CheapShow - Ep 157: The Skids Stay In The Picture

Episode Date: December 13, 2019

It's a cornucopia of crap this week as stakes are heightened, tat is donated and voices are raised. In a surprising turn of events, Paul upgrades The Sauce Report to a full, proper segment. It's a decision he soon learns to regret. Eli gets carried away and things get messy. There is a special Price of Shite this week, donated to our POP Box. It would have made for a great head to head... had Paul not read the prices! Along the way, Paul and Eli meet a vengeful Uncle Grumbly, create a new surveillance system and somehow get into another noodle based argument! And if you like us, why not support us: www.patreon.com/cheapshow Share & Enjoy. Photos/Videos for this episode can be seen at https://www.thecheapshow.co.uk/ep-157-the-skids-stay-in-the-pictur If you want to get involved, email us at [e-mail] And if you have to, follow us on Twitter @thecheapshowpod or @paulgannonshow & @elisnoid If you like what you hear, please spread the word! Like, Review, Share, Comment... LOVE US! MERCH Www.cheapmag.shop www.tinyurl.com/rbcheapshow

Can I start by saying no? Yeah. That's all I've got. Goodbye, everyone. Hey, hey, I've had an idea. I've had an idea. Hey. You've been watching Digitizer.

I don't feel, I feel funny. Like, well, you know, like, Venus has been the breakout star. What we need, right, is a noodle version. Of Venus? Yeah. Who goes, noodles! Or something like that.

You know what I mean? Well, that needs work. Come on, let's do it now. Think about it. What's his name? Mr. Noodle? Noodle Boy? Noodly Doo? Nudus. No, Nudus sounds more like a Greek god. I am Nudus! Yes!

Look at my mighty wank! Yeah. I like that. That's better than that guy. Nudus. Yeah. The Greek god of noodles. And I could be like a little pixie. Why are you always the little pixie or the little child or the strange orphan?

I could be like a little, what are they called? Cherub. No. Goatmen. What are they called? Oh, what are they called? Satyrs. Satyrs.

I'll be your satyr. You be nudist. Oh, okay. So, all right. So, we'll start the show in a minute, ladies and gentlemen. Bear with us. Satyrs. I'll be your satyr, you be nudist. All right. We'll start the show in a minute, ladies and gentlemen. Bear with us. We like this. It's not Mastermind. How is it Mastermind?

It's meant to be a fanfare. Give me... All rise for nudists! I am nudists. God god of noodles, noodle lord. See my mighty wang made of one big noodle. Nudus, Nudus, the crowd, they're not responding. No, it's an awful character. I don't think it's going to work.

No, but you are not interacting with your little sat here. Give me a name. Nudus, what are we here for? No, you're nudus. What's your satire name? Little cunt boy. Little cunt boy. What a great start to the episode, ladies and gentlemen.

No, it's too late. No, don't lie back on the bed like you've given up. Stop it. Get up. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Cheap Chef. No, we're starting again. Welcome to Cheap Chef. That's staying in.

No. The skin stay in the big jam. I hate you and your fucking noodle posse. People love noodles. noodle posse. Off-brand, brand-off, off-brand, brand-off Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap Cheap Show It's the price of shite Paul Gannon Eli Silverman Welcome to Cheap Show

And I go and I nuzzle Hello, yes, welcome to the I hope the skids haven't stayed in the picture Honestly, I do Welcome to Cheap Show For your personal safety Yeah Yeah, you know what I'm saying

Welcome to Cheap Show The economy You know what I'm trying to say Yes, I am You know what I'm trying to say, Paul What am I trying to say? You don't want to shit your pants But you have You're on record I have I'm trying to say. Yes, I am. You know what I'm trying to say, Paul? What am I trying to say? You don't want to shit your pants.

But you have. You're on record. I have. Of saying you've done that. What, I have shat my pants? Yeah, you've said that. We all did when we were children. No, no, no.

I mean, in your adult life. Have you never shat yourself in your adult life? No. Never even a little bit has come out when you've gambled and lost. No. I just simply don't believe you. I simply do not believe you. I can't not prove it. I can't prove it, can I? What can I do? Nothing. I just want to put a

monitor in your underpants and I'll watch you for a year. What, like a poultice kind of thing? It could be a poultice-mounted underwear monitor. Yeah. So how does it work? It has a camera. A little alarm goes off in your room every time I thought out a little bit more solid than... It's got a little camera like a GoPro lens. Yeah. So how does it work? It has a camera. The alarm goes off in your room every time I thought out a little bit more solid than...

It's got a little camera like a GoPro lens. Yeah. That's looking right up your arsehole. Right. Everything. I see everything.

You see... Is it on all the time? Yeah. I've got it like on some of these Google glasses thing where it's just... Why would you constantly

want to see my ring piece 24 hours a day in your view? To prove you wrong. Palt is cam. No, it's not Palt is cam. To prove you wrong, mate. You have, in your adult life, some fecal has passed the stage of not going back in again.

I honestly don't remember, in recent memory, as an adult, ever parting shart in my underwear. Parting shart? Parting shart, yes. I've never parted shart in my underwear. To the best of my knowledge, right? That's not to say it's not something I've blocked from my mind. Blah, blah, blah. You sound like a fucking politician.

Yeah, well, I know for a fact- Just answer the question. It's a yes, isn't it? It's not a yes. Yes, it is. I categorically state on the record that I have not, in my recent memory, sharted my pants. Is that fine? That's fine.

We certainly have. And also, what happens when it does go off? What happens when that day comes when I gamble and lose? I call you up and go, ah. That's it. That's it. That's my moment. Ah. Ah, wanker. moment shut yourself a little bit yeah as opposed to when you vom too hard and shut yourself

i was just a few feet away from home i did the waddle that's that you did it dried out a lot you did the dirty duck is that what it's known i don't know i'm gonna call it the dirty duck the skid stays in the picture. That was genius, honestly. That was genius. Thank you. I don't often get those moments. Nudist certainly wasn't. No, nudist.

We need to work on a noodle-based character, though. We do, though. What do you mean a noodle-based character? How could he be made of noodles? He's a noodle monster. You're like that spaghetti god. Oh, so all noodles coming down in front of the face sort of thing.

I see now you're sold, aren't you? I like it. It's like a Cthulhu sort of thing. Yeah. Cth-noodle-do. Noodle-do. Cth-noodle. Cth-noodle.

That's it. Cth-noodle. Okay. Okay. And he comes down, summoned from the heavens. Do you remember when this podcast used to be about something? No, he's good.

I like doing his voice. Yeah? You do, you do. You only have to hear it. I have to see that. Please stop. On today's episode, we are going to do a price of shite donated. I say donated, but sent in via P.O. Box.

It's a bespoke. Yes, so we've got some interesting items. Capsule. Yes. Capsule price of shite. That's coming up in the show. Price of shite. Before that, I do believe we're going to be taking a very special source report for Mr. Silverman. Yeah.

So that's something to look forward to. I'm excited. Are you excited? Are you excited? I'm just thinking all about what I have to do in this upcoming report, Paul. It's a serious matter. Have you been preparing? I've prepared for this.

It's a moment I've prepared for. These things are thrust upon us and then we have to sort them out. Yeah, we do. When things are thrust on me I sort it out. Look, if you reach down there under the Formica tabletop, there you've got them. Bring them out. The biscuits.

There for the source report. The open, probably stale wafer biscuits. they're not wafer you don't see you're so bad at naming food these are oat biscuits or something

wafer biscuits yeah just dunking in some honey tea you fucking idiot tell me what that is what that product is Paul wafer biscuits

it's like an oat cake, isn't it? Thank you. Fucking hell. Your weird, irrational hate of things surprises me. What do you mean? What? When you get angry about stuff for no reason. It's petty things I get angry about. White and all food, black.

You know what I mean? It's like getting angry about Sainsbury's adverts. Fancy wasting that much emotion and energy on something that will be forgotten about in a year's time tops, if not already. Well, Paul. In fact, some would say you're the only person still propagating that advertising campaign. It's only you.

That advertising campaign is completely forgotten. No, you keep bringing it up. You brought it up. No, you. I bring it up upon reflection, you brought it up. No, you... I bring it up in on... upon reflection. In on... upon reflection.

Have a wafer biscuit and shut your mouth. Right. Shall we just start this episode, then? Shall we do the source report? No, we're going to... we're going to give it a section. Rather than just jam it in the intro.

No, you see, now you've... now... now you're shaking my foundations, man. You're coming on heavy, man. Yeah. Source report lives in the intro. No, you see, now you're shaking my foundations, man. You're coming on heavy, man. Yeah. Source Report lives in the intro. You can't replace Source. This just in.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Source Report cancelled. What? And given its own segment later in the show, we're going to Eli, founder of the Source Report, to see what he thinks about this. Well, you know, I'm really confused right now. I don't know where The Source Report's going.

I don't know what's going on. No one told me about this, you know, beforehand. Paul's just sort of sprung it on me. And I don't know. We'll see how it goes, I guess. Thank you very much, Eli. Here's Paul. Well, yes, I just thought it deserved its own slot after

being relegated to cameo status in the show. I thought it was only appropriate this time to really give it its own segment. Let Eli really drive it home. So I don't know what he's complaining about. Thank you very much Paul Gannon, enemy of the source report. I just want to get source report done. Britain wants source report done.

We just want source report done. We do all want Source Report done. We just want Source Report done. No, we do all want Source Report done. It's just whether it's in the intro or it's its own segment. Well, it's the will of the people to give it its own segment. So I will make sure it will get done. Okay. Yeah? It's actually quite refreshing to see you've grown up a bit

and you've realised the Source Report is something that has to be an essential element of the podcast now. to see you've grown up a bit and you've realised the source report is something that has to be it has to be an essential element of the podcast now and you've realised you've given it its own segment what could

the stamp of Gannon approval is putting it it's been it's been no rules guaranteed it's been updated upgraded

to a full segment what I will say is this thank you for that thank you for that and I expect this level of respect and bon ami

to continue into the segment itself. Right, well. When I'm doing some, I'm doing all the heavy lifting, reporting the sauce, fetching the sauce from the kitchen,

putting oat cakes out, especially. Please shut up. All I want to do is say all you've done. All I want to do is go boom, boom. See, this is what I mean mean you've just worn me down over 156 episodes you've just worn me down eli

i used to put up a fight i used to like you know edit the bits out where you went mad and then the audience took to it and i thought i'd do a little bit more and then eventually we sit in a room and come up with Cthulhu Noodle rather than having a podcast with a concept anymore. Well, it's got a concept. Yeah. It's conceptual. They're very cheap. Oatcakes.

Oatcakes, yeah. No, they are. Bloody 90p or something. For how many? Like a big stack of them. There you go. I'm glad you're still thinking about the content of this podcast. Yeah, see, I brought it back.

Right. Pull it straight back. Like a poultice in a catapult. Poultice in a cat... Catapultice. No, that's good. Catapultice.

You're right about that. You're strapped between your legs and you pull it down and then... Mate. Fuck, mate! High five. It's a high five moment.

Yeah. Catapultice. Let's do the show, Paul. Let's do the show, Paul. Let's do the show. Ladies and gentlemen, it's that time of the show where we like to announce a brand new official segment. It's been hidden in the corners of Cheap Show for many a while time now.

Shut up. Many a while time now. Many a while time now. You are. You've gone verbal garbage, man. Many a while time now you've gone verbal garbage man many a while time oh many a while time

many a while time but now it's here fully fledged blossomed into its own unique segment because Paul is emotionally dead inside it is the... Source report! Source report! Source report!

Source report! Thank you very much, Paul. Welcome to Source Report, everybody. Welcome into the Source Report area of the House of Pickles. I've got the source... The system is down. That's strong, bud. I've got the saucer. The system is down. That's strong bad.

I've just ripped that off. From what? Strong bad. You know what I like about this segment and all the segments that you introduce and do? It allows me to use the time

to plot of how I can ruin it for you. You already have. You've already started. I'm getting there. Just nick something with your stupid sounding like it's countdown.

But this is like a Penn and Tellers fool you. Fool us. Because now, I'm basically saying to you, I'm getting there just nick something with your stupid sounding like but this is like Penn and Teller's Fool You Fool Us because now I'm basically saying to you I'm going to ruin this segment and then now

you've got to figure out how I'm going to do it over the course of what happens so let's just see what happens Paul I've added a bit of a thriller a bit of tension

to the segment now there's no tension you're just going to act like a cunt big old big wow Paul's acting like a cunt because people people want to hear about the source,

Paul. They want to hear official views about sources. And all this... Disgusting. Let's go for our first source. Are you ready?

All I'm saying is that the segment can be quite dry and aimless. I thought you were going to have some good faith about the fucking report. You're right. I don't know why you'd think...

Just be serious about the report. I don't know why you'd think that. I just don't know why you'd think I'd ever give you the respect you think you deserve. Anyway, I've started well. The segment... You're not broken! You're not broken! You have, yeah.

Your mediocrity is slouched all over me like a big blanket of dull, wet toilet paper. Oh, what a beautiful, beautiful tableau. He can't even talk. He can't speak. He can't speak. Fat mouth cunt. All right, let's just crack on with the episode.

No, I like that. It's a good song. It's a good song. You, you... Mate. It's a good song. It's a good song. You, you... Mate. Mate, you've set me off. Just, just... You've set me off now.

Fat mouth cunt. Mate. Fat mouth cunt. He's got such a cunt mouth with his fat, sloppy mouth. No one's ever going to rate this podcast highly in the mainstream media. What did you want me to do? Just for a moment. We are recording two today and then doing Twitch.

So save some of that raw energy. I need to calm down. Let's just take a breath. Stop. You stop taking me on. I'll let you go on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, I do humbly apologise

and I would now like to hand it over to Mr Eli Silverman for the rest of the source report. Thank you very much, Paul. And I hope to see that attitude continue

into the rest of the segment and show and maybe your social life outside of the show as well. First source we got was sent to us, Paul, on the source report and this is one I have to say that has caught my eye. Okay, have a moment.

Sorry, I think the skid state in the picture still made me giggle. Because it says so much. I think there was the skid stay in the picture still made me giggle. Yeah, that's good. Because it says so much. I didn't mean to fart. I know. I know. I didn't mean to.

You never do. No, I didn't mean to. I know. And it's so cruel of you to put it in the podcast. I know. But now I need to leave it in for context. What if I start internet dating? And they go, oh, he's interesting.

I'll listen to... Oh, he farted. Oh, he shaved his pants. I did not! This was sent to us. So whoever sent us, Paul... You're so broken. Go on.

Whoever sent us this, thank you very much. And this is something that's been catching my eye in supermarkets when I was in the States a lot. Was this sent to in a po box it was yeah it was sent to the po box and it's terry ho's yum yum sauce oh this is from allison the original yeah it's an american thing because i remember seeing it in the supermarkets in florida oh so yum yum sauce is that a brand or is that a type of sauce it's a brand and a type of sauce, I believe. In the same way what Sriracha is a brand. It's really full of itself. Well, otherwise it'd be an empty bottle.

It's the best sauce ever. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Up here. He said it's really full of itself. And I said, well, yeah, otherwise it'd be an empty bottle. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh. Don't look at me like that.

No, that's fine. Now, in terms of the type of sauce that it is, Paul. Yeah. It is Japanese steak, stroke chicken, stroke shrimp sauce. Ooh. Shrimp is what we call prawns here, I guess.

Yeah. That doesn't mean it's got shrimp in. It's for steak. Doesn't mean it's got any of that in. It's for steak, chicken, or prawns. Seafood, it'll work on any meats. Oh, it doesn't have those elements in it. It's just for those types of meals. And it's spicy.

And I think this is something that people like. It's been around for a long time, I believe. What colour is it? Because I can't quite make it out in the kind of weird red porno like you have in your bedroom, which turns us into like, I don't know, sex den. Let's get it. It's like a kind of slightly redder mayonnaise. It's orange. It looks like, yeah,

it's the same colour as a peri-peri mayonnaise. Okay, alright. You know, or a slightly redder mayonnaise. It's orange. It looks like, yeah, it's the same colour as a Peri Peri mayonnaise. Okay, all right. Or a Sriracha mayonnaise. And you can't get this in this country? Or you can, it's just difficult? I don't think it's generally available. I think you can get it in the American part of Selfridges and stuff. Do you know what I mean?

It is imported. It seemed more as an American brand than an Asian. I think it is very much an American brand. American-Asian. Yeah. Because Terry Ho is obviously some kind of... He's probably some kind of... TV chef.

I imagine he's an Asian American. Yeah. I remember when I lived in America, I used to be obsessed with watching The Iron Chef. Did you watch that? I love that show. Remember, it was just like... It didn't have to just be a cooking show

about top-shelf chefs. Yeah. It had to be like, no! Add in! Dead dog! And they bring out some weird... There's always tentacle goo. It was really awful. It was an extreme cooking show for the top echelon.

The proper pros. That's what I liked about it. Now a bucket of broken glass! Add in to your flam! Fit the glass in or something. So it does say shake well, Paul. That's Eli just getting his belly out. We need a spoon, don't we? I'm not tasting it.

I don't want to. Paul. And you can't make me? You must taste the sauce. No, really. This is not... It's just a sauce. There's nothing wrong with this.

I know. Taste it. You've got to taste the sauce, man. I'll taste it. All right, I'm just going to grab a spoon. All right, he's off to grab a spoon. That means it's time for me to croon. Here we go.

Oh, no. Oh, that'd be quick. I want to make love to your girl all night long. All until my bus comes. I want to make sweet love to you all night long. I've got milky cheese lumps and I push them on the wall. Rub the cheese off. You got a spoon then?

Yeah. And then you ruined my song. Well, not much to ruin. Couldn't get much worse than that. It was doing pretty good, actually. I didn't think so. Well, I disagree. I was getting a groove on.

Are you ready to try this yum yum sauce? Are you ready to? Yes. Do you want to get some more information about it? I would love some more information about it. This, this is some quite specific information about what kind of sauce this is, Paul. Yeah. This is the light colouredcoloured sauce served at

the Japanese hibachi restaurants. Okay. So it's a sauce specifically for hibachi, which is... I don't know. You do know. No, I don't. That's why I'm looking at you with a blank expression on my face. Do you remember Benihana? Uh, I

know of the name. That's hibachi. Basically, it's a hot, big... Was it like a kind of cantini kind of restaurant place? No, no. Each table has a hot plate in the middle. Yeah. Like when you go to a Vietnamese restaurant, they have that thing. Sometimes they have it and Koreans do it as well.

But I think the Japanese version is hibachi. So it's all just cooked at your table by a chef. Cool. You see what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, and it's fancy. There used to be like a sort of status thing, Benny Harno, you know,

and then I think they went bust. But it's a specific type of sort of sauce. Restaurant. Oh, restaurant. Where they do it on,

there's a, you know, what do you call it? A stovetop. Yeah. Hot plate. Griddle. Is it a griddle?

Hot slab. Yeah, they do the eggs. Yeah. Hot slab. No, griddle has a griddle on it. That's the riddle of a griddle because a griddle needs a riddle and if you don't have the middle then you burn a bent pan. And it's spicy. Is it a griddle? Hot slab. Where they do the eggs? Yeah. Hot slab. No, griddle has a griddle on it. That's the riddle of a griddle, because a griddle needs a riddle. And if you don't have the middle, then you burn a big pan. And it's spicy.

Is it light coloured? Christ, just eat fucking sauce. That's all this section is. Put sauce in mouth, go yum. Put your spoon out. I'll put it somewhere on the spoon for you. What are you doing? I'm going to put some sauce on the spoon for you.

I can hold the spoon. No, but then that's going to make it. Oh, right. That's two. You wanker. You have a bed full of yum yum. It's gone everywhere. I'll taste some then.

That is a whole tablespoon's worth of yum yum. This is why I said I just want to dip my finger in. I'm just going to dip my finger in. Dip it in the spoon. No, dip it in this. No, you'll ruin my yum yum yum. This is why I said I just want to dip my finger in. I'm just going to dip my finger in. Dip it in the spoon. No, dip it in this. No, you'll ruin my yum yum sauce. I don't like it. It's too sweet.

Is it sweet? Yeah, it's very mayo-y. So it's basically a spicy mayo. A spicy sweet mayo. Yeah. It's got a little bit more heat to it. But it's, you know, it's not got much heat to it. But it's, it's, you know, it's,

I like that. It's too sweet for me. I like that. I can imagine it going well with chicken, but in very small amounts, not all over your bed. I'm going to have to clean that up. Internet dating.

And she comes back and you've got a bed full of yum yum sauce. Well, mate, we're going to, what do you want to do? Take a little break while you clean up your sticky mess? No, we better just get the rest of the sauce before we're done. Now there's some tension. And then I'll clear it up.

This segment's going exactly the way I wanted it to. This is great. I want an actual opinion about this sauce. It's not that bad. I've given you one. I think it's nice. It's awful, but it's too sweet for me. Really?

Yeah. It's got some heat to it. It's got a bit of garlic. Yeah, it's the mayo. The garlic comes through. I like it. I like that. All right.

Well, that's great. I might have to eat some of that. What, on its own? Yeah. You can just lick your bed. Oh, God, it's right there. Give me the ashtray. No.

Pass me that ashtray over there. Oh, Christ. Oh, for God's sake, Paul. It's not your bedroom covered in yum-yum fucking sauce, is it? This could go on record as being my favourite episode we've ever done. Right. It's not even that good, ladies and gentlemen, but I'm having such a lovely time.

Next sauce, Paul. Yeah, next sauce. Oh, it's a red bottle. On message for Cheap Show, yeah? I spent over a fiver in a Korean time. Next source, Paul. Yeah, next source. Oh, it's a red bottle. On message for Cheap Show, yeah? I spent over a fiver in a Korean supermarket. Right. And this came absolutely gratis. Free?

Yes. What, spend over five pounds and get sauce? You get the sauce if you spend over five pounds. And it's not an insignificantly sized bottle of sauce, is it? No. It looks, feel that. It's got weight to it. It's got good girth.

And it does have a shape resembling, to be fair, like head and shoulders. It looks like it's in a shampoo bottle. You can see that on a shower shelf. And who knows, maybe you will now. Maybe you'll go later into the shower with this and go. I hadn't noticed. I hadn't noticed what it was that I found slightly unnerving about it. But you've put your finger on it.

It is because it's shaped like what in the West we would definitely make that a shampoo bottle, not a sauce bottle, wouldn't we? All right, you know what this is then? What kind of sauce it is? This is pepper sauce. I believe it's spicy. Sweet peppers. No, it's like, I don't know. Oh, well, there we go.

We're heading into... It's in date. Look, it's in date. No, that's fine. We're just heading into... There's a picture of it there with some crudités on the serving suggestion. Broccoli, carrots, celery.

Maybe it's more of a sort of... A dipping thing. More of a dippy sort of sauce. Well, that's an even more interesting selection for a bottle. I really don't know. I suggest it might be extremely hot. Interesting. I don't think it's going to be.

I think it's going to be even more salsary. It looks like salsa there, doesn't it? Yeah. It looks lumpy, like it's got lumps or something in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I'm skirting over that. I was just agreeing with you yeah i know did i say anything yeah i know all right i've removed the inner packaging it's got a squirty top yeah oh no what's the hoof saying oh it's very rich it's a sweet peppery sort of smell oh definitely smells like it's got some spice, doesn't it? Ooh, I don't know. I'm going to try a bit.

No, don't! I'm putting my finger in. No, you're fucking giving me your sauce back. I'm putting it on a spoon for you, you cunt. Yeah, because you did so well last time putting it on a spoon. I don't care! At least my fucking sauce isn't besmirched with your fucking bum-bum fingers. My fingers are very clean.

They go near all your arse. And I also wash them afterwards considerably well. Right, just a little bit. You don't need to put too...

That's enough. How much is that? That's enough. Taste it. It's really thick. It's like a... It's a pure race. It looks like a very

dark ketchup in appearance, doesn't it? It's about the consistency of ketchup. What do you think of that? Oh. Is it spicy? Oh. Oh, it's about the consistency of ketchup what do you think of that oh is it spicy oh oh it's a bit of heat to it it's like it's both chili and then tomato then chili then

tomato it bounces back and forth and it's very sweet there's definitely chili there's a you can see why though chili it's a yeah yeah yeah deep burny chili smoky kind of chili almost yeah oh it's it's You know what? I'm on the fence about this one, because maybe if you had a carrot, you'd dip it in. And ooh, refreshing light carrot. Well, that's what you've got to think about with a yum-yum. No, but on yu-nyu, I'm thinking meat. You slather it on meat, don't you?

A braised steak, some chicken, a nice hot sausage. You want to splash a yum-yum all over a nice, hot, big sausage. Ooh, that's kind of nice. It's got, it's like a soy flavour almost. Do you know what I mean? Almost, yeah. Like a soy sauce sort of flavour in there as well.

It's got that kind of, it's a dark flavouring to it. It's hard to describe. Do you know what I mean? It's not something else apart from tomato. But it's also got a lot of ketchup flavour to it.

It's got that sweet ketchup. That's good. Do you prefer that than the yum yum? Yeah, probably. It's a more interesting flavour. We should find out what the fucking name of this stuff is. Korean.

Oh, hang on. It says at the back, but you've got good eyesight. Does it say at the back? Vinegared red pepper sauce. There you go. I guess that makes sense. Yeah, vinegary. Yeah, it's vinegary, but it's also very sweet.

So that sort of masks to the... What an interesting sauce. It's a good sauce, that, isn't it? Yeah. I don't know. I mean, yeah, it might be you put it in a little bowl. You dip it. You do some carrots that sort of masks to the what an interesting sauce it's a good sauce that isn't it yeah I don't know I mean yeah it might be you put it in a little bowl

you dip it you do some carrots you're meant to do that we're moving on to the final item in today's source report segment yes

now anything to say about what the sauce is we've had so far we've had yum yum one's on your bed and the other one's alright but it looks like

you've been sick in your bed I can't even do a spoff gag because it generally looks like belly rainbow. I'm going to hand you. Talk about belly rainbow, Paul. We've gone to our third source, which is easily the closest physical analogue to spunk we've had on the show. I can definitely concur with that statement. I just need to get another spoon.

This looks like a jar of spaff. And I already know I'm going to get and have a spoon. This looks like a jar of spaff and I already know I'm going to absolutely hate it. Why? Because I know, because I've read the front. It is a garlic sauce.

What's wrong with a garlic sauce? It's, it may, I don't know. Don't you like garlic? Don't you like garlic? I do.

You fucking, you try that shit round here not liking garlic. No, I like garlic. I just don't like the idea of it being in a sauce. I'm already fucking, I'm on the fence with you about

fucking what your attitude is towards celery yeah I like celery you don't support celery I'm fine with celery you don't really

support it you wouldn't have celery's back I'm a celery ally I support I don't give a fuck about celery

it is the most pointless of fucking veg so don't attack garlic now alright give it to me no I'm opening it.

Don't put your finger in it. I promise I won't put my finger in it. Put it in the top, in the lid. Put a little bit into the lid. Yeah, all right, I'll do it that way. Describe to the Sauce Report listeners what the fuck that is. It's a bottle in my hand, and it's a square-shaped bottle, and it looks like it's full of man cum.

I mean, I don't know what you're saying. It's got a sticker on the front that says Sarum Saksosu Garlic Sauce but spelled S-O-U-C-E. And it's 260 grams. What else do you fucking want? It's got a green lid.

You spend £2.19 at TFM. So not the cheapest of sauces. It's called Dora Life. It's probably a good quality sauce, that. And its ingredients are garlic puree, water, salt, thickener,

spoff, antidepressants and codeine. I think that's what it says. It's very small writing. Let me see. Oh. What's wrong?

What's wrong? Oh. What's wrong with that? First of all, I think you need to give it a shake because it's very watery on the top. It's watery on the top.

That smells like pains. Does it really? It's weird. I don't like it. I'm giving it a shake now. I want to prepare the sauce to be in its best aspect. Yeah. When we pour a little bit out.

He's giving it a very vigorous shaking. Now, I love garlic. It is quite a wet sauce, this. It's a very wet sauce. What would you have that with, though? Ooh. Ooh. No, don't ooh like you're watching someone score a very good goal.

Would you have some yoghurt or something? Make another sauce with it. What's he got on the cover? Just garlic. Doesn't have a serving suggestion. Oh, I don't know. It's horrible. Oh, dear.

I'm giving you a little bit in the lid. It's quite viscous but watery at the same time. I mean, ladies and gentlemen, it has been said in jest, but it does look like a little cap of spunk. Oh, it's very garlicky. Oh, mate. very garlicky. Oh, mate. Come on.

You need to get the little finger out and dippy dippy. Dippy dippy. What's that like? Do you know what it tastes like? Do you know when you get garlic butter and then it melts? Yeah. It tastes like melted garlic butter. That's good.

You can put it on toast or something, this. Put it on toast with some tomatoes on. Anything where you can add garlic. It's a very umami flavour, garlic, don't you think? Yeah. No, no, no, no, toast or something, this. Put it on toast with some tomatoes on. Anything where you can add garlic. It's a very umami flavour, garlic, don't you think? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't like it. I don't like this segment, actually. And you're looking at me with that face,

and that face says, I'm disagreeing with you outwardly, but inwardly I know exactly what you're getting at. No, what do you mean? I just think you know this is a dying segment. It's not a dying segment. You can't even convince yourself, really, that it's a good... So I'm just going to say right now, I think you should admit right now to everyone listening,

that the source report is and has always been a failure. No, it has not and always will not be. No, it is. So I disagree with every single facet of what you just said. I gave it its big shot, its big moment in the sunlight. And you ruined it. No. You told me at the fucking top of the segment,

you said, I'm going to ruin it. I'm a cunt. But did I? I've got no emotions. But did I? I've got no feelings for anything. And I disregard sauce. I'm woefully, I'm just woefully stupid

about the whole world of flavours. You're flavour blind. I woefully stupid about the whole world of flavours. You're flavour blind. I am willfully stupid about the world of flavours. Yes, that's what I just said. What, am I going to repeat everything I fucking say, Paul? Because that's a good joke. That's a good game, isn't it? Yeah.

Cunt. Source report stays. Forever. Yes. I'm just letting you talk. Just let yourself talk yourself out. I'm going to sum up the source report this segment's never

coming back I want you to say goodbye to it well it's going to just go back to its spiritual home then won't it in the intro

it'll go back to its spiritual home in the intro you can't stamp it out you can ban it but it will live forever in the intro and in my heart

and in the heart of everyone I'm going to take a podcast gun out and shoot this segment in the air you've heard it that was a threat

towards the actual safety of the source report all I'm saying is this segment is better watch its back alright

listen I'm waiting in the darkness do you want me to fucking wrap the source report up or not please ladies and gentlemen

for the very last time please say goodbye it's not for the very last time no it's not going It's not for the very last time. No, it's not going to be the last time. The source report will never die. They're going to be the last time. So say goodbye

for the last time. I'm not saying goodbye. It's not the last time. Say goodbye to it. Wrap this segment up and say goodbye to it. You need to be participating. It's not coming back, so make it work. I don't care what you think about whether it's coming back or not, but your participation is needed in the end of this fucking report, okay? So just pull your weight, yeah?

Go on. Try and show a little, just a tiny little bit of professional courtesy and, you know, respect for your friend. Well, since this is the last time we're doing it, I'll be respectful and help you out. Go on, wrap it up. So, first today on the Source Report. It's the last time.

We had... Yum-yum sauce. So, first today on the Sauce Report. It's the last time. We had Terry Ho's Yum Yum. Shut up. No, just shut up. I'm going to do it. Yum Yum. Terry Ho's Yum Yum Sauce, the original. And that was a steak sauce, a hibachi-specific sauce that I've wanted to taste for years. I liked it a lot. It was very sweet,

which is, I agree with you, that on Paul. That Paul on that with you on that paul what would you want to just have a very short little bit i would give it two out of five you didn't like it too sweet yeah yeah the red pepper sauce from korea that i got free by spending over five pounds in a korean supermarket and it's in a sort of shampoo bottle sort of shape and still not my thing but still more interesting three out of five i'd go for sort of 3. Still not my thing, but still more interesting. Three out of five. I'd go for sort of 3.5 out of five. Excellent. I could eat that with some veg.

And then lastly, we had onion sauce. Dora Life. Garlic sauce. You see? You're just like, that thing. You categorise vaguely. Everything's in a vague category. It's either Ghostbusters

or basically everything else in the universe. Chisholm jar. Cheers. It was Dora Life. You just said cheers for no reason. You just realised that, right? Dora Life, Hayatin Tatlan, Seuss, Garlic Seuss.

Yeah. Garlic Seuss. One out of five. Did not like. Just don't like it. Thank you very much for listening to the Sauce Report today. My favourite would be the Yum Yum. I would definitely have that with them.

My favourite would be the one I ranked highest, which is the red pepper vinaigrette sauce thing. Okay, very good. That segment was over. Oh, yes, it's over. Before Paul said... Yeah? What I forgot to say.

Yeah? There was spillage. Yeah. Paul didn't help me I couldn't to clean up he laughed at me and it's on record you laughing at

the source report trying to ban the source report tormenting the source report the source report gets stronger Paul the source report moves on

the source report lives in my heart and it will it will jump up and speak it will jump out and it will have an opinion on sources

and it will be interested in sources. It will jump out and it will have an opinion on sauces and it will be interested in sauces and people will send it sauces and it will be sustained with a flow of sauce forever and ever. Amen. Amen. Tell you what, Paul. Could you pass me the Gusto cherry flavoured cola, please? No, it's the one that me the gusto cherry flavoured cola, please?

No, it's the one that says gusto cherry flavoured cola on it. You're such a petulant prick. Don't! Paul! You can't. Just because I spilt yum yum sauce... Oh, I keep dropping everything. I'm sorry. Listen, you're going to disturb the scribbles, man.

They're all going to start running out. Is it this? Especially because you've got dirty underwear. I'm sorry. Listen, you're going to disturb the scribbles, man. They're all going to start running out. Is it this? Especially because you've got dirty underwear. I don't. Yes, you do. I don't mind. I'll show you. Do you want me to show you my pants?

No, I do not. To prove it. Because I'll give you that view that you can only dream of in the polter's cam. I've seen the dark side of the moon. You haven't. You haven't seen deep into the dark side of the moon. You haven't seen. You haven't looked at eye to eye, mate. I've looked at eye to eye. You haven't. You haven't seen deep into the dark side of the moon. You haven't seen. You haven't looked at eye to eye, mate.

I've looked at eye to eye. You haven't stared into the abyss. Have you? Have you passed me the fucking cola? Admit you've not looked at my arsehole. No. Well, there we go. That's all I wanted you to say.

I will do, though. Yeah. If you set up that, if you insist on saying you've never shat yourself. Ask Cam. Right. You've got nothing.

No. Right, okay've got nothing. No. Right, okay. I'm going to just use this for the sake of it being a drink. Great. All right. Why don't you say pass me the drink?

Oh, you did, I guess, and I just made a meal of it. You made a cunt of yourself. Again. I didn't. Here comes Paul. Is he going to play the dick? Yes.

Yeah, I am. Is he going to fess up the dick nose? Oh, come on. That was barely a sentence. Fess up the the dick? Yes. Yeah, I am. Is he going to fess up the dick nose? Oh, come on. That was barely a sentence. Fess up the dick nose? Yes. How is that a sentence? Is he going to slather the...

There we go. Stop interrupting me. Just drink your lovely drink, and then can I have a little taste? Is he going to slather the hippo farm, is what I was going to say. Slather the hippo farm? Yeah. No. Oh, he likes it.

It's like a Purdy's. It's got that kind of Gusto organic real cherry cola. Blend of organic cherries, blue algae. It's got an apple juicy taste. Is it too wholesome for you? Because it's got that kind of

Oh, no, that's nice. You like it? Yeah. It's Gusto's are good. Yeah. Imagine that was cold. That was good. Oh, on a nice cold day.

No, nice hot day with a nice cold glass of that with some ice cubes in. Yeah. Maybe we'll cover Gusto Original on an upcoming soda stream

maybe what are they called Soda Jerk yeah Soda Jerk it's my segment what are you going to say it is your segment the Soda Jerk

it's been licensed out you're franchising segments it's a few segments down though it's not in the central part of the podcast is it no but you know it's a backup segment

you have to go on the outside holding on all those ropes and the ladder it's because backup segment. You have to go on the outside holding on all those ropes and the laddering. Well, it's because we don't use it that often. Get the hook in, the hook,

squeaky, squeaky. Okay. Get me out of this podcast. No, you can't come out. You can never come out. This podcast is hurtling through space. It's like an episode

of fucking the Crystal Maze, but there's no Crystal Master. No, it's more like the adventure game. Remember that? Yeah. With the part that went...

And there was the floor that all disappeared, didn't it? Yeah, it was like a grid, and there was a laser monster on the grid. That was cool. Yeah. Did it have Keith Chagwin in it? In one episode, yeah. Were there teams, though?

It was like a group, and they had to work together to get through each of the rooms. It's a bit like Nightmare, a bit like the Crystal Maze. Yeah, basically a mash of the two if you banged them together. Paul, is it considered, what's it called, the adventure game? The adventure game, I believe so. Is it considered to be innovative before its time, very influential? Don't know.

Or care. Yeah, but Paul, you don't care about anything. I care about lots of things. What, but Paul, you don't care about anything. I care about lots of things. What, like what? I care about you. Oh. I do take, you know,

interest in your activities. Didn't seem that way when I poured goop on my bed and you laughed at me openly. And about my prospects of getting a girlfriend, specifically. I didn't say anything about that.

Yes, you did. Internet dating, you said. You said that. Right. Ladies and gentlemen say anything about that. Yes, you did. Internet dating, you said. You said that. Right. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the next segment of the show. It is The Price of Shite.

Oh, yes. Oh, it's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. It's the fucking price of shite. And that's right. I like that. I did, I like that. It's right. That's right.

It's the price of shite. And it's always nice, Paul, when we have a totally contained price of shite. And this is, and there can be no less sort of shilly shallying. Shilly shallying is out. And cheating between us or sort of format changes, because this has been done before us, hasn't it? This has been sourced.

And this is the second bespoke Price of Shite we've ever done. And it's a... Yeah. It's a nice change. It's another little ripple in the myriad of formats for what is at heart a stolen format and basic and very simple. Yes.

Now, this is from Alex. I believe it's Alex. It looks like it's on similar paper. What are you doing? Do you know what the problem is, Paul? What did you just do then? What did you just do, though, Dan? I coughed into the pillow.

I thought you were going to throw yourself off your bed. It wouldn't be... You just took a dive right away from the mic onto the end of the bed. Do you know what my problem is, Paul? I mean, yeah.

I mean, yeah, I do. One of my problems. Do you want to do that now? We can go outside the podcast. No. Ladder's down. All right, let's go for a minute. All right, okay.

What's going on? I think it's when I do the recording on my bed. Yeah. I feel like I'm in bed. Do you know what I mean? I mean, you are in bed. I am in my bed. But I think you've become too... You act like a cat.

Huh? You act like a little cat. Paul, that's not... I really like the pussycat no this is not Paul you seem to have forgotten we've stepped outside

oh yeah sorry none of that look down there that's the new segment why is it all the way far back there I'm not going to be able to get to that

because it's outside the central zone isn't it so you have to go on the outside of the podcast to get there down to the source report yeah it's a new segment

it's just getting built look you can still see I can see it yeah they put it to the end on the back to the source report, yeah. It's a new segment. It's just getting built. Look, you can still see. I can see it, yeah. They put it to the end on the back of the Air Froth Shop. Yeah. Stuck on the back

of the Froth Shop. Right, Paul, I just wanted to say, yeah, just don't, if I do all sort of rolling around and stuff, just leave it out. Yeah.

Just don't mention any of that, okay? Okay. I'm just going to try and keep it together. Can I just say that maybe remember you're doing a podcast then? It's hard when I'm just going to try and keep it together. Can I just say that maybe remember you're doing a podcast then?

It's hard when I'm in bed. It's like being asleep. It's a bit and it's this red light as well. I feel like I'm asleep. Anyway, can we let's just go back down. This is very strange.

You are very strange. I'm just going to have a moment of contemplation. Go back down, yeah? Listen, I'm just going to go down and open up this thing for Alex. Yeah, I'll be there in literally 30 seconds.

Right, see you in a minute. See you in a minute. Alright, I'm off. The fat cunt really fucking gets on my nerves. I'm going to cook some curry and then I'm going to put it in a pan and get it all simmery, simmery and then say,

hello! Hello! The sound you heard there, ladies and gentlemen, was the sound of Eli Silverman breaking. No! Are we bashing the podcast? Yes, we are. So this is from Alex. He sent a load of stuff.

Some of the records that we're going to be doing in a future episode came from the chap. He said he got into us from Barshans and he's been getting into noodles as well. So it's all very good. He does want to point out that he's not a child and he is 20 with bad handwriting. And that's fine. Let's see the handwriting.

Don't judge a man's handwriting. What do you mean don't judge a man's handwriting? My handwriting's awful. Excuse me. I'll have a look at this. Yeah. Right now. I've got a look at this. Yeah. Right now. I've got another episode to record after this.

I don't know if I can take it. That's all right, that handwriting. Good. It's very childish. It's not. It's just, you know, cursive. He's written a whole letter here. Right.

Anyway, he sent some stuff. Now, I know the prices now unfortunately because I opened it. So it's up to you to guess, Eli, alright? Alright, what? Just repeat that. You twat. What? I've seen the answers. Ah. Really? It was not on purpose. It was just because when I read it, it was just the

next page. Oh, you fucking... You fuck everything up. However, you don't know them. So the game's on you. That's... That's ruined it. You've ruined half of it. No. It's not how this was meant to work, Paul. You know that. I know you don't know him. So the game's on you. That's ruined it. You've ruined half of it. No. It's not how this was meant to work, Paul. You know that. I know that.

I know that. You've ruined it. You don't like the podcast in general. You've ruined it a bit. No, I haven't. Oh, to be fair, I don't know,

I can't remember off the top of my head. I've got to remember half of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How about I show you the answers and we just stop

doing this segment? No. All right, well then let's play the game. No, we can still play it. I just want you to admit you fucked up by looking at the prices. All right, okay. Did you?

Did you? Did you? Yes. Thank you. I'm ready to play. I know the overall prices. If you're within 50p. How many items?

If you're within 50p of the final price, I'll give you a pound. Real money. Real money. You're introducing me to of the final price, I'll give you a pound. Real money? Real money. You're introducing me to real money. Oh, you've ruined it. How about I add stakes, motherfucker? All right, well, you're making up for ruining it half a bit. How about that?

Adding some stakes. I've got the overall price here, right? You've got the total? Yeah. Yeah? Right. The total price of all the items added together. If you're spot on or you're 50p either way at the final price, I'll give you a quid.

Are there other ways for me to score points? What do you want to per-twing? I want as many per-twing possibilities as possible. Well, let's just say you can still, you know, you could get a clean sweep, couldn't you? Per-twing, per-twing, per-twing, per-twing on everything getting it all right. No, that's you just did four per-twings, which is not getting two in a row. Can we not get

wrapped up in the per-twings? It's the least important part. You're the one who's making it difficult. Now, if I guess one item exactly on, between, between. Between, between. If you're within 25p either way, between, right? Okay, that's it.

And how many items are there? There are one, two, three, four items. So, that's a possible between, between, between, between, between, between, between, between, between, between, between, between, and a quid. So, between, between, between, between, between, between, between, between,

that is eight betwings possible. Eight betwings, and plus the extra big boy betwing at the end, which is what? You give me a quid. That's an extra betwing for winning the overall competition. So, can I add that to my normal betwings, even though the quid is a quid? Yeah. That's an extra betwing for winning the overall competition. So can I add that to my normal betwings even though the quid is a separate price?

On this occasion, you can add it as an extra betwing. But it's a betwing that you get if I'm on the nose all 50p either side. I'm so bored of this gag. Can we just stop saying betwing? It's not a gag. This is real business for me. Then I don't want to say betwing anymore. I do.

All right. I know you do. And you're going to have plenty more opportunities before the segment's over. Paul, I've got one last question. One last question. How come the big boy between at the end, if it's on the nose, shouldn't I get

two betwings for that? No, you get one long betwing. Or if it's 50p either side, it just seems a bit arbitrary. No, it's more of a kind of betwing. That's a good betwing, mate. That's what you get. It's a special bit arbitrary. No, it's more of a kind of... That's a good per-twing, mate. That's what you get. It's a special per-twing. Okay, I'm ready to play.

Right. What's the first item here, Paul? The first item is here. It's a little bit broken. It came broken in the packaging, unfortunately. But it's... We'll tell you what you see. It's a puzzle.

It's a cube puzzle. And it's a nice looking one in plastic. But it is broken, is it? So what you're meant to do is... It's a cube and on every plastic but it is broken is it? So what you're meant to do is there are mazes on it. It's a cube and on every side is a maze. Yeah. With the...

What's those bits in the maze that are the wall? Just the grooves I guess you want to call it. No, what would you call it in a maze? The path? The bit that isn't the wall. The paths. Yeah. So the paths are carved out.

Yeah. And there's these sticks like a cross in the middle with each end of the cross poking out one of four sides. On the inside of the cube. Yes. But there are two sides. Well, there's only one side that doesn't have a...

A pokey-out bit. No, that's the broken bit. Yeah. There should be. There should be. Yeah. Yeah. So it's a multicoloured puzzle cube.

I like it. It's a pity it's broken. Do you have to free the twig from the inside to get it out? You have to solve the maze by pulling the stick around the path, but do it in conjunction with the other sides. Do you see what I mean? Yeah, yeah, but what's the end goal? Do you reveal, do you pull the twig out, or does it...

I think so, yeah. I don't know, it's a fascinating, weird little thing. It's good, I like that. It's colourful. It's a shame it's broken. It is a shame it's broken, unfortunately. But it will look lovely on the shelf next to all my other crap. The shelf of uninteresting items.

Thanks, Paul. What was that Ashen's thing? March. Right. Paul, bankrupt creatively. March. Next. Are you ready for the next thing?

Where was this bought? Are there any clues like that? He doesn't say. I will say this to help you. Okay. Two items he haggled for and got two of these items for one price. So let's just say, for example, one was £10 and one was £9. He haggled it and got £15 or £10.

For both? Yeah. So two items are together under one price. I'm going to give you that one because I think that's fair to praise you. Well, that was quite important. Yeah. So just so you know, I'm playing the game. All right.

You know, I want you to have all the information available. Okay. Right. Next. You ready? Yes. The next item. I like this.

Here we go. Hand it over. Haven't we had one of these on before? No, but I've talked about mine before. Oh, can I have this one then? Yeah. Thanks. That's totally fine. Mine's in storage right now. Really? Yeah, but I've talked about mine before. Oh, can I have this one then? Yeah, that's totally fine. Mine's in storage right now. Really? Yeah.

Which is fine. Why don't you want to have it out? It's because it's in storage. When I moved back from Cambridge, I put everything in storage. So I've got storage. Should we just tell them what it is? I want them to talk about my storage. You said storage about eight times just now.

It's like betwing. It's nothing like bet No, it's not. It's nothing like between. Storage between. Like. No, that's a character. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm storage between.

Hello. No, you're not storage between. I never said I am. I'm just saying hello to you. Well, here I am in the factory. Oh, hello. Oh, I'm working on something here. Oh, what are you working on?

Storage. Storage. Some drawers. Can Mr. Between come to the manager's office? Oh, no. Can Mr. Between come to the manager's office? It's Mr. Hargrave, the manager. He wants to see me again.

Now, sit down. Oh, I'm here already? That was quick. Now, sit down, Mr. Between. I'm Storage Between. I know, sit down. No, I just like to say That was quick. Now, sit down, Mr. Between. I'm storage between. I know, sit down. No, I just like to say that.

I know, that's the problem. We want to fire you because you keep on saying your name over and over. Oh, and that dog you fucked on factory floor for a tenner. Oh, I love to fuck dogs. Oh, there we go. That's how you ruin a new character. Strangler birth. Right, next.

What is it? It's a Cadbury's mug. It is. It's a mug. Shaped like a lump of Cadbury's dairy milk. A block of Cadbury's dairy milk. Could be dairy milk. You know what? It could be Bourneville.

It could be anything. Back in the day, they used to have the adverts for Cadbury's hot chocolate. You know, the powder you put in with milk. Do you think this works as a mug? Sorry to interrupt you. I'm getting to that.

Okay. So, on the TV, you'd see the advert of the Cadbury's hot chocolate. You'd go, mmm, delicious. And they'd pour it into one of those mugs on the advert. Oh, was the TV, you'd see the advert of the Cadbury's hot chocolate. You'd go, mmm, delicious. And they'd pour it into one of those mugs on the advert. Oh, was this in the ad?

Yeah. And I thought, oh, I want it. Because the idea was in the advert as well for the dairy milk. It's got a square base and a round opening. Well, they also do that advert, don't they, where they pour the milk and the chocolate into a thing and then it transforms into a block. Oh, I remember that.

That's iconic. Yeah. That's the block on that as well, isn't it? That's the block on that. And it's got the Cadbury written in raised pottery on the side. So my nan. The classic Curly C cursive design, isn't it, basically? I'm going to tell you an interesting thing as well in a second.

So my mum worked at the Cadbury's factory near where we grew up. And my nan, for some reason, had one of those mugs. So she had it since the 70s or 80s maybe the 80s and I wanted it and I got it but you pour the drink in

the way the cup's formed because it's a block well it's it's a block at the bottom but it's got a circular opening so it's sort of squared off so it means that when you tip it

far back drink builds at the sides it catches it catches in these square off corners and it can overflow and pour down the side of your face. So it's not the best. You can't get a proper swig out of it as well.

It's more of a gimmick. But I would go out of my way to just drink out of it, just to prove a point. Drink some choccy out of it. I'm going to reveal something I don't think I've ever said ever, and it's boring. All right. But it is boring.

This is working for me then. All right. So my signature, how I sign for stuff, is I ripped off the Cadbury's boring. All right. Well, good. It is boring. This is working for me then. All right. So my signature, how I sign for stuff, is I ripped off the Cadbury's logo. Oh. So, you know, like that big C, the swirl. Swirly C. That's how I do my G in Gannon. And then a squiggle.

So my signature comes from the fact that I was eating Cadbury's when I went into the Barclays Bank for the first time and started up an account. And they said, you've got to have a signature. And I came up with that because I was eating a whisper. So Cadbury's really is sort of entrenched in your memories. Yeah, it really is. And the factory was near where you grew up.

It wasn't like the major Cadbury's factory, because obviously I think that was in Birmingham. But the factory that they had in the Wirral made things like the biscuits and the cream eggs. Is it still operational? Well, no. The building's still there. I don't know what it makes now and it used to be a company

called Premier Brands that bought Cadbury's and took over the biscuit side of things. And then, blah, blah, blah, Kraft and I don't know what happened. Kraft took it over, didn't they? But walking to school some mornings, smelling chocolate in the air.

Yeah, that must be amazing. Always like a Roald Dahl kind of childhood. Amazing. And they had the Smash Monsters in the foyer. Smash Monsters? You remember the Smash Monsters? The robots. So they had Smash as well.

Cadbury's did Smash, didn't they? Yeah. Isn't that bizarre? Yeah, that's what kind of that factory made, that stuff. Why did Cadbury's make dehydrated mashed potato? I don't know. It's so bizarre. But anyway, I couldn't work...

Because they're so associated with chocolate and sweets for me. Do you know what I mean still so there you go do you know what my favourite yeah nice nice item that yeah

go on what are you going to say my favourite of recent Cadbury products since the craft takeover is that one that's the irregular bar with like bits of

other sweets in it so it's got Smarties in like the marvellous candy pop and nugget stuff or the jelly bean little bits of jellies they're nice, though.

That's really good. But I can only have them every once in a while. I like that. That kind of all different sweets in there. It's pure evil, but it's nice. There you go. Right, next item. Okay, there's the mug.

Next item, please. Now, I'm going to give you this one, because this is, again, one item. This is one item. Obviously, when they got this haul, they thought of me. They got the haul. So it makes sense that this is what. It all came together.

It's handed me some Lego. It looks like Lego knockoffs. Or is it real Lego? No, it's real Lego. At least I think it is. But it's Lego. What's it called? That fucking game that you get for the Nintendo or the PS4 and stuff.

Where it's like dimensions. Is that it? Lego dimensions where you had a little thing. You could scan your actor into the game your little minifig into the game and you could get

the Goonies add-ons and the Sonic ones and the Doctor Who and Star Wars and it all lived in this multiverse. This is Ghostbusters Lego. Yeah.

It's a little Peter Venkman. How do you know it's Venkman? Because they always stick Venkman in. You know that's Venkman it's the hair

the mould on the hair. Yeah it's the hair also that gives it away. And I think it has a little bag that says PV. Yes, it does. Very hard to see in the light. The reason why I know it's a Lego Dimensions or whatever it's called game

is because a little blue disc it's on is an NPC reader or whatever it is that's got a little chip in or it's got a little bit of information. You see the circuitry because it's transparent back to it. And you add it to the dock that's plugged

into your console. And then it reads the information off that chip and forms the game of the code it needs to add that character in to the world you're playing

in. I see. Meaning you can put a Ghostbuster in Wizard of Oz or take Dorothy and put her in Back to the Future or put Doc Brown with Doctor

Who. What's the game? What's the gameplay like? It's just like a Lego game. You've played Lego games before. Smash,'s the game? What's the gameplay like? It's just like a Lego game. You've played Lego games before. Smash, destroy, explore, fight.

It's like that but it's set in all these universes. Doctor Who, Star Wars, Sonic the Hedgehog. It's crazy how many brands they got. I never played it

because I didn't fancy sinking 400 fucking pounds into a game. Is that really how much you'd end up sinking into? If you wanted to buy everything it'd probably be a lot more than that.

And what's this thing here? Is that the containment unit? No, that's a little trap they made specially for these Lego sets for this game. So you can rebuild it into different forms, but that's like a kind of souped-up trap. We've got a souped-up trap and a Venkman and also just a more standard trap. Yeah. The classic trap here. Yeah.

So that's that item, right? Last item. Here you go, love. Okay. This is a Godzilla toy. I like this. I like this. Are you honest?

I thought that's why I said it for last. Are you having it? No, you can have that if you want. I go out with my other creatures. You can have it if there's no more source report ever. Oh, shut up. Take it back. You can't bribe me to finish the Source Report.

Just saying, the options are there. You can have that wonderful, real, physical, lovely thing, a Godzilla action figure, or you can have a stupid segment no one likes but you. Oh, shut up. Just don't, yeah? It's just mean, yeah? No one likes it when you're mean.

Don't make boo-boo eyes at me. I'm not the one who puts Source in his bed. That's a good mould. I don't. It's just mean. No one likes it when you're mean. Don't make boo-boo eyes at me. I'm not the one who puts all this in his bag. It's alright, isn't it? It's a good Godzilla. It doesn't look overly fancy or anything. It's definitely a kid's toy. I don't know enough about Godzilla.

It's not like a collector's model, is it? It's a toy. But it's got a tail that shrivels round, fully opposable hindquarters and arms see I don't know the head is fixed I don't know too much

about Godzilla so I couldn't tell you if that was a you know a Toho design or later it does look like an early one it does look like the early ones yeah

but again I don't I couldn't that's what I like about it it's got a real original sort of I like the spines on Godzilla the best the star shaped

sort of spines yeah there's something really cool about that. Mecha Godzilla he was cool. Do you remember him? Just like that but a robot.

Yeah. Yeah. Looked like a giant. My friend had loads of their toys like the ones you had wicked toys with that.

Yeah. Mecha Godzilla is so cool. They had a Mecha fucking King Kong as well didn't they in one of those movies. Wicked.

And they also had a giant robot clown one called Macca. That was awful. That was awful. That was awful. Macca as in what? As in McDonald's.

It's just awful. Oh, wow. You could have done it better. No. You could have said. I don't think I could have. I honestly think that one was dead on the vine. You could have.

Yeah. You could have said. And they also had one that looked like Ronald McDonald called. Macca McDonald. Yeah. It's awful. Have you seen that clip of that really silly thing where he sort of drop kicks his enemy and he's going along like that?

On his tail. Yeah. You can do that with this. Look. Yeah, you could. Poing. Yeah, no, it's good. So that's yours.

I tell you what, if you get it spot on, you can have it. How about that? If I get the price spot on for that? Right, so are you ready to guess? Are these charity shop items? Yes, I believe they all are. They are all secondhand then? I don't see why he...

Well, there's no packaging, is there? There's no mint on carding. So all you need from you is the prices, Mr. Silverman. So do we have any kind of guides limit-wise? No. I will say, overestimating, anything more than a five is out of the question for the whole lot.

So I'll leave it like that. That could mean it's one pound altogether. Just saying. I want to give you some parameters. So, Godzilla then. I don't want to start with him. All right, okay. Start with the puzzle cube.

Have a look at that. What do you think? Was it broken when he bought it? I don't know. It might have been broken in packaging. Can we assume that? I'm going to assume that, to be fair. You have to imagine this is bought in good condition.

It looks like it would be quite a nice puzzle to do. Nice little hand fiddly thing, you know? 50p. 50p, he's going to say for that? I don't think it's a lot. No. Okay, next. Especially without the packaging.

We've got the mug. Mug, mug, mug, mug. Cadbury's mug. Mug, Okay, next. Especially without the packaging. We've got the mug. Mug, mug, mug, mug. Cadbury's mug. Mug, mug, mug. Quid. A quid? No, go quid 20. All right, okay.

Next is the Ghostbusters Lego thing. That must have come. No, but you said two of them are the same price. Well, we can get to that one if we've gone for the prices. I might give you a lifeline. Well, you need to now. Let me know. Not necessarily. I want to see how you... Well, this can get to that once we've gone through the prices. I might give you a lifeline. Well, you need to now. Let me know. Not necessarily.

I want to see how you... Well, this is the thing. You can get them all wrong, but still accumulate it to get them right. No, no, no. You have to tell me which two came as a set. Eli, let me just say you get all the prices wrong, but the overall price is £5 on the nose. But the answer is £5 for all together,

just in a different combination of prices. Then you would still win the main prize of a pound yes i know that you see what i'm getting at but you said to me so you could say that was one then two then two but if it was actually two then one then two i know it would still be five pounds at all so you would still win that thing what you're trying to say is one but two but two is still five and two but one is two is five what you're trying to say is if One but two but two is still five, and two but one is two is five. I understand. What you're trying to say is, if I get the overall total right, no matter what price I get... By hook or by crook. Yeah. Whatever price I do for these, then I get the big boy per twing.

Yeah. The elongated... Per twing! You're playing along now, aren't you? Come on. But you told me two of these items were a combined price yeah i would like to know what that oh i want to hear your judgment before i tell you so you can then make amends that might also help so ghostbusters lego little mini fig i think they're at least sort of £2 for that. £2 for that.

Right, and finally, Godzilla. What do you think the price of that is? 75p is jumping out at me. Right, okay. Are you ready to know which two were at one price? Yes. They were Godzilla and the Puzzle Cube. That was one price.

It was probably broken. That's why they just threw it in. Maybe but again the broken part was in the packaging when I opened it so I'm going to presume it was solid when bought.

How much did I say? 50p for this is what I said. You said for the Puzzle Cube 50p. And for Godzilla what? You said 75p making £1.25.

As a price? Can I change that now? Of course you can. Well, if there's one price for two items, then the betwings count has gone through the roof. I mean, not through the roof. It's gone back into the garden. The ground.

It's come down off the... It's come down off the roof and it's sitting in a chair. Like a menacing grandad. Yeah. He's wanking as well, isn't he? No, he's not wanking. He's just angry. He's crusting.

No, he hasn't had an erection. He's breaking the crust on his corduro No, he hasn't had an erection. He's breaking the crust on his corduroys. He hasn't had an erection since Watergate. He's fraffing. He's giving it a sort of... Stop it. Please stop it, because you're miming it as well.

So I'm not just hearing it. I'm seeing it. Do you know what I mean about being on bed? No, we've done plenty of episodes where you've been on your bed and you've not touched your cock and balls with your eyes closed. So let's just concentrate on the game. As a cumulative price, what do you think the Godzilla cube was? I think more like two.

Okay, two pound. Yeah. For together? Yes. Right. With that in mind, do you want the chocolate mug still to be one pound 20? Yes. And then finally, Lego Ghostbusters, you said £2.

Let's find out how you did, Mr. Silverman, with the final results. Let's see the between score. Here we go. Are you ready? Eli Silverman for the Godzilla Cube combo. You said £2. The answer was £2.

Oh my god! Between, between! That is two Pertwings straight out of the fucking gates, mate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, mate. Pertwing, Pertwing. And I got Godzilla on the nose, which means I get to keep him. And you do. You get Godzilla on the nose.

I'm clutching him to my bosom. That's another little Pertwing. I will never let him go. No. I will never let him go. No, I know. Stop doing that face. Right. Next was the chocolate mug.

You said £1.20 for the chocolate mug. The answer was... What? I'm just thinking that time that you said licorice torpedo. Oh, mate. You said £1.20. The price was 50p. Oh, way outp oh way out

so way out there way out so that's good so these must have been extremely mass produced I don't know they pop up quite a lot in charity shops

but I don't remember seeing them a lot growing up I don't think everyone had one but I don't know I know they've become more prolific now

because sometimes they give them away at Easter and they put an egg in oh you can put an egg in that yeah you know what I mean

it doesn't have to be a big egg like yeah yeah dog, oh, you can put an egg in that. Yeah. You know what I mean? It doesn't have to be a big egg. Like, yeah. Yeah. Dog egg. No, no,

you can shape a dog egg. You can push it in with a spoon. Scrub a dog egg in there. Put it in a spoon. Gun out. And there you go. I've collected a load of dog eggs. I'm rolling the dog eggs out.

Bring him to Uncle Grambly. I've got, no, no, no, no, I've got my own dog egg. Bring him to Uncle Grumbly. No, no, no. I've got my own. It's a dog egg mug.

That's a new interesting development. A dog egg mug. Yeah, listen. You may be a savant at this game. Now, listen, Mr. Grumbly. Yes. I've been working for you for many years. Yes. And I think it's time you gave me a better price for dog shit.

You get what the market says. No, no, no, I am the market. And the market says, I am the market. I'm sick of trudging these streets, picking up the dog shit, rolling it in a little bit of flour, tastefully, tastefully, mind. And... Freddie Goon, take him outside and deal with him Huh? Yeah? What?

This man is taking Who's this? Yeah, I'm Wants a bigger cut I'm doing some freelance Freelancing work So let's That's right

So what if I can deal with situations? So what appears to be the problem, Mr. Grumbly? Sorry, Mr. Uncle, sir This man over here Yeah, what does he want over here wants a bigger cut of dog egg. Oh, he does, does he? He thinks he can muscle in on the dog egg market, can he? I want you to make him disappear. You're just a worker, my friend.

You're just a worker. You work for Mr. Grumbly, you pick up the dog eggs for him, you roll them in a bit of flour, tastefully. And this does one thing to me as a person this game's almost over let's just carry on it makes me nippy snip no hardy downstairs with the hardness yeah good good downstairs with the hardness right so for the pretty cool I'm going over there to walk this

ah finally god my nips finally for the Lego Ghostbusters you said two pound the answer was one pound

wow way out so overall twing per twing again so you got one per twing per twing so that's two per twings that's it your final price was five pound twenty however ultimately it came to three pound fifty yeah it was way out Eli Silverman twing. So that's two per twings. That's it. Your final price was £5.20. However,

ultimately it came to £3.50. Eli Silverman, thanks for playing Cheap Show this week. I know, it's called The Prize of Shite. Thank you for playing The Prize of Shite this week. Thank you. Now let's see what you could have won. A quid. I know what I could have won.

I could show you a quid, but I don't have one. You don't? You fucking liar. I would have given you one. When? show you a quid, but I don't have one. You don't? You fucking liar. I would have given you one. When? After the show. No, after the show. Where would you get it? Go out to the shop and get a pound out.

You would have gone to the shop and get a pound out. I like this, though. This Godzilla is very cool. Well, let's This, uh... Yeah. This Godzilla's very cool. Well, let's roll on with the ending. So... And then we'll have a cup of tea. Have a cup of tea.

It's like a factory. Thank you for listening to our podcast, the Cheap Show Pod, with Eli and Paul. Oh, it was fun. Wasn't it, everyone? We played a little game, and we had a little sauce,

and Eli... Hello, I'm the pixie from the beginning of the show. Wasn't a pixie at the beginning of the show? I'm a little satyr man and I've got a flute. And I advise my overlord, Nudus. Remember that? He's Nudus. Remember that? And I'm off.

Bye. I'm going to go with that goon character in the suit. He looks like he's got a huge erection. That was an awful way to just get out of having to do that character. That's me sighing. That's me sighing with disappointment Mr Silverman. Right.

Thank you for listening to the Cheap Show. It's been the worst one ever. If you have enjoyed what you heard today for some reason and you'd like to support us on Patreon, go to patreon.com forward slash cheap show for uh is that one of the noise that god's in the mix please don't do that throughout the ending of this because i want to get through it so we can have a cup of tea nice cup of tea and calm down calm down you know who else was introduced? Noodle Luthor. Cthulhoodle.

Here he comes. Freddy Goon's getting his gun out because Noodle Luthor's descending. Please shut up. There's no need for letting off. I'm going to do it. I'll turn you off. Let me just get through this. Get through it then.

Right. If you want to email the show about anything. It's at www.forward slash thecheapshowatonions. It's not. I'm sorry. It's not. Just say it. You can email us thecheapshowatgmail.com. I'm lying down.

Shut up. Stop talking over the information. I'm lying here. Thecheapshowatgmail.com. We are on Instagram. We are on Facebook. You can find us there Reddit as well Just look for Cheap Show

You'll find us Paul I have actually thought of something You see this map I've got a map of the This gets harder every week A Japanese It shouldn't I look though

I don't want to talk about it Save this gold for the next episode No I've got a map It won't work in the next episode It's not working now I've got a map of a city in Japan in the next episode. It's not working now. I've got a map of a city in Japan. And he's, yeah,

putting a Godzilla thing on it. That looks good, doesn't it? It's funny. Can we take a photo of that? No.

Take a photo of that. No. Put it on the website. I'm lying down again. The Twitter account is at thecheapshowpod. I'm at Paul Gannon

Show. Eli is... Eli Snidey, L-I-S-N-O-I-D. Yeah, thanks for that. You can find us on Twitch as well. Paul Gannon Show. Eli is... Eli Snoddy, L-I-S-N-O-I-D. And, yeah, thanks for that. You can find us on Twitch as well, Cheap Show,

et cetera. And I think that's it. Once again, Mr. Silverman, I wish to applaud you for you have broken me. You have broken me and I am done. And we have one more episode to go.

It's all right. It'll be all right. Between you and me, ladies and gentlemen, I might kill Eli in the next one. No, you won't. You always threaten that. I might throttle him with my big cock. Is it like a lasso?

Have you ever seen that scene in Broken Arrow where John Travolta kills that guy with the lead pipe on the throat? Imagine that but with my big dingus. I can't imagine it because I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it. What is Broken Arrow? It's a film where John Travolta tries to steal something and Christian Slater tries to stop him.

Written by the guy who wrote Speed. So it was an actioner? Directed by John Woo. It was a good actioner. Oh no, it was a bit of a... Woo is struggle, doesn't he? I'm not ending this episode talking about John Woo and Broken Arrow.

Shut up. That's good. Bye everyone. That was Cheap Show. Eli broke me and in the next episode I'm going to break him with my phallus.

No, you're not. It's happening. It's a cliffhanger. Will I kill you with my phallus? I'm ashamed of this series. I'm ashamed of this show. I'm ashamed of you.

I'm ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of you. I'm ashamed of myself.