CheapShow - Ep 152: What's In The Box?

Episode Date: November 8, 2019

CheapShow finally, properly, returns to the House of Pickles for more Economy Comedy "larks"! This week, Paul and Eli take a deep breath and hope for the best as they take a deep dive into the contents of their PO Box. As you can imagine, there are some delights to behold, but also, some truly nightmarish discoveries too. Will the cheap chaps figure out the appeal of “Haw Flakes”? Do the new Garbage Pail Kids stack up well against the classic cards? What Tomy toy has got Paul excited this week AND we take a listen to a bunch of vinyl that bounces from dinosaurs to bikinis to world parties... And pretty crap word parties at that! CheapShow's back in the HOP! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-152-what-s-in-the-box If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow https://www.teepublic.com/en-gb/user/PageBranson

Do the fucking intro then. Do you want me to do the intro? Do the intro. Ladies and gentlemen, hello. I'll do the intro. Oh, fucking hell. Gary Sparkles. Oh, fucking hell.

Gary Sparkles has been hired via his agent, Madam Spaff. Oh, fucking hell. Madam Spaff got me this gig and I'm going to do the intro to what I believe is a very solid podcast. Oh, fucking hell. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. I'm so dreary. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Here we go. I've got the script there in front of me. Here we go. I've got the script. There we go.

Go on, then. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this edition of the Economy Comedy Podcast Cheap Show, a show that goes for the bargain bins, the charity shops, the frist stores, the jumble sales of Great Britain and brings back the treasure amongst the trash. I'm the introduction man. His name I've fucking forgotten. Gary Sparkles, I fucking know it. Madame Spaff, I'm on fucking book.

So please, ladies and gentlemen, with your host Eli Silverman and Paul Cannon, welcome to another edition of Cheap Show. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. It's just a fact of Cheap Show you're going to have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show you're gonna have to learn to fucking accept. Cheap Show. Cheap Show.

It's the price of shite. Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheat Show And I go and I nuzzle Well what a wonderful introduction that was That was probably the worst ever No you always say that It was lacklustre

Because you're a miserable old man. It was lacklustre, Paul. Alright, well then you do one. Alright. Go on then. Are you doing the voice then? Just don't interrupt me.

Alright. Oh, hello. Oh, I'm Barry Shiners. Hello, I'm Barry. You complain about me. You go with Barry all the time. I'm Barry Shiners.

Hello, I'm Barry Shiners. I've been employed by Madame Spiffspoff to introduce... You are creatively bankrupt. You know that, don't you? Oh. Do you want to carry on or do you want to tap out? I don't know. I don't want to do this.

Do you want to tap out? Oh, we're still poorly at HQ. We are. Sorry, everybody. It's been a long day. It's been a long day. But we wanted to say, I just wanted to say a few things, actually.

First of all, you may have noticed a few changes on the website. We've got new artwork now. Beautiful. You can support the podcast by Tony, who's done a lot of artwork for us in the past. And you can check out the art that Tony's made. I particularly liked the Halloween special artwork.

Isn't it nice? It's fantastic. It was far more... It had a real sense of, I don't know, adventure about it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it did. It had a bit of spooky to it as well. Bit of spooky.

I'm looking at you like you can. I like that. The way I'm looking at you like you can. And I'm like, oh, it might be ghosts. You know, it might be ghosts. There wasn't. There was no ghosts. There's one called Barry.

And beans. That fucking cracked me up at the time. Yeah. It cracked me up. So, that bean, Venus costume. Oh, my God. Yeah, Venus. Venus is a generic, readily available costume.

But that's what made me wonder. So, there's no trademark associated with the costume no so we can be Venus I'm a Venus yeah I'm a Venus

yeah I like these anyone can do it Biffo anyone can do it although he has said because there have been people online dressing up he's going to have to

accentuate the costume in some way to make it his own thing yeah yeah yeah yeah well I personally I'm deeply tired of Venus already he's going to have to accentuate the costume in some way. To make it his own thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I personally, I'm deeply tired of being this already. Yeah.

But, you know, you just don't know what's going to catch on. You don't. Anyway, so Tony's now the, I don't know, the artist in-house. Official Cheap Show artist. And if you want to buy anything from Tony's website, Redbubble site, there's a link on our webpage, thecheapshow.co.uk. And there is a Street Chow logo now. Street Chow.

You know what? The minute we started doing that, I thought, that's going to be a T-shirt. Do you know any podcasts say that? When they say something, they go, that'll be a T-shirt.

Yeah, but with us, it actually will be. It fucking is. We'll say something daft like, Fanny Splat Ding Dong. It's like, there's a T-shirt. No, don't. Fanny Splat Ding Dong is It's like, there's a t-shirt. No, don't.

Don't. Fanny Splat Ding Dong is a brand new game. No, stop saying it. Stop saying it. It's a new board game. Hello, I'm Barry Shiners. I've got a brand new game. It's called Fanny Splat Ding Dong.

Come on. No, I can't. I've got clinical depression. So, but I did want to say, for the past 100 or so episodes, our art was supplied by Paige Branson. We're still going to sell Paige's... You mean the logo?

The logo. It was Paige Branson's. And I wanted to say a big thank you for that because that was a huge, big deal for us when we got that. Fantastic artwork she did for the Cheap Show magazine. Yeah, on the front cover. With it all hanging off the clock

and that was brilliant. Her work's amazing and I'll put a link to her Ko-Fi page on our website and also if she ever wants to sell that logo art like Tony and like Evendu

with their stuff, Paige can go ahead and do that. While we're talking artwork, are you going to take that painting away? Oh, we need to do something with that painting

because it's unnerving. Yeah, it's just nasty. How about we do, I'll think of a competition and then we'll sign it and then we'll give it away. Okay. All right, we'll do something like that. Let me have a think, but someone else can have it. Yeah. Do you think someone will want it?

I think it might be haunted. Yeah, it's nasty. And also. Yes. The new theme tune as well. Ah. That's exciting. Funky.

A friend of mine, mine Jamie who did the who did the score for the Ghostbusters documentary which Ghostbusters documentary? the one that's coming out it's finally released called what? the Ghostbusters documentary

no it's called Cleaning Up The Town it's been like in the works for 10 years Cleaning Up The Town oh fuck off it's a good documentary I've watched it

and it's been getting good reviews at Filmfest I reckon over the years Ghostbusters is just going to appear more and more right wing isn't I reckon over the years, Ghostbusters is just going to appear more and more right wing, isn't it? I don't think Ghostbusters

is necessarily a... A rapian right wing. It's not at all. Don't be ridiculous. Neo-liberal fucking propaganda. There's a... I will say with Ghostbusters,

there is a tiny sliver of the thread about Reaganomics and things like that. The whole line about everyone has three mortgages these days, all that kind of stuff. Well, they are

small businessmen, aren't they? They're entrepreneurs. It's a blue collar rags to riches story. It's like a kind of ghost version of Secret of My Success with Michael J. Fox. Which has Oh yeah. By

Yellow in it. I know. it's the archenoise. Can I just say to everyone, everyone, do you remember? Do you remember? That every other movie in the 80s, when it had a sexy car chase sort of scene. Or just a sexy scene in general or something. Sexy or a sort of car.

No, a car chase always... Sex in a car. It was always in a car. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

No, there was... Yellow did two pieces of music that was used... That were ubiquitous in certain scenes or films of the 80s. So, oh, yeah. Chika-chika. Chika-chika. Chika-chika. All that stuff.

Yeah. Was always used in a lot of kind of... And that song's called Oh, Yeah. Yeah. But that was used. I'm bringing it up now because it was used in Secret of My Success with... Yeah. And it's probably

used in something else. That's the first time I actually, it was very effectively. It's the sex scene he has with his aunt or something, isn't it? Yeah. It's when he's,

yeah, the older lady gets, gets food. That's very full of shit. I only remember enjoying it a lot at the time. I remember enjoying it, but there was like a whole load

of those films in the 80s where it's like, you look back and you think, oh, what a load of wank. Yeah. And also, The Chase.

I want to say chase I want to say I want to say that was used in Nuns on the Run yeah that's the one that's coming to mind but then the other thing

the other tune that was used a lot which I remember was definitely used in Vacation National Lampoon's Vacation yeah was I'm So Excited

and I Just Can't Hide It that was another one Pointer Sisters and that was using the A-Team as well was it do you know what there's so many songs like that like I Need A Hero

by Bonnie Tyler that were just used again and again and again they don't do that now well they just use old songs don't they like Joker has has

White Room by Cream in it and what is the bloody the all of Baby Driver yes is like Needle Drops I think Baby. And what is the bloody all of Baby Driver? Yes. Is like needle drops. I think Baby Driver

is the I re-watched that again recently. Yeah. And it's not good. It's not very good is it? No, I'll rephrase it. The chase scenes, the action scenes

cut to the music which is what the film's about. Yeah. It's good. The plot, I was like and characterisation and then the spectre of Kevin Spacey

hanging over it now as well. Yeah, and it's the bad smell of Spacey all over it. And he's basically an abusive father figure in the film, isn't he? Yeah. Do you know what I mean? He's nasty. No. He's this pretty young man that he wants to keep close.

Yeah, basically. Yeah. Who he manipulates and exploits. Yeah. Yeah. So it's kind of got that which is against it. And also, yeah, I just thought the script's terrible. And that thing at the end thing I just don't believe him

that whole thing where he's living with his adopted black blind father yes I just don't believe this do you know what I mean it has this artificiality

to it that it's just completely nothing real about it sorry this isn't a film review show this is cheap show five bags of popcorn

I haven't done any what anything stupid. What do you mean stupid? I usually do something stupid, don't I? Do you? Yeah, by now.

I think we should go with they're a touring comedy duo. What are they called? Gary Sparkles. And Barry Shiners. Yeah. Shiners.

They're not great. Too many voices I can do really well is that. What? No, come on, ladies and gentlemen. So, I'm not saying my fucking wife's an idiot, but it took her an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes. I thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.

It's not my gag. It's not my gag. But at least I'm telling everyone now it's not my gag. It's not my gag. It's not your gag. It's not my gag. That's not your gag. But at least I'm telling everyone now it's not my gag. As opposed to, it's a gag. Demerara. No, but I thought, that was convergent evolution.

Yeah. I just came upon that pun. You came upon the pun. I came upon the pun. I squirted a load of jizz jizz onto the pun pun. I'm still ill. I'm very poorly meant to be going to a fucking party tonight. Well, get your party shoes on.

I can't do it. Get your sparkly parky shoes on. I can't do it. Party shoes. Here's a little tip for you. Yeah. Coke. No.

Shut up. When you're deodorising, Put a little spray on your knob A little spray On me knob Why Why Just to get rid of the nasty smell of your knob I don't

I've never had a nasty smell on my knob So I think Eli That's what you say No I My penis I don't want to discuss your penis I just gave you some fucking advice

No It wasn't advice Squirt up here Squirt up here Give me a little squirt Down down there Disgust your penis. I just gave you some fucking advice. No, it wasn't advice so much as you had missed it. Squirt up here. Give me a little squirt down there. Squirts have fucking deodorant on your knob. I make it smell nice. Mate.

Roll-on. A roll-on you might have a problem with. No, mate. Imagine getting the roll-on caught in your foreskin. The foreskin actually going in the roll-on. It looks like a penis, a roll-. No, mate. Imagine getting the roll-on caught in your foreskin and the foreskin actually going in the roll-on. It looks like a penis, a roll-on, doesn't it?

It looks like a penis with all the foreskin around it. Oh. What are we doing on the show, Paul? I don't know, losing our fucking minds again. Well, it's too late for that.

Mate, you can't put tea on the table. We are, today, what I've decided we're going to do is because every time I go to Biffo's to just do some digitiser stuff, there's a P.O. Box bundle, right? Ah.

So, I thought, once a month, we'll do an episode that is a... P.O. Box. A P.O. Box deep dive. Deep dive P.O. You need to work on the title. Yeah, Pooh Box. Let's dive into our Pooh Box.O. box. A P.O. box deep dive. Deep dive P.O. You need to work on the title. Yeah, poo box. Let's dive into our poo box.

Oh, God. What? We all know we were going to go there, didn't we? We could see the letters in our head. P.O. P.O. is like poo. Poo. All right, well then let's workshop it now.

Come on. No. I'm going to call it. You really did just give up then? Wow. All right, well, then let's workshop it now. Come on. No. I'm going to call it. You really did just give up then? Wow. All right. I'm looking forward to getting some of this PO Box stuff out. Right, well, listen.

I will say this before we go any further. Today's episode is going to be a PO Box dive. So we're going to dive into our box, right? Yes. We're going to go into a deep dive. Some people send some wonderful stuff, but they don't write a letter or put their names on it, so I don't know who sent stuff. Well, they'll know when it's them, when we mention it.

I guess, when we say, this is a thing. Yeah. Great. And also, I'm an idiot, and so when I collect the stuff from Biffo's, I pour it all into a bag, so then it all gets mixed up, so then I don't know who's brought what out. So, in fact, the first bit of what you just said was just a defence against what you've done,

which is completely anonymised. No, the first thing I said. The P.O. Box contents, haven't you? You've ruined it. You would hell with me with the second. You've ruined it. You've messed it all up and ruined it. You're fucking it, you.

No, don't start. I'm not the energy for that. Yeah, you're unwell. Don't get into fisticuffs. There's going to be a new Paul Gannon from 152 onwards. A more chill, a more relaxed, a more, hey, cool kind of guy. Okay, good. More upbeat. Yeah, I'm going to be more upbeat. Okay, you could'm more chill. I'm more relaxed. I'm more, hey, cool kind of guy. Okay, good. More upbeat. Yeah, I'm going to be more upbeat.

You could be more upbeat. Yeah, because I don't want people thinking I'm bitter or angry. I'm only a little bit bitter and angry. You're very bitter and angry. I'm not. I'm not. You are. I'm not. I'm a lovely boy from the land of nice. Paul, before we jump into that very exciting PO Box

Dive, PO Box Bounty, I would just like to have a little... Yeah. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do.

Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do.

Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do.

Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do.

Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do.

Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do.

Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. stuff. What's this? Look what I've got. Pat Kaz Hot Mango Pickle. That's right. Essentially not a sauce.

It's more of a pickle. But it's a house of pickles, isn't it? I'm just saying. I walk it like I talk it. There's pickles in here. You're full of shit. You really are. There's pickles in here, is what I'm saying. That's mango. Do you like mango pickle? Sometimes. Depends on Is what I'm saying That's mango

Do you like mango pickle Sometimes Depends on what mood I'm in It's not chutney No I know It's not the chutney I know No let me

Let me make this clear to you I've had that before Paul let me make this clear to you It's not the chutney Oh you dreary man Dreary You dreary tiny man The other thing

Source report Source report Oh my God. Wait, I need to interrupt you. Okay. On the train today, I'm just sitting there,

I'm coming in, there's nowhere to sit. No, nothing like that. All right. But I had this weird encounter. So it lasted a second, but it was one that's really stuck with me.

On the train, couldn't get a seat, standing up, had my bag with all the cheap show equipment in, you know, that I carry around, blah, blah, blah. And then this very small man

I don't know what you can you call them they're not what do you call them dwarves you don't call them midgets a little person

a little person very little person yeah came up onto the train okay and he was looking around for somewhere to sit and stand

and he made eye contact with me and then just went like that he threw his hands out went as if like he'd walked into like a dirty place and then just backed out of the train let it go away fucking weird but he did it to me yeah you know that reminds me of what the end of don't look now yeah he was wearing a hood though he was wearing. Yeah. He was wearing a hood, though. He was wearing a black hood. He was wearing a hood.

Yeah, a hoodie, but it was a black hoodie, not like a red one. If it was a red one, it'd be fucking weird. Yeah, I'd get off the train thinking it was an omen. That's what I would do. Well, he got off the train. Well, yeah, but luckily... Strange, Paul. It was a strange moment.

Sorry. Source report part 2 someone's brought it to my attention online because I was in remember we we went in Taco Bell

and I got some sauce packets from there and I said fire was their hottest sauce were you wrong yes what is their hottest

Diablo Diablo yes have you got Diablo I haven't and the person who posted it said showed a bottle.

They sell it by the bottle. Okay. And they mentioned maybe you didn't get it in Britain because we're not as into hot sauces. Fair enough. Here in this fair isle. People think we're a very plain country when it comes to spices, don't they? Well, we are.

Well, maybe that's changing. Thanks to the Cheap Show and Sauce Report. And all these people growing chilies down in the South West. Oh, yeah, of course. There's loads of places like that. That farm we got. What are they called? They're up there.

South Devon Chili Farm. Now, that's not the same one. Is that the same one? No, it's a different one, isn't it? It's called Uncle Grumbly's Spicy Mix. Hello. No, come on. Hello.

No, you can't come back. I've got something spiced. What is it? Is it a mystery prodding bag? It's a hot bag of sick. Right. Is it lumpy? It is very lumpy.

It's a hot bag of sick. Very grumbly sick. Brought up by the finest tramps and alcoholics of Soho. I take a pick and mix scoop and I scoop it up off of platforms, off of trains, off of guttering, off of sewerage. Sewerage. And then I just all filter it and I make it all special with a special Uncle Grumbly special recipe. That's spaff

and it all goes in a jar and I wipe the excess off the rim and then I put a sticker on it that says Uncle Grumbly's sick. Do you wipe your smegma on the label? No. Uncle Grumbly doesn't put his own special sauce in. Here's another little tip.

I haven't finished the character. I've got to finish him off. You have. I've got to finish him off. No, you have. I've got to finish him off. Goodbye. There we go. Goodbye, Uncle Grumbly. Goodbye. Goodbye.

Another little tip, Paul. Yeah. Going to the party. Yeah. Brush your teeth, yeah? Yeah. Give your tongue a little brush. Oh.

Give your tongue a little brush. Squirty, squirty, knob, knob. Tongue a little brush, brush. All I've learnt from that is your mouth stinks and your cock smells so no wonder you don't get invited to parties

use a whole can of Link's Africa oh did you hear about that kid who died from what using too much deodorant in an enclosed space

he asphyxiated really yeah was it Africa it was Link's oh like used a can and a half dead

oh dear would be a terrible way to go as well, wouldn't it? Don't bless the rain down in Africa. Lynx Africa. Toto. I couldn't think of anything funnier. Let's crack on. That should be on your gravestone.

I couldn't think of anything funnier. It's P.O. Box time. It's P.O. Box time. Let's have a look in the p.o box booty right so we had a opening up we had a big collection of stuff to collect now i will say this a big collection of stuff to collect yeah you're watering on thin water right Right. Don't blow the goose. So there's lots of stuff, but some of it we can't use for various reasons. Some of it, like for instance,

someone sent me a USB port. I'm not putting that on my computer. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know what I mean? Some of it, yeah. And some people send us records, but they're completely damaged.

So we can't play them. Yeah, so always be aware that vinyl... Check it before you buy it. Past a certain point, if it's below fine, or whatever they call it, well, they won't really know. If it's dirty as hell and scratched a buggery, maybe don't buy it. Because we can't play it. No one can play it. And some things are just random.

Like someone sent a drill bit. You've opened up this Pandora's PO box. Pandora's bin box. Oh, fuck off. I can speak. You can't. What's that dude's tongue twister showdown? One smart fellow, he felt smart.

Two smart fellows, they felt smart. Three smart fellows, they felt smart. Do it. One smart fellow, he smelt fart. Yeah, you couldn't do it, could you? I did it on purpose. Pickle, pickle, pickle peppers. She sells sea shells on the seashore.

I like pickled peppers. Pickled peppers are actually a thing. I'd like to scoop some sick on a stick. I'd like to scoop some sick. I haven't heard that one. We did it in our Patreon podcast. You fucking idiot. I can't remember anything.

Who am I? You are Eli J. Silverman. Where is this? This place? The J stands for Jacob. Jacob. Jacob. As in Jacob Rees-Smogg.

Yeah. I share a name with that fellow. You do. And that's all you do share with him. I know. Give some money. Right. So, I've filtered out a big load of stuff.

And some stuff we're going to save for a cheap show, half hour YouTube video we're going to make. Aha. Which will hopefully get up before Christmas. Eh? So, we're saving some stuff for a cheap show, half-hour YouTube video we're going to make, which will hopefully get up before Christmas. So we're saving some stuff for that because it's visual. All right. I want to prepare. So basically what I'm saying is...

My little tip, Paul, if we're preparing to shoot a video, you need to do hydro-rising. Squirt, squirt there, squirt, squirt there, squirt, squirt on your bird. Knob, knob, downstairs, knob, knob. Make sure your knob is smelling good tonight. Make sure your arsehole is near to some aerosol. You want to make it nice and smelly, bumhole. And make sure that your balls are nice and your cock looks just as nice

and everything is lovely and nice and nice. Nice, nice, nice, nice. You don't have to make it look nice. Just make sure it doesn't smell bad. I'll put a little bow tie on it. People do that. People do that. I'll call it Lieutenant Bird.

That's a good name for a penis, as we said. Right. So, we're going to split this PO box into two segments. One is going to be a platter. And then the next bit

is just going to be from the recent batch, a load of stuff I found really fascinating and I want to talk about on the podcast so what you're trying to say to sum up Paul

is just because you said it's a drill bit it doesn't mean it's going to end up on the podcast potentially yeah and some stuff I'll give back to a charity shop

and all those kind of things it will all be given back to a charity shop yeah we'll keep the wheels moving I got one of those I got a happy meal the other day

right and what are you pointing at the little rainbow rat thing. Oh! You said it was like a Beanie Baby. Well, Ty, T-Y, Ty, they made the Beanie Babies, didn't they? Oh, that's the company that made the Beanie Babies.

I believe so. Aren't they shamed of themselves? Well, I believe Larry Bundy Jr. did a video about the whole history of Beanie Babies and things like that. So, obviously, they're trying to get back into it with these kind of things again. They're not going to try and make a sort of market for collecting now. No, because that was fucking nightmarish. It's Sakeef there. Yeah.

Look, the witch hole and then you've got the cartoon rat next to him. Oh, it's very funny. It's a juxtaposition. It is a juxtaposition. We should do an episode one. They may be a podcast for Patreon where we just go through all the things on your shelf, like an art gallery, like your installations. It's just too dense.

It's too dense. It'll be a multi-parter. All right. Yeah, there you go. I'm an idea machine. Let's get out the first segment of this P.O. Box special. Right, we'll start off with some nommies. So here we go.

We've done these before, but we're going to mention them again because remember we did the gummy pizza? Yes. And gummy foods. It sparked a lot of interest. because remember we did the gummy pizza? Yes. And gummy foods. It sparked a lot of interest. It did. And the gummy taco. People remember those.

Yeah. And especially this brand. You've handed me a trolley, bag of trolley stuff. Trolley. Who are coming up from behind, aren't they, when it comes to candy? What do you mean? Well, you said, didn't you, trolley are kind of like the pretenders to the throne. They're trying to get the Haribo action.

Yeah. Well, because we had those sneakers, didn't we? Yes, we did, which were fine. They were fine. They were fine. But I think what the corner of the market they go for is moulded jelly sweets, isn't it? Yes. It's moulded gels, isn't it?

Moulded candy, gelatin candy. They go for this sort of mould. And you've handed me something from the PO box here, Paul. You can't get in. I can't get into it. Just tear it like a monster. There you go. It's been taped up good.

Yeah. It's like someone also sent a big bag of sugar-free gummy bears. Oh, no. I might have had the shit to the next day. Did you eat them? Not the whole bag.

It was a huge fucking bag. There's that famous Amazon review when the guy ate a whole... They're big. Have you read that? Have you read that? No. One guy got a load of sugar-free Haribo

and ate a whole pack and then there's this huge Amazon review where he talks about how he shat his life out. Wow. So, have you not aware of that?

No. And you did get the shits after eating them? Yeah, but this wasn't the Haribo brand. It was some other brand. Sugar-free gummies apparently just have that effect.

So we've got a trolley multi-pack, basically. Multi-pack. And it has lots of different trolley products in it. Yeah. It's fascinating. The first one I pick out, one I haven't seen for a while. What is it? It's a trolley hot dog.

Trolley hot dog. Got a hot dog there. Trolley hot dog. It's weird. That's really unhealthy food. And it's portray's really unhealthy food. It's portraying really unhealthy food as well. It's all just shit all the way down.

It's the inception of snacks. There's another hot dog in there. Another hot dog in there. Now, this is a classic. A big burger. Extra large burger. Extra, extra large. It's a big old bass of that one. That's a big old trolley gummy burger, mate.

Yeah. It's full of all the chemicals. What's the smell of it like? I bet I can imagine exactly. You can imagine the smell. That kind of chemically sweet

tang. Sort of vanillary. Yeah. With that chemical. Yeah. It's quite nice. I can't smell shit. It's like being in a sweet shop

when you're a child. I can't smell shit right now. That's a useful talent. Especially in the house of pickles. Not being able to smell shit. You can smell everything else but not shit. No. I just mean to smell shit, you can smell everything else but not shit.

No, I just mean... Did I exhaust you? I am a very poorly boy. That's an extra, extra large trolley What I really want is to go into a bed with a hot water bottle.

We both do. Just cuddle up and put a podcast on and listen. I've got news for you. Just have a nice listen. There's only two

types of thing in this trolley bag. That's fine, maybe there's only two types of thing. Extra, extra large burgers and hot dogs. I'm a nice listen. Yeah. There's only two types of thing in this trolley bag. That's fine. Maybe there's only two types of thing. Extra, extra large burgers and hot dogs. I'll keep two

for photographs later. Yeah. There you go. Shall we try one? Because I bet they taste the fucking same. We're on form, ladies and gentlemen. We're on form ladies and gentlemen

we're on form today Paul we're firing all cylinders Paul yeah one thing about this these trolley things is

cheaper products will have there's no difference in the actual flavour of the different elements of the fake food but I think they do I think like the

the lettuce in the burger is lime flavoured and the there's a cheese slice in there. And a cheese slice is probably lemon flavoured or something. Do you know what I mean? You don't want to eat it.

I can have a bite of a slice. Let's just have a bite of a bit. I'll open this other burger then. Open the burger up. Because I'm sure the hot dog tastes the fucking same. It's got one of those packs that you get on annoying electronic goods. Yeah, a clamshell kind of thing. I'm having a one of those packs that you get on annoying electronic goods. Yeah a clamshell kind of thing.

I'm having a sniff of mine. Can you smell it? Oh yeah it's very villainary. Villanery? Vanillary? Vanillary.

Da da da da da da da. Vanillary and ivory come together in perfect harmony. I'm eating some of the fake lettuce. Yeah I'll have a bit of bite of this one. Have some of the cheese.

I'll eat the cheese. What's your opinion on cheese in burgers? Yeah, it's fine. I like it. Do you go for it? If you had the choice, would you go for it? Yeah. I like a cheeseburger.

Yeah. That's a good quality gummy, really. It is a good quality gummy. Yeah, it's fine. Don't do that. It's fine. It's a fine gummy. It's a fine Don't do that. It's fine. It's a fine gummy. It's a fine, fine gummy.

Next. Next. I don't know what this is. I'm a bit frightened. It's called Whore Flakes. Oh, yeah. H-A-W Flakes.

Whore Flakes. Oh, yeah. Ingredients. You know who's been around here? Sugar. You know who this reminds me of, Paul? Go on. Whore flakes. Oh yeah. Ingredients. You know who's been around here? Sugar. You know who this reminds me of Paul? Go on.

Granny Sprinkles. Granny Sprinkles is an absolutely lovely lady and I don't think you don't besmirch her. She's a yeast spreader.

Oh God. Here comes the yeast spreader. Murderer. So it's sugar, whore 30%. Oh like hawthorn maybe.

Like a herb. Colouring, preservative sodium. What is whore, 30%. Oh, like hawthorn, maybe. Like a herb. Colouring, preservative sodium. What is whore? I don't know. Warning, E124 may have effects on activity and attention in children. Yeah. Serving suggestion, ready to consume. What is whore?

Are you looking it up? H-A-W. I'm just going to open up one of the little packs. They come in these little kind of little packs, these little kind of rolls. Oh, yeah? Yeah. See?

Like a tube of old sweets. Oh, yeah. Like a Toffo's. Remember Toffo's? White dog poo. White dog poo. Chimpers, chimpers, chimpers for golfers. For fuck's sake.

A bum dog poo. It's horrible. All right. What, are we going to say what whore is? Yeah, what is whore? I'm going to find out what whore is. I want to know what whore is. And I want you to tell me.

Oh, dear. Oh, I don't know what this is. Whore flakes. Yeah. Say what it is before I put it in my mouth. As the bishop said to the choir boy. Horflakes cheesecake. What?

All right, okay, what is Horflakes? Okay, all right, I'll tell you. Yes. Horflakes, Chinese, are Chinese sweets made from the fruit of the Chinese hawthorn. I was right. What's hawthorn? It's like a fruit, isn't it?

Okay. It's a thorn. It's like a berry thing, isn't it? Just look at these. They're discs. They're discs. I'm reading about what theseny. It's like a berry thing, isn't it? Just look at these. They look like... They're discs. They're discs. I'm reading about what these are.

They're pale, dark pink candy formed into discs, two millimetres thick, cylindrical stacks. Yeah, that's what I've got. Like Chinese fireworks. Here you go. You have...

Well, I need to get the good huff on the pack there, Paul. Yeah, you'll be doing huffing today as my huff skills are low. Your huff hoot is honked up with not a very strong smell it's a bit fruity sort of like a

dried fruit smell oh really like a dried fruit yeah that's what it is isn't it it's a dried fruit I guess it's basically dried fruit Paul

I'm going to go and have a little nibble of this whore flake right now oh dear oh dear it's like a lady whore flakes

oh Oh dear. Oh dear. It's like a... Lady Whore Flakes. Oh. What a strange flavour and texture. It reminds me a bit of that tamarind candy stuff. It's a bit like that. It's sort of like just weird dried fruit in a wafer. It's crumbly and chewy at the same time. Yeah. And it has got that dried fruit, fruit roll-up kind of flavour.

Yes, that's it. Definitely right. Just not very nice. It's not unpleasant. It's just... I wouldn't... I wouldn't get a... It's not Moorish to my mouth.

No. It's not. The Horish ain't Moorish. Yeah. Although, actually, there you go. Here's an advert campaign for you. Na-na-na-na-na-na. Oh, it's cold.

I'm outside. I need some Horflakes. Oh, I'm Granny Sprinkles. Hello. outside. I need some Horflakes. Oh, I'm Granny Sprinkles. Hello. No, you're Lady Horflakes, the one who gives me the snack. No, but I am Granny Sprinkles. All right, Granny. I'm playing.

I'll be playing. Let's start from the outfit from the top. I'm Granny Sprinkles. Hello. Calm down. Let me introduce the problem before Granny Sprinkles solves the problem. Shut up. Yeast shall fall like rain.

Yeast? Yeast flakes. Right. Shut up. Yeast shall fall like rain. Yeast? Yeast flakes. Texture to vegetable protein. Here we go. Here's the advert. Yeast. Shut up. Oh, it's cold. I'm outside. If only I had some snacks. Some sugary fruit snacks.

La la la, walking down the road. Deeply ugly woman? I'm floating on a cloud of sprinkles. Oh, hello. Who are you? I'm Lady... What is it? You fucking...

Horflakes. Lady Horflakes, hello. Hello, Lady Horflakes. I'm cold and outside and I need some snacks. Have some stuff that's come out of my fanny. Oh, let me put this Horore flake inside my mouth. Oh, I regret that. All right, Paul.

I'm moorish for whoreish. Paul, I didn't like those. No. Didn't like them very much, but interesting. Thank you for sending it in. Yeah. Oh, God, I'm chewing it. Yeah, it's a bit just sort of fruity.

Right, what time have we got? There's no, I mean, I can't think of it. Yeah, it's a bit just sort of fruity. Right, let's have a go. There's no... I mean, I can't think of a... So, Eli. What? Some people look at this podcast and I think we want to see stuff we don't. And every now and then...

Like, for instance, you know you like playing cards. I do like playing cards. Here are two packs of playing cards for you to enjoy and own. What's the first one? Stray Cats. Fair. It's Stray Cats. What's the first one? Stray Cats. First, Stray Cats. What's the other one?

Sex Poker. It's full of deeply, deeply graphic and ugly 80s porn on a card. Oh, God. Now, I can't stress how much I fucking hate looking at 80s full-on hardcore pornography images. It's just something mucky. There's something dirty about being near them. There's something horrible about touching them.

Even looking at them sobers my mind. I will not be putting pictures of these cards on the fucking website. Let me just put it that way. Oh, God. Honestly, I don't even want you to describe what you're looking at. Wow. The Joker's just a woman

licking the top of a plastic bottle okay that's quite tame yeah yeah that's porn cards that's porn cards here's a game show for you

I'll just put those down there Paul yeah do you want them or do you want me to throw them away I'll take them if you want me to

throw them away give them to me I'll throw them away for you alright throw them away do you want me to throw them away? I'll take them if you want me to throw them away. Give them to me, I'll throw them away for you. All right, throw them away. Do you want me to keep all the clay? Just put them down there. Just put them down there. Oh, they're filthy.

They're in the bin, Eli. Good, that's where they deserve to be. On the shelf next to your monkey ground. It reminds me, did you have a neighbourhood porn stash that was shared between everyone in the neighbourhood? No. We did. What a horrible concept.

It was under a damp plank at the neighbourhood. No! We did. What a horrible concept. It was under a damp plank at the bottom of one boy's garden. Damp plank for a sad wank. I never had that. The best we had was I had a friend whose dad had a mobile video shop so he'd drive around in his car and he'd

open the bonnet up. Not the bonnet, the boot up, sorry. And there'd be videos in the back. Fight the Navigator, Evil Dead 2, Terminator 2, Aliens, yeah. And then he comes back the next week and picks them up and there'd be videos in the back you know fight the navigator evil dead 2 terminator 2 aliens yeah and then he comes back the next week and picks them up

and you can swap that's cool isn't it and though but if you wanted something special under the table under the bonnet you know where you

keep the spare tyre yeah under that fake bit of flooring yeah underneath the absolute grot absolute filth

dirty readers wives fucking in kitchen with 80s decor it's just that you're right it's the way that it looks all grimy

and dirty it's like you look at American porn and it's overproduced and it's you know soft focus and it's all glamour and erotica

and it's like heightened fantasy you know and you look at British porn it's like Ken Loach with a fucking dildo

and some guy going do you like it up the bottom love do you like it up the bum I know one in the pink not in the stink you know what I mean you're like you can't

British porn where did you get that I don't know pop the pink not the brown love did it no you said one in the pink

but not in the stink I've heard that somewhere you've heard that I've heard that somewhere you've heard that I've heard that somewhere you must have it babbled out there's just something horrible about British porn

there's something horrible about what you just said there's absolutely something and it spreads into that whole carry on sex life potato men grubby

grubby dirty doggy doggy is that a British I think it is phenomenon doggy I think it is of course it fucking is.

And there must be similar things. I just washed that fucking Ford Escort. In France they call it Le Chien Chien. Do they? No, they don't.

So they're all just stray cats. The other deck of cards that we have is, yeah, stray cats. Which is fine. Are they strays though?

Well, we don't know. We're taking their word for it. There's two pictures, two separate pictures of cats near an urn. There's one on a wall. Cats that ashes. There's one with a shoe. Yeah.

There's one on a wicker basket thing. Yeah. Pillows. Yeah. Cats. Let's see what the Joker is. The Joker is a fish. He's a little fish.

That's like a joke, isn't it? He's a little Joker. Right. Thanks for those. Next. What should we do next? Have you seen that? Well, I can shuffle cards.

Upside down bridge. No, you've shown that. You're actually quite good at handling cards, considering your issues. These stray cards are terribly made. They're bending. They're very cheap, maybe end of appear kind of tourism shit. They're not for playing cards with.

You could have one go of shit and they'd be ruined. Also're not for playing cards with. You could have one go of shit in with that and they'd be ruined. Who fucking plays poker with like sex porn cards? No one does. No one does. Royal Flush.

What other poker names can we make dirty? Full House. Oh, I had a Full House. Gave her a Full House the other day. Gave her a full round the house. Me, Gary, Sandra. We had a Full House. I bet there is house the other day gave her a full full round the house me Gary Sandra

we had a full house I bet that is that is probably a porn industry term isn't it yeah when you have three men and two women

yeah it's a full house or a run I don't know that's great that's next oh I like this one a lot I can't remember

and again didn't put a name on it as far as I know I might I might I'm really sorry but you know I love this what a lot I can't remember and again didn't put a name on it as far as I know I might I might I'm really sorry but you know I love this what's this

say what you see ah he's handed me oh yeah yeah what a lovely thing this is this is a little handheld game this is a proper

old one isn't it this is I'll tell you in advance this is a Pocketeers yeah it's a Tomy toy Rat-a-tat

yeah and this is based on sort of 50s Al Capone gangsterism. Yeah, but there's a very similar one. You've got a little gangster there with a Tommy gun. Yeah. The idea is you've got to shoot the balls to force the car along the top into its special hideout.

You see? So you've got to fire at the car. I'll show you. I'll pull it back because right now it's hiding away. So Pocketeers were basically handheld little kind of games. Yeah. Similar to the WoW R yeah but they're

much smaller yeah these are very simple but you could get a mini pocket version of Kong Mountain you know the game

that you you get a little pocket version of that this is again nowhere near basically you have a battery on it yeah

this is not battery operated no this is all springs and coils so you've got a little disc that fires ball bearings. And it's got a little gangster on it. A little gangster car.

And you've got to fire up the car to push it into the hideout. Okay. Let's have a go. There you go. Where's the cars up there? It's up at the very top. So you've got to fire at the car. The car's got all gangsters in it.

Yeah. Like the Mill Hill Mob or whatever it's called. How do I load the Tommy gun? You turn it clockwise to load. Because I think it loads one or two at a time. And then you pull back on the little red lever and fire it. How do I know if it's loaded? I don't know.

I mean, it will just... Yeah? Did it load? You've just got to keep reloading it. Rat-a-tat! Rat-a-tat! It's a little Tommy toy. And they go on eBay quite cheap.

So one or two I want to get, like a poker machine. Like one of them, you just press a button, it spins through a row of five. Deck of cards. Yeah. Deals you a poker hand. Yeah. So I've put an order in that on eBay because it's 99p.

This is a charming thing. You can have that. What would Tommy do these days? They still make toys. They still make toys for kids and young adults. Do you know what I mean? Young kids. Adult babies. I don't know. Fuck it up. They still make you know toys for kids and young adults you know what I mean young kids adult babies I don't know

fuck it up they still make toys but they don't make things like this anymore because everything's like fake iPads and my first computer and what nottery

well I'm stuck it's not as easy as it looks no or as pointless what point score did you get five six

yeah five it's alright it's a lovely little toy though I love those kind of things. So I'm going to go on eBay and I'm going to buy a few more Pocketeers

and bring them to the show next time. I love them as well, I have to say. Yeah. Yeah, that's very nice. So I'm going to keep that one. And there's the hideout. Yeah. The hideout is a sticker

that's on the end outside and that survived, which is good. It has survived. It's mint on card. It's not that great condition, but it's brilliant. It's probably found in a charity shop. What's wrong with the condition? It's just a bit worn on the tape, on the stickers, that's all. That's it. It's probably found in a charity shop. What's wrong with the condition?

It's just a bit worn on the tape, on the stickers, that's all. That's it. And the plastic's a little kind of, you know, musty. Well, it must be 40 years old almost. Something like that. But there is an identical one with the same mechanic, but this time you have to gun down a helicopter. So the idea is you keep shooting at it.

Instead of a hideout, it's an explosion. So it looks like you've blown it up. So that's the idea, yeah. So there's loads of those. There's little kind of gambling ones. There's a roulette one, you know you know you spin a roulette well a couple some of them are shit but some of them i'm really keen to see because the mechanics are interesting to me yeah so that's very basic i love that i love toby toys of this era like this yeah they were great they also did um a type of wind-up toy that came in a little kind of fake arcade thing it looked like a little box and came in a little kind of fake arcade thing.

It looked like a little box. And it was the same kind of thing, ball-bearing shooting. But one was like a shooting gallery that had little bottles on a wall that you could shoot like this and shoot them down. And then one was like a basketball. You had to fire balls. I love all that shit.

That's a very nice item. A rotating aeroplane that you had to fire a ball into. That was nice. So that's that. What else have we got? Oh, this next one, though. Oh. It's a big, big surprise.

Well, this is kind of a two-part thing. One that I bought off eBay because it was cheap and one that I was sent in the post almost through the P.O. box. Coincidentally, at the same time. Coincidentally. At a not-too-unsimilar time of year.

Have a look at this. Someone sent me. Garbage Pail Kids. Oh, G sent me. Garbage Pail Kids. Oh, Gannon likes his Garbage Pail Kids. But there's no name on this envelope.

Wow. These are a load of fresh, unopened packs of Garbage Pail Kid cards. Now, these aren't old ones.

These are the new ones that they've just brought out, I think. They've just brought out, yeah. I think so. I haven't actually looked at the date

on the back. Should we open a couple of these? Yeah, definitely. Let me just have a look at the packs. I just want to have a look date on the back. Should we open a couple of these? Yeah, definitely. I'll hand you one. Let me just have a look at the packs. I just want to have a look at... I've got like a zitty guy.

What was he called? They had two names each, didn't they? Well, we'll get into that, but hang on one sec. Five cards per packet. Look for special lenticular cards. Oh, Johnny likes lenticular. Do you like lenticular? Oh!

No. Eli? Yes? Hello. Hello. I likes lenticular. Do you like lenticular? Oh. No. Eli. Yes. Hello. I'm lenticular. Oh, Christ. Oh, I'm lenticular. And look at me one way, and I do this.

Look at me the other way, and I do this. This. This. This. I'm lenticular. You're Mr. Ticular. Yes, hello. You're under arrest.

No, I'm not. Yes, I am. Oh, I'm lenticular. I'm two things at Yes, hello. You're under arrest. No, I'm not. Yes, I am. Oh, I'm lenticular. I'm two things at once, depending on how you look at me. Ask me a question. Who do you think you are? I'm lenticular.

Ask me again. I'll look a different way. Who do you think you are? I'm Bob Carroll. Geez. See, I'm lenticular. I'm two things when you look at me differently. You're coming with me, Mr. Ticular. Am I?

Am I? Oh, we both agreed on that. I'm lenticular. Make this character fucking work. Right. What year is it? I can't find a year. I want to see when these came out.

They're still tops, and these are a pound. Oh, they sold in the UK. I had a feeling then for a minute that they were new, or made in the UK, like they were imported. There doesn't seem to be a date.

I can't find a fucking year. All right. Anyway, let's open a packet. It's got a sad onion. Oh, that's good. Stuart will like that. All right, let's have a look. Just one packet random.

You've got a packet random. Okay, I've opened a packet here. All right. So these are all new, are they? I think they're a mix of... But they're a different set. I think they're a mix of new and classic. Okay.

Let's have a look. I've got... I've got a guy puking in a bath. Upset Tommy. Upset Tommy. Oh, what's on the back? Oh, there's stats. They're like top trumps. Oh, maybe they're trying to turn it into a top trumps-y thing.

You know, like a kind of magical gathering thing. Yeah, so Upset Tommy. Mate! I'm lenticular. I've got a lenticular card. Oh, you've got a lenticular one.icular card I didn't get a lenticular one I've got one called Dumped David and alright

he's lonely it's a guy with another guy coming through his back and out of his belly vomiting up a bunch of stuff into a pan have you seen that before? no, these are all new artists these aren't the original.

One of the things I'm not sure... The artwork isn't as good, is it? It's not quite as good. No. It's not quite as good. Not that bad. It's not bad. David. Oh, he's duplicated. Yeah. He's duplicated. That's where there's two of them. Oh. Alright.

Next, what have you got? Snot Witch Sandra. And she is making a sandwich with her own snot. It's quite disgusting. Uncle Grumbling might want to be in touch. He proves it there. Maybe I should reach out. Look at that.

Oh, Uncle Grumbling approves. Is that a different artist? Is that more like the original? Well, they're drawn in the original style. You know, the Art Spiegelman style. Yeah, but he's not quite. Were they all done by Spiegelman? Yes and no.

We'll get into it. All right. I've got Takeout Diner. I've got Takeout Diner. Weird. And that's a little baby eating snot on a... Chopsticks.

Chopsticks, yeah. Right. I've got Acid Wayne, which is a guy swimming in infected water and below the waterline he's all skeleton because he's all been burnt away.

I like that one. That's quite been burnt away. I like that one. That's quite a good one. I like that. And I have Neon Leon who is just a neon sign. And she's or he's

squirting some snot out. And this is Free Reeling Frank. It's a little guy on a car window like a Garfield stuck on with suckers. Yeah.

It's a bit cluttered that image and the logo gets in the way. It's not... They're nice, but they're not quite as... Iconic. Iconic as that original batch. And what, did you get a lenticular one?

No. Well, I got a lenticular one. I got a... Well, this says corroded coal, but this was another guy with zits from the first series. Zits from the first series. It's a redrawn car from the first generation generation well maybe second like i get a bit fuzzy oh and the lenticular action is making the pus squirt out of the the pimple that yeah i like that i like lenticular hello i'm lenticular okay i'm over here i've told you once have you you didn't tell me now tell me again i'm

over here yes i'm looking in a different direction, so therefore I'm doing something different. Mr Ticular? Yes. Have you met my dad? He's very specific. What's he called? Particular.

Shut up. No, I like it. That's good, yeah. Good thinking. Thank you. So yeah, he moved that back and forth, and look, he squeezes his spot. And the puzzle comes out.

That's probably why they redrew it, to be fair, though. And also, these lenticulars have beveled edges. What's that mean? Well, they've got rounded edges. Oh, that's just nice. I like lenticular things. But the other ones don't. When I was a kiddy wink,

my favourite thing that got free in Cornflakes was a dinosaur lenticular card. It's got little dinosaur lenticulars. Lenticulars are an interesting technology, isn't it? I love them. I fucking love lenticulars. Like, you know don't get scary photographs and you turn them and they go but you know they can get really quite um advanced yeah like i saw these special edition ones for the phantom menace yeah um that were like and it was like a whole sort of shot yeah from the film

so it doesn't just have to move there's moved. It was action. Yeah, it has frames. It has several frames. So it's like a whole thing, like Darth Maul sort of jumping and twisting his sabers and stuff. Oh, that's quite nice. Do you know what I mean? Oh, Lenticular likes that.

So it's not only just these simple ones where you've just got two. Yeah. You can build up the frames or whatever. So I've got a big load of packs over here. So I'm going to enjoy going through these and opening them up and having them

because I like them but this is what it leads me to the movie we should watch the movie we've talked about the movie on the podcast already I know

maybe we could do a commentary for Patreon I hate that film yeah and it's a shame really but this is the other thing I got

again I got this second hand off ebay Garbage Pail Kids it's a book it's a book of art from tops of the first, I think,

five generations or so. Oh, and it comes with some cards. On the back with a similar drawing style from the artist, whoever that guy is. But again,

This is lovely. It's a lovely thing. It's just literally the artwork. You know what's really nice is that the cover, Yeah. the slip cover on this hardback

is exactly like that bubble gum paper yeah they've made that out of the same stuff it's exactly that it's amazing that's real detail

isn't it it's great it's so sticky it's like that paper yeah if you get any of these books because Topps have done a range of these books

you can get Star Wars we've restored the Star Wars Planet of the Apes that's a huge big trading cards yeah Mars Attacks but they haven't

done dinosaur attacks i've been told i'd like to get the mars attacks one next i love this it's got like the history of it yeah there's an interview with art spiegelman in it where he talks about how he got the job and how he designed the first couple of generations and how other people took over series one starting in 1985 which is crazy yeah and like i didn't know this until read that book but the film has a line up of Garbage Pail Kids and I thought they were from the first generation but it turns out no there was actually like from the first couple

of years they picked out their own characters from those first five generations of cards and put them in the film whenever that came out 86, 87 so it had been out for maybe a year or two then it's an awful film I don't know if you could ever do a good version of

Garbage Pell Kids Well it's not a story It's just a bunch of Sort of visual puns Yeah I mean But they also did An animated series Was that good?

I don't know I've never seen it I've seen clips But not enough to have an opinion Because like There was loads of that There was like loads of fads That got TV shows

That you forgot about Like did you know Remember Madballs They had a cartoon series Have you seen those balls That spit out other balls? No They're like Madballs? They had a cartoon series. Have you seen those balls that spit out other balls? No. They're like Madballs.

They're like a ball which has a scary face on. Yeah. But then... You squeeze them. And like another little thing comes out. Oh! Comes out of their mouth. Maybe it's a Madballs mod.

Who knows? But I love that book. But yeah, there's an interview with it. That's a beautiful little book. It's a lovely little book. I think I got it for like a fiver on eBay, which was handy. They were cool. I remember them coming out when I was in school,

and then they were like a little thingy, sort of a bit naughty, you know? Yeah. A bit like, yeah. And I loved them all because- Look at this. Look at this. It's all got snot on it. Yeah.

And I liked, I had these ones where little garbage candy bins, and you open them up and there's a little plastic toy in. They also came in bin bags. You get a bin bag. Oh, but they were like one colour. Yeah. But there was a little plastic figure of. They also came in bin bags. You get a bin bag. They were like one colour. Yeah. But there was a little plastic figure. I remember those.

I had the full set of them. Adam Bomb and Leaky Lindsay and Liberty Libby, whatever her name was. The whole range of them. Boney Joanie. Talking about little toys, Paul. Did you know Happy Meals, they're going to do classic Happy Meals. Have you seen this? What does that mean?

They're going to bring back toys that they did before. Oh, okay. Little nuggets. Little chicken nuggets toys that they did before. Oh, okay. Like little nuggets, little chicken nuggets that talk to each other. Oh, all right. They're desperate, aren't they? I mean, they are.

But isn't there a whole thing at the boat where like they're trying to... They shouldn't do it, yeah. They're trying to make... They shouldn't make it... Happy Meals shouldn't be a thing. Well, no, they can be.

I got a Happy Meal the other day and the guy went, you want the toy? Do you want a box of the toy? I'm like, I fucking ordered a Happy Meal, dude. Yeah. Of course I want want the toy? Do you want a box with a toy? I'm like, I fucking ordered a Happy Meal, dude. Yeah. Of course I want the fucking toy

in the box. And then he was like, what do you want else? Do you want a fishing rod and some wire? Do you want to dangle it over a school fence? You nonce.

I just want a cheap Happy Meal. You know what I mean? It's a good bargain really when you think about it. You get a drink and a thing and a toy. And a toy. That's the whole fucking point.

Three quid or whatever. Do you want the toy? Yes. It's joyless. Do you know what I mean? I want the fucking toy. No, I'm a joyless grown-up and I issue any fun. Do you know what I mean? Maybe I want a daft little mystery machine on my wall that projects ghosts. Yeah. Maybe I want a wanky monkey claw.

Maybe we want a wanky... We want wanky monkey claw. We want wanky monkey. It comes along. It comes along. It wanks you off. It comes along, monkey, we want. It comes along. It comes along. It wanks you off. It comes along. You use it away. It comes along.

It comes along. Wanky, monkey, claw. What else is in the PO box? I think that's it. No. Until we get to part two. Oh, no, there's one more thing. You've got one more thing.

And this is a little present for you. I'm going to let you have this. All right? All right, so put your hand out. Do I have to close my eyes? Yes. It's not going to be dirty, because frankly, we've done that gag a lot. And every now and then, you've just got to let it go.

So here we go. I'm going to put my cock in your hand. I'm not going to close my eyes. No, close your eyes, seriously. Why? Because you've seen one before, but not like this. Okay, put it in my hand. It's my cock. Oh, there you go. All right, but not like this. Okay, put it in my hand. It's my cock.

Oh, there you go. Right, so here we go, Freddie. Have a little feel of it before you open your eyes. What do you think it is? It's a fidget spinner thing. Fidget box. All right, but now you can open your eyes. What kind?

Oh. Oh, he likes it. I like this. Do you? Yes. It's a Transformers. It's Bumblebee. Bumblebee fidget cube cube so

they've turned the whole of him into a fidget cube so his eyes his eyes i'm pressing his eyes paul yeah what else has he got a thing on the back a little ball bearing a little feet they don't do anything unfortunately well they're part of the modeling aren't they yeah oh well you've got a little clicky thing on the side for his his arm. It's good, isn't it? And a... Nice action. A dial. It's got little horns.

Yeah, and a click. Rubber horns. Oh, they're fiddly as well. They're fiddly. They're nice little rubber nubbin horns. Point them in your thumb. You can press the nubbin. Press the nubbin.

Press the nubbin. Rub that nubbin. You can twang the nubbin. You can flick the switch and twang your nubbin. You can get both fingers round the nubbin. Round the horns, the nub in horns blam blam

blam blink twang twing twang twing twing twing that's my copyrighted bling bling bling

ka-pling ka-pling ka-pling ka-pling it's my copyrighted point scoring is it alright good only for the price of shite

yeah that's a lovely thing thank you there you go so that's out the PO box thank you who ever sent that's a lovely thing thank you there you go so that's out the po box and uh thank you he ever sent that in and also i remember i gave you those noodles and that chili sauce as well from the po box recently a really good click actually yeah it's got a nice bit of action that's a really that's a high quality click it's got on the top yeah see the spring on that yeah it's really clicky yeah you know i mean it's satisfying

it's good it's got a good build i don't i don't very good build quality it's a nice gimmick but i still prefer the regulars just because they're a bit more kind of tactile and rolly. But that is a lovely little thing. And Eli Silverman, it's yours today from the poo box. Thank you very much. Bumblebee transformer thing. Yeah, there you go.

That's a bit of fun. And we've got a few more things, but they're coming up in our next section because they're platter-based. So say something witty and we can end this segment. Fried eggs. I'll take it I'll take fried eggs you were drinking last night

was I yes I was the owner came in the owner had a special party yeah and I drank where was it discount came in. I only had a special party. Yeah. And? A dragon.

Where was it? This count? Yeah. Are we recording? No. We are. No. Yes, you're doing the voice.

I'm not doing the voice. Hello, I'm Paul Gannon. I'm doing the voice. I'm not doing a voice. I wasn't doing a voice. Hello, I'm... Maybe I'm just more professional than you. Coocher. Coocher.

Coochbooch. Did you say coocher? Coocher. Coocherooker kooker they put it in the kooker did you say kooker? no I've always said cook why? I don't know why prick not a fucking prick just because I say that anyway

fucking prick those porn cards are horrible you were looking at them when I was out of the room Paul I was looking at them you were getting a grumble weren't you you were getting a twinge no

everything about it was just so fucking grotty just for adults only sales to minors prohibited yeah it's like

54 playing cards sex poker it's not even mean that's what it says though it's just porn porn on playing cards and on the back it's even

I'll tell you how grotty it is. The image on the back, you know, the... What do you call the back image of a card? I'm not sure. It's not the face card, is it? It's just whatever. It's the design, yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, it's so grotty that even the rear part of the card is gross to look at. And that's just a lady licking a strawberry. But the strawberry looks rancid. It's just horrible. The strawberry does look weirdly rancid.

It looks all dried out and mouldy, that strawberry. There's old pictures of women and men looking demented, spilling their business. It's just horrible. I want to burn those cards. I mean, I'm no prude. I like, you know, sexy erotica. We all do.

But that just makes me genuinely feel sad inside. It's just everything about pornography. It's the whole gynecological meat slab butchers thing going on. You don't want to see the Ace of Spades, mate. No!

Oh, the Ace of Spades! Right, anyway, we're doing... We're carrying on an RPO box deep dive and we're going into the platter section ah ah ah

he's perked up ladies and gentlemen yes it's time for Silverman's Platters what's the jingle for that maybe we should come up with a new one now we're in a new generation

of cheap show it's all modern and professional okay let's come up with a new jingle for just platter ha ha it's cold

no that's street chaff that is street chaff That is Street Chaff Street Chaff Listen, don't do that Don't do that Can everyone realise as well That they nicked Street Chaff off Street Life by the Crusaders

I think we made that abundantly clear When we were doing the episode Can I ask you a question Before we get into the platters? Have Casey and the Sunshine Band and Kool and the Gang ever performed together? To the best of your knowledge. I don't know, but I would. Have they ever released a song together?

I am not aware of it, but I would not be that surprised. If in the 80s they did do that. I found this out and I was surprised. There was one song they teamed up to sing together on yeah and it wasn't until

1997 97 wow and it's called Casper the Friendly Ghost wow it was made for a horrible straight to DVD sequel

to the Casper movie called Casper A Spirited Beginning and they teamed up to do a take of the famous Casper Kool and the Gang

and Casey the Sunshine Band isn't Gang and KC the Sunshine Band. Well, it's just KC the Sunshine Band were just session guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. KC was the songwriter. But no, Kool and the Gang were a proper group. Yeah, legit. I mean, they were both legit because KC still banged out some proper hits.

Some classics. Yeah. Absolute classics. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. What's that? Ba-ba. Everybody wants you. Yeah, they did that-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- It's not as famous, but it is. All right, I'll check that out. You check that out too, listener. That's the way I like it. Ah, that's the way.

Which the original is good, but they re-released that. The version I knew was sort of some kind of rework from the early 80s. Is that the one they use in all the adverts? Yeah. And they're like, oh, I've got to always fucking use it or something. Yeah. But I think that's sort of a nasty 80s sort of repurpose. They did that one as well.

Yeah. That's the way. That's the way I like it. I like it. I reckon one of their best is I'm Your Boogie Man. I'm your boogie man. No, it doesn't go like that. Boogie, woogie, woogie.

I'm your boogie man. I like their early stuff, which was on the J-Boy label. Before the J-Boy label became the TK label. Oh. TK was like, he was the in-house songwriter for the TK label. Okay. Who also put out Anita Ward's Ring My Bell. Oh, you can ring my bell.

That was on TK. Ring my bell. Ding dong. Miami-based disco label. Yeah, you can definitely sense that in the song. Yeah. Because it's kind of trippy. Not trippy, spacey.

You know, it has that sound where it's kind of like it's almost San Francisco-y but it's not which song Casper the Ghost no Ring My Bell oh yeah you know what I mean you know what I'm getting at

it's pure disco there's an unearthly sound it's good yeah it's droney yeah so anyway we're doing platters after that elongated intro

well can we hear that song I want to hear this Casper is crap I'm going to put it in and it is crap imagine the song Casper the friendly ghost is the friendliest ghost in town. Yeah.

But awful. Casper the friendly ghost. Casper the friendly ghost. Casper the friendly ghost. Casper the Friendly Ghost Casper the Friendly Ghost Casper the Friendly Ghost The friendliest ghost you know Though grown-ups might look at him with fright

All the children love him so And yet Casper, the Friendly Ghost Love and Stone He always liked to say hello And he's really, really Back to me, Chuck Wherever he may go He's kind to every Living creature But like, you know, two bands Not in their heyday

Making it work Does it sound like two bands playing together at the same time? It sounds more Casey in the Sunshine than it does Cool in the Gang. Interestingly, you know who did the theme, Casper and the Friendly Ghosts, for the actual movie, the big proper theatrical release one?

Little Richard. When was it? That would have been 5-96, I think, Casper. That's when I fell in love truly with Christina Ricci. Was it a good film? I like Casper 95, 96 I think Casper. That's when I fell in love truly with Christina Ricci. Was it a good film? I like Casper a lot.

I think it's for kids for what it is it's great. And also until you know the video game was the last appearance

of Dan Aykroyd as Ray Stantz in his Ghostbusters uniform. Was in Casper? There's a whole elongated cameo scene where like Ghostbusters cameo

in Casper? Ray Stantz Dan i croyd goes into the house to catch the naughty ghost stinky stretch and whatever right and then you hear all these sounds and he runs out and he goes you know you're gonna call someone else and then runs off so it's just a gag it's a gag i was so angry as a kid that one moment because i was like he had a mustache for a start i was like are you telling me Ray Stantz can't deal with three pesky ghosts? Yeah.

Bullshit. He saved the world. Right. So you were just like... And then like a priest comes out and he goes, you know, he looks like the guy from Exorcist

and he comes out with sick all over him. So they're quite an adult sort of metatextual sort of level of comedy in it. There's bits like that. There's even a bit where I can't remember who the actor is.

I think it's Bill Pullman. He plays the dad. He looks in a mirror and he starts seeing hallucinations and he morphs his head morphs to like Clint Eastwood and Rodney

Dangerfield and someone else he's like hey I can't believe it so there's stuff for the parents to enjoy as well and Eric Idle's in it doing Eric Idle shit

no he just plays bumbling British idiot I liked him in European Vacation when he did that I don't like Eric Idle's movie career. My nasty little

barb was always Graham Chapman had a much more successful movie career after his death than Eric Idol did in his old career.

Did he though? It doesn't matter. I can't think of anything Eric Idol's done outside of Python that has been worth. That's good.

You know what? The Rutles. I'll take it back. The Rutles. You like The Rutles. But what I like most about The Ruttles really

was Chapman is no is Neelan's music yeah the film's fine it's a fine comedy film the sequel Can't Buy Me Cash

or whatever it's called is awful really it's just recycled shit with new talking heads that just don't relate into anything so

what are we doing I don't know we're doing Splatters brought to you by Clyde McFatter Clyde McFatter the patron saint just don't relate into anything. So what are we doing? I don't know. We're doing splatters. Brought to you by Clyde McFatter. Clyde McFatter, the patron saint of this segment, ladies and gentlemen. So not all of these,

but some of these records are related to this letter. Dear Mr. Gannon and Mr. Silverman, I like it. Official. Hello. Good to see you. Hello. Hello.

Long time fan of Cheap Show. Long time fan of Cheap Show. So I thought I'd send you a box of shit to have a look through he did uh fairly confident there's a couple of items in there you'll like even sent one of a few of my platters i apologize about the one with the shit clown on the cover but it is signed by whoever the fuck it is anyway keep up the good work always cheers me listening to a new episode cheers ash for wolves from Wolves. Bring back Fat Sal hashtag. Now, in contention. So, he's given us a platter.

Can I just say something on that, Paul? Just a little thing. Yeah. I just need to say a few magic words. Venus meets Fat Sal. Oh, coming summer of 2020. Venus meets Fat Sal. That's all you need. Is it?

That's all you need. Is it, though? No one needs it. It sounds like one very bad idea made up of two very bad ideas. So this is the LP that he mentions. With the clown on. That Ash mentions is Yule Dean's On With The Motley. And it is signed by Yule Dean.

It says, to Dorothy oh hello love and kind thoughts Uldine so Dorothy was a big fan obviously obviously he's not much of a looker

he's alright he's fine but that image is not good he's in clown make-up on the cover of this LP why is he in clown make-up he looks like

what a killer because he's a child killer it's Pagliucci isn't it the first song is from I Pagliacci which is an opera okay

it's a song or Pagliacci's the character of the clown from the opera yeah these are all kind of like lighter operas

which like I said is quote referred to in Smokey Robinson and the Miracles Tears of a Clown is it because that clown painted a tear on his face

or something yes is that part of the character well he hides he's sad he hides his sadness in The Miracles, tears of a clown. Is it because that clown painted a tear on his face or something? Is that part of the character? Well, he hides his sadness underneath an exterior of frivolity with the clown make-up. He's the original The Joker from The Batmans, isn't he? But he is almost as scary, isn't he? I mean, if I saw that...

He looks really glum. And he looks like John Wayne Gacy, doesn't he? Just a bit too much like John Wayne Gacy. Because you were talking about Gacy having angular stuff. And he's gone for angular. He's got triangles above the eyes, blue triangles. He looks more like the crow than he does a clown. He does look, and he looks angry.

He looks vengeful. Yeah, he does, actually. I think he's trying to go for sad. He's going for sad, but he looks angry and mean. It's like, I'll cut you. He does, yeah. I'll take you to my fucking box. You've pushed me.

He's got that look like, you've pushed me too far this time. I'm going to come over there. I'm going to whop it out. I'm going to... Why does it always go there with you? Why do you always want to whop it out when there's not much of it to whop? Oh, I wasn't talking about

I was playing the character of Yul Dean. I'm Yul Dean hello. I did a little bit of research on him.

Basically Irish guy singer. Opera singer. He was a tenor. He appeared in a film though. He only a tenor? I mean I know

we go for the obvious gag on this podcast. Yeah we do. Even that. Even that on this podcast. Yeah, we do. But even that, even that. Doctor Who, you just said it. He was in a movie. As far as I know, his only screen credit, but I might be wrong,

Rillington Place, whatever the number of that house was. 10 Rillington Place? Yeah, he was in 10 Rillington Place. He was in that? Yeah. As an actor? Yes. I believe he did one or two things,

but he's mostly known for being a singer, but he is in that film. I have not seen that film. That's a great film. Oh. I believe he did one or two things, but he's mostly known for being a singer, but he is in that film. I have not seen that film. That's a great film. Oh, I love that film. And it's sad and tragic, but an amazing story. It's pitch black dark.

Is it Richard Attenborough in that one? Yes. Yes, it is. In a fucking, frankly, terrifying performance. Yeah. The Psycho, yeah. Yeah, it's a great film. He gasses the victims.

I was blown away. John Hurt. I was blown away. And Hurt's amazing in it. He's the tragic guy who takes the fall, isn't he? Yeah, he gets framed, yeah. He gasses the victims. I was blown away. John Hurt. I was blown away. And Hurt's amazing in it. He's the tragic guy who takes the fall, isn't he? Yeah, he gets framed, yeah. Yeah. Amazing.

Yeah. I've never seen John Hurt better. Well, I mean, John Hurt's an actor who, by and large, is never shit. No, he's never shit. That's why he used to work so much. I hate to... Because people would sort of go, you know, he gets... So he was in a lot of bad films because they knew...

But he was never the worst thing in them. He was never the worst thing in them. It's like you think Alien and you think fucking Elephant Man. Also, when he played Doctor in Doctor Who, when he played the War Doctor, he was fucking great in that. He was good. He was so good, in fact, that Big Finish gave him a whole series of his own adventures to do.

And he did them well. I've heard one or two. He did do them. Yeah, there's a whole series of stories about the Doctor during the Time War. And he plays that Doctor during the thing. When were they made? Recently, like two years year ago before he died

anyway anyway Yul Dean so interesting we talked about John Hurt for ten minutes but I think we all know he bought it for the album cover he totally did

I mean the songs are I mean if you're into that kind of stuff they're okay I suppose yeah no we had to one or two track and it sounds nice and clean

opera singing I'm not into opera I like opera I've been to one or two I saw Die Fledermaus and Cosi Fantuti and Carmen and Carmen was interesting

I saw that in LA and it was kind of interesting Guys and Dolls is based on Carmen isn't that right I don't know what's the story of Carmen the basic story

as best as I remember is Carmen plays is a gypsy woman who I can't remember Laws not Laws but he's an army man

who ends up getting distracted by her gypsy friends and I can't remember but it ends in tragedy a man But he's an army man Who ends up getting Distracted by her gypsy friends And I can't remember But it ends in tragedy For them both Or him separately It's a tragedy It's a love tragedy

Right Now With that in mind Again The Carmen character Being this wispy gypsy girl Who tempts men With her dancing and volity

Right Just for the listeners at home Paul is doing A little gypsy dance And it's getting me stodgy So We're sitting there And it's getting me stodgy. So, we're sitting there and it's very impressive, this performance,

apparently, of Carmen. It was done at the nice, big LA Disney-built opera house thing that was acoustically brilliant. No matter where you sit, you get good sound, apparently. And I'm looking through the guide, I was like,

who's playing Carmen in this amazing role? And it's like this woman in the little square, picture of her face, thin, beautiful, you know, Romany-like almost? And it's like this woman in the little square, picture of her face, thin, beautiful, you know, Romany-like almost. And it talks about her career. Now she's done all these things

and won all these awards and she's well-known throughout the world and she's known for this character. And I was like, oh, that's interesting. And then it started. Oh, and one of the, you know, the three tenors, well, you know, those three famous, like there's Pavarotti and-

That's 30. 30, those three tenors. Yeah, fucking hell. But you know, there's like- Yeah, Pavarotti's the only one I couldn't think of. Yeah, but there's- Dotti and that's 30 30 yeah fucking hell but you know there's like yeah Pavarotti's the only one I couldn't think of but there's

Dominguez yeah maybe it was him but he was conducting the orchestra well he's a singer why is he a tenor because he wanted to do that he wanted to

conduct the orchestra fuck off I would have been like fucking go fucking maybe it was his project go sing

no he's his project go here Pavarotti anyway go and have a sing Carmen starts give me that recording

that fucking conducting baton I'm going to shove this up your arse great thanks great contribution to the podcast

so I'm sitting there and the show starts and the whole cast of characters come on it's all very impressive and beautifully sung

and then Carmen comes on and I tell you what whatever that picture was in the book it was taken 30 years ago because

the woman who came on was much older and much much bigger than she was in that picture and don't get me wrong i'm not talking about ageism and blah blah but the character's meant to be this wispy temptress kind of thing and she's not on her feet no and then there's one part right before the interval where someone has to pick her up yes there's a. And then there's one part right before the interval. Where someone has to pick her up? Yes. There's a whole bit where there's a bar song and everyone's singing, you know, and having a merry old time in the bar and everyone's getting drunk.

Okay. And then four guys. Four guys. She stands on the table. Four guys go on the table and stand around and then go to grab her. And I swear to God, over the music, over the singing, over everything, I heard four guys go, and they tried to lift her and I swear to God over the music over the singing over everything I heard four guys go and they tried to lift her up

and then they all toppled back and everyone just rolled onto the stage and then the curtain came down for two minutes they fucked up yeah

and then the curtain came up and she bowed and everyone had a laugh and then she kept on going and it was a great show but that moment was like should have let the roll go a long time ago

but whatever we should just not do the bit where you get picked up well I don't believe they may have done that in subsequent performances was that probably

the first night was that the first night it was the first night I was going I think it was like we went to the technical rehearsal that's exciting

you saw a mistake yeah but anyway there's my opera story that's good tales from the opera yes people say we're lowbrow or nobrow yeah I got noshed off Anyway, there's my opera story. Oh, that's good. Tales from the Opera. Yes.

People say we're lowbrow or nobrow. Yeah. I got noshed off at Kirsty Van Tooty. That's a tough taffeta. Tough taffeta. Fucking light opera. Yeah, Pavarotti. An early rector.

I don't know. Anyway, we've got three more singles now to go through. Dominguez is a cunt. Wow. Here's, we're going to go through some singles. The platter, very quickly. Seven-inch singles in the platter splatter. Brought to you by the patron saint of this segment,

Clyde McFatter. Thank you, Clyde. Clive? Clyde. Clyde. I was right there. That was good. So here's the first one. It's a seven-inch.

It was sent to us in the PO box. I can't even summon the energy to look at it. Don't worry. We're not going to be talking about it long, but it does have one point of interest. So it's a seven-inch single. It's called World Party, and it's by the band.

Not band. It's by the group The Calypso Twins. The Calypso Twins. And it sounds exactly like this. this Well, I ask you what to do. And you say, get out on the streets. We're having a world party. You can dance with your lover. She don't have to go home.

Get out on the streets. We're having a world party. I want to tell you now, my friends Again and again Get out of this dream Now, you know when people walk out of movies when they don't like it and they storm out? We stormed out of this record.

I sometimes go, I don't do that when I watch a film. I watch the bitter end and have an opinion. Yeah, we stormed out of this song. Oh, terrible. We put it on for five minutes film. I watch the bitter end and have an opinion. Yeah, we stormed out of this song. Oh, terrible. We put it on for five minutes, and it's that shit. It's flaccid. Piss-weak Calypso that was popular. What was it about Calypso that was popular in the late 80s?

Was it? Well, it kind of was. It was like bits of Calypso out there, wasn't there? But it's not even proper Calypso, is it? It's not proper Calypso. It's sort of popped up, sort of. So it's a double act. It's two guys, and you know who one of them is? One of them is Ainsley Harriot. Really? The Calypso. It's sort of popped up. So it's a double act. It's two guys. And you know who one of them is?

One of them is Ainsley Harriot. Really? The Calypso twins. I can see now. That's Ainsley Harriot. So the Calypso twins were a comedy double act. And they did like... This was comedy?

Well, that's not comedy. That's not funny at all. It's barely music. No. So Ainsley Harriot started doing comedy with a guy. I think his name was Peter something or other but that was their double act he's a white guy

so there's a black guy and a white guy and they did comedy calypso songs and bits and they've been at the comedy store and they've blah blah blah and then they released

this song in 89 and it is fucking garbage it's total pants it lacks anything well first of all

I would never put this on at a party because it does nothing to dance to. You say it's not proper Calypso. It's just that suggestion of Calypso, but without any of the energy.

The production is so flat and lifeless. It's just instantly forgettable whilst you're listening to it. Oh, and the B-side? Stinky poo poo no-nos. I don't like it. The B-side is an instrumental and it's called Cobbler's Calypso and it's a steel drum sort of tune. Easy listening steel

drum sort of tune. So out of, the only interesting point in that, it's Ainsley Harriot who went on to have a career as a TV chef and book writer of recipes. Just a sort of all-round guy. And he was big for his big, you know, oh they like it! He was a big character, wasn't he? Very large in life. Yes. Very extreme. He was big, wasn know, oh, they like it. He was a big character, wasn't he? Very large in life. Very extreme.

He was big, wasn't he? Grind the pepper, grind the pepper. Has he given up on TV now? I think he does bits and bobs, but I honestly don't know. I do have a story that I'm not going to keep in the podcast that I'll tell you now and then edit out, and it goes like this. Did it get dealt with?

I don't believe it did. Anyway, we're back in the room. Paul, what happened to the other guy? Don't know. There's no link on him. I tried to look for him separately, but there's no link to him on Wiki, on Comedy. It's just nothing.

He was known for this. And that's it. And that's it. So God knows. Maybe he's gone into business. Someone may know. I'm not going to do the research. It's a fact. I'm happy to lose down going to do the research. It's a fact.

I'm happy to lose down the back of the couch. It's a void. So I'm going to give that 0.5 I did not like it. out of 5. And I'm only giving it a 0.5

because at least it exists. I'll give it 0.5 of a platter as well. I'm happy for us to do that Paul. I'm happy for that. Yes. I'm happy.

Sadly though isn't it even good enough to go in your collection of Michael Anius stuff? Absolutely not. So that's going back to the charity shop. Yes. I'm happy. Sadly, though, isn't it even good enough to go in your collection of Michael Anias stuff? Absolutely not. So that's going back to the charity shop. Yeah. Isn't it good, Nick?

Someone won't enjoy it. Someone will enjoy it. They won't. No, they won't enjoy it. No one will enjoy it. Ainsley Harriet will enjoy it. Next track. Now, we've wanted to talk about this guy for a while.

And here's the song and the reason to do it. Because I have in my hand a 7-inch. Eli, tell me what you see. This is Bombal Arena. Yeah. And their cover version of itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow polka dot. Bikini.

And it goes all the sounds like this. I like it. Go on, go on. Go on, go on, go on, go on. Oh, yeah. Go on, go on. कि अ लाइक आ यह लाइक आ यह लाइक आ यह That's Kimo for the first time today The nixie, nixie, teeny, weeny, yellow polka, that's the kitty So when I saw her, she wanted to say She was afraid to come out of the locker She was as nervous as she could be She was afraid to come out of the locker She was afraid that somebody would see

Two, three, four, tell the people what she wore It was a nitsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow bocas, a bikini That she wore for the first time today A nitsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, yellow bocas, a bikini So in the locker, she wanted to stay. Now, tell me about the original track. Do you know anything about it? No.

Because it's part of that kind of, was it 50s? You know, they had that purpley, peepalita song. There's all those kind of gimmicky, teenage beach hits. And I think this was one of those. It was before the Beach Boys sound. Yes. But it was that. Similar, sort of popcorn pop.

Like, how much is that doggy in the window? You know, almost. Sort of just like a novelty sort of tune. Yeah. And it's an old standard, you know, the whole... And it's based on a polka sort of rhythm, isn't it? I mean, no, the polka's design isn't of the bikini. I can't remember if the song itself, the original song, is polka-ish.

I don't think it is. I think it's more just kind of... Does a polka dot have anything to do with polka dancing? I don't know. That song itself, the original song, is polka-ish. I don't think it is. I think it's more just kind of... Does a polka dot have anything to do with polka dancing? I don't know. That's a very good question. I think it must be... Yeah. Me?

I don't know. I honestly don't know. Ladies and gentlemen, do you know out there? We're trying to keep this internet free so we can just have a nice old chat. Now, but Bomba La Rina... Bomba La Rina. ...was really a studio studio project let's be honest yeah

not like a group and it consisted of it was very cynical corporate almost cash in on what novelty pop yeah

you've got to remember repackaging novelty pop from decades before and it falls into a thing we've seen a lot on on this show it is the novelty song

performed by TV presenter stroke radio disc jockey. You know what I mean? This is, now I will say this, this is vastly superior than Simon Groom's Oh, that sounds pretty helpful. Which is, I mean, the Calypso world thing is just bad. It's just forgettable crap.

Yeah. But that is toxically poisonous to your thoughts to listen to it's a very special kind of bad it's tragic it's weak

you can see it's the equivalent of the guy who's made the movie it's like the Miami Connection you know that guy with a vision

to make a movie and then that's the film that comes out the Miami Connection or whatever it's called which what are you talking about those B movies that are made with earnestness to make the best action film ever but then it comes out, The Miami Connection or whatever it's called. Which, what are you talking about? You know, those B-movies

that are made with earnestness to make the best action film ever but then it comes out and it's absolute dog shit but then you kind of don't mind,

you're kind of fond of it. Bomba Ballerina was fronted by TV presenter, children's TV presenter Timmy Mallet. Timmy Mallet.

And for those in the UK, Timmy Mallet should be a name you recognise of a certain age he was a TV presenter I think it was mostly through Wackaday

initially he was the wacky presenter in the morning TV show yes but he used to they used to just cut to him

and he'd be doing Mallet's Mallet wouldn't he and then it would cut back to the studio he was just the slightly wacky one who did all the

kind of odder bits of the show he was zany he wasn't just wacky he was zany and Mallet's mallet was a game we had a big foam um hammer a mallet and it's a word association game where you mustn't pause mustn't hesitate and if you repeat a thing you get a bonk on the head like this all like this and what as soon as you got one bonk you were out uh no it's just whoever had every time you got a bonk, you were out? No, it's just whoever had... Every time you got a bonk, you got a plaster on your head. And so basically, the one with a few plasters won at the end of the round.

So let's do it. Word association. Okay. Ready? Dog. Cake. Eat. Smell.

Snuff. Ow! Bonk! I'm getting this. All right, do it again. You start. Piano. Keys.

Mum. Dad. Father. again. You start. Piano. Keys. Mum. Dad. Father. Sister. Pool case. Stick. Bomb squad. Shut up.

That's a whack. I'm going to hit you. No, right. I'll hit you with my mallet. Why are you going to hit me? Because bomb squad means absolutely nothing to after stick. No, but it's just free association. Aren't we going to be delving down into the psychology?

No, we're not delving. I'm afraid to dive into your mind. Come on, let's do it. Mummy took me to... Oh, no. Just don't. Don't attempt that. Oh, they all loved the Zodiac.

Oh, they all believed in the future. Paul, weird. Mummy took me to weird fairs. Paul. Paul. What? Weird. You're being weird.

You're weird. You're weird. You're weird You're weird You're fucking weird You're weird That's the strongest we get So Bon Ballerini Yes Timmy Mallet releases this song

On the basis of his wacky character And It was a minor hit I believe Was this his first one? Because we did cover Very early on We did an album of his I think recently

No we did Very early on Another tune That he did Did we? Something like a Latin one Remember that? an album of his I think recently no we did very early on another tune that he did did we some like a Latin one remember when Brian Weck

was on the show it was that that's episode one that's episode one oh I think that we did really Bob Ballerina's other tune

in episode one oh god and this was the big hit yeah but they had a few because this this obviously was a huge success for them. Yeah.

However, the worst part is the executive producer. Would you like to reveal that to the audience? It is Andrew Lloyd Webber. What a fucking cunt. He's behind everything toxic, isn't he? I'm Andrew Lloyd Webber. And everything I put to taste. It doesn't, though.

I mean, these days it does. I mean, artistically. Yeah. It's terrible. I will give him Phantom of the Opera, right? I mean, these days it does. I mean, like, artistically. Yeah, it's terrible. It's like, I will give him Phantom of the Opera, right? I'll give him that. I'll give him Joseph, because that's a bit of fun, right? Yeah. Phantom of the Opera is good, isn't it?

Cats, up your arse. Cats has nothing to it. It's based on a poem, isn't it? Starlight Express, up your arse. I liked it at the time, because I was into roller skating. Also, Andrew Lloyd Webber was another executive producer of Dr. Spin and the Tetris song that came out. He's just behind all sorts of terrible, cynical cash-in pop, isn't he? To be honest, that sounds, the B-side especially,

sounds like 90s samples the single. Yeah. Where every sound that you ever remember from the 90s is in this. Including that one, which has to be the most notorious. And the other one. Woo! Yeah! Yeah. Woo! The rebels here in New Street.

And that beat is so familiar. It's stuffed with those tiny little hooks. At the time, it's almost like you just felt like that was everywhere. That R year was on everything for years. Do you know what I mean? It was just, those samples were just so ubiquitous

on everything you heard. But it's almost a joke in that, because I think people remember that bit from the song more than anything else, because someone would go, Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow bokeh dot bikini na na na na na na na na na. Our year.

And that was it. That was the hook. That was what they added, wasn't it? And that's it. But, you know, Timmy Mallet apparently hasn't shaken the 90s off. Tommy Boyd, I think,

did an interview a fair few years ago now talking about Timmy Mallet. And he was saying he never turns it off. Yeah. The way you see him on TV is the way he's like in real life.

I know, that'd be awful. And he can't turn it off. And I think Tommy Boyd, he's a genuinely smart and creative and astute man but there's this character he exists in

that I think as a result people underestimate more people don't take him seriously as an adult but he's fine I don't know he must be

he's still involved in sort of TV production still or something I believe he does like cruise ship DJing and he does what was that thing

Pat Sharp told me this I think like he does like cruise ship DJing and he does, what was that thing? Pat Sharp told me this. I think like he does like Mallet's Mallet at university, fresher weeks and he turns up and a bunch of kids who won't remember who he is. You know what I mean? Maybe when I went to university, it'd be interesting to see Timmy Mallet. But like these days, come on ladies and gentlemen, remember from the TV, it's Timmy Mallet. Do you know what I saw?

Crickets. Do you know what I saw? Whatickets Do you know what I saw? What? At university La Petite Main That guy the fart guy Really? Yeah And that's what you took all your inspiration

No I can't fart musically No I can do that breathing thing You can't Well And that's essentially what he does Well that's interesting He's perfected the arse breathing technique

Perfected? He's perfected it I'm glad I'm glad It's a show He's Mr Fartman And it'shing technique. Perfected? He's perfected it. I'm glad. I'm glad. It's a show. He's Mr. Fartman and it's a show that he does. Mr. Fartman, put on a show. Make it so farty it will blow.

My hat and coat off and also my skirt. But please don't fart too much in case it hurts. Splat your shit up. Right, okay, good. Do you think he's ever done that? Like during a performance, he's gone, splat your shit up right okay good alright do you think he's ever done that like during a performance he's gone

and now for my final piece I would do the rasping trombone and then he goes there's a drum roll brrrr you will adore

the sound brrrr and then there's shits all over the stage and on the audience and there's oh with my wee I apologise I have never shat on the stage and on the audience. And there's, oh, I apologise.

I have never shat on the stage before in all my career as a fighter. Sorry, Frads. Paul, there was an incident, wasn't there,

that keeps popping up where some trapeze artist apparently had diarrhoea and shat all over. Yeah, that always pops up on Facebook and Twitter. That's nightmarish.

Imagine that. No. It's not good for him, his co-performers, and the audience. That'd be properly traumatic. That'd be like, you know. Well, I don't know. Maybe someone was torn apart in front of you. On your deathbed, you'd be like, I got shat on in the circus.

Anyway, there's nothing more to report. It's that song. It was catchy. Clap your hands, stomp your feet is the terrible B-side. Which is literally 90 samples of the single. Right, final song and maybe the best. Certainly the one that brought... You saved the best till last.

I'm just going to let you explain it. You tell them all. This is... He's generally happy about this. This really is a piece for the Michelin-ish bucket of crap where I keep my novelty TV tie-in records and things. And there's Dusty Bin in there. That's a terrible record. 3-2-1. Ted Rogers, Dusty Bin in there. Yeah. That's a terrible record.

Three, two, one. Yeah. Ted Rogers, Dusty Bin. And that Pump Up the Bitter, whatever it is. No, but this is actually quite nice in a lot of ways, isn't it? Whoever sent this, please get in touch with us. We want to say thank you. It's good.

I really like it. This is David Bellamy. Oh. Who is... Grimbley Grumbley. Was a naturist. No, that's a nudist. Conservationist, I think you could say.

A conservationist, yes. He was like a David Attenborough, a Chris Packham. Yes. Terry Nutkins. Terry Nutkins. Why are you showing me half a finger? Because Terry Nutkins only had half a finger, remember?

Because a mole ate it or something. I can't remember. Maybe a knot a bit his finger off. Something like that. He was good. I liked to see Terry Nutkins. Yeah. I've got some stories I could tell you that could head bit his finger off. Something like that. He was good. I liked to see Tony Nutkins. Yeah. I've got some stories I could tell you

that could head out of the podcast. Yeah, but I won't. About Nutkins? Yeah. What? Naughty Nutkins? I don't know. Come on.

Anyway, Brontës is dead. You can say what you like. Oh, can I? He's a nonce. He's not. He was not. That is not it.

Brontës, this platter, the final platter today, Paul, He's a nonce. He's not. He was not. That is not it. I'm so sorry. This platter, the final platter today, Paul, on Silverman's Platters. Yeah, P.O. Box edition. P.O. Box edition. Brontosaurus, would you wait for me? By David Bellamy. And on the other side, now, often with these novelty throwaway tie-in with a TV celebrity record. Yeah, minor celebrity releases a novelty hit.

Sort of thing. Usually the B-side's completely throwaway. We've discussed this before. It's usually just a piece of like an instrumental piece. Padding shit. But they've gone for a whole other different dinosaur-based song on the B-side here. What's that one called? Ostegosaurus.

Yeah. Osteg. And here's the thing. So David Bellamy was known in the UK for being a TV conservationist. He'd talk about the plants and the animals and how you should look after them. You'd get down in the undergrowth. But what we loved about him was that he was

a little man with a big beard and a peculiar voice. And shorts on all the time, no matter what the weather. And a polo shirt. It was grubby. Let's do his voice. A waskly wog. Oh, in the grove. Oh, lovely.

Lovely. Oh, I've got the scossy squishes. You know what? He's the original Nuzzle Man, isn't he? He is the Nuzzle Man. Oh, in the Nuzzle Man. Oh, dear. Oh, lovely bit of bubbly grub. nuzzle bag. I only nuzzle. Come down here. Trimbley crumbles. I've got a lovely

little bit of bubbly grub. What are you saying? Bubbly grub? Rubbly grub down here. Rub it on me. It makes... All right,

well, it doesn't quite sound like that. But when... Down here. Rub, rub, rub. Down here. Rub, rub, rub. Rub it down here. All right, you've been doing this for two minutes now.

Are you quite over it? Even I got bored of it. Come down here in the bodyguard. What have you got down here? What are you doing? You've gone glassy-eyed. Listen, look. When you take... Shut up! you've gone glassy eyed listen look when you take shut up

when you take that voice not that voice but when you take his very distinctive voice and you put it on a song it sounds like this now I always wanted a pet not the kind that the other kids get.

I didn't want a dog or a cat or a parrot or a mouse. But I was walking in the woods by the shore when I found what I was looking for. With a net like a land post and a I knew, he was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend.

He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend.

He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. He was my friend. Will you wait for me? Don't hide your head up there in your face, mid-tree. You know, I just want a word with you. I can see that you're very shy. But how can I have a word with you when you're way up high?

Can I just say, lovely bit of moog. It's great. Very children's TV moog there at the beginning. It's nothing particularly special about it, but it's harped in the right place, and it's really hard to hate it. You can't hate him. You can't hate him.

He's doing a lovely thing. It does that thing that lots of these novelty records go for, which is the children singing. Yeah. So it's a bit like Grandpa We Love You, isn't it? But with a brontosaurus. Yeah. And I guess it's fine. It was definitely par for the course of the 70s and 80s to release songs like that

because he's not a singer. He shatters his way through most of the songs. He totally shatters it, yeah. But it's lovely to hear. But his voice isn't as deep as I remember it. He's got a peculiar accent, doesn't he?

He sounds very excitable in this one. He has a real distinctive voice and way he says things. Yeah. It makes the song sound a little bit weird as a result. And the cover is weird because you've got like a cartoon Brontosaurus head coming out of a bush with glasses on. It looks like a penis. I mean, a big donger. dozens yeah it kind of does it really doesn't i mean that's if you squint on it

imagine it and then we'll get your sex poker cards out get the cards out i like the one with ace of spades um there's frogs here paul frogs on the cover yeah and as I say the B-side is kind of it's a little fishy yeah the B-side has some actual facts about brontosauruses in it it tells you a little bit

about it stegosaurus but the B-side is musically a lot weaker it's a cod reggae sort of thing yeah and does even sound

more like grandpa we love you yeah oh stegosaurus but it's worth it because there's a snippet of information about it. Yeah.

About the creature, you know? He tries to be informative. It says on the back, there's an armadillo wearing a sandwich board and says, why not join me, sing the dinosaur songs and become a conservationist?

Remember, extinction is forever. Extinction is forever. So that's very much a message that's being put around today, isn't it, Paul? What they're saying is that there's beautiful animals in the world that we've lost forever because of... Yeah, it wasn't our fault. To be fair, that's where the argument falls down. It's not like we came up and were like, yeah, out.

Several million years ago. That's always been my thought about religion. If human beings are so special, why weren't we made first? The only reason dinosaurs didn't die is because of bloody the meteor isn't it well people do

dispute the scientific well they're fucking idiots they say we were made first no well we weren't 6,000 years ago no well we weren't

no obviously we weren't no what about stegosauruses that's what I'm saying we're missing out I actually think the artwork is pretty good

this was a planet made for dinosaurs not humans we're freak show we're an absolute a freak show. We're an absolute fucking freak show. I like the cover. Dinosaurs would never have invented Twitter.

Dinosaurs would have hands. There you go. They'd have proper hands. Dinosaurs would still be living. Imagine how wonderful this planet would be if dinosaurs had lived on. It wouldn't be Flintstones. It wouldn't be Flintstones. I know it wouldn't be Flintstones,

but we wouldn't be around, so it was pointless. Well, great, even better. Well, what? You're just saying, wouldn't the world be good if I didn't exist? Yeah. That's pretty nihilistic.

Is it? Yeah. Anyway, David Bellamy. So, I was just saying, the cover, it's one of those covers where the design goes... Around.

Around. Yeah. Which is always nice, isn't it? It's always nice. The back and the front match the other piece. Yeah. And it's got a big pink brontosaurus. And then I think you get a glimpse of a yellow stegosaurus, lady stegosaurus.

He's having a little nibble. She's having a little sniff around the tail area. A little sniff around the tail. Brontosaurus, which is more like dog behaviour. You know. Well! You go, oh, what's that? It's poo. It's piss. It's a bit of what's that it's poo it's a bit of

bronty plop it's a bit of fucking musky in there bronty plop bronty plop plops and there's an aardvark

not an aardvark what is it I can't have a look armadillo yeah but it's not it's a dinosaur you want it's a

tripiclisaurus triceratops no it's not a triceratops no a triplosopetitus you don't know what you're saying it's a Tipilitopolis dinosaur characters

Bron and Delilah which I presume are the ones on the cover oh that's it yeah copyright of Dusty and the Dinosaurs yeah

so maybe this is some relation to something else Dusty and the Dinosaurs book or something yeah it's worth looking into what's the label

what's the label MD Music. No, no idea. Who knows? No idea. And you've got a... There's a credit for the person who drew the cover. What's his name?

Chris Masters. Chris Masters. Well, he's mastered the artwork on that. I think it's quite good artwork. Isn't it a lovely thing? Yes. So, what are you going to give that out of five? I'm going to give that a 3.75.

I'll give it a four. He gives it a four? I mean, musically, it's not, but you get to hear weirdo Bellamy. A gribbly-grabbly, wibbly-wobbly. And there's a big bit of... Moog. Sort of, yeah. It's a nice moog.

Sort of, yeah. Strutting moog. Yeah. Yes. So, yeah, it was good. Oh, yeah. By Yellow. Woo!

Yeah! Paul tried to say to me earlier, everyone, that that, oh yeah, was by... Art of noise. And I was wrong. It wasn't by art of noise, Paul. I know. It was by yellow.

I know. And that's fine. I learned a valuable lesson today. And that is, when you think you're going to win an argument, you'll put money on it. That's what it comes down to. That's what my spice of life, mate.

But then that means I know I've lost the argument. Because the only time you're ever confident about money is when you're gambling. That's why you're all flip-poker. I've lost money with those bets. Yeah. About what's a fact. I just know when to cash in

when you start getting cocky about your own money. When? You've never cashed in? No, because I don't like gambling. I'm not a gambler. I don't like the idea of gambling. It might mean in some respects, as a human being, I'm a bit timid

and a bit afraid to take chances. And that's fine. I'm not a competitive person. Okay. Fuck you judging me. How fucking dare you? Well, sometimes it's... I'll just open myself up.

It's in a sense... Oh, mummy. Paul. Mummy. What I'm saying is sometimes... Mummy made me go to clairvoyance. Sometimes you have to have risks yeah it's true

you know and you have to gamble yeah no I get that so it's not all bad yeah no it's not and I'm fine with that but inherently speaking I'm not a gambling person

I don't enjoy gambling is that gambling though saying to someone I bet you that that this is the case yeah is that gambling that's not really gambling

I believe so it's betting it's risk you're making money based on risk the risk that you're wrong yeah and i would say that was gambling okay so there we go ladies and we've had an interesting chat about random outcome no it's not that kind of gambling no random outcome determines whether you win or lose no but it's based on knowledge yeah so if you don't have it then it's gambling isn't it yeah but if you think you're right, then you've got nothing. Then it's not gambling. Yeah.

But for the person who doesn't know, it's gambling. You gamble. You risk. You take a chance on something. But neither of you think you're right. Oh, I'm bored of this. I'm bored of this.

And that's Cheap Show. Thank you for listening once again. We'll see you next time on the show. Now, Paul, I know I always say this, but God, what a weak show it was today. You always say this. Always say it. It was so bad.

I don't know. We got a brand new character out of it. We got Lenticular. Oh, hello. I know. I'm over this way, and I believe in this, and now I'm over this way, and I believe in that. I'm different depending on which way you look at me.

Yes. I'm Lenticular, the character I refuse to let go. I wish you would let him go. Anyway. No, but there was also, what's he called? Barry Sparkles and... It doesn't matter, does it? It doesn't matter.

It's the same voice as all the other characters I know. Right, we're moving on. Thank you for supporting the Cheap Show podcast. Barry Shiners. Thank you for supporting the Cheap Show podcast. Thank you, everyone you for supporting the Cheap Show podcast. Barry Shiners. Thank you for supporting the Cheap Show podcast. Thank you, everyone, for supporting the Cheap Show podcast. And also joining us on Twitch when we've been doing it. That's been lots of fun, too.

We're going to do that more again soon. I'll be joining everyone on Twitch. We'll sort that out as soon as we can. Can I? Cheap Show, et cetera, on Twitch. Can I? Yeah. Can we do some talc-ing?

Yeah. Can we do some talc-ing? Let's do some talc-ing. Slapping some talc-ing on. We we do some talc-ing? Yeah. Can we do some talc-ing? Let's do some talc-ing. Slapping some talc-ing on. We'll slap some talc-ing on. Not on camera, but get the dust effect. Yeah. Slap him on.

Whatever you want, mate. Shut up. Pultuses. Shut up. I want pultuses. I want a modular pultus set. I want a set of pultuses. I just want to wrap the show up.

And each is modular. Do you see what I mean? And so they're exchangeable pultuses. I would just like to wrap the show up. That's what modular means in this context great is that you can exchange a modular poultice

for another one they fit in so it goes on and on they fit in like modules goes on and on right so you can give to us on Patreon

if you'd like to and if you do that would be brilliant you get podcasts and videos and all sorts of extra things that is patreon.com

forward slash cheap show I know that. And if you want to email us anything you like, thecheapshow at gmail.com. Of course it is. Of course. I knew that. I could say that. I can recall that right now. Pictures and videos that accompany this episode can be found on our website, thecheapshow.co.uk

and www. And what else? On Twitter, I am at PaulGannonShow. The podcast is Cheap Show Pod. The Cheap. The podcast is Cheap Show Pod. The podcast, Cheap Show Pod. The Cheap Show Pod. And Eli is...

Eli Floyd. Yeah, Eli Floyd. I do. Grumble, grumble. And what else, what else, what else? Oh, and we're on Tumblr and Facebook, and you can just look for Cheap Show there. Haven't they shut Tumblr down now?

I don't know. They've shut Tumblr down. I don't know. Like, subscribe, review, rate on Spotify or podcast. You know, we're doing really well on Spotify, actually. We're in the top 100 on Spotify in the UK for comedy. I'm actually quite impressed by that. I think we were like 78 last time we checked.

Not after this episode, Paul. I've been lax last time. Ups and downs, ups and downs. Terrible. And it does help us, unfortunately. Unfortunately, it helps us. Yeah, because it's a pain it does help us, unfortunately. Unfortunately, it helps us. Yeah, because it's a pain for people to do, but it helps us because apps then read the reviews

and they bump things up in terms of recommendeds and whatnot. You need to review on Spotify. And rate or follow and all this stuff. So, yeah, it's one of those weird things. But if you want to do that, we'd appreciate it. Other than that, why not just chillax and wait until next week where we come back with more economy comedy goodness.

Okay. Let's end with looking at the sex poker cards. Here we go. I for one, Eli, and I don't know about you, want to see the Ace of Spades. I'll show you. You'll be sorry. Really? Yeah. Alright, show me. I'll get it out. Alright, we'll end with this.

I dread to think what the Ace of Clubs is like. No, it's the Ace of Spades. It's the Ace of Spades. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I dread to think what the Ace of Clubs is like. No, it's the Ace of Spades. It's the Ace of Spades. The Ace of Spades. Come on, whip it out. Whop it out. I'm trying to thwop it.

Can't believe you can't. Major thwoppage. You can't get it out. There is major thwoppage in this. Come on. Ace of Spades. Oh, the... Oh, the grub-beated watch.

Oh. That's that dribbly. Dribbly. Quick, quick, quick. Oh, I've lost it. Oh, you've lost the ace of spades. I'm going to have to look through them all. No, don't.

You know what? I'll save you the horror of that. I'll get it for you. I don't know if I actually care anymore. No, here it is. Is it? Are you ready? Yeah.

Christ! Goodbye.