CheapShow - Ep 148: Buy One Get One Free

Episode Date: October 11, 2019

This week, you get not one, but TWO Prices of Shite! That’s double the tat, double the guessing and double the arguments! It’s a chance for Eli and Paul to pit their wits against each other with one “classic” PoS and a new “Price Match” edition. Who ever wins, we all lose! It seems this week that Paul may be close to the end of his tether and Eli may be as close to being cockabonkers than ever. And that’s all after the reveal of a “comedy chimera” and Eli’s new troubling fashion statement! It’s a particularly unhinged episode this week. So bear that in mind, would you? And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-148-buy-one-get-one-free If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid Art designed by @DaveyDeePee If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow

How's this for you, Paul? It's all right, yeah. This is okay for you? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. That's gross. Stop.

Sorry, it's a gross thing. Oh, look at you, like a beach whale lying back. With your weird sunglasses on, which make you look highly suspicious. You look like every person of interest in the fucking son of Sam killing. That's what I'm going for. He's got these weird kind of sunglasses that makes him look like a 70s serial killer. I love that. Yeah, thanks.

No, you don't love that. I'm achieving look. You shouldn't like that. Achievement level, yes. That's what they say, don't they? A level, achievement level, you know, God or something, don't they? What do they say? Who?

Who says what? Those people, young'uns. So which people say what things? Achieve, like, relationship goals level expert or something. Something like that. Something like that. I can't take you seriously with these sunglasses on. I like it.

Why? Because I feel like I'm some kind of maverick broadcaster. You're not maverick. You don't know what a maverick is. You don't know what it is. It's where you wear sunglasses. It's not.

Oh, you see him, Eli. He's in the business meeting. Oh, he looked dynamic and confident because of those sunglasses. I did, man. I'm feeling it. Honestly, I'm riding a wave. It looks like I'm doing a podcast in the 70s. I'm staring at you and you've got a cigarette in your hand and those glasses on.

It's good, isn't it? No! I'm having a conflict. Mate, we need to get it together. You might have missed that, Bo. We need to do this episode. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cheap Show, the economy comedy podcast where we go through the charity shops,

the bargain bins, the pound lands, the thrift stores, the jumble sales, bazaars of Great Britain, and bring you the content within and say, Hey, what's cheap today? Welcome to Cheap Show. Welcome. today welcome to cheap show welcome I hate you and your

fucking noodle posse people love noodles alright it's a fact of cheap show you're gonna

have to fucking reset noodle time It's a fact of chief though, you're gonna have to fucking reset. Moodle time. Tales from the Darks, for a while. How's the big guy? The price of the site? It's a true guarantee.

Hello. Eli Silver. Welcome to Geek Show. I go and I nuzzle. That was pretty short. You are pretty short, aren't you? As intros go, that was pretty short, wasn't it? It was alright. It was fine.

The last one was close to four minutes. Was it? Yeah. Oh, our cold opens get considerably warmer. Well, cold opens are a good thing, aren't they? I like it. I don't got nothing today to say, Paul. Nothing.

You don't got nothing. I've got nothing going on. Look who's joined us today. Oh, it's Johnny Worm Man. What's he called? It's not Johnny Worm Man. It's he called? It's not Johnny Worm Man. It's Sebastian. Sebastian.

From the hit YouTube series, Digitizer. Sorry, yes. Now you're bringing stuff in. And I'm just, you know, Sebastian has been a big fan of the podcast for a while and he wanted to see if he could be on it. And so what would you like to say? Is that making a noise? Will that make a noise?

It's making a brushing sound on my mic muff here we go sebastian is running his head along my mic muff now uh paul uh point of uh yeah i just wanted to say in all seriousness yeah sorry hang on just what's that sebastian you think there's time for a new co-host for cheap show Eli's run his course. Every single gag you do now is you trying to... your love-hate thing. It's been played out, Paul. Just put the fucking prop away.

I've got something to say about last week's episode. Yes, Sebastian. He has gotten too big for his boots, hasn't he? Considering he gives nothing to the podcast. Listen.

Listen, Sebastian. I can't believe you're making me do this. Talk to Sebastian. He's in my hand. Sebastian, I've got something to say, which I think is part of my due responsibility as a maverick broadcaster to tell people about a joke I said last week on the pod.

All right, Sebastian? Okay. What? What do you mean, okay? Are you speaking directly for him now? I wasn't listening to you. Well, Sebastian was. And what did Sebastian say?

I don't know. You seem to be Sebastian's fucking mouthpiece. Yeah, but you were talking to him. I wasn't in the conversation. But you're meant to be translating. So you want me to ask him again? Yeah, ask him again. I can't remember what I said now.

Not great. Anyway, Sebastian. I've got something to say about that what I said now. Not great. Anyway, Sebastian. I've got something to say about that joke I told on last week's... Oh, the Demerara gag. That was nicked. Sorry. I didn't know it was nicked. I mean, that's not much of an excuse.

I mean, but I thought I came up with it myself. But it turns out it was that Olaf Falafel guy. Well, you know what? Who's a pun merchant. Okay, but you know what? At the end of the day, Eli, it just goes to show how utterly fucking talentless you are. I know you're

going to do that. I know you're going to do the twist the knife thing at the end of the day. That's what I do, ladies and gentlemen. Twist the knife Paul! Paul, twist the knife Gannon. Yeah, Jesus. Come on, let's get some wit going. I'll get the wit engine going. No, Sebastian! Sebastian thinks Eli and him should take over the show,

and Paul should quit. Yes, Sebastian's right. What's that, Sebastian? He thinks you and Eli have a good connection because he's used to working with puppets. Yeah, exactly. Welcome to Cheap Show. Welcome to Cheap Show.

So what are we doing on this week's episode, then? Well, it's... You don't know, do you? Yes, I do. All right, I'll tell you what. I do do. What we're doing today. I do know what we're doing.

Go on. It's, uh... We're going to play my favourite game where every time Eli doesn't guess what we're doing on the show correctly, I slap his bare arms. The Price of Shite special. Well, yes, we are.

What are you doing? You don't have to watch me. Just keep speaking. It's distracting, though, when you start, like, swinging your head around. What are you doing? You don't have to watch me. Just keep speaking. It's distracting, though, when you start swinging your head around. I'm just doing the broadcast. Take your inhaler. I'm going to get it out of the room. All right, Eli's going out of the room.

I'll tell you what's going on. So we're doing a cheap show today with two editions of Price of Shite, because Eli's got his Price of Shite, but I've got a Price of Shite I want to do with a little bit of a twist, ladies and gentlemen, a little bit of a new twist as we head towards the exciting 150th episode of our podcast. And we're looking forward to releasing it because what we've got planned for the 150th is something very special indeed. I don't want to go into too much detail now, but we will be diving into the lost archives of Cheap Show and digging out something that should ideally have been lost forever.

Well, I'll say no more. It depends on your perspective on it. We'll say no more at this point. I think it's a necessary thing. What's that, Sebastian? Sebastian can shut the fuck up! Give me Sebastian! Do you know what Sebastian's going to get?

He's going to get what Poindexter got. Remember what Poindexter got? The bear, the Conrad bear. That was a gift. Oh, that you fucked. I've rubbed it up. Are you going to rub up my Sebastian? I will if you don't fucking put it down.

You can't rub up my Sebastian. I will get Sebastian all staticky. All right, well. There'll be a static charge like the National Grid after I've frottished your worm. Right, okay, well, that's troubling. Yes! So we're going to do two prices of shite. But before we get into that, Mr. Silverman...

What? We've got two amazing things that I know you're going to love. And this is without malice, without a twist, Paul, twist the night, Gannon... You've just got something to show me, do you? Two things... Could you turn the tobacco packet over so I don't have to look at the throat vagina? The throat hole? I know, because they put the picture up of the guy.

I would rather not look at that, Paul. Tracheotomy. The problem is I turn it over and you can still see it. There's tracheotomies on both sides. Can we just put it underneath the table and out of my conscious mind, please? How about I'll just leave it with the sign saying tobacco smoke contains over 70 substances. Yeah, you have to read that, don't you? It's not like a winking throat vagina.

Winking throat. Oh, you put something in it. I can't believe there's another necrotic hole, but I don't think they should print that because some people might get off on that. No, I don't think they do. What? We've already had the story, didn't we, Paul? Well, I don't think people are buying bags of tobacco just to knock one out. No, not the one with the baby

in the coma. No, no, no, not that one. The throat vagina! Not the one with the rotten teeth. I want the one with the nice throat hole. Yeah, that's what they would, though. If you're going to wank off to one... Oh, God. Could we not? Let's just not do this.

I'm sorry. Well, this is why. You've left it on the fucking table, haven't you? Our PO box is now open, which is exciting. Very exciting. More for us than Biffo, because apparently it's all been for us. Have you got that frog calculator? I've still got that. Yeah, I should have brought that.

It's the nerd's frog calculator. I forgot to bring that with me. You want to go up there with the silly worm? You know what, mate? That was my bad for not bringing it today. I should have got that. It's the nerds' phone calculator. You want to go up there with the silly worm? You know what, mate? That was my bad for not bringing it today. I should have done that for you. If you want to bring anything into our attention, we have a P.O. Box now. It is Cheap Show P.O. Box

1279 Harrow HA33 NS. And we've had a load of stuff. Good stuff. Good stuff? Some good, some odd. I didn't bring it this time because it was too big, but there's been one odd delivery.

An odd delivery? Yeah. I won't bring it up now because it will spoil it for when I do reveal it. Right, so it's not... Yeah. It's some kind of dead animal. No, it's not. There's nothing dead.

It's poo. It's poo. Shit. I'll give you a clue and I'll say no more. It's a vibrator. No, it's not. There's nothing dead. It's poo. Shit. I'll give you a clue and I'll say no more. It's a vibrator. No. No, let me tell you the clue. It's some kind of poultice. No. It's not. I would never

deny you a poultice. It's a poultice holster. I would never hold a poultice back for you. It's a poultice holter. It's not. Hostess is poultice holders. You've lost your fucking mind. Shut up. Hostesses, holsters, holders. You've lost your fucking mind. I totally have today. Sorry.

Sorry. I'll give you one word clue, all right? Spoff. Oh, it's spoff. So that's what I'll say. Oh, God. There's some food and candy and things like that that I've got that I need to bring to your attention. Pickles? No pickles. Modular pickles? No, nothing modular. there's some food and candy and things like that that I've got that I need to bring to your attention pickles

no pickles modular pickles no nothing modular or pickly sorry there's been a few albums and things like that

I will give you this right now because I thought let's kick off the PO box give me something give me something out of the PO box

pass that over these are from Chai they were sent in with numerous other things but this I thought you'd find the most interesting. Oh, look, they're all rubbers. They're all rubbers.

They're all model rubbers. It's a big bag of rubbers, ladies and gentlemen. How exciting for only Eli and no one listening or me. Oh, look, there's a cow's head. There is a cow's head. Just pulling some things out at random here. Yeah. Oh, it's a little, it's like a pterodactyl.

No, it's a sea fish, isn't it? It's one of those. Oh, it's a ray. A ray fish a pterodactyl. No, it's a sea fish, isn't it? It's one of those. Oh, it's a ray. A ray fish. Oh, that's had some damage though, hasn't it? Oh, poor. That's a shame.

The front thing's fallen off. Maybe it's in the bag somewhere, maybe. Oh, it's a birdie coming out an egg rubber. It's a birdie coming out an egg rubber. Oh, it's a kangaroo.

Kangaroo. Kangaroo. Two-piece kangaroo. You can't go wrong with a kangaroo. It's a birdie. Birdie. Oh, that go wrong with a kangaroo. It's a birdie. Birdie. Oh, that's a section of a giraffe.

A section of a giraffe. You can make a giraffe steak out of that. It's very... It's got a brown and yellow. Who's that artist who cut a cow in half? Damien Hirst. Yes, that is Damien Hirst. It's very Damien Hirst-y.

Oh, look, there's an alligator. That's a good one, isn't it? I guess. Are you having fun? This is great. Yes, thank you. Wow. There's all good one, isn't it? I guess. Are you having fun? This is great. Yes, thank you. Wow. There's all kinds of rubbers in there.

There's ones that look like crayons. These are good. Crayola. I haven't got any of these in my collection. I like that. They're good, aren't they? I like that. Yeah, those Crayola ones are nice.

I could just put that there and just look at it, you know? I had a dream the other day about rubbers. I did. Remember in the 80s? You could get those square rubbers that were jelly-like but they looked like Robinson's Jams and they smelt of Robinson's Jams

and there was a raspberry and a marmalade one and a strawberry and a sniffum and I dreamt a few nights ago that I found a box full of them and it was the happiest I've been in years I think having that dream.

The elated joy of sniffing a big box of Robinson's Jams and jelly rubbers. Our time is over now, I'm afraid. Why did mummy do it? What did your mother do? What did your mother do? Did it involve going to the market?

She used to go to the vegetable market beforehand. Did she go to the vegetable market beforehand? Did she go shopping maybe a week before for vegetables? Was it some kind of special... What? Was it fucking what? A big one? Was it oversized? It was a big oversized marrow that mummy bought. Mummy put it in the oven. What are we doing? What is this? Stop looking at rubbers.

You've looked at enough now. Was that a real dream? Yeah, it was, actually. Not that whole end bit with the rub in the oven and marrow. No, it was you getting therapy. I know. There's a purple and white cow. Is that the cow from the chocolate, isn't it?

I don't know. Milka. Milka? It might be. The laughing cow. Doesn't he go like that? I don't know. I'm actually frightened doing this podcast right now with you. He goes, woo!

Pulling rubbers out of a bag. I'm the laughing cow. It's distressing. Woo! That's right. Milka! One last thing. One last thing.

Was this a turtle? Look at that two-piece turtle paw. Turtle. Leave it alone. This is a treasure chest of rubbers. All kinds of rubbers. Thank you very much. That's some good blue whale one.

I really like that. Leave it for now. Concentrate on the podcast. No, but there's so many rubbers in here, Paul. We've got one more thing to look at, and it's a big thing. I'm going to put these back. It's a big thing and an impressive thing. Don't put them back in because I want to take a picture of those ones.

Oh, okay. Blue whale. Just leave them out, and I'll take a picture of those ones for the website. Leave the blue big thing and an impressive thing. Don't put them back in because I want to take a picture of those ones. Oh, okay. Blue whale. Just leave them out and I'll take a picture of those ones for the website. So, in the PO box something very unusual came and I thought maybe you'd like it in the House of Pickles, right? Alright. I'll read the letter that came

with it, okay? Okay. Yes, hit me. Hit me, Paul. Yes. Pardon? Yeah. What did you say? Hit me with the letter. Read the letter. What? I was going to me, Paul. Yes. Pardon? Yeah. What did you say? Hit me with the letter. Read the letter. What? I was going to hit you then.

No. Why? Right on your nose. Why? Because I hate you. Yeah, but you don't though, do you? No, I don't love you. You're my best friend, Eli, from outer space.

You know what? His name is Eli Silverman. You're kind of a failed sociopath. That's your sort of personality type. A failed sociopath? What does that mean? You'd like to be a sociopath, but you're too weak. Wow.

At least I'm not a fat cunt. Oh, yeah. Stumpy-handed Eli McGee comes in. Oh, fuck off. Hello, Eli and Paul. Can I first apologise for what I have created? For an exhibition I was doing, I was painting what I like to call Comedy Chimera,

where I merged famous double acts and your podcast was a great help to get through. So this only seemed fair. Please keep it up. Not since the days of Craps and Villas has the brow been so low Thanks David Parks Or Davy DP

That's his name And would you like to see what he painted That's his Instagram name D-A-V-E-Y D-E-E-P-E-E Let's see this monstrosity You ready? I don't think I will ever be

I don't like it I like it, I think it's great This is weird Describe it It's a A3 size canvas With a dark Wooden frame

Thin dark wooden frame And it's... Speak into the mic, please. It's like a screen print, I believe. I don't know, but yes. It's a screen print in three colours. The background is gold. And it portrays mine and your face, Paul.

Merged. Merged. Merged in the centre. And they are from recognisable photos. That's why I think it's a screen print, because I think he's worked off photos. Because this is from your profile when you had your that's a man that says gan man not gan on gan man he's messed with that obviously and then it's that picture that was taken of me in a like seven years ago yeah that's right that's a haunting picture of you but imagine

yeah we just met maybe and then you went, I've got a picture! Then it takes on a really creepy aspect, doesn't it? Like if it came from the past? Imagine we're just totally different people, but happen to be physically the same. But we're totally different, we've never met each other. We're exactly the same, but we're not

the same people. I'm like Bob Harris. You're not Bob Harris! Why can't you think of anything that's not someone else's name? It doesn't matter though, does it? Not Bob Harris! Whispering Bob Harris!

I don't know who Bob Harris is. He's Whispering Bob. Who? He was a very famous BBC One rock DJ who I think he got you treeds. I think that's why no one knows him anymore. Oh, I don't know about that. You can't just say that.

Maybe he got you treeds. You can't say that one knows about him anymore. Oh, I don't know about that. You can't just say that. Maybe he got you treats. You can't say that. Oh, I can say what the fuck I want. I'm a maverick broadcaster. Take your shades off. Look at this. It's,

I feel like I've done a podcast in the past. I look at you and that painting and I'm genuinely, I'm taking a picture. Take a picture of this, Paul. This moment needs to be

captured at all time just don't get too much of the house of pee oh don't you worry I won't in the background look at me absolutely fucking horrifying

look at this image I see right now and don't tell me that's not a horrific image oh well it looks like the image they put up

where they're looking for a man who maybe wanted the connection Connection of series of murders of children. I know. It's a weird painting. It's quite well done, really, isn't it? It's a great painting. I like it. Are you going to put it up somewhere?

I don't know. That's what I mean. You wouldn't want it. The problem is, it's my face. It's a bit demented. It's my face. Yeah. Maybe we can give it away as a prize.

I think, yeah, maybe. Maybe. It's a bit strange. It's actually really cleverly done. We'll sign it or something, and we can give it away as a prize. I think. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. It's a bit strange. It's actually really cleverly done. We'll sign it or something and we can give it away as a prize in the future. It's actually really well done, the way he's done it as two overlaid screen prints. No, it's lovely and I like it, but at the same time, it's also kind of haunting and terrifying. Yeah.

Very peculiar. Very peculiar. But thank you. Thank you very much. Dave Parks. Round of applause for Dave Parks. Don't put it against the wall. Now I've got to stare at myself while we do the rest of the podcast. No, I want you to.

I'm staring at you as well. Yeah, I want you to. It's like one of those weird pictures where it's like, you know, a rabbit or a duck. You don't know what you're staring at. Yeah, it totally is. It's like, ah, right, well, shall we crack on? This is the weirdest fucking beginning I think we've done in a while. Oh, is that weird? Let's do this

What? I don't know. Shut up, please. Okay, so, Paul, today we're doing Price of Shite. It's a Price of Shite special. It's a Price of Shite-off. It's a bumper Price of Shite-off. Two for one Price of Shite. Bog off Price of

Shite. Yeah, buy one, get one free price of shite. Yeah, except you don't because you don't get another segment. So it's sort of like you're going for the same price, aren't you?

Well, you came up with it. Don't criticise it. I'm just putting shit out there. I'm looking at it. I'm dissecting it and I'm realising it doesn't make no sense no more. It doesn't make no sense no more.

Sebastian's taking notes. I wonder why. Where has he gone? He's on here. He gets frottages. What do you mean? Leave him alone. No, he does.

He gets proper denim rubbed out. Shut up. He does. He gets fucking rivet knuckles. He'll never come back on the show. He gets rivet rubs. We get a guest like Sebastian on. Rivet rub rubs.

I'll pop his pop. I think you've broken me. I can't. I can't go on. I think you've broken me. I can't. I can't go on. I'll pop my nubbin' right round it. I actually feel mad right now, because you're all saying random shit. I'm seeing a picture of yours in my face merge,

and I'm talking to a wiggling pink worm. It's like, when did this show become that? I tried to be rational at the beginning of this segment. We used to do a show at a radio station. It was very professional. And now it's literally in a cocoon of my own filth. Right.

Spray some Febreze in here. God. Launch codes. Activate. Inventory. Load. Febreze. Air.

Cotton scent. Right, we're downloading the scent. Go on. Fresh air scent being blasted into house of pickles. Just spray a bit in here. Complete. Come on, spray it. I'll do the door.

Alright, that's enough. It's out of control. I have sprayed. Right. Do the door. I know. I've just got a fucking hit of Febreze. Hard on.

This is madness. Stop. I've just got a hard hit of Febreze in the face Feeling fresh Right we're doing the Price of Shite Fresh And you're going first Exciting

Are you ready to go? You're so inviting to me He's fresh Exciting You're so inviting to me I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen apparently eli and i have completely lost our shit this week i don't know what set us off oh no that's what right that's what i was going to say now paul yeah you've got a new twist on the price of shite formula that you

want to introduce to us i do but i'll be doing that in the second section you'll be leading with your price of shite and then i'm going to be dishing out... That's exactly what I was going to say. I know. Because you're better at it. No, it's not better that way. You've got better ideas. My price of shite's not good enough, is it?

It's not what I'm saying. My hastily bought in the last hour... Yeah, yeah, there you go. ...completely hung over... Whereas mine are curated over a course of days, sometimes weeks. Right. I really don't like you wearing these sunglasses.

It's cool, man. They don't. They give you this confidence I'm not enjoying right now. It's because, yeah. I don't like it. You can't see what I'm doing back here. No. Right.

I'll get my stuff then, yeah? Yes, please. Because, you know, it's the part of the show where you're expected to present it. And it's outside. I've got some. Close the door. Jesus Christ. Okay. Oh, it's outside. I've got some... Close the door. Jesus Christ. Okay.

Now, Paul. Yes. For this first Price of Shites section, we're just going to be playing good old... Fashioned, simple as you like. Salt of the earth. OG. No fancy business paper doily.

No fancy business paper doily. Yeah, that's right. No fancy business paper doily. Right. that's right. No fancy business paper doily. Price of shite. Good. Original version. Explain the rules. Ladies and gentlemen, in this game, Eli will present three items, and I will have to guess the price

of those items. If I'm out by 25p either way of the actual price, it's... No, you fucked it now. Where are you going to go from that? If you're out by... Yeah. Listen, if I'm out by yeah listen if i'm out by 25 p either way of the actual price i get two points but if i'm spot on i get one that's not true i get one let me should i try this i will try this original version i will have three items you will guess the price in turn of each item on each guess should you be

turn of each item on each guess should you be should you be incorrect 25p either way of the actual price you will get bling one point right if you get it on the nose bling bling two points two points great also the other rules right i that... You get one bling point for each one that's in the right order of which one's most expensive to least expensive. That's not OG, though. That's never how we started off doing it. It was just simple. So we're not doing it. It's OG.

It means there are a maximum of six points. Well, what's the scoring on your game? This isn't even a fair... It's not a fair contest, is it? It's more like two separate prizes and shouts. Well, it's not a competition. It's not a competition. That's what I'm saying. It's not a competition. It's not a competition. That's what I'm saying.

It's not a competition. It's not. The only competition is within the competition, not outside the competition, which is a separate entity altogether. We'll just see how you do it, my original version. And then I'm going to present mine. Right.

You ready for your first item? I am ready for my first item. I'm going to hand this to you, Paul. Here it is. Price of shite. Today. Number one. Oh of Shite. Today. Oh, how funny.

It's Simon Drew's Peculiar Playing Cards. The illustrations of Simon Drew presented as a 55 special face playing cards. Oh, on 55. See, when I first saw it, I thought unusual playing cards. Perhaps it's all different unusual playing cards from history. Do you know what I mean? All different. That would be interesting, wouldn't it? This just seems like one guy's...

Who's Simon Drew? He's the illustrator. He's done it. But is he famous for anything particular? I've never heard of him before. On the back, it just has a list of names. Would you like to hear the names on the back? I don't know what they mean, what they're from,

and how they relate to the card, but it's just a list of names, and I'd like you to hear them. Are you ready? One. Catnaw. Two. Pontius Pilate. That's a guy in the Bible. Three. Chariots of Fir.

Four. Monge Two. These are the names of the illustrations. Five. The fours are all Monge Twos, aren't they? Five. Give it to me. Winnie the Pie. That's what these are. I don't get it. What's this guy's name?

Simon Drew. The ranks. There's four of each rank, isn't there, in a pack of cards. Hang on. Simon Drew, born 1952, is an English illustrator and cartoonist noted for his quirky punning captions, often featuring animals which he draws with a fine pen and ink style. Old marsupial.

Old marsupial, like kangaroo. Gandhi Warhol. Gandhi Warhol. That's not good. So basically playing cards with a bunch of his drawings harvested through a bunch of his books. Pig dipper. It's pigs in a roller coaster.

Oh, my God. That's very funny. Okay. That's very droll. I didn't check the quality of these most unusual illustrations before. It's a shame, though. If only you'd given yourself more time to shop and harvest your items for the show.

Maybe. I like unusual packs of cards. I'm into that. You see, I've got that art one up there. You know, it's funny because what I've got what oh mate what i've got now do you want to guess a price for that they're not on an unattractive design are they look at the back okay you know what they're nicely made and presented it's just you know the actual illustrations are i don't know it's it's not my thing it's not my thing it's a bit too safe and sort of i don't know. It's not my thing. It's not my thing either, Paul. It's a bit too safe and sort of, I don't know.

Is it safe? It seems like kind of like, is it droll is the right word? It's all very kind of little do. Yeah, yeah. It's just that gaggle do because it's just drawing. It's just not very good. Sorry, Simon. He doesn't care, does he?

Who? Simon Drew. He did, though, didn't he? He did draw. He did draw, though, didn't he? He did draw. He did draw, though, didn't he? Simon Drew. Who did, though, didn't he? He did draw. He did draw, though, didn't he? He did draw. He did draw, though, didn't he? Simon Drew.

Who did these fucking duck cartoons? Simon Drew. He did draw, but he drew. Draw, drew. Drew, draw. He did draw then. Would you say that? Or he drew then?

He drew, didn't he? I don't know when you say a word so many times, it's lost all meaning. He drew. He was drawing. He was in the past. He was drawing, but he drew. He drew professionally for a living.

Yeah. Or he drew it. He drew it. That picture there. He drew professionally for a living. Yeah. Or he drew it. He drew it, that picture there. He drew it. I'm very upset with this conversation. I won a prize for Simon drew it. Can I ask where you got them from? Or is it all the same shop, two seconds around the corner from your house?

No, this was I actually got the other day. So I was just trying to play up my laziness, but I actually picked this up the other day. Right. In that charity shop down there. Right, okay. Yeah, just round the corner. Great. You lazy wank. Got any ideas for that?

I'm going to say £1.25p. £1.25. He's got a guess. Now, Paul, I'm enjoying this so much, I've got a little treat for you. Just to pass the time in between rounds here on The Price of Shite. So I said how much for that one? £1.25. £1.25.

Peculiar playing cards. Not peculiar enough for me. All right, next. I like to see a bit of, I don't know, Alice in Wonderland getting a vag out or something like that. What? That's a peculiar playing card, isn't it? Yeah, it is. I'd like to see

a sort of S&M Alice in Wonderland. I bet there is one. I bet there is one. I know there is one. Do you? You bet. Yeah.

Is there one? What? Oh. Is that what Alice in Chains is? I don't know, but there's a whole thing there, isn't there? Anyway,

Paul, let's have a little snack. We're enjoying ourselves. Tell me more, Eli, about what you'd like to see Alice, a young girl, in Alice in Wonderland. No, I'll shut up. Now you're putting words in my mouth.

Just saying. That's not what... Can't a guy just be a maverick broadcaster anymore? I think those sunglasses are ruining you. They're possessed by something. They're utering me. They're making me uterine. No, it's worse.

They're making you kind of, I don't like zodiac killer now paul it feels like i'm doing the podcast with a zodiac killer paul i thought because we're having so much fun on this price of shite special we're gonna have a little break oh we know i mean i am all right yeah okay and i think for the fucking good of the pod you should get your fucking ideas straight. What you want to do is to sit yourself down and have a little word with yourself. All right. Hello, Paul. Hello, Paul.

What's wrong? Well, I want you to be here today. I know I got your email. Well, just chill out. It's not bad, but there's been a bit of feedback about you and the podcast. Why? What have I done? Well, some people think you go overboard sometimes and you get a little bit desperate.

I know, but sometimes when you're improvising stuff for a podcast, you just don't know where you're going to go do you from one bit to the next so i don't know i overcompensate i panic i know but people don't really like it there's been a few complaints a lot of people really want fat sal to replace you do they yeah there's been a lot of emails online saying where's fat sal can we have i need to get on with the uh the podcast have you had a word with yourself, we'll leave it like that, but just calm down. Alright, thanks. Bye. Okay, bye. Good, I'm glad you did that. I did that staring at that painting of myself

and I'm having a real weird time. Paul, it's me, Eli, the person in the podcast who's also the other side of your face. This is Vimto Candy Floss. What? Oi! I got a reaction out of four It's just

What? Did you hear the delight Listener In his voice Look at that It is It's in a pot Give me it then

It's Vimto Candy Floss You want it don't you though No I just want to look at it You want to hold it Yes I do And then you want I'm getting the huff I'll get the huff rights on this

Alright I'll get first dibs on the huff Alright I just want to look at it I want fresh huff You can't open it and hand it to me And then expect me I'm getting the huff. I'll get the huff rights on this. All right. I'll get first dibs on the huff. All right. I just want to look at it. I want a fresh huff. You can't open it and hand it to me and then expect me. I'm not going to. I'm going to huff right in there.

Mate, I just want to look at it. I'm going to get my snout right in there. Mate. When I'm floof. Can I just have two seconds to read the fucking pot? Right. It kind of looks like a pot noodle pot. Right.

It does. And it says, Vimta want candy floss. And it's clear, but it looks like. Have you seen that before?, Vimta want candy floss. And it's clear, but it looks like... Have you seen that before? Have you seen that before? No. And it's got candy floss in.

No, you bitch! I'm having a hoof! Oh, you cunt. Oh, I got the cuff. I got the cuff. Well, let's have the hoof report then. It didn't smell of much. It's got a candy flossy smell.

It can't smell of candy floss, but it's very... Have you ever had candy floss that didn't taste like candy floss? No. I've never had a flavoured candy floss before in my life. What do you mean?

That's what I mean. Candy floss is flavoured. It's that sweet sugary thing. Yeah, but you don't get like... Like mango. Grape flavoured candy floss. I don't know if you do, do you?

You don't get... This is what I'm trying to say. This is quite unusual. Yeah. Vimto have been putting their flavour on everything. They started as a soft drink. Very big in the... British. In the Arabic

world. Really? Yeah, I think I didn't know that. Because it's like a non-alcoholic soft drink. So it's just like In these Muslim countries, apparently, I think I've heard, like Dubai or Doha, places like that Okay. They get it at sort of at Christmas or New

Year time and they celebrate by drinking a shitload of vinto weird because to me it just reminds you of like 1980s britain uh sort of poor you know like a poor terrible it's like a it was like a a nasty version of an american it was just a kind of weak ribena no not even weak more chemically ribena do you know i mean a more sort of i never i like i do sometimes like Vimto. It's fine. It's not horrible. But you're right.

They used to get fizzy and you also used to have it as a cordial. I never liked fizzy. Yeah, cordial you could get as well. So that's how you remember it. Yeah, the cordial. But now they've branched out into flavouring everything.

They're this sort of flavour bland. On record, I will still state that their Vimto Sour Suck, whatever it is, is the sourest thing I've ever sucked. Yeah, that was weirdly sour. But we also tasted their little rolled up sour. Yeah. That was very good.

They were really Moorish, weren't they? So I'm going to dig in and have a little bit of this. He's just tearing a little bit of candy floss out, and it's now my turn. It tastes like Vimto candy floss. It's weird. Yeah. I don't know what to say to you. It's Vimto candy floss out and it's now my turn. It tastes like Vimto candy floss. It's weird. Yeah. I don't know what to say to you. It's Vimto candy floss. I mean, it's nice.

It's not horrible, but it's just Vimto candy floss. Go on, more. Yeah, it is quite nice. It is quite nice, isn't it? I feel like it's been years since I've had candy floss. He's having a little, little moment. I like the way it's all like brittle,

but then it kind of goes all thick and dense when you suck it. Yeah. I think that's not, I don't remember that happening with normal candy floss. The way it's all, he's really loving it. He loves it. Paul's returning to childhood.

It really is a very, it's a big sweet hit, isn't it it really envelops the mouth the sweetness do you know what I mean yeah that's why Candy Floss is popular

I guess I think I needed that it's kind of brought me down a bit it's kind of mellowed me out good man I'm glad I say that was probably a pound

that's not that's not in the that's not that's not that was just a snack for having in between oh look it was a pound That's not That's not In the That's not That's not That was just a snack For having in between Oh Look it was a pound

It was a pound though As you can see I didn't even see Oh okay I like Oh okay You know interesting I like that

Nice little detour Are you ready now For your second Oh it's just noodles Do you mean it's just noodles What all the way down In the bag There's just noodles. Do you mean it's just noodles? What, all the way down? In the bag, there's just noodles, yeah.

Oh, okay. Blue bag of noodles in my room. In my room. So can you please... No, I was going somewhere. I know, right? Yeah. Go on, start again. Blue bag of noodles in my room.

In my room. Three for a quid. Three for a quid. Blue bag. Blue bag. In my room. In my room. Three for a quid. Three for a quid. Blue bag. Blue bag. In my room. In my room. Noodles.

Noodles. Thank you. Yeah, I like that. You put your coat on. I'm not. What are you doing? I'm getting the second price of shite item for today, Paul. Come on, hurry up.

All right. How many items are there in all? Three. It's classic, isn't it? Hurry up. It's classic, isn't it? Hurry up. I'm going to isn't it? Hurry up. I'm going to hand you an erection.

Really, Eli? It is. It's a little building. It's a little building. What's this stuff they always make this out of? It's not like clay. It's like a resin-y thing. What is it?

Epoxy resin. I don't know. It says... It's hardened resin. Run... It's baked resin run ta

nid dik run david nik it's a big it looks like the Tower of Pisa but it's not bent over to one side it is a tourist

piece of tourist hat though it obviously is a you know a trinket from that run it must be an actual building run di ta run

run di ta run dot dk it's like round garden or something. It seems to be. Rundetagen. Do you see what I mean? Rundetagen.

And look, it's got a little mini house on top of it. It's got a little mini house on top of the house. So it's a sort of octagonal building. It's an octagonal tower, I think. How much did I pay for it, though? Tourist tax? 50p. 50p for that, eh?

50p is what I'm saying for that. It's a little building, though, isn't it? This is some classic Price of Shite items. Okay. Now, I'm going to hand you the third Price of Shite item for me on a classic. Original Price of Shite. I like this. It's O-G in the H-O-P.

It's quite simple. I present three items. Paul just has to tell me what the price is. If you guess it, 25p either way. 25p either way. One point. Wing. Guess it.

Bang on the nose. What's that, Paul? Come on. Ladies and gentlemen, with our special guest host of Price of Shite, it's Tom P. Oh, thanks, Paul. Right. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm going now.

Bye, Tumpy. I don't know what he was here for. Just have a look at this then. Paul, I'm handing you your third Price of Shite item. There's Tumpy's Price of Shite item. I can see Tumpy going. Yeah, no, bye, Tumpy. Look at his little bum bum go there.

What are you? Let me just look at this. Give me it. I'm handing you your third Price of Shite item. You keep look at this give me it I'm handing you your third prize of shy eyes you keep saying you're handing me

and then when I reach for it you pull it away I don't know what you're doing I like it like that shut up just give me it it is magic stickers it's a big

it's a big big slab of stickers isn't it all of Turbo Power Rangers movie so they're all Power Rangers do you like Power Rangers? I don't.

No, neither do I. At all. There was a Batman one. I'm giving some stuff background information now. There was a Batman one. And I thought maybe the Batman one would be a better one to get. But it was just Batman and then just some random sort of sexy comic book woman. Who wasn't like Batwoman.

No, it was just some... Poison Ivy or... It was terrible well this has just got random pictures of Power Rangers on I don't think they've got the copyright

SPD Power Rangers Ninja Storm that's the thing about Power Rangers I remember it starting out in the early 90s and it's never gone away

no it's extremely successful it was popular when I was a kid it was popular when I was reviewing video games of Power Rangers and it was a Frankenstein show right because it was it was popular when i was a kid it was popular when i was reviewing video games of power and it was a frankenstein show right because it was yeah it was footage

from a different program yeah that they added the power rangers in and the american back crazy they must have had so much of it to do it with i think eventually it became its own thing anything else like that apart from the magic roundabout oh wasn't um battle of the planets that as well where battle of the planets animation but they added in a lot of extra characters for the American. Yeah, yeah. Like that robot. I used to like that. I don't remember too much about it.

I liked it. He had that visor. The visor. I mean, I remember the imagery. The visor was good, wasn't it? That's literally it. That, mate, is a load of shit. This is shit.

Yeah, it looks terrible. And they're bad scans of the pictures, aren't they? Very bad. They're definitely not copyright. They haven't paid for the copyright. It says decals't they? Very bad. They're definitely not copyright. They haven't paid for the copyright. It says decals, but it's not. They're just stickers. It says miraculous decals.

Miraculous my ass. And then it says an environmental protection. That's it? Yeah. An environmental protection. Yeah. So what? My packaging has just started musing to itself.

Do you know what I mean? What's an environmental protection? I think it's meant to be like, throw it away or don't let kids... Yeah, maybe. Something like that. Don't put it over your head. It's definitely not an environmental prevention,

protection. God, I don't... And on the back it says, water tightness, defend the heat. Water tightness, defend the heat. Doctor, I've had a terrible case of water tightness

the last few days. I'll tell you what to do, my patient. My patient, you. Yes? Defend the heat Doctor I've had a terrible case of water tightness the last few days I'll tell you what to do my patient My patient you Defend the heat It's an environmental protection Take two of these I'm still the doctor Yes I got it we can move on now

Oh I've got a flappy thing You can stop the improvisational Segment of this podcast now Do I have to I would like you to Paul I need a coffee You can stop the improvisational segment of this podcast now. Do I have to? Yeah. I would like you to. Paul, I need a coffee.

I'd like a coffee. Can we have a break before the... I think we should definitely have a break. What time is it? We're still all right. So Captain U-Tree can maybe take those fucking shades off and have a coffee. I will not be referred to as that. Here you go. There's your new t-shirt character.

Captain U-Tree starring Eli. Let's get that out there. Let's fucking not. I forbid that. 75p for that. I'm using my veto. 75p for the magic stickers. Actually, no, I'm going to say a quid.

Fuck it. It's probably overexpensive. They're terrible. Right, that's it. I don't think I've done very well. Okay, now. It's time for the moment of truth, Paul. Yeah.

Let's do the scoring for my price of shite selection. Right, for the first one, which I believe was the play. Was the Judy of Plancard's disappointing. Disappointing. I said £1.25p. And the price of that item, Paul, today on the Price of Shite with Eli Silverman, original version, was £1. Oh, so a point there.

Pa-twing! Pa-twing! I get a point. Off to a good start. Off to a good start. Off to a good start. That's half of the possible points you could have got. It is. Now, 50% of the points so far have been scored.

Now, for the round tower building model. Round tower. Hoondah's garden, good. Hoondah's garden's good. I said 50p. It's got a nice entranceway, doesn't it? A nice I said 50p it's got a nice entrance way doesn't it

nice little entrance way it's got a little lovely archway it's got a little it's not terrible is it no

the amount of detail on it it's fine for what it is which is tourist shit yeah it's tourist shit you give it to your

nan because you go I've been here here you go nan and she puts it on her mantelpiece and forgets about it and you and everything else

in her life yeah great dementia dementia gags not since Albert left oh my little piece and forgets about it and you and everything else in her life yeah great dementia dementia gags not since Albert left oh when he went upstairs

to see the big man oh I was very alone and what about your lady parts shut up what do you mean don't I was just going to make

a sad tragic story I want her to get out I know we're not doing that well don't start randomly improvising old ladies then. And also, don't be cutting my characters. All right?

I'm bringing it up. I didn't cut any characters. Grumpy Sessions made a little cameo in the last weeks. I'm sure of it. I remember it. I remember it. And you cut it. Cutting room floor.

You barely remember it. You were harsh. The butcher of cheap show. That's what I called you and all my characters in my head called you. Right, 50. The butcher. Who will go this. That's what I called you and all my characters in my head called you. Right, 50... The Butcher. Who will go this week? Who will be on the chopping room floor?

Mate, if I had my way... The Butcher comes with his scissors, snipping the creativity penis. Sniffy snip. He's like, what the fuck? You're doing that And I've got that fucking painting In my eyeline

Which is haunting me Increasingly Can I just The tower How much was it I said 50p Oh you were way out I overpaid for that

Two pounds Wow you really did Two pounds for the tower But it was in the one Wrist round the corner Where she just Looks at the item Looks you in the eye

And then yeah Says how much is this Wanker Prepare to fucking Shout out for that shit It was in the one wrist around the corner where she just looks at the item, looks you in the eye and then, yeah, says, how much is this wanker prepared to fucking shed out for that shit? Can I rinse her? She doesn't talk like that. No.

She's quite a polite lady, actually. Yeah, very nice. But she's got you over a fucking barrel. She fucking knows. She knows it. Some random cunt

coming here buying shit. It's always you. It is. But that's, I do get this thing paul in all honesty preparing for this podcast of ours when we do this you go around the corner maybe go further afield like i do anywhere i go because people don't go in there and sort of come up with just random items the way we do that just no one would ever want or ever buys well then buying from separate places

are not all in one place i find i like her thinking i'm weird she must think here comes the weird guy yeah who's here to buy more random nonsense total random shit right but i must say there is one item in there which is for sale but it's they just haven't realized it's an egg-shaped container for like lip balm and it's like used. It's in there, it's for sale. I saw this woman the other day in a charity shop and there was like one of those Guess That Tune box games that you get from like Marks and Spencers but they have kazoos in.

She looked at it, opened it and then started blowing on all the kazoos. And then going, why aren't they working? And then putting them back in the box. And then she took it and bought it so I was like oh alright but then I thought

I was going to have an awkward conversation with the woman about putting her dirty mouth on that you know what I mean I was just like what's the minds

what if she hadn't bought it and put it up there in other news I found the giraffe rubber's head also she doesn't know how to fucking use

a kazoo obviously you're home she's just blowing she's just blowing it you could break them if you did that couldn't you I believe so

I don't know that's why you got the bit at the top to let out the air. And vibrate the membrane. Membrane. Anyway, the final item. Christ. I said one pound for the stickers.

Badoing, badoing. Oh, on the nose. On the fucking nose. Out of a possible six points, I got three. 50% on this game. It's a tough game, my lad, son. And I just want to say, going into the next second of the show. You had a good little talk with yourself.

I told you, you needed to sit down and have a little word with yourself. And I did. And you sat there, you said to yourself, Paul. You said, hello, yes, I'm Paul. And now I'm Paul. I'm a Paul talking to Paul now. Now, Paul. Yeesh.

What? Sort it out, mate. Yeesh. What? Sort it out, mate. Yeesh. Okay. You are so creatively bankrupt, aren't you? Huh? Ladies and gentlemen, stop touching the mic.

Hey. What's wrong with you? Let's get a coffee. Ladies and gentlemen, we'll be back after a long fucking needed coffee break. Oh, coffee. Do you know what, Paul? I'm back from our little coffee break.

Do you feel better? I've seen you've taken your serial killer specs off. He's drinking a coffee, ladies and gentlemen, and he's put his mad old tramp beanie hat on instead. Mad old tramp beanie sitting on their head. Oh, you don't have any more? I'm going to do a little Cockney song whenever it takes me. The fancy takes me.

Who that? Who that? Up the ditty da. Shut up. Right, ladies and gentlemen, here we go. Lights. Can I just start? Can we start again?

Can we start again? Yeah. Let's try. I'm going to try and not do. Be shit. Try and not be shit. Try not to be shit, Paul. Yeah, good. I'm going to try and not do. Be shit. Try and not be shit. Try not to be shit, Paul. I'm glad we've had a little calm down moment.

Slamming it down, yeah? Slam down the sense. I'm slapping down the thwop. You're thwopping down resonance. I'm thwopping down the slap and I'm slapping down the thwop. Are you like running up a whole tranche of resonances? Right. No, he's gone. He has gone, ladies and gentlemen. He's gone. We tried.

But look at him. He's fucking... Look at him. You do it. You do it. Here we go. You do you, but you do you. It's now time for a very special edition of the Price of Shite. Lights! Bow! Camera! Bow! Prizes!

Bow, bow, bow! Woo! Cow Goes Wild! Shites, bow. Camera, bow. Prizes, bow, bow, bow. Woo! How goes walls? Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Yay! Woo, woo, yay. And I'm your host, Paul Gannon, for this very special edition of The Price of Shites.

Is it a new one, though? It is. Because we're going to do... How is it new? Because I've stolen another segment from The Price is Right and retrofitted it to fit into this format. I'm liking that. So here's what we're going to do.

Ladies and gentlemen, usually I ask Eli to guess the prices of the items that we have on, right? And you get points. You get points. Oh, God. Go close or not you are to a price. Paul, start that again.

Usually, yeah. Usually on Cheap Show, I invite Eli to guess the prices of free items I've bought in a charity shop. Okay. How does this differ, though, this new version? I'm not going to ask you for the prices this time, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, now you're interested. I'm interested because you've put it in a better way than starting off with what we don't do anymore. Eli, if there's one thing you won't have to do in this game of Prices.

It's guess the price. Because I'm going to tell you the prices. Oh. Ah. I have to pick the item. Ah. Let's see where it goes. So I'm going to show you four items and afterwards I'm going to give you the prices.

And I'm going to ask you to match the price with the item and see if you can sync it up i've got it yeah you're excited i've got it now you're a little bit excited about this i've always been excited about this i'm excited about doing this podcast with you paul after all of these years and yeah it's been four years doing the price of shite with you well shall we crack when did the price of shite arise i think it started pretty early on actually stop touching your mic! I'm going to kill you. I think cheap eats was sooner, though, was before. It's all very nebulous, because it's like,

on Clickables when we did bits, and then the food tasting with the marshmallows there, and the baby food, and all that stuff, way back in the olden days, could go blimey, governor. Can I see my first item, please, on this all-new Price is Shy, please? Yes, I'm going to have to rummage in my very special, what should we call this edition?

The Price Match edition. Price Match. Price of Shite, Price Match edition. Yes, nice. Here's the first one. Oh, yeah. It's an odd item, actually, I saw in a charity shop.

Let's see if you find it. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Paul, sorry to interrupt the flow of the show. What's the point? What's the scoring? You'll get a point for every item you match up. That's it. And if you the scoring? You'll get a point for every item you match up.

That's it. And if you get all four, you get a bonus two points. Oh, hello. Like the bonus. For twing for twing. Maximum of six points. All right. So it's the same.

Yeah. So it is a bit of a competition. It is a little bit. You did very well. Thank you. I hope you do very well in this special edition of... What was it called? Price Match.

Price Match. Price Match. Price of Shite. Thank you. Here's your first item. Again, an Odden. An Odden. I'm salivating in my internal headspace. He's handed me a Blox.

It's a Blox indeed, ladies and gentlemen. I've handed them a Blox. It's a box. A cardboard box. It's blue. It's been gift-aided. Yeah. Charity shop item, obviously.

Indeed. And it says on it, fake TV. Yay! I love these. Yeah, do you know what it is? It's a fake TV thing. Explain what that is to the listeners who might not know. It's a security device to discourage burglars by projecting light to make them think the TV is on in the room.

Exactly. That blue flickery light that one sees when he's on the night bus trundling home to an empty nest. How other people are watching ITV.

They're three in the morning watching the shopping channel. I do have a certain romanticism associated though, Paul, with when I used to stay up all night watching telly.

Like the poker matches and stuff you used to watch. Paul, with when I used to stay up all night watching telly. Like the poker matches and stuff you used to watch. I love it. We used to stay up all night until six in the morning to watch the two-hour Looney Tunes marathon that the Cartoon Network used to do. I remember being up watching all the Channel 4 shows overnight. I live for that shit. Exotica was one.

Remember that? Where they talked about all weird movies. I remember the James Wells show and Hitman and Her. Yeah. And Get Stuffed. Get Stuffed. And Midnight Live or whatever it was. There were some times when they just didn't have anything to show

and they'd just show weird old stock footage of, like, hang gliding from the 70s and that sort of stuff. I live for that. Yeah. I live for that. It's a fake TV, Paul. So basically in the box you get... It's quite... It's a new item.

In the box you basically get a little small LED light thing that you plug in and then it projects upwards at an angle to make it look like your TV is on. Why not just put the TV on? Well, because I think the idea is it's a lot less expensive to run it than a massive TV. Yeah. Apparently it takes a lot fewer voltage,

lesser voltage. It uses less power voltage it uses less power therefore more money which means you can leave it on overnight if you're going out for the night should I plug it in Paul? why don't you plug it in? maybe if you look at it for hours

it replicates watching TV just if you can never decide what to watch that's just the effect of TV. You know what I mean? Just put that on. Close your eyes. Just put it by your head.

And just go, watching. Sorry. I'm sorry. Right. Yeah. So I plug this in then, Paul. Yeah, go on.

Here comes fake TV. Ooh. So you see, if you shine it up against the wall, it kind of gives that flicker and the slight colour changes. Yeah. It's kind of mesmerising, isn't it, though? It's shining a light of a TV show that will never be. Has it?

No, it's just... It's come back on again. See? And it changes blue and a little bit green. There's some red in there as well. A little bit. Look at that. Is that something?

Is that comforting in a way? Kind of. Would you just leave that on? It's a bit sort of horror movie-y as well. But again, you're going out for the night and you give the impression. Horror movie-y. Movie-y. I just said that.

Horror movie-y. Anyway, that's that. Horror movie-y. That's your first item. Fake LED light thing. From a charity shop. Yeah. It's got slits on the back.

Off and on. Yeah. Just switched, mateits on the back. Off and on. Leave it plugged in. Off and on. Unplug it. Switch it off. Don't do this. Switch it on again. Don't do this, Eli.

Switch off the fake TV. You know what, ladies and gentlemen listening to Cheap Show? I'm sorry for Eli today. We've all had a bit of fun, but Eli has obviously... I've had a long day! You haven't. Switch it off again. Switch it on.

We've lost Eli. I genuinely think we've lost Eli today. Switch it off again. Look at him. I'm staring at a man wearing a beanie hat and switching his little light on and off. It's good though, isn't it? No, not watching this is not good. I'm actually seriously worried for your mental health.

Shall we leave the fake TV on for the rest of the segment? If you want to. Okay. Now, I've got what I think. This is slowly becoming a David Lynch set. I've got a picture of you and me with our faces merged. There's a light going off in the corner now. That's all flickery flickery.

You're dressed up like, I don't know. I'm not dressed up. This is me, Paul. You're like the whole cast of Alveda, same pet. And it's like, what the fuck's going on? That's not even an original like, I don't know. I'm not dressed up. This is me, Paul. You're like the whole cast of Alpheda's same pet. And it's like, what the fuck's going on? That's not even an original line.

I don't give a fuck. Who said that originally? Me, to you, just now. No. All the Alpheda's same pets. Stop touching your mic. Turn your light out. Take your clothes off

and show me you're willing. Come on, I need my second item. You ready for your second? There are four items. I know. Let's get on with it then. You know, stop dementing. Not dementing, I need my second item You ready for your second? There are four items I know Let's get on with it then Here we go

Stop dementing Not dementing I'm dementing Oh, it is an interesting one Get it out Come on Looking for it Stop rummaging

And get the fucking shit out He's handed me Ooh It's an unusual format cassette of some sort It's an unusual audio format. I don't know if I'm familiar with this audio format, Paul, that I see before me here. Oh, it's a mini disc. Oh, it's a mini disc.

Ah, because we were talking about this, weren't we? Funnily enough, the other day, yeah, mini disc. This is a mini disc album, an official album release of Oasis's Be Here Now. Cool. I mean, not a good album but no it's all I mean it's not

it's a terrible album it's not no it's bad it's a bad album but I enjoy listening to it at times you know what I mean nostalgic reasons

yeah it reminds me of a certain time in my life and yeah it's fair enough but anyway so it's an album it's an official release it's not like a copy or a bootleg

it's funny I didn't know there was not much of this though was there no because is that one of the reasons why it failed as a format? It never failed as a format.

You watch the Techmoan video that he does on Minidisc, and he goes into a lot of detail about how it can't really be a failure if it ran for almost 20 years. Oh, it was around for 20 years. Because a lot of people in the media still use them for recording interviews and things like that. Yes, but it had much more of a life like that than as a release format

yeah very few albums existed because they all came through so what's the reason for that why didn't it become a popular format to buy an album on because it was a Sony

Sony mini disc and it's Sony albums they're all from Sony so all of the record companies had to be oh so they couldn't it was just easy for them

to churn out all their like bands so but no other major labels would release their stuff on it? Not as far as I know. Because you have to have a deal, don't you? I think it's with cassette was developed by the original compact cassette.

Tapes, Walkman tapes, were developed by Philips, weren't they? Yes. But they must have had a thing where it got licensed to everyone else. And there was obviously no deal. Who the fuck published this album? Sony. Oasis, Creation, Sony. Oh, yeah, Sony and ATV.

So, yeah, therefore, it would have been easy for them to take this off their catalogue and go, right, that can be stuck on an album. Do you know that for a fact?asis, Creation, Sony. Oh, yeah, Sony and ATV. So, yeah, therefore, it would have been easy for them to take this off their catalogue and go, right, that can be stuck on an album. Do you know that for a fact? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So only Sony artists

were able to release I mean, there might have been a few albums from artists who weren't Sony. But it was... I just don't know. It wasn't freely available to anyone who wanted to...

That's what happened with the Philips cassette, I believe. It became freely available and then it dominated because anyone could put out anyone could put it made it cheap and easy and easy to use yeah well that's an interesting item paul didn't think i'd see one of those today i just don't see i the last time i saw these was in america and i bought forest gump soundtrack on minidisc and the benth old five album theobiography of Reinhold Messner. And then I've not seen

any since. And I saw that in a charity shop in Muscle Hill, and I was like, I'll have that. Yeah. How much? No, I'm not telling you, because that's the game, isn't it? Clever little boy. I forgot we were playing then. It's very much a similar size to a compact cassette. Yeah. I thought they would have been

smaller. Because the actual format itself is much smaller than a cassette, so it could be a smaller box, but this is... No, it's the same size as a normal minidisc. It's not a smaller minidisc. It's the exact same size as a normal minidisc. I know the minidisc is, but when you get a minidisc to record on,

just a blank minidisc, it's in a much more sort of ergonomically small... Oh, well, no, it's because they don't need to have... Carrying case. We're talking about the crystal carrying case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't have to have any design on it. No.

Interesting. It's like an L cassette tape box, isn, yeah, yeah. You don't have to have any design on it. No. Interesting. It's like an L cassette tape box, isn't it? Yeah. L box or whatever you call it. So there you go. That's your next item. Be here now by Oasis on MiniDisc. A bit crumbly-wumbly, but it all looks good.

A bit crumbled. It's broken. Now, here's the next one. And you're going to love it, I think, Mr. Silverman. I'm going to love this. I like the fake TV so far. Say what you see, Mr Mr Silverman I like the fake TV so far Say what you see Mr Silverman

Disney Parks The Haunted Mansion 52 playing cards It's a playing cards day to day This is a nice item Isn't it It's in a sarcophagus or coffin shaped box Sarcophagus A sarcophagus shaped box

And when you open the lid of this coffin, there is a very nice purple velvet effect, which is the bed that the card box lays in. Yes. And it's quite impressive, that, isn't it? Nice little touch, isn't it? It's very Disney, isn't it? Very Disney.

And what are these cards? Playing cards. They're just normal playing cards. I mean, they've got Haunted Mansion iconography all over them. Oh, do they? Oh, they're cool. And they've got... They've got Clone of the Dark ink on the back as well.

And they have textured. Yeah. The back is textured in some way. Well, that's where the Clone of the Dark ink is. Are they marked? No, I don't think they are, actually. These are cool. Can I have these?

No, they are fucking mine, mate. They're Haunted Mansion things. Of course I'm going to have them. Oh, wicked. So the jokers have the ghosts, the hitchhiking ghosts. There's the three ones. What are they called? The hitchhiking ghosts.

I don't know their names, although they probably have them. The ace is the lady with the crocodile trying to get her. All the royalty are the paintings from the stretching room. Yes. So all the paintings that stretch and reveal a more macabre image. Are they just versions that have been redrawn for these cards? I presume so, yeah,

in some respect. They're not like actual direct copies? No, I think they've all been. So there's Ace and Diamonds and Clubs. That's a very nice item. I like that.

I like playing cards. Have you noticed? Yeah, I do. I've noticed that. I don't know why I'm getting into playing cards. And Clipper Lighters and Saucers

and Living in Despair. Shut up. Come on. Right. That's the third item. and living in despair. Shut up. Right. That's the third item. Now, the fourth item you may have seen already on Instagram. I was so excited and cock-a-hoop when I found it that I couldn't hide it. I was so excited.

I just couldn't hide it. And I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I want you. I want you. Yeah, good, Paul. Yeah. That's a good... I like the Haunted Mansion playing cards.

You ready for it? I've been blown away today, Paul. Item number four is right here. Oh, it's a Jeopardy! handheld electronic game. Isn't it? Wow. That is a meaty unit as well, isn't it? It's a meaty unit.

I've handed Eli my meaty unit. This is a meaty unit with's a meaty unit I've handed Eli my meaty unit It's a meaty unit with lots of buttons on it Yeah, up to three players Okay, so you've got one, two, three, four Can we play this now? I think we can, it's got batteries in You might want to put a lamp on I'm not going to play the whole thing

Because you know it's a long game God almighty This place is shit old I tell you what, mate. Stop touching your mic and talking. I like touching it. Don't talk. Adjust and then talk.

I'll come out here. Shut up. Just stop saying words randomly because you don't have any proper thoughts to have. I'm doing a podcast. Doing the podcast. I've been doing it again. I'm doing the podcast again. Seriously, are you all right? I'm doing the podcast. I've been doing it again. I'm doing the podcast again. Seriously, are you all right?

I'm doing the podcast! Every now and then we have episodes where I kind of feel like I'm about to lose you. Now, how do you turn this Jeopardy box machine on? It's the big button that says off and on on the front, left hand, right hand side. It's not that big. I mean, as far as the buttons go, it's about the smallest you can get. But it's still there. Still got my senses around me. I can tell when a button's small or a button that big. I mean, as far as the buttons go, it's about the smallest you can get. It's all right, but it's still... All right! It's still there. Still got my senses around me.

Yeah. I can tell when a button's small or a button's big. Or medium-sized. You press my buttons, mate. I'll press this button. Go on, then. Come around here. Turn it on.

Stop it. Come around here. I'm pressing it. Nothing's happening, Paul. Let's have a look. It came on before. Oh, there we go. Oh, here we go.

Has he got lots of questions programmed into it then my entertainment level has dropped as the song went on there Paul it has cartridges on the back and you can exchange them in and out

have you got any cartridges coming in no only the one that comes with it so number of players you can put two in but it's not you got any cartridges coming in? No, only the one that comes with it. So number of players, you can put two in, but it's not worth doing two because it has to be fastest finger first and this setup doesn't really allow for it,

so I'm just going to let you play. Okay. So I'm going to pick one player and then I believe I enter, enter, how many players? One. One player. Here we go.

Okay, 14, 12, 6, 20, 03. Okay, so the front panel switches round, right? Because it has the category titles on. And atop the screen, there is a row of numbers. 4, 12, 14, 12, 6, 20, 11, 03. If you look at the sides, it tells you what those categories are. So the way this works is, you know in Jeopardy... You have to pick a box, don't you?

Yeah, do you know in Jeopardy... You pick one, don't you? The answer is the question. They give you the answer and you go, what is? It's the reverse game. It's not though, it's bullshit. It's still an answer. It's just because you say what is first

doesn't make it a question. Because it's always like, born in 1953, this guy... It's like, who is Bob? But if you're in a quiz show and the host says, who is Bob? It's a in a quiz show and the whole time who is bob but it's a flimsy sort of yeah i don't know see yeah a man who was born in 1953 and became the head of it's a flimsy conceit yes yeah so it's not really it's a very popular game and did you see that yeah still very popular there's been some controversy that's fair uh recently because these guys have

been like learning the ultimate technique of how you get the buzzer first really yeah it's a way of holding your arm where you can get the twitch talking to the mic where you get the twitch yeah to get the buzzer and there's also this way he's like tensing your muscles so you're more quick to move or something yeah right i'm tensing them all just leaving your arm hanging down i think it what he is so he holds it behind his back or something and most people just hold it up here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they tense up so much that they do it slowly. Okay, I'll take that logic.

So this champion, he's like someone sort of sports coached him into this. His reflective reactions. He's the most successful Jeopardy player of all time. Right. And he's also got this way,

you know the end board, you've got these big money are more hard. Yeah. He always goes for the biggest money. He's worked out this way just sort of are more hard yeah he always goes for the biggest money he's worked out this way just sort of statistically that he knows if you go for the biggest money he's like gaming the whole of it and people are objecting to him because he just dominates he completely dominates stop kicking touching your fucking mic hey paul come on i need

to adjust my mic what was that other game show where the guy completely gamed it? Like, the whammy. Remember, because he knew exactly when to hit the button so it wouldn't land on a whammy. Press your luck. Oh, really? The American Game Show. It's happened a lot, hasn't it? And they have to stop people from doing it.

Well, apparently he studied hours and hours and hours. This guy, Jeopardy's a big deal, because it's like a very long-running show, America, isn't it? It's one of the longest- running game shows of all time. It must be one of the most popular shows ever. Possibly. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I don't have the facts, Eli. It's a big game show. Still

going. But is it as big as Bruce Forsythe's Generation Game? Yes. That was based on an American show as well, wasn't it? Was it? Yeah. I thought it was French. La Generation Game. I don't know. Countdown and Treasure Hunt I thought it was French. La Génération Game. I don't know. Countdown and Treasure Hunt were both based on

French TV shows. So maybe La Génération Game with Le Bruce Forsythe. Is that a French Bruce Forsythe? I don't know what a French Bruce Forsythe

would sound like. Can I try and play this? So what do I do then? Right. So you use the left hand side where you have A, B. No, sorry, right-hand side.

Yeah, where the letters are. A, B. And that's like moving left and right, up and down. You pick a category square. So 100, 200, 400 in that category. The top row numbers gives you the category code. And then all the other ones are boxes with prices. And then it's going to give you the question, right?

And then it's going to give you three answers. So it'll be like, what is this? Is it A, B, or C? Okay, so what do I do first? You buzz in, so you'll press one, but it only lets you buzz in once the three answers have been read out. Right. So how do I choose a question?

You scroll around with that left, right, up, down button. I can't see the scroll going anywhere. It's that one. That's your scroll. That moves your little cursor around onto the squares. I can see now. Pick a category, and then it will read the question, then give you three options,

and then after that you can buzz in and answer using the ABC. I've only got those categories that are across the top of those that are available to me. I'm going to go for music. Music is a good choice. Read it out for us, would you? And I pick a difficulty? Yeah, well, it's just cost, isn't it?

So it's either going to get you 100, 200, 300, 400. I want to get the most, don't I? Well, then do that, but it'll probably be a harder question. Let's do this. All right, do it. Yeah. And then what do I press to select it? Probably enter.

I think it's one of the smaller buttons. Enter, start. Yeah. Characters in this musical. Yeah, characters in this musical. Include. Include. Diner.

Diner. The dining car. The dining car. Bell. Bell. The sleeping car. The dining car. Bell. Bell. The sleeping car. The sleeping car. And greaseball.

Greaseball. The racist stereotype. The racist stereotype. What is a Starlight Express? A. B. B. A.

A. A chorus line. Yeah. Or C. C. Grease. Right, now you can buzz in. Yeah, or C. C, Greece. Right, now you can buzz in. Press your one button when you think you know. It was A.

Well, then press in quick before someone else does. It was A, A here. No, you press your one button. Why? Because that's how you buzz in. If there was three of us playing, we'd all share those buttons. I buzzed in. And then you go A, B, or C.

And then I think enter. Fucking hell, this sucks. Time's up. Well, you took too long, didn't you? Oh hell this sucks time's up oh well there you took too long didn't you this sucks so hard let's have a fucking

go let's have a little go what are the categories 14 is music I knew the answer

12 is the movies 6 is poetry 20 is arts and artists 11 is the bible and 3

is water, water everywhere. Well, I'm going to go for 6, aren't I? What's water, water everywhere? I don't know. Weird. Do you think it's about oceans? Oh, hang on. You didn't buzz in, did you? I tried to buzz in. It says you got it wrong and missed it. Answer A. Yeah, alright, cool. My go.

I knew it was A. I'm going to go for... Starlight Express. Answer me yes. I'm going to go for... Starlight Express. Answer me yes. I'm going to go for 400. Is it real? Yes or no? I'm going to go for movies. Starlight Express. Shut up! You are the best. Here we go. Here's the question. Clint Eastwood played a

late night DJ stalked by a fan In this 1971 film Also his directorial debut It is As a director

It does What is a I know I know Misty for me B The outlaw Josie Wales. C. Dirty Harry.

I buzz in and then I go A and then I go enter. Correct. I got 400 points. Do you want to go? No, I don't. One more go? If you want. What category?

Movies, poetry, water, water, everywhere. I think I want go? No, I don't. One more go? If you want. What category? Movies, poetry, water, water, everywhere. Well, I think I want to hear water, water, everywhere. Well, it's the farthest column, isn't it? Furthest column? Forest. The forest column to the right. Where? I don't know. Where's the thing? I don't know.

Look for it. It'll flash when you're on the square. Oh, here we go. Come on. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na. How do I select? Press enter. Yeah. What's the question? Constantinople is Romania's only port on this sea, Constantinople.

What is A, the Black Sea? Oh. B, the Yellow Sea? Oh. B, the Yellow Sea? The Yellow Sea. Or C? C. The Red Sea? Constantinian?

I'm going to say Black Sea. Romania. I think it is. So, buzz in. Is it? Yeah. I don't know. Press A, B, C, then enter.

I think it was C. Enter. No. What was it? Constantinian. Is it Romania's's I'll do it. Only poor. Press pass and it will go on to the next question. Yeah, press pass and it will tell you the answer. What is A? Press pass and it will tell you

the answer. There you go. Come on, fat thumbs. Where's pass? There you go. What's the answer? A. They've all been A. They haven't. No, they have, Paul. We've done three questions. They've all been A. Well, then you should have just guessed A, shouldn't you then?

Can we put that away now? Can we? Goodbye. So, anyway, that was the last item. That's the fourth item. I'm ready to guess. Let's get the prices. Wait.

I forgot to give you this. That's the box that came in. Oh, there's the box. Wow. That's a fancy box. Yeah. Not that impressed with the machine. I'm actually impressed they got jeopardy to work on this definitely back when i was a kid i used to have questions one that was smaller than

this but it's wheel of fortune lcd wheel of fortune that was been around the thing that it doesn't rely on questions you know so it's like letters it's like hangman with yeah so it works a lot better but i'm surprised they got jeopardy working on this at all I mean that is the game I guess isn't it yeah it's a nice little thing you play on the car journeys you know

general knowledge game on a train back in the Tiger they're famous Tiger I'm dropping more digi stuff in aren't I stop dropping digi stuff

this is going to be digitised at the podcast soon and I won't need you right so are you ready for the next four items I have seen on this price of

shite price check special edition with you, Paul Gannon, and me, Eli Silverman, here on Cheap Show. It's another episode we're coming to the end of. Yes, but here's the exciting part. Eli Silverman, you've seen the four items today, but don't worry about guessing the prices.

I'm going to tell you the answers. You've got the prices. You've got the prices right there. All you've got to do is match the prices. Give me the prices. I'm ready to match the prices right now, Paul. Here is your first price. It is £2.50.

Oh, do I have to do them in order like that? No. I looked at them all before. I'm going to show you them all now. £2.50. Next one. £3, Mr. Silverman. £3.

The next one. £4.50. £4.50. And finally, £5. £5. So there you go. That's a head puzzler. It's a head puzzler.

It's a head scratcher. It's a head scratcher coming at you. Head puzzler. I think the cheapest item was the fake TV. Okay. Because it's used. No. You have got 30 seconds to guess the prices.

It could be the cassette, because no one wants a fucking mini disc anymore, do they? No one would even know what the fuck that was. Maybe that was the cheapest. He's having a good think. Disney cards, were these bought in a charity shop as well, Paul? Yes. They weren't from the Disney shop directly? No, no, no, no, no.

I can't remember what charity shop it was. It might have been Muscle Hill as well. They're nice, but playing cards are generally quite cheap items. But look at the fancy box, isn't it? They're fancy ones. They're nice ones. They are very nice. They're very nice cards.

Very nice cards indeed. And I like the Haunted Mansion, as we all know. Maybe they're one of the more expensive. I think the most expensive item was our Jeopardy machine. It's mint on card, practically. It's got the whole box there, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's an electronic game.

It's got a retro look. It's got quite a nice look to it, doesn't it? I like it. It looks 90s, but still. It's boring as a game. I'm going to say £5 for that. All right, so let's put the £5. Put that £5 on top of the Jeopardy.

That is my guess for the... It's locked in. Now you've got three other prices now. So let's go through them again. You've got £4, £3 and £2.50. I think maybe the fake TV is the next most expensive one because again,

it's an electronic item. Talk into the mic. I am. Just do better work, yeah? Yeah. You too. I'm trying. We're in this together.

Come on, mate. I'm trying, man. Did together come on mate I'm trying man did you ever know that you're my hero it's an electronic item and it has a plug and stuff so that seems

you know like you have to spend a few pounds on that yeah maybe for it to work properly it's got an on off switch all I can do is as we discovered

as we know you're very I might have another little go on that switch yeah go on you enjoy it you switch it off hang on hang on hang on hang on yeah I might have another little go on that switch, Paul. Yeah, go on. You enjoy it. Okay. You switch it off. Hang on.

Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Yeah. Oh, it's gone on. Oh, it's bright and bright. Wow. Put the switch on.

Imagine putting that in an oven. I would not put that in an oven. It would be a shame. Right, I think that could be the £4.51, Paul. Are you going to lock that in? Are you locking it in? Locked in. And I think the cards probably were more expensive than the Oasis thing. The Oasis thing, I think, you know, people just don't know what it is.

They think it's just a piece of sort of an old cassette. I don't know. It's just weird. I wouldn't know how to price that if I was working in a charity shop. Do you know what I mean? So I might just say it's just pretty junky.y two pound fifty is quite a lot to pay for one of those can i say paul yeah although this is cheap show and it's a price of sight they are quite expensive items on average today for this a little bit a little bit but i also wanted to show like

the range of things you can get randomly and i don't think it's all that expensive yeah that's a nice item the cards i think they're worth. I'd be prepared to pay more for those. How much are you saying for those? For the ways. It's three pounds for the Disney Haunted Mansion style cards. Which only gives me one last option. Excuse me. I am warming.

Locked in. Which only gives me one more option. You better do the noise straight away, because you have to lock in the last price are you putting on £2.50? mini disc £2.50 for the Be Here Now Oasis mini disc locked in

right are you happy? I'm going to give you one last chance to swap the prices round because that's what they do on these shows they give you one last chance they I'm going to give you one last chance to swap the prices round. Because that's what they do on these shows. They give you one last chance. They say, here's what you're saying.

You're saying, Eli, the cards are £3. The light is £4.50. The Jeopardy game is £5. And the mini disc is £2.50. All I'm saying, Eli, is I'm going to give you one last chance right now to swap any two item prices if If you want to take that risk. You can take that risk now. You've got ten seconds to think about it. Oh, the board reverts. Swapping. The board's revolving.

Doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle doodle. I've lost the price in the morass of fear. Well, if you've lost the price, you can't therefore swap it. I've lost the price in the sovereignly pit of grot. Look for it. Oh, I'm going to have to truffle. Go truffle in. Truffle you swine. Get down there. Truffle, truffle, truffle, truffle in. Truffle, you swine. Get down there. Truffle, truffle, truffle.

Truffle in. Truffle, truffle, truffle. He's got it. He's come up truffles. I've come up it. He's come up truffles. I've come up with the prize, Paul. Right, so what do you want to do?

I think I'm going to stick with my original choice. You want to stick? Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah. All right. Yeah, yeah. Fire solution.

That's not the best phrase. You're going to have to cut that, aren't you? Wait. You can't say that. I didn't know. It's weird. It took a really sinister turn. I didn't think.

I thought I was on a game show. I'm fucking getting exterminated because of my ethnic background let me just do something else let me do something else alright fuck it up right

you're getting a bit much in here shut up hang on let me just do a different one the final is valuation what wow are you ready the final is valuation. What? Wow. Are you ready? Fascists everywhere.

Would you like to start with the least amount of... Am I allowed to own property in this post racial world of yours? Oh, shut up. I don't know, man. I don't know anymore. Here we go.

I'm traumatised. Let's start with Jeopardy. Shall we? Let's start with the big boy. Jeopardy. I hope I get one point at least. You said £5. Yes. That's what you locked in.

Yes. The actual price was £5. Oh, come on. Points. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. Points. Points. Is that two points?

Just one point. Next. What's the next expensive? You said the LED light. The TV, the fake TV light. You said that was what? £4.50. It's got lights in it.

The price was? £2.50. Oh. All right. All right. You suck suck Shut up I hate your computer The game computer

Does it like Eli Woah you really don't know what you're doing do you I don't either Who does Do you know what I can do now Reach over You said £4.50 The best I can do is two points now.

Was £2.50. Oh, yeah. Then I went... Yeah. Yeah. Why are you so into this? Right. Next, you said the playing cards were...

This is my last chance. £3. Yeah. The price was... £4. There price was £4. There is no £4 sticker. There's no £4 price. Oh.

£4.50. Sorry, I just didn't put the 50p on the thing. Oh yeah. It still doesn't matter. And I'm going to believe you now after this. I'm supposed to believe you. It's a sham. A total sham. And I want going to believe you now after this. I'm supposed to believe you. I forgot to put 50p on here. It's a sham. A total sham.

And I want my points. I want points. It was £2.50 and you said it was £3. It was £3 and you said it was £2.50, so you're wrong. You got one point. One point! I'm actually going to take that point away. No, why?

Because you played so badly, you don't deserve to have any points. That's not for you to say. Here's me taking back that point. It's not for you to say. We all know I had a point. No, here's me taking back that point. Here's me making another point for myself. No, you can't betwing a point.

I'm going to suck at that point back. Bedwing. Bedwing. Bedwing. I should have an excess of points here and you won't be able to suck them all up. Are you fucking okay? Anyway, that was The Cheap Show.

Oh, Paul. I've been so tired and hungover. I just want to say to everyone. I want to say to everyone. Yeah. Sorry about today. You should apologise. I am sorry about today.

You've been a very naughty boy. And I am sorry about today. I am. The thing is, I know you're sober, but you've acted so drunk today on the show. Oh. Right. Can we do one? Do a good one next time.

You know what? You know what? We're a silly little podcast and we do what we can. Should we just wrap up? Should we just wrap up the show? Do you want to? I'll wrap up the show. Is that what you want to do?

It's been like mental health care day today hasn't it what for you yeah no i've been surrounded by you barking and making weird sounds and going off one i've got a painting of our faces merged together you've had that fake led tv like flickering in the background i feel sick i am sick of you okay, I love you. Come on. Are we... Right, if you'd like to send us anything to the Cheap Show HQ or the House of Pickles, you can. We've got a P.O. box now that we share with Digitizer. Eli is now going to capably read it out.

And the P.O. box, should you care to send us knick-knacks, items, pickles, things like that, or sauces. Never know when I might be writing another support. Report support. I need... You know what? Give it back. No, no, no. I just want you to read the PO box. I will not. And you've already gone off on a brain fart. I will not. I'll be

handing this back to you. You can't be trusted. You are a sham master. What is your fucking problem? You are a sham master. No. Send them to... You should be ashamed of your behaviour this week. I think you should generally be ashamed of yourself this week. If you do have anything to send us through the P.O. Box,

it's at Cheap Show, P.O. Box 1271 Harrow, HA3 3NS. Thank you. Cheap Show, P.O. Box 1271 Harrow, A 3 3 N S right excellent so and if you'd like to cheap show at cheap show come on Paul let's tie it up tie up in a bow

and then place that bow right on my rectal no let's end the show by playing Eli has to wrap up the show accurately or I will slap you I can do it alright then here we go thanks very much for listening again everyone to the podcast

here we go I'm in slapping position and thank you very much to our Patreon Patreon patrons you are making a lot of this nonsense possible

each and every week thank you so much and if you'd like to support us on Patreon here we go you can give as little as a dollar a month and

and you get all sorts of stuff, little exclusives, things like videos and stuff like that. What's the address? What address? For the Patreon, for people to come.

And if you do want to support us on Patreon, which we would absolutely love, thank you very much, you go to www. Don't slap. You're not allowed to actually use violence.

You're not allowed to get it wrong then, are you? Patreon. Yeah. Forward slash. Ow. Try again. Patreon.

The cheap show pod. Ow. Why don't you know this? I don't know it. I don't know it. I don't know it. Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show. Right? Patreon.com forward slash Cheap Show.

Thank you very much. And what's the email address? And also, if you want to email us, perhaps you have a tale from the shop floor about someone dying in a shop or something. Or someone shitting their pants. Or shitting their pants. Or shitting their pants. Very well put, Paul.

No. Yes. You can contact us at www. No. Come on. Ow! Get it right. Ow!

You've had four years to get it right and 150 episodes almost. You must have heard this more than anything else. Thecheapshowpod.com Ow! I don't know. Thecheapshow at gmail.com Gmail. Alright, we're on Instagram.

We're on Tumblr. Tumblr. Facebook. Soundcloud. Twitter. Rating review on Spotify and iTunes. We're on all of the social medians. Apple Media. And what's our Twitter account? I don't know.

You do that. No, you do it. Come on. It's a cheap show at whatever. I don't... Ow! Fuck off! I do not listen.

You don't listen. You're right. I do not... Can I just say this? This is a good point. I have no control over the cheap show Twitter so it's all your opinion

doesn't matter including put downs of me I've got my good self ow the twitter gal at the cheap show pod

I'm at Paul Gannon Eli is Eli Snoid E-L-I-S-N-O-I-D is how it's at mate I'm gonna fucking retaliate

and that's all no it's all right. We're done now. Fucking hurting me. Once again, you failed spectacularly in remembering something. You've resulted to actual violence. I'm sorry, I had to. To actual physical...

Listen. It hurts me more than it hurts you. No, Paul. Imagine the lawsuits. If I was... You just need to rein it in, my friend. Oh, well, I think that has been a very successful episode in the ongoing court case between Silverman and Paul Gannon.

Hope you've enjoyed it too. We'll see you next time. Next time. Goodbye. you