk at the bar. Maybe coming back in 25 minutes.

So should we have a look at the track listing on this? Have a quick look. Because again, I was spending a lot more time than I expected on Black Lace. It's interesting to me. I was fascinated when I was a child at the time when they were around, because they were so shit. Do you know what I mean? It was so devoid of any merit,

musically. Anything. It just felt like the equivalent of like Christmas Cracker. It's like the Christmas Cracker of music. It's so ephemeral

and just complete awful. So, side one opens with Agadou. Of course, you start with your big hit. Then it's Hands Up. What's that? Hands up,

baby, hands up, give me your love, give me, give me your love, give me, give me that one. Who's that? Hands up, baby, hands up. Give me your love, baby, give me your love. Give me, give me. That one. Who sang that originally? I'm not sure. Was that Boney M?

Was that Sheena Easton? It wasn't Sheena Easton. It sounds like a Boney M kind of band, doesn't it? It could have been. Again, we could just look on the internet, but we can't say there'd be five minutes. But I'm just trying to look at the writing credits for that. Maybe that's a clue. No.

Kluger and Vanglader. Then we have Obladi Oblada. Beatles? The Beatles song. I bet that's the best cover of that song ever. Even better than

The Offsprings, Get a Job. There's a lot of covers of Obladi Oblada. What do you think of that song? It's not one of my favourite Beatles songs. It's not one of my favourites to be honest.

It's a bit annoying. The Birdie song. Da da da da da da da da da da da da da da and shake your bum da da da da that is extremely catchy in the most annoying basic way

but that's the point isn't it it's an earworm it's a terrible earworm you're pissed at midnight and someone puts that on and you go thank god we don't live in a world

where that can happen no there's a big chunk of England that's still fucking loose really yeah no definitely definitely mate then you have the locomotion everybody do it in a world where that can happen. No. There's a big chunk of England that's still fucking loose. Really? Yeah. No, definitely. Definitely, mate.

Then you have the locomotion. Everybody do it a bit. And who did the original back in the 50s in America? Kylie. Little Eva, was it? Kylie. Something like that. It was Kylie Minogue.

No, it wasn't Little Eva. Kylie Minogue wrote that song. No, she did not. Come on, baby. Do the locomotion. It was a hit in America back in the early 60s. And very famous.

Coffin and King. Coffin and King. Very famous songwriting duo. Very famous. Great. A lot of that. So then you have a medley. Yeah, a medley.

There's two medleys, one on each side. Great. This whole house. This whole house. Dancing party. I don't know what that is. I don't know that one. And rock around the clock.

Rock around the clock. We're going to rock, rock, rock around the clock. We're going to rock, rock, rock through the morning light. We're going to rock, rock, rock. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Then wig, wham, bam. Now that's a... Sweet?

Yes. It's a glam. It's a glam hit. It's a stomper. Yeah, glam stomper. And it's a weird fucking song about a young Indian girl having sex with a man and teaching him her ways. Right, so it's completely like... It's completely what you'd expect Sweet to write about.

Just try a little wigwam. Wigwam, bam, gonna make you my man. Wambambam, gonna catch you if I can. Wigwambam, gonna make you understand. It's not PC anymore. Not particularly. Then Do The Conga. Do, do, do. Come on and do the conga.

Now, where do you think that originated, Do The Conga? It sounds like, do, come on and do the conga. Now, where do you think that originated, Do The Conga? It sounds like it's another holiday camp kind of thing. It totally is. And again, it's this sort of

colonial subtext to it, isn't it? Because it's like, it's exoticism, isn't it? It's like the other. The conga, do the, you know. Yeah, you're right.

But I don't think, honestly, people relate the two. I think they just see it as this kind of tribal Fucking weird Dance around the disco At the end of the night

It's usually One of the last songs You put on Is it one of the ones Where you're trying to Get your end over Your end away If anyone

Tries to have sex During the conga You don't try to have it During the conga But it means You get into contact Because everyone has to Join up don't they

Well you grab someone By the hips Oh there's a Oh fucking I can't wait for my moment when they do... I can't go on. I'll fucking go out there! Oh, no.

I'll fucking clean my own pants. I'll go to the loo and scrub it off. Paul? Yeah? Eli's just tried to fuck your nan. Oh, he's ruined the party. So, we move to side two of Party Party. Yeah.

Which has a tagline, this album. Six great party icebreakers. They break the ice... So, they are just completely... Can I just say... They're shameless. They're not trying to be... There's no concept.

It's a concept album, but a concept... This is the first time I've ever heard Party Party called a concept album. That's the concept. I mean, yeah, but... Party icebreakers. You can only break the ice once. No, but then by the end is, that's the concept. I mean, yeah. Party Icebreakers. You can only break the ice once. No, but then by the end of the tune, the ice is reformed, mate. It's frozen over.

Because that's the thing with all these songs, and it's similar to novelty songs. They start out and you go, hey, and then about a minute in, you go, ah, I'm going to sit down again. Fucking no. Nan stands up and goes, hey, and then Nan sits down. But that has, I mean, that's pop music all over. And that trend has continued, hasn't it? And these days,

if you see like dance DJs or whatever, they'll play just literally like the first three bars of a well-known tune and then it's into something else because it's like, that's it.

You've got the, you had the hit of recognition. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And the little sing-along with the first, and then it's gone.

But you know, that fucking bugs me though because I was at a wedding party and there was a DJ there playing all the stuff you'd expect for a wedding party.

Yes. But what was really fucking annoying is you'd only play the first two minutes. If you play the first little bit and move on, fine.

But don't play most of the track and then just move on. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's so kind of blue ballsy because if you listen to a song that has like any kind of escalation

of theme or sound. Like a good song. Yeah. You know, it'd be like cutting out right before the last verse of Living on a Prayer.

So, opening side two, Knock Three Times. That was a very big hit for a group called Dawn. Knock three times on a window if you want me dawn not going

on the pipe there was like if the answer is me that's me ripping off shooting stars completely stop then superman which they sort of co-opted if it was some kind of german holiday camp which is a kind of cool and responsey kind of simon says he's like comb your hair and everyone does comb in the hair okay so everyone can take part. It's a party thing. Then, Hi Ho Silver Lining. Monkeys? No.

Oh, it's not? Jeff Beck. Jeff Beck? That's really good. The original's really good, but it has that sing-along. That's a real wedding tune, isn't it? Hi Ho Silver is, yeah. He's got a really good guitar solo, his original, which is a Mickey Mouse production on the Rack label.

I guess I was getting it confused with Daydream Believer. They kind of have a similar kind of 60s, good time groove. I really like High Hose. As a song, I think I really like it. High Hose, you've been landing everywhere you go.

It's got that sort of almost small faces kind of. I thought it was small faces. Well, and the monkeys but you know what i mean it's classic it's got that classic pop 60s pop structure everywhere and nowhere baby yeah that's where you're at i'd say that of all the songs that's my favorite actual tune i bet you'd never want to hear that version of it though no i would not right then you have on. Then you have Simon Says. Oh, there you go. And it's weird, Chipruti,

because I've got that version that is by the Chipruti. But it's spelled differently. The Energizer Rock. Yeah. And Simon Says, Save Energy. But it was written by, it was performed by

a white band, a bunch of hippie white band. Yeah, but it was written by this guy, Chipruti. Hang on, let me just check one more thing because this came up before and we mentioned it.

Did that guy write the song? He did. But it was performed by... It was one of those songs. He probably just wrote it and then everyone bought it off him. And then it was released by different groups in different... Faramonch. Pharaoh Monk.

Yeah. No, that's... He's a rapper artist. An artist. Okay. Oh, okay. Hang on. Chipruti.

Fruit Gun Company. Yes. They were the one who made it big with that song. They had the first hit, but it was written by... That chap. Chipruti, yeah. Yeah, okay, sorry, go on. Okay, and then we have The Bump.

What is The Bump? Did, did, did, did it. Oh, that's The Hustle. I don't know what The Bump is. Who wrote it? Martin and Coulter. And Coulter. What, the right-wing journalist?

No, Martin Stroke Coulter. What, he... Martin Stroke and Coulter? Ann Coulter? What, the right-wing journalist? No, Martin Stroke Coulter. What, he... Martin Stroke Ann Coulter? Shut up. Hang on. The bump. Oh, that's about pregnancy. I don't need that.

Jesus Christ. Search terms, Gannon. Hang on, hang on. By Kenny? Yeah. Let's have a little listen. It's shit. I kind of like this version, though.

That's well glam. So it's another glam one. Glammy, stompy one. Because the bump, you're getting confused because the bump is also a disco dance. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Then we have fiddling. You treat! I don't know what that is either.

Fiddling. Fiddling. We'll move on. I'm not interested in fiddling. Let's twist again. Classic rock and roll song. One of the biggest hits of all popular music. Is that Chubby Checker? Fats Domino.

Fats Domino. Is it? Chubby Checker. It is Chubby Checker. It's weird because I was thinking Fats Domino, but that's, you know, he's a blues thing. It's weird that Chubby Checker has based his name on Fats Domino. Isn't it?

I'm confused. Because Domino's a playing piece, and fat means fat, and chubby means fat. Yeah. And checker. And checker is a checker like for... Like drafts.

Yeah. Isn't that weird? Come on, baby. Let's do that twist. So he, yeah. And he had several records based on the twist. It was back in the time... Well, we've played on the show before.

We played when he did it with the Fat Boys. And he did the 80s rap version. They did that. Of course. So that's, again, a classic record, but their version. And then they finished, we close out the album and finish Party Party with a medley of Sailing. We are sailing. Rod Stewart made that famous, didn't he?

This is the end of a party. It's definitely the end. End of a disco. It's a curated kind of party, isn't it? You can fuck off for 40 minutes and just play this flip it over love flip it over darling I'm at the bar

alright I want another glass of hop and finishing you'll never walk alone and so that's that album I never want to hear anything by them ever again mate I thought

I wonder what happened to them I bet they no they're still going I think they just do like clubs and pontons and university gigs and stuff like that they're probably still

in that van fair play yeah fair play apparently Jive Bunny's still going what's still going? Jive Bunny oh my word

the rumour is like he still turns up at like you know 80s retro music festival with a big rabbit head yeah and then he basically pretends to mix singles while he

plays an mp3 file probably of his albums I don't know isn't that a bit sad it's like Jive Bunny is the shit naff version of Deadmau5. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we spent 30 minutes talking about Black Lace, and now I don't know whether we should crack on with one album or do both. I reckon we should do one more. Yeah. And I reckon we should do Russ Abbott. Okay, let's talk about that. Eli, I'm going to talk about Ross Abbott

I know because you love Ross Abbott Ross Abbott get his fucking name right you cretin Ross Ross no I said Ross now

goff okay so Ross Abbott YouTube channel Weekend Lollygagging gave me this because he bought it in a charity shop

and we have covered Ross Abbott in the past on the show Weekend Lollygagging that's the name of his channel okay and what can the show. Weekend Lollygagging. That's the name of his channel. Okay, and what can you see on that channel? Lollygagging at the weekend.

What does that mean? I don't know. Okay. Good, thanks for the record, though. He bought it because, obviously, we'd done the Russ Abbott... What was his... Atmosphere. Yeah, that was the song. What was the album called?

Party. Something shit. Party, party. It's called Party. Party, party, party, party, party, party, party. Similar album. Very similar album. And definitely of that whole genre. What should we call it?

NAF Party. 80s NAF Party. NAF Pop. NAF Pop. 80s NAF Pop. Very much both in that. But the problem is, this is going to be contentious. I would say Russ Abbott completely fails in NAF pop apart from that one track but even that's better atmosphere yeah that's better in your head than it is when you

hear it again yeah i would say black lace do naff pop better better yeah okay regardless of quality you could put that on uninterrupted at a party and play it you would never fucking put russ abbott's party album on yeah track by track by track because it's got so many varying moods and the quality is so shit poor some poor

vocals the producing the production on it is very Casio keyboard terrible so is it better the production

you'd say is better on Black Lace as well so even though they are very much naff naff party pop yeah

Black Lace are actually better at it yeah better produced records yeah I guess they know who their audience is whereas I think Russ Abbott wanted to be Black Lace are actually better at it. Yeah. Better produced records. Yeah, I guess they know who their audience is,

whereas I think Ross Albert wanted to be taken seriously to some extent. But they, it's funny because in that interview they were saying about how they don't want

to be taken seriously. It's not serious, it's all a laugh. So they are just sort of just over the line from comedy or novelty music. Do you see what I mean?

It's that difference between like somebody who makes a bad film on purpose and somebody makes a bad film, but the intent is pure. Yeah. And that's usually what's more endearing. And I kind of feel like Black Lace...

The intent is pure. The intent is pure because they know we fucking know what we're making. It's just, yeah. And we're going to rinse this for as much as we can. And people like it, don't they?

Yeah. Whereas Russ Abbott was like, I'm making an album. What do you want to do? I want to cover that and that and I want to do it, but make sure the production is really low and everything sounds like it's don't they? Yeah, whereas Russ Abbott was like, I'll make an album. What do you want to do? I want to cover that and that, and I want to do it, but make sure the production's really low and everything sounds like it's on a school keyboard.

Now, Paul. Before we go off on this, very also similar to Roy, Roy Ray, Roy J. Spook. That guy. Yes. Flash in the pan style. It's sort of easy listening meets 80s pop synth.

But self-indulgent. Yeah. Where, again, he thinks he's making something better than he is. He was just obviously had drug issues. I mean, but again,

the quality of that was also better than Russ Abbott's one as well. Anyway, fast forward to this album that we were given. And when I saw he got this months ago,

I was jealous because I've not been able to find this in a while. But it's Russ Abbott's Madhouse album. Very nice copy. Gatefold Sleeve. Although it's only got

one album thank fuck it's not a double album yeah it's just there for pictures and lyrics and it's um based on the tv show russ abbott's madhouse now the story being that um as we've said before uh freddie star originally had the madhouse and then was had some kind of divorce problem at the time or no no no, no. Again, I've said this story before, so I don't like to repeat myself. But basically, it was meant to be Freddy Starr's Madhouse. It was his vehicle. During the first few episodes, it was apparent that this was a shit show.

And the legend goes that he just went up to Russ Abbott, who was part of the cast originally, as one of the background players. Yeah. And went, it's your fucking show, mate. I'm off. And Storm's off. And it became Russ Abbott's show by default. But someone must have had faith in Abbott. Yeah, because Abbott, again, we've mentioned this,

came from a musical background and then started performing as a drummer. He was a brilliant drummer. And then he did a few songs. And then someone said, maybe pepper your songs with a bit of comedy. And then for whatever reason, it led him into doing Madhouse. But his broadly Scottish character, Ock Eye Jimmy or whatever. Ock Eye, the new C.U. Jimmy. He used to headbutt people a lot.

Yeah. That's kind of racist, isn't it? Oh, I'm not having this chat. You wouldn't do that now, is all I'm saying. I would. I did it last week on the fucking podcast. So, you know what I mean? Okay.

These are all songs. It's an album of songs taken from the first one or two seasons of the madhouse and mad it was a big hit madhouse so yeah star must have been like oh fucking hell well no here's what i think the problem is freddie star is is one of these acts who they thought if we give him the basic framework he's so crazy and anarchic it will go off the rails and it'll be funny in an anarchic oh we can't control this way. So let's surround them with talented people who can roll with the punches. Who could be the straight men to him. However, in actual fact, it was just a formless, embarrassing shit.

And that's what it was. Did you ever watch that first episode that's online on YouTube of him? No. I'll put a link to it on our website page. He was in the first episode and it was broadcast. Yeah, I don't know if it was broadcast. I honestly don't know. To my mind, I don't know all the details broadcast. I honestly don't know. To my mind,

I don't know all the details, but on YouTube, there's an episode of Freddie Starr's Madhouse and it's done like a fake vaudeville. So it's all done on stage and an audience

and stuff like that. Everything about it is misguided, misjudged, ill-timed, unfunny, desperate. And there are other performers

struggling. There's material that goes nowhere and ends without any form of punchline. And you can tell there have been material that goes nowhere and ends without any form of punchline and you can tell they've been hard edits where they've just gone this is dead cut to the next thing and it cuts to a song terrible so so this is though this is russ abbott's madhouse yeah and these are tunes and they're all sort of parodies of certain things aren't they

that were popular at the time now i'm just going to go ahead and say this right off the top. After listening to his album, the original Ross Albert album, I came into this completely willing to shit on it, to go, oh, it's a product of its time, blah, blah, blah. Now that I've listened to it, regardless of the quality

of the actual material, it's actually fucking quite good. It's well produced. He sings decently in it. All the parodies are done really well. It's just the pinch of salt is, do you like the content of the song? Like one's called Mother-in-Law.

It's still got the 80s tip-off. Broad sort of humour. Let's make fun of gays and their femininity. Let's make fun of mother-in-laws. Let's make fun of foreigners. There's the character called Julio Double Glazias. Who do you think that's a parody of? Yes.

We have a young audience, so let's tell them. Julio Iglazias. Who's a crooner. But he's the dad of that guy who was big a few years back. Billy Iglazias. No, come on. Enrique Iglazias? Okay, I'll take your word for it. So the joke with that character is that that guy who was big a few years back billy iglesias no come on enrique iglesias okay i'll take your word for it um so the joke with that character is like he doesn't quite know english

yet so his way of expressing love comes across as quite rude because he doesn't quite find the right turn of age and it works but it's carry on kind of yeah stuff you wouldn't get away with because you just wouldn't get away with it, because one of them that I kind of liked was Burnley is Babylon, which is a sort of reggae Rastafarian. King Will from the Rastoplasts. Yeah. And he's from

Burnley, and he's saying Burnley reggae with the local brew You get the nasty dirt in the outside loo We get so rastroplastid we don't know what to do But we're doing it in Babylon Burnley is Babylon So I'm living on the street like sitting on the curb Knitting woolly hats and smoking the herb Smoking sage in Babylon Burnley is Babylon And they actually totally nixed the riff from Dawn Penn's Feel Like Jumping.

Yeah, and that's the thing. Is it Dawn Penn? It's not Dawn Penn. Marcia Griffiths. Yeah? Yeah, I believe so. All right, I'll let you stand by that. You know, but that was one of the biggest reggae hits of recent years. You know, Feel Like Jumping.

Yeah, yeah. Ooh, ooh. Feel Like Jumping. Yeah, all right. I thought you were going to do more musical. Sorry. Let's stop with the yesh. But all the humour in it is kind of like slightly adult Beano humour.

That's why all the titles of the songs are very punny and the bands are very punny. And as it stands, it's well produced. It's quite well produced. And the gag isn't offensive inherently. Now, I haven't seen the episode this comes from. I don't know if he's black. Is he just black-faced in it?

That's what I don't know. Because when he does the four bottoms, so, you know, the four tops parody. Is he black-faced in there? They're all blacked up for that. That's terrible. And weirdly enough, I don't know because when he does the four bottoms, so you know, the four tops kept parody. Does he blackface for that? They're all blacked up for that. That's terrible. And weirdly enough, they don't,

there's a spoof song that they do where there's the four bottoms but one of them's white and the whole gag is, oh, I'm not black but I'm with the four. But this one is actually

a better gag. The inherent gag is that he can't go anywhere without the other three being with him. So like, he goes on a date and they're all there.

They're in the back of the car when he's trying to get his first kiss. I mean, it's inappropriate and bad but it's date and they're all there they're in the back of the car when he's trying to get his first kiss it's I mean it's inappropriate and bad but it's not they're not it's not racist in that way it's not hateful it's

and it's not sort of it's more like just ignorant which I guess it's pretty shit still yeah but again like you said it's that kind of humor from the other and some of

these are just clear clear parodies like Upper Norwood Girls by the Bleach Boys. And if you want to have a think of what that sounds like, just listen to California Girls by the Bleach Boys.

It's a parody. And so on the credits, it says parody by, which is what, I didn't know, but that must be what you, how you get past the copyright issues.

I mean, that's a good point. I actually don't know how that works. Yeah. I think you have to say it's a parody. Because the UK have different parody laws than the US. So there's more elastic stretching of the rules in

america than they're on the uk it's a funny one it's weird because these days people get sued for millions for you know if they're using three bars of let's get it on or something yeah exactly so how would you get away with doing a parody of a well-known song these days i mean i don't could you first of all probably because you've got itV and they've got their lawyers and they ran it through. They probably got some. This is LWT. London Weekend Television. Yes.

Who produced it, the show and the album, apparently. Yes. And that was back in the day where you used to have a different TV company take over ITV on the weekends. With their own programming. London Weekend Television. I had Granada. And I had. Grampian. And I had Thames. Yeah. ThamesV on the weekends. With their own programming. London weekend television. I had Granada. And I had Thames. Yeah. Thames TV during the week. I think we've talked about regional TV in the past.

That's all gone. That gives me a nostalgia stodge off. Pa pa pa pa pa pa pa pa. I love that, yeah. And the LWT it was like... So yeah, what other clip are you going to play? Well, the thing is like some songs stand up better than others. and the LWT it was like do do do do do so yeah what other clip

are you going to play well the thing is like some songs stand up better than others and I think the one that stands up the best on this is let me have a quick look

Honey I'm Just After Your Cash by Constipated The Constipated Seven featuring Whispering Hubert so should we have a little bit of that right now let's have a little listen

to that. Don't ask why I act so funny. All I'm after is your money. Honey, I'm just after your cash. I may seem a lizard long job, but the truth is I'm a scrounger. Honey, I'm just after your cash I may seem frightfully upper class When I sing Vodeo Do The truth is Dad's a Smithfield lad

My old mum's a scrubber from Bow That's why I look such a Nancy It's to look cute, debs or fancy Honey, I'm just after your cash Now the thing is, I quite like that kind of music in both its original form and when people spoof. It's like a Noel Coward parody, I think, as you'd say. Clip, British.

What kind of genre of music is that? It's chamber songs, isn't it? Yeah. It's amusing songs. They're little... I just love that aesthetic. The other example that really springs to mind is the penis song from The Meaning of Life.

Isn't it great to have a penis? I can't remember the rest. I can't remember it. How weird, that just disappeared out of my head. Penis. Yes. A trowel's a snake, a man's best friend. It's all right.

It's fine. And also, have you ever heard... That's exactly the same, though, isn't it? It's a Noel Coward sort of style comic song. Yes. Comedy vaudeville. No, not vaudeville. It's not vaudeville.

I don't know. Anyway, but yeah, there's also another one by, you know, Jim Dale, who in the UK is known for carry-on films. In the US, known more as a singer and the reader of the Harry Potter books. Okay. But he did a song called... What do you mean, on the audio? Yeah, he did audio books.

And he got awards for that, Emmys and whatever for it. Grammys, I don't know how it works out. But anyway, he's known more for those than the carry-on films. He did a song in the 70s, because you've got to remember, he was releasing songs as an artist,

a musical artist, before he joined the carry-on. Jim, a musical artist before he joined Carry On. And he did a song called Mother, which is a song about him being, you know, mothered and he's like 30. Smothered by his mum. She still has powders at his bottom and dresses up like a baby. So it's like Sorry?

Yeah, but you know, set in the 30s. And it's got that Mother, I am not a little boy anymore. Yes. Mother, I'm not a little boy anymore. I've grown too old to tuck in bed. I don't need milk.

Give me soda and a whiskey instead. Oh, Mama. Cut my curly hair, Mama. Don't want my teddy bear. Mama, I'm almost 33. So please don't mollycoddle me.

But there must be a name for that style, that sort of upper-class comic song, which I just don't know. But anyway, this is like that, isn't it? But here's the thing. That stands up, because I think, you know, fundamentally the joke's funny. It's about a guy who's wanting to marry just this woman because she's rich,

and that's fine, because it's part of the character. However, it's like when you read, like, lyrics to the song Mother-in-Law, sung in a Teddy Boy Bebop-a-Luba kind of style, and there's a lyric here, which you just think... Just cut the lyric.

Give it. But back in the day, it didn't matter, but now it's like, oh, fucking hell. She was fixing her makeup the first time we met. She was giving the concrete a stare. She called me a fairy. I'll never forget. Well, I probably am next to her.

So, you know. Yeah. Great stuff. It's when homosexuality was completely associated with weakness and effeminacy. Yeah, and being the opposite of manly. Yeah. But also they're referring to the mother as being quite manly as a result. Yeah.

A bricky type, a big shithouse. And it pops up every now and then in these songs where you go, oh, that's fun, that's fun. Oh, that's distasteful. You ruined it. Yeah. Well, it was a different time, Paul. And there's a song on here which is done in the style of Val Dunican,

and it's Reasons for Leaving. And the basic gist of the song is there's this kid singing about his dad, and the chorus goes... Reasons for Living, you mean? Reasons for Leaving, sorry. Okay. and then the dad said he said it's time you knew with the bills and the mortgages it's hard to make do it's not the reason it's not the reason it's not the reason i'm leaving you it's got a sad twist to it yeah look son we're through we're right out of food and i'm unemployed too but that's not the reason that's not the reason that's not the reason

I'm leaving you what is the reason well it's because the son the guy who's singing is a cunt an absolute shit it's like he says you did this

you did that that's what I mean yeah it's like my blood and my son is a cunt is what that song's saying is it

yeah it says I said to him dad I'm really not bad and I think that you're being unfair just because I told Mum all the things that you'd done, especially with the au pair. Right, so he's glassing up his dad

but I mean, you know, that's not that you know, I thought you were pleased when we asked you to feed the pigeons that you keep out the back it was with good intent that I thought that you meant I should feed them both to my cat He's a bit of an asshole. And then the last bit is like, he left how I cried.

Oh, daddy, I've tried. Remember, we all make mistakes. I remember him still as he shot down the hill with his foot pressed hard on the brakes. They'd always been bad. I thought he'd be glad that I'd fixed that very same day. My daddy was gone, but I'll still carry on because granddad is coming to stay. It's kind of a weird, dark song about a sociopathic kid who ruins his dad's life, kills him,

and then goes, but granddad's coming, and he's a soft fucking touch. So that is Russ Abbott's Madhouse. Both. The album. Ronco, another one of those extremely cheap labels. But, again, effective because the songs are well produced, the parodies are pretty spot on, and it's well performed.

It's just that it's about as bad as, but better than I expected. Yes, but he's gone full comedy there. But then is this before or after Atmosphere and the Party? Well before. Okay. Because the first track on that is Living It Up, and that's the original theme to Madhouse, before it became songs of joy and tears of laughter.

Oh, yeah, God. You know when sincerity creeps into sketch comedy and you just think, oh, fuck off. Well, that's what I mean. You've just dressed up a fat woman as a Nazi and made fun of her. Atmosphere, although it's got that naff thing and doesn't take itself too seriously,

isn't a comedy record. No. Do you see what I mean? It's a pop record. It's like my dad releasing a song that he expects to get to number one.

You know, it's like, Dad, you don't know what music's like these days. Don't release that. Yeah. Someone should have said

to Ross Abbott, listen, if we're going to release this song and you want to, if you have to make a video, don't wear a fucking jumper during it.

It's a nightclub. Wear a shirt with a tie. Don't wear a fucking cuddly jumper. And maybe just comb your hair forward because you're bald spot. We've reached the dead centre of the naff movement of early 80s. I would say, if you in any way

shape or form admire the work of Russ Abbott, stay away from his album and get that Madhouse one and then you might feel appeased. It's the best of it. I think the best of the stuff he was doing at the time. Yeah. I mean, look, again.

Now we've got one more Russ Abbott Kinda. Tune. Kinda. Well, it's not kinda. It is a tune. It is a tune.

Because we talked about it on the show previously before. We mentioned this when we talked about atmosphere. Let's just cover what happened. I'll let you tell the story then because I've gabbled enough. So at Digitizer Live

we got a lot of stuff from people, didn't we? Giving us stuff. Lovely. We like it. Thank you very very much it helps makes this show however this paul yeah i don't know if i'll be oh that yeah i wouldn't this is a dog i don't think we should mention it because why skunk infused vodka yeah given to me by a dodgy man in a Buxton water bottle like I'm willing to do some risky behaviour in my life risk taking behaviour

that's a bit too far can I just suggest that you never drink a random drink given to me by a complete stranger five minutes before the end of the

night as he shot out the door yeah because he literally said this is for you you'll like it I'm a dodgy old geezer

you'll like that and it literally is like some herb have you sniffed it I You'll like it. I'm a dodgy old geezer. You'll like that. And it literally is like some herb in like... Have you sniffed it? I haven't opened it. Let's have a sniff of it now. Oh. What's that sniff? Oh, the half of evil.

Oh! Yeah. I don't like vodka. I don't like that. I don't like that. No, and it smells very much of vodka with weed in it. So... Well, there you go. I mean, that's what it is.

Now, we were handed this. You were handed this by a lovely guy at... Digitizer Live. Digitizer Live. And this is a really nice cover, a seven-inch single cover, Player One, Space Invaders. Space Invaders,

backed with a menacing glow in the sky okay uh and i thought oh that's interesting some kind of uh novelty space invaders record thing yeah uh but you open if you look inside what's inside randomly it was russabit the space but that weirdly it's not the right record for this sleeve, but it is a record that has the word Space Invaders in the title. Which is what must have happened. Someone was going through their record collection or whatever. It was missorted, definitely.

Just double-check what you buy. So the thing that was in the Space Invaders thing was a tune called The Space Invaders Met Meat. The Space Invaders Meet. Fleur Birds? thing was a tune called the space invader wet met meet the space invaders meet the space invaders meet the purple people eater by i think we have played that on the show before if not it's definitely on the website one of our pages and it's one of his better ones i like it and it's you know but it's um it's a comedy song definitely definitely a comedy song uh he's doing some quite strong characterization of the guy and he's a, and he's a guy who plays... It's a character from The Madhouse.

Is it? Yeah, that kind of Teddy Boy kind of character. Right, yeah. A sort of London sort of guy. And in the video for it, they just got a little actor, a little person, and painted him green. Really?

Yeah. And gave him D-Leap offers and asked him to play Space Invaders. Okay. But the story of that tune is like the Russ Abbott character is a big Space Invaders player fan. Yeah, and then ends up playing.

Oh, here we go. Here's the actual song. Space Invaders Player One is a song by Australian songwriters Russell Dunlop and Bruce Brown recording the name Player One in 1979. The song was based on

a hugely successful 1978 game. It was a novelty hit in Australia, peaked at number three on the Kent music charts. Went platinum. I'd love to find a real copy. Do you want to have a listen to it? Let's have a little listen, yeah.

I think this is the one. It's instrumental. It's the original. Yeah. But it's the original. Yeah. But it's an instrumental. It's five minutes long. That's alright I wish you hadn't sung that Yeah The shit Yeah you've ruined it by singing Yeah I must go back in and fight it out to the end. With right to survive.

The shit. Yeah, you've ruined it by singing. Yeah. I think that's the 12-inch version, actually. Yes, yeah. That's going to be the 12-inch version, definitely. It's a sort of space disco. It was nice until they just...

Mediocre space disco, yeah. Because what was that other thing I got you on vinyl, and I keep forgetting to give it to you, and I gave it to you, it was like the Yellow Orchestra. It's like a Japanese... Yellow Magic Orchestra. Yellow Magic Orchestra. Yellow Magic Orchestra. Because they had this song called space invaders they did yes they're theirs is really good and theirs is

they are hugely influential yes on the hip-hop scene early hip-hop scene um and also and just electro yeah and craft work and stuff like that you know and they're still going on electronica very good and also i've read that the guy out of the yellow magic orchestra had several Yeah, like Kraftwerk. And stuff like that. And they're still going on and off. Electronica. Very good. And also, I've read that the guy out of the Yellow Magic Orchestra had several solo albums as well. Which were successful. And were rated critically as well, yeah. Well, there you go. So today, we spent an hour talking about Russ Abbott and Black Lace.

It was fun, Paul. I enjoyed it. It was actually quite interesting. Mate, music is my bag, you know? Music is your radar. What does that mean? It's a song by Blur, isn't it? Oh, fuck off.

You had to bring them up. What's wrong with Blur? Do you want me to say what's wrong with Blur? Go on, what's wrong with Blur? The whole Mockney thing. All right, that was like two albums out of all of them. Damon Alban thinking that he's cool. It always gets me. Okay, who would you rather hang out with, Blur or Oasis? Blur. Also, Damon Albarn thinking that he's cool. It always gets me.

All right, okay. Who would you rather hang out with, Blur or Oasis? Blur. Well, there you go then. Way Blur. Well, there you go then. All right?

All right, good. They win, yeah. All the people. So many people. Yeah, see, that greats. Yeah, but again, it was just two albums, really. I like some Blur stuff, okay?

Leisure, Modern Life is Rubbish, got fucking great tracks on there. Park Life is a stone-cold fucking killer of an album. Great Escapers, where it got a little bit too broad and a bit too silly, but there's still great things in it. And then they completely twisted it with Blur, followed by 13, followed by Think Tank. You're a big fan of Blur? A little bit.

Yeah, okay, fine. But I'm just not a big fan. All the people. I'm not a big fan. So many people. I'm not a big fan. So many people. Is that the end of the show then, Paul? Were we going to do something else? We were going to talk about that TV album,

but long story short, we'll save it for another time. Yeah, absolutely. Because it has been an hour about Russ Abbott and Black Lace. And Black Lace. We might be the only podcast in the world to devote 39 minutes to the works of Black Lace. And Black Lace. We might be the only podcast in the world to devote 39 minutes to the works of Black Lace. And we didn't even do any research. No. We just looked at Looking Magazine from 1984.

It's brilliant. Well done. Well done. Shake my hand. We're touching. Touching. We're touching. Don't do the hand tickle.

I got you. I gotcha Oh, yeah. Diamond, livin' it up. Yuckin' and a-divin', livin' it up. Weedin' and a-deemin', livin' it up. All right. Oh, dirty thwoppage. Oh, dirty thwoppage. It's coming. Oh, dirty thwoppage. Oh, dirty thwoppage.

I've done my fly down. I'm gonna thwop it Do you know what, Paul? That was almost like Vienna by Ultravox. Do you know what, Paul? Oh, thwoppage! In this cold weather we've been having, the nuzzle beak gets very, you know, retracted.

Are you talking about your dick? Yes. Right, the nuzzle beak. Fucking hell. Have you ever... Usually, ladies and gentlemen, this is where we sign Yes. Right, the nozzle beak. Fucking hell. Have you ever... Usually, ladies and gentlemen, this is where we sign off. Oh, sign off then. Do you want me to do it?

I'll do it. No, no, because you... No, I will do it. I will do it. Okay. Thank you. No, no, wait. Before you go any further, I'm going to put something that we've done before in Keepshaven

I'm going to reintroduce right now. I'm going to let you completely sign off, right? Yeah. So that means I want everything. The minute you get something wrong, I will slap your bare arm. No. We've gone through this before.

No, no. It was successful. I'm not going to sign off then. Great. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast. It stars me and Paul Gannon.

And Paul Gannon. You should slap me really for that. I would. This. Is that it? Fuck off. Come on. Do you really want me to hit your arm?

Yeah, go on. Here we go. Where? What part of Come on. Do you really want me to hit your heart? Yeah, go on. Here we go. Where? What part of your arm? Do it there. On the flap. Do it there. Ow!

Are you joking me? Is that the hardest you can do? I'm not doing this, Paul. It's really freaking out. Weird. Take your pants off. Paul, stop! No, he's undoing his belt.

Oh, he's got his pants out. Nice shade. Thank you. They're good, yeah. Burg, he's got his pants out. Nice shade. Thank you. They're good. Yeah, burgundy. They were white this morning. Right. Right.

So, welcome to Cheap Show. Welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast. We're at the end now. Thank you for listening to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast. I've been Paul Gannon. That's Eli Silverman. If you want to follow us on all the social medias, let's start at the top. Email us about anything, thecheapshow at gmail.com.

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because, you know, it's four years down the line and we're still doing it. And I think everyone listening can all agree the quality has dropped. And so I just want to make that aware. Because I'm sitting here with my pants down. It's since we went weekly, isn't it, man? Yeah, well, you know, we can't go back to fortnightly.

Can't we? We can't go back to fortnightly. Anyway, thanks, everyone. Yeah. Fats out. Let's end this on a nice chill, relaxed, just, you know, because sometimes we go overboard

and we go mental. But, you know, I still can't believe you... Look at that, you left a handprint on me. I really went for it, mate. You've got something weird with your senses. That's going to bruise.

Yeah, I know. You asked me to hit you real hard. I'm taking a picture of this. I'm going to tell the police. I'm going to tell the police. Don't tell the police. Look at this. Look at that.

Yeah, there's a mark. Look at that. You beat me. Wow. I can't believe you'd hit me on Cheap Show Oh come on I've never touched you on Cheap Show You have I've never laid a finger

Or todged you upon you You loom You took your pants down just now Mate imagine Imagine there wasn't HR department on this show That wasn't you You know what I mean Yeah

Their fucking line be ringing off the hook. Right, well, on that troubling note, let's say goodbye. Hello, Chief Show at IHR. He's doing it again. He's done it again. Paul. Yes? It's your third strike. Yeah, I know, I know, I know, I know. Right. Do you know what someone said to me in the call centre today? What? Fuck you.

That's not a thing for your boss to say, is it? Fuck that Is that how we're ending I don't know Say it again and I'll make it funnier then About saying someone at court said do that I don't know what someone said about me today Paul

They said fuck you And I thought That's not very nice Was that your attempt to squeeze in grumpy sections No Sections Grumpy sessions in the last five seconds Grumpy sessions

We'll be making a return appearance, but not right now. All right, well, fair enough. Well, five minutes. Let's end. Okay. I can't. How do we do it? Just stop.

Goodbye. You just say goodbye. Goodbye. No, I say goodbye. You put the phone down. You fang up. You hang up. You hang up.

Goodbye, everyone. Thanks for listening. No, you hang up. You fucking don't talk over me when I'm trying to do the outro. You cheeky fuck. You always talk over me all the time. You're talking over me now. You hang up you hang up goodbye everyone thanks for listening you fucking don't talk over me when I'm trying to do the outro you cheeky fuck you always talk over me all the time you've been talking over me now

you hang up I can't